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My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:
Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!
YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!13 -
Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.
I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.
Suddenly the production is down.
Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.
That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.24 -
Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️14 -
Me: "Delete this file."
Windows: "Someone is using it."
Me: "Who?"
Windows: "I can't say."
Me: "I checked using a utility. It says your file explorer is the one using it!"
Windows: "Well, I had to show a preview."
Me: "Why?"
Windows: "Because you selected the file to delete it!"
Credit: https://twitter.com/cmuratori/...9 -
Church proyect...
Client: we want our logo in our new website
Me: ok no problem just give me the....
Client: but we dont want ppl to be able to download it.
Me: excuse me but that is not posible cuz...
Client: where is your faith! Nothing is imposible.
Me: proceed to stare in disbelief....26 -
Client: is it possible to make my computer unhackable, untraceable, and make it to were it can never get viruses?
Me: yes!
Client: How?
Me: Just don't go on the internet.16 -
* The app is almost ready, boss asked me to show the progress.
Boss: The design is bad, I don't like it 🤔
Me: I just implemented the design, which is approved
Boss: Really? because I "feel" that the design is bad on the screen.
Me: Okay 😐, can you tell me what exactly the part to change?
Boss: I don't know, *calls the designer
Designer: *showing his PSDs* yes it is the same, and you [the boss] approved it.
Boss: Ok make some changes to make it feel better.
Me: (Inside: 😡 ) ok, have you some suggestions?
Boss: dunno,
Me: at least tell me what is wrong with it
Boss: dunno
Me:🤢26 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.14 -
Client: Why is this not working?
Me: Because the feature expect a...
Client: I sure hope you won’t expect your client to want to know all these teach behind this feature, as a client, I just expect it to work.
Me: Ok...
Client: So why isn’t it working now? WHY?
Me: 🤦🏽♂️
Client: I need a response!
Me: It is not working because...
Client: Stop telling me logics!! I just want it to work. Why isn’t it working...
Me: It is not working because I fucked up. It will work after I fix it.
Client: Why isn’t it working though... I don’t understand why...
Me: Just let me fix it and it will work...
Client: Why can’t you tell me why... it’s not good communication... (hangs up)12 -
my mother brought me a external hard drive.. she asked me can i check what is wrong with it.. i opened it up and i just began to laugh
9 -
Me being a good collegue teaching my friend basic C++ for upcoming exam and trying my best not tore my friend apart.
Crime scene: university's library, today, 1PM.
Me: Create a new class, just type 'class' and hit TAB
Him: I'm trying to but it pastes some code
Me: That's the point of hitting TAB.. now that we are finished, include it in your main file, the one with main entry point
Him: I have no such thing
Me: Look for main function
Him: There's none, what is it called?
Me: ...main
Him: Yeah, what is it called?
Me: ..main, the name is main
Him: I get it, but what is it called?
Me: 'MAIN' FOR GODS SAKE, THE NAME IS 'MAIN' *points towards my code*..
Him: Oh, okay, I get it now
Me: Ok, let's compile
*Error pops on his screen*
Him: You know what, I don't think you can really program.. *closes laptop and walks away*.
FML16 -
Client: Urgent! App is crashing!
Me inside: Wtf, Crashlytics didn’t send me anything, it betrayed me...
Me: What’s wrong?
Client: Some random user sent me email that app is crashing SOMEWHERE(!?)
Me: ................................... no problem, I’m working on it.
*Tomorrow*
Me: Fixed, everything works fine now (didn’t do anything actually)
Client: Great, nice work!
Client never mentioned that “problem “ anymore.
#likeaboss4 -
Googles best javascript framework.
1st link: react is the best one.
Me: Ignore
2nd link: Angular is the best one.
Me: ignore.
.
.
.
8th link: Vue is the best one.
Me: I knew it.18 -
Colleague: OOP is so elegant, isn't it? *Stares at me with a greedy smile*
Me: ?
Colleague: look how classy it gets!
Kms2 -
Friend : This is our logo for the site you are building for us.
Me: Wtf!! This is just a picture with text on it, do you have copyright of this picture?
Friend : who cares, we found it on google and we liked it.
