Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

"42", the answer to life, the universe and everything, is the decimal representation for "*" in the ascii table. Got it? How cool is that?

Searched stackoverflow and found the exact issue I was having. The question is from 2014.

The accepted answer is a messy hack. Fuck.

The second answer is clean, clear, concise. It was posted 38 minutes ago.

Is this real life?

A Geologist and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

That feeling when you Google for a solution and the answer that works for everybody doesn't work for you...

That time when you search for a bug and find same question at StackOverflow, GitHub and Quora...

All from the same person, and all with no answer.. 😓🐜

If you ask a question in a forum and figure out the answer yourself, for the love of God, please post the fricking answer.

"Never mind" is not at all helpful. Ugh. Stop being selfish peasants.

Yesterday all the staff were give a piece of paper with a question.

Question:
What will make you happy at work?

and our answer should be confidential.

My answer was: A Girlfriend

I' ll be going to the HR Office about this. I was just being honest.

I hate when I go on stack overflow to find an answer, and all the comments for the correct answer say, "awesome thanks!", "Works perfectly now, thanks!". While I sit staring at my screen feeling like a complete idiot because I don't understand the given answer at all!

I wrote an answer, in my exam, about the precedence of operators.

Took a random example: "3+4*6", and explained that "*" has higher precedence, so "4*6" would be executed first and so on.

Long story short, this was the last line in my answer:

"The answer is 27, not 42."

So I got an answer on Stack overflow

Answerer basically said "finding the error is tedious so I re-wrote your code"

They changed about 15 lines in their answer. I combed over it and found that I needed just one.

I put an answer myself, saying which line was missing (as the other answer didn't highlight the actual solution, and rather re-implemented my code)

My clear, concise answer was deleted by moderator for "Not adding anything new" (Except what the exact answer was to my problem, I guess)

Not my fucking problem. Make your own Q&A site harder to use, as if I give a fuck.

I am a long time lurker on stackoverflow. There was a time I was stuck on an obscure error for so long but finally light shone when I found an answer to that problem on stackoverflow.

Overjoyed, all I wanted is to leave an upvote for the answer; before I realised that you need a +15 reputation before you can do (I know I am late in this game)

So I worked my way to that 15 and it was a tedious one. Stackoverlords deleting my answer, voting no to my edit and reverting another over petty reasons

I fought back by flagging my deleted answer with my reasons and alas the community backed me up by upvoting my answer (which was revived),the original answer poster approved my edit and @me a thank you comment. I was elated

And it is today, I got my +15. That I could finally pay back and upvote the answer from my benefactor

When you copy a big answer from StackOverflow and it works perfectly, but then you feel bad for a split second that you just copied the whole thing and didn't do anything creative :(

Me teaching a co-worker programming.
Him:"So what exactly is the difference between Java and JavaScript?"
Me:"About the same as the difference between cars and carpets."
Thank you guys for teaching me how to answer that.

Stop reading and JUST start writing code.

I've been stuck in coding limbo because I kept looking for the right answer.

And I've learnt over time that the right answer will come to you only when you know what exactly you're looking for.

So start coding.

Asked Google Assistant what it knew about me. Didn't expect this answer but surprisingly point on.

All that neural and machine learning is paying off in a seriously creepy way.

BTW new to the community, first post and loving it!

Me: So how do you handle conflict
Candidate: I use git kraken to highlight my conflicts and walk through them one by one

Probably the most developer answer i've ever heard hahaha

Meetings all day. Latest meeting topic: "Why are we going to miss our deadline?"

Here's an answer : Stop with all the meetings and let me code!

posted a question to StackOverflow this morning

three hours later I fix it myself and add my own answer with the solution

now they're both downvoted to -2 with no other comments. wtf SO?

I spent three hours coding some algorithm and then looked it up on Stack Overflow out of curiosity. Big surprise. Someone did the exact same thing but more effeciently, and had all the code in his answer on SO.

Ughhhhhhhh 😓

Today was the first time I told a rude interviewer off. Feels pretty good. Fuckwad kept cutting me off with “Shut up and just answer my question”. Nope. Not taking that shit my good sir.

Dear, Random guy that I wrote you an answer on StackOverflow.

I spent 15 minutes GOOGLING the issue for you because you either were fucking lazy or don't know how to use Google.

I wrote an answer for you on your shitty question with -2 rep explaining how to solve the issue and you just replied thanks and didn't even bother to either upvote or accept my answer. Not only did I solve your question I did it to bloody help you and here you are with your attitude not accepting my answer, and replying with thanks that i feel like you didn't care for me writing your answer. You can bloody hell burn in hell. I hope there is a special place for you and people like you that magically go missing and never come back

I love it when I spend 20+ minutes answering someone's question on the Stack and they don't even bother accepting my answer, or upvoting. I'm gonna give up on that website soon.

> Bang head against issue for days
> Finally get help from lead
> Watch them bang their head against it on video for 40 minutes
> Watch them shake their head in disbelief at how difficult to follow and objectively wrong the existing code is
> Talk through approach to fixing it and patching in the new functionality
> Listen to a short recap
> Ask question, get answer
> Chat about next company meet
> Meeting adjourns
> Jot down implementation notes before I forget
> Remember answer to question, forget everything else

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUU 😭

Interviewer:

Here is a pen and paper. Now code in front of me your answer from the preliminary exam.

the ultimate dick move: invite your dev to a meeting, scheduled a few weeks ahead, with title "performance issues", without any further comments or notice in advance. when dev, seeing this invitation and feeling kicked right in the face, asks if this meeting is about a certain project or their individual working performance, just answer "both" without any further comments. if they have any more questions about it, just tell them you have no time to answer because meetings.

