Production is down

Me to Customer :What did you do?
Customer: Nothing
Me blurt out: The fuck you didn't!
Customer: ...
Me: ...(fuckfuckfuck)
Customer:... Well, I did run these scripts..
Me: (oh thank Christ)
Me: ok, I'll get right on it (Click)
Me to TeamLead: client called. Their prod is down!
TeamMate: did he say he didn't do anything?
Me:Yes
TeamMate: ..... Every fucking time...

I participated this weekend at a hackathon, and I actually have won with my teammate :)

I am an indie game developer and I lead a team of 5 trusted individuals. After our latest release, we bought a larger office and decided to expand our team so that we could implement more features in our games and release it in a desirable time period. So I asked everyone to look for individuals that they would like to hire for their respective departments. When the whole list was prepared, I sent out a bunch of job offers for a "training trial period". The idea was that everyone would teach the newbies in their department about how we do stuff and then after a month select those who seem to be the best. Our original team was
-Two coders
-One sound guy(because musician is too mainstream)
-Two artists
I did coding, concept art(and character drawings) and story design, So, I decided to be a "coding mentor"(?).
We planned to recruit
-Two coders
-One sound guy
-One artist (two if we encountered a great artstyle)
When the day finally arrived I decided to hide the fact that I am the founder and decided that there would be a phantom boss so that they wouldn't get stressed or try flattery.
So out of 7, 5 people people came for the "coding trial session". There were 3 guys and 2 girls. My teammate and I started by giving them a brief introduction to the working of our engine and then gave them a few exercises to help them understand it better. Fast forward a few days, and we were teaching them about how we implement multiple languages in our games using Excel. The original text in English is written in the first column and we then send it to translators so that they can easily compare and translate the content side by side such that a column is reserved for each language. We then break it down and convert the whole thing into an engine friendly CSV kind of format. When we concluded, we asked them if they had any questions. So there was this smartass, who could not get over the fact that we were using Excel. The conversation went like this:(almost word to word)

Smartass: "Why would you even use that primitive software? How stupid is that? Why don't you get some skills before teaching us about your shit logic?"
Me:*triggered* "Oh yeah? Well that's how we do stuff here. If you don't like it, you can simply leave."
Smartass: "You don't know who I am, do you? I am friends with the boss of this company. If I wanted I could have all of you fired at whim."
Me:"Oh, is that right?"
Smartass:"Damn right it is. Now that you know who I am, you better treat me with some respect."
Me: "What if I told you that I am not just a coder?"
Smartass:"Considering your lack of skills, I assume that you are also a janitor? What was he thinking? Hiring people like you, he must have been desperate."
Me:"What if I told you that I am the boss?"
Smartass:"Hah! You wish you were."*looks towards my teammate while pointing a thumb at me* "Calling himself the boss, who does he think he is?"
Teammate:*looks away*.
Smartass:*glances back and forth between me and my teammate while looking confused* *realizes* *starts sweating profusely* *looks at me with horror*
Me:"Ha ha ha hah, get out"
Smartass:*stands dumbfounded*
Me:"I said, get out"
Smartass:*gathers his stuff and leaves the room*
Me: "Alright, any questions?"*Smiling angrily*
Newcomers: *shake heads furiously*
Me:"Good"

For the rest of the day nobody tried to bother me. I decided to stop posing as an employee and teaching the newcomers so that I could secretly observe all sessions that took place from now on for events like these. That guy never came back. The good news however, is that the art and music training was going pretty well.

What really intrigues me though is that why do I keep getting caught with these annoying people? It's like I am working in customer support or something.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a rant with a capital R, this is gonna be a long one.

Our story begins well over a year ago while I was still in university and things such as "professionalism" and "doing your job" are suggestions and not something you do to not get fired. We had multiple courses with large group projects that semester and the amount of reliable people I knew that weren't behind a year and in different courses was getting dangerously low. There were three of us who are friends (the other two henceforth known as Ms Reliable and the Enabler) and these projects were for five people minimum. The Enabler knew a couple of people who we could include, so we trusted her and we let them onto the multiple projects we had.

Oh boy, what a mistake that was. They were friends, a guy and a girl. The girl was a good dev, not someone I'd want to interact with out of work but she was fine, and a literal angel compared to the guy. Holy shit this guy. This guy, henceforth referred to as Mr DDTW, is a motherfucking embarrassment to devs everywhere. Lazy. Arrogant. Standards so low they're six feet under. Just to show you the sheer depth of this man's lack of fucks given, he would later reveal that he picked his thesis topic "because it's easy and I don't want to work too hard". I haven't even gotten into the meat of the rant yet and this dude is already raising my blood pressure.

I'll be focusing on one project in particular, a flying vehicle simulator, as this was the one that I was the most involved in and also the one where shit hit the fan hardest. It was a relatively simple-in-concept development project, but the workload was far too much for one person, meaning that we had to apply some rudimentary project management and coordination skills that we had learned to keep the project on track. I quickly became the de-facto PM as I had the best grasp on the project and was doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

The first incident happened while developing a navigation feature. Another teammate had done the basics, all he had to do was use the already-defined interfaces to check where the best place to land would be, taking into account if we had enough power to do so. Mr DDTW's code:
-Wasn't actually an algorithm, just 90 lines of if statements sandwiched between the other teammate's code.
-The if statements were so long that I had to horizontal scroll to see the end, approx 200 characters long per line.
-Could've probably been 20 normal-length lines MAX if he knew what a fucking for loop was.
-Checked about a third of the tiles that it should have because, once again, it's a series of concatenated if statements instead of an actual goddamn algorithm.
-IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

My response was along the lines of "what the fuck is this?". This dipshit is in his final year and I've seen people write better code in their second semester. The rest of the team, his friend included, agreed that this was bad code and that it should be redone properly. The plan was for Mr DDTW to move his code into a new function and then fix it in another branch. Then we could merge it back when it was done. Well, he kept on saying it was done but:
-It still wasn't an algorithm.
-It was still 90 lines.
-They were still 200 characters wide.
-It still only checked a third of the tiles.
-IT STILL DIDN'T FUCKING WORK!

He also had one more task, an infinite loop detection system. He watched while Ms Reliable did the fucking work.

We hit our first of two deadlines successfully. We still didn't have a decent landing function but everything else was nice and polished, and we got graded incredibly well. The other projects had been going alright although the same issue of him not doing shit applied. Ms Reliable and I, seeing the shitstorm that would come if this dude didn't get his act together, lodged a complaint with the professor as a precautionary measure. Little did I know how much that advanced warning would save my ass later on.

Second sprint begins and I'm voted in as the actual PM this time. We have four main tasks, so we assign one person to each and me as a generalist who would take care of the minor tasks as well as help out whoever needed it. This ended up being a lot of reworking and re-abstracting, a lot of helping and, for reasons that nobody ever could have predicted, one of the main tasks.

These main tasks were new features that would need to be integrated, most of which had at least some mutual dependencies. Part of this project involved running our code, which would connect to the professor's test server and solve a server-side navigation problem. The more of these we solved, the better the grade, so understandably we needed an MVP to see if our shit worked on the basic problems and then fix whatever was causing the more advanced ones to fail. We decided to set an internal deadline for this MVP. Guess who didn't reach it?

Hitting the character limit, expect part 2 SOON

15 mins after finding out a critical bug (we are releasing 3 days from now)

Me: Have u found the root cause of the bug?
Teammate: Yes
Me: So, are we fucked?
Teammate: Teammate is typing...
Me:
*Closes chat window*
*Locks the computer*
*Flies back to home country*

My teammate used p tag and made it look like a button using css.

He has 10 years of web development experience.

Hai devs!
Team devRant here.

Some sad news, my teammate can't participate for reasons I don't need to disclose.
I'm not stopping though, I'm going in alone! (Or well, physically).

I'll post the link to the updates (and more) site later on but the important part:

It starts at 12pm EU/Amsterdam time and stops tomorrow at that same time!

Working on a livestream =)

Cheers!

Story time. My first story ever on devRant.

To my ex-company that I bear for a long time... I joined my ex-company 3 years ago. My ex-company assigned me and one girl teammate to start working on a brand new big web project (big one - two members - really?)

My teammate quitted later, I have to work alone after then. I asked if someone can join this project, but manager said other people are busy. Yea, they are fucking busy reading MANGA shit everyday... Oops, I saw it because whenever I about to leave my damn chair, they begin chanting some hotkey magic and begin doing "poker face" like "I'm doing some serious shit right here".. FUCK MY CO-WORKERS!

My manager didn't know shit about software development, and keep barking about Agile, Waterfall and AI shit... He didn't even fucking know what this project should look like, he keep searching the internet for similar functions and gave me screenshots, or sometimes they even hold a meeting of a bunch of random non-related guys who even not working on the project, to discuss about requirements, which last for endless hours... FUCK MY MANAGER!

I was the one in charge for everything. I design the architecture, database, then I fucking implement my own designed architect myself, and I fucking test functions that I fucking implemented myself based on my fucking design. I was so tried, I don't know what the fuck I am working on. Requirement changes everyday. My beautiful architecture began to falling off. I was so tired and began use hack fixes here and there many places in the project. I knew it's bad, but I just don't have time to carefully reconsider it. My test case began becoming useless as requirements changed. My manager's boss push him to finish this project. He began to test, he start complaining about bug here and there, blaming me about why functions are broken, and why it not work as he expected (which he didn't even tell my how he expected). ... I'm not junior developer, but this one-man project is so overwhelmed for me... FUCK MY JOB!

At this time, I have already work this project for almost 2.5 years. I felt very upset. I also feel disappointed about myself, although I know that is not all my entire faults. The feeling that you was given a job, but you can not get it done, I feel like a fucking LOSER. I really wanted to quit and run away from this shithole. But on the other hand I also want to finish this project before I quit. My mind mixed. I'm a hard-worker. I keep pushing myself, but the workplace is so toxic, I can feel it eating up my motivation everyday. I start questioning myself: "Is the job I am doing important?", "If this is really important project, didn't they should assign more members?", I feel so lonely at work... MY MIND IS FUCKED UP!

Finally, after a couple months of stress. I made up my mind that no way this project is gonna end within my lifespan. I decide to quit. Although my contract pointed that I only need to tell one month in advance. I gave my manager 3 months to find new members for project. I did handle over what I know, documents, and my fucked up ultra complexity source code with many small sub-systems which I did all by myself.

Well, I am with a new employer right now. They are good company. At least, my new manager do know how to manage things. My co-workers are energy and hard-working. I am put to fight on the frontline as usual (because of my "Senior position"). But I can feel my team, they got my back. My loneliness is now gone. Job is still hard, but I know for sure that I'm doing things on purpose, I am doing something useful. And to me that is the greatest rewards and keep me motivative! From now, will be the beginning for first page of my new story...

Thanks for reading ...

