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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.
Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
Source: Twitter @cryptomanran23 -
Its Friday, you all know what that means! ... Its results day for practiseSafeHex's most incompetent co-worker!!!
*audience: wwwwwwooooooooo!!!!*
We've had a bewildering array of candidates, lets remind ourselves:
- a psychopath that genuinely scared me a little
- a CEO I would take pleasure seeing in pain
- a pothead who mistook me for his drug dealer
- an unbelievable idiot
- an arrogant idiot obsessed with strings
Tough competition, but there can be only one ... *drum roll* ... the winner is ... none of them!
*audience: GASP!*
*audience member: what?*
*audience member: no way!*
*audience member: your fucking kidding me!*
Sir calm down! this is a day time show, no need for that ... let me explain, there is a winner ... but we've kept him till last and for a good reason
*audience: ooooohhhhh*
You see our final contestant and ultimate winner of this series is our good old friend "C", taking the letters of each of our previous contestants, that spells TRAGIC which is the only word to explain C.
*audience: laughs*
Oh I assure you its no laughing matter. C was with us for 6 whole months ... 6 excruciatingly painful months.
Backstory:
We needed someone with frontend, backend and experience with IoT devices, or raspberry PI's. We didn't think we'd get it all, but in walked an interviewee with web development experience, a tiny bit of Angular and his masters project was building a robot device that would change LED's depending on your facial expressions. PERFECT!!!
... oh to have a time machine
Working with C:
- He never actually did the tutorials I first set him on for Node.js and Angular 2+ because they were "too boring". I didn't find this out until some time later.
- The first project I had him work on was a small dashboard and backend, but he decided to use Angular 1 and a different database than what we were using because "for me, these are easier".
- He called that project done without testing / deploying it in the cloud, despite that being part of the ticket, because he didn't know how. Rather than tell or ask anyone ... he just didn't do it and moved on.
- As part of his first tech review I had to explain to him why he should be using if / else, rather than just if's.
- Despite his past experience building server applications and dashboards (4 years!), he never heard of a websocket, and it took a considerable amount of time to explain.
- When he used a node module to open a server socket, he sat staring at me like a deer caught in headlights completely unaware of how to use / test it was working. I again had to explain it and ultimately test it for him with a command line client.
- He didn't understand the need to leave logging inside an application to report errors. Because he used to ... I shit you not ... drive to his customers, plug into their server and debug their application using a debugger.
... props for using a debugger, but fuck me.
- Once, after an entire 2 days of tapping me on the shoulder every 15 mins for questions / issues, I had to stop and ask:
Me: "Have you googled it?"
C: "... eh, no"
Me: "can I ask why?"
C: "well, for me, I only google for something I don't know"
Me: "... well do you know what this error message means?"
C: "ah good point, i'll try this time"
... maybe he was A's stoner buddy?
- He burned through our free cloud usage allowance for a month, after 1 day, meaning he couldn't test anything else under his account. He left an application running, broadcasting a lot of data. Turns out the on / off button on the dashboard only worked for "on". He had been killing his terminal locally and didn't know how to "ctrl + c a cloud app" ... so left it running. His intention was to restart the app every time you are done using it ... but forgot.
- His issue with the previous one ... not any of his countless mistakes, not the lack of even trying to make the button work, no, no, not for C. C's issue is the cloud is "shit" for giving us such little allowances. (for the record in a month I had never used more than 5%).
- I had to explain environment variables and why they are necessary for passwords and tokens etc. He didn't know it wasn't ok to commit these into GitHub.
- At his project meetups with partners I had to repeatedly ask him to stop googling gifs and pay attention to the talks.
- He complained that we don't have 3 hour lunch breaks like his last place.
- He once copied and pasted the same function 450 times into a file as a load test ... are loops too mainstream nowadays?
You see C is our winner, because after 6 painful months (companies internal process / requirements) he actually achieved nothing. I really mean that, nothing. Every thing was so broken, so insecure / wide open, built without any kind of common sense or standards I had to delete it all and start again ... it took me 2 weeks.
I hope you've all enjoyed this series and will join me in praying for the return of my sanity ... I do miss it a lot.
Yours truly,
practiseSafeHex20 -
One day my mum got a call from a man claiming to be from Microsoft. He said there is something wrong with the computer and tried to make her install TeamViewer to "fix" it, but my mum didn't manage to install it for several hours until he gave up.
Sometimes knowing even less can save your PC.7 -
Guy left his computer unlocked. Boss came over looking for him, sat down at his computer and opened lots of porn and left saying 'that will teach him'.10
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!rant
I work from home. Sometimes, my husband remotes into his computer during the day. When I see it, I message him jokingly that someone is "hacking his computer". Then this happens:
7 -
Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Macintosh not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder.
"At RedHat, we don`t PISS on our hands."11 -
So my friend has two-step authentication for his smartphone.
Now he is not able to find his phone.
So, he tried to find his phone by logging into his google account via Android Device Manager.
Now, it is asking for the authentication pin which is in his phone.😂
He just got deadlocked.12 -
When someone, after explaining it for 10 FUCKING TIMES, still doesn't get that WE ARE NOT HOSTING HIS MOTHERFUCKING SERVER SO WE CAN'T FIX HIS FATHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING EMAIL ISSUES.
FUCKING HELL.13 -
Someone on my Facebook was boasting that he now has 1Gb internet speed.
Turns out he bought a 1Gbit ethernet card for his PC and thought that alone would raise his broadband speed..7 -
A friend bought a new expensive mouse.
I made the mistake of asking how it feels in his hand.
His response was "Heavenly. Like cupping an angel's ballsack".7 -
Client asks for redesign to look more like XYZ site.
I deliver a redesign to look more like XYZ site.
Client wants the site to look more like his old site. But different. Gives extensive instructions on how to design his website to his liking.
At some point, I think I'll be owing him money for his design/dev services, not the other way around.
What is it with these people?
5 -
My brother just started learning web development. Day 1 of playing on his own domain, and he breaks his WP install twice in an hour. He sends me the following text:
This is like a horribly frustrating game.
Best summary of software development I've ever heard, and it's only his first day.6 -
This actually happened today
Colleague: Hey man I think there's a problem with my computer.
Me: Alright, I'll check it out.
(I go to his desk and find that his screen was turned off)
Colleague: It just suddenly turned off.
Me: (presses a random key on his keyboard)
(Screen lights up)5 -
Whenever someone at our university forgets to lock his laptop, we change his default font in Eclipse to Comic sans 😂 Just to Show him why security is important.10
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Find me a co-founder of a startup who while telling about his/her company doesn't say "Machine Learning" in his/her speech.
