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Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.
*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......
*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*
Well, okay then.13 -
A few years ago, i got a call which went like this:
Phone: *rings*
Me: *looks at call, recognises the number and picks up*
Me: "Hello! Haven't heard from you in a while! How are you doing?"
Him: "I have a problem with my PC, could you..."
Me: *hangs up*
Aside from not even getting a "hello, how are you?" at the start of the call, here's the plot-twist:
A - This was my goddamn Brother calling
B - It was my goddamn birthday23 -
I'm at my seat during the regular morning routine of checking emails, planning the things I need to complete/study when my phone rings.
HR: Good Morning, can you come over to the conference room please ?
Me: Sure
I enter the conference room and on the other side of the table, I see a group of 3 HR Managers (not a very nice feeling), especially when it was 10 months into my first job as a Trainee Software Developer.
HR: The company hasn't been performing as expected. For this reason, we've been told to cut down our staff. We're sorry but we have to let you go. You've been doing a great job all along. Thank you.
Me: ---- (seriously ?!)
The security-in-chief 'escorts' me out of the premises and I hand over the badge. I'm not allowed to return to my desk.
This happened about 16 years ago. But it stuck with me throughout my programming career.
A couple of Lessons Learnt which may help some of the developers today :
- You're not as important as you think, no matter what you do and how well you do it.
- Working hard is one thing, working smart is another. You'll understand the difference when your appraisals comes around each year.
- Focus on your work but always keep an eye on your company's health.
- Be patient with your Manager; if you're having a rough time, its likely he/she is suffering more.
- Programming solo is great fun. However it takes other skills that are not so interesting, to earn a living.
- You may think the Clients sounds stupid, talks silly and demands the stars; ever wonder what they think about you.
- When faced with a tough problem, try to 'fix' the Client first, then look for a solution.
- If you hate making code changes, don't curse the Client or your Manager - we coders collectively created a world of infinite possibilities. No point blaming them.
- Sharing your ideas matter.
- Software Development is a really long chain of ever-growing links that you may grok rather late in your career. But its still worth all the effort if you enjoy it.
I like to think of programming as a pursuit that combines mathematical precision and artistic randomness to create some pretty amazing stuff.
Thanks for reading.14 -
Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that
*hangs up*26 -
Phone rings, IT guy next to me answer. I didn't listen what the user said.
IT: Hi, what can I do for you?
User: ...
IT: Ok, try with 123456
User: ...
IT: What's the name of the network?
User: ...
IT: Hmm, I don't know that network
User: ...
IT: HOW THE @#$% WOULD I KNOW YOUR HOME WIFI PASSWORD?!!!7 -
HR people working in tech companies, let's talk about them...
*phone rings and I pick up*
HR Lady: Hi, this is [name] from [company]. I'm calling you regarding your application you submitted [some date 2 months ago!].
Me: *realizing that I've applied 2 freaking months ago* Hmmm OK....
HR Lady: Yes, well, we asked for your GitHub account, but you seem to have forgotten to provide it.
Me: *open up the email and see that I've sent them my GitLab account* Well, I have the email right here and I did send you a git account. I mean, it's not GitHub specifically but it's a GitLab account, pretty much the same thing, you should be good with that.
HR Lady: OK, let me put you on hold for a minute.
*2-3 minutes passes*
HR Lady: Hi sir, I've asked my colleague [which I suppose is another HR] and he told me that they're not the same thing, we cannot proceed until you give us the right link, you need to send us a link to your GitHub account.
Me: I mean, they aren't the SAME EXACT thing, but both companies provide essentially the same service, it's like Messenger and WhatsApp. Look, I'm pretty sure that if you give this to another programmer they'll be fine.
HR Lady: No, Messenger and WhatsApp aren't the same thing. Sir, please stay polite. We need a GitHub account not a GitLab account.
Me: *mumbling* Oh boy.... M'am, it's OK, I don't need the job anyway, I've found something. Two months is a long time and I needed something quickly. Thank you, have a good day.6 -
Manager: Oh my god have you heard of libraries? I don’t even need to hire developers anymore, everything can just be done with code other people have already built for free
Dev: Well you actually cause a bit of technical debt when you use an abstrac—
Manager: EVERY TICKET SHOULD BE DONE USING LIBRARIES GOING FORWARD.
Dev: …This is going to implode…Can we at least fund some of the libraries we end up using?
Manager: WHAT? NO! Open source developers are suckers, what idiot puts code on the internet for free?? I shouldn’t be required to fund their stupidity. Let’s just take their stuff and make money with it.
Dev: *Phone rings 100th time today from recruiter*. One sec I have to take this call……It’s urgent.13 -
First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*
*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*
*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*
*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*
*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*
*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*
*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*
FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.
FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.9 -
Clients who keep calling in.
I'm a first liner and sysadmin, both (official title is Linux support engineer) so I do tickets+calls+server engineering.
It's highly annoying when you've got a busy day with loads of calls and I'm the first first-liner and I'm working on an important/high-prio ticket and PEOPLE KEEP CALLING.
Every time I can write like a few more words and then the fucking phone rings again aaaand so fucking on.
Your concentration is gone, workflow interrupted and my short term memory is shit so I entirely forget what I was debugging.
But, phone comes first 😞5 -
One of our clients deploy their own server app. So this happened after a prod deployment. (4am)
*Cellphone rings while sleeping*
Client : we need you on the conference call now. URGENT!
*Gets on conference call*
*Client explain the problem*
*Explaining to the client that the problem is in their side (https connection not working, either network or certificate problem)*
*Client doesn't believe it and pushes me for a fix that I have no control on*
*4 hours later in a heated conversation*
Client : ok problem is on our side. We used our SSL certificate from staging with production and thought it would work.
Me :
5 -
One comment from @Fast-Nop made me remember something I had promised myself not to. Specifically the USB thing.
So there I was, Lieutenant Jr at a warship (not the one my previous rants refer to), my main duties as navigation officer, and secondary (and unofficial) tech support and all-around "computer guy".
Those of you who don't know what horrors this demonic brand pertains to, I envy you. But I digress. In the ship, we had Ethernet cabling and switches, but no DHCP, no server, not a thing. My proposition was shot down by the CO within 2 minutes. Yet, we had a curious "network". As my fellow... colleagues had invented, we had something akin to token ring, but instead of tokens, we had low-rank personnel running around with USB sticks, and as for "rings", well, anyone could snatch up a USB-carrier and load his data and instructions to the "token". What on earth could go wrong with that system?
What indeed.
We got 1 USB infected with a malware from a nearby ship - I still don't know how. Said malware did the following observable actions(yes, I did some malware analysis - As I said before, I am not paid enough):
- Move the contents on any writeable media to a folder with empty (or space) name on that medium. Windows didn't show that folder, so it became "invisible" - linux/mac showed it just fine
- It created a shortcut on the root folder of said medium, right to the malware. Executing the shortcut executed the malware and opened a new window with the "hidden" folder.
Childishly simple, right? If only you knew. If only you knew the horrors, the loss of faith in humanity (which is really bad when you have access to munitions, explosives and heavy weaponry).
People executed the malware ON PURPOSE. Some actually DISABLED their AV to "access their files". I ran amok for an entire WEEK to try to keep this contained. But... I underestimated the USB-token-ring-whatever protocol's speed and the strength of a user's stupidity. PCs that I cleaned got infected AGAIN within HOURS.
I had to address the CO to order total shutdown, USB and PC turnover to me. I spent the most fun weekend cleaning 20-30 PCs and 9 USBs. What fun!
What fun, morons. Now I'll have nightmares of those days again.9 -
*Bell rings*
*some dude holding a book*
“I thought you might me interested in discussing our lord and savior, blockchain”2 -
This rings so true. I'm a full stack backend engineer except it was today I managed to vertically align something in css🤣 which are you?
10 -
TL;Dr be specific, it's actually helpful.
Client rings... "The internet is down"
Me "ok where are you exactly and how are you connecting"
"Ugh the WiFi! Just fix it"
"Ok but where are you?"
"At $companyname"
"Ok and which wi..."
"The wifi?!! Can you do anything right?"
Well... I'm allowed flexibility in terms of pleasantry...