Teamate: Hey I'll checkout you're branch to see what you've got done today.
Me: ...Ok.
Few hours later Teammate forgets to change branch and overwrites all my code in my branch causing merge hell and creating hours of more work.
Me:...what in the f***?!

"We have another major incident spinning up. QueenMorgana, are you free?" NO, I'M FINISHING UP THE NOTES FROM MY LAST TWO CALLS THAT JUST ENDED, WHY DON'T YOU CALL IN, LAZY FUCKWAD.

Why is it so damn difficult for my boss to cover a call when we're all busy DOING ALL THE LITTLE POINTLESS SHIT HE GIVES UP. He had me follow up from my coworker's call yesterday, not seeing the logic in, IF IT WERE STILL A FUCKING ISSUE, THEY WOULD HAVE CALLED US BACK THIS MORNING.

So now, I have to sit on the line AGAIN and take notes for shit that's not even a major issue BECAUSE IT'S BEEN DOWN FOR A WEEK. IF IT'S DOWN THAT LONG AND YOU DON'T SUBMIT A TICKET TO ME OR CALL OUR MAJOR INCIDENT LINE, I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH TO RESPOND LIKE IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

Also, fucking lazy asswipe of a "teammate" bitching about being on a call for over 8 hours, while the rest of us are on back to back calls. He's never been on a long call and has been here a year longer than I have. I've been on a 14 hour and a 16 hour, and my other teammate has handled a 26 hour call. 8 HOURS IS FUCKING NOTHING AND YOU WORK FROM HOME SO DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WEAR PANTS.

**spilled 3 cups of coffee this morning, and have an expensive maintenance on my car today, likely to explode on just about everyone**

This is my most ridiculous meeting in my long career. The crazy thing is I have witnessed this scenario play out many times during my career. Sometimes it sits in waiting for a few years but then BOOM there it is again and again. In each case the person that fell into the insidious trap was smart and savvy but somehow it just happened. The outcomes were really embarrassing and in some cases career damaging. Other times, it was sort of humorous. I could see this happening to me and I never want it to happen to you.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a Kickoff Meeting for an offsite work area recovery exercise being planned for our Oklahoma locations. Eleven Oklahoma high ranking senior executives were on this webinar plus three Enterprise IT Directors (Ellen, Jim and Bob) who would support the business from the systems side throughout the exercise.

The plan was for Sam Otto, our Midwest Director of Business Continuity to host this webinar. Sam had hands-on experience recovering to our third party recovery site vendor and he always did a great job. He motivated people to attend the exercise with the coolest breakfasts and lunches you could imagine. Donuts, bagels, pizza, wings, scrumptious salads, sandwiches, beverages and desserts. He was great with people and made it a lot of fun.

At the last minute Charles 'Don't Call Me Charlie' Ego-Smith, the Global Business Continuity Senior Vice President, decided to grand-stand Sam. He demanded the reins to the webinar. Pulled a last-minute power-play and made himself the host and presenter. You have probably seen the move at some point in your career. I guess the old saying, 'be careful what you wish for' has some truth to it - read on and let me know if you devRanters agree...

So, Charlie, I mean Charles, begins hosting the session and greets all of the attendees. Hey, good so far! He starts showing some slides in the PowerPoint presentation and he fields a few questions, comments and requests from the Oklahoma executives. The usual easy to handle requests such as, 'what if we are too busy to do recover all systems', 'what if we recover all of our processes from home', 'what if we have high profile visitors that month?' Hey you can't blame them for trying. You are probably thinking to yourself, 'been there - heard that!' But luckily our experienced team had anticipated the push-back. Fortunately, Senior Management 'had our backs' and committed that all processes and systems must participate and test - so these were just softball requests, 'easy-peasy' to handle. But wait, we are just getting started!

Now the fireworks begin. Bob, one if the Enterprise IT directors started asking a bunch of questions. Well, Charles had somewhat of a history with Bob from previous exercises and did not take kindly to Bob's string of questions. Charles started getting defensive and while Bob was speaking Charles started IM'ing. He's firing off one filthy message after another to me and our teammate Sam.

'This idiot Bob is the biggest pain in the ass that I ever worked with'; 'he doesn't know shit', 'he never shuts the f up', 'I wanna go over to his office and kick his f'in ass...!'

Unfortunately...the idiot Charles had control of the webinar and was sharing his screen so every message he sent was seen by all of the attendees! Yeah, everyone including Bob and the Senior Oklahoma executives! We could not instant message him to stop as everyone would have seen our warnings, so we tried to call Charles' cell phone and text him but he did not pick up. He just kept firing ridiculously embarrassing dirty IM messages and I guess we were all so stunned we just sat there bewildered. We finally bit the bullet and IM'ed him to STOP ALREADY!!! Whoa, talk about an embarrassing silence!

I really felt sorry for Bob. He is a good guy. Deservedly, Charlie 'Yes I am going to call you CHARLIE' got in big time hot water after the webinar with upper management. For one reason or another he only lasted another year or so at our company. Maybe this event played a part in his demise.

So, the morale is, if you use IM - turn it off during a webinar if you are the host. If you must use it, be really careful what you say, who you say it to and pray nothing embarrassing or personal is sent to you for everyone to see.

Quick Update - During the past couple of months I participated on many webinars with enterprise software vendors trying to sell me expensive solutions. Most of the vendors had their IM going while doing webinars and training. Some very embarrassing things came flying across our screens. You learn a lot reading those messages when they pop-up on the presenters' screen, both personal and business related. Some even complaints from customers!

My advice to employees and vendors is to sign-out of IM before hosting a webinar. Otherwise, it just might destroy your credibility and possibly your career.

My boss says "cocker" once (referring to docker) a teammate and I make a meme of that, allways we have to talk about docker we say "dicker" or when we have to talk about git we say "dick" like "dick commit, dick pull, dick push".

I'm a computer sciences student, so I had to work on a group project at the end of the year. This project had a very big impact on our ratings, and many students were working really hard on it
One evening, a friend of mine knocked at my door to seek for help, she was too depressed to keep working on the project and needed to talk a little bit
After a little talk, we worked on her part of the project together. We managed to finish it just in time and send it to her teammate (they were not using git, our school never ever talked about it so they did not know what it is)

The next day was the d-day, every group had to show the teachers their projects
I arrived in a room where everyone was trying to fix the remaining bugs before their turn
And I saw my friend, almost crying. Her mate changed everything in the code we worked on and everything broke. There was not enough time to merge it again, they were stuck with a non functionnal soft
Obviously, he kept telling everybody it was her fault

Just go to hell, you fucker
I can't even understand how you did have such a stupid idea, now she needs to repeat her year because of you
Fuck you and don't ever come in my sight again, you selfish brat
Just because you know you will pass does not give you the right to fuck with another person's ratings

Our HUGE database RAC failed Monday, postponing career defining exams for husband... Have been paranoid they'd go down again all week...

HE PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO GERMANY IN JUNE AND HE SURVIVED A YEAR OF LEARNING ARABIC!!!!! ❤❤❤

And, it only took 15 minutes for me to figure out the fix; just wish my teammate had done so in the 5 hours he was on the call...

Wrote 2000 lines of working code last night. All of a sudden teammate who didn't do shit says in group chat:

"You're slow man"

Fucking teamworks

!rant

So, as some of you know, I've been on a team with a real asshole. Yesterday, we were supposed to present.

So, my teammate as of Thursday started barking out orders about this project. Mind you, we've had five weeks to work on it. He complained that he needed access to the repository. I discovered he hadn't even used the github invitation I sent him...five weeks earlier.

As some of you know, this isnt even out of character for this guy. He's a skilled manipulator and asshole. So, like I said, as of Thursday he was frantically barking out orders, trying to get it finished. Needless to say, the response of myself and the rest of the team was to spam him with sarcastic gifs. (Love how Giphy is so well integrated with Slack.)

I considered tying 3 or 4 gifs to his account, so everytime he talked, it could just spam the shit out of him. Didn't do it, because I didn't want to make a mess my teachers would need to clean up. Like I've said, they've done a great job.

So, this fucking dickhead who hasn't even looked at the repo is freaking out, trying to manage the project, nine o clock the night before it was due. Honestly, it was hilarious.

So, we get to class the next day, and this fucker, serriptiously wasn't there. Now, I could have sworn he'd show up because dude is a skilled sociopath, he knows how to appear busy.

Anyway, first thing, our teacher apologizes for that teammates performance. He says that now, that teammember must essentially finish this project by himself by next week. Remember the scope is five weeks long.

It gets better, they didn't read his name as a graduate. They read the names of people who hadn't been there in a month, but not his. I'm pretty sure in order to graduate he must finish that project in time.
Thats several thousand dollars he likely flushed down the drain. Well deserved for a scummy manipulator like him.

Moral of the story: don't get mad, get even. It came out over time how little work he had done. It didn't require any of specifically telling on him, the teachers asked and we answered honestly. Never stand up for someone who is trying to take advantage of you. Don't worry about planning some Edgar Allen Poe kind of revenge. Make that motherfucker reveal themselves, expose their bullshit, because the truth is far and away the worst punishment for a liar. :)

So I have this friend, let's call him retard. He decided to check out a coding competition. He signed up for it and then added me as a teammate. Then he went ahead and gave me a time, 22:00 local time. The time when the competition starts. I was excited, and being super retard didn't even think of rechecking things myself.
We waited in our merry ways, all so excited for a coding competition while listening to music to keep the mind free. The time finally came. It was 21:59. I opened up my ide and called upon my dear friend chrome. Asked the retard for the link. And then he decided to break out the curses. I was shocked, bewildered.
I didn't know what was going on, did I do something bad to him? Did I make him angry? Or did something happen to him? I was worried. After all, I don't want my teammate to be distressed during a competition. So in a stern voice I said, calm down my friend. Tell me the thing that's got you all riled up.
The news he conveyed shook my very foundations of trust and the feeling of comradry that we had built the day before going to lunch and discussing strategies. That bloody retard misread 20:00 as 22:00. Two whole hours. Two whole hours that could have been used for solving simple problems and making pretty algorithms were all gone and all that was left was the dust of other competitors who weren't retards and managed to read the time correctly.
Idk what to do. Should I kill him? Delete his github profile while he isn't looking? Ask him to kindly delete System32 folder from his C:/ drive?
But then again I should also take half the blame for not taking things seriously enough to make a bloody checkup on the fake news he provided.

Push people to review my PRs to merge before a teammate so I don't have to rebase my branch

The experience that made me feel like a dev badass was when a teammate accidentally deleted the database for production and I had the latest backup. Everybody was panicking not until I told them I had the solution

So my teammate posted on our Slack channel:

^(?=.{1,254}$)(?=.{1,64}@)[-!#$%&‘*+\/0-9=?A-Z^_`a-z{|}~]+(\.[-!#$%&'*+\/0-9=?A-Z^_`a-z{|}~]+)*@[A-Za-z0-9]([A-Za-z0-9-]{0,61}[A-Za-z0-9])?(\.[A-Za-z0-9]([A-Za-z0-9-]{0,61}[A-Za-z0-9])?)*$

Then our manager asked him: "Are you swearing on Slack!?"

