new rule in company

No headphones while coding

job hunting start......

Perfect meme

How to calculate walking distance

Km/m/inch ❌
3 songs ✔️

!rant
400 Nerf bullets just arrived... Office is gonna become a war zone...

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

I have mouse
I have WordPress

Uh! Web developer

First day of job

Train cancelled.

🤷

CS Teacher: *provides shitty code written in (I kid you FUCKING NOT) Microsoft Word, sans font*

Me: *Submits beautiful, fully working and commented code*

Half a point off because I didnt write how many points the assignment was worth at the very top of the code.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU CUNT GOBBLER?! YOU JUST **HAD** TO TAKE THAT HALF A POINT OFF, DIDNT YOU? MAYBE YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THE FACT I DONT USE MICROSOFT WORD TO WRITE C++?? God, I hope you take a nail gun to the eye.

# I am not a VIM user.

Client: we need extraordinary website in ordinary price.
Me: ohk *google search* WordPress free theme.

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Real Chat with new female friend.

Me : what are you studying now?
she : First year of MBBS
Me : that's nice. Generally boys/girls take admission in engg and commerce.
she : yuk. I hate engineer's and engineering specially that PC worm's(soft engg).
Me : k
She : what are you studying?
Me : soft engg
she : I didn't mean it.
Me : it's ok

-_-

WTF man

first salary cheque

Fucking happy

So, my boyfriend's phone was stolen and my Google Drive account was synced on that phone. Also noticed that someone attempted to change my Gmail account. That dimwit does not know to whom he's messing with. Huh! I'm going to hunt that son of a gun and will make his life be tormented in hell! Muhuhuhahahahaha!

i'm a backend developer trying to work with css.

fml.

*Male devs dying of heat, air quality almost requires a rebreather*

*opens window*

2 seconds later
Female dev: "I am cold"

😑🔫

[some cunt decided the gun emoji had to be removed. with all my heart, fuck you and your family]

FUCK... THIS WAS JUST THE WORST WEEK I'VE EVER HAD IN MY JOB. LITERALLY WANNA JUST THROW MY DESK TO MY BOSS AND THEN CLEAN HIS BLOOD WITH HIS LAPTOP COMPONENTS AND THEN SELL THEIR ORGANS TO THE BLACK MARKET, USE THAT MONEY TO BUY A MACHINE GUN AND USE IT AGAINST THAH GODAMN CLIENT...

I was trying to access this website from 15 min.

i think i need sleep :(

what a irony !

manager using MBP 2017 for browsing and presentation.

graphic designer is working on window xp sp2 dual core.

coreldraw

-_-

My own language, hence my own parser.

Reinvented the regular expression before realizing it already existed (Google didn't exist at the time).

I'm a living reference for regular expressions since then.

one of my cousin ask me to help him for uploading his ex's private pics and videos on porn websites.
Because her parents are not allowing their marriage and she is not ready to go against family (he is not working anywhere, Jobless)

I simply take screenshots of our chat and send to his ex and her parents.

Hope they will punish him.

I want a name and a gun.

I've had my laptop for over 3 years now. Never, in these 3 years, have I installed Microsoft Teams on it.

I just turned my laptop on, and I now have the Ms Teams icon on my desktop, and Teams has started itself and is asking me to log in.
Control panel says it has been installed today.

I want somebody's head. And then smash it into a pulp with my bare hands and shove that up their ass.

once you start using linux on laptop. here is a condition of your mouse.
i don't know when I touched it last time.

Wow
1 more family WhatsApp group
Now I am part of 7 family group with same member
😤

@dfox I just want to say thank you !

Most of my friends are not devs at all. Thanks to you, I can share my adventures to people that actually understand what I'm talking about.

This is priceless.

A ecom website which sales premium gold product from 50k to 170k INR.

database : mysql
all passwords and user ID's are saved in plain text.

Most useful readme file award goes too...

Buying a book on PHP? You might also want these...

Presenting my genious automation script :D :D :D

THERE HAS BEEN A SLIGHTLY BIG SPIDER IN MY ROOM SINCE YESTERDAY AND YESTERDAY IT DISAPPEARED THE LITERAL SECOND I FUCKING SAW IT IT DISAPPEARED. I SHIT YOU NOT IT JUST VANISHED. AND THIS SPIDER IS A BLACK FUCKER AND MY DESK, MONITORS, TV, HEADPHONES ARE ALL BLACK SO IVE BEEN REALLY PARANOID. AND JUST A FEW DUCKING MINUTES AGOI WAS WATCHING A VIDEO AND I FELT SOMETHING IN MY RIGHT HEADPHONE AND SLAM JAMMED MY EAR AND THREW THAT BITCH AS HARD AND AS FAST AS POSSIBLE TO THE POINT I HAD TO SIT THERE AND COLLECT MY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS EVEN THERE OR IF IT LEFT THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE IS SCREWING WITH ME I AM ONE STEP AWAY FROM JUST BUYING A GUN TO SHOOT THAT LITTLE FUCK

:(
Why google ?

If you are not wasting your 10hours to automate your half hour work then you are not a real programmer.

Today someone called about issues with setting up email (they were hosting where I work) locally.

Fellow support guy spend half a FUCKING hour trying to explain it.

Throughout that half our, our activities existed of making gun-to-head gestures, sending meme faces back and forth (derps, fuckthisshitimout's, trololol's and so on).

It was hard to contain our laughter but damn he needed that badly 😆

Centering.

I had a dream that I was working in an office, writing Python scripts.

