My partner has zero interest in coding and wants to have a baby, a week ago she started to yell install baby at me. Told her its not the right command. A few days ago she yelled apt-get install baby. Told her there was a user privilege problem. Today she came back with sudo apt-get install baby.

looks like we are going to have to have a baby!

*Me using dark theme on everything*

Me: Hey, look at this, I finished that thing that you wanted me to do.

*Project partner looks at my screen*

Partner: Ugh, why do you use that dark theme? It really strains my eyes.

Me: :-|
That is one of the reasons I use dark themes

devRant should make their own version of Tinder. All this lonely devs could really use a partner to cheer up their life 😄

Came home late last night and told my wife I'm skipping dinner to take a 1hr nap as it's going to be a long night of bug fixing and testing. Woke up, my wife and 1yr old son are already asleep. Saw the pic below posted on the wall above my work area at home. She's a teacher, she's never heard me mention it, and I don't use this method (I prefer music on my headphones). But she does know I lurk devrant so she must've browsed here while I was napping. Feels good. Code fixed, checked-in, unit tested and released for user testing.

Guys, I've been thinking.

When I get married I'm gonna make my partner agree to terms of service and my privacy policy instead of the lame wedding vows 😛

Instead of 'I do', it'll be 'I agree'.

Should also probably make him sign an NDA incase things go south.

Edit:
Also, probably a code of bathroom conduct. (I just remembered that football while peeing rant)

Not a rant! 😁
For the first time in 21 years, ya girl landed herself a job!
It's a part-time paid internship to work at the IT help-desk for a company. Not hugely glamorous, but for the first job in my whole life, I am pretty excited & happy 😊
And as an extra bonus, my partner got the job too!! Yay :)

This was a comment but deserves its own post

A friend of mine had to make a pacman AI for a course and was required to have a partner.

So he asked the laziest, never in class guy for his studentnumber.
For every assignment he put that guys name and number on it. And he gave decent partner reviews.

His AI was the best of the whole year. The professor asked him to the front of the college room (with every AI student there, except his "partner"). My friend then thanked his partner, "he wouldn't be there without him".
Every student there laughed their ass off since they all knew that he soloed it.
The professor had no clue

At the end of the year my friend made that guy complete 3 courses without him knowing

Was working on a group project.. I ask my partner to give me the code he was working on. Expecting link to repo or at very worst an email

I GET A FUCKING IMESSAGE W 1000+ LINES OF CODE

Programming is a bit like a partner or is to me:
It helps me
It annoys me
I love it
I hate it
Drives me insane
Bores me to death
Excites me beyond belief
Makes me feel dumb
Makes me feel clever
Supports me
Confuses me
Some days it's beautiful
Some days it's unattractive

But going to be together for a long time through all the ups and downs.

Me: *Working on my game*
Partner: What are you working on?
Me: Just starting out some basic AI
Partner: Why are you writing 'if' and 'switch' so much? Is that what AI can be?
Me: Look away! Don't break the illusion!

I then sat back in my chair and realised AI isn't really that intelligent...

My new coding partner

When you let your partner at work borrow your laptop... 🤔🤔

(tl:dr at the bottom)
context:
my partner programming skills are pretty basic and he does not work in software development. instead he is in the largest (and only) electricity company here.
history:
one day his boss ask him "hey, do you know how to use google maps?"
Partner: "yeah, what do u need?"
His boss: "great! please make 10,000 routes with these coordinates, i need them for tomorrow"
Partner: "WTF!" ,grab his phone and call me, "(explains me te situation) dude, can you make like a script or something?"
Me: "Sure, but we'll need a loooot of coffee"
We spent 18 hours developing a routes generator with java-fx, mysql and JS.
Next day we went to deliver those routes and to "show" the system. They told us that after searching for 6-7 months, they wasnt able to find such a solution as ours.
Next day, I took a plane to this company HQ (My partner was food-sick, so i had to be there by my own), had a meeting with the TOP Bosses (on of them arrived in a Helicopter, lots of body-guards) and after a 3-4 hours, just like that, we had our first Big Contract with a huge ass company.

tl;dr:
we ended making an 8 months national project with the biggest and only electricity company with an 18hrs-developed system.

Personal projects are the best.

Coming home after work.
Cooking diner and cleanup, dishwash stuff.
Giving some attention to partner.
Exercise, because you have been sitting all day.
And then the one hour that is left before you need to sleep. You fire up the project just to realize that you forgot what you have been doing. And start browsing devrant instead.

Great day. let's try again tomorrow.

Recently I left my partner and, as a result, his house with my workspace. So, I rented a small house and now I have a temporary setup on the kitchen table. Of course I brought the cats with me.

Me to my partner: "I want to tell you something."

Partner: "What's up?"

Me: "I require(you);"

My new pair programming partner arrived today! What should I name him?

!rant

I managed to do a chunk of programming in class today without my partner to hold my hand through it. It may be simple, but I am proud of it nonetheless.

Ok so the good news is. My vacation is in 2 weeks. And also just got Hired, and handed a big project with big money

The bad news is They need to refactor and document their legacy code from last dev partner. And this is the commit history

OH MY FUCKING GOD KILL ME NOW!

When you find a good debugging partner and you can't take him to work...

Guess which diagram was drawn by me and which by my business partner :)

Me and @Ovyerus decided to avatar match, and this was the end result.

When your programmer partner send you localhost link :D

You are lonely because ->
You don't have a partner because ->
You are a nocturnal person because ->
Night might be the best time for development because ->
You are too much obsessed with programming because ->
You are lonely because ->
...

Shared devRant to some of my Chinese speaking dev partners.
Partner: It is interesting to know that dev rants are language independent.
Me: Developers talk in programming languages, which are the same throughout the world.

