The programmer and the interns part 2.

We will discuss numerous events that happened over the past week or so.

Case 0:
We had our weekly engineering meeting. The interns were invited as well.
We hold meetings in the generic, big, corporate meeting rooms with a huge table in the middle.
There were more than enough chairs for everyone yet the most motivated and awkward intern (let's call him Simon) chose to stand, cause "it's cool man, I always stand". At this point we all know that he probably read about Agile stand up meetings and is confusing it with this one. Otherwise he's simply trying to stand out from the rest. (See what I did there?)
Anyway the meeting has started way later than planned (what a surprise) and took much longer than Simon expected. Everybody is sitting and listening to the CTO while occasionally glancing at the weird looking intern standing awkwardly and refusing to sit because it would make his original intentions pointless. He even tried to nod whith a serious face and his hands crossed when the CTO said something and looked at his general direction. The meeting was about a hour and a half long but with the delay it was at least 2.5 hours.
At the end Simon was so exhausted that he fell asleep on the office puff, was forgotten and locked inside. 3 hours later when I was home I received a call from him with his sleepy-trying-to-sound-awake voice telling the news. Lucky there's a 24/7 Noc team that could rescue him.

Case 1:
An intern who was late on his Linux test connected to every test VM (should I remind you that each one has a personal VM but they share passwords for their roots?) and tried to reset it with "sleep 10s; shutdown -h now".
He took down all 13 of those so I had to turn them on and switch passwords again.

Case 2:
One of the interns didn't do any of his training chores. Apparently he forgot what he was told to use, ignored all online documentation and used Windows CMD with Linux commands for almost a week already.

Case 3:
Simon uses Vim to write all text possible. Even mails, he then selects all and copies into the mail body. He spent half a day on a homework task I gave them. He wrote everything inside one text file using Vim. When he was done he saved the file and quit the editor. He then said "Oh shit! I've forgot to sign my name!". I explicitly told him that theres absolutely no need for that because I see which mail the file was sent from. He said "I don't even need a program for that!" and gave a couple of strokes on the keyboard.
Later I received an email from him with a .txt attachment. When I opened it the only text that was inside was "by Simon ;)".
I logged to his machine and checked the last command ran on the file:
echo "by Simon ;)" > linuxtasks.txt

Case 4:
The girl here uses a MacBook. She keeps getting confused with the terminal windows and rebooting her own machine instead of the remote VM.

Case 5:
Haven't checked yet how this happened but one of the interns deleted the gui from his local Centos.

Holy fucking shit. I just went to my first Java class at uni (3 1/2 hour long one at that) and I havent felt so damn irritated in a while.

Some background:
So first, I only had about an hour of sleep last night and a full day of work before this class so I was more cranky than normal.
Theres only 7 students in the class, 6 others plus me. I am the only one with any resemblence of programming experience. The teacher also claims to be a linux developer.
This is a three part course series. Java 1, 2, and 3. All taught by the same teacher.

The fuckery:
-teacher spends 48 minutes talking about text editors. Not even IDEs. Just talking in depth as fuck about notepad (notepad. Not notepad++ )and atom and textpad. Those three only though, nothing on vim or emacs or ACTUAL IDEs. 48 minutes.
- I briefly mentioned learning node.js on the side and am now the "javascript girl" to my teacher. I'm probably less experienced with js than any other thing i ever practised or studied.
-professor saw linux on laptop and asked what distro. When I said arch he said "oh no you shouldnt be using that Its not really for beginners" ... Uhh what makes you think I'm a beginner to linux? Or does he not think I should be using arch while learning java? Either way its really ridiculous and irritates me that he would discourage anyone from using any software/OS/anything, regardless of what it is or skill level.
-teacher moved a bunch of content out of the course because theyre either "concepts that are never implemented anymore" or "arent critical to know to master the language". These particular topics that were removed? Multi-dimensional arrays, scopes, and exception handling. EXCEPTION HANDLING.
-he writes a hello world program and displays it on the board, proof of it working and everything. He tells the class to write the same program, compile and run it. Never did I guess we would spend the remaining hour and ten minutes of class struggling with fucking hello world programs. Especially when the correct code is on the fucking projector.

And I get it guys, everyone starts somewhere. People have to learn from square one. But these kids have no fucking interest in this. One of them literally admitted to pursuing this degree for the "lavish life" that comes with the salary. Others just picked programming because they didnt know what else to choose to get into the school. It fucking saddens me. I hope that one or some of them end up caring and finding a passion in this field, otherwise I feel fucking sorry for them having to spaghetti code their way through life to get a paycheck cause they couldnt be bothered to put in the effort. I feel even more sorry for any devs they work with in the future too.

The other annoying bit is that I can't test out of this class!! so it looks like for either 7 hours a week ill be bored out of my fucking mind with these beginner concepts or ill be helping others fix really stupid shit in their code (like putting quotes around hello world so it would actually print the string).

Fucking hell. Waste of a semester class.

Me : The website renewal bill is up and it will due in 30 days

Client : Sleep

Me : 14 days

Client : Sleep

Me : 7 days

Client : Sleep

Me : Last notice, it'll be dead tommorow if we dont pay today

Client : Sleep

*website dies*

Me : F

Client the day after suspension : Hey, we can't access the site.

Me : Play dead

***

I think i should say "email service will die if you don't pay the renewal bill" instead

based on how quick they react when shit stopped working

Me and my love-hate Linux.

I lost virginity really early. In the age of 5 it was my first time with windows 95. I spend almost 10 years with Windows before something happened that would change everything. I met Linux. Her forename was Arch. I had a crush on her right from the beginning. It didn't take long for me to abandon windows. Arch had everything I wanted. She had latex which was pretty hot and looked simply and elegant on her. Sometimes she was really hard to deal with and almost drove me crazy, but I knew I fell in love.

Until that day. I had to write a short paper which was quite fun and Linux helped me alot. It was a breeze to work with her. The evening before the deadline she was quite thoughtful. She sometimes was, so I thought it'll be alright, but this time was different. She struggled a bit, so I put her to sleep and she never woke up. I brought her to the emergency lab which was open 24/7. Since no one was there I had todo the surgery myself. After 5 hours I was almost to tired to continue when she finally woke up. I asked her about the things she should remember for me - then I killed her. I started to hate Linux for what she had done to me. The unbelievable stress and horror.

I returned to Windows. Besides that she got a bit more curious what I was doing when and where nothing really changed and she was glad to have me back. I just was happy how simple our relationship was.

One day then, I couldn't believe it at first, I met Archs sister. Manjaro. No matter how strange that is, but it was as if I would meet Linux again for the first time. She was just a bit simpler but as flexible as arch. Since then we are happy together. It seems that we both just grew up a little.

And with Windows? She got even more curious! Actually I have the feeling she is stalking me now, but I don't regret anything!

[Thursday afternoon on a call...]

Client: Before we get started, can you create a sitescape outlining all of the pages and sections of the new website?

Me: Sure! I'll go through the website and shoot you a full layout in xls format as soon as possible, that way you can easily make notes on what you want added, modified or removed.

[Two hours later...]

Client: Hey, did you build that sitescape yet?

Me: Actually, I've been on back-to-back calls with other clients.

Client: So when are you going to get it done?

Me: Well, I have to go through the current website in it's entirety, which I'm guessing is about 1,000 pages. I have to determine which pages work fine on their own, which need to be combined for better presentation and which should be removed due to redundancy. That's something that is tedious and takes some time to complete. That, in combination with having an existing work queue that I need to fit you within and being at the end of the work week, we're looking at Tuesday morning to have it ready.

Client: "Existing work queue"? This is ridiculous. We're paying you good money to make our project your only priority. If we wanted to wait days for work, we would have saved money and paid for a cheaper service. You're already gouging us as it is! If we don't get the sitescape by end of day Friday, we're going with another company.

Me: I would tell you that I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not. I'm not going to feed you a line to make you happy. I'm also not going to work on my days off just to rush something out to you. You hired us because you wanted things done right, not quickly. Your current website is the result of not focusing on quality, but by how fast you can deliver it. We don't work that way. We only build quality products.

By rushing your project, not only do we alienate our current clients, affecting our reputation, but we build product of less than the highest quality. That will upset you because it isn't perfect, and it reflects poorly on us to use it in our portfolio.

If you want to hire someone to pump out this project to your unrealistic deadlines, be our guest. But you paid a 50% non-refundable deposit, so not only will you lose money, but your end product will suffer.

I'm going to let you sleep on this. If you decide tomorrow that another direction is the way to go, we wish you luck. But please understand that if we conclude our business, we will no longer make ourselves available for your needs.

Please find the attached contracts you have signed, acknowledging the non-refundable deposit, as well as the project timeline and scope, of which a "sitescape" was never originally mentioned or blocked out for time.

I hope that tomorrow we can move forward in a more professional manner.

[Next morning...]

Client: My apologies for yesterday. We're just very anxious to get this started.

-----

Don't let clients push you around. Make them sign a contract and enforce it whenever necessary.

How to beat jet lag with style:

When your normal sleep schedule was so broken it became completely normal in the different timezone.

I used to sleep from 5am to 1pm in my country. With a -7 time difference this became 10pm to 6am.

Should I be happy?

Long rant ahead. Should take about 2-3 minutes to read. So feel free to refill your cup of coffee and take a seat :)

It turns out that the battery in my new Nexus 6P is almost dead. Well not that I didn't expect that, the seller even explicitly put that in the product page. But it got me thinking.. why? Lithium batteries are often good for some 10k charges, meaning that they could last almost 30 years when charged every day! They'd outlive an entire generation of people!

Then I took a look at the USB-C wall charger that Huawei delivered with this thing. A 5V 3A brick. When I saw that, I immediately realized.. aah, that's why this battery crapped out after a mere 2 years.

See, while batteries are often advertised as capable of several amps (like 7A with my LiitoKala 18650 batteries that I often use in projects), that's only the current that they can safely take or deliver without blowing up. The manufacturer doesn't make this current rating with longevity in mind. It's the absolute maximum in current that a given battery can safely handle.

The longevity on the other hand directly depends on the demand that's placed on the battery. 500mA which is standard USB 2.0 rating or 1A which is standard USB 3.0 rating, no sweat. The battery will live for at least a decade of daily charges and discharges like that no problem.

But when you start shoving 3A continuous into a battery, that's when it will suffer. Imagine that your current workload is 500mA and suddenly you get shoved 6 times that work upon you. How long would you last?

Oh and not only the current is a problem, I suspect that it also overvolts the battery to maintain a constant current all the way till the end. When I charged my lithium cells with my lab bench power supply, the battery would only take a few milliamps when it got close to the supply voltage. Quick bit of knowledge: lithium cells are charged at constant current first, then when the current drops below that, it continues at constant voltage - usually 4.2 or 4.35V depending on the battery. So you'd set your lab bench power supply at 4.2V 500mA. But in that constant voltage mode, as the battery's voltage and the supply's voltage equalize, the current drops because the voltage difference becomes lower. Remember, voltage is what causes current to flow. Overvolting at the supply to stay in constant current mode all the way till the end speeds this process up but can be dangerous and requires constant monitoring of the battery voltage.

So, why does Huawei and a bunch of other manufacturers make these 3A power chargers? Well first it's because consumer demands ever more, regardless of the fact that they can just charge at 500mA for the night (8h of sleep) and charge a 4000mAh battery from 0 to 100% no problem. Secondly it's because sometimes you need that little bit of extra juice fast, like when you forgot to plug the damn thing in and you've got only 30 minutes in the morning to pour some charge into it.

But people use those damn fucking things even when they go to bed, making that 3A torture a fucking standard process!! And then they complain that their batteries go to shit?!

Hopefully this now made you realize that the fast charger shouldn't be used as a regular charger ^^

Also a big “fuck you” to whoever decided under any circumstance holding the power button down on a computer case meant anything other than shut this mother fucker all the way down and try the fuck again.

Gahhh. When I hold the power button I don’t what you to sleep, I want you to die! I’m electronically smothering your bitch ass. When I’m holding down the power button to restart, the computer should feel like it’s being waterboarded! Like these may be it’s last moments on Earth if it doesn’t act right and get in compliance! No it’s not nap time, it’s time to shut up or shut down...forever!

We had the most fucking retarded client today. No, seriously, if you ever beat their level you have a serious mental issue.

They had a mail problem for which they'd need to check at the side of another company since we don't have those fucking logs.

Their statements:
- they entered an email address In the text field of mail-tester.com and were furious that they didn't get the results sent.
Note: it says right on that page that YOU JUST NEED TO SEND THE EMAIL ADDRESS WHICH IS PRE-ENTRRED IN THAT TEXT FIELD AN EMAIL.
- their company has been a reputable 'conservative' company which hasn't done anything wrong since 19xx so the fact that they'd end up on a blacklist was FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS and bullshit.
- our support wasn't willing to help and only willing to tell them outrageous lies.
- the other it company was only reachable at a premium number and thus expensive to call.

Emails back and forth and finally they CC'd the other company. They're reply was fucking priceless:

"we never had a premium number. Feel free to call us on *number* any time during the week between *time* and *time*.

Then he told us that we should just go back to sleep.

It was way worse than that but due to privacy and my own memory this is all I can tell.

Just wow.

09:00 : 8 hours of sleep is perfect. I'll sleep at 10.

10:00 : Ah, I am still young, I don't that much sleep yet. 7 hours should do.

11:00 : 6 hour is the limit. I must sleep at least 6 hours to work properly tomorrow.

12:00 : Aw, fuck this :(

Next day at work: 10 cups of coffee

> project nearing deadline [✔]
> an IDE that hangs itself [✔]
> awkward status meetings that turns into pointless discussion [✔]
> confusing requirements [✔]
> getting addicted to tea [✔]
> losing track of time [✔]
> sleepless nights [✔]
> overgrown hair and beard [✔]
> did I shower today ? [✔]
> no srsly did I ? [✔]
> I don't know where am going with this [✔]
> I should probably get some sleep [?!]

My favorite time of the day

!dev
!!misery

I'm drunk, so it's time for some faux-emotional, blunt oversharing. and lots of profanity. It won't be pretty.

------

I'm miserable. I can't sleep at night. When I finally manage to, I sleep like crap. In the morning, early, I get woken up by my children screaming or pulling my hair or jumping on either the bed or me, or talking ad furore, or any number of other miserably unpleasant things that completely prevent sleep. So I'm tired every single day, which totally surprisingly makes focusing on work fucking difficult. Doubly so because the work is fucking uninteresting and the code is awful to read and difficult to understand because it's complicated and often poorly written. And extending it takes enormous mental effort I simply do not have to give. Oh! Guess what my job is?

To make matters worse, time to myself basically does not exist, ever. I wake up, I attend standup, I cook and eat breakfast, I work while fighting against endless distractions and interruptions, I cook and eat dinner, I work some more, and finally: I can go to bed and try to sleep. The next morning, I wake up and repeat this misery, ad nauseam.

Et ad nauseam? Nauseam est nunc.
It's not proper latin, but fuck you. it's good enough. and nobody speaks it anyway.

Ego sum miseriae. Is that good enough for you?

I can't find it in myself to care about anything. I've been doing whatever I can to feel a little more normal, but mostly I just feel numb. If I drink, it helps a little because I notice my misery a little less. That's a great solution right there: drink until I don't care anymore, and keep doing the same shit without even trying to make things better. Why? Because I fucking can't. I hate this house, I hate the lack of quiet, I hate this city, I hate the dust and the clutter, I hate this state, I hate this codebase, I don't like my coworkers, I hate that I can't get a fucking thing done without spending 6x longer than it should, I hate that I can't fucking think of a single thing I want to do, I hate that I can't ever enjoy anything, I hate that I'm beginning to hate myself, and I fucking hate everything else, too.

In short:
I'm not happy. I'm fucking miserable.

And no, I'm not posting this here for you to psychoanalyze me or suggest solutions. It's for me to vent. Fuck your opinions and fuck your advice and fuck you.

tl;dr; I've worked 117.5h/week for a month because of a project lead that doesn't understand what I do despite countless attempts at explaining

So, once a year I do this large project for a voluntary organization, it takes me about 80h (and this is of course on top of my normal work and voluntary engagement (60-80h/week))

This year, I realized I don't have as much spare time as I used to, so I emailed the project lead several months in advance like "hey, you know that I do all my work on this before the rest of you start working on it, and you know I need you to sit down for about an hour and put together the list of things I need to know to get this done properly. Could you please do that a bit earlier than usual, a week or two extra would make a big difference", they replied "absolutely, no problem!"

Time went by, and about two weeks before I wanted that info I emailed a small reminder. Shit me not, a month later, after a countless amount of reminders I finally get a half finnished version of the list I need, note that this is two weeks before I'm supposed to be done. Which is fine, it's the usual timespan, not what I hoped for as I hoped for an extra two weeks, but not too late either.

Then shit starts to happen

I reply to the list I've gotten with some requests for the project lead to complete some of the information, to which I receive multiple replies with different answers to the same questions, okay, that's fine, I'll just use the last answer.(?)

