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Girl: we need to talk!
Me: Ok...
Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.
Me: You are the number 1 in my life.
Girl: *smiles and hugs me*
Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 011 -
My friend just started RUBY.
He read somewhere " Ruby is used commonly in rails ".
He now thinks RUBY is for programming trains and station related stuff.15 -
What devrant taught me:
Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙29 -
She: Do dates make you nervous?
He: Oh yes, especially when the client and server are in different timezones and I need to calculate the difference and they are in different formats and I mean why can’t everyone just use ISO8601, right?
She: Okay never mind bye..........8 -
I've turned 24 years old and it was given to me this amazing cake at the party, could it get any better?
27 -
Child: Dad, why does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?
Dad: Son, it's working, don't touch it.5 -
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."10 -
Today (as a joke), I asked my class if there were any “professional HTML programmers” who could help me.
Surprisingly a couple people came over with smirks on their face. I thought they were going along with the joke.
Turns out, they were serious. They legitimately believed that they were professional HTML programmers and talked to me in such a condescending way that I was speechless.
“This is called a file. See that part after the dot? That’s what makes it HTML. HTML is an incredibly hard programming language and powers CPUs and the computer that you are using.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Hopefully they were joking.9 -
Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.7
-
Her diary:
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at a fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that i loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior, I can’t explain why he didn’t say, "I love you too". When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster :(
His diary:
My code is broken, can’t figure out why.3 -
So before I resign from my job tomorrow I thought I'd talk a little about a couple of things at work that I won't ever tell my boss in person but are generally some of the reasons I want to leave.
---------- warning long rant ----------
1. The CEO of the company finds out I only have my learner's and take the bus, goes on to belittle me about taking the bus.
(It may have been meant as a joke but I was offended, and we don't have any actual HR to complain to)
First off my real reason for not getting my restricted is mostly related to the fact public transportation does the job it needs to, I don't really complain unless the planning is fucked up (Adele concert rant lol) but typically I don't need a car. The other reason is because with a car I'd have to wait in traffic 1-2 hour each way. Also cars cost money which I don't have.
2. CEO buys himself and general manager brand new Range Rovers, you know those giant monstrosities box jeep looking things.
I hate this because I earn $31k, those things probably cost around $50 each (so typically 3 years worth of my wages).
When I had a talk about my contract at the 6 month mark, the general manager (my boss) said he wouldn't budge on my salary (yet they buy these jeeps)
3. I live way too far from work and because of it being Auckland and the current inflation for house prices, the rent prices have also increase, I wouldn't be able to get a house closer to home nor rent with minimum wage :(
4. Though it's not too necessary they mask that the app was made by me, whenever I see an email about the app to potential clients they refer to be as this app guy, and during their presentations they don't really include as part of the reason this app has been developed ( aside from my boss being the client, I came up with some interesting ideas to turn their paper form of the process they use into a digital one, I also did research for the specific topics, something I could have just asked for instead).
5. Old fashioned way of looking at so called "IT", they added fixing computers to my contract which I dread, especially since I'll be close to a deadline and then I get a call to fix someone's computer...
6. They don't seem to want to expand their "development team" to more than one person.
When I give my resignation I have to stay here for a month and I bet people will start to act differently around me, my likely my boss and the CEO. I think the other people that work will understand, given my situation.
I'm planning to for the last month to only do planning for the app they want me to work on, UML diagrams, use cases, Sprint planning (albiet, only developer here lol). Research on the third party libraries we need for the app and generally give the next guy the easiest path to getting the app done.
I want to do this because the Android and iOS app we're done via cowboy programming in a sense. (I don't have too much in terms of documentation and planning aside from a Microsoft planning website setup with to-do of which features are done for the iOS and paper Todo for the Android app.
Alright long rant over, I've got it all written down, glad I'll be leaving this place.51 -
Requirements vs Delivery - Guide to Programming
This one is a killer and I've received it in multiple forwards in office email, and we always have a good laugh seeing this joke.
Client: “Our next requirement, and this is something big you know, we need an elephant”
IT Team: But why don’t you adjust with a buffalo, even it is big…. and black?”
Client: No, we need an elephant only, let me explain our current process……” (client explains for an hour)
IT Team: Fine, I understand your requirement. But our system supports only a buffalo…
Client:We need only an elephant!
IT Team: Ok, let me see if I can customize it for you”
Requirements are taken as follows:
Client wants a big black four legged animal, long tail, less hair. Having trunk is mandatory. The same was documented, signed off and sent to offshore for development!
At the Offshore Development Centre,
Design/Development – Based on requirement all features are supported in base product (as buffalo), for trunk alone a separate customization is done.
Finally the customization is shown to client:
2 -
I'm a lawyer, like a year ago I was home alone (wife and kid went on the trip) and from boringness, I decided that I should learn to program (was thinking about that earlier because of some ideas for apps I had - I was fucking naive then :P).