Me: It may create trouble later
Friend: nothing...Just us it, we don’t have $150 for logo design
Me:🧐
After few weeks
Friend: Hey best, we have problem with logo, there is this guy who keep emailing us about copyright, any advice
Me: you know the solution the $1501 -
Me typing
git rebase --help
GF: What!? Oh... nevermind it says rebase. I thought it said rebae.
Me: What?
GF: I'm the only bae you need in your life!
Me: ... This is going on devrant.2 -
Non-dev coworker (ndc) sees me using google chrome: I don't understand why chrome is so popular. I hate it and don't know why anyone would use it.
Me: what browser do you use?
NDC: internet explorer.
Me: why do you like ie better than chrome?
NDC: it does everything chrome can do and it's free.
Me: ie can NOT do everything chrome can do and chrome is free. You just have to download it from google.
NDC: no I read that chrome is proprietary software and why would I pay to use it when ie is free.
Me: ie is also proprietary software. Proprietary doesn't necessarily mean it costs money it's just not open source. Plus ie is not free. You paid for it when you bought the windows license that came with your computer.
NDC: no ie was already on the computer when I bought it so I didn't have to pay for it.
Me: it was included in the price of the computer but you still paid for it.
NDC: whatever I'm going to keep using ie because it's free for me.
ARE YOU RETARDED???27 -
First day at new web dev job:
Me: what IDE do you guys use?
Coworker: Notepad/notepad++
M: Okay... Any version control?
C: Oh we don't need it. We just update the server pages.
*Boss walks in*
Boss: Heres the project for you to do just need you to rebrand this web app we made for client A for client B just need to change some scripts. Should only take afew hours.
I take a look. No comments. Not formatted. Missing braces and brackets. Semicolons at odd places and missing at others. 7802 lines of code...16 -
Gavin: "Christina, so how bad is this? Be honest. Is this windows Vista bad? It is not iPhone 4 bad, is it? Fuck, don't tell me this is Zune bad."
Christina: "Sorry Gavin. It is Apple Maps bad."11 -
Me: code quality is important
Everyone: <no shit given>
Director: code quality is important
Everyone: yes, it is very important, hurray!
Fast forward few weeks/months...
Me: why this function accepts 14 arguments?
ShitDev: yhm, you know, we need to fix it... maybe
Me: why this exception is swallowed?
ShitDev: oh, really? yhm, yhm
Me: why this function is copy-pasted and repeated (20 LoCs)?
ShitDev: yeah, true, but we wanted to make it fast.
Me: Dear director, this project sux and its quality is shit.
Director: you're exaggerating, it can't be that bad, it works, right?
Me: <polishing CV>
ShitDev: got praised for delivery14 -
Me: Mom, I'm learning a new programming language
Mom: How is it called
Me: go
Mom: do u like it?
Me: yes, it's pretty
Mom: do u like it more than linux?
37 -
Got fed up with Wix adverts on Facebook so I hid it. It then asked me why, so, as a Frontend Developer, I said Wix is offensive to me.
Tell me I'm wrong! 😉13 -
This is a true story
I am a freelance developer, i recently had this conversation with my client:
Client: Add multi language option to my website
Me: Ok, I need for it 3-5 days
Client: Why?
Me: I need to create multi language system, this
website is built from scratch without using any
framework
Client: No need to built it, Just enabled it i need it fast
Me: Sir there is no such thing to enable features that
does not exit
Client: Listen me, I need this feature today, enable it
and we are done.
Me: Thats not how it works..
Client: I know how it works, i have hacking certificate15 -
Programming is a bit like a partner or is to me:
It helps me
It annoys me
I love it
I hate it
Drives me insane
Bores me to death
Excites me beyond belief
Makes me feel dumb
Makes me feel clever
Supports me
Confuses me
Some days it's beautiful
Some days it's unattractive
But going to be together for a long time through all the ups and downs.3 -
Manager: Make the page look like Apples.
Me: What is it you like about their page?
Manager: I don't know, it just makes me feel good.3 -
Me: "Delete this folder"
Windows: "Oki, done."
Me: "How is it still there, F5. Still there! Hey, you forgot to delete this one file. Fix it."
Windows: "Nope."
Me: "Why?"
Windows: "Requires permissions."
Me: "Eh, it was my file, but here you are, my admin credentials."
Windows: "None shall pass."
Me: "Wtf, this is my computer. Who owns this file?"