I dare you. I double dare you.5 -
Yesterday I just secretly added my fingerprint on my friends phone(I knew his lock code too), and today I told him that i can unlock any phone with any kind of locks with my finger and unlocked his phone. You guys should have seen his face LMFAO. He's still begging me to teach him the trick 😁2
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I befriended a much-older dev who's notoriously known for cursing in source code comments.
His best comment was F.I.S.H., which is his cursing acronym for "fucking incredible shitty hack"6 -
A coworker blamed me that our git server is rejecting his changes. Turns out his commits are 200MB large each, including binaries of all newly added libraries. And I was all like:
8 -
when you had to maintain some stranger's shitty codebase, and you couldn't resist looking up his name on LinkedIn, then you found his profile which says he is a Rockstar coder
8 -
My father got a iphone 6 last week and has been raving about how much easier it is to use than his galaxy (doesn't understand what "android" is). Just found today that he's been using his previous phone for the alarm clock because he can't find it on his new phone.1
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The man who runs my IT department. The man who is in charge of all things and people that are technical: IT management software development, infrastructure, training, help desk, system administration, etc. A man with a staff of fifty plus. If you were to peel back the flesh on this man's head and crack open his skull you would find dung beetles feasting on the feces that power his thoughts and motor functions. Underneath this foul membrane, if you could push past the maggots; the meal worms; his undying love for hourly binges of Johnny Walker Black on any day of the week with a name that contains a vowel; his fascination with shiny objects and his endless internal monologue wondering when they would hatch rainbow ponies that fly; his desire whenever he enters a paint store to open all the cans of paint and taste the different colors; if you could push past all of the vile crap that exists where Thomas Aquinas once theorized there was a soul, you would find a colony of paramecia at the end of their short lives laughing hysterically at how much smarter they were than the host they lived in.
This man was in charge of hiring the Manager of Software Development. The manager I report to. After seven months of ignoring this chore; after interviewing the sum total of four candidates; after making a point to tell myself and a colleague that there was no one qualified to fill this position within our company (an opinion that is both untrue and, when spoken, runs afoul of internal hiring policies) this man hired a soulless cretin with no experience in software development or with running a software development group. A man who regularly confuses web servers and SQL servers. A man who asked me how my previous manager reviewed my work, was told by me that said previous manager read my code, and then replied in his capacity as the manager of software development that "looking at code is a compete waste of time for a manager." A man so without any humanity or reason for being that he will sit silently, creepily, in conference rooms with the lights off waiting for meetings to begin. Meetings he has scheduled. That have no reason for being in the first place. Just like himself.
Shortly before the man in charge offered the Dev Manager job to the simulacrum of human flesh that is my manager, he met with me and others who had been involved in the interview process. When I informed him that hiring someone with no technical knowledge for a very technical position would be a mistake that he would suffer through for years, he replied in reference to his future hire that "his managerial experience makes up for his lack of technical knowledge."
Best. Prank. Ever. Worst prank ever too. Fuck.6 -
If a programmer creates scripts to complete his work for him, does that still technically mean he's doing his job?10
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My friend - the admin of the Ancient Tor-relay got a green light from his ISP to activate the Exit policy for his relay again!
Bahnhof is a damn good ISP!7 -
My client has been told by his previous developer that he should never update his wordpress.
Last update was done in 2015.6 -
My colleague always forgets to lock his screen when he walks away from his desk...we work for a security company
5 -
A logician comes back from paternity leave and enters his shared office.
His colleague: Hey! Congratulations with your newborn, is it a boy or a girl?
Logician: Yes.1 -
Friend's site, mail verification, nextcloud etc. all went down...
Checked all his servers, all his configs and what not... Just to realize the moron forgot to pay his bills (so his domain expired)...5 -
One step through the door my wife whips around, a look so disgusted she barely seems human. "What's that smell?" she cries. "It's you! You smell like...like bad code!"
Indeed, I am covered with the scent of the forbidden love child of a man who read half a chapter on if-then statements and then pushed out into the world, earthworm-like, a mangled misshapened gelatinous mass that my employer gave the title of line-of-business application purely out of pity.
For more days than I'd like to count I have been porting a ColdFusion 5 application to .NET. Initially written in 2000 and last touched in 2006, it has a data architecture comparable to Dresden after the second world war. It features a table solely comprised of seven columns of IDs so that joins can be made between other tables lacking a common key. Columns that should be contained within a single table spread out among multiple tables. Single columns containing data that should be multiple columns (with handy flags to separate the subsets). A view with 14 joins that playfully displays unintended results. And so much more spread out over almost 200 stored procedures, views, triggers, and tables on the SQL server, and dozens of additional ADO-like SQL statements within the ColdFusion itself. Fortunately, the application overcomes these issues by having absolutely no data validation while allowing nulls pretty much everywhere.
When I am done this will be a very nice ASP.NET MVC app with at least 150 less stored procs, views, and tables. Auto-generated duplicate entries will be a thing of the past. Pop-up windows that inexplicably refresh the underlying screen to display a different part of the program than the one the user wants will be eliminated. And a UI based on the colors of a Rubik's Cube with usability that Mr. Rubik would find challenging will disappear with only the trauma of using it left behind.
Sadly, this is not my worse legacy code experience. Just the most recent. Just the most recent stench added to a lifetime of bathing in code rot.3 -
My boss is making me deploy a major change what hasn't had proper testing yet on the day I leave for 2 weeks. Save me someone.13
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I told my friend that he could preview links on his phone by hovering his finger over it.
He's still trying to get it to work.3 -
Came across this gem a few months ago ago. The only thing I can think of is the recruiter had his favorite pornsearch phrase in his clipboard manager and hit the wrong hotkey.
7 -
When a friend asks to create a website for his startup for free. FML 😔 I got bills to pay. Will he provide his service for free??14
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My mentor is a GOD. He's a workaholic. He knows everything. The only fucking thing he doesn't know is that his MENTEES ARE NOT HIS FUCKING SLAVES.3
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The top two:
* the laziest intern ever!! He lived 100m from the office but was always late for the daily. Even managed to forget his fucking laptop at home!! His mommy had to wake him up!!! He was so useless that I thought he was on the first year of his bachelor's degree and later the team said to me that he had finished it.
* some frat bro, got an internship thanks to daddy inside my ops team. He managed to insult everyone in his first week!!
