15,000 line main. It’s our flagship product. 🤮

Boss: Hey build me a server.
Me: OK. How much storage.
Boss: IDK.
Me: How many processors?
Boss: IDK.
Me: How much RAM?
Boss: IDK.
Me: 1U or 2U or bigger?
Boss: IDK
Me: What’s it for.
Boss: [Program]
Me: How many concurrent connections?
Boss: IDK.
Me: Budget?
Boss: IDK.
Me: *eye twitch* oooooookkkkkk

Also a big “fuck you” to whoever decided under any circumstance holding the power button down on a computer case meant anything other than shut this mother fucker all the way down and try the fuck again.

Gahhh. When I hold the power button I don’t what you to sleep, I want you to die! I’m electronically smothering your bitch ass. When I’m holding down the power button to restart, the computer should feel like it’s being waterboarded! Like these may be it’s last moments on Earth if it doesn’t act right and get in compliance! No it’s not nap time, it’s time to shut up or shut down...forever!

Bug emerges

Print a bunch of stuff

Breakpoints

Crisis of confidence

Research obscure fundamentals of the language

See typo

Fuck.

Whenever you figure out an incredibly simple solution to make your code work after being frustrated by it for hours on end.

My life would be so much easier if I could just consistently spell lenght, I mean, lentgh, I mean length DAMN IT!

B a l l m e r P e a k

I just had to completely uninstall and reinstall Visual Studio enterprise because I wanted to convert from trial user to subscribed user.

Monday Status Report:
Production: Fucked,
Dev: Super Fucked,
Deliverables due today: Extra Fucked,
Phone: Ultra Fucked (rant brought to you today by Chrome ext),
Car 1: Mega Fucked,
Car 2: Slightly Fucked,
Jeep: Completely Fucked,
House: Copiously Fucked,
Today: FUCK

***Interviewing potential sys admins so us devs don't have to build everything and run everything***

Coworker: Do you know how to use cron and cron jobs?

Candidate: Yes I'm familiar with setting up users and permissions.

Me: 😳

Coworker: 😳

Boss: We will give you a call have a good day.

If you had just admitted you didn't know but we thought you could learn we might have been open to teaching you but brazenly acting like you know something when you don't is dangerous if you're running a multi thousand user production system.

I am literally getting chewed out over 99.998% uptime

Let me just pick up writing documentation where the last guy left off...EIGHT YEARS AGO

Such immense satisfaction when. You have been telling the other team that the problem is on their end and providing more and more evidence that it is but they insist it's in your end and now finally they are admitting the problem is on their end!

This is how most comments in code are. Why are you telling me it's a coffee cup, I can fucking see it's a coffee cup, who owns it and why is it right here? Are you putting coffee in it or something else?

When you make a second cup of coffee but actually the first one had not kicked in yet 😳☕️☕️🙃

New job is paying me to study and get certs. I mean alright.

I’m convinced that Xcode and android studio are locked in an epic race to the bottom to claim the title of shittiest IDE.

When your program is well packaged and runs on even the 13 year old XP machine you keep around for testing these things, but somehow a customer has a Windows PC so shitty it won't run it.

My Mac just closed all my shit and auto restarted to install updates. My...Mac..

This is probably my last post for a while! I’m leaving for my honeymoon and we are going on a cruise and I ain’t gettin the WiFi! Hell naw!! Not taking any laptop, not answering phone!! Feels sooooo gooooood!! Especially after this shit week. I’ll be away from it all for 9 days!!!!!!!

We are going a day early so I might lurk a bit here and there but not much. 86 everything and everyone’s bs! Just me and my beautiful wife!

TFW internet is too slow for ssh but fast enough for devrant 🤔😂🙃

Thank u @dfox

Last minute setup post!

At first I thought this app was a monster. Something to be afraid of. Turns out it’s more like an autistic puppy that’s been beaten by a dozen owners. It’s scared, snappy and confused.

Anybody else have this weird bug where your boss asks for advice, does the opposite of the advice you give, then blames you for the poor outcomes?

Support elevates a ticket.

Ticket: customer is getting a weird error uploading photo.

Can’t recreate. Tell support to call them back. I’ll sit in on the call.

Watch the process. Noting extraordinary...

Hmm.

Me: can you get the customer to open the pic in photo viewer?

Support asks as much.

Support: uh, he says he gets a similar error opening this photo in the photo viewer.

Me: 🤦‍♂️ that is a corrupt file!

When I get on a site that is like “your password must contain upper case, lower case, a number, a symbol”, at first I’m like ooook, security I guess I’ll generate a long password, but then they sit there and say “and be at least 6 but not more than 10 characters”

WTF you fuckers really don’t know anything do you.

BOSS/SUPPORT/CLIENT: IT’S URGENT!!!! IT’S URGENT!!!!

Me: if it was really urgent why are you asking me about it at 5’oclock on FRIDAY

After writing in ES6 for awhile going back to write some ES5 code feels like going from a 2017 Mustang to a 1917 Model T

Best debugging strategy: try to show off what you made to friends and family

So one problem checked off my list today, solved by concluding:

MOTHERFUCKERS DON’T READ WHAT THE CHECKBOX SAYS

Did you fucking idiots think that I was gonna tell you to implement async await on the requests and not notice that you IMPLWMENTED GODDAMN SYSTEM-SLEEP YOU DESNE MOTHERFUCKEDS IT NOT TAKES 10X AS LONG AS MY OATCH TO JUST LIMIT THE NUMBER IF HTTP REQUESTS FOR FUCJS SAKE THIS CODE LOONS LIKE A RACCOON FUCKED AN MACBOOK THAT ALSO GOT FUCKED BY A GOAT FROM CHERNOBYL THAT SOMEHOW MUTATED TO A RACCOON GOAT 🐐 MACBOOK 💻 HYBRID ABOMINATION THAT IS NOW CLAWING MY EYES OUT AND GIVING ME RABIESCANCERAIDS

Anybody else know that horrible feeling when you're 2 weeks and 1000 lines of spaghetti into what started as a 2 day 200 line side project that was supposed to make your main project better, but has now become it's own life consuming beast?