Girlfriend: So YouTubers/bloggers do this thing where they partner with brands and promote their items and give a promo code or promo links which you apply while you purchase the item which gives you a discount and they earn money through every purchase

Me: Yeah, I know. I'm a developer, I make those affiliate links

You know what's more irritating than working with a partner who doesn't understand how to properly build an API?

Working with one who fully understands the best practices but doesn't give a shit to implement them until something breaks.

When my partner in a project has a sudden change of heart and confesses to the the professor that he cheated and we both get a negative mark(-8 marks) even though i didn't know or participate in cheating 😡

Every year my team runs an award ceremony during which people win “awards” for mistakes throughout the year. This years was quite good.

The integration partner award- one of our sysAdmins was talking with a partner from another company over Skype and was having some issues with azure. He intended to send me a small rant but instead sent “fucking azure can go fuck itself, won’t let me update to managed disks from a vhd built on unmanaged” to our jv partner.

Sysadmin wannabe award (mine)- ran “Sudo chmod -R 700 /“ on one of our dev systems then had to spend the next day trying to fix it 😓

The ain’t no sanity clause award - someone ran a massive update query on a prod database without a where clause

The dba wannabe award - one of our support guys was clearing out a prod dB server to make some disk space and accidentally deleted one of the databases devices bringing it down.

The open source community award - one of the devs had been messing about with an apache proxy on a prod web server and it ended up as part of a botnet

There were others but I can’t remember them all

The website for our biggest client went down and the server went haywire. Though for this client we don’t provide any infrastructure, so we called their it partner to start figuring this out.
They started blaming us, asking is if we had upgraded the website or changed any PHP settings, which all were a firm no from us. So they told us they had competent people working on the matter.

TL;DR their people isn’t competent and I ended up fixing the issue.

Hours go by, nothing happens, client calls us and we call the it partner, nothing, they don’t understand anything. Told us they can’t find any logs etc.

So we setup a conference call with our CXO, me, another dev and a few people from the it partner.
At this point I’m just asking them if they’ve looked at this and this, no good answer, I fetch a long ethernet cable from my desk, pull it to the CXO’s office and hook up my laptop to start looking into things myself.

IT partner still can’t find anything wrong. I tail the httpd error log and see thousands upon thousands of warning messages about mysql being loaded twice, but that’s not the issue here.
Check top and see there’s 257 instances of httpd, whereas 256 is spawned by httpd, mysql is using 600% cpu and whenever I try to connect to mysql through cli it throws me a too many connections error.

I heard the IT partner talking about a ddos attack, so I asked them to pull it off the public network and only give us access through our vpn. They do that, reboot server, same problems.

Finally we get the it partner to rollback the vm to earlier last night. Everything works great, 30 min later, it crashes again. At this point I’m getting tired and frustrated, this isn’t my job, I thought they had competent people working on this.

I noticed that the db had a few corrupted tables, and ask the it partner to get a dba to look at it. No prevail.

5’o’clock is here, we decide to give the vm rollback another try, but first we go home, get some dinner and resume at 6pm. I had told them I wanted to be in on this call, and said let me try this time.

They spend ages doing the rollback, and then for some reason they have to reconfigure the network and shit. Once it booted, I told their tech to stop mysqld and httpd immediately and prevent it from start at boot.

I can now look at the logs that is leading to this issue. I noticed our debug flag was on and had generated a 30gb log file. Tail it and see it’s what I’d expect, warmings and warnings, And all other logs for mysql and apache is huge, so the drive is full. Just gotta delete it.

I quietly start apache and mysql, see the website is working fine, shut it down and just take a copy of the var/lib/mysql directory and etc directory just go have backups.

Starting to connect a few dots, but I wasn’t exactly sure if it was right. Had the full drive caused mysql to corrupt itself? Only one way to find out. Start apache and mysql back up, and just wait and see. Meanwhile I fixed that mysql being loaded twice. Some genius had put load mysql.so at the top and bottom of php ini.

While waiting on the server to crash again, I’m talking to the it support guy, who told me they haven’t updated anything on the server except security patches now and then, and they didn’t have anyone familiar with this setup. No shit, it’s running php 5.3 -.-

Website up and running 1.5 later, mission accomplished.

My coding partner ☺

I get a call from a client at 7 PM:
- Client: We have a business partner that just visited the website you just made for us and he said it was absolutely terrible, things are not showing up, layout is all messed up... *sends photo*. This is a VERY important new business partner and this will affect our relationship and image. Fix it NOW!
- Me: ok? I will check ... *proceed to check on several browsers and versions*
- Me: I checked on all modern browsers, cleaned cache, tried from multiple devices, it seems to be fine. What browser is your partner visiting the site from?
- Client: Idk, let me ask ...
- Client: Internet Explorer
- Me: ... that browser is not even supported anymore wth?!
- Client: We need it fixed!
- Me: ... *proceeds and hacks for IE website until 6 AM*

Guess who is the one who deals with the merges and Deploy.... yep, not my partner :/

!rant

I just help my partner have our first baby.

In a pool in our living room:)

I fucking love noise cancelling headphone. Not just to block the noise but also to dive elbows deep into focus mode with code.

That is until your partner sneeks up to you on the side you don’t see.

I’m not kidding i just had a fucking heart attack guys!

My partner in crime

That feeling when you've found a partner who is ready to help you with your side project. 🙌

!rant

He always comes to my desk when i begin to work, and lays there. So calm.

So this company came up with a nice way for us to fuck each other's ass with a double-sided butt-plug: Everyone will have their own partners. For every day your partner delays his/her task, you will get a deduction on your salary, and vice versa.

A support request came in at 4:30 this afternoon, I logged onto the server somewhat pissed off that there was a support request at this time on a Friday.

I checked the logs and noticed 500 errors coming from our integration parter after a little log checking and with glee I declared "not my fucking problem!" I replied to the customer and ccd our partner. Have fun bitches, next time deploy your new version when we fucking agreed!

