Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

:D sorry, I don’t know who’s author

Never too much

Oh my god

Wanna mess with users? Take

“OK” and “Cancel”.

You know what looks visually the same but means the opposite?

“NO” and “Confirm”.

Deploy that little ui update overnight and watch the world burn.

😂😂😂😂

AI developers be like

Svg. Ever heard of it?

You know who sucks at developing APIs?

Facebook.

I mean, how are so high paid guys with so great ideas manage to come up with apis THAT shitty?

Let's have a look. They took MVC and invented flux. It was so complicated that there were so many overhyped articles that stated "Flux is just X", "Flux is just Y", and exactly when Redux comes to the stage, flux is forgotten. Nobody uses it anymore.

They took declarative cursors and created Relay, but again, Apollo GraphQL comes and relay just goes away. When i tried just to get started with relay, it seemed so complicated that i just closed the tab. I mean, i get the idea, it's simple yet brilliant, but the api...

Immutable.js. Shitload of fuck. Explain WHY should i mess with shit like getIn(path: Iterable<string | number>): any and class List<T> { push(value: T): this }? Clojurescript offers Om, the React wrapper that works about three times faster! How is it even possible? Clojure's immutable data structures! They're even opensourced as standalone library, Mori js, and api is great! Just use it! Why reinvent the wheel?

It seems like when i just need to develop a simple react app, i should configure webpack (huge fuckload of work by itself) to get hot reload, modern es and jsx to work, then add redux, redux-saga, redux-thunk, react-redux and immutable.js, and if i just want my simple component to communicate with state, i need to define a component, a container, fucking mapStateToProps and mapDispatchToProps, and that's all just for "hello world" to pop out. And make sure you didn't forget to type that this.handler = this.handler.bind(this) for every handler function. Or use ev closure fucked up hack that requires just a bit more webpack tweaks. We haven't even started to communicate to the server! Fuck!

I bet there is savage ass overengineer sitting there at facebook, and he of course knows everything about how good api should look, and he also has huge ass ego and he just allowed to ban everything that he doesn't like. And he just bans everything with good simple api because it "isn't flexible enough".

"React is heavier than preact because we offer isomorphic multiple rendering targets", oh, how hard want i to slap your face, you fuckface. You know what i offered your mom and she agreed?

They even created create-react-app, but state management is still up to you. And react-boierplate is just too complicated.

When i need web app, i type "lein new re-frame", then "lein dev", and boom, live reload server started. No config. Every action is just (dispatch) away, works from any component. State subscription? (subscribe). Isolated side-effects? (reg-fx). Organize files as you want. File size? Around 30k, maybe 60 if you use some clojure libs.

If you don't care about massive market support, just use hyperapp. It's way simpler.

Dear developers, PLEASE, don't forget about api. Take it serious, it's very important. You may even design api first, and only then implement the actual logic. That's even better.

And facebook, sincerelly,

Fuck you.

Underlying pure C library and NodeJS wrapper

😂😂😂😂

Once upon a time I was teaching high schoolers Unity/C#. Noisy boy asked me if it was possible to create a robot in C#.

I told him to take printer, take it apart and turn it upside down in the way that printing drum would touch the ground, and then to put a laptop with his C# program on top of it.

When the program will launch, printer will try to print and the whole thing will roll slowly. Isn’t that a robot? You just need to think wider and define what robot is at first.

He was lost in thoughts and completely silent to the end of the lecture.

Your branch isn't as good as you think it is

npm i -g npm

😂😂😂😂😂

This 😂

😂😂😂😂

Isn't that a great way to comment on visual components?

😂😂😂😂

😭😨😰🥴😭😭

Just hit 500, exactly at my birthday!

DevRant is the most amazing community I've used to belong to. You guys are awesome!

Imagine yourself exploring Medium, looking for some new awesome tools to try out.

You accidentally find the new, promising programming language. It called Blow. It promises itself to be “idiomatic”, “minimalistic”, “simple” and “handsome”. And it also compiles to Electron. You decide to give it a try.

It has its own package manager, simple and idiomatic – every package is “blow add” away. But it’s only three packages available: the “blowsay”, just like “cowsay”, the “this”, printing The Blow Manifesto and “blue”, which is simplistic, simple and minimalistic idiomatic handsome functional frontend framework built with simplicity in mind.

You want to build a todo app, so you type “blow add blue” and press enter.

Following Medium articles written by some guy wearing Ray-Bans, you managed to finally put a todo app together, after seven hours of straight up coding and fighting that simple and idiomatic syntax, trying to make it do what you need. Alright, it’s time to build it.

It has built-in task runner named “job”.

So you type “blow job todo”.

You spending three hours more doing “blow job this”, “blow job that”, trying to blow job everything you see. You’re tired and mad at those damn blow job hipsters created that. You literally suck at programming in that.

Everything falls apart. Things doesn’t work. And after another “ENOENT 0() 0x628 NOT_SUPPORTED”, you give up, admitting that you’ve really sucked at this.

The exact moment when I understood what programming actually was.

I was getting hard times at my 3rd college grade, trying to implement the recursive sudoku solver in python. Teacher spent a lot of time trying to explain me things like referential transparency, recursion and returning the new value instead of modifying the old one and everything related. I just couldn't get it.

I was one of the least productive students, i couldn't even understand merge sort.

I was struggling with for loops and indexes, and then suddenly something clicked in my head, like someone flipped a switch, and i understood everything i was explained, all at once. It was like enlightenment, like pure magic.

I had sudoku solver implemented by the end of the lecture. Linked list, hash map, sets, social graphs, i got all of these implemented later, it wasn't a problem anymore. I later got an A for my diploma.

Thank you @dementiy, you were the reason for my career to blast off.

Fuck in app browsers. They should be fucking banned, honestly.

Instagram, Gmail, Kik, any if you cunts that have browsers in your app... Go fuck yourself.

Since 2011, everyone in my large family lights candles on birthday cakes in binary. 1 is lit candle, 0 is just a candle. I taught them to do this. I mean you can encode years from 1 to 127 with just seven candles, so we’re using the same pack of small candles we bought in 2011.