"Ok, there are 3 buildings, 55 rooms, 2 SSID's, 17 access points, 3 routers a RADIUS server and 2 gateways... Be specific or I'll do nothing"
Simple reboot of an access point, but c'mon... It's not a secret where you are7 -
I find it so amazing to see when my colleagues (or even me) are irritated/annoyed to the fucking point, swearing around and so on but then the phone rings and they are completely calm/sound nice/happy when they pick it up one second later. (we're Linux support engineers)
This job is the best fucking self control training I've ever had!10 -
Story time! Promised this, so making good on the promise. Eh-hem.
Misunderstandings [A slice of life short play that actually happened]
Dramatis Personae (anonymized, bc of course):
Moi ........ me, myself and possibly some lint
Robert ..... co-architect
Daisy ...... line dev
Lisa ....... also line dev
Prologue: the beginninning
[A project is starting up, new devs are coming on, including the two individuals who drive this story.
Daisy, of Indian origin, an exceptional dev and lovely person. Mother, wife, very conservative by upbringing in her early 40s.
Lisa, also exceptional dev, lovely person. Mother, also wife, self-made immigrant with liberal views derived from personal pride and self-bootstrapping]
Enter the office, We introduce everyone, off to a nice start, everyone is happy and excited to be working on [large bank project].
Lisa and Daisy form a friendship of commonality, they have similar backgrounds by all appearances and similar concerns due to children the same age and shared employment. They seem to become fast friends and things proceed normally for some months. Smooth sailing, all is well.
The fuse is lit.
Scene: Lunchtime gossip
[Robert, middle 40s architect adjacent Moi, also architect, age is my own damn business [old, so very old].]
Robert: "So, it seems like Daisy and Lisa are getting along great."
Moi: *snerfs a little, almost chokes on enchilada* Yes, yes they are, It's nice to see...
Robert: *eyebrow, having learned to read my expressions* "Aaaaaaand..."
Moi: "I adore both of them, but they are primarily friends because they don't actually understand most of what the other says"
[Lisa has a thick Taiwanese accent, Daisy has a standard northern indian accent. Never the two shall meet]
Robert: "Are you sure, they seem to have a lot of conversations?"
Moi: "Positive, you weren't at lunch with the three of us. They're polar opposite in terms of values, it'll be fine so long as that never comes up"
Robert: "I'm not even digging into that"
Moi: *flan*
Sizzle.
Scene: This is bat country
[More months pass, everything is fine, project is humming along nicely, save a few blips of personality conflicts. Moi takes a vacation. A gas station, somewhere in the middle of Wyoming, a snowstorm, a sports car full of luggage]
*phone rings*
Moi: *looks down, sees it's Robert, eyebrow raises, answer* What's on fire?
Robert: "We had to let Lisa go"
Moi: "Ah, they finally understood each other."
Robert: "Yes..." *deep sigh*
[Fade to flashback]
Bang.
Scene: The office, Lisa's desk
[Daisy and Lisa are discussing non-descript conversation. Daisy broaches the subject of Lisa's past divorce and being a single mother]
Daisy: "It must have been hard, how did you manage?"
Lisa: "I had my daughter, she was my motivation. We made it here, I met my current partner"
Daisy: "That's good! It is so hard, coming to something new. I could never imagine leaving my husband."
Lisa: "He left us, we weren't important, I don't want to marry every again"
Daisy: "Surely you do though? Marriage is great for a woman, my parents found a great husband for me."
Lisa: "Haha, lucky you. Most indian marriage is like prostitution."
[At this moment, Daisy's demeanor takes a nose dive. Whatever was actually said, what she heard was, "Indian marriage is prostitution"]
Daisy: *tears begin pouring down her face, she flings herself back in her chair, head shaking violently she screams* "I AM AN HONORABLE WOMAN!"
[Daisy runs out of the room, straight to HR. Lisa sits there, stunned, not really understanding what just happened or the consequences]
Scene: Back in bat country
[Robert finishes the story, the emotions are a mixture of hilarity at the absurdity of the situation and frustration in the work void it has created]
Moi: "Satan, well. Fuck me. Fuck us. Fuck. Is Daisy alright, is she at least staying? We can't lose two devs at the same time."
Robert: "She got a few days off, she seems fine now, but she's... yeah, I never laughed so hard"
Moi: *double facepalm* "Yeah, the word choice was a bit outrageous. It's not like we didn't know it was coming. I'm going to get back on the road."
Robert: "Alright, enjoy yourself, I'll try and prevent any other forest fires."19 -
Internet: YOU are nothing without me.
My phone: Th..That's not true! She cc..can make calls ww..ithout you...and ss...send texts. Sh..Sh..She plays offf..offline games sometimes and has ddd..downloaded music to her storage that she could llii.. listen to and has a sshh..shit load of memes stocked that she sss..sometimes laughs at. I AM usef...ffuul :-/
Internet *lighting up a cigarette*: hahhaa! You can survive without me. If this were 10 YEARS ago! There's not a slightest chance, today.
My phone *starts sobbing*: sh..shut up sshhhuut uu..up.
Internet *blowing smoke rings*: you think you're the ONLY device she owns?? She has too many of them, but guess who is connected to all those devices! ME! She can't function without me. Hell, the world can't function without ME!
Electricity *rubbing it's eyes from sleep* - what's all that noise??
Phone: 😶
Internet: 😶
Phone: 🙂
(I'm about to fall asleep and there's no power right now. Back up ain't working. Life sucks)5 -
Phone rings, recruiter: "hi Scott just come across your CV and really want to talk to you about an exciting opportunity"
Me: "Ok, cool, can I just qualify this call, what was the keyword search you used to find my profile?"
Recruiter: "it's for a Java developer role for an exciting employer"
Me: "so you matched me on a Java training course I did 8 years ago?"
Recruiter: "ok, but I see you're fully qualified in c#"
Me: "you mean the support developer role from 5 years ago?"
Recruiter: "yes"
Me: "😑"
Recruiter: "listen it's a pretty bad line can I call you on a land line or drop you an email?"
Me: "sure drop me an email with your contact details and I'll give you a call back"
Still waiting on that email...
Why can't recruiters just admit straight away that they blindly called you without even reading your CV8 -
Quick recap of my last two weeks: 15 year old production server is basically dead, boss has taken over calls and claims credit for "resolving" outages (even though my coworker and I did the work, but ultimately the traffic died down enough to where it wasn't an issue anymore).
I go to a meeting to plan migration to a better server, boss bitches about not getting invited, I tell him I invited myself, and then he lectures about how that's not our job.
Different boss says we're migrating a schema for an application that should have been decommissioned 5+ years ago to use as a baseline. I explain what's going on, he says he understands, and proceeds to tell higher bosses it's perfect because there will be no user impact. OF COURSE THERE'S NO FRICKING IMPACT, YA DUNCE! there are no users!!!!
I merge two email threads together, since they discuss the same thing, but with different insight, and get yelled at, even though they requested it.
The two bosses I like are OOO for the next week, too, so I'm just sitting here hoping I don't say something that'll get me fired or sent to sensitivity training.
I'm just starting my on call rotation and don't know that I can do this. I cry when my phone rings, now, because I experience physical pain with how hard I cringe.
I got yelled at today by a guy because SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW assigned a ticket to him directly, rather than to the proper team (not his team). So I had to look into that, which at least had the benefit of preventing a catastrophic outage to our customers world wide, but no one will know because I don't brag at work; I'm too busy doing my job as well as most of my division/section/larger team, whatever the hell it's called. I saved us probably 25+ hours of continuous troubleshooting call from noticing something tiny that the people "smarter" than me missed.
**edit: sorry for typos; got my nails done yesterday but they feel like they're a mile long and I have to relearn how to type**7 -
I work for a company known for its unbelievable perks and benefits. Every time a job opens up, we get thousands of applications.
Candidates are becoming increasingly aggressive to stand out. Hundreds of them (literally) have purchased Facebook ads or LinkedIn promoted posts to get their information in front of current employees.
Others have taken to outright stalking our employees. I freelance occasionally and have a separate website for my freelance business. I receive dozens of calls and emails to my freelance number and email account daily from people who want to “chat about the open position.”
My husband — who has a different last name — runs a small retail shop. He’s had people come into his store and tell him that they did internet sleuthing and found out he was married to an employee of my company, and would he please pass on their resume?
I expect to get these messages on my LinkedIn or company email, but am I wrong in thinking that stalking me out and trying to contact me via personal contact info (or my husband) is way out of line?
Is there a way to sharply tell them that this is not okay? Normally, I just don’t respond, but I have to turn my phone off or it rings all day and it’s really annoying. Would it look weird to put a message on my freelance website that says do not contact me about Company X jobs?