No sir, thats Regex.

Keep your arrogance, your fucking stupid logic and religious belief about everthing you say is right aside.

when somebody says there is a better way to solve a problem.. you can do two things. you either listen to them, validate the idea and accept or reject based on discussion or you just be an arrogant fucking prick and stick to your fucking reasoning, about your "right" way.

Don't do the latter. Wont help you become better neither at work nor in life.

FUCK YOU.

- a teammate

I forgot to git fetch, so I spent quite a while doing exactly WHAT MY TEAMMATE HAD DONE JUST HOURS AGO

Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.

He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.

He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.

In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.

Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.

But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.

So you think it's bad when your friends, family, strangers and others ask you to fix their phone or computer is bad when they hear you're a programmer, IT or good with computers?

You think it's bad when they ask you whether you're hacking when they see code or terminal on your screen?

You think it's bad when they ask you to fix a cracked phone screen because you work with computers?

Well, think again because today my teammate was asked to fix a vending machine by X from another department because, according to X the vending was not accepting X's other dollar bill. The first dollar bill was accepted so why wouldn't it accept the 2nd one? Because the 🤬 dollar bill is crumpled. That's it.

What wows me is what made X think this is an IT issue.

According to X.... "because it has power, lights and touch screen so IT can fix it That's what you guys do, right? You can fix anything".

Me: wait!?, what?, uhhh..., are you serious? Wtf? Why? Grrrr

Today was the most fuckedup day of my internship as a software developer. I have this shithead manager who doesnt know how to explain the client requirements properly and keeps on fucking yelling at me for not understanding the requirement and not coming up with the right output. That asshole compares me with the other teammate as to how fast he is and how slow i am to even write 5 lines of code in python.(I am new to python). He has yelled at me in his cabin with the door open so that everyone on the floor could hear. Most humiliating and disappointing day of my life. I dont feel like seeing that shitheads face again. I just have a month left and i will be happy if the opportunity doesnt get converted to a full time. Todays events have made me doubt myself to a great extent and has left me disheartened. Ranting abt it makes me feel a little better.

I'm in my second call from hell today. Passed off first to a teammate to run a meeting. First one started 10 hours ago, this started 5 hours ago. Neither are related. Neither show signs of resolving.

Other teammate is on the same call that started 2 days ago.

Who the hell pissed Murphy off?

For my school project that was due awhile back my group ran into the problem of a certain feature not working on a site we made. I had a test version of the site and it was working perfectly. Both the test version and the project site had the exact same code. We couldn't figure out why it wasn't working and so we just turned it in and took the point hit.

Today I was thinking about it because I was still annoyed/upset that the site feature didn't work. I started talking it through with a friend and in the middle of it stopped-I figured out why it didn't work. My teammate didn't actually update the database, he just downloaded the code to the database and was using an outdated version of it. I suddenly stood up and screamed, "F***!" At the top of my lungs.

I startled my friend so bad that she spilt beer all over herself.

So my company finally decided to make the shift from using irc for internal chats to Slack.

After a month of patiently waiting for my team to make the shift, I went ahead asked one of my (young) fellow teammate why he hasn't shifted to Slack yet. His reply:
"What's Slack?"

When I solved a machine learning problem using naive Bayes in R for the first time.
I still remember it was 5am. Had been stuck for weeks and when it worked.. I called my teammate at 5am and said.. "I think solving this feels better than having sex".

I am DONE with this woman.

Background: we're a team of 3 developers and I'm the junior in this team and I've been in this shit for a year now. 2 months ago the team leader left for another project and I had to stand in for him in every responsibility against the PM and other teams.

Now I not only had to endure this insecure woman but I was also supposed to work with her! Fast-forward to today, the team leader is back and I thought I could put my headphones on and work peacefully at last.

But no!

I've found out she's sent a faulty code to production - no big deal - and said that over chat (although she's sitting right behind me):

Me: We need to fix this.
Her: What?

Me: *giving some details about the issue*
Her: Your attitude is important when you ask me to do something. Whenever you're writing to me you're typing on your keyboard like you're going to break it on my head.

*me not knowing what to say at this point because we had something stupid like this before*

Me: So you're offended by the sound my keyboard makes? (I have mx brown switches by the way and they're not even loud)
Her: No you're typing too fast when you're writing to me. The sound echoes in the office.
...

Can you fucking believe this shit? I hate people that think they can educate me but have no idea how to rationally respond to situations and take responsibility! I didn't even say anything!

And she's been saying to me she hadn't had a problem with any other people for gazillion years who knows how long and why would she cause a problem now! And thinks I am the problem, fuck YOU!

Since you don't like receiving orders why hadn't you taken the place when the fucking guy went for another project but I had to take all the responsibility? I know why you fucking entitled bitch.

Because you HAD NO IDEA AND YOU STILL DON'T.

So shut the fuck up and do as I say.

Kind regards

I have the strange feeling my teammate likes python more...

New guy (good friend) is on the line with me shadowing. OMFG THESE PEOPLE HAVE HEAVY ACCENTS. Only reason I can hear them is my babysitter has a heavy Vietnamese accent as well, so I'm used to it, but HOLY CRUD this is painful. I feel bad for my newest teammate

When working with hardware some mistakes can be literally painful. Thankfully this was all during undergrad and I'm only around computer hardware now lol.

>Misprogrammed a software kill switch so a sensor that should not have been sending data was actually sending data which caused the system to activate a piston that went WHAM! into the face of a teammate working on replacing some part of it...

>Misprogrammed a controller so it drew too much power from the supply and the puny supply wires literally burst into flame and fell across my arm.

>Spun a 9000rpm CNC spindle the wrong way and caused an attached screw to go rocketing upwards instead of downwards and almost break the (pretty expensive) thing (uh...we were trying to use it as a power screwdriver essentially but I set the rpm to about 100x what I wanted and the direction wrong so yeah).

>Switched a -1 with a +1 in a robot's control system sending it careening into a teammate's leg... let's just say mecanum wheels are paaaainful.

My teammate push 2gbs worth of CSV files into our repo.

He also merged all the other branches so, it's kinda hard to revert back without reworking a lot of stuff.

When you ask a short question(in Slack) to your teammate that can be simply answered in Slack and they start a video call immediately after reading your question...

Now you have to stop music/video, clean the background...

why would you do this to our codebase, dear teammate?

My teammate seems to have a knack for CC’ing my boss when he thinks I broke something. Fuck you a-hole.

So I finished my first semester in NYU as a CD master. During the first semester I took a class called heuristic problem solving. Every week a competitive game will be introduced to us, and will be played in two weeks. And trust me, the games aren't easy. I teamed up with another guy who I had no idea was and named our team as we don't know. At the end of the semester we won seven out of nine games, and by won I meant that we beat the whole class in the match. And my teammate became a really good friend.

By telling this story, I want to make a point. I love problem solving, and not problems in a algorithm book where you apply an algorithm and do some trick to solve it, but real world problem where you hope for the best and anticipate, predict your opponent's move. However, American's school system doesn't teach that.

When I applied to graduate school, no school wanted me because I have an average GPA of 3.6, and no outstanding achievements. I can solve problems in my dream becaus I have an active mind, I can propose solution to a project one month before my teammates realized they essentially were doing what I told them the solution should be. But so what, I can't write those on my application.

One of the professor told me that my professor shared the story of my team during a faculty dinner, and they were very impressed by our achievement. So I guess I'm not dumb. But after all, companies and schools will look at your transcript and decide who you are.

I love myself for having random thoughts all the time that can lead to innovative problem solving. But I also hate myself for not able to study like the good kids are.

Pushed code remotely and told a teammate to run it on the target hardware. He then told me he might of blown up $6000 worth of equipment. Then he says "Never mind everything works."

World record for biggest heart attack?

My teammate just said they don't know what OOP is 🙃

When you're really good, but your other teammate is more public and extrovert..

Project Leader is explaining to teammate how their UI will call my API and it'll run asynchronously in the background. UI guy asks: about error handling? I said the callback listener will be notified if anything goes wrong. I ask the PL, what next? just log and forget about it (that's my sarcasm)? How would anyone know this has failed?

PL says: good point and can worry about this later. Lets first focus on getting things to work.

You know later never comes. Well, except when the customer reports a problem. Its like every disaster movie you've ever seen before

"Impossible deadline experience?"

When product owners promise delivery dates.

One day, I came back from a two weeks holiday, relaxed. I noticed a teammate missing. "Yes, he took the week off". Sure, why not.

We were working under a bastardized enterprisey version of Scrum (didn't we all at some point?). So we didn't just have a product owner, we had three and an additional "Head of PO". Because enterprises can't live without hierarchies or something. Barely an hour after I came into office, she entered the room and came straight to me. "Your coworker was almost done implementing feature X. You need to finish it immediately. No worries, though, coworker said the rest is a piece of cake".

It wasn't. There was *a lot* left to do, the JIRA task wasn't entirely clear, and the existing code for the feature was so-so (obviously WIP code). I estimated two weeks for the implementation, plus some time to clarify the requirements. When telling "Head of PO" she lost her shit. Screaming things like "this feature is due the end of this week" and "I signed this with my blood!". Well, I didn't, and I made it clear that I hadn't been consulted on this, thus I would not accept any blame in case we missed the deadline.

So I gave my best that week, getting pestered by "Head of PO" all the time. "Is it done yet?", "why does it take so long?" and "your coworker would've been done by now!". Yeah fuck you, too. Not only was I not relaxed any more, I was even more stressed than before my holiday! Thanks, you stupid bitch.

Well, her arbitrary deadline came and the feature wasn't ready. And what happened was... exactly nothing. The following week my coworker returned, who gave me an apologetic smile. "I told her the feature was nowhere finished. And even me, being familiar with the task, couldn't make it in time". We finished the feature together that week, and that was the end of it. So... "Head of PO" either didn't listen or lied to me. She then stressed me to the max right from the day I came back from my holiday. And in the end it didn't even matter.

Again, thanks you stupid bitch, for creating a toxic work environment. Should you ever read this, I'm happy I quit and I hope you miss every single deadline for the rest of your life. Screw you.

Stated a project, my only teammate got a job. Project ended! His company took the project.

I hate JS...
I hate CSS...

What can be worse ? ...

*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*

Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.

Quick rant!!

Deadline in 2 days, working with a team.

Me: yo ! , How's the xyz feature? Is it working now?

Teammate: yah, made it work yesterday.

Me: epic! Can you present it to me?

Teammate: wtf, it's not working today!!

Me: no worries, you can sort it out!

Teammate: the latest release you worked on doesn't work properly.