So I had to tell his daddy, that his son will work under the office support team and will be in charge of the first level support for his branch. Daddy fired his son sorry as after two weeks!!1 -
Shoutout to the guy who stored his entire website in a JSON file and then asked me why his app wasnt working
2 -
Even after our last cd="exit" alias prank, my co-worker forgot to lock his computer today.
I told him he had forgot to lock it.
His facial expression was priceless.
You could literally see the paranoia rising in his eyes.
Let's see if he finds anything funny with his computer....6 -
I have seen it. They say it doesn't exist; just a story we tell our children so that their innocence does not lead them down into a nightmarish adulthood from which there is no salvation. But the evil lives. So vile that were you to look inside its soul, all you would find is a terrible desperation for suffering. To cause it. To revel in it. To bathe in the tears of those it considers less than human and feed off the emotional detritus.
It was 2009. The financial crisis. I was one of the lucky, having found refuge in a large company right before the jobs dried up. General IT: system administration, documentation, project management, telephony, software training, second level help desk. No software development, but with a two-year-old at home and Ph.D.s lining up outside the local Olive Garden whenever a help wanted sign was posted, I grabbed the health insurance and entered into darkness.
The Thing did not need to hunt it's prey. A manager title with 21 reports brought it new opportunities for fresh meat by the hour. But I was special. I resisted. I needed to know my place.
My first mistake was incomprehension. I did not understand the Thing's lust to be right at all costs. I was reviewing some documentation it had brought forth from its bowels. I mentioned that two spaces were being used between sentences. That proportional type made that unnecessary. It insisted, I was wrong. It insisted that Microsoft itself, the purveyor of all good technical writing, required two spaces. I opened the Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications that it demanded its staff use and showed it that the spec was one space. It was livid. I was a problem.
From that point on my work life became exponentially more wretched. I was given three Outlook calendars to maintain: one with my schedule, one with the team's schedule and one with the Thing's schedule. Every time I had an appointment, I was to triple schedule it. If I was going to be away from my desk for more than 15 minutes triple schedule. Triple schedule my lunch, vacations, phone conferences.
Whenever it held a meeting, I and a colleague would be taken off mission critical IT projects to set tables with name tents and to serve as greeters as attendees arrived.
I was called into its crypt to be told never to say anything in a meeting unless I told the Thing beforehand what I was going to say. Naive, I mentioned that I often don't know what I will say as it is often in reply to someone else. Of course the response was that I should not say anything.
I would get emails 10-20 times a day asking about a single project. I would regularly complete work that was needed to be completed ASAP, only to have the Thing rake me over the coals for not completing it a week later. And upon resending the emails proving I notified it of the work being competed, disparaged at length a second time for not sending repeated notifications of the competed work.
I would have to sit in two-hour meetings to watch it type. Literally watch it try to create cogent thoughts. In silence.
I received horrendous annual reviews. At one, it created a development plan that stated a colleague would begin giving me lessons on the proper ways to socially interact with personnel. I pointed out to HR that this violated privacy concerns and would make the business liable in many areas, not least of which would be placing a help desk person in the role of defining proper business practice. HR made the Thing remove this from my review. She started planning to remove me.
I had given a short technical training to a group of personnel months earlier. Called into its tomb I was informed that feedback surveys on my talk were disturbing. One person stated that they did not think I was funny. Another wrote that I made an offensive statement. That person did not say what the offensive statement was. Just that I had said something he or she didn't like.
The Thing interviewed the training attendees. Gathered facts. Held three inquest-like meetings where multiple directors peppered me with questions trying to get me to confess to my offensiveness. In the end the request to fire me was brought to the man who ran the business at the time. The statement on high: "Humor is a subjective thing. Please tell This to be sensitive to that."
The Thing had failed, but would no doubt redouble its efforts. I had to find a new job. I sent hundreds of resumes. Talked to dozens of recruiters. But there were no jobs. And I had a family. And the wolf was at the door.
So I didn't say a word to the creature. For six months. Silence. At one group meeting it shrieked at me "what are you smirking at? If you've got something to say then say it!" I just shrugged. For my salvation was revealed. The Thing could not stand to be ignored. And at the end of my penance I was transferred to another group: Software Development.
I am one with the Force. The Force is with me. I am one with the Force. The Force is with me.4 -
When you email your boss and his emails keep on reminding you how expensive his phone was.
"Sent from my iPhone"3 -
Zuckerburg just got finished building his own Jarvis-like A.I. to control his house, in under a year. What am I doing with my life6
-
When my neighbor forgets to lock his computer, I append this to his bashrc
alias cd='cd $(ls -d */ | sort -R | head -1) && echo'7 -
About 18 months ago my non-technical Manager of Applications Development asked me to do the technical interviews for a .NET web developer position that needed to be filled. Because I don't believe in white board interviewing (that's another rant), but I do need to see if the prospective dev can actually code, for the initial interview I prepare a couple of coding problems on paper and ask that they solve them using any language or pseudo code they want. I tell them that after they're done we'll discuss their thought process. While they work the other interviewing dev and I silently do our own stuff.
About half way through the first round of technical interviews the aforementioned manager insisted we interview a dev from his previous company. This guy was top notch. Excellent. Will fit right in.
The manager's applicant comes in to interview and after some initial questions about his resume and experience I give him the first programming problem: a straightforward fizzbuzz (http://wiki.c2.com/?FizzBuzzTest). He looked as if the gamesters of Triskelion had dropped him into the arena. He demurs. Comments on the unexpectedness of the request. Explains that he has a little book he usually refers to to help him with such problems (can't make this stuff up). I again offer that he could use any language or pseudo code. We just want to see how he thinks. He decides he will do the fizzbuzz problem in SQL. My co-interviewer and I are surprised at this choice, but recover quickly and tell him to go ahead. Twenty minutes later he hands me a blank piece of paper. Of the 18 or so candidates we interview, he is the only one who cannot write a single line of code or pseudo code.
I receive an email from this applicant a couple of weeks after his interview. He has given the fizzbuzz problem some more thought. He writes that it occurs to him that the code could be placed into a function. That is the culmination of his cogitation over two weeks. We shake our heads and shortly thereafter attend the scheduled meeting to discuss the applicants.
At the meeting the manager asks about his former co-worker. I inartfully, though accurately, tell him that his candidate does not know how to code. He calls me irrational. After the requisite shocked silence of five people not knowing how to respond to this outburst we all sing Kumbaya and elect to hire someone else.
Interviews are fraught for both sides of the table. I use Fizzbuzz because if the applicant knows how to code it's an early win in the process and we all need that. And if the applicant can't solve it, cut bait and go home.
Fizzbuzz. Best. Interview. Question. Ever.6 -
It today's team meeting my manager asked, "What is GitHub?"
