Dev: Microsoft is shit

VS Code: (ಥ⌣ಥ)

Dev: Oh not you dear! You're not like the other guys

VS Code: (｡◕‿◕｡)

Always

NOT A RANT

My brother is teaching himself how to code. Couldn't be prouder

Received "emergency update" code from internal enterprise security team. Wasn't given time to do code review; was assured code was reviewed and solid.

Pushed code to over 6k lower-level servers before finding this gem buried deep within:
...
cd /foo; rm -rf *; cd /
...

(This ran as root, and yes, the cwd was / from earlier in the code).

/foo, of course, did not exist on some servers.

Now, it is those servers which do not exist.

FML

"Everyone Can Code!!" - but not everyone should!

Code review titles by year:

1990 - your code is using to much memory
1995 - your code is not running on window 95
2000 - your code is slow
2003 - your code don't have tests
2005 - your code is not 64 bit
2009 - your code is not using mvc patters
2010 - your code is not horizontal scalable
2011 - your code should be written in js
2015 - your code is not mobile ready
2020 - your code is racist

Chuck Norris does not rant... But his code does, indeed.

Not mine. But so true.
Every tutorial need to start with a Hello World code.

University is not there to teach anyone to code. Drops the mic.

How not to code on a coding interview.

Actual code by my (former) coworker. No wonder he's not here anymore

Code not working.
Comment out code.
Slowly rewrite it bit by bit till it works again.
Check against commented code.
They're the same.
Wtf.

Seven hours wasted on this shit :/

Daily reminder:
You are not payed to write code. You are payed to think.

How not to copy code 101

When your code does what you have not expected.

Credit: skillprogramming.com

So, a couple of weeks ago I started a temporary job writing code mostly for DB purposes. I noticed during that time there was a specific person just copying my code and not giving credit in the meetings. So I decided to put a small, quirky, joke in my last code just to see if the person reviewed it before presenting.

FF to yesterday, the person did not check the code and he presented a table with a field called PENIS Contract Length in our zoom meeting.

Not sorry at all

Not knowing git or github. His idea was to exchange the code via SKYPE

when your teacher says he prefers this:
class A
{
// code
};

over this:
class A {
// code
};

me: can u not

Going on reddit while the code is compiling... And not realizing when it finishes.

200 OK
{ ok: false, error: "Not found", code: 404 }

Guys! It's 'code' NOT 'codes'.

I check the newbie's code. [correct]
I check the newbie's codes. [not correct]

Programmers write 'code'. It's an uncountable noun so we cannot pluralize it.

Spies use 'codes'.

Start teaching actual code, not dreamweaver.

The plural of code is code, not codes.

Request URL: /api/v1/user/53b49b5a30
Request Method: GET

Expected Response:
Status Code: 404 Not Found (as the user is actually not present in the DB)

Actual Response:
Status Code: 200 Ok
Response Content:
{
"status": "ERROR",
"errorCode": "404",
"errorMsg": "User Not Found. Please provide a valid user ID",
"type": "Error",
"userMsg": "User Not Found. Please provide a valid user ID"
}

#extremefacepalm

Installed VS Code, have to say, i like it a lot. Even though it's a Microsoft product.

My new favorite editor.

Code formatting is important when it's not too long...

Seems like spagetthi code does not work as printer's driver.

Yesterday I said: "My code was nice and well organized but then I started to do the things the customer wanted. Now it's horrible and ugly."

I'm confused...
My code works but... It's really not supposed to...

Schrodinger Code: your code is both broken and not broken until you recompile it.

Worst thing : its not even fake... Thats where I code... 😂 😂 😂

A story

Me: "The code is great!"
Narrator: "The code was not great."

The end.

me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.

In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.

So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.

So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.

Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.

The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.

Print Job A succeeds
Print Job B remains silent
The code differs not

Dear coworker: oh my god we aren't in highschool algebra; using "x" as the name of a parameter makes me want to cut you.

god knows why the code that works on Friday does not work on Monday

My coworker comments every line of code I think the code is not readable!