Fuck you big candle industry. You got nothing on me.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Devranters’ dream here in Tel-Aviv

Literally any modern website

😂😂😂😂

This is how you test your website in “old browsers”

Started to take vitamins. Oversleeping is gone, constant fatigue is gone, and I also feel happy for no reason.

"Attention micromanagers
If you don't trust your employees to
work from home, you've hired the
wrong people, or your management
style needs updating. Either way,
you're the problem."

Seen on linkedin today

We shouldn’t worry about AI passing the Turing test. We should worry about AI intentionally failing Turing test.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[shit energiya] (щит энергия) — is “shield energy” in Russian. This is what happens when you transliterate carelessly

PHP, C, Java

My mom was kind of addicted to one of those fake news buzzfeed kind of online communities. She used to send me these posts like every day.

Spent about two months deliberately destroying each and every "scientific article" she sent me. It was a pseudo-scientific trash fake news kind of page and pretty much every article was just made up or had same kind of communities as a reference. I just googled the shit out of each and every topic.

She's unsubscribed now.

Feels good. I noticed that most of people of previous generations really need to be taught how to use google. Some of these communities are full-blown propaganda machines spreading things like anti-vaxx or similar.

I think I will ship a free open-source messenger with end-to-end encryption soon.

With zero maintenance cost, it’ll be awesome to watch it grow and become popular or remain unknown and become an everlasting portfolio project.

So I created Heroku account with free NodeJS dyno ($0/mo), set up UptimeRobot for it to not fall asleep ($0/mo), plugged in MongoDB (around 700mb for free) and Redis for api rate limiting (30 mb of ram for free, enough if I’m going to purge the whole database each three seconds, and there’ll be only api hit counters), set up GitHub auto deployment.

So, backend will be in nodejs, cryptico will manage private/public keys stuff, express will be responsible for api, I also decided to plug in Helmet and Sqreen, just to be sure.

Actual data will be stored in mongo, rate limit counters – in redis.

Frontend will probably be implemented in React, hosted for free at GitHub pages. I also can attach a custom domain there, let’s see if I can attach it to Freenom garbage.

So, here we go, starting up modern nosql-nodejs-react application completely for free.

If it blasts off, I’m moving to Clojure + Cassandra for backend.

And the last thing. It’ll be end-to-end encrypted. That means if it blasts off, it will probably attract evil russian government. They’ll want me to give him keys. It’ll be impossible, you know. But they doesn’t accept that answer. So if I accidentally stop posting there, please tell my girl that I love her and I’m probably dead or captured

@Root’s workplace

Things that still feel like they were yesterday:
- Microsoft buying Skype
- WiFi 802.11n
- USB 3.0
- Android 5.0, Material design
- Microsoft buying Nokia
- “Grid layout is an experimental technology”

Nobody even uses Skype anymore. I’m still looking for “is it support that WiFi n-word” when choosing a router. Yes it supports it. Everything that happened since 2009 supports it. Usb 3.0 was released in 2008, 12 years ago, and I’m still happy when it’s a blue connector instead of white. Android 5.0 was released 6 years ago.

I don’t understand HOW can I know that the newest but not exactly bleeding edge web specs like clamp function aren’t the newest and use them but still believe that grid layout is an experimental technology despite using it in production and FUCKING LOOKING AT CANIUSE TABLE and FUCKING THINKING THAT USB 3.0 WAS RELEASED JUST NOW while working on the laptop that FUCKING HAS TYPE C as its only port

It looks like somebody should go have his time perception module checked

Took me a solid minute to get

(NOT TO OFFEND PYTHON FOLKS)

Dude just broke GitHub:D

Imagine a person in 2020 meeting a time traveller from 2030.
— man, this pandemic sucks
— yeah, it's just the first year though
— the first what?
— yeah, pandemic didn't even end until the war
— until the WHAT?

Just broke up with my girlfriend and it feels AWESOME! Like I’m free now! I finally can do what I like to!

Finally! To live without regrets and fears of not being able to entertain someone. It’s finally my thoughts, my music, MY life. My fucking life. Just me as is and it’s awesome. Finally, after three years of suffering.

FUCK YOU

What NOT to create in 2018:
1. macOS note taking apps in Electron
2. Text editors in Electron
3. Pretty much everything in Electron
4. “Simple” and “minimalistic” programming languages
5. Web frameworks

I'm in that weird spot where the more I study programming, the more I realize I know next to nothing. I get pretty demotivated at times because it can be so overwhelming to study for hours, finally understand a topic... only to find out the next thing is even worse and there's literally thousands of things to learn, from languages themselves, to rules, best practices, paradigms and so on and so forth.

How do you guys deal with this? Do you even have the same problem?

😂😂😂😂😂

Shut up and take my money

There are cybercrimes. That means you can be put to jail for performing certain actions with your computer. I’m taking about serious crimes like hacking crucial governmental servers but not about insulting people online. I’m talking about something that’ll make government chase you.

Every action at the computer could be done with keyboard only.

My face when there is finite sequence of keys that you press one by one and then become a criminal. And go to jail.

My face when if you put that sequence into script file, there is file that you double-click and instantly become criminal.

Press here to go to jail. The whole new level of abstraction.

Really makes me think.

I love it

To the left, a conventional circuit board design done by a human. To the right, a design done by TopoR, a software that designs circuits automatically.

It looks absolutely alien, yet beautiful. It doesn't care about how it looks, it doesn't care about angles and alignment. It only cares about efficiency and designs every connection to be as short as possible. It can even account for electric interference.

Humans just cannot compete.

@NickyBones I hope you get that PHD
@F1973 I hope you get that good position in a good company you deserve
@theabbie I hope you wake up one day and realize you’re a well-respected expert in your field
@Root I hope you... ah, already bought it
@lor-inc I hope that thing was just fatigue and not a mental illness

@SortOfTested? As one guy once said “@SortOfTested got everything figured out”.

If you really wish to be happy, find yourself someone who looks at you like Notepad looks at Emacs

The best way to waste a weekend

😂😂😂😂😂

I once observed one guy and he just... lived. Without owing anybody and himself anything. With nothing to achieve and nothing to prove. Without any kind of guilt when he chose just to stay in bed and do nothing or when he couldn’t finish a readme in more than three months.