Me: yah, merged code fucked up, I'm fixing that, I'll push a fix today.

And the cycle continues...

Working on a school project, a teammate created a git repo, gave us all the link, but no push access, told him about it, I gave up explaining.

I still dont have push access after half a day.

Also another team member doesnt know how to write code.

I assumed that people that got accepted in a master that has software development in the title have the basic knowledge or the background at least. Even though there is a separate master especially for that, to teach you software development.

So yesterday i solved 7 tickets on my own for this project while the teammate was "testing".

Solved nothing and checked fb or new everytime i took a look at his screen.

Can comeone please fire this guy?

While coding in C, I once forgot to add a semicolon at the end of a while loop polling a register value.
The logic required me to make it zero as soon as it read non-zero and continue the rest of the process. Hence the 'while' that missed the semicolon ended up being a single instruction assignment to the same volatile register that I kept polling. This caused synchronisation issue with the FPGA, and my code got stuck in an uncertain infinite loop.
Took me 2 days and a silly, yet valid question from my teammate to figure out the cause of this stupid bug.

Dear fellow project member,

I agree that most code should explain itself, but if you need to use a certain method which requires you to pass several different values of the same type and you just pass values as you like and then get, as you like to call it, 'unexpected behavior', then that is YOUR F***ING PROBLEM.

I DO know your thoughts about documenting code and I DO know you think documenting code only delays the progress, but if you for once could please CHECK THE DOCUMENTATION I WROTE, there would be no need to message me EVERY FIVE BLOODY MINUTES to complain about something that actually works when used right, just because you are too lazy to read the docs!

If you would do that next time, at least the time i spend writing documentation for our project would not be COMPLETELY WASTED! 😤

Kind Regards

Teammember left. I did his three tickets yesterday. Before that I created and applied new rescue procedure for broken deploys on production and deployed the app manually. Took me about 6 hours to do this right, find the cause, and solve it, and document what I did. After that my teamleader bought me a launch :)
It wasn't his, my former teammate responsibility to bring back prd to life, it was me being good and engaged employee. His tickets, on the other hand, were his duties. Took me one hour to code them. He was working on them for two weeks. I can't wait for the performance review, im definitely going to ask for a nice rise :)

I want to share this story and need your advise.

When I was teaching exisiting team members about git and new iOS development ecosystem. I was changing the whole ios development practices and processes that time. One of my teammates wasn’t listening, when implementing the new ios development practices and standards, he actually screwed all of the projects.

He’s been with us for 2 years and he even don’t know how to use git. He forcefully push his changes without pulling our changes first. I was so angry that I reported him to my manager to address this matter. And then my manager told me, he is aware of my teammate’s incapabilities. He said he was planning to terminate him, and he is been thinking about it for 3 months.

When the judgement day came, we were in the meeting room. My manager told us the bad news that one of us will be terminated. During the meeting he said, “I am sorry, {my teammate’s name}. You will be out of the team due to {reason of termination}. {my name} reported to me that you dont meet the deadline, you are always late with 2 weekly sprint to your tickets”. As my manager keeps talking, my teammate look at me with his eyes so angry together with his girlfriend (her girlfriend is part of mobile team, but she is focused on UI/UX).

After my manager stops talking, her girlfriend started crying and said I was the one who should be terminated. Her reason was that I keep on giving difficult tasks to his boyfriend, that’s why he is always late to report. In my defense, those tasks are not difficult, most of his tasks is just changing the color of labels, changing layouts. If you are an iOS developer you know how easy it is to change font colors, changing the layouts using storyboards. Her girlfriend keeps on rambling that I should be the one needs to be terminated.

After few days, he left the team and surprisingly his girlfriend stayed and we never talk to each other except anything about work.

I am really pissed guys. Now my teammates think I am the bad guy asking my manager to terminate anyone in the team if I feel to. I feel very very not good in my work now. I can’t function what I used to. The termination of my teammate was already planned why am I should take the blame?

Spent half an hour arguing with my teammate about where a method should be.
Then we discovered that both ways were wrong..

While I was working on a university project with my team, a teammate asked me why the window of the program in my screen was bigger than in his. I simply answered him that his screen was a FullHD one that had a 1920x1080 resolution, while mine had a lower resolution, and he was like "Noo! This isn't a fullhd screen, it's not so sharp".
So I showed him the "1920x1080" sticker right below his screen, and him again "Yeah, it could have this resolution but definitely it's not a FullHD screen".
- Ok, as you say...

The same guy two days ago was talking about creating a GUI in C.
I told him that C was the wrong language to build programs with a GUI, although there's some very old libs that allow you to do that in 16bit.
And him again: "Ok but Linux (distros) do that and the UIs are great!"
- Do you think that all the fucking Ubuntu/Mint/any distro code is written in C??

The funny thing is the arrogance with which he says all these bullshits.

P. S. We are attending the 3rd year of Computer Engineering.

*Teammate writes some instructions for our users and sends it to the rest of the team to review and let her know before she pushes it out

Me: *reads it and lets her know what is missing

Her: Idgaf what any one thinks. If they can’t figure it out, it’s their problem. And if anyone makes changes to it and the users can’t under it either, I’ll tell them to ask whoever made the changes.

Me: *starts cracking up. Like wtf!?!?! You know what, I’m not touching it so if anyone asks I can tell them to reach out to you!

Like, how are you offended because I’m a junior in your team and you can’t take criticism after you’ve personally asked for it? Smh

Got into a fight with a teammate last week (acting PM, she was) over how she basically failed to do her job.
Got blamed for talking about it by project owner. (basically, they wanted to make themselves feel good by passing down the blame down the blame chain... But I rebelled)

... Don't want to walk into the same meeting tomorrow. 😢😔😞

OH
MY
GAAWWWWWD

The funniest thing happened today. I was helping a teammate rebase his branch onto master. Since his root was a merged local branch with 3 commits already in master, but squashed, we had to do an interactive rebase. So we have 3 commits to drop, and one to pick. He was using vsCode on windows, so he got vi to edit the rebase. I told him to change the first three pick for the letter d (alias for drop). Since he was not too familiar with vi, he only changed the first letter. I was like : dick is not a valid command, it's just d. Then he removed it and did the same thing again! When he finally understood, we both died of laughter,and so my ghost is now writting this rant. In the bus. Laughing like a crazy person. 😎

There was a team meeting where something controversial was being discussed. A team mate was sharing their screen showing the controversial prototype. Meanwhile, me and another team mate started texting parallely on Teams. After a while, people were just listening to each other arguing and doing their own thing. And the guy who was arguing at that moment was being very sarcastic and passive aggressive and it was hilarious. I texted my teammate some inside joke about the the team mate. I heard the Teams notification go off and it was not mine. Oh yeah, I texted the teammate whose screen was being shared 🙇

I usually work in a two person team on a hybrid application we are developing, using AngularJS and node.

This normally works okay, because he handles the back end (he's been on the project since January last year, I joined in August as a placement student), and I handle the front end.

However, due to Christmas holidays and such, he's ended up taking an entire month off, and won't be back until the end of January.

I've dabbled in back end before, some routes and that for SQL queries, but nothing serious.

Last Tuesday our core service for the application that needs to be updated in real time broke and pissed off the API provider because we were hammering them with requests.

My first day on back end and this happened. I didn't really know what to do, and had to call my teammate to ask what to do. I essentially just restarted things, and left them as is, until I could find a solution.

From there, I had to mock the operation of the service (which is a complex enough beast) to figure out the problem, and find a fix. Our app more or less hinges on this service, so if it messes up, it's the end times.
All of this while flying on what I've interpreted because the guy that's on holidays was the only guy that knows more about this project than I do.

To make things worse, the clients are being very particular because they're waiting on investments and don't have money to pay our company. So, if they're paying for 5 days work, they're going to put in 5 days of project development. The problem is that their interpretation of 5 days of project development has not changed from when there were two people on this project.

There are 40 tickets in this sprint (ends Friday) and 35 of them are assigned to me. Granted, not all of those take a day to do, but estimates don't mean anything, I guess.

Ganbarimasu.

coming back from monday OoO to this email chain from user 1. "hey i get an error please help" 2. cc teammate 3. cc my boss. 4. cc his boss. 5. meeting between him and someone on a different team who'll 'take care of it'
Get pinged in slack before i even sit down 'please help'
"hey man, whats the error?"
'oh i get a java exception in $application_completely_unrelated_to_anything_weve_ever_worked_together_on and you've fixed errors like this for me before can you do your magic . #bro

*face palm*

My boss just IM'd me. She asked me the status of a work item. I told her my teammate completed it on 2/27. She wanted to know if it was in production. I said I was unsure, she would have to ask my teammate. So of course, she asked *me* to ask my teammate, and then get back to her.....WHY do I need to ask my coworkers stuff for her? She is the BOSS, last time I checked?

The moment when your teammate raises a 150+ file pull request on Friday evening and marks it as urgent.

Back at my masters degree there were 3 group projects and 2 of them were dev related. Being the last to enroll and classes had already started, I entered a team missing one person. 2 out the 3 team members were complaining how they couldn't keep up with the workload and kept doing nothing on the group assignments. The other person and me did all the work because we wanted to get good marks on the project. Sadly, the teams remained the same on the 2nd semester, mainly because all the star students were grouped together to our chagrin. This time though, neither the teammate nor me were lenient on our comments during group assessment which influenced heavily on the individual marking.

Teammate : Eww, I don't like this part, any better ideas ? Something to add or remove ? Have you find something better ?
Me : What about you ? Did you find something ?
TM : ...
Me : You are free to do whatever you want but if you have no idea and don't do anything, STFU, you are just slowing the team down

Least fav part of remote work?

- When managers think you're in front of your laptop all day, they should be able to ping you ANY time of the day and expect you to respond.

"Well, you live and work at home and I'm paying you every month. So what if it's 3AM right now. Get the task done."

- When your team is remote and you leave a question to your teammate and they don't respond until night time - when they actually start working. Basically teams not letting each other know when they'd really be online.

- Too many meetings can be thing. It's not always though. So it's fine.

- Team level decisions take too long sometimes, so there's a chance you won't hear from your manager/team lead for a while.

I guess you gain something you lose something. Be it WFO or WFH.

Once had a teammate who added
// @formatter:off (eclipse)

at the beginning of nearly each class, to make sure my auto-format on save does not ruin his nice formatting

as i usually let eclipse take care of this, i commited unformatted code by mistake

so he formatted my code by hand

I'm quitting my current job. I don't like my lead, and he doesn't like me either. Our team consists of two people. Me as a Junior Developer, and a dude as my senior.

Our company used 3 different organization chat in Lark.
1 for global developer team, 1 for local developer team, and the other for the operational team.

Countdown 3 weeks before my resignation, I got removed from the global chat room. 1 week later suspended from the operational chat room. The interesting thing is that, my senior teammate who resigned the same date as me does not receive the same treatment.