So, I finnish the thing on time, clocking out on a total of 117.5h of work per week, two weeks in a row. Still fine, it's just two weeks.

Release day!

I arrive at the release meeting, and is greeted by the project lead handing me two papers with the words "we haven't been able to look through your work yet to make sure it's like we want it, but we sat down yesterday and here's a list of how we want things to be". So I remind them that the thing is supposed to be done that day, and that it takes me 80h to redo, and those papers will require me to redo everything from scratch. To which the project lead responds "but it doesn't have to be finnished until December, right?"

That is not true, not at all, in any way.

See, there are 600 people that depend on this project, and they need, yes, need to be able to access it from the day it's launched every year. That is an absolute requirement.

So after trying to tell this project lead, for multiple years, how much time I devote to this project (for free) every year, during a short period of time, and after trying countless times to explain why it has to be done when the project is released, I became quite irritated.

So, during the two weeks that have passed since, I've been receiving about 200 emails from people wondering why the thing isn't finished yet and why they can't use it. (forwarded every single one of them to the project lead) and have been redoing it all during the past two weeks, from scratch.

I'm finally done, I released it yesterday, finally! I accompanied it with a bitter email to the project lead.

Because seriously, this is the worst respect for both my time and the people that should use the project's time in all of those years I've been doing this. This year, I've been ignored multiple times; they've shat on my work because it didn't live up to their expectations, even tough they never told me their expectations; I've been misinformed etc.

And now it's starting to get to me, this is the first weekend in a month when I've been able to shut down my laptop, sit down, drink a cup of tea, read a fricking book, chat with some friends etc, and most importantly, sleep. Signs of the stress I've had for a month now is starting to remind themselves.

And there's this little though nagging me in the back of my head: if the project lead would've worked for an hour in September I would've had to do half the job I ended up doing, on double the time. I hate realizing that they don't give a shit about my part of this, even tough I do half the work.

Then why do I continue, year after year? Because I feel that those 600 people that benefit from this really deserve it! But why does there have to be a dick project lead in the middle that makes me feel sick working on the thing I love the most!

So, as I'm not really used to ranting like this, i have to add that I really have no point with this rant. Just had to get it off my chest!

Oh hey i should go to sleep early and work out in the morning.

Or i could implement those new features for my library ive been thinking about.

Or i could polish up some of my older sites.

....or i could stay up till 3am, reading subtly gay korean comics.

From my work -as an IT consultant in one of the big 4- I can now show you my masterpiece

INSIGHTS FROM THE DAILY LIFE OF A FUNCTIONAL ANALIST IN A BIG 4 -I'M NOT A FUNCTIONAL ANALYST BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY DO-

- 10:30, enter the office. By contract you should be there at 9:00 but nobody gives a shit
- First task of the day: prepare the power point for the client. DURATION: 15 minutes to actually make the powerpoint, 45 minutes to search all the possible synonyms of RESILIENCE BIG DATA AGILE INTELLIGENT AUTOMATION MACHINE LEARNING SHIT PISS CUM, 1 hour to actually present the document.
- 12:30: Sniff the powder left by the chalks on the blackboards. Duration: 30 minutes, that's a lot of chalk you need to snort.

13:00, LUNCH TIME. You get back to work not one minute sooner than 15.00

- 15:00, conference with the HR. You need to carefully analyze the quantity and quality of the farts emitted in the office for 2 hours at least
- 17:00 conference call, a project you were assigned to half a day ago has a server down.
The client sent two managers, three senior Java developers, the CEO, 5 employees -they know logs and mails from the last 5 months line by line-, 4 lawyers and a beheading teacher from ISIS.
On your side there are 3 external ucraininans for the maintenance, successors of the 3 (already dead) developers who put the process in place 4 years ago according to God knows which specifications. They don't understand a word of what is being said.
Then there's the assistant of the assistant of a manager from another project that has nothing to do with this one, a feces officer, a sys admin who is going to watch porn for the whole conference call and won't listen a word, two interns to make up a number and look like you're prepared. Current objective: survive. Duration: 2 hours and a half.
- 19:30, snort some more chalk for half an hour, preparing for the mail in which you explain the associate partner how because of the aforementioned conference call we're going to lose a maintenance contract worth 20 grands per month (and a law proceeding worth a number of dollars you can't even read) and you have no idea how could this happen
- 20:00, timesheet! Compile the weekly report, write what you did and how long did it take for each task. You are allowed to compile 8 hours per day, you worked at least 11 but nobody gives a shit. Duration: 30 minutes
- 20:30, update your consultant! Training course, "tasting cum and presenting its organoleptic properties to a client". Bearing with your job: none at all. Duration: 90 minutes, then there's half an hour of evaluating test where you'll copy the answers from a sheet given to you by a colleague who left 6 months ago.
- 22:30, CHANCE CARD! You have a new mail from the HR: you asked for a refund for a 3$ sandwich, but the receipt isn't there and they realized it with a 9 months delay. You need to find that wicked piece of paper. DURATION: 30 minutes. The receipt most likely doesn't even exist anymore and will be taken directly from your next salary.
- 23:00 you receive a message on Teams. It's the intern. It's very late but you're online and have to answer. There's an exception on a process which have been running for 6 years with no problems and nobody ever touches. The intern doesn't know what to do, but you wrote the specifications for the thing, 6 years ago, and everything MUST run tonight. You are not a technician and have no fucking clue about anyhing at all. 30 minutes to make sure it's something on our side and not on the client side, and in all that the intern is as useful as a confetto to wipe your ass. Once you're sure it's something on our side you need to search for the senior dev who received the maintenance of the project, call him and solve the problem.
It turns out a file in a shared folder nobody ever touches was unreachable 'cause one of your libraries left it open during the last run and Excel shown a warning modal while opening it; your project didn't like this last thing one bit. It takes 90 minutes to find the root of the problem, you solve it by rebooting one of your machines. It's 01:00.

You shower, watch yourself on the mirror and search for the line where your forehead ends and your hair starts. It got a little bit back from yesterday; the change can't be seen with the naked eye but you know it's there.

You cry yourself to sleep. Tomorrow is another day, but it's going to be exactly like today.

*me at the morning

- 08:30 Ah, let me sleep juuust more 5 minutes, I even don't need alarm *turn alarm off"
*blink
- nah, I should go
- 10:45 what the...

There was a time I made an update on one of our client's e-commerce website sign-up page. The update caused a bug that allowed new users to create an account without actually creating an account.

The code block meant to save user credentials (i.e email address and password) to the database was commented out for some reasons I still can't remember to this day. After registration new users had their session created just as normal but in reality they have no recorded account on the platform. This shit went on like this for a whole week affecting over 350 new customers before the devil sent me a DM.

I got a call from my boss on that weekend that some users who had made purchases recently can't access their account from a different device and cannot also update their password. Nobody likes duty calls on a weekend, I grudgingly and sluggishly opened up my PC to create a quick fix but when I saw what the problem was I shut down my PC immediately, I ran into the shower like I was being chased by a ghost, I kept screaming "what tha fuck! what tha fuck!!" cus I knew hell was about to break loose.

At that moment everything seemed off as if I could feel everything, I felt the water dripping down my spine, I could hear the tiniest of sound. I thought about the 350 new customers the client just lost, I imagined the raving anger on the face of my boss, I thought about how dumb my colleagues would think I was for such a stupid long running bug.

I wondered through all possible solutions that could save me from this embarrassment.
-- "If this shitty client would have just allowed us verify users email before usage things wouldn't have gotten to this extent"
-- "Should I call the customers to get their email address using their provided telephone?... No they'd think I'm a scammer"
-- "Should I tell my boss the database was hacked? Pffft hack my a**",
-- "Should I create a page for the affected users to re-verify their email address and password? No, some sessions may have expired"
-- "Or maybe this the best time to quit this f*ckn job!"
... Different thoughts from all four corners of the bathroom made it a really long bath. Finally, I decided it was best I told my boss what had happened. So I fixed the code, called my boss the next day and explained the situation on ground to him and yes he was furious. "What a silly mistake..!" he raged and raged. See me in my office by Monday.
That night felt longer than usual, I couldn't sleep properly. I felt pity for the client and I blamed it all on myself... yeah the "silly mistake", I could have been more careful.

Monday came boss wasn't at the office, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday not available. Next week he was around and when we both met the discussion was about a different project. I tried briefing him about last week incident, he seems not to recall and demands we focus on the current project.

However, over three hundred and fifty customers swept under the carpet courtesy of me. I still felt the guilt of that f*ck up till this day.

Sick.
Worst sleep of my life last night.
Freezing cold, weak, sore, can’t think, starving but can’t eat or drink, as low energy as a dead Chinese “heavy duty” battery.

Finished some changes to my feature today anyway; everything should be done now. Refactored some specs, and got them all to pass.

Falling asleep on my closet floor. Heavy winter coat, fuzzy pants, space heater. It’s warm in here and there’s a shelf for my lappy. Floor is uncomfortable but idc. I’m so tired and out of it I don’t even notice.

This sucks.

At least I have the rest of the week off.

Me: I'm super tired, it's the middle of the night and I really should get to sleep already...
Brain: hey hey Condor! I've got this great idea, a cryptographic filesystem-level vault that decrypts into different files depending on what key you give it!!! Let's implement it, all-nighter, what do you think? 🙃

Goddammit brain, that's super interesting but not now!!! I need to sleep ffs 😡

Had this a week ago. Was setting my alarms for the morning and noticed that (I always run one test alarm just to be sure) the alarm sound wasn't working for whatever reason.

*maybe I should turn it off and on again?*
*nah that's bullshit, it should just work like this, if not, something is seriously wrong!*

*goes to sleep while running the alarms on an old phone*

*tries to do the turning it off and on again anyways next day*

*IT WORKS*

*Le me feeling like a very stupid end user 😐*

The wife and I decided (together) to change our daily habits and get up early again (together).

It's 6am now, I was rudely awakened by overtly excited dolphin noises (the alarm I set), crawled out of bed towards my coffee machine (for an intravenous pick-me-up) and now sit here, in the kitchen, half an hour later and alone, all while she's sleeping like a beautiful perfect little angel.

I am contemplating whether or not I should powerbomb back into bed to wake her up or just brush my teeth and leave for work, letting her sleep.

Which would be worse, because she'd sleep till, like, 10am, be late and all that.

Well guess what.

One of our newly-joined junior sysadmin left a pre-production server SSH session open. Being the responsible senior (pun intended) to teach them the value of security of production (or near production, for that matter) systems, I typed in sudo rm --recursive --no-preserve-root --force / on the terminal session (I didn't hit the Enter / Return key) and left it there. The person took longer to return and the screen went to sleep. I went back to my desk and took a backup image of the machine just in case the unexpected happened.

On returning from wherever they had gone, the person hits enter / return to wake the system (they didn't even have a password-on-wake policy set up on the machine). The SSH session was stil there, the machine accepted the command and started working. This person didn't even look at the session and just navigated away elsewhere (probably to get back to work on the script they were working on).

Five minutes passes by, I get the first monitoring alert saying the server is not responding. I hoped that this person would be responsible enough to check the monitoring alerts since they had a SSH session on the machine.
Seven minutes : other dependent services on the machine start complaining that the instance is unreachable.

I assign the monitoring alert to the person of the day. They come running to me saying that they can't reach the instance but the instance is listed on the inventory list. I ask them to show me the specific terminal that ran the rm -rf command. They get the beautiful realization of the day. They freak the hell out to the point that they ask me, "Am I fired?". I reply, "You should probably ask your manager".

Lesson learnt the hard-way. I gave them a good understanding on what happened and explained the implications on what would have happened had this exact same scenario happened outside the office giving access to an outsider. I explained about why people in _our_ domain should care about security above all else.

There was a good 30+ minute downtime of the instance before I admitted that I had a backup and restored it (after the whole lecture). It wasn't critical since the environment was not user-facing and didn't have any critical data.

Since then we've been at this together - warning engineers when they leave their machines open and taking security lecture / sessions / workshops for new recruits (anyone who joins engineering).

*plays game for 10h consecutive*
.. yeah yeah I know what you're thinking. This guy doesn't have a life. And you're probably right.

*gets hungry*
… I could really use a hamburger right now 🤔
… But the fast food tent is ~30 minutes walking distance away, and this game automatically logs you out after 30 mins inactivity...

What if I could program in some delayed input?

*jazz hand routine engages*
Hmm.. so if I do something like:
PS C:\Users\Condor> $wshell.AppActivate('BlueStacks'); Sleep 1; $wshell.SendKeys('abusing this chat~'); Sleep 1; $wshell.SendKeys('for upkeep of 10h play~'); Sleep 1; $wshell.SendKeys('while I get myself a hamburger~'); Sleep 1; $wshell.SendKeys('sorry~');
that should work, no?

Le output:
abusing this chat
sorry

Well, even for PowerShit.. good enough, right? It gets the message across 🙃

Hmm.. let's just put an afk message instead, as I'm using the guild chat and don't want any of the members to think that I'm a freak

PS C:\Users\Condor> Sleep 1; $wshell.AppActivate('BlueStacks'); Sleep 1; $wshell.SendKeys('afk~');

.. which seems to work like a charm.. alright, perhaps I can entrust PowerShell to do that again after a 900 second delay, which should give me enough time to get that hamburger.

*comes back home*

"Logged out due to 30 minutes of inactivity."

MICROSOFT POWERSHIT, YOU'VE HAD BUT ONE FUCKING JOB!!!!

Well, guess I'll do that no-life 10+h gaming session somewhere next year again then. Thanks Powercunt!

Me: "I've got an exam tomorrow morning, I should try to go to sleep early tonight".

22:00 - Get into bed and put on audiobook
23:00 - "Alright I'm getting sleepy now, I should fall asleep soon :)"
00:00 - "Must be soon now"
01:00 - "Maybe in 15 minutes"
02:00 - "Still got 6 hours to sleep, plenty of time"
03:00 - "My body is tired, my mind is not"
04:00 - "RIP"

It's safe to say that my sleep rhythm is utterly fucked.

The state of the web in 2020:
discussion sites as a medium are dying. chalk that up to censorship.

reddit is an echochamber. twitter is mostly a marketing platform disguised as (anti)social media. instagram is a self promotion/wannabe eceleb site, and youtube is the new hollywood..quickly becoming irrelevant.

facebook is where I (dont) go to (totally not) ignore all the people important to me.

and email is where I go to send letters bordering on hatespeech to my various local and federal "representatives", in between borderline cyberbullying people stupid enough not to automate their spam marketing in 2020. or talking to left/right self-help grifters about the state of society.

in the grim dark future of 2020, the last bastion of intelligent conversation, free speech, and civility, the one shining icon of hope in a dark world..
is the comment section of pornhub videos where a women got stuck under a bed for the 50,000th time. And all I can think is "wow I never knew how easy it was to get trapped under a bed. They should look into fixing this safety hazard."

newsmedia has jumped so many sharks, the fonz now spins in his grave so fast we could hook him up to a generator. meanwhile people hide in their homes for a disease so deadly you have to be tested to know if you even have it.

while ever more car commercials
are released, set to somber but hopeful piano music to the tune of "in this time of social distancing its important to stay close even when we're apart."

Im beginning to think media has become a poison on society, both television and the internet, and like an ersatz cargo cultist worshipping the great-charles- manson-in-the-sky we should all take a page from the unabomber and smash our televisions with hammers before going outside and sawing down the telephone polls.

I jest of course. But there is no denying the inherent appeal of moving from the unsettling uncertainty of complex societies, driven by expertly manipulated fear cycles, to the beatitude-esque simplicty of pastoral protestant style living, sans witch burning and shoe buckles.

And against the reckoning of utopians who are still fresh from the womb as it were, wet behind the ears and smelling of their mother's pussy, I reject the notion that "up" is a synonym for "forward."
Were it the case, every drinking binge, followed by throwing up, would bring us, with each vomitting, one step closer to heaven. Rather the state of affairs is what it is, and what it is, like most of nature, is a cruel master and a harsh teacher. And while we may binge on digital delusions of grandeur and a greater society, rest easy in the nihilistic and sobering thought that we are little more than 200,000 year old cave men wielding magic bricks, and atomic bombs.

..where water flows more readily from metal tubes in our houses than it does from the nile. where food comes to our door at little more than our beck and call.
where we may bath, and sleep, and *shit*, cleanly, comfortably, and safely, wrapped in the (failing) bubble of delusion we all tenaciously grasp collectively, the thing we call "civilization".

an empire of needful things, wanton and fragile.

if we have not gone mad from boredom, I have no doubt we one day will.

it becomes more and more obvious to me every day, had war never existed, it would have been necessary for man to invent it just to have something to do, that didnt include farming, fucking, or building.

And so enters "political idealogy."

How would we ever have enemies if we were allowed to speak our piece instead of being given the means (and reflex dogwhistle training) to silence and destroy one another?

give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank. give a man a bank, he'll rob the world.
give him a media empire or a tech platform, and he'll lie about the theft and convince one half of millions of lemmings to hate all the other lemmings.

I should have gone to bed like one hour and a half ago but I am here browsing devRant and in 4 hours I have to wake up... Thank you all for wasting my sleep! I will never forgive you!