My company is aware of this problem, and has said to forward the names of aggressive or alarming candidates their way to remove them from consideration, but it’s so common, I’m thinking this is a product of being told that if they just showed GUMPTION, they’d get the job. I feel bad for them, but it’s also creeping me out.16 -
Someone just rang the IT Helpdesk moaning that outlook wasn't syncing his mail and it was because the brand new laptop he's just gotten is crap.
So first, the guy on the helpdesk asked to log into the users laptop to look at outlook.
He apparently isn't at his laptop and doesn't have time for anyone to log in!
Wtf lol
So he rings back 10 mins later when at his laptop but wont let the helpdesk log in as he has 'confidential' documents open.
Wtf, close them, why are you ringing us to look at your laptop if you won't let us log on?? lol
So helpdesk was like ok, just check cat cable is plugged in, check wifi is off, do a send/receive etc. and the user's like yes, they're all okay!
Helpdesk tells him to reboot his pc. He does so.
Doesn't resolve it.
Skip forward another 10 painful minutes while the helpdesk guy is pulling his hair out checking everything in the background, and all looks fine.
User then says "should i also turn off my iPhone?"
Helpdesk: 'No, outlook is just on your laptop'.
User: 'No *assured laugh* its on my phone too. I get emails there too'
Helpdesk: 'No, you use the generic 'Mail' app on your phone. Outlook is a separate app. We don't use it.'
User: 'But you're not listening, regardless of the app name, that's my problem, mail's not working on my phone'.
Helpdesk: '.....so why didn't you say so 20 minutes ago when i asked to log into ur laptop?'
User: 'Didn't think it was relevant. Laptop was fine. Assumed you'd know'.
...........
Why.
Why???
Why.
Shockingly, a phone restart fixed it. The user couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the thing off.11 -
My life in a nutshell.
I've been stuck in this timeless loop for 10 years, anyone that relates?
1. Set alarm before going to bed.
2. Alarm rings, I turn it off.
3. Wakes up late.
4. Work from 08 AM to 4 PM.
5. Take the train back home
6. Plan what to do for the rest of the day.
7. Come home, do everything except what was initially planned.
8. Watching time goes by while doing non-productive things.
9. I feel alone, watch porn to fill this void.
10. I get depressed and unhappy afterward
11. Set the alarm for the next day.
12. Repeat.11 -
Phone rings
-Hello! Do you have an a website?
- yes I have. Who's this
- is it running
- yes
- hold if otherwise it will might run away
- - hangs up - -
Phone rings again
- hello do you have a website
- no I don't 😠
- didn't I told you to hold it -
Typical TSA (Airport Security)
Security: Please put all of your handheld objects and your outer clothes in this basket.
Me: (puts my bag, in flight luggage, and takes out laptop, bluetooth speaker, bluetooth mouse, bluetooth keyboard, tablet, android phone, dongle bag, and windows phone)
S: (stares at me as if I am a rich kid)
M: May I go through?
S: (nods)
M: (smirks, and goes through metal detector)
BeepBeepBeep!
M: (oh shit.)
Scanning Officer: Raise your hand!
M: Mmmhmm
S: (Hovers the detection stick around my body, but it doesn't ring, tells me to pass through the detector again. Still rings. Super confused. Asks me to do this 2-3 times more. Still same.)
M: Aha! I have my bluetooth earphones here! Sorry!
S: (stares at me, as if he is saying what a f****** weirdo)
My stuff comes out. I put my devices in the bag. The scanning officer stares at me.
M: (smirks)
To be continued....2 -
*is expecting guests and while waiting his coding*
*Bell rings*
ME: Hey Gradma Grandpa welcome.
Grandpa: Here's my phone fix my storage and install FB Messenger for me
AT LEAST FOR GOD SAKE SAY HI TO ME. IM YOUR NEPHEW FOR GOD SAKE NOT SOME RANDOM HUMAN BEING.9 -
Alone on valentines?
1: Buy 100s of plastic rings
2: Hide in the kitchen of a fancy restaurant
3: Put rings in glasses of champagne
4: Watch5 -
I die, go to hell and my punishment is to write software for hell network that is having power problems due to light source disruptions and is running on Windows 95 on FAT32 without any service pack.
Network speed is trough 300bps dial up modem. Protocol is over IPX/SPX.
My task is to write interactive websites that are replacement of modern websites but in VBScript, ActiveX, IE 4.0.
I have 10 managers that tell me what to do and scream when I miss deadline that is set everyday without my knowledge at random times.
They send me an email and 5 minutes later they arrive at my desk to ask me about it.
I must work 16 hours a day before I can leave the place and if I won’t show up police beats me and escorts me to the office.
If I’m late a second I don’t get payment.
I can’t afford to rent a place so I sleep in the sleeping bag.
It doesn’t matter much cause as soon as I fall asleep phone rings until I wake up and my manager screams about the problems he have for about an hour.6 -
When I was 23 or so, I worked nights in a tier-1 control room. Each workstation had a win98 desktop, and two HPUX workstations running CDE. I read all of the lord of the rings in text files on the HPUX machines, and since it was in an xterm window, my supervisor thought I was just tailing logs.7
-
Old story.
Colleague: "I'm gonna update some tables and stored procedures later"
*phone rings two hours later*
Colleague: "Hi! Just wanted to tell you I accidently dropped all our production databases. Have fun recovering them 😊"
Well shit.8 -
Me: The phone rings but when I pick up there's nothing there.
Indian call center: Okay sir can you tell me if the landline is plugged into the modem
Me: It's ringing. Yes, it's plugged in.
Indian call center: Okay we'll reset the modem.
Me: I already did that. Twice. Just to be able to speak to you because the robot made me.
Indian call center: Okay so we'll reset your modem again.
*resets*
Indian call center: Do you get a dial tone now?
Me: Yes. I have this entire time. No one can call me.
Indian call center: Sir that is not possible.
Me: Call it and see for yourself.
Indian call center: *calls, phone hangs up for them the second I answer*
Why did you hang up on me, sir?
Me: *internal screaming*3 -
long && scam && rant?
At my parent's: phone rings..
Me: hi this is XYZ (in German)
He: hi this is ABC from Microsoft tecnical suport (strong Indian accent, sorry toall Indian devs who might feel offended, no intention)
Me: hi... (I'm learning for my exams and don't have a VM with Windows installed currently, so no time to "play")
He: we got some worrying data from your Windows computer. You might have a virus and we need to run a few tests to verfy it. Do you know what that is?
Me: yeah, a scam.
He: sorry, sir I didn't understand you, could you repeat?
Me: yeah, I know what " this" is. It's a scam, and we only deploy Linux here. (lie, we have Windows, Mac and Linux, as well as an iPhone, iPad and Android devices in the house, guess who is "support"...) But good luck with your next call.
He: (kind of friendly) oh. I see. Well have a nice day too.8 -
Because of the pandemic and how most of the people in my institution's I.T department are working from home we were asked to route calls from our work extension to our home phones. I did it to my cellphone and some of the calls that I get are hilarious, yet annoying. Annoying because we have a bunch of boomer ass people making the most ridiculous calls.
Being that the calls are not registered into our phones they just show the random number from which x person is calling.
Just right now my phone rings aaaand:
Me: "Hello?"
Boomer: "YES <tech support technician's name which is obviously not mine> I NEED YOU TO FIX MY EMAIL IT IS NOT WORKING AND MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING"
Me: "I am sorry, I don't know how did you get this number, but what we can..."
BOOMER: WELL CAN I PLEASE SPEAK TO THE TECHNICIAN? I NEED THIS TO GET FIXED RIGHT NOW
Me: As I was saying, we can attempt to send an email through your phone's outlook app if you have it installed or I can send an email asking them to contact you since you are reaching an entirely different dep..."
Boomer: "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME! MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING AND I CAN'T SEND EMAILS AND I DON'T WANT TO USE MY PHONE, I WANT TO USE MY LAPTOP"
Me: Did YOU not hear me? I just said that I can send an email for you since my computer is working properly, at the same time, not wanting to use your phone to send an email when you have no other option available is more of a YOU problem, it is not mine
Boomer: EXCUSE ME! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO? i AM THE MANAGER OF <X> DEPARTMENT
Me: nice to meet you I guess, I am the MANAGER of X department as well, i have been told that for issues with my attitude I can just toss you over to <Director of IT> if you wish.
