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Search - "stone"
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Best office prank: I was pretty young and naaive. Senior dev comes to me and says that it would be hilarious to slide a note under the women's bathroom door saying, "I know what you're doing in there". He says that the woman in there will think it's hilarious too. We work with her, she's very funny and laid back, so I go along with it, expecting to get a laugh. A few minutes go by and a different older women enters my cube. She's got the note! She works on the other side of the building so I don't know her too well but I can tell from the look on her face that she's pissed. I'm frozen with fear as my career flashes before my eyes.
I apologise perfusely and try to explain but she's not having it. After a while she goes back to her office not having accepted that it wasn't meant for her and that it was just a joke gone wrong. I spend the next two days apologizing every chance I get, hoping she won't go to HR. She remains stone cold until late on the second day. She couldn't take it anymore as her mouth reluctantly begins to crack a smile. At that point she drops the serious expression on her face and busts out laughing.
It turns out that the three of them planned the whole thing and executed flawlessly. I've never felt so relieved to be the butt of a joke.7 -
Welcome to the internet of 2019 after Article 13!
FUCK ARTICLE 13
MOST OF THE MEMBERS OF THE EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT WHO VOTED FOR ARTICLE 13 ARE OLD PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL USING KEY MOBILE PHONES AND HEARD OF THIS THING CALLED "INTERNET" ONCE IN THEIR LIFE.
THIS "INTERNET" ("Neuland") CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T USE IT IN YOUR FREE TIME?
I literally can imagine what the European parliament members think:
"The people will like it i guess!"
"What, you can chat with other people in the internet? NEVER HEARD OF THAT."
"I don't understand this 'Memes'. It is not funny and i don't like it!"
"My sons always much too long on his computer, this 'Internet' can't be good!"
I am sorry for the rage, but i just can't believe that people, who maybe mostly have never dealt with the internet, are destroying the future of self-fulfillment and free resources for everyone.
YouTube will start deleting channels who are not big enough, who are not sponsored or made by a big company. They will just delete them. And videos from out of the European union won't be able to be watched in Europe. Big companies will gain power over the internet(I know the partly already have much). Educational sites like Wikipedia and YouTube for example will die, but hey, FUCK MY LIFE!!!
FUCK MY FUTURE!!!
FUCK FIRST WORLD DEVELOPMENT!!!
WHY NOT JUST GO BACK TO THE STONE AGE???
FUCK OUR CITIZENS JIIIIHAAA!!!
"Nah i never needed YouTube. Or Facebook" + (we can talk about this one) + " Or Instagram. I never saw someone of my friends using it."
FUCK !!!
https://change.org/p/...34 -
So we are a bunch of nerds huh? Without any social life? or friends?
You motherfucker, if it wasn't for the community that developers have built, you would still be living in stone age. Seriously, the way we share our hard work with each other, spending hundreds of hours on a library and making them open source on the internet, I don't think any other community out there does it so selflessly.
So next time you're calling me boring, you can take a big piece of shit and put it up in your arse.12 -
Around 2009 or earlier, I began the long grueling process of creating my own batch AI (yes batch as in Windows Batch , kill me for not knowing there were better languages around). Looking back at it, it is THE messiest thing I've ever created. Mostly because of how many unnecessary files were created to make the entire thing work. However, I’m still proud of it to this day because of the dedication I had put into creating the entire thing.
I would create diagrams on the mirrors in my room; of course I would be scolded for this. But I was mad with thought working through the entire thing.
I would scribble and type whenever I had the chance, trying to create the functions that would allow the thing to talk back to me. Finally, when it opened its eyes and spoke its first words I quickly started creating the functions that would allow it to learn new inputs. Over time and with some elbow grease I was able to polish it up to my liking.
The entire program branched off some of my more earlier programs in batch, they mostly ranged from the medial to the crazy; i.e. turning my computer on and off at certain times of the day, and multithreaded migration of files to new disks
It's not as sophisticated as other AI that were being built at the time, but at the age of 16 and with no experience in real programming at all, I'd say it was my first stepping stone towards more sophisticated programs, and ultimately, my decision in Computer Programming at all.22 -
Languages without a fully implemented type system.
Granted, it has been a fad for a quarter century, but everything points at one simple fact: Types matter in programming.
In dynamic languages, you tend to see that testing suites explode into thousands of tests, many of which wouldn't even be necessary if you had some type safety.
You see that languages like JS are forked into more typesafe dialects, like Typescript. Python got typehints since 3.6, and PHP added typehints for methods, then typehints for properties, and will soon even have compound types.
Maybe most languages will never reach the level of Haskell or Scala, and that's totally fine, but I think the direction languages are moving in is pretty much set in stone: No ambiguity, more safety. Code should fail before deploying, not after.36 -
Me: Want to copy this file to another computer
Bluetooth: Use me!
Google Drive: I'm better!
USB: I can help
Network shared folder: I'm in position!
Me: Let me add it as an attachment to a new email and download it on the other computer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯6 -
If I learned every spoken and dead language ever created in human history, I still wouldn't have enough swear words to describe how much I loathe SharePoint.5
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PM: Hey. I need this data right away so I can generate some reports!
/me runs some queries, creates some csv files, emails results
PM: Thanks! I'll look at this after I get back from vacation!3 -
Dev: What do you think of the new version of the app?
Client: It’s great! We just have a couple notes of feedback we are working on compiling. We should have those to you by next week.
*Next week*
Client: We need another week to compile all of this feed back we are generating
*Another week goes by*
Client: Still working on it, it’s going to be a really thorough review when you get it though. No stone will be left unturned!
*2 weeks later*
Client: Here it is!
Attached: A word document with a single line of text “can’t nobody log in” next to a picture of the login screen with a red circle drawn around the login button
Client: Can you hurry up and action our feedback? We want to go live next week
Dev: …9 -
Work in a company where Github, StackOverflow, Slack is Blocked by a Firewall and Develop code which they think are futuristic but of Stone age :-(9
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So the first hackathon I attended my team and I came stone last. So while we wait for the awards I have 3 beers to drown my sorrows (I am a 2 beer guy so I was already feeling it)
We go into the ceremony and there were not enough chairs at a table for my team, so I end up sitting at the winning teams table. Let's just say I adopted a bottle of wine.
A wine bottle down I am feeling super drunk. I told myself "no more booze" ... Then the tequila's started rolling. I must have been quite visibly drunk because the other people at the table were giving me more to drink. Eventually I was like "I am ok, I am ok"
I wake up 2 days later on the floor of my bedroom at my parents house. Apparently this is what happened after the tequila's:
I decided to have an awards ceremony of my own and hug EVERYONE, apparently one judge did not enjoy his drunken hug very much (lol). Then I threw up in the hotels courtesy car, and also ran backwards into their bushes.
A buddy of mine took me home, but was to scared to face my parents, so he dumped me (now asleep) on the my parents driveway, rang the bell and buggered off, leaving my parents to drag me inside.3 -
I closed my work laptop yesterday around noon and dumped water on it. I was just so fed up.
Some spilled off onto my desk, though, so i gently moved (read: threw) the offending piece of plastic frustration onto the floor and carefully dried my desk.
On my way to the trash can, i stepped on the laptop. I stepped on it again on the way back, and later, on my way out the door.
I came in to get something half an hour later, and stepped on it again. It remained a stepping stone for the rest of the day, and accrued considerable foot traffic.
I spent the day drinking peach whiskey and playing with my children instead of working on reports. It was a good day.
Don't worry: my laptop still worked this morning, though I declined to.25 -
Went in, done everything perfectly, they want me in… cool.
“We know you have a 2 months notice, but could you boil it down to 2 weeks?”
“I uh… no… not really, I have tasks to pass and I doubt the company would like me to just rush out like that…”
“Come on, just stop working and tell them to fire you”
“I… no? I told you I have an important role it would be irresponsible to just leave like that… assuming they want me out that bad…”
“Okay then give notice and we’ll send you the contract”
1 week later, fortunately I didn’t give the notice
“Aaaah regarding the contract… we are postponing it for 4 months cause we needed 2 roles and we decided to hire the other role as we wait”
2 months and a half later, still didn’t give notice cause the postponing was a red flag
“Aaah sorry buddy the budget is not enough but we have to wait 3 more months cause investors moved the payment to January”
Never heard from them again… fortunately I didn’t give the notice and I started to search another job after the 2 months and a half thing.
Remember: until the contract is signed, nothing is set in stone.11 -
A Developer is desperate: his java application servers are unresponsive, thousand of dead zombie threads are sucking all cpus, memory is leaking everywhere, garbage collector has gone crazy, the cluster sessions are fucked....
The Developer goes to the closest bridge, ties a stone to his neck and gets ready to jump.
Suddenly a bearded old man with a fiery look runs toward him, yelling:
- stop stop!!!! Your application is not scaling and misconfigured, your servers are melting, cpu usage is not sustainable anymore, but don't despair
The Developer, puzzled, looks at him:
-I've never seen you...how do you know...
- Hey, man, I'm the Devil. I know everything. All your problems are solved. I'll give you magic functions. They are called Lambda.
You'll never have to worry about your servers, scalability, security, configuration and shit.
The Developer seems astonished but relieved:
- Ok, sounds great! let's try it - suddenly suspicion creeps in - hmmmm but you are the Devil....so...you want something back, don't you?
(the Devil nods lightly with a diabolic smile)
- ...and...you want my soul, I guess...
- your soul??? come on!!! - the Devil burst in a laugh - we are in 2019. I don't care about your soul. I want your ass.
- What!???!!!?
- yes, I want to fuck your ass
The Developer, evaluates quickly the situation.
Few moments of pain or slight discomfort (?) in exchange for magic lambda. It could be worth. He accepts.
After a while of rough anal fucking, the devil asks
- Hey, how old are you anyway?
- 45, why?
- Oh jeeez...45!!!??? and you still believe in the devil?5 -
Client writes me in slack two hours after my 8 hours are done:
“We have a bug, can you fix it now? We need to have it in two days”
Me, smoking pressing cmd+q, closing laptop , listening fools gold by the stone roses, curtains down6 -
Damn you stackoverflow!
Why can't we declare an answer as outdated or deprecated or just plain out wrong!
I like that you have so many questions, yet when the correct solution is a 0-upvoted by a 0-rep user hidden at the very bottom between a huge amount of wrong answers and whereas the *accepted* yet wrong answer has upvotes that are skyhigh, it just wastes my time.
All that is achieved is a feedback loop enforcing a faulty answer will accumulate ever more upvotes. And waste somebody else's time in the future as well.
I cannot add the correct information, as that would harm the author's intent. I cannot edit the faulty answer to state that there is a better answer, as that would be an attempt to reply. I can downvote it, yet that just a tiny drop on a very hot stone.
