Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

When you look back on your github activity and just think "Wow, we have really created something special. This is really going to help the world." It just... It gets me. That's why I do this day in and day out.

Dance like no one else is watching. Encrypt like everyone is.

Dance like no one's watching, encrypt like everyone is.

Dance like no one's watching. Encrypt like everyone is.

There is this salesman right across from me that always brags about how rich his parents are and how lucky us tech guys are for having such an easy job. He told me one day that he was going to quit and make his own software company currently having no developing experience at all because "I've seen some of these developers. If those guys can do it, it'll be a breeze." I convinced him that the best language to learn in order to make your own websites/apps is Linux command line. Hilariously enough, the other 2 devs heard me say that and when Glenn the sales douche followed up with them one of them told him "Yeah, If you think you're really going to be quick with it then Linux will be your best bet, but if you have trouble just learn C++ instead and you'll still be able to make websites." Best of luck on your new Venture, you spoiled jizz stain.

My previous job I got by winning an Xbox Kinect hackathon. Not because the game I made was really good or anything. But because I was the only one who actually built something. (Apart from a guy who’s application would cheer louder as you raised your arms.) So that evening I left the hackathon with an Xbox one and a job.

My job was to build advert games, games whose primary goal is to advertise a company or event. This is the job where I learned I DO NOT like game development. So after about half a year I quit.

Because I still needed money I did some freelance work as a game developer (I developed 3 advert games for 3 startups).

I was still looking around for dev jobs but because I was a student I had no luck, they were all looking for full timers.

At some point I called this one (Dutch) company and spoke to a very odd French person on the phone. He invited me to come over for an interview. I had very little information about the job so I started researching the company. They are a small company specialized in complex content migrations. I wasn’t that into migrations but hell, I’m always up for something new.

Upon arrival I was greeted by the familiar French voice and saw a collection 6 diverse developers sharing a space. We did the usual interview dance and practices and that’s where I figured out this is a java job. They developed tools for the professional services team to perform these complex migrations I mentioned earlier. With me never having touched java before I was quite sure I wouldn’t get the job. But I took the test anyway.

About halfway through the test I was stopped and they started to ask me some conceptual questions, I did okay there but nothing special. That same day the architect took me to their CEO and told him I had:

- very little experience
- no migration experience
- was still a student so could only work 20 hours a week
- he saw some potential they could work with

Quite unexpectedly, they still hired my 20 year old ass.

Now the company has grown to a good 20+ developers with a nicely sized professional services team and we are launching our first out-of-the-box product in a couple of weeks.

So that’s how I got my job. If you read to this very end, my hat is off to you!

Dance like noone is watching.
Encrypt like everyone is.
Sudo like you have backups.
Tag like you're a SEO.
Vim like you know how to exit.
Ticket frontend like you're the project manager.
Commit like saying "fuck you" in the message is appropriate.
Alert like you would use console.log
Design like you know CSS.
Comment like you aren't the only dev.
Code like PHP isn't outdated.

And finally:

Try to work like you know how to quit devrant.

What would be this in your (programming) language?

You know you are in India when Google starts it's cloud summit with a dance performance!!

Me: may I have this dance?
Girl: no thank you.
Me: sudo may I have this dance?
Girl: o_O

Professor essentially doing a dance to show data visualisation:
“Hey pay attention! I’m trading my dignity for your education”

When you're hard at work on an algo but forgot to take your ADHD medicine so the squirrels are fighting outside but need to check Facebook statuses and having a dance party to Cotton Eyed Joe is a great coworker on LinkedIn which is now coded in Ember JS is weird compared to Python and my pencil is a funny color and my keyboard is shiny. I forgot the punchline. I'm gonna have a bowl of cereal. What was I doing?

When you're a sql request that has done it's job

I left a company once. Was there with one colleague and we had this kind of code review habit that we looked at each other changes befor merging them to the deploy branch. On my last day I made a dancing cat dance in front of our app as a tiny joke for him. He instead of reviewing just pulled this time and deployed the new version on the companies dev server without a look. So the fist time the cat showed up was appareantly in the first meeting after I left and everyone went completely crazy because they thought they got hacked.

I think they never found the hidden rock roll in the app.

Alias coworker = high school classmate

This kid wore a trench coat to school every single day and I guess he had a chronic masturbation problem because the guy was caught 3 different times IN CLASS jerking off.
Most people would catch a sexual harassment / indecent exposure / public masturbation charge, but this kid was breaking all these national math competition records and was working with a local university doing research and had a 4.5+ GPA (in high school in U.S. that's possible) so the school decided to do 2 things.

1. Not punish the kid, and in fact nothing of this was ever put on any record at all.
2. Write him a note from school administrators saying that this student can leave class whenever he would like no questions asked, and that the teacher must notify the office so they could send a security guard in order for this masturbation obsessed student to literally occupy a bathroom as his jerk off chamber uninterrupted.

So if in the past 6-7 years you've been in a high caliber university studying computer science and there was a kid in a trench coat "feeding some geese" near you, you can thank my high school.

A random number generator

First rant here. Long, but please bear with me:

So after slogging my ass off in various early stage startups for over 4 years and keeping up with the almost non-existent development process, I joined an organisation which has some of the brightest and smartest minds I have had the pleasure to work with.

Mind you, this company is the market leader in it's field and has a 50+ people in it's tech team and the quality of work is pretty impressive.

Now for this week's sprint, I was asked to develop a feature which already exists on the Android app and they want to introduce in the iOS app too. The backend APIs are all in place and all I need to do is build it with virtually no dependency. My PM asks me to start with the UI and ask the backend dev for the API list whenever I need them.This is where the story turns.

For my first API, I go to the backend dev and ask him to share the API documentation and he looks at me as if I have asked him to dance the fucking cha cha. With a straight face he tells me that, 'The organisation doesn't maintain any kind of documentation for it's APIs.' Now this really shocks me. Even in a 5 men tech teams I have worked on, we have always maintained a spec doc for the APIs and this is a company which is known for it's tech practices.

Being the new guy I compose myself and ask if they have anything for me here: Postman collection, a workflowy doc, a goddamn txt file; anything which might help me, and he laughs at my dilusion and says no.

Dejected, I ask for a way to get the APIs and I am told that there are only two ways: either I keep bothering the Android dev for the APIs(No, I don't have the access to the android repo and nor am I gonna get it) which he had worked on 4 months back or I install the prod app on my phone, and use Charles to get every fucking API which is really, really annoying.

I thought writing out this rant would make me feel better, turns out it just made me angrier. Why the fuck can't they document such an important thing!?

I did not create this and could not find a link to true creator. Still pretty funny though

Want to finish my little friend for a long time now. He can dance Michael Jackson's moonwalk for now.
Idea was to use the sonar sensor to switch dancing styles but he is still blind :(

As a frontend dev, i love watching our backend devs sometimes go like "hey come on it's just css I can do it real quick, let me do it this time" and get super frustrated with failure. Buddy, one of the reasons frontend is not so easy is that it can be real fucking annoying. I'm keeping my distance and respect for your side so stay the fuck away from my dance floor.

/dev/wife just bought me a motorized sit/stand desk AND an ergo chair. Happy dance, happy dance!

So I went out to a country bar with some friends to dance... and my friend told some random dude I was a developer for some reason and he approached me with his grand idea for an app...😂

At a party.
Everyone dancing like crazy.
And I'm here devRanting.

Co-worker: "We would appreciate it if your future commits weren't so ignorant and bigoted"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Co-worker: "You made the gender variable a boolean"
I... But... Okay...

Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?

Drop brother off at a new years party, where he will be until sunrise partying with friends.
Me: Have fun!
Me: *drives back home, grabs laptop and opens up IntelliJ*
Me: Let the finger dance begin!

Have I mentioned I hate parties?

Hello everyone, this is my first time here so hi! I want to tell you all a story about my current situation.

At 18 while in the military I was able to get my first computer, it was a small hp pavilion laptop with windows 7. The system would crash constantly, even though I would only use it for googling stuff and using fb to talk to people. 5 months after I got it and continuously hated it decided to find out why and who could I blame (other than myself) for the system making me do the ctrl alt del dance all the time....

