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So, someone submitted a 'bug' to Mozilla.
As some of you may know, in the next year, the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands is going into effect.
Another fun fact is that the dutch security agencies/government have their own CA (Certificate Authority) for SSL/TLS certificates.
The new law says that the AIVD (dutch NSA/GCHQ equivilant) is allowed to hack into systems through obtained certificates and also that they're allowed to INTERCEPT TRAFFIC THROUGH OBTAINED PRIVATE SSL/TLS KEYS.
So someone actually had the fucking balls to submit a fucking issue to Mozilla saying that the Dutch State certs shouldn't be accepted anymore when the new mass surveillance law gets into place.
This person deservers a fucking medal if you ask me.68 -
*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*
Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"
Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"
Mom: *looks confused*
"I also want to use Fesabook on it"
Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*
*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*
Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"
*One hour later*
*Mom calls*
"Son, I think the laptop broke"
Me: "What? What happened?"
Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)
Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"
Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"
Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."
Mom: "What a ripoff"
*Hangs up the phone*34 -
My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.20
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Boss: I need to demo our product but it looks smaller on my laptop.
Me: That is because you have a 1920x1080 monitor and your laptop is 1280x800
Boss: Is that something you can fix?
Me: No you will need a new laptop, but the company has a sales laptop with that resolution.
Boss: No just get the company credit card and buy me one today!
*Bosses son hears*
Bosses Son: Here take the sales laptop
Boss: Will that be quick enough
Bosses Son: It has a 8 core i7 Processor, 16GB ram and a dedicated GPU
Boss: *looks at me confused*
Me: Your demoing a web browser, that will be more then ok. But were using chrome so 16GB of ram will be pushing it.
*me and bosses son laughs*
Boss: Can we upgrade it?17 -
My son came from kindergarten with a picture he painted. And that's what I found on the backside of the paper.
27 -
Proud dad moment:
My son just worked out how to use a firestick remote to put Thomas on TV.
He's 2.
My parents can barely work their remote without playing 20 questions.
Not long before he learns how to use bash now!11 -
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
That time when I was wrong, the client was wrong, but my algorithm was right.
I'm proud of you son2 -
My Toddler son playing cars on the keyboard, simultaneously simulating dumb user input on a website.5
-
Son: Dad why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because your Mom loves roses! Son: Thanks dad!
Dad: No problem, vue.js16 -
!rant
I've always wanted to son to enjoy the the same feeling I get when I'm developing. Today my son pulled up a chair next to me and started asking questions about my code, it's safe to say I got those proud dad feels.
Feels good man, feels real good.
6 -
// family tech support
Dad: *clicks something*
Dad: *something strange happens*
Dad: Hey son, come over here. What happened?
Son: Hm.. what did u click?
Dad: I don't know. Aren't you supposed to know that? You're our computer genius.7 -
Talking to my son today about one of his CS classes, not sure which.
He says: "I missed the lecture yesterday, but I'm not going to bother re-watching it."
Me: "Why? You really should. You're paying for these classes AND you really need to actually learn this stuff."
Son: "Well, because I got 100% on my last assignment without going to class. I just Google'd everything and figured it out on my own from what I found."
My wife out of the blue: "DAMN IT, BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THE REAL WORK WORLD!"
Oh, you poor, uninformed summer child. I love her, but she just doesn't know that my son has already learned the key lesson he needed to learn from his schooling in order to get a job and make good money in this field! #ProudTechieDadMoments12 -
!rant
Fathers day today, my 6 year old passes me some presents.
First 3 opened.
Devrant cap
Devrant stressball
Devrant stickers
Yes son! (Well obviously, technically it was my wife) I assume she must have seen me on the app :)6 -
Compilation completed. Output file size: 15KB
*Adds a JSON library*
Compilation completed. Output file size: 1.4MB
SON OF A BITCH10 -
Developed an android app for the client. It was going great. Prototype for the initial (and static) content to show to the client was on the way. All until...
*goes back in time to when we were developing the prototype*
The asshole boss: "Wow this is good, just remove the login after the splash screen. Redirect it to the dashboard immediately."
Me: "What? Why?"
TAB: "He (the CEO of our company) said that the client doesn't need to see the login."
Me: "Well, alright." (Orders are orders, better remove it)
*A few days later, we present the prototype to the CEO. He'll be the one talking to the client. TAB isn't in this meeting.*
CEO: "Where is the login screen?"
Me: *dumbfounded and confused, in silence, and pressure rising*
The Good Boss: *whispers* "Where is the login screen? I thought I told you guys it should be there."
Me: *whispers* "TAB told us to remove it."
TGB: *Looks toward CEO* "TAB told us to remove it."
CEO: "Ugh. TAB is sick."
A little giggle. Nonetheless the meeting continued. He was displeased. I was a little guilty. The login screen's code was already there. Just couldn't show it since the app doesn't redirect there anymore.
*A discussion after the meeting*
TGB: "Why'd you guys remove the login?"
Me: "You and TAB had a meeting with the CEO the other day. After the discussion TAB went to us and told us to change it."
TGB: "But the CEO said no such thing! Anyway, let's go back to the office and straighten this out tomorrow."
*The next day, TAB was in the office*
TGB: *Chatting on messenger with me* "He is completely denying it."
Me: "WHAT?"
TGB: "He said he never told you guys anything. And he is persistent. I kept telling him it was his fault, but he denies all of it. He never approached you guys to change anything."
Me: "Well yeah. I guess we magically thought to ourselves and said, 'Hey, let's remove the login screen for fun. Let's show them less content because that's how we please our clients!' -_-"
Seriously, what kind of assholefuckery is this. This shit is a whole new level. I am so TRIGGERED.