So I start googling best way to do it and I decided to start CS50 course on edx. And that was a real blast for. Best learning experience ever happened in my life.
Anyway, I was going through CS50 curriculum (at the start I thought I will quit it after few weeks) and every day was like so exciting. This whole programming thing seems like the best thing happens to me in many years. There were so many interesting things to learn, I felt like I discovered whole new word.
So after few months while I was finishing CS50, one day I decided, fuck it, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life (I'm 35+ btw ;)). I chose frontend path as it seems easier for a person without technical education. If everything goes as planned I will start looking for a job at beginning of next year. So where I the rant you could ask?
Well, you should guest what my family thinks about it. My wife was like at first: I'm proud you learning something new, now she hates it, making fights about me always sitting in front of computer (which is not true as I learn most in work in my spare time - I can do it as I work on my own), she even told my parents that I cheat her because she started family with a lawyer, not a programmer (supposed to be joke, but really not fun for me) . WTF - where is the fucking support ? ehhh. My parents on the other side still don't believe I will do it (after more than a year of my learning) and they still think I will quit the idea in the end....
So thats it my rant about what my familly thinks about me become programmer.
(sry for my English)20 -
Java is to JavaScript
: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss
To be continued..
Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right15 -
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”
Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”
God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”4 -
I'm gonna be honest with you guys.
I need a friend. A real friend. And I'm looking for one (or many) among you.
Is any of you interested in being my friend?
I know, it sounds weird. My inner self bully is bringing to mind many adjectives for saying that: faggot, weak, snowflake, gay, pussy, clingy, demanding.
I know. But I'm at the edge of 30 and I think it's better if I cut the shit and just be very clear about the type of friend I'm looking for.
I need people that will be there when the shit gets tough.
I can joke with you,
I can laugh my ass off with you,
I can passionately argue about what's the better programming language.
But most importantly, I can be there when you're depressed, when you want to punch your boss in the face, when you're griefing a loved one that is gone.
And that exactly what I'm looking in a friend.
I used to have friends in life, but a variety of circumstances caused some distance: commitments, personality changes, physical distance, or just a feeling that they don't give two shits about me.
Am I the perfect friend? Not at all. I have a temper and am quite opinionated about my tools, but most of the times I try to be a not-asshole.
I might get angry and be very honest when I don't like something, but it would be very weird for me to turn my back on a friend.
It is impossible for someone to be friends with and to like everyone. But the least I can do is just give anyone a chance.
I think friendships are just things that take time and grow if there is enough care put into them.
Here's my discord chirptune#1829, so if you add me, please let me know your username here.
I think it'd be cool to have like a brotherhood on discord or slack of people looking out for each other (jesus christ, that sounds corny as fuck)
Not to rob people from devrant, I just think that the board style can't fulfill deeper social needs imo, that's all.18 -
If programming languages had honest slogans, what would they be?
-C : Because fuck you.
-C++ : Fuck this.(- Dan Allen )
-Visual Basic : 10 times as big but only 5 times as stupid.
-Lisp : You’re all idiots.
-JavaScript : You guys know I’m holding up the internet, right ?
-Scala : That was a waste of 4 weeks.
-Go : Tell me about it, Scala.
-Python : All we are saying, is give un-typed a chance.
-R : Whoa, I was supposed to be a statistics package!
-Java : Like a Roomba, you guess it’s OK but none of your friends use it.
-PHP : Do Not Resuscitate.
-Perl : PHP, take me with you.
-Swift : Nobody knows.
-HTML : No.
-CSS : I said no.
-XML : Stop.
Source:@Quora: https://quora.com/If-programming-la...6 -
Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.
😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.
🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.
🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.
🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢13 -
Tried to double tap on a programming joke in the iOS Twitter app... Closed Twitter and opened devRant.4
-
The education system is a fucking joke. How do you get through all the required courses and get to the capstone course where your one goal is to build a simple prototype of a project(like a simple website) for a real world client and not know HTML or CSS when you spent a whole fuckboy semester on a class dedicated to HTML, css, JavaScript and the teacher gave you the PHP. Not only that but you can't even figure out how to use a simple google search to look up the documentation on any of these topics or even the easy to follow tutorials littering the internet on how to use Bootstrap which is what we're fucking using to make it faster to develop the core logic of our app but all you fucking want to do is take shortcuts and create a PowerPoint presentation in google slides and make an easy project look like shit and make me and yourselves look like shit. But don't fucking worry, I'll code the whole thing in a fucking night because you didn't do your part of taking care of just the front end and planned for your incompetence and lack of questions or help. I know you're busy looking for a job for after you graduate but you can't even answer a simple programming question. Let me give you the solution on how to reverse a string, cuz you don't remember c# but it literally takes 30 seconds to google the solution that is everywhere. My project team is why no one takes a degree from this university seriously.9
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You know you're the only coder in your group of friends when one of them mistypes "cmakin coffee then I'll be on" and
A.) You're the only one to laugh
B.) You're wondering how the hell he's compiling coffee
C.) Lastly, why won't my coffee compile?2 -
Currently getting into Machine Learning and working on a joke-project to identify the main programming language of GitHub repositories based on commit messages. For half of the commits, the language is predicted correctly out of 53 possible languages. Which is not too bad given the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing...