Found out that there are people called computer programmers that made software. Decided to give it a go since I had some free time most days. Started out with c++ because it was being recommended in some websites. Had many "oh deeeeer lord" moments. After not getting much traction I decided to move to Java which seemed like an easier step than C++. Had fun, but after some verbosity I decided to move into more dynamic lands. Tried JS and since at the time there was no Node and I was not very into the idea of building websites I decided to move into Python, Ruby, PHP and Perl and had a really great time using and learning all of them. I decided to get good in theoretical aspects of computer programming and since I had a knack for math I decided to get started with basic computer science concepts.

I absolutely frigging loved it. And not only that, but learning new things became an obsession, the kind that would make me go to bed at 02:40 am just to wake up at 04:00 or 06:00 because the military is like that. I really wanted to absorb as much as I could since I wanted to go to college for it and wanted to be prepared since I did not wanted to be a complete newb. Took Harvard CS50, Standford Programming 101 with Java, Rice's Python course and MIT's Python programming class. I had so much fun I don't regret it one bit.
By the time I got to college I had already made the jump to Linux and was an adept Arch user, Its not that it was superior or anything, but it really forced me to learn about Linux and working around a terminal and the internals of the system to get what I want. Now a days I settle for Fedora or Debian based systems since they are easier and time is money.

Uni was a breeze, math was fun and the programming classes seemed like glorified "Hello World" courses. I had fun, but not that much fun, most of my time was spent getting better at actual coding. I am no genius, nor my grades were super amazing(I did graduate with honors though) but I had fun, which never really happened in school before that.

While in school I took my first programming gig! It was in ASP.NET MVC, we were using C#, I got the job through a customer that I met at work, I was working in retail during the time and absolutely hated it. I remember being so excited with the gig, I got to meet other developers! Where I am from there aren't that many and most of them are very specialized, so they only get concerned with certain aspects of coding (e.g VBA developers.....) and that is until I met the lead dev. He was by far one of the biggest assholes I had ever met in my life. Absolutely nothing that I would do or say made hem not be a dick. My code was steady, but I would find bugs of incomplete stuff that he would do, whenever I would fix it he would belittle me and constantly remind me of my position as a "junior dev" in the company saying things as "if you have an issue with my code or standards tell me, but do not touch the code" which was funny considering that I would not be able to advance without those fixes. I quit not even 3 months latter because I could not stand the dick, neither 2 of the other developers since the immediately resigned after they got their own courage.

A year latter I was able to find myself another gig. I was hesitant for a moment since it was another remote position in which I had already had a crappy experience. Boy this one was bad. To be fair, this was on me since I had to get good with Lumen after only having some exposure to Laravel. Which I did mentioned repeatedly even though he did offer to train me in order to help him. Same thing, after a couple of weeks of being told how much I did not know I decided to get out.

That is 2 strikes.

So I waited a little while and took a position inside another company that was using vanilla PHP to build their services. Their system was solid though, the lead engineer remains a friend and I did learn a lot from him. I got contracted because they were looking for a Java developer. The salary was good. But when I got there they mentioned that they wanted a developer in Java...to build Android. At the time I was using Java with Spring so I though "well how hard can this be! I already use Android so the love for the system is there, lets do this!" And it was an intense, fun and really amazing experience.

-- To be continued.

dance for geeky....

Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."

I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.

Best part in my work place:
My Bluetooth headphones are still working inside the bathroom!

I have a college that never seems to answer anything fully, just the bare minimum to make it seem like he did.

Regular conversations with him goes like this:

Me: “hey, I have a problem with this feature you added, I’m getting an error *insert error*”
Him: “yeah theres a script for that...”

Me: *wait for the script he mentioned*

Me: “whats the script?”
Him: “it’s FixIssues.sh”

Me: *looks for the script in the project*

Me: “hey, I can’t find it, where is it?”
Him: “here it is” *pastes a script into chat*
Me: “Oh, where can i find that in the project?”
Him: “you can’t”
Me: “???”
Him: “I have it in my OneDrive”

WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why this song and dance every time I ask something? This conversation could have been over in 1 minute but instead we both have to waste 15 minutes of our time to get this far.

I just can't learn dance moves, every tutorial is like 1, 2, 3, 4 ... 1, 2, 3, 4 where's the freeken first step?

Eyes are sleepy but brain wants to dance :/

Do something brainless.

Like taking a shit.
Showering.
Hear music loud and dance.
Talk to people but don't listen.
Surf in the internet.
Masturbation.
Sport.
Take a walk.
Watch TV.
Cook.
And so on and so on.

Most of them are doable for hobby projects at home. Some are also suitable for work. Choose appropriately.

But if I am stuck, then continueing to try solve the problem most often keeps me stuck. So doing something else is my solution. So far it worked well.

I smell burnt electronics.... Somewhere. Can't find it. Look, unplug, smell, plug in, look smell, unplug, smell, dance, can't find it.

I need a young priest and an old priest.

! Rant

I'm getting married on Friday.
I proposed half a year ago.

What have we done since the proposal?

- Adopted a Cnaani dog with a lot of issues and recovered her from most of them.
- went every Saturday to skydive for the whole day (almost finish the license!)
- moved apartment
- Plan and execute the wedding
- build wedding RSVP and teaser sites
- work full time as developers (me full-stack and she's an automation expert)
- go abroad twice
- I have work on a new startup with a friend (in version two right now)
- I hade my driver license classes
- went to salsa courses twice a week
- built our salsa wedding dance
- I studied Clojure, ruby on rails, Angular 2 and a little bit of React.
And more...

So why does it feel I haven't done enough?

Back in my sysadmin days we had an IT zoo to look after. And I mean it... Linux side was allright, but unix.... Most unices were no longer supported. Some of their vendors' companies were already long gone.

There was a distant corner in our estate known to like 2 people only, both have left the company long ago. And one server in that corner went down. It took 2 days to find any info about the device. And connecting to it looked like:

1 ssh to a jumpbox #1
2 ssh to a jumpbox #2
3 ssh to a dmz jumpbox
4 ssh to an aix workload
5 fire up a vnc server
6 open up a vnc client on my workstation, connect to than vnc server [forgot to mention, all ssh connections had to forward a vnc port to my pc]
7 in vnc viewer, open up a terminal
8 ssh to hp-uxes' jumpbox
9 ssh to the problematic hp-ux

.....

Just saw a shirt:
"Dance like nobody is watching. Encrypt like everyone is."

lol

Ticket: This API param doesn’t work.
Ticket Size: 1 story point / extra small baby fries

Found the issue almost immediately: some fucked up date math. Or at least backwards as hell. I don’t know. I don’t care.

There’s no spec for it, and writing it is a bitch. None of the API test helpers are designed for end-to-end tests. Why? I don’t care. They’re stupid. They all just break. And the API does weird shit like fucking redirects to an HTML page. Which is… i don’t know. They mix up API and embedded sessions a bunch, so who knows if this is right or broken as fuck.

I can’t deal with this shit anymore.
It’s just mountains of fucking garbage. Every time I dig into anything, anywhere in this codebase, or, let’s be honest: the entire goddamn company, it’s just more fucking garbage. The code is garbage. The specs are garbage. The people are garbage. The woke crap they love so much is garbage. The industry is garbage. The macs we’re required to use are garbage. The strongly-encouraged editor is garbage. The new hires are garbage. The legendary devs are garbage. The VPN is garbage — still haven’t gotten it to fucking work outside of fucking Safari, which is also garbage. The meetings are garbage. The “culture” is garbage. The “raises” are garbage. The thirty-step dance ceremony for each ticket is garbage. The literal fucking garbage at the office is the best part of the entire goddamn landfill.

And yeah, over half of the code that’s been giving me problems on this ticket was written by the same dev: The legendary golden garbage boy himself.

Just.
Fucking hell.

I’m going back to looking for work again. I can’t do this anymore.

I've noticed something odd lately.. every time I mention mains electricity in certain EE forums, people tend to go "you are a madman for wanting to use that 🤨".

To which I think in my head, sure it's a dangerous thing, after all the angry pixies that dance back and forth are kind of angry (120V) or actually insane (230V) depending on where you live.. but to mindlessly tell people to not use it at all, as an electronics engineer.. what's up with that?