Windows: "No one."
Me: "What do you mean? Oh, time for your reboot pills, ms. Wandows."
Windows: "Noooooo... ... ... Welcome."
Me: "Ha, the file is gone. Glorious victory."
Windows: "It's just a flash wound."
Credit for style: https://mobile.twitter.com/cmurator...4 -
Interviewer: How will you solve the travelling salesman problem?
Me: *explains the solution on whiteboard*
Interviewer: It is slow. Can you do it in linear time at least?
Me: It is NP hard so it is not possible. For a restricted case, it may be possible
Interviewer: You are stupid. Do not apply again.7 -
SYS_ADM: We have something important on the internal GitLab?
ME: Please tell me it is working
SYS_ADM: I take it as yes...5 -
It displays a -1 whenever it is not working. There is no basement.
Reminds me of some configuration files.
7 -
In IT-Class:
Random: Ey watcha doin?
Me: Programming. What else?
Random: Oh, you're such a nerd...
Me: Programming is fun! I really like it.
Random: Please don't say this is your hobby...
Me: It is.
Random: Bruuh... *goes away*
Why the fuck are you here, if you're not interested in programming???
I don't understand such people.13 -
One of my friend at college asked me why her computer is running slow even when she is running only chrome.
Me: how much memory does it have?
Her: 1TB.
Me (somewhat confused): no no I meant RAM.
Her: yeah yeah it's one TB. I read the specifications of the laptop.
Me: *in my mind, fucking read it again* please read it again. You must have misread it.
Her( grinning face ): alright.
Guess who didn't talk to me for a week. 😂14 -
Me: So what you are doing in the IT field?
Him: I am hacking bank websites.
Me: OK, that's cool. It is good in free time. What is your actual job?
Him: I am seriously hacking the bank Web site!
Me: Trust me, if you seriously doing that you will never ever mentioned it...
Him: No, I am doing it legally... The bank hiring me to try to hack the website...
Me: OK, you mean that you are cyber security tester?
Him: That is almost the same...
Me: So you are tester?
Him: I am hacking bank's websites...
Me:....7 -
Me: buys a cold bottle of Sprite™ to freshen me up on a hot day
Me: drinks from said beverage
Sprite™: is cucumber flavoured
Me: ...
My inner slav: oy cyka it is good14 -
Me: ooh my eyes hearts, I have to sleep now, I fix this tomorrow morning.
(go to sleep)
Inner Me: hey
Me: ...
Inner Me: pisst! wake up
Me: what?? leave me alone I'm tired
Inner Me: remember that issue you had?
Me: yes?
Inner Me: this is how you can solve it
Me: great thanks, I'll fix it later
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now
Me: I'm tired, I'll fix it first thing in the morning
Inner Me: no no you'll forgot it
Me: no I won't, let me sleep
Inner Me: no no you'll forget and I won't tell you again
Me: look I write it down in my phone now leave me alone
Inner Me: no no you have to fix it now.
Me: *crying* for God sake...
(gets out of bed and try to turn on PC and it's not starting, realizing that the power is out)
Me: you happy now, I fix it tomorrow.
Inner Me: no no stay awake till power is back on.
Me: SHUT THE FICN ON PICK OF CRAPE. Did SHDUHDBD DBDJDB3 -
Me (refactoring bosses code):
Is this worth it?
let me work it...
I'll put this thing down, flip it, and reverse it
Boss:
did you just Missy Eliot my code?
Me:
Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gniht ym tup I1 -
Me:(kills the CTRL +S buttons saving something)
Boss: what are you doing ?
Me: nothing much, saving a document.
Boss: is that the best way to save it?
Me: no, it got saved the very first time, the rest is to convince my heart I saved it.
Boss: ... ... ... fair enough.5 -
My colleague wanted me to examine a script issue. I open it up, and it took several minutes to comprehend how it worked. Once it finally clicked:
Me: I can’t decide if this is idiotic or genius.
Colleague: Well, YOU wrote it.
Me: Oh… Genius it is, then! -
Today:
Me: I need to reimage my Hard Drive
IT (Professional):we need to check the disk for errors.
Me: no, I need reimage my HD
IT: we shouldn't do that if the disk is bad
Me: the disk is fine we just need to reimage my HD
IT:let's check it anyways to be safe
Me: :/
Three hours later................