Boomer: Oh....no...thank you, I will send an email through my phone and see if that works.
Some background: The Head of my department is a hardass that is not scared to tell people to fuck off when they are messing shit up and he is very protective of all of us. I love this man and have personally followed the dude through hell when no one else came through. If they think I am bitchy that dude would throw down an entire house over people being dense, and even though he is a boomer himself (age terms) he despises the general attitude of entitled people from his generation.
10/10 I love my boss and hope to heaven that all of you find similar leaders.6 -
Gave my two weeks, two weeks ago. Today was my last day. The designer finally asked to see how I go about doing my job, and was blown away at how "hard" it is. Smug satisfaction +1.
I leave the office at 5, go home, get packed, and start driving to my new city/state. An hour into the trip, my phone rings. My boss, on vacation out of the country acts surprised that I'm not going to be there Monday. I personally gave her my resignation. Exactly two weeks ago. "Are you going to be at the meeting Monday? We still have some stuff up in the air."
WHAT FUCKING PLANET DID I JUST LEAVE?17 -
In middle of debugging an issue. Phone rings. While picking up mobile accidentally falls on laptop keyboard. Next thing I see is BSOD. Shows SYSTEM_THREAD_ERROR_NOTHANDLED. Are you serious?3
-
When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!
-
*phone rings*
Me: "Hello".
Caller: "Hi, I'm just going to patch you in to this conference call."
Fucking hell.3 -
Listening to professor tell stories about when he used to develop, is like listening old war stories.
Back when I was in university, this teacher would tell us different stories about his days as a developer. This was one of the last ones, and I think it has not changed much since then.
*Phone rings*
Professor: Hello?
Client: I don't know what the fuck you take me for!
Professor: Oh, hello Client_Name. What seems to be the problem.
Client: This doesn't work! There's nothing here!
Professor: Ok, do you see the program file?
Client: No. I just said that there's nothing here.
They proceed to go over the issue and how to get the program to run. Or at least show up on the PC. This goes on for about 30 minutes.
Suddenly my professor has a thought.
Professor: Have you tried inserting the Floppy disk from the other side? Try flipping it.
Client: ...4 -
Backstory: A few months ago, I wrote an inventory management web app for internal use by the sales team, logistics, and whoever else might need to use it.
Earlier this week: A few minutes before I usually leave, my phone rings. It's some dude I've never heard of. No idea what his function at the company is, still don't, probably never will, don't care. He's never used the app before, and says he's having problems. His cube's on my way out, so I swing by.
I'm not making this next part up. This dude is probably 60 years old, and he's using a very old looking gateway desktop (with the cow print logo thing on the chassis), running Windows XP (not a typo), using IE7.
I don't know what to say, so I just stare at the desktop, look at dude, laugh, and eventually explain that he's never going to be able to use the system via the web app until his rig is replaced.
What the fucking fuck is this. How could this have happened. How do our it people still fucking have jobs. Better question, how did this thing survive the y2k bug?9 -
So, today's comedy job story (and how depressive things become), and it's only 9:30.
Stressed PM assaults me at 8 to tell me what I have to do, standing next to me and dictacting stuff she wants done. Hate that.
As I went to a colleague to help her out with these fucking presentations (she "couldn't open them"), as I just arrived to her office my phone rings.
It's my PM. I'm 20m away, she calls me. Ok.
Me: "Yes?"
PM: "Hey Phlisg, erm, we are stuck in a conference room, can you come and open the door?"
Me: "Erm, the door has no handle, can't help"
PM: "Can you call the "housekeeper"?"
Me: "Sure" (why the hell doesn't she have his number...)
I go downstairs, go towards the conference room, and before the door there is the reception office. I ask the colleagues in there if the "housekeeper" is here, but they instead produced the handle from their drawers, and went to the door to open it.
At the same time, a person locked inside the conference room went through the window to go round and try to open the door.
Door successfully opened by colleague with handle.
I mean...
WHAT
THE
FUCK!
You have a problem? One reflex: call Phlisg. She might call me at 2 am in the morning because she cannot sleep or something.
Pissed!!13 -
Alright, this my fucking rant right here. Distraction? This whole company is a distraction! Boss decided to throw us all in an open work environment doing jobs that require careful concentration. Straight outta college I'm getting handed vague ideas, (make a desktop app that helps our customers put data on the internet, make an iPhone app) with out so much as an inkling of what technologies to use, just make it work.
Ok I will but when you hit a roadblock with very little resources to draw in it's hard to stay focused.
On top of that since I worked in support for a year I'm our senior support person! But sometimes support just doesn't use their brains and I'm using my time to solve very basic problems.
That brings me to my next point, the goddamn piece of shit that is our telephone. Fuck that thing when it rings it's never good. Moreover, since I don't want to get roasted for not being responsive I have the motherfucker forward to my personal cell. So I answer every fucking call and I get so many spam calls!
Not to mention I'm mainly running the hardware show around here. Shits broke I'm the one fixing it. Need new shit I'm putting the order together.
Tried to get a new guy to be the sys admin, ordered a 6th gen board with a 7th gen proc, had to pull 3 machines apart to get that sorted. Then he left bc family issues, and has been gone for weeks.
The other devs are also slam up busy, and the main product is about 15 people's piss on a plate of garb age spaghetti. (I got a lot of shit going on but at least I'm the only one pissing in my spaghetti) it's a constant run around if who does what with a code first plan later mentality causing confusion and delay.
Nobody wants to help anybody because they are also annoyed with this setup and are getting bitched at by customers or management.
Sales is mostly composed of a bunch of crackhead yes men and women who just want a commission and only half know the shit we sell and have sold 15 new features that had not been discussed. But management always says make it happen. In what priority? It's all a priority they say! Wtf.
So yea, then it brings me to me, dealing with this much chaos at work makes it seem like a high amount of chaos in my life is normal. I'm just now learning to control this.
I've had to do a lot of growing up as a person and as a developer. I've went from being the most junior to about the 3rd most seniors and I've no doubt my efforts have contributed to the growth of the company.
I'm a big believer in coding flow, and that it takes at least 15 mins to get in that flow and about 5 seconds to break it. There is no do not disturb on the company chat, everything always on fire it seems.
So fuck a lot of this, but I've done the research and where I'm at is the best opportunity in a 100 mile radius. So I am thankful for this job. Plus I usually win the horror story contest.
So TL;DR the biggest distraction is every fucking thing in this god forsaken place.5 -
This rings true even if the customer is internal. Built a feature and provided documentation on how to use it and one of the end users still used it wrong.
It was a simple validation process too. Input the member ID then click validate, the app then checks if the person is in the system and fills in some other fields and does some other backend stuff. How could you get that wrong?! 🤔
7 -
Me trying to show to my girlfriend family the lord of the rings. I know it is nothing about code but please tell me there's good people out there.
5 -
Nothing against managers, but this rings so true!
"The programmer who refuses to keep exploring will surely stagnate, forget his joy, lose the will to program (and become a manager)" -- Marijn Haverbeke. Quote taken from this book
Credit: https://twitter.com/nixcraft/... -
Lord of the rings is my all time favourite movie and Samwise is my favourite character.
This quote keeps me going. Small act of kindness inspire me. They push me to be a better human being.
I cannot change the world, but I can do my small bit to make this world a better place.
Because there is some good in this world and it's fucking worth fighting for.
8 -
So I'm sitting down coding at home, trying to work out some problems when I hear the Doorbell ring. Obviously I shouldn't ignore it so I go to answer it.
Its the fucking FedEx delivery guy, he ALWAYS rings the doorbell, waits a solid 2 seconds after ringing then leaves. By the time I am about to answer the door he is already walking away.
HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES THIS, in the end I'm thrown off my rhythm for nothing to go answer a door where the person ringing doesn't even have the decency to wait a few extra seconds to see if anyone comes.
This has happened to me several times now, he rings the door for no damn reason, i come running over and he is already gone.
So bloody frustrating.10 -
Here is a brief list:
- Idiots from marketing
- idiots from sales
- the lawnmower man (while doing his job)
- sun
- AC off && summer
- no ventilation / fresh air
- civil defense siren tests (we're just next to one...)
- idiots talking to me while I'm on my headphone
- music stops
- phone rings
- light theme
- devRant
- MySql Workbench
- etc2 -
I have an Android app suggestion:
A different alarm clock.
- wakes you up by increasing ring tone, from least to most, each step taking at least two seconds.