I don't really care that the meeting didn't go as planned. Just MAN UP AND ADMIT YOUR MISTAKE YOU FILTHY SON OF A GOOSE. Never listening to this asshole again. Thought he could be trusted. I will always ask my good boss next time.18 -
"You can teach my son to code. He doesn't like typing so just use that mouse thing (track pad). He's got an idea for an app (Flappy Birds clone) that'll make millions. It needs to be done tomorrow for his school computer project."
- Boss5 -
While helping my son with his C++ homework I noticed there was an actual shit ton of warnings in the teacher's code.
I'm beginning to think there is some merit in the maxim, "He who can does. He who cannot, teaches."
Uhheesh.3 -
Whenever I need to find bugs in my product, mostly mobile applications, I give it to my 5 year old son and say "Go, do your thing!"5
-
If you’re having SQL injection problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 tables but… fffffuck. Now i only have one ☹️4
-
So, my boyfriend's phone was stolen and my Google Drive account was synced on that phone. Also noticed that someone attempted to change my Gmail account. That dimwit does not know to whom he's messing with. Huh! I'm going to hunt that son of a gun and will make his life be tormented in hell! Muhuhuhahahahaha!19
-
im a programmer.
Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?
Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....
Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.17 -
Employee of a customer of my company asked if anyone was available for evening lessons of the basics if linux for his son because he needs this to go to the next year.
I'm going to teach the kid the basics tomorrow for as far as possible and will be paid as well 😊16 -
The collegue who I hang out with has resigned.. we together were known as the only Innovators of the project... Now suddenly My manager's behaviour towards has changed... He has started to treat me with real care as if Inam his son... 😂😂😂 The bastard is thinking I might resign as well 😏😏😏😏8
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Life story of every Dev in nutshell :
Everything is working perfectly as expected and no body congratulates Dev and no one gives a shit.
Single thing is broken and the whole universe be like : "Where the fuck is that son of a b*tch? Bring that bastard in front of me right now."
😡😡😡😡6 -
About 11 months I posted that my wife was pregnant. I now have upgraded to son 1.0. All without writing any tests!14
-
Got my new phone a few weeks ago, it rocks a 11000 mAh battery.
Was sceptical as for how long it'd last anyways so charged it last Sunday to see how long it will last with my usage (few hours of devRanting, loads of signalling and quite some firefoxing plus Spotify a lot):
At 40 percent now 😯35 -
Father: Son, you're capable of doing anything you want, you can conquer the world if you believe in your dreams.
10 years later...
Father: WTF, Python programmer? Really son?5 -
🤣🤣🤣
Somehow, my boss got his son, 19, working in a team of developers last week.
Son: i got ton of money and i dont need to do this. i inherit lot of properties from my dad.(trying to sound funny, superior, and boasting of his inheritance knowledge he might have learned in school during java class probably.)
A guy in the team: No you dont. You are like us.😎😎😎
Son: minds his own business now.
Damn that line made my day.
🤗👏👏👏👏
++ for this dude for insulting morons like this at work.
I may have to remove it on boss request if he see it. But for now hit as many ++ to show that idiot no body likes people like him.8 -
Boss asked one of our senior Linux engineers to look into an issue. When restarting a service, the person renting the server would get the errors e-mailed which occurred during the restart (it wasn't reachable so the service trying to reach it would throw errors).
Although this was very expected behavior, the client found it unacceptable! Boss asked the engineer to look into this while acknowledging that it was probably an impossible task except for if you'd just disable logging but then all debug info would be gone which we frequently use to debug stuff ourselves.
After two minutes:
E (engineer): fixed it.
V (boss): wait, WHAT? HOW?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A FIX OR WORKAROUND FOR AGES!
E (with the mist nonchalant/serious face): I disabled the log mailing in the configuration.
B: 😶
B: .
B: .
B: .
B: 😂
Everyone was laughing. The client thanked us for 'solving' it xD6 -
Yesterday I was updating the code in a linux server at 23:00.
My 6 year son look the terminal while i was typing and said:
"Dad, why you always write in block letters? I can read and write also in italics."
"Dear son, you are smarter than my PC."
11 -
"Oh c'mon, my 14 yr old son can change background color of entire website and you're charging me extra for simple face detection feature?"6
-
My dad finally lost all hope on me when I took my PC to the repair shop.
"Son, you're studying computer engineering"
"My apologies, papa"
What can I do ☹️ It wasn't booting at all.6 -
Web Developer Profanity:
Dreamweaver = Motherfucker
GoDaddy = Son of a Bitch
Wix = Go Fuck Yourselves
SquareSpace = Hipster Assholes
Web.com = Piles of dogshit
ASP = Pain in the Ass.15 -
Client: "we need a piece of software to have our son be able to talk again"
Me: "what can your son do physically?"
Client: "He can only grip something"
Me: "well, I suppose that is possible by using Intel ACAT, some synthesizer and some switches"
Client: "Never heard of ACAT, probably some small program that nobody else heard of"
Me: "It was used by a great man called Stephen Hawking. If it worked for him, it should work for your son"
Client: "Who is Stephen Hawking?"
Me: *urge to put client in wheelchair intensifies*14 -
My son, who is graduating soon with degrees in game programming and economics, found this. Very true.
4 -
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WINDOWS???
You change the icon for the multi desktop button... ok fine,
*clicks*
son of a bitch now contains Bing Ads
Fuck you Windows, and Fuck me for not being able to find a linux distro that will fucking boot after install correctly, and FUCK you acer for not having linux support.
28 -
Dear son: when I ask you to stop using Netflix because I need all the network juice for a work-related call, please do close it or play a downloaded movie. Don't just turn the volume off...4
-
True story. During meeting, our manager asked us, how the data flow. Our lead programmer response, "PHP will produce Son of Jay output, and read by Javascript".
Our manager; "Hmm... Interesting"5 -
When my brain is on turbo boost mode to complete my coding projects and my parents are like "son stop playing with your laptop, do some productive work, think of your future". 🙂🔫5
-
Programmer's son asks his father:
Dad, why do the sun rises on the east and sets on the west ?