HDD: Pass
All checks: Pass
IT: maybe we should reimage the hard drive.
Me: Great Idea
ME: 😵🔫1 -
guys my mom is a PM help
shes been telling me what to do on my personal projects for the last to days like:
Mom: "Make it so when I click it, it becomes brighter and displays all the info"
Me: "I mean I could yeah"
Mom: "No you have to do it, I don't like it otherwise"
Me: "I understand, but this is kinda my thing-"
Mom: " k yeah and get it done in 2 days"
Me: "...yes, master"
(On a real note, she actually is a PM... what was I expecting...)12 -
Him: I am a software engineer.
Me: That is great, do you use specific technology?
Him: Multiple, but my basic is YouTube.
Me: Sorry, I didn't get it? You mean YouTube API?
Him: No need, I have a channel on YouTube... And podcast a lot about software engineering.
Me: So you don't write code anymore?
Him: I didn't, engineering is more than writing codes.
Me: Yes it is....13 -
I don't care what codestyle you want. I even can deal with codestyle I detest. (Looking at you, Vertical Alignment)
There is pretty much only one hard requirement:
It must be enforceable via autoformatting.
I won't manually edit a file because you have a preference.3 -
Friend: hey can you make me a website?
Me: sure, what is it for?
Friend: 'whatever the site is for'
Me: Ok, what are the different tabs you want for the navigation bar?
Friend: Ummm... Idk yet
Me: Ok... So do you have an idea what you want the website to look like?
Friend: Ummm just make it look pretty
Me:
2 -
Was it it with clients and wanting to restrict the height of webpages?
Client: Can you make it all fit on the screen?
Me: What this particular screen?
Client: Well all screens, some people might not realise there is more content.
Me: What if the screen is tiny?
Client: make it smaller
Me: What if you add more content to it?
Client: Hmm, your the developer.
Me: Teeny tiny text coming right up.18 -
Mom: My mouse doesn't move
Me: Have you tried disconnecting and reconnecting it?
Mom: How do I do that?
Me: Well, follow the cable from the mouse to the computer
Mom: Is the computer the black box? Then I've disconnected it
Me: Ok, good, then reconnect it
Mom: It doesn't fit
Me: ...
4 -
Client: Don't be afraid to charge us as it is must, we know your work is very valuable.
Me: Ok... *delivers the price*
Client: mmmmm... we thought it might be cheaper 😰
Me: 😒1 -
*phone rings*
Me: "Hello".
Caller: "Hi, I'm just going to patch you in to this conference call."
Fucking hell.3 -
non-IT friend: I still don't understand what is"hardware"
Me: it is the part of the computer that you can kick.5 -
Me : I found this code issue, I think we need to fix it
PO: does it affect the user?
Me: not really but we can make it better
PO: do you have a defect for it in *insert issue tracker here*
Me: no, I just noticed it
PO: is there an IM ticket for it?
Me: I don't think so
PO: is this issue already in production?
Me: possibly. Yes. That's why I was wondering if we should fix it.
PO: okay then we will fix it in the 3rd release from now if you still remember it by then.5 -
!rant
Me: sudo apt-get update
PC: Noope. There is a problem with a package.
Me: Ugh... ok I'll fix it. *20 minutes later* Fixed. Sudo apt-get update
PC: Noope, the package cache file is corrupted.
Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF LINUX OMFG.
Oh, I fixed it.
I LOVE YOU LINUX.11 -
Cousin: my computer is broke
Me: oh, what happened?
Cousin: i dropped it and now it doesnt want turn on, can you fix it?
Me: im a programmer...
Cousin: yeah but you can fixed its the same thing!
Me:
4 -
Mom: what is it you do exactly?
Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.
Mom: What is a bug?
Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.
Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.2 -
At work:
Why is there no refresh when we submit data into the tables?
Me: there is, but there is no page refresh, as it should be.
Them: but how do we know if the data is being added?
Me: well you can see it in the table right? Look there is even a small message over here **points at message** that indicates the entry code and position.
Them: yeah but how can we tell? Can you make it to where there is a page refresh?