This is actually an advice given to me:

"Only ever release your code on a Friday, preferably after 6pm. If you're not confident enough to do that, your code is not ready."

Who says dev doesn't require courage.

void main ()
{
//Not working code
Also not working code
}

not rant

I code in python.

In an interview and the interviewee says he can code JQuery but not Javascript...

Code works.
I'm happy.
Maybe she's happy.

Code doesn't work.
I look frustrated.
She's definitely not happy.

Let me see his code and I'll tell you whether he learned or not!!

Catch or catch not, there is no try.

How my code is some days...:/

“That code is actually not shit at all..”
And
“That actually makes sense”

Comment the "why", not the "what". If your code needs comments to explain what it does, rewrite the code (use good, descriptive identifiers).

When it's raining outside it always puts me in the mood to code. Not sure why.

Damn. Scientific code is sure as heck not clean.

The code does not compile anymore and I don't know why... deploy is tonight

Finally got my rubber duck. He's not too happy about my code. 😎

Not commenting my code because "it's so clear what I'm doing, how could I ever forget what my own lines of code do."

When someone tells me in which language they code and its not the one I use...

Not everyone should code.

Reading code samples in the toilet... I'm not normal.

To paraphrase Jeff Atwood: everything you write sucks. The goal of programming is not to write great code, but to writes code that sucks less each time you write code.

During code review, just review the code and not the one who wrote it.

Me @ people having code trouble : haha, relax! It's not the code's fault nor computers, it just does what you tell it to.

Me @ code giving me trouble : I fucking know code has ancestry and you bring dishonor to yours, fucknuckle.

Not exactly a rubber duck but he shows me the dark side of the Code

Not sure if he wants to code or save Gotham with this setup

Lol @ thankfully-not-used-that-we-know-of code path in a legacy application.

Working code is not a clean code

MY CODE IS NOT WORKING 😬

Refactoring code of somebody who left and:

- Plagued the code with TYPOS (milions of them but ok I can live with those... to a certain point)
- Used global variables by default.... of course even where they're not needed
- Used comments only in parts of code where... well they're not needed, important ones are of course left out
- Did not indent code. 3..2..1... Did not FUCKING indent code properly and when he did... did WRONG!
- Instead of indentation he used commented line with multiple ==== signes.... so far top is 60 consecutive lines with olny ==== again no apparent pattern here
- Did not follow a fucking standard in variable naming... no camle casing... there are varaibles assigned multiple times to "temp" variables without no reason just for the sake of wasting resources on the system I guess

This is just the beginning of the review but I already want to change job, die, scream, cry... not in any specific order.

My friend just sent me this piece of code...

Not sure I can take this...

The relevant code was known to be unstable. Can't say that I was not warned :D

Do not let your co-worker modify your code

I wrote code yesterday, that functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not understand my code today.

I couldn’t think of a quote to do, so decided to do a function instead. Duff’s device! (You know, in case you ever wanted a scenario where fall through in a switch makes sense)

One does not simply code without developing antisocial behavior and caffeine addiction.

Work with code, not with people

Every time when a person refers to code in plural. IT'S CODE not CODES. Makes my blood boil.

Signed up for a coding contest that starts at 9am. I’m bad at timed code challenges, but I’ll never get better if I don’t push myself.

Woke up in a panic, thinking I’d overslept... 1.5 hours after falling asleep.

This is definitely not going to help matters. Thanks, brain.

Leaving my 2500 line code unsaved. Not fun, not fun.

Re-using the same variable for different things is *not* code re-use.

If you're not a programmer, don't get a tattoo with code in it...

Finish this sentence :

“Everytime I code, ...”

My answer :
“Hope is not with me”

When you check out some older code and realise you are not the brightest snowflake

My code is not working, why?

Team member just requested a code review in French (s'il vous plaît)

Yea, I'm not reviewing your code you pretentious prick

when I come back to a piece of code that I did not comment

I'm expecting probably no, but in the name of outdoorsy things not at all related to code, anyone else here enjoy electric bicycles?