All I can do is add a comment pointing to a correct answer, yet that is easily overlooked.
Come on, stackoverflow! This is madness!6 -
In today’s job interview, the CEO made fun of my disability because it’s a non-visible cognitive disability that he said sounded like “an excuse”. Oh, and also, HR asked me what my religion is.
Pretty sure that’s all very illegal.
Also pretty sure I won’t be working for them. No matter how much I thought they’d be a stepping stone into the industry I want to be in.13 -
Around 2009 or earlier, I began the long grueling process of creating my own batch AI (yes batch as in Windows Batch , kill me for not knowing there were better languages around). Looking back at it, it is THE messiest thing I've ever created. Mostly because of how many unnecessary files were created to make the entire thing work. However, I’m still proud of it to this day because of the dedication I had put into creating the entire thing.
I would create diagrams on the mirrors in my room; of course I would be scolded for this. But I really couldn't stop thinking about my program and working through the entire thing.
I would scribble and type whenever I had the chance, trying to create the functions that would allow the thing to talk back to me. Finally, when it opened its eyes and spoke its first words I quickly started creating the functions that would allow it to learn new inputs. Over time and with some elbow grease I was able to polish it up to my liking.
The entire program branched off some of my more earlier programs in batch, they mostly ranged from the medial to the crazy; i.e. turning my computer on and off at certain times of the day, and multithreaded migration of files to new disks
It's not as sophisticated as other AI progrmas that were being made at the time, but at the age of 16 and with no experience in real programming at all, I'd say it was my first stepping stone towards more sophisticated programs, and ultimately, my decision to enter into Computer Science at all.3 -
My wifi was hacked two times last year, so I decided to change the factory credentials. Some months ago a tree fell on top of the cables on the street, cutting my internet connection. I call the ISP and when they get here they say I have no right for costumer support as I have altered my own connection.
WHAT. THE. FUCK
I had to revert the credentials to admin/admin in order get my internet back. These ISPs live in the fucking stone age. How the fuck do they force me to fucking have my router exposed with a fucking "admin/admin".
Fuck them.
I hope some day we have a cable revolution and finally have some rights over the networks we pay for with both tax money and excesive fees with low fucking speeds. Fuck them. Really.9 -
Currently written on the conference room whiteboard:
People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything.
I couldn't agree more.4 -
It's 2018 and folks are still stuck "collaborating" on documents by sharing them back and forth over email.
MS Word Doc created in Office 2016 will not open in Office 365.
THIS IS WHY GOOGLE IS WINNING!10 -
"So, you will stay in a chair all day doing 'clickety click'. That's not a job."
(My mother, circa 1990)😲
Yes, I'm old... My first program was written in a stone table with a chisel😁1 -
Pet peeve:
Putting screen shots in Word documents, then attaching the doc to tickets.
Mucking forons.5 -
Schools in India be like - "We teach CS from 3rd grade!"
Me: "Name a few programing languages"
3rd grade student: "Basic, cobol, pascal..."
Me: (thinking) "Am I in stone age...?"6 -
Me at midnight: let's release a demo build
Me at 1 am: why are there so many bugs? Why won't it compile.
Me at 2 am: omg finally compiled. Runs it, buttons don't work. Closes it, reopens it. Buttons work.
Me at 3 am: let's write apologetic posts for the bugs, but post the version anyway
Me at 4 am: why do I advertise in so many places
Me at 5 am: let's update the patreon reward tiers
Me at 5:30 am: nah fuck this, going to bed.
Mom at 9 am: wake the hell up we need you to dig out a hill and build a stone wall around one side of the house.
Me: omg wtf why.
Me at 2:30 pm: why the hell are we doing this, I have so many bugs to patch and everyone knows they are there because I told them all!5 -
It has come to my attention that people like to read!
Specifically, I mean that a lot of ranters like fiction.. :D
I've been trying to decide on something to write for a while now, and I think I have it..
"The Traveler" (name open to suggestions)
The Traveler is a magic-based fantasy where our main character travels between world's using ancient stone portals (think: Stargate) and uses her unique powers to play god.
Each world she visits will equal to a different story, and she might play a good or bad guy (or both) depending on what the world has in store for her.
Her powers will include my WIP magic system from RISE, as well as some extra querks that aid the flow of the story.
I may still work on RISE, and I will keep in mind that The Traveler and RISE come from the same universe (I think RISE will be a prequel to The Traveler, and tell the tale of how she got her powers, and the origin of the portals..)
Let me know your thoughts below! ^~^34 -
I've been coding for over 8 years, and whenever a recruiter says we have you do these coding challenges or recite them an algorithm from memory, I say "You know, the longer you've been programming, the less you remember how to do this stuff, because you don't use it in real life." They say, "Well we just want to see how you think and how you solve problems." B.S.
These types of algorithmic programming challenges besides the simpler ones don't show how you think. A lot of stuff like the dynamic programming and other optimization problems were solved by phd professors after many years of research. Nobody would think up these solutions on their own.
These programming challenges weed out
experienced developers unless they want to
take the time to re-learn this stuff. It explains why google, facebook or amazon are filled with young and inexperienced developers and how come it takes so many thousands of them to get anything done, and they still have buggy products...23 -
Today on forgotten games – Ballance.
The game is absolutely outstanding. Graphics is absolutely amazing even though the game was developed in 2004. The sound effects are perfect, I can literally feel the wooden ball rolling on steel rails. The background music is also amazing, we're talking Alexander Brandon level here.
The game is about rolling the ball through the levels trying not to fall off. There are three balls: the stone one, the wooden one and the paper one, different in weight, velocity and momentum.
I admire the clever level design. It uses in-game map features in multi-purpose way, for example some levels use ball transformers (the things that transform the ball from one kind to another) as a trap for your ball to lose momentum. It even seems like that levels were designed by some crazy modders for advanced players, but they weren't, and traveling through them feels like you're a pro gamer playing custom levels.
Even though levels seem simple at first glance, they allow non-linear gameplay and different gaming styles.
The gameplay itself is pure meditation. But even though the concept seem straightforward – just follow the level and don't fall – it's not. You have to use all three ball types: there are air vents to fly above upon, which only paper ball can do, there are obstacles to push, which only stone ball can do, and so on.
For additional sonic satisfaction the levels even feature some metal domes that serve no purpose but to be bumped into just for making amazing gong sound.
I like it that when you get cocky and think like that's easy, I got this, the game quickly puts you into place. It basically says nigga you ain't shit, you got nothing on me.
Overall it's basically a mesmerizing travel through cleverly designed levels surrounded by relaxing music and outstanding graphics.
Definitely a must-have for mechanical keyboard gamers, it's a pure satisfaction playing this game with a great level of precision and control mechanical keyboard allows.
Search for "ballance widescreen fix" for modern displays support.10 -
Dear project managers,
Learn to use the fucking ticketing system. And by "use" I don't mean emailing IT asking them to open a ticket for you.
#GrowUpPinheads1 -
Background: I work at a small startup company in Canada who makes simple FAQ Chatbots for companies who waste a lot of resources on the same Customer questions over and over.
So we were making this one bot for a provincial government who wanted a bot for students to be able to ask questions regarding the upcoming election and how to vote, etc. and get the answers they were looking for. Since it's Canada and a government bot, it had to be in both English AND French.
These bots take some time to train (we use Wit.ai mostly) in english so it was a challenge to train it in French. However I am bilingual (not very strong in French but can manage) so I did my best and the bot didn't turn out too bad. (English was great, French was, Id say, "not terrible").
HOWEVER, now that it is done (The company loved it, even with the less than perfect french version). The sales team (who know nothing of the process of making/training these bots) is now telling companies we support "SEVERAL LANGUAGES" and are currently about to sign a contract with a company overseas that wants a bot done IN JAPANESE!!.
To make matters worse.. when we (the dev team) brought up that it would be EXTREMELY difficult to do this, their answer was ... "You did it in French so you can just do the same but in Japanese"
HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE.
Oh well, Rosetta Stone here I come, I guess it's time to learn Japanese.11 -
Raspberry pi worked perfectly fine. Reinstalled the sd card for some reason (on purpose) and now, no matter what system I flash, it always crashes at stone point. That point is random every fucking time.
I just want this fucker to work 😥17 -
Least favorite "enterprise" application?
SharePoint
It sucks the shit rope from the chocolate starfish.5 -
SuperCell is hiring.. Here is their job description:
Description
We need a new Builder. Are you an independent and passionate maker? Do you love spending 24 hours a day turning wood and gold into walls and defensive buildings? Do you answer the call to build even if that call comes at 4:00 a.m. and you haven’t had a day off in literally five years? If the answer to these questions is “Yes! Yes! A million times yes!” then we have a hammer with your name on it!
The Role
The focus of the Builder is to, uh, build.
You will be responsible for taking instructions from the player and building whenever and wherever they see fit. They say build and you say...well, you don’t say anything, you just build.
The world of Clash of Clans can get intense. Our Builder is expected to build quickly and expertly at all times, even while under great amounts of stress and/or attacks from Barbarians, Archers, Goblins, Giants, Wall Breakers, Wizards, and P.E.K.K.A.s.
Equally as important as building is rebuilding. All of the things you build will inevitably be destroyed, if not immediately, then soon after you just finished building or rebuilding everything. You can’t let it get you down. You must maintain your resolve and rebuild. Fast!
Responsibilities
Must be willing to relocate to the World of Clash
Must build and maintain a wide-range of buildings, statues, and war machines.
Must be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
Must have up-to-date Level 9 Tesla Tower maintenance certification
Must have proficiency with building materials both common (wood, stone, etc.) and uncommon (lightning, lava, etc.)
Requirements
Must provide own leather helmet
Must possess a passion for building
Must be comfortable working hands-on with molten lava.
Must adhere to strict dress code (orange sleeveless shirt, brown canvas pants, and boots).
Must speak fluent Barbarian
How to Apply
Send us your qualifications via e-mail to bethebuilder@supercell.com or write out your qualifications and send them to us via Baby Dragon. Either format is accepted.3 -
I got fucking scammed.
Too bad that I just realized it.
As most of you know, I am in Cappadocia atm. We had a balloon flight. Yada yada yada.
Then I took a green tour that was provided from an travel agency that was a Partner of the hotel I am in.
[Skip]
The guide brought us to a stone seller. At the jewellry store, we were told that they have a special kind of gem. It gets mined in Mugla(Turkey).
Thus we thought that the stones they sell are mined natural gems called Zultanit.
Oh boy were we fucking wrong.
The zultanit gems are able to change their color depending on the light it receives. We were all fascinated at the demonstration. They told us that it is the second Turkish gem. First comes Turquoise.
