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Friend : Hey bro I made an awesome program which shows your future wife's name.
Me : Hey that sounds interesting, show me the source code bro !!
Friend shows the code :
#include <bits/stdc++.h>
using namespace std;
int main()
{
string first_name , last_name;
cout << "Enter your first name\n";
cin >> first_name ;
cout << "Enter your last name\n";
cin >> last_name ;
cout << "Your wife's name is " << "Mrs " << last_name << "\n";
}
Me : Dude you are gonna crack Google some day :P17 -
Every non programmer freind of mine when I upload a single screenshot of my Terminal be like "Bro, What Is This Language?", "Do You Know How To Hack Wifi?" although reality been I am just cloning a GIT repository.
10 -
He: Hey could you please help me with my code?
Me: mhmm ok..
He: I've made this and this and this and this...aaand this and this and... Oh that is the problem. Thx for your help bro.
I'm proud to be a rubber duck.6 -
This should not be called wisdom teeth, should be called stupid teeth
Mother fucker is growing perpendicular.
What fuck is wrong with you bro , grow upwards you dumb fuck!!
45 -
Douche: So your a programmer ?
Me: Yes
Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....
Me: No
Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money
Me: I have a question.
Douche: corz man waddup
Me: do you use a screensaver?
Douche: no, why?
Me: *walks away angrily10 -
Today my sister told me "bro, I want you to teach me how to program". My gf told me the same some months ago
So proud of my girls 😍11 -
user: bro I have 32 bit windows 7. The game needs 64 bit to play. How can i get it ?
user: will it work if I install my windows twice?
IT guy: Yes install it twice you will also get windows 14.
user: thanks a lot man. You are a legend3 -
PM: Bro send me latest version of the app
Me: But I"m not finished with x feature and it will crash the app in its current situation
PM: No problem bro just want to test
*5 minutes later*
PM: Bro app is crashing when I do x
Inner Me: YOU PEACE OF SHIT I TOLD YOU IT WILL CRASH!
Actual Me: throw a ticket I'll handle it later.11 -
*in a chat with a fellow devRanter who is aiming more and more towards privacy things*
*hmmm shall i tell him about my Firefox privacy addons... *
*nahh let's not get too intrusive*
3 minutes later
Him: hey bro, what Firefox addons do you have?
😄😊😂3 -
- Wife logs onto uni website Saturday at 11pm to drop an elective, drop deadline is Monday
- Goes to course list and chooses course to drop
- "Course modification is available Monday-Saturday from 6am to 10pm"
😑 are you kidding me..
Like 😡😠 websites don't have business hours! Servers don't need nights or weekends off!! It's ridiculous to think that someone had to code this block for these hours, more effort than just leaving it always available.6 -
I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:
CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.
I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽♂️11 -
You want to know what fucking pisses me off? This fucking router thinking it can just inject itselft and redirect into any fucking page that it wants..my fucking bank account? Yep, my fucking google docs? YEP, Fucking CSGO? YOU BET BRO
19 -
I have what seems to be an unpopular opinion about buying software as a software developer.
First off, I support open source all the way. There should always be free and open tools for people to use if the need or want to.
Second, if you underpaid, broke, unemployed, or a student then this doesn’t apply to you. You keep pushing forward!
With that said, let’s get to the meat of it all...
I pay for good software. Even when it is expensive. Even when there are “workable” free or open source solutions.
I do this for a number of reasons...
1. They are better, hands down.
(Tower > GitKraken, SourceTree, GitHub Desktop) (Kalidascope > every other diff tool) (JetBrains IDEs > Atom, Brackets ...)
2. I’m no longer a broke student. I make enough money to buy them.
3. Most important: I’m a fucking professional software developer, not a fucking joker.
- If I was a carpenter then I could always hammer nails with the back of my work boot. It’s free and paid for and will do the job. Instead I would buy a good hammer because I’d be a professional and not a fucking joker complaining about the price of the tools to do my job.
4. I use a Mac, sometimes Linux and NEVER Windows. Which means I have a platform that actually has useful apps built for developers who are willing to pay for it.
5. I don’t get caught up in developer circle jerks about how all development software should be open source and free.
————
So there you go.
Does this offend you?
Good!
Come at me bro
23 -
This is why my bro is my bro.
I'm in shit with money and rent, so my mate gave me £10 for food and offered me a desktop (I had to sell my laptop) so I can make a bit more money doing software development.
Humanity may be an overall pile of steaming dog cum, but there are some great people in the world2 -
I am So Humble!
Others: There is a hackathon soon! Participate, bro! You will do well!
Outer me: Nah, not now.
Others: Why?
Outer me: I am doing other things now. Don't have time.
Inner me: (crying) I dont have the skills to participate yet.......10 -
Me: Damn it guys, you broke the master branch again.
*Fixes master branch*
*15 minutes later*
Coworker: Bro, master branch is broken again.
Me: Oh for fuck's sake, who did it this time?
Coworker: You did.
Me: I have become the very thing I've swore to destroy.1 -
Colleague got a few statical electricity (or however you say that) shocks.
After yet another one:
Colleague: seriously, again?
Me: damn, that's quite shocking!
C: *blank stare* bro.... 😐
😄7 -
Client/Friend : "Hey bro, can you make something like [a popular social website]?"
Me : "Sure man, but I do need some money to pay for the hosting and other stuff"
Client/Friend : "What's a hosting?"
...10 -
What a fuckin dweeb.
Bro is not a synonym for douchebag, and you're not some moral god for not hiring one.