I mean, it's a matter of respecting its power, right. So whenever I work with it, thick gloves, keeping my exposed lines as tiny as possible, keeping them around for as short as possible, properly insulating anything permanent, and even asking my landlord to install a defibrillator for when things still go horribly wrong (to which she agreed because it'd be useful to the other residents as well, yay 😁) are kinda mandatory.

And that's for the same reason essentially that precautions are taken when climbing a mountain by having climbing shoes, connecting yourself to pikes jammed into the mountain over a strong metal wire in case things go wrong, etc etc. And for the same reason that you don't climb a ladder in high heels and so on. Obvious, right.

Point is, inexperienced people indeed shouldn't be working with mains AC at all and that's the reason that I've avoided it in the first year or 2 of learning about electronics. But mindlessly telling people in EE forums that they're a redneck for working with the imminently lethal AC.. what's up with that?

Maybe I should just go find another electronics forum like the EEVblog forums over some random (kinda dead) electronics chat on Telegram though ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That moment you're 8 beers deep into your program at 4am, so focused and then realized you've been crossing your legs doing the pee pee dance in your chair so you don't piss yourself because your bladder is full and you just say "ok bathroom break after I finish this method, then one more beer."

I love when employers reach out to you like desperate fuck boys on a dating app.

Tell me more about your “amazing” benefits package that’s indistinguishable from any other, your PTO that is as “unlimited” as my phone plan, and the empty mustard packets you acquired in series Z funding.

I’ve got all day to watch your dance play out its milky chance.

The joy that happens when the QA intern knows how to program and tells you which lines in the source to check out

When you work on a side project intoxicated and look at the dev comments the next day.

not a rubber ducky, but he sure does dance his way around problems.

Are you a dark theme or light theme kind of person?

I've noticed most devs use dark theme. I think it's interesting. I use light theme though because characters dance around on a dark theme for me.

Guys Quick Question 2 :

Should I Dance like no one is watching
and Encrypt like everyone is ?

Or do the opposite ?

Prior to becoming a dev, one of my numerous jobs was working at Quiznos. They would often send me outside in the cup costume where I would dance around like a fool.

People would throw things...

What was your pre-dev "career"?

*doing the happy dance*

🕺💃🕺🎶🕺💃🕺🎶🎶🕺💃🕺

IT WORKS!! It finally WORKS!!! For the first time. AND IT WORKS!!!

```
^s^s^s^s^s^s^s
git add .
git commit -m 'IT WORKS!!!!'
git push origin
git push backup1
git push backup2
```

*continues with the dance*

During a heat wave, the basement is the place to be when you don't have air conditionning.

I got to code in a huge basement (formerly a dance room) with lots of couchs, and a nearby Wifi repeater.

And since it's the basement with no elevator, no one disturb me.

I just got the question why I'm moving around so much when I'm programming...
How can you NOT move around!? Let me dance, air guitar, air drum and I will perform three times better! It's my zone :-D

When dev rant is the devil but you're cool with it because the memes are relatable.

Alright, biiiiig rant time.

Shitty webdevs who randomly use an entire framework for some tiny feature in the middle of their codebase because they couldn't figure out how to do it with native and completely fucking up their syntax, consistency and standards set beforehand (not that there were any to begin with, this dude program's​ like 3-4 people just jumbled all their crap into one massive pile).
Not only that but throughout the entire backend this guy flip-flops on passing an the error value before results in his callbacks, so now i have to check his functions everytime I use them after spending 2-3 sessions debugging to figure out wtf was going wrong.

Please for the love of god, if you wanna dance to your own beat, LEAVE COMMENTS

Being in a semi-professional dance company, and just generally being a dancer from a young age.
Taught me how to deal with constant criticism, to not take it personally, but to use it to my advantage.
I also have no problems with giving presentations since I was used to being on stage, even though I'm a pretty shy person.
Still waiting for the day that super-fast wardrobe changes, and callused point-shoe damaged toes come in handy 🤔

The evolution of a developer

when you're stuck on something for days and have a breakthrough all of a sudden

I need to integrate with service A. There is an issue.

Me: Service A, we have an issue. We don't get any errors but the final entity doesn't get created
ServiceA: Ahh, I see. Since you didn't get any errors, try escalating this to Service B - we are using it and they might see what's wrong.
Ticket: *closed*

Me: Service B, we have an issue and ServiceA says I should talk to you.
ServiceB: Ahh, I see. I don't see any errors in our logs. Try escalating this to Service C
Ticket: *closed*

Me: Service C, we have an issue and Service B says I should talk to you.
ServiceC: How do you send the request to us?
Me: I don't. Service B does.
ServiceC: I see. I don't see any requests coming from them. Talk to Service B
Ticket: *closed*

Me: Service B, Service C says you don't send a request. Please have a look.
<...>

Each ticket takes 2-3 days to be noticed.

My fuse tripped there and I addressed this ping-pong situation in the mail thread with mgmt in it. ServiceA hid behind the "it's not our service, we only provide self-service tools" wall. So, again, I'm left out there to dance this corporate polka...

So my car has a problem with a steering column lock. Sometimes the actuator pops an error and it does not unlock until I clear that buggar. Carrying a lappy with vag-com seems somewhat annoying so I got a obdeleven bluetooth dongle with am app.

Once you get it to work it works perfectly. Have been using it for a few years now. It's like a half a year or so since it got a last update and it's been stable as a rock since.

Today me and my fam took a night out with a car. Drove here, drove there, had fun. Time to go home, as the little one is getting sleepy. Got in a car, insert a key, turn it -- no ignition. Damn that steering lock!

So I pop in a dongle, open the app, hit connect,... Wait, what is that? A toast with "a new update is available. [[update now]] [[cancel]]".

Cancel ofc, I need to go home asap! Will gladly get the update when the kiddo is in his bed!

[[cancel]]. The toast disappears. Okay, now [[connect]]

"a new update is available. [[update now]] [[cancel]]"

mother f#$@%!!! Allright already, [[update]] it ffs.

Updated the app. Now [[connect]].

Loading.. Loading... "could not connect to device"

tfq?!?

Reinsert the dongle, connect
restart the app, connect
restart the phone, connect
clear all bt devices, connect
do the rain dance, connect.

Permission to panic: GRANTED.

Dear devs. If you are rolling out an update -- never ever EVER make it non-postponable, non-cancelable. No matter how critical, your updates must NEVER be mandatory.

Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?

Fuck Homestead.

For the fortune of you not to know, Homestead is a sad attempt at a Wix-like build your own website platform.

However, Homestead is the most unusable piece of shit platform that humans have ever had the misery of interacting with

Lets start off with the login page. The login page is small, unresponsive and half the time just deletes your input whenever you press submit.

It's important to note that unless you're running MacOS or Windows, Homestead will send to an error page on which there's a link to contact support, but pressing that link requires MacOS or Windows.

Fine, I'll fiddle around with my user-agent, and we'll be in soon enough. But now we come to the joy that is the website editor itself.

The website editor is clunky, hard to use, and has enough menus and submenus and sidebars to make the Jira UI shake with fear. Each interface option label is either ridiculously ambiguous or just straight up wrong. The built-in HTML editor doesn't support HTML5, in the name of "browser compatibility".

CSS? Pah! Who needs it! Our psuedo-90s skeuomorphic ugly-as-shit prebuilt styles will work just fine. Responsive design? Bullshit! Nobody uses a smartphone to browse the web, so why do we need to handle it?

Uploading a file? Good fucking luck buddy. There's a complicated dance among the minefield of pop-ups that ask you to confirm some shit or modify some shit and you gotta click the right option each time or else the file won't upload.

Wanna use https like 86% of the entire web and all modern websites? That's a premium feature. Fork over an extra $10 a month

Ok ok, I made it through all that. Dig through the thousands of menus to find the 'publish changes' button, and sigh with relief.

Open up a private browser tab to check my work, and nope. The site looks like shit, even by Homestead's standards. That's because Homestead claims to be a WYSIWYG editor, but it's a damn lie. The site looks like shit, so it's time do dive back into the hellhole that is this damn site editor.

And rinse and repeat. Deal with the shitty editor, publish, and pray it doesn't look like garbage. Be too scared to test on other devices because this flaming pile of dog shit pretending to be a website is bad enough on my device.