My business-partner thinks we can pull personal informations from cookies, like age, gender, city and interests......

"Can we get peoples age and gender from cookies? How much data can we get from their cookies? Like if they've looked at a white bag recently?"

WTF..

When your partner understands you

Welp, I dunno about the rest of you folks, but I had a splendid day making a really sexy data viewer with React, Redux, ImmutableJS, react-virtualized, and Radium. And it works fast in IE!

And! Now I'm in a pub, sipping a beer in the summer evening breeze, waiting for my partner so we can order food.

Cheers!

When your partner rolls over in their sleep and manages to smack you in the face… not the best way to wake up.

"How much info can we get from cookies? I want to get gender, approx. age and at least first name. That's possible, right?"

Me: "that's not how cookies work.. the info needs to be stored somewhere, where we can access it. It's not in guests cookies"

"How does Google do then? They're tracking everything we do.. *bla* *bla*"

- my business partner..........

That awkward thing is my debugging partner 😍

Context: been coding for a year and been on react for 6months.

So im excited to talk about my achievements. Of which making buttons and menus which i share with my beloved partner.

Few months later I'm confident about my skills (that is not being a simple mortal anymore)，so i come back home and my wife kindly asks me:

“how are you today darling? Have you been succesful with your buttons today?”

.... I had to say yes....

Hey so me and my friend/lab partner were bored...

(posted on reddit by my lab partner)

My partner surprised me with a cactus for my desk, since I keep letting my flowers die.

My Business Partner: Why isn't my computer turning on when I move the mouse?

Me: you haven't turned your computer on. *hits power button*

Honk! Honk! Here comes your company's proprietary library wearing big, red, squeaky fucking clown shoes! What a goofy fuck he is! Look how he breaks and limits React because he's a stupid, broken, clown shoe wearing mother fucker! Watch him trip over his big stupid feet and fall flat on his fat, stupid face. Hope you weren't planning on being productive because this big, dopey fuck is your partner.

So we have Oncall system. Every month I get one working weekend.

Now senior engineers and lead are assholes. They think they can bully us. They are putting their Oncall work on our heads.

I refused to do it. But my partner in Oncall agreed to take up their weekend Oncall and in return they would do our weekday. I don't see how that is fair enough.

I refused to do it still. My partner apparently ended up doing it alone this weekend.

I don't FUCKING need to lick anyone's ass here! I don't FUCKING need to do these things to be in their good books! Waiting for the time when I saw GOODBYE TO THESE FUCKING ASSHOLEZZZZ

Look honey! I optimized the code in such a way only a few lines are needed, I'm so happy with this efficiency. Her reply: "Ooooh, that's nice!! <blankstare>". Yeah, uh, we'll talk later.

>Partners grandad gets new phone
>Partner calls me at work to tell me she's going to set it up
>I finish work
>Partner hasn't managed to set it up (2hours later)
>I go and set phone up
>Grandparents provide free pizza and beer.

Yesterday was a good day.

in the past 48 hours my partner must have asked me 50 times to create an "AI" that can get the data we need off of wikipedia.

Background: I am in AP Computer Science AB but I have been programming long enough that this class is a joke. We were assigned to partners with the task of creating a search engine that finds informations on wikipedia("which is dumb because thats what the search tool is for") so I created a Java Web-Scraping program in probably 30 minutes and showed my partner. He told me I am completely wrong because it would be "cool" to incorporate machine learning into the assignment.

Do I even tell his what machine learning is or should I just let his figure it out?

After months of searching for jobs, ended up I got called by a guy who claimed that he would want to partner with me to start a company. Well, I would love to start one, not without certain knowledge.

The so-called "partner" has a very bad attitude, unable to communicate, blames others for his own wrongdoing, arrogant, gullible and ignorant.

He asked me whether I believe in a deity (God). He demanded me to swear to the "upper heavens" that I will get "eternal punishment" if I ever cheated or betray his every decision.

This is a huge red flag!

I just want to have a "will smith slap" him so hard.

Physics class, groupwork

Me: *Writing a protocol in Markdown and LaTeX*
Partner: Are you currently using Excel?
Me: "No"
Partner: *yells* We need a new computer!

My stress partner

Nothing better than crawling into a cool bed with fresh bedding 🤤🤤🤤.

Just been murmuring to my partner "fresh duvet fresh duvet" as I starfish the bed.
Incapable of further thoughts with these crisp sheets.

Heaven 🤤😻

devRant has become my college lunch partner.

My partner with his desktop speaker plays his favorite EDM music on a working afternoon weekdays in our open office. Fuck.

While he's on it and I confronted him, he said "but you're on headphones most of the time."
What the fuck.

You know u have no life when you get a call, you're all excited about who's it going to be...
"oooh an unknown number!"
*picks up*
"who's this?"
... *automated voice* "This is apple calling you for your apple verification code... your code is..."

And u realize u have ur computer on which u need to enter your code because u tried to login 2 minutes ago...

My partner can't wrap her head around why I write all forms of communication in a formal matter, whether it be an email, bug report or text message.

I keep telling her you never know who you are actually talking to unless your face to face, anyone else agree with this logic?

This incident is from my college days.....

I saw one of my friend was arguing with his project partner. He was pretending to know everything in programming better than his partner.

Just for fun, I asked him to implement single linked list by using arrays/pointers (I gave him 20 mins and told him to do in any programming language he is familiar with). He was not able to do, so I suggested him to use Google and see if he can find something which can help him with implementation....

Within 10 min he came with a solution which was working fine. So I asked how does he implemented, and what does the methods do.... As expected, he was blank and I got to know he copied entire solution from Stackoverflow.....

A thought came in my mind:
Just by knowing copy/paste won't make you a programmer....... <\>

I posted 'programming partner wanted' on some social media app.