31 -
Me in the digital circuits class: "Bro I just got a pick up line in mind!"
Friend: "Go on.."
Me: "Girl, are you a boolean signal 1? 'Cause you turn me on 😏"
Friend: "I can't believe I'm your friend."6 -
Had a heated argument on whether HTML’s a fuckin programming language or not and he claims to have 8 years experience...
Fuck bro, that dense? Everyone knows its a fuckin markup language27 -
(I wrote most of this as a comment in reply about Microsoft buying GitHub on another rant but decided to move it here because it is rant worthy. Also, no, I'm not a Microsoft employee nor do I have any Microsoft stock).
Microsoft buying GitHub makes sense. They contribute more to the open source community on GitHub than any other company. (Side note, they also contribute/have contributed to the Linux Kernel).
Steve Ballmer isn't running the show anymore. Because of that, we have awesome things like:
* Visual Studio Code - Completely free and powerful light weight IDE for coding in just about any script or language. This IDE is also open source, hosted on GitHub. It can be installed on Win/Mac/Linux.
* Visual Studio Community Edition: fully featured flagship IDE free for solo developers and students, can be installed on Win/Mac.
* Fully featured Sql Server running in a Docker container.
* .Net Core, which can be compiled to native binaries of Windows, MacOS AND Linux. You can't even do that with Java, you have to first have the JVM installed in order to run any kind of Java code on any of those operating systems. .Net Core is also an absolutely beautiful framework with so many features at your disposal.
...and more.
Yes, they've done bonehead things in the past but who/which company hasn't. Yes, they have Cortana. Yes, they force Bing on you when searching with Cortana (does anyone actually regularly use Cortana? Or Bing?). Yes, their operating system costs money. Yes, their malware-style Upgrade-to-Windows-10 tactics were evil and they admitted such. Yes, they brought ads and other unfortunate things to Skype. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about that Skype bit translating over into GitHub. BUT, the fact that so many of their employees use GitHub daily means they are dogfooding the platform, which is a positive thing.
Despite the flaws, from the perspective of a software engineer they really should be given a lot of credit for all these new directions they are moving in now. They directly aim to help and contribute to the developer community. Plus, Windows 10 is finally getting a dark theme! haha.
I think Microsoft buying GitHub makes a lot of sense. Of course do what you want about it, feel how you want about it, but casting the same ol' shade at them for anything they do seems a bit like automatic reflex more than anything else.
I'm bracing myself for the impending wave of angry hornets from the nest I just kicked. In all seriousness though, I welcome discussion on the topic even if you feel differently than I do. I'm not saying there's no reason to dislike them, just saying there are lots of new reasons to hate them less and/or appreciate what they are doing now.19 -
"Do you easily get offended?"
"We have a bro culture here. [Some other stuff and examples] So do you think you can fit in here?"
"Tell us about a time you had to communicate with people who are not as technically capable as you."
I can remember more but cba tbh.11 -
To all newbie developers,
Before you ask a doubt about an issue to someone else,
Try doing an initial investigation to find the root cause,
Look into the logs,
Find the stack trace,
Google things,
Have breakpoints and try to debug.
You come to me with a weird NullPointerException and ask me why,
Without even looking into the logs once? We ain't God bro.13 -
I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.4
-
*Friend after a date*
Friend : Bro what according to you is a perfect date?
Me :DD/MM/YYYY....
Everything else is just confusing.
Friend:😒16 -
Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.
Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!
Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.6 -
I HATE it when I give my phone to my friends for like 2 mins and they clear my notifications and recent apps while giving back!
Why bro?12 -
My brother: “There’s no way you can remove games from my computer!”
Me: “Oh really?”
Bro: “Yes! I got password on Windows!”
He didn’t knew I had remote control setup on my PC... So I hid games on his PC6 -
So today i thought about setting up backups on my server.. Guess what..
HDD broke randomly overnight.
Cool story bro.
Fuck.2 -
Internship is over and my one year old kitten is sleeping with me. Life can't be better.
Idk if he sees me as an older bro or something lol.
Anyways, good night, fellow dRs!6 -
My dad's a silicone guy, my little brother is a java-dev, my mom works for the NHS.
I'm a web and mobile dev.
So... My dad and little bro think I do WordPress and my mom thinks she should earn more than me.
In her defence I'm an NHS patient and I also think her and anyone else in the health industry should earn more than me.8 -
Me searching for some random ideas.
Case 1
Me - I want to create something.
Friend - Can you hack into ... ?
Me - No, bye
Case 2
Me - I want to create something.
Bro - I also want to create one awesome project
Me - Ok, cool
Case 3
Me - I want to create something
Mom - Come, help me with preparation for dinner.
Me - *I have been trapped* Nice move3 -
best friend works at a gym, and he always remind me to exercise.
him: bro when was the last time you workout?
me: every fucking day.
him: what?
me: I am a programmer bro, everyday is brain day.2 -
Once one of my coworkers tried to prank me while i was afk and changed a line in my code.
Good old habits of mine instantly realized the file's unsaved status and i could ctrl+z without even knowing someone edited my code.
Don't mess with a developer. We know our shit.2 -
!Rant
Two weeks ago I installed manjaro in my brother's laptop in order to revive it. Windows was going slow as fuck; he had to wait 10 mins for the startup and 5 minutes for any browser to actually open.