Two more months, then I'm done with this client. Someone get me a drink

Am I the only one who has a bug solving victory dance? 😛🤓

Was at a pretty big launch party today. Everyone with developer badges on dance floor had a backpack on 🤔

devrant is even shitter drunk.

Dance for me monkey 🐒

If( programming == art)
DesignPatterns = dance;

Cocktail Development #1 - Codename: Devjito

Hello fellow developers! I was enjoing some sweet selfmade cocktails lately. One of the commentators shouted out for me to "don't stop the cocktail rants!".

But, because I didn't wanted to just "Post random cocktails", I tried to develope my own cocktails. Afterwards I will share my experiences while creating these with you, and of course, the recipe!

So first we got my Experiment: Devjito - A Cocktail for all of you fellow programmers!

What we need:
- 4cl Tequila
- 4cl Wodka
- 4cl Dry Gin
- 4cl White Rum

- 2cl "Grenadine" Syrup
- 2 teaspoons of white sugar
- 8cl of Orangejuice
- Sodawater
- Icecubes
- Mintleaves(?dunno if right? Me German don't hate)
- Orange for decorational purposes

Recipe:
First get a tall glass, pour the sugar in it, wash the mint and stick it in there.

Get your favourite cocktail shaker, pour all the liquor in it (the Tequile, Wodka, Gin and Rum) + the orangejuice and icecubes. Shake 20 seconds and dance while shaking, also don't forget to try out eating your devRant Stressball (Leave note in comments who gets this reference).

After shaking pure the "semi cocktail" into the glass with the mint and sugar. Get your masher (I guess this is the right word?) and mash your mintleaves with the sugar and the cocktail. Afterwards, fill the glass mostly up with sodawater.

Now the trickey part: to make it look cool, get your Barspoon and the Grenadine Syrup. Stick the spoon in the glass and let syrup slowly flow in the cocktail, this will make the "red shine" shown in the image attached to this rant.

Finally, stick an orange slice on the glass and enjoy!

My Impression: It's a bit stronger than a normal Tequila Sunrise, but better for the people which don't like sour or "liquor only cocktails".

Thanks to @cafecortado and @CoffeeNcode but also the other commentators!

(An image of the ingredients will be attached as comment)

EDIT: @oudalally mentioned it correctly JES it tastes very sweet!

!rant

Just landed my second client, and it’s an exciting one!

*dance*

...sincerely?
FUCK YOUR PASSWORDS

FUCK YOUR PASSWORD REQUIREMENTS.

FUCK YOU thinking you are the most important site in the universe so of course everyone will remember their password mangled beyond the original intention/recognition by your idiotic requirements!

I want to have an insecure password? MY PROBLEM.
I want to have the same password everywhere so I don't have to go through the idiotic "forgot my password" dance each time I try to login into your page? MY PROBLEM!

You're not the most important site in the universe.
I'm getting seriously fed up with this idea in general.
WHAT THE FUCK. Why did nobody come up with nothing better yet?
And the password storages and autocompletions don't count, that's a plaster on top of idiotic paradigm, nothing else.

...how is there nothing more sensible, still, after 18+ years?

Check in, check out, punch in punch, out, wax on (my balls), wax off. Do your duty. Be a good citizen. Work overtime. Conserve the environment: buy a tesla that runs on afghan lithium conflict minerals. Post your life to facebook. Get married. Have exactly 2.5 kids.
Use jquery. Use knockout. Use react. Use vue. Use svlete. Use heroin. Used needles. Used people. Used toilet paper. Toilet paper apocalypse. Social trends. Be a good citizen.

Watch tv. Watch nightly news. CNN says. Fox news says. Hey, did you read this article by important funny guy on tv? American taliban. Scary. Be afraid. Hey did you read this article on cute puppies? Funny! Did you see this meme? What a funny meme! HAHAHA. Do we need prisons for dissidents? Do we need to release all the prisoners in federal prison? Should we round up people who dont follow health authorities? Science says. Science is wrong. Science is right. Man in robe agrees with me. Man in robe disagrees with me. You're evil. These people are bad. Is doing bad always wrong? Should we tolerate intolerance? Its time to stop tolerating intolerance. Be an individual, like everyone else. Be you. Be the best you that you can be. Individualism. But we're all in this together. We're all different and unique. But we're all the same. Love each other. Love humanity. But not these guys over here. Punch a nazi. Punch a commie. Isn't it time we punched a nazi? Isn't it time we had socialism? Isn't it time the old get out of the way for the young? Why are the old hateful? Why do they horde all the money? Do we need rent controls? We need rent controls. Its time for rent controls. I think I believe what others believe. Believe different. Think different. Apple. An apple a day keeps the windows away. Open windows, a breathe of fresh air. Is climate change real? We need to have a national conversation about climate change! The world is freezing. The world is flooding. We're all gonna drown. The world is overpopulated. We need to talk about overpopulation. People who have too many kids are polluting the world. America doesnt have enough kids! Is it time to bring in more immigrants to have more kids? Who will work the fields? Thats racist. Is racism an epidemic? Is white flight an epidemic? Lets talk about epidemics. Lets have a conversation about mandatory vaccination. Lets have a national conversation about mandatory pandemics. I mean, vaccinations. Lets change the world. Trust the science. Don't trust the science. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu I'm loving it. Love who you are. Live love laugh. If you don't love me at my best, then you can't handle me at my worst. People who disagree with [current year] are the worst. Is it time to regulate speech? Its time to regulate speech. Should there be laws against hatespeech. I think there should be laws against hatespeech. People who upset me should go to jail. Its current year. Think big. Think outside the bun. Have it your way. All the time, always. All for freedom, freedom for all. Because this is america, and current year. I like to work hard. But you have to remember to play hard too. Work hard. Play hard. With a childlike sense of wonder. Be you. Belong anywhere. Just do it. Challenge Everything. Because you're worth it. Save money...live better...have an abortion. You're in good hands. Democracy dies in darkness. Is it time to regulate hatespeech. Politician in current year is hurting our democracy. War is a racket. We need to liberate afghanistan. Why are we bombing afghanistan? Its there culture. They're oppressing people! Don't criticize anyones culture. Be kind. Rewind. Go further. Lets go places. Because Impossible is Nothing.
Lets change the world. I'm a smart passionate funny guy with a childlike sense of wonder and play. You ever want to travel? I want to travel. See the world. Eat new food. Eat. Love. Pray. Eat love. kill. Is meat murder? I think meat is murder. Go vegan. Go home. Order out. Support your local economy. Think global, act local. I'm a good corporate citizen. Be the change you want to see. Did you hear about this local brewery? Do you like craft beer? Hey try this new IPA. I shared it on twitter. Twitter is a very important part of my life. I think what other people say matters, and them reading what I think matters. What I ate for lunch matters. Hey what did you eat for lunch? I LOVE FOOD. You want to order door dash. There new commercial is amazing. Commercials are SO FUNNY. Hey did you see this meme of this commercial? I shared it on tiktok. Heres a funny dance. Watch these nurses dance. I wish I could dance like that. They're so overworked. So brave. Our hospitals are overflowing. People are dying. Hey did you see this new dance trend on tiktok? I like tiktok. I think its a very important part of life to share your life with others. Nurses are dying. Look at this image of hospitals. Scared. Very scary. Very bad. Bad and scary. Big thoughts! Thoughts and prayers!

Because Yes we can!

Beep boop.

Trend:

The Kiki
- idiots get out of there car and dance with the door open...

Me
- Meh. Ghost riding the whip is old news.

——

New Trend:

The Kiki fail
- people get out and either fail or get betrayed.

Me: now I’m on board.

Great examples seen so far...

1. Women get out dancing, drops her bag (on purpose) in dancing. A motorcycle comes along and steals her purse.
Me: Great. I hope they get away with it too. I like the criminals more than the idiot in this case.

2. Dude gets out and starts dancing. Driver speeds up. The guy holds on to the car telling him to “STOP!”. He stops, the guy goes head first through the window of the driver (its down) and I assume right on his head.
Me: mmmmm delicious

Explain to me why people love Apple so much.

What is a simple task in every other OS ever is a multi step dance on a Mac (or iphones too for that matter). It is a productivity nightmare that makes the whole system feel like it is only meant to be used to watch youtube.

The way the keyboard works feels like it was designed by aliens.