Father: It works ! Do not dare to touch it.4 -
If you let me use your WiFi, I feel bad for you son.
I can see your 99 problems, and porn is definitely one!
😉😂😂😂😂7 -
Son: Dad what's a infinite loop?
Dad: I don't know ask your mom!.
Son: Mom what's a infinite loop?
Mom: I don't know ask your dad!.
Son: Dad what's a infinite loop?
Dad: I don't know ask your mom!.
Son: Mom what's a infinite loop?
Mom: I don't know ask your dad!
........ 😒4 -
// family tech support
Dad: *Opens Microsoft Word*
Dad: *Writes stuff*
Dad: *Saves the file as "Doc1.docx" (every time)*
Dad: Son, where did I save my file? I can't find it.2 -
My dad said to me once: "Son, when you're older... you can become anything you want. The sky is the limit!"
So my response: "Really dad? Wow!! I want to become an astronaut!!"
My dad: "God damnit son... why don't you ever listen?! I said the SKY is the limit!!"
So now I am a very down to earth programmer.4 -
Someone just gave this cloths to my son, and I think only me as developer that very happy about it.
🐘🐘🐘
11 -
My son loves...loves Star Wars, so when Star Wars Battlefront (on the PC) went on sale, he jumped on it.
To my shock (I'm not a big gamer), the game is filled with hackers/cheaters that are able to give themselves 'god' mode, so they can kill in one shot and take no damage.
My son (and others in the game) keeps 'reporting' them, but it looks like an issue EA is ignoring.
My son keeps asking me "You're a programmer, can't you fix the game so they can't do that?"
Good lord...I could care less about russians "hacking" our election (moronic press, doesn't even know what that means), but hacking my son's favorite game!...hmm..wonder how long it would take me to drive to EA headquarters and find that SOB dev manager in charge?
I get it, cheaters are gonna cheat, but fix your friggin' code! Aren't you embarrassed!?
Don't give me any of that "we don't know how they are doing it..." nonsense. This is devrant, not <insert media outlet you hate>.13 -
My dad was a Novell Certified Engineer and my mom a Bachelor in Computer Systems, so I kinda admired them until one tragic day my dad suggested "Hey son why don't you make it using Access".1
-
So today I bought the firsts lego boxes for my eldest son and gave him his first long-term addiction...
Feels SO FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!4 -
Dad: “Hey son.. I have this new software called blablablu.."
Me: "yeah?.."
Dad: "well it's not working.. there's an error and it's not doing what I want.."
Me: "okay.. I don't know.. sorry.. I don't know that software.. I can't help you.."
Dad: "you're studying computer science... you should know what to do.."
You ****ing serious?! -.-14 -
*while visiting my parents once in while*
Mom : son, help! I have a problem with my [insert technological device here]!
Me : ugh... Here we go again. *Applies physical presence near mom and said problematic device*
Mom : oh, well... It's working now! Thanks!
Me : numberOfFixes++; // ¯\_(ツ)_/¯4 -
There's nothing like getting a angry client calling at 9am about their site being broken because their shit for brains son was messing around with my PHP.
They were legit cursing at me about how unprofessional and shit i was. Good start to the day.6 -
The top two:
* the laziest intern ever!! He lived 100m from the office but was always late for the daily. Even managed to forget his fucking laptop at home!! His mommy had to wake him up!!! He was so useless that I thought he was on the first year of his bachelor's degree and later the team said to me that he had finished it.
* some frat bro, got an internship thanks to daddy inside my ops team. He managed to insult everyone in his first week!!
So I had to tell his daddy, that his son will work under the office support team and will be in charge of the first level support for his branch. Daddy fired his son sorry as after two weeks!!1 -
My wife: Oh, hacking is so cool. Can you show me?
Me: Sure. So there I needed to upload the php file, while my netcat was sitting here in the terminal waiting for incoming...
My wife: Boring, BORING.
Me: ....
(At least my 5yr son appreciates the terminal more than she: typing 'sl' or watching star wars in ASCII art.)5 -
I know this is not a dev joke, but I laughed so hard:
Father bought a lie detector that makes "beep" whenever somebody lies around it. The son comes home this afternoon.
Father ask him:
"So, you where at school today, right ?"
Son:"Yeah"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"OK, OK, I was in a cinema"
Detector:"Beep."
Son:"Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:"What ?! At your age I would never touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs:"Ha ha ha, he really is your son!"
Detector: "Beep."1 -
A bosses son started working with us today. Found out at 5pm I'm now expected to give him a lift to and from work each day because he doesn't drive. This is a boss who easily earns 5 times my wage and isn't offering anything in return. He doesn't even live close or on the way.7
-
The music I hear while coding can describe my current mood:
Dubstep and other electronic music -> chilled and focused
Movie soundtracks -> everything I do today is working fine
Anime Openings/JPop -> in desperate need for motivation
Metal -> why is that son of a code not working?!
What kind of music do you listen to while coding?17 -
Our youngest female proyect member has finally delivered her first son.
Now the time of dank puns about releasing, delivering and downloading has finally come 😁1 -
Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.4
-
My son has started learning javascript at school, but he is complaining that all the $ signs are ugly! Yep, they're teaching the kids with jquery.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😱😱😱7 -
My mom said her patient's son—or son in law I can't remember—is a software engineer...
Time to recruit someone into devRant! :D12 -
One of the owners of the company I work for is teaching programming to the lady's son who cleans the office. They are poor people but with a good heart. It is so good to know that if he takes this opportunity, he could help his family in the future. This is awesome.3
-
50 years from now, this might be a conversation I have with my son and grandson"
Me: "I remember the time we had a dot matrix printer"
Son: "What's a dot matrix printer?"