I bough a zultanit bracelet for myself. And a zultanit ring for my mum.
It took me about 635 Lira which is about 95 Euro.
I was like damn. They are so damn valuable. It maked sense to me, because it was changing its colors at differentt areas.
Now guess what...
I went onto the internet and checked reviews about that shop. They were mostly saying that these are not real, but lab created gems. I was deeply shocked.
I checked the "certificate" that I got from them. It matched. My gems are lab created and not mined as they told to us tourists ffs.
I am crying internally.
How could I be that dumb to believe that?
Guys, never buy anything they tell you. Check everything to its detail.
The "zultanite" is a real gem. They even have their own trademark, but we were sold a "zultanit (lbrt)".
They did not show the certificate before buying it.10 -
Spending hours designing an email newsletter only for Microsoft Outlook to continue living in the stone age and fucking ruin it for you.12
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Bloody shit, I hate all the hypes right now.
Seemingly everyone is going from 0 to zealous hype at the moment...
Be it Musk's fanboys (that arsehole must have a prolapse), the mfucking GPT chatbot or anything else.
Everything's hyped up and noone talks about normal stuff...
... and when you point that out, everyone gets angry for reasons I cannot understand.
We had so many good inventions and progress in science this year (despite the world being pretty apocalyptic....), but seemingly everyone can only talk about either Twitter or their Twitter timeline. -.-
The Christmas bullshitting was hard enough each year, as it has nothing to do with being a festive event and love etc, but being just an commercial bullshit bingo...
But adding all the hypes makes the bullshit parade unbearable.
Dear Santa, please fry all the mobile electronics at Christmas, so we can talk about normal stuff and have a nice evening.
... Would be probably even better to just fry all electronics, even stone age was probably more interesting than the earbleeding conversations at the moment.19 -
Be me
>programming since I got up
>don't have much time to program because job sucks up all my time
>dont know the best solution to a problem so decide to take a small break
>open rocket league
>start 1v1 match
>4 minutes later
>dad walks in my room, demanding I go pretend to be a stone age nibba
>pic related
>wants me to dig some dirt for his crops
>wants me to carry multiple buckets of water
>wants me to plow literally fields
>no.jpg
>thisIsRealLifeNotMinecraft.wav
>tells me that I'm addicted
>tells me that he's getting rid of the Internet again
>fuckyou.png
Only my girlfriend and programming bring me joy and you reduce my capacity to interact with both. Fuck you.14 -
Worst part: being everyone else's Search Bitch. Seriously, how the hell do you have a job in the tech industry when you can't use a fucking search engine, whether it's Google, a builtin search facility or, hell, scrolling down the goddamn page?3
-
Here are few hillarious coding puns I found....
class Brick implements Throwable { }
byte me;
char acter;
float stone;
Exception taken;
string me_along;
int elligence;5 -
meeting with PM, 1:1
me: well, to be honest, i think there is also some room for improvement concerning communication in our meetings. the discussion culture in our meetings could be more open.
PM: what do you mean? i don't know what you're talking about.
me: well, i feel sometimes that in meetings, you overly challenge what colleagues suggest. on the other hand, it's really hard to argue against what you are saying. what you say is often like engraved into stone and it is hard to argue against that, but the next day you might have changed your mind again and then things are different, but engraved into stone again.
PM: hmm. can you give me some more concrete example?
me: well... (gives some examples) it's just that it would be nice if you would listen more to what people say in meetings and try to understand what they actually mean or want to say, instead of saying "nah, that's not how we do it" or "no, that's wrong"... just.. well, have more trust in our skills, try to find out what people mean before you discard what you think they said... a bit more of appreciation and openness.
PM: oh, i can tell you, i'm the MOST open manager in this whole company.
me: ...
PM: but anyway, i will think about it.
me: well... okay. also i see there are some challenges within our team concerning intercultural communication. i mean, communication between Germans and Indians is in general a bit problematic in our company, and maybe it is a good idea to have some workshop together concerning intercultural competences... i think we could benefit from that. (what i actually meant is, these problems exist, but currently i see them more on his side or between him and Indian colleagues, because e.g. he tends to harshly criticize people in daily standups, and if we "direct" Germans already feel affronted by his behavior, how must Indian guys feel about it? in fact, 2 Indian devs already left the project. also communication doesn't really work well, in a way that there's often a great mismatch between his expectations and what Indian devs actually think they have to do)
PM: i can tell you, i really understand our Indian colleagues, i really know how to work with them. also, their working style has greatly improved since project start. (which doesn't feel quite right after he totally ripped apart the work of one guy in the last sprint review meeting)
of course, that's not the whole conversation, but it's kind of a symptomatic example for the whole situation...11 -
Sorry, but most teachers are foolish and live in the developmental Stone Age. Somehow they have stopped developing and are teaching what they have learned decades ago.3
-
So lets see if i can get this devrant stuff right.
So a couple of years ago i worked for this company, where i worked in datawarehousing and business intelligence. I was in my 3rd year of working as a software engineer and was full of ideas, motivation and just wanted to do cool stuff.
Anyway, after the first couple of months of working where i learned what they actually wanted to achieve, i got some ideas on how to improve the workflow. They were just simple things, like updating our IDE (we were working with a very old Visual Studio version), getting useful editors, using some more modern ideoms like unittests, continous integration, etc. Simple stuff really.
So in my endless naiveness i went to my supervisor and told him my ideas. He was not particularly interested in my ideas and cut me off somewhere in the middle and said that he would talk to his boss.
So a couple of weeks after that (nothing happened), i went to him again and asked about it.
M:" Hey Bossman, have you thought about my ideas?"
B:"Yes."
M:"And?"
B:"We won't do them."
M:"None of them?"
B:"No."
So at this point i was a bit bummed out, but surely he has a good reason right? So i asked why.
M:"Why?"
B:"Well, because we always have done it the way we do it now."
I think i had a bit of a blank stare at that point, because he looked at me funny. If we would do things like we always have done them, we would be still in the stone age you moron.
God i hate it when people say stuff like that.3 -
My manager thinks I am Superman! and he is so confident that can do any shit he wants me to do.
Yesterday he asked me to merge an ancient code hotfix (literally ancient) with latest branch of changes.
1. Hotfix is really old, most of the things are hardcoded, very specific to a stone age client.
2. Code documentation does not exist.
3. Developers of that code are probably dead.
4. Many Libraries which code uses are deprecated.
5. It's a legacy code, so no one has fucking idea what a particular clumsy block of code do, or what will happen if you remove it.
'if it runs don't touch it' policy by management.
Despite all this shit I successfully merged the the hotfix, refactored outdated code so as to run the application.
Showed this to my manager in full swag!
He was surprised at first, and asked me to show the code changes.
'Code review' was done by comparing files 😅
Manager: Dude, you have changed these lines, why? Explain.😧
Me: those lines won't work with new build, with new libs.☺️
Manager: then why can't you do old build with new changes?🙄
Me: umm.. wait... what???🤔
Manager: the code was working previously, it must be working even today without these changes.😡
Me: it was not working hence I made changes and now it's working fine see! ☺️
Manager: you have removed this, this and this!!! 😡
Me: but I also added that, that and that!😔
Manager: "don't touch it' if it works!"😡
Me: ... Idk what to say!
(In the back of my mind: "Don't touch it even it doesn't works!")😌6 -
Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.3 -
!rant
Just started working for a new company. Super cool. Just like the last one (as far as perks), except they actually trust their devs.
Old company: Make sure your code is extensible
Devs at old company: You know it's not written in stone right?
Old company: Does that mean you can make it do this?
Devs at old company: No. That's the wrong code base
New company: I need a feature. Get it done when you can
New company devs: Well, guess I'll take some time to refactor all this stuff while I'm at it
~Some time later~
New company: Thanks, that feature works great!
No staring over shoulders, asking when it will be done. No asking why we want to refactor something. As long as work continues to flow, there are no issues. It's great!
Also, if we want to try a new tech, we just have to put together a short paper explaining why it will work better in that situation than the tech that's already in place. -
One of my friends is a Ruby Developer.
His grandma is still mad at him for not gifting her the precious stone. -
Using an array of function pointers to replace large switch statements... holy shit.. I feel like Thanos getting the time stone.
Just when you think you can’t get your code to run any faster, nor did I think I could get the code any smaller... BOOM.. C never ceases to impress.
Next I’ll be turning this into “object” oriented ... but since it’s C ... it will just be Struct oriented .. SOP ..18 -
I wonder whether this is a bug in Chrome, or if it's just Google drawing the conclusion from my northern geo-position, that we still haven't left the stage of building longships, raiding England and Scotland, burning monasteries and writing awesome poetry and literature in weird characters sets.
Well, I'm not Ragnarr f*cking Loðbrók or Egill Skallagrímsson, so I can't read electronic component data sheets the way those guys did.
I'll go grab my chisel, so I can carve a bug report into a suitably flat stone and shove it down the TCP/IP series of tubes leading to Google. -
GRANDPAFUCKING RETARDS!
I HOPE YOU ALL DIE ON SOME ELEPHANT DICKS TURNED AROUND YOUR HEADS WHILE GETTING RAPED BY THOUSANDS OF GIRAFFES (EACH OF THEM BEING SO HORNY THAT THEY ALSO COULD FUCK YOUR WIFE AT THE SAME TIME!)
THEY ASK ME A FUCKING QUESTION AND ONLY GIVE ME THE OPTION TO AGREE ON THE COOKIE POP-UP TO ENTER THE WEBSITE! YOU DIPSHITS!
YOU SISTERFUCKING ASSHOLES!
WELL... I FUCKING CLICKED "AGREE" AND WHEN I FINALLY FOUND THE PRIVACY CENTER (LOL) THE SAME FUCKING POP-UP DID APPEAR!
HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF, DISTROWATCH?!
Btw. they really still use tables instead of proper css styling.
DO WE LIVE IN THE FUCKING STONE AGE?!10 -
This is the craziest shit... MY FUCKING SERVER JUST SET ON FIRE!!!
Like seriously its hot news (can't resist the puns), it's actually really bad news and I'm just in shock (it's not everyday you find out your running the hottest stack in the country :-P)... I thought it slow as fuck this morning but the office internet was also on the fritz so I carried on with my life until EVERYTHING went down (completely down - poof gone) and within 2 minutes I had a technician from the data centre telling me that something to do with fans had failed and they caught fire, melted and have become one with the hardware. WTF? The last time I went to the data centre it was so cold I pissed sitting down for 2 days because my dick vanished.
I'm just so fucking torn right now because initially I was absolutely fucking ecstatic - 1 week ago after a year of doomsday bitching about having a single point of failure and me not being a sysadmin only to have them look at me like I'm some kind of techie flat earther I finally got approval to spend around 5x more per month and migrate all our software to containerized micro services.