I still have tasks to do and it is hard to work with teammates who are not in the same organization chat. I also need to work on my benefits which require chats with the operational team.

I already asked HR and they took their sweet time to respond. Approximately 2 weeks after I privately messaged them. How responsive 😧 Even then their answer was vague and I didn't get the what I questioned for.

I'm kinda annoyed by this. No communication, no announcement. This company is just straight up shitty.

WTF PEOPLE!!
Some people really need to read their error messages.

Just now I got this teammate asking me how he should handle the error git returned. The error message stated: "Please commit your changes or stash them before you merge." He asked me what he should do to fix the error... I was astonished by his stupidity that he did not read the fucking error message.

Almost every fucking time a teammate comes to me with the question how to fix an error, there is a message that says how to fix the error. Why don't they read them?!?! I told you so many times to read your fucking error messages!!!

I'm really glad the project is over in a couple of weeks and I get a new team..

!story

So, this is the story of my lay off from last organisation. It was just 4 months and i was getting good ratings in features development and overall timely completion. So, during this lockdown/Covid-19, one day out of the blue i and my teammate got a mail from HR to have a catch up. We were suspicious about that. My team mate was sure that it is regarding layoff but I was like we are doing well, why the hell they will fire us, and also it's only 2 of us who is handling the whole project, I don't think they will fire us; they are probably gonna discuss about something or may be covid situation. So my teammate was having his discussion earlier than me; after the discussion he told me that he has been fired, he tried to reason with them for half an hour but ultimately they asked him to put the papers.
I was bit scared, but still i was having hope that maybe..
So, the conversation started like this is the meeting..
HR- Hey, how are you. I thought if we can catch up a little?

Me- I'm good, what happened?

Tech. VP- See, we wanted to talk about your performance, from some past months you're not performing well and ...

Me- but i have been here just for 4 months and our team was the highest scorer in task completion last month.

Tech. VP- i know, i dont deny your technical capability. You're an awesome developer and technology wise you can achieve anything but your performance..

Me- ok, (to HR), anything will change your mind

HR- umm(silence)

Me- cut the crap and let me know how to put resignation via mail, bye.

And i cut the call.
The call lasted only for 7 mins, i was proud to not waste time on such assholes.

Such hypocrites are there...

If I had a teammate I hate, I'd buy it 🤠

I was helping a teammate investigate an issue he is working on, while having a lot of stuff to do for myself, until I notice that the asshole was very busy sending personal emails and basically I was doing his job...

My teammate send a prank email to us(lots of bad swear words to our client)...unfortunately..he used the thread of client's issue. The next morning we're terrified to learn that the prank email was also forwarded to client.

Honestly, I think this one is yet to come for me.

I've had a few bad experiences, but the worst ones are the ones where I couldn't find the time or brain to get some work done properly and therefore did bare minimum, so I basically was driven to shame because my teammates did almost everything.

Second to that, are times where I had to go through drama because teammates were absolutely incompetent or power hungry or inflexible.

Otherwise, it's "live and let die".

Note: I use "teammate" in general sense, equaling "coworker", "colleague", "the guy who's supposed to give me details or access" and "those in on the project" in this rant.

I am really stressed rn. I have terrible Imposter's Syndrome coupled with this being my 2nd year as a professional (bootcamp grad) and an extreme lack of insight and support from my company. WFH has only exacerbated it. Im on a 2-ish person team handling some ancient legacy code with no one ever willing to just throw me a fucking bone. My supe is actually on my team and makes up the "ish" part and has always told me to ask questions but when I do he gets pissed and reminds me of all the people who are working and super busy and dont have time to stop what they're doing and help me. Its my first job in tech and I just need to know if this is a consistent thing across the board bc im ready to fucking jump ship. My anxiety levels are through the roof and when I go over our backlog I look at every card and ask myself how tf Im going to grt it done bc Ive never seen any of it before. Initially I thought i landed a great workplace with complete autonomy but now I just dont know. My other teammate has a habit of being condescending, whether he realizes it or not and therefore I just feel like im out here alone trying to figure all this shit out. This sprung from a card ive been working on for 2+ months but cant resolve, finally I just came to the conclusion it was above what im currently capable of and he told me he's "disappointed Im just throwing in the towel" even though ive asked for help from senior devs. Idk what to do, he even told me there'd be cards I may hit a wall on when I first started but this just feels shitty. Ive had other things going on to including surviving a fucking hurricane, having a friend murdered, and having my dad die all within a few weeks time. I am absolutely stretched to my emotional limit, but I dont know if Im overreacting. Anyway, I just needed to vent to people who could understand, thanks for reading.

So another story about college and stupid team assignments that I have to be responsible for dealing with.

So we had an assignment in operating systems 1 course, it was about memory management and we are a team of 3. Then came the time when we should discuss this assignment with the TA and that day I had to stay all night finishing a project in software engineering (literally giving us a description of a big project because that's what the course teaches And I had to finish it in one all nighter alone because my teammates just gave up).

When the discussion time came I was really tired and then the TA asks me something really simple and I say it but then she tells me that I'm wrong so I wondered a bit and then said no what I said was right! She then asks my teammate (who we are supposed to be good friends) "did he say the right thing?" And his answer is a definitive "NO he's wrong" and then he starts to say the right answer which I swear I said the same but in a different way so I start to say again that I was right and say that I said that just a different way and she took that as an insult and said that I'm shouting at her and being disrespectful to her.

When we finished I asked my friend if he heard me say it wrong and he said "I'm sorry but I didn't even hear what you said and I was afraid" WHAT THE FUCK, he just said that I was wrong to please her and make her feel like she is right and I had to be the wrong one even though I said it right but NOoo her pride is more important

All this was last semester and the second semester just started today and I go into operating system 2 and guess what? The TA got her doctorate and is now the professor for OS 2 when she doesn't even understand anything.

Really FUCK the academic system it feels like it is a grind more than actually gaining mastery of a subject.

Team member knows x better than me?

No fucking way am I gonna ask them to do it. Even if I have to learn the whole damn thingamajig from scratch. Coffee and some Halo OST are all I need, baby!

(In fairness to myself, said teammate is a bit of a hijacker when it comes to helping...)

So we've had a new guy on our team for over 6 months now... Been training him up doing shadowing.... Training courses... Study time... The works...

He didn't have the specific skills for our team but had 2 degrees, lectured at uni... Seems VERY smart......

Yet he still has barely grasped the basics..... When experienced people talk about challenges they've had he tries to suggest what they do... Constantly raising 'problems' with ways of working but offers no solutions and never collaborates on how we can fix it......

He avoids doing practical learning and thinks he can learn the job from reading docs... .. Sigh....

Gone almost as far as doing daily check ups on what he's actually doing to make sure he's progressing..... Tough one to crack!

ME - me, TM - teammate
I was just recruited to the company. We're starting new project based on few modules.

ME: So this module will do X and Y, I will use good old interfaces and design based on abstractions so that stuff does not get glued too much.

TM: But why? Make good old processor with all the logic and throw objects at it.

ME: B-but unit tests, decomposition and othet stuff...

TM: *insists and forces me to agree*

ME: *gets shit done his way, TM checks on code review and complains but generally doesnt give a fuck*

ME: Ok, its done. Lets get shit shipped.

TM: Well, we were just told by PM that we will need to process one more source with much different logic that does not fit current solution (he did meant GOD-PROCESSOR, idea of his).

ME: What do you mean? *injects another contextual implementation of processing logic to template method pattern solution*.

TM: I will tell PM you cant make it because of the implementation.

ME: But I just did it...

TM: Impossible, processor needs to be reimplemented. Get your shit together!

ME: *still doesnt get the shit about the god processor love*

TM: *rage quits next month*

ME: *module gets reused once more 2 month later, profit*

when your teammate finds the existing endpoint that returns what you need after you frankenstein some dumbass shit from other existing endpoints that you managed to find

fuck me

A loooong time ago...

I've started my first serious job as a developer. I was young yet enthusiastic as well as a kind of a greenhorn. First time working in a business, working with a team full of experienced full-lowered ultra-seniors which were waiting to teach me the everything about software engineering.

Kind of.

Beside one senior which was the team lead as well there were two other devs. One of them was very experienced and a pretty nice guy, I could ask him anytime and he would sit down with me a give me advice. I've learned a lot of him.

Fast forward three months (yes, three months).

I was not that full kind of greenhorn anymore and people started to give me serious tasks. I had some experience in doing deployments and stuff from my other job as a sysadmin before so I was soon known as the "deployment guy", setting up deployments for our projects the right way and monitoring as well as executing them. But as it should be in every good team we had to share our knowledge so one can be on vacation or something and another colleague was able to do the task as well.

So now we come to the other teammate. The one I was not talking about till now. And that for a reason.

He was very nice too and had a couple of years as a dev on his CV, but...yeah...like...

When I switched some production systems to Linux he had to learn something about Linux. Everytime he encountered an error message he turned around and asked me how to fix it. Even. For. The. Simplest. Error. He. Could. Google. Up.

I mean okay, when one's new to a system it's not that easy, but when you have an error message which prints out THE SOLUTION FOR THE ERROR and he asks me how to fix it...excuse me?

This happened over 30 times.
A. Week.

Later on I had to introduce him to the deployment workflow for a project, so he could eventually deploy the staging environment and the production environment by hisself.

I introduced him. Not for 10 minutes. I explained him the whole workflow and the very main techniques and tools used for like two hours. Every then and when I stopped and asked him if he had any questions. He had'nt! Wonderful!

Haha. Oh no.

So he had to do his first production deployment. I sat by his side to monitor everything. He did well. One or two questions but he did well.

The same when he did his second prod deploy. Everythings fine.

And then. It. Frikkin. Begins.

I was working on the project, did some changes to the code. Okay, deploy it to dev, time for testing.

Hm.

Error checking out git. Okay, awkward. Got to investigate...

On the dev server were some files changed. Strange. The repo was all up to date. But these changes seemed newer because they were fixing at least one bug I was working on.

This doubles the strangeness.

I want over to my colleague's desk.

I asked him about any recent changes to the codebase.

"Yeah, there was a bug you were working on right? But the ticket was open like two days so I thought I'll fix it"

What the Heck dude, this bug was not critical at all and I had other tasks which were more important. Okay, but what about the changed files?

"Oh yeah, I could not remember the exact deployment steps (hint from the author: I wrote them down into our internal Wiki, he wrote them done by hisself when introducing him and after all it's two frikkin commands), so I uploaded them via FTP"

"Uhm... that's not how we do it buddy. We have to follow the procedure to avoid..."

"The boss said it was fine so I uploaded the changes directly to the production servers. It's so much easier via FTP and not this deployment crap, sorry to say that"

You. Did. What?

I could not resist and asked the boss about this. But this had not Effect at all, was the long-time best-buddy-schmuddy-friend of the boss colleague's father.