When you have a difficult problem, search on Google, land on Stack Overflow and there is the correct answer - written by yourself about a year ago...

My first AI program in the 1985 on Apple IIe (64kb ram computer) was answering simple questions with yes and no. Everyone were shocked with precision of about 100% when I was typing and 70-80% when others were typing. My parents were scared and skeptical. How it works? Store the time between the first key pressure and the following, when it is larger than 1 second the answer is yes, otherwise no. They say the question, you know the answer and type accordingly. When they want to write the question themselves, you try to force their typing speed if possible. I was 12 years old and it was very funny.

For the new episode of the devRant Podcast we're working on, we'd like to take questions for a new Q + A segment we're going to try. So if you have any questions you'd like me (dfox) or trogus to answer, ask it in a comment here. They can be about devRant, us, life, anything really! We'll
pick our favorites and answer them in the episode.

A Geologist and a developer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the developer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Developer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Developer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the Developer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The Developer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

Now, it's the developer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The developer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the developer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the developer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

The longer I work in IT, the longer it takes me to answer tech questions.

In my jr days I was confident and used to blab out the first thing [solution] that came to my mind. But now.. Now I tend to require a few minutes to think about the question, the problem, possible solutions, weight out their pros and cons and only then can I start answering.
If I don't wait, I usually tend to regret rushing as a better answer comes to me a few minutes later

is it just me getting old? Or do you have the same thing?

So I'm on stack overflow trying to give back to the community that has helped me so much yanno.

So I see a question and decide to answer it but I'm on my mobile and trying to write a well formatted etc. answer is a bit tricky so instead I thought I would answer it as best I could on the phone so at least the OP would be going in the right direction and then when I got back to my computer, I would expand on the answer.

But before I had a chance (within 10 minutes of answering) some 200k+ rep dickhead decided it was his job to tell me how bad I was for not giving a proper answer and i have enough rep to comment and I should know better.

So I responded to him (my first mistake) and told him that my answer was intended to get him going and most likely he wouldn't need any more help but that I was going to update it when I got back to my computer.

Well he didn't like that and continued to berate me for my unbelievable behavior.

I then said that if he was that upset, then report me, or even better how about he actually answer the question instead of being a fuckwit to others that have tried.

I also said that I thought that SO and development in general was not about being given the answer but by finding it yourself and actually learning something and that sometimes you need to be pushed it the right direction to find the answer which is what I did here.

Well he disagreed with that too and downvoted my answer which by that point had been updated (like I said I would).

I just don't get it, what is wrong with these people and why has SO become such a toxic place?

I want to give back to the community and help others like people have done for me over the years, but then fuckheads like this just ruin it and make you not want to be a part of it anymore.

Then I come here to devRant and everyone is so nice to each other, you can see the respect.

When you think you know enough Javascript to get a job, then this comes along Can (a ==1 && a== 2 && a==3)could evaluate to true, and the answer is freaking "yes" 😒😒.

Damn you stackoverflow!

Why can't we declare an answer as outdated or deprecated or just plain out wrong!

I like that you have so many questions, yet when the correct solution is a 0-upvoted by a 0-rep user hidden at the very bottom between a huge amount of wrong answers and whereas the *accepted* yet wrong answer has upvotes that are skyhigh, it just wastes my time.

All that is achieved is a feedback loop enforcing a faulty answer will accumulate ever more upvotes. And waste somebody else's time in the future as well.

I cannot add the correct information, as that would harm the author's intent. I cannot edit the faulty answer to state that there is a better answer, as that would be an attempt to reply. I can downvote it, yet that just a tiny drop on a very hot stone.

All I can do is add a comment pointing to a correct answer, yet that is easily overlooked.

Come on, stackoverflow! This is madness!

Ask a question on stack overflow , keep refreshing the page for few days to see the view count and hoping for an answer. Then after 4 days answer my own question #StoryOfMyLife

When you answer to your own question and mark it as the best answer. 😎

When someone asks me a stupid question,
I always answer:
You have the Knowledge of the Entire world and human race in your pocket,
FUCKING USE IT! DONT ASK ME! GOOGLE IT! BING IT! WHATEVER! JUST DONT ASK ME!

The most embarrassing moment is when you look at an answer in StackOverflow and think "Which stupid wrote this answer?" and look at the name only to realize that it was YOU!!!

Client: "I'd like something like eBay..."

Do you answer:

A) Use eBay
B) You'll need more than the £250 budget you've set
C) Please leave and never bother me again

WTF!! I want a JavaScript solution.. not jQuery!! When JavaScript mentioned in the question, why the hell people answer with jQuery solution and also same solution multiple times.

if (questionAsked) {
retuen "It depends...";
}

I hate it I hate it I hate it

But it's true because there are a fuckton of factors that determine the answer to a question and nobody ever knows all of them.

I can rarely answer a question from classmates or non-techs without saying that it depends or that there are multiple options.

"Are statics ever good?" It depends
"Should I inject this dependency?" It depends
"Should I google every question first?" It depends

I fear giving a whole answer without knowing the details or at least seeing the code. I've come across multiple XY problems and I'm glad I took the time to look at some code first.

I was in a technical interview for a web development position. When it was time for them to choose a question they showed me this:

How can you make this code display 0 to 9 correctly?
for (var i=0; i < 10; i++){
setTimeout(function(){
console.log(i);
}, 1000);
}

When I saw the question I instantly smiled and rubbed my hands ready to answer since I knew exactly the answer and they told me:
"Oh you looked already familiar to this one, we'll choose another for you"

I legit stood up and left the fucking interview right there.