Just grabbed this thing and it's absurdly fun, and helps me put some social distance between myself and other riders.

Guess what's even worse than reading the code of someone else?
Reading your own code after not working on it for a couple of days.

I'm almost dead ! 😬
The fucking code is not RUNNING !

When I see a bug in somebody else's code (Gnome):
- "can you please not write bugs!"

When I see a bug on my code:
-"whatever, I'm only human..."

😅

Jenkins, you're testing my patience and not my code today.

It's about a guy that knows better.

I was working as a subcontractor on a bigger system. We (subs) were not allowed to deploy code, we had to wait for contractor to deploy.

One day I got an email that my code is bugged and that my feature is not working on production. I checked it on test env, everything was fine. Then I checked if the code I wrote was deployed. It was not.

I send an email explaining that if they deployed my code it would be working. Then I got a response. There was a bug in my code.

Another email. I asked how would they know? Do they have a test on their environment that failed?

No. There is one guy that READ my code and he said it should not work, so he will not deploy it. He was not a programmer, he was a business consultant responsible for the documentation.

His issue was that I used a function that was not in a class. So if the function is not declared it's obvious it will not work. I had to explain to him in another email, that you can use object of another class inside your class and then call a function, that is not in your class. It was the last time this guy blocked my deploy.

TL;DR, I had to explain a non-dev how object composition works in order to have my code deployed. Took four emails.

Dont get attached to your code at work! Coz it's not your code, you got paid for writing that code and that's it.

When I revisit old code that's not commented.

*hits blunt*
The reason Americans can't code is because it's called kindergarten not grade 0

When a programmer says: "Horrible code", it actually means "Horrible code that I did not write".

This source code should not have been made public!

Here's a real tip for people new to the industry.

It's one of those things that's been said over and over again but very few can really seem to employ. I suggest you learn it /well/.

You are not your code. Criticisms of your code, ideas, or your thought processes, is not a criticism of YOU. You absolutely cannot take criticisms of your work personally.

We are engineers. We strive to seek the best solution at all times.

If someone has found a problem with your code or with an idea or whatnot, it is coming from a place of "this is not the best solution", NOT "you're an idiot".

It's coming from a place of "I'm closing this PR because it is not a change I feel suits this project", NOT "I'm closing this PR because it's coming from a woman".

It's coming from a place of "This feature request is ridiculous/this bug is not actually a bug", NOT "you're a fucking idiot, fuck you".

It's coming from a place of "I've already had to address this in a number of issues before and it's eaten up a considerable amount of my time already", NOT "I don't even know you and this I don't have time for a nobody".

You do not get to be bitchy to maintainers because they denied your request. It's not a reflection of you at all. But if you're arguing with someone who has maintained a piece of code for almost a decade, and they're telling you something authoritative, believe them. They're probably smarter than you on this subject. They've probably thought about it more. They've probably seen their code used in many different places. They have more experience than you with that codebase in almost all cases.

Believe me, if we cared about who was behind all of the issues, pull requests, etc. we get, we'd get NOTHING done. Stop taking shit personally. It's a skill, not a defense mechanism. Nobody has the time to sugar coat every little thing.

Let's normalize directness and stop wasting time during technical discussions into opportunities for ego-stroking and circle-jerking and back-patting.

Four reasons why I'm not testing my code today!

Lezzgoo to PROD!

not that fun....... my code has a bug

Updating code for big client.

Find that they are not encrypting passwords in the database and are not sanitizing user input from forms.

Do not trust the user!

Best: write a lot of code for others and for company :)

Worst: not able to write code for myself and for open communities :(

Code is not self documenting..

reading 10k+ lines of business logic does not take the place of well defined documentation.

Mic drop.