Then they changed my role as a frontend web developer. I wasn't happy, but I dealt with it. My coworkers were playing games instead of working and the boss yelled at me for slacking off even though wasn't.

I had enough so I told my coworkers to stop slacking off, but they were about to beat me up and the boss held a gun and that's when I woke up.

Thank goodness I'm too young for a job like that.

Nothing technical

Just wanna share with my devrant family.

Now I have own restaurant.
Ya ya I know it's nothing techie but I m happy that I own some business and I will test my entrepreneur skills here.

Fucking happy.

Whoever thought huge open plan offices were a good idea needs shot in the fucking face with a brick-gun

My first dev job was a paid internship at Oak Ridge National Laboratory. But I wasn't in the computing division with the supercomputer and the 30-foot 18-screen wall display. In a way, I was doing something more exciting. I was in the Hollifield Radioactive Ion Beam Facility.

That meant that I was working next to a radioactive ray gun that they fired at different targets to try and make new kinds of particles. To refine the beam components, there was a tower with the world's highest voltage Van de Graf generator at 25,000 kilovolts. I got training on how to put on a radiation suit, and was told that if I got locked in the wrong room and red lights began to flash, I had about five seconds to run to the far wall and push the E-stop, before I got irradiated and died slowly over the next five weeks.

But, I was reassured, that never happened. Radiation leaks are rare too (that's why we wore dosimeters). More likely, there would be a leak in the generator tower. To explain why that's bad, that tower wasn't filled with normal air. 25,000 kilovolts would punch through that like nothing, arc against the walls, and we'd lose the electric charge. No, instead, the tower was filled to a few atmospheres of pressure with sulfur hexafluoride gas. You know how helium makes your voice go up? This stuff makes your voice go down. It's heavier than air, and it kills you by displacing and starving your lungs of oxygen.

So, while I was happily coding away on PHP, CSS and the Bash shell, making a log book for all the ion gun settings and targets the scientists used in their experiments, I was keeping an ear out for the oxygen alarm. I had a blast!

Turning off your pc by holding down the power button is like putting yourself to sleep every night by shooting yourself in the face with a tranquilizer gun

Oh Google Lens... You couldn't be more correct on this one!

!dev

If you comment shit like "mUsIc ToDaY iS gArBaGe" and "iM fRoM tHe WrOnG gEnErAtIoN" on YouTube, you deserve to have whatever rights you're given stripped from you.

We live in the most technically advanced time the world has ever seen. We have music available 24/7 from literally all over the world. So shut the fuck up and listen to your preference. Nobody holds a gun to your head and makes you listen to today's music. Don't like it? Don't listen.

It's not brain surgery and this doesn't make you unique or quirky as much as you want it to, nor is it a personality trait.

Things you can enjoy when working in an office with other people:

- listening to everyone chew gum with their mouths open.
- being constantly interrupted by coworkers asking for help, even when wearing headphones.
- getting distracted by someone bursting out in laughter of some private joke.
- having to take a break when everyone else does, because everyone is so loud you just can't focus.
- being hit on the back of the neck by a nerf gun bullet, right when you're most focused.

Why would anyone ever want to work at home?

Yeah sex is nice, but have you tried building your own CMS from scratch and finally begin to use the UI your set up yourself instead of typing urls in the address bar?

Wow Google's new " portal gun " icon looks a lot like a bus. Either that or the bus is reaaally fast.

When you have 90% css code available in world but you are fucking lazy to apply it.

A physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician go hunting.  They spot a deer, and take aim.  The physicist shoots first and misses 10 meters to the right.  The mathematician shoots next and misses 10 meters to the left.  The statistician then throws down his gun and proclaims, “we got it!”

Atm I'm trying to do some programming at night, with a mechanical keyboard... it's sounds like a machine gun. 😵

spent 7-8 months looking for work (did a few freelance jobs in the mean time), spent what's worth of days on LinkedIn.. no reply at all, talked to recruiters got declined over the phone after 2-3 mins of call time..

Applied to a company branch in my home country nailed the 4+1(code challenge) interviews, will be leaving this Saturday morning (in 2days) now the bloody bastards start to reply and send offers for positions they have, when I clearly have to decline as I don't want to be left empty handed..

fuck you Sam, Jake and the other pricks that decided it is OK to reply after 3-4 months.. go fuck yourselves with a horse's dick you piece of crap.. After you're done, go shoot yourselves with the gun for ugly dumb animals!!! Hate you!

Kind regards, dev-nope!

Weekend plan:
1. I will watch react conf
2. I want to complete vim cheat sheet
3. LFS project is too
4. Netflix
5. ........
...
.
.

Electricity : 😈

Fuck..
😡

Which distro did you get?

My internship so far :
-SVN
-Visual Basic
-A company proprietary framework that I won't ever use again
-Windows everywhere
It kinda fails my technical expectations. But what's great is that everyone there is very nice and relaxed, Nerf gun fights at 4pm and playing cards after lunch :D

Uuh... ok, then

I did the thing and stuck it out at my shitty job. Tomorrow, I get to quit the most abusive place I have ever worked. I got a new job at a shop that's a 15 minute drive away vs an hour commute. No more SCRUM with a gun to my head. No more getting yelled at for learning on my own and not working fast enough. No more making Grindr, but for CEOs. I have never been so happy. Thank you for the encouragement to find something else. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for being there, and being my sanity, my safe place.

Best client ever:
Yesterday I meet my new client. He need portfolio website for his logistics business.
So I meet him and explain my previous experience in website development.
After 1hour he gave me advance 50% of total cost.

Perfect room name dosen't exist.

conference room
name changed
to
"execution room"

!rant ! technical
Just want to share with my devrant family.