Seven years leading the group. Hired with no dev knowledge. Can't be bothered to acquire any.14 -
I don't know why but my idiot cousin decided to rub his ass on my laptop now my screen has shit on it.Pray For His Life🙏22
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Successful startup message on my friends discord bot:
Yo
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
Bot Ready.
😂
https://github.com/nbd9/PastaBot -
I got a resume where instead of attaching his resume, the poor guy accidentally attached a letter from his mom telling him to get a job and stop taking money from his grandfather. He didn’t get an interview either. I still wonder if he ever stopped mooching off his grandpa.5
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Good fucking job amazon, who would have thought opening the door to strangers is a great idea, everybody act surprised. Does sound a bit like it might have looked like an appartment building from their report (therefore wandering around), but I really doubt that.
"Guy who found two Amazon deliverymen wandering through his house: 'It's not just happening to me' [...] For Michael Lentini, his delivery last Saturday was a nightmare. According to his version of the story, an Amazon delivery man entered his house without permission — and wandered around the first floor before taking the elevator up to his bedroom."
https://mashable.com/2018/02/...
8 -
App idea!
A normal social media app. But everytime a user taps on opposite gender's profile pic, it secretly records his face during that activity and then tweets that recording.
@his/her_username
@username_of_person_he_was_looking_at9 -
I have seen spaghetti php code, I have seen spaghetti JavaScript code, I have seen spaghetti python code. I have seen a lot of spaghetti.
Yet this Angular project appears like it was touched by His Noodly Appendage.
And only his Noodlyness knows what's going on in there. It's truly beyond my mere mortal means of understanding.3 -
Lecturer who is supposed to be teaching us to program somehow cannot debug his own code, instead I am telling him how to fix it... 🙈3
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OH MY FUCKING GOD XD
My female coworker was in an phonecall with my boss and he was sharing his desktop.
He is not the smartest so he forgot about sharing his desktop after the phonecall.
We are watching since half an hour while he is answering his e-mails :D and he don't even notice XD11 -
Probably Dennis Ritchie. Inventor of a timeless language and member of the Unix project at Bell. I think his work is significant and he lived his life, then died a good man.
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I switched my job about 2 months ago. This was my first switch after college (in 7 years). I was at a senior position and was not learning anything new for few months and got really bored.
I had asked for a 100% hike in new company, they gave me over 150%. Apart from this, they offer free food and snacks (or reimburse if you order your food from outside). Unlimited leaves and work from home option. No fixed working hours (I see people working for only 5-6 hours some days). No sign of politics yet. People are very humble and help you out even on silly queries. Company is growing at a very fast pace, it was named in fastest x growing companies about a month ago in some report with growth rate of about 1000%.
I see people around me with so less experience than me but so much knowledge. Feels like I am fresher again and learning so much from them. FYI, I had worked in same field (tech) for initial 3 years of my career. Looking at seniors I am finally able to set goals.
This one time I saw CTO awake at 3 am collaborating actively in resolution of a production issue.
Having seen so much positive, I went over 100 reviews on Glassdoor to find out the only 2 negatives points ever written, one of them was slow Lift in building. The other a9 -
Damn... some dude has his full SSH credentials to his webserver in his published NPM package...
I have to tell him 😅15 -
I'm not good with faces, at all.
I literally once forgot a dudes name and remembered after he got his laptop out from his bag and i saw his stickers.
I recognize people based on their stickers now...8 -
A professor once told me he loved being a CS professor because "you can't smoke and then code well." I laughed my butt off because a solid majority of his class smoked right before class every day.
The look on his face when I told him the truth about his students was priceless. I feel bad about shattering his world view. Kind of.3 -
it finally happened, PM/PO/SM is now also dev シ
each standup he now also gives update about his work in progress, with his diligently designed subtasks, perfectly sticking to the daily script, like a good well-behaved employee boi. it's weirdly cute
devs can't await to review his first PR. feeling the strong urge to spank his ass for each minor coding style issue or poorly-named variable...12 -
Boss: Why did you schedule a party?
Me: newGuy just made his first productive contribution to the group.
Boss: That's great! On that note I'd like you to meet superNewGuy. He's like newGuy but comes with the added bonus of being unfireable!
Me:........... You don't get cake........1 -
A friend of mine called yesterday with a HUUGEEE FUCKIN PROBLEM!! His work on his thesis (to finish his course) is inside his laptop, and "the laptop is stuck at 91% of updates" since.. Like.. 5h. "It won't turn on again! I'm dead!! Pleeeaase heeelp"
I went to his home, sit at the front of his PC, took off the battery and the power cable, shut it off and then turned it on again.
"OH! MY! GOD!!!" "You truly are a fuckin God with this!!"
"Dude. You're just stupid."
Ps. I'm still his friend, I guess4 -
A good friend of mine turned 38 yesterday. It will be his last birthday. Last month was his last Christmas and New Years. He entered hospice care this month. His doctors have said he's only got a few weeks left, so he's come off the treatment for his brain tumour. His kids are old enough to understand he won't be here much longer. A bunch of us, friends from high school, flew up to see him in the fall. It's hard to believe someone our age won't be with us to see another year. It puts things in perspective.5
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Today during my Algorithms lab, the guy sitting to my left began digging his nose like he had buried treasure there. 🤢
Oh how I wanted to smash his face on his keyboard. 😭11 -
When you fix your mates PC and upgrade windows on it and month later he comes back because his scanner is really slow, his wife doesn't understand English anymore and cat decided to leave his cat life to become full time florist at local bakery shop.2
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Gaddammit. My night was going great. Skimming a Dice article, my eyes caught the following: "...to be considered, a language must be Turning complete..."
It's like fingernails on a chalkboard.
Turing complete, motherfuckers, get it right.3 -
Was office SharePoint bitch at one point. This guy wanted me to build a workflow for him that would enforce insane checks on his (peer) colleagues. Asked if his manager approved and obviously they hadn't. So this guy started telling me he would build his own application from scratch and host it on his home server if I didn't help him. Pointing out the business might object to their confidential data being put on his home server didn't put him off. Getting laid off a few months later for gross incompetence did however.3
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Recent experience (#2)
- a cousin wanted to reinstall Windows on his laptop
- gave it to a tech shop
- they couldn't, said hard disk faulty
- I took the laptop hoping that it's just a partition table issue
- I tried changing partition table from MBR to GPT, but failed
- removed his hard disk from his laptop and plugged into mine
- tried and failed
- so I thought I would give it a chance with Ubuntu
- tried and ... 👍
- reinstalled his hard disk in his laptop
- works like a charm
- want to see what complaints he comes up with
- he is not a tech guy
- let's see how he manages to use it for his daily tasks20 -
Coworker called me up and shouted at me for refactoring code. "It might break!".