Grandson: "What's a printer?"2 -
hmm let's see
>atheist propaganda during lunch time
>fascist propaganda during lunch time
>praising the rival of the football team boss supports
>suggesting we should drink alcohol in work hours
>teaching minecraft to boss' son
>talking bad about star wars VII even though boss liked it6 -
Dad?.. what is a super hero?
- it's an hero amongst heroes. oftentimes ordinary heroes inherit traits from super.
It's basic inheritance, son. -
My son is remote learning, 5th grade.
When the teacher calls on one of the student's named Alexa and asks a question... some kids with Alexa devices in their house get the answer for free....9 -
After running tests, code review, coverage test ... And your application crashes in the middle of a demo in front of your PM and your coworkers.
Coworkers : "When you try your best but you don't succeed ..." (Coldplay song)
PM : DAMN SON! WHERE'D FIND THIS ?4 -
Today I visited my best friend. His little son of 6yo also loves computers and technology.
I thought it would be fun to show him some old stuff, like a floppy disk 💾
I almost peed my pants laughing when he said: "Wow cool!! You 3D-printed a save button!!" 😂3 -
Every time I read "JSON" I get Heavy Rain in my head.
"Jason! Ja-son! Jason!"
https://youtu.be/nN81CU2b9rA?t=593 -
I’m 42 years old and you can't imagine how complicated it has become to get a job in Latin America, they make you feel old and disposable. But I have a son to raise and I will not rest until I find a better job.12
-
Son of a fucking bitch I forgot to pay the fucking internet bill and now my connection is down until the fucking payment processes.
Fucking shit I can't do a damn thing without internet bruh.16 -
Me: Dad, what are you doing with my facebook account
Dad: Just seeing your news feed son
Me: you don't know my password
Dad: Yes...you just logged in one of my phishing pages.
Me: But when did you learn these things?...you don't even know how to send a mail
Dad: Go, drink some gelusil son3 -
I've had to surrender my rubber duck to my son for him to play with while bathing. This guy just got the job as a replacement :)
6 -
dad to uncle: you know, my son is a programmer
uncle to me: what do you do son, as a programmer
me: catch bugs
uncle( thinking ): 🐞🐞🐝🐝
uncle: I hope you find a better job in the future!!1 -
My wife wants to name our son "Jason". I suggested "JSON" but she didn't respond code 200. She's a doctor. :-/2
-
It boils my blood when a dev (yes, a dev) says - "Hey could you please check X, I am getting an error."
FUCKING TELL ME WHAT ERROR, YOU TROGLO-FUCKING-DYTE IDIOT SON OF A WHORE6 -
My 10 month old foster-son just claimed my rubber duck as his own. Now I'm going to have to walk through my debugs with both of them!1
-
- my son, can you fix the window ?
=ok dad *after a while * I installed win10 try it now.
-wtf I meant the window of my room, bring me back my lovely Xp1 -
Bought a micro:bit for me and my son. It's awesome! He's also learning super fast. He's 7 y/o and already creating something on it. First thing i've learned him: Array starts at 0 😎
-
My dad coded in vim.
I code in VS Code.
My son will code in VS Code.
But his son, will code in vim.13 -
It came to me, a brilliant idea, a simple solution to an everyday problem and easy route to market. Great, starts looking for domains and writes down idea in full in case i forget. Later that day, picks up 12 year old son from school, tells him my great idea. He told me how shit it was and why straight away.5
-
person who didn't know the difference between JavaScript and Java, and yet somehow was a senior engineer.... Bosses Son2
-
School homework for my 7 year old son: "Exercise to learn to copy".
I hope the next step will be "How to use Stackoverflow".
😂😂😂😂
4 -
!rant
I just dreamed about a 6-year old kid looking for me to ask me what is a pipeline. A CPU pipeline.
I felt so happy to explain (I was that into computers when I was 11 or so) that I couldn't start, I woke up first.
Time to have a son/daughter?3 -
//Today 8:41 am
Mom: Son, the printer is messed up again(for the 12th time)
Me: Mom, again I don't know whats wrong with it
Mom: but you did computers and stuff
Me: send me a picture
// I go buy the same exact model i replace it.
Mom: Son, why is it black?
Me: :/1 -
The moment I told my client that I can't do the ewallet project for RM 30 which is so underpriced.
He call his son who is a lawyer to sue me for the blablabla....
.......
3 -
Son: I've done good investment in Bitcoins
Dad: What is the rate of interest in Bitcoins?
Son: There is no such thing called rate of interest in Bitcoins. Bitcoins are virtual currency. It's kind of money itself.
Dad: So you gave money and got back money? It's not called as an investment. It's called getting change!5 -
After dropping my c++ book, I just gifted my python book to a store keeper, in the hope that one day may be her twelve year son will become one of us, a programmer.
-
Today I showed my dad some of the projects I’ve been woking on, he said to me son show me something that makes money.
I had nothing.13 -
The moment when you realize, that you have a more careful backup for your dotfiles than for the pictures of your newborn son
1 -
!rant
New years resolutions:
1. Reading all 16 books on my goodreads list
2. Learn Clojure
3. Switch job to a company which appreciates my skills more
4. Be the best dad my son could wish for5 -
So the dev team got invited to a management team meeting. First order of business: Happy Birthday Betty!!! Yey!! Second on the agenda: How's you son Dylan doing at school? Yey!?!? After fucking around for 25 minutes: why are the development team here? OHH! We didn't mean to invite you, must be a mistake. WELL FUCK YOU, AND YOUR SON DYLAN AND YOUR BIRTHDAY BETTY, YOU THINK WASTING OUR FUCKING TIME IS FUN!?
-
opened up my laptop at the car dealership where I am chilling at rn while I wait on my car's service to be done.
I open my laptop and start working on some small fix that I had forgotten about for work.
OMG guess what? no one is looking at me doing shit in the computer because in reality no one gives a flying fuck like most of you attention whores wanna make it sound like.
No one thinks you are hacking because you opened up a terminal in public.