One of the biggest barriers to the wide(r) scale adoption of functional programming languages like Haskell, F#, and Scala is how snooty and condescending your average FP developer is. And beginner-unfriendly.

Ask them a question about an intermediate topic (in my case, the Free monad) you're likely to get a whole torrent of category theoretic rubbish in return.

This is a common pattern I see when "experts" answer questions.

Now, it didn't bother me much because I've studied a fair amount of category theory and can usually follow such answers, but, for the sake of the general case, I'd like to shove these rules into the heads of everyone writing an answer to a question (not just FP):

1. If you can't illustrate a concept clearly without going into verbal diarrhoea with phrases like "monad homomorphism" and "just a monoid in the category of endofunctors" then you clearly haven't understood it properly (unless, of course, the answer absolutely requires it). An answer is not the place to show off your knowledge of a topic.

2. Please remember that everyone was a beginner at some point. Including you. Understand that some concepts can be extremely frustrating at first and yet incredibly simple after you grok them (eg. monads).

3. If the person asking the question is a beginner, using complex concepts in an answer just because it's a more "elegant" way to explain it doesn't really help them. They are more likely to get confused and drop the topic.

(Kudos to those people who give highly relevant, insightful, simple, and intuitive answers, you guys are the best).

I am searching Google for a strange error message I have in my program. Find one stack overflow thread from a couple of years ago with one answer approved by the OP and upvoted a remarkable amount of times.. I am reading the question and it is exactly my problem...to the point. So I am reading the answer and it works and solves my problem and I am happy. Let's see who is the OP of the thread .... Um, what? No?! It's me?!?! And who posted the answer to the question? What??? Also me?!?! Guess I had this problem years ago, figured out a solution and posted the answer.

This brings me to some things:

1 - I am a better person than I imagined i would be because I never thought I would document my findings publicly
2 - I am the biggest idiot for not recognizing my own post
3 - Dafuq, why did I stumble over the very same problem twice??
4 - on the other hand it is totally cool to see stuff I did and think "wow, I managed to do this??"

Good guy me. Had an issue and no helpful answers were provided on Stack Overflow. Found a solution, and posted my answer, even the question is 6 months old.

Hey junior... when I'm asking a question it's not the answer I'm looking for.... It's your thought process! Just tell me the things you will not do and we can take it from there!

Aaah, good old StackOverflow..
Ask a question and get it marked as duplicate for something that didn't even solve the posters answer.. 4 years ago

I love DuckDuckGo. <3
I've DuckDuckWent a question and it instantly gave me the answer :D

My son is remote learning, 5th grade.

When the teacher calls on one of the student's named Alexa and asks a question... some kids with Alexa devices in their house get the answer for free....

My co-workers hate it when I ask this question on a technical interview, but my common one is "what is the difference between a varchar(max) and varchar(8000) when they are both storing 8000 characters"

Answer, you cannot index a varchar(max). A varchar(max) and varchar(8000) both store the data in the table but a max will go to blob storage if it is greater than 8000.

No one ever knows the answer but I like to ask it to see how people think. Then I tell them that no one ever gets that right and it isn't a big deal that they don't know it, as I give them the answer.

Some young kid taking his first steps into compsci was being straight-up fucking harassed on SO. No one answered, instead users with really high rep just said shit like "if you tried to hang yourself with that code it'd come apart but you should check anyway" in the comments. I flagged the comments and got fucking banned from the entire Stack Exchange network. I created a new account to help the kid, posted an answer, and was banned and had my answer removed within 5 minutes.

SE can burn in hell.

"You've earned the Tumbleweed badge (asked a question with zero score, no answer, no comments, and low viewed for a week)..."

Thanks SO!! When I feel down, you can always make me feel lower...

the fuck kind of manager are you that you tell your leads not to fucking answer their damn phones when services need restoring????? If your fucking team member can do his damn job like a grown ass adult, but sees that you (his lead) made a change and has questions, your ass better answer the phone, or i will rocket launch it up your ass, straight into your brain so it's the newest, latest, fucking hippest trend and hooked into your system so you answer every fucking call hands-free. Even when fucking "Windows Tech Support" calls you every 30 minutes because your keep expired.

There are people counting on you, worthless fuckwipe. Get. The. Fuck. Over. Yourself. And do your fucking job.

Edit: phone tried to censor me

I was asked to map a mathematical problem to an algorithm for first round of interview. I did it in 5 lines with O(n) and it worked. was told that was not the correct answer sent me an answer with O(n^2) and about 40 lines. in anger, I sent a five page mathematical proof along with analysis why mine was better. surprisingly, they took me in for second round. tanked it because I continually stuttered and froze. I was able to answer it once I got home. decided against sending it.

Hey are you atheist? Looking for answers? Say no more I got the religion for you. Convert to stackoverFlow and you will always have an answer in your dark times.

I get handed an API spec that has no naming convention followed for any of the JSON properties. Different for both GET and POST. I request fixes and get a "no budget" answer.

Those 10 seconds when there is a feature request and you have to answer the question "How much time will it take?" inTheSpot

Me reading a forum after long hours of debugging and research...
YES THIS IS IT THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE!
* Me reading some answers I have tried already *
COME ON GIVE ME THE ANSWER
* Me reading the last answer *
"I was able to resolve the issue thanks for all the answers...
bye"
OP marked problem as solved
FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THE SOLUTION OF FUCK OFF

*Intensely staring the screen and solving a problem in my head, I can feel I'm close to the final answer, the answer to the truth, the holy Line of Code and that it will forever chang-*
PM: hey, do you know why my mouse doesn't click anymore?

