So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

Point of view for today!

Father bought a PC in 1997. Back then very few had it. I learned doing things like accessing the internet and sending emails, among others. I remember having added age on websites to be allowed to sign up at times :P My sisters used to play games on it sometimes. The first few ones we had were Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation, Tomb Raider Chronicles, American McGee's Alice(Which caused us to upgrade the PC xD)... And some others.

I have a memory of this pseudo-3D-looking game where you move in a maze and try answering questions. I want to remember its name, but I cannot :(

We literally have video evidence of me liking the computer as a child, yet my parents either say I'm addicted or deny I've ever liked it before. Not only that, but continuously limiting my time with the PC hasn't been a literal obstacle in my way of trying to do things in their opinion. Funny how my parents think the last few years I've been my worst when they've hurt me in those years so much that our relationship is guaranteed not working out. There were doubts in my head before, but now it's cemented and there is no way of going back. Father, for example, tells me it's too late to do anything with a PC now(As well as how I've been unable to use the PC. He looks at these pro players' footage in some TV show and he's like, „You've been unable to use your hobbies“, as if they have never ever screamed at me for perceived gaming and not actually cared to check), and I need to look for a „real“ job.

Sorry. I went to bed at 2:00 in the morning. Feel like a zombie because of ongoing weirdly insufficient sleep, even though I sleep kinda more than normal. Even when I took Melatonine for that it didn't help at all.

Childhood was where beating began. I was about 6/7. Right when I entered school. The first school that I attended was a private one and supposedly for „Wunderkinds“, while in reality I haven't seen a SINGLE teacher or psychologist approve of it, their argument being that children were basically drowned in work that wasn't age-appropriate(I don't mean anything bad. Just that teaching about Galaxies and all in first grade isn't the brightest idea). There was always a mountain of homework to do and as opposed to some other countries, we had to do it on a day to day basis. We didn't have a week-long deadline. I was predictably not keeping up with it as I could have, had it been a normal amount, so my parents decided I didn't want to study and began their methods of getting me to „study“. I have yet to see a person able to keep up with that school's tempo, no matter the age.

This place was also where I got bullied. I felt I had nowhere to be: At home, the parents' situation, at school, the bully. I never really went outside to play with other children, so I missed that part of childhood.

After the second year of school I was transferred to an advanced German school, called like that because they taught German and not English there. I also got to learn a bit of Russian before they removed it from school. In that period I used to attend ballet. But for less than a year. And piano, which I remember having attended for quite a long while, some years, if my memory isn't fried. I quit it because of it having been forced on me. Last piece I ever played fully was Beethoven's Marmotte.

In this school I was once again the outcast of the class. I had some people to interact with. All of those interactions lasted a few years at most. Then, because of a part of my class choosing me as a laughing-stock N2 and another girl as the N1, I found my best friend, who I still have today. She's the only friend I have nearby.

Most of the time I hated myself. Even today I struggle with that sometimes.

After that came university. This us where I got something like a friend circle at last. But it still didn't last. I got in a relationship with one of the guys, but I was just attracted. There was another I couldn't dare getting close to. Turns out he also had something for me. Then he disappeared from our lives and a year after, I still cannot forget the person. If I want to, I have to deprive myself of my own personality. Not a thing I'm willing to give up. Then I broke up with the guy I was in a relationship with and completely disappeared from the friendship circle. To be honest, I had reasons to. They refused to even try to look for the guy and they called him a friend for years. Sometimes parents hitting me can occur even today, but if I REALLY piss them off.

Now I'm here and oh, my God, I'm officially am aunt now! My sister gave birth to a daughter this morning... She's in Berlin with mother and both she and the child are doing great. I just hope she manages to be a good mother.

We are developing today the legacy systems of tomorrow.

There are two kinds of people in this world

The life of IT

Awesome wallpaper for Guardians of the Galaxy fans

Story of most of us

The amazing adventure of IE

Just found ArchLinux island in Sea of Thieves 😍

I am done with people, I just want one single room, with good internet, dual monitor setup... And I can spend my whole life like that... Being social, fuck that shit... I have devRant for that... and rest, I just want to code, listen to music, drink coffee and sleep like hell...

Why is it that I can understand some other dev's code faster that understanding someone's feelings. Why is it that I am good with principles of Programming Languages, but not the basic Principles of Humanity... Yes, I agree I don't have feelings, but is it wrong not to have feelings, I am a dev, I am supposed to be good with Codes, not humans... I want to be in my small space of close people. (My family), and that's it... I am no good with others. I hate Facebook, but love devRant, I spend more time on StackOverflow than that on WhatsApp. Why is it so... Why

Person at work, staring at my keyboard: How much was it?
Me: The keyboard? Oh it's a cheap one for around $30.
Person: Huh... I'll never get you rich boys and your fads.

Well, I don't fucking judge you for your $600 phone, or your $80 shoes or shirts, you cuntwaffle. Fuckin' asshole has the face of a horse's left testicle, is always on his phone, which is arguably fine since he's not a dev but still fuck him, and has the gall to call me bringing my mechanical keyboard to work a 'rich fad'. Oh, that's rich coming from you. Ever seen your ugly mug in your undeserved branded clothing, you unloved, shit-gobbling piece of shit?

"You type so loud." And you breathe too loud but I don't tell you to stop but maybe I ought to.

Go suck on your daddy-uncle's chode for a couple more bucks and stop hanging around me, you judgemental cum-snorting piece of shit.

P.s. it's a cheap keyboard with blue switches but the office is normally noisy and busy enough that no one gives a shit about it. Planning on buying an Anne Pro sometime next month.