Bola de jotos ridiculos.15 -
Dialogue when I entered the room of a co-worker, and it wasn't an individual office.
Me: YO MAMA her son bitching 'bout compiler licence?
Him: Kiss my ass!
Me: Could cram a wet roll of toilet paper down your pants.
Him: Yeah that'd come pretty close.
Other co-workers: WTF?12 -
My 82 year old mother’s follow up question to family member who said her son was a moving to Atlanta, GA to be a Network Engineer.
Oh like CNN?
When she was kid her family owned a crank phone.1 -
Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.6 -
Today I took my son to a C++ Meetup in north Denver, he was asked if he was going to become a developer, he said yes. Woohoo! 😃2
-
Taught myself to code in the wee hours while my wife and son slept after working and finishing my actual collegiate schoolwork. I continue to learn daily and the process is pretty much the same, minus the schoolwork.
-
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. -
A computer? We can't afford that shit.
Later...
Here son. Mom took this from her Job, they were going to trash it anyways. Go nuts.
Sister oh here are all my dev books. I am doing something else now.3 -
Advice from my father : "Don't become a developer son"
And here I am a developer without any money and life.
Oh wait.. We supposed to write a bad advice??!3 -
All these certifications and capabilities and years of IT experience and I find myself writing analytics against Minecraft logs for my kids's MC server to determine that my son really is being a jerk in game like my daughters claim.2
-
Spends 5 days working from home at my desk.... Stressful week...
Spends weekend playing diablo 3 with son at same desk.... Relaxing...
Wife says I need to get out more.... *looks outside* raining...3 -
Always on the lookout for freelance projects but can't even make a website for dad's business.
alert("Disappointing Son");3 -
While spending time with my girlfriend and son in Moscow, I tried to reach back to some recruiters on LinkedIn .. but there is no access from Russian dns!! I can't even make the app work!!9
-
left the office early today to see my 2 years old son before he goes to bed.
it's 11pm and I'm working from home, gonna wake up around 5:30am to commute to work.
I really need to move closer to work3 -
Today my favorite fish died.
It was my first fish - a Betta Splendens.
My son cried, he like it because it was blue.1 -
Windows - how can someone possible get something done?
I gave up and are now installing windows for my son so he can install a game that only exists under windows.
Did a clean install, no network drivers found. Looked under device manager and tried to find out what network card there is on his computer. Unknown device :@
Finally found the manufactures dvd, ofcourse we get some bloatware, killer network manager.
Tried to uninstall it, the drivers was also uninstalled. :O Had to install it again and do some googling and finally found some pure drivers. Uninstalled the f*** Killer software again, and then installed the pure drivers. It works :)
Then I tried the speakers ... :@
Thank god my son is in school and can't hear my language right now.
13 -
In college while submitting the java application project to the teacher.....
Teacher : The project is really great son, but do tell me how does your code work.
Me :
2 -
Had another meeting today. The solution architect said two insulting jokes about developers like:
"The devs will nevertheless mess it up"
Devs are the ones who make chaos
This meeting was with a customer and his developer. I was just furious!
This useless son of a bitch needs to learn his lesson3 -
My team member was struggling with his .json files, so to cheer him up, I came up with a joke;
"Don't worry, if the program doesn't work, I'll be your yaaaii son"7 -
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.3 -
Update came for the cpu thingies. Seems to be fixed because i cant access the cpu registers like before. But damn son it slows the pc down, fuck.
Thinking about switching to a ryzen3.4 -
BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH1
-
It's just after midnight.
I have a heavy workload starting tomorrow.
Going to require lots of time away frm my wife and son.
They're all in bed, but I am awake.
My only dilemma at this point:
Work on my side project?
Or play Command And Conquer?2 -
What is Object oriented programming:
Father - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 750ml or 1 ltr??
Mother - Son, go and get Red Label
Son - 500gms or 1 kg??!!
Disclaimer: I don't own this content.4 -
Windows son of a bitch, motherfucker, moron, fucking dog, sister fucker, RAM fucker, PC fucker, fucking antimalware mother fucking shit motherfucker.4
-
Never believe that you have the benefits of a work from home internship, with stipend; and the comfort of your home.
Indian parents be like, "Beti bachao beti padhao; beta dhaniya lao pudina lao"...
Which translates to, "Save daughters, educate daughters; son go bring dhaniya and pudina from the market"...
Dhaniya and Pudina are some vegetables, whose translation I don't know :P2 -
In this world where everyone is a lying son of a bitch, being truthful is hot as fuck. Be hot as fuck!4
-
The hand of IT guy in family
My family sees me as guy who works on IT stuff. The best part is that I will have to help them whenever they encounter problem regarding electronics in daily activities.
Son! The internet is not working
Son! The printer is not working
Son! The TV is not working
Son! My phone didnt get any signals
Son! The microwave is not working
Son! The TV remote is not working
Son! Why is this whatsapp popup always appear whenever I opened it
Son! The dvd player is not working
Son! My phone wont charged
Son! I want to buy online stuff
Son! The email that ur uncle sent me cannot be opened
Son! The email that ur aunt sent me is not there
Son! Can u help me download this travelling app
Son! I opened a website and it told me that I have 163718362 virus!
Son! I forget my password of my facebook account!
Son! Some guy idk on facebook added me as his/her friends, what should i do?
....
Son! The internet is not working (again)
The fact is that, most if these problem, I helped them by just.. restarting the router, reboot the router for 1 min interval, find specific toggler in disfunctional hardware that they accidentally hit during sweeping the floor, take out the power and put it back again, show them how to's in many account/payment mechanism in apps, etc
The very best part that whenever they satisfied, whenever things back to work again, whenever they can reset the password:
"I've tried what you told me, but it just didnt work, but idk when u did it, it works! you are really an IT guy"
And i was like
🙃4 -
That one time I answered a question on a forum and another guy was like: "Damn son, I wish I had thought of that! Wanna hang at this code-LAN next weekend?" 😅
-
Solved one great issue today, one that was holding back the launching of my newest project. Laughed pretty hard when I did it, but the most special about solving it was when my dad saw the result and said "congrats son, it's perfect!"