Browsing the system with Finder is an absolute pretzel nightmare. No moving files. Copy, paste, then delete is as good as you're going to get. No way to type the path to go straight to it. You will do things the slowest way possible and be happy while doing it.

Want to quickly create a blank file in the current folder? Oh what's that? You thought the right click menu was going to help you like every other OS? Apple laughs in your face for such arrogance.

I've tried so many ways for that at night or during walk spark of bug solving ideas:

- fluorescent ink on regular paper
- florescent mini whiteboards
- "alexa remind me.."
- writing down in my phone
- recording on my phone
-..

But all of those due to my short term memory made me forget half the things by the time I opened the fucking phone/app, found where to grab the pen or the whole dance for alexa, to remember the exact phrase I have to spell out, when it should remind me, what time,..

Earlier today I remembered how I had a little tape voice recorder I used to use a ton, thankfully that tech advanced by now and found myself a stereo mic setup little voice recorder that can also act as an mp3 player!

Went for a walk today, while listening to some podcasts, then it hit me as usual on how to fix and implement some things that were awkward at best on paper when I left home, pressed the record button, recorded it and went straight back to music mode, which remembered where I left off!

I'm so indescribably happy, I ordered quite a bunch of the same to just throw around everywhere, at the bed, in the bathroom, kitchen, for walking outside, everywhere haha

Playing Space Pirate Trainer and using two zappy sticks (voltorbs?) is a surprisingly fun workout. It also makes you look like an idiot dancing around waving your arms in the air. 💃🏻

Robot dance party!

So I use a TV shows tracking app and for some reason, all the titles of the shows have been replaced by "your mama don't dance". Wtf?

-Rant-
How do you (not) secure your Rest based web service?
1. Chain it to shady organic authentication system built by a hoard of monkeys high on Tequila.
2. have secret keys that get copy pasted into config flat files, and index them on your code search engine.
3. make the onboarding extremely platform specific that you need 500 environment variables, 50 scripts, 5 fancy device presses and a tap dance to make a GET call to the service.
4. fish through 500 rotating log files that the authentication system generates for each API call made.
5. Leave traces all over the host so if you have to start over, you should sudo rm -rf / and set fire to your computer.

My perfect scenario of a lap dance is when I can sit 2 laptops on my lap 😂

I had to do a double take... Needless to say I can't sign in for shit, fucknows what mental finger dance I did on the shift key when signing up to these guys...

Also: forgotten password is "please type your email, if there's an account associated to this email address we'll fucking email it with password reset instructions"...

Fucking arsehole fucks, I just wanna pay my fucking energy bill.

Medically prescribed senzu beans.

1. Music. I am a Metal guy of many colors. So I enjoy "Dimmu Borgir" quite as much as "Amon Amarth", "Man'o'War", "Eskimo Callboy" and "Epica". I am really fond of the latter. But I also like medieval rock and metal like Harpyie or Ignis Fatuu.

2. Music. You may not believe it, but I also like western and country. (Comes from point number 4) My favorites are "High Valley" and "Jack Savoretti"

3. Music. When I owned an Amiga 4000 I made quite a lot of music. Mainly House, Trance, Progressive and Techno. I should pimp my collection of about 20k samples, but just don't find the time. As a software I was a buyer of DigiBooster Pro, nowadays I use MilkyTracker.

4. Line Dance. It is the best and greatest sport for programmers, trust me! 😁 Current favorite dances are "Sweet Hurt", "Dig Your Heels" and "Strong Bounds".

5. "Mass Effect Trilogy" and "Dragon Age Origins". I know more about those four titles than Wikia. 😉

Dear Docker for Windows I know you exist to make devs on Windows life easier. But DEAR GOD, with all the firewall/group policy problems..you have been the pain of my existence during this short time developing on Windows.

Literally have a countdown on the time left until I get to no longer do a rain dance for my development environment to work.

I'm hosting dancers for BluesShout! a dance festival in Chicago. Three of the people I'm hosting are developers (two girls, one guy). There are a lot of engineering types that dance. If you haven't done any social dancing, you should really give it a shot. Find a Lindy/Swing, Blues or Contra group and take a class. You might love it. 💃💜

PC Trivia-
1. What does a baby computer call his father?
Data
2. What do you call a computer superhero?
A Screen Saver
3. Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat
4. Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight
5. Why did the computer sneeze?
It had a virus
6. Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-o
7. Why did the computer squeak?
Because someone stepped on its mouse
8. What happened when the computer geeks met?
It was love at first site
9. What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?
The space bar
10. What’s the best way to learn about computers?
Bit by bit

I'm sure this has been ranted about before because I can hardly be the only one.

Android development and the upgrade dance.
Things were worse in the bad old days of eclipse but it's not like they're peachy now, either. Android is one of many platforms I'm developing for - c++ back-end, running on lots of different platforms through a thin bit of platform specific glue.
That's all I care about - that this thin bit of glue just works. I want to write this stuff, forget about it and get on with solving what I feel are real problems, for me, in my code.
The trouble is, I'm never finished writing this and android is one of the worst. With every revision change, google changes *something*. New build system? Why not, you indie developers have *loads* of time and resources to waste on that, don't you? Some weird thing just stops working for no apparent reason? You guys love to drop whatever it was you were working on to figure out what the hell ' android.app.Instrumentation' does and why it can't talk to my main class any more, or why I even need it but nothing in that error message about what I might do to fix this arcane random error.
Google have all the resources in the world, I do not. Yet I have to dance for them, every time I upgrade.
Can you guys please funnel some of your practically infinite resources in to making this stuff 'just work'?

Yesterday I told an intern that was supposed to be shadowing me that he'll need to download visual studios with apache Cordova plugin for multi platform app design. I gave this assignment to him first thing in the morning (around 9:30 am) and told him to head home for the day thinking I was giving the kid a break to download and make sure the build was proper and to play around with it maybe. I check my inbox this morning to find that, alongside numerous expletives, this intern has quit as of 3:40 AM last night. I... I didn't see that one coming.

Freenas update from 11.1 to 11.2 beta 2

They added experimental smb direct / multichannel support, yay.

Me tries to connect to the smb share:
->Connection timed out 🤔

Tries something.
->Connection refused 😐

Google foo ....
->Nope, no connection 😔
"Failed to retrieve list of shares from server"

Reinstalls freenas to be sure it's not some janky install.
->Nope.

Google some more
->Nope 😭

*Like a year later*
Look into /etc/samba/smb.conf

Client max protocol = NTLM1

Motherfucker! 😬
Who thought that to be a good Idea!?
😠
It's the default Manjaro smb conf from the official repository by the way.

Seriously.
Didn't even know there was a setting for max client protocol.
Thought it was a server only config.
😵
Nope, some motherfucker trolled me long and hard this time. 😩

But back to getting smb direct working on my setup.

Thunar gvfs is like it's own completely separate thing.

Smb status, and all the other commands don't see any open connections anywhere.
Gvfs still connects fine to the share even though the smb.conf is deleted and everything else is complaining that there is no config.

On the one hand, it uses samba, on the other it's not actually.

Where the heck can I see the connection properties and wether rdma works or not?

Mother trucking, fracking, leg breaking piece of a dance type.

In another country, about to attend a wedding.
Hope the food will be good and that I won't be expected to dance 🤔😅
Guys quick, got some good wedding jokes to use as ice breakers when talking to strangers?

!RANT

Oh, the SORROW that is JEST! 😡

Endless days have been swallowed by the abyss in my quest to configure Jest with TypeScript and ECMAScript modules instead of CommonJS. Triumph seemed within my grasp until - BAM! - suddenly the tool forgets what "import" or "export" means. And the kicker? On the CI, it still runs like nothing’s amiss!

Allow me to elucidate for the uninitiated: Jest is supposed to be a testing safeguard, a protective barrier insulating devs from the errors of their peers, ensuring a smooth, uninterrupted coding experience.

But OH, how the tables have turned when the very shield becomes the sword, stabbing me with countless, infuriating errors birthed from Jest’s own design decisions!

The audacity to reinvent the whole module loading process just to facilitate module mocking is mind-boggling! Imagine constructing an entirely new ecosystem just to allow people to pretend modules are something they're not. This is not just overkill; it's a preposterous reinvention of a wheel that insists on being a pentagon!