How to punish new users to Linux when they type sl instead of ls

Devs regularly complain that our skills are not valued enough and that people think what we do is easy.

But, we don't really help the cause when we run around casually claiming to be "full stack" and not turning down work that clearly isn't in our area of competence.

We act more like Victorian amateur scientists.

Every seen a "full stack" doctor when you go to hospital? "Brain to feet---I can do it all."

OK, we have general practitioners, but they are really the BAs of the medical world. When it comes to getting into the weed, everyone specializes.

Full stack lawyer? "Hey, you did an excellent job of dealing with my house purchase. I've just been accused of murder. Can you represent me?"

While we continue to say that we can provide a high quality "full stack" experience I think we are signaling that this stuff *is* easy.

Game of Codes. Keyboard Throne!!

Think i found one of us!

Client's message: "The next feature we're going to implement is blah blah blah."

Me (to my manager): "Lol it can't be done. It's impossible. We're bound by technical limitations. I've done plenty of research on this."

*2 hours later*

Me: "Here, I've built a demo of the feature. We can deploy it in a couple of days."

I thought it would be pretty cool to start a pet-sharing post!
(My apologies if this has been done before, I just thought it would be cool to see the pets of the devRant community!)

Here are my two:

The number of people using high end versions of mac just for working on some spreadsheet and watching videos on youtube is just too damn high..

Was programming on the privacy site REST api.

Needed a break and started searching for a good movie or documentary.

Found a documentary about big data/mass surveillance.

I now have loads of motivation for programming on this again as this showed me the importance of secure services/software.

There is two types of people:
pretty(){
}
ugly()
{
}

!evolution of the desk
gf send me...

The paradise of debugging 😍

Colleague started to share their screen

Me: screen is not visible to be

Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor

Last week my company fired 4 people (on top of 15 more over the past few months). This week they silently pushed a change to all of our machines that changed our wallpapers. The wallpaper was a picture of someone in upper management staring at you with wide eyes.

They claimed it was a joke or something but the office didn't see it that way. At best it was incredibly tone deaf and stupid, at worst it was a way to tell employees that they are always watching.

I have no idea how management could be that fucking out of touch.

Girlfriend (she has little idea of tech) was asking if I could fix her notebooks wifi.

I didn't answer that for a week.

Yesterday she really needed wifi, so she went to google and followed several posts - until she managed find the problem and to reinstall her wifi driver for the first time! She was so proud of herself.

I hope I'll never forget that grin of her - full of triumph!

I couldn't be more proud of her myself

I could be wrong, but I believe all devs love a clear section saying

"Getting Started" to any form of documentation

FOR THE CODE
IS LONG AND
FULL OF ERRORS

Sorry for poor editing...
The sprint hasn't ended yet because of just one user story...

I fucking hate Internet of Things, I think that it's a ridiculous idea to connect things, that work perfectly fine, to the internet.
The 'convenience' you get is minimalistic and most of the time non existent.
It is also often insanely insecure and expensive. The burdans it brings with it most of the time just outweigh the positive sides of it.

Now today happened something that made me hate it even more. Today was the First Lego Lego (Lego competition with ev3 robots, etc.) and one part of the tournament is to find a solution for a given problem. This year the general topic was hydro-dynamics and so the problem was how you can reduce water usage and 'save' water.

Our idea was to make reusable coffee cups and give them to the local coffee shops. One time use paper cups use take around 400ml water when produced) Basically you buy a cup once for 5 bucks and you get your coffee served in it. After drinking the coffee you return the cup to a local cafe and get a chip as pawn. When you buy your next coffee, you give them your chip and get it served in another reusable cup. The are at the moment already around 1000 cups going around the city.

Now this was our idea and we got ranked third. I am not too mad about our rank but what really drives me fucking mad is the team who ranked first.

Their idea was to make a pump (using an arduino) and a humidity sensor which you stick into a plant and the pump pumps water when the plant is too dry.
However (you probably guessed it already) they went a step further and connected it to the internet. They also made a web 'interface' for it so you can control the pump with your smartphone / computer / smartwatch / tv / whatever the fuck is connected to the internet nowadays 'thanks' to the iot 'revolution'.

So it is a pump that waters your plant when it is too dry BUT it is also connected to the internet.

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO BE CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET.

"Oh look it is connected to the internet, wow awesome, oh it is also 'smart'. oh cooool. Nice I don't have to water my plants anymore"

A funny thing is that one of my friends built basically the same thing without connecting it to the internet. He built a small box with a pump and a humidity sensor that measures if the dirt is too dry and then waters the plant. It checks every few hours and the also is a small 16x2 LCD and a knob that you can turn to control how much water it should give the plant each time it waters it. He built it and I programmed it for him. Works perfectly fine and I don't see any reason why there should be any need to connect something like this to the internet.

Anyway we got ranked third, they first. I guess we should connect our coffee cups to the internet in some way ...

Today is my birthday.
I wish I wasn't such a lazy piece of shit and actually get my personal projects done.

Thanks in advance, birthday wish granter.

At the end of side job customer asked if I could add one feature for double the money.

Did it in 1min and with 3 loc. Best deal ever made ;)

>be me
>Get hit by a wave of depression
>Question the reason for your existence
>Open laptop start coding as a distraction
>Discover/invent/learn something new
Hey that's nice!!! (wait for the next wave of depression)

That mini-heart attack you get when you press Ctrl+A instead of Ctrl+S.

Pessimistic people: the glass is half empty

Optimistic people: the glass is half full

Engineering people: the glass was not manufactured to the correct specifications

Behold the PHP pyramid of doom!
You know what kind of code is coming... a big pile of shite! 😍

Obviously you have to return by reference (&) because of performance and memory reasons. ☝️🤓

Man... I've seen code...