...

Worst part about Swift 3, is searching on StackOverflow for the answer to a question but it's written in Swift 1 and it's not compatible

Blender. The answer to that question is always Blender. Such amazing, huge thing.

And right after that, git, of course.

After that, probably Linux.

I learnt it!
00210121021112011211211120102000212101021112100202
Whoever decodes it, is the cool guy on devRant

10 minutes coding.. 60 minutes debugging... 5 minutes crying.. 5 minutes distracted... Finally the answer come and I resolve the problem.

During interview...

Interviewer: Do you know what is JQuery?
Applicants: Yes?
Interviewer: what is JQuery?
Applicants: am.... (in a couple of minutes thinking, the right answer that could be)
Applicants: JQuery is Java Query?

a pretty honest mistakes where the applicant do not know the answer and looks confident during interview

I hate it when I ask the customer where did they test it or where the error is.. On test or on production? And the answer is yes. O.o

When you find a question on stackoverflow and you know the exact answer.
But you're not in the mood to explain and put details.

next

StackOverFlow and the Downvote Paranoia

I've been more active than my usual in SO for sometime now and I noticed this behavioral pattern between new questions and badge thirsty flaggers/downvoters, back in the early 2010s the fastest gun in the west used to reply with a correct answer, now the early replies are mostly complaints about formatting or how it's a duplicate of a totally different question. This is a result of wanting to keep the quality high, understood. But you can always edit questions with poor grammar and/or formatting. But I think it gets too spoopy for new users to post an innocent question, or an answer for that matter. It discourages them to learn.

Stack Overflow is the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their programming knowledge, and build their careers.

But don't worry, no one will ever answer you lol.

Me doing front-end work and get a stupid feature request from a customer...."I'll have to talk to our back-end developer and DBA to see if those changes are possible".

Guess what...Im the back-end developer and DBA and the answer is "hell no".

Lol these dumbasses actually think I'm smart. They have no idea that I just always have the same problem the day before them and I found an answer just before they ask me.

Me: API support, please check why I'm getting ECONNTIMEDOUT for 3% of requests

supp: before we look into this, please answer these questions: a), b), c), d), e)

Me and coleague: *spend 20 minutes gathering all the details into a nice answer. Post the answers*

Slack bot: *removes the answer [allegedly for compliance/security]*

api supp: any update?

..... I really want to smash smth. Hulk SMASH!!!

That moment when your working for hours on an issue and the answer comes to you in the middle of the night whilst your sleeping.

me: *finds the thread on issue i encountered*
thread created 2014: no answer
someone replied 2015: "got the same issue any thoughts?" and no ome answered
me: it's fckn 2016 already!!

I have written one answer on stackoverflow that got more than 100 upvotes \o/

It's about downloading google fonts and it's not even on par with the other answers. /o\

Clicking "forgot my password" and getting a mail with my password in clear text. Sending a mail and asking why they don't care about security. The answer I'm getting is "it's a feature, makes things easier". Yeah...

Give a man the answer and help him for the day. Teach a man to Google and shut down half the help desks in the world.

When answer has 180 points on stackoverflow and it isn't even an accurate solution for the posted problem.

Helping out on stackoverflow and getting the best answer is SO REWARDING!

Question for EM interview:

'How did you cultivate talent and aggressively manage the execution of your team?'

Answer:
I do not wish to proceed.

Got a ticket form a client reporting a calculation giving the wrong outcome.

In return I ask her what she thinks the outcome should be and why.

"The right answer because I said so."

Yeah thanks that's going to help a lot.

As the first and only dev in our family[including relatives], I find it really hard to answer them whenever they ask me about what it is that I actually do at work.

I applied for a job and had to answer some questions.

What is the output of $a ?
<?php
$a = 123 == 0123;

There's a place in Hell for those who ask a question, find the answer, and never report back on their findings.

A useful guide of general rules for junior devs, while asking questions to senior devs.

1) If you're a junior dev, you're going to not know stuff. A lot of stuff. That's perfectly fine and expected. The more you realise you don't know, the more you move forward.

2) If you don't know something, duckduckgo it. If after at least 1 hour and a max of 2 hours of searching you still don't get it, ask someone.

3) If the senior dev just gives the answer directly, it means they think you should've already known the answer.

4) If the senior dev just gives the reasoning behind it, but not the answer, it means you should know most of it, but you can probably arrive at the answer with a bit more reasoning and it's a unique problem.

5) If the senior dev gives you the answer with an explanation, it's a very good question and you will likely get to learn something you didn't know already.

Replace senior dev with stack overflow and it still works the same.

Waiting for a answer, of the University i applied for (master degree) is like:

I need to check my mails
*5 minutes later*
I need to check my mails

They said, they will answer between 15th july and 1th september..

I saw a SO question where the dev commented on his own question "I might have an idea, don't answer me" and never posted anything else. This dumbass deserves a special place in hell

Just finished signing my first ever professional contract. Shortly after I was given a conpany sheet where I had to give part of my personal info and answer some fun questions, one of which was what super power would you want to have?
My answer was obviously: The ability to always find the missing ';' 😂😂😂

Go to fucking hell SO!

Question: "How to do X?"
Answer: "You can solve your particular problem without doing X."

God fucking damnit, yeah some noob tried to use X to solve a completely unrelated problem and thank god somebody pointed out a better solution. But since all other questions about doing X are labelled as duplicates of this question, could you dickheads at least provide an actual answer to the question instead of an answer which only works for that particular problem and has nothing to do with X?