This has been said countless times before me, and way better than me that’s supper tired, but I need to rant out

And what I’m ranting out today, is Apple. Its essence, its core, the reason it still exists: the ECOSYSTEM!

The problem with Apple ecosystem is that it’s the ecosystem of a fucking PRISON!

People like it because it works well together , but it’s sure that in a prison, the path from your cell to the cantine is pretty optimized; you get forced there! And you might try to get your food elsewhere, but the walls of the prison are made to be difficult to cross. Especially on mobile, where they’re making it harder and harder to escape, to make a jailbreak (pun-intended). Keeping you the loyal little sheep, or the forcing you to it.

That prison is also made private, a little club, to attract people to it. They even got their own little system to talk to each other, but oh god protect them from their little messages to pass the walls of the prison.

And all that prison is guarded by the warden, watching from high in the cloud. Forcing you to report yourself to him to be part of that prison.

That prison, also, can only be entered with specific vehicles, provided by the prison, to ensure maximum compatibility and efficiency. Good luck entering with a disguised vehicle if you find the official ones too pricey for their parts.

They also provided pressure tubes to send things from one cell to another. While being only simple pressure tubes like any other, they’re acclaimed because they’re apparently easier to use than the other 3rd party pressure tubes that can send things to the outside. Why? Because, oh yes it’s already in everybody’s cells (of that prison, outside is dangerous) and the other tubes have been conveniently being placed somewhere harder to reach.

Another thing they have are those windows that can view the outside. While being maybe less clear than some other windows, they are ok. But if you ever consider going mobile to enjoy that safari with lions, then man do they love bringing you back to that window.

Ok so I’m done with the prison metaphor, or I won’t sleep.

The ecosystem is probably the major reason Apple is still there. You buy from there because you’re a prisoner (I guess I’m not finished with the metaphor after all).

This is a prime example of RMS’s quote “If the user doesn’t control the software, the software controls the user”

AirDrop isn’t some sort of revolutionary tech, it uses a well established protocol that other implementations use to do the same thing. They could really easily open source the protocol and allow everyone to profit, but they won’t, because that would mean you don’t have to buy Apple.

That’s why I militate for open source, decentralized and standardized protocols. Because that way, we control the software, and it doesn’t control us.

All the things I said aren’t so bad because when you buy Apple, you make a choice. But I don’t have a choice, I am typing this on an Apple device, because I need to (I won’t elaborate on that) because of that fucking *ecosystem*

I am really tired, so half the sentences probably don’t make sense, but thanks for coming to my stupid TED talk.

Having to review an offshore C++ codebase made in Romania that the company I worked for they bought to control a wifi module on a complex RF mobile tech device that I can't legally give more details on.

If I could legally post this masterpiece, or should I say masterpiece-of-shit, all of you C++ dev would instantly get AIDS and all the existing types of cancer upon browsing it for 2 minutes.

It's laughably bad and unmaintainable. One of my colleague called it "the perfect example of human obfuscation" and it fits perfectly.

Think of a 100k LoC main function with nested loops and ifs with random sleep values, 1000 values of hardcoded 32 bits arrays declared globally in the first 10k lines for unknown reasons. Comments in Romanian mixed with english. Somehow, this shit works by some miracle.

The worst intern you can think of, while being piss drunk, could do better and it's no joke.

I couldn't sleep. I was staring at the blinking cursor. A slow, comforting blinking. Like everyone else, I had become a slave to the JavaScript ecosystem. If I saw something like a new build system, or a new framework, I had to have it.

My client changed the requirements again. I'm in pain.

- "You want to see pain?" my colleague said. Go read Apple support forums. That's pain.

I became addicted. Every time I died and every time I was born again. Resurrected.
During the night, I was crying in the Apple forums for an official answer that would never come. During the day, I was surfing StackOverflow to fix my problems. You get "single-serving" friends there. They help you, you help them, and then you never see them again.

- "Then you install Stack and boom, you're done. It's that easy to go functional."

That's how I met him.

- "You know why they make so many javascript frameworks?"
- "No, why?"
- "So that they can distract you while they put backdoors in them. So that you don't have time to check all of their code".
- "You are by far the most interesting "single-serving" friend I've ever met"

Then, my hard disk died. Of course, I didn't have backups: nobody has enough space for all those node_modules folders. All my addictions, lost.

Then I wrote him. If you asked me now, I couldn't tell you why I wrote him. We chatted a lot.

- "It's late, I should really go search another hdd on ebay"
- "Ebay? You called me so you could have my old hard disk."
- "No, I..."
- "Come on."

He sent me his old hard disk. It was a 256MB hard disk, but it was fine for running Arch. Then he asked me to rant about my problems in front of him.

- "I want you to rant as hard as you can"
- "Are you serious?"

We ranted all night about our bosses and clients and their fucked up requests. We kept in touch, and after a while more people were ranting with us. Every week, he gave the rules that he and I decided.

- "The first rule of devRant is -- you don't talk about devRant. The second rule of devRant is -- you don't talk about devRant."

I like to think this is how devRant started. This might also be the reason why we never see @trogus, only @dfox. A lot of shit still needs to happen.

This is going to be a rant, but personally, I'm pleased with the outcome of my life now.

I was part of a community for a few years and decided to help them out with my knowledge of programming Lua nearly 2 years ago since they lacked developers for the project itself.

Since it was sort of a custom language that they modified how Lua worked on it, it took me a bit to adapt, but within a few weeks, I was pretty fluent in this so-called custom language they had. Began working on some major updates, additions, removals, and just optimizing this code base. It was a pretty old code base and needed a good chunk of love.

A few months later, I've implemented loads of features, optimized the base whenever I could, and then things start taking a turn for the worse. We get new 'developers' who haven't ever coded the language, and worse they couldn't afford to provide them development servers thus they ended up breaking my servers. I helped them and they learned, they were decent, but now the Seniors and CEO's of the project began to take a toll on me.

I was told that this community had a reputation of driving out developers, ruining their reputations, and that is what started happening. I started getting questioned if I was loyal to helping them, that I've become lazy, even though they were explained I've had mental health issues for a few years and have been hospitalized multiple times.

These sort of attacks kept happening for months, and then they finally pushed my buttons, where I was talking to another Senior of how we should redo the base since it's just so massive and a few tiny updates to the base take a few days to implement across the entire code. What instead happened was that I went to sleep, and this Senior told the CEO I was going to steal the code base and go sell it...

I woke up to messages of how the CEO is all pissed off, and that this what the Senior said. At this point, I started responding with, fuck it. I was so sick and fucking tired of their bullshit. I was the only fucking competent developer, and I did more work in the few months I was there then some people did in 2 or 3 years.

A few hours later I decided to go chat with the CEO and explained what was truly brought up, and he just brushed it off like I was lying. At that point, I lost it. I told him why the code base was horrible since he hired stupid ass developers. He didn't know how to code. People wanted certain items, and he wouldn't be able to add them for fucking months and players sit there making fun of it. Some people state the only differences they see within the code is the code I've done. Basically, he was an incompetent fuck that said he knew what he was doing, and had all these big plans for the future yet couldn't listen to the only competent developer and fucking claimed bullshit.

Now a few months have gone by, I'm looking at their community and it's basically dead with no proper updates except for copy and paste updates claiming to be custom coded. While I'm working on my real life businesses (Which are currently being a headache, but within the year should resolve its issues), starting University for my Computer Science degree here soon, and even considering building my own game here.

Basically, karma is a bitch and that's why when you get loyal people in your life, keep them. (Writing this at 3 am after a few drinks, hopefully, it made sense, I think it does.)

Anyways, goodnight everyone.

So.... We spend most our lives learning languages and methodologies and best practices and all that crap while depriving ourselves of sleep because the rules said if we did that we'd make something cool and have fun doing it...

But then *any company here* comes along and says make this shitty feature in *arbitrary time here* for our stupid *product here*.
You do it working overtime and sacrificing quality to have the client say afterwards that he wants something different (from his own specs).

And then the circle repeats...

I should consider a different profession...
Hey plants don't speak... Maybe I'll be a gardener!
Clip here clip there - done. I'll be a happy fucking script

23:30 :Let me fix something really quick before going to bed.
1 hour later: well actually I should also get this to work...
3 am: 2 hours to sleep left 😑

You guys ever thought about the concept that our universe might be a simulation written by some alien kid for a school project and got a C- for it?

Yeah...perhaps I should go to sleep

It works.

How I hate that sentence.

Whenever that sentence pops up, I wanna take a frying pan, make some bacon, eat the bacon and slam the still hot pan with grease through someone's face till the skull breaks.

Why has he so many anger issues, one might ask.

Usually the sentence "It works" means that after looking at "working thing" it works wrong in 95 % of all cases, but hey - for 5 % it at least does *something* right. Not everything, don't get ya hope up.

We had this fun topic happening again today and I'm still too angry to sleep.

Lucene analysis of texts in Elasticsearch.

Stopword list? Multiple word n-grams per line, duplicates, not lower cased, not properly encoded.

Tokenizers? Duh. Why should one put them in proper order.... Or more realistic: There is an order in tokenizers necessary *devs with shocked faces*.

Language specific details... UHM. Wait. Languages are different? There are edge cases in languages? *more shocked faces*.

Even more shocking that if an text processing pipeline is implemented horribly wrong, it delivers wrong results. *mind blown*.

But our unit tests (this goes out to @kiki) were working.

Yeah. You dumb nuggets who even an amoeba would be ashamed of, when you only do positive tests in unit tests with the most obvious working examples, then your unit tests are just useless waste of nibbles.

Some of the devs are really a fucking waste of genetic information, should have probably ended better in a sock.

If this sounds too harsh, they had 2 weeks.
In just 3 hours I found out that they can redo that with supervision.

-.-

I'm getting too old for that shit. Seriously.

Met colleague at work

Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)

Me: *just smiles and watch him go*

(But what I really wanted to say)

Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'

(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)

Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"

Me : it is 12 A.M. now. I should sleep.
Mind : Okay. 10 more minutes.

Me : (At 12:30) Okay. I will sleep now.
Mind : 10 more minutes, please.

Me: (At 4 A.M.) i should sleep now.
Mind : LOL. 10 more....

1. Ability to freeze time... (except for internet & computer speed). Too many ideas, not enough hours in a day. Sleep should be declared optional as well.

2. Ability to not eat/drink at all, or eat/drink in copious quantities without negative effects. I enjoy a cognac, pizza & chocolate binge more than nausea, upwards BMI creep and hangovers.

3. True Virtual Reality. None of this headset crap, but immersiveness rivaling reality itself, with voice-controlled AI-assisted interfaces to "program" anything by simply describing it, iterating over details to add increasing complexities. Not even for porn reasons... my head just overflows with creative ideas for "holonovels" and interactive worldbuilding, but I don't have the patience nor artistic skills for game development.

Because I’m a fucking cowboy and a charlatan, and because I hate sleep and despise feeling refreshed and happy, I’m working pretty much full time as a contractor (I’m the full stack dev. I do everything) on a (well funded) startup alongside my day job.

Tonight I had to make some quick (lol “quick”) changes to a core piece of the platform.

Now before continuing please refer back to the first line of this rant.

So instead of writing new functionality, I copied and pasted another section.

I renamed all references of “new_order” to, cleverly “new_order2”.

I know.

I deploy to production...

My phone starts blowing up. In short, everything is fucked.

I’m going over the query, checking the production database. Why is this manifesting like this? It all looks correct.

2 HOURS of broken sales, pissed off customers, pissed off service agents and I see that there was still one reference of “new_order” that should have been “new_order2”.

I am a piece of shit.

Annoying thing happened at work as usual -> can't get the mood to code -> procrastinate -> finally get my shit together -> get some work done -> shit it's 07.00 PM I should be going home already -> still coding because I started late -> shit it's 09.00 PM -> get the fuck home -> I need time to be alone and relieve stress by surfing the web -> shit it's 02.00 AM -> try to get some sleep -> Why did she left me? How's dad doing? God I think I that function that I coded today is awful, gotta fix it tomorrow. Am I going to afford a house EVER? Fuck what I'm doing with my life. -> Shit it's 05.00 AM, I MUST SLEEP. -> (kinda sleep) -> Fuck it's 10.00 shit shit shit shit -> arrive at work -> I'm not ready to open the code -> procrastinate -> ...

Boss came in with new project:
boss shows me the design
me: it's a wordpress website ?
boss: client wants it with prestashop
me: but the brief is for an ecommerce website with 2 categories and a blog, wordpress with woocommerce and a blog should be enought
boss: no, client wants it with prestashop

oh I forgot, client wants it in a shared hosting server, where I can't add php extensions

started the project, fucked my weekend with anxiety and depression, and then products list came in ... 15 product

me: ok, I need to get the fuck out quick

I quit, I sleep at night, I smile with my kids ...

What I should do:
- organise my files
- make a pp presentation for English that I haven't even started
- learn for a test about insurances
- learn about characterising, processing and evaluating data
- more shit

What I do:
- browse devrant
- play games
- flash a new ROM until I find a good one
- restore a backup
- flash another ROM
- restore a backup
- go with the least worst ROM I had installed
- sleep
- sleep
- sleep
- sleep
- FUCKING SLEEP

At least I completely blocked YouTube...

A couple of weeks ago, I got to the second stage of a recruitment process with a relatively big fintech in the crypto space (I know) - all went well and although I did not think much of it at first, with all the information I had gathered I came to realize this might as well be the best opportunity I've had in my pursuit of finding a new job (i.e looking for high technical challenges, unsure of where I see myself in 5 years, wanting to give full-remote work a try, etc.).

Cue to the end of the interview;
"That's great! I really enjoyed speaking with you, your technical background seems excellent so we would like to move to the next stage which is a take-home test to do in your free time.", said the interviewer.

"Wow! Much amaze, well of course! What's it gonna be?", said the naive interviewee.
"I'm sending you the details via email, please send it back in 48 hours, buhbye now", she hangs up.

...

"48 hours?? Right, this should be easy then, probably some online leetcoding platform, as usual.", thought the naive interviewee, who evidently went through this sh*t numerous times already.

A day later I receive the email: this was the whole deal. The take-home test supreme with bacon and cheese. A full-blown project, with tests, a project structure, a docker image, testing and bullet points for bonus points! The assessment was poorly written with lots of typos and overall ambiguity, a few datasets were also provided but bloated with inconsistent comments and trailing whitespace.

What the actual fck??? Am I supposed to sleep deprive myself to death while also working my day job? What are you trying to assess? How much of my life I'm willing to sacrifice for your stupid useless coding challenge? You are not all Google, have some respect, jeez.

I did not get the job.

!dev

I'm just fucking glad this day is over

* less than 3h of sleep thanks to insomnia
* unable to get breakfast
* unable to concentrate at work
* Almost falling asleep
* Lunch was not even enough to sate my hunger
* Accidentally upset a good friend because I cannot communicate well in general, but even worse when tired
* Get something snitched away from my by cutting in line
* get told by said person that I should have reacted faster
* get told by said person that they'll sell me the the thing that was supposed to be mine in the first place
* get a half assed apology when they saw that they made me mad (still keeping mentioned item)
* Don't get to meet up with friend for workout
* Get home and don't even wanna do anything

My best case "Deploy Bittersweet Pipeline":

Prep a bunch of carrots, cucumber and tomatoes for day snacks. Roll & cut some pasta noodles, cook stock with fresh veggies & mushrooms, add some droopy soft boiled egg(s) to the broth, drizzle in some black garlic hot sauce. Enjoy that breakfast with an unsweetened Australian flat white and a half-liter cup of chai spiced green tea. Watch some science/tech/woodworking/cooking YouTube videos while feeding my Bittersweet Jr girl.

(yeah my mood is determined for about 90% by food)

Fire up docker compose & IDEs, and start refactoring code and migrating/fixing old databases.

My worst case "Fatal Incident Bittersweet Repair & Recovery Process":

Stuck while refactoring the worst kind of trash code since 9am.

Pour a glass of Tawny Port at 9pm. Pour a glass of cognac at 11pm. Unwrap 3 chocolate bars and break them into chunks in a bowl. Look at IDE, get nauseated, not from the booze or chocolate, but from the code.

Can't fall asleep because code is too broken, that crap should simply not exist. Take some LSD and amphetamine, can't sleep anyway. Start splitting several 10k-line-long files into smaller classes, type until my fingers have blisters. Empty two bags of Doritos, order a large Falafel with extra garlic sauce at 4am.

Fall asleep at 5am with my face on my keyboard, wake up at 9am with keyboard pattern on my skin.

Cook some hangover noodles.

Call work that I'm taking 3 days off. Feed Bittersweet Jr while I watch some YouTube channels with her. Bittersweet has successfully rebooted.

So one of our clients is changing the IPs of his systems (3 servers and one VPN).

It was scheduled that we should support them yesterday. They have tried to change the IPs yesterday for almost 16 hours, don't know they have done in all of that time.

Today I woke up at 8AM on a Sunday (in weekends I just want to sleep!!!!) to continue and hope that we finish fast.