I'll admit this is a bit worse than I expected but thanks to last week at least I have recent off site images of the drives - because big surprise I have to set this monolithic beast back up (No small feat - its gonna be a long night) on a fresh VPS, I also have to do it on premises or the data will only finish uploading sometime next week.
Pro Tip: If your also pleading for more resources/better production environment only to be stone walled the second you mention there's a cost attached be like me - I gave them an ultimatum, either I deploy the software on a stack that's manageable or they man the fuck up and pay a sys admin (This idea got them really amped up until they checked how much decent sys admins cost).
Now I have very flexible pockets because even if I go rambo the max server costs would only be 15-20% of a sys admins paycheck even though that is 13 x more than our current costs. -
So client wants like a certain type of stone as the background of his website. Okay fine, I ask him to send me "good high resolution pictures" of the walls.
Some time later, I get the pictures. They're 500x300 px give or take , I mean come on xD3 -
At what point can you say you are a programmer of a language? Is there an exact amount of lines of code carved in stone somewhere? I call myself a Python Programmer because even know I am self tought, I have been working with the language for years and I am very good with it. "Professional" level by some accounts, though I wouldn't go as far to say that myself. I have been working with Java a couple of weeks and it has been going very well, but I wouldn't call myself a Java programmer, but should I? At what point does one pass that line?
Idk.. Just a little shower thought for ya. What do you think?29 -
Dear Project Managers,
If you schedule a status update meeting for the end of the week, it is NOT okay for you to stop by my desk every day and ask if the project is on track. You will get your update during the update meeting you scheduled.
KthanxBye1 -
Client: We need to deploy some Windows 2003 servers.
Us: Sure thing, Mr. Client. Your money is more important than the security and stability of our systems.
What we should have said: Sure, but you need to stop in our office, put your dick in a vice and we'll take turns cranking that bitch closed until you agree to use something more modern.4 -
A ticket got escalated through 3 levels of techs. I open the escalation email, then do a Reply-all and ask one simple question:
Is the client really asking why there are gaps in monitoring when their servers are shutdown?1 -
We learned Java in school this year. Everyone who did not comply to the coding style defined in some stone-age books, got a bad grade, including me, who rather used a "normal" style everyone uses. They thought us this:
CLASSNAMES, Constants, MethodNames, VariableNames, etc.
Worse than that, they used german names for pretty much everything including classes, variables and methods.9 -
So I know this mobile dev at work that refuses to get 'modern' with the times, i.e. using git to commit and still insists to this day, to use his sodding USB stick to copy his files into. He also point blank refuses to write any tests and wonders why bugs crop up constantly. He then blames the QAs for not finding these bugs in previous versions!
He was given the aim to 'learn and start using git' in his review for the past 4 years but somehow always gets away with never achieving them and extending it another year by sidestepping around his boss and only books those meetings in with HR so he can tech-waffle at someone who doesn't understand a word he's saying..11 -
People with "I am a senior, only I have to be right" mindset are really fustrating to work it.
It is not that hard to accept the truth. No one can be right all the time and no one gonna look down on you for that. You don't have to shove off-topic stuffs down the other people's throat when you realize you might be wrong.4 -
It’s still to easy.
I hope one day software will get so complicated no one will be able to fix it.
Somewhere in future :
- government established law that new AI system is only one that can accept new law
- every financial operation is monitored by government supervision AI
- we developed robots that are taking care of us
- everyone is happy cause work for money, shelter and food is now optional
- education is fully digital and managed by AI
- whole knowledge is based on asking questions, we don’t need to write and read anymore
- we use one common language and our knowledge specialization increased
A little more time passed by in this utopia.
- after power loss most of data got corrupted
- last man who knew how to restore backup died last night ( R.I.P. admin we will not forget you )
- people trying to save knowledge base to rebuild part of this civilization but no one knows how to make a paper because it haven’t been used for ages
- we decided to put what is left from knowledge on stone but we forgot how to write since everything is audio or video and most of time we were spending in VR
- someone decided that we draw some pictures
- all of use are now drawing animal heads like we remember ourselves from VR, let people know our tech is good
- some people love cats so they try to make cats from stones
- volcano eruptions destroyed most of stones that we made
Starving waiting for another respawn of my DNA sequence. I hope we manage to survive this time.4 -
My first project was made with scratch (Java based drag-drop language for kids to learn) when I was like 10
I wanted to make something like mine craft but in 2D.
Its a huge plane of stone and you have to break some of them to find diamonds.
I didn't know lists or array exist. I made one variable for every freakin' stone and it took me a solid day back then.
Also if you break a stone, the background changes and it might happen that a diamond appears at a while you made 10 weeks earlier.
https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/... (it's German, don't be scared)6 -
Sometime this year(what is left of it) or the next I will be promoted to the senior developer in charge of two schools.....
I already thought that the level of work that me and the current senior do is way too fucking much for two people. Can't really fathom all of it just being me without seeing a substantial increase in salary(there is one in place for it...but shit man I know myself and even then I am going to bitch about it repeatedly)
What sucks the most is that I can't wing it or just not give a fuck(my preferred technique) since I really like my department, my coworkers and specially my manager.
Its her fault. It really is. She is just so likeable and I really can't imagine not giving her anything other than my 100 .
And before everyone states that it should be 100 from the get go. I am not particularly fond of giving my all for a company/institution. Never.
The reason is that I have been fucked with way more times than I can count and normally feel that regardless of how much of a total badass I can be I will never see the full compensation of it. It has happened on every other job. So instead of working for the company I work for my team. If I don't like my team I don't give a fuck.
I am a good worker, was an excellent soldier and I am an even better engineer. But there is always this feeling that I am being taken advantage of that I just can't shake off everywhere that I am working at.
Even now, the reason why the lead is leaving is because of how he was fucked over during the reclassification process. It was a slap to him in the face. Now this glorious institution will lose someone that is really amazing all because they take shit for granted.
Everyone is a number, an id. As irreplaceable as we are they treated him as someone that would just take shit and be fine with it.
And trust me, where I am at, we ARE irreplaceable, this ain't cali where you flip a stone and you get 100 node/php devs. This is 0 man ground where devs are fucking wizards that no one knows exist.
Oh well.3 -
On Skype.
[tldr: #muhPrivacy;]
You know, people hiring via Skype.
Gaming, seeing family or having long range relationships.
It's become a decent tool.
Then there is the Skype employee.
Opening a court case because in his work time, evaluating Skype calls - ON FUCKING OBSERVING SKYPING PEOPLE - he has to look at too much flesh (as in porn) for his salary level.
Like : the payment category states that you gotta be classed like 1,2 salary categories higher for such work.
So the first instance did not recognise the employees case, because they said its a state thing, or even higher.
Later instance evaluated the employee was right and decreed Microsoft / the NSA (whomever direct employees they are) to properly categorize their employees.
Therefore cost relatively exploded and an algorithm to detect nudity was built.
Wich is operational way earlier than Skypes TOS renewal mid 2018.
That also bans bad language and auto bans given accounts.
Talking about social credit..
in PROC (or prod, as they're known).
And btw: complaining about Google while posting Christmas gatherings on Instagram.. You get what I mean.
Honestly, I don't recall the sources. It's been a while.
I'd really appreciate a little compendium of this for historical reasons.
They will ask: what has brought us here? What is everyone an ultimate right/left/center/agnostic/religious fascist?
And we'll have it on paper. Or papyrus,.. even stone. As I don't know how far mighty people will go for their fortune.15 -
Ever since I installed Winblows 10 Anniversary edition, my laptop is slower to boot and bluescreens once a week.
Windows: if your system is fast and reliable, don't worry, we'll fix that for you.4 -
Nothing ticks me off faster than non working websites or apps of big companies.
For example how can it be that the Lufthansa app has no offline support for ticket stuff and loads like all their requests worldwide would be handled by one raspberry pi A...
YOU GOT THE MONEY SO GET THIS SHIT DONE2 -
pencil and paper.
kind of weird right? haha I just like writing down stuff, it helps me sort the details out when I write them down.5 -
project deadline already set in stone, but you still ask how long it's going to take?
"How long will it take to finish by Friday?"
fml.1 -
We're in fucking 2020, and a C++ program still can't be compiled if there's a space or a non latin symbol in the path.
Seems like clients are not the only one living in the stone age.10 -
Okay...not a rant. But my boss's boss is amazing! I've been with this company for about a year, and every time my lowly ass needs permission elevation to do something, I have to practically beg. And then I get elevated one little permission at a time. I have a presentation to the board on Tuesday, and all damn day it's been one network permission problem over the other. It's become insulting that I'm the only team member that has to beg for permission scraps. Today, they take me out to lunch and when I get back, sends an email and copies me on it basically instructing that I'm to receive near-God like permissions on the network. Quite an honor for being everyone's junior by like 20-25 years! I feel like I'm about to receive an Infinity Stone or something...best day ever!
-
me: Hey. This looks like a cool component that will save me lots of time and effort in the project I'm kicking off next week.
/* Two months later */
me: WTF was the name of that component that did that thing?
======================
I really should write things down more often.1 -
They've just brought in a desk to my office. They're gonna bring another Dev in...
This guy apparently works Erlang, Ocaml, Python... I work all C# so this is bound to be fucking good! Hahaha I'm happy.3 -
!Devrelated
Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC
I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .
I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .
Fortnite I mean.
Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!
Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.
A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.4 -
Sitting here with my headphones + cap + hoodie on, and guess what... it’s working. No one disturbing me. I ... I feel like I’m a stone.7
-
If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore(Silicon valley of India), chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap (a.k.a. leash) around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.
-
My laptop is in a coma, it won't turn on!
Now I don't have anything to do with my life, it's been 2 days and I feel like a stone age man9 -
BANGALORE JOKES by Bangalorean....
👉If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer.
While the dog may or may not have a strap around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one ! 😜
👉In India we drive on the left of the road.
In Bangalore, we drive on what is left of the road !😜
👉Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bengaluru?
A: Follow the traffic rules !😜
👉A guy is hunting for a house in Bengaluru.
Meets old lady who is a potential landlord.
Conversation goes thus:
Old lady: "Where do you work, son?"
Guy: "I work in Infosys."
Old lady: "Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people!"
It appears that Infosys operates more buses than BMTC in Bangaluru!😜
👉Bengaluru, where PG (Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.😜
👉When someone says it's raining in Bengaluru, be sure to ask them which area, which lane and which road!😜
👉If a Bengalurean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because :
The others conclude that he has spotted a
policeman that they themselves have not!😜
👉Bengaluru is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.😜
👉Rickshaw driver, grocery seller and common shop keeper think that you earn atleast 1 lakh per month if you are in IT sector.😜
👉Out of every 100 software engineers in Bengaluru,
90 are utterly frustrated and the rest have a gf/bf !😜or they are married.