So I'm sitting down coding at home, trying to work out some problems when I hear the Doorbell ring. Obviously I shouldn't ignore it so I go to answer it.
Its the fucking FedEx delivery guy, he ALWAYS rings the doorbell, waits a solid 2 seconds after ringing then leaves. By the time I am about to answer the door he is already walking away.
HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES THIS, in the end I'm thrown off my rhythm for nothing to go answer a door where the person ringing doesn't even have the decency to wait a few extra seconds to see if anyone comes.
This has happened to me several times now, he rings the door for no damn reason, i come running over and he is already gone.
So bloody frustrating.

That moment when you are looking for a solution for a problem, there is the exact problem already on the stackoverflow, but with no answer...
And then the feeling when you somehow solve the problem, post the answer and get an upvote :)

It is so frustrating to be searching for a problem, find a possible answer on Stack Overflow, and click on it to find out that the only answer was some douche bag explaining to the poster how their question is irrelevant or explain how much more they know. Either answer the question or help them politely.

Case In Point:
Q:
"Is there a ____ library that does _____?

A:
"Why would you want to do that? There are far better ways."

Either provide the "ways" or shut up.

I ran across this middle school question on Facebook and the most common answer is 9.... I try to have faith in humanity. I really do.... just so its clear (I assume if you're a dev you understand the order of operations and I'm not talking to you), the answer is 59.

hey helo i doNT GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU CANT READ MY DOCUMENTATION AND SPAM ME WITH QUESTIONS THAT HAVE THE ANSWER WRITTEN IN THE SPECIFICATION YOU WROTE IM PLAYING FUCKING LEAGUE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT

Not just Stack Overflow, but all help forums:

If someone asks a question, and you think you might know the answer based on its subject or context, please spare a thought for others and instead of dragging the post on for pages and pages without an answer in order to show the poster up for being inadequately articulate, please make the first post a link to at least seemingly relevant reference material.

Nothing more frustrating looking for some undocumented api syntax, finding a similar question that you might be able to gleam from, and then only seeing pages of "aaah, but what OS are you on? What colour is your desktop? What is the average velocity of a..."

You can see they are struggling with an api, and you clearly know where to find the answer, so just quit the cocksure jostling of pretending you're any good at support and just be useful. The poster may be a tool, but the thousands of hits from Google will just think you're a twat.

That moment the sales guys ask if a humongous new feature is doable. And doesn't wait for your answer before adding: "Well so you know, I'll already promised it to the client for last week"

// Fist Rant :S

When you go to sleep late the day before studying hard for the exam of graph theory and when you see the test equally not know how to answer any question :(

If you're doing a talk or presentation and pause for the audience to answer, which you ignore anyway, I hope you slide off the stage and break your neck

Last week I forgot to add the break; clause to a bunch of case statements and literally spent a whole evening busting my head 'cause my code wasn't working.

So this week's answer: ME. I'M THE WORST.

Trying to answer a React mapping problem on stackoverflow.
It's a relatively simple problem.
While I'm typing... all sorts of wrong answers keep popping out.

Oh geez.
People are hungry for reputation

In the end, I removed my solution, and leave the answer in the comment. This is not my fight 🤦‍♂️

So we were having our Computer Science lab just this morning and this girl wasn’t able to get the right output for a JAVA program.
Actual answer: 5.71
Her answer: 6.34
Her explanation: “Maybe I’m not getting the output because I am on a different system, try this on your computer, please?”
My reaction :

A half answer on SO gives me a pointer to a possible solution. Using that pointer, I actually find an answer and it's quite involved. So to help others with the same question, I edit the answer to complete it with the additional steps. No edits to the answer involved, just a few additional steps.

😡 The answer author comments that they appreciate the info, but they reject my edit so their answer isn't changed!

What a douchebag.

Do you listen to music while you code? And what genre if the answer is positive?

That moment when you spent over 2 hours recreating and fixing someones bug on stackoverflow and then he just copies your solution and gives himself the best answer.

What is the similarity of Java and JavaScript?

ANSWER: They are both ugly.

My No.1 interview question for UX developers:

What are the CSS default text and background colours?

The correct answer is: "undefined-on-undefined".

If your 1st thought was "black-on-white", you're the reason we can't have nice things.

TIL the best way to “win” an argument on Twitter is to simply abandon the thread when people think you should answer for your “crime” of having a difference of opinion and they start bringing social justice nonsense into it as a replacement for logic. They’re going on and on about how you are obligated to reply to them to answer for your alleged “privilege” and your silence just makes them sputter with rage.

When customer support calls with a complex issue and wants a guaranteed fix date for a defect you haven't even investigated because "they need to get an answer back to the customer TODAY."

The question "are you busy" is the most loaded fucking BS question ever. If you answer and say you're busy you get told that you aren't that busy since you answeted the chat. If you don't answer the messenger blows up your shit asking many more times and possibly even fucking calls you.

If I don't answer, I'm busy go the fuck away. "But it was super important and I needed it fixed right away!" Ok, but when I answered your message just 4 minutes after your originally messaged me don't make me spend another 5 minutes asking for information you knew I was going to ask for and could have provided in one of your follow up messages (Client name, website, page with the problem, description of the problem). Also, don't tell me that it has to get fixed because I'm the one who made the mistake. It has to get fixed because it's wrong, it doesn't fucking matter who made the mistake.

Uhm... am I the only one who thinks this is a vague as fuck answer and should've taken more than one sentence to properly inform users of their data protection methods? It can't be just me...

I have this math teacher and, wow, is she good at math. And, wow, should she never enter another field in her life. Today she asked us if anyone does code. The answer is yes, but I refuse to answer something that uses code as a verb.