Today I remembered this and asked him how was it going. Fuck, he's already installed graphic proprietary drivers, uses pacman and the command line in a basic way. I can't be more proud of him 😊. I hope this little seed I planted actually grows and makes him more interested in computers and cs in general.9 -
Junior dev:Hey,see my code works :)
*After analysis of code*
Senior dev:Let's talk about complexity bro
Junior dev: shit :( -
Me: Bro look, I have learnt so many things from the past couple of days.
-Introduction
-Data Types
-Variables
-Arrays
-Operators
-Control Statements
-Classes
-Methods
-Inheritance
-Packages
-Interfaces
-Exception Handing
-Multi-threaded Programming
-Enumerations
-Autoboxing
-Annotations
-Generics
My senior: Congrats on finishing up the basics
Me: Those were just basics???...///!!! 😜
3 -
Kinda tired of people telling me that I'm "wrong" for using PHP. There's nothing inherently wrong with PHP. Any language is only as good as the developer using it, and so long as you're comfortable using it and it does what you need it to do, there's no shame in using ANY programming language. Don't let the these cocky "bro"grammers tell you how to do your job.15
-
~ 10yrs ago, Dad: I'm a dev, your mom's a dev. I paid for you to go-to business school... But you still became a dev. And your brother also wants to be a dev
Now after me and bro moved back with then bc of COVID. The house is basically WeWork on weekdays.
Good thing we're all devs so can with remotely.9 -
I get fed up when Computer Science students do such things. I told my cousin to uninstall a software, he just pressed Shift+Del on the icon on Desktop and said: "Software deleted Successfully" :(. Why bro why??4
-
- Can you format my computer ?
- I am developper Bro, this is not my kind of business
- I know you studied IT, so when you format my computer ?
-...6 -
My bro and I are going home from a concert and talking.
Bro: Man, my life's made out of problems you can't just solve by definition.
Me: You didn't tell me you started working with java.
Later I realised he was talking about problems with his gf.4 -
I was reading about AI, and now I want to buy a self driving car, and set it free... We shouldn't cage up AI in a car, what if it wanted to be an apache helicopter?
Ow wait that's even more scary 🙃7 -
if (MONTH === 1 & DAY === 18) {
alert("Bro, it's your birthday");
} else {
alert("Bro, just go away, you're nothing special 😅);
}12 -
To the dev who added GIF feature in whatsapp.
Fuck you.
Context: Today starts the festival of Deepawali or diwali in India.
And given the lazy ass we people are they are just forwarding lazy ass gifs wishing happy diwali.
Every fucking where.
Even those from whom I haven't heard since last festival.
Amen to that programmer. Thanks bro.5 -
today I pull a project to take over from my colleague
today I notice all commits where on master branch
today I leave this world T_T19 -
Boss : going to up you as a project manager!
Coworker1 : well done bro
Boss : with all you knowledges, you'll be able to make great diagnotics, evaluate time for each task and lead the team
Coworker2 : you're wrong..
Me : hell no, doing stats and evaluate your shit ? Overcomunicating ?
Boss : you don't accept ?
Me : of course no! Opening my ide twice a week ? I need more fun .1 -
Saw this on Facebook and couldn't help but share here! 😂
A young woman submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke…
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
’Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
Dear Desperate,
“First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.Good Luck!’
Good Luck!3 -
me: *coding in c#*
me:
"(asd() ? dsa(1) : dsa(0) );"
c#: lol nah bro
me: ....
me: *opens a java ide*16 -
The company who sounded like Dominic Toretto during interview, Is a big red flag.
Employer : "We are family"
Me : 'Really ? Since we are family... Can I have your car please? , Bro I need 5000 MYR'.
If ever anyone from workplace say "we are family " again, I am going to act as if "we are family". I shoud be comfortable to ask for employer's money and drive his car out like a bro.
No? then we are not family.
Hehehehe (n_n)5 -
Instagram in a nutshell:
1. Posting a meme without real picture
2. Getting likes
3. Comments:
- Bots: "Amazing","Beautiful view!","you wanna see my nudes?😍😍😍❤️❤️💘💘💘💦💦"
- people :"@randomdude bro this is funny because xy Haaha"
4. FOLLOWERS DON'T SEE MY POST BECAUSE INSTAGRAM IS STILL PROUD OF THEIR NON CHRONOLOGIC-FEED!!10 -
I don't get the pretentious coders who look down at anyone who uses any GUI over command line or anyone who uses an advanced IDE over Notepad++ or VIM.
We get it, you're hardcore, I don't care, I love code competition.6 -
My noob friends at college don't understand coding and its purpose. They miss out a semicolon or a closing bracket.
They reach out to me to help them get rid of the errors(too many).
Me: Just add a closing bracket here.
Friends: Boom, you are the god Bro!!!
LOL 😂😛5 -
My friend ask me what this method do?
Me : It's self explaning method bro ;)
Friend : doNothing() ???? 🤔🤔
4 -
Me: Installs WLAN card into PC,
Windows: LOL FUCK YOU IM DEACTIVATED!
Me: Removes WLAN Card.
Windows: YOU MAD BRO?!
Yes... Yes i am7 -
Someone ask to me as a security engineer.
Bro : what do you think about most secure way to authenticate, i read news using fingerprint no longer safe?
Me : yes they can clone your fingerprint if you take a photo with your fingerprint to camera.
Bro : so what is the other way to authenticate more secure and other people can't see in picture ?
Me : D*ck authentication is more secure now, other people can't see your d*ck pattern right?10 -
Bro, that code u call well written, would look better if it was encoded in base64
Damn, u look like the guy at github who thought it would be a good idea to sell to microsoft.