Me:
12 -
during code review...
peer: "you should pass this variable, and extract the logger from it"
me: "why? it is a 3 line logging function. why not pass the logger instance?"
peer: "because that is our best practice. It is the way we do things"
me: "why is it a best practice?"
peer: "because it is. We use it everywhere!"
me: "No we don't. And I still don't understand why is this a best practice. can you explain?"
peer: gives ups, did not look at the mr, and was not going to.
mr stays open. probably forever.11 -
People: “I love it when my girlfriend tells me how much he loves me.”
Me: “I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready.”2 -
My Friend: putt all the code into one huge file
Me: hey, there is an issue
Friend: go fix it by yourself
Me: Where is it
Friend: Don't know
There weren't even comments 😡2 -
Client: The image upload functionality is broken!!
Me: just tested it, works fine.
Client: no I'm trying to upload this image and it says It cannot complete the request.
Me: hmmm...
Client: does the fact that the image is 36MB has something to do with it?
Me:
-
//Today 8:41 am
Mom: Son, the printer is messed up again(for the 12th time)
Me: Mom, again I don't know whats wrong with it
Mom: but you did computers and stuff
Me: send me a picture
// I go buy the same exact model i replace it.
Mom: Son, why is it black?
Me: :/1 -
IT Head: Hey, can you check out why application X isn't working? I've already restarted it and it isn't working anymore.
Me: sure.
Me 20 mins later: hey, looks like it is all good, website is normal, server resources are normal, etc...
IT Head: no no, the windows sync app isn't working.
Me inside: are you fucking kidding me you piece of stupid shit? Quit IT for good and die.3 -
Am I the only one who doesn't judge a programmers contributions by commits or change history?
Frequently I'm always near the bottom of contributors, because I don't make a million commits when it's broken. And I don't commit lines that will likely disappear in later commits. I like to finish a function, test it, check it, rework, and then make a "made function()" commit, as apposed to:
"Wrote function()"
"Wrote unit tests for function()"
"Fixed error"
"Code cleanup"
"Style guide compliance"
"Reworked function()"
etc.
Sorry that I keep my commit history clean and ensure it builds.7 -
Heroku Free Dyno Hours (In theory)
-----------
Me: My hours is out
Heroku: Sorry fam they have to die
(force slep until next month)
Me: nuu-
-----------
Heroku Free Dyno hours (Actual)
-----------
Me: My hours is out
Heroku: I don't care dude, nothing will happen. Just leave it as it is9 -
Colleague: I have an error in my application, can you help me?
Me: Sure
*walks next to him*
Me: So... What is it?
Colleague: Here, it won't run
*launches the application and runs perfectly*
Colleague: Tell me your secret senpai5 -
Me in school: Math? When do I need know those details? I can look them up and just code it.
Me in high school: Computer science is way too math-y. I want to code!
Me coding php: Just make it work.
Me coding typescript: Just make it work.
Me coding scala: Just make it ... what ... how do I make it work!?!
Me asking stackoverflow: How do I do X in scala some functional programming stuff in mind in order to keep immutability.
Somebody way smarter than I: "In scalaz, a function A => A is called an endomorphism and is a Monoid whose associative binary operation is function composition and whose identity is the identity function"
Me now: Fuck my old arrogant self.1 -
Full devRant in-app notification support is here! It actually took me WAY less time than I thought it would take me.
11 -
Classic support ticket:
Me: "Uh... those numbers in your screenshot look right"
Customer: "Well it wasn't yesterday, looks like it is fixed now"
Me: "...."
-closes ticket- -
Client says the styling of a particular component on their website is wrong. It looks fine to me. They can't give me an example of how it should look, or tell me what's wrong with the way it looks currently, but they want me to fix it.3
-
Arguing with my girlfriend (recalled from my mind, not 100% accurate)
she: What do you expect when you buy an android?
Me: sure thing apple is more "unpack it, use it", easy to use - but android is more like an empty canvas. The first thing when I buy it is setting it up to my needs.
she: You don't understand, what do you expect from your android device?
me: It has to be affordable and work for a certain time
she: No I mean, do you.. when you unpack your phone, expect it TO WORK?
me: Sure, it's not like I buy a pile of trash, I expect it to work
she: you're too stupid, baka
me: ... ? *confused*
she: When you say it is like a canvas, isn't a canvas someday full?
me: yes, every phone, iPhone, Pixel, Samsung, every phone has a limited memory
she: *mad* you don't get it, silly
me: I want to but heh, I don't get it10 -
me: Have you heard of Murphy's law?
them: Yeah.
me: What is it?
them: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
me: Right, have you heard of Cole's law?
them: No, what is it?10 -
Is it just me or does it seem like everyone is "making their own game" but they mean they got opengl to render a triangle.4
-
Coding style influence:
Me: Did it work?