9 -
Programming Languages are Like Cars:
Assembler: A formula I race car. Very fast but difficult to drive and maintain.
FORTRAN II: A Model T Ford. Once it was the king of the road.
FORTRAN IV: A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77: a six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOL: A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly but it does the work.
BASIC: A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch it as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/I: A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.
C++: A black Firebird, the all macho car. Comes with optional seatbelt (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).
ALGOL 60: An Austin Mini. Boy that's a small car.
ALGOL 68: An Aston Martin. An impressive car but not just anyone can drive it.
Pascal: A Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectual types.
liSP: An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.
PROLOG/LUCID: Prototype concept cars.
FORTH: A go-cart.
LOGO: A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.
APL: A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time but it drives only in reverse and is instrumented in Greek.
Ada: An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes, and automatic transmission are standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for generals, it's good enough for you.
Java: All-terrain very slow vehicle.10 -
Hey guys,
this rant will be long again. I'm sorry for any grammar errors or something like that, english isn't my native language. Furthermore I'm actually very sad and not in a good mood.
Why? What happened? Some of you may already know - I'm doing my apprenticeship / education in a smal company.
There I'm learning a lot, I'm developing awesome features directly for the clients, experience of which other in my age (I'm only 19 years old) can only dream.
Working in such a small company is very exhausting, but I love my job, I love programming. I turned my hobby into a profession and I'm very proud of it.
But then there are moments like the last time, when I had to present something for a client - the first presentation was good, the last was a disaster, nothing worked - but I learned from it.
But this time everything is worse than bad - I mean really, really worse than bad.
I've worked the whole week on a cool new feature - I've done everything that it works yesterday, that everything gets done before the deadline of yesterday.
To achieve this I've coded thursday till 10pm ! At home! Friday I tested the whole day everything to ensure that everything is working properly. I fixed several bugs and then at the end of the day everything seems to be working. Even my boss said that it looks good and he thinks that the rollout to all clients will become good and without any issues.
But unfortunately deceived.
Yesterday evening I wrote a long mail to my boss - with a "manual". He was very proud and said that he is confident that everything will work fine. He trusts me completly.
Then, this morning I received a mail from him - nothing works anymore - all clients have issues, everything stays blank - because I've forgotten to ensure that the new feature (a plugin) and its functionality is supported by the device (needs a installation).
First - I was very shoked - but in the same moment I thought - one moment - you've written an if statement, if the plugin is installed - so why the fuck should it broken everything?!
I looked instant to the code via git. This has to be a very bad joke from my boss I thought. But then I saw the fucking bug - I've written:
if(plugin) { // do shit }
but it has to be if(typeof plugin !== 'undefined')
I fucked up everything - due to this fucking mistake. This little piece of shit I've forgotten on one single line fucked up everything. I'm sorry for this mode of expression but I thought - no this can not be true - it must be a bad bad nightmare.
I've tested this so long, every scenario, everything. Worked till the night so it gets finished. No one, no one from my classmates would ever think of working so long. But I did it, because I love my job. I've implemented a check to ensure that the plugin is installed - but implemented it wrong - exactly this line which caused all the errors should prevent exactly this - what an irony of fate.
I've instantly called my boss and apologized for this mistake. The mistake can't be undone. My boss now has to go to all clients to fix it. This will be very expensive...
Oh my goodnes, I just cried.
I'm only working about half a year in this company - they trust me so much - but I'm not perfect - I make mistakes - like everyone else. This time my boss didn't looked over my code, didn't review it, because he trusted me completly - now this happens. I think this destroyed the trust :( I'm so sad.
He only said that we will talk on monday, how we can prevent such things in the feature..
Oh guys, I don't know - I've fucked up everything, we were so overhelmed that everything would work :(
Now I'm the looser who fucked up - because not testing enough - even when I tested it for days, even at home - worked at home - till the night - for free, for nothing - voluntary.
This is the thanks for that.
Thousand good things - but one mistake and you're the little asshole. You - a 19 year old guy, which works since 6 months in a company. A boss which trusts you and don't look over your code. One line which should prevent crashing, crashed everything.