He was just living, creating digital things he kinda liked. Without seeking for approval. Without making big plans. Like a psychopath.

I still can't get over it

😂😂😂😂😂

interviewer: name something basic
me: your crappy ass bootstrap php5.4 website you call a “cloud data infrastructure”
interviewer: oh that’s very basic indeed

Gets me every time

Adding big pile of 40+ megabytes pictures to git repo.

It happened just now.

Yes, I put "there is no need to be upset 10 hours" on governmental terminal.

#hackerman

How? Well, I discovered that it was web ui, so random menu category -> random external governmental website with Google map on it -> you know the rest.

please tell me it will happen to me

Onlyfans? I only need devrant 🥰

My GF said today that she had a dream where someone took her laptop, deleted elementaryos and installed windows. She was so infuriated and enraged that she woke up, and it took her like five solid minutes to realize that it was just a bad dream, and her Linux is safe.

Fuck managers!

Get 20,000 github stars
Move to USA

Javascript frameworks

Github can be creepy sometimes

Was manic, was on prescriptions, never prepared, was late, cussed as hell about modern frontend development, got a CTO job

This gif never gets old

It's my second rant about Windows here in two days, but here we go:

Windows used to be a cool OS (and in part it still is). Yes, it's made for the end user, not power users, yes it has many flaws. But it was my gateway to computers and programming. I have fond memories of my first PC, playing around with the old win98 themes (my favorite was the baseball one!).

However, I am very disappointed now. I just had to basically force Windows 10 to stop hogging my bandwidth. It was an actual battle, with the OS simply (I kid you not) running update and other services EVEN AFTER I SPECIFICALLY DISABLED THEM. I just saw the Windows update service running, while its status was disabled. It's absurd.

Sorry Windows, but that's not what I want. I want to choose what happens on my own OS. Linux gives me exactly that, why can't you?

Twitch Developer Rig sucked hard and was cropping my extension down to 300px high no matter if it was “panel” which should be this high or everything else.

So I posted to their forum and they committed a fix MINUTES later.

That’s how you deal with bugs.

Imagine yourself being a CTO back then.

Brand new Acura NSX. No MacBooks, ThinkPads are hot. Your company has its own skyscraper. CASE tools are just introduced and they’re hotter than blockchain now. You do software architecture in IBM Rational Rose, typing on your Model M and thinking really hard about Java OOP which is very hot right now.

You have Erlang servers at your own data center. You laugh at people writing in COBOL. You excited about aspect-oriented programming.

What a wonderful time.

Just left a senior position in a YC startup for a middle position in my local company.

I believe that this downgrade will relieve some of my stress and give me more free time to heal my depression.

After fixing my uncontrollable consumption issues I can finally stop being a wagecuck. I don’t care much about my salary anymore while focusing on health and happiness. I saved up a lot of money so I finally can afford not to live paycheck to paycheck.

I’m slowly shifting towards living off my side projects only.

devRant logo in the web version main page is cropped just a bit at the right edge.

Have a nice day!

The most important skill you can have is doing things without shame.

Shamelessly stay in your bed all weekends watching PewDiePie, never brushing your teeth, eating Doritos from under your pillow and peeing into empty Mountain Dew bottle if you feel like doing it.

Shamelessly spend your vacation sitting in the toilet with a laptop browsing reddit.

Shamelessly cut your product in half and ship it if you don't feel like perfecting it.

Shamelessly admit that you don't know something when you messed something up at work.

If you are a millennial like me, chances are your gen x parents told you that you have to be perfect / really good to succeed and to be worthy.

You know what? Fuck your parents then. Fuck my parents as well. Admitting this behavior wrong and actually giving up on living like something is always watching is the best thing you can do to your mental health.

I'm lazy. I write "any" here and there when they force me to do typescript at work. When I need a sidebar, I go and copy-paste that jquery snippet. I write like one article a month at best and I really want to say "fuck it" if I just don't feel like it.

You can always give up on everything and it's perfectly fine. This doesn't make you any kind of looser or something. You're perfectly fine.

Too bad I'm only beginning to master that.

You know what?

Last night I was dreaming and all that I’ve seen was fucking preloader.

Seriously. I couldn’t wake up. I tried thinking about something else but couldn’t focus on anything else than fucking preloader spinning around. Just couldn’t get it out of my head.

That was terrible. Am I even human? Or was my dreams server blocked? Damn, I’m gonna sleep with VPN tonight.

React is tomorrow’s jquery

My usual mental state

Imagine posting something about nvm (node version manager) and then quitting via nvm figured out thingy

Imagine proposing an actual `nvm figured out` command to nvm team and then it’s implemented so you can legitimately post “nvm figured out” as a solution

My girlfriend is really depressed and wanna kill herself
I’m so don’t know what to do

Just imagine the world where we have CAPITALIZED DIGITS.

This kid on the tape is me. I'm not even two years old there and I'm already messing around with wires.

Five minutes later on that tape I figured out how to turn the vacuum cleaner on and tried to tie it to the cassette deck.

No wonder why I'm a programmer now 😂

When you switch a regular keyboard to an emoji one on an iPhone, the keyboard becomes a several pixels shorter. It’s barely noticeable but when you notice it, you can’t unsee it.

“This is it. This is what matters. How a product make someone feel”
– Apple

Gorgeous SE215 got its cable broken? Thanks god I have a spare cable they call “Apple Earpods” and I can solder!

I don't know if anyone else here uses kik but there's something that's been bugging me for a while
Occasionally (frequently) bots start a conversation with you (the typical "come visit my porn website etc etc), right? Now, this has happened to me at least 20 times now, and EVERY single time, the bot's profile picture has loads of translucent yellow stars edited in, and I have no idea why
I can't think of a possible explanation for this, and I've put a lot of thought into it
Attached is a cropped version of what I mean

Colleague: No the logic is stored in post_2.php but before you edit it make sure you make a post_2.bk.php just in case we need to revert the change.

Me: ....k

I miss Picasa.

Your identity is the most valuable thing you have.

Losing it for whatever reason, for example to be like your partner or your parents want you to be is probably the most wrong thing to do.