To whoever in the history of this godforsaken app I’m tasked with has commingled PHP with ColdFusion, I have a message for you:

Fuck you...fuck your momma, fuck yo daddy, fuck yo computer, fuck yo keyboard, fuck yo mouse, fuck the clothes on your back, fuck monitors that displayed this shit, fuck your fingers in particular, fuck yo brain, fuck whoever dropped yo on your head as an infant, fuck the car you drove to work in, fuck the servers running this shit, fuck anybody who was involved with your education, and if I see you on the street ima slap the shit out of you.

Apple is now forcing 2 factor authentication for publishing apps on the App Store. Except not just regular 2 factor, 2 factor via AppleId. Which means you have to have the AppleID on 2 different Apple devices! You now have to have a Mac and another Apple device to ship an app and you still have to pay $100/yr for the license.

Hell I usually like Apple stuff but this has gone so fucking far off the rails.

Yes you can have hyphens in email addresses, you incompetent nincompoops!!! Just use the standard regex for email validation and stop trying to make your own rules!!!!

R8 my setup M8s

Alright, this my fucking rant right here. Distraction? This whole company is a distraction! Boss decided to throw us all in an open work environment doing jobs that require careful concentration. Straight outta college I'm getting handed vague ideas, (make a desktop app that helps our customers put data on the internet, make an iPhone app) with out so much as an inkling of what technologies to use, just make it work.
Ok I will but when you hit a roadblock with very little resources to draw in it's hard to stay focused.
On top of that since I worked in support for a year I'm our senior support person! But sometimes support just doesn't use their brains and I'm using my time to solve very basic problems.
That brings me to my next point, the goddamn piece of shit that is our telephone. Fuck that thing when it rings it's never good. Moreover, since I don't want to get roasted for not being responsive I have the motherfucker forward to my personal cell. So I answer every fucking call and I get so many spam calls!
Not to mention I'm mainly running the hardware show around here. Shits broke I'm the one fixing it. Need new shit I'm putting the order together.
Tried to get a new guy to be the sys admin, ordered a 6th gen board with a 7th gen proc, had to pull 3 machines apart to get that sorted. Then he left bc family issues, and has been gone for weeks.
The other devs are also slam up busy, and the main product is about 15 people's piss on a plate of garb age spaghetti. (I got a lot of shit going on but at least I'm the only one pissing in my spaghetti) it's a constant run around if who does what with a code first plan later mentality causing confusion and delay.
Nobody wants to help anybody because they are also annoyed with this setup and are getting bitched at by customers or management.
Sales is mostly composed of a bunch of crackhead yes men and women who just want a commission and only half know the shit we sell and have sold 15 new features that had not been discussed. But management always says make it happen. In what priority? It's all a priority they say! Wtf.
So yea, then it brings me to me, dealing with this much chaos at work makes it seem like a high amount of chaos in my life is normal. I'm just now learning to control this.
I've had to do a lot of growing up as a person and as a developer. I've went from being the most junior to about the 3rd most seniors and I've no doubt my efforts have contributed to the growth of the company.
I'm a big believer in coding flow, and that it takes at least 15 mins to get in that flow and about 5 seconds to break it. There is no do not disturb on the company chat, everything always on fire it seems.
So fuck a lot of this, but I've done the research and where I'm at is the best opportunity in a 100 mile radius. So I am thankful for this job. Plus I usually win the horror story contest.

So TL;DR the biggest distraction is every fucking thing in this god forsaken place.

So I’m installing all the updates to Xcode and OSX to get ready to make an app update. Get ready, restart for the OSX update, reboots about 3 times. Apple splash screen comes up... Alright that was a pretty fast one...and then FUCKING FRUIT FUCKERS

Finally became a ++ supporter! I had resolved to do it when one of my houses sold. Unfortunately the way it worked out I lost a ton of money. Lost a ton of other things too but that is another story. At least my monthly bills are lower now!

I love this community. Even with the more mainstream stuff coming it remains on of the best ones I interact with.

Me: eh probably shouldn’t push to prod on Friday, maybe not even before the first...

Co worker: no balls

Me:

Told support to "Put 5em in the style"

So these motherfuckers... they have stored the queries to generate the reports... fucking guess where. Just guess.

They stored the queries AS FUCKING STRING DATA IN THE TABLE. And you know how they get the parameters? A FUCKING JOIN WHERE THEY HAVE STORED THE PARAMS AS DATA IN ANOTHER TABLE.

So you query set the params to query to get the query to get that is joined with a query to get the reports.

If God is a programmer after all y’all are fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked

Ok so maybe not a full rant but it really pisses me off that the version number for Visual Studio 2015 is 14.0

I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that some of my bosses and clients who want to constantly talk on the phone or meet in person aren’t saying that because it’s their preference. The are saying it because they legitimately don’t understand how to read an email chain.

Once again:

BOSS and Client IT’S URGENT IT’S CRITICAL

ME: IT’S 4:30pm on FRIDAY AND THIS IS THE FIRST I’VE HEARD OF IT IT IS NOT THAT HOT

It’s a pretty good feeling when you’ve been sweating deadlines, stay in late, worrying about users, testing, maintaining a list of projects as long as your arm but your boss comes to you and low key asks you to be CTO of the company. It’s a small company so we don’t officially have that title but that’s the role I’ll be filling!

So I decided to let the Ubuntu on an NVIDIA Jetson update itself to 16.04...Immediately get a message saying the USB driver is broken.

Yaaaay

Email chains, screenshots shared in google docs, two comments per 1k lines of code, and sticky notes are sufficient documentation, right? RIGHT?

I can only imagine what goes through clients’ tiny brains. Do they really think: “oh I know what will get shit done, insult the developer, his work, and demand things be fixed while saying the whole system is broken even though they have multiple times in the past demonstrated that it was either me using it wrong or an extremely quick and simple fix. I also have a problem with a few listed items in particular not the whole system, but I’m gonna insult everything.”

Fucking rude fucks!

No fucking excuses! You should know how to reconfigure your programming work environment from scratch!