Sure, if devs want to globally expose their variables, entwining everything in a static context, so be it. BUT, why should we, who walk the righteous path of dependency injection, be subjugated to this configured chaos?!

My blood boils as the jestering Jest thrusts upon me a fragile, perpetually breaking system, punishing ME for its determination to support whole module mocking! A technique, mind you, that I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, because, you know, DEPENDENCY INJECTION!

Where are the alternatives, you ask? Drowned in the abyss, it seems! Why can’t we embrace snapshots and all the delectable integrations WITHOUT being dragged through this module-mocking mire? Can’t module mocking just be a friendly sidekick, an OPTIONAL add-on, rather than the cruel dictator forcing its agenda upon our code?

Punish those clinging to their static contexts, their global variables – NOT those of us advocating for cleaner, more stable practices!

It’s high time we decouple the goodness of Jest from its built-in bad practices. Must we continue to dance with the devil to delight in the depth of Jest’s capabilities?

WHY, Jest, WHY?! 😭

After working day and night, grinding it to the shit, sleepless night, got another victory in my project.

I have almost tamed Rust lang to make it dance to my will

xD

!rant
I'm astounded. I just took a crack at some PHP logic that would be easy for a lot of you but hard for my math-and-logic-challenged brain.

It worked.

The first time.

Who here does a little dance when you’ve been stuck for hours on a stupid bug and manage to fix it?

Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
Me: your SSH wrapper is breaking how Ansible works
Ops: try to use Ansible in another way
< This goes on for two weeks >
Me: can we please not use wrapper
Ops: we use it to manage ssh keys
Me: this is breaking basic ssh functionality
Ops: OK we are setting up a weird convoluted way so you can run your Ansible playbooks.
Me: ... < doing "it is at least something" dance >

Hurray!

It looke like we can go live next week \o/

*Dances with armor*

Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball.

I've just seen Shut up and dance from Black Mirror. HOLY SHIT! I really need to get rid of my encrypted "Homework" folder and up my already high security level even more!

Sometimes I get inspiration for pole choreos, so I can take a break to try it out. I don't even have to change from my pole outfit

The Odyssey of the Tenacious Tester:

Once upon a time in the digital kingdom of Binaryburg, there lived a diligent software tester named Alice. Alice was on a mission to ensure the flawless functionality of the kingdom's latest creation – the Grand Software Citadel.

The Grand Software Citadel was a marvel, built by the brilliant developers of Binaryburg to serve as the backbone of all digital endeavors. However, with great complexity came an even greater need for meticulous testing.

Alice, armed with her trusty testing toolkit, embarked on a journey through the intricate corridors of the Citadel. Her first challenge was the Maze of Edge Cases, where unexpected scenarios lurked at every turn. With a keen eye and a knack for uncovering hidden bugs, Alice navigated the maze, leaving no corner untested.

As she progressed, Alice encountered the Chamber of Compatibility, a place where the Citadel's code had to dance harmoniously with various browsers and devices. With each compatibility test, she waltzed through the intricacies of cross-browser compatibility, ensuring that the Citadel would shine on every screen.

But the true test awaited Alice in the Abyss of Load and Performance. Here, the Citadel's resilience was put to the test under the weight of simulated user hordes. Alice, undeterred by the mounting pressure, unleashed her army of virtual users upon the software, monitoring performance metrics like a hawk.

In the end, after days and nights of relentless testing, Alice emerged victorious. The Grand Software Citadel stood strong, its code fortified against the perils of bugs and glitches.

To honor her dedication, the software gods bestowed upon Alice the coveted title of Bug Slayer and a badge of distinction for her testing prowess. The testing community of Binaryburg celebrated her success, and her story became a legend shared around digital campfires.

And so, dear software testers, let the tale of Alice inspire you in your testing quests. May your test cases be thorough, your bug reports clear, and your software resilient against the challenges of the digital realm.

In the world of software testing, every diligent tester is a hero in their own right, ensuring that the digital kingdoms stand tall and bug-free.

You can do java program on dance platform, even on beach platform... Because it is platform independent

I just want to combine python3 pygame with asyncio without asking Shiva for a dance.

ASP.NET Web Forns?

Can't tell how many times I printed out the page lifecycle diagram for myself or a coworker. So many hours lost trying to figure out which lifecycle hook to use for a specific scenario and then have it all break down because something new was added to the feature. Or figuring when data can be bound, or doing some hack because things break when handling a POST event or some shit.

Overly abstract piece of technological excrement. Might as well express the thing in contemporary dance and check that into source control instead of that ungodly mess.

The switch to AJAX and API calls was such a huge relief it's almost hard to explain in words (I can do a dance tho). And then upgrading to AngularJS, man, worlds apart...

I don't care how much they pay me (okay, you got me...), I'm never touching Web Forms again.

Day 8 without a laptop and I am losing my mind!!! I am behind on all projects with a review coming up on Saturday!!!!😡
My MacBook fell victim to the flex gate design flaw, costing a fortune to fix. I am getting a surface book instead and it was supposed to arrive today!!!! Now they are saying there’s a delay and I don’t even know when it will arrive!!!!!!! I am losing my mind! Help! 😩 what can I do to pass the time and take my mind off being behind on projects? It hit so bad I started learning to dance from YouTube! I’m tired of reading too!!!! Help! 😰

I wrote like 6 or 7 functions today and havent built the project before leaving so if they all work on monday im deadass gonna do a fortnite dance

Can there be a happy rant?

This is going to be a bit of a rambling semi coherent story here:

So this customer who just doesn't know what their data schema is or how they use it (they're a conglomeration of companies so maybe you get how that works out in a database). For every record there's like a ton of reference number type things mapped all over the DB to fit each companies needs needs.

To each company the data means something different, they use the data differently, and despite their claims otherwise, I think there are some logical conflicts in there regarding things like "This widget is owned by company A, division B, user C.". I'm also pretty sure different companies actually don't agree on who owns what... but when I show them they just sort of dance around what they've said in the past...

So I write a report (just an SQL query that outputs ... somewhere ... I mean what isn't that?) that tells them about all the things that happened given X, Y, Z.

Then every damn morning they'd get all up in arms about how some things are 'missing' but sometimes they don't know what or why because they've no clue what the underlying data actually is / their own people don't enter the data in a consistent way. (garbage in garbage out man...)

So I've struggled with this for a few weeks and been really frustrated. Every morning when I'm trying to do something else ... emails about how something isn't working / missing.

In the meantime I'm also frustrated by inquiries about "hey this is just a simple report right?" (to be clear folks asking that aren't being jerks, and they're not wrong ... it really should be simple)

Anyway my boss being the good guy he is offers to take it over, so I can do some things. Also sometimes it helps just to have someone else own something / not just look it over.

So a few days into this.... yup, emails coming in about things 'missing' or 'wrong' every day.

Like it sucks, but it's nice to see it suck for someone else too as validation.

I absolutely love dancing and I am quite good at it too. Every minute I'm not working or at uni I probably am dancing.

Reading through a tutorial / blog post, getting all excited, then realizing it was dated 5 year ago, and with a completely obsolete version of the library you're working with.

Bloggers, tech doc people, and companies (I'm looking at YOU IBM) really need to at least date and version their articles! Please!

Mind you, search engines will happily serve up older code even when you're being specific (and no, I didn't mean "dance studio").

Is it any wonder developers bristle when high level management admonishes them for not "looking for help earlier"?

When I saw first Mr. Robot poster I thought it would be some dancing tv show.

Today marks the third interview in a row that included an equality statement diluted to uselessness by liberal doublespeak.

I think I should write a real equality statement. One that doesn't dance around money.

We have decent linting on our codebase which covers off code quality and style.

We also have a developer who insists on making code reviews about formatting and spacing rather than functionality even tho we've tried in multiple ways to say:
- our linting covers it, if that's happy we should be (and the rest of the team is)
- it's a waste of time doing it
- it wastes the time of the team reading it
- the noise it generates makes it hard to see any legit comments

I swear to god if I see another comment saying "new line" i will scream.