I have a tech lead interview next week, wish me luck!

You don’t hate X, you hate the word “X” because of a single bad experience with it on an early stage of your path.

You don’t know X because you banned it early and never learned it. The only thing you see is its bad part. Everything has its bad part.

The fact that X has bad apologists doesn’t mean that X itself is bad

I’m sorry but this is what happened to me

Johnny Depp won

Fried potatoes with mushrooms.

In Russian, if potatoes was fried with the mushrooms, the word "fried" (жаренная) contains two letters "n".

If potatoes was fried on their own and only then you added mushrooms, the word "fried" (жареная) contains one letter "n".

You can replace frying, mushrooms and potatoes with different things, but as soon as the concept of "processing ingredients together versus independently" persists, the rule applies.

Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.

Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.

The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.

He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.

Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.

css quick maffs

so, you want to make a css gradient from a certain color into transparent. The logical way would be doing it like this:

linear-gradient(#112233, transparent)

however, this will cause a blurred black stripe to appear in safari. This is due to safari-specific algorithms (that also make it the quickest browser, especially on arm-powered macs).

stackoverflow and other boubas will suggest doing this:

linear-gradient(#112233, rgba(255, 255, 255, 0))

this is better, but instead of a black stripe, a half-transparent white stripe will appear.

To finally make this gradient render consistently across different browsers, do this:

linear-gradient(#112233, #11223300)

Now, you're only changing alpha. See, CSS is a declarative language, so you should be telling it EXACTLY what you want to achieve. You don't want to change one color into another (in that case, "#112233" into "transparent", yes, they are distinct colors that are totally different. CSS doesn't treat "transparent" in some special way like we do) but to only change the alpha channel of #112233.

Feel free to use rgba notation if you want to support older browsers:

linear-gradient(rgba(11, 12, 13, 1), rgba(11, 12, 13, 0))

aight bye

Service-as-a-Service
🤪

A rare weather phenomenon called "snezhura" (slush) was observed in St. Petersburg recently. I don't quite get how it works, yet it's still fascinating.

Now that’s a kit

Uncle Bob: *finishes his talk*
Every sane developer:

He installed? Deprecate it

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

When I write “grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fill, minmax(max(15rem, (100% - (var(--columns) - 1) * 1rem) / var(--columns)), 1fr));” in my coworker’s code and it fixes the CSS grid

🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

When I was in school, I could walk as long as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't walk as long as I want anymore – my legs hurt and just stops moving. The spasm won't go away easily and I have to wait for it to stop.

When I was in school, I could learn as much as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't learn as much as I want anymore – my brain just stops absorbing information. I can see letters but I can't read words.

My body slowly decay. By the age of 21, I have two abdominal surgeries, joint and bone issues, clinically diagnosed depression, the food I eat won't digest without pills and much more to handle. If the pain is what stops me now I could only imagine the next step when I don't even care about pain just like I don't care now about my unwillingness.

On the other hand the realization of my own mortality was extremely liberating. Yes, my body slowly decomposes and needs to be fixed here and there but at least I know that my personality heavily depends on some fluids inside my body. I know that I have limited amount of fucks to be given.

I slowly lose my health over time but I gain something more and I gain faster than I lose. I don't care about things like indents or JS trailing semicolons anymore – I just build and ship viable products over weekends. I almost never argue and enforce my vision inside the team I manage as a teamlead.

Yes, I'm depressed and not productive but depression would go away and my confidence is here to stay. I'm here to earn just enough money to buy a house and launch my own small projects that wouldn't require that much time to provide me with basic needs.

Everyone I see is fighting a hard battle. I'm here to end mine.

Just got myself an iPhone se. Was proud android fan for 4 years.

No hate, but android apps really feel like cheap knock-offs.

I'm never coming back.

This is the funniest fucking IT meme I’ve ever seen. It’s on par with that meme where anon gets hired to Pulseaudio, and the whole dialog is just empty speech bubbles

My younger brother is a speedcuber and I got this for my birthday.

The albino cube.

Useless, like myself.
Beautiful, like myself.

And btw it’s no shabby dollar-store piece of crap, it’s a real magnetic competition-grade cube.

I don't understand working in FAANG. As an engineer, who inherently has an ultimate say in how the computer worlds you construct work, how do you live with acceptance that you have no say whatsoever in how your company is run? how do you accept doing work that you don't always see the product benefit of?

Yes, FAANG pays a lot to ordinary engineers, but when you were dreaming back when you were a STEM student with fiery eyes, did you really want to be an ordinary engineer, no matter the bankroll? After all, it's not the total company's revenue, it's at least the revenue divided by staff count. In Nintendo, salaries are way higher than in EA, because there are way less people working at Nintendo.

Take any unicorn startup that survived. If you work there, you will have a say, you have an impact, you see the results of your work, and you will earn much more.

I wanted to work at Google as a student, but now I feel like it's just a plastic dream pitched to those inexperienced who don't know any better.

Note that above I don't even touch ethics, like anti-suicide nets in Foxconn factories that make Apple devices, let alone Facebook's and Google's surveillance.

Maybe, if you're somehow an engineer who has proficiency but not care, or if you cared, but was broken, with fire in your eyes extinguished, and now you see your work as "just work", FAANG might be a good choice.

But I can't relate.

to anyone who says girls can’t code because they have no skill and therefore shouldn’t be in a high position because they have no dick,

I’ll show you how I code with my girl skills, I’ll fire you with my girl position, and I’ll fuck you with my girl dick.

Doctor: *says CBT*
Everyone in the lecture room: cognitive behavioral therapy
Rutee: cOcK aNd bAll tOrTuRe fuck I got a huge cock amirite shitload of fuck hey Jilano amirite tell’em

DeLarge looking down from heaven: *wipes tears*

Fun fact: when Blackberry was choosing their name, they wanted to go with “Blade”, but blade dot com was occupied by a porn site.

@iiii are you okay? The war and stuff...

I tried LSD yesterday!