Have I just reached the end of devRant and seen all the rants?😮
Ok... enough devRant for today.

Made a program to list primes until stopped. I got to about 2 billion when it took 8 GB of RAM and I more or less had to stopped it.

Only took 10% of CPU though.

After 11 hours of non-stop coding and designing - I'm exhausted. Good night folks!

The state of blockchain

!rant

Some of my friends and me stayed the night in a small house. Everyone except me drank beer and now they are all sleeping while I am sitting right next to the socket in a corner listening to music and reading through the documentation of java.

This describes my life pretty well.

As devs we like to complain about our jobs. But I just want to take a moment and acknowledge how truly amazing writing software is. Nothing else has given me so much joy and happiness. The endless stream of new things to learn, the elusive art of clean code, and deep understanding of systems required for architecture. There is so much depth to this career we have all chosen and I hope you guys love it just as much as I do.

“I don’t mind thinking out of the box, as long as there is evidence of any thinking going on inside it.” — Terry Pratchett

Lord of Light, Please help us. For the night is dark and full of errors

I asked for some logs of the server... The guy brought me stacks of paper with logs from the server....

Today, social media databases around the world will be forced to accept billions of shitty firework photos.

So this happen on my previous workplace. I worked there for 4 years and quitting was the best decision I made while was there.

One manager/owner there was the most toxic, piece of shit, disrespectful cunt I have ever worked with. The type of guy that comes in and every person's productivity goes down in a heartbeat.

As he was a owner he usually came in later. This one morning it was 11-ish and a meeting with a client was happening and it was an open space.

He comes in.
He puts his laptop down.
He sits.
He screams of the top of his lungs:
- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
- ANTS ALL OVER MY DESK!!!
- I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS.

He leaves for about 30 min.
He came back with a can of spray, and literally intoxicated the office and everybody had to stop working.

And there you go one of my last place's beautiful stories.

After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.

...
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."

He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.

Me: "what did I do wrong?"

Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."

Me: "can I expl..."

Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."

Me: "I have..."

Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"

Me: "ok"

Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"

Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."

Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)

Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."

Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."

Me: "But you have spoken"

Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"

That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.

Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"

WTF BOSS?

STOP WRITING THESE FUCKING OBVIOUS SQL INJECTABLE CODE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!!

BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!

Why its so hard to understand that - not always... - frontend devs will give you a sweet ui with medium back end and back end devs are gonna give you a medium ui with sweet back end?

Why can't we just do what nature made us good for and work in collaboration?

Fuck

Had 2 days of vacation. Theoretically (plus weekend, plus 2 days) 6 days.

Worked today… At Saturday.

Some administrators forgot to properly check bandwidth limitations....

*rolls eyes*

We had a major version upgrade of some server software at Monday.

Guess why I got called...

Of course it MUST be the software upgrade.

It couldn't be the new hardware that was setup 2 weeks ago and on which a lot of "important" VMs were migrated.

*eyes roll inside till only white is visible*

The even more annoying thing is that it wasn't that hard to figure out.

Looking at monitoring, we had spikes on 20 Gbit/s (roughly 2.x Gigabyte/sec - Ethernet) connection of some server at roughly 1.9 plus Gigabyte/sec.

IO latency spikes that made the graph look like a heartbeat EKG with severe tachycardia...

*additionally to white eyes starts cursing in reverse latin*

Incompetent admin answer: Booboo that can only be your fault - the developers must investigate.

Me (just a tad more polite): Meep Meep mother fucker, get your shit together. If the software would eat that much, the network would be a niece chunk of charcoal. Plus the time (sending instead of links to monitoring pictures… guess the lazy fucktard who's brain is a vacuum didn't even bother to check it)...

NOTICE SOMETHING?!

Incompetent admin: It starts at the same time. Always.

After wasting roughly another hour of time discussing with him, I just hanged up the video call.

Called someone I knew from the admin department and turns out that - drumrolls please - the incompetent admin was someone who got recruited 3 months ago…

*turning into antichrist*

I then had a not so polite discussion about how the only competent people could take days off (all except incompetent admin were on vacation) and the seemingly incompetent fresh recruit - who by the way NEVER mentioned this - was the only one left of the admin department. Which would be bad alone, but no - he even got the 24/7 emergency support role for the whole weekend.

Sometimes this company and HR especially notoriously drive me insane...

Guess next week there will be some HR barbecue.

But yeah. After a lot of raging around we nailed it down to the traffic of backups and could fix it.

Roughly 4 hours of analysis, communication, raging and hatred.

Just one hour implementing shit.

*goozfraba*

Nobody:

Me: Let's buy a bunch of stickers

I'm getting so fucking tired of frontend development...

I still like part of it, but I really hate CSS, browser compatibility, stupid users, dumb requests from product owners and fucking weird designs. And to top it all, it's the frontend team that handles all the pressure when the deadline comes up and the project's late, even if it was the product/design/whatever phase that took too much time.

Being a frontend developer is very stressful and has so many annoyances and I'm getting sick of it.

My company's been promising giving me some backend work because there are some backend-heavy projects coming up and they know I have the skills, but they just keep giving me frontend work. Also, one of our frontend developers is on leave, which means more work for the rest of us.

Why did I ever decided to do frontend development?

Summary of my life.

Internet of everything

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

Bought this a while ago thinking i would read, never ended up doing it. Now i am actually trying to learn it, and this shit is out of date

Finally (sort of )completed my website for the first time ever.
Yay me!
Sorry for the useless post, but some of you should be able to relate.

Internet of things they say...