👉Bus drivers use horns instead of brakes !😜
👉I quote: Bengaluru:
The City where more people know Java than Kannada !
👉Universal answer in Bengaluru is
"Adjust maadi!"
😜😜😜
*Power cuts are the only time the whole family assembles together and members speak to each other.
Seeing this, BESCOM has decided to have a tagline called "Connecting people by disconnecting power"!6 -
I used to check what local market wants, but after joining devRant I noticed local market sometimes feels in stone age, so since February 2017, devRant is best place to learn either asking, or checking what others are doing it a helps in getting ideas on what kind of project and language needs to be done for the sake of learning
-
Yesterday I had another job interview. This time from home via Skype. Today I was blown off. I was not technical enough according to the company.
This company was working with an ancient cms nobody ever heard of and made Sass sound difficult and new.
Good luck in the Stone Age fellow devs. Make sure you upgrade your pc to Windows 7.5 -
I think the reason why git beginners have a hard time with it is because the api is a bit untuitive.
For example: if you want to "unstage" staged changes, you run git reset, and if you want to "delete" those changes from your working copy, you git checkout those files.
But then, you find out that you can do all of that if you git add . and git reset --hard.
So you're like "huh..."
And then you discover that if you end the resethard with a branch name/commit id then you also make current branch point to the commit or that branch/commit (respectively).
So you're like "huh..."
And also if you add a commit id or branch name to git checkout, you change the current branch to specified/enter detached state with HEAD pointing to that commit (respectively).
Oh and you don't use git branch to create branches, you use git checkout -b because it's a lot shorter.
So here's a rundown: git reset mutates things related to files, but also mutates things related to branches.
git checkout also mutates things related to files and mutates things related to branches too (in a diff way). Also, creates new branches.
I don't think this is intuitive. We users use the same commands for different purposes with just a different flag.
Commands shouldn't mutate different types of things. But don't composite commands (as in, "smart" commands that mutate different things) shoudln't be a flag in an existing command, it should be a single new command of its own.
Maybe if I reread the internals of git now, I'll be able to disgest the dozens of technical terms they throw at you (they are many). And in my mind, the api will cognitively fit to the explanations.
Here's another one that feels weird too.
If you want to make your changes start on top of someone else's commit, you do git rebase.
But git rebase -i can be used for that, and also to delete, modify changes or message of, reorder or combine previous commits of the current branch.
Maybe the reason why several things we do overlap with the same commands is because they internally do similar things, and while not separating those commands might make it less intuitive, it makes them more sensible? i dunno...
disclaimer: I'm not setting this opinion in stone though, and am aware that git was created by one of the most infuential programmers.6 -
Like who the fuck uses tables anymore for websites. like Fuck. what the fuck is wrong with this company. then uses InDesign to make the websites and slices the images in Photoshop. this isn't the fucking stone ages. upgrade your shit. fucking design team wanna be responsive but fucking to lazy. so I have deal with their shit. when they complain about fucking image Sizes. I fucking hate this company.4
-
2 birds, 1 stone...
Thanks @dfox for the awesome and much anticipated stickers. Still not decided where they're going, but probably on my MacBook Pro.
Here's my humble setup, @localhost3 -
Stop whining about slow IDEs. If the IDE is running slow its because your shitbox computer is pissing it's pants. Get rich and buy decent hardware or use notepad and imagine the syntax highlight you cheap hook-nosed fuck. Fucking degenerate.8
-
I started noticing something about startups here. They all think they r innovative and full of fresh ideas, but they all just copy bigger companies. My old coworker started a small web dev company and they are using php with react, the company ladder is the fucking same as anywhere else.
I noticed these as i was collecting ideas for a company (if i write that word again pls shoot me). So far we are thinking
0) no, or minimal local storage, we would have a github subscription, jira cloud, vps
1) no strict hierarchy, ultimately the ceos would make the decisions but in every meeting we would include even the interns
2) the stack would not be set in stone, java spark and vuejs are good starting points but frameworks exist to serve a purpose
3) like 2-3 days office time per week, if someone wants to work from a café, why not2 -
Been on winter holiday for 3 days. Went to log in to my work laptop to clear out email - took me 20 minutes to remember my domain password.
Getting old sucks, kids.1 -
If you ask me to run your reports, saying that it's urgent, then leave for a week's vacation, I will throttle your bandwidth to that of a 1200 baud modem for the next 3 months.
-
had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back
-
It's not the "age of AI" you dissecated nutsack munching buffoon, you could lick and suckle my delicious tits with that grandiose old tongue you have, if only it wasn't so profoundly infected with feces of every consistency and color.
Your word, for the two shits it's worth, is still better spent elsewhere than promoting falsehood, giving importance to that which has none, or spreading the belief that a demonstrably unscalable approach still has, somehow, room to grow. It's no fucking s*ndrome but full on imp*sterhood, truly a grand fellowship of pauseless jackoffs.
This is it -- a glorified, disobedient, largely unpredictable autocomplete. A probabilistic bullshit machine. It wouldn't be able to replace you, if only you weren't so fucking stupid.
And yes, I *am* contradicting myself by addressing the incredibly cost inefficient overclocked melting minerstack in the room, but I can hardly make the point without doing it, so shush.
Back to the stone age with this shit. Now pass the fucking joint.1 -
Hey, listen up! I can’t believe you still haven’t added .t3d support! What’s taking you so long? It’s like you’re living in the Stone Age! Get with the times already! You really need to wake up and smell the coffee. Add .t3d support NOW, or else your software will remain utterly useless!18
-
Architect: I know we said we would never do The Thing because doing The Thing is really bad, but can we do The Thing for a proof of concept?
Me: How about Fuck No! Unless you are proposing a solution to fix The Thing, we are NOT doing The Thing just to satisfy some perverse curiosity you may be harboring.4 -
Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.
Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.4 -
I have a really old Toshiba NB200-10P notebook with Intel Atom CPU and 2 gigs of RAM and 32 bit architecture... It was made for Windows XP, and now it barely runs Windows 7... So I'd like to give new life to this old piece of hardware with Linux (for basic tasks like Office, and maybe coding with Notepad++)...
I really like Manjaro, but after they ditched 32 bit support, the Manjaro-32 community project seems a bit unstable...
So, could you devs please recommend some reliable - and somewhat good-and-simple-looking - Linux distros?20 -
Why yes, yes I do sort my M&M's and Skittles according to color, then eat them from fewest to most.3
-
Staff meetings would be more tolerable if they started off with karaoke.
"Dude, the earnings were cool and all but, man, you sure carried that note during 'Come Sail Away. '" -
Every time I see a client open ssh or rdp to the world when the servers sit behind a vpn, I die a little inside.4
-
I am SOOOO tired of outdated, easily circumvented, methods of attempting to find rule breaking culprits...
especially when they can't even come up with anything more specific than 'suspecting' "unusual activity".17 -
You wanna have a meeting, fine. We'll have a meeting. But for the love of balsamic vinegar, put a fucking agenda in. I automatically decline any meeting request with no agenda, regardless of who sent it.
Guard your time well, my friends. It is precious and fleeting. -
I forgot my password to my mindfactory account, one of Germany's biggest online vendor for computer components. So I go through the resetting process, which is:
- apply for password reset
- get a mail
- confirm the mail
(So far, so good)
- get a mail with a new CLEAR TEXT PASSWORD
Is this the stone age!?
You never send an email containing the cleartext! You never even store the password as is!
You, as the provider, should never be able to know what the actual password was.
All you are supposed to do is to generate a random salt, and hash the user's password with the salt, and then you only store the salt and the hash. And whenever a user inputs their password, all you do is to check if the you can recreate the hash with the help of the salt and your hash algorithm. (There are libraries for that!)
If a user wants to reset their password? Send them to a mail with link on where they can assign a new password.
At no point should the password ever be stored or transmitted in any other medium.5 -
I look forward to Friday's Nerf dart battles in the office. A great way to blow off the steam that built up during the week.3
-
At a previous company, we got stock options. My options wouldn't have made me a millionaire but it wasn't chump change, either.
For months, we went through the whole "we can't say we're going public but watch what you say" game.
One Monday, they called us down by groups to one of the large conference rooms to tell us paperwork was filed, that we were in a blackout period, and, oh, by the way, all those stock options were split 1-for-2 (half the stocks at twice the price.)
I really wanted to punch those smug motherfuckers when I watched them ringing the bell on the balcony of the NYSE.3 -
Wrote code, tested it, and pushed to production for the first time in 3 months.
Great {diety} in {afterLifeLocation} it felt so goooooood to get back to developing. -
To anyone sufferring/going to suffer from kidney stones, here's a golden rule what to do when the episode kicks in [the sooner you start - the better]: 2 pills of no-spa, 1 tablet of painkillers [ibuprofen/dolmen]. As soon as no-spa kicks in and relaxes your spasm -- become a fucking breakdancer. I shit you not. Start bending, spinning, jumping, swimming like a fucking hurricane. The more you move, the better chances are you'll make that lump of rock move down the pipes and unclog your drainage.
Did it this week. Did not need to come back to the ER.
This was my 5th stone. Many more to come [Pending...].
I don't understand why do they make us lay in bed in the hospital if we have kidney stones. They should pump us with no-spa and make us do gymnastics, acrobatics and brakedancing instead!13 -
Just got handed a dozen servers. Documentation shows a (Linux) database cluster is using ldap authentication. I try logging in with my creds. No joy. I look up the root password and log in.
Not only is it not configured to use ldap, it's also not clustered.
I need more coffee. -
Back in my study days software dev was this weird almost magical thing where you tell a electrocuted stone in a fantasy language what to do.
Now after working in the field for 4 years it has lost its shine and I mostly connect software dev to work grind and people who complain even though they just don’t read.
Maybe the time is near to look into a new field of work. Maybe it’s just not my kind of work to earn money. It’s not even like my higher ups are unsatisfied with my work. My current boss complimented my work a lot in our meeting last week.
Is this normal for developers to feel/experience?3 -
So, there was an Internship and Recruitment training seminar held in my college yesterday, by a firm that's very well known apparently. Some wonderful new things that we learned:
*There are 4 types of loops, not 2. (Okay, maybe on a technicality, but still not conventionally)
*You aren't asked to write code when interviewing for a programming job. (Well, what?)
*A rolling stone has no mass. (Probably the worst mutated proverb I've ever heard)
I'm not going to sign up for this program.20 -
A few months ago I applied for an IT Support role managing computer systems for a smaller manufacturing corporation. Now some back story, I'm a recent college grad looking for work and this hit my radar. I did well in the phone interview and really enjoyed the in person interview as well.