Backstory: I have a weird combo of bipolar type 1 and autism. During the day, my brain works inconsistently. Here how my day usually goes:
09:00. I wake up. Uninterested, cold, masculine. No thoughts in the background. No OCD.
12:00. Brain warms up. Thought process begins. Thoughts are short in their length
14:00. Thoughts start to get longer. Stress starts to accumulate. Background thoughts start, now typically 2–3 at a time.
16:00. Twitching begins. Thought chains are now 5–6 concepts long, one following the other. Perception level rises quickly. I start to feel more feminine. It is in this state that I start to spot imperfections and mistakes looking at code or text without reading it. I see it like a painting, and mistakes appear as “visually wrong” parts. This does not depend on formatting.
17:00. OCD becomes more severe. I HAVE to touch all the surfaces around me, evenly, as if my hands were text highlighters, and I had to paint everything evenly, without overlaps or spots that are brighter or darker than the others. Some surface textures become irritating, and feel quite unpleasant to the touch. If I go for a run now, like 3 km or so, I feel somewhat relieved.
18:00. Things are getting serious. Creativity levels through the roof. I speak in long, never-ending, profound sentences. Background and foreground thoughts almost become one. I appear visually drunk and happy, despite never drinking alcohol. Femininity rises even further. Sometimes, when I speak to a small group of people, especially if I go with friends to meet new people, and we go to some bar, new people ask to record my voice or to write down whatever I’m saying. To be honest, this reason alone is a huge boost to how I see yourself.
19:00. OCD is crazy now. Surfaces have soul.
21:00 <— Gotta take my meds and go to sleep here to prevent what comes at 22:00
22:00. All thoughts, both foreground and background, fully became one. Now my brain officially disobeys me and thinks on its own, and I can ride it like a surfer at best. Twitching becomes concerning. I develop a 1000-yard stare. I am officially a female. Physical strength is somewhat enhanced. Pain tolerance lowered significantly.
23:00. Derealization begins. The world around me appears two-dimensional and flat, like a picture. It is hard to get home on foot, even in close (less than one km) proximity. Brain is fully numb. All that thought monstrosity that was building up is just noise now. Zero “flops” available to think about something I want to think about, like how much money I have on me or what time it is.

I go to sleep. I see nightmares. I wake up, and the cycle repeats.

Contrary to a popular opinion, I never take any “brain-boosting” meds like antidepressants, and I think now you can see why. I consume neither alcohol nor caffeine. Neither me, nor my doctors want my brain to explode. I only take lamotrigine that helps to “lower down” mania, and quetiapine, a neuroleptic, that slows down my brain, like a neuroleptic. Both are there to slow down my brain, to kinda “throttle” my brain like a CPU to cool it down.

That said, 100ug of LSD just… brought me my usual 18:00 state, but in the morning?

All that small-dose recreational ordeal? The thing that helps people feel more energetic and creative?

People pay money… for that? To feel the way I feel every evening?

I decided I should finally relocate from Russia. As one of the people I value much once said, it’s not about grass being greener, it’s about grass being alive.

I’m not going to buy a property here. Instead, I do this all at the same time:

- fixing my health (eye surgery done, quit smoking half a year ago, quit sugar several months ago, now through dental care and an obesity treatment with newest novo-nordisk stuff and sports, so far so good)

- gaining some momentum (newsletter launched, articles and open source stuff are published on a regular basis, it all gonna assembly to make my new website and a v2.0 media presence)

- learning (hands-on management and a11y experience on my current job as a tech evangelist, also a11y courses, bleeding edge JavaScript and css)

- saving money. Fuck rouble, just converting everything into usd covers up all commissions and taxes and basically makes me money

I’m going to accomplish all this and finally relocate.

Being attached to my city is a bias and a mind game. I just need to leave.

Vape bloggers be telling people that it's impossible to quit vaping salt nicotine but I quit successfully. Here's how it went:
1. I took my addiction to the point when I vaped three cartridges a day (that's a lot). I remembered that feeling and recalled that dizziness and urge to vomit instead of "pleasure" when I wanted to vape again
2. It's hard to quit on your own. Instead of nicorette and other shit that doesn't work (because it's also nicotine), I took Cytisine. It removed that URGE and the only thing left to tackle was a psychological addiction
3. Vaping and smoking in my head was tied to a cool moments that I experienced, like smoking with the boys after a hackaton, etc. I analyzed them and realized that they're cool not because of the fact of smoking, they are cool per se. So smoking was not necessary

In my last days of cytisine therapy I not only forgot that I vaped, I sometimes forgot to take cytisine. That means the therapy was successful. My average running distance already improved from 1.5 to 3 km.

There is a research that quitting consuming nicotine can help cure depression. I'll check on that

3M used to make sticky notes. Now they make composite helicopter armor as well.

When you need to pivot your startup, do it. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Same city, same time, different weather. Updated just now. Are you fucking kidding me

Sony.

I don’t *hate* them, but I had really high hopes for Xperia smartphones back then, five years ago.

So I saved up and bought one. That’s what I got:
1. It was getting slower and slower
2. Micro usb broke just months after I got the smartphone
3. Sticky fragile screen with absolutely no oleophobic coating
4. NO UPDATES TO KITKAT AND LOLLIPOP! They just left us behind!

5. The main reason.

I catch moments with my camera. For me, camera is a vital feature, the most significant factor.

I once needed it really urgent and it just said “Camera is unavailable”. And that’s all. Camera is gone forever, broken. Factory reset haven’t fixed it.

You, alongside with Meizu, turned me away from android irreversibly and forever. When I heard about no update, I literally felt abused. Just like a girl whom random fuckboy made a proposal to, fucked and then left just months later.

With that level of customer support, basic respect to me as a user and buyer and that level of quality control, fuck you and your sloppy bricks you call smartphones. Maybe things are changing now, but I don’t care anymore and hardly ever will.

P.S. it heats up as hell, fucking pocket stove

Kiki feet these days

S — Sucks
T — To be broke
I
M
U
L — Lambo
U
S

This lady hotdesking near me harps on about her amazing Meetup that she's organized. She believes she can be an authority on a highly technical subject without knowing how to force quit an app on her Mac.
Shysters!

I propose a new word — “walm”. If you’re fascinated with liminality, and you feel calm in a huge liminal space like Walmart, you feel walm.