A couple of my friends failed to answer the correct output for this.
I have been working on Python since a month, they have, for months and years.
I am so depressed right now.

Question: What is the difference between Android 2.1 and 2.2?
Answer: 6 months

When bugs are seen by the client and boss therefore asks me "did you know about this bug?", what I'd really like to answer is:
"well shit, no! I would have solved that or at least told you about it, don't you think? what kind of fucking question is that?"

But then I just answer "no, lemme check"

Everytime i tell the tester that the reported issue is fixed. It should all be good now.

He raises an eyebrow and says
"Should be? And Are you sure?" With a smirk.

I can never answer that :/ -_-

when you're supposed to be pushing something live but you got the poops and need to run to the bathroom. then the client calls when you're sitting there on devrant halfway done with your business and you answer pretending you're pushing it live.

Downvote on my stackoverflow question, no answers or comments yet

BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER

Fucksticks, really hate everything software and software related, why am I doing this anymore

When your Comp Sci teacher goes to stack overflow and looks in the comments for the answer instead of actually looking for the answer...

Based on @darksideofyay "poll feature" request I made a simple bot to make them.

Just post this as a comment:
@PollBot Q: <Your question>?
A:
- <Answer 1>
- <Answer 2>

// Up to 10 answers
It will post a comment for each answer, just upvote the one you like (look at the upvotes to see the result of the poll).

P.S. It's not ideal and it's running on a mini PC in my house, so it could fail sometimes. :P

No I will not use Facebook to schedule an appointment.

If you're unwilling to answer the phone and do it yourself, I'm more than willing to take my business elsewhere.

To those that put the wrong answer first in their post, I know already where you live, open the door and wait to save us both time and hassle, I'll fucking pulverize you across the fucking wall.

That feeling where you give in to the temptation to answer a StackOverflow question and then wait to see how long it takes to get 20 downvotes.

Last night I had a very strange dream. I should point out in advance, all of this is fictional and none of it really happened.

I was looking at an answer I posted on Stack Exchange.. for the sake of argument, let's say it was Super User. I remember the question being about volume limiting, which is actually an issue I and many other iOS 14.2/14.3 users have been facing in the last few months. Apparently it has been partially addressed in 14.4.

In the real world I fixed the issue by jailbreaking the phone and unloading the healthd service, while in the dream that was the answer I had documented on Super User. In reality I have documented it in several other places, but not there.

Fast-forward a couple of days in the dream where the answer was posted, and I was now looking at a reply. I don't remember the exact details of it, but apparently in the answer I had posted something about my network.. a screenshot from the iPhone? And the comment on it basically said something along the lines of "your answer is shit, and you probably have a very basic internet connection with default settings". I was really upset by that, as my network is actually quite advanced (on account of being a sysadmin).

Then I woke up and realized that it was all just a dream...

Please, please, please stop cornering me at the water cooler and asking me about work. This is my break.. I can answer your question in five minutes when I’m back at my desk. Thanks.

I feel like only software engineers and IT can answer 2 part questions. Everyone else just answers the first one...

How many times I went to sleep frustrated with a problem I couldn't solve and woke up the other day with the answer in mind :P

Sleep is always the answer. Go to sleep, wake up, cringe, and go on a deleting spree. Voila!

Trying to automate gitlab deployment with Ansible. It runs but freaking keeps failing on task. Reconfigure the gitlab server. Without helpful output!

After 2 days bashing and commenting line after line the answer reveals.

True != true Fuuucc...

Rant: i have a software firm, recently got a new project, found a freelancer to work on the project.

He is a very good developer but he works on the project only when he wishes to work and I am left to answer the clients about project delays.

It's so frustrating that I can't get angry on him otherwise he will leave the project and on the other side I have to answer clients. I am stuck with all the tensions in the world.

--- Visits stackoverflow for an answer
. You find the accepted answer amazing... Yep this is what I'm looking for. (You copied the code into your source)
.
.
. scrolled down a little bit
.
.
. You saw another answer with a higher upvote. Ooh lala, this is fucking cool. (You copied and replace your source again)
.
. scrolled down once again
.
. You noticed yet another answer which is the most recent and a lot shorter implementation of what you just copied. (No shit! You copied and replace your source yet another time)
.
. scrolled down for the last time maybe and it looks like the previous was the last.
. But then...
.
. you saw a comment with lots of upvotes even more than the accepted answer and this comment points to a link.
.
. You clicked the link with your mouth salivating waiting to see what holds at the other side of the world which amount this so much upvotes.
.
. And Tadaaaa 404 not found!
.
. You feel hunted by that mysterious link for the rest your life...

Every time a Indian dude mails me at work I always get the urge to just answer:
Sorry I dont have bobs and vagene

people that answer a question with another fucking irrelevant question should have a special place in hell !!

why dont you just answer the fucking question when in the first place i asked you politely and nicely !!

the question doesn't even deserve a fucking follow up question in the first place !!

you've wasted both our time with your stupidity!!

I noticed I adopted a method when people just can't answer something simple like "well how long is it going to last?" and then getting an answer like "I don't know", which to I reply "Well, what's the average it lasts?" and they suddenly remember it again, fucking knobs

Rubber duck debugging. When you find that explaining your problem to another person helps you come up with the answer but you hate people and/or have no friends. Yay for rubber ducks

When the junior fe pushes directly to the brunch you are working on and crashes everything

And he doesnt answer in slack

Loooooove this place

dear fucking client, why are you giving me only the "???" as an answer to my well written documentation and explanation about the latest bugfixing.
WHY? What could I possibly get out of this shitty answer? #fml

I started learning Rust and now I know the answer to the question "What would a programming language look like if the engineers were tasked with designing a bad programming language on purpose"

!dev

Reeeeddit is a strange place. You can be on an advice sub, answer the question and the OP agrees with your answer and people are still gonna downvote it.