Some youngster immediately gives me his wisdom : 'JS sucks'.

Some people....sheesh

(tl;dr at the bottom)
one day, an old "friend" asked if i would like to be part of a project with their friends to create a site, we had plenty of meetings, my partner and i were excited with this project until we realized that those girls literally wanted a copy-paste from another site, and i mean, exactly the same but translated in google translate. We even asked other developers for their opinion and they said the same, that it was a copypastarino.
so my partner and i talked to them about how we didn't want to be part of a copied project. Those girls went angry and we drop off that.
Yesterday, after almost 7 months, I found you that those girls won an "startup contest" and that they will be traveling to sillicon valley soon to meet a founder and start the business.

ooooh boy...
what would happen if we send an email pointing out that copied-googleTranslated project?
is the industry really that dumb or lazy? i mean, how is that even possible that they haven't found it out?

tl;dr
some girls just google-translated a site, my partner and i didnt want to be involved and now, 7 months later, they are going to sillicon valley to meet a founder and make it real.

Your identity is the most valuable thing you have.

Losing it for whatever reason, for example to be like your partner or your parents want you to be is probably the most wrong thing to do.

MANAGER: "Hey Slug, I just got off the phone with $partner about $issue and they want to have a meeting with us to discuss it. Send them an email and schedule something for Thursday morning."

WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK I AM, YOUR PERSONAL SECRETARY!!??? If you're the one who has a specific day and time of day that works this week, and if you were talking to them anyway, then how about YOU schedule the meeting????? And of course $partner comes back with "Does 10:30 work?" and so now I'm just playing middle-man. Who could have seen THAT coming.........

Duck partner for doctors 🦆🦆🦆

!rant;

Got a text from my partner, my stickers just arrived in the mail today ❤❤❤

Double coffee time!

A partner of mine have soluble coffee, so I decided to compare it with the office coffee. The advantage of having two mugs :D

Actually I don't need it but I'm so bored :( (I've already finished my code and I'm waiting for bugs or something like that).

When you realize that "O&O ShutUp10" (AntiSpy tool for Windows) creator company is a Gold Microsoft Partner

Tomorrow’s schedule:

7am-8: Yoga
8:45-10: Retro
10:15-10:45: Team Meeting
11-11:30: Interview
11:30-Noon: New project meeting
Noon-1pm: Foster care meeting with case worker (monthly check-in)
1pm-1:30: Train co-worker on how to restore databases
2pm-3pm : Onboard new DBA
3:15-4:15: Conference with AWS partner

Yup. I think I’ll complete a perfect zero LOC tomorrow. Oh, I’m also on-call.

Just took back over my desk shared with my partner, Ukrainian tchotchkes are hers, raspberry pi and The Good Wife playing on the iPad are mine 😂

My former partner and I raised AUD$8M in funds for a product that I developed in 2005, but due to the investor's incompetence, over a period of approx. 2 years, I forced her to resign.

The mother of my partner sent to us an email complaining that our home is too dirty...
We solved the problem adding a new spam filter.

Trying to explain an awesome block of code logic you came up with and how it streamlined everything.. And your partner be like.... Thats cute dear

My partner asking me about the code he's working on. This is what happens when two programmers date each other. This was more of an issue when we were both in college, but it still sometimes comes up on occasion.

Told to work on a ticket with a partner. Partner changes my code to what they wanted. Review comes back and partner has to change back to my format.

*sips juice coz I love the violence*

I swear to god, Stardew Valley is some form of crack cocaine, my partner got an xbox and a copy of it, I played it ages ago and got a little taste from her, now I have just been playing it non stop again.

Planed to do some prototyping and get some of my game engine finished but nope... My parsnips need me!

My partner in crime 😈

My partner says I'm too much of dry logic and lacking in emotions. The way I want to find logic in everything and ignore illogical spontaneous emotions... Isn't helping me in here.
Just wanted to vent out and ask whether this is the curse of the nature of work... with tech I am in (I fantasise it to be that) or is it just My individual problem?

I just found out that my partner writes his increment operators with a space between the variable and the operator.

i ++;

anybody else do that because he's changed parts of our code to include the space and it's frustrating

Well, no rubber duck for me but this guy is my partner since many years ago (since I've started my carrer).
Not even those prehistoric bugs last forever!

Look honey, I wrote this little function that calls an api and submits 80% of the data to my submit form based on the input you give it, ain't that cool?
Her: "Yeah that's okay"
Me: Yeah, yeah it is..

Soo I’ve been frustrated with my luck in finding a job, but I need to start working!

I have been thinking about starting my own web services (of some type) business.

I need a mentor, or a partner or just someone to talk about ideas with.

How does one go about finding someone like that?

BTW I know this isn’t a networking specific but I think it’s worth a shot.

Is so awfull when you write code like a pro and nobody seem excited as you... Is like having sex and your partner fell asleep without roofies

!rant
It's my 22nd birthday today and I think my girlfriend has just given me my new debugging partner... Myself!

Tech illiterate partner in startup: "We need a password to add your social media profile because people are misspelling their names and now im getting someone i dont know when I click the link"

Me:
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... how about... idk.. not misspelling your username or just edit it...

So I'm developing a push-pullet application for elementary OS and it's called Eleanor, off hand mention the name to my partner and she says she understood what it was... Think I dodged a bullet with that one!

My new debug partner.

Me and my project partner were explaining a idea for a smart mirror in front of two of our teachers (female) for our major project of final year.
After telling all the features and things it will do for 15 minutes, one of them very seriously said that,
"so basically you are making a smart mobile app".

We both died a little inside that day... 💀

I taught myself to programm (properly) when I was 27. I got a job in 2016 as a junior developer but had to quit in early 2017 because I relocated with my partner to the Bay Area.
I'm finding it very hard to find work, no one looks at my CV seriously 😭
I turn 30 this year and I feel like I left things too late...
It's hard being a junior dev at 29 haha.