Thank you devRant for stealing me that precious hour of sleep every night at bed.

After a night of coding and three hours of sleep, some knobhead is using a leaf blower below my window. At eight in the fucking morning. FML.

The Periodic Table Of Software Engineering

Usually, when I'm in the mood to code, my GF will tease me by sending a lot of text messages at once.

When I'm not in the mood, she had slept earlier :-|

Our story start like this.

Boss: Hey programmer A, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer A: I suggest not implement {feature X} because {negative impact of feature X}

Boss: Ok

Boss asks Programmer B.

Boss: Hey programmer B, Can you implement {feature X} on this application?

Programmer B: Of course, no problem

Programmer B asks Programmer A.

Programmer B: Hey Programmer A, Do you know how to implement {feature X} on this application? I have no idea.

Programmer A: WHAT!!! do you know that {feature X}, Will negatively impact our application?

Programmer B: Well that's our boss want, I can't say no.

Programmer A: (F**k I hate this guy)

Back when I migrated my file server to a VM, I used robocopy to copy everything over (and caused quite a few fuckups before it'd behave halfway decent.. or so I thought). Now I tried to add my desktop's SSH key to the authorized_keys on said server but it wouldn't accept my key after that. After a bit of digging I've found that my entire home directory (where the file server hosts its mirror of my D: drive) had everything set to 777, and that's why the key isn't accepted. Great permission mode, isn't it? Much secure, very wow! Thank you so much robocopy!!!

I used to be a lousy software developer, and I used to settle for what I knew. Until my sister told me that my mother spoke of me to the family as a successful professional, someone who had overcome the poverty where he grew up and now lived in another country. Since then I have struggled to become a better professional, a better husband and in a few months i want to be the best that! My wife's pregnant!

Instagram just imported my birthday from my Facebook, which btw, was not specifically linked when I used to post on Facebook.

Mark Fucking Fuckface Fuckerberg's team is destroying Instagram now. Ffs. 😒😒

Why is everyone okay with this invasion of privacy? And when is telegram launching an image sharing platform?

fuck you!!! i discovered that trick months ago and told you about it so many fucking times you piece of shit dont take credit!!!

!rant but I discovered the meaning of life yesterday at work...twice!

I've tried multithreading with php, wrote a simple script which checks a series of ip addresses and tries to ftp into them.

I've noticed that the script is running very slow, i checked everything, tested the db, tested my code, i've started to doubt, that my compilation of php was fucked up (btw i did that for the first time).

Then i've started to mesure the time of each db request, but the numbers didn't add up. Then it fucking hit me...

I fucking set the timeout for ftp_connect to 5 seconds, and that was causing the slowdown. I wasted two fucking coding sessions on finding that out.

What a fucking blind moron can I be, holy shit.

Some of y'all post some retarded quotes man no lie.

"A programmer does not fix computers" ~Some Indian dude

Really??!!

Does that need to be made into a quote? And do you honestly believe something soooo mundane should be attributed to one person only?

"Drink a glass of water every morning, best way to start your day" ~ Alecx(read with Indian accent even though I am Mexican American)

"Sleeping in your own bed is always the best" ~ Alecx

See how stupid that shit is? Quoting shit that is sooooo fucking generic and that literally anyone can think off?

I dunno why it pisses me off soooo fucking much. Ffs. The same thing about "dev jokes" do you have any idea how fucking cringey that shit is? And half the fucking time y'all post that shit in some of the most broken ass English I've ever seen man wtf.

The quality of rants has been going down in spirals and with a dogon YEEEE HAW and darling trust this motherfucker....I know a lil something about yeee haws.....this is a prime example.

Look, people can rant and post whatever the fuck they want. I ain't gonna hold you back on it. Just know that a lot of us think you are a moron.

A cringey moron at that.

Wish I could be Geralt in real life. Fighting ghouls, slaying griffins, brewing potions, repairing swords, helping people, getting laid and roaming across seeing wonders of nature.

Instead I'm here fighting with QA's, squashing bugs, brewing tea, wasting hours in stand-up, pulling my hairs out and finally trying to stay sane in an insane world 😐

So after 5 years you finally show your face..the blue screen of death! And this shit is stuck for past 30 mins.

At the end of Monday I always feel as though the whole week has already passed... Anyone else?

Source code works on my local machine, even when I present it to the relevant users; no body panics its all part of the plan. Place it on the server and it does not work AND EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MIND!

OneDrive: where we duplicate your files instead of synchronizing them correctly because fuck that.

the amount of hair I lost everyday is directly proportional to the number of lines of my codes 😥

Just got a new monitor (HKC NB34C) and connected it to my PC (which didn't have a monitor at the time)

The first thing I see is a green screen of death because of a power outage during a Windows insiders update.

I don't fucking believe it! Who the fuck navigates on right click!? Invision, you fucking piece of shit! Can't you do one fucking thing right?

Someone else likes me the time the whole of Linux.😉 To much love... To much

When team members want to discuss an issue for so long that if you spent a quarter of the time working, you would have completed the task.

Dog of the day

I just told my director that the solution for a particular problem that we have involves Machine Learning. For which I had already applied a VERY small app to make sense of an old database to make a NEW one since the old one broke every notion of how a db is supposed to be set (meaning that I recreated the project from scratch)

And on the same message I told him that I was not willing to do it using M.L since I was not paid enough to bring this level of heat to the institution.

Normalize telling mfkers that your skills are worth more.

I am paid well, but not enough to out of the blue tell mfkers that my ml based algo can save them./

Fuck em, fuck em hard, fuck em good, fuck em without even using spit.