- you can give it a stream url (e.g. online radio or yt) and it uses that to wake you up.
- you give it an offline ringtone as well, in case the stream doesn't play.
- has repeated snooze. You hit the off button once and it goes to snooze. You hit it twice or trice and it is off. Otherwise, it rings again in 2-60 minutes. (User preference)
- is free. 😛
Shouldn't take long to make. I'd make it myself if I had the technical capabilities right now. Do link me if you make it or if you know of one already existing. (The existing ones I've found so far, I have issues with unnecessary permissions they ask mostly.)18 -
Welcome to Part III of WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU?, a saga of competence, empathy and me being dick, even tho I didn't want to be one.
This is a follow-up to: https://devrant.com/rants/2363551. It's title is: "Mt 13:12".
We left off the story in the very moment I had received feedback from 3 companies that decided to interview me. A, B and C. We won't talk about A from now on, since I refused their offer to offer me unpaid internship.
It's December 20, 18:00. I am returning home. Earlier that day I emailed guys at C that I need some time with my decision, because I have another offer that suits me better. It was awaiting response from B, obviously. That day they called me and offered me... full-time job. As a fullstack. On a project for a big company, that they described by something like: "They may not be one of the famous X of the market, but they're probably X+1, yeah". Needless to say, that was some bad marketing. I googled them up later tho. Anyway, my response didn't change, altho thing seemed a little big better for me. Except that I was a little suspicious of them too. Were they *that* desperate for a worker?[1]
It is December 24th. 10 am. My phone rings. It's guy from B. He tells me "saito, the recruiter guy is still sick. Since I don't know if we can hire you for sure, it may be better for you to accept another offer, if you got any. I'll keep you updated." That was pretty cool of him. Remember the quote from part II? That's the empathy part. He called me, even tho he didn't really have to. If you read this, monsieur, you're the best. Back to the story now. I emailed guys at C that I am willing to start the job anytime. They told me that CEO is back January 7th, 2020.
It is January 4th 2020, 10 am. Unkonwn number calls. It's actually a guy from B, but the other one. The one that was sick previously. He tells me that he wants to talk about my employment. He talked with the senior dev and he just wants a talk and a small code test in typescript. He told me that it's no prob that I don't know typescript, since it will be entry level and I have time to learn the basics. And so I do. We decide to meet at January 7th. Later on that day guys from C email me that they want to sign the contract n January 7th.
And here we get to the culmination and the lesson of those posts. What should I do? On one side I have a job that isn't 100% comfirmed, but I'm pretty positive about it. The people at B are great, I love them. During my interview I learned some stuff about the project I would participate in, so I didn't go in blindly. It was my field of interest. I was hyped for the possibility itself to work with that senior dev. On the other hand guys at C had their contract ready. They finally were ready to start. I still didn't know for shit what would I do. I knew that I would need to learn basics of data science and stuff. Their interview and CEO left me with a quite bad impression. I didn't really like them. But it was a job.
What I did I consider the best thing I could do for myself. I told guys from C to meet someday later. I visited B yesterday, January 7th. I've done the test. It had some code refactoring and implementing some React elements. Basic shit indeed. I am almost positive I would do it even if I didn't visit typescript docs during the weekend. We then talked about it. The dev told me what he would change in the solution, but didn't consider it bad. Then they told me I'm hired. And I emailed C that I can't accept their offer. The guy was pretty pissed. I can understand it, they seemed to be ready to start with me and I pulled out last day, in the evening. I am truly sorry for that. But also I feel no regrets. I have chosen those whom I trusted more. I've chosen guys who took notes of my CV and talked about it in my interview over people who didn't even get that I applied for a frontend positin. That's competence for you. I've chosen guys who actually wanted to talk wih me about me making music over people who sat me down at a computer and told me: "code". That's empathy for you.
Dear recruiters. If you want to attract best candidates, show your competence and empathy.
Dear recruitees. If you're looking for a good job, it may take some time. Also, knowing people helps a lot.
1 – Actually, I wouldn't be surprised, if they really needed someone to help them out on their projects and they didn't get a lot of attention. Why? Well, their webpage was unfinished and kinda sucked, their interview sucked also. I still don't know whether they're a startup or what. I just can't help but feel bad seeing HR and Marketing that bad. Because the guys actually might do a lot of good stuff, and their potential employees didn't get to know that.5 -
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”3 -
Our IT-Class project: Mathematics trainer in Java
Day 1 (was monday)
TL;DR we didn't save.
So we formed groups and I landed in the UI team with, let's call him Mage and let's call her Goth.
We had an eclipse project folder on our desktop (they said it only works when put on desktop) Btw they didn't even want to use a cloud or something (I wish we'd use git and I'd finally learn it). We should take the changes by USB from computer to computer.
So me, Mage an Goth are making a basic GUI for this Mathematic-Training App. We use this thing from Eclipse but I forgot the name. It has not enough functionality on surface and I hate things that break complex things up to ease things but leave away so much.
So after a productive hour of building a GUI and centering shit by calculating the top and bottom distance and use margins (hurts me really but Mage was designing, Goth intensively calculating on paper), the bell rings.
Mage wants to save the project on my USB-Stick and bamm💥
A black screen.
I don't know how it happened but it sure had something to do with the USB-port looking like you fucked it with a way to huge🍆. It looked damn broken.
So because we have a nice App called HD-Guard, which fucking wipes the desktop on startup and resets all but the documents/images/videos/music folder —
It's all's gone. Today is day 2 of this project so let's see how today turns out.3 -
When the marketing exec rings to tell you that they are making a new site for the company...in Wix and that they need to use flash for the "animations".3
-
Be a fellow who's distracted af. You just had a presentation in another city. You're driving home and a light lits up saying you need gas. You stop at the petrol station, pour in some gas, grab a cop of joe while you're at it, pay and leave. You're 15minutes away from the gas stop already and an unknown number is calling you. You pick it up. A male voice says
Voice: "hello, this is police. Did you just leave a gas stop 15 minutes ago?"
You: *wtf, what the fuck did I do now!* "yes, I sure did."
Voice: "you forgot to pay for the fuel"
you: *oh shit, he's right! I remember now - I only paid for the coffee! Shit! I'm in trouble now. *
"oh.. Right, you're right, I forgot... I'll turn around and come back to pay
Voice: "wait, don't rush, I may be able to help you. I'll call you back, keep your phone close" *hangs up*
5 minutes later phone rings again.
Voice: "can you pull over, please? Here's a phone number of that gas stop. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll sort it our. Have a nice day!" *hangs up*
you call that number. A woman picks up.
You: "hello, I forgot to pay you for the gas, gimme a few minutes - I'll turn around and get back to you"
Operator: "do not worry, I think I can help you! You can pay for it at your home town if you like, but I'm afraid they might not be working today. But they will tomorrow! Would that be OK for you?"
you: "umm, yeah, of course! It's my fault - anything is OK for me!"
operator: "ooorrr.. I could pay for you now and you would pay me back. Would that work? Here's my bank account, I'll pay for you when you send me those 50 something €"
a fantasy story? Made up story? Bed time stories? Dysney movie plot? Phishing? Canada?
No. This is Lithuania :) believe it or not, this is a true story, and there are more like this one.
Respect to the police!12 -
Phone rings...
'I'm calling about the car accident you had recently that wasn't your fault.'
Me: 'Yup, ok. I'm surprised at how quickly you got through!'
Them: 'Could you tell me when the accident was?'
Me: 'This morning before work'
Them: 'And whereabouts did this happen?'
Me: 'My living room'
Them: 'That's strange. Were you driving at the time?'
Me: 'No, I was on foot, I generally am in my living room.'
Them: 'Were you injured?'
Me: 'I sustained some pain in my foot'
Them: 'So you were hit by a car? Do you remember the make and model?'
Me: 'Yes, it was a red Ford, but I'm not sure which model.'
Them: 'Did you get the registration number?'
Me: 'I'm not sure it had one. The car was quite small'
Them: 'Did you get the driver's name?'
Me: 'It was James Jones'
Them: 'Could you describe the driver?'
Me: 'About two foot tall, blonde hair, green top, dungarees'.
Them: 'Did you know the driver?'
Me: 'Yes, he's my two year old son'
Them: ...(click)... -
Quick Tutorial: How to find a missing bug.