But his copy paste addiction is sure to make everything more stable, right?
Course, he still hasn't figured out that I'm the tech lead, so I will completely ignore his useless whining, as I have his boss on board.6 -
My colleague got fired. In my country, you need to work x weeks.
So they told him, his last day is start of June. Then they made an error in their official document... So his last day got prolonged with an other week... Then a different error in the new document.... An other week...
Now he got the news that his last day is prolonged with 2 weeks since he already had holidays planned before he got fired. He of course took his holidays thinking it would have 0 effect. They had the time to check this shit out.
He never got the news before that taking the holidays would again prolong his last day...
His last day was delayed 4 times...
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩25 -
genuine question: does @dfox read each and every rant? I get his ++ for almost every rant and his ++'s are around 8000 😱4
-
If this masterpiece came from my coworker I would smash his computer, burn his house, wipe his gene from poor mother earth. Luckily it came from my new programming student, so I find it adorable and make a post here.
4 -
COO overcommited features to our client so now we have to do overtime until June so that we can save his ass.
Its his fault, why the fuck are we responsible for his incompetence.17 -
My 13yo brother started learning Haskell and latex on his own. When I was 13yo I learned C. I really want to see how his career path will go compared to mine3
-
Client, who have no idea about tech. wants our cloud based centralized and universal platform that I developed to be hosted on his own server, for sake of his data privacy. He thinks we will sell his data to his competitor4
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The only thing more dangerous than an alcoholic short-term-memory-challenged non-technical throw-you-under-the-bus IT director with self-esteem issues that are sporadically punctuated by delusions of superiority is one who fears for his job. Submitted for your inspection: a besotted mass of near-human brain function who not only has a 50 person IT department to run, but has also been questioned by the business owners as to what he actually does. So he has decided to show them. He has purchased a vendor product to replace a core in-house developed application used to facilitate creating the product the business sells. The purchased software only covers about 40 percent of the in-house application's functionality, so he is contracting with the vendor to perform custom development on the purchased product (at a cost likely to be just shy of six-figures) so that about 90 percent of existing functionality will be covered. He has asked one of his developers (me) to scale down the existing software to cover the functionality gaps the purchased software creates. There is no deployment plan that will allow the business to transition from the current software to the new vendor-supplied one without significantly hurting the ability of the business to function. When anyone raises this issue he dismisses it with sage musings such as, "I know it will be painful, but we'll just have to give the users really good support." Because he has no idea what any of his staff actually does, he is expecting one of his developers (again, unfortunately, me) to work with the vendor so that the Frankensoftware will perform as effectively as the current software (essentially as a project manager since there will be no in-house coding involved). Lastly, he refuses to assign someone to be responsible for the software: taking care of maintenance, configuration, and issue resolutions after it has been rolled out. When I pointedly tell him I will not be doing that (because this is purchased software and I am not a system admin or desktop engineer) he tells me, "Let me think about this." The worst part is that this is only one of four software replacement initiatives he is injecting himself into so he can prove his worth to the business owners. And by doing so he is systematically making every software development initiative akin to living in Dante's Eighth Circle. I am at the point where I want to burn my eye out with a hot poker, pour salt into the wound, and howl to the heavens in unbearable agony for a month, so when these projects come to fruition, and I am suffering the wrath of the business owners, I can look back on that moment I lost my eye and think "good times."4
-
I bombed a guy who pissed me off with spam sms that he had to switch off his phone. Good thing I witnessed his frustration. Feel amazing. 😁😁9
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some dickweed changed his MBR to GPT without reading anything about it cus someone (falsely) claimed that GPT was faster.
dickweed lost his data and is whining that he doesn't want to spend even 50 euros to get his data back (but he does want it back)...5 -
Just hired an entry level developer in my company. Just graduated. He doesn't know what is code debugging, does not know difference between IDE and text editor like atom.
He doesn't know what is Bootstrap and git.
Gave him a task in AngularJS 1. Gave him 3 weeks and a half time. Read data from webservice, show them in table, filter, sorting and show details per record (which is easy in AngularJS. I got the same task years ago and finished in 2 days after I finished my AngularJS 1 tutorials). He did not finish any of those.
I know I'm judging but come on. What have you done these three years university? Only partying? Have not bothered reading something online? FOR THREE YEARS?
P.S. I have learned everything myself. Coding, debugging, structuring etc. I've had the bad luck that my 2 first bosses and team leader used to tell me "Do not ask anyone for help here in the office. Google is your best friend." And he encourage all developers not to help each other.
Ad I am writing this, I told him to download and install PyCharm and get back to me. It's been one hour and I have not heard anything from him. 1 Hour to download and install something. Imagine how long will it take to do a task.
Even my girlfriend (Yes, I have one), who dislikes computers can do this.
That's why I'm so frustrated.
I am thinking of firing him. Or should I give him more time?
I mean, if he can not do a simple task only by showing data in a table (which he can find them on Google, worst case scenario, how can he do more complex code, structuring it, etc ?)13 -
Dear customers just fucking stop and do the following:
1. Explain yourself in complete sentences.
2. Read the email you just wrote.
3. Regardless of the content delete the email.
4. Go about your day and leave me alone.
Fucking emails like this, I can't even:
Customer Person A: Hey this thing doesn't work when I change X!
Me: Uh where did you change X? There's 3 places that can be changed.
Customer Person A: No, Customer Person B is responding to the wrong ticket.
- Customer B has never responded to the ticket and isn't on the email chain we're talking about...-
-ticket closed, communication impossible reason "Kiteo, his eyes closed"-1 -
Hahaha, well would you Imagine my shock?
https://pcmag.com/news/357465/...
But then again people enable this personal hell to happen
5 -
Blogger, Introduced his girlfriend to his family
Parents: Who is she ?