I don't do this shit because I am paSSiOnate, since there lies the trap: "I mean, I love it so I guess I can do it, I do this on my free time either way" <---- no bitch, shit is expensive on the real world, don't do that wtf is the matter with you? *slaps* companies don't see it as a: "oh shit, employee X can do this! value!" they see it as "greaaaaat, I can save money on this", so fuck em.

Normalize it, y'all are wizards, advisors of kings, no company today survives without I.T. About motherfucking time y'all bitches take this shit by the horns and do with it what you want.

People form third world countries that need work: shit don't apply to you, currently, but we will make it apply to you on the rising, my kings, stay strong.

MFW I have to deal with an array that has various objects of many types and it's not easily debuggable because the backend is multithreaded.

Ooh come on .... The fluecent tube of our bathroom mirror was broken. So my girlfriend bought a new one. Still didn't work. So it must be the starters. Nope they work. So I took the damn thing apart completely and ripped out the PCB and meassured every transistor, diode and capacitor. And even replaced one that gave some fishy values just in case. Still didn't work. Then I opened the side door of this mirror and found a switch that I must have switched off by accident ... Switched on: lights on 🤔🤗😌

Aaaaaaaand I'm back! I'm sure nobody cares but here you go enjoy this picture of the best cup on the planet.

*wild LinkedIn notification appears*

>Opens LinkedIn
>Sees a video of dogs being dogs
>Reads caption something along the lines of "team work and dedication helps the universe to fight global warming and terrorism "
>*Eye rolls*

Design. Code. Debug <- Repeat.

- Life of a Developer.

Game of Thrones fans will know

A fight story (separation of concern) : work vs life

IT Director (IT'D) forwarded a client message (false detection) to my whatsapp (personal number). I am sitting next to his cabin.

After an hour,

ITD : what was the issue with the client x?
Me : (proved false detection),
ITD : did you emailed client?

Me : no, don't send me these in WhatsApp, if any issues, email me since I won't check whatsapp and there is no guarantee that I will reply you back.

ITD : why, don't be negative. Either you have to or me have to do it.

Me : Tell them to email.
ITD : That is not right.

Me : I don't care if you provide support via WhatsApp. But I don't. Unless you provide a separate mobile and connection.

End of story.

this is the rant of the rants

Look, I get that it's really tricky to assess whether someone is or isn't skilled going solely by their profile.

That's alright.

What isn't center of the cosmic rectum alright with the fucking buttsauce infested state of interviews is that you give me the most far fetched and convoluted nonsense to solve and then put me on a fucking timer.

And since there isn't a human being on the other side, I can't even ask for clarification nor walk them through my reasoning. No, eat shit you cunt juice swallowing mother fucker, anal annhilation on your whole family with a black cock stretching from Zimbabwe to Singapore, we don't care about this "reasoning" you speak of. Fuck that shit! We just hang out here, handing out tricks in the back alley and smoking opium with vietnamese prostitutes, up your fucking ass with reason.

Let me tell you something mister, I'm gonna shove a LITERAL TON of putrid gorilla SHIT down your whore mouth then cum all over your face and tits, let's see how you like THAT.

Cherry on top: by the time I began figuring out where my initial approach was wrong, it was too late. Get that? L'esprit d'escalier, bitch. I began to understand the problem AFTER the timer was up. I could solve it now, except it wouldn't do me any fucking good.

The problem? Locate the topmost 2x2 block inside a matrix whose values fall within a particular range. It's easy! But if you don't explain it properly, I have to sit down re-reading the description and think about what the actual fuck is this cancerous liquid queef that just got forcefully injected into my eyes.

But since I can't spend too much time trying to comperfukenhend this two dollar handjob of a task, which I'd rather swap for teabagging a hairy ass herpes testicle sack, there's rushing in to try and make sense of this shit as I type.

So I'm about 10 minutes down or so already, 35 to go. I finally decipher that I should get the XY coords of each element within the specified range, then we'll walk an array of those coordinates and check for adjacency. Easy! Done, and done.

Another 10 minutes down, all checks in place. TEST. Wait, wat? Where's the output? WHERE. THE FUCK. IS. THE OUTPUT?! BITCH GIMME AN ANSWER. I COUT'D THE RETURN AND CAN SEE THE TERMINAL BUT ITS NOT SHOWING ME ANYTHINGGG?! UUUGHHH FUCKKFKFKFKFKFKFKFUFUFUFFKFK (...)

Alright, we have about 20 minutes left to finish this motorsaw colonoscopy, and I can't see what my code is outputting so I'm walking through the code myself trying to figure out if this will work. Oh, look at that I have to MANUALLY click this fucking misaligned text that says "clear" in order for any new output to register. Lovely, 10/10 web design, I will violate your armpits with an octopus soaked in rabid bear piss.

Mmmh, looks like I got this wrong. Figures. I'm building the array of coordinates sequentially, as a one dimentional list, which is very inconvenient for finding adjacent elements. No problem, let's try and fix that aaaaaand... SHIT IM ALMOST OUT OF TIME.

QUICK LYEB, QUICK!! REMEMBER WHAT FISCELLA TAUGHT YOU, IN BETWEEN MOLESTING YOUR SOUL WITH 16-BIT I/O CONSOLE PROBLEMS, LIKE THAT BITCH SNOWFALL THING YOU HAD TO SOLVE FOR A FRIEND USING TURBO C ON A FUCKING TOASTER IN COMPUTER LAB! RUN MOTHERFUCKER RUN!!!

I'm SWEATING. HEAVILY. I'm STEAMING, NON-EROTICALLY. Less than 10 minutes left. I'm trying to correct the code I have, but I start making MORE dumbfuck mistakes because I'm in a hurry!