-
After 10 years using Linux server my boss bough a new application that runs on Windows server with Apache.
It's just like when my son returns to an old play ground and finds the sand box.
P.S. Please give me a suggestion: what FTP server shall I use?
6 -
My 15 year old son witnessed our two male dogs licking each other's privates. My son, in some sort of shock, starts walking around the house saying "My dog is a homo sex you awl!" repeatedly (emphasis on how the syllables sounded).
I stopped him and said, "We need to talk about the birds and the birds."4 -
"How do I make this AI work?"
[Debugs]
[Dirtyphonics and Sullivan King - Vantablack plays in background]
o shit here we go son
[ends up typing its lyrics while testing the chatbot]
Chatbot's response to the clusterfuck: "I don't understand"2 -
Woke up this morning from a stressful week, thought fuck it and booked a nice hotel in York with a pool for me wife and son. Just enjoying yet another pint after an enjoyable day. Ready for the fan covered in shit.4
-
This year has been rough. No programming. 3 great job applications snuffed. Currently unemployed, and all my recent job experience in a field I don't want to continue working in due to not making my 3 career options. (Military and policing sort of thing)
So since I'm off for the holidays, and looking to really get back into computer work, I've come back to devRant. Missed you guys. <3
Now I've got to actually get good at something, and preferably employed in doing it. Any advice or stories are appreciated :D (but my mom said not to listen to strangers on the internet, so...)3 -
That awkward moment when you tell your family that you're participating in a hackintosh.
Their response: Why would you do any such thing? Hacking other people is not a good thing son.
Me: It's time to leave earth2 -
Title earned: "Figlio del capo" - "The boss' son"
Earned by oversleping literally next door, because you forgot to set up an alarm.
Even though my presence wasn't really required today 🤷♂️9 -
!dev
god damn tabacco addiction is a son of a birch 😣😫 everything feels so boring and unsatisfactory without it6 -
Have you ever felt that you are just existing mechanically like a robot?
I went through a dark phase and came out on the other side stronger. Though people helped me but technically I was all alone.
I have had countless people tell me that I inspire them.
I used to get approached by so many every week for mentorship and career advice.
One of my closest college friend said he survived extreme Schizophrenia and depression because of my support.
Hell, I have had people tell me that they are alive today because of me.
I never bragged about my achievements unless asked. People said they feel light and positive after talking to me. They felt I gave them a sense of purpose.
I used to have immense clarity in my life. My life path used to be crystal clear.
Many even said I am the happiest they met.
But with recent narcissist abuse, all my life, emotions, and positive energy drained out of me. Literally squeezed. My biggest regret.
I can no longer feel a soul within me. I cannot feel happiness. I am fucking lost.
I am just existing like a mechanical machine and I hate it. This is taking me longer to heal than the time frame I anticipated.
I feel this will take some more time for me to heal but I am 100% sure I'll fucking bounce back and bounce harder.
I'll dream again...
I'll smile again...
I'll make new friends again...
I'll love again... I'll live again... -
tomorrow i will go to the hospital with my son for three days. mobile phone is officially prohibited and wifi not free but buggy. since they do not seem to know what year it is i just hope the anaesthesia is not just aether.4
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I would like to have more time to work on the old, lonely, dust gathering site I started to build. There was a lot of new skills I wanted to test and train. But my personal life is getting stressful in the last time. Wife broke her leg and my son started in kindergarten.
I'm starting a new job in Dec, so I quit my current job. I had to reduce my work hours to collect my son from kindergarten. Sounds like I have much time now? Nope, there somehow is few time for programming. I enjoy bouldering (thats where the leg thing happend 🙄) and that's where even more of my time goes.
I see my project become ugly in the meantime, because there are even more new things I read about and would like to use... -
Not exactly vacation, but there was this nice-to-have feature in our application that I coded up in the hospital after my wife gave birth to our son. I wrote it during the downtime while they were both sleeping.3
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My mom doesn't know what I do for a living. All she can confidently do is tell her friends is "My son works with computers".2
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Hello World! Told my son to press "ok" for all questions. So now, I have to look for backups of projects. Not sure id git push
-
mom: son you received a package
me: wow 😍 (expecting stressball)
mom: oh nice, it is great
me: wow (so fast international delivery)
mom: it an invitation to a state level event organised by state government
me: yeah, mom i applied for it.
stress over stressball -
My son used an ASUS Live L1 for about 3 years, and then we bought a new smartphone 1 year ago. Cool, except that the e-mail address he registered with Live L1, no longer exists, has been permanently deleted. His newest phone was stolen, and we took the L1 to set it up again. Only... Google wants him to log in to the original email (FRP Lock) that no longer exists.
How absurd, the L1 cell phone was never marked as stolen, and now we are unable to use our property. Is there a way for my son to convince google that the phone is his?
Microsoft, Google, Apple... They give the impression that people give money and use devices as if they were a "favor".12 -
I propably mentioned it in an earlier rant but my father was a programmer, my grandfather was a programmer, and thus my son shall be too.10
-
If you're having merge problems I feel bad for you son, you've got 99 problems but my branch ain't one!1
-
"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes
I'm a fucking idiot. -
after a long time i discovered that my nearest neighbours' son knows about CS stuff and another direct neighbor could potentially have a job for me to offer as a developer - and that neighbours' son is working for him.
what a freaking coincidence to finally have someone to talk to about tech who is not about a million miles distance and to also get a possible job in near future
i would say win-win for all of us😎😄1 -
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Then Ok.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.
Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK
That's business...!!2 -
devRant and google. And amazon. And the internet in general. And my wife. And my 2 month old son.