Finally in relationship.
Funny thing is
Me-she
24-29
Hindu-jain
Non veg - veg
Don't have dressing sense- awesome dressing sense
Programmer-jewelry designer
Not so hygienic - so much hygienic
No gym ,no exercise - yoga master
Geeky - hate pc worms
2 times in jailed - follow every rule
Back bancher - front bancher
Love shayari/old bollywood song - EDM / western songs

Common bridge between us

MARVAL FANS
😂

What is this, windows?? how am i, the software publisher, supposed to change this if you don't bother to give a proper fucking error? whoever created this, i hope you die choking on a goat's intestines

Nothing to rant so posting this.😅

I was checking old code

css:

class name : blue_box
background : #565656

:(

JavaScript is like a gun.. if you don't know how to use it you will shoot yourself.

when you release an update and everyone starts to see problems with functions you didn't even touch

I will become a millionaire.

My little brother started learning coding AND design ar 12 years old and my only influence on this was telling him about it like two times.
Although he is, also, building a gun of wood so I really don't know what path he's taking there.

Weekends be like:
Half day = *thinking* what should I do in weekend
Half day= *thinking in regret* I didn't do anything productive
😂😂😂

Interview question:

"What are your three most favorite design patterns?"

Me: "Huh? They're tools in a toolbox. If I want to drive in nails I use a hammer or a nail gun. Do I need to cuddle with them? I don't pick favorites and I don't try to solve everything with just a bunch of patterns. And I've work with a bunch, right now I'm drawing a blank though as this question highly confuses me and would like to do a Google search listing a few names as the only one that's comming to my mind right now are the factory and builder pattern. And no, not necessarily favorites."

Best work prank?

Get a random friend to burst into my home office during a zoom call, wearing a ski mask, gun in hand, speak foreign language, and drag me out of the room. Have another masked friend go up the camera and threaten to kill me if my coworkers go to the police. Disappear for a week, then email my boss saying I need 100k or they’ll start killing my family members one by one, take the money, then go on vacation while I fill out job applications. Get a new job and repeat the prank every few months until I retire.

How I find most "modern" JavaScript frameworks

*while drinking tea at cafe area*
me*thinking* : may be this is going to solve that error
yes
yess
yesssss

I got solution

but wait let's first drink this tea then I will try this solution

*came back on desk*

me*thinking* : -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what was solution ? wtf?

Battery 0%

On Python,You create a gun module, a gun class, a foot module and a foot class. After realizing you can't point the gun at the foot, you pass a reference to the gun to a foot object. After the foot is blown up, the gun object remains alive for eternity, ready to shoot all future feet that may happen to appear.

FUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK.....I'm soooooooooooooo bored.

I'm a contractor, been here 2 months, yet to write any code. All I do is WhatsApp and devRant.

Siigggghhhhh, someone shoot me.

> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed

MOTHERF-

START NEW PROJECT:

<body class="container">
<h1>HELL WORLD</h1>
</body>

It's 1:20am
Body: let's sleep.
Heart: beer or rum.
Brain: why the hell js is not working as expected?

My life was total mess up before this I.e.
Break
Return from death door
Drop in education
Financial unstable
Literally 1.5-2years was worst.

From last 3-5 months
I gave up FB(personal account ,I need it for digital marketing)

Unfollow every entertainment page from Instagram

Join Twitter
Increase activity in devrant

Subscribe to development related content in reddit
New YouTube channel just for learning purpose (never search songs and other stuff on it)

Start reading books like zero to one,think and grow rich....

Biography's of great people's like
Steve jobs
Elon Musk
Shivaji Maharaj

And many more

Stop chatting on stupid topics (hot girls,....)

Attained meditation camp
Start meditation (Vipassana)

Life feels more sorted

Thanks everyone

Who am I?
Why Am I here ?
What is purpose of my life ?

finally
error solved

Life is too awesome.

me : what is your age?
she : never asked girl her age

*found her linkedIn profile bsc from XYZ clg : 2009-12*

-_-

really easy to find information of many people's now a days.
just need basic google dork know.

A turret (white) from Portal 2

A silver RWBY logo

Two foam dice as memorabilia from my previous job

A plush 😈

Plus a collection of various things saved and hidden from the scary hands of destructive children monsters.

We used to have a portal gun (both full size and mini) and a gravity gun on the dresser. But with the advent of children, they’re safely back in their boxes.

Fb notification
"xyz commented on PQR's status"

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Wtf may I do?

OS : Tail OS ✓
pass : 16+ ✓
Update password : every 15 days ✓
Mac address : spoofing ✓

Then you realise

Your Aadhar information is in gov DB.

My favorite thing is my nerf gun. In my office different teams are organized in different pods. You never know when a war will break out between the teams, you need to be able to defend yourself! Also not bad for getting someone's attention who has headphones on...

little confuse about this deal

Finished the hacktober fest yesterday.. fastest 5 PRs I've ever made on my repos, I actually forgot to sign up at the beginning of the month.. I pity those who are following me.

!rant

Many dev ranting that apple is reached $1T by selling stupid connector's...... and other shit.

I am not apple product owner.

But Today I want to salute steve jobs.
A person without college degree,drug addiction,guilt of adopted son,financial issue's without any god father........................

Created one company.

Kicked out from own company.

Joinned again.

developed such policy in company that every one should follow.

took retirement due to cancer and all right's transfer to A Gay CEO.

and
now that company reached $1T.

Really fucking motivational thing.
Nothing is impossible.

This gem of a game. Partly cause i'm a contributor, partly cause i'm a space junkie.