5 minutes left. As I hit this point of no return, I realize exactly where my initial reasoning went wrong, and how I could fix it, but I can't because I don't have enough time. Sadface.

So I hastily put together skeleton of the correct implementation, and as the clock is nearly up, I write a comment explaining the bits I can't get to write. Page up, top of file, type "the editor was shit LMAO" and comment it out. SUBMIT.

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Also hi ;>

Okay,so just trying my first rant.
Anyone heard about Internet of Things?
Mind getting in touch and sharing your views?😬

my first blue screen of death 💙 (hopefully is not mine, i found it at the metro station)

X : Do you accept space for username at sign up?

Me : Nope, no space. Username shouldn't have space.

X : Lots of people have trouble at registration because of that.

😑😑😑

Never thought I'd become one of those people who get really annoyed when my code works first time. I know I've made a mistake... why can't you be obvious!

At a party, discussing possible projects with some other programmers there.
So, does that mean I have no life outside of developing?

Zen of Python

state of the art terminator.

The Evolution of software engineers😀

The night is dark, full of <table>s

Goodbye, a night of work!

I just typed "rm * .sh.*" instead of "rm *.sh.*" for deleting the logs from a bunch of qsubs. Yes, I removed the logs... as well as the rest of the files in the folder.

Now, probably because of the lack of sleep, I'm laughing to keep myself from crying.

No more code for today!

Now I have to wear a stupid shirt, go to my stupid office and tolerate stupid people.

*Ciiiirrrrcle of lifeeeeeee

who ever this is, you're spam. first off, i've been on devRant for almost three years now, so i'm not a newbie. second, you're a bot made for the sole purpose of giving ++'s, which is like the dictionary definition of spam. i think you should be banned, and i'd like to hear dfox and other's opinion on this.

This is what heaven looks like.

Brothers and sisters, I promise that everyone who joins my religion will ascend, and the gates of Liminal Heaven will be open for them.

Join now!

Hiding my secret side project that I spend 69% of my free time thinking about and 11% of my free time working on.

I fucking love it!
After a full day of refactoring old shitty code into a glamorously sparkling epicness of bytes, the whole thing worked flawlessly and on speed.
Quite satisfactory. 😊

Templating in TWIG, especially using inheritance and includes, is so much more fun than doing it in raw PHP!
*cough*Fuck WordPress*cough"

🎶Lemon Tree🎶
I wonder why,
I wonder how,
This stupid piece of code actually works right now.
And all that I could see, it's actually compiling...

(Happens all the time)

I'd rather take a swim in a moist human massgrave than fix any more bugs of this cancer-inducing "selfmade" CMS developped by a "company" that shall not be named.
Sadly I am not aware of any such pit in the neighborhood, thus more bugfixing it is... yay ⚰️

I did a site for a hotel many years ago. They recently had it redone as a Turdpress site, it was terrible, I have just checked today and it redirects to a facebook page. Wondering if this is a trend that I am not aware of. The facebook page, however doesn’t sell the hotel like the website does/can.

The whole summer of working 6 days a week at a dead end job, crazy hours, to tired to code or anything in the evenings, and feeling really depressed about everything.. Finally Monday, new semester in school is about to start. So eager to get back, to learn and have so many cool (hopefully) courses this semester. And it's only Saturday..

There is nothing more fulfilling than working you ass off 2 days, learning a new technology, and getting it to finally work as per the requirements and then ...

getting told that the absolute cunt of a client forgot the release date, announced its release 2 days early and decided to casually ask why there is no app on the released URL (it's a tiny Agonizing Reality [AR] app meant as a gimmick on the invitation cards for an upcoming convention).
My boss told me, the thing I worked on is now being scrapped and will not be released.

Yes, I wish the clients could slowly die in agony by a tree growing out of their appendix. Nature shall reclaim their corpses and feed a happy pig which I would happily have a feast of. 🤗

I'm buried in projects that I never get time to work on. My boss took the week off, and I'm getting emails from users asking about adding more projects to the board. I'm a single dev at my company. Normally, I have enough patience to get through the day, but today my CIO decided it would be a good time tell my coworker to let me know that the company dumped a third party we used for tons of report automation, and that I need to get these reports hand rolled in house asap. When I sent him a message asking for any kind of details on what this would involve, I found out he left early for the day.

I'm already stressed and putting in extra hours (salaried, so no extra pay) and am having trouble meeting deadlines for projects as it is because I'm constantly pulled away from my dev work to do non-dev work.

I just landed this dev position six months ago and haven't had a chance to build my resume. I'm getting "OK" money considering this is my first full-time dev job. Should I be looking to get out? Suck it up and get the experience? I know we all have crazy expectations on us and frustrating PMs, but after chats with other devs, I get the feeling that my situation is beyond fucked.

On Friday I was planning on working on getting the MVVM pattern down in C# and WPF. Today I watched episodes of Smallville all day. I seem to have a lack of motivation, but I guess it is the weekend. 😜

So... How do people screen shot windows blue screen of death?

Haven't ranted in a while so here it goes.

Head of product took me (senior dev) to a high value client workshop/demo session and over the course of two days found the reason behind why the dev team has been pushed to the limit as of late and sales/product team has been making promises to clients without checking with dev leaders on reasonable delivery dates on massive new features.

I tried my best to manage expectations by differing talking about delivery dates by saying "lets discuss that with the team" rather than giving out dates right now. But as soon as the meeting ends he sends an email to the client confirming delivery dates on features that we have done no research on or even specialize in!

