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Me: *coding*
Gf: *walks into room*
Gf: awww look at all the sad winky faces
Me: excuse me?
Gf: look at all the sad winky faces *points at this ); *
Me: ... 😕😂12 -
This is Why I give IT support so much respect.
Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro
Next day.....
Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number4 -
Me when I look through my old projects: Man, what the fuck was I thinking.
Me when I look through my new and current projects:
Man, what the fuck am I thinking.2 -
Me visiting a bar...
While going for a smoke...
Woman: Can I ask you a very impolite and downright rude question..?
*expects a Facebook hacking question*
Me (hesitant): .. sure, ask ahead...
Woman: I've never seen you here before. Who are you?
Me: *tells name*
(thinking) not what I expected! (:
Woman: So you're living mostly on the internet?
Me: yeah pretty much... 🤔
Woman: So I live here next to that lawyer...
Me: I don't know most of the area here, where's that?
Woman: Why don't you look it up, hmm? 😜
Quality pwnage!! 😆19 -
Client: "This does not look like the mockups I gave you."
Me: "tHiS dOeS NOt lOoK LIkE THe mOkUpS i GaVE YoU"
2 -
Friend: can you take a look at me code?
Me: sure, it's all shit!
Friend: You didn't even look!?
Me: did you write the code?
Friend: yes...
Me: well, I don't have to look, I can smell ur shitty code!5 -
Someone replied to the Christmas party invitation using REPLY ALL... his family personal details sent to hundreds of people. Wait, it gets even worse: he works in the SECURITY DEPARTMENT.5
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My dad believes in hiding his passwords in plain sight
He puts them all in a
readme.txt sitting next to the Canon printer exe file. 😂2 -
Client promised an email in 5 minutes after hanging up.. It's been 2 hours since.. Is he typing with his penis? Is it so small that it's taking so much time hitting each key!
4 -
When top level guys look down they see only shit... 💩
When bottom level guys look up they see only assholes.. 👍
7 -
If I get the new arm I looked at today, I'll always have a battery pack on me. It's USB C and will charge my phone11
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Employers look for degrees, fellow developers look for stickers - how to tell a developers experience xD
6 -
The most embarrassing moment is when you look at an answer in StackOverflow and think "Which stupid wrote this answer?" and look at the name only to realize that it was YOU!!!1
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I smell burnt electronics.... Somewhere. Can't find it. Look, unplug, smell, plug in, look smell, unplug, smell, dance, can't find it.
I need a young priest and an old priest.5 -
*Creates empty node web project in visual studio*
Let's have a look at the default configuration... Oh look the default port is 1337... Microsoft... Please stop trying to meme... Please1 -
Just waiting for the day were a head hunter mail starts with: "We saw your profile on devRant and found it very interesting how you comment your daily anger while being a dev....."3
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everyone on twitter is like "hey look tetris lol how would that look" but like WHO THE FUCK DIDN'T CHECK THIS
23 -
Look, I don't know why, but after sitting around doing nothing, I think he wants to kill me.
Send help.
I mean just look at him, staring right into your soul.
8 -
Look to your left, then look to your right...
All of those devs started out exactly as you are doing now!7 -
Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!
There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.7 -
keyboard shortcuts.
If you threw your mouse away, could you still code very fast?
I learned all the kb shortcuts 2 years ago..
Coding shortcuts in sublime are the best
Best skill I every owned..speed of pc use is drastically improved
Put me up against any normal user and I'll have 10 typical computer tasks done before he finishes one
Could you throw away your mouse for a day?
If you can't.. I challenge you to try. Probably the best skill for getting jobs? Just guessing24 -
A junior dev said i look a bit like Mr. Bean which got a laughing approval by many of my co workers.
I mean, i like Mr. Bean, but when it comes to looks, he's not a physically appealing guy.
Self esteem cant go much lower than this.7 -
When I design a website I always give my best to make it look modern and responsive. Then I look at a website of a local company and want to throw up.
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My friends netspeed. Must be nice.... attached in the comments is what I’ve got to work with. It’s sad when my mobile hotspot is faster than my fucking wall connection.
9 -
!rant
I was added to a private Trello board today, of a company that I’m not a part of.
I don’t know if I should mess around with their boards and move stuff around, just leave the board, or better yet, relieve devs of their assigned tasks.
😆4 -
Although Web design/development isn't exactly computer programming, I can't look at websites without judging them for how they look.
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Why name Tree a Tree when it's really Root if you look at it with head up ?
(Tree Data Structure)
We're really taught to look at the world upside down1 -
I decided to create this so that my head would not need to look down. I noticed when just putting laptop on my knees my head has to look down and it causes headaches when looking down. So this "desk" make me no need to look down.
The desk has wheels so you can relatively easily move away from bed.
So prototype is done, now this could be improved to look better. Idea for furniture makers - you could do this and sell :)
18 -
I finally got my github up.
You all can look at my terrible code, which is just glorified snippets. I don't mind.
Left out probably 98% of all the code larger than 10 lines because of jank, throwaways, and how poorly I documented it. Basically throwing shit on a wall.