Is this advertising? maybe.
Am i in love? definitely.

Donald Trump is influencing developers

Wtf?

StackOverFlow and the Downvote Paranoia

I've been more active than my usual in SO for sometime now and I noticed this behavioral pattern between new questions and badge thirsty flaggers/downvoters, back in the early 2010s the fastest gun in the west used to reply with a correct answer, now the early replies are mostly complaints about formatting or how it's a duplicate of a totally different question. This is a result of wanting to keep the quality high, understood. But you can always edit questions with poor grammar and/or formatting. But I think it gets too spoopy for new users to post an innocent question, or an answer for that matter. It discourages them to learn.

!rant
I'm an idiot. I freely admit this. I spent a solid 3 hours on a new endpoint in a WCF service, only to have it looked upon and told to fix it. I knew that the service I was calling didn't work like that. I did, I knew it. I didn't think about it while coding the endpoint, but I knew it. At least the changes only needed to happen in one file, and only took about 25 minutes with tests and all. But damn it, I knew better. I looked at my buddy, straight in the eye, and told him "Told you I was an idiot." He laughed, I laughed, the table laughed, we killed the table. It was a great time!

I hate setting up case statements cause it's hard to cover every case. What if a virus puts a gun to my programs head? What if my program is at a cache party and chrome offers it weed? What if my program isn't gay, but $20 is $20?

2 minute silence for people's
Who think solving 3*3 rubik cube is intelligent task!

client : show website
me: sir server is down
client : what? I don't know,I want to see my website.
me: sir try to understand it is not my issue
client *call cut*

fucking asshole -_-

long message

whatsapp : * scroll *
reply : depend on last line happy sad whatever emoji ,sent same

devrant : *something important ,I must read everything*

Just got my first 2 tor relays running; one with 20MB/s, one with 60MB/s. FeelsGoodMan.

What the fuck man.
Why even I am working with this assholes.
Yesterday,Our technical support guy reinstalled windows(I don't mess up with technical issues because then it will be my part time job,so I show that I don't know anything about hardware).
He installed fucking 32 bit window,He was trying to installed 64 bit version thunderbird.

He wasted my whole day.

My life without Internet and a gun (to kill my ISP).😣😣😣😣

Fuck me in the ass, but do it harder then this api just so I can feel some love 😖

it's one of those days where you have to migrate from soap to rest, only the rest api doesn't have the same structure or search parameters as the soap api, so there's this entire fucking application sending requests at a brick wall, and expecting a purple throbbing 12 inch cock of xml to be pushed into an multi dimensional array and pushed through to the views to derange the mess, only you have to create that fucking 12 inch cock from several 2 inch dipsticks that have a different hierarchy, different field names, and merge the shit together with a glue gun...

good thing it's only an unexpected prod problem... right? 🤷‍♂️

Ah, the woes of a Monday on the legacy app adventures.

When you see what worked for someone else with a similar issue on GitHub and run it.

Trust me, I hope I know what I'm doing too.

Dates are f***ing annoying, we humans deal with them in such a weird way. It's almost impossible to define a algorithm dealing with them consistently.

So... After reading up on the theoretical stuff earlier, I decided to make a real AI that can identify handguns and decide whether it's a revolver or a semiautomatic with 95 percent accuracy...

Well, basically, I been browsing my local gun store's online store for four hours for training data, killed a Mac mini while first training the system and I think I ended on the domestic terrorism watch list... Was that black sedan always there?

Anyway... It's working fairly accurate, my monkey wrench is a revolver by the way.

Isn't AI development a wonderful excuse for all kinds of shit?

"why do you have 5000 pictures of guns on your computer?" - "AI development"

"why did you wave around a gun in front of your web cam" - "AI development"

"why is there a 50 gram bag in your desk?" - "AI development"

Hmm... yeah well... I think it might work. I could have picked a less weird testing project, but... No.

Hey guys.
Arduino + Bluetooth + L293D + car Chacis and 4 DC motors.

Finaly finished my second bot/Drone.
Actually finished it yesterday but had lots of problems with hardware bugs (learned so fucking much in a day).
Tought I fucked two unos with bad soldering... No they are fine, just won't turn on in the circuit that was already working (was fine running the code).
Redone everything from scratch with a arduino uno, it's perfect now.

Funniest part is how I got my hands on a 50€ car kit for almost free... So some Chinese store sended this kit instead of some cheap stuff. Saved another arduino with the chip rack (that one that you can trade the atmega chip), I'll save it to program single chips. Plus a h bridge and lot lot more cool stuff.
Used only the Chacis.
Next: esp8266 and camera... And maby a gun? Would be cool

You don’t appreciate how large a project really is until you have to write tests cases for QA, to cover most work flows.

God this is mind numbing, only half way there... I think 😰

So couple of days ago I've told you that I've made an Duck Hunt Easter Egg in one of my utilities. And @jiraTicket asked me:
"How on earth do you get a decent gameplay out of Duck Hunt without a Nintendo lightning gun?"

Well the answer is..:
Connecting Leap Motion and making them suffer..

P.s. It took me a loooong time to hit that duck with this controller=))))

I love code but my wife comes first. My kids come first. Although I do code for gun, a lot of times my other hobbies come first.

My life comes first. Am I alone?

Life without google, stackoverflow, GitHub.😵
Can you imagine it?

!activism

Guys, what should we do about Article 13 ?

The bill passed, well, that's unfortunate. We can still scream as loud as we can that it's a very bad idea, but let's face it, it won't probably work...

