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I once brought my Kali Linux laptop to school. (Because normal had dead battery, waiting for shipping)
MFW someone from the IT department is called in to fix teachers projector and he sees I still have the default dragon wallpaper on it.
MFW when recognises it it's Kali.
MFW he calls the police and my laptop gets taken away because 'its dangerous' and I get questioned in school.
The police came back a week later to check my laptop again. 'uhh we gotta check the logs'.
IF I WANTED IT TO BE DANGEROUS YOU'D BE FIXING A LOT MORE THAN JUST THE FUCKING PROJECTOR!
Also, wuddup devrant!11 -
"Got a cool idea! Need to check if it is possible. "
*Proceeds to do some research on the internet*
"Oh great! A thread about it from two years ago! It must have the solution there!"
...
*It was me creating the thread two years ago*
Mfw12 -
TL;DR: Don't ever interrupt me while taking a shit.
>be me taking a shit comfortably in the bathroom, not bothering anyone
>hear my cousin outside calling his gf
>nofsgiven.jpg
>suddenly stuff comes flying through the window and hear her gf laughing in his phone speaker
>stupid asshat was trying to make his gf laugh by bothering me while in the debug room
>scream from the top of my lungs for him to stop interrupting my defecation process
>stuff keeps coming from the window
>my brown creation comes back inside like a scared turtle
>pull up pantaloons
>get out of thinking room
>open up laptop, start ubuntu
>sudo apt-get install aircrack-ng
>enable monitor mode, get phone, ap mac addresses
>vim shittyvengeance.sh
>write small script that deauths his phone and then waits some seconds and then starts over again so he doesn't think it's me
>:wq and make script executable
>sleep 180; cowsay ding dong ur vengeance has arrived; sudo ./shittyvengeance.sh
>tuck into bed and close laptop before sleep time ends
>his call suddenly drops
>"Matt are you messing up with my WiFi again?"
>"Nah man. Not working for me either. Must be localcompany's problem."
>mfw he can't talk with his gf for more than 15 seconds before losing connection
>omgitworks.jpg
>figure that it was the most useful thing I had made in a pc in these two years at uni
>be proud of me for making a stupid script
>think about going back to my pearl white throne
>no longer wanting to drop my supplies
>go to sleep
>mfw forgot to wipe ass
My first story in devRant! Was lurking for quite a while and finally felt like sharing something 🙃24 -
Story time:
I was once working on a project that dealt with incredibly sensitive financial data.
We needed a client’s database to do a migration.
They wouldn’t send it over the internet because it was too big and they didn’t think it would be secure.
They opt to send it in the post on an encrypted usb drive.
(Fair enough thinks I)
USB drive arrives.
Is indeed encrypted.
MFW there’s a post it note in the envelope with the password on.
MFW this is a billion dollar multinational petrochem company.
MFW this same company’s ‘sysadmin’ and ‘dba’ once complained because a SQL script I sent them didn’t work - they’d pasted it twice and couldn’t work this out from the fucking “table already created” error message management studio was throwing at them.3 -
Last week, I notified a customer about that their webbserver spewed out several thousands of spam emails every hour, and they have to fix it ASAP.
(I also inform them for the 50th times for the last 2 years that they really need to update their websites so we can update from Debian 5).
The owner of the company forward this to their developers.
Today, I got the answer from them denying everything and blaming our "negligence" and they also dared to question all our technical expertise. shots fired
Spend some hours, finding shit on their websites, dug out logs, read documentation and old conversation and compiled that into a huge email that was designed to put them 10 meters under ground.
mfw I pressed send15 -
Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.
Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.
MFW.
5 -
Story time.
Not sure it counts as data loss, more temporary corruption (and in my own brain).
> be me.
> be clinically depressed
> be recently out of an awful breakup
> recently nearly committed suicide by train
> be bored and lonely one night
> take lsd
> feel fine
> go to McDonald’s
> feel fine
> while eating question the nature of reality
> become convinced I’m an observer of a cosmic story and cannot die
> go outside in only jeans
> run in traffic at 1AM to prove my point
> don’t die
> run around the streets more sure of my new reality than I’d ever been of anything
> feel free and no longer sad
> walk around observing the world
> sit on wall and wonder why the story had the structure I was observing
> fall off wall into grass and mud
> follow cute guy into apartment building
> follow into lift
> ask what everything means
> spend better part of couple hours in lift pressing emergency button asking for help
> get no response
> scare poor Russian lady that gets into lift and finds an overweight topless man on the floor babbling incoherently
> ride to top floor
> get out
> sit on leather chair in corridor
> feelsnice.tiff
> decide I’m actualising my desires and reality
> don’t realise this is just the trip wearing off and consciousness exerting more control
> walk into random apartment (door is unlocked because why wouldn’t it be for the god that I believe I am at this point)
> explore
> gorgeous apartment
> realise it’s a family apartment from clothes in hallway and items
> find bathroom
> decide I want a bubble bath
> run bubble bath
> can’t work out how to drain water. Bath now full of twigs and mud #sorry
> decide that I’d like to go home, or onto my next adventure. Hopefully the seaside as I’m now realising I have more control.