Why pay $7/mo PER PROJECT for heroku that runs on aws when you can just pay $5/mo for Linode that has opt-out data sharing and you can install Caprover or Dokku there to have the experience similar to heroku and create as many projects as your hardware allows you, $5 for all?

I keep seeing the word “privileged” thrown around, and this one, I actually understand to be right.

But if you have a mental disease or another serious incurable condition, kick like 5000 points off your privilege scale.

Money and medication don’t always help. I’m ready to give a very, very thick stack of money to anyone who can actually cure what I have. I wish I could do it.

In the US, 40% of unsheltered homeless people are employed, either part-time or full-time. “JuSt fInD a jOb” mindset is wrong.

Overengineering. Finding the right point between overdesign and no design at all. That's where fancy languages and unusual patterns being hit by real world problems, and you need to deal with all that utter mess you created being architecture astronaut. Isn't that funny how you realize that another fancy tool is fundamentally incompatible with the task you need to solve, and you realize it after a month of writing workarounds and hacks.

But on the other hand, duct tape slacking becomes a mess even quicker.

Not being able to promote projects. You may code the shit out of side project and still get zero response, absolutely no impact. That's why your side projects often becomes abandoned.

Oversleeping. You thought tomorrow was productive day, but you wake up oversleeped, your head aches, your mind is not clear and you be like "fuck that, I'm staying in bed watching memes all day". But there's job that has to be done, and that bothers you.

Writing tests. Oh, words can't describe how much I hate writing tests, any kind of. I tried testing so many times in high school, at university, even at production, but it seems like my mind is just doesn't accept it. I know that testing is fundamentally important, but my mind collapses every time I try to write a single fucking test, resulting in terrible headache. I don't know why it's like that, but it is, and I better repl the shit out of pure function than write fucking tests.

Netlify.

The only one of them which will build your frontend for you and can handle a custom HTTPS domain in one click.

Perfect for spontaneous side projects, especially when they added form handlers.

Too bad it’s blocked here in Russia.

I’m in love with this game

Noname Russian $17 wireless charger somehow makes less high pitched coil noise than my fancy nomad charger.

Yes it’s ugly. Yes the led is blasting and yes I painted over the led with a black nail polish.

I disassembled the nomad charger and located the coils that were making noise. I’m going to either fill them with epoxy (a common technique used by gpu enthusiasts to get rid of coil noise) or replace them completely.

TL;DR:
nomad — bouba
noname russian charger — kiki

I’m from Komi Republic. In Komi language (it’s entirely different from russian), “Komi airport” is видза корам коми мулöн юркарö, pronounced “vid-zah koraam komi muh-loan yur-kah-roah”.

And you said Haskell was difficult

Look at this guy. He can barely talk but already be messing with some tech stuff.

I remember myself from the age of five. I remember two things: how they asked me how old I was and I looked at my hand showing all five fingers and that I always knew I’ll be doing something tech when I grow up.

PouchDB.

It promised full-blown CRDT functionality. So I decided to adopt it.

Disappointment number one: you have to use CouchDB, so your data model is under strict regulations now. Okay.

Disappointment number two: absolutely messed up hack required to restrict users from accessing other users’ data, otherwise you have to store all the user data in single collection. Not the most performant solution.

Disappointment number three: pagination is utter mess. Server-side timestamps are utter mess. ANY server-side logic is utter mess.

Just to set it to work, you need PouchDB itself, websocket adapter (otherwise only three simultaneous syncs), auth adapter (doesn’t work via sockets), which came out fucking large pile of bullshit at the frontend.

Disappointment number four, the final one: auth somehow works but it doesn’t set cookie. I don’t know how to get access.

GitHub user named Wohali, number one CouchDB specialist over there, doesn’t know that either.

It also doesn’t work at Incognito mode, doesn’t work at Firefox at all.

So, if you want to use PouchDB, bear that in mind:
1. CouchDB only
2. No server-side logic
3. Authorization is a mess
4. Error logs are mess too: “ERROR 83929629 broken pipe” means “out of disk space” in Erlang, the CouchDB language.
5. No hosting solutions. No backup solutions, no infrastructure around that at all. You are tied to bare metal VPS and Ansible.
6. Huge pile of bullshit at frontend. Doesn’t work at Incognito mode, doesn’t work at Firefox.

Here's the changes I propose to the world:
– Every grave should display the formal death cause. Like "asphyxia", "cardiac arrest", etc, not like "was shot dead".
– Every member of a firing squad that performs an execution should have real ammo. There should be no moral escape such as "at least I could be the one with fake ammo so I'm not guilty". Yes you are.
– The word "disk" is deprecated and replaced with "disc" everywhere.

Everything else in this world is fine.

In some malls here in russia we casually have home depot stuff vending machines, right next to usual snack ones.

Unit tests bad

(I have no energy to write smth funnier and more elaborate, sorry)

If Uncle Bob Martin took all software engineers who are better in designing architecture than him, he could fully book Hilbert's hotel.

Yo rate my investment portfolio! I tried to build it to ensure the best possible stability:

33% futures
33% binary options
33% random cryptocurrencies
1% AT&T stock (one piece)

Getting cheers from my loving ones.

Today is “Visit your parents and secretly install Chrome as the default browser” day.

Make sure you’ve visited your parents and switched their IE to Chrome.

A certain person here on devRant was annoyed about my phone being named “Beyond”, seeing a screenshot of my settings.

What they said: “the name, beyond, reeks pretentiousness and arrogance, you say you’re better than other people”

What really happened: during one of my manic episodes, I discovered the band named Death Grips. Their music resonated with me and helped me to cope with my derealization. In one of their songs, I misheard lyrics, and heard the word “Veyon” that was never there in the first place. Upon my inner voice pronouncing it, as it usually happens to me, a brand-new universe appeared before me, where Veyon was a name of a megacorporation that exists in a shaky spacetime plane somewhere in India. If you want to go there, three outcomes are possible: you can actually come to their building that appears to be normal, with people working inside you can talk to, and no signs of trouble in sight. Or, you can try to walk to their building, but you will never reach it. GPS will show you slowing down gradually as you get closer, but to you, it would look like you’re just walking with your regular speed, as if nothing happened. Like a function trying to reach its asymptote, you’ll never come to your destination. The third outcome is by far the most interesting one. You will reach the building, but it will be abandoned, with doors scattered on the floors randomly, some of them will disappear after you walk in, rendering you missing in this universe. Oh, and floors are guarded by robots and turrets, and they are made by Grumman, the military aviation manufacturer. Yes, Grumman, not Northrop Grumman. This building in the third outcome originates from the spacetime plane where Northrop and Grumman never merged.