0) Wake up & have breakfast
1) Goto work
2) Do your job until the end of the working day
3) Make a backup
4) Shutdown your PC
5) Stand up
6) Go to the office door
7) Grab the door
8) Now the phone rings
9) Turn and go back
10) Take the phone
11) Now you get the bug report
This is a well approved method.
It always works!3 -
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”3 -
They've been in a meeting with some clients the whole morning.
12PM, time for me to go. Say Happy New Year and am on my way home.
12:20 Got home, took shirt off, got something to eat from the fridge.
12:22 Bit the first slice of pizza. Phone rings.
- "Yo' we wanted to show them app 2 but I can't log in."
+ "I left the laptop (and the whole dev environment) there, and there's no PC on in my house (and no dev environment whatsoever)."
- "Well check with your phone. [SIC] Tell me when you fix it."
12:32 I had turned my personal computer on; checked the problem was what I imagined (unpkg lib with no version defined on the link had a new major/non-retrocompatible version); grabbed an online FTP tool; remembered IP, user & password; edited the single line that caused the problem; and checked it worked. Calling back.
+ "It's fixed."
- "Thanks!"
12:38 CEO sent me an image of the app not working, due to a known bug.
+ "That happens if you try to access app 1 having accessed app 2 and not logging off." (app 2 isn't being used / sold, as it's still in development) "Try logging off and logging in again from app 1."
- * radio silence *
+ * guess they could get in *
They had the whole freaking morning. 😠
I'm the hero CMMi's level one warns you about. But at what cost.
Happy early New Year's Eve everyone.2 -
Been watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy since yesterday for the third time in my life. I shed a tear at the end. That movie is as good today as it was 15 years ago. Awesome.
Now, to make this post relevant, im going to close VLC media player, open Android Studio and go on a Kotlin (which is becoming more and more like Gandalf the White) journey2 -
Anyone else have that kind of manager who you ask a simple, single sentence question of, and get a ten volume essay of a response back from?
How do you deal? I'm usually a very capable, independent and initiative driven person but holy fuck.
All we need here is a:
"Hey manager, you assigned me this thing. I'm wondering what we should do about this particular edge case I've seen a few times in past roles?"
and a
"I'm not sure. Check with Steve, he should know, as his team worked on it and did x, y and z. If he doesn't know, come back to me"
and we're done.
Instead I get the entire Lord of the Rings saga written in zalgo.6 -
A wild project appears!
The deadline is set in two months.
It's a 3D environment interactive app with some oil drilling models and other stuff, for a stand on a show. It needs to look nice, but The Company we're working for needs to figure out where the fuck their product is located on those machines. Think tiny pipes, O-rings etc.
I prepare a build in the first couple of days for The Company to figure shit out.
Management holds the build back because:
> the ocean waves are going the other way
> the underwater area doesn't look so nice
> the antialiasing could be better
> one pipe is 5cm off center
> the sky is not blue enough
> the drillship propellers are pointed the wrong way
> one icon is too far to the right
> the shadows could use some work
> there are shadows on the seabed
> some flickering on ambient occlusion
> it loads too slow
> one random object is flipped on it's Z axis
> it's too green
> camera locks up if you move about 2km out of the range
> the name of the build should represent the date of the build
> the name of the build SHOULDN'T be anything else than just a simple three-word name, no dates because their environment doesn't allow apps that are not allowed (by name) by admin
> lots more random things that won't prevent them from using the app
I'm only a month late, but it's good progress. In about a week I hope we can get some feedback if we can use those models at all and what to showcase.
Then I can work on the basic functionality. And then it's a simple case of time travel to meet the deadline.2 -
I have probably the BEST DDOS DETECTION WORLDWIDE! It detects any DoS or DDoS at my private Network.
How it works?
Everytime I get attacked(so pretty often) my phone rings. But if I answer the phone there's only a "Beep Beep Beep". Shortly afterwards my connection shuts down 😂😂6 -
Sorta related to previous rant
https://devrant.com/rants/2961085/...
Get message from recruiter on LinkedIn around 10 last night "Are you available immediately? I need a Java dev urgently based in [my city]. Please to [email address]"
I reply, send email, accept connect request
See the post they made about position , literally says "Apply today, interview tomorrow, start Monday"
I could really do with this. Made sure to be up and about by 9 in case phone rings/to reply promptly
Hear nothing back. Check in around mid day "Yes, I got your CV. My emails have been flooded. Will get to it asap" Well, that was yesterday, still nada
Linked post is about other challenges in my job hunt with a different recruiter2 -
When I used to code I'd use the Pomodoro Technique.
It helps me get tasks done more quickly and efficiently when I know I only have to focus for 45 minutes and then I get a 15 minute break.
It also helps if you're stuck on something, because when you come back to it you have fresh eyes.
Also, music without any lyrics helps me focus better than music where someone is singing. Be it Mozart or dubstep, as long as there are no words I can work with it. 😂 (I highly recommend Instrumental Core)
Finally, my phone would be in a completely different room or in my desk drawer in DND mode. I set it up so that it only rings for certain people (parents, brother and boyfriend), so no-one can bug me while I work. It's fantastic. -
That moment a office phone rings and all of the devs look at eachother but noone answers because this is not something they expected would happen..3
-
> phone rings during worktime hours
> "Yeah, I was contacting you on behalf of YADDAYADDA, I just found your CV in our database and I wanted to know if you were open to work for us"
Excuse me, how long ago did I submit my application?
> "Mmmmh... it says 2020"
What exactly am I even supposed to answer.4 -
had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back
-
So when someone rings at my door the music volume is set to zero and the previous volume is cached to restore it ten seconds later. When then this person rings another time within this 10 seconds, the zero volume is cached an the fun begins.4
-
2 fucking AM. My phone rings.
-Hi! Oh sorry did I wake you?
-Yes...
-But its only 7 PM!! Why are you a sleep so soon???!
-Grrr... Coz we are in different timezones dumbass!
*call disconnected*
1 -
Got one right now, no idea if it’s the “most” unrealistic, because I’ve been doing this for a while now.
Until recently, I was rewriting a very old, very brittle legacy codebase - we’re talking garbage code from two generations of complete dumbfucks, and hands down the most awful codebase I’ve ever seen. The code itself is quite difficult to describe without seeing it for yourself, but it was written over a period of about a decade by a certifiably insane person, and then maintained and arguably made much worse by a try-hard moron whose only success was making things exponentially harder for his successor to comprehend and maintain. No documentation whatsoever either. One small example of just how fucking stupid these guys were - every function is wrapped in a try catch with an empty catch, variables are declared and redeclared ten times, but never used. Hard coded credentials, hard coded widths and sizes, weird shit like the entire application 500ing if you move a button to another part of the page, or change its width by a pixel, unsanitized inputs, you name it, if it’s a textbook fuck up, it’s in there, and then some.
Because the code is so damn old as well (MySQL 8.0, C#4, and ASP.NET 3), and utterly eschews the vaguest tenets of structured, organized programming - I decided after a month of a disproportionate effort:success ratio, to just extract the SQL queries, sanitize them, and create a new back end and front end that would jointly get things where they need to be, and most importantly, make the application secure, stable, and maintainable. I’m the only developer, but one of the senior employees wrote most of the SQL queries, so I asked for his help in extracting them, to save time. He basically refused, and then told me to make my peace with God if I missed that deadline. Very helpful.
I was making really good time on it too, nearly complete after 60 days of working on it, along with supporting and maintaining the dumpster fire that is the legacy application. Suddenly my phone rings, and I’m told that management wants me to implement a payment processing feature on the site, and because I’ve been so effective at fixing problems thus far, they want to see it inside of a week. I am surprised, because I’ve been regularly communicating my progress and immediate focus to management, so I explain that I might be able to ship the feature by end of Q1, because rather than shoehorn the processor onto the decrepit piece of shit legacy app, it would be far better to just include it in the replacement. I add that PCI compliance is another matter that we must account for, and so there’s not a great chance of shipping this in a week. They tell me that I have a month to do it…and then the Marketing person asks to see my progress and ends up bitching about everything, despite the front end being a pixel perfect reproduction. Despite my making everything mobile responsive, iframe free, secure and encrypted, fast, and void of unpredictable behaviors. I tell her that this is what I was asked to do, and that there should have been no surprises at all, especially since I’ve been sending out weekly updates via email. I guess it needed more suck? But either way, fuck me and my two months of hard work. I mean really, no ego, I made a true enterprise grade app for them.