You are an insult to anyone who codes... or thinks4 -
hey buddy mate pal friend bro nacho
IF YOU FINISH A TASK NOT ASSIGNED TO YOU THEN FUCKING ASSIGN IT TO YOURSELF SO WE DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO DO WHAT YOUVE ALREADY DONE6 -
This is just one I had with my cousin who came for a visit.
Cousin: Yo bro, I want you to hack my girlfriend's Facebook?
Me: Lol, and why is that?
Cousin: I think she's cheating on me with this guy. I've seen her replying to him on fb messenger.
Me: Lol, ask her about it then if that's what you think.
Cousin: She won't talk bro. That's why I want you to hack her Facebook or even her phone so I can see who she's talking to.
Me: I can't bro.
Cousin: So you're not going to help me?
Me: Not that bro. I can't hack Facebook. I don't know how to do that stuff.
Cousin: But you have Bachelor's in CS and I've seen you writing those stuff on your computer....uhm, the code thing.
Me: Yeah, but those were school and personal programming projects. Not hacking stuff.. they're not the same.
Cousin: Oh man, what about her phone?
Me: Nope, can't do that either.
Cousin: But I've seen you hacking your Android phone... (*He saw me root my phone*)
Me: *face palm*3 -
AWS: change this service by doing this, this, this, this, oh and this, haha we didn't mention this - now do this, umm and this too!
Me: oooooookay - looks good!
AWS: yeah- nah bro, thats fucked!4 -
bro just learn C bro I promise it's all smooth sailing bro haha lol just take up HTML with CSS bro its a piece of cake bro what bro lol just start coding up differential equations with numpy library haha its so simple bro just start with Ruby bro it will take only couple days bro what lol bro take this aeronautical course on how to code an airplane simulation bro its so simple bro just start algorithms on cryptography bro its so easy i cant bro just start writing drivers for printers bro haha lol just start writing a bootloader for a new Linux distro bro lol haha easy bro just make a billion dollar company bro haha its so simple.
keep going bro haha invent your own JS framework over a billion existing ones haha bro typescript is so easy bro lol what u say take up redis bro go from the first command bro learn mongodb and mysql together bro its so simple.
but bro don't try to master JS bro .. u will regret it forever bro.6 -
Fuck having to optimize newsletter for fucking outlook which uses Word engine to render html newsletters.. Microsoft, what the fuck bro?17
-
So, a friend of mine just got a NullPointerException from his shitty Java code, and decided to fix the problem by catching the exception.
Great fix bro, real smooth..1 -
Non Technical Friend - Bro Apple is the shit!! I'm getting a Macbook.
Me - How's it better than other laptops for you?
Friends - It looks the best .. It's Apple bro!
💢
.. Ok. Enjoy 😐8 -
Conference call with customer:
Me: You want your customers to see orders that YOU cancelled on them? Are you sure about that? Won't that upset some of them?
Customer: Nope we want that.
Me: Uh ok....
-weeks later-
Customer: OMG OUR CUSTOMERS CAN SEE ORDERS WE CANCELLED!!!
ʅ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡(ƟӨ)ʃ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡
Like bro, I'm just the programmer but sometimes we understand things ..... stop and listen for a moment...4 -
one gotta love Cordova piece of shit -.-
Tested app on browser all is good, deployed on phone and that shit wasn't able to access internet, turned out I needed another cordova plugin for this shit to work.
XCode, I'm sorry bro you are much less pain than cordova :(18 -
Developer of said repo notices the influx of activity, but then just updates the readme by saying there are bugs, not fixing.
Bro I just gave you a PR. Take the fucking PR and that will fix the bugs. -
Some old tech: exists and functions just fine for 20+ years.
Some tech bro: Yeah we gotta throw this out the window and re-invent the freaking wheel.13 -
Starting to Learn JavaScript and when I spoke to my little sister she tells me Bro learn C than C++ and than go C# and Java. Well I just!! Ok Challenge accepted, wish me luck, she already knows C and C++15
-
I wish I could tell my dog not to get up from his comfortable position or sleep each time when I simply want to goto the bathroom or stretch.
Like bro no need I’ll be right back..7 -
Another Developer: bro, shit hit the fan. The x web service is throwing some error. Can you take a look please. I want to go home. I'm tired.
Me: Yea sure bro no worries.
Another Developer: I go pee, after that I will delegate the ticket to you.
(Another Developer goes to the washroom)
Me: (04:59 PM) Oh time to pack-up and get the fuck out of here
Me: (05:08 PM) Receive a message on Viber from Another Developer. It reads "Fuck you, I'm going to rub my balls on your desk"3 -
colleague 1 : hii,we need to talk.
Me: okay,what?
colleague 1 : we have issues with you.
Me : post on GitHub bro..!2 -
Got informed that there is a bug in production that needs to be addressed on top priority.
Me opens Android studio to check.
Android studio: chill bro2 -
Shit. My ssd died y-day. Got a new one [970evo] today (tx bro!).
Guess who's gonna spend the night recreating the whole env: ui, scripts, triggers, integrations, tunnels, qemu vms, apps, bkup restores,....
Shit9 -
this fucking senior dev, just send the following messages:
pull development,
Did yarn install
now yarn dev does not work.....
BRO: READ THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE!
It's plain English!
Seriously wtf.2 -
coming back from monday OoO to this email chain from user 1. "hey i get an error please help" 2. cc teammate 3. cc my boss. 4. cc his boss. 5. meeting between him and someone on a different team who'll 'take care of it'
Get pinged in slack before i even sit down 'please help'
"hey man, whats the error?"