The whole thing raced through my mind in a millisecond. I liked it and decided to squat the name, but it was already taken by Veyon open source software (Virtual Eye On Networks).

In some time, I bought a new phone second-hand, and named it Veyon. The next day, I took it to shower with me. It turned out that the seller lied to me about it never being fixed. It was, and in the process its water resistance was compromised. So, this phone was damaged beyond repair the next day I bought it.

The same day, I went and bought the same phone model, but brand new, and in black, as I originally wanted. I was grateful for this opportunity that helped me escape the situation where I would've been using the phone of the colour I disliked just because I cheapen out. I know myself, and I would’ve been feeling uneasy every day, hesitant to sell it and get a new one because “nothing is wrong with it, quit being this picky, it’s just a colour”, but wait, don’t I deserve to make the colour a significant enough reason to switch the phone because I care about colour, especially if it’s me who’s paying the money? Did I make this money rightfully, or am I an impostor who gets paid because of intricate lies I tell? Do I actually tell them, or do I make that up to somehow convince "them" I'm innocent? Or do I try to get attention?

I’m terrible at dealing with that kind of mess, So, I was grateful.

The only thing left to do was to name my new phone. I decided not to name it “Veyon” again, just in case. So, I named it “Beyond”, as this word is probably what the actual song said.

The monstrosity of a story above is the usual thing for me to feel. I was really hurt by you telling me the name I chose was a display of pretentiousness. Do I deserve to be pretentious? I say yes, but my voice is shaking, as flashbacks of my awful mother abusing me come in the way.

You hurt me with that comment. Let’s meet? :)

Software engineering doesn't evolving the way you think of it.

There are no new big patterns. There are no new big concepts and ideas to bring that evolution to us. Rob Pike thinks that the concepts he used twenty years ago are the best possible way of implementing everything and he creates Golang.

The evolution of software engineering, and maybe the whole evolution as a concept is a tick-tock. Software engineering had its latest tick at nineties, when the concepts we call modern were developed. And the latest tock was the rise of the internet, and it given the single-computer-centered Von Neumann architecture really hard challenges. I mean ticks are theoretical inventions and patterns and ideas and etc, while tock is more of some practical, business-oriented implementations.

PHP is still in use. We have troubles with scaling and deployment. Banking systems still run old Java, Windows XP and even COBOL. We had persistence really, really long time ago, and now frontenders reinvent it and call it 'immutability'!

We had our tick many, many years ago. It's time for tock. With not only scientific but commercial use of things such as Clojure, CRDTs and maybe Rust lang, we are heading straight to our new big tock, which'll bring us new great problems to solve.

That's how any evolution goes.

my thighs are thicker than my accent. they all want me to crush their... body parts with them, but for you, it has to be something special. Just for you, with my thighs, I will crush your self-esteem, and, probably, your will to live.

Code katas are by far the most cringe thing I've ever seen in the dev world. Second place goes to dan abramov, third goes to python's “zen of python” naïveté being baked into the fucking language itself and printed out when you write “import this”.

Boubas: adjusting their sleep schedule by forcing themselves to go to bed early. Result: bouba turns all over the bed for three hours straight trying to find a comfortable position, sweats, stands up to adjust windows and AC, now it’s too cold... ends up actually falling asleep later than usual, wakes up fucked, as always.

Boubas who think they’re kikis: take melatonin pills. Result: bouba can’t sleep without their bouba pills.

Me (the kiki): wear blue light blocking glasses from five o’clock on. No blue light = no melatonin burned, go to bed at 11pm, sleep like a teen girl after a rough teen sex with her teen boyfriend.

Yes I sometimes wake up at 3am but that’s because my brain is too kiki to sleep. I feel refreshed, TOO refreshed in fact.

Oysters are just animal pistachios

react-native-web

PHP-in-JS

If you touch me without my consent, I won't fight you. Instead, I'll be there for you, at your home, at night, wearing nothing but a cheaply made papier-mâché Shrek mask, in all my five-inch glory, with a cheese grater, telling you that you, my friend, are like an onion, that you have layers

Apple Silicon will FUCK the industry. You can mark my words.

I’m happy to live in the Apple Age.

CSS is magic.
CSS is a katana blade.
CSS is a tiny bristle scratching Gorilla Glass Victus. It shouldn't exist, yet it does.
CSS is a plastic-based sticker that you peel off, and it leaves no residue behind.
CSS is a summer breeze of 2004 that you felt while riding longboards with your girlfriend.
CSS is plugging a '86 Les Paul into a Marshall JCM800 and switching to a dirty channel.
CSS is diving into a freshly made bed after an evening shower.
CSS is getting your winter coat and finding a hundred dollar bill in the pocket.
CSS is the front right burner.
CSS is stomping onto a Big Muff pedal before you do solo.
CSS is David Gilmour inviting you for lunch.
CSS is cracking open a cold bottle of Perrier.
CSS is falling asleep in the attic hugging your loved one and watching the stars.
CSS is a glass of just below the room temperature cold pressed orange juice after you run 5k.
CSS is stepping on a scale and seeing yet another pound of body weight gone.
CSS is a supportive, beautiful person saying they love you just after you escaped an abusive relationship.
CSS is putting on your cold white gold Rolex in the Friday afternoon before meeting with friends at the bar.
CSS is discovering your old Sansa Clip+ and booting RockBox.
CSS is giving cunnilingus to Mary Elizabeth Winstead.
CSS is finally feeling empathy to another person after two years of therapy and realizing you're alive.
CSS saying "unleaded" after you pull up to the gas station in your vintage 911.
CSS is your ex-boss apologizing to you after they hit the rock bottom.
CSS is smelling her hair in the back seat of a Maybach taxi.
CSS is giving presents to your grandparents.
CSS is hitting bong while watching Home Alone with your friends after New Year's Eve.
CSS is getting a new job that pays 3x your old one and removing your old job's Jira bookmark from a bookmarks bar.