So I told my partner in not buying a Mac and that in buying a base model pixelbook instead, showed her the pricing and she nearly strangled me...

Why is it so hard to be a Google fan and have to import litteraly everything with an extra 400 AUD tacked on -,-

I'm in a situation here, I had an idea for an app and I started coding it. Since I'm a front end developer I find it not amusing to do the backend part. I then started to share the idea and such with good classmate (not a coder). I then made him join me on this adventure. After a lot of coding he said he wanted to contribute with something since I'm coding all day and he's not. Then we agreed freelancing the back end part.

Some time later we got a pretty good deal on some Indians doing the whole app. I thought to myself "this feels kinda good!" so we went on with the freelancer.

Days went to months and we finally got the app back. I did a mistake of paying him all the milestones without testing the app in its wholeness, later finding out that one part of the login system didn't work. That lead to a deeper debug to find out that the core function of the app was commented out.. I then wrote the freelancer back with minimal and slow response.

Now the deadline of the app is like in 2 months. If not we miss a whole year.

My classmate knows about this and he's the one who played for the freelancing. Now we have talked about me doing the whole backend myself.

The only issue I have now is that I feel like he's just sitting home doing nothing other than flashing money around and me busting my ass of writing code that I really am not good at. (basically learning more than coding)

But he played a lot of money for this.. So I feel kinda bad for him.

Rip life.

Because Rubber ducks are too mainstream!

Meet my rant/dev partner, Bobblehead Russell!

When your project partner is an absolute coding genius.

But writes spaghetti code with methods named function1, function2, ... function20.

How the fk am I supposed to read that code?!?!?!

But I’ll give him credit, the program is works and is amazing. It’s just not possible for anybody other than him to understand.

Try to have a partner so you actually feel you need to work on it otherwise they get pissed and start nagging.

Weeks after our partner has been nagging us to release to production because we've been putting it off because their API sucks and wouldn't properly work.... we finally did....

except their production API doesnt even work LMAO

My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?

my boss, recently: "Partner company is complaining about seg-faults in our software" [the system is still in testing, not deployment]

me: "tell me what steps to reproduce the error and I'll fix it"

boss: "I'd like to prevent seg faults from happening no matter what"

...I literally can't even at this point

Worst part of being a dev ?
Finding a life partner who is also a coder like you

So was walking through a display homes with my partner and found this gem...

Edit: I have no idea why this rotated

So one of my co-partner in a website development business we started, took up back end responsibilities from me, didn't complete a simple form handling in 3 months and then complained the 3rd partner that it was my work and I didn't do it and now I am the bad guy.
FUCK YOU BRO!

Going through the conversation for xxxxth time with my business partner, why we will not launch a new product on top of pre-made PHP script / plugin.

Just got our company into TDD, and automated QA via CI server & code checks etc, PLEASE stop trying to drag us back into the land of spaghetti code & bug legions in production. That's all thxbye.

My Biggest dev. fear.
Hire a freelancer/partner to share your work load and he might start developing whole project parallaly himself

I guess the time has come finally. 🤔

I'm now thinking of how to trace a Facebook user's current location. At first I thought of touching Facebook.

But then I thought that I can just write a webpage which will trace the visitor IP. And send the url to the user.

Oh it's not for me. One of my friends who is also a partner and a client of mine is being harassed by his former business partner. He has sued him but the guy is in hiding but still posting bad news on his Facebook profile.

So my friend came to me for help. :3

Weather's great, sorroundings are great, partner is gone for a festival the next 5 days.. Might actually get work done now!

Why is it so hard to find a designer/front-end dev partner and/or freelancer that can make mobile specific designs!?

I'd rather use the rubber duck as my pair programming partner

Did not understand why people posted so much on here till I had to argue with my "partner" product manager that SVG icons are better than pure CSS icons, and yes there is such thing as animated SVG, and no I'm not a designer to create fancy icons for you just because they "are actually code" you twat

For my AP Comp Sci final project I put a ton of work in, and built a mix of space Invaders and galaga, and called it Space Invaders 2. I created the thing on my own, with no partner, and I did all the art myself too. It was easily one of the best in the class.

I am mostly sleep deprived.. loves to spend time on laptop more than with my family. Prefers coding over cooking. Would love to have partner who relates to this field, so he can be partner in my craziness. Coding has alot impact on my life. Infact it is my life and passion ❤

Need a C++ partner..

I'm self taught developer and it's kinda hard to understand the code of your own.. since c++ is not an easy language to master I need partner whom I can easily discuss code and topics of c++. I'm in slack too and it's great community .. has people who always willing to help you out.. but the thing is it's really weird to ask simple question there again and again.. so i wanna have some partner to discuss C++ code easily..

Whenever I'm having a technical discussion with my business partner, he asks me if we can make the project/feature compatible with the Sega Saturn. I keep telling him that I cannot base my business plan on a defunct esoteric console. I think I made the right choice

I'm currently trying to a finish a project that business partner quoted for and gave me six weeks to write the backend CMS, front end web version of the apps and an iOS and Android app for each including payment integration and the works. It's so over due now and it's taking me all the energy I have not to quit.

P.S My business partner has now left the business leaving me to pick up the pieces :-(

Hmm... Okay crazy deadlines. We hacked together a really makeshift application to handle streaming content to end users. The proof of concept was demonstrated to a partner company on a Wednesday. They said they wanted it on Saturday. Our CTO agreed. We didn't sleep.

How do you manage your relationship with you partner and work like?

I said to my partner "BABE!! There are bugs on the screen!!!"
She screamed.
When she say the actual screen she wasn't pleased .-.

So...
I had to do a minor project for this semester. It was to be made in a group of two people and everything ( work ) was shared between the both of them.