Personally, I'm sick of this shit. Every year they try to "regulate" the web with a new fucked-up legislation that they actually don't understand. I don't blame them for not knowing any better, but I blame them not to surround themselves with actually competent people (and no, lobbies are NOT competent, only interested).

So there it is : I want to act on this one. With traditional, ineffective methods (petitions, mails...), but I want to get further this time.

Here are some ideas :
- create/promote a platform explicitly made for "copyrighted" stuff (basically memes). Located outside of EU. But is it enough for being outside of the law ?
- Put some physical-paper memes near the EU parliament (I live in Brussels), just to mess with them ^_^
- Make the filtering algorithms crazy by spamming them with copyrighted content. I doubt this one will have any effect though...

Any ideas ? Let's go crazy there, they deserve it.

Non IT Friend: Dude, I forgot my Windows password, can you hack into it urgently and get me the password, I have some important work to do.
Me: *pulls out gun* ...

Don't scroll here.
Go and live a real life,
Don't make a computer screen as your world,
there is a beautiful world outside of your cave,
Talk with people's face to face,
go
go
go.

Ok enough philosophy, Time to add new shit in current shitty code.
(-_-)

I think everything in Life can be fixed with SSD.

Client: "We're not ready to be finished with the project but I don't want to pay you any more money to meet the terms of the contract we both signed, even though all my must-have changes led to more costs just like you had warned me they would."

Me: "Don't make any more changes, plez."

Client: "Imma make another change."

Me: "No. Stahp. Don't."

Client: "I added four new fields and probably a ton more business rules I don't care to understand."

Me: "Kill me. Just put this gun to my head and kill me."

Client: "That's not in our contract!"

How to kill task manager?

I hate JS...
I hate CSS...

What can be worse ? ...

*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*

Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.

This scene is an 8-year-old.
My friend(F) got his first mobile. First featured mobile.
Maximum smartness in that mobile was a snake game and Bluetooth.
So I decided to prank him.
M: Bro do you know this particular model need a network to use Bluetooth?
F: I am not stupid to believe you.
M: I can prove that.
F: K prove me, I will give you treat.
M: ok, turn on your Bluetooth paired it with my Bluetooth.
F: Ok
*start sending him the movie. We were on the train, a train was about to enter the tunnel*
M: When the train will enter a tunnel, We will lose network and sending will fail.
F: ok let's see.

*when a train enters in a tunnel, we shift light to black in meantime for 3-4 sec our eyes feel blindness. so I closed eyes before entering a tunnel and once train enter in the tunnel immediately restart Bluetooth *

M: look sending failed
F: Seriously man, I didn't know that.
M: It's ok bro next time inform me before buying any electronics.
F: sure
M: my treat?
F: Yup

*for next few days, he was thinking that Bluetooth need a network to send files until whole group laugh on him*

!RANT

my friend who never smoke or drink or relationship to much career oriended.working in multinational company. recently south african petrol company gave offer letter to him.
he was ill from few days.(completed his engineering in civil with 9.1 pointer last year.)

somekind of syndrome found in him. due to which he will not able to walk in 2 years.

he share this information with me. asking me tips,"how to inform my mom dad? I don't wan to face them. I can't do anything for them."

life is fucking unfair with some peoples.

Challenge was

Draw something meaningful in 5 min

I draw this
😅

is it common?

I am listening EDM from 3days and Today this notification reminds me,Google data stealing and selling to other companies.

Manager : check theme performance in internet explorer

me : sure

Mac: If you try to shoot yourself in the foot, you find out the OS has removed the firing pin from the gun.

Windows: If you try to shoot yourself in the foot, the OS will wrestle you to the ground. You may shoot yourself in the foot, you may shoot yourself in the gut, you may not shoot yourself at all, but they do try.

Linux: If you try and shoot your self in the foot, the OS would like to politely remind you we have *much* bigger guns available - try one if these!

Monthly Update call
Me : I need 2 undivided weeks in the next 3 months to make some refactoring to our codebase, so we dont have issues in scaling.

Senior Manager (with years of tech experience almost equal to my age) :
Why would we need that, We are already hosted on AWS so we can just spin up more instances.

Me ( trying to hold the rage inside) : No it doesnt work that way, that will only hurt us more than help.

Him : What if we try with a bigger instance size. Its AWS, sure they will have a bigger instance.

Me : No, tha....
Him : (cuts me off) How about we use autoscaling and let AWS decide

Me : (Silently praying for a gun that shots across video calls.)

Best Hardware support team.
I hope every one of you got such team.

My keyboard was not working properly.
programmer's most used special character ; is auto typing anywhere that is obviously keyboard issue so I called H/W support team.

me: *explained above problem.*
supporter : Ya we know that issue ,YOUR HARD DRIVE IS CORRUPTED. We have 2 option
1) either we can formate your system.
2) We have to change hard drive.
Me thinking : *devrant stuff found*
Me: that is really sad part. How many time you solved such problem?
S: This is my first time in this company ,previously I solved such issue more than 10 time.
Me: you really look smart.
S: thank you,any how I will resolved this issue today.
Me: today I am going earlier but yes we will meet on monday. thank you for quick response.

Sometimes it's irritating

Workstation in office : windows/Mac

Home : Ubuntu

Virtual machine : fedora

Developing : LFS (just for hobby)

😂😂😂

Still searching for arch and BSD 😂😂

The other side of the gun: are you allowed to write proper documentation? Most of the time, I'm not.