Short version, I stopped working on the rebuild, and I’m nearly done writing the payment processor as a microservice that I’ll just embed as an iframe, since the legacy build is full of those anyway, and I’m being asked to make bricks without straw. I’m probably glossing over a lot of finer points here too, just because it’s been such an epic of disappointment. The deadline is coming up, and I’m definitely going to make it, now that I have accordingly reduced the scope of work, but this whole thing has just totally pissed me off, and left a bad taste about the organization.10 -
Why is there no tool autoinstalling missing programs using your favourite pac(kage)man(ager)?
Like so,
$ program
>> couldn't find “program”. Should I install it? (Y/n)
If there is one... Shame on me *rings bell*
Also, yay! First Post!14 -
I've got staff, I've got staff
And they bill time and a half;
Now I only write the gist you see
And they can code the rest
Open source, Fraying nerves
Smoothing out regression curves;
Try this framework, it's ambitious
It was made of spit and wishes.
Coffee rings, at first glance
But of course miss, he's freelance;
And this code base is a truly scary mess
I can't expand the menu
Even chance its home brew, unit test;
Unit test, unit test!1 -
**phone rings**
- Hello
- Hi. I am calling from *some MNC*. We have a job opportunity for you. Do you have any plans to switch?
- What's the domain?
- It's asp.net and Xamarin.
- Sorry, I do not work on that anymore. Please let me know if you have any openings in Python.
**phone rings again**
- Hello
- Hi. I am calling from *another MNC*. We have a job opportunity for you. Do you have any plans to switch?
- What's the domain?
- It's python.
- Sorry, I do not work on that anymore. Please let me know if you have any openings in asp.net.
My story for last four years. I guess I have found the most humble way to reject the job calls.6 -
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."3 -
So this happened some years ago:
The phone rings and as soon as I pick it up some fast talking sales rep begins his spiel.
"Good afternoon my name is [don't remember, calling him 'jigglybum'] and we have a device that you plug into your phone line and it will allow you to make free international calls over the internet. It's real easy to set up and you can have it on us for the first three months absolutely free, if you could just confirm your address..."
"Don't want it."
"I'm sorry sir but I think you're throwing away a massive opportunity here we're offering you free international calls."
"No you're not. You're offering me a free trial of some sort of VoIP hardware."
"We yes, but it's free for the first three months and..."
"We also don't make international calls."
"That maybe true sir but with this box you could."
"I'm really not interested in your product."
"I don't think you fully understand all the benefits..."
*there's a clicking noise followed by a dial tone for a second and a new voice*
"Hi, I'm the supervisor for 'jigglybum' and I think perhaps he is having difficulty explaining what it is that we are trying to give you here..."
"Listen to me, from what I have understood you are offering to send us a VOIP hardware device that directly connects to our broadband and facilitates international calls, and presumably any calls for that matter on a three month trial which after will presumably have a subscription fee, have I had any difficulty understanding the nature of the device and terms of use?"
"Well, no sir, that's a very accurate description, so if you could just confirm your address for me..."
"NO! As you have just admitted there was no misunderstanding about what your product is or what it does. There seems to be a real misunderstanding on your part on the concept of 'no'. We don't want this product, we don't need the product and if we want to make VOIP calls, we have Skype!"
"Ok sir, goodbye."
This is, to my knowledge the only and only time that a supervisor in a call centre has wanted to talk to ME.2 -
Good old dear me sitting comfortably and writing some code...
Suddenly, the doorbell rings!!!
"One moment! Coming!", I shout...
I proceed going to the hall, take the keys from the table right next to me and I unlock the door...
I open it and there's only thin air in front me. Downstairs I hear the building door closing and the elevator working its way up, higher than my floor...
I close the door and I go back to my desk, resuming my work and thinking:
"I don't know who are, I don't care who you are, but I will find you and I will make you pay..."
Now my coding train of thought has stopped! Thanks, unknown doorbell ringer!!! -
https://codingame.com/leaderboards/...
i got 409th place from 2347 participants total, 12th place from my country and 4th place in selected language (pascal)1 -
If ever there was something like dark ages, then we are living it: which programmer still knows what his statement does through the whole software stack down to the CPU (and could also account for what a modern CPU does with all its cores, caches, pipelines and -1, -2, -3 rings). Piled higher and deeper. I know nothing. So it's like being a cargo cult sorcerer, conjuring copy&pasted spells from SO to invoke Bjarne's, Linus' or whomevers forlorn spirit, so this shit won't break.2
-
This weekend, I bought a mechanical keyboard to use at work. I'm worried the clicking sound will bother my co-workers around me. Does anybody know if bringing the keyboard to work will make people hate me?
It's a Logitech G610 with Cherry MX Red switches. I ordered some rubber o-rings on Amazon to dampen the keys. They should be coming in tomorrow. Should I risk bringing the keyboard into work before I dampen the keys?7 -
Some humans are calm and thoughtful, some annoyingly complicated, while others with behaviours too difficult to comprehend.
I got a call from the office (former from 6 months ago) and it's from the G.M herself.
** Phone rings **
Hmm see who's calling...
Me: * Picks up phone and set it on loud speaker, so my partner can also listen *
Me: Hello Ma
G.M: Hey (calls me by my full name)
Me: It's really nice to he...
G.M: Why would you move the YETI server hosted on AWS to Azure! We have been faced with lots of challenges ever since and that has cost the company a lot.
Me: Pardon me Ma, but that...
G.M: That is a very bad and unacceptable behaviour from you and I can have the company sue you for this.
Me: Excuse me Ma, but...
G.M: I have spoken with the director of C.M.D quaters (A sister company) and explained the situation on ground about what you did before leaving without having any prior permission. What nonsense!
** At this point my partner let's call her "CC"... was more confused than me**
CC : **Panicking** Who's that? What did you do? I thought you said you no longer work at that firm, what's going on?
Now I'm confused cus I don't even know who to reply.
Me: **Signals CC to calm the fuck down**
G.M: ** Still talking and spitting out millions of threats to the guy who left the company with evil deeds in mind...**
CC who literally hates suspense and also a half cool and half crackhead kind of person... Tries stealing the phone from me so she could pour out whatever is on her mind to the caller because of how disgusted she felt, mostly for reasons I quite understood but nevertheless i kept the phone far from her reach while we both enjoyed the suiting voice of *a threat giver*
Honestly at this point my closest guess was "Joe, who must have fucked up big time" because Joe is the company's SysAdmin and has a lot of fucked up records (One time Joe tried to convert all system OSes to Linux even with our hydra servers with pre-installed windows running smoothly, his action caused a noticeable server down-time all for the reason of Joe being a Linux freak). He and only he has the power to transfer/switch/off/on servers at will. I really don't know what Joe must have done but sure thing is there is a fuck up somewhere.
Talking about me, I was only a developer enthroned only within his desk and secondly I no longer worked there. Who fucking calls a retired soldier about a lost battle after six freaking months later! Just fucking sink with your ship captain!
But how can I explain all of this to G.M without implicating Joe and also not look like snitch, I thought to myself.
While I was pondering within myself and the call which has long been disconnected, CC broke the silence.
CC: Giddy, Can you honestly explain me why your old company is calling talking about lawyers and suing you? Have you been lying to me about your work?
Me: *Explained the situation to CC*
CC: But why was she that saucy and acting a bitch? You should have spare me a minute with her.
Me: She wouldn't let me speak but we good CC. We good.
The woman that just called is the G.M. of the firm I had formerly worked with and she's also the wife to the M.D of the same firm which was my former direct Boss whom I respect a lot. Having a disjunct with the wife can also affect the relationship with the husband, which I don't want to lose. So we cool!
Maybe I should text her or maybe not... But before then
** Another call comes in **
It's her again.
GM: Hello Giddy (Sounding calm)
Me: (WTF. She called me by my first name and also sounds cool... More confused than a stray dog) ...Yeah Hello
GM: I just called to let you know that my accusation was wrong because I was misinformed. Joe Nosa was in charge on Systems but why didn't you correct me on that during our last conversation?
Me: ... 😲
CC: (Drags the phone) Hello and Good morning whosoever...
G.M: Sorry who am I speaking with?
CC: (Introduced herself) I overheard your last conversation with Giddy, and I demand you appogise to him both in written and in verbal because not only did you accused him falsely, you also almost bridge the trust between us which may have cost the relationship.
Me: ...
** Long awkward silence **
G.M: Hey Giddy, I'm sorry. Just angry about what went down recently.