BUT NO! THE fucking VPN IS NOT WORKING!! We are trying to do this over Team FUCKIN VIewer.

But guess what... they cannot either connect to the new IPs from their local systems.

An hour before my Mathematical Expression and Reasoning for Computer Science final...

Have reviewed all the material available but past exams are useless because new_prof == new_format.

This is not even a rant, I'm just scared because to get into the major I need an average between this and programming of 82. I fucked up in the second midterm and got a 50/100. Everything was so perfect (at least above 80) and now I need more than 70 in this final. I'm feel I can get more than 70 but I had the same feeling during the midterm I fucked up.

I really enjoy hearing:
- This is number one priority
- It is urgent
- the highest priority
Just because someone somewhere didn't do his planning it doesn't mean that his lack of judgement should affect me one bit. You made your bed my friend, now sleep on it.

me: maybe i should update my pro- naaaaaahhh lemme just watch stranger things
*after almost 17 hrs of watching stranger things*
me: great, totally motivated to continue project.... but first lemme get some sleep.

i could have done so many things and i could have fixed some bugs but i didnt. procrastination at its finest.

I've been sitting and staring at my code for two hours.
Actual work done - nil
This has been going on since three days now.
Tying not to panic. It has happened before. This phase should end in the next couple of days....
Don't panic please.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight...

Set out to copy the iOS alarm on android because a) android's stock alarm is fugly and b) all other sleep reminder apps either offer me way too much or no functionality.

Week 1: "Oh, custom UIs need a lot of math... Ok."
Week 2 "Why on earth is my ram usage at 400 mb?!"
Week 6: "I have come to the realisation that android's ByteArrayDecoder should burn in hell.
Week 7: "Man... They sure made the management of intents and pending intents a pain."
Week 10: There. It works. Two classes, 7000 lines of code.... Hmmmm maybe apply MVP."
Week 11: I discovered embarrassment driven development, throw away all my code and start from scratch.
Week 12: Oh ButterKnife, where have you been all my life?
Week 17: I might actually finish this in my life time!
Week 28: Man, this MVP and managing Context, intents, SQLITE DB and pending intents do not mix well.
Week 46: I discover RxJava and Dagger 2
Week 47: I discover that the 'V' in MVP does not refer to an 'Activity'
Week 48: My StudyBudy says to me "Man, exams are only a month away!"
Week 49: I put all your code in my github, delete it locally and focus back on being a student.

Me: closes eyes and says to myself how I MUST get some sleep..
My brain: *starts thinking about keywords MUST, SHOULD, REQUIRED and how those are defined in RFC-2119*

Why I just can't get some normal sleep, could it be licensing issue with my brain? 🙈

What a shitty day.

3h sleep
Lead very pissed bcuz backend don't know specs
Boring meeting where everything is repeated like 6 times
In a few hours boss wants to talk with the whole team

My co-workers jokingly say they want to fire me.
I should be the "hero that will make things better"

Please just kill me instead...

Edit: started working there 3 weeks ago

So if I understood it correctly...

Google rolled out YT-Dark for quite some time now FOR IOS(!!!)

And Android doesn't really have it? Random users get random popups asking if they wanns switch to dark but there's no official dark theme?

(Seriously:) WHAT THE FUCK?!
No wonder everyone switches to other services

That I am not good enough for this shit.

Recently left my job because anxiety, a lot of it.

Tbh, I should not burntout myself, because:
- salary was a shit
- the scrum was a lie, there was no end of the sprint, so no retrospective meeting ever done.
- They change the """sprint""" task pile at any moment, usually adding more tasks for the same sprint.
- previous project manager was an idiot who said "yes" at EVERYTHING the client asked, even if the request was outside tje scope of the project.

The project was heavily delayed, and I was the only developer left on the most hideous backend you can imagine (the code was just tje very definition of "what not to do"). NO UNIT TESTING at all.

My task: clean the mess so we have a """stable""" release (with the tests), add the new features and re-do the backend again, but this time properly.

8 months of develop for this shit and they wanted the stable-shit-backend in a month and the new backend in other month "because everithing was already done in the shitty one". Do not forget the new features too.

So, I was doing the imposible to try to do tje task, overdoing hours and reading the docs of the project (because I was new in it), but it take me.a lot of effort to simply correct bugs because of complexity of the code and not understanding fully some parts of the project.

Then the comments like "why this is not finished yet?" Or "I do not understand why this is taking so long"

So, I had poor sleep, I was anxious because my inhability to do the imposible and in the end, a feeling kind of defeated because I quit.

So... that.

Sorry if something is wrong typed or so, english is not my native language.

I joined (still under probation period) in a startup founded by an 18 year old.

I work after my full time job for them and thought itd be fun but the kid made a slack channel and asks for progress updates everyday and feels a bit in a haste to get the product up and running. He seems to think I will be working every weekday from the second i come back home till i sleep. I have a party today that im going to and im sure he will ask for progress updates and when I tell him im out and wont work today he’ll probably say something like “the faster we do the project the better”.

Im not sure if i should leave now while its easy or i should stay for the money ($900 a month). Like i really dont feel like tolerating a demanding kid who cant wait for his app plus id much rather be working on other things just for fun like making rust crates. but at the same time the extra money is nice.

Thoughts?

Clients be like, why the fuck should I bother to check last commits related to tickets when I can just bother the developer when he's about to sleep...

git cd ..

*stares at terminal*
...

Is that a sign that I should get some sleep?

Stress made me fall into old habits of instead of saying stop and letting my team now that I was falling apart (not realising it myself even) I just kept saying "Yes, I fix that." to every single request that was made in the project.

The closer we got to the deadline, the more I hyperfocused and ignored the signs. I just kept working. The last two days I didn't even sleep.

Of course the launch botched. I finally broke down and both my mind and my body have given up, since yesterday I'm in a mental feedback loop causing continuous anxiety attacks and migraines. I literally CAN'T do anything but trying to not go back into fight- or flight mode and remember to breathe.

I FINALLY made my project manager aware (something I should have done days ago) that I am incapacitated and now I am waiting for medication (Oxazepam) to be picked up at the pharmacy by my husband.

I almost literally worked myself into the ground.

I've been here before. Never again.

This is what happens if you don't listen to your mind and body and put up a white flag in time.

Is it just me or do you guys sometimes go like "Ah fuck it, haven't had a good night's sleep in so long, I guess I should sleep early tonight" and then you look at your watch and its already late?

God what I would give to get up early for once.

I'm so tired.
Got enough sleep but tired nevertheless every day.

Situation in the company isn't helping, would really like to get a review as I'm really close to a 'final' version for productive use, none given.
Didn't think far enough and didn't include various OO-things when starting to program this application, so I had to rewrite lots of it. It certainly got better by the time but as it's a grown structure I'd feel happier if someone other than me had seen and cursed the code.
Coworker that has most experience in C# only once implemented something with multiple threads, couldn't help me there.
Could not test the code yet because the hardware was inaccessible and is now potentially broken.
I really like working independently, nevertheless I feel a little bit lost at sea - I can deal with that, but it's exhausting.
Also, trying to get an answer from the colleague who should act as my supervisor whether or not I can work remotely during a CS related course in the semester break for > 2 weeks now. Course admission is the mid of January so I'd like to have an answer this year so I can repeat the basics I'll need if necessary.
Also, Midterm is coming.

It's a lot of little things piling up right now I wouldn't mind if there were only 1-2 of them.
I'm just so damn tired.
I'll go to sleep now.

(In happy news: my internet connection is working pretty decent now, technician that fucked it up apologized and said that he probably needs glasses, he misread the connection number. :D)

Decided to spend my weekend on a little side project that I thought I could finish quickly.

Not only does my code not work, but what I wrote is so horrible that I'm honestly ashamed. Its like the despicable porn that you sometimes end up watching and the horror of realizing what the hell you just watched after you finish - I thought my code was good, but really, it was trash.

Before I started writing I though to myself, "I'll finish this project and then I'll upload it to my Github to expand my repository", but now I cringe at the thought of someone else reviewing this pile of shit I call my code.

It's 2 am here in Israel. I know I should go to sleep, but I'll just stare at the ceiling, feeling unproductive because everything I did today is literally worthless.

How the fuck do I justify this shit to myself? Calling this a "learning experience" feels like a fucking joke.

Honestly, I don't know why I chose Python to do OOP when Kotlin would have served me much better.

But, there's always tomorrow, isn't there?

At my balmer's peak and have nothing to work on... what am I supposed to do right now?

I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.

Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.

"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.

So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.

I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.

Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).

Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.

It is 4:55.
I should sleep.
I've just created a GLSL shader on my phone which renders the Mandelbrot set in 4 bright flashing colors while zooming in.

I have a VP constantly harassing my people about some reports that we need to do as per federal law.

The thing is, these live inside of such system that I get to see exactly how many "hits" they get on a yearly basis. The only traffic we have on those sections is of people going ahead and putting the information from our reports there.

That's it, literally. Our user base does not go there. Federal agencies do not go there. No one gives two blips of shit about those sections. Yet she continuously acts like they are the most important thing in the fucking world. To make it better, I was told not to generate actual analytical data from said reports, since people with PHDs will come down on me to ask me who the fuck do I think I am from gauging them with such systems. So shit is a mute point on all fucking accounts.

I told my VP I can generate traffic information to let them know that shit is not really the most important thing in the fucking universe. His eyes glowed.

I don't want to see head rolls, but from staying till the next morning awake trying to give the best to our userbase, and just to be called out on shit like this as if I did not do enough for our people just.....well....it fucking hits man.

The worse part was me literally getting 30 minutes of sitting down after an all nighter, doing something for my users, to get to a meeting the next morning (I should not have driven there honestly) to hear this bitch complain about us not doing enough or not caring or whatever other bullshit she would spew.

I was livid, lack of sleep makes me dangerous. I turned to say something when my boss stopped me and took care of business. I seriously love this man. By all accounts and generational gaps a boomer, but one of the few good golden ones.

I just hate how unappreciated the realm of software development is by people that think that our shit is as simple as making a fucking powerpoint presentation.

Consolidate that with a director from another department taking all fucking glory during a major event of an application that I built by myself with 2 fucking weeks of no sleeping. And shit just gets glorious.

I have considered moving to other places, and heck, have gotten amazing offers, what with having a degree with a big fucking GPA and having the credentials of a senior, lead, full stack and manager role, the sky is the limit. But i know that if I leave then my users suffer, and I just can't fucking have that.

I have heard them speaking about doing something with X app that I built (with my department) I have even heard one of them saying "how is this made?" and a part of me hoped that it would be a good time to grab them and tell them of the field and the things that they can do. But I don't like announcing myself that way, always seemed to presumptuous, so I just smile, fuck yeah, my users are doing their thing with what I built to better their lives, what more can I have?

I have gotten criticisms from them, one recognized me, told me about his pain points and how it makes it hard for him to do what he must. Getting the data from the user base in an effort to make shit better for them drives me, my challenge being "how about this? better eh?"

But fucking execs man, think only of themselves, not the users, they forget about the users. Much like a shitty rock band forgetting about the music, about the fans.

I can't let that slide. But this fucking field. I sometimes fucking hate it, and I hate it because of the normies that don't understand and do not want to understand.

I do way too much, my guys do way too much and all I want is for the recognition to go to them. They do not need the ego boost, but to see my guys sitting in a meeting in which some dumb fuck is trying to drill us for taking to long, not doing something and what not, it fucking pisses me off. As their boss I always stand up and tell bitches off, but instead of learning, the bitches just keep pressing on their already defeated points.

Everything in human life gets fucking erradicated by: humans. People really do fucking suck.

I sometimes wish to go back, redo my diesel tech license and just work there, where I think one would be better of talking to an engine. But no, even then you get people, you have to interact with people, deal with people, and I am so far up my game and in my field that starting from scratch is a fucking mute point.

Maybe I need to keep fucking with stocks, get rich and just keep investing on bullshit. Whatever the fuck it takes me from having to feel the urge to choke a motherfucker in public.

Most painful code error you've made?

More than I probably care to count.

One in particular where I was asked to integrate our code and converted the wrong value..ex

The correct code was supposed to be ...

var serviceBusMessage = new Message() {ID = dto.InvoiceId ...}

but I wrote ..

var serviceBusMessage = new Message() {ID = dto.OrderId ...}

At the time of the message bus event, the dto.OrderId is zero (it's set after a successful credit card transaction in another process)

Because of a 'true up' job that occurs at EOD, the issue went unnoticed for weeks. One day the credit card system went down and thousands of invoices needed to be re-processed, but seemed to be 'stuck', and 'John' was tasked to investigate, found the issue, and traced back to the code changes.

John: "There is a bug in the event bus, looks like you used the wrong key and all the keys are zero."
Me: "Oh crap, I made that change weeks ago. No one noticed?"
John: "Nah, its not a big deal. The true-up job cleans up anything we missed and in the rare event the credit card system goes down, like now. No worries, I can fix the data and the code."
<about an hour later I'm called into a meeting>
Mgr1: "We're following up on the credit card outage earlier. You made the code changes that prevented the cards from reprocessing?"
Me: "Yes, it was my screw up."
Mgr1: "Why wasn't there a code review? It should have caught this mistake."
Mgr2: "All code that is deployed is reviewed. 'Tom' performed the review."
Mgr1: "Tom, why didn't you catch that mistake."
Tom: "I don't know, that code is over 5 years old written by someone else. I assumed it was correct."
Mgr1: "Aren't there unit tests? Integration tests?"
Tom: "Oh yea, and passed them all. In the scenario, the original developers probably never thought the wrong ID would be passed."
Mgr1: "What are you going to do so this never happens again?"
Tom: "Its an easy addition to the tests. Should only take 5 minutes."
Mgr1: "No, what are *you* going to do so this never happens again?"
Me: "It was my mistake, I need to do a better job in paying attention. I knew what value was supposed to passed, but I screwed up."
Mgr2: "No harm no foul. We didn't lose any money and no customer was negativity affected. Credit card system may go down once, or twice a year? Nothing to lose sleep over. Thanks guys."

A week later Mgr1 fires Tom.

I feel/felt like a total d-bag.

Talking to 'John' later about it, turns out Tom's attention to detail and 'passion' was lacking in other areas. Understandable since he has 2 kids + one with special-needs, and in the middle of a divorce, taking most/all of his vacation+sick time (which 'Mgr1' dislikes people taking more than a few days off, that's another story) and 'Mgr1' didn't like Tom's lack of work ethic (felt he needed to leave his problems at home). The outage and the 'lack of due diligence' was the last straw.

First company:

- being sat at an office that didn't have chairs with proper back support. It would kill my back every day. Like sitting on a bar stool coding.
- not having access to basic resources (cafeteria, salary bonuses)
- being seriously underpaid ($200 under)
- not having an IT process pipeline (yeah, this is a huge one): no JIRA, no git, no VCS, no continuous integration, etc. I fucking spend 45% of the time fixing coding-unrelated shit.

Second company (very aggravating):

- dumb frontend bitch and privileged colleague who both kept telling me months on end to shut up and who wouldn't listen to my advice on anything, while my advice would actually help the company advance in productive ways. The key here is being told to shut up while stagnating. i.e. dead end job.
- people advancing in the company based on nepotism and favoritism, based on having tits and ass, rather than skills and independence.

- pointlessssssssss meetings where decisions are made solely based on the opinion of Mr. favorite senior dev. The rest just sits there like a bunch of sad saps and yay-nodders. Incompetent PO's who "would like to hear your input" but then when you give it, they completely dismiss you.

- pointlessssssssss monthly meetings with stakeholders, where the dev teams do nothing but clash and act like pussies in front of the PM just to get in his favor, but behind scenes continue to make the same mistakes and telling the CEO everything is fine. Goodness, how can it get more unproductive.

- completely antisocial and nepotistic 'colleagues' who won't even talk to you, let alone smile at you or be friendly. You saying good morning and them pretending you're vapor that doesn't exist. Go go company atmosphere! Especially during lunch, those are the worst times. Imagine sitting at lunch where everyone looks like you killed their dog and the rest is huddled up in little high school groups.
What else? The incessant and pointless smalltalk that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Talking about dogs, kids, what show was on tv last night. The fuck man, do you have a brain?!

Third company:

- HR bitches who think they are the shit and developers are antisocial, helpless misfits, but they work with computers and they don't even fucking know what a status bar is! The irony!

- forced socializing and stigmatization for the opposite. Imagine coming into a company and you don't say good morning. Should that be a problem? No. Instead, everyone starts dogging on you and hating you just because you didn't smile in their faces and said: hiiiiiiiiiiii how did you sleep? Did you feed your dog? Fuck you.
Elliot (Mr. Robot): "Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a mute button for life?" -boop, boop, boop, boop...- Ahh.. there.. that's much better."

- CEO's sucking up to you but when it comes to salary increase, they say shit like: "Ahhh ya know, it's kinda difficult." Yet another dead end job.

Just spent like 5 minutes trying to figure out why my page would raise a blob not found in the console, then finally checked the actual origin script headers and saw this, fuck.. I should go sleep.