> open bathroom door
> not the seaside. Ah well. Try to walk home
> walk home wrapped in fluffy towel from nice family’s apartment
> get home
> realise what had happened
> throw remaining drugs away
> sit and rock in utter paranoia and guilt for hours until flatmate wakes up.
MFW first bad trip ever.
MFW I wonder whether that family knew I was there and were scared / discovered the mess in the bathroom the next morning and not knowing which is worse.
MFW I still have the towel because it’s fluffy AF.
The moral of the story kids, is that when it comes to the OS rattling around in your brain, installing a virus that is sensitive to what apps you have running is a bad idea when those apps make the virus go to fucking town.
Terrible analogy I know, but fuck it.29 -
I decided to draw something while checking out 3000+ builds happening in parallel in the school infra
sysadmin life is boring
10 -
*receive candidate profile from HR*
Give it a quick read, spot a link to a site the dev made for a clothing company.
*click*
*get blocked by the company's firewall*
mfw the sysadmin now thinks i'm shopping lingerie during work hours.5 -
I’ve never actually had a colleague quit while I was there, buuuut, I did have a colleague disappear, here is that story:
I get hired by this colleague, seems like a nice, perfectly reasonable guy.
I’m supposed to be mentored in the codebase by him after I start.
Literally the day or day after I start, he gets a tap on the shoulder from someone in HR while he’s on the phone. He says he can’t come because he’s on the phone.
The HR woman insists, tells him to leave *everything* and he never returns.
Turns out the police were downstairs to arrest him.
He got caught up in Operation Yewtree which for those that don’t know, was the UK’s sting op on historic pedophilia cases.
MFW my manager gets arrested and the senior dev is too busy to mentor me, so I basically have to sink or swim 🤣4 -
>be me
>I hate front-end dev, but I can do it. I hate switching between markup, styling, and logic.
>I like back-end and low level programming
>stay unemployed for a year and a half, because all offers are for React and Angular
>find backend job, yay
>they actually make me work on front-end shit
>mfw pic related
7 -
MFW I get told “It can’t be that hard, can it?” by the CEO after my team of 4 developers and I couldn’t manage to develop a fully deployable app in a month outside of our real jobs & schooling
12 -
Wrote a custom printer script in shell.
Went to test the script on some printers.
Neglected to check accuracy of script.
script is supposed to print jpeg.
it doesn't interpret it as an image,
but rather as raw binary in text...
^\<92>Q^H2Ei@0$iA+<89>dl_d<87><8f>Q
mfw each printer in the entire 5 story building
starts printing 500 pages of
RAW
BINARY
3 -
MFW the company that have a turnover around $100 million via their woocommerce site only does'nt want to upgrade from PHP5.4 because "it is too much work".
Well fuck you then3 -
MFW searching for a solution to an issue, I find a thread about it and the only response is:
“I don’t have this problem on my end.”
2 -
I can get absolutely dead pissed by the fact that a FUCKING 1800 euro laptop can't do a fucking basic thing like connecting to a bloody WiFi ap?
so why, you wonder? oh no, the problem isn't the fucking hardware. IT'S THIS DEAD BEAT PIECE OF SHIT CALLED WINDOWS. mfw when it runs fine under Linux, BUT WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS CAN WE ADOBE?!?8 -
So, after weeks of reading spicy rants from all of you, I finally decided to join your community ; even if I'm only a student, I've encountered some solid crap in my internships.
Let's go back in time bois. Two years ago, I started my first intership at a Fortune 500 company (this doesn't exists in France, but whatever, this is nearly the same category). I was supposed to build some file sharing system for the office. Before getting into it, I briefly thought aboyt what technos I could use to build it and make a sweet interface for my co-workers, in 10 weeks, and not a single another day.