Please tell me this is not how well established businesses work or is that the new reality of things. In either case I wanna find a new job :/

Hey rejection, my old friend, I’ve come to grips with you again. Because a technical interview with a question that I thought I knew, required the use of a structure that I didn’t yet understand. And that I planned... to study... when I was done with hash maps....

Yes! Finished Day 1 of Advent of Code. Was easy.

To build a machine as shown in 'Person of interest'.

P.S. If you are hearing Person of Interest for the first time, put it on top of your tv series watchlist. You will not regret it.

Separation of concerns is a beautiful thing.

JSX is fucking ugly. Fuck that shit. I hate JSX with a passion.

Here is one. Did you know that the digestive system works really hard to digest the food eaten?

How about we blend all the food before consuming it? Take a blender and add a cup of coffee, add some salad, add a piece of cake, a few slices of pizza, hot sauce and for good measure add some juice, or whatever-you-eat-for-lunch.

After all, all that food is going to get mixed anyway. This is more efficient!

No? Why not? Because it's ugly, highly unappetizing, disgusting even, and it takes away the pleasure of eating, the enjoyment of a good meal.

That in a nutshell is JSX: mashing up everything together under the pretext of efficiency.

Web development not only is an art, but above all must be enjoyable to those who devote their lives to it. And ugly ain't gonna cut it.

I never knew you could call the notice of a process being killed "an obituary":

From a few years of programming experience, I come to know that "we cannot write perfect code."

What I mean by this is no matter how perfectly you write code, but if you have a peek on that code after about 3 months, you will be like, "I could have done a lot of things in a better way." Provided the code is atleast of 100 lines.

Just reading Knuth's The Art of Computer Programming, where he created an own assembly language, so the book doesn't rely on a currently in fashion language... Meanwhile teaching students to code a GUI in java swing, because it was the new shit when the syllabus was created...

People who take 2 places on a busy busride deserve to moved to the toilet.

Rude, selfless scum, go sleep with the shit of other people instead of making my life harder. I've been traveling for 16 hours. There's still 8 hours left and I would like to sleep, recharge my phone and that next to my traveling companion... But you egoistic creatures just have to be a fucking waste of space. To me you are almost the lowest trash of society.

I should simply sit down on your worthless gadgets.
I should simply smash your feet with my luggage.
I should simply remove you from the history of this planet

EAT FUCKING SHIT AND DIE

Edit: can't even do math anymore. I have 10 hours of travel left

This is a message to all “yes man” developers:

Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:

1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…

When you are involved in a conflict of interest project and its kept under wraps ...but your IT director still wants you to do it because his friend needs something done but don't want to pay for it

Who else has faced this? Or am I the only one...?

Is shit ton not an subunit of measure? I could have sworn that "a shit ton of bugs"was a universally accepted form of currency

So our country has fallen into a state of emergency. Access to most popular social networks and messaging apps have been blocked or restricted.

Yesterday I deployed a change to production. One of the impacts was that the first service I created for my current company now receives 99.9% less calls and will make it deprecated during the next 2-3 months.

Was a strange feeling to watch the avg number of calls post-deployment. Somehow I even feel bad for the service now sitting there as shadow of its former self. Is that normal 😐?

There are very few things I can think of that would be a worse store of value than Bitcoin.

I was flash developer once, it was great when macromedia was around, then adobe acquired them, now flash is gone.

Years are passing and most of industry is the same as always. Trying to drag you into this rat race of learning new amazing technologies, amazing projects that are actually doing same job as 50 years ago but using more memory and cpu cycles. Because all has it’s roots in algorithms from previous centuries.

So youngsters loose your best life time, be innovative by doing nothing more then copy paste from stackoverflow and duck typing shitty code.
Be a slave and sit in the amazing office, that has everything but not your real life that meanwhile is sucked by corporate squeezer till your last breath.
Be piece of shit that can be kicked around.

Watch youtube, facebook, instagram or whatever social network that shows you pictures that are fooling your mind that you’re someone special and you need this stuff.
Then be ready to suck some dicks to earn money and buy stuff you don’t need, live where you don’t want and do what you don’t like. You piece of shit.

Well that’s what disappoints me from my tech stack.

Now chill out, turn off your electronic gadgets, go out and enjoy real world.

Sometimes life takes unexpected turns:

I studied mechanical engineering and did some "computer stuff" in my free time, you know, "programming" with Java, toyed around with HTML/CSS/PHP a few years ago, some local server stuff with a raspberry pi, nothing fancy.

Half a year ago i got hired as engineer first but they said they needed an "IT Guy" also.

What i did since then
*Researching, Testing and Planning the introduction of an ERP software
*Planning, coordinating and (partially) setting up a new server for the company (actually two cause redundancy (heavy lifting got done by our IT partner, its not like i suddenly know how to do the entire windows server administration)
*Writing 3 minor tools for some guys in the company in java
*Creating numereous excel vba scripts that make work a lot easier
*doing all the day to day business that comes up when absolutly noone know how to use a pc in the company
*consulting the boss about webshops and websites in general and finding a decent partner
*and some engineering

Did i mentioned that i studied mechanical engineering? I know nothing about all this, or rather, i know enough to know that i know not enough.

My current side project is creating a small intranet, so creating a new VM in Hyper V, setting up some OS (probably slim CentOS), getting a Webserver running and making it somewhat secure. Then i need to create some content, i am very close to just install a mediawiki and call it a day. If i write anything in PHP i fear that i make way to many erros or just reinvent the wheel, on the other hand, i couldnt find anything resembling what i need. I also had to create the front end side, i knew CSS around 2010, there is probably tons of stuff i dont know and i will make so many errors.