However, if I was offered the role I'd be the only person working on their infrastructure. The person who I interviewed with was leaving and thus his position was available. It was kinda strange to interview with the person you'd be replacing.
I started asking questions about their critical infrastructure and how they manage it. Short answer is they don't know.
I asked about off-site disaster recovery. "Oh we back everything up to a 2TB disk and I take it home every day."
I asked "What if that backup fails?"
Their response was "That would suck."
The company decided to go with a managed IT solution instead of me as I don't have the required experience in their eyes. The previous guy left because they we're stuck in their ways.
Yah, no thank you. -
My best friend's ex is really cool. But while they were dating, I was a bit frustrated, mainly because he was interested in many things she wasn't.
One thing that annoyed me was that his major is computer science, and her major is medical research.
GIRL, IF ONLY YOU WERE ALSO MAJORING IN COMPUTERS. YOU CAN ASK THE GUY FOR HELP WITH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS. EXPLOIT HIIIIM. HAVE COFFEE DATES AT STARBUCKS AND CODE TOGETHEEER. HIT TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE7 -
My Boss Abuses me, should I leave my job?
I overheard this tidbit on a bus recently. Okay I'm lying. But in the great spans of
time I've spent reading "dear annie" type articles, many involving how often my meth head step dads beat me while growing up, or in turn how often *I* beat me (oh yeah)..I've come across this in one form another, this, and other dumbfuck questions from the stuttering meek and halfhearted.
They say there are no dumb questions. Well, like that guy who smoked too much weed and
asked "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" (fap fap fap), there are in fact dumb questions.The world is overflowing with them, like a clogged shitter full of tacobell and glitter covered brown gutter wisdom. And it smells like roses, if roses smelled like shit.
Questions like "How do I make sure my cats don't feel lonely once I have my first child?"
I don't know, they're fucking cats. Did you even google this before asking?
Or
"How to make spaghetti?"
Really, is this question written by a bot?
"What is the best javascript framework in year x?"
All of them and none of them. Welcome to hell.
"Whats your favorite color?"
My answer: I'm not five years old any more. And obviously you are. Why are you on this site instead of eating crayons at daycare?
Yes indeed, this and many more dumbfuck questions await you and can be found on the preeminent quora, amongst other sites.
A place, which censored an eminently reasonable answer of mine (I was totally not being a shithead btw).
I responded in kind by removing a whole mess of long form answers of mine.
What I have learned from the experience is this: Humanity is greatly comprised of many people who, having no brains to speak of, wander aimlessly like beasts of the field, glass eyed and slack jawed, in search of a savior. But their savior came a long time ago, once, and many times before. An engineer, or programmer, or perhaps in another reincarnation a guy parting a sea of koolaid after the local ruler swindled his peeps out of another payment for moving some heavy ass stone blocks, but I digress.
And in response to peoples worries, anxieties, everyday problems and concerns, every one of these would be wiseman, every one of these saviors, leaders, and great men spoke these magic words which resonate now down through the ages like the voice of reason and providence:
"Read the FUCKING manual."
"And don't bother me again asshole." (well this last bit is all me, but I'm sure others said it too.)2 -
Thirty birds went on a journey to find their god Simurgh whose name was set in stone. After insane challenges and hardships they found out that the word Simurgh meant "thirty birds".2
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Work on something else. Have nothing else to work, invent a feature and work on that for a while. Do something other than that specific problem and an answer will come to you.
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!Tech Related
Seems like my health awarded me for working from home.
I got 18mm stone in my gallblader , and its age is 1.5years same as I am doing wfh ..
huhh :( Hope so I will recover soon5 -
Going from Nautilus to Windows Explorer feels like going back to Stone age .. why does Microsoft's modern OS feel so clunky . Btw I love the feel of the new Microsoft office ..4
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Jesus our security infrastructure people are stupid. They are telling us to secure a service that we don’t want accessible directly by the role “member” setup to be accessible by “member”. All because they “don’t want us changing identities in the middle of a chain of web service calls”. They are like “don’t worry, the fire wall keeps them out”.
That’s like saying “here’s the key to the bank vault, but you won’t ever get past the security guards so it’s okay that you have it.”
I swear this company is stone stupid. -
No matter what you believe or what you don't believe in. Or what you look like, I hope my you all are doing well financially.
Financial stability and financial freedom are the corner stone of all freedoms.
Wish you health, wealth and happiness.2 -
Is this really Sai's website . .
https://www.systemax.jp/en/sai/
> 1996-2022
The only thing that must have been updated is the copyright . .5 -
Bossman doesn't like change.
Rather keep his stone age skillset, I hope we get flint knapping workshops for teambuilding. -
!Rant - I'm looking for some advice 🤔
So this kid he's 13 interested in building cool things programming etc hasn't had any real start in it.
So I'm like ! Great! 🤔
Another programmer in this world would be lovely ... Before I used to take this approach of, you should do ... This.
Now I'm taking the approach, well what do you like what interests you 🤔 what do you find yourself needing?
Effectively trying to find an in, Into what might drive him to keep with it.
I find people get to ... Uninterested in it. Fast. I've literally had 10-20 people go 🤔 I would like to find out more I really like this etc .
But most don't stick with it I feel because I suggest they make this start and they aren't interested in.... That specifically even though it's a steeping stone
Normally I suggest html CSS right. It's a simple easy thing to learn
Then JavaScript then ... Another language like c# and move to c++ etc.
It's not what I did but I think it's... A smoother transition then my c# start then dropping to c++ then web
So opinions ? Is this the right move 🤔 he has this project in mind now. This app. Which I said could be built in html CSS really if he wanted to. Or though I suggested looking at some native stuff to, then pick.
I've left it open said he can ask anytime. I sent him codeacademy fyi
I told him to get this app to 😂 so might be on here8 -
I have found that once you work for a company where you have to implement everything in its raw form using the raw language and raw logic, you really have to know what you're doing and knowing some basic/medium programming and having some algebra knowledge doesn't cut it (unlike some people think).
I've been at two sides of the coin: I worked for a company that had everything in place, a framework that handled all edge cases and what not and I just had to focus on user stories, but I also worked for a company where I had to do everything manually.
For example, at the latter company I had to know Discrete Mathematics; truth tables to their most convoluted and disgusting form, having to be able to apply this on a late Friday night with a headache and lack of food and sleep with the PM stressing out.
I've had to deal with NOT AND OR AND OR AND OR AND branches or whatever, where an OR behaves like an AND and if you want a value between an AND AND and an OR, you'd have to do a NOT OR.. to think about latches, all in my head, sigh, anyway, within limited time constraints, without even having time to write tests, having to make sure that everything checks out while the client is breathing down my neck. Yeah, not such fun times.
I'm happy for those of you who can just write some moderately difficult logic but you don't have to break your head over doing everything manually, as if you're in the coding stone age and nothing is taken care of.
Companies like these make me want to run away.3 -
I would cause intense pain to any project manager that calls a useless meeting that could have been avoided if they had read the fucking status emails I send.
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Don't remember the reaction. I was too young and it was too long ago, but my path was pretty set in stone since basic school. I started coding in second grade. My father is developer himself. So I got to code with my dad even before joining highschool - learning C was more usefull than Basic at school. And I got some simple tasks from him that he used in his projects :-) But during high school got few gigs of my own doing some sys admin stuff and some development. Got first serious job during university and my parents were just worried whether I'll finish university. Well dropped out before getting my masters but got at least bachelor degree. I think I turned out just fine :-)
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So I'm at work most of the day developing project managment system for better efficiency but I can't seem to keep my electricity bill up to date. Now I'm looking forward to some free time because I got disconected and everything is closed when I'm home from work. Even when I do manage to get off on time my boss needs me on evenings and weekends.
Now it's just NO BITCH, i ain't got NO POWER!!! ^^ yeah!3 -
Okay govs and schools should stop this robotic production by forcing children to learn coding since an early age of 10. It's ridiculous !
Not only are you not giving a shit about whether they are interested or not, you are saturating an already saturated industry. Moreover, you are encouraging young children to sit all day in front of a screen when they should be playing, doing and learning other things.
Let them discover the subject. Let them fall in love with programming and coding. Don't force it onto them...4 -
We should once and for all,
put all IE11 devs in front of a wall
stone them with small rocks
until they bleed out of their socks
then proceed to melt them
with a blazing hot flame
until they are just piles of ash,
I will party like a lush!
This rant wasn't supposed to be a cheap poem, but I can't expect you to read a rant in swiss-german consisting of 98% cussing, swearing and death threats.4 -
Ahhhhh. Deleting data. Delete. Delete
Delete.
With authorization, no less.
It's almost as pleasurable as drinking coffee. -
Who here works at Apple in the Finder group. OMG, would you please fix shit? Finder has been such a bag of insects for years.
1. windows don't right-size to any reasonable minimum in icon view when there is one row of icons
2. text color of files and folder names no longer adjust to accommodate background color changes. Setting the window background color USED TO result in white text of the files and folders displayed in that window. Now it is Black-On-Black oh so readable 🙄
3. stop re-locating 0,0 in the god damn folder icon view. Finder items in grid view cannot, by themselves, get disorganized off the grid.
4. Stop moving the god damn folder/disk window locations between open and close
5. stop resizing the god damn folder/disk windows between open and close.
6. stop destroying the contents of clipping files. I get so tired of losing data to mac-unix programmers who think they know what the f they are doing at the file level. Resource forks were rocket science you just could not understand and you have really rolled the clock back on macOS file system to Stone Age 1980s tech.11 -
A combination of life literally pushing me in this direction and my own interest in everything that is smart or complex.
But, I hope it serves as a stepping stone for me to achieve better things than being "just a programmer/dev" -
What are peoples thoughts on taking a sort of backwards step in their career in order to get more experience?
I took my current job as I thought it would be a stepping stone to go on and do more development work (it was my first dev role), but I’ve been here 4.5 years and I rarely do anything other than maybe fix a bug every now and then.
They mainly have me doing non-dev support type stuff, and they don’t use any best practices or anything like that, and I feel that I am falling behind where I should be experience wise.
I am doing a degree (distance learning with the Open University) so I am working on personal development but that’s not much help when I go to interviews.
Should I think about trying to go for junior jobs, rather than just developer jobs, and the pay cuts that may go with that, or should I just grind out leet code etc and keep booking interviews?6 -
My Grandma had an old PC in my childhood. That laid the stone. Then I took a "PC Basics" course in my hometown in 4th-grade, which covered Building a PC, programming it with the weird Turtle stuff and Lego Mindstorms.
Learned HTML in 4th grade. Tried C++ in 5th. Took a while to get serious, 10th grade Java gave the last kick. Studying CS now at the TUM and working as a Web Designer in parallel. -
I work part-time in a small non-tech company as the only developer/tech-support. The work is fine and I got a own laptop.