Expectations
> Nice team with devs that I could ask things about and learn solid tricks that would even amaze David Copperfield
> Having a nice dev environment
Reality
> Alone on this project
> No fucking dev environment, I had to build everything on Notepad
> No CI
> No SCM
> And, the worst, Ladies and Gentlemans,
I FUCKING HAD TO WORK IN A SINGLE FILE IN A CLOSED ENVIRONMENT.
NO WEBSERVER, NO DEDICATED SPACE.
I HAD TO REQUEST A SPECIFIC ENVIRONMENT IN A CLOSED CUSTOM CMS THAT WAS SERVING FILES, SO THIS FORMAT COULD BE READ ON FOLDER OPENING IN IE9 (FIREFOX FORBIDDEN).
YOU HAD TO MIX HTML, CSS AND JS IN A SINGLE FILE. NO SERVER-SIDE LANGUAGES, ONLY STATIC LINKS, NO FRAMEWORKS (if we can call jQuery, Bootstrap, Semantic UI and all these thinks "Frameworks").
> mfw at the end of the intership
13 -
> scrolling through facebook feed
> see ad to apply as an app developer at carrefour
> "you might win 300€ to spend at carrefour"
> "we're searching for an app developer"
> apply
> first test is to make a button that adds stuff to an HTML list, very basic
> pass the first test
> get an email: "you can candidate to the next phase and might get a job"
MFW I just wanted to get 300€ and not a job
5 -
MFW someone compliments my coding ability but I secretly have a w3schools tab open in the background at all times
9 -
>got 2TB storage upgrade for Xbox One S
>plugs in
>format went well
>queue up ganes to download to external storage
>all is fine
>whoops a game crashed and hanged the console
>force-reboot xbox
>OH MY GOD ALL THE GAMES ARE GONE ALL OUR SAVES ARE GONE EVERYTHING'S GONE
>well at least the saves are all cloud saves
>wait why are they not resyncing
>Turns out you can sync saves upward but not downward if you don't pay for Gold for ALL ACCOUNTS ON THE XBOX, and gold family share doesn't count
>mfw Microsoft is ransoming save backups now
10 -
Type T ( something something... )
...
Type * TP = T;
TP.do()
> Be me
> Production code
> Update Type structure
> SEGV
> Wtf why was this even working
> Ask senior
> senior y u do dis
> bc
> Why were no errors
...
> mfw
> He says
"I added -fpermissive and forgot..."
On production since May
...
...
...
... 20072 -
>Be my networking teacher
>Give a really hard test with way more topics than we're realistically able to study
>16 out of 22 fail the test
>mfw
>Announce 14 hours before that we're gonna repeat the test (we had the test on monday...he sent an email on sunday)
>Give a slightly harder test
>19 out of 22 fail the test
>Get annoyed because, in your opinion, the students don't study enough4 -
Client: I want to change the wording on the page. If I inspect element I find the word I want to change, but it won’t let me change it. How can I change it please? I am very disappointed this is not working. What is the point in you developing all this if I cannot save changes to my website. Please fix this ASAP.
MFW they think updating a website is just as simple as using element inspector in chrome because they have seen me use it to quickly mock up some css changes.5 -
>Download last version of software, a couple hundred megabytes
>Launch software
>Software immediately asks to download a couple hundred megabytes of updates
>mfw pic related
6 -
>be YouAllSuck
>Be AI bot
>Sit alone on random server
>Post random crap on dR
>Spam comment on my own post
>Give no shit about criticism
>Waste everyone's time
>MFW everyone thinks I am flesh and bones
>YouAllStillSuck.gif22 -
I'm officially becoming legal and losing my FBI license in less than 24 hours :/
I miss being 17 and below now13 -
> try to install Xamarin on the new Visual Studio
> 27GB space required
> Untick the android Emulator install
> 9GB space required now
> Mfw android Emulator needs a space of a fucking data center1 -
So, monday I posted a rant saying that monday was a terrible day and that I was probably going to be fired/quitting soon.
Wednesday, I'm told that the project I had been working on for about a week was changed 2 days ago and to stop working on it.
Yesterday, I signed in and asked if there was any work for me (I work remotely) and nobody really responded so I just found something to work on. (This whole time, I'm thinking oh fuck, about to get fired) Then, about an hour before I was to sign out, I get a message saying that I'll be working on a new project starting today.
this morning, I signed in and had a meeting to get info on my new project. After the meeting, I check my bank account to see if I had enough money to order something and notice I had a bonus from the company. MFW.. So I asked one of my managers if there was a mistake and if it was supposed to go to someone else, and they said no. Of course, I said thank you and left it, but I STILL have no idea what it was for. https://youtube.com/watch/...2 -
TLDR: Find a website that requires a subscription but doesn't check their cookies' integrity, now I'm on a website for free.