Error code PICNIC: Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

Not adding spaces in for statements.

ex) bad practice
for (i=0;i<10:i++)
{
//some code
}

ex) good practice
for (i = 0; i < 10; i++)
{
//some code
}

In my uni course "Algorithms and Data structures" we use Java. Fine. Definitely not my preferred language but it's not like I have a choice.

Anyway, our teacher uploads code files for us to use as reference/examples. The problem is, they look like this. Not only does she not indent the code, she also uses a charset that is not utf-8.

In the rare cases where she does indent the code, she uses THREE, yes THREE spaces...

i'm here because my code is not working 😂

Why people who can not write code criticize my code? 🤔🤔

That moment when you replace
If (blablabla) {
return Yes;
}
else {
return No;
}
with
return blablabla;
And it not passed code review because "We should have readable code"

When your code works one day but not the next.

Stop trying to satisfy everyone, you are not VS Code :P

started converting VB code to JS.
* lets refactor it when we are on it *
After 3 hours, with refactored code not working, uses the old logic.

While working on my localization algorithm, I also set up a baseline I can compare my results to. I chose AMCL which is the go-to localization package everyone uses in ROS.
I took a peek at their code and found this atrocity - "ad hoc weighting scheme" where probabilities that are not mutually exclusive are added together, and also taken to the power of 3 because why the hell not!

"This code really sucks"
"Well it's not that bad"
"But there is a GOTO"
"Oh"

Im still not convinced i know how to code so i guess im still learning?

Please DevRant ! Give me the power to finish this code before tomorrow! Coffees are not enough.

Not documenting my code.

Code quality is not related to your self-worth.

App fails, Check logs...No error logged. Check source code and debug....
And then you see following piece of code....

try{
//Code to hit an API
}catch(Exception ex){
/*DO NOTHING. Not even log stack trace*/
}

FYI: pressing alt + up does not move current line up in Microsoft Word. Just realized I am not in Visual Studio Code anymore.

Doing and Code Review today... Not sure if this guy has really bad OCD, gets bored, or gets stuck and starts commenting the shit of things...
I'm not sure if I like it or hate it... typically "Good code should be self documenting" but this actually might be acceptable... code on the left, 10K foot view on the right?

*me browsing through my company's code style guide*
"You must not use spaces for indentation" - awesome!
"Files must not contain more than 4000 lines of code" - wtf?

I have been trying to understand why my student's code isn't working just to find this piece of code. Checking out code early in the morning is definitely not my thing.

Just because I have not written any code yet, does not mean I have not started on your project. I can either plan it well or let the code flow from my fingers like diarrhea.

Really should stop not caring about access modifiers. Nearly everything I code is public.

When the documentation 3x longer then the actual code (and does not make any sense)

#confession
.
.
.
My code is still not backed up.

Going through legacy or other developers code which don't have documentation or even comments. Plus the author of the code is not working in same organisation anymore to consult. We have to understand the code like deciphering any ancient language. 😥

So true ... B(

"Clients care about the user interface, not the code."

When the code beak in chrome and not Mozilla. Wtf !!!

FUUUUUUUUUCK I REMOVED THE NEW TFA CODE FOR GITHUB NOT THE OLD ONE

When I do not feel like to code, I still code.

Just came across this in a website project of my company.... and it goes on for about 5 times of that. But it's not in the html code, guess it comes from some js framework. Not sure if bug in framework or bad code in website.

when locally editing code but Web is not changing, then adding die() in the beginning, and still not changing

then delete the code and webpage still not changing...

after a lot of cursing, you release you were refreshing on server!!!!!

When a dev complains his/her code was not deployed and you find the code was check-in in wrong branch.

Product Owner: There is a major bug with your code it's not working.

I then spend hour looking at code to find out.

It's a content problem!

It's not a bug if you write shit code to start off with!

I don't know what to say.
.
.
.
Yes I do, just some clarification: not my code.

code not working?
comment code and try to run
uncomment piece by piece
code back to original
running...

apparently, the code didn't know it was right

One shall not code while tired. Sigh, stupid little retarded bug. I really need some sleep...