Amazon created DynamoDB specifically so it doesn’t support UNIONs ©

All that patterns but you implemented only “garbage in garbage out”

float: center;

Science says it can't be done! You can't have an iPhone AND preserve your privacy!

Yet here I am, doing just that. Just analyze apps you use and just quit using fucking leeches like instagram and whatever facebook puts out. Also, do this:
1. Disable iMessage, iCloud and FaceTime
2. Opt out of sending analytics to apple
3. Use VPN with DNS that blocks trackers
4. Disable background app refresh and location access

Most importantly, quit using whatever uses personalization to spoon-feed you content that exploits your confirmation bias. Quit watching youtube. Switch to DuckDuckGo or whatever search engine without personalization.

If you don't like apple and don't care about cameras, just buy a Pixel smartphone and install Calyx OS. Fairfone with /e/os is also a good alternative.

+50℃ in New York, every day, for three months straight, every summer. Only then they will realize the climate change is real.

Oh, you're a programmer?
name every program

Okay then, ex-android user there.

It started with Xperia TX - it was flagship Sony phone back then. It blew my mind when I touched it for the first time. You know, exploring android for the first time in my life was amazing.

It ran just well for about a year. Then it started to fall apart. I need to clarify that I kept it non-rooted, full stock. I'm not into that customization things.

At first, I noticed significant lags. They were everywhere. The longer I used smartphone, the more lags I encountered. I did factory reset, but lags haven't gone anywhere.

Year 2. Front camera stopped working. Battery became unreliable as fuck, going down to 40% and then instantly to zero. What?

Year 3. Camera broke. It refused to start, just giving me "Camera is not available" error.

I tried factory reset again. It helped at first, but month have passed and all that issues came back. And it also became sluggish as fuck.

Got Meizu m3s year ago. The exact same story. Long story short, in one year I got this:
1. Black spots on every picture I take. Much likely a matrix issue.
2. Camera also became slow as fuck, requiring about 10 seconds to even start.
3. Vertical stripes all along the screen. I never dropped my phone, it just appeared once and became brighter and brighter every day I used the phone.
4. Two huge yellow spots on screen. I think it happened because phone's cpu heat up the screen and it broke.

But the most important thing is that fucking lags chased me in every app, they were everywhere. Fucking tiny-ass lags. And they're not going anywhere, they're become more and more significant with time.

Don't say me about oneplus, samsungs and other top android phones. They are conceptually the same, the only different thing is hardware.

That's why I switched. IPhone has its downsides, but it's silky smooth. And my friend's iPhone 4 (not s) feels just as smooth as my brand new se.

I'm not going to jailbreak it. I don't need customizing the hell out of it.

I just needed quick and reliable phone, and SE seems to be exactly what I wanted.

Peace to android folks tho✌️

The "Gratitude" emoji pack recently introduced to Slack. They're basically "Thank you" in different languages.
Among others, there is a Russian "спасибо", but there is no Ukrainian "дякую".

What's up Slack? Didn't you paint your logo blue and yellow when the war started?

If you're gonna push your "please don't cancel us" marketing BS like all the other companies, at least be fucking consistent.

Switching from valerian pills and vitamins to much stronger meds. Wish me luck

I propose renaming the title "project manager" into "plim". Why? Well, there is an old soviet nursery rhyme:

I came up with a new word
A funny word called Plim
And I repeat it over:
Plim, Plim, Plim!
It jumps around shouting
Plim, Plim, Plim
Nobody cares about it
Plim, Plim, Plim

When you forget to open cmd as admin and it blocks your commands for lack of credentials

Yep, they made an enumerate Boolean!

Pride watch face blocked in Russia? I just downloaded the wallpaper and use it in the photo watch face lol

I’m sorry

Over 10 000 Club, here I go! I wanna thank God, my mama and my dealer.

Discretion is advised

I had a bizarre nightmare where I wake up tied, my head inside the glass cube, my eyelids stitched to my eyebrows so I can’t close my eyes, and then @rutee07 pours drain cleaner into that cube, through immense pain I feel my eyes turning cloudy and skin on my face turning into soap, meanwhile drain cleaner goes down my throat

And then I woke up. This dream was the reason behind my dice game liquid PH rant I posted not much earlier.

Just imagine sicknesses spreading through internet.

I mean real human sicknesses. Of course your laptop can’t generate aids, but hey, did you ever have a song stuck in your head, repeated infinitely? Memes, viral videos, modern pop music, it looks just like perfect delivery mechanisms.

Human brain is flawed and buggy, vulnerable to countless things like optical illusions, uncanny valley, nlp and others. It’s obvious that there is some audiovisual input sequence that may have arbitrary side effects.

We are towards invention of some precisely formed pieces of information that’ll damage your brain forever, maybe drive you insane so there’ll be no way back. Delivered via viral media straight to your brain, destroying it irreversibly.

Be ready to face the future.

The society evolution in a nutshell is

What’s been possible seems impossible
What’s been edible seems incredible

neural networks can't consent

In russian, one space can turn “C major” into “everyone is eating at my house uncontrollably”

Futurice: we are inclusive and we are pro equality
Also Futurice: we're not gonna relocate you because you're Russian, sorry ^_^

I hate thermodynamics. This tiny issue always make my flimsy free energy device prototypes fail.

die (I’m not sure tho)

Just like those guys' mediums when they talk about react

@rutee07 is gone! Yaaaaaay!

Now, as I have your attention: on a serious note, your dick size-bragging, vulgar blabbering was fun for a moment, but this is what happens when you’re not truly being yourself. In real life, you’re a woman, I don’t know why you had to invent all that persona based on genitals you don’t have to pose as someone else. Without irony, I really liked when in your latest rants and comments your mask begun to slip, and you wasn’t afraid to show your true personality — complex, vulnerable, beautiful.

I forgive you. Perhaps, Rutee as a persona _should_ die, superceded by true you. I adore the gesture, and you will be missed.

Using spaces

i want to end it