Ugggg FUCK YOU if you are one of these people who says “My goal is simple” and then you proceed to ramble on about some elaborate and poorly defined goal! Just go figure it out! FFS.

Jeep Mechanic duh. Currently code for a living and work on Jeeps for a hobby. It would just be the other way around.

!dev but since dev can still give you headaches:

‪Ibuprofen is damn close to magical. I fully understand the chemical mechanism by which it works, and it still don’t make sense how that shit can make you a new person in 45 minutes.‬

Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!

Wtf is the point of closing a project submission at a specific time. Yea sure let me know it’s late but if I want to post the file late let me. I was 8 seconds late to post a file for a project and it locked me out. Sure they say no late work but this is a stupid policy. Also, why is it due at 4am? No body is looking at these at 4am! Just make it due at 6 or 8am or something. Gaaa

Tesla is 3 months late delivering our power walls after their 9 month estimate and now we are going to lose power from this tropical storm! Uggg extension cords and a diesel generator it is. Since this is a small company the “Director of Technology” title is very inclusive, so guess who’s gotta deal with getting this stuff situated, yep, yours truly.

Fuck it! It works for now push it to prod! I’ve been here 12 hours!

Yea it’s totally cool. Dropping a conference call on me 30 minutes before it happens. And then you (and everyone else in the call) should be late too. And then do this stuff all the damn time and ask me why I have to push the deadline back. But get super pissy when I give you a realistic deadline that factors these bullshit experiences in!

Then after I wait 10 minutes on the line, tell me it’s been moved to the bottom of the hour which doesn’t really leave me enough time to do anything but play on DevRant. Fucking insanity.

//Function confusing, document later.

So, uuh, who is up for making OnlyFans2, keep the porn boogaloo?

Bon voyage, bitches.

I did not foresee myself learning ColdFusion in Internet Explorer in 2020, that’s for damn sure.

No fuck you you are not going to post your shitty generic products with 20mb photos that we host! Fuck off. No it's not "blurry" you fuck wit it's a normal picture in this industry .

A story from around 2005:

Customer laying out specifications: “We expect this software to need to last 25 years or so, and it will need to keep historical file processing data by dates for at least that long, assume storage is no issue.”

Devs at the time: “look best I can do is support that start with 200 or 201, anything else is really too much to ask. Also understanding how to work with dates at all and not just string manipulation is waaaaayyy hard yo.”

Fuck you lazy motherfuckers. This is why people thought Y2K would be a problem.

When you realize you're gonna have to recover that fuckin .swp file

Never lose your sense of wonder when it comes to working with clients. Client berated us saying her data were outdated. Ok. Check the file the third party that generated the data is sending us.

Outline all stated discrepancies in the data back to the client, showing that everything lines up with what we are receiving.

Client is frustrated. Contact the third party in their behalf.

Third party support: “oh yea, client had us start sending data to your competitor like a month ago”

Bruh. Bruh. Bruh.

Fortunately the client wants to stay with us and is getting their data pointed back but how in the hell do you forget that. The reason the client when looking at competition (at least guessing looking at previous call records) is to get faster processing of the data coming from the third party. How are you gonna forget you turned off the sending when you are so worried about speed?! Most of our clients are running 7-8 figure businesses by the way.

Fuck a edge case

Look here Mr Senior Tech if you don’t know 100% what you’re doing, don’t fucking touch the goddamn firewall with your fucking sausage fingers and you overblown call center team lead. I mean you need to have the confidence you would have if you were eating a banana and some one told you it was a poisonous berry, you’d laugh and eat it anyway, cause it’s obviously a banana. That’s the kind of confidence you need to have when fucking with the entire goddamn network configurations. I just went thru a 7 hour shit show because you THOUGHT you knew what you were doing. Not a damn thing was broken there. One service needed a hole in the firewall and you fucked all this beyond an easy fix. Now I’ll admit I don’t have that much confidence working with the firewall, that’s why I would fucking cal one of the companies that set it up even though we don’t necessarily have a support contract, it would have cost a lot damn less to have them work on it than for the whole company to be down and for me to have to stress over every fucking thing going (or not going) on.

OK Mr CEO/President whatever self aggrandizing title you want to call yourself today, where the fuck is your spine! You want to have support help boost your sales but don't tell sales that you are letting support handle some sales and sales is mad. Now you are quivering under the thumb of the Lead of Sales. What the hell. You are the leader of this company.

Why did you not stand up for your decision to begin with? I'm not going to get into whether or not it was good, but if you are going to make a decision to experiment with new things fucking stand by it and let everyone in the company know.

You've exacerbated the division between departments and ton this company further apart. If you don't start standing up for things, you are going to destroy all that you've helped build! Furthermore, I will not simply be your loyal vassal and watch all the people doing support for my products get fucked over. I will leave you high and dry if needed. I really hope you don't make it needed. You gave me a great shot to be honest, I'd hate to have to turn my back on you in anger. But don't think for a second I won't do it.

Your entire programming department has also been put in the cross fire of a fight you just made so much worse. You are the only one who can clean this up. Are you going to stand up for us? Are you gonna stand up for your self? Or will you just break and show us where the real power lies? We will find out soon.

I'm stuck using an iPhone 5c until the end of the week. It's soooooo tiny. How did we ever type on these! Interesting carrying around a blast from the past 😂

PSA MacOS Sierra 10.12 will make any user who wasn't the original admin user a standard user, it will also reset the original admin users password back to whatever it was when the MacBook was first set up. It all just works!

You either die a lover of a language or live long enough to see yourself become a hater.

I think God is a developer. I have to say a most impressive feat, even for God, is the idiot algorithm. It has persisted through millennia of attempts to remove it, but it just keeps refining itself. While it's incredibly brief, its functions are yet to find an environment in which they cannot operate. It's full adaptable to any task, impressively modular, and self replicating.

No matter how what problem you present it with the idiot algorithm can always find a solution. It never leaves well enough alone. It can even give you an answer before everything is fully processed!

Greaaaaaat, Apple introduced a performance bug in iOS 12.1.2 that affects my app on iPhone X and higher. It just makes me work

Alright y’all what’s the longest minute:

Microwave minute
Google drive upload 1 minute remaining
Windows copying less than 1 minute remaining
MacOS update screen 1 minute remaining

I’ve got to build an app in 3 weeks that handles basic image editing and async requests. It’s gotta support both iOS and Android.