I will smash your fucking nerf gun over your head. Why is 30-40 yr old men acting like my kids even a thing. No other industry treats talent like infants. Nor does any other industry seem to have so many adult children present. </rant>

what a morning surprise!
{-_-}

Some fegit: "test you"
*fegit sends outbound Facebook link to some Paki website*
(why not a direct link you moron?)
Fegit: "go."

Me (thinking): *what the fuck does this idiot want from me*
Me: "What makes you think that we want to prove ourselves to you by us doing your dirty work? We are not your personal army, so please fuck right off."
Fegit: "look out ya window"

Ehm yeah sure.. as if there's anything there. You'll need more than that to threaten me.

Me: "Anything to see there?"

Fegit: …

Fucking piece of shit. Look out your window you say. Wanna give it a try? To someone who masters the art of wrangling the angry pixies? I don't need a gun to kill people, you know ^^

Oh well. At least it wasn't a "plz huk Phasebuk" question I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

100 ++ in 6h

Sometimes my boss wants me to fire a bullet without a gun, they want me to throw the bullet so hard that it feels like it was shot via a gun.

Maintaining a legacy app sucks so bad when you don't even have the full codebase and some douche bag decided to just randomly throw the codebase on the fucking SVN. 😠

This guy asked for help in msdn forum before he shoots himself out of frustration. A lot of people tried to help him with the linker errors.

Once he removed couple of linker errors almost 100+ more errors came up.

This was his last reply. He hasn't replied anymore :(

He could have been a great ranter for devRant

Loop in python

I can't sleep whenever I remember ,few year before I paid $25 for ethical hacking workshop and they show us inspect element n SQL map

I found this on a wiki with Haskell Humor... it's interesting...

How to Shoot Your Self in the Foot With Haskell: Putting the unsafe in unsafePerformIO!

You shoot the gun, but the bullet gets trapped in the IO monad.
Couldn't match expected type 'Deer' against inferred type 'Foot'.
While compiling your program the compiler produces a type error long enough to overflow a kernel buffer, overwrite the trigger control register and shoot you in the foot.
After trying to decipher the type errors from the compiler, your head explodes.
After you've finally found a way to circumvent the type system and shoot yourself in the foot, Oleg appears out of nothing and shoots you in the foot for coming up with it before him.
You shoot the gun but nothing happens (Haskell is pure, after all).
Your foot is fine, until you try to walk on it, at which point it becomes mangled.
You have a shootFoot function which you've proven correct. QuickCheck validates it for arbitrary you-like values. It will be evaluated only when you end up at the hospital. You hope this doesn't come to pass, as it actually returns a bullet-ridden copy of yourself and you don't want to be garbage-collected.
foreign import ccall "shootparts.h shootfoot" shoot_foot :: Gun -> Programmer -> IO ()
shootSelfInFoot = unsafePerformIO . shoot . foot $ self -- Shoot self in foot 0 or more times depending on evaluation order
No instance for (Target Foot)
arising from use of `shoot' at SelfInflictedInjury.hs:1:0
Possible fix: add an instance declaration for (Target Foot)
In the expression: shoot foot
You go to shoot yourself in the foot but the bullet is in the ST monad and the gun is in the IO monad, so you can't.
You ask Haskell to shoot you in the foot but by the rules of lazy evaluation you don't need the result yet so it doesn't happen.
You decide to shoot yourself in the foot but get distracted devising a ballistics algebra and wondering if you can do the calculations in the type system.
You want to shoot yourself in the foot but realize there is no Gun datatype so use Arrows instead.
You shoot in the direction of your foot, but since you are inside the STM monad you can just retry until you figure out what to do.
You shoot yourself in the foot, but you are perfectly fine as long you just don't evaluate the foot.
You shoot yourself in the foot, but nothing happens unless you start walking.
Don't forget about memory consumption! If you don't look, the bullet causes heap overflow. If you look, the bullet causes stack overflow.
You *appear* to have deliberately shot yourself in the foot, and yet your program actually runs perfectly OK due to lazy evaluation. (So long as you remember to not look at your foot...)
You aim the gun at your foot, pull the trigger and remove the clip. When you look at your undamaged foot, the hammer clicks on an empty barrel.

Going to the gun range and going through a couple of hundred rounds always helps clear my head when I am stuck.

when your quora follower proposed you,after
reading your blog/answer.

This summer, i will have all the time in the world. I will be finally free (as in, alone at home). And, most importantly, i will have a months old kitten to take care of.

I'm so excited.

Note for managers,
If your intern doing 6hours task in 3 hours doesn't mean he is ready for next task.
It is fucking mean that he did his task give him time to take some breath.

Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?

My last company had a code base originating in the 90's and they still write most parts of the GUI with a library that is a thin layer on top of Win32 API, with a self-rolled "ORM" for DB access (with LOTS of enums) and all that with >2million lines of C++ code. The code includes at least two implementations of std vector and std:list. One of which is even *named* std::vector. Feels good remembering that I have left that behind

Holy FUck!!!? O.o
You know, they say the customer is always right.. So with us, if the customer wants to shot himself in the knee with a gun, we let them. Usually we even provide a fancy hugeAss cannon, so he can do it more efficiently.
/* not like we make stuff worse, but we prepare our SW for them to do crazy fucked up shit they insist on doing with it, even thought it's against common sense and our recommendations on how to implement XY feature.. */
So.. We usually go above and beyond with the 'not so nice but handy' cannon to do that..
And right now, I think I am on the verge of creating a superDuprHugeAtomicBomb /* figuratively speaking!! NSA go awy!! */ for the customer to killthemselves with!! O.o xD
Supper happy (until I discover more bugs, but it's not finished yet.. so hopefully no bugs at the end!!)

Caboom!