-looks like it worked-
Me: THIS IS THE WAY!
Someone else: Yeah but that -
Me: THIS IS THE WAY!1 -
My Team Lead: Hey do you know goofy?
Me: What is it?
TL: It's a new programming language
Me: *being suspicious* show me what are you dealing with
TL: *Shows me a Groovy code snippet*
Me: Yeah!! Your goofy is pretty good!! Enjoy! 😡1 -
For a .net developer is it normal not to know what an abstract class is? I interviewed someone today that didn't know, and a colleague told me it wasn't that unusual.
To me this is the same level as knowing what an interface is12 -
Anyone know what the fucking outcome of clicking either these buttons is going to be? The button I clicked to get to this modal said "Buy Season £7.49"
3 -
It taught me new curse words .
It taught me you may fail couple of times but eventually you will successfully get the job done
It taught me that anything is possible if you are willing to spend your time for it -
Manager: this feature is not working correctly
Me: yes it is
Manager: no it isn't, change it to do X
Me: but X doesn't account for half of the logic
Manager: I don't care just get it done
(1 day later)
Manager: hey, the changes you made aren't accounting for some of the logic we need. Change it back immediately!
Me: ...3 -
6 Months later...
Me: Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?
Also Me: Shit, it was me.1 -
Management: ReactNative is great because it is faster!
Me: What else do we get from it?
Management: Facebook made it so it is good!
Me: 😑3 -
PBF: This program is so difficult
Me: what's difficult about it?
PBF: *explains*
PBF: *may as well be speaking greek*
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure you'll kill it. I believe in you ❤
PBF: -_-
Me: (^^,)2 -
Me: Hey what's the default password for this?
Classmate: password?
Me: yeah the password. What is it by default?
Classmate: no that's it. Just "password"
Me: :/ -
*tentatively watching movie*
Some family standing in front of a house.
Kid asks: dad, what is this?
Dad: homepage
Me: ??
It took me way to long to realize that the kids name is Paige and the place is their new house. I hate it when that happens.1 -
Me: Gets my friends code and opens it on Eclipse to study it
Me: Sees code and tries to study it and actually understands it
Inner me: (OCD kicks in and realizes code is not formatted well)
Me: alt + shift + f
Code format changes
Me: how the fuck does this work now5 -
Even Fedora has 'very frequent' updates. But they don't irritate you like hell! Who doesn't like updates when they come easy? But luckily for Microsoft, they've always been able to find a unique way to piss off their users someway or the other!4
-
Google : " LXLE is a lightweight distro, with a focus on visual aesthetics."
Me : Light and visual aesthetics , my laptop can handle it
*me downloading it and starting to use it
My laptop fan : bbrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRR1 -
Head of IT: kindly check what the issue with the following transaction
Me: Is this on production or on staging?
Head of IT: YES
Me: 🖕🏾 🖕🏾1 -
QA: There is a problem
Me: Ok how do I reproduce it?
QA: You do x
Me: I have done x and there isn’t a problem
QA: Oh it only happens sometimes
Me: Fair enough, I’ll try a few times
...
Me: Are you sure x is how you do it?
QA: Oh no actually it’s y
FML2 -
React is so goddamn complicated please tell me all of this is actually worth it once you scale it up9
-
How hard is it to tell me what kind of error do you receive when a program doesn’t work?!
Just telling me ”it gives an error” doesn’t give me much to work with.. -
Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me....... you don't see it?😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 D🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me:😎2 -
Someone : this is not critical, if you have more important task or deadlines, prioritize it first.
Me : doing my more important task/deadlines
Someone, chatting me every hour : Is it ready? I need to submit it ASAP!!!!
What a pain in the ass!!!! -
Me :- how many words have I written ??