Well , this isn't a rant or a joke , so I just thought I should post it here in case people are going through a similar situation . So I know this guy , who works at this startup , so he had just joined the company and made a huge impression on the boss ( My friend is fantastic in developing ) , so as great as that sounds , it doesn't . After a year or so , he's been promoted and is now kinda a face for the devs of the company and this made his boss very cocky , like he would take so many projects or requirements of his top clients and place them on the shoulders of my friend and give a bad time limit , which is impossible but he always managed to just finish completing it . Naturally it affected his sleep cycle , his daily life and as a result , his mental health . As time went on and as more and more projects were being placed on him..........he finally broke , he used to miss so many days of work , not return any of my calls or texts , miss lunches , have breakdowns . I became very concerned and didn't want him to end it , I went to his place , spoke to him , found out that he had suicidal thoughts . Fast forward a year later , he's still going to a shrink , everyday but he's better now and after forcing him to talk to his boss and now his boss gives him plenty of time to finish the projects and said to be straightforward with how he feels and so on . I know this isn't what you would expect to find here but I just wanted to say after having this experience , please do not keep quiet , be straightforward with your boss and don't overburden yourself , if you're an introvert , tell it to someone you know , to tell your boss , and if you know anyone in a similar situation , do be out there for them . I'm sorry if this kinda spoils your mood , but people have to be aware . Be careful , lots of love people

Tried to reply to @Fast-Nop who had replied to someone wondering if C would be a good first language.

IMHO C should have been put to sleep ages ago. A few years ago I downloaded the latest, greatest C Standard. For a language billed as small and simple (by many) it was over 800 pages long. Still there's a lot that's unspecified like order of evaluation of function arguments. Int etc is implementation dependent. And error handling, let's not go there. The macro assembler throws away all the semantics leaving behind a cryptic value. It's a complex language due to the innumerable interactions possible.

It's been called assembly language for the PDP-11 minicomputer. Recently learned that even the VAX-1 was built from SSI chips like the 4-bit 74181 ALU. The VAX.

Anyway I had several excellent books on programming style written by Henry Ledgard. He despaired of making C look readable. I commend his books which are so old that the code is UPPERCASE A lot of he wrote had to do with program design, naming things, writing good comments and that the visual shape of a program assists mental clarity.

I feel fucked, I feel fucked right up in the ass.

Remember that app I had to do to get the job? I found out the other candidates weren't even able to install Android Studio and that their deadline was postponed. And that they weren't able to complete the app.

I did everything with a really good design, solid programming, even added animations and made it so the recyclerview loads 15 items at a time while you scroll down smoothly. I. DID. EVERYTHING IN ONE DAY. I missed a good night of sleep.

I didn't get the job. They gave it to a fucker that was a web developer. I saw his app. It was really crappy (I'm not being petty or malicious, it was really bad from a dev point of view and a user point of view).

I feel. Disappointed. in this unfair world. And honestly I feel disappointed to the point that I don't even know if I should be a developer anymore. I feel betrayed by the hopes and the good feeling I got from the oportunity.

Should I be excited or concerned?

Newbie dev(babydev) who just learned string vs int and the word "boolean", is SUPER into data parsing, extrapolation and recursion... without knowing what any of those terms.

2 ½ hrs later. still nothing... assuming he was confused, I set up a 'quick' call...near 3 hrs later I think he got that it was only meant so I could see if/where he didnt understand... not dive into building extensive data arch... hopefully.

So, we need some basic af PHP forms for some public-provided input into a mySQL db. I figured I'd have him look up mySQL variables/fields, teach him a bit about proper db/field setup and give him something to practice on his currently untouched linux container I just set up so he could have a static ipv4 and cli on our new block (yea... he's spoiled, but has no clue).

I asked him to list some traits of X that he thinks could be relevant. Then to essentially briefly explain the logic to deciding/returning the values/how to store in the db... essentially basic conditionals and for loops... which is also quite new to him.

I love databases; I know I'm not in the majority... I assumed he'd get a couple traits in his mind and exhaust himself breaking them down. I was wrong. He was/likely is in his sleep now, over complicating something that was just meant as a basic af.

Fyi, the company is currently weighted towards more autistics (him and myself included) than neurotypicals.

I know I was(still am) extremely abnormal, especially when it comes to things like data.

So, should I be concerned/have him focus elsewhere for a bit?... I dont want to have him burnout before he even gets to installing mySQL

!rant // deprecated but who cares

I just wanted to write down something i realized. I realized that that I stopped growing as an individual a while ago.

Being a student put me in constant stress situations. I had to do things quickly. Lern things fast, drop things I don't understand immediately, move on, and repeat. I think this corrupted me, turning learning into something that it's not supposed to be. Even making me reject other people's opinions sometimes, which disgusts me every time I think back to it.

When I started programming I'd always try to read the code, until i completely understood what exactly this code was doing. Something I stopped doing a while ago because of the mentioned time constraints.

But today I got the hit by the consequences (German: Ich hab Retourkutsche abbekommen)

I was implementing an algorithm today, while my partner was writing the main program, which acted as indirect test cases. And the errors were discovered one after another because of my misinterpretation. Or Simply put, my lack of knowledge. Because it was already late, we stopped soon afterwards but I wanted to solve this problem by tomorrow. I really wanted to get my head around this algorithm, so that i could solve it with confidence. After getting my head smoking I felt something I haven't in a while: the feeling of achieving something. Making me finally realize not only how the algorithm was actually meant to work but it also made me again realize what learning is about.

Use your damn head.
Don't look away from the problem, solve it! Learning is about challenging yourself!

Sorry for stealing away so much of your time. Like i said, i just wanted to write this down. Maybe to burn this into my mind, to keep me on the right track from now on. But I also hope that i could deliver my message to someone that needed it as well.

Also it's late and i should have gone to sleep long time ago. 😴😵
I just hope my grammar didn't suffer because I'd that

So f*king stressed out!

3 weeks passed at new job and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. My PRs got tons of comments and I still can't finish a tiny ticket that should be very easy but it's in a stack that I have almost 0 knowledge about. I feel so incompetent and afraid that I won't pass the probation. 😥

The stress hit so hard that I can't eat, feeling nausea every morning and can't sleep well at all. I question myself if I'm too stupid to be a developer, should I just give up?

😭😰😱😥😵

Argh this is so bad!

It's 1 AM and I've just finished deployment on production. I should go to sleep but what I do, yes scroll through devRant.

People who take 2 places on a busy busride deserve to moved to the toilet.

Rude, selfless scum, go sleep with the shit of other people instead of making my life harder. I've been traveling for 16 hours. There's still 8 hours left and I would like to sleep, recharge my phone and that next to my traveling companion... But you egoistic creatures just have to be a fucking waste of space. To me you are almost the lowest trash of society.

I should simply sit down on your worthless gadgets.
I should simply smash your feet with my luggage.
I should simply remove you from the history of this planet

EAT FUCKING SHIT AND DIE

Edit: can't even do math anymore. I have 10 hours of travel left

Used a starter to scaffold a new project. Have never used that starter before but it has more than 1400 starts on Github.

Two days after.... so far so good. The created project structure used some tools I haven't used before, some are good, others are not so good, but anyway I am towards the first release of my codes. I have done countless 'npm run build', 'npm run test', 'npm run fix', etc., but.... my fault, I haven't committed once since starting the project, thinking I would commit when the next function is implemented, next test case passed.... after all, what could go wrong anyway?

Finally, one last test case passed, I think I will commit and run 'npm publish'.... but wait, had a glimpse of the scripts section in package.json, there's a command named 'all'. An voice came out of nowhere was talking to my subconscious mind, "all.... build, lint, prettier, test..... yeah you should run all... it's another build script, the worst you can get is just some harmless error messages.....", and my fingers typed 'npm run all'...

Time stopped for a few seconds, file structure in project explorer was shifting, files & folders were disappearing & appearing, what's happening... and I looked at the 'all' script closely for the first time....

WHAT THE HELL, WHO SHOULD PUT 'git reset --hard' IN A BUILD SCRIPT WITHOUT ANY PROMPT????!!!!!!!

MY PLAN WAS TO COMMIT AND GO TO SLEEP, IT'S 1AM NOW!!! WHERE CAN I RECOVER THE LOST FILES????

Took me an hour and a half to realize why my function wasn’t returning anything that made sense.

Forgot to put a negative sign in front of my negative bound.

Took me an additional hour and a half to solve for all the edge cases.

Relatedly, I should learn to sleep more.

Also, kind of proud of my notes application, but the tables go all funky in mobile and my CSS wizardry is .... not even amateurish.

I am so tired, I literally almost *signed* this.

[Me at night]

1 Me: should I sleep?
2 Brain: right after finishing this module
3 Me: <drinking coffee>
4 goto 1

I work 3 PM to 1 AM as a daily office job. Then go home and try to learn programming. Wake up next day at 8:30 AM for kind of another work until 1PM. Doesn't pay as much but I have to try. Then if I get free time do some freelance on UPWORK with whatever little graphic designing I know to help pay the bills.

And the fact that even my laptop is dying is a huge blow. Don't know when it might give up. Has 1st gen core i5 dual core, takes ages to load Adobe softwares. I have wanted to hulksmash this shit, but can't.

If I'm lucky, I get a stress free 6 hours of sleep a few days a month. And my depression doesn't help. More sleep should ease me a little, but I can't afford to waste any time. But this is life, isn't it.

I’m in a high-stress work situation where the organization is way too reliant on me to maintain day-to-day operations. We’re working on hiring a second person for my role, but it’s likely to take six months to find someone and get them on board.

And I’m afraid that I’m burning out now. I’m tired all the time and grumpy. Worse, in the last couple weeks I seem to be losing the ability to think. I’ll read an email and be unable to make sense of the words, or unable to figure out what to do with it – it’s just a blank white fog in my brain where I should have words and ideas and next steps. My productivity is less than half what it should be, and I’m horribly embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I’m taking sick days and leaving work early when I can, which helps a bit, but not enough. I’m also doing all the recommended self-care stuff – diet, sleep, exercise. I’m scheduling a doctor’s appointment for next week.

I have a very good boss, which is the only reason I haven’t said screw it all and bought a one-way plane ticket to Tahiti. (I hear it’s a magical place.) Any thoughts on how to approach this with him? Under normal circumstances I’d try to arrange for some vacation time, but I’m afraid a week or two of rest isn’t going to fix the problem, just delay it a while. Any substantial amount of time off is going to really hurt my department. They may need to bring in someone to cover for me, which would be very expensive. I’m afraid it’d destroy my reputation as someone who can be relied on. What options do I have? What should I be doing next?

It is the time for the proper long personal rant.

Im a fresh student, i started few months ago and the life is going as predicted: badly or even worse...
Before the university i had similar problems but i had them under control (i was able to cope with them and with some dose of "luck" i graduated from high school and managed to get into uni). I thought by leaving the town and starting over i would change myself and give myself a boost to keep going. But things turned out as expected. Currently i waste time everyday playing pc games or if im too stressed to play, i watch yt videos. Few years ago i thought i was addicted, im not. It might be a effect of something greater. I have plans, for countess inventions, projects, personal, for university and others and ALL of them are frozen, stopped, non existant. No motivation. I had few moments when i was motivated but it was short, hours or only minutes. Long term goals dont give me any motivation. They give as much short lived joy, happines as goals in games and other things... (no substance abuse problems, dont worry). I just dont see point of my projects anymore. Im sure that my projects are the only thing that will give me experience and teach me something but... i passed the magic barrier of univercity, all my projects are becoming less and less impressive... TV and other sources show people, briliant people, students, even children that were more succesful than me

if they are better than me why do i even bother? companies care more for them, especialy the prestigious ones, they have all the fame, money, funding, help, gear without question!
of course they hardworked for ther positions, they could had better beggining or worse but only hard work matters right?

As i said. None of my work matters, i worked hard for my whole life, studing, crafting, understanding: programming, multiple launguages, enviorements, proper and most effcient algorithms, electronic circuits, mechanical contraptions. I have knowlege about nearly every machine and i would be able to create nearly everything with just access to those tools and few days worth of practice. (im sort of omnibus, know everything) But because had lived in a small town i didnt have any chances of getting the right equpment. All of my electronical projects are crap. Mechanical projects are made out of scrap. Even when i was in high school, nobody was impressed or if they were they couldnt help me.
Now im at university. My projects are stagnant, mostly because of my mental problems. Even my lifestyle took a big hit. I neglect a lot of things i shouldnt. Of course greg, you should go out with friends! You cant dedicate 100% of your life to science!
I fucking tried. All of them are busy or there are other things that prevent that... So no friends for me. I even tried doing something togheter! Nope, same reasons or in most cases they dont even do anything...
Science clubs? Mostly formal, nobody has time, tools are limited unless you designed you thing before... (i want to learn!, i dont have time to design!), and in addition to that i have to make a recrutment project... => lack of motivation to do shit.

The biggest obstacle is money. Parts require money, you can make your parts but tools are money too. I have enough to live in decent apartment and cook decently as well but not enough to buy shit for projects. (some of them require a lot or knowlege... and nobody is willing to give me the second thing). Ok i found a decent job oppurtunity. C# corporation, very nice location, perfect for me because i have a lot of time, not only i can practice but i can earn for stuff. I have a CV or resume just waiting for my friend to give me the email (long story, we have been to that corp because they had open days and only he has the email to the guy, just a easier way)
But there are issiues with it as well so it is not that easy.

If nobody have noticed im dedicated to the science. Basicly 100% scientist that want to make a world a better place.

I messaged a uni specialist so i hope he will be able to help me.
For long time i have thought that i was normal, parent were neglecting my mental health and i had some situations that didnt have good infuence on me as well. I might have some issiues with my brain as well, 96% of aspargers symptoms match, with other links included. I dont want to say i have it but it is a exciuse for a test. In addition to that i cant CANT stop thinking, i even tried not thinking for few minutes, nope i had to think about something everytime. On top of that my biological timer is flipped. I go to sleep at 5 am and wake up at 5pm (when i dont have lectures).
I prefer working at night, at that time my brain at least works normaly but i dont want to disrupt roommates...
And at the day my brain starts the usual, depression, lack of motivation, other bullshit thing.

I might add something later, that is all for now.

after staring my stupid code for 10 mins, the facepalm. Better even before this my program went into infinite loop cause i had initialized a counter and if(counter<10) WITHOUT INCREMENTING IT. Its 1 am i should sleep.

I’m so fucking pissed off right now ... what the actual fuck!!! I worked so damn hard during this semester i got 70% for a presentation whilst some jack off who gets 100 fucking hundred percent doing it last minute by MY FUCKING HELP and also has the nerve to tell me to stay silent while he enjoys his Fucking undeserved HD (high distinction)

Well guess fucking what???? I’m not staying damn silent !!!! I’ll definitely be watching out for who I help in the near future, 😡 1AM i should be sound asleep but im legit so bloody pissed right now...I put my heart into my project stayed up late nights till 2 bloody fooking AM many times in a row, put my heart into my FREAKING presentation and i get stabbed in the back?!? Well thats how i feel right now.. i dont know how i will sleep tonight.. what PISSES ME OFF THE MOST IS HOW SOMEONE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL ME TO BE QUITE SO THEY ENJOY THEIR UNDERSERVED MARKS!!!

anyways guys and gals.. i had to get that off my chest. Thank you for taking the time to read my rant.. as always wishing you all the best.

Milo

This week's huge fuck you goes to... Drumroll please...
Slack!

You earned this prize for your stupid auto-sleep if there is no interaction for x minutes!

I don't want to install your crap software on my system, so i am forced to alt tab every 15 minutes just to press space and then delete, because God forbids i am being productive on my freaking IDE, second computer, test device and/or meeting!
Also lovely how phone notifications are not sent on mobile unless you are on sleep mode... How could I ever ask for urgent notifications if i take a small break? Oh, right! I should go to sleep mode, so people will think i didn't touch your shitware for 30 mins every fucking time i go to the toilet! :D

Please get your prize whenever possible!

!dev

Another tinder story from last night.

Matched with a girl, I thought she was cute and all. She texted me first, and we started talking. We kinda just clicked, had similar interests and everything. Conversation turned to musicals, she said she wanted me to come listen to one with her at some point when we were both free. I mentioned the whole story from Sunday night to her (see previous rant), and told her how the girl said I was a "rebound", but nothing actually happened. Then she changed the conversation by saying something like "rebounds normally involve sex, maybe I can make up for it".

After that the conversation got sexual. Dirty talk, nudes, everything. Talking about how hard she wanted me to fuck her and everything. That carried on until about 6 in the morning. We both decided we should go to sleep.

I woke up around 11, we talked for a few minutes, then she said she had to get ready for a doctor appointment, and I didn't think anything of it. Went to work at 2, had to go get a car from a dealership like 20 minutes away. Me and my coworker got back, I decided to check my phone and see if she messaged me or anything.

Come to find out, she basically just fucking ghosted me. Blocked me, unmatched me on tinder, the whole nine yards. No warning, nothing. 8 hours earlier she was saying how much she wanted me inside her (not paraphrasing), and now she just decided "nah fuck him altogether".