The one thing they do not say about low-code tools is how much code you have to write when their undocumented garbage doesn't fucking work.

Scenario A:
Your code is working. You run again, now it's not working.

Scenario B:
Works on production. Next day it doesn't.

It is nothing you just experienced alternate universe. You probably with your manager temporarily jumped into another timeline where your code is not working.

Next time it happens tell your manager it's not your fault.

Eureka!

Production issues.... that should not have happened if the code wasn't written by monkeys

Goddamit now that school's started I don't have time to code any more. Why can't I just not do school and code all day gahhhhhhhhhhh

Did you know that Alt+f4 and Ctrl+w does not format your code in VS code?

Yes? Our college didn't and we had a good laugh 😂

After that we tried Alt+space+c but he did not trust us anymore.

I don't know why my referrel code is not working.. 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Does anybody know of other contests like google code-in, summer of code and hacktoberfest? Not things like codewars. Any type pf contests with large tasks that are challenging. Thanks!

It's nice reading other people's code. Make you realize that your not too shabby quality wise!

That moment when you read your own one month old not-commented code !

What is this?

I'm looking for a kind of "lorem ipsum" but not for text, for code. Some kind of random code generator with configurable language to test code rendering, compare programming fonts, etc. Any suggestions?

When its 2am and your code still not working

Not documenting my code.

Why do teachers tend to not explain parts of their code?
I got some C++ material and example code for doing some rendering, and the material says "these parts are not important".
Guess what? If the whole thing does not compile when i remove the unimportant code, it was fucking important!

Everyone's bitching about how costly a College Education is , and that cost makes everyone see it as an option.

While here in Kerala , India my Entire 4 year Btech in CS costs less than 2000$ dollars, it's that cheap , that College is compulsory.

The million dollar question is should I be happy that College is cheap or Sad that College isn't an option

Anybody can code, But not a quality code.

Fucked up.

Reviewed a code and gave ship it for a colleague's code change.

In a single day, got high severity ticket cut to the team.

I am done. Not going to do anymore code reviews. I suck at it.

Start the reading of "clean code".
First thing that i have learn "The only valid measurement of code quality: WTFs/minutes".
What do you think about it ? Agree or not ?

Why do popular media paint "programming" as easy... this is a very big deciet. please let stop this lies.
programming is not for everyone, not everybody can code.
and please dump the f**king "Girls can code" slogan.
there is no need for the hype.

NO. I will not write code for a website on paper. And I will NOT draw my website. Go to hell.

My code is not backed up

Learn to refactor your code constantly. You are not writing code for yourself. Think about the next person who has to look at your code.

Why am I always tired when I want to code?? Coffee does not help anymore...

I think I'm just not paid enough to write shitty code...

You are not real devloper untill you suddenly realized "that's how I should code that"

Concentrating and understanding someone's code/ script. :|

The code is not in class form, does not have comments, and indentation is out of control. T_T

I'm not slacking... my code is compiling

I don't know what happens to me today.
As always, I've gone to work, but when I sit on front of computer, I felt unable to code.

Not afraid of coding, not exactly unmotivated. Just my head is not able to code.

It's strange, because until now always I'd felt so motivated with this project. But today I've spent 3h on front of computer and I've not been able to write a single line of code.

Maybe I need holidays and I didn't noticed.

Trying to understand other people's code like:
- 6 README, in total 7 lines (that's all there is for documentation)
- 40% of code is commentary like (original code, not altered...)
// if(a = b)
// c = d; // this is not working

Life is to short to deal with not refactored code...

Code in such a way that it solves family of problems! Not just one 🙌🏼

Shit, 24 hours is not enough for me to code and get 3 hours sleep !

PLEASE do not format your code like this!

that BS thing you do when your too lazy to code and just copied a code from an existing class and renamed the vars even if it does not work or not being used just to show your boss that your working hard as f*

When having to fix parts from an other programmer's code, do NOT concentrate on the small code expected to be wrong, instead read and understand the whole program around it!