Guy : 8 things you should know about this lucky girl!!😂😂😂1 -
the guy won't reply messages, he won't do his job and everyone who depends on him is punished for his behavior. he's hanging by a thread but also no one know how to do his job because it was not documented2
-
Whenever client send his desktop screenshot then I spend more time in checking stuff around (like bookmarks, what else is running on his system, opened tabs etc.,) rather actual screenshot 😂5
-
How my boss uses git:
1. Clone repo into separate folder
2. Run WinMerge against his version
3. Manually update his version with changes2 -
By accidentally telling his computer to delete everything in his servers, hosting provider Marco Marsala has, according to tech "experts", removed all trace of his company and the websites that he looks after for his customers.
http://n.mynews.ly/!QB.Dtj65 via @NewsRepublicUK2 -
ask about his game code logic he will rage, ask about how his front end code doing he will rage, talk to him about my server so that his front end code can follow he will rage.. and the end of final project which I merge my code and his code (I need to refactor nearly everything) he said you are very hard communicate. _. fml2
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Coworker left his computer unlocked so I set up a cron to change his background to Hello Kitty every few minutes. It also played the audio from this https://youtu.be/yPxJnvSZrU03
-
Helped somebody learning Arduino (he is new to programming in general)...
I saw this at the top of his file...
I admire his effort tho...
14 -
Do u know facts☺
Bill gates kept same password for all his accounts from 1993 to 1998
His password was
Iwillwinthisworldin@decade1 -
I have this guy at work who does pranks constantly, mostly towards his supervisor. Some of his more memorable ones:
- Placed a ballon at the wall behind the door + stuck a needle to the door in his supervisors office
- Hid a small speaker playing "happy birthday" nonstop inside the roof of his office
- Placed a box full of golf balls in our site manager's mail shelf, carved a hole in the box and waited.
- Threw an orange (yes, actual orange) at his supervisor, and hit him in the throat. Entertaining for everyone but them.1 -
I am building a platform.When we pitched our product to client, he said, that he want all our code on his own personal server. He don't know a thing about software development but want a his own server. He think we might sell his personal data to his competitor4
-
Removed his shoes and walked around in the office on his socks. Not that bad, really, until you factor in the smell. It was nauseating. HAHA5
-
totally !dev
I just saw my team mate clean his glasses with that micro fiber cloth that they give along with the specs. He just like, opened his bag, picked up his specs box, took that itsy bitsy piece of clothing and wiped his glasses!!!!!
My heart stopped for a bit :-/
Who the hell does that. Sheeesh.5 -
FUCKING SHITTY PHP WITH NO FUCKING COMMENTS AND A JOKE OF A DOCUMENTATION WELL I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY THAT BUGS HAPPENING NONE OF THIS CODE MAKES SENSE AND IT APPEARS TO BE HELD TOGETHER BY DUCT TAPE AND PRAYERS AND IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF I SEE ONE MORE FUCKING 200 LINE FUNCTION WITH A NAME LIKE 'transformData' WHAT THE HOLY FUCK DOES IT DO I SWEAR TO GOD THIS CODEBASE NEEDS TO BE FIREBOMBED10
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A client once send me an email and wrote that his internet connection is down. I replied asking him to just reboot his pc. He thanked me later on.... What can I say....5
-
I feel sorry for my teacher. Seeing him desperated to get simple programming answers from his students seems unreachable and I don’t want to be the only one that answers his questions1
-
I once got an email from a client who provided his own analytics trackingcode for his website.
He sent a screenshot of the couple hundred random characters long code..3 -
at the gym before work.
owner finds I work in IT, end up spending a hour diagnosing his broadband drop out issue, and installing antivirus on his unprotected PC :/2 -
I have no words to describe the last meeting.
One of the project managers was putting his feet on the desk, chewing his gum with an open mouth, and playing around with his phone.
The people in the room were so tense and looks defensive, which is normal if you have dirty shoes in your direction.
Luckily I'm remote but at least I know that won't like to move to his team at any cost. -
Am I the only one who doesn't give a fuck about silvester and spends his night on his side project? :D
-
No error handling at all, not even a single try catch. Program crashes when the wind changes direction. Previous developer developed his test plan around his bugs. 😭1
-
My Dev hero is without a doubt Robert C Martin (Uncle Bob). His books clean code and the cleans coder changed the way I program and his work on TDD too6
-
I'm just trying to get my boss on the phone and his secretary tells me he is in a seminar but I walk by his office and he is eating a MF DONUT
1 -
First day of vacation, on a remote village cause of covid, after months of doing nothing special I made this :D
It's a keyboard to do combinations of keys (prototype) ...
Well, I made it to play sound effects in games (on voice chat)....
Ya, having a burn out fucks your motivation. At least I did something
2 -
Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "At Windows, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "At Macintosh not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder.
"At RedHat, we don`t PISS on our hands."1 -
I was doing code reviews for some of the new Devs recently joined... One guy wrote his entire life history in the check in description... Like Why he took this approach, why interfaces are necessary in coding, when did he lost his virginity (I doubt he ever did), what's his pet name? - sadly no information related to his online banking... Shame really...
-
My colleague once left his PC unlocked while he went out to lunch, and I decided to change his keyboard layout to Dvorak. Worst thing is, he pecked at the keys, so he never looked up at his monitor. 50 lines later, he looks up and wonders why he has errors xD
-
Said his project got an investment, few months later, saw his Insta profile to find him pursuing higher studies.
-
The foul excuse for a human I live with has been blasting the fucking radio ALL FUCKING NIGHT.
I've had no sleep, he's STILL pissed out his head, and if he doesn't shut the fuck up I'm going to lock him in and burn the house down.6 -
telling your girlfriend's younger brother you've hacked his Minecraft account is evil but his reaction is priceless
-
Update: https://devrant.com/rants/5220410/...
I resigned from my second job.
First job tenure: 7.5 years
Second job tenure: 10 months
This job taught me a lot and paid me decent, but not enough to cope up with the bullshit and sacrifice, WLB, and happiness.
I landed a job at one of my dream companies I always wanted to be and possibly the best company in my city. Also the role is B2C in nature and one of only profitable start-ups from India. The domain is second favourite of mine (Music > Art/Events > Travel).
Second job was in travel domain, world's largest OTA but the timezone fucked my happiness and that is what my first job offered me.
I could easily score better offers with higher pay and benefits but I was optimising for a work life balance and team in same time zone along with some impacting work.
I do have some interesting interviews coming up and I am not sure how will I end up performing.
When I got this first offer, this job hunting season, I initially rejected some silly policies. I regretted the decision and thankfully after having a transparent conversation with the recruiter, I accepted it. Funnily, the resignation from second job isn't making me feel emotional, guilty, or any negative emotion. Which evidently signals that the job was toxic and I had to step out asap.
The purpose it served in my journey was bring my remuneration to market levels and teach me a lot more skills in just short span.
Excited to see how the future unrolls. I'll keep my fellows here posted.