It's a wonder I ever get anything done... -
FUUUUUCK had one of those fucking days again where I just want to cram a keyboard down somebody's throat.
Son of a fuck how is it possible to be so irritated!?
-
Polymorphism (Object Oriented) explained:
Father: Son, go and get Red Label.
Son: Full or Half?
2) Mother: Son, go and get Red Label.
Son: 100g or 250g? -
Trying to play Warframe with my son. Why do I spend 3 hours updating Steam and/or Warframe and troubleshooting drivers and settings for every 1 hour of play?1
-
Best part of being a (freelance) dev : working from home, being able to see my newborn son slowly growing up. Not easy to run after clients days after days, but I don't regret the silly project managers, the dumbasses from the marketing, and, gosh, I don't miss the CTOs. :)1
-
Some relatives visited me last night. As soon their son realized I'm a coder, he started asking me silly questions e.g. he had installed some silly hitman game and asked me to tell him reason for it wasn't working on his system.
WTF man? How could I tell you the reason without even looking at the installation or error. -
"npm i {name} - - save-dev"
-ERROR: "{name} needs {dependency} v5.0.1"
"Oh, okay, I install that one then, no problem"
"npm i {dependency@5.0.1} - - save-dev"
-ERROR: "{dependency@5.0.1} needs {dependency} v3.1.1}
"Oh, okay, makes sens I guess, I'll" install that one to then."
"npm i {dependency@3.1.1} - -save-dev"
ERROR:"Nah"
"Son of a.."8 -
Son: Mom, we need to buy an editor so that I can code.
Mom: We have an editor at home
Editor at home: Vim
Even after several years, the son still remembers it and puts up a Vim sticker on his car in honor of the editor at every home.
-
Everything has a tag in my son classroom.
"Window" on the window.
It seem a new project with clear names for everything.
I would like to see if at the end of the year the class will be so tindy.
5 -
Was going to work on learning more about creating APIs in ASP. Net core today. Instead playing video games with my son. Much more fun!
-
If u were teaching ur son/daughter developing and program how would u go about it ?
PS
Me i would get him/her interested and let them find there own way it more fun this way6 -
One aged person went to banker and said my son is not in country, and he asked me to withdraw money from his mutual fund account. Can you help.
Banker replied, do you have withdraw form signed. If not then can you copy his sign.
Elder guy tried it and stupid banker accepted withdraw form as well.1 -
I read this post somewhere where this son of a bitch created 4 5 accounts, then submitted fake PRs across those accounts to each other during Hacktoberfest.
People like these are fucking losers absolutely destroying the credibility of a event like Hacktoberfest.
People like them would sell of their own fucking soul for a T shirt
Do you agree?3 -
This happened today !
Mom : Son, there is a python sleeping at the door, I need some help.
Me : Don't worry mom, I have anaconda, type conda activate and then python run. Matter is solved.
Mom : Anaconda ?? 🙄
Meaanwhile Me : Ohh shit, I need to rest 🤣2 -
Son: Dad jokes are just bad.
Me: That is why they are called "bad jokes".
Son: I hate you...
Me: I know.1 -
Goddamned Firestick keeps rebooting. I think my wife accidentally bricked it somehow. It's a very delicate little snowflake of an operating system.
On the plus side, it forces us to find a more productive hobby than watching endless TV.
On the downside, now we have no Thomas and Friends for our son.4 -
Most controversial commie decision ever?
China forcing young gamers to use their real name and only play for 1 hour 3 days a week or on public holidays.
https://pcgamer.com/china-really-do...34 -
*clears voice*
FUCK EMMC AND 32BIT UEFI WITH A BIG RUSTY POLE.
Wow that helped actually...
Now then... If anyone has any suggestions on how to actually boot Ubuntu after installation on Asus x205ta I will give them my first born son.
😈😈8 -
Stepped away from the computer after doing a bunch of work with a bunch of programs open. Come back to find it rebooted itself AGAIN with no prior warning despite my having set preferences to keep it from doing so. Son of a ...2
-
Just created a new project folder. Dropped it into the filing cabinet right next to the folder i already created for this project. Son of a bitch.
-
In my quest to ditch iPhone, due to there ridiculous prices, i have been looking at android based alternatives. Never (ever) used android b4. So, as my son is getting to that age that he is pleading for a phone, I decided to buy a Wiley Fox Swift 2. This has been great as my son loves it. From a UI perspective it really makes iPhone seem dated. From a UX perspective, fuck me, it needs work. Comparatively IOS is such a piece of piss to configure and use. I don't envisage that I will switch to android any time soon my wallet is not going to be happy.5
-
Everyone seems to enjoy posting their debuggers so meet the team:
Slash, Classic Duck, Varys, and a Son of the Harpy repainted to look like my D&D character courtesy of my roommate
1 -
The more code I write the worse I feel as a programmer. Just me?
An 80's programmer once said to her son, my friend a writer, "Don't be self deprecating".
Time to refactor my thoughts.
-
New Holiday idea: Bring your console to work day.
To show what your doing in the time you are not playing with them.
PS. Not sexist, your game PC can also come. -
New day, new rant...
Yesterday was this: https://devrant.com/rants/1121939/...
So my daughter feels better, and I am getting ready for work, but alas, now my son has a fever.
I'm thinking having children and programming don't get along together...2 -
SMH at parents who fall for online scams, and won't listen to me, their computer science educated son, that it is indeed a scam and do not pay them $400 to fix a pop-up.
-
1. Pop breth mints to cover the smell of Jack in my coffee.
2. Headphones + NPR because my cube farm is loud AF and the owners idiot son sits right next to me watching YouTube comedy all day.