Is it million
Or it is two million
Word counter:- 100 words
Me:-😵😵😵😵6 -
Funny how fucken emojis, which came into applications (web or even native) by completely overusing them on mobile, don't really work on mobile.1
-
So manager talked to me about the plan to deploy me to another project. He told me I will be working on Gosu language. After me giving a sad face he said confidently "Trust me it is a good technology it is like java, python, c#(saying it as C-pound)...". He really knows his stuff, nothing to worry I'm in good hands.1
-
Me picking a knife: does research about types of steel, what screws hold it together, what metal detectors it can fool
Me picking a crush: THIS ONE IS PRETTY!5 -
PM: have a look on this website and let me know if we can do this?
Me: Umm...the product is unfinished and it is built upon WordPress so it can be done...
PM:...
Me: Send credentials so that and requirements...
PM: 'Need to finish the website and fix errors'
Me : [that's really vague but okay] Okayyyyyyyy
Me: Send credentials
Me: Moral of the story is, do not approach me if you do not have complete details...please fuck off...
PM : we don't have it1 -
I don't like laptops, it just doesn't feel the same, too small, keyboard is meh I dunno... I like when the screen is in eye level but keyboard is lower.
Is it just me?
PC with 2/3 displays feels more natural to me.2 -
Yay finally summer started
Ye no fuck that
After being "migrated" into a newer smaller office and getting another team member we are now three people on about 5 square meters of space.
Another good thing is that we don't have an air conditioning unit in the new room and gained a few more PCs.
Oh and did I mention that we are on the sunny side of the building now.
Basically we are working in Satan's Asshole now. Good thing is that I am working on a thermometer now.
35 degrees Celsius is still alright isn't it?
Oh and our fan broke today.3 -
Can you make me this page please.
Me: its done its 100% like the psd you send me
She: yes but this component is bigger then this one
Me: its the same here the css proof
She: can you change it ?
Me: ( this will change the hole component and douin the same shit ) yes i will do it for you.
She: again this is not the same size
Me: ( what the fuck i said to shut is mouths ) ............. Fml -
Firefox Quantum broke mouse gestures of any kind in Linux by forcing the context menu to come up on right mouse down, instead of up.
Lots of people love Quantum, but without a viable mouse gestures extension, it's unusable for me. I downgraded back to 56 until this issue is resolved.3 -
me: I need to install Firefox for automates test
ops: no
me: need it to run tests PO wants tests
ops: you can't as it is a desktop app
me: I need it because our selenium tests depends on it
ops: Firefox needs 200 other packages can't install
me: can I use Docker? and docker'ise Firefox
ops: ... some silence...
me: please
ops: it will complicate things
me: ಠ_ಠ2 -
Is it just me or is it just really hard to set up and test frontend JavaScript? 🤔
Karma + Mocha + Chai + whatever
is a pain
And it doesn't look very pretty..3 -
Ticket: User says thing don't work.
Me: Hey can you tell me who tried to do the thing / give me their email?
User: Isn't it in the system somewhere?
Me: MAYBE BUT I KNOW IT IS IN YOUR FUCKING EMAIL SO FUCKING GET ME THAT EMAIL ADDRESS!1 -
Friend: <tells me a joke>
Me: Hahahaha! That is so humerus!
Friend: It is spelled: humorous.
Me: Yeah, I really boned the spelling on that one. -
Fucking windows , everytime I come to use it for premiere pro and every fucking time it manages to disappoint me and waste my time . It makes me a biased hater of it.
No BG process is running neither anything is copied from the external drive . Fucking trash OS.
8 -
Why is every website start doing the whole popup thing again?! Is it just me or was it better a few years ago...2
-
Is it just me or is there a serious problem with devRant not loading more rants once you reach the bottom2
-
Who already used Electron to create desktop apps ?
Is it simple ? Some people tell me it's similar to react-native is it true ?7 -
Is it just me or feeling the imposter syndrome, and blogging about it is super trendy at the moment ?3
-
So remember when we said 1.1 would be the last release, and then we said that 1.2 would be the absolute last we promise this time release?
Well buckle up buckaroos because 1.3 will be the last release. -
I get a chill or an eerie feeling when there are more programs open than needed and I go ahead and kill them.
Is it just me or happens to others too?2 -
I posted a rant a while back about a contract I was working that was making me particularly unhappy.
I didn't notice at the time but my studies had taken a turn for the worse, my concentration had begun to wane and I started struggling to finish work.