I'm sorry that this rant is so long, I just need to talk to you guys because I'm so sad. Again. This has happend to frequently lately.16 -
If you need a programming language to develop a programming language then how was the first programming language developed?😵12
-
The sad thing is no matter what we do we are all a variation of homer 😂🤣
Borrowed from https://medium.com/@cscalfani/...
1 -
Rant! ✋😜👍
When a rookie is trying so hard to behave like she is a god damn expert in programmng! 😏🙊🙈
2 -
When I was 17 years old. I had difficulties in understanding math problem “Calculus” (I can’t remember which one was it). This one day when we were in a Computer Lab, our teacher was showing us how really software’s are made. During my time, it was vb6. I paid close attention. When I went home, I started to think things that I can make using that software so one day I went to my teacher and asked if I can have a copy of the vb6. He gave vb6 and told me that inside are few eBooks that will help in learning.
Fuck School, from that day I started to concentrate on programming only. Made a small calculator which will help me to understand a Calculus problem and double check my answer. From that day, I love programming.
I’ m 26 now and a full stack software developer. All I want to do it build cool shit, something that will blow the eyeball of my friends and that eyeball should pop out from their asshole.
Joke: The person who scored highest in the computer class was afraid to switch on the PC.1 -
A manager, a mechanical engineer, and software analyst are driving back from convention through the mountains. Suddenly, as they crest a hill, the brakes on the car go out and they fly careening down the mountain. After scraping against numerous guardrails, they come to a stop in the ditch. Everyone gets out of the car to assess the damage.
The manager says, "Let's form a group to collaborate ideas on how we can solve this issue."
The mechanical engineer suggests, "We should disassemble the car and analyze each part for failure."
The software analyst says, "Let's push it back up the hill and see if it does it again."1 -
What does a veteran Rust developer say when asked to program a daemon?
- My system development skills are a bit rusty but I will try.4 -
it's funny, i have been programming for over 8 years now but i still can't spell a single world if i try to type fast.17
-
i HATE snake oil idiot types
red flags:
- "interested" in tech but have no programming experience or knowledge, no real work experience
- they claim they can provide assistance and guidance to people in machine learning!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
- private instagram, weird
- spent all their money on their instagram profile picture, looks like those dumb finance gurus with a lambo
- is, in reality, unemployed
what value do you provide to society?
really its just people who are good at talking and can convince other people of equal or lower (not higher) intelligence but not really can't DO anything
and they wonder why so many companies fail
what a fucking joke i hate you
its really not just annoying its immoral - and thats the part i despise so much
grow up, put in some work, and be valuable to society5 -
Infinite loop in real life :/
X: Where is your house?
Y: Near Ramesh's house.
X: Where is Ramesh's house?
Y: Near my house.8 -
in the past 48 hours my partner must have asked me 50 times to create an "AI" that can get the data we need off of wikipedia.
Background: I am in AP Computer Science AB but I have been programming long enough that this class is a joke. We were assigned to partners with the task of creating a search engine that finds informations on wikipedia("which is dumb because thats what the search tool is for") so I created a Java Web-Scraping program in probably 30 minutes and showed my partner. He told me I am completely wrong because it would be "cool" to incorporate machine learning into the assignment.
Do I even tell his what machine learning is or should I just let his figure it out?7 -
As we all know that yawning is contagious, so if we yawn standing in front of a mirror, does that mean we'll end up in an infinite loop 🤔🤔
4 -
Hi, guys! I create a new penguin. If you want it, you can find it on Github:
https://github.com/karinkasweet/...
5 -
It's the Art of Searching on Google.
For the Programmers. By the Programmers. Of the Programmers 😝
2 -
about 18 years of "oh, you made this? that's nice, but don't you want to do/learn something you'll actually get paid for instead?" as a reaction to any game prototype i made and showed them. until i got my first programming job. after that, silence and pretending the previous 18 years never happened (except the since forever running "joke" of "oh, you're not going to finish it anyway").
also, the one time i begged my (dtp/graphic artist) mom to draw me some backgrounds for my game, because at least one time in my life i wanted to not have to work on a thing completely alone, it took about three months of begging and convincing, upon which she finally said "ok, i'll try", and after another month, and one unfinished image that i estimate took about an hour to make, she told me "sorry, i don't think i can make what you need".
also some years of having "maximum 2 hours of computer time per day, unless it's the weekend" rule.3 -
The Setting:
Ola Cabs (One of the biggest competitors of Uber, for those who don’t know) comes to college to recruit software devs:
✅ Pre-placement talk
Now time for the aptitude/code round. Hackerearth used as the solution to run the test and compile code, as well as check the result immediately. Or so I thought.
3 programming questions, 2 hours.