So in the end I sat there reverting, committing and deploying.

Yep

It's soooo much harder this deployment crap.

Years later, a long time after I quit the job and moved to another company, I get to know that the colleague now is responsible for technical project management.

Hm.

Project Management.

Karma's a bitch, right?

Worst collab was in bootcamp. Group projects always suck because there’s always someone not pulling their weight. In my case it felt like everyone was terrible. My only regret was not putting a specific person on my “don’t want to collab” list when groups were being assigned. That probably would have saved me from so much stress.

One person in my group didn’t know how to start up the project…two weeks into us working on it. She even had the privilege of having an outside mentor. Mentor didn’t know how to work the project either—but let’s be real, that’s not the mentor’s responsibility. She forgot she needed to run npm install. We were six months into this bootcamp and she forgot one of the simplest commands.

Another person was just a follower and couldn’t think for himself. He was so faithful to another teammate’s choices and direction that I wondered if they were screwing each other. Other teammate could be absolutely (and destructively) wrong and he would defend her as “well she’s taking initiative and showing leadership.” It wasn’t leadership, it was bullying. They weren’t dating/screwing, but I did suspect he liked to be controlled/dominated by “strong”women.

The “strong” woman teammate is someone I suspect of being the spawn of Satan. You were only useful to her if you agreed with her or could help her. If you gave her any sort of pushback, she’d turn on you. I think she wanted me to be both her parent and her scapegoat for the sketchy things she wanted to do. She pulled a lot of bullshit and tried to blame everything on me. Seriously, she would invest a lot of time in stupid things like getting me to agree to use bitmoji for team pics; I just wanted to check with the bootcamp first because they might have an unwritten rule about using your real face for presentations so guests know who you are. I had to get the bootcamp staff to support me because she was out of control. She tried to say that I was sabotaging the group from day one. The staff explained to her how her story of me “sabotaging” the group doesn’t add up. She backed down a little but she’d still try to screw me over through the remainder of the project.

There was one dude who was alright. He was the keep your head down type. Spawn of Satan would be on his ass about being late to class and he’d just stare at her stoically. He was a husband and a dad so he was choosing how to expend his energy. I don’t like people being late either, but show some compassion and don’t snap at people.

If I saw these people again, I would not even pretend to be friends with most of them. Spawn of Satan especially: I’d take out my crucifix and send her back to hell.

I'm doomed.

My first production worker script is making multiple active attribute of a user. My script should be able to deactive the old attributes if there is new one.

Months ago, this issue occured. My teammate from team A take over the script to investigate since I am busy working with team B.

Yesterday, I found out that I, myself, overwrite the fix my teammate made for that because of a new feature.

I have to clean up the affected records on production on Monday..and i have to explain to my manager. T.T

LPT: ALWAYS PULL REPO before developing new feature...

We had to implement our own sorting algorithm for a Linkedlist. My teammate was in charge of implementing this. I took a look at his algorithm when he pushed his changes. He was transforming the Linkedlist into an array, sorting it, then re-creating the linkedlist from the array.

I can still remember the "junior developer" days when I and my teammate literally cried together in front of the computer screen trying to solve a bug. Thank you for the memories, Jared (aka lodimorph)

class name for section named "liability" is "liab"
class name for section named "dedcutible" is "deduct"
class name for section named "personal property" is "personal-prop"
class name for section named "personal liability" is "personal-liab"

I don't know who you are, but you are a twisted evil teammate and I wish you fired.
You've ruined my day, hope you're happy.

Teammate has been slacking since a week: not joining standups, not joining calls, stuff like that. Upon asking , he does give info which is needed from him, over slack. He is a pretty good engineer and has won a company award this year.

Today manager scolded him pretty harshly. No direct slangs, but very rude tone and sentences like ‘do you need special invitation to your house to join this meeting?’ , ‘If you don’t want to work, just fuck all this shit’ and things along this line for 10 mins. Basically manager lost his shit completely.

I didn’t like the way he was treated. What options does my teammate have ? We’re based out of Hyderabad, India.

Hello everyone :)

I left a job a while ago (8 month maybe a little more), before me alot of the team left, and the lasts ones left after me.
They hired back an ex teammate from years ago (he actually started the POC), but he doesn't do php so much and don't know symfony and he's alone. I'm not either (i don't like php), i was doing python and admin sys for them, but i saw the project going/evolving for two years, so i can help them.
They contacted me a week ago, asking me some help. I said yes, (because i believed in the company and i'm too nice i guess), so i spend two days making a new script to setup the environment and serveur and also had to do some package update on the project (late shit with pear php apparently).
I don't have any way to make a bill, i don't own any company. So I'm not sure what i should ask for money, and if i should keep helping them.
(it has been my first serious real job, and i put some money in the company that i took back).
Should i keep helping for nothing even if it's only few hours the month or should i change this situation fast?! (already worked 20h for them, and the boss a nice guy)

Thanks devRant

3 years ago,
Team of 3(team's first and last competition together). ICPC ACM Multiprovisional round.
1st question super simple. Teammate came up with the algo.
I was the one who wrote the code. Missed a brace after a 'if' statement.
Wasted 45 mins, debugging and coming up with new approaches. From a possible top 10 rank finish, we got 44th at the end of the competition.
If I wouldn't have done this silly mistake, our team wouldn't have failed.

I'm part of a robotics team in my highschool. We work on autonomous robots, which are driven with microcontrollers like the Arduino and "bare" Atmel chips.

Last year we were using a protocol called CAN. CAN is a bus which runs at 1Mbps and it is quite easy to connect devices together. (It's a bus ofc it is). BUT... it needs a terminator at the end, mostly 120 ohm.

Every year we are on a deadline and something broke on our current board and we needed to solder up a new one, but we couldn't find the 120 ohm terminator... ANYWHERE!

At end after searching for it in the workshop for 4h straight (12am- 4am) we finally found it, and soldered up the new board and guess what... it wasn't what we thought, the code was the problem.

After realizing the problem my teammate and I, in silence just stood up, packed our things and went home. Argh!

Get a message from our teammate explaining o auth. First off, I mean come the fuck on. Second I was building our authentication for a fucking week. It's all around slack and the commit messages.

Then again when you don't even check the fucking repo ever, you won't know the progress. Yes, this is the jackass from my last rant. Sweetheart will only be able to be there 15 minutes before class ends today. Obviously, I'm not going as I don't care about the outcome of this shit at all at this point. I have access to the orgs and repos as the creator. Whenever I decide to get some real work done, I'll just ban his bitch ass.

I can't believe this fucker actually tried to explain o auth like he was talking to a child. I wrote back that he can look at the week long discussion we already had about authentication. Fucking idiot.

- why did you enter test data text value with this <script> html? Don't do that. Use normal text

this is something I've never expected to hear from a php/react dev.... I'm truly disappointed. I really am.

On top of that he refused to follow my recommendations to google: "xss". Another teammate had to google for him and drop a link.

Just when I was about to like working with this guy.... :(

Forget about complex problems, understanding context of your teammate thoughts is hard

So, yeah it's been a month in the industry for me now. Rant time - I got mind fucked when I saw my teammate making a drop-down list which was editable, when I confronted him and explained him the disadvantages of that. His explanation is that user will not take advantage of that as the feature is for our internal use. But on a positive note he fixed it.

Has any of you worked with someone claiming he's a "Senior Software Engineer" but he does not know what he's doing? I'm not saying I'm a very good developer myself but I know how to differentiate a good code from a garbage code and architecture. It's really becoming a pain in the ass...

When you find a fix that is consistent and covers all edge cases, then your teammate writes two different work arounds .

Not from a teammate, but using Ionic to create a banking app, I was about to have a heart attack seeing my brother forced to use it :|

According to my teammate, punctuation and rules of grammar doesn’t exist. This lady raises a PR and you can’t fucking understand shit.

Project teammate has abnormally erotic feelings for bootstrap. I understand why it's useful in some cases but he's using only like 10% of it (the grid) and not even using it properly

Me: Open Jira. See 8 point story skip QA column and move into Done.
Ask dev why it didn’t go through QA.

Teammate: Oh, did they want to test this?

Commence argument that **all** stories need to go through QA.

Teammate sends me the site logo in messenger with white background to use it in production...

When a fellow programmer/teammate, who tends to be a little to extroverted for my tastes, decides he had nothing to do for the last hour and wants to come talk. An hour and a half later it finally makes sense to just call it a day.

Had Arduino for months, couldn't get MPU6050 working, because of a lack of time and other stuff. (Need it for long term college project, data logging blah blah)
Gave it to project teammate to figure it out, who hates even touching hardware, BTW.

He figures it out in an hour (adjusting baud rate for supply voltage)
I feel like a complete idiot.
🙁

One teammate during Standup - I'm working on the things I should be working on.

Teammate turned my neat minimal service architecture into dog's breakfast.
Now I don't know which one I hate more. Him or ROS.

When your teammates suck. You did your part of the code and the 1 single thing you left for your teammate is trash.

8 months ago, me and my teammate developed an API and a web application for one of our client. The API was supposed to be consumed by mobile app which another team was working upon. Now my suggestion for the mobile team was to use something like ionic or react-native. This was purely to keep technical debt on lower side since hybrid apps don't deviate too far for both Android and iOS platforms. But mobile team went with the native apps and developed two separate apps which both have some differences.

The client didn't even use the iOS app since past 6 months. Now all of a sudden she reported several bugs and the person managing the mobile devs put that all on us. I tested some of the bugs and seems like the same feature is working on Android but not on iOS.
Came to know later that the iOS developer who was working on the app had resigned and left the company exactly 6 months ago. Right after the apps first launch. And since then mobile team hasn't put any replacement person for the project. That fucker was trying to buy some time by putting it all on us.
And now here I am, experimenting again with Flutter. So far it seems quite decent.

I feel bad for ranting about this.

So I just came out of a projects where a teammate was really slow. It's not that they weren't trying, like I was sitting across from them and can see them working. But seriously fing donkey balls, SO SLOW and subpar, it wasn't slow and steady to win the race, it was slow and steady to just barely pass.

Like we had two weeks for this project, we've had all of the planning done, now on the last 4 days it was just finishing up the implementation. And everything to come out of this person would take ages, slow everyone else done, and would need to be redone by someone else.

I really do feel bad for hating, cuz this person is doing there best and it's just not good enough. They listen, pay attention, but it's like they can't improve.

It just sucks... Because their ambition and effort is not being paid off and is pulling us down...

In a hackathon, my team decided to work on a Android app as a challenge to ourselves. It was our first Android app development and we were very excited at first. But after awhile, one of my teammate (the usual problematic one) gives up implementing the recyclerview after few hours of struggling, and decided to 'fk it' and watch YouTube linustech. As such, I have to takeover and implemented it within an hour by just googling and following some tutsplus tutorial. What do you do with this kind of teammate?