It’s also gotta scan barcodes.

What should I use?

Cordova?
Cordova+ionic?
Titanium?
Xamarin?
Dart/flutter?
Try and cram it through in native java/Kotlin and swift?
Something I’m missing?

There is a function in this program I’m working on for getting related documents and a function for getting unrelated documents. I suppose if you call them both you get all the documents in the universe!

Reading JS written by “creative” types:

var myArray = []; //un-sorted values

var SortedArray = myArray.sort();

OrderedHtmlElement.innerText = myArray[0];

Look here if you are going to do it wrong at least commit to the wrongdoing!!!

My boss just said “as long as it puts a smile on the clients face, it’s worth examining, within reason.” Yeaaa that’s a bit broad... Some of our clients only smile when they have hookers and blow on hand. Is it reasonable to help them acquire such if it helps retain them as a customer?!

!rant

Yet to meet a dev who is a health nut. The code of the world is built on caffeine, fast food, and snacks as far as I know.

You wouldn’t think that finding a home that actually had internet service would be the hardest part of house shopping in 2018...

Satellite internet does not count as internet. Also my statements apply to the US market only. Idk how bad this is in other countries.

Over the frozen river and through the woods, to work I go...because working remotely isn’t good enough for the sorry fucks I work for.

Anybody else felt a pressing why crisis leading to procrastination, a sense of impending doom, and and constant failures or feelings of failure.

Today I solved the problem assigned to me by changing one character. Simplest fix ever. Except that this problem is not on my project, and I don't have control over this project, so I can't merge my pull request or deploy the code, and the dev that does hasn't answered email today, and he's not scheduled out, and he's not in his office. Whatever, I'm just gonna say it's fuck it Friday and call it a week.

Modern cross platform mobile app development is a lie. Maybe if you do Apple first, I don't know. Maybe xamarin is better than Cordova, idk. I've spent more time tweaking to one platform than I would have just starting with a platform and writing two or three code bases. I've got more if iOS statements than I know what to do with and the Windows code is some hacky transpiled mess because UWP isn't ES6 ready for reasons. Also, some error and image handling just doesn't translate. All this and I've got significantly less features than I could have implemented in the same time writing in a native language.

What the fuck this fucking shit of an app supposedly went through five rounds of QA and I broke it in 5 minutes? Holy fucking shit How this is the main point of your job. You shitty shits take forever getting this PR to me and now it’s buggier than a haunted house on Halloween?

After this is after wanting to cuss Apple for making me update the os then then xcode then iTunes just to recognize the goddamn development phone. It’s an app built off Cordova it works for like 14 versions of iOS just run the bugger you over priced aluminum chassis dildo riding fruit Fuckers.

Now back to the goddamn cluster fuck I just got delivered. What the goddamn fuck. This level of bullshittery I have not seen before. And apparently Cordova is only partly de-sandboxed? I don’t know for sure because I don’t have time to test it because I’m running the entire technological stack of this company on a junior dev salary!

When you tell me it goes though all this QA and you spend 2 weeks on just QA tickets for fucks sake the first operation I do, the most common fucking operation on the app, the shit we have been building around all this fucking time, should not fucking error out. For fucks sake at least try to get the main fucking thing working. I recognize you did a lot of work and implemented a number of features but what the fuck good are they if I can’t even run them for one fucking time.

I swear my co worker said we were meeting at the data center at 10pm all week! I call him and he says 10:30. Wtf?!!! Well guess I got some time to read more rants.

Why I hate my job some days, the whole app crashes if you expand the details, then hit edit but is fine if you hit edit then expand the details. You gotta be kidding me.

We bitch about JavaScript a lot, but I have never encountered a language with better out of bounds index handling for its array methods. It does make some projects considerably easier!

Through a strange series of events, my job has led me to looking at an uncompressed image of atv riders taken in 2004. This career field might be the most full of rabbit holes to go down.

The last time jeeper posted at all was seven days ago. He said he was sick in his last comment.

I'm pretty sure hes dead jim.

Should we start planning the funeral?

My active hours are not 8-5 windows! If you gave one shit about your users you'd know.

Fuck I wish I knew what to do about low motivation!!! I have some ideas I think are really great, some that might be profitable, and fuck I just don’t do any of them. I spend more time panicking about what to do than anything else. But damn so much time wasted when I just needed a little guidance or a little planning or a little like less than $100 more money. That frustrates me to no end.

There’s so much bullshit to everything. This does follow up to my wk106 rant, where I’m trying to rationalize the tons of code that are behind the smallest features. How many thousands of builds go into a deploy. Just swallowing how much rite in software.

I feel like a failure at my job at times but what sucks is I’m just in the middle. Not the most experienced dev, not the least. I’ve got my feet wet in a number of things, but not a solid enough stack for a lot.

BUT SOMEHOW I GOTTA BE MOTIVATED TO LEARN. FFS I CAN DO BETTER BUT MY INSIDE IS BROKEN SOMETIMES AND I JUST WANK OFF FUCK GET IT TOGETHER.

Yea, I fight with myself a lot. I have a big ego and I’m a piece of shit at the same time. Idk. That is annoying too. If only I could get really motivated and focused on some of these projects I could do amazing things. I’ve never struggled with a subject I applied myself to. I just wasn’t motivated. I don’t know how to fix it and I wish I did. I also don’t know what the end game for me holds.

This whole complex really scares me for later life. I will have regrets because my mind builds impossible plans for good, but if I achieve any of it I WILL THINK damn I should have not dealt with this and done x. Like I could make world peace but be like damn coulda rebuilt cars or some stupid shit.

So I’ll conclude with that I’ve done a lot of jobs around the house, and yes working with drywall sucks. So sometimes I’ll think about that. But damn. That doesn’t last because I know I can do it well if I apply myself.

All this leads to getting overextended which is another huge motivation killer. I’m trying to learn self control and focus. But also I need small victories along the way. Very annoying.