The problem:
Me: *Write the code for the first question* (and I know it’s correct)
Me: Clicks “Compile and run”
Compiler: *Compiling*
*LITERALLY ONE FUCKING HOUR LATER*
Compiler: *Still compiling*
Hackerearth. What a fucking joke. Though the course of the HOUR I waited, I kept questioning the recruiter head from Ola and his response was:
Recruiter: “Try the other program, it’s possibly a problem with your code. I’ll check at my backend also, hold on.”
YOU FUCKING DIMWIT. MY CODE IS PERFECT AND EVEN IF IT WASN’T IT WOULDN’T TAKE MORE THAN A MINUTE (If you’re factoring in absolutely worst cases) TO COMPILE THIS SMALL ASS FUCKING PROBLEM’S CODE.
In the meanwhile I even coded one of the other remaining questions’ solution and the shit still didn’t work.
At the end of the 2 hour time limit, I’d finished code for all 3, the recruiter stops us all from coding and says:
Recruiter: “Just submit your code, we will evaluate it and get back to you.”
Like fucking hell, asshole.
*One hour post interview*
EVERYONE who attempted the aptitude code round (At least 30 of us) receive messages on our phones:
“Unfortunately you did not clear the aptitude round and we will not be able to take your application forward.”
FUCK YOU OLA. IN ONE FUCKING HOUR YOU “EVALUATED” ALL OF OUR CODE? FUCK YOU HACKEREARTH FOR YOUR SHIT FUCKING EXECUTION OF A “SOLUTION”. Maybe test your own fucking product before offering a solution to companies.
Fucking lost opportunity.3 -
REAL Programmers Don't //COMMENT their </CODE>.
If it was HARD to WRITE
It Should be HARD to UNDERSTAND
Comment if you "Agreed"8 -
How I see my code,
If(){else]:
Do -> this & that with them;
While (for)and >>;
//It takes me forever to figure our my own code
How I see someone else's code,
%fGu$@@)$'®}£jfksksj℅™™}£}∆¢b&jjwoajqh-2+=•{(=jajaJJwUUhh-jtffhk®{£{™>>¥,©®¢€££∆¶¶|×££{©]•{%$==¢++''). 92%+$+
//well I am not sure how in the world I manage to understand someone else's shit -
Hate it when I see the same Programming Meme/Joke on 10 Different accounts 50 times. *fuckResposts(), even though I do them a lot...
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This happen to me once when I was a young kid walking home from school.
There were two other guys with me, older than me. They were talking to each other about programming languages. I have been programming from a very young age so I knew a lot about programming and I knew a few languages back then, but they were taking about Java, a language which I wasn't into yet back then, so I just listened for a while to what they had to say.
The first guy told the other, "You know I'm great at Java." The other guy responded "I can do anything in Java." Then I said as a joke "Oh, can you do hello world?". The guy said "Hello what? What do you mean?" The other guy said. "Is that a retro game?" I just laughed. Then I told them to go learn how to output text in Java.
A bit of current history about these guys:
The first now works in C# for a quiz test company, he never learned Java or languages other than C#. The second one owns and works at a scrapyard. They are both great guys, but they like to brag.3 -
I'm so done with flutter.
I wanted to give it a little try by rewriting a small android project I wrote a few years back. It brings some nice concepts especially when it comes to UI related programming but that's all I can really compliment it for. It's nothing more than something to play with as it is right now.
Also I think this text will be hidden behind the read more. Did I successfully bait you with that cat?
The things I truly hate about it:
The ide integration makes me wanna use eclipse again. At least most nonsensical error messages disappear after saving the document on eclipse.
.
Wanna generate a new function? Yeah, let me just place it RIGHT INSIDE THIS FUCKING IMPORT STATEMENT
Over at Google: Let's just rename everything from java slightly different and put it in nonsensical context so that you have to learn all of it again. Also why don't we make it so that the code suggestions only suggest things you already imported, so that you have to look up every little piece shit feature.
When it comes to databases, I must say, I had more fun working with PHP and mysql than with sqFUCKlite. Throwing away the Room components for that? What a joke...
I already said what i think about the syntax here an devrant but I'm more than happy to repeat it here:
The syntax looks like someone looked at C#, Java and JavaScript and then decided to vomit the worst parts of it into a programming language. I can't really classify anything original about it. There are clear inspirations, but they are confusingly mashed together with the other languages making this one nuts of a language.
Android SDK documentation is a blessing in comparison to whatever the fuck flutter tries to do.
I don't think I'll want top touch that Google side project again within the next few years, if it hasn't been replaced with a new side project like billiard by then.
5 -
So, I just started learning OOP(Object-Oriented Programming) and my brain hurts. like I maybe understood 10% of the information I just consumed. Is that a thing? Is OOP hard for people the first time around? Am I just dumb? Hell, it wouldn't be the first time
14 -
How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it.6 -
A few days ago, a guy sent me a message on Fiverr asking me to create a website.