This is frustrating, everything i touch feels like i am venturing the beaten path but noone ever showed me the ropes so everything i do feels like childs play. I need an adult. Also the biggest Question remains: What i am?

Ionic
React Native
Mobile Angular
Xamarin
Onsen UI
Flutter
jQuery Mobile
Corona SDK
PhoneGap
Intel SDK
Kotlin Mobile...

I'm tired of this piece of shit!
Why are we hitting a nail with chainsaws?
If the hardware/os companies cannot come together to accept a single language, they can all go fuck themselves!!!

Welp, I've looked at my avatar and thought "something needs to change". I looked at the pink shirt and said "fuck it".

I've joined the Cult of Pink. :D

When you spend hours working on something, finally look at the fruits of your efforts and think 'what the hell is this?'. Delete. Start again. Repeat in five hours.

Asshole marketing director again.

We’ve just finished a bit of work with some marketing agency. They ran some ad campaigns for us, no biggie.

Anyway marketing director emails them, copies me in and asks them if the have any “tips on our approach to development”

AAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

The things that happen when you don’t have a fucking meat cleaver in your hand. I swear this guy is the fucking King of Cunts. I could kill. I think the jail time might even be worth it!!

Did anyone ever felt that everyday is a loop? Mine is as follows

Bug Reported -> Try to reproduce -> Check on web -> Check iOS -> Check iOS 13.x -> Update or get hold of other simulator/devices -> Check iOS 13.x2 -> Fix it -> Now it breaks on Android -> Fix it -> Get it QAd -> QA feels their should be some more design changes -> Make him/her understand that what is priority for now -> Now everyone has started testing app and everyone have their opinion (designers are asleep at this point) -> Get all of the team in sync -> Start release -> 99% -> Some yells "wait" -> One more thing -> Sleep with nightmares -> Repeat

PS: We have a responsive web application that is also wrapped in Cordova for iOS and Android.

"What in the name of hell? Why? No.. absolutely not. Jeeeesus. Holy cow!! Haha.. that's funny. No friggin way! Oh that makes sense..wait, that makes no sense. Screw it I give up."

Confession of the day:
- I uninstalled all dark themes from Visual Studio, I just love the light theme!

You know why i hate JavaScript?

Instead of writing

return x.y.z;

I wrote

return
x
.y
.z;

Just for making the code look clean
and everything broke...

A friend of mine asked me yesterday for help for his bachelor thesis.

He wants to write about MySQL internals in regards to BLOB storage / usage.

We had a veeeerrrry long discussion....

And found a loooot of scary internet pages.

It's so .... Insane....

What some people with doctor titles or higher education generate...

Isn't content. More poo...

Most "blogs" / "articles" or whatever the author named it were missing all kinds of relevant data (version, configuration, anything relevant) but full of opinionated / biased bullshit.

Highlights were:
- we store lot of BLOB data, Backups take long and require more space
(you store additional data in an database, whaddya expect???!!!!)

- interesting guesswork about locking without any reference (interesting since it was sometimes so far away from reality that it looked more like quantum physics)

- storing blobs means that _each_ blob entry will be stored in a separate file (without any reference, but if an RDBMs did that... It would end in an amazing fireball I guess)

- BLOB's bad since it can represent only the file content, the database cannot distinguish wether it's an MP3 / MPG or anything like that...

(Ehm. Yeah. And an database cannot distinguish if you store under "Name" an Name or gibberish?!)

I somehow think that some people made an doctor and post this gibberish nonsense so people stay dumb to give them a job...

Like the TV repair men who steals the batteries from the remote.

Even conspiracy theories were more convincing

I’m shocked, some of the hideously embarrassing questions these dim mother fucking senators have been asking Zuckerberg. Is this for real?

So I upgraded my project to a new version of unity.

And my character stopped jumping.

And then it started jumping.
And stopped.
And started.

After 2 hours of debugging I found out that the RigidBody2D editor fucks up physics.
WTH

Recently I started coding a project for my school with two of my friends. The first one is a person which spends most of his time reading 4chan and joking about Pope, you know this kind of person. The second, Michael, is a really good partner for coding, he's just an opposite of Jedrzej, the first one. Jedrzej used to call people 'cancer' and this kind of sh**. Lately Michael said, that he's mother has breast cancer and he left our conversation on Facebook. Later I told Jedrzej, that he has to tell Michael 'sorry', but he wrote something stupid (doesn't matter what) and the situation only went wrong. At least I told them that they have to bury the hatchet and start working. The only problem here is that Michael and I made 99.7% of our project, Jedrzej only updated README and shared his VPS. I'm a full-stack dev, but our project is on laravel and I don't know what kind of sorcery is this framework so Michael does the back-end. My question to all of you who read this rant - what should I do with lazy Jedrzej?

So here I am trying to understand the database schema in order to write a REST interface. Then I find that one of the tables contains an id and a name columns but the name is Integer not a string!
I contacted the developer who gladly explained that it was easier for them to store the ids in the database but the actual names strings were hard coded in the source files so they can handle translations!

Became a supporter of devrant. The dark theme is a visual treat.

What happens when you give a database design to your boss as per what he wants done, he sees it is not impressed, scolds you, curses you out and claims you are 'fraud'. Then you tell him you can do better to redeem yourself...you submit the work better than the first time

And then he terminates you due to 'lack of proficiency'.

Finally got ps5 in India for ₹49999. The amount of time I refreshed the website and subscribed to bot for restock notification was very high.

Kind of disappointed with ps5 color. Its not white but kind of grey color.

Everything else is top notch. Currently playing god of war 2018.

[rant]

From the bottom of my heart I swear the thing that frustrates me the most in this industry is over complicating simple things. Making simple ideas