Well at least I was motivated to finish this rant. I have a few weekly rants I wanted to participate in but couldn’t even find the motivation for that. There was a toxic person in my life then and I’m slowly getting back to normal but I know that even normal me struggles with motivation. Plus that toxic person was my friend and I’ve lost a lot of (long term) friends recently and that is a real drag. But they needed to go. But I wish they had just shut up sometimes then they wouldn’t have been so toxic. But I digress.

I know I have so many ideas I can’t do them all even if I am motivated and for some time is of the essence.

So look out for some collabs. And grab that motivation wherever you can find it.

I love Ada, it seems to be a pretty unpopular opinion, and maybe I’m biased because the best organized project I’ve worked on happened to be in Ada, but that’s association not causation.

However, the lack of multi-line comments in a language made to have specific custom type compliance seems like a fairly decent oversight. Wouldn’t you expect the authors to want to explain about their types?

The other thing that is a draw back about Ada is searching for help. I love the Americans with Disabilities Act as much as anybody, but but somehow “Ada language types” will still bring up ADA info. (Yes “-disability” helps but it’s an extra step)

For the first time in a month, I’m not setting an alarm tomorrow!!!

I'm at work coding at 21:00 on a Friday cause money, no life ya know, but then it hit me. I could be at home on coding on a Friday night and still I would have no money and no life but o would have ALCOHOL! Ballmer peak here I come!

Ps I haven't drank in 6 days and I don't drink to excess (often). I just find it enjoyable

When everything works...but not when you package it to an executable.

Holy shit what a Monday of a Monday! I ain’t trying to stay late I got other shit to do! If new and unusual errors can wait til tomorrow to pop up that’d be greaaaaaaattttt!

Developing and deploying in Xcode is some Requiem for a Dream level bullshit.

I literally just de selected everything for managing automatic signing, and re-selected the EXACT SAME GODDAMN THING. And it worked. It’s literally some fucking shit you do when you are first learning how to code or learning a language and you keep flipping something but you don’t get exactly how it works.

But this is YOUR FUCKING FLAGSHIP development product. I shouldn’t have to check my goddamn inception totem to see if I’m dreaming or not because this kind of bullshit can’t be real life.

That being fucking said your bullshit forced shutdown also FUCKED MY ANDROID STUDIO INSTALLATION AND FUCKED MY $PATH. Thanks. Now NOTHING WORKS. Fuck you Apple. Between slowing my phone and the cluster or problems your shit is causing that are just random as hell and are plenty common because thank god people smarter than me have fixed them in SO by now, I am SO READY TO LEAVE THE APPLE ECO SYSTEM. If I didn’t have to use one of the boxes to push iPhone app updates I doubt I would touch one again.

Apple stuff looks good but at this point that’s about it.

We live for the moments when your code compiled and runs like it should!

Fucking Ballmer peak and blowing by it 9 times out of 10. But that every once in a while when you hit it. Oh it’s real. So real. Focus and problem solving rolled into one.

Can we all just agree to stop actively imagining progressively harder to parse CSV formatting options? For fucks sake I’ve had to build in tolerance for quoted and unquoted data, combined data and split data, ways to split the data and recombine it, compare every data point, filter some data, only add data, only remove data, base data updates on non Boolean fields in the file, set end point matching based on arbitrary fields, column number matching, header matching, manipulate malformed urls and reassemble the file with proper ones, it goes the fuck on. CSV’s should just be simple and not hard to format. Why does everyone want to try so fucking hard to do bizarro shit?!

I’m really struggling to see WHY IN THE HELL it was necessary to delete my FUCKING NETWORK PROFILES to update this FRUIT FUCKED ALUMINUM SHIT BOX!

How did they test this and be like, oh, yea, you can’t connect automatically to ANY of the WiFi networks you have saved, because we deleted all the network profiles. That is acceptable, it won’t cause anyone any real problems.

Sure you need to update some shit. But why are you even touching that part of the disk? Damn you filthy lying fruit fuckers!

Welp gotta re-image that Server because I forgot the password. Well not so much forgot it as apparently typoed it in both the regular and confirmation boxes 😬 It was just a test server, sure, but that doesn’t make me feel less dumb.

Midnight sever deploys and maintenance might kind of suck to do, but it is probably the closest we will get to going on a top secret mission!

On this episode of “My Work Life” we will once again find that the code is fine, the DBAs just did something brainless again.

OS can’t install the network driver because the installer can’t see the network card, the installer can’t see the network cars because the driver isn’t installed.

When you’ve been warning of how much stuff needs work to support TLS1.1 depreciation but now all that stuff broke because he had you working on a bunch of other random less important stuff. Now he is saying back to me the exact things I said to him about why we needed to work on this stuff months ago.

Mornings. Not just the run of the mill “I’m not a morning person” but I legitimately would be more productive if I could work night shift. It’s easier to think at night, and easier to sleep during the day. Not just a night owl, but it’s hard to breathe laying down at night sometimes. Sometimes I randomly can’t sleep. I’ve never had this trouble during the day during the occasions I get to sleep for long periods during the day. The morning is prime sleeping time IMO. Not wanting to wake up is one reason, but the changing weather helps and it just feels right.

I also don’t feel awake til the afternoon usually. Even if I get enough sleep and coffee. Code churns slow in the a.m.

I dream of night time being work time with long, restful naps durning the day. I feel more creative at night, and it’s easier to focus. There’s less thought of “oh it’s a nice day I should do x”

Just sucks that it’s not largely accepted and there’s not enough other night hawks to hang out with on my off days. And my work won’t let me do such a schedule. Everyone is an insufferable morning person.

Early to bed early to rise is a load of shit. We should be allowed to sleep at times it makes us happy.

So I was like "imma be smart with my internet security and put 2 factor on my GitHub" only to find out I'm getting authenticating errors on trying to push. Disabling 2FA makes it work again.

GitHub y u do dis D:

I use windows RDP a lot!

Thanks Windaids, this was the most fun line of code to figure out that I needed in a while: var dir = process.cwd().replace(/\\/g, '/'); + "/my_dir";

Current debugging situation has been described as “purgatory’s whack-a-mole”

Working in the government debugging usually starts with “have you tried it in IE? If yes, try it in something else. If no, try it in IE.”