The good joke is that they are two engineering students who want me to do their programming exercise.
The nerve.2 -
A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers.
The teacher walks in and asks this question:"You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane).
One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?"Nine developers raised their hands.
The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, "Why would you stay on?
"The tenth said, "if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground2 -
Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?7 -
it was my first job as an embedded engineer i was hired to write firmware for arm microcontroller that has ble radio. But the microcontroller we used didn't have FLASH it had a SRAM and an otp ( one time programmable) memory. In ble you can make a proximity beacon and When a phone passes by this beacon it will get a notification '<device_name> nearby'
. I thought it is funny if i keep device name 'MILF' (original name of device is FLIP ) so when somebody's phone is in proximity it will have a notification 'MILF nearby'. joke didn't work as nobody has their bluetooth switched on by default ,but i forgot to change it before programming otp memory.
i just buried that device and told everyone it is not working properly1 -
Another day, another rejection letter . . . 👎
Seriously, there needs to be a job application punch card for developers. I would've earned at least a dozen free interviews by now.
4 -
I was a foreign language student, but i didn't like the way my work-life was going (I had a lot of difficulties tryng to find a job).
So I decided to start programming... It appears i'm still studying "languages".
Is my life a joke?7 -
Once upon a time I used very frequently Instagram , Facebook etc. and then I started coding and connect with communities like Stack overflow, devRant, Reddit, Twitter then now My Instagram account deleted and Facebook was uninstalled on my phone. Yeaaaah😥 Just programming effects..
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That awkward moment when you tell your friends a programming joke and realize instantly that none of them is a programmer.
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I am programming a site where developers can share shell scripts and other users can execute it via a CLI.
I decided to add a little joke into it: the page where users can view a shell script is https://mukodik.com/scriptid.sh
I use Express, so I just use app.get('/:id.sh') to get the scriptid.
How would someone possibly bug out this page? (the uploaded shell script is not actually stored in a file, it's stored in a mysql database(using connection.escape to escape chars))2 -
I think somewhere i read a quote from Gary Kasparov on his view on Chess.
He said that after certain point of mastering it, it becomes too much mental pain.
I think the same can be said about programming.
Devs really enjoy it, but sometimes, damn that Null pointer exception.1 -
just as Erik Meijer said scrum is the most stupid shit in modern development process. I worked in an organization hires ppl as full time scrum master, which is joke. each day the asks what did u finished yesterday and how long it need to finish the task assigned to u. btw the scrum masters know nothing about programming. come on man how can u finish any serious shit in one day and who cares how much shit others finished. each week just attending those freaking meetings without coding. each programmer are assigned at least 5 bosses, and what the fuck is product manager doing, it's not adding indirection can solve anything.2
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The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."3 -
Imagine 100 years from now, what would programming be like?
My answer :
Speaking the commands directly to the computer and hope it runs
Your answer?9 -
[Long rant about one of the worst school project I got]
I just saw that post about Lego coding, and it reminds me a project we had to do for high school.
The project was about a robot that will do volleyball services. My group decided with me that I should go on programming the robot since it was my idea to pick that subject to work on. So I started to investigate the robot and the programming software.
This was one of the worst thing si could get. For some reason I didn't find any tutorial about how to program the robot, so I had to test it out. When you don't want to break the robot, that's clearly not the best thing to do.
So what about the teachers? We had 3. Two told me they don't know stuff about this, and one MIGHT know stuff but not how to use the software. Great...
Plus I add that we were asking a teacher some help, being desperate, and literally, he came, made a joke about "how long he didn't play with Lego toys", laughed at his own joke and left. Thank you, that was really helpful while I was worrying about the project that will help us getting my degree, clearly helped us.
So I managed to do something really basic, where you input the direction for the aim with the arrows on the robot, and central button was for shooting. Basically basic stuff. Even not optimal because the robot hit its own screen but a weaker throw wasn't working, so we had to put some protection over the screen and the arm.
Another group of another class were working on the same subject, so we visited them one day to see their stuff.
They made a joystick that was fully operational, with analogic direction input, precise aiming and shooting stuff. The best way to make myself doubt about my stuff.
So we did the presentation and for whatever reason, the other class (not only the other group) got bad reviews of their projects, made by my famous joking teacher, and we got a good review. Didn't understand, but whatever.
So did I learn stuff?
Absolutely not. It was one of the worst pain in the ass to learn the programming syntax and stuff, and when I graduated, I forgot anything concerning programming stuff, my engineering school did all the stuff.
This is some experience you don't forget, the one that don't make yourself grow at all but the effort is real.1 -
At this point, I feel so far from tech and programming so nothing is exciting anymore, although, I'm working as a "software engineer".