3. Check calander and commit log while VS loads our 100 project solution.
4. Get cracking -
Let me try the two sentence horror thing. Here it goes:
It's getting late, and my son is yet to return from his private programming class. I looked through his laptop, and his teacher is some guy named Carl H.8 -
Man it really sucks to be a stranger among hundreds of people. You're are not alone but you're lonely and that sucks more. Currently attending a wedding function of daughter or son of co-worker of my mom because I had to drive her to this place.
How can i make this situation good?3 -
Dad: Son, please put a liner in the trash.
Son: Argh, okay... <grumbles and starts>
Dad: Its just a one liner. It doesn't even have to be funny.
Son: <GROAN!> ... I hate you ...1 -
Wish me luck. Starting today on building a modular CCTV camera and alarm system for my home.
Gonna try to integrate accelerometers on the windows to detect when the glass vibrates too much or for too long, as opposed to sonic glassbreak sensors, which also trigger upon my son crying. -
fallacy of a "good child". m:mom/dad s:son/daughter , o: outcome.
counter : 1
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
s : yes sure
o : son is good
counter : 2
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
s : yes sure, give me 5 mins
after 5 mins...
--case 1 : m is still waiting, s comes and does the work
---o : son is bad since son let m wait
--case 2 : m did half of x and says "just teach me how this part is done, and i will do it on my own". s teaches
---o : son is bad since son didnot do the task
--case 3 : m does the whole x work
---o : son is bad since son did not do the task
counter 3
m : Son, can you do this thing x for me?
case 1)s : why can't you do it yourself? i taught you last time?
--- o : son is bad
case 2) yes give me 5 mins
---o : same as cases of counter 2, i.e all are bad
counter : misc
m : why didn't you do x for me beforehand? why do i need to tell you everytime?
case 1 s : woah! when did you say to do it each day?
--- o1 : son is bad since he cross questioned
case 2 s : oh am sorry, i forgot
--- o2 : son is bad as he intentionally forgets
----
am i not seeing enough politics in the office each day to handle another black tag on me? i sometimes delay a task assigned to me, sometimes want other to just understand and do it on their own. but why does it always end up making me a bad offspring?1 -
!rant
In case you're struggling to learn something new, read this article to feel better. Else just read it anyway to feel better.
https://khanacademy.org/talks-and-i...
always keep learning ;) -
I HATE THIS SLOWLY FUCKASS CHEAPIE COMPUTER IT'S SO SLOWWWWW
I can't focus and actually do antything you nasty typerfucker son of a breach and I have to do CSS with the biggest headache ever holy fucking adamantine shitty shit -
Went to check out some IT/Developer educations with my youngest son who will hopefully be graduating high-school next may. At one of the educations they actually used javascript as a *cough* programming *cough* language to start learning these kids the basics ... I guess that rules out at least 1 place to start his new studies.8
-
SQL Developer imports. Fucking SQL Developer imports!
"insert failed for rows 800-899"
y u no tell which row specifically and why, you goddamn hateful son of a bitch!?!?! -
Okay chrome debugger extension in vs code where the fuck is my page. Why the hell cant I see it you hateful son of a bitch.
-
Watching Invincible with my son:
Me: Son, I can't fly.
Son: Okay.
Me: Son, I can't run faster than a cheetah.
Son: Okay.
Seemed relevant at the time. -
Me yesterday: finally weekend is coming, I'll start the research for this cool app idea that I want to make for a side project
Me today: Suma1l you magnificent son of a bitch, that blademail surprise... (I'm watching Dota vods on bed while eating snack endlessly) -
Son of a fucking dumbass bitch
Aaahhhh i dont know anything
I cant even fucking use my fucking mf brain
Madarchod bhosda h mera dimag
Ma ki chut bc3 -
Dad woke his son up and said
"it's 7 am, wake up and get to work, you lazy shit" .
Son shouted "Don't worry , my service runs in Utc time zone"😂😂😂 -
Tip of the year? I bought an iPhone 7 because the battery in my 3 year old iPhone 5s was very bad. It had less than 25% of its original capacity.
I gave the 5s to my son but quickly realized that he could not use a phone with such a bad battery. We therefore considered buying him a brand new 5s.
Luckily I found out that repair shops can actually replace the battery! I thought that this was not possible. So now my son has a 'new' iPhone 5s for 1/10 of the price of a new 😄1 -
From MorningBrew newsletter
Social Medias Plan Dinner in Group Chat
Facebook: Hey everyone, hoping to plan din for tonight, how do people feel about Thai? Also my handsome son just graduated look how handsome he is
LinkedIn: I endorse your leadership skills in choosing the dinner spot
*MySpace has left the conversation*
Facebook: Thank god lol
Twitter: Well this dinner blew up. I've got nothing to promote, so follow me on SoundCloud
Vine: Haha potatoes
*Vine has left the conversation*
Facebook: Where did Vine go? Vine was hilarious :( also my son is so handsome he got a job
LinkedIn: Where does your handsome son work? Hoping to connect further. Best
Twitter: No idea where Vine went lmao
Venmo: i'll pay you for "dinner"
Snapchat: y so ~sketch~ Venmo
Venmo: My mom has this
Snapchat: tru
Yik Yak: All of you were horrible in your respective high school plays. Everyone laughed at you
Facebook: Can we pivot to Russian for tonight? No reason
Twitter: Look facebook is the evil one
Facebook: JK can't do tonight anymore guys going to Congress. Also my son got a promotion
LinkedIn: Congrats, Handsome Son!1 -
Another weekend. What's the plan ? Are Ya winning, Son?
Previous Week : https://devrant.com/rants/839571816 -
There are son good page for improve your CS Education for example https://www.udacity.com is perfect, with some program like nanodegree you can study an present you software and work with company that like your project
-
Today my son broke an ankle during soccer practice, told him to walk it off, fucking wimp. My wife called me insensitive, but if he was never aware of the fact he truly broke it, we would've been fine and saved some money.
Gratefully I finished my project for work and now I'm getting a promotion!!! It can only go up from here.4
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