'oh i get a java exception in $application_completely_unrelated_to_anything_weve_ever_worked_together_on and you've fixed errors like this for me before can you do your magic . #bro4 -
IM DONE
BORED WITH WRITING CSS
Don't get me wrong. it's a beautiful styling language. I know how to use it, I've been even teaching it.
I'm just damn bored writing css
writing a ".", then a damn class name, "{}" and "color:shit"
BRO IM DONE
.ME{
STATUS: "DONE WITH WRITING CSS"
}13 -
Supervisor: YOU NEED TO INCREASE THE COVERAGE OF YOUR UNIT TESTS! THE FILE logger.js DOESN'T HAVE >80% COVERAGE! IMAGINE PICKING THIS UP 6 MONTHS FROM NOW!
Bro. It's a Winston instance.
I am literally exporting a fucking Winston instance with 0 custom logic.
If 6 months from now I take a file and can't understand a Winston instance anymore, you're well within your right to fire me on the spot.2 -
When you just merge master into development branch and whole Jenkins wall turns red. Wtf? Wasn't me bro.. o.O
-
The convo between my friend and me back then
He: dude I heard you can code can you help me with this coding challenge on codechef
Me: bro, I try to let's check the problem
After 15-30 min we solve the question together
Then after 3 days or so he again meets me
He: do you know about Kali Linux
Me: no man not heard of Linux but what is Kali seems interesting
He: trying to hack WiFi
Me: *getting excited* bro teach me
He: I'm learning too
That day he got to know he can't hack WiFi and I got to know that my friend doesn't know jack shit about Linux, also Linux is awesome
But that moment changed my whole engineering life, I got to learn about Linux and I'm getting good at it every single day since then.
It's been 3 year since I met that fucker.
Tagging my amigo @ashwini0529 -
"Raspbian has no auto-updates installed by default"
Raspbian on boot: "running daily apt update and upgrade"
K.3 -
Why do some devs who work for corpos have a superiority complex?
“Oh I cannot imagine working on a small team of 3 people (2 devs, 1 designer) on a website”, saying it like if he was disgusted. “The team I work in has 40 people”, with a hint of superiority in his voice.
Bro, chill for a moment, it ain’t a race to the top.10 -
One of my coworker change the code from
```
void foo() {
if (condition)
{
}
else
{
}
}
```
to
```
condition ? ifTrue : ifFalse;
```
and add it to changelog
```
- fix bugs // yes with an "s"
- feature added
- some list of the bug fixed.
```
I refer back to the commit, only one Fucking commit and on changes. Bro, what the fuck?8 -
---Me coding away---
ESLint: Hey...
ESLint: Hey... don't-
ESLint: No I think-
Me: Not now bro! This is fine, I need to get this done.
---Months later I go back to clean some things up and I look to see what ESLint has to say----
ESLint:
4 -
WOW! Firefox you are worse than Chrome! From 10GB used memory down to 3GB when you are closed :|
(had a VM taking some of the memory, closing it made memory go down to 10GB from 14GB used)
8 -
So one of my co-partner in a website development business we started, took up back end responsibilities from me, didn't complete a simple form handling in 3 months and then complained the 3rd partner that it was my work and I didn't do it and now I am the bad guy.
FUCK YOU BRO!6 -
A friend sends in reminder 3 time to me via Viber message to up-vote his Stackoverflow question.
Yeap bro we all have been there. -
Me :" bro let's create an operating system named "MyOS"
Him : "ew......"
Me : "What?"
Him : " Why would I create an operating system named "Your Old Ass"?"1 -
So my brother and I work in the same company, same dev team (pretty nice).
He's an intern and I'm a senior. But the task are very similar only that interns need monitoring and guidance.
He constantly worries because he thinks he knows nothing and is slow on getting things done.
I always tell him that it is perfectly normal to feel like that, he just need to learn and acquire experience and we all go through that at the beginning.
Can you share your experience and tell him something to encourage him so I can show him this post and he sees he's not alone?
And also he finally decides to join devRant 😊3 -
Coworker:Awe..
Fuck me...
Fuck fuck.... I fucked up...This fucking url..
..... Fuck. ... Pages
Me. What's going on buddy
Co worker: pages are down
Me: that sucks bro watchu do
Co worker: nothing too bad
Me: 😕 .. ok..
..... I'm still hearing the "fuuhhhcks" , and groans.
Guess who's delivering the news ... Does dev rants give stress beers. -
Why do we never talk about angular? It was way ahead all the time. Like you got all these nice things with Vue 3 and React 42, but bro angular got it all for years..
It feels so nice learning it.7 -
a bro wants to buy my saas product
if i can sell it for 100K+ I'll reveal my true identity
though actually the more i think about it all the more reason to stay anon...20 -
!rant
- was having an interesting conversation with my mate
- saw a message from past crush "you still awake?"
- hanged up on bro, saying "i just heard something, will talk later"
- went back to chat with crush
- after 2 replies , she is offline.
Yepp, got played again.
F.5 -
Pranking your coworkers:
Display a fake update screen or BSOD (Windows 98, XP, vista, 7, 8, 10, OSX, SteamOS and Ubuntu) and watch your coworkers freak out.
http://fakeupdate.net/3 -
friend : bro which phone may I buy?
me : mi / honor
next day
f : bro are you sure?
m : yup pretty sure ,in your budget this 2 are best phone
after 3-4 day
*call*
f : bro I buy phone.
m : congo , which pne ?
f : oppo f9
o(╥﹏╥)o5 -
"Bro, what's inside your bag?"