Oh 2024 please deliver us from this hellscape which the heathens before me have wrought.

OSX multi windows management is so fucking dumb and confusing! FFS have some kind of indicator when a program has multiple windows open.

This 3 day weekend couldn’t come at a better time! Today has done everything it can to delay it and everything has been a superb annoyance!

It started off with our internal systems going down, a frustratingly tedious project proposal process, our phones went down, off the wall calls to support all day causing them to ask me junk.

As a parting gift the pending windows update and it completely crashed my development VM and corrupted my install of virtual box. I had planed in only working a half day, but worked 6.5 hours, hit traffic al over. Was late to the event.

Not I get here and there’s a bunch of smokers outside and I could reallllllly use a drag. But I’m not gonna. 😒

Just ready to kick back and do non computer things til Tuesday. 😎

If your customer service is so bad that people talk about trying to use the occult to get in touch with you, your company is shit.

Dev related cause I only want to talk to the customer service because the api docs are that fucking bad.

While I don’t have pain typing normally, once key combo gets me. Control + Shift + R. Probably a repetitive motion injury at this point .

Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...

Got to love outlook as desktop email client.

Reply to email-> freeze computer for between 10-10,000 seconds.

Microsoft has put out some really fantastic and educational lectures for free on YouTube. And I understand they have to use Microsoft technology but it makes me cringe when they say things like "Now I'm going to open Microsoft Edge and use Bing." You're working on a projector, we all see you doing it, you don't have to rub salt in the wound.

Unabashed Apple Fanboy who is very excited for the iPhone X and can afford it. (Not like Red isn’t launching 1200-1400 phones next spring-summer)

Way too much stuff is having a Y2K type date error in 2020! So frustrating that people did not even think 10 years ahead. All this stuff is solved already and not implementing it well is just lazy.

!rant

So as my recent rants might have conveyed, my job has been pretty shitty lately. So as we do I started looking around for other openings. Not that I would take them right away, but I want to know. This led to a realization that I'm literally at the best paying, top rated, firm doing the best work in nearly a nearly 100 mile radius of my home. There's a few government jobs that want top secret and 10 years experience, but for anything less than that my current position is literally the best. This is not what I expected the top to be like. And the fact that it took me over a year to realize that I'm actually at the top and have been is super weird.

Thing is I don't know what I expected the top to be like nor did I expect to be here so quickly after finishing school.

I know this is dev rant not dev ramble but this was one of those formative moments where I just really don't know how to process this info.

Anybody had similar feelings? Like looking for someone to help and realizing, not in a egotistical way, just in a sobering way, that you are literally the best and most qualified person out there.

So I thought visual studios floating dots were annoying, but now I meet xcode's spinning circle of nothing

Wow fuck today. I took the day off to watch the eclipse yesterday so coming in today was like Monday squared. Right off the bat I have somebody from last week that I had spend around 8 hours working to get their system right call in and tell me they were cancelling even though everything just got working right.
Also got tasked with documenting the servers which wouldn’t be rant worthy if the dev that set them up didn’t get cranky whenever I ask for credentials or even a rough overview of how the server stack is configured. Then I get a ticket about how a customer is going to get his data from his ‘web guy’ but this customer has been keeping his data in our system for the better part of a decade. Wtf you getting bro? And who is this web guy? What data does he have? Nobody seems to know. And just to smear shit on top it turns out I swapped the addresses on the car parts I sold on eBay and now I have to do 2 returns and cross ship and almost definitely get negative feed back. Fuck everything.

All this before lunch. After lunch I still have the same problems but at least I got chicken!

I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.

That sinking feeling when you realize you’ve been running all you got commands in the wrong repo. 😐 I can fix it but DAMN IT

I know Windows update rants are a dime a dozen but HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MICROSUCKADICK BOOT LICKERS SHOVE SO MUCH HORSESHIT INTO THIS UPDATE THAT IT UNINSTALLED VIRTUALBOX? The hell?

Really, I rebooted my PC, short cuts everything, gone! Newer stuff is there plus any restore point would have had VirtualBox installed, so what the hell.

I’m stating to think that when Windows says “all your files are exactly where you left them” it’s a best guess because it just completely fucked with all your files for no reason and tried to put them back but it’s not so sure.

Ok, today's rant brought to you by Microsoft Visual Studio, once again. The updated version I downloaded yesterday now has a weird problem where upon the first run of the emulator, my changes show, but on subsequent runs, no matter how much I change, save, clear cache, restart the emulator, no changes will show in the emulator until I completely restart visual studio! Currently in the process of uninstalling the updated version to download the older version, but again I can't just refresh my PC, because I have to download a version from the developer account downloads. Because the trial version can't be upgraded. This is Microsoft's Flagship Development product running on their flagship OS on a machine with killer specs and the latest updates. GET IT TOGETHER. I would be fired if I released such buggy updates and had such an arduous user experience.

It's about to be 4:20 on 4/20 get ready to run all your scrips now as you cannot have an unexpected token at 4:20 on 4/20, all token is expected then.

Ok who is the Cordova dev that thought it would be funny to make the indices from the confirmation box start at 1 and not mention it in the docs?!

Spent 4 hours debugging to figure out I needed to hit the enter key smh.

In my defense 3 other software engineers looked at the problem and couldn’t figure it out.

In my offense I only solved this problem by talking to the engineer who made it.

When you’ve got so many things to do it just kills your motivation to do any of them.

I get the feeling that trying to live as if being a dev is not a lifestyle is a lie. Not that you can’t have other hobbies as a dev, but development needs to be your first hobby as well as your career if you are going to achieve anything in this industry.

Yesterday I was doing amazing coding, making big things happen, today I'm explaining how the internet works so a customer who doesn't care this job is so bipolar.

Why insomnia, why. And the worst part is tomorrow I’ll be falling asleep at my desk in broad daylight, regardless of the conditions. Right now I can’t sleep because the moon is a little bright and I’m thinking about work. But tomorrow, when it is time to
Think of work, I will be unable and I’ll just pass out.