But fml my laptop is the slowest in office and should be burned already in the stone age.1 -
!Dev but reading this is just depressing along with the recent NATO news....
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/...
TLDR: the party is over, it long has been and unless your priveliged or old already, we're all screwed.
-Hard work != Success
-Climate change will end us all
Me extrapolating solutions:
-Restart the world again/wipe out civilization (sorta like Dr. Stone)
-Just don't give a fck, accept Extinction and not care about the future generations19 -
So this past week I was supposed to start on a new feature on our companies product. Started the week off with a kidney stone and the rest of the week on pain meds. Too fucked to actually get anything done. RIP. Hope they aren't too mad.3
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You know what's worse than having to come up with a new password every time you create an account? Forgetting your password every time you try to log in!
I swear, it's like my brain has a selective memory when it comes to passwords. I can remember every lyric to a song from 10 years ago, but I can't remember the password I created yesterday.
And don't even get me started on password manager software. You would think that having all of your passwords stored in one place would make things easier, but nope. I've forgotten my password for my password manager so many times that I'm starting to think I need a password manager for my password manager.
But seriously, why do we even need passwords in the first place? Why isn’t there an easier one stone kills all solution to all these password authentication nonsense?
I could remember when it was all letters, then forced to use letters + numbers…
then later forced to include symbols…
and then forced to make it lengthier…
and then solve puzzles after getting it right…
and after all the stress now we are forced to find nemo from a set of images.
I thought the misery would end there but nope. Now some platform forces 2FA like dude seriously?
For God’s sake we built self driving cars already! Why can’t one just exist without a password? Why do we always end up in a password cycle?
And please don’t say shit about oauth because if your password master (i.e: google) fucks you in the ass then all your oauth accounts are gone for good!
I'm currently having an existential crisis about the meaning of passwords in our modern society. Shit is crazy when I ponder about it I get worried.11 -
Is it normal for "enterprise" software to have 14+ pages of known issues in the release notes, including issue descriptions that use phrases like "may lead to data corruption" and "may cause the cluster to crash"??2
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!rant. Doing some great new stuff at work to make our dev team's live easier. Finding out how to use Docker for our automated test setup, that's killing 2 birds with 1 stone.4
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Sitting in a meeting discussing writing end user docs on a new feature and one of the product managers literally said "we'll end up picking a number out of the air."
-
To add a bit more context to my last rant.
The following situation happened today and similar situations are at the moment common as fuck.
Situation started roughly 1 1/2 months ago as a deployment failed.
Seemed to be a DNS problem for the devs, so my basic assumption was that they checked their shit.
As I was and I am currently more than swamped, told them it had to wait if it is an DNS issue...
Well.
Backstabbing product manager complained to upper management as it took so long.
Backstabbing manager even went so far to propose alternative solutions - think of switching product to work around issue and throwing away a year of development of a 5 man team...
So additional to my work I had to deescalate and prevent complete nonsense.
Today I finally found time for the problem.
After 2-3 hours of turning every stone inside the DNS setup, cloudflare, loadbalancers, etc...
Well. Devs. Don't trust them.
Turned out the devs misconfigured the environment entirely.
Its not so obvious in this product as it is rather complicated, though the devs documentation explicitly mentioned that if one overrides the configuration for e.g. several languages, one has to make sure to set two env variables for TLS mode...
There was only one set.
:(
8 fucking weeks of backstabbing and blaming others while they could have just read their own fucking documentation and fixed that shit in 5 minutes.2 -
So yesterday, I got a call from some cousins saying my aunt broke a toenail and (since she's diabetic) she could now either lose both legs due to gangrene or die if they amputate. 2 hour drive to get them and me up to see her, 2 back, all the while having to be stone-faced to console 2 grown men. Today is finals week, and I could also get a call any moment from the hospital to tell me she's either dead or now unable to take care of herself. Could even be mid-class with one of those "well put it on speakerphone" teachers.
On the tech front, i'm trying to compile a toolchain from source. But, oh wait, one of the binaries it needs to configure (pkg-config) is self-calling so it crashes my machine. Let's build it from source, then? Nope, it requires a working copy... of... itself? Well, fuck. A "yum reinstall" doesn't help as it just reinstates the self-calling version, and I can't outright remove it because systemctl needs it. Well, apparently it's like a binary but is a text script, somehow, so I removed the recursive line and configuring works. Now though, I'm worried it might be broken, so i'm gonna try and compile from source. But, despite it needing itself, it also needs a SUPER FUCKING SPECIFIC version of libtool, so that's gotta be compiled...
I really wanna fucking shoot myself.3 -
*never* come into a GitHub repository to hijack all the issues with microscopically different questions that are largely off topic from the original issue.
but if you do, and you manage to go as far as to tell the developers that they are practically lying to your face because after all "you think the same code can easily do that other thing", then go fuck yourself in the arse with the biggest pole you can find and walk straight into hell.
it's probably a better option than my stone cold wrath anyway. -
So let's break this down: it's now 2017, the world of development is overflowing with flexible systems written in dynamic coding languages running on powerful hardware. A great deal of which is available to use for free.
This morning I FINALLY got one member of our "R&D" team at work to implement a proper logging system in one of our numerous Java apps... So she adds "log4j-1.2-api.jar" to her project.
*facepalm*
I'm still (3 years down the line) trying to convince them to let me rewrite their build scripts to integrate some sort of dependency management system, since they still use the default generated build for Ant as provided by Netbeans.
There is one bright side though: we're so-fucking-close to being able to ditch MS VSS!
*queue slow clap*
At this rate, how long do you think it will be before we can finally get away from using JDK 1.6 for everything?3 -
Hey guys, I’m from the future, year 3740 to be specific. I used this and now I’m stuck here in year 2024 in Pakistan’s stone age.
PLEASE DO NOT USE IT.7 -
They called it The Counterfeit Sun. Initially tested and deployed on The Cape of Good Hope in 1892, it was a shallow well with stone walls and a darkened needle-like protrusion in the middle. The Counterfeit Sun was able to turn a human body into damp dust in milliseconds.
With The Counterfeit Sun, soldiers fight better. People behave better in general, because no one wants to end up there. Even doctors and social workers perform better: while discarding corpses every day, they look at The Counterfeit Sun working, and they don’t want to make a round trip back to the station just to find out they’re the next to go.
Also, there were no corpses on the streets anymore. Take all of them to us, and we would get rid of them.
There was just one issue: sometimes, The Counterfeit Sun started glowing. At that moment, you knew you fucked up.15 -
/observation
I've found that a caramel latte pairs nicely with kettle-cooked bbq potato chips.
Or I'm just weird.2 -
WHEH THE FUCKING CUSTOMS WON'T ACCEPT THE FUCKING ONLINE PAYMENT, BECAUSE THE "KNOW" HOW THOSE FUCKING THINGS WORK! WELCOME TO THE BALLS SUCKING STONE AGE!
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Can someone please explain why LISP and LISP inspired langs breed the most insufferable twats?
I mean, just look at this, I'm trying to learn Clojure and happened across this site/slash book: braveclojure.com
Some highlights:
>Chapter 7 - Clojure Alchemy: Reading, Evaluation, and Macros:
>The philosopher’s stone, along with the elixir of life and Viagra, is one of the most well-known specimens of alchemical lore, pursued for its ability to transmute lead into gold. Clojure, however, offers a tool that makes the philosopher’s stone look like a mere trinket: the macro.
> The -> also lets us omit parentheses, which means there’s less visual noise to contend with. This is a syntactic abstraction because it lets you write code in a syntax that’s different from Clojure’s built-in syntax but is preferable for human consumption. Better than lead into gold!!!
>Chapter 10 - Clojure Metaphysics: Atoms, Refs, Vars, and Cuddle Zombies:
>The Three Concurrency Goblins are all spawned from the same pit of evil: shared access to mutable state.
>In fact, Clojure embodies a very clear conception of state that makes it inherently safer for concurrency than most popular programming languages. It’s safe all the way down to its meta-freakin-physics.
And look at this: https://quora.com/Why-are-Lisp-prog...
It reminds me of Python before the data-science craze and its adherents thought IT was God's programming language.1 -
That rabbit in my grandpa's left table drawer, in the home I grew at. I wanted to finally catch it, and kill it. I was bad with animals all along, especially this one. My grandpa died the year before I was born, and my grandma said we would've got along really well. So much to talk about, a scientist to an engineer. So, I travelled back, but my home somehow turned from a city stone-walled house into a half-soaked, decaying wooden one. I caught that rabbit though, but while I was holding it at its neck and twisting it, it somehow disappeared, distributed evenly as if I were twisting a crayon. I was trying to find it, but in that left drawer, among century-old pencils and that red liquid thermometer I played with as a kid, only a faded out, dusty duckling resided. I picked it up, and unlike the rabbit, it was paper, no, cigarette paper thin. It wasn't hostile. It wasn't trying to run away. It just turned from yellow to grey, feathers leaving my fingers covered in fine dust. I realized it will never die, dwelling and decaying there forever, happy.
I did my calculations, and I knew for a fact when and where the rabbit should've appeared. It was the middle drawer, not the left one. I opened it and looked in anticipation how something chewed through the bottom. I caught it, but it was no rabbit, it was an alive, rubber rat. The rubber was white turned grey, old, aged, dusty, probably Soviet. I poked the rat's eye with a pen rod, but the rat's body inflated a bit, leaving it invincible. It was mocking me.
Of the same white rubber, a ball appeared. I knew for a fact it was alive too, I felt the bones inside holding it. I found its lips, and was prying it open. The massive, dry mouth emerged, with a full set of human teeth, albeit wider and nastier ones. Huge eyes looked at me. It was alive, it was intelligent. It was my grandpa's personal financial assistant all along. It told me to leave the rat and the rabbit alone. He told me not to worry about the ducking, as it was in safe hands.
It made friends with my brother during the "blue age", when he was wearing thin, worn out rugs instead of clothes, tiny faded blue flowers on them, screaming and annoying my grandma he lived with in that room, not a single person other than the two in sight. The house was slowly submerging. The water was rising.2 -
Attempting to find usable data.
PM: but we have data.
Me: we have data bags. But data in there is not uniform, the time series have different lengths, and some fields are missing cuz ROS does magic. Plus, that new data type you've introduced, doesn't actually have a set in stone schema so it's free for all. You literally do not have enough data for one decent quick study.
PM: but we have vision data.
Me: ... But we're not a vision department. where's the robot data.
PM: idk. Go ask others.