I was miserable and the client had figured and pulled me up on it, I turned the working relationship around and the client was happy.
That was two weeks ago, Monday I was called into a room with the managers, manager straight to the point "contract is being cut short" (I was contracted to the end of the year but was seriously considering handing my notice in that day anyway).
They made the decision for me, awesome!
Also I was given the two weeks notice as paid but asked not to come to the office again and had to hand in all my equipment that day.
Could I have been that much of an arsehole to deal with that they thought it would be better for all concerned that I have no further dealing with any of them?
Talking to teammates it does appear that I was getting special treatment from management, I think if it is me I need to address this before moving on to the next contract so I don't get myself in the same predicament.
Although two weeks paid leave was a quite nice bonus 👍 -
Apple: Announcing our most powerful MacOS yet!
me: Cool, lets check it out
MacBook: It would be a shame if all your custom bash functions die...
me: wait zsh!!! what is this!!! why cruel world!!!
the struggle is real1 -
Call me when its done => Callback
Call me when it is done => Hooks
Call me when it is done => Events
Anything left ...4 -
Can you guys let me know how microsoft teams is? Is it good, or is it polluted with fluff and garbage?15
-
Me to my team: demo to the client is postponed, we'll show it the day after tomorrow.
Them: nice, then we can put in production also the new feature xyz.
Me: mmm... Is it tested and everything ok? Then yes, let's deploy it.
Bad decision. Now everything is not working. Rollback needed!2 -
Is it just me or is android development just a pain in the ass? Ive done universal windows development before and it was great, but android just seems like a mess to me2
-
The thing I dislike about Devrant is that our rants end up on Google. I know that you can use it on the web but I wish we just had the privacy of our rants just being in the community.9
-
Me: This ...
Friend: Is not working.
Me: How come it not work?
Friend: You are such a ...
Me: Waste of time. I know.
Friend: Forty minutes is all I'll need to debug this program.
Me: Seconds, Can u do that in Forty seconds.
Friend: Of course not. Why would I?
Me: An idiot teacher wants me to upload it right now.
Friend: Idiot, Is that what u call a teacher.
Please read the first letter of every conversation.10 -
Me: Hey, where's the documentation on how to do <task>?
Co-worker: Slack.
Me: 🤦♂️ Oh, there it is. Thanks.1 -
got employed as web developer, had to make an app for test, so i made simple PWA, you can search videos and you have related videos on the side, basically search videos and watch them with simple list of related videos on the side.
idk how i ended up being tester and bug hunter in this huge ass pile of spaghetti extravaganza.
all i do is wasting my talent on hunting and resolving bugs on a legacy-code apps, don't remember when was last time i actually wrote some feature, oh yeah i do, last month but that was refactoring/fixing.
so i am stuck on weird tech stack someone build with shovel, feels like they were having that famous golden hammer.
what interests me is something i will never do at this company and still i am trying to help them to fix the app to have better product.
It is hard when you feel like you are third and last person in whole company that cares about actual product, rest of devs just fixing things with quick workarounds, hacks and lousy patches.
I really tried, I did, I was excited as I saw opportunity to one up the product but got stuck with the rest of the devs fixing bugs instead of fixing the whole codebase, I tried to introduced improvements but we don't have time cause fixing bugs means happy customers, better codebase takes more time and means impatient customers are unhappy!
I think it is time to sail away.
So folks, any thoughts or feelings?1 -
Is it just me or is devrant a little bit slow to load rants. If so why is that? What should be done to make it better?6
-
So is it just me, or does nodes have a huge learning curve. (The lack of online tutorials is not helpful either).
Any suggestions to help an imbecile like me to learn it better (especially connecting nodejs to client side apps)9 -
So I’m not having too much trouble with my project. Does that mean I’m doing something too easy or have I actually just absorbed the knowledge I’ve been reading?
I’ve never actually used EF Core before and I thought this would be harder, and more time consuming.2 -
Me: Look boss i refactor application, now it is way faster then previous one.
Boss: Cool, but who wrote the previous code?
Me: OH! well me. -
How I can get from Where function is called. It looks like ghost to me :(
Actually When payment is completed, It updates the status.
It is well written and working
I checked all the files
Cron files
Webhook references
I am not able to find from Where it runs :(
Any suggestion
The platform is not build by me2
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