What the actual basement dwelling neckbeard virgin fuck is this shit lol

The flipside of too much googling for each and every API references is that one fails to answer simple interview questions..

Rant

Arg! Stack overflow why are you so full of argumentative dumb wits. I post serious question for a serious answer and what do I get? People who apparently know my situation better than me and have decided what I want to be done shouldn't be done. They don't even know what I am making. Either answer the question or move on!!!

A fellow student decided to apply to the federal police, after talking with then at a job fair on the campus. The police strongly stated that they had a high demand for new people.
He did not get an answer for the next two months - not even an acknowledgment - so he quickly found another job in the mean time.

After the two months he got an answer stating that the application deadline was over now and it would be great if he'd come for a job interview. Unsurprisingly he declined..

I have a problem calling ressources.
I have a list of 4 ppl that can help me.

3 of them have no idea and the fourth is too busy to answer me.

fuck

Fucking StackOverflow!
I'm pretty sure the downvote button serves as a reminder that my question is indeed legitimate and deserves some feedback because for FUCKSAKES WHY WOULD I ASK SOMETHING IF I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER???

JUST HELP ME BITCHES!!!

During my university days, we had a basic programming quiz. One of the questions is to "write a program that will determine if a number is even or not".

An annoying seatmate asked me silently if his answer is correct. Then I saw his window:

=========================
> Enter an even number: 10
> The number is even.
=========================

I told him it's correct.

After the test his answer is marked as wrong.

"You told me it's correct!", he said to me.

I approached the professor, and told him that his answer is correct.

"What if I enter 3?", professor said.

I told him, "User Error".

Once I sent an email to a coleague asking what is the diff between @Resource and @Autowired annotations.
A simple google qry would have handed me the answer right away..

How about this feature for StackOverflow:
If the questioner checkmarked an answer, but another answer gets 10 times more upvotes than the checkmarked answer, send a notification telling the questioner to re-consider the checkmark.
Wouldn't this bring peace and prosperity to devDom?

If a developer has to ask what a ticket actually asks for and the answer includes the words "The idea was...", you don't know what you want and it isn't ready for development.

Hired me on Upwork, now the deadline is coming near and he is too busy to answer any of my attempts to get response...

Recruiter wrote me to see if i was interested in a java frontend dev role - my answer:
Just as a fyi - java and javascript is like car and carpet - not the same thing :)

When someone (and this is typically someone non-dev and not a very structured person) says "Can I ask you a question" and, upon an affirmative answer to that, fires away a whole bunch of questions without waiting for an answer to the first of the questions.

Pleeeease! If you expect an answer, ask me one. question. at. a. time. Or write a freaking e-mail.

When you are a junior dev and you ask howto do some shit to a senior dev. He answers vaguely and you have to keep asking during the wholr process instead of getting a full answer from the beginning

when i share my ideas on automation with solutions where the company and the customer have profit and the answer is "why does that concern you? we've been doing it this way for 50 years and it works"
-.-'

One of my pet peeves is coming across a post on stackoverflow with an awesome answer and even a comment from the OP saying this is exactly what I needed but it's not marked as the answer. Really? It's longer to write the comment.

Stackoverflow has got its userfriendliness problems and all, but I still like that whenever I find a question that I have too, that the answer I'm looking for is probably at the top of the answers. If not, I navigate away immediately.

On the other hand, if I find a question on github, there's so much pollution and scrolling that it takes a lot of time to assess whether the answer is there at all.

Also I feel like github is being used à la Stackoverflow more and more, Q&A rather than repo, but I am against this movement!

I like Scala, but the docs suck.
The FAQ literally uses StackOverflow links as answers.
Not as references, where they write the complete answer and provide the link for reference or credits.
They actually just throw in the links.

Answering a question on Stackexchange. The OP accepts your answer as correct. Then seeing someone correcting your English Grammar on the answer. That someone happens to be Drupal and English language moderator at the same time...fucking awesome.

The one time I post to Stack Overflow for the answer to the problem I found get downvoted. WTF. There's so much filtering and elitism on that site.

Back to being a lurker.

Was just asked to review a new set of libraries that the "experts" from our contracting wing created.

I opened one and the readme lists its features as:

Features:
- Feature 1
- Feature 2
- Feature 3

and the Faq is:

- Possible question 1
- Answer to question 1

Don't trust each and every answer on stackoverflow, think outside the box and follow the manual

So, here at this place ... last person to touch a project is the sole person responsible for it being a success or failure. Wtf?!?!?!
If a client sends me the wrong picture, and agrees that is the correct one, and then it goes to production. Later on to find that it was never correct to begin with ... guess who's fault that is?
Is everybody taking crazy pills?
Don't answer that, I already know the answer.

Question for you all:

You're expecting an important call from a potential employer sometime today (no specific time, just business hours)

When you get the call, you're on the toilet, absolutely ripping ass. Do you let it go to voicemail and call them back later? Answer the phone and take the whole call on the toilet? Take the call and discreetly try and finish your business? Take the call and explain that you need to call them back in about five minutes? Is there a right answer?

