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Owner of company I freelance for: I need you to find out what CMS [website] is running in.
[Checking...]
Me: It's running in Drupal
Owner: Prove to me that it's running in Drupal, because she's saying you're wrong.
Me: Who the hell is "she"?
Owner: The boss over at [PR Company we do work for]
Me: Is she a developer?
Owner: No, of course not. She barely knows how to run a computer.
Me: Then tell I said it's running in Drupal, and if she wants proof, tell her I'm the developer she has begged to fix two other failing projects and I have delivered both times ahead of schedule.
Owner: If you don't show me proof, I'll fire you. I don't need attitude from my employees.
Me: A.) I'm not your employee, you are my client. I don't clock in for you and you don't withhold taxes from my pay. B.) If that's how you want to be, tell her to use terminal and cURL the website for the response header, as well as cross-reference folder structure for CSS/JS file inclusion to show it's running in Drupal.
Owner: What the fuck is terminal?
Me: If you don't know what terminal is, neither will she, meaning you have no business telling me how to do my job. Stick with assigning me tasks and let me use my expertise to get them done. Micromanaging need not apply here, mmm'kay pumpkin?
Owner: You sure are grouchy today.
Me: Yep...35 -
Colleague: "Python is slow..too much slow."
Then I look at the code:
Eight nested for loops, inside two of them, two function calls and three list comprehension. That function has 2 nested loops and two "objects.all()" Django method, plus a list comprehension too..
Yep, Python is slow.20 -
Me: *sends email 45 minutes before a meeting*.
Boss: *20 mins into meeting*, any updates about the issues found yesterday?
Me: Yep I sent an email with an update on everything.
Boss: ok great, *shares screen*, *opens email*.
Ok want to walk us through it?
Me: ...... walk through my email?
Boss: Yeah we have everyone here in the meeting.
Me: ...... yeah I included all of them on the email.
Boss: Right, but it would be good to go through it for everyone’s benefit.
Me: *Reads email word for word, from the screen share*
I will now refer to him from this day forth as “The Time Vampire”.22 -
IT: Hi, how can I help?
User: Hi, I can't get onto the wifi / internet, my computer says "No Signal".
IT: Hm, we don't have wifi, your on a cable, what exactly is saying no signal?
User: Its just on the screen here.
IT: No but where, are you inside a browser, or is it a popup down the bottom corner?
User: No I haven't got that far yet, it just says no signal on a black screen, then it flashes and says no signal in another position.
IT: ...... did you turn on your computer after turning on the monitor ... thats the screen saying no signal from the computer.
User: ah yep, thats it, thanks!3 -
In a Skype meeting with a possible new employer.
Unlocks door after meeting and opens door. There stands my current CEO.
"You're locking your door?"
"Yep." *runs away*
Almost shit myself 😂13 -
BOSS: That icon is not centered, move it slightly to the right
ME: You're wrong, I can garantee you it's centered (it was centered)
BOSS: Well, my eyes are telling me it's not, so move it to the right
ME: (faking increasing margin)
ME: Ok, now it's 10 px to the right, what do you think?
BOSS: it's a great result, now it's perfect! Cant you see the difference?
ME: Absolutely, you do are the real designer here...
BOSS: Ohhh, stop complaining, you'll learn one day...
ME: Yep.18 -
Yep. I worked at a place where my director and manager were true mysogynists. One day the director walks behind one of my subordinates and knees her in the back of the knees to make her fall back so that he can catch her. He does this in front the whole office. I told her that I had her back if she chose to complain. We went to our CO and laid everything out, and he was forced to take action. I was pulled aside and told that I would ruin my career if I went durn this path. I told them that it was more important to me to do the right thing. The director was forced to resign, the manager was reassigned to another location, and yes, my career suffered, especially in the area of promotion. But you know what? I'd do it again, because it was the right thing to do.13
-
Had a PR blocked yesterday. Oh god, have I introduced a memory leak? Have I not added unit tests? Is there a bug? What horrible thing have I unknowingly done?
... added comments to some code.
Yep apparently “our code needs to be readable without comments, please remove them”.
Time to move on, no signs of intelligent life here.39 -
When you find out your office's bathroom is really active on Github (yep that's my beard and yep I'm a tall guy)
9 -
Me: Your computer has Operating System corruption.
Customer: What does that mean?
Me: *something, something potato chips* and the only fix is to reinstall Windows.
Customer: Well that's stupid! I need my computer! Darn Windows! Microsoft should pay for that reinstallation! What causes that corruption anyway?
Me: Well, any number of things, but it's mostly caused by a part of the update not downloading correctly, so when it gets installed it creates a hole.
Customer: So now hold on... could shutting the computer down during the updates cause this corruption.
Me: It could, yes. That's why they say to not unplug your computer or shut it down while running the updates.
Customer: I see. Cause yeah, I remember that I was angry when it said it had to do updates, so I shut it down.
Me: Yep, that would cause it.
Customer: Okay, reinstall Windows...10 -
Boss: Great news, we are getting another backend dev from another team to help us out.
Me: Cool, hopefully we don’t have the same trouble as the others, not replying, never writing anything down etc.
Boss: No, I’ve worked with her before. She’s much more passionate about doing things right, using best practices and all that stuff.
Me: Oh that’s perfect, great news!
Boss: Yep! ... just be aware she has a tendency to get very easily confused. She delivers the wrong thing from time to time and might need to redo stuff semi-regularly.
Me: ... ... ...
Boss: It’ll all work out. Don’t worry. Ok gotta run.15 -
dev1: have you finished the task?
dev2: yep
dev1: why don't you open a PR?
dev2: I'll open one at 17:59. I want to sleep this night3 -
Hey, Root? How do you test your slow query ticket, again? I didn't bother reading the giant green "Testing notes:" box on the ticket. Yeah, could you explain it while I don't bother to listen and talk over you? Thanks.
And later:
Hey Root. I'm the DBA. Could you explain exactly what you're doing in this ticket, because i can't understand it. What are these new columns? Where is the new query? What are you doing? And why? Oh, the ticket? Yeah, I didn