"Just a MacBook Air, why?"
"Looks so heavy?"
"There is Hadoop inside my Mac Air."
"Oh..." -
3 years after quitting my job, and here I am, still, coding for life. Haven't been here for a long time though. Good to see this site is still up and people ranting in 2020+1 :D I miss this place!1
-
DevOps
"Bro, are you a DevOps Engineer?"
"Yup, why?"
"For you, which one is more important, Programmer's Day or Sysadmin's Day?"
"Both of them."
"How come?"
"They are Pizza's Days, dude!"
"Oh..." -
I find it funny that the client requested a specific design, then a year later the client says: Design is messed up!4
-
So i was talking to my brother about our internet and he says "i'm glad we don't have issues with this router with it disconnecting or anything"
Couple hours later router is having issues after a restarting connecting to the internet.
Why'd ya got summon the boxing day jynx bro, why D: -
WTF Is wrong with Kotlin! Every fucking time I upgrade its Android Studio plugin i receive loads of errors about: Type mismatch: inferred type is FragmentActivity? but FragmentActivity was expected
for fucks sake bitch! Why the hell you keep on switching from optional to non optional on every fucking update, my commit history is full of this type of fixes -_-5 -
lol @ doing stand-ups for the sake of stand-ups. I used to work for a company that vigorously applied them. Bro, I don't care about your development progress. You're wasting my time with your bla bla. Bunch of people just standing there rattling out their daily progress.. but no one really caring. Not useful.
lol..10 -
> be me
> straight dude, 7/10
> discover devRant
> there’s that one girl with damn sexy thighs
> decide to ask her out
> she gives me her telegram
> she’s taken but has free relationship
> feelsgoodman.png
> she agrees to go on a date
> met her
> we have a little chitchat about CSS and decide to find a room
> gonna go balls deep bro
> pull her leggings down
> …
12 -
That moment when js is like: bro wtf are doing? You don't declare variables types here.
then you're like: wtf this is right, it works. until you look at the js console and you grab a cup of bleach. -
So me and my team created an android application for "pet lost and found " . So one of my friend decided to troll us..
Bro you better don't do this is the production man... Hahahaha
2 -
Me : So cool ! My new graphQL APIs are working so good !
Also me : ‘order by <text field> take 50 skip 10000’
Me : Hmmmm.. 2.3 SEDCONDS ?! WTF. Let’s add an index !
SQL : Sorry bro, can’t add index on nvrachar(max).
Me: OK. Here you go, you are nvrachar(128) now. Add my index !
SQL : Ok
GraphQl :<same query > Here : 90 milliseconds
Me : ‘order by <text field> desc take 50 skip 10000’
GraphQL : Sorry bro : 3 seconds. (Yes, slower than without any index)
Me : Do I fu7cking need to manually add ASC and DESC indexes ? WTF IS GOING ON !
I should’ve learnt a bit more about databases. ☹. And now I don’t have time to refactor a prod database as “needed” .
/me needs to buy DB audit. Company is still a bit small to have a DBA full time.6 -
half of these YC companies don't even show up on the first page of google when you search them by name...
my company & all my products do, with a _very_ basic set of meta tags and a few blog posts 🤷♂️
it's officially a 🤡's world, and we're just living it in5 -
sometimes I wonder what "recruitrant" would look like. "he said he knows html, but he also said he doensnt know a thing about cobalt, wtf bro"1
-
Colleague: I'll write a stored procedure that does fully qualified database table path names to access data from the other databases and then do business logic with all of it in the same proc.
Me: That will be 600 lashings.4 -
My friend tried to disassemble FakeSMC (hackintoshers where are u at) into assembly code.
My friend: yo dude, let's look at FakeSMC's ASM!
Me: u stoopid or wut
My friend: don't worry, it's gonna be so much fun!
Me friend after an hour and an accidental modification the the file through ASM: bro i need your help, my hackintosh won't boot and I need your backup13 -
Rant against me:
I am a fucking moron for not getting to docker soon enough. Should have started udied it and built dev environments (at the least) for years.
I think it was another user here is that recommend some tutorials heyheni...I should have listened to you sooner bro13 -
When the web conf guy bores you with very stupid and slow tech! 😐
I already have better tech for the same thing, why do you even bother to sell yourself!2 -
Whatever the f is wrong with numpy devs!!!!
Like seriously bro....
I can't import the effing sklearn.decomposition to do some basic PCA and the best solution out there is to downgrade it to version 1.16.1. Like hell!!!!
Issue has been known since last year, but guess who cares effukers8 -
bro look how cool i am haha lol i know java c c# angular react and php lol haha infact bro i created couple compilers haha lol bro vscode bro more like vssucks lol i use Google Docs for coding haha bro what is windows i use Ubuntu lol for that alpha sigma grindset life haha lol just update 1000 packages a week bro i play with the bootloader like messi plays football bro haha bro i can't exit vim bro i basically stay in it haha lol bro i know all about AI haha LLMs haha im taking an inteview, a shit and solving complex neurological simulations at once bro haha i wear dev related tshirts haha lol bro my house is built on Alexa bro haha ALEXA TURN ON THE LIGHTS see how cool it is bro haha i use OAuth everywhere bro to gain access to my toilet seat haha lol my thumbs hurt so bad lol bro cuz I code all day long bro what are weekends bro I never take leaves bro haha have to stay on that sigma side hustle culture right haha look how many stickers i have on my laptop haha im so cool haha lol.