Best practice:
1) Why is this code here
2) What does this code do
3) How does the code solve the problem

(just happened to me 😅)

Me: trying to do any simple fucking project
Me: cant figure out how to do something simple or cant figure out how to start or how something should work.
Me *Looks up problem* (everytime...)
results: SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT OF.

Am I just a shitty programmer, a shitty learner, or just not cut out for this? because I fucking Love this field. this is the only thing I ever want to do. BUT I CANT FIGURE ANYTHING OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME EVEN WITH LANGUAGES IM GOOD AT!! WHICH IS JUST PYTHON AND IM STILL SHIT AT THAT.

I TRY TO DO PROJECTS WITH JS, OR C, OR PYTHON PICK WHICHEVER ONE. AND I NEVER KNOW HOW I SHOULD START IT, AND IF I LOOK UP HOW TO DO IT ITS SO MUCH LONGER AND COOLER AND BETTER THAN MY DUMBASS WOULD HAVE DONE (and longer in a good way because its well thought out and works)

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A REAL JOB IN THE FIELD IF I CANT MAKE THE RANDOM IDEAS THAT I SEE ON THE INTERNET AND WHY CANT I MAKE THEM AS GREAT OR LONG AND SHIT ON MY OWN. SO MANY PEOPLE CAN WRITE SO MANY LINES OF CODE AND FUNCTIONS AND ALL THIS SHIT THAT WORKS AND YEAH THEY LOOK UP SOME PROBLEMS BUT NOT HOW TO FUCKING DO THE ENTIRE THING LIKE SOME FUCKING RETARD
AWDJKBAKWJBDAOLK;JWDBOALBJKWODANLWIO;NIAWDN;PIAWLDJBAWIDHB
I CANT GO A PROJECT WITHOUT LOOKING UP HOW TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE MY LITTLE BRAIN CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT

/*when you don't close a long comment and your code does not compile

Code Code

Not expected from digitalocean

Guy said on Code Review that Decorators are not OO enough

Anyone else code better when they're drinking? I swear I'm not an alcoholic...

My biggest regret is not learning to code earlier in life.

It’s not funny when you don’t know how your code works.

//not an actual rant
Just curious how many non software students/employers/people code while it is not their main profession

I just realized that in my company , the code review is not important.... And the source code is fucked up.... The structure is like functional programming and Oop combine with redundant function everywhere.

And in the source code there's a folder called depreciating service , I asked them what is that , they told me it is the service previously but not recommended for using it.

I was like "you mean deprecated"? Omg

They don't care about code review and clean code here.

My struggle here is they dare to create one class for the entire project and every code are in that class...
This is fucking not acceptable.

The moment when your code is like,
Yeah I'm working, not throwing errors, but not doing anything closely related to the things I should do.

Fuck this construct, I'll recode the whole thing and stop using any two-year old legacy code, for this project

If you don't understand your code, but it works, then it's not really a problem

Writing code in PHP and not documenting it.

it is not enough for code to work.

"Don't use 'unless' in your code, it's confusing. Use 'if not' instead"

Seriously?

If it does not crash your code, it is a feature

Not writing the damn code.

Note: this is a joke, it's not code related.

Someone goes to a restaurant, and he asks what they got, and the reply to him: "we have a crochet leg, a chopped liver and ligaments"

He says back: "don't tell me about your problems" XD

To collapse or not to collapse code.

When your friend (who doesn't know how to code) asks you to make them something for an assignment (not cs related) and they say your code is wrong 😒

Sleep sort
The most meaningless hacky code I have seen in a while not to mention it's not even correct

"Code monkey not say it out loud. Code monkey not crazy just proud."
-Jonathan Coulton

Regarding many of my rants and, I would suspect, many rants on here.

We're all Domain experts...

"Not my code."

I hope I'm not spending several days worth of work rewriting a code base for it not to have any performance benefits at all.

Try = -1

if (try == -1) {
Do this
}

My code ends up not triggering the if.

Is it not okay to code javascript on intellj?