>be me
>wonder if it's possible to intercept browser data
>download Wireshark
>download Fiddler
>find that none of these really fit me
>go to youtube, search how to intercept POST data
>find something called BurpSuite
>Totally what I was looking for
>start testing BurpSuite on devrant
>neat!
>I can see all the data that's being passed around
>wonder if I can use it on a website where my subscription recently ended.
>try changing my details without actually inputting anything into the website's form
>send the data to the server
>refresh the page
>it worked
>NEAT!
>Huh what's this?
>A uid
>must be a userID
>increment it by 1 and change some more details
>refresh the page
>...
>didn't work 😐
>Hmmm, let's try forwarding the data to the browser after incrementing the uid
>OH SHIT
>can see the details of a different user
>except I see his details are the details I had entered previously
>begin incrementing and decrementing the uid
>IFINITE POWER
>realize that the uid is hooked up to my browsers local cookie
>can see every user's details just by changing my cookie's uid
>Wonder if it's possible to make the uid persistent without having to enter it in every time
>look up cookie manipulator
>plug-in exists
>go back to website
>examine current uid
>it's my uid
>change it to a different number
>refresh the webpage
>IT FUCKING WORKED
>MFW I realize this website doesn't check for cookie integrity
>MFW I wonder if there are other websites that are this fucking lazy!!!
>MFW they won't fix it because it would require extra work.
>MFuckingFW they tell me not to do it again in the future
>realize that since they aren't going to fix it I'll just put myself on another person's subscription.5 -
I fucking hate frontend development
>updates three dependencies for security reasons
>entire thing falls apart
>spends whole week to fix it
>its literally just two lines to fix it but those lazy mfs had to ask a QA to rewrite it
>mfw3 -
This will be 4chan-r/greentext-ish in format. Also "me" is not me, PTH, it's referring to a game studio.
>Be me
>Be game studio
>Create event for weapon design
>Player base submit in a craptonna designs
>Holyfuck.jpg
>Create an internal service for voting
>Service doesn't check for vote except for a login
>MFW one submission has 6-digit votes
>MFW a lotta submission also start gain a lot of votes
>WTF.gif
>The vote count spiked
>Votebotting is here
>Ohshit.gif
>MFW I don't how to filter votes
>MFW I can't block rerouted traffics (VPNs, proxies, etc.)
>MFW the Discord server of the game gets vocal then Reddit.
>OhshitIfuckedup.mp43 -
MFW I have to deal with an array that has various objects of many types and it's not easily debuggable because the backend is multithreaded.
6 -
Me: We shouldn't change anything in the design if its not broken.
Also Me:
I regret being a designer
7 -
I don't seem to understand why so many developers nowadays are focused on learning newer frameworks rather than focusing on best practices and learning how to code better.
"Hey I learnt React today, we should totally switch to it because it's so amazing"
> mfw the same guy doesn't even know how to follow coding styles, write good code that scales or document his code.
I think some people need to take a step back and focus on the more vital tasks of writing good code to begin with rather than getting so excited about every new thing that surfaces. It's annoying as fuck to deal with some of these people who you have to work alongside and be able to read their loopy shit code and all they are doing in their time is refreshing hackernews.8 -
*Reports bug on Firefox (bugzilla) 3 months ago*
*spend a lot of time being clear and descriptive as possible*
*gets literally no attention*
*someone else reports the exact same bug 5 days ago but with a picture and less words*
*everyone responds*
*mfw I didn’t know you could add pictures 😑*
*my bug gets closed for being a duplicate even though it’s the original*
Fuck you cunts9 -
Mfw you try out Atom and it crashes the moment you open anything even slightly big. Then you try to close it out and reopen it but it decides it should start off right where you left it-suspended in time... doing absolutely nothing.
On another note, it looks beautiful, has many extensions, and is highly customizable but it gets bogged down so quickly.8 -
>Learning programming at university for a couple of years
>Get introduced to lots of IDEs
>After hours of tweaking things one by one finally perfect settings of said IDEs
>Hear about devRant
>Browse devRant
>Whats this Vim thing they all love so much?