You realise that you're still just an intern for a reason when your mentor goes away on holiday 😓

Why the fuck do people post questions on Stack Overflow and not accepting any answers while they 100% solve the question?? I posted a 10000% valid and working answer, and the OP just never accepts my answer or anything. I'm sure he saw it cuz I clicked his profile and saw "last seen 10 min ago." WTF??

Can anybody here tell wtf answer of this question is?

Most of the quizzes in this test are terrible. Answer to some options don't get displayed because it gets parsed by the browser. I think the person who developed this website and questions suck at this.

What would be your answer to this question? My answer was closing the tab and promising myself to never apply there again.

Who am I?

Where am I?

I ask these question every single day and I still don't know the answer.

(...)

You know what's bullshit? Clients who take all their time to reply something, to the point where you even forget you tried to reach them in the first place and expect for you to answer/fix something right in the second. Fuck them.

And there's always this one answer on stack overflow, that one guy,
Who searches for the same on google, copies and pastes it on stack overflow :D

Yesterday I had a questionable pleasure of interviewing a young software engineer who (while answering one of earlier questions) used a principle of polymorphism but made a mistake. So I asked her to explain what polymorphism is.

She couldn't. When she said "let me start from the beginning" for the 3rd time I jestfully noted that if she's more used to virtual communication she can text me the answer, and she not only thought I was being serious but also thought it's a good idea, then texted me a duck emoji, a dog emoji... And got stuck again.

Obviously when we were discussing potential salary she had an answer for every question. Ridiculous answer but no communication issues whatsoever.

Please don't get triggered by stupid little things on the internet, just shutdown your internet device and go outside and get some fresh air

I've read some answers on forums on the internet and some people that answer ends up making another problem, because the user said something or whatever

If you want to help, then follow these rules:

1) Read the problem that the user has
2) Read what they have tried to fix it
3) If you know about that problem then answer it
4) If you don't know... just move on

Just learn to shut the fuck up!

What could possibly be wrong with me if I had to look at almost every single answer of the Basic Algorithm Scripting exercises on FreeCodeCamp? I spend days tying to solve some of them and just couldn’t. Had to look at the answers. Then I try few days after and maybe remember half of the answer. How can I change this?

New to databases - How is it that Oracle has been around for so long, yet have terrible documentation? Their support forums consists of condescending developers who never actually answer the questions and the forums’ format is just so bad.

TFW you open a StackOverflow question only to find the answer you need in the question itself and not even in a comment or answer.

When you answer a question on stack overflow and the person who asks it changes the question and (presumably is the one who) downvotes your answer

Someone approves a very old answer I gave to them 7 months ago for a question about "compiling Python to improve performance". And now, I don't even understand my answer nor the asker's question.

Edit: The Q is asked on Replit

I need a compelling case for why we should not support IE11. Apparently 10% of our user base uses it and "it fucking sucks and breaks all the new shit you want me to do" is not an answer. And a possible HR violation.

Client never will install the text editor I want even if I send the link to him s hunded times, and will always answer me he can't open the yml file I'm sending.

Why do people <blank>?

This came from asking the question of "Why do people drive crazy?" The person I was talking to said you could just ask "Why do people do anything?" and the answer would be the same.

I am an ancient beast called "Humturnal".
..half human..half nocturnal..

I answer life problem and code like a beast at night.
I wake up tired as f**k and I remember nothing in the morning.

In this company waste time is a must.

So everyday at 4pm Stretching time.
Im waiting for my PM to answer me on slack

I think when the deadline comes and I aint finished I should strecht. In the meeting.

A formal systems modeler that iterates all provable theorems given the rules of the system and your premises. This would be completely and utterly useless since it doesn't aim to answer any specific question, just tries to answer every possible question. Since any meaningful formal system is pretty much guaranteed to have infinite provable theorems, this is really just a computerized automated fidget spinner

My colleague is trying to add voice recognition to the mobile application
so each time he says "TEST" the mobile application answer with: The color is red so he rage and scream.

and now I can't stop laughing

Imagine 100 years from now, what would programming be like?

My answer :
Speaking the commands directly to the computer and hope it runs

Your answer?

Watching someone browse stackoverflow for the solution to a question. Copy and paste the most upvoted answer. Discover that it works, but fail to acknowledge or at least pay respect by also upvoted the answer they are using.
Even after they found a solution so quickly due to the fact that others had upvoted it and as a result it was at the top of the page.

Customer QA team insists that they are the gate keepers for Test environment,

"Have to discuss this SQL change Test Manager" - me

.....

doesn't answer mails and refuses to answer phone,

Guess what fuck head,

Im gona thrash the shit out of this Database

When you're asked about your salary expectations and answer with "45k a year" and the head of engineering that's interviewing you looks like you just asked for more money than he's currently earning, then you're probably applying at a startup.

Today I asked a question on RPG stackexchange, I made some typos, didnt format it nicely, added a wrong tag.

Within a minute I had 10 upvotes and an answer, people formatted my question and people improving the answer.

I was so surprised that people actually where nice. StackOverflow is one of the few stackexchanges that really sucks...

Why are devs such jerks?

Browsing through upwork jobs. Saw a job post where the owner has requested a programmer use his username on stackoverflow and answer questions on specific topics on his behalf. Payment suggested was some $/Upvote.. what the hell!!

"Does river direction make waterflow go downwards?"

Originally I selected it just to copypaste the "does effect support cause?" formulation, but as I selected, it unrolled the answer, and... oh...

When I search desperately for a missing package that prevents me to compile some Python package on an old Freebsd system and turned out the answer in SO was my own answer.

I was interviewed for a job at a very big company and everythin went fairly well untill they brought 3 sheets of paper with .net specific theory and gave me 30 minutes to answer them... What the actual fk