I had a friend who was my partner ( faculties decided who will be in each group ). She doesn’t like programming nor does she come to college but I hoped she would do fine and be helpful ( she is a decent person actually ).

She never bothered to come to college, or even ask how the project was going... except one day before presentation 😒😑.
Thankfully, my guide removed her as my partner... she was detained because of extremely low attendance... and I had to work alone... that was much better though 😁.
Minor project was kinda fun by the way... and since I did it alone, I was able to do it at my own pace and without any issue of synchronization between partners ☺️☺️

My ex-boss used to BELIEVE that being registered to a service makes a partner with the service provider.

So if I were a devRant supporter, I am a devRant partner.

I started to teach my partner some programming basics (web, just html and some css for starters), since they asked me to. So far we haven’t killed each others, so it’s going much better than expected.

Also, it seems to be a very common misconception that one needs to be a special breed of person to be able to understand and write some code.

Choosing to do my pre-thesis in something I'm not 100% interested in. This resulted in my partner wanting to do the actual thesis on his own (angering, but understandable), which leaves me hanging with no topic or evaluator 4 weeks before the deadline.

Came home after staying with my partner for the night and forgot I put us over our internet limit and our speeds have been shaped.... Guess no YouTube for another 10 days :'-(

Of course this happens as I buy assassin's Creed origins and want to play it

TL:DR Company partner screws up and doesnt do job. I start new company and now able to make ends meet.

My friend and me started this company together. Our roles were defined. I would manage the development of stuff and he would manage getting the clients. I did my job. About a year into the company. He goes ahead and partners in another company. Normally I wouldnt bother, but this is when he stops getting clients for us. Our business drops 50% in the second year. He doesn't work but expects to be paid the same salary as me. I'm doing all the work for the clients while he wastes his time with the other company. He manages to make money doing stuff and buys a BMW, while I'm struggling to make rent.
Finally in Dec last year, I plan to start my own company. And i suddenly have lots of work which pays decently well. I'm looking to hire and am not as stressed with work any more.
Moral of the story: if you must partner, make sure your partner is fully invented in growing your company.

Second big school project. Designed for at least 2 people. Quite a lot of work for the given time but not impossible to do, as I thought. Oh boy was I wrong.

My partner and I chose a networking project which included setting up a ESXi-Server, a VM (with Windows Server 2008 R2) and a router. We are both not unknowledged so I thought this would be easy-going.
I quickly recognised that my partner liked to spend his time at home rather than actually doing something so I ended up doing nearly everything.
When it came to documenting everything he tried to write something, but it had so many mistakes i had to correct it over and over again.
I asked him multiple times, if we should split and he denied every time and promised to work harder.
End of that story was him being expelled from school because of to many missed lessons and me finishing the project alone. Got a B+ for it.

I have to add an endpoint to integrate an API and I want to vomit when I think about this major security issue they introduce.

What type of prehistoric dumbass thought GET requests with username and password in the query parameters is a good idea to burden your partner with.

When your CSE partner always overrides your perfect self committing code like lastItem, rightFrontItem and just renames them all to x, n, and z. Now it looks like shit and can't understand it as easy! I guess fuck giving variables meaningful names! Lets just make chaos in a world of order.

!dev

But i like sharing.

So i hated stout. But recently i had a kid and my partners parents are from England. Back in the day，breastfeeding mums used to drink light stout， because the yeast helped to boost milk production.

Well i buy beer every week and run out of it by wednesday. So at my disgust i started drinking stout.

Now my brestfeeding partner complains coz i drink all her beer ;)

When you pushed commit and your partner said you didn't finish your job because she isn't pulling.... :/

I don't know if our QA is good enough. We were developing an app for both ios and android. I, an ios developer, told the QA guy that it will take long before uploading the app in the testflight (convert swift2 to swift3). After a week the app is now uploaded in the test flight and at the same time my partner, an android developer, uploaded the android version of the app in the play store beta. The QA guy started to raise bug issues about the android version. He wanted to fix the bugs immediately since our boss needed to upload it in the play store and appstore. The QA guy kept on complaining to my partner why the android version is buggy. Then he said something we, me and my partner, facepalm.

The QA guy said " You shouldn't convert the app to swift 3. The ios version is fine when converted why the android version is buggy. You need to revert it back to swift 2"

We sit there in silence, thinking if we pity the QA guy or laugh at him.

Headphones, because working while your partner burn and scream in the hell of the bugs they caused is distracting

Polyamory is weird and I'll never fully understand it. Every polyamorous relationship I've ever been in ended with my partner demanding monogamy weeks into the relationship, despite us setting firm boundaries and expectations at the beginning

And when I say demanding, I mean "be exclusive to me or never speak to me again", and these are folks that were staunchly poly at the beginning

First meeting of new project. My management partner:

"First of all, we sell it"

🙄

I did not fully understand dev ducks untill my project partner said I used him as a dev duck. I wonder how long it would take until he gets me one.

How must it feel to build pagination for the partner list in a cookie consent popup? Did the dev realize that they and their company are the primary reason for the GDPR? That they are the ultimate bad guys of online privacy, even worse than accumulators like Google who process their data in-house?

My friend/partner told me on the first week that he "can code" and he will "do the front end of the web page" (its a web application design mod)

Needless to say I had to carry the whole work because he couldn't design nor write php.

Or write a report
He submitted the wrong report

He had one job
And now we arent friends anymore

That feeling when you’re working on writing a program to take differently based numbers, parse the input character by character, and return the value in different bases (dec, binary, hex, etc), get stuck, ask your partner to take a look at it and their response is along the lines of “What are you even DOING?! That doesn’t even make sense.”

My partner decided to handle sales/marketing part and asked for 50:50 profit sharing, then finally it came to a mutually agreeable ratio 60:40 share of a project.