I don't fucking know what it is. It's been about 10 hours since I found out, and I just..I don't know. She could have just said "nah I don't wanna fuck" and I would have been 100% fine with that. But nope. No warning, just blocked me.

I'm not mad that she just backed out of it, I'm mad that she didn't say fucking anything about it. Like, even apart from all the sexting and stuff, I genuinely liked this girl. She was nice, cute, funny, just everything I could have asked for. And now, I'm honestly kinda sad about it. Everything seemed like it was going well (maybe all the sexting would have been better for another time in the future ya know, but I can honestly say I didn't initiate it), and now I have nothing again.

A story about a helpless intern : On a fine day an intern was assigned a feature to develope. He worked his ass off, completed it, submitted it for testing, the build was approved by the tester and got released the next day. Fast forward a few days, the feature is failing in few cases at the production.Everbody, starts pointing fingers at the intern.
The intern wonders...How the fuck am I gonna know this fucking use case, do they really expect me to to build a full proof feature without telling me about all the possible senarios...And how the fuck did the tester approved this...? I mean, now that I know this senario, it seems pretty obvious that it should have been tested...!
Note : This also happened to another developer who recently joined...The PM failed to properly communicate all the requirements and the fucking lazy ass tester did not consider all the possible senarios. And the script failed in the production...!
Note : It's 4 fucking AM and the intern still can't sleep...

Is it ethical to charge a client for the runtime of a computation? I.e. cpu time?

I usually don't, since it doesn't cost me anything to leave my machine running overnight. But a few of my friends told me that I should.

More context:
I do sometimes freelance work for professors as an RA. At times you need to leave a script running for like +5 hours. During which I just either procrastinate or go to the gym or sleep. The energy cost for computer running is barely a dollar.

I get charged by the hour per work in my timesheet, or sometime for a negotiate price which is also usually computed by the estimated work time it would take.

I think I should sleep more...
I just took my mug and cleaned it in the bathroom sink..
Realised halfway through that it maybe wasn't the kitchen after all

Interesting.

I wrote how I fall asleep even though I took an energy drink last night on different social media app.

Now devRant is showing me these. 👀

C++ developer: alright, this should finally fix it. Please just compile so I can go to sleep

GCC: I'm sorry Dave. I can't let you do that.

THEN THERES THE USUAL SEGFAULT WITH NO STACKTRACE AND I SPEND THE REST OF MY NIGHT VALGRINDING

So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).

FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.

I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?

Okay so this is my first desk job. I'm experiencing some personal issues and wondering if they are normal, what you do to combat them, etc.

First of all, some days, I literally almost fall asleep on the job. Caffeine doesn't work much. I know it's just my sleep schedule but what should I do in this situation? What if I actually do fall asleep?

Secondly, I'm finding that my productivity only exists in bursts. I'll do three hours of work in 10 minutes, and then 10 minutes of work in three hours. I can't just catch a stride. How do I become more consistently productive? Should I be more consistent?

My legs hurt. Sitting all day is not for me. I guess this is more situation to situation, and I do walk almost 6k steps a day on my breaks, but it really doesn't feel great most of the day.

I've been awake 40 hours now... I do need to finish this site ... I do not have much brain capacity left but I know it like the back of my hand ..

I dunno if I should sleep or 🤔 finish it ... Currently crashing sugar low no caffeine so 😐 I need to be up in two hours anyway

Mornings. Not just the run of the mill “I’m not a morning person” but I legitimately would be more productive if I could work night shift. It’s easier to think at night, and easier to sleep during the day. Not just a night owl, but it’s hard to breathe laying down at night sometimes. Sometimes I randomly can’t sleep. I’ve never had this trouble during the day during the occasions I get to sleep for long periods during the day. The morning is prime sleeping time IMO. Not wanting to wake up is one reason, but the changing weather helps and it just feels right.

I also don’t feel awake til the afternoon usually. Even if I get enough sleep and coffee. Code churns slow in the a.m.

I dream of night time being work time with long, restful naps durning the day. I feel more creative at night, and it’s easier to focus. There’s less thought of “oh it’s a nice day I should do x”

Just sucks that it’s not largely accepted and there’s not enough other night hawks to hang out with on my off days. And my work won’t let me do such a schedule. Everyone is an insufferable morning person.

Early to bed early to rise is a load of shit. We should be allowed to sleep at times it makes us happy.

The team leader call us for a serious meeting, and he wants it to be productive,

Leader: "we shall not procrastinate anymore. We don't have time left. We should not just talk random bullshit like we did the last few times. Aight?"

We all agree to be productive.

We also set a few main subjects and decision to be discussed. Then, we all get into the meeting room seriously. In a meeting, we try the idea of the upcoming project. But we suddenly went off topic. Then, My friend talk about L4D2. Then we start playing. And, I say, why not try some GTA5? I proudly reboot my expensive laptop from Ubuntu to Windows and playing GTA. Then, we start spotify and talk about song.

We laid in the sofa and talk sexually. My friend introduce me his favorite AV and we compare our manhood's size.

It was 4am already. One by one the attendee fall asleep.

It is lIke... the survival gamr of sleepiness? xD

Only my best boy friend and I were left awake, talking about ourselves, watching the beautiful midnight city.

Then, 2 of us ourselves start to talk about project idea. It is something cool and crazy to think about, like a friend making app. The 3 hours of brainstorming is gay and romantic.

"Okay, so we have the outline. let's sleep, baby" So we sleep till the noon. We wake up. Some left. Some were still sleeping. The birds twitter in the bequtiful skyline.
I did not forget to upload my idea to discord after going home in the morning. End of the meeting. Barely any goal was met in the meeting.

Those days, we make attempt of productive meeting again and again but end up procrastinating everyday. We had meeting in a small bedroom and it was our meeting room. We played different songs, tasted different wines.

And, finally one day, my friend say "I feel that it is much productive to work alone in a separate room. So we won't get distracted by each other."
Another friend: "yea..I know it is harsh... but yea... true... let's work alone"

I almost eant to cry. But we cannot indulge ourselves in the moments of dreamy romance.

We should start real work and don't be gay.

!dev

I just had one guy coming back to the house at 4am, again, and he made his usual grand entrance, slamming the doors, stomping on the wooden floor making all the creaking sound as he walk all the way to his room, which is right beside mine. And when he went into the bathroom, which is on the other side of my room, he slammed he motherfucking lid on the toilet bowl which was so fucking loud I literally jumped out of bed. I ended up not being able to sleep (I have a lot of trouble falling asleep), and when I tried to sleep in the afternoon to catch up on the missed winks, another motherfucking bastard started blasting fucking hardcore electronics in the living room which is right below my room. The same bastard also plays loud movies or music at 2-3am. I’ve told that bastard that comes home late to watch his noise but man he only minds the noises I told him and nothing else. As for the other fucker, he’ll say he’d keep it down but continues doing what he’s doing anyway.

I moved here cause I know that it’s usually a quiet place and away from the party kids, but I somehow ended up with a party kid and an insensitive fucker (This motherfucker had the loudest sigh of frustration when I knocked politely on his door last night. Yes I calmed down before I talked to him, but ended up deciding to not utter a word at all when I hear that sigh).

I should move out, but I can’t find a place before next term cause it’s way too late at this point. I am on a lease, but my landlord understands my situation, and he seems okay with breaking the contract.

Having been here as an international student for almost 2 years now, and having moved 5 times, this has been the worst nightmare of a bunch of people to stay with.

For those that has read of me ranting about this elsewhere, yes it’s that same fucking bunch that doesn’t clean the house.

!Rant

I own a domain:

updateyourmotherfuckingbrowser.com

I registered it last year in my sleep (you may find the rant related to it in my profile)

I need ideas as to what the features of this website should be. I want to make it unique and fun compared to the many browser update websites. (Of course the source will be on GitHub)

Any suggestions are welcome. :D

So just babbling my shit down here.

(Tldr : i am a crazy guy who followed my half slept brain, went onto a stage , gave some kind of motivating , stammering talk to a large group of professional strangers, enjoyed that day with a red embarrassed face and just got my first pic of me speaking on stage and that is so awesome !)

Last Saturday i went to a gdg meetup and i embarrassed the hell out of me.

I went there with just 2 hours of sleep from the previous night.
After a few talks there comes a guy who is taking some time to install is setup and the host calls for lightning round session ( ie he asks if anyone from the audience would like to share something about their product or something).

I am a fucking nutt guy. I can explain something to you nicely in a hacky way as long as i have done enough work on that and you speak my native language.

But giving a talk on English stage, hell no! I stammer, mix hindi with English and start speaking werd shit.. And that's what happened.

I don't know what went into me but as some guy went to the stage and talked for 2 mins, i was like yeah i want to do that too. So in next turn when he asked for a show of hands, i raised mine and fucking went to stage!

I forgot that if you go on stage you should have something to talk to . But the moment i was on stage, i was like... "Nope, we will do this differently".
I had been working on a video ads module from the last week which could be easily explained in 2 mins. But i felt like giving a non techy talk instead.

It went something like this: i introduced myself with my experience details ( who gives experience details on stage !?!) Then host said to speak loudly and i went like "Bharat mata ki jai!"( Victory to mother india (wtf!?😆) .

Then started talking about how the developers feel disheartened when searching on internet where the resources are scattered . And the solution i told them was :"don't be disheartened. You will eventually find it (like wow dude wtf, as if they didn't knew that) . Look on the youtube and other resources " and then went full on explaining/marketing about some online tutor who gives advice/consultancy via a subscription based payment ( tbf that guy really helped solve a lot of my doubts, he has written books on Android dev and is the top so answerer for Android).

Then i went on sharing my thoughts live on that fuckin stage ! ( Live because i usually post my thoughts here on devrant before discussing them out with real people, you guys are my safe space) but there i discussed my thoughts on libraries!

I have this believe that Android devs these days are having lesser knowledge of the system because we have all the libraries and templates available to us. But when we have to customize stuff, we need to go deep into docs and source classes and find ourselves in trouble there. So i kind of said this out loud and that we should try to read more the code and implement stuff ourselves instead of using the library 😅🙈)

I was feeling so fucking embarrassing after that all stuff! It was so full of stammering , broken English and worst attempt at motivation. At that time i was regretting this and about to burst cry and run away, but somehow i gathered my self, got my mood back to the event games and talks, later went to the organizers and apologized(and they were very nice and didn't cared about it), and overall enjoyed my weirdest day!

When i came home, my mom gave me a little more confidence about it. Now i think i shouldn't be that much instinctive. Next day i went hack to work and everything got normal.

But Yesterday i found a link to the public repository of the photos. Ohh fuck, someone had took my image! and that was too in full hd!!! 🙈🙈🙈😅😆😆 Oh mann I can't stop looking at that cool stage speaker image, i love it ! I, the shy-est and the most uncool awkward person , present on the stage with a mike, oof , i think i lived my dream !

I hope i could get enough confidence and speaking skills to take a real stage talk next time ( and maybe enough interesting talks and confidence to talk with girls of our office, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Read as

I can't reach java

Should go to sleep...

AM 01:06

!dev

i think i need to control my emotions and expression around girls. things are going quite wrong and i am not sure i am able to interact with this beautiful gender correctly.

<misc: somewhat unrelated event. need to vent>

- got called out "a creep", "jerk", and "hypocrite" by this girl. she may be totally correct in calling me these but these words made me think about my behavior and therefore this post .

- characters? she: a friend of a friend, to whom i have met 3-4 times, in trips where we drank together, danced together nd talked till late night, among other people.
me : well me . based on previous allegations you can also label me as creep and hypocrite , but i would describe myself as an introvert, nerdy person who talks better on a keyboard than real life (otherwise i wouldn't be typing this post but whatever.)

- action : i made a comment on her insta story

- action details:
• we follow each other on insta. it was 12 am and i was in a half sleep state, scrolling the damn app before falling asleep
• saw her story with his 3 girl nd 2 guy cousins probably, so out of fun, replied her about how all of their specs look the same and if they all take out their specs from the same shop (cheeky comment, i know)
• she just erupted. from asking whether i also wanna buy from the same shop, to why am i talking to her, who gave you the right to compliment, jerk, hypocrite who can't talk in real life but compliments on keyboard, to creep and "stay away"
• I really wanted to say sorry at some point, but i kept making more cheeky comments in between. i was like , yeah she is my friend going through something and bursting her anger on me, she will come back and laugh, but she kept going towards hypocrite, jerk and finally stay away thing

• after that i knew i crossed the line and immediately got out of the conversation. i didn't apologize though.
• as of now am calm and don't mind the current situation of she being angry at a person who means nothing to her and me realising she is not a friend but a common connection . and till the time i was making cheeky comments, i saw her as my homie friend, so i am not bothered if she is angry
</misc>

I think i am a very needy person. i didn't have many friends in school time and i didn't had any relatives/cousins/siblings to get a lot of affection. a 25 yo horny virgin with no relationships till date does give a bad personality vibe from far, but keep in mind that i have mainly focused on personality growth and a conservative chsracter development my whole life. i do not act on my lonly feelings, but i try to be helpful and nice to everyone (which might be a suspicious/bad thing. just trying to defend my character, but feel free to judge)

every girl that talks nice with me, i get very helpful, nice and cheeky with them. most girls likes nd ignores these things, but some also get along, trust me and are willing to spend more time with me.

This makes me not only be more nice and cheeky with them but also start developing feelings for them and imagining my future/relation with them.

as of now i think there are 12 or 13 girls with whom i got into "vibing" (here, assume that vibing means me talking with them, cracking jokes nd compliments, meeting them alone ,etc. no adult stuff ofc), nd then after a few days told them directly or indirectly that i like them ( in a hope of getting some affection back i guess), getting rejected and still trying to keep the "friendship"

i think this needs to be changed. the people calling me creep, despo, perv , whatever might be correct in calling me those till now(based in my behavior) but i don't wanna be that.

i need to understand the girls might not want anything more than just a help at some point and then be done with it. I shouldn't be going out a limb and trying to get i to conversation/flirt/whatever.

i just am too emotional to let any person go away from my life just because our reason for interaction is over.
If I am commenting on a girl's post to whom i met on some trip, i will be commenting on a guy's post (to whom i met on a similar trip) too , in a similar manner,

if i see a post from one of my school's batchmates , and i find it nice/funny/weird, i will comment as if me and this batchmate met yesterday and not for 1 hr 10 years ago (irrespective of the gender)

and even after that if people are so intolerant, then maybe i am wrong and rather should start forgetting every person with whom i have spent less than 50 days alone.

hope this is the correct math and i could expect people with 50 days = 600+ hours of daytime to be enough to not see me as a stranger

Went late in life to college.
Got my first IT Dev Job at 30
Now almost five years later, I'm depressed, realizing that I can't do this. I'm a horrible dev and not the kind of "horrible" that writes blog posts about how horrible they are while they maintain several libraries and casually make tutorials on YouTube.

I'm genuinely bad.

I tried learning and improving myself. But I'm always overwhelmed and frustrated, because there are so many things I don't understand. Learning anything takes me an incredible amount of time and then it's only on a superficial level, to the point I mostly memorise patterns but never truly understand. While others go through documentions and they understand everything, I have to find articles that explain solutions and concepts with super simple examples. Without Google I would be lost.

Online or in real life, I'm just getting baffled how poorly I compare to others.

I can't sleep, it's 3 am and I have a meeting in the morning. I still wasn't fired so far, but I should be fired. I messed up in all aspects of life, but realizing your choices were all wrong is dragging me down.

I sit on toilet to take a shit and i started falling asleep! I shit even while i sleep! This is magnificent. Miraculous. Every day its the same shit but more advanced style of shitting. I am becoming very skilled at shitting. I deserve to get fucking paid every time i take a shit. There should be a sport about who can shit more often every day and I'd be the winner. Bullshit floats all around us every day especially from jobs and interviews. It is inevitable to avoid it. Beautiful. And it does make sense. I keep saying life is shit anyways every time some shit happens. And im always right -- life IS shit anyways. The keyword is **anyways**. Because no matter what you do or dont do, life will be shit Anyways. Life is empty and meaningless. Even shit has more meaning than life itself. If meaning is something that is made up then you can't live life at all. If meaning is what you make it then there is no default meaning in the entire existence. All of it is shit. We either exist because God made us and doesnt want to tell us why or we exist by chance of statistical randomness. Hopefully its the first option as its less depressing

Btw terraform is fucking good

DAYLIGHT SAVING!!
Up to this point, I was indifferent to the issue if it should be kept or not. My sleep schedule is fucked and non-routine anyway so one hour plus or minus doesn't play any role.
I got to a meeting scheduling problem, when I have 2 timestamps in variable timezones and want to calculate time difference. Both can have DST active. There is no algortihmic way to figure out. I checked SO and pytz and it's just a list of hardcoded dates when DST starts and ends. WHATHTEHELL.jpg
Not only we should abolish the DST, we should force the whole world into UTC/Zulu. And those, who refuse to adapt to UTC, will be forced to work with plain integer epoch dates.