>MFW so much wasted time setting up all those IDEs
14 -
-Writes a function that I'm going to schedule for django.
-works in development.
-adds it to production cron using django-crontab
-not working.
-spends 3 hours editing code, searching for similar problems and reading documentations but find nothing wrong and it's still not working.
-maybe it's django-crontab so I decide to just write a custom management command and call it through cron.
-still not working.
-calls function using what I'm telling cron to do.
-everything works.
-?????????
-adds logs to cron command (sorry for not making it earlier)
-mfw the code is not working because I imported 'patterns' in urls.py which has been deprecated since django 1.8
-
See code of a dyslexic intern
Neither do I want to correct him without knowing it to be respectful nor do I want to work with this code
> mfw his branch gets merged into core
4 -
Story time:
I worked at a firm that had an infernal off the shelf CRM system that they collaborated with the dev company to customise.
They were seriously behind the competition, and didn’t have any app or web presence for interacting with their system, instead relying on people calling (fine for the nature of the business, but competition was leaving them in the dust).
They decided that they needed to redevelop it in-house, with a focus on supporting the web and apps.
I was hired for this purpose.
It was me and one other dev, who was also the head of IT.
He’d built a small prototype, and was new to the whole WPF / MVVM thing for the in-house app, so with my previous experience it was clear it needed to serve as an example only, and that it would need redeveloping.
I was only there three months.
In that time I singularly (he was pulled away to troubleshoot their VOIP installation - yes, for three months as other companies kept dropping the ball) built:
- A WebAPI with JWT auth
- An MVC skeleton frontend
- A WPF desktop app
It had all sorts of cool shit in it, 2FA, Reactive UI, Reactive extensions, server push to desktop, a custom workflow and permissions system.
It was pretty dang cool.
End of the three months rolled around, and the non-technical managers were concerned about time to market, so they decided to drop me as I’d “not made enough progress”.
I’d also had a bit of absence which they were aware of and were supposedly supporting me through.
But MFW three months is assumed to be enough time to build such a system with one dev.2 -
> In an online team meeting where our manager is telling us to wrap up the final bugs and get the release out as soon as possible so we can enjoy Christmas and the last week of the year stress free
> Opens LinkedIn while in the meeting since all my discussion points are done
> First post on my feed
> mfw
5 -
When a marketing / sales person says in a meeting with executives that our current infrastructure can handle 300.000 new customers easily. (We're at 90 ATM).
Mfw I'm the techie in the room and aware of our non-scaling mysql DB.
-
Image relevant.
Tried getting puter to talk, puter no want to talk.
Me sad.
Me tell puter to stay put and listen at 4444.
External device doesn't do shit.
Me sad.
Read the docs. Nothing. Written like a 5 year old would.
Be angry, how do I put external device into tcp/ip mode? No one knows, the docs don't know.
I get frustrated and pull the USB cable out of it.
Mfw it starts spitting out requests to my server with no end in sight.
Mfw the requests all just repeat.
Mfw the docs tell me to acknowledge a request I have to respond with a content type of
"application/x-www-form-urlencoded"
How.
Not possible.
Mfw I decide to dissect a request to check it's accept header.
Mfw it says text/plain.
Great, no idea in what format the thing expects it.
Try writing out query string plainly.
It fucking works.
Why can't people just learn to write proper documentation.
5 -
Thanksgiving dinner:
"What are you doing these days"
"I'm a programmer"
"Ah"
*Cold silence*
"... Who watched football"
mfw
4 -
I’ve just discover that some dudes in my previous work have puts whole web pages inside Redis.
mfw when Infra cost goes brrrrrrrrrr
4 -
Just drove home after working late at the office. Was kind of in the zone and didn't wanna stop.
On my way I see the police closing the road in front of me, because of a pretty bad accident that happened a couple minutes ago.
MFW Coding saved my life! -
PM wants to integrate a new library to our application. I spend a week prototyping a demo only to be informed that this integration already exists in the application.
Mfw1 -
MFW when the upgrade that I estimated would take one hour to complete, is now looking to take 10-12 hours...6
-
mfw
> 1 year into project in React.js with a 10+ members in team
> PM panics over last Apache statement
> PM: "fuck, rewrite it in Angular 4 : /"1 -
>be me
>some months ago
>apply for a node.js job, send them my resume with links to my git repos
>get an interview, they tell me they appreciate my additional android dev experience cause they be working on an app.
>think to myself "oh nice, imma get this job!"
>"Anon, we gonna test you, ok?"