3 months ago i started as a helpdesk support for a business application. This week i'm promoted as Junior Programmer worked hard for it but it paid off :)

"In a well-made book, where designer, compositor and printer have all done their jobs, no matter how many thousands of lines and pages they must occupy, the letters are alive. They dance in their seats. Sometimes they rise and dance in the margins and aisles." - Robert Bringhurst

I put on headphones and play soothing ambient noise or epic electronic/dance music or my massive Playlist of favorite songs. Then I'd code through the night when there are no people to take me out of the zone. I go non-stop until the daylight arrives.

star wars death dance

*just a normal day*
kiki: *,*::before,*::after { filter: blur(40em) }
OH SHIT!
*bass boosted CPU cooler intensifies*
*flossing dance*

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the Charlie Brown of development and Lucy with the football is the XAMPP/MAMP/WAMP software in this world. EVERY. TIME. I. TRY. TO. SPIN. THIS. UP. IT. FAILS. It doesn't matter which tutorial I follow for which technology stack or CMS, the result is always the same. Something about the database or htaccess or some other stupid setting makes it impossible for me to create a simple dev environment on my system.

I have been doing this dance for 24 YEARS NOW!!!! The original programmer of Apache is a 2nd-degree acquaintance who used to be available to help me with this, but no more. I feel like a complete and utter failure as a web developer every time I try to set up XAMPP, and, the rare times I've succeeded and gotten a basic CMS up and running, I fail again and again with all these build/run/task tools I'm now supposed to be using. After a week of fiddling with my local dev environment, I give up and delete it all. I go right back to on-server development "the old fashioned way". WHY!? WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

I'm stepping on rakes here and about to quit. I'm probably just too OLD and STUPID for all these stacks and frameworks and tools and maybe even for this career now. I should probably quit and become a "facilities manager" at a tech firm somewhere, cleaning up the bathrooms and sweeping floors and watching all these young geniuses tut-tut about "Poor StackODev. I hear he had 24 years as a web developer, but then he snapped and he's never been the same."

Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball.

I feel like we we not only 'advanced' various fields by pulling people off some lord of the flies island who only wanted to dance around with a severed pig head in reality and training them, but also depleted and destroyed many essential fields by removing all valid motivators from our environment by spreading so much cynicism and unguided lust for power over others in the absence of any of the unifying beliefs of former generations that the professions are going to implode in the years to come.

so I wasn't very experienced when i went to work some place years back. I'd worked on my own. and I was criticized by their 80k per year team lead as having 'only done some simple things'... when his project didn't work, and par for the course their criticisms were coming from people who took a standard backend on a very large project that actually had been designed to function and something else likely needed fixed, to 'HEY LETS USE LINQ TO SQL APPARENTLY WITHOUT TESTING RELATIVE PERFORMANCE !!!!! AND WE'LL THROW SOME AD HOC QUERIES GENERATED BY MICROSOFT AT OUR SERVER INSTALLATION AND WATCH THE PERFORMANCE 'GAINS' THEN WE'LL BACKTRACK AND PUT STORED PROCEDURES BACK AND GENERATE HOOKS TO THEM LIKE A CLASSICAL DAL. JUST USING LINQ TO SQL'S CONTEXT OBJECT ! HURRAY I HAVE A BACHELORS AND 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE !'

There are so many details to fill in teaching the mindset of how to do things right in the first place is kind of expensive to begin with and you don't necessarily learn that in school working on common comp sci projects in academia. But they should have known better. I'm actually embarassed to list linq to sql on my resume as I think back.

!dev !tech

it's 2 am, nd just out of curiosity i put on earphones and tried to dance on a romantic couple song . interestingly, my life has been so single and restrictive that I can't even imagine holding hands of someone , nd that feels a bit sad.

after being burdened with the family ethics, relgions, family fights and financial crisis for so long, i feel i have lost a personality that i should have had.

1. i have lost the sense of random naughtiness and unnecessary bravery/arrogance. from what i know, the best way to reach your path is to remain focused on it. unnecessary acts of curiousity or nuisance leads to fights, frauds or worse.
however, people enjoy life by doing unnecessary banter, gossips, nuisance and having fun with unknown things, people and surroundings.
i guess this makes people a likeable/interesting character in social scenarios as me being an alert dog trying to focus on resching the party place, have a safe party and come home at time becomes a less interesting character than the guy entertaining everyone by his stupid talks in the car.

2. i have lost sense of compassion or showing love , expressing love or doing things out of love and not just for transaction.
From what i heard, people in relationship are clumsy to the max level. messages every 5 seconds, random acts of flirting, teasing, playing hard to get, what not.
i ... am simple. if i like someone, they are gonna know in 5 seconds (which is followed by a lifetime of awkwardness, so i have stopped even letting this thing to be known). physically nd financially i have enough resources and plans to be a good person to be with : i can be helpful in situations, am always up for doing anything interesting and have reputable personna. but expressing via those sugary baby talks is not my ☕

3. I haven't gained any passion for anything. i see people having deep thoughts on their passions for poetry, music, dance , guitar, travel, political alignment, causes, or whatnot.
i am not that much passionate towards anything because life doesn't give everyone the chance to choose passions.
i sat with my father in a flea market selling stuff. that wasn't passion, that was a necessity. for me, money>>study>>>anything
i am only passionate about having food on my plate and a roof over my head

-------

so all these things makes jack a boring person. i jave been chasing money so much that i question everyday of its worth it, as it's currently just being used to battle with the financial crisis while having a little bit in savjngs to enjoy life. but am so much worn out by this pressure of earning money that I don't even know how to enjoy life or have someone to enjoy life with , so its even more pointless to increase that limit.

i do try to explore the things i like : dance, singing, traveling, working out but not at the level that those attributes define me

#awkward_loney_life

If you are bored, go watch on YouTube "Make electronic dance music using nodeJS"

Off by one counting errors

Big party at school coming soon, I'm busy working on my startup, too shy to ask someone out. Fuck, why does it always have to be like that? When I have something important to do, there is ton of other cool stuff elsewhere. I could go, but knowing me I will constantly think about everything I could be doing and how much code I could write. And my fucking annoying shyness. Fuck, even if I like someone so much, I won't tell them because it will destroy our "friendship" and I may loose my dance partner. Flying fuck, why can't one simply change himself.

Spent about an hour and a half getting an NPE. Cleaned the project, rebuilt, restarted IntelliJ, danced the ancient code dance... Nothing.

Clicked Run one more time and everything worked. TF was that about? I HATE these types of bugs!!

Dance like no-one is watching,
Encrypt like every-one is!

Dudes I got an (in my opinion not just and moral) punishment: I have to invent a choreography over a scene of west side story

@QCat told me to base it around dabs and because he is a a cool guy, I will base it around dabs

Any other ideas? I have 25 people to choreograph, and a rivalry to show between two teams

NOW TO THE RANT PART:
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that its okay to make me wait 30 minutes?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that just "not having a text book that complies to all my rules" is enough to even punish people
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher make students do his work?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think he has the right to force me to answer to the question "what do your parents work as"
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that he may interpret ANY of my doings as "mysogenous" (she litterally interpreted my "being a bit sarcastic" as "macho-comportment")

And to all extents: Why does she give me an usb-stick that isnt completely wiped and thus still has some private information (aka a picture of her when she was 8years younger and was eating a weird fruit)

Hotel Vim

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Vim
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Vim
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "

*Looks at problem*
"Let's dance, motherfucker"

How many fellow developers are going to be at E3 and want to grab a beer?

Anyone uses Tmux and Vim with NON ASCII Right to Left Lang (Persian/Hebrew, ..)? That combination is a shit and gets worse if you enable mouse on vim and tmux. Every insert made screen to dance and characters to tumble. switched to Screen.

Level of fuckity fuck mood.

After changing dozens of build plans in Bamboo, the build system of poo...

How to verify that nothing has gone wrong?

Poking the database, you'll be surprised that Bamboo stores the buildplan definition as XML.

Another surprise: Some of the keys / values have typos.

Yeah. You read that right. There are typos inside the XML...

Now together with Postgres, we can use XPATH and have some fun.

UNNEST(COALESCE(XPATH('/configuration/buildTasks/taskDefinition[userDescription[contains(text(),"Bleep")]]', build_definition.xml_definition_data::xml)::varchar[], ARRAY['']))

Lovely wrapping via coalesce for some null safety.

Now we get da task definitions for fields having user description text containing bleep.