It’s so crazy to me how my bosses sometimes wake up and it’s like they get in a groupthink that we are stuck on technology from five years ago. The company has grown our paths have simplified, our tools have gotten more powerful.

Everybody forgets that a new feature has come out occasionally, but sometimes for weeks at a time they will go about explaining things the old way, or saying it can’t be done. Then they’ll come back around. This has been on and off for all of this year basically.

Anybody else exhausted from supporting like 5 half baked projects that were pushed to production way too early and /or were forced to do things they weren’t meant to?
I’ve only been writing software in the industry for two years and it would take me two more just to ship enough patches. Sometimes it just gets me so negative.

Why why why the fuck would you assign the same variable name at the start of a function to completely different data? These aren't params, but variables being assigned different things, no comments, no documentation, crucial in the operation, but assigned wildly different values with different behaviors through the code.

I hate Apple's complete ineptness to the need of a decent way to move all your pictures, not just your recent pictures, between two iPhones.

I just love starting my mornings with telling someone at another company not to chmod 777 their ftp root because mutual customers are yelling at me because the other company’s shit is broke. This is a production server with thousands of accounts.

They say you can have work that is good, fast, and cheap, but you can only pick two.

Well now you can have a job that pays ok, is fully remote, and is meaningful, but you can only pick two.

Of course many times we get work that does not satisfy two of the three and there are many jobs that don’t satisfy any of those three. But I’m just saying if you are in a position to have some choices about your job.

When Windows 10 revives a memory error from running 32 bit apps on 64 bit architecture first logged and patched on Windows Server 2003. It was 13 years ago!

Has anybody ever touched the top corner of an app and said “yep, I totally meant to do that and wanted to scroll to the top of the document/ feed/ whatever.”

Because I haven’t. This “feature” sure seems to cause a lot of unintended behavior which sounds a lot like a bug. Who is out here developing stuff like this? Please stop! Do some real UX research with how we actually use the apps!

FFS Xcode can’t talk to an iPhone and and Android studio can’t pick an Android SDK. The help page doesn’t even mention “Android SDK”

Race to the bottom to be the shittiest SDK I’m telling ya!

I adore working from home. However there is one negative I’ve found and that is moving my wheeled chair on carpet 😒

What exactly do you want me to do about the fact the end user can't navigate the camera roll?

Honestly, dog fooding my own stuff. 😥

I know it’s old hat but…Edge…I mean really how is it still so bad? How do you base your browser of the chromium engine, have, gosh idk, a billion dollar dev budget, and still, still, it’s significantly worse than chrome in every ui/ux way.

The computers and network seem to be CRAWLING today. Which is great, gives me plenty to time to imagine the many ways I could get myself fired for doing the deployments the way I am. 😅💀

I would be fine with not having this meeting if it hand been on the books for 2 weeks. But I didn't want to have it and now I'm the only one here.

Fellow iPhone users and broke bitches too cheap to get the battery replaced or buy a new phone, I have noticed that I get a lot smoother performance and a more gradual if steeper battery life with apples bullshit process slowing turned off. Now anything below 20% is a flip of a coin if the phone will turn off, but with it on it chews the top end of the battery much faster and seems to die more when idle.

PS don’t use fast chargers.

The whole episode of me managing an outsourced team for about 6 months. I thought because I’ve managed other teams doing non dev things, it would be like that.

I’ve never been so wrong and NEVER AGAIN! I had to own everything and they’re code is so repetitive and confusing. It misses basic structure because I didn’t outline some things like knowing when a operation is complete and that if the same button appears in two pages it should do the same thing! Or that is you break up a SPA you shouldn’t just duplicate the whole files and then confusingly use randomly parts to so random jobs across all layers of the app. Ffs. Never want to work with a team that doesn’t have a plan to maintain the code they write. I felt like a failure but for me to make them successful I would have had to pretty much write the code.

Now I have to explain this embarrassing pile of curry spaghetti to my colleagues who need to do some other work on it. Fuck. I want to throw it out and start over so badly.

I should have told my boss a hard no on that one and let him know outsourcing would slow things down not speed them up. He just needs to stop trying to get software developed and deployed at the same time. Fuckers.

Joomla, motherfucking Joomla. It was supposed to make managing content easy. With just a little coding you could make a fully functional, multi page website. Ugh. It took more time to master the oddities and weirdness of Joomla than it would have to just code the fucker.

This taught me the painful lesson that there are no REAL shortcuts. Useful “shortcuts” in development are just abstractions over mastery of a task. There are many more shortcuts that are more like dangerous hacks, and Joomla is rife with them and opens a lot of opportunities to make more.

“Well maybe I can hack the old thing to work for a while longer” I think to myself.

“Oh hell this thing is a major pain in the ass to work on because of the way I hacked it together a year and a half ago. I forgot about that.”

It’s so bad looking at old projects. This morass of spaghetti code has more cringe than a weeaboo wolf whistling at a goth chick with an anime body pillow in the passenger seat of his rusted out 80’s Toyota Corolla that is not an AE-86 or 88 but he has rattled canned it to look like Initial D anyway.

Whoever left this code with comments like “Le JavaScript” or “Le HTML 5 Shim” I wish you immense anguish.

I’m working on buying a license from a company with completely opaque pricing. To the point they are asking me what I want to pay and then getting offended with I low ball them! WTF do you expect?! List some freaking prices.

The more I look back on it, the more I really see that this job has really thrown me to the wolves time and time again, only to laugh as I come back beaten and bruised.

They’ve given me objectives that were deceptively broad, no guidance, and then misguidance when I came back with a well researched opinion. They wanted me to estimate large projects without having worked on a large project. Plus, college leaves out the huge part of software work: deployment. I had to figure all that out on my own too.

The more I look back on it the more I see this place has been a complete shit show from the beginning. It was just the first job I didn’t have to do manual labor at so I valued it highly.

It’s time to move on to somewhere I’m not the constant scapegoat.

PSA: start writing a cover letter, a resume, a references list and a CV now! Doesn’t matter if you are perfectly happy in your job! By the time something comes up it will be too late or something will prevent you from making it as good as it could be! These things take forever to write well!