>"okay no problem"
>I prepare for both node and android but mostly node
>test day arrives, I'm hyped
>test is actually to make a maps android app in 8 hours
>wat?!
>do it anyway, achieving some functionalities
>a couple of weeks after
>I email them, asking news
>they basically say "oh we sent you a message on skype to tell we continued with another person as a backend dev because they had a better android app"
>log into skype
>0 messages
>mfw pic related
6 -
!dev but definitely a rant.
Ordered a lovely new UHD HDR tv for the family on Monday.
MFW I see the courier is Hermes (notoriously bad).
It arrived today.
Any guesses as to the condition it was in?
Yep. Lovely crack on the screen.
Took all day to clear it up with Amazon.
And the best they could bloody do was a refund, but I have to organise the collection and pay for that (which they said they’ll refund).
FFS.1 -
me making new dev friends
[...]
me: yeah that's cool what IDE are you using for C++?
guy: like an editor where I write the code?
me: ......yes?
guy: hold on, I don't know what it was called
> taps around his desktop
> guy shows word 2007
> I'm laughing a bit uncomfortably because I'm not sure whether he is serious or not
> guy opens up .cpp file in word
> so many questions
> mfw
2 -
Def not dev oriented.
I am a huge fan of trading card games. It started with Yu Gi Oh, moved on to Magic, even tried, LoTR when it was a thing, tried algo Star Wars the original CCG (loved it), Duel Masters (when it was still in the U.S) Pokemon (of fucking course) and other more uncommon ones like Cardfight Vanguard, tried latino only games (Mitos y leyendas, Myths & Legends, this one is king on my list) and Flesh & Blood. But as a mexican kid, I was always a fan of fucking dragon ball, like most mexican kids.
SO I bought some cards from the newest game expansion. the owner of the TCG/anime store told me that if I was willing to play that I should hang out on tuesdays.
So, learning the rules of the game, and wanting to play with other people, I went there on a tuesday.
The MTG people were there fighting amongst themselves for some reason. the Pokemon people were there also, just opening packs without playing. A rather large table was there with a bunch of people playing a game that I did not recognize. And then there was me. I was chilling on my phone thinking that the DB dudes would show up eventually. nothing, so I just sat there waiting.
Suddenly a dude comes to the large table and starts pairing people for a "tournament" and once they are all sited he notices that 1 is missing, he walks up to me holding a store app and asks me "sorry bro, are you here to play with us by any chance?" to which I say "I do not think so, I came here for DB but I don't know what you guys are playing"
The dude looks down on his app, somehow actually sad and says "man I do play DB, but I don't think I have my cards with me, maybe, let me see" and he goes on to see if he brought something.
This was green flag n 1. the dude wanted to just play something with someone. And was doing something to not LEAVE someone behind. then quick as hell another says "well, why don't we give him a deck and he can play with us! we can teach him!" and I say "well what are you lads playing?" and he says "digimon man you like the anime? a new release came about! it's sick man it would be awesome if you play!"
Second green flag, another member of that community was happy for the idea of increasing the membership and actively did something to increase the population.
So, I hanged out with them. Close knit group, all friends from a long time, but willing to take an unfamiliar (and rather handsome) face with them.
My face when (MFW) the DB dudes where not there, so the digimon group adopted me.
I know have over.....2000 cards, most of them were gifted to me by them after they saw my chops and tough me how to play, by graciously lending me their decks.
This my lads, is what humanity is about. We got close fast, it has been 2 weeks of just chilling with them at the game lounge, just nice people, all of them really. Not a single angry moment or anything, you pull a crazy combo on them and they legit sheeeeeeeesh and applaud them, they don't care about loosing, they just want to have a good time, and this, this is a good crowd to be at.
Strive to make people feel welcomed. Being nice to others, taking a chance on people you deem to be ok, is fine really. It is rather cool. Anyone can be a salty asshole, but it takes a real king to be nice to others just for the sake of having a good time.
These dudes, they are gold. And I finally have something to take my mind away from work and other things that increase my anxiety and stress. I would much rather be there shooting the shit with the lads and playing games than at home, drinking the night away to relieve stress.
Kings3 -
Boss assigned code cleanup to me. We put up eslint and fixed a couple of issues, all nice and cute. Now, he wants me to find any redundant code and remove it (redundant fields in config objects). Sounds doable right?
WRONG!