Every job feels deadend and requires nothing but absolute mundane skills. I mean "make the text bigger"-joke does not come out of thin air. No science, engineering, and little-to-no standards are involved in most jobs.
This leads us to this: you can get excited about rust, fp, extra dazzling clean code, uncle Bob's sect of salvation coders or whatever but you'll be hit with reality so don't get your hopes up.1 -
If you're feeling lonely and want a lot of responses in any dev forum, just talk shit about a widely used programming language.2
-
> checking it once
> checking it twice
> on production it still fails in front of our eyes
> programmers are coming back to the office -
git commit -m “it compiled”
git commit -m “typo”
git commit -m “ugh”
git commit -m “wtf”
git commit -m “ok this doesn’t totally suck”
git commit -m “:shipit:” -
Google carefully naming their language CARBON so that wherever I search it have search CARBON LANGUAGE! :/13
-
My uni teaches Pascal as first programming language and the course has become some kind of joke between students. :-( Poor Pascal!2
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A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."1 -
Sydochen has posted a rant where he is nt really sure why people hate Java, and I decided to publicly post my explanation of this phenomenon, please, from my point of view.
So there is this quite large domain, on which one or two academical studies are built, such as business informatics and applied system engineering which I find extremely interesting and fun, that is called, ironically, SAD. And then there are videos on youtube, by programmers who just can't settle the fuck down. Those videos I am talking about are rants about OOP in general, which, as we all know, is a huge part of studies in the aforementioned domain. What these people are even talking about?
Absolutely obvious, there is no sense in making a software in a linear pattern. Since Bikelsoft has conveniently patched consumers up with GUI based software, the core concept of which is EDP (event driven programming or alternatively, at least OS events queue-ing), the completely functional, linear approach in such environment does not make much sense in terms of the maintainability of the software. Uhm, raise your hand if you ever tried to linearly build a complex GUI system in a single function call on GTK, which does allow you to disregard any responsibility separation pattern of SAD, such as long loved MVC...
Additionally, OOP is mandatory in business because it does allow us to mount abstraction levels and encapsulate actual dataflow behind them, which, of course, lowers the costs of the development.
What happy programmers are talking about usually is the complexity of the task of doing the OOP right in the sense of an overflow of straight composition classes (that do nothing but forward data from lower to upper abstraction levels and vice versa) and the situation of responsibility chain break (this is when a class from lower level directly!! notifies a class of a higher level about something ignoring the fact that there is a chain of other classes between them). And that's it. These guys also do vouch for functional programming, and it's a completely different argument, and there is no reason not to do it in algorithmical, implementational part of the project, of course, but yeah...
So where does Java kick in you think?
Well, guess what language popularized programming in general and OOP in particular. Java is doing a lot of things in a modern way. Of course, if it's 1995 outside *lenny face*. Yeah, fuck AOT, fuck memory management responsibility, all to the maximum towards solving the real applicative tasks.
Have you ever tried to learn to apply Text Watchers in Android with Java? Then you know about inline overloading and inline abstract class implementation. This is not right. This reduces readability and reusability.
Have you ever used Volley on Android? Newbies to Android programming surely should have. Quite verbose boilerplate in google docs, huh?
Have you seen intents? The Android API is, little said, messy with all the support libs and Context class ancestors. Remember how many times the language has helped you to properly orient in all of this hierarchy, when overloading method declaration requires you to use 2 lines instead of 1. Too verbose, too hesitant, distracting - that's what the lang and the api is. Fucking toString() is hilarious. Reference comparison is unintuitive. Obviously poor practices are not banned. Ancient tools. Import hell. Slow evolution.
C# has ripped Java off like an utter cunt, yet it's a piece of cake to maintain a solid patternization and structure, and keep your code clean and readable. Yet, Cs6 already was okay featuring optionally nullable fields and safe optional dereferencing, while we get finally get lambda expressions in J8, in 20-fucking-14.
Java did good back then, but when we joke about dumb indian developers, they are coding it in Java. So yeah.
To sum up, it's easy to make code unreadable with Java, and Java is a tool with which developers usually disregard the patterns of SAD. -
Tech Twitter is a fucking joke, unless you're a somewhat accomplished programmer, wrote something interesting / useful, or at the least have contributed anything meaningful that isn't just a repository with Markdown documents in then I don't want to see your fucking stupid inspirational quotes or words of encouragement with thousands of damn retweets. The circle jerk is frankly just unbearable.
There are plenty of developers that you can learn a lot from and that's great, and I don't want to put new developers down, but you're really not in any position to be giving advice or motivational monologues, you're still new, or worse yet, you've literally just started. Behave yourself.
I'm convinced they're all just LARPers who jerk each other off and shut people down when they have "naughty" opinions. They spend more time writing articles about HTML tags or some aspect of JavaScript you can just get from MDN and get a million fucking applause for it. Maybe you'd be a better programmer if you actually did some programming.