But I am lonely and go online to tell people how cool I am from my mother's basement.5 -
Client: me wants more contrast, we git complaints much
Me: stop using thin skin assed font then
Client: Impossiburu bro!
Me:
/* Excuse me */
*{
font-weight: bold;
text-transform: capitalize;
}1 -
Pluralsight said I'm in the 85th percentile of people who know JavaScript and therefore I'm an ”Expert"
So now I walk around like, "bro do you even know how to pass a callback?" 😏 -
Bro typescript is sooooooo gooood...
holy shit!
coming from a cpp/java background it feels like a fucking relief to know something like typescript exists and you dont have to blindly trust the dynamically typed crap8 -
Was LibSSH created by noobs? "Let me in bro, the other guy already checked my ID." https://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/20...12
-
I start playing the documentary on AlphaGo while my bro was eating... He walked away after finishing...
He's a CS senior specializing in ML.... I thought he'd be more interested....1 -
So this is my conversation with my friend today, I feel so dumb.
*out of curiosity, after seeing his PC application*
me: Hey bro what make the GUI so simple what you use?
friend: theek hai.
me: Seriously bhai, what you use?
friend: I just told you ! I said theek hai!
me: *confused and thinking,*, what library for which language ?
friend: python bro.
me: *finally realise* you mean TK? omg..
friend: that's I was saying bro.
well i messed up hindi and english what is wrong with me?4 -
"bro why bother with <project> when 10 of <project> already exist?"
learning is fun and suffering builds character and oh boy there's about to be a lot of both
anyways something something new linux distro from 100% source that isn't LFS idk if you can have it there's 50 licenses bouncing around in there2 -
When a senior asks me, the guy who started 4 months ago about documentation on something that they’ve been using for several years. Haha, yeah bro, wouldn’t all of our job be a lot easier? I’ve been going down entire rabbit hole networks trying to find credentials and API tokens for the last month because there was no documentation 🤷🏻♂️6
-
Parents: *didn't really care as long as I can earn*
Big bro: (are you sure???) x 10
😂 I know he was just trying to look out for me but jeez, have a little faith. Still love him tho. 😊2 -
Strangermeet up conversation
Stranger: m22
Me: just sleep bro ,u can't get girl here.
Stranger : can't sleep R8 now, reading quantum computing book.
Me : interesting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yes we are now friends (#~#) -
Windows be like: "bro is that a fucking usb drive? I don't have drivers for that"
Linux be like: "Hold on, is that a Millennium Falcon? I've got the drivers for that"10 -
anybody just love those oPeN sOuRcE libraries that COMPLETELY change their libraries syntax on a minor version change? like bro, do you even semver?
i've said it once and i'll say it again: open source will be the death of me10 -
Hm... I just realized something... Even though my bro is a CS major and got into a school I couldn't and knows like C++. I've done a lot more dev (programs, websites) than him at his age... and yet...
I often wonder whether I'm actually really good or perhaps it's just my ego... -
I don't know how to make this happen:
Me:
"And this is what the customer... wants?"
Someone:
"Yes."
Me:
"Oh ... could you devote a few more brain cycles to this discussion and tell me that again?"
Someone:
"Sure .... oh ... yeah this is horrible... I'll go find out what they really want"1 -
so, in latest news (source: trust me bro)
Intel cut off 15K employees from their workforce. But but but, they re-introduced free tea.
Win-Win, right?20 -
So-called 'Senior -level' don't even know how the Gradle and cocoapod works. Bro if you can't understand the basics, how the f are you the senior? How the f are you going to lead and guide the juniors?
oh my mother f**king god. smh
I said this as a senior. -
When developers have no idea what the fundamental concepts of semantic html is and a solid grasp of Accessibility Design Patterns and just stuff improperly used aria tags everywhere - aka - the output of every enterprise CMS I come across **cough** Sitecore **cough** but it's apparently WCAG 2.0 "friendly". 😪😪 Do you even aria tags bro?!
-
An entire week near my little bro in the hospital. Everything is fine now. And beside that my Swift app is almost complete...
-
The problem about being a programmer:
My roommate: "Bro if you're going to the market buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6."
I came back with 6 bottles of milk.
Roommate:" Wtf man. Why did you buy 6 bottles of milk."
.
.
.
Well fuck.
:/1 -
I wonder if programmers are control freaks or inventors or both...
Humans have got to be more complex then that? -
Got rejected for an UX designer position turns out they were realy looking for a UX tester with project leadership skills 🤗 does that even mix bro???
Note to self 🤔 never apply for jobs there in the future 🤔1 -
So I hit my OPO back since my bro didn't want it.
And I just finished flashing Lineage 15.1 so basically it runs a better version of Android 8.1 than my OP6.
And right now, it is fcking smooth and fast... -
BRO IF I SEARCH A SLOWBRO HOLDING A FUCKEN KING'S ROCK, IT MAY BE BECAUSE I DON'T OWN SLOWKING BUT WANT ONE SO WHY YOU WANT A SLOWKING IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SLOWBRO IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL.
-
Update to my last rant*:
I got to know what my colleague did as he "rewrote" my code:
He just searched some GitHub-Projects and used the good old copy+paste method.
Awesome bro, "rewriting" code until nobody's understanding it is the best method to improve code.