On the week after I've made few of the prototypes with modularized codebase. My partner dropped me this, "hey the project is cancelled. We ain't getting any payment"

End up in a way I found out that he's outsourcing some cheap contractors. Well let's wish him some luck! 💩

Software business partner will make your life hell and the CEO holds a lot of shares in this company. Aka you can't fire them even if they suck donkey dongs.

Languages as women in your life

1) Python's the Girl Friend
2) Java is the Wife/Long term Partner
3) JS is just on Acid. I don't fuck with her..

C++ is for Wifey for the ones with OCDs

P.S : I know how OCDs get. My heart goes out to these people. This is just some frivolous fun

What was your best moment in your life as a Programmer?
Mine, besides a small amount of good projects for my course, was telling by the phone to a project partner the code, line by line, that would solve a bug in the code and when be put it and run the project it worked. Still need something to top that one XD

!rant (okay somewhat it *is* a rant, idk)

So I recently got into using react-native to make an android application, with another partner of mine.
I use a Mac while my partner uses Windows
Now since I was the one who suggested to use react-native, I started the project on my system, set it up (took some efforts though), and put the code on a git repo.
My partner cloned the repo, and it stopped working. Bummer.
The exact same code worked perfectly well on my system, but didn't work on his windows.
When he made a new project on his system, it didn't work on my system.
The error that kept occurring was EISDIR on both our systems.
Is react-native not meant to work for development on different platforms or is windows just a bitch as usual?

I’m collecting the offensive words that target me personally. The more it stings the better.

I only need single words, the simpler the better. I don’t need a long burns.

Once I collect them, I’m planning to give them to my future sexual partner to call me proper names while they hatefuck me during a consensual non-consent session.

So please help me :)

Debugging partner

Dis dude @ODXT. First actual friend I made at the job. Magician that showed me the BS and Magic workarounds in report development using SAP. Also GM, Taco Accomplice, and Ramen connoisseur. Really happy to call him a friend, mentor, and partner in (food) crime

I can create and deploy a web app (LAMP stack) but I don't know how to create mobile apps. Should I hire mobile devs in the future or self study and create the mobile apps? Um or find some mobile developer to partner with? 🤨

Back home from vacations tomorrow.
It wasn't the best time I had but the thought of returning to daily life is already giving me a stomach ache.

Gotta take care of my little pug too, my anxiety about his partial eye keratosis isn't doing great too. Since the caretakers don't apply eye medication regularly.

There's this fear of my productivity before uni begins, I really don't want my vacation to end with me returning without completing my application.

I've still got a lot to do, anyone want to partner up with me ? I've still got load balancing and failover mechanisms which I have no real-time experience with (excluding api related stuff). I've got a general idea to use nginx.

In about 12 hours I have to make, which would currently be, the biggest decision of my life (so far).

Either I shut down my company. Or I closer new signups to my service until further notice.

I can't believe I'll be dropping the bomb on my partner soon.

Partner wants to hire a freelance consultant for iOS development, (because I cant make anything out of their retarded ecosystem), on my advise.

After a year im still getting paid 0$/h, and we have to hire someone...

Is this the point where i wear a dunce hat?

Everyone is talking about dev partner

If you had a project that you had to work on with 1 other person for a year, who on devRant would you partner up with? Regardless of stack.

Well I was going to be productive today, but instead my partner (same project, but different section within said project) decided to question the entire premise on which the project is built, so now I have to explain why we're doing what we're doing.
Again.

1. Learn to be meticulous.
1. Learn to anticipate and prepare a functionality up to 90% accuracy and coding it in a one shot.
1. Become advanced in SQL.
1. Increase my modularity abstraction awareness.
1. Learn to TDD properly.
1. Don‘t get angry with my kids but explain to them with papa is always right in a Calm voice.
1. Do the same for partner.
1. Train my speed running in case partner wants to bash me.
1. Become advance d in Java.
1. Learn to write a bot.
1. Learn more about servers and hack at least one thing even if its a wifi.
1. Install kali linux.
1. Make myself a custom pc.
1. Ask god (or buddha if god is too busy) to make days longer.
1. Buy a vaporiser ao i can smoke my weed without mixing it to tobacco.
1. Get my license.
1. Start investing.
1.........

When your partner decides right as you are able to sleep is the time to be worrying. No that freckle on your arm doesn't look like a bed bug bite. You've obviously never seen a bedbug bite. Now I have to look them up on Google to prove I'm correct. ಠ_ಠ

Sat at home Giggling away to devRant. My partner asks what I'm laughing at and all I can say is: sorry my devRant to English transpiler is broken.

Student 18/M looking for reliable partner.
I like tinkering, I like the command line and I find i3 convenient, but I also often just need to get things done, I want my os to be rock solid, and I would prefer debian based because I need to run lesser known/supported software occasionally.

Find yourself a partner who looks at you like this.

Work/life balance doesn’t exist!

I have no personal life outside what I do. My creative expression. It heavily influences my every decision and makes up who I am, and it is not possible to draw the line where my creativity ends and my personal life with my partner, friends and stuff begins. Coincidentally, it is also my “job”.

The day my creativity stops will mark the end of what makes my life meaningful.

Testing an application we were going to partner with. My colleague and I where able from the login screen to drop all databases including the system ones and use xp command to send email and access the server.

My pair partner and I managed to break every feature test written by our 16 strong team today while fixing a login form. Fixing other people's non-refactored rspec tests is not a pleasant experience lol

Android app team project at school. We were creating a vocab trainer app. I did all the work my partner did literally no programming. So I asked her to at least copy some vocab list from our book. I didn't hear anything from her that day. The next day at school she comes to me with a piece of paper in her hand: "Is it ok like that?"