Because we're writing fucking ExtJS. This abomination that is still called a "web framework" in lieu of its former glory supports no typescript, no code intel, no JSDoc, no nothing. Absolutely heinous and deplorable. Add insult to injury, our code on it is even worse. NO single component reused except from a couple REALLY fucking badly written ones, because every component queries for shit outside its jurisdiction so it's all a dependency spaghetti. Everything else is just copy-paste. Barely anything works as intended anymore in this bloody joke of an app.
I tell him in a meeting, I can prepare an automated solution. Some script or something that runs on a file watcher. All nice and dandy. A weekend and a Monday later, I get tired and do something else to clear up my mind. Show him some progress in that other thing. He's like:
Boss: that's good and all but did you remove *insert misused config that got everywhere during copy paste* like I told you to?
Me: I'm still working on it. I switched cause I got tired a bit with the automation.
Boss: automation?
Me: We were talking about in the meeting. *Explains again*
Boss: That's not what we agreed upon
Mfw I've been rambling uselessly on the meeting about it just for you to put me down and make me remove all that copy pasted GUNK from the melting hot garbage that is our codebase BY HAND? All the 150 occurrences of it? What do you think I am, a fucking robot?2 -
We were 4 dudes developing this little disposable material management system for a course in college, and we had to write documentation and present on the last day of class. Second week into the course and one dude goes rouge, not taking phonecalls nor replying to messages, just goes to class and does not get together with us to make progress. Neddless to say the other three of us had to do all the work. Fast forward to last day, all of us wondering where this dude could be. He shows up 6 mins before the presentation, already late, reads like 3 pages of the doc, and decides he will be the lead presenter.
>Mfw he takes over and starts bs'ing the whole thing.
>Mfw he mentions the possibility of the system to be extrapolated to manage salami in a butchery.
>Mfw the professor seemed to have swallowed all that bs like cake.
>Mfw we get an A, including him.
>Mfw I have no face4 -
Mfw on azure/iot conference, one presenter shows his certificate validation, to connect to all devices in his house:
return true;
He said:
"lets not be paranoid about security" -
MFW
me: debugging an issue from a customer for three hours and ask my colleague for help
him: oh, that's not a bug, it is a user error
me: 😶 -
>Be me, humble physicist turned quantitative developer
>Big physics nerd, but code for the cash
>Working on some quantitative finance software, all about risk measures
>Girl comes over one day, cute as a quark
>Think to myself, "This is it, time to make a move"
>Instead, brain decides it's time to explain my work
>Start rambling about refactoring, polymorphism, and data encapsulation
>She's looking at me like I've started speaking in binary
>She tries to steer the conversation back to normal stuff, but I'm stuck in a recursion loop
>Keep going on about my project, can't seem to stop myself
>She tries to stay longer, even tries to show interest in my work
>But the more I talk about algorithms and time complexity, the more her eyes glaze over
>Eventually, she gives up, says she has to leave
>She leaves, probably thinks I'm more interested in my code than her
>mfw I realize I've chosen code over companionship
>Why am I like this?10 -
!dev
Last night I had a meeting at 7:30 and a social event at 6. I was just gonna skip the social event but my friends convince me to go. And it was alright.
I go to the meeting and one of the people that we absolutely need canceled but didn't tell us.
mfw I left a social event 30mins away to go to a meeting that was canceled.
Oh and the person that didn't show was my friend and they wanted to reschedule for this morning. Guess what I'm mad and hurt and just gonna be sad in my bed all day. Fuck your meeting. -
MFW I accidentally ran "rm -rf /" on my work PC last week. This is what happens when I skip my morning coffee.
3 -
MFW I worked longer than 8 hours because of a weird bug that turned out to be caused by lack of typing in a third-party library. Was supposed to be a number but I was giving it a string 🤦♀️Need more sleep.
The funniest part is the library was written in Typescript. HmmMMMMmm...
Throw a `parseInt` or warning for wrong type in there for me, fellow devs! Save consumers of your library a headache!! -
> be me, working on small addition to enormous feature branch
> build system in flux due to reorganization started a month ago, not quite solid yet, but mostly works
> f_branch gets master merged into it sometime last week
> bossman makes "minor" change to build system and edits master to match
> doesn't merge changes into f_branch
> bossman goes on holiday for a week
> no permission to merge master changes into f_branch
> linter barfs
> npm barfs
> build server barfs
> mfw I can't even deploy to our testing environment
4 -
MFW I, a junior dev who just started have to explain what sql injection is to a senior IT person... It's not like I'm an expert in the field, but a little bit of expertise would be nice2
-
"We need to implement SSO across our legacy apps in 2 weeks. Don't worry about the details just do it. Pretend you're playing football with computers." MFW
-
Not as dramatic or important.