Fixed something that was giving our team a lot of trouble. Teammate asks, "How did you fix that?!?". I said, "I'm a code whisperer." Which really just means I whispered to the code, "Please work. Why won't you work. I just need you to work." The code replied, "Okay, but just this once. And only because you've been in the fetal position crying about me for two hours."

So apparently my computer is autonomous and talks now. What about you guys?

!rant!
I have replaced a dev in a company where the project already started and it is shit! The project is directed already to fail, no requirements documentation, no proper communications, and a stubborn dev teammate.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

All the documents that we have right now is I am the one who created it. Like c'mmon! this project is already going for 1 year and I recently just joined the team!

So I’m in a bit of a pickle.
I’ve become involved with a pretty fast paced group project. We’ve got 9 weeks to write up a mock PDR and all of the communication is done through Discord and teleconferences. As of last week an issue came up where one of the teammates (Black) felt accused by Red of being called authoritative and feels disrespected by the following message: “I don't know if I'm picking up on it correctly, but it feels like you want to control every situation. I feel like you're trying to take on a part of everyone's role so that you also need more people a part of each sub category. I think whatever happened is done whether we did turn it in late or not, I don't think we need to pressure others to do more that is needed. Also, Project Manager's dad passed. Not to make it an excuse, but I think it should be taken into consideration. Also, we didn't even verify all the positions til the meeting we had. So even still, we would have had to turn it in late since there were so many arrangements
If you don't trust your other members to do their job without having to be supervised, it can be counterintuitive to the whole teamwork aspect.” This message was sent after we missed a deadline to submit a team organization chart and Black team member insisted on becoming a third Assistant Project manager while making it seem as the other 2 APM’s were incompetent at their job.
Although I agree that it is difficult to communicate all of your emotions through written messages, I still think that taking your tone into consideration is crucial when working remotely. Am I wrong? Is there a better way to work with this team member? It’s still very early on in the project and this is the first time I’m working on a project with others with very little face to face communication. Typically when similar issues became present in other group projects, we would all sit down and discuss it and try to reach an agreement (or at least an understanding of where everyone is come from). Any advice is seriously appreciated.

My masters final project and had only one girl in my group who could do front end. 3 months to do it and after 2 months we don't even have a landing page. Had to make a okayish looking design with another teammate.

Day 3 as the Junior Dev.
Co worker fucks every time on defining functions in python

What my asshole teammate does is:

def someShitFunc():
print(shit)

And he was clearly instruct to return value not print the value what a jerk he is.

I have to fix his all problems and in meeting he brags how his code worked. What a sucker.

A teammate wants to transition from our current team to another team while there was an ongoing project.

Ended up leaving the whole project to me. FML

So, I was doing some basic engineering project at uni with a teammate but we didn't realize that we were working in a detacted head state in git (due to poor set up of the working environment on his part).
After a 3,5 hours of work, we need to push to the repo and we get an error.
I take control to try to understand what was going on, and in doing so, I (mistakenly?) check out to another branch.
Git garbage collector kicks in and we can't checkout to the previous branch anymore (where all the work was made).
My friend panics and calls the professor, who explains to us how we lost everything and there is "a 100% no hope of recovering our work".

Felt like poop. But wasn't satisfied. I had read somewhere that you don't lose stuff so easily on git. Went home.
After five minutes I was able to recover everything through git reflog feature.

Moral #1: professors should know about the existence of reflog

Moral #2: please use git plug-in in your bash /zsh. Please.

My new teammate have more experience than me, but is very humble. Damn, this deserves a beer!

Schoolproject teammate refuses to pull my changes in git before applying his because he thinks we're going to have conflicts ?!?!?!

Hey folks!

! Do not read further or open this rant if you are likely to be offended!

I always wanted to know but had no nice way to ask so I'm just gonna shoot.

Most of you must have worked/be working with foreign people: canadians, french, chinese, etc. How would you describe those people as colleagues [e.g. lazy, stubborn, chatty, etc.]? The goods and the bads would be perfect.

The topic is sensitive. Please be polite but sincere. This question nor its answers are not meant to offend anyone. We all have our cultural differences, we all have been taught different. I'm just wondering what could I or anyone else expect from each foreign teammate.

one of my previous employers would just box up your stuff, if you were fired or transferred. Once, a teammate came back from lunch to find her stuff boxed up and thought she was fired, when she'd actually been promoted to another team for a job she'd applied to months before

I was watching cards @ rams on Monday. Commercials were on so naturally I was using my phone when suddenly I hear the slack's notification sound from somewhere in the room. I look up thinking what teammate is messaging me and what could they possibly want, only to realize there's a slack advert on and the notification sound came from it. Why would slack show ad mid NFL games AND put a sound that everyone associates with work? I am 🤏 close to suing slack for causing work trauma outside work hours

This is more of an advice seeking rant. I've recently been promoted to Team Leader of my team but mostly because of circumstances. The previous team leader left for a start-up and I've been somehow the acting Scrum Master of the team for the past months (although our company sucks at Scrum generally speaking) and also having the most time in the company. However I'm still the youngest I'm my team so managing the actual team feels a bit weird and also I do not consider myself experienced enough to be a Technical lead but we don't have a different position for that.

Below actions happen in the course of 2-3 months.

With all the things above considered I find myself in a dire situation, a couple of months ago there were several Blocker bugs opened from the Clients side / production env related to one feature, however after spending about a month or so on trying to investigate the issues we've come to the conclusion that it needs to be refactorised as it's way too bad and it can't be solved (as a side note this issue has also been raised by a former dev who left the company). Although it was not part of the initial upcoming version release it was "forcefully" introduced in the plan and we took out of the scope other things but was still flagged as a potential risk. But wait..there's more, this feature was part of a Java microservice (the whole microservice basically) and our team is mostly made of JS, just one guy who actually works as a Java dev (I've only done one Java course during uni but never felt attracted to it). I've not been involved in the initial planning of this EPIC, my former TL was an the Java guy. Now during this the company decides that me and my TL were needed for a side project, so both of us got "pulled out" of the team and move there but we've also had to "manage" the team at the same time. In the end it's decided that since my TL will leave and I will take leadership of the team, I get "released" from the side project to manage the team. I'm left with about 3 weeks to slam dunk the feature.. but, I'm not a great leader for my team nor do I have the knowledge to help me teammate into fixing this Java MS, I do go about the normal schedule about asking him in the daily what is he working on and if he needs any help, but I don't really get into much details as I'm neither too much in sync with the feature nor with the technical part of Java. And here we are now in the last week, I've had several calls with PSO from the clients trying to push me into giving them a deadline on when will it be fixed that it's very important for the client to get this working in the next release and so on, however I do not hold an answer to that. I've been trying to explain to them that this was flagged as a risk and I can't guarantee them anything but that didn't seem to make them any happier. On the other side I feel like this team member has been slacking it a lot, his work this week would barely sum up a couple of hours from my point of view as I've asked him to push the branch he's been working on and checked his code changes. I'm a bit anxious to confront him however as I feel I haven't been on top of his situation either, not saying I was uninvolved but I definetly could have been a better manager for him and go into more details about his daily work and so on.

All in all there has been mistakes on all levels(maybe not on PSO as they can't really be held accountable for R&D inability to deliver stuff, but they should be a little more understandable at the very least) and it got us into a shitty situation which stresses me out and makes me feel like I've started my new position with a wrong step.

I'm just wondering if anyone has been in similar situations and has any tips or words of wisdom to share. Or how do you guys feel about the whole situation, am I just over stressing it? Did I get a good analysis, was there anything I could have done better? I'm open for any kind of feedback.

Was an internal auditor translating department process to a technical spec for a programmer. We were going to leverage an external company's API which would replace our need to use their slow and buggy web app.

During a meeting, an audit teammate suggested something be changed with the external service we were using. I said we could bring it up with the company but we shouldn't rely on it because we were a small customer even during out busiest month (200 from us vs 10000+ from big banks).

Teammate said we should have our programming team fix it. I made it clear that it was not our side and that to build out the service on our side was beyond our scope. Teammate continued to bring it up during the meeting then went back to desk after meeting and emailed us all marked up screenshots of the feature.

I ignored this and finished writing up the specs, sending them over to the programmer building out the service.

30 minutes later I get a call from programmer's manager who was quite angry at an expanded scope that was impossible (engineers were king at this company. Best not to anger them). Turns out my teammate had emailed his own spec to the programmers full of impossible features that did not reference the API docs.

I feel bad about it now but I yelled at my teammate quite loudly. I said he was spending time on something that was not reasonable or possible and when they continued to talk about their feature I yelled even louder.

Didn't get fired but it definitely tagged me as an asshole until I left. Fair enough :)

Not 100% hackathon, but I was once in one of those weekend coding challenges - aka: have idea, implement MVP, present to a Juri and get a chance to win a prize.

So, to start things off, you had a few months to prepare the idea, gather a team (minimum of 2, maximum of 5 per team) and register.

I gathered a few friends from university, that was cool. We were 5, I had the idea already, they agreed. I started talking business with some partners/governmental stuff (no time to explain all, ask in comments if you want to know).

2 weeks pass by after registering, still 1+ month before the event, 2 of the team members let me know they want to focus on university, so they cannot spend a weekend on this competition. Well, ok, still 3 people, no worries.

Fast forward, 1 week before the competition, another one says he won't be in town, we're 2. Still enough, we meet the requirements, it's just for the fun anyways.

Day 1 of the competition, I'm there waiting for my other teammate. Call him countless times, doesn't pick up. Later tells me he's sick.

I tell the organization about it. They asked: You can continue, but it's fine if you give up now.
> Yo, dafuck you mean give up? I'll die before I give up. It's for the fun anyways, worst case scenario I spend a nice weekend doing what I like *shrug*

So there I am, all alone, doing a first MVP of the mobile app in Android (without any prior android experience, and don't ask me why I chose to do mobile app for that project, was stupid back then).

Lots of nice things there, overall a good weekend, networking, food, gadgets and stuff like that.

Juri day, put on pretty clothes to present my super idea alongside my super MVP of the ugliest mobile app I've seen.

Judge 1: likes the idea, ugly app.
Judge 2: likes the idea, ugly app, could improve and work on the concept, etc
Judge 3: Lots of business questions, to which I came prepared with already potential clients and partners, liked that part although seemed a little confident of it working or not.
Judge 4: "Yo, that's the most stupid thing I've heard, not even gonna ask questions, that's just stupid"
Judge 5: A teacher in my university, the one to actually tell me about this competition, kind of like that meme from "How to train your dragon" where he does the thumbs up thing. Obviously the app sucks, but understandable, no one in the competition has much experience, bla bla bla

---

Final decision: No prize, fuck the idea, got a participation amazon voucher of like, $10 usd. *shurg*

--

Fast forward a few months, my aunt who shared the idea with me and who i was working with before the competition, sends me a link for an article on FB messenger.
The company where that MF judge worked at build a system exactly like the one I presented, claiming it was a very innovative idea. Never heard of them again, it was a consultation company (Deloitte), so I assume they didn't sell it well and dropped it also.

Moral of the story: I guess there's no moral, just have fun.

I hate programmatic auto layout. It's such a mess! Simple shit like cells that can easily be defined in a .nib become spaghetti coded messes that violate every good programming practice ever. Want to recreate the same style of cell again? Good luck reverse engineering the hieroglyphics your teammate wrote when creating the layout by hand. Never mind a whole bunch of useless shit is done in code that could easily be defined via runtime attributes through the storyboard. But why learn a new approach? Cause job security. Or because for some reason Interface Builder tools are seen as "too hard" or "not scalable" to use.. fuck me.

Okay why in the world is Console.Readline() in C# such a bitch? So I was working on this small simple chat application using C# and I had a super-freaked-out-ugly-code-vending team mate who volunteered to build the server side code. After trudging through his elaborate and highly complicated plan of working for the server, I decided to make the client accordingly and for close to an hour I had no clue why the program was sending an empty password field. A few debug messages later I realised that a line of code was getting skipped. The compiler was happily ignoring the Console.ReadLine that asked for the password from the user. I swear I felt like one of those parents in the shopping mall with their really disobedient kids.
Btw, I still haven't figured out how to fix the bloody thing.

PS: First rant post woohooo!

After debugging my embedded code for five hours my teammate just sent me a message "I just commited the latest PCB". Well thanks, after looking at the new layout I got the initial code working by just changing one variable!

Love it when a teammate goes on vacation before a release and maintaining their shitty non-tested code becomes my responsibility. Of course that’s in addition to completing my own tasks!

when you're already at the verge of getting the right code when suddenly your teammate asks you what you want to eat for lunch...

My “DevOps” teammate for a hackathon saves code in Google docs and sends me his contributions on WhatsApp.

Wouldn’t replace him for anyone else though.

That moment when you’re debugging, and you realize that your output files are not empty because your code isn’t working but because your code IS working... 😑

I changed the test files I was using so I wasn’t expecting that particular behavior. None of the input data met the requirements hence nothing was being written out. It wasn’t until I tried a larger test file that I realized my code was working.

A simple discussion with a teammate would have solved this. 👀😂

how do you go about working with a teammate that the best thing would be to rewrite the code he worked with for the last 5 months!?

I mean, no separation of concerns, layers upon layers of unnecessary abstractions, unneeded parallelism and mutex and whatnot...

Like, 5000+ lines of code that could be done in 400...

My teammate doesn't understand that the quantity of lines/method that he does in one commit nor the number of commits he does in one day translate directly into the quality of his commits.

How do I interview or access a potential teammate? What are the things to look out for and what are the appropriate questions to ask?
FYI: I am a Frontend Developer

tomorrow i will (finally) get a new teammate,

was working solo for 8 weeks now and in 2 months i will become parent and will take some time off

i wonder what's the best way for onboarding

i think i will try to do some pair programming until he gets the basic architecture and feels safe enough to work on his own

what's your experience on this, best onboarding you had?

How many of you have a team chant?My team has 'break it' as a chant!

I currently work on a project where every teammate is trying to write as complicated code as they can. I suppose the idea is that way the client could never understand the codebase and we'll be developing and maintaining forever. Now I have to develop a functionality for resizing and rotating SVGs and they probably expect me to write obfuscated code to.

This was a few years ago in my 2nd year of college. my very first foray into web dev for a team project. long story short, I wrote over 16,000 lines of code. teammate #2 wrote barely 1,000 lines. teammate #3 wrote around 250 lines, around 200 of which I had to rewrite anyway because it was such complete trash. and yet, still, it was this class that showed me I wanted to go into web dev. LOL

Trying to build a ros workspace inside VMware...
Called up the teammate who put it together:

Me: hey the workspace isn't building for me, do I need to setup anything before I type "make"?

Him: nah dude just type make and ur good, why what error are you getting?

Me: *describes error*

Him: oh lol I never got that error before, idk maybe your machine is just dumb

Me: *uh ok sure dude* let me try some other stuff
*Boots to native install of Ubuntu*
*Build successful*

Me: oh huh that's weird it built on my native installation but not on the VM

Him: oh lol that's not my problem

Seriously dude? First off, screw you Ros for not being able to build in a VM. Secondly, it's entirely your problem! Linux is nice to use, sure, but it's a bit of a problem when the entire team runs off Mac!

😲😲😲😣😥😫😓

It's frustrating when you tell your teammate after code review that they have to rework their code a bit to capture certain scenarios they've missed and they just scowl at you.

I'm just trying to make it easier for us in the long run!

Once in school, a teammate couldn't contribute real work, and is wiring the report. I asked him to write about how ABC should be like DEF, and those exact words appeared on the report draft.

Did an assignment where we had to emulate deadlock using C and openMPI, I wanted to make a generalised resource manager process and create deadlock by locking some resources using the other processes, but my teammate said that would be too hard and instead the resource manager was hardcode with for loops for the number of transactions we were gonna make cause it was just a proof of concept.

Then my marker literally leads with, let me tell you the story of a good programmer, and a better programmer. The good programmer writes a function called destroy_earth(), but the better programmer writes a function called destroy_planet(earth) and passes in earth. I sighed so fuckin hard, I should have spoken up.

Teammate used some excel sheet concoction/gimmick to execute hundreds of thousands insert statements on production tables. A few days later (when I'm on call), I find out he didn't adjust the cell formatting on the aforementioned excel "tool", so all the network addresses from the insert statements were put in scientific notation, on prod...thus breaking a lot of the things. FML

I am not as open minded and patient and a good teammate as I thought I was. Also either I am the biggest asshole on the planet, or I am so unlucky that I meet all kinds of assholes in my workplace, both past and present.

I have been helping out a teammate with a code fix but never wants to try my code solutions, instead he always complaints about it, even if they work and comply with the conventions. (I am his dev lead)

When your teammate is thinking more about his vacations and when he leaves, you find that he calls a variable "cruise" on a project that has nothing related to it

Last fight was with a teammate. He turned so paranoic about using JavaScript. He says that using tools from the browser like localStorage id a risk and can fail easily. (The detail here is: if you ask him what is ES6, you blow his mind)

This might be the worst day ever. The final presentation of our project was a failure! My build in corona didn't even work and sadly my teammate got mad and never talk to me again.

Me to team: eslint-plugin-import is tripling the time it takes to lint our project (literally adding minutes to the linting process). Do we really need it?

Boss: what does it do?

Me: ensures import paths are correct; reorders imports; ...

Teammate: imports should NEVER be reordered!

*cue debate about reordering imports that is still raging - my question is never answered*

When you have a new teammate, and he introduced himself as "the senior" dev of a company of about 40 devs, and later we found out that he doesn't know the difference between BLOB and TEXT in a SQL database...

Fuck you google for changing the filters in the chrome console. Before I could ignore warnings if they were fixed by another teammate in a diff branch. Now I have to go over 20 fucking lines of missing exports from a common lib file, which has 0 impact on my current work, because google decided to treat devs as retards.

If you dont know:
Before I could pick whichever outout I want (log, debug, warnings etc), and now I can only use "verbose", "info", "warnings" and "errors" 😡

Ugh, I can't even begin to express my frustration right now. So, picture this: I'm just minding my own business, trying to navigate through the chaos of my workload, when out of nowhere, I get a ping in a group chat with my manager. And who's the culprit? None other than my teammate who decided to take a casual day off.

But oh no, he didn't just leave it at that. No, instead, he decides it's the perfect time to swoop in with this sudden POC for testing MY project. MY project, people! And get this, he's blabbering on about how this POC should've been done ages ago. Like, excuse me? Do you even understand the complexity of what I'm working on here? Testing two measly APIs does not equate to the 50+ APIs I'm dealing with!

But wait, it gets better. Not only is he shoving this unwanted POC down my throat, but he's also suggesting that it should magically transform into a full-blown testing suite by the end of the sprint. And when's that? Oh, just in time for the next big release due next month. Because apparently, I have nothing better to do with my time than to cater to his whims while he's sunbathing on his leave.

And let's not even get started on the insultingly small bump in salary we received. I mean, seriously? We're busting our backs here, and what do we get? A pat on the back and a few extra pennies in our paycheck. But oh no, Mr. Vacation decides to waltz in, uninvited, and steal the spotlight with his flashy POC demo.

It's like he has zero respect for boundaries or common decency. I'm this close to losing my mind over here. Just when I thought things couldn't get any more frustrating, leave it to him to prove me wrong. Ugh, I need a break

- Teammate discovers a standard PaaS feature isn’t working and breaks core functionality in dev environment
- Teammate creates a support ticket to the PaaS company
- PaaS company says that they’re aware of the issue but don’t have a solution yet and advises to disable the feature for now
- Teammate ships the feature and leaves it enabled on production.
- Teammate thinks that “oh we know it’s broken, nobody is going to use it anyway”
- Customer uses the feature
- Shit hits the fan
- Teammate: *shocked pikachu face*

In the morning to afternoon i do coding, debugging and sometimes deploying. In the night i just already start to play PUBG. I dont know why i am interested to play this game at the time.

But what i’ve learned while playing it is like looting the weapon and amno, find the easiest enemiest first (bot is still existed in the real game) , make some rotation, call the teammate if i am being knockdown and unluckly we landed then dead without weapon (too-soon) and fight for getting Winner Winner Chicken Dinner !!

Its like what i am doing every single day tobe better as developer, find some literature or articel, try to solve an easiest task, deploy it and boom its getting error and suddenly need to hotfix after it’s work with return 200 expected and no error logs on my APM😅

If you guys play too, share me your pubg id on the comment below.

Lets make some fun party ✌️👍

months ago approve MR on different project done by teammate

completely forget the existence of that project later

QA teammate catches a bug in production but it wasn't and manager assigned that bug to that QA teammate to figure out it. without telling anything.

Looking for a teammate for AWS aurora database challenge

The cringeworthy moment when you approve a pull request and a teammate starts suggesting a ton of changes :/

I had some fun times in college.

Me: This book is too outdated, we need updated information for the video capture card presentation. I'd do it but this time I'm busy.
Teammate: I'll do it.
Me: oh wow really? Thanks!

Next week...

Teammate: here, take a look. I updated the information
Me: Yeah, I can see that all of those 10+ year old models have some fresh google search information in them. Thanks.

I cannot shout at my teammate who doesn’t know anything related to his work(at least pretends to not know anything). He asks me to do his tasks for me and when I deny saying I already have a lot of work to complete, he begs.

"I'm going to save space in my source code file by using obscure abbreviations for all my #define statements, and cramming as much C code into as few lines as possible."
- teammate who apparently has no idea how a preprocessor works, and who thinks "code density" literally means cramming lines of code in as small a space as possible in the source file!