I died

On the one hand, as an avid programmer having a non-programmer partner, we (I) once wanted to mod some Gameboy Pokémon games (Crystal), but the games were written in Assembly and I was definitely not getting myself into that. My partner was rather sad, as this was quite a big project for the both of us, but it was never finished, and it was still complicated to explain to him why Assembly is such a bitch. Nevertheless, we found other projects to have fun with (simplest of them: random movie picker that chooses a movie based on title/genre/etc. from our own movie list file).

On the other hand, explaining and making programming exciting for people who are not into it, so you still seem like an interesting person for new dates (poly relationship), is really hard. But I would also blame my introverted self and not only programming for unsuccessful dating :D

I had a project partner that was clueless at programming even though she wanted to specialise in programming. So when I suggested that she use the internet to get suggestions for a game UI, she ended up copying everything off a forum.

The code wasn't even working, it had a different set of lib from ours and she spent 2 hours on that code wondering what was wrong.

I almost killed her for having a higher gpa than mine

Just spent a lot of development hours today! Quite more than routine! Not even tired because had great sync with the partner dev! Cheers!

I am lucky enough to work in a place where my coworkers are awesome and spending time with them is a blast.

Otherwise I reserve one day of the week for tinder dates, two for myself, two for tabletop rpg and two for my partner.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked what would happen if we sent a duplicate request to our partner; nobody knew. This week we found out, as it turns out, not great things.

My partner randomly commit to the git.
"A missing semi colon"
"initiate a useless variable"
"adding comment to obvious code"

Hmm ok im done for the week.

Damn.....had great night last night
sophos had a partners function and we won an award as an emerging partner

So me and other guys forgot that tomorrow (today) is work day and drank a number of glasses and now in the office with a hangover

- Hopefully build and publish an app
- Find a partner

My perfect partner in development is coffee :D. What's yours?

I think I am really passionate bout programming and want to build something innovative but I need a fellow programmer to do it with. I am ready to put any kinda work in!

so... apparently Lync is encrypted, but if your partner doesn't notice your message it's sent as a plain text "Missed conversation with..." email...

We wouldn't need [a partner] to go international. We can just get interns internationally to help us set up the systems there!

(How far) Do you see a future where one of Linux's distros gets a good enough user experience that average people start using it?

My partner has been using Ubuntu in one of her side-computers and they haven't complained. That said, my partner is pretty technologically literate, although they don't code professionally.

That's like… every fucking browser in the world including the one you made, MS... wtf?

Microsoft Partner Center (aka Windows Dev Center) is a fucking joke.

I know it's taking me a quite some time to release the AltRant update but I am constantly finding more places to improve loading times and whatnot. The fix list is getting longer as I go...

Also, massive shoutout to @johnmelodyme for helping me with the SwiftRant library and finding those crazy bugs and weird typos and genreal improvements, his contributions are literal goldmine!

The most I have worked on something is 14 hours. It was for a university project, that involved creating a "banking" app that was intended to demonstrate the use of an SQL database. I had a partner, and we had done nothing about the project until the previous day. We started working at 5 PM and the demonstration was at 12 PM (noon) in the next day. We used PostgreSQL for the database, and C# and Windows forms for the GUI. My partner took on the database creation and I took on the GUI. I had minimal experience with C# and had never worked with Windows forms or DB bridging in a program. On top of it, lack of sleep hits me really hard, so by midnight I was just like a zombie with near zero focus capacity. As a result, I ended up rewriting numerous components with identical logic and appearance and some different elements that could be parameterized, simply because organizing my thoughts to write proper code was out of the question in my condition. The writing, debugging, testing and packing of the project ended at 7 AM, the morning of demonstration. I slept for 3 hours and then met with my partner and headed to uni. I never left a project for the last moment again. We ended up taking a 9/10 grade.

When pager duty texts you more in one hour than your partner does in a week.

Q: How did the developer ask their partner to leave them alone?

A: They inserted an &nbsp;

Did some analysis on some servers that a partner of ours is hosting:

-TLS 1.0: Hmm this isn't great
-TLS_RSA_WITH_RC4_128_SHA preferred Cipher Suite for ALL TLS Versions.

I almost barfed at my desk.

Long story short
We about to buy someone out
🤦🤦

!rant
Any Microsoft Student Partner here?

Don't forget your sexiest partner....!

Not the worst but kinda recent,
Me and my partner wrote a cool distributed service and tested it carefully on both windows and linux.
The course staff failed to run it, and guess what, it's our responsibility that their configuration is fucked up and we lost precious points in our grade due to that. All with a full backup of the responsible professor.
Luckily it's my last ever course and I don't give a sh*t.

So my school forces me to take a partner in my project. I build him skeletons, give him examples and wait to see what he'll do. He was supposed to do CRUD for text messages in SQL database. In the update and delete functions, he does this:

UPDATE Message SET (values) ...
WHERE username=@username

Yup ...

Me and my partner are going to open the fetish contact zoo featuring me as its only habitant. This idea was concieved when I was referred to as an “impossible not to touch”.

I need someone as a partner on this idea that I have. Preferably someone with UI/UX front-end experience along with security measures for secure file transfer and storage (involves sensitive documents). Comment if interested.

Some IT recruiter actually had the nerve to enlist my co-partner for a job offer in Munich. We are an IT-agency ourselves. Recently founded. 300km away from Munich. The fuck was he thinking?

When your project partner tells you not yo use database constraints, know that he's about to do some messy handling of the database.

How can someone make a user deletable and leave his other data lying around in other tables? I'm tired.

Messy codes everywhere.

I started this one project as hobby, later on becomes we and we search for client. He assisted upto 30% only ui design. Now I am working 18,19 hours just to complete 2 project simultaneously. horrible experience taught me make sure you make written agreement before working as pair or partner

So my phones camera's are fucked, was working on my games camera system last night and was ranting to my partner that none of it was working but it should be... Her response was 'You're not having much luck with camera's are you?"...

That cuts deep man...