Me: All good ma'am
CC: ** Hangs up **1 -
Me: *newly learning MySQL*
Also me: time to buy wedding rings for my pinky finger and the caps lock key16 -
Every time I can write like a few more words and then the fucking phone rings again aaaand so fucking on.
Fuck This -
Very Long, random and pretentiously philosphical, beware:
Imagine you have an all-powerful computer, a lot of spare time and infinite curiosity.
You decide to develop an evolutionary simulation, out of pure interest and to see where things will go. You start writing your foundation, basic rules for your own "universe" which each and every thing of this simulation has to obey. You implement all kinds of object, with different attributes and behaviour, but without any clear goal. To make things more interesting you give this newly created world a spoonful of coincidence, which can randomely alter objects at any given time, at least to some degree. To speed things up you tell some of these objects to form bonds and define an end goal for these bonds:
Make as many copies of yourself as possible.
Unlike the normal objects, these bonds now have purpose and can actively use and alter their enviroment. Since these bonds can change randomely, their variety is kept high enough to not end in a single type multiplying endlessly. After setting up all these rules, you hit run, sit back in your comfy chair and watch.
You see your creation struggle, a lot of the formed bonds die and desintegrate into their individual parts. Others seem to do fine. They adapt to the rules imposed on them by your universe, they consume the inanimate objects around them, as well as the leftovers of bonds which didn't make it. They grow, split and create dublicates of themselves. Content, you watch your simulation develop. Everything seems stable for now, your newly created life won't collapse anytime soon, so you speed up the time and get yourself a cup of coffee.
A few minutes later you check back in and are happy with the results. The bonds are thriving, much more active than before and some of them even joined together, creating even larger bonds. These new bonds, let's just call them animals (because that's obviously where we're going), consist of multiple different types of bonds, sometimes even dozens, which work together, help each other and seem to grow as a whole. Intrigued what will happen in the future, you speed the simulation up again and binge-watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Nine hours passed and your world became a truly mesmerizing place. The animals grew to an insane size, consisting of millions and billions of bonds, their original makeup became opaque and confusing. Apparently the rules you set up for this universe encourage working together more than fighting each other, although fights between animals do happen.
The initial tools you created to observe this world are no longer sufficiant to study the inner workings of these animals. They have become a blackbox to you, but that's not a problem; One of the species has caught your attention. They behave unlike any other animal. While most of the species adapt their behaviour to fit their enviroment, or travel to another enviroment which fits their behaviour, these special animals started to alter the existing enviroment to help their survival. They even began to use other animals in such a way that benefits themselves, which was different from the usual bonds, since this newly created symbiosis was not permanent. You watch these strange, yet fascinating animals develop, without even changing the general composition of their bonds, and are amazed at the complexity of the changes they made to their enviroment and their behaviour towards each other.
As you observe them build unique structures to protect them from their enviroment and listen to their complex way of communication (at least compared to other animals in your simulation), you start to wonder:
This might be a pretty basic simulation, these "animals" are nothing more than a few blobs on a screen, obeying to their programming and sometimes getting lucky. All this complexity you created is actually nothing compared to a single insect in the real world, but at what point do you draw the line? At what point does a program become an organism?
At what point is it morally wrong to pull the plug?15 -
I'm rewriting the wrapper I've been using for a couple years to connect to Lord of the Rings Online, a windows app that runs great in wine/dxvk, but has a pretty labyrinthine set of configs to pull down from various endpoints to craft the actual connection command. The replacement I'm writing uses proper XML parsing rather than the existing spaghetti-farm of sed/grep/awk/etc. I'm enjoying it quite a bit.1
-
I struggle with the idea that 85% of matter is just missing. This just rings alarm bells for my mind. Danger danger bullshit alert. I am sure there are good thought our reasons, but not being in the field makes me wonder about it all.
On a side note, I saw today that there are giant magnetic fields connecting galaxies. WTF?
10 -
Sitting listening to music, thinking about some feautures that i could code for practising my code skills.
Phone rings, a girl that i know asks me if she could say at my place.
Can't deny, i said whenever she needs help i can provide it.
My git pushes are delayed for tomorrow.
Sorry for betraying you Vim.1 -
The time when you code,
Or you build a road,
Waiting for file to download...
Debugging like a horse,
Watching every course,
And suddenly the alarm rings,
And your mind dings,
You have to study now. -
What's wrong with the fake messages on #LinkedIn ?????
a long message talk about making business and something and in the end of it it says just email me and you'll know everything!
Why don't you just text me here...well that's when the fake alarm rings. -
mild rant. Android phone updated last night. Phone rings this morning. Swiping right to answer does not work. After putting glasses on, I can read the miniscule "swipe up..." text. OK, they put some words on there, not their fault I tried to answer the phone without glasses. But, why the world change how the phone gets answered? What it really a problem? I've already discovered a new one: reaching into my pocket to get out ringing phone caused an accidental swipe up so the call was answered before I got to look at the caller id info. Just another thing changed that wasn't broken to begin with. And no, I could not find a setting to change it back.4
-
i can't explain why, but hearing the term 'zeroth' in english really fucks with my head.
like, yeah, i'm quite used to 0-based indexing in my line of work obviously. but stuffs[0] == "the first element of stuffs" and that's what I would say when communicating verbally to the person looking at the code with me.
but like, take a use case where you are actually referring to something that precedes the first in a series, such as the number of updates on an original thing. then zeroth is indeed an accurate description, but still just rings such discord in my ear upon hearing it.
kinda like they say about 'moist' describing anything but a cake.8 -
Person from a company I am contractor for tried to fuck me up and put me to the project with high money penalties without my will and behind my back.
I don’t understand those people.
You run a project do everything for them except delivering invoice to client and they try to fuck you anyway behind your or their client back.
You literally fight with people to give them money.
This all happened after me keeping their client project for almost 4 years.
Bell rings again to leave them this year after end of contract and don’t look back but I’m sad I need to leave nice client and application I was making for 4 years straight. I am oldest person in project probably only one that understands business behind it from ground up.
There was big rotation in project and knowing the company they will put some junior on my place that will break everything.
Well I still have some time to think ( maybe even couple of months) about what to do next besides taking some time off during this summer.
I am afraid that I rejected so many interesting offers during those 4 years nobody wants me and I got rusty with my stack I am no longer competitive.
I was unable to make anything during weekend and on Monday again cause of this shit.
Fucking people.4 -
Phone rings.
"Hello, not sure if you remember, but you've been at our job interview 3 years ago. We're just wondering, if you're currently open for work."
In my mind: "yeah, fuck no"... and decline the offer.2 -
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
can I please get uhh whopper jr with onion rings
make it a meal so I can get a drink
no I'm not finished, that's not everything
can I please get a double whopper with no cheese
I got money so I don't care how much it cost me
so just throw in some extra fries don't make them salty
all this cheese gonna make my booty drip drip
I'm lactose intolerant I don't sip milk
if I see a sight of cheese I'm gonna trip trip
I'm gonna sit on your toilet seat, doodoo then dip
so you got my little whopper jr (i didn't forget that)
and you got my double whopper (i didn't forget that)
what about my onion rings (hold on you can sit back)
burger king, they know me now, cheese I don't want that
(grrr) and I'm getting hungry now, I know you heard that
waiting for my onion rings so I don't have to turn back
burger king don't play with me, your nuggets are so trash
nuggets taste like rabbit nipples why do you even serve that
better stop playing and just give me all of my food
either I pay you right now or leave the drive-thru
gave me the bag and then I took a bite of my food
there's cheese in my mouth, I'm gonna doodooo
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
man they just gave me a whopper jr with hella cheese
made it a meal so yes I got my drink
but why do they put cheese on everything
they put cheese on my double whopper with no cheese
ill be taking a number two in the morning
hold on, can I please be excused for a moment
the cheese already in my body, booty farting
I farted.. -
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.” -
I joined this community because I found a marine that was telling brilliant luser anecdotes.
I didn't subscribe to him though.
Rings any bell? I'd like to suscribe to his rants now, but I can't find him.9 -
when you're trying to play #screeps at work but your phone rings all the time and the internal messenger won't stop trying to get my attention...
-
:help
I'm trying to learn to touch type for probably the 5th time and I really want to get a mechanical keyboard to use at work and home.
I'm looking at the cheaper options on Amazon, up to £50. I'm not sure which switch type is best, whether I should be fitting o-rings to keep colleagues happy or whether I'm just over thinking this whole thing.
😵2
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