This is has been especially tough for me as all my previous jobs have been the type that they were surprised to see I had a resume. Compiling years of professional experience into a decent looking document was a whole other rodeo. And now jobs are looking for CV’s which is a whole other other rodeo.

I'm gonna write a book and call it "Errata Obscura" and it's just going to be greentext format of all the weird ass coupling problems I've come across in the last few years.

It’s certainly a feeling of progress as a dev when you get to using the advanced features of git to rewrite history successfully.

Though to make this a proper rant: holy hell what a ride! I’m glad I had everything backed up somewhere. Somehow I’d went Thanos on the repo. Deleted about half the files at random. Had to fast forward and then rewrite the history via rebase. Dropped a bunch of commits I think I should have squashed. I’m still wondering if I even did the right thing. I think cherrypicking is what I’ll go for next time. My repo now reads 59 commits behind but whatever. All my work got into one commit which is what the dev controlling prod wanted.

Fuck I hate when my brain remembers the wrong keyword! Just spent way too long trying to figure out why my regex wasn’t working! I remember RegEx.check(str) tests for a match and returns a Boolean. The docs say RegEx.test(str) checks for a match and returns a Boolean! Dammed cinnamons! English is my native language I swear.

Mac Users: fn + right arrow.

What can I say except you’re welcome!

I feel like sometimes insomnia just attacks. Like panic or asthma.

Ooook so I follow a lot of dev pages and a few hunting pages. But I haven’t been hunting in years.

I deadass thought somebody was trying to fucking advertise a course on Microsoft’s long dead Foxpro language!

I say long dead, two people at my work still work on it regularly 😬

Not using all my time. I really don’t apply myself sometimes. Sometimes that means not using work time efficiently, sometimes that means I get stuck on a simple problem for too long because I don’t think through it. Also, I’m trying to love coding more. It takes a lot of code to get a small result sometimes, and that’s ok. I got hooked on being able to do big things with little code from the start. As we get better we know there’s more that can be done, but we are more familiar with just how much work it really is. At the same time we are more capable than ever of doing it. Just gotta embrace the suck, then love your finished product.

Been sicky now litty as a tiddy

Trying to build a ros workspace inside VMware...
Called up the teammate who put it together:

Me: hey the workspace isn't building for me, do I need to setup anything before I type "make"?

Him: nah dude just type make and ur good, why what error are you getting?

Me: *describes error*

Him: oh lol I never got that error before, idk maybe your machine is just dumb

Me: *uh ok sure dude* let me try some other stuff
*Boots to native install of Ubuntu*
*Build successful*

Me: oh huh that's weird it built on my native installation but not on the VM

Him: oh lol that's not my problem

Seriously dude? First off, screw you Ros for not being able to build in a VM. Secondly, it's entirely your problem! Linux is nice to use, sure, but it's a bit of a problem when the entire team runs off Mac!

😲😲😲😣😥😫😓

I, I don’t even know how to search this... when I run an app from Visual Studio in IE (cancer, I know it’s a long story and above my head) my kerning is a mess. When I publish the same app to the dev server, it’s fine. The kerning appears to be the only thing messed up.

My team builds robots and we're trying to use an IMU for orientation. Asked one of the members to find our spare one because the one in the robot was apparently throwing errors.

Him: "Oh hey I couldn't find it"
Me: "did you look in all the boxes?"
Him: "ya dude I looked in all our boxes, even the box we never use"
Me: "shoot ok I guess we lost one, I'll order another one soon"
*1 day passes*
Me: goes to our main box to get a keyboard out
Me: opens the box, IMU is sitting right on top
Me: pulls out the keyboard, sees ANOTHER IMU sitting in the box
Me: "hey coworker, you said you looked in all the boxes, right?"
Him: "yeah dude no clue where it is."
Me: "it's sitting right on top. Plus there's another one in here"
Him: "oh lol that's weird"

That's all you have to say for yourself? That's weird?! DUDE NOT ONLY WAS IT SITTING RIGHT ON TOP OF THE BOX, THERE WE'RE *2* OF THEM IN THERE, IN THE MAIN BOX WE USE

the sad part is that's not even the worst part of the story... That part to follow soon ;)

HP Fortify is utter bullshit vaporware and the fact that it has any influence on my development cycle is soul crushing.

Nothing prepares you for Windows deciding your program as a virus for all your thousands of users and having no idea why.

It wasn’t virus related at all. It needed a new signing with an updated certificate. Did the error say anything like that? Hell no .

Balance work and life? Recently? I’ve cut my number of friends in half. There’s been enough betrayal and petty bullshit to write a melodramatic soap opera.

I did have some work life balance once upon a time, but it’s been all work lately. Gotta get back to having some me time. Not all dev work necessarily. I’ve accidentally jumped in the real estate game with 2 feet.

I just realized I can easily sanitize the data by using + as “ and I haven’t even had coffee yet. I might be on a roll today.

Spend all day debugging simple post request. Like really what is going on. Super simple. Eyes start to bleed. Check spelling on everything. Finally find out the access-control-origin isn't set right, other dev said it was whatever so glad I'm moving on. Nope. Same error running the app from Visual Studio. Check code again. Everything works in a browser. Windows, VS, or the emulator is blocking just POST requests. I can do get requests all day.

What hell. I'm so critical of my code I spend hours pouring over something I knew was right instead of looking for network errors. I just need to trust myself I guess.

Oh and Windows Cordova apps don't support ES6 lol.

Frustrating feature/bug of SO is when you don't have enough rep to leave comments or have your vote truly counted, and the best answer is the bottom comment, and you have absolutely no way to thank the person! @Adiii no idea if you are on here but thanks so much for your simple and elegant nodejs solution to checking for and creating directories.

When the error you have to work with is "Killed"

You know you lit when you’re default responses are in a non-native language

Not embracing the dev community in university more. I wasn’t a particularly good student but I missed some opportunities to be involved in some cool projects. I know that there will be more opportunities later in life, but I regret taking those opportunities for granted.

Ah, yes, CSP keeping us safe from displaying thumbnails of images we upload off our own hard drives