Well this isn't the first time I tell how I got my burn out, but since is the week topic...
I work in a molding company as a cnc operator (should already be a programmer).
My section boss and the company boss (not the owner) are people that got their place trough time in the company and don't know how to deal with people.
So I'll try to resume 3 years of history:
I joined the company while finishing the cnc course (1 year left), I talk to much, I'm smart and like to explain stuff and correct people. The company boss only has 4th grade and tryed to make me flunk class.
First I had to do extra hours, till I flunked.
Then I threatened to call the authorities, so I started working from 6 am to 5 pm and class till 11...
4 hours sleep a nighty for months
After that I started having health problems, when I was taken to the hospital after I pass out I as diagnosed with the burn out, been trying to recover since, while the fukers only did worst stuff, treated me like a dog and such.
I never made the complaint because the owners are owsome people, the kind who gives a lot to help the ones in need and make campaigns to help the poor. Now there are 6 complains again the company (last I've heard). And why? Because there was no consequences after what they have done all that shit to me, they started to do the same to others... Others that have no reason like me to hold back and not fuck the company...
The owners were building a second company to expand...
Were...

I really need to vent this out. I don't know if the person I chatted last night is in some danger or not.

I recently got to know her and I had plans to collaborate on some projects with her.

She messaged me asking for a solution to a bug she faced and I was trying help her figure it out.

As I suggested a solution for her to try, she decided it was time for her to take her little dog to walk and told me she will check it right and let me know right after coming from walk.

It was already late in the night and I mentioned it to her. She responded like it was usual thing for her to go for dog walk at night but I'm kind of worried now since the city she lives in is infamously known as the rape capital.

She hasn't seen the last message I sent and there is no reason for her to keep me in the dark.

I had a hard time not being able to sleep because of my mind thinking of the worst case scenarios.

I don't know I'm just being too paranoid or if I should get someone to check on her.

I really hope she is back home and simply forgot to message me or something.

!rant
I am continuously transforming from being terrified to being sad to being tensed at the moment.Don't know what depression is , but i guess this is not a right phase .
Am just an average guy trying to get my confidences up as a good person/student/professional/whatever. last to last semester when I joined college for a cse degree, i had entered with the brightest face and the biggest smile because of just one thought: "this is where i belong, this is what i want" . i always got excited when i saw little things jumping around in my mobile , calculations being performed instantly, and the day i got my laptop, i knew i want to know every thing of how virtuality works.
I never cared about social life tho, i was a universally lonely introvert single child. Had 2-3 friends in school, who i don't care about much,a lost crush , a great group of home buddies and some friends here and there.
So when i started college i went there with multiple goals: making my career there, finding gud buddies, love again and many more..
But recently, everything is changing: realised that college is a piece of shit, people are always selfish and exploiting, a race is always going on where people are secretly running and you gotta learn by yourself.
So here is the current me: college attendance 37%, not went to gym past 1 week, human interaction last 2 days :2(mum nd dad), whatsapp last message: 4 days ago,sleep timings 10am to 6pm(daytimes lol), currently working on: this project that I took as "my last project that on completing means i know Android,and could code every fucked up app in the market)", which isn't yet completed bcz every-time i learn something in it, i realise their is one more part of the course am following , but i should know because this is useful.
And that makes me more sad :/

Will a brand new MacBook Pro make your day the worst?

Yes! It will if you are an iOS developer who fucks with xCode everyday.

Let me tell you the story of my day with the brand new MacBook Pro.

I wanted to build my application for iOS 13. For that I should have the latest xCode latest version. For the latest xCode version to work I should have the latest OS.

It took a long fucking time for downloading the latest OS dmg file. And for the fuck sake I was not able to install the same as the file vault was being encrypted.

That fucking encryption thing took half a day. And then I installed the OS. Then, I waited for a long time while the pile of shit(xCode) was downloading.

Then I installed xCode too. And now you know what the day ends and it's time to fucking sleep.

!dev?

It's getting cold now over here and all I want to do is sleep... I have no motivation to do anything useful (dev, useful reading) either, just binge watch TV...

So wondering how do you actually get shit done (stuff you should do but don't have to do)? Maybe it's the food related as well?

Worked for 12 full intense hours and now that I'm done I dont know if I should eat, sleep or hit the gym...

Plz help...

I’m a student and developer, working every night my butt off for the last 2 years, not going to sleep till 2,3,4,5am, and taking tablets to keep my brain running and not fall asleep. Getting clients and about to sell my programming company in 2 months...

My programming teacher teaches the class such basic shit, she explains the topic very well, but for me she’s explaining how to do 2+2... last time I starred of to the window and almost started crying...

I’m very passionate about programming, Work sucks cause I need to make secure smart systems with math that take forever, I want to at least enjoy it In class, but it’s torture, fucking torture...

What should I do?

I was pulling background data from a job in PowerShell, and it kept coming up short from the same, final section of data that I just KNEW should be there.

Fiddled with the primary application for hours... HOURS! Then, I checked the log. There it was in all its Glory, tee'd out to the log during job execution.

What. The. Shit.

So, it seems that, since I was asynchronously pulling data in a loop keyed to the job status and had inserted a little sleep statement in the wrong place, I'd been missing the last second's worth of data. You just couldn't tell most of the time.

Nice.

5 minutes later it was working fine with a new loop/control structure. Jesus.

Having other people pitch you to hiring managers, raise the hype, and profess faith in your abilities is kind of nerve-wracking. But I found a tutorial to teach me how to write a compiler and it’s not in a language I know, so that’s fun and distracting. Been up since 4am. Is now 12:30am. Should probably sleep.

!dev

DISCLAIMER: don’t read before going to sleep!

~23.15 power cut, street wide. Solved by switching back plong.

23.48 : I heard multiple times a loud sound, like if someone is trying to break a window or so. So, get out of room, go to hall, light is on there. Continue, ready with phone to call 112. Reaches living, kitchen. Finds grandfather that’s fixing something.

EDIT: 00:19 The water installation started one again I felt scared....

Awesome start of the vacation lol

Maybe I should just go to sleep.

To be honest, I was really scared after that power cut that this was a real thing. Fortunately it wasn’t... That once again proves the developer life, working at night, can be hard.

Just remembered that I still had a foobar invite link in my email inbox 😋

The challenges are odd though, first challenge was super easy (basically an idiot check), but while I was able to convert 3 cans of energy drink into a functional solution in half an hour, the verification utility is not very verbose at all. So in Python 3.7.3 in my Debian box it worked just fine, yet the testing suite in Foobar was failing the whole time. After sending an email to my friend that gave the link (several years ago now, sorry about that! 😅) asking if he knew the problem, I found out that Google is still using Python 2.7.13 for some reason. Even Debian's Python is newer, at 2.7.16. To be fair it does still default to Python 2 too. But why.. why on Earth would you use Python 2.7 in a developer oriented set of challenges from a massive company, in 2020 when Python 2 has already been dead for almost a whole year?

But hey now that it's clear that it's Python 2.7, at least the next challenges should be a bit easier. Kind of my first time developing in SnekLang regardless actually, while the language doesn't have everything I'd expect (such as integer square root, at least not in Debian or the foobar challenge's interpreter), its math expressions are a lot cleaner than bash's (either expr or bc). So far I kinda like the language. 2-headed snake though and there's so much garbage for this language online, a lot more than there is for bash. I hate that. Half the stuff flat out doesn't work because it was written by someone who requires assistance to breathe.

Meh, here's to hoping that the next challenges will be smooth sailing :) after all most of the time spent on the first one (17.5 hours) was bottling up a solution for half an hour, tearing my hair out for a few hours on why Google's bloody verification tool wouldn't accept my functioning code (I wrote it for Python 3, assuming that that's what Google would be using), and 10 hours of sleep because no Google, I'm not scrubbing toilets for 48 hours. It's fair to warn people but no, I'm not gonna work for you as a cleaning lady! 😅

Other than the issues that the environment has, it's very fun to solve the challenges though. Fuck the theoretical questions with the whiteboard, all hiring processes should be like this!

I really regret switching to manjaro. So many things keep breaking, like my laptop won't sleep anymore, it stays up, whenever I plug in another display I get an error thrown at me. Among other weird behaviors (all screen related) that I can't seem to fix and make the experience feel like I'm running a very clunky win-poop machine.

On the other hand, setting up a very custom sddm theme and installing certain software like hadoop, rust, gimp, xfce tweaks and other things was such a breeze D: just "yay hadoop" and 90% of the work was done.

Grhhh... Wondering if I should accept defeat, and maybe switch to Linux MX or spend hours fixing what probably is a display driver issue that's pissing me off 😠

Having a fantastically shitty day and it’s currently only 08:05.
Last night spent the entire evening moving into my flat and building the colossal amount of Ikea furniture, ended up going sleep around 3am.

Because of my fabulous two and a half hour work commute to work everyday I have to leave my house at 6am. Three hours sleep? Excellent start.
Leave my house at 6am good start, manage to get on my first bus no problem, bus driver being the horrendous cunt he is slams on his brakes because going round a sharp corner at 40 mph when the speed limit is 20mph is a fucking brilliant idea you cunt, consequently it sends my protein shake all over me, my clothes and my laptop. Cheers cunt.

So now it’s half 7 and I’m at the train station & I realise I’ve left my wallet at home. You’ve. Got. To. Be. Fucking. Me.
8 o clock roles over train inductor comes round asking for tickets and the power hungry scrotum drops a £60 fine on me. Cheers. You. Cunt.

So now I’m wondering whether I should just save myself the hassle get off the train at the next stop and jump in front of an incoming train.
Today can suck a fat meaty fiery cock from hell.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.

i need advice.

is it better that i study during the day for college until 12pm (midnight) and then work on my own project from 12pm till 4-5am, go to sleep and wake up around 9-10am so thats 4-7h of sleep each day. the only exception would be tuesday bc i gotta wake up for college at 6am.

so i would be working on my project 6 days for about 4-5h per week.

i plan to do this for 2 months.

so: day shift - college study
night shift - my work

please help me organize my time.

now, im thinking about long term effects on this. its going to be pain. but i am in pain each day so i no longer feel pain. i will be exhausted as fuck. i am fully conscious of what is awaiting for me if i decide to do this.

here is my question. am i going to get a burnout from this? am i going to look physically different in 2 months (in a bad way)? am i going to be mentally worse? am i going to get really skinny? this would basically be a work of 19-20h for 6 days per week for 2 months. that is approximately 114-120h work week minus tuesday.

i have to be mentally equipped for this so i plan to do home workouts in night shift session in order to prevent burnouts. I'll do walks/jogs too in day shift for mental cooldowns. the most important thing for me is NOT TO GET A BURNOUT AT ALL COSTS DURING THIS PERIOD OF TIME NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

i need serious advice on how to do this right AND AVOID BURNOUTS AT ALL COST.

i MUST stay operational mentally for the next 2 months.

please list the things i should DO and NOT do so this can be achievable.

After 8 hours of non-stop programming, unable to sleep when I should sleep.

So, i decided to Start making an Android App (quite a big Project to me), so i we're Reading books und Programming Yesterday for 12, today for 10 hours, everything worked Out perfectly, i fehlt great.
(But, Thats the rule, never feel too confident)

So i wanted to Put the Last Activity in my App, chanhed the XML etc.
At the end i thought i should run it one Last Time before i shutdown my PC.
Well, Error in my XML, tried to fix it for 1 hour (quiet a Long Time for 8 lines of Code), didnt Work.
I pressed Ctrl+z until it reached the Point where it Last Time worked... Still doesnt Work.

So, i am quiet pissed Off, and sleepy.
My Dilemma, eat and sleep? Or try to fix everything...

couldn't sleep, should I go or try to reschedule the job interview?

Shutting down Windows instead of putting it into sleep should not save state. It did, in my case.

I had Chrome opened before shutting down. It's still there.

This is very nice fail-safe method, I must say.

- Seriously, I should do some work in my senior project.
- (looks at code and stares for an hour)
- I'm hopeless
- (go to sleep)

Repeat next day

Fucking fuck! How could I be so naive?
I just started my masters in Enterprise Software Development. It's basically the continuation of the CS BSc I finished this year. I don't consider myself a lazy and bad dev and I finished in the top 5-10% of the class - I say this not because I want to brag, I know I'm not the best, I know I have my defects, BUT I don't think that it's a good sign that all of us, my top graduate friends all full of hate and anger against this whole MSc after just a week. And... It's mostly one fucking egoistic teacher's fault.
Okay, all of us are working full time which is obviously tiring if you combine it with the university classes. But I still think I could manage this first week better, if I wouldn't fucking came to the same line of the faculty.
I deeply fucking hate that I've been naively thinking that the masters will be different after experiencing one of the worst teachers last year. It's fucking first week, and I can't change the specialization anymore, only give up. I wanted to fill up the void with some usefulness, but I just fucking messed it up.

This "beloved" teacher is from the industry, he has a lot of experience and started to teach recently. Which is not a problem, no! It should be a great thing by default. But the way he holds his courses is inaccaptable. I don't think I have the right to share everything, but the following stuff just grinds my gears... Like a fucking lot:

1) He brags about a lot of stuff. Like he made really good deals in the past. Why should we know, that he made a contract with a client for 20 million euros. Okay. Whatever. That doesn't help us, and I think that bragging makes him look like an egoistic scum.

2) I hate this one the most: he fucking says that we have a choice in the administrative stuff. He gives us some hope and offers the possibility to argument and come up with our own solutions for grading and etc. But oh boy, is this a false hope, a fake idea of free will. He already knows what the final solution will be and on what kind of decisions will we all "agree". He did this last year, he does it again. Fucking naiveness of mine...

3) Lastly, he decided, that we have to go to theatre with him, all of us. No exception. And I like the theatre. But only when it isn't forced. Why and how could you pair this up with the grade you give to your students? Because that's what he does.

FML. How can I already hate this? How can I already be fed up with all the stuff? Anyways, I'm signing the contract with the university tomorrow, so let the fun games begin... I know, I look like a whining little boy now, but I just fucking had to went it after this deep fried shit-day. I probably have to get some sleep, and everything's gonna be fine. Eventually, skipping classes might become necessary in order to bear all this shit.

Quick background:I'm am a student at a university in Alabama. I am also working full time and have a family.
My beginning C++ class was online and the teacher was...unique to say politely.
She would post lectures while she did some of the programming examples. That wasn't so bad, except she would cough frequently in the lecture(which wearing headphones would make me jump), and the tempo of her lecture would lull me to sleep after a hard day at work.
What was worse, she would post "projects" for us to do and tell us she would give a guideline in the code.

Well most times what was asked for in the project was topics we hadn't covered fully or she never explained well. Her "guide" was randomly saying a loop should be here and an if and an else should go here, but nothing else would be referenced.

Dropped her the first time, got a Day the second because I just could not follow her lecturing. I later took the class physically and with a different instructor and had the highest grade in the class.

I later had her for web development course and she wasn't as bad on assignments, but damn her coughing still hurt.

I'm wondering if the computer let me win...

Up to now it was ahead and got me on the ropes... Granted I haven't played an actual Go game in years...

But then somehow it made a mistake? here... A 100 point game turning mistake... which I don't notice until 30+ moves later

Maybe I should just goto sleep.... It's actually 2:30am here...

I don't know what the fuck is happening rn I created repo on gitlab and tried to make changes from terminal it refused. Tried every fucking combination as I thought I must be doing something wrong .
Got fed up made a new account , made a new repo but gitlab doesn't allow me to upload files from there fucking website too.
Now I am getting error 500 from terminal because I can't clone my repo as it says this repo doesn't exist.
Now I can only imagine that there might be some problem with gitlab it's 4 in the morning, I should probably sleep.

I am now going to attempt the problem solving ritual.
Requirements:
-have a problem or piece of unoptimized code and you don't know how tk fix/improve it
-be able to sleep/take a nap

Now before I fall asleep the ritual should provide me with an epiphany to solve my problem

Plan b:
I have a class ninja (model), with an observablecollection<property> properties and an observablecollection<gearslot> gearslots;
,a class gear with an observablecollection<property> properties and an Category category:
And a class gearslot with a Gear gear and a Category category;
Via entity framework this results in several property entries per ninja
And several property entries per gear item

All good so far.

I now actually want the ninja property values, to be the sum of the gear property values

So a ninja has int, agi and str of 0.
Gear has 0 or more stats.
If the ninja has two pieces of gear on with agi +1, then the ninja agi should be 2

If possible i would like the logic in the model.
Else i have to put it in the viewmodel.
That i can figure out, its just so inelegant....

I've discovered the best time for me to write blogs!

6am... Now back to sleep 😪

Hmm... Not really dev related (but the post I will was...) Maybe I should also start using Twitter... But then I need to find followers....

Working as a junior dev with Js, moment.js, php and MySQL dates and trying make them respect (not love) each other and talk to each other nicely...

OH GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS MYSELF, JUST DIE IN MY SLEEP ALREADY, MY MOTHER TOLD ME I SHOULD BE A DOCTOR

Worst dev disaster?

Welp, my now 6 year old Mac keeps sending signal to my monitors that in my experience regardless of OS generally says "my video card is gonna fuckin die soon".