I really want to spend more time here talking and hanging out with you all. Hopefully I shall be back soon. Until then keep safe my lovelies :)5 -
Man accidentally 'deletes his entire company' with one line of bad code rm -rf in his bash script 😂😂1
-
Some Udemy courses are super cringe.
Can tell this guy isn't formally educated nor a professional programmer.
His code is so badly formatted and his naming conventions reeks of inexperience.
Spaghetti everywhere.4 -
My colleague doesn't debug with his own mind and interrupts me way too much dragging me in his hell of confusion. Should I kill him? I'm too good for that.3
-
A programmer wrote scripts to secretly automate a lot of his job -- including to automatically email his wife and make himself a latte
Read more at https://businessinsider.com.au/prog...2 -
When destiny hits you very very hard.
Man Accidentally Destroyed Production Database on First Day of His Job.
https://hackread.com/man-accidental...2 -
The company I work for had an employee train his replacement without any clue that he was his replacement....savage1
-
My boss is going to his brother's place and his taking me with him to fix their computer and internet dead-zone issue.
Just Great!3 -
this is my cousin😎, his name is Gentoo(named after linux distro Gentoo(named after penguin species called Gentoo))
I suggested his name, all my folks thought that it's a cool name.
* he's now 10yrs. old, very stable, photo is taken with his permission
6 -
When I was an apprentice in a small company, ...
my boss told me that his company would never ship release builds, because the "evil optimization option" is responsible for breaking his code.
My first thought was that it wouldn't make any sense at all. The default option for code optimization is always set to zero.
After investigating his code, I found out that he didn't care to properly initialize his variables. The default compiler option for debug builds did implicitly initialize all variables to zero. After that I've confronted him with the fact that implicit null initialization does not conform to the standard of C and C++. He didn't believe me what I was saying and he was questioning my knowledge about C and C++. He refused to fix his code to this day, so he keeps building his libraries and applications always in debug mode.
Bonus fact: He would never build 64-bit applications, because his serialization functions do get incompatible with exisiting file formats. -
A colleague of mine was wearing his Funcunit t-shirt on a plane yesterday. The flight attendant asked him about his "Fun Cunt" t-shirt.
-
Started looking into ai. Now every time I talk to my friend about his job.
He stares at me like I'm about to automate his job away1 -
Code reviewer tried as hard as possible to find issues in my commits.
After timereportimg 3 hours extra in a small ticket, he concluded we needed to try a different approach, even if code was OK? Why?
Simply because it was his idea and his idea is better. The reviewer needs to feel his superiority by any means.1 -
woah, when did amazon get a competent ui designer? seriously, did jeff bezos really cough up $20 for a good amazon design on redbubble?
7 -
Had a task of service discovery, went through following phases:
1. UDP broadcast
2. Wait why not Bonjour?
3. JmDNS for desktop works great
4. Android NSD on Lollipop, this is easy
5. Kitkat WTF..!! Why did you put it there when it's so buggy.
6. Replaced Android NSD with JmDNS and it's great
7. Network switching on Android... done
8. Wait how are others doing it.. JmmDNS.. awesome.. fuck not working...
9. Read mDNSJava is much faster... replace JmDNS.. why haven't they uploaded parent pom on repo
10. mDNSJava freezing my Android device... revert to JmDNS
11. Let's see if it works with Wifi Direct.... Come on why aren't you working...
12. UDP broadcast it is 😢2 -
I'm not sure if he's mentioned already, or if he's"famous" at all, but I'm a fan of Joey Hess.
Once I saw his name on some of old debian man pages and for no apparent reason, I looked up his name and found his home page.
He was a motivation for me to start learning Haskell, and also I was damn envious of his awesome lifestyle.
See shy jo at https://joeyh.name
-
New coworker just came in the office with his own notebook. Dont know why put his files were synced with our network, result: 300GB/upload in 24 hours.4
-
From time to time I go to the office bathroom and there's this guy who's leaving without washing his hands.
I admire his courage for doing so even if there's people around!!2 -
You know what I just love? That co-worker who constantly cracks his knuckles. I wonder what sound it would make if someone made his fingers bend just a little more.1
-
Mfw on azure/iot conference, one presenter shows his certificate validation, to connect to all devices in his house:
return true;
He said:
"lets not be paranoid about security" -
Friend asked him if I could test his program.
I help him test his program and found a memory leak.
He investigated the issue...
After a few hours, he found out that his garbage collector had a memory leak :^)6 -
I have this friend who says that using bootstrap(prebuilt css styles) is freeloading if other people’s work. So, I asked him to create his own OS cause he is freeloading of Apple create his own laptop cause he his freeloading Apple. What an Idiot!3
-
Colleague wrote all his test cases after finishing his code and set expectedOutput to garbage. His tests failed, printing actualOutput. Then he just replaced the garbage expectedOutput with actualOutput. Bingo bango, all tests passed.
"How do you like me now TDD?"1 -
The most bizzarro thing I have seen my client do is, whip out his keyboard, open his ERP - DOS Software and remove his pajamas and walks me through every feature for some module he wants to add.
My question, why a DOS Software for ERP in 2018?!2 -
So i'm making a menu for my friend. He shows me a menu he made on his iPad, all in Chalkboard SE (identical to Comic Sans), lined up using tabs and spaces, and asked for the same font.
I'm not joking.2 -
I fucking hate people who want to "perfect" his shit before push his code. Yes damn right. That means he doesn't fucking push his code until it's too late and his "perfect" shit will break everything. Not to mention the cry face he has when there are shitload of conflicts.
-
Talking about stupidity, my friend on whatsapp even share his bank online transaction on his stories, I told him to be careful with those sensitive information, but he's ignoring it.
I think he more care to show off his "bulge-wallet" than protect his own money.
Find anything stupid than that?9 -
While looking through some old rants... How come his post has 833+ and he has 832+ on his profile ?
4 -
Wes Bos
Super funny front end developer which has great courses. I learned a lot from him and his humor is great and make his courses interesting and funny to watch.1 -
Is Floydian still here? I know he deleted his first account like 2 years ago, but then he joined again. Is his new account still existing or has it been deleted as well?5
-
When your co-dev keeps forgetting to push his code to the remote repo and you're stuck during the weekends without his new changes and he is not working1
-
The prank happened last 2 years ago. Me and my office mate we love to prank inside the office using our technical skills. One time while our target is on break we took an exact screenshot of his desktop and we manage to hide both cursor and his entire desktop exept the screenshot of his desktop.
After half an hour, the target approach us to fix his issue he restarted the PC multiple times and we laugh so hard because he said his PC keeps hanging or freeze. Hahaha LMAO.