Me: *drags own hair out* 💀6 -
High school, prepping to go to class, I take a book that I needed for class, while picking it up from the book shelf the latin vocabulary fell and landed on my hard drive which was on top of my MacBook, two birds with one stone :(
I now have three different external hard drives and planning to get an off-site solution as well. -
One of the most stupid phrases I hear again and again is "to not reinvent the wheel". Guess what, if no one had ever dared to take the first iteration of something, throw it out the window and start from scratch, we'd still be living in the stone age. If you're gonna use a library or a framework, fine, that's totally valid. Just make sure to actually understand the tools and code you're working on. People now tend to use these without knowing exactly what they do. And then once the original authors retire, no one knows what to do if something breaks. There can't be innovation if you don't try to reinvent. Don't shy away from writing from scratch sometimes.
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Why was my code push today completely flawless?
Because I didn't do it on Friday at 5 pm when it was actually complete. -
I got a theory, @dfox is Thanos.
Our Profile background colour is the representation of the colour of particular infinity stone.
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jk5 -
so, a new day, a new ERP software to rant about:
this one features an email feature (heh) but with a catch.
only pop3, no imap, if you want ssl the software suggest that you use a 3rd party program, also every user has to be logged in by the admin cause they assume the sysadmin knows all passwords cause he has "password lists"
i called them to ask why their software is what it is, they answer "there was never a need to develop an IMAP functionality, SSL would be so much work and it never became a problem that the sysadmin didnt know all passwords"
in unrelated news, does anyone know a nice sub 100K ERP software with CRM, Material Management and Offer/Order Management that runs on a local server and offers german support for a company in the 50 to 500 worker bracket? -
If your resume lists 10 jobs and you've spent 1 year or less at each job and you were not a contractor, that is not viewed as a Good Thing. I toss those resumes in the trash.5
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Jr dev: I need to log in to servers via ssh and run commands.
me: [posts link to Fabric web site]
Jr dev: Does it support python 3?
Gee...here's an idea. Why don't you try READING THE FUCKING DOCS?!?!?! -
Any advice for a Bachelor's in Computer Science ? I often find myself lost in between all these career options and subjects and degrees.
I just need a little guidance 'cause I got no one to talk to about this...10 -
Okay so I just watched captain marvel (after infinity war and endgame) and I learned that captain marvel got her powers from the tesseract, which is the power stone.
Thanos destroyed all of the stones.
Captain marvel retained her powers??
Discuss.7 -
When I say I'm working on an important update to the application, what I mean is "go away and stop bothering me, right now, or I will cock-punch you, right now."
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Because I dev, people think of me as a tech guru to consult on everything related to anything more tech than a stone.
Like guiding people on how to insert their ethernet cable when "the internet suddenly shut down".2 -
That one client wanted to hire me and a friend for a small 2 month C# school project basically reformatting and redistributing incoming forms. In the last meeting before we were supposed to start the project he told us that it was supposed to be a sharepoint thingy.
We declined as we never worked with sharepoint, not to mention the Clients indecisiveness regarding what he wanted.
The ridiculous part was really that a lot had already been set in stone and we had to find another contract in 3 days time. -
Don't make a spawner in Minecraft out of stone. Use something like cobble instead.
Why? Because Endermen steal stone.
I have a spawner in my ATM9 world that I made a part out of stone. I got to my spawner and was wondering why it stopped (using special dirt that spawns mobs constantly). I saw there was some light in the enclosure (this disables spawns). Noticed 3 stones missing near the bottom below the dark windows. Found that stolen stone in the mob grinder storage. Replaced with polished granite.
Can't have shit in this neighborhood.
I did have a moment of silence for the Endermen who tried to save their brethren from certain doom. Brave warriors who died for the futile cause.4 -
Integration of with another web service.
The only documentation it's a Skype chat.
😝😝😝
Save the chat content as text: It's the bible of this service.
Can someone write a text on the stone for future needs?
Please help me !!!!2 -
That moment when somebody types on your Macbook Pro as if he was typing on a typewriter and you feel like saying 'Caveman go back to the stone age' but you can't.2
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Searching in Confluence sucks so bad it was faster for me to check out a branch of my code to find a url in a comment for a particular user story than it was to type the query, go through pages of unrelated results only to give up and hope I got the details right.
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Fuck concrete and the likes! Just fuck it. If I enjoyed grinded stone so much I'd move to fucking Romania or camp inside the Chernobyl dome or something.
I want every concrete building to have a disclaimer saying that 'you are now entering a fucking Faraday cage - the contractor who built this place hates puny nerds like you with a vengeance!'2 -
!rant
Yoo fellow devs... And sysAdmins??
We're tasked with migrating our apps from current HP UX server to RHEL...
Most of our apps run on Tomcat 7 and weblogic...
We also have Oracle DB Enterprise Edition...
Just wondering if any of you out there from the stone age have done this recently... Any tips.. Warnings... Advice on the matter?? -
Learned to program by shutting myself in my dorm room with a Shareware Modula-2 compiler and a well-written tutorial.
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Quote from an email: Please confirm that the attached list is the list of people that have the ability to load "versions" into SVN.
Gods, I hate non-technical project managers. -
"Perfect typography is certainly the most elusive of all arts. Sculpture in stone alone comes near it in obstinacy." - Jan Tschichold
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We Introverts are going to look back to these days, Don't forget to make some memories...
... No one is asking to go out, Employers are offering work from home, to many of us it's the same old same old, in the mean time I wish y'all the best time...
to do amazing things, complete your pending projects, gist some funny/important stuff, read/write a little, organize you machine/room/life, take on some DIV projects, code better and automate the boring stuff (basically everything and anything)
I am planning to make my own version of our beloved Jarvis (just in case If I get my hands onto mind stone :p) -
I couldn't be the only one who thought of teaching ape how to make fire using stone and releasing them into the wild to accelerate their evolution.
Think about having non-human conversation partner we can debate with. The new kind of view they will bring to existing and future due to their sense (different from us)
And then I remember they will likely be bully due to species-sim because we cannot even solve our racism issue. Maybe it will solve the racism issue or spread more fire due to their presence.1 -
#Suphle Rant 8: Strange star discovered
I was searching for a project I'd starred earlier, on my github feed, when I realised a user had starred suphle at some point but for some reason, it wasn't reflecting on the stargazers. I was half overjoyed and half confused. Overjoyed over unlocking the milestone.
User seemed legit –an Italian with projects in C that were not forked. Followers and commit graph are organic. Did he star in error, feel the project is a stinker, or encounter installation challenges? Luckily, I found his email address but all his repositories are in Italian so I wasn't too sure he'd understand English, or if the mail was being attended to. Yet, I took my chances
He surprisingly got back to me, affirming that the star-unstar was actually deliberate. He withdrew the star cuz project's documentation is not hosted online and still requires npm start.
I try to persuade him by reminding him it's just a one liner but that markdown files are equally rendered directly on github. Never heard from him again, sadly
I'm kind of bothered cos I find it funny I thought suphle's APIs are all cast in stone, but the more I work on the docs, the closer I am to spotting something that doesn't sit right with me, and diving in to modify it. This not only prolongs ETA, there's the risk of someone who may have stumbled upon it and is studying it, having the rug pulled from under their feet. Things like validator rules and route-collection service-coordinators have been converted from methods and classes to native decorators. I guess I'm safe since nobody has indicated any signal to the contrary. It'll be pedantic to start tagging versions for each change.
Another consideration is that these breaking changes would go to the first segment of the semver scheme, which is hilarious because the rate at which I push such changes is so alarming, we'd probably progress through 15 versions under a year12 -
I have to use SQL event to check if in the "plots" has specific building, and update the gold/iron/stone... by the specific amount that building produces. This is how the Gold mine creates slowly gold. I am not sure this is OK like this, please I need advice.1
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Never be afraid to learn. Learning is the stepping stone of every developer, whether he/she started a week or centuries ago, never stop learning!
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!rant - Thanks to whoever it was who reminded me of the DevRant Spotify Playlist. I had some epic tuneage to start work with this morning. I'm loving some Black Stone Cherry (I don't have to wait for them to come on Planet Rock). (Also, Grammarly recognised the word 'Tuneage'.6
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What's the worst part about testing React components? Using the equivalent of fucking stone tools to do your component integration tests! We got errors with no context and errors with no stack trace, just spewing out bullshit! A sample:
The classic "Can't access .root on unmounted test renderer"
The unforgettable and ALWAYS visible "Warning: An update to YourShittyComponent inside a test was not wrapped in act(...)."
We do love it! -
As a developer of system critical software I tend to be obsessed about efficiency. Sometimes a short function is as efficient as it needs to be. Other times you need to build a large complicated structure to reach the efficiency needed for large or complex data. This caused me to pause and have respect for the efficiency of the creators of modern day windmills. I may have killed 2 birds with one stone, but am in awe of killing thousands of birds with one windmill.3
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First contact with XEN.
Xen Orchestrator UI / Web, logged in first time...
Wow. The UI is a big giant mess...
I don't care for this fucking bling bling shit... Need to have an overview of all VMs.
Oh Lord... Wtf... Icon hell...
Hm, I need more detailed information... Ah. Found the button.
Pressed button.
Wtf... What's taking so long...
Bloody shit.... Why does it include real data diagrams of usage statistic per row????!!! (had pagination set to 100 rows, one row is one VM)...
Bloody christ, ain't no option to configure that monstrosity... Export function?... Nope... Great. This will be a giant fuckfest...
Rest API? Nope.... Non existent as it seems. Thought that would be common in the 21st century... Guess what, nope.
Further googling...
Oh interesting. An cli client in NPM?
Hm, pretty scarce documentation...
Poked it a bit... Got first results...
xo-cli --list-objects type=VM
...
Let's take a look...
Oh JSON. Gooooooo(d)....
Wow. The document structure looks like someone puked out alphabet soup...
Or maybe the dev had hemorrhagic fever and was suffering from delusion and blood loss.
After this... More than devastating experience...
I took a look at Proxmox REST API.
Sweet jesus. That's like... Stone Age to 23rd century. Oo
https://pve.proxmox.com/pve-docs/...
Seriously... It seems not so hard to define an API to get the data of all VMs... Without suffering a traumatic brain injury.1 -
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You know
I think people are delusional
In so many ways
They need to stop trying to get blood from a stone
Because whatever the fuck some assholes may have been doing making shit more miserable is not the way to accomplish anything
It's a way to get hurt5 -
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Email: maestroencrypter @ financier . com -
Hey all, I'm currently getting a job offer for a risk advisory position (my stepping stone into cybersecurity), and I'm extremely excited.
It would be my first tech job, and in the tri-state area (NJ/NY/PA).
Do you have any advice on salary negotiation before I decide whether or not to accept the position? Trying to do my research on glassdoor, but I also want to hear from the pros on this board. -
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