I've re-installed the Windows partition like 3 times, but that responds to the video card problems so bad it pretty much just BSODs... but the Mac side soldiers on, just occasionally having weird visual glitches. Thats fine, I work on the Mac side.

And I don't really want to spend a shit ton on a new computer... but I do want a Mac, so I'm gonna spend a shit ton.

So now I have to decide if I can hold out for an M1 or if I should just shell like thousands for a Mac that will be out of date in like 4 months. After which for development purposes I'd still have to buy at least the M1 dev kit Mac Mini.

All of which hinges on this effing video card lasting another few months.

Because if it doesn't I'm going to have to use my kids 8GB fuckin HP laptop as my main dev machine while I get another Mac in the mail and that would fucking suck not to mention the like minimum two days sleep I'd lose just setting up the required local environments I'd need... not to mention I'd have to do all that in Windows... so I'd have to find Windows equivalents for all my dev tools. Or fuck it, maybe I could just install Putty and server cowboy everything... but it would still suck.

And, of course, I don't have time to do any of that because I have the normal like 2 tight deadlines on shit.

The next few months of my life, potentially my ability to earn a living, potentially my sanity...

Hangs on the health of a fucking six year old heavily abused video card.

Couldn’t sleep all night again..... 😤😭😢

I should probably get one of those melatonin gummies.

That moment when you start asking yourself why no one answers you questions in a dev related group chat and then realise it almost 2 am.... I should sleep more...

I really shouldn't use devRant before going to sleep, but that's at least currently the only own and peaceful time I have during week days because of really busy school and work schedule. (Yey, it's weekend!)

If I don't realize that I should stop using devRant at night it moves my sleeping time so that I don't get enough sleep or I won't be able to wake up in a timely manner.

I just immerse in the reading, commenting or even ranting so that I forget the passing of time. Making thing worse is that when I'm writing something my inner perfectionism wakes up and I try to make the text as good as possible and so I get more and more active when I should be relaxing and getting ready to sleep.

Do not worry about my sleep. I'll probably just start to read a book instead. But when it's a good time to use devRant then... 🤔

When or how do you use devRant?
What kind of sleep routines do you have?

you know what annoys me about this situation the most ?

noone is living an ideal life
in any sense
except a few

but that being said, living less than ideal life if people had not wasted so much time, would have led to certain things becoming better.

example.

if i was out of development work, and had to take a crap job.

and lets say that ended up putting me in a financially unstable situation.

if i had rotten teeth, i could work part time, go to a sliding scale place and fix them one by one
while either educating myself further or looking for a better job because in truth, if i'm accepting a part time job, i must be fucked.

i don't see any longevity in an intensely physical job, I see an early death.

there are not enough paying people to ensure everyone has a skilled job, and truthfully not everyone can, but we have more people than we need to do the unskilled and skilled jobs both so why are we not running with that ?

the best time to do unskilled labor or just labor jobs period is when a person is young and there body is new.

and then not for long or with accommodation considering throwing your back out or fucking up your knees stays with you for life.

everything is so backwards in this country.

people think in terms so frequently these days in 'how can i make someone else suffer for my amusement and see their potential diminished so i feel better about my fucked up pathetic life ?'

or

'how can i get revenge against a person that doesn't deserve it'

or

'how can i ensure other people are totally boned so my charmed life i don't deserve seems satisfying'

its pretty gross as are these people

well fast forward years later and life appears fairly repetitive for alot of people

took a very large of detours here, had some fun, experienced some fucked up horros, saw a few wonders which were mostly based off my ideas, and some that were not.

still i return to what is to be done about our unfair, wasteful system ?

I've always been a fan of removing people's 'excuses' to neglect their children for example.
and definitely blocking all avenues of abuse.
even unintended, or pretended to be unintended.
i also hate people who smell because they don't clean themselves, and use excuses for that
I also hate people who make other people live in a situation where they can't take care of themselves and then try to dominate places they seek refuge because our fucking system sucks.

I also hate that there is more food than people can eat and restaurants closing when there are hungry people.

i also despise that we have more vacant houses in this country than we have family units.
some are just rotting away from neglect.

and i most especially hate people who get off on watching whole landscapes decay.

there is tons of work for the proper people
some of it is hard
some of it is tedious
its these kind of tasks that are necessary
the right spirit and the RIGHT COMPENSATION and the work gets done.. hopefully.

starting out with placing everyone in means to eat and sleep and clean themselves seems the most important.

everything else is icing on the cake, because by and large many people get sick of doing the same exact things, and people hate staring at the wall.

the problem is, there are alot of people who are, due to extreme damages from our modified culture, extremely abnormal, sadistic and untrustworthy around... anyone.

so with more time on their hands, they get bored and turn destructive and antisocial and breed people to be worse.

years I've been preaching this.
same people fly past in man places.
here and there some new fool marches in, eyes sparkling with malevolence, only to get caught in the same eternal loop and be absorbed into it.
i haven't seen one such as myself that I know of, that showed up with every intention of changing their life, becoming friendly with people, finding the things they enjoyed, and improving themselves intellectually, emotionally and socially; searching for an environment filled with more people who would be helpful to this extent, getting a rude awakening and realizing how horrible their country was becoming.

don't know if I should be happy being alone as the only sane person. heh.

I really don't want to be. I just want us to be happy. this is deserved after so much hardship. after seeing how people in general have become.

oh we all have lusts and vices and shortcomings, but the gulf that had grown between ordinary folk and the general population is astoundingly wide.

It’s 2.30 am and I am so hungry. Should I get up and eat or should I just sleep so that I wake up on time and not ruin the day by waking up late.

So I was looking into phone app development again (as you do) and I'm working on a simple QoL app for me and my SO that will help us automate some home management and finances stuff. Naturally I delved down the rabbit hole deep and wanted to have push notifications so we don't have to check the app periodically to know when certain things happen... Oh boy... Why is mobile development so convoluted, especially if you don't want to rely on Google Services...

It seems that the most accepted way of doing this is Firebase (FCM). Well me being me, I refuse to use google services for this and I prefer self hosted solutions (for data privacy reasons) which eliminates most products out there.

It also didn't help that my framework of choice is Flutter/Dart, because fuck Android Studio and the insane buggy XML stuff and fuck Android and it's constantly changing APIs...

Well In the end I decided on a rather simple solution and self hosted an AMQP service (RabbitMQ in my case, as I have some experience with it already) and implemented a foreground service in android platform specific code on top of my flutter project to kickstart it and made my phone a queue listener... This now means I can push notifications from my server to the Messaging Queue and it will be pushed into my App automatically!

One thing I found out on this journey was that Android now kills most background services and enforces foreground services to have a visible notification in the status drawer... which I actually approve of. It's a bit annoying that you can start a reliable background service, but I'm absolutely on-board with long running processes started by my apps are constantly visible...

Long story short, I love reinventing all the wheels, especially if it's for free and private... And I also went to sleep at 2AM again because this took longer that I'd like to tune... but it works, and it's google free...

I'm thinking of trying to package this up as a flutter module later, but first I want to do testing on battery life and the general life cycle of the service. RabbitMQ says they have the client library optimized for long-lasting connections and it should be just using a tcp socket, which should pretty much be what all the push notification services are doing anyway. I'm also not completely satisfied with how the permanent notification looks.. it isn't collapsible like some of the other ones from other apps and it's about 2 lines high instead of single line... which is something quite annoying and I'm struggling to find any relevant docs on how this is done other than possible making a custom Notification Style... but I just can't believe that everyone is doing that.. there must be a built-in somewhere -_-... Ugh Android is hell...

Anyway, if any android devs here have some hints, tips and tricks on how to handle this type of background/foreground process stuff and I'm doing something wrong let me know, cause googling this shit is a nightmare too!

It's been a while since i stopped programming.....
It's been so busy with all the school work/assignments/ and the most important part is that school ends at 10pm, arrive home at 11pm, prepare for tomorrow school stuff, sleep at 2am, wake up at 7am next morning, and again ends at 10pm 5 days a week...
It is exhausting, but I am getting used to this routine.
Studying my own programming skills or working on a side project? Not sure when to do it... The only way to continue studying is at breaks at school, or sleep less and study....
But it is impossible....
I have some great projects that are waiting to go out to the world, to list a few:
- cloud gaming
- cloud storage with live streaming
- complete school schedule management
- home automation framework in dotnet
- deepfakes and ai image generation algorithm (~18 months of training till now)
- game cheat engine (20GB total omfg ^^)
- and more
and I don't have time to finish it. lol
I think it will see the bright world after 3 years of high school... By then, my projects will be ancient, probably....

TIme is really short.
24 hours equally, but feels like 8 hours a day....

Should I abandon the project rn and focus on studying? (probably should)
or should i sell the project or open source it?

Also, how do you manage your time between work(study) and side projects (especially big ones)?

I should learn how to stop at dead end.

Sometimes I am too deep into problem and I just cant stop programming, debugging and thinking about it. It would be better to make a pause for like a hour, turn my brains off and later start again but I just cant. Even if I leave my desk my brains remains at the problem. Sometimes I want to stay at work to solve it... xD Eventually I solve the problem and after a good sleep I rewrite and refactor all code becuase I found a better solution in like 30 mins. It frustrates me because I dont know how to turn off...

Anyone else?

Fuck my sleep habits. Why I cant go to sleep like normal human instead in 7 AM? What kind of monster am I? Should I switch to Insomnia instead of Postman? Is that what life is trying to say to me?

Have a great Monday everyone.

Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.

For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.

They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”

Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.

Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!

“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”

It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!

Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.

- Am a junior dev in an awesome team & exciting project after my apprenticeship and while having just started my part time studies
- Have restructure in company so I land in an other value stream
- Get laid off by new value stream 6 months later (now) because they have a serious budget cut
- Take time to come to terms with situation. I could finally work more on my side projects or focus a bit more on my studies. Hey actually I will have 5 months time to look for something while being paid by the company and they help me brush up my CV. Pretty neat!
- Now my former boss wants me back because of my experience in the project, but only as a production support and not as dev (because budget and they're bleeding with tickets)

Not sure if I should take the offer as it feels safe to have an income and the team is cool. However, it feels a bit like a degradation as prod support sucks in that project and I'd like to code (which wouldn't be possible then).
And as this is still my first company I'm working in, it would make sense to look for something else...

Grrr need to sleep about it... Decision-making isn't exactly my strength.

Just stayed up 5 hours longer then I should just for a small JavaScript thing of mine... I need to get my sleep cycle back...

I've been running on practically no sleep for the past 4 days, I think the most I got one night was 5 and half hours of sleep with my average being more like 2 hours. Luckily I have broken leg that makes it so I can't work so I don't have to worry about going in but I do have the problem where I'm working on a project to hopefully replace a 3rd party piece of crap we use and I'm dead tired every time I work on it. But I also get great ideas and solve problems faster, so I'm trying to figure out if I should sleep or if I should just stay awake and attempt to push through with little to no sleep.

one should not debug when being unslept for hours.
yesterday i was unable to know what the heck was causing my program to crash. extremely fed up , i tried to sleep.
Checked it now and realized i was trying to overload an empty function -_-

My dilemna right now is whether should I:
- test the new idea to see if it works so I can go to sleep in peace
- or not test the new idea before I go to sleep so maybe I can sleep in peace. Just not at peace with myself.

My computer has gone to repair so for the meantime I'm computer-less. Which sucks big time because I have projects and tests coming up (not to mention personal projects and other stuff I've been asked to do) and I kinda have to leech off my friends and I don't like doing that, but, for now, it's what I'm doing. My old toshiba couldn't handle whatever I have to do, damn thing should be going through menopause or something. I wasn't a good owner LoL
I never really know if it'll boot during the first minute after I turn it on or if'll take it hours to do so, so I don't wanna risk it taking it with me to uni 😬 Not to mention it's still running Vista 😅
So my brother left to go to a friend's house until sunday so for the today and tomorrow I have access to the beast that is his computer ☺
I don't mean beast as a bad thing, it's a good computer, but it has an almost full SSD and I need to install a couple things so I can work on it :') (I'll uninstall them later and try to leave it as I found it LoL)
I can finally take a bit to play as well 😥 as I haven't been able to do so, as not only my PC is on repair, but I've been leaving uni late (after midnight - I valour my sleep OK). Luckily one of my house mates lets me use her PC after she goes to bed or her bf arrives to our house. The other day I managed to install steam and play a bit (she gave me permission to do so and I uninstalled them later) 😂 her computer almost died on me, it only has 4GB of RAM :') poor thing was over working to keep up LoL
Now, my brother's computer has a mechanical keyboard and besides the macro keys (they're on the far end of the keyboard, where you'd expect the shift/ctrl/caps lock/etc keys to be), I'm loving it tbh. It's a cheap keyboard, my mom didn't want to buy anything too fancy for him, but I like the sounds it makes 😅 may get one for myself (a mechanical keyboard I mean LoL. I really liked one I saw here on devRant that looked like a typewriter but it's WAY out of my league for now HaHa)

I'm calling you out, Asus, fix your absolutely shitty piece of software or I'm never buying a motherboard from you again.

A little explanation: my PC woke up from sleep like this. On another occasion before I could take the screenshot, the CPU was sitting almost idle at 45 degrees C. The CPU fan senses that it has to spin up, but never actually does so.

I've had the opposite thing before - a case fan spinning up not wanting to spin down even if the temps are fine - which is preferable because it only causes a little bit of noise. But this here could potentially cause damage to the CPU if I put some load on it without looking at the temperature. I've partly remedied the issue by writing a batch script that kills and resets the fan control service and is triggered by Task Scheduler on resume from sleep - a thing every average Joe should do, right?

It's a shame for top-notch hardware to have to go together with such crappy piece of software. This is the X99 Sabertooth that cost me 450 EUR originally.

brethren momentum is better than bruh moment

that is a fact

damn i really should get some sleep

fuck

Me: OK (I have a test on a couple days from now, I have to study)/(it's 3am I have to get up at 9am - I try to have a good sleep schedule OK)/(I need to get up and get ready to go to uni)/(some other thing I should be doing). I'm just gonna check devRant real quick.
//30' later: still on devRant
Me: Goddamn it not again

Here I am, 3:18 am, maybe I won't sleep today either, I hope I do... I'm going on with my uni project, a data science project. I've been wasting hours trying to understand why the fUcK 2 dataframes give me substantially different performances when they fucking shouldn't, since they should be the fUcKing sAmE. But apparently pandas is making fun of me... it seems that if you do something like:
df=original_df.loc[:, [some_cols]]
and some columns in [some_cols] don't exist in original_df, pandas won't give a shit and create a NaN column, or 0 based on how many virgin leprechauns ate bananas for Thanksgiving.
Plus I'm fucking freezing, in this apartment the heating system turns off at 23:59, it makes sense if you're in the fucking bed where you'll be fucking warm.
I miss software development... I wanna finish this MSc as soon as possible.
And here I am, listening to post-rock, writing jupyter notebooks, trying to be fucking positive.
It's not like I hate data science (maybe?), but I'm burnout.
Maybe I'll rewatch another time the video of Mr Robot with the song Where Is My Mind.
See ya.

Amother one:

Seconf CS101 class. We had to write a program that multiplies two parameters in a method.
I asked the tutor for help because it was my forst timr ever writimg code.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THIS IS BASIC STUFF YOU SHOULD ALREAEDY KNOW IN YOUR SLEEP. ANYMORE QUESTIONS? "

Went to the prpfessor and told him what kind of assholes are working for him. Found out that the tutpr is not tutoring anyone amymore because the found someone who is not an asshole.
College is fun.

What language would you use to change the image attributes of a picture of a pie ?
...
Pietone !!!

Badum tss tss tss 😃

Hours away for 2016 to come to an end and I still can't decide if I should finally finish my side project or get more sleep.

what the f....

So I'm making some changes to my setup. I'm relieving my current router from its duties and retiring it as a mini PC for my desktop setup. And I got my hands on a Dell Optiplex that will become my new router.

Now, firstly, the Optiplex came w/o a wifi antenna. I booted it up into a LinuxMint install USB for the first time and didn't expect much from it, but to my surprise, I got a popup: "There are wifi networks available". At that spot there was also my Fenvi PCI wifi card's antenna of my current (soon-to-be-previous) PC and it was barely seeing any wifi, and there came Optiplex with NO antenna attached to it and it managed to maintain stronger and more stable signal. wtf....

Alright, it's Fenvi, it's chinese -- there's probably not much I should expect from it.

Then I hooked it up right next to my current router with an external USB wifi adapter having 4x6dBi antennas on it, serving as my current wifi AP. Trying out hostapd configs, searching for the right channels,... should I test it? Naah, it still doesn't have an antenna - it won't reach my laptop. Meeh, for shits and giggles! `hostapd -d /etc/hostapd/hostapd_custom.conf`, on my lappy `nmcli d wifi rescan; sleep 5; nmcli d wifi` and... wtf... To my surprise, the AP was there! A thick wall away, no antenna whatsoever, and I still could connect to that Optiplex AP and post this rant!

What magic is this??? I'm now a bit concerned about ordering an antenna for it - I'm worried it could either worsen the signal or make it so strong that it'll fry my brains overnight.