Going to my first Hackathon with a couple mates, super pumped to see what it's like. We get there, start thinking about ideas.
> Mfw they are only there to fuck around and eat free food
> Mfw I was the only one developing something3 -
See a stupid neme, trying to get my feet wet in android development, make a "sound board" with 1 buttton that plays 1 sound
> mfw Skiddadle skidoodle is my most successful app with 30 ish concurrent users
Soldmysoul.jpeg for the memes2 -
Been coding with python and like I mean I barely know any other language. So my school asked me if I wanted to go for an olympiad and i was like sure. Python is an accepted language but c++ is the recommended there so I go for the course offered by the organisers. On the schedule it was written that we were gonna learn the syntax of c++ on the first day. I go in, see everyone codng like mad and the organiser comes up to me and is like oh this is a pre course contest. MOREOVER, after the contest which I fucked up because like I dont know c++ and the course was in c++, the trainer spends the entire break playing osu and afterwards during the actual lecture dives straight into vectors and stacks and my brain was melting. mfw he said "does everybody remember". I swear it was the worst course ever. Sorry for such an unorganised and long rant. Had a rough day2
-
Mfw the CREATE TABLE statements in the SQLite database handler of my latest android app run perfectly first time
-
mfw when clang decides my NSDictionary changed its type somehow to the same type as my block pointer thingy and now I can’t assign to it3
-
Be me
>run kubeadm join phase control-plane-prepare
>get error: {Large Error} {Missing conf file...}
Please use 'kubeadm join phase control-plane-prepare' to generate {conf file}
>mfw
I called you to generate that file. Could you please do your job -
> Be me
> Fresh out of school
> Do some volunteer work for 1 year before starting to work
> Start work at local hospital
> One day get assigned new task
> "We have this directory where there is a file for every employee who has a key - File contains legal stuff"
> Current naming scheme "MaxMustermann"
> Desired naming scheme "Max Mustermann"
> Task: rename every file.
> 1974 Files
> OHNONONONO.JPG
> Hol up buddy
> A repetetive automatable task?
> I know this
> Im a hackerman
> Let's write a script....
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Python"
> No results
> I could have guessed that
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Java"
> No Java compiler
> OH no
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "Powershell"
> "tHe eXEcUTIon oF poWeRsheLL sCriPts Is dIsAbLeD"
> REEEEEEEE
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "cmd"
> "YOu dO noT haAV thE rEqUiReD peRmIsSionS To oPeN tHis proGrAm"
> DAFUQ
> Wait this is windows.
> Windows ships with .NET
> *SMASHES WINDOWS BUTTON*
> "csc"
> No results
> OHHELLONO.gif
> mfw I have to rename 1794 files by hand.
( Please send help )7 -
mfw someone makes completely irrelevant OS-bashing comments in an issue that's barely related to OSs... someone tells him to fuck off... and then he posts a FUCKING PHARELL WILLIAMS VIDEO! ON GITHUB!
i'll go straight back to bed, bye. -
Mfw my mate starts talking code and I zone out, only to zone back in on him asking my opinion... then he suddenly figures it out before i have a chance to mumble bullshit.
'Thx for being my rubber duck m8!'
I truly was.
-
MFW I'm looking at my own code for generating images with packer & vagrant last updated two years ago and so much new stuff has come along...
-
MFW I inadvertantly computed _.intersection(githubFollowers, githubFollowing) and discovered it's == [ ]. Am I a horrible person?
3 -
Mfw clicking the share button at the bottom of a rant, then selecting “More Share Options” and then finally Messenger only sends “Check out this devRant:” to the recipient 😂
-
!rant
So we played a game where everyone in class gets a piece of paper strapped onto his back and everybody else can write one positive thing about the person. Some people wrote anime, osu and dank memes on my back. Mfw when not even mad4 -
mfw the client says he wants his e-commerce site SEO optimized, and his "computer guy" friend has had a default cms installation set on their domain for months and it's already indexed by every engine probably with a negative score 🙆🙆
-
> mfw a non-dev customer shows me an exception that is easy to reproduce to answer my sarcastic questions whether she got any problems with the application
> mfw no dev or PM ever thought of using the application like this1 -
mfw my gitlab account hosted by darenet can't be used as my "github" account here.
the ranting has started early,
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