That awkward moment when u look svn history to find out which idiot wrote this stupid code and u leant it was you yourself. You feel so glad you didn't go all gun blazing criticising the guy to your colleagues before ur investigation.
Lesson learnt for future ha ha ha

7,62? Is it Texan time?

Not fancy but enough for me.

Hope very soon I will setup my 3 monitor setup.

what are your fav songs while coding?
mine:
old bollywood (black and white) songs and instrumental music mostly hariprasad chaurasia's flute.

just bought (rented) my first dedicated server, for flipping 10€/month. let's see how it goes! boy, am i excited for my new toy...

I've been using keepass for everything and just recently I've just come to realization of just how hard it is to get into my accounts now that I've done this.

Literally, I'm useless if i don't have a computer to get my passwords. (I know it's for android too, but i need the database)

I was trying to log into my spotify, but I couldn't remember my password. Then I thought, oh i know i'll just log into facebook and do it that way.

LOL JK you don't know the password
Fuck... what about my email???
LOL NOPE!

Seriously if i was held at gun point and told to log into anything I'd be dead. I've literally secured myself out of my own accounts...

I guess if there is any silver lining, it's that no-one, and I mean 'no-one' is getting into my accounts any time soon.

If I had a gun to my head and I had to choose between C#and Java (not like a JVM language like Scala), I think I would go with C# nowadays.
Thoughts while playing around with .Net Core on Linux Mint 17.

Going to release the biggest feature I have implemented for Product I work on. Change in more than 150 files and it is very very critical.
Wish me luck..

he have point

comment on mark's post

One of the colleagues I am close with is changing teams. They will still be around the company, in fact the office of the team they are going to is right by mine. It just sucks to lose a good developer and friend from the team.

That time when I ranted about wanting to commit suicide but not having enough energy to go and buy a gun.

That day in the evening, I asked my GF: "I think that the whole life is a humongous rationalization on top of biological avoidance of death".

She has an untreatable neurological disease. She told me "I found out it's a consensus among different philosophers. It absolutely is. I just prefer not to think about it".

Linux guy being with a gun

Well, this goes back a few years to when I first started to program in Minecraft. I had an idea of developing Gun Game in Minecraft before any of these big servers had created them, so I had a few questions and asked it on Bukkit forums. So he responded to my questions and seemed interested in the idea, so one day we got to talking on Skype and were working on the project. After that project, we worked on hundreds of smaller projects and even started our own hosting company (Which was sold off now, due to us being in school). So I went from not having any programming friends to having one, just cause of a Minecraft plugin idea.

Inside Microsoft Palo Alto, the office where only women work: a surgery! The kidney is a frag grenade.
Left to right: white coat, black coat holds kidney (frag), a girl in “sleep” T-shirt, a girl that holds a gun. Meanwhile, my gun’s barrel was made from that fridge flexible magnet material. I fixed it using rainworms as glue.

Now we’re entering my uni teacher’s brain, trying to make her give me a passing grade, all while she sings.
It’s just two of us here. Inside her, we fuse into one. Now we sing too:
🎵 We are Scottish — 🎵
🎵 A batshit crazy thing to be, 🎵
🎵 Trying to be normal 🎵

Xiaomi made a torture device for home that was quite popular in Kazakhstan.

Hahaha under the gun lol

Entrepreneurship is a gamble. Problem is, you re not dealt any cards. You re dealt a gun with one bullet

So Im business partners with my ex's father for a gun store and have been working on a new system to sell to the market for the gun industry.

Since I understand how to program it is assumed I automatically know how people think when buying things online, and one of my responsibilities is listing our guns from estate sales on a website called Gunbroker.com...

It is the worst and slowest website I've ever had to use and they assume everyone uses IE...And that's what I hate most about it. They didn't get the memo that IE is for downloading better browsers. Unless you're on a Mac/Linux which I am..

Checking out a project on GitHub:

> Using advanced condition-based AI logic, Compactor can skip over files that have been previously found to be incompressible, making re-running Compactor on a previously compressed folder much quicker.
> (Yes, it's an if statement and a trivial hash database, hush)

A quick rant during work.
I like my coworkers, I really do but they've been so annoying the past few days ever since one of them bought a small nerf gun. Now three others have one too and they're constantly shooting at each other. They bought one of these nerf guns that you have to pull at the bottom to load it and they're pretty loud when you want to work.
I swear to god I'll go home and work from there if that continues

ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?

I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?

about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.

May be it is small thing to many people's but as a less experience Developer it is big thing for me.
I AM GOING TO LEAD PROJECT.😊
Ohk project is not so big..

Duck typing is the equivalent of pulling the trigger to check if a gun is loaded

a lot of people claim video games cause violence. imo they do.

a lot of the arguments try to prove that because the majority of video game players aren't shooters isn't valid in my opinion, because, in tjis situation, even if 99.99% of gamers with access to a gun don't have a mads shooting, the 0.01% is enough.

add in a loneliness, a bad childhood, mental health issues, and being in a bad place at the time, i think it's possible.

now don't get me wrong - i don't believe video games should be banned or something, i'm just saying i believe it's feasible that video games could be a contributing factor in a mass shooter's choice to do unspeakable actions.

do you guys think i'm being naive or logical ?