Okay I'm done8 -
Why it's so damn hard to find a GF as a Dev?
when I talk to one no title about life but dev titles come to my mouth and she has no idea what the heck am i talking about!6 -
How does an Android fix its problems?
It tries turning it off and on again, but if that doesn't work, it blames it on the manufacturer. -
If you enjoy coding at coffee shops, remember to wear headphones. Not only will it help you focus, it'll also block out John Mayer.1
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Can we just auto down doot all joke posts? All possible programming jokes already have been said and we already reached all combinations of them.
-
If you haven't downloaded 323232 programming ebooks to read god knows when then you are not a programmer..
3 -
Well gawrsh! Just look at all those "full-stack developers" out there without professional experience . . . ah-hyuck!
2 -
That feeling when you're applying for your first programming job.
And the knife stabs of nerves in your gut fearfully remind the coiled muscles in your sweaty brow of the singular possibility: what if I bullshit my way by the HR filter into this job and it turns out I was completely wrong, and I encounter a bug that my meager coding abilities really can't fix?
"Writing an interpreter in some community college you dropped out of ten years ago" doesn't mean you're a programmer.
"Figuring out where the bug was in a broken bat file that was pages long, for a language and framework you've never used, for a library nobody uses anymore", doesn't count as debugging.
"Writing a tweening library in an obscure tool" doesn't mean you're an expert. This is childs play.
What if they ask about big O? Do you admit that logarithms confuse the fuck out of you because you dropped out in 8th grade and got your GED later on due to being kicked out by your meth head dad?
What if being able to write a few measly cobbled together half-arsed estimate tools in python doesn't really mean you're qualified to do anything?
What if being able to look at code in languages you've never seen and grok it doesn't mean shit?
What if you've used more languages than you can remember?
What if you once lost a job offer casually given because the guy you built rapport with over months made a joke about browsers, and you joked about using internet explorer?
What if you got a job offer from a consultant friend one time and he asked you to write validation and testing code in javascript for amazon's cloud, and you completely screwed the pooch because you spent the entire time thinking you had to make it *work* and not just *look* correct, when all along he just wanted what amounted to *correct looking* code, and your gut had told you the same, but you ignored it, because the world can't possibly work like that, where people give anyone a chance or the benefit of the doubt, and any slip up or shortcoming means you were never really worthy to begin with.
What if you thought you could, but you'd been raised your entire life to *believe* you couldn't?3 -
I dont understand why people talk so much crap about python. How it "pseudocode".. yea its a" joke" i get it. But if whoever is making said joke dont even know what pythonic programming is , nor practice it. Then said person dont really know how to code in python.. its more like modified c++ and they cant talk crap.
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That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.
-
He couldn't sleep for 2 days because he missed her.
.
I couldn't sleep for 4 days because I missed a stupid ";" in my code.
#Developers8 -
C++ is the worst thing ever happened to the developer community.
Doesn't have a stand of its own. Always changing. -
The difference between a programmer and a non-programmer is.........
The non-programmer thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes,
while a programmer is convinced that a kilometer is 1024 meters.....6 -
Why do C programmers prefer dark mode?
Because the light attracts bugs, and in C, they're harder to find.3 -
!rant
First, a little bit of background info: I'm currently studying a programming course (Where I was *supposed* to get to choose language myself, but was forced to do it all in C++ which I had no prior knowledge of, but that's a rant post of its own.) and the final exam is coming up. I'm allowed to bring with me a book on C++ for this, so my question was if there are any good recommendations?
Primarily I'd prefer something that is as close to a physical copy of documentation stuff as possible, since that's what I'm going to need the most.
The books I've been looking at so far (and that look the most promising) are "The C++ Standard Library" by Nicolai M. Josuttis (ISBN: 978-0321623218) and "The C++ Programming Language" by Bjarne Stroustrup (ISBN: 978-0321958327). Thoughts and/or opinions? :/9 -
He did the mash, he did the developer mash
The developer mash, it was a segmentation fault crash.
He did the mash, it caught on in a pull request.
He did the mash, he did the developer mash -
Hi guys! Last time you gave me a lot of good advice about my gophers. Thanks! Kubernetes Contributor Celebration is coming soon so I have these cute gophers
If you liked it and want to support me on Redbubble
https://redbubble.com/people/...
or TeePublic https://teepublic.com/user/...
Thanks!
5 -
Yesterday I tried to change a part of my old code (wpf app) and guess what happened?
Whole app didn't worked then. :D
I had to stay away till 2am and work 5 hours to fix it. -
Why do Haskell/Scala/Lisp/Clojure develops do crossfit?
Because they like their fitness how they like their programming paradigms: functional!
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