Then after we laugh we reveal that his PC is fine we just replace his desktop with a fake desktop image. He even laugh on our prank hahaha.
Did you prank your office mate the same prank we did? Haha I would advice choose carefully who to prank.7 -
Colleague spends most of his day googling how to do something. Doesn't understand why his sh*t doesn't work, since search results are out of context. Doesn't ever RTFM.1
-
Charles Gussman was a writer and TV announcer who wrote the pilot episode of Days of Our Lives, among other shows. As he became ill, he said he wanted his last words to be memorable. When his daughter reminded him of this, he gently removed his oxygen mask and whispered: “And now for a final word from our sponsor—.”
-
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
The devRant user with the most +1s, @tahnik hnik, does hate PHP!!!
*just satire people, nothing to hate on here*
10 -
Boy, if that colleague next to me doesn't stop tapping his foot and bopping his head, definately a good old: "shutdown /s /c "Do you know how annoying you are!?!? /f" coming his way!
-
#OAuth logic: Lets make OAuth1.0 simpler for clients.. TADA.. OAuth2.0.. OAuth1.0 looks simpler now??!!
-
Something is fucking wrong with the network engineer. His fucking things a lot today. I think his too high today.1
-
One of my python students just uses his index fingers to type. And he moves his hands from elbows for each key. He said he completed his post graduation. I don't know how he survived these many years. I advised him to learn touch typing though.
-
Dr Robotnik has to be a java dev... Bloated, lazy, never leaves his seat, occasionally garbage collecting his messy desk
-
So i rant too
I was workink with 50y+ guy who think he knows programming
Its 1/5 rant about him
So he told he share his data through csv ( comma saparated values) but his own implementation
So he shared data in his own csv separated with sharps
I told to him about standardas. His reply was: he know lol
Its my share 1/ 10 wait for it the last will kill3 -
I didn't do it but one of my coworkers when he was new left his desktop unlocked while stepping away from it for a while. Another coworker changed the keyboard layout to Dvorak and locked it. The guy had to had to use his phone to look up Dvorak to get his desktop unlocked.1
-
Faced a guy who tried to pin, his data not coming up on our app. After debugging I found out he was sending the timestamp as his local time + 'z'(e.g. 2019-06-13T22:38:54.143Z), thinking thats for est and blamed us for why his data is not showing at correct time.3
-
I was at school and one of my friends asked me to help with his code. He said that his image wouldn't appear on his website.
I checked his code and it was right, so I checked his images folder.
The image he wanted to put on his HTML document was something like "prev.img". I was a bit confused. A file with a .img extension? He did put his code right, but there was still something wrong. I right clicked the image and went to the properties. The file extension was .jpg.
I eventually corrected his code but I still can't find out how he fooled himself. smh -
Me: Please send your team viewer info
Client sends a photo of his desktop captured from his phone.
Me: Why didn't you send just a screen saver?
Client goes .....2 -
Let me try the two sentence horror thing. Here it goes:
It's getting late, and my son is yet to return from his private programming class. I looked through his laptop, and his teacher is some guy named Carl H.8 -
Rewriting some fractal generation code for a client in Python. his original code was in Visual Basic. he sent me his original code as a fucking Microsoft Word document...............
-
I have a confession to make.
Everytime I play the ace ventura 2 scene where a black guy sticks a spear in his leg i'm thinking about this piece of crap with his arm already in a sling who i do not like because of what kind of trash he is, and breaking his other arm.2 -
Anyone else using Enki has had most of his bookmarked insights and some of his courses unsubscribed?2
-
Any Web Dev or Design managers out there who interview candidates, should a front end developer have a Github for his portfolio or hosted on his own site? I'm torn.3
-
An old friend of mine who I haven't seen in ages just texted me. He says his father, who recused my suggestion to clean his HDD for him instead of actually hiring someone to do that, asked me to "fix" his computer.
Me: Well, what's wrong with it?
Him: Nothing, it's just that his PC is really slow. Remember he uses a Vaio?
My best hope is to get the poor dude an running Xubuntu on his machine and hope he adapts to it. -
Customer on a video conference always has his cord to his cheap-o headset twisted in new and exciting ways / poking him in his face.
Folks are spending lots of money with us, bro get yourself a nice headset! -
I spent whole day for one client in order to implement ddos protected tunnel into his java based project. In exchange he was supposed to send me his source code of one of his projects. Fucker didnt send me anything. Good that while doing migrations for him I downloaded his compiled project backup, so all I had to do was decompile his jars which had no obfuscafion whatsoever, so I managed to salvage around 95 percent of his source code. Checkmate boi.
-
When that guy hovers his sharp ballpen over your retina screen while explaining his nonsensical and boring requirements and your eyes follow the pen anxiously and you just want to shout "Take that F*cking ballpen away from my screen you m*ron!" and slap his hand. Or his face. But you just can't do that, partly because he's your line manager.
-
Brilliant rant from Redditor OK6502 in a thread about a "tech screen" being used to get free labor:
Usually when something like this uses the words complex tech stack it means you're going to have to deal with shitty server code distributed over a mix of Azure and AWS nodes and a lone Linux server running under someone's desk, an infuriating configuration hell with no safeguards for keeping dev and prod isolated, a hodge podge of different scripting languages (why not make scripts in pero that call power shell which then calls more perl? Should work right?) and random but critical shit checked into 3 different SVN, stuff stashed on people's shares that will never be checked even though you can't do your homework b without it, usually copied from someone else's share who left the company 3 years ago, no QA process to speak of (while claiming to be agile, somehow) and a front end that is maintained by one exhausted junior dev who inherited a mess of 20 different js frameworks that all load at the same time with every single click, somehow.
The full thread is really worth reading:
https://reddit.com/r/... -
Little bro's SIW asks for JFrame swing notepad. Plus his teacher didn't teach them even what is a JFrame,
me :| i think his teacher demanding Stackoverflow's snippets haha -
I got called to a manager's office one time because his computer wasn't working, I went there only to realise his mouse was not connected to the CPU4
-
Helping my friend with his UI part of his project. It's for saving a file directly from the download URL to Google Drive (save-to-drive)
-
My family was super chill about it. My dad just does his best to let me know I need to stop talking when I start talking "over his head".
-
Anybody here likes Slavoj Žižek? His theory on ideology of toilets got me and since then I'm addicted 😂
I also appreciated his views on ML trends in the political context. 🙂 -
Every last 2 hours of the workday my colleague who has plenty of sleep, his headphones on and a very comfortable life, yawns and sighs really loudly and it pisses me off.
It's as if his lack of interest transpires in his breathing.2
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