IBM makes the ABSOLUTE shittiest products. It doesn’t matter what it is. They just don’t fucking try. They don’t try anymore. I don’t know if they ever did. I am convinced that 99.999999% of the world’s problems are because of IBM’s shit. War? IBM. Famine? IBM. Gun violence in America? IBM. The BM has to stand for Bowel Movement because that’s all they are. They’re fucking shit. And you can disagree with me. I don’t fucking care because I’m right and you’re wrong. IBM. Is. Fucking. Shit.

most productive workflow I ever seen.

excel 1 : stock
excel 2 : order

compare stock with order manually 1000+ product.
excel 3 : check history of order generator (shop)

excel 4 : today's price of product + tax
excel 5 : alot specific unit's of product
excel 6 : maintained bill credit/debit
next step : forword to managers for approval
excel 7 : edit's from nanager
process repeat till managers approval

excel 8 : dispatched history
excel 9 : return product (reason's/unit)
excel 10 : stock update return + new product's

and few more excel's

data of 5+ year's
daily 500+ order's

lPO listed company

i have not mentioned account and other stuff

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

As a gun owner and an avid FPS player, and one day (when I get the time) a builder of such games, please may I set something straight?

Was discussing phones with a friend.
After a while, I said I use a Nexus 5X as my main driver with a Nokia 3310 (which I have for like 10 years already, they are that Finlay proof lmao) as an emergency backup.
So he said: "best backup ever, and if you have robbers, you throw it. Don't bring a gun to a Nokia 3310 fight"

friend : bro which phone may I buy?
me : mi / honor

next day
f : bro are you sure?
m : yup pretty sure ,in your budget this 2 are best phone

after 3-4 day
*call*
f : bro I buy phone.
m : congo , which pne ?
f : oppo f9

o(╥﹏╥)o

first time trapped in cooperate politics. -_-

"chaliye es khel ko shuru kiya jaye"

"let's start the game "

is anybody witness of a little pandemic?

Client decided today that they want to remove a core feature from their search engine that will not only change the app's functionality but the UI it was based around.

I told they client they can't do that. When they asked why I explained that the app has already been built from the designs that were approved two months ago and to switch it now would be a whole other invoice billed per hour.

Needless to say we are not removing this core feature.

*Finger gun to head. Blam!

trying to login fb
username : ...........
pass : ...................

without thinking just type that pass

error changed pass 2 year back

again try to remember same password
:(

unable to remember

A bot that warns me when I get a 🌟 on github...

I had to shut it down because of the spam 😁

I swear to god, the next time someone brings in sh*t to a meeting again that's totally off-topic, I'll grab a nerf gun and turn this place into a f*cking war zone!

Tomorrow, I'll start my last year of study at a web development school.

At the end of it I'll get a title that'll allow me to get recognition around the world, but the school doesn't end until 9th September 2018, so in roughly in a year.

I'm honestly shitting my pants, wish me luck 😅

Basic REST server authentication: pass a valid username in the URL of your request and you can publish trade and market data that's used by other systems.

I think they're moving to oAuth now but... These developers are slow and only do things when a gun (Sr. Management) is held to their heads.

Windows users be like "Oh, it's fine. Our tent comfortably fits all my family and it's cold there for only half a year, but not too cold, just wear a coat while you're inside and you'll be fine. Clean water is only two miles away, walking is healthy after all. Yes, agents come every week and rape my wife but it only happens to newbs and honestly I respect that ritual, this is how life works. You only have to send three papers to them to ask them please not to rape us this week and they don't come for a whole week! I ain't stupid, I always carry my gun with me to shoot thugs"

Living with MacOS is just living. You pay the fee and they let you in.

Living with Linux can be just living too, but it can be much more, your skill and willingness to learn are always rewarded. I've been there, I used Arch.

But living with windows is always survival.

!!metarant

Every time I write a rant or a comment from my phone, and I want to temporarily switch to another app to search or copy something, it's a fucking Russian roulette.

Will there be enough RAM, or will Android stop devRant thus losing all my content forever? Let's find out! The gun is loaded.

(What about handling the full activity lifecycle like Android requires?)

Now, I would like to attach a picture of the feared "task switch button", but I'm too afraid to lose everything, so fuck it

Reason to hate my D grade engineering college.

1st lecture of web development.
(Syllabus html,css,PHP)

Expectation : at least teacher will introduce fucking web development technologies.
Reality:
Teacher=> look I don't know anything about PHP so learn from web. I will give you internal marks just submit assignment on time.
😅
Btw it is not story.

virtual box

I can play with any os.

!rant

hey dev's,
I need help for choosing laptop.
I will need it for deep learning.

DELL G7 7588
config:
pro : i9-8950HK
gpu : GTX 1060
ram : 16 gb ddr4
ssd : 512
hdd : 1TB

your reviews please

name: ash williams
weapon of choice: chainsaw hand

name: john rambo
weapon of choice: heavy machine gun

name: kiki
weapon of choice: teleport behind you, create a door leading who knows where, drag you in, close the door shut, make it disappear into nowhere

In the darkest dankest parts of the code, I have discovered a way to get the tag UNDEFINED to show up in this rant. They call things that are unknown a black box. But you see, if you have a good enough shot gun, you can begin to blow enough holes through the box to figure out what's inside. I never said that whatever was inside the box was going to make it out... I just wanna get a good idea of what was inside.

Nine so far, but I'm highly considering getting a NERF gun.

My upwork account is banned for sending too many proposals without getting too many jobs.
Got 2 jobs out of 35-40 proposals sent.

My job in company to developed e-commerce website as a full stack developer.

History of that project.

Company paid 300,000 INR to the local web development firm for developing previous website and they developed website without bootstrap/SSL/Even save information of high profile client in plain text.

I am not angry on that web firm ,I am laughing on my company because such client never trust on independent developers who work hard ,code day and night to complete freelancing projects.

I hope my work will make differnce in their selling.