Wrapping it in two REGEXP_REPLACE to strip out stupid identifiers....

REGEXP_REPLACE(REGEXP_REPLACE(...., '<id>\d+</id>', ''), '<oid>\d+</oid>', ''))

Then wrap that in MD5.

Boom. Lots of MD5 sums to help you identify if the configs are identical for a task or not.

Now wrapping that in another select to group by the MD5 and filter out the non identical ones.

I hate it how sometimes one has to seemingly do a full 2 hour dance for something as stupid as validation.

I'm pretty glad though for XML and XPATH.

Cause otherwise that would have been a whole can of worms I don't wanna think about....

c3tools
I want to finish it so badly. I have everything I just need time.
JJittai
Every time I see the code I wanna dance. I want to work on that so much but I haven't in a long time, I want to refactor everything (I've changed a lot in that time), it will be so delicious.

If you are curious about them you can see them in my github account.

And of course the rest but with these I'd be so satisfied.

!dev

My music tastes can vary a lot, I'm the kind of dude who has no problem listening classical music, rap, metal, 1930's music, electro swing, even some shitty commercial musics from time to time without any trouble.

I'm just leaving a pub in which I was supposed spending the night; going from Motorhead's Ace of Spades to some shitty nobody R'n'B so that plebian can dance to it, all while cranking the volume up is nothing but FUCKING HERESY

General Dynamics make nimble robots that flip and dance. I can barely make my figurine stand o.o

Is there a unit test for dance moves? I really gotta see some green lights before I move this one into production. Side note: anyone have a UAT environment for this? Thx

Wild to go to a conference party and see the professors dance in the club

The Code Abyss Beckons! 🤯

Hey fellow devs, brace yourselves for a wild ride into the chaotic realm of code confessions and debugging dramas! 🎢💻

So, here I am, standing at the precipice of my latest coding adventure, armed with a keyboard and a questionable amount of caffeine. 🚨☕

Today's quest involves unraveling the mysteries of a legacy code that seems to have been written in a language only decipherable by ancient coding sages. 😱📜

As I navigate through the nested loops of confusion and dance with the dragons of runtime errors, I can't help but wonder: Is this what the Matrix feels like for developers? 🕵️‍♂️💊

In the midst of my debugging odyssey, I stumbled upon a comment in the code that simply said, "// Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." 🏴‍☠️📛 Well, isn't that reassuring?

And then there's the moment when you finally fix that elusive bug, and you feel like you've just tamed a mythical creature. 🦄✨ Victory dance, anyone? 💃🕺

But let's not forget the rubber duck sitting on my desk, patiently listening to my monologues about algorithms and existential coding crises. 🦆🗣️

So, dear coding comrades, how's your journey through the code abyss going? Any epic wins or facepalming fails to share? Let the rants flow like a river of improperly closed tags! 🌊🚫

May your semicolons be where they should and your documentation be ever truthful. Happy coding, and may your merge conflicts be swift and painless! 🌈🤞

#CodeOdyssey #DebuggingDrama #DevRantChronicles

Just install visual studio...

When the final card is checked off and you realize the past year and a half has been spent making this absolute monster of a service. There really is no better feeling.

Lead developer tells me to hang tight while he works on an issue and investigates.
PM tells me to make more cards for this section and fix it while the lead developer works on the same exact part.

So... I guess I'll go take a 2 hour lunch?

Start my code day, no bugs in sight,
Each line I write, like code's delight.

Second function, errors suppressed,
Silent fixes, my skills put to the test.

Third loop, logic numb, yet breaking,
A contradiction in every line I'm making.

Fourth bug, clinging like a leech,
In the grip of coding's caffeine breach.

Fifth syntax, thoughtless actions cascade,
A program's dance, in lines arrayed.

Sixth compile, colleagues say, 'Go home,'
But where's home in this code dome?

'They say home is where the heart is,
But my heart's in a million logic twists,
Which line shall I follow?
The optimized or the broken,
I cannot tell them apart.'

In the last bit of code, I saved my hope,
When debugging was still an option,
So go ahead and save yourself from glitches,
For you are worthy of a million exceptions.

I wish I could play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix, sing like Meatloaf, write like Terry Pratchett and make ones and zeroes dance to my tune as Linus Torvalds.
But I need is a good woman's love.
So I have what I need so I'm happy.

Ok, I started a reply and realized that I forgot the dance of doom to verify my email address. So I copied the text and came back. Can't find my place.

AND how do you search for posts?

You know something is not right when out of 13 SP task only 3 SP are for the actual implementation (with tests!) and the rest is for all the Agile / SDLC dance around it.

I am realizing how little of A life I have at the moment

I tried talking to the same woman hoping for sympathy enough deriving from how screwed everyone is

Got another act go figure
Hells carousel keeps turning and the lions jump the horses to the sound of cheerful music still

Oh but for those innocent days when I just wanted to boink other people’s girlfriends, afford an endless lap dance, jog a 100 miles into shape and write vr applications and maybe the next skynet

Like all good games, OBED has absorbed all the best that was created in this area before its appearance. Let's figure it out in order.
The idea of ​​the game is quite simple - put Ivan in a chair with the ability to toss and turn. Give it Marya so that it becomes a round dance in your mind. Strengthen this round dance with another Marya, sometimes with a burnt mustache, sometimes in some other way. Give the opportunity to speak monologues and eat from time to time. And set a goal: to eat everything that is in the square marked on the table.

Block chain is a teenager's dance sex fantasy, the desire has no salvation.

Once upon a time in the exciting world of web development, there was a talented yet somewhat clumsy web developer named Emily. Emily had a natural flair for coding and a deep passion for creating innovative websites. But, alas, there was a small caveat—Emily also had a knack for occasional mishaps.

One sunny morning, Emily arrived at the office feeling refreshed and ready to tackle a brand new project. The task at hand involved making some updates to a live website's database. Now, databases were like the brains of websites, storing all the precious information that kept them running smoothly. It was a delicate dance of tables, rows, and columns that demanded utmost care.

Determined to work efficiently, Emily delved headfirst into the project, fueled by a potent blend of coffee and enthusiasm. Fingers danced across the keyboard as lines of code flowed onto the screen like a digital symphony. Everything seemed to be going splendidly until...

Click

With an absentminded flick of the wrist, Emily unintentionally triggered a command that sent shivers down the spines of seasoned developers everywhere: DROP DATABASE production;.

A heavy silence fell over the office as the gravity of the situation dawned upon Emily. In the blink of an eye, the production database, containing all the valuable data of the live website, had been deleted. Panic began to bubble up, but instead of succumbing to despair, Emily's face contorted into a peculiar mix of terror and determination.

"Code red! Database emergency!" Emily exclaimed, wildly waving their arms as colleagues rushed to the scene. The office quickly transformed into a bustling hive of activity, with developers scrambling to find a solution.

Sarah, the leader of the IT team and a cool-headed veteran, stepped forward. She observed the chaos and immediately grasped the severity of the situation. A wry smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"Alright, folks, let's turn this catastrophe into a triumph!" Sarah declared, rallying the team around Emily. They formed a circle, with Emily now sporting an eye-catching pink cowboy hat—an eccentric colleague's lucky charm.

With newfound confidence akin to that of a comedic hero, Emily embraced their role and began spouting jokes, puns, and amusing anecdotes. Tension in the room slowly dissipated as the team realized that panicking wouldn't fix the issue.

Meanwhile, Sarah sprang into action, devising a plan to recover the lost database. They set up backup systems, executed data retrieval scripts, and even delved into the realm of advanced programming techniques that could be described as a hint of magic. The team worked tirelessly, fueled by both caffeine and the contagious laughter that filled the air.

As the hours ticked by, the team managed to reconstruct the production database, salvaging nearly all of the lost data. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. And in the end, the mishap transformed into a wellspring of inside jokes and memes that permeated the office.

From that day forward, Emily became known as the "Database Destroyer," a moniker forever etched into the annals of office lore. Yet, what could have been a disastrous event instead became a moment of unity and resilience. The incident served as a reminder that mistakes are inevitable and that the best way to tackle them is with humor and teamwork.

And so, armed with a touch of silliness and an abundance of determination, Emily continued their journey in web development, spreading laughter and code throughout the digital realm.

Hyper text markup language