I also left of the "maaaaaaths!" code because its already super convoluted and strictly a one-man thing. Likewise the web scrapers (barely documented and custom per site), and ML scripts.
https://github.com/YIntercept2
Did you know I once had an immediate rejection in the middle of a zoom interview, because the interviewer asked me "so whats your favorite browser", and I made a pretty obvious joke about using internet explorer.
That guy had no chill whatsoever. Fun times.11 -
This Vue project I took over uses document.getElementById(...).innerHTML = stuff in its async created method.
That's the rant.9 -
Professor: Look to the left of you. Look to the right of you. By end of program, two of the three of you will be Javascript devs.5
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Does anyone else compact their code to make it look as complicated as possible just to be a jackass or make yourself look smart?5
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Sorry Google, you got it wrong this time ....
Oh my gosh, look at that function definition ...
Oh my gosh, look at that variable ...
Oh my gosh, look at that zone ...
Oh my gosh, look at that long ...
Oh my gosh, look at that short ...
Oh my gosh, look at that stop ... is more my style.
10 -
Such beautiful. Much wow.
I am sick of this shit.
Yet another tour bus company fails to serve a website for tourists to reserve a seat ffs.
Tried the mobile version first. The UI looked awesome, but I could not reserve a seat. I could only see free and already reserved seats.
"Fuck you" I tought. Let us try it by changing user agent to desktop.
Now the UI sucks camel pussy, but the functionality works. Well... not so well. I want to sit at the most right corner to avoid people who keep going to WC or have other ADS syndroms thus interrupting my fucking sleep once every 30 minutes.
1 -
Interns' first day:
"Here is some documentation I found really handy, got me up and running quick"
"Here's a video series on the some of the stuff we work with and maintain. Found it super useful!"
Several months later:
They didn't use any of it, and I answer questions constantly. WHY!?
I started less than a year ago, and I'm the most senior on my team in this country. So it's all falling to me and I don't know how to hold their hands so they'll be able to learn and figure out what to do? Do I just start being rude and telling them to google things?6 -
random girl: words can't describe how ugly you look
me: words can't describe how beautiful you look
random girl: blushes :)
me: but numbers can...
me: 2/103 -
Goodbye, imposter syndrome.
Today I patched a StackOverflowException bug (that I myself introduced a few months ago) which caused the prod application to crash the other day.
Now I truly feel like I belong! 😂2 -
Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.
Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.4 -
Not a rant, but I was offered dev positions at 2 companies. Excited to start working as a developer! I guess I'll get to post actual rants soon.2
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The wordpress site I told my friend her friends I would take a look at made me feel a bit like a real hacker.
Without knowing them I guessed their username and password for the admin panel in 15 tries. Today they send me the password and username via email.
I just told them I already had access and that they should change the password.
TL;DR first off you are lazy, it isnt such a long text, but the real tldr is "Me Hackerboy" -
Dell et al should start selling pre-stickered laptops so execs could buy that "dev cred" look.
There's probably a science to producing a look that doesn't make you look like someone's mum at a cool party.
What sticker placement approach do people use?2 -
What historical trends look more ridiculous now than short-form video will look in a few decades?13
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After they look into your CV .. ask to look into their repo ! See what type of spaghetti they are cocking !10
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One of these days....
Where you want to do a tiny task
....
And suddenly an explosion nukes every service, related service and dependant service.
Chain reaction. Yaaaayyy........
(ancient prometheus node lead to an snapshot error, snapshot error made the migration tool unhappy, migration tool unhappy meant that my task failed - updating prometheus meant checking every target, exporter and so on...
Fuckity fuck it''s gangbang time.)1 -
...Sometimes as I read rants or comments, I look at the author’s avatar and I try to imagine how the person look like in real life... By some people I would be quite curious how they look like in real... Haha 😄😄😄14
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PM: Your app doesn't has the enterprise look , I want to have that
Me: any specifics
PM: I said enterprise look
Me: Ok what is the deadline
PM: Yesterday
😕2 -
wow, the new devrant just scared the shit out of me for a second.(Web version).
anyways its nice to see devrant like this :) -
Will I be classified as the weird uncle if i want to teach my nephew how to understand binary? (Thinking)
A 1 || 0 would suffice1 -
Sometimes I just want to see the world burn.
Unfortunately I'm the one who'll be ranting once I get back to that in the future.
4 -
When I forget how to do something simple and I have to look at past projects or look online.
Makes me feel disappointed in myself.1 -
Do you ever take a step back and think about how we look to non technical people? Sometimes I think they look at us like code monkeys and others like rockstars.3
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Look, I don't know who are you? and what you want?
If you let me fix this problem then I will not look for you and I will not pursue you.
But if you don't
I will look for you,
I will find you and I will kill you..!!
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Thank you, docker, for a grammar lesson. I though "environment" was spelled "enviroment"...until today
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I’d look myself but there are endless fonts out there. Can anyone give me a suggestion for my editors? I like the harsh terminal look but I also don’t enjoy hurting my eyeballs1
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So I just refreshed LinkedIn and it has a new look.
It's so bad I can now remember Microsoft bought LinkedIn a couple of months back every time I look at it1 -
Get a bug report, look at the code: it was fix a month ago by... Me. The look on the face of my colleague like I'm a wizard or something: priceless1
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Okay so I calming down now. All is well. Great now I have iphostor syndrome! What will come tomorrow?! I can't wait... 26s till I can rant. now
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