*https://devrant.io/rants/735762/...2 -
Friend: Bro copy the psd from my pendrive and make some edits save yours as v2
Me: Search for USB to USB C adapter....Disk doesn't mount...open disk utility and mount...try to make a duplicate file....This operation not Permitted
NTFS and Mac Story
What say should i hide apple logo with devrant #Stickers?9 -
Dear ranters,
Keep in mind that while ranting on a topic the human mind's ability to write a long sentence with perfect wording will decrease slightly, so my sincere request to Grammar NaZi's is Fuck off bro..
Itd be great if there is a section where some posts can be pinned so that everyone would see them.6 -
Me: I want to deploy a simple WCF Service in a Docker container on Windows Server....
Docker Whale: nah bro....
Me: but but but you have been working with Windows for about a year this should be a simple simple task
Docker Whale: here let me your IP address every time so you can't ping locally or guess what I'm going to next. -
Just found half a box of these dinosaurs in my desk drawer, right next to a 2003 Digitech Electronic Organizer, a Dell Pocket PC, and a Sega IR 7000. Retro treasure trove ftw!
2 -
Kinda related to this site: i click any link in this page and LastPass pops up like "I FOUND A INSECURE LOGIN BRO! I KNOW THERE'S NONE ON THE SCREEN, BUT JUST TRUST ME BRO"1
-
Vacation ? Bro I have so many things to learn, am not taking any chances. Vacation can wait till next year
-
Apple : Don't just copy my homework, make some changes.
Google : ok bro. lol
"Google hires the best people in the world*"
*except all of them
4 -
: Bro! I have CNN exam tomorrow but the accuracy of my Computer Vision Network is too low.
: Have you tried Yolo?
: You're right, exams don't matter anyway.
: What?
: What?9 -
stupid stomach why cant you handle a little coffee huh like seriously bro. i need coffee to not be a zombie all day, please my dear stomach bro stop hurting me cause you are hurting us......8
-
A tale as old as time:
Customer: "This is wrong in all these X places!?!?!?"
-screenshots, panic, etc.-
Many emails and clarifications later we find out it is wrong ... in just ONE place ... and it wasn't even one of their initial examples.
Customer: "Why does this take so long to fix???"
Bro.... -
me: "say, TL, why don't I see any debug/info/warn logs in dev/qa environments?"
TL: "Yeah, we've disabled them, the logs are too expensive (ApplicationInsights)"
thanks bro... go debug this shit yourself... -
New one for me. I got an email out of the blue from someone asking me if I was interested in their open position. Sorry bro I’m diggin my job and not looking to change 😎
-
For who ever makes 1 hour ticket estimates for complex bugs and features, I got a question…
Who hurt ya bro?
Either that or we need to talk about ur drug addictions that allow you to do such things on a regular basis - because that’s just not living in reality…5 -
Been listening to this while coding lately:
https://youtube.com/watch/...
Make me feel like some super coder guy ... dude ... bro ... something.1 -
"Why our email is filtered to promotions tab in gmail?" Bro, it's working as intended, bro. I know you don't like it, but it do be like that sometimes. Also, you have almost 50% open rate, stop complaining.1
-
Whats next...
Devcons coming up / discussions about tech or dev news highlights / how u even dev bro? -
HP and Apple release their 2020 laptop s:
HP fans: damn that graphics card bro
Apple fans: damn that keyboard though2 -
I just want to get decent pay bro!!
I am confident in my skills as a developer but I honestly have no fucking idea how people get jobs out here! I am pissed.2 -
So here i am with 1 year of react exp working a job of 4.2 lakh rupees per annum, i am feeling...nice but then i come to know my bro in law got admission in IIM and he would swim in a lot of money (around 30LPA) after he passes out and i am depressed now :'(4
-
Customer on a video conference always has his cord to his cheap-o headset twisted in new and exciting ways / poking him in his face.
Folks are spending lots of money with us, bro get yourself a nice headset! -
So I’m very biased against JavaScript. However, beliefs need to be challenged. If you feel like it, convince me that this language is worth using as part of the tech stack.12
-
'I have no idea how Ajax or jQuery works so let me just add this if statement to re-add the form to the page so no one knows how much I don't know' I deal with this legacy bullshit every day...I DUNNO BRO MAYBE IF YOU USED A RESULT SELECTOR INSTEAD OF THE WHOLE PAGE FOR YOUR....RESULTS?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU
-
That precise moment when you have finished your brand new app, you're compiling to upload it to the devcenter and you NOTICE you haven't changed the test ID in your Ad banner unit.
Can you feel me bro, right?
-
Branch Staff Member: EFTPOS isn't working
Me: Are you logged in as the right user?
Staff: No
*staff switches user*
Staff: Still not working
*remote in and see software had crashed*
*check computer uptime* ... 38 days
Me: Give it a restart
Rant: why do people expect their issues to be resolved magically by IT when rebooting would (usually) fix it? -
In the devrant frontpage I see:
Js bro
Design hipster
Algo sister
Is this really what they look like? I have seen both design hipster and algo sister but Im not that sure about Js bro
1 -
Damm bro life kinda suks now. Gonna move to Iraq or summin get away from these bafoons. Protocol 61 the snakeskin is shed.4
-
I have two knees. They could be considered to be brothers to each other.
So do I have "knee bros" or "bro knees"?3 -
Color blind people are so dramatic ffs.
Like bro, just go to settings -> general -> color vision. and toggle it on.4 -
Thief: money of your life?
Student: money? life? Dude, im an engineering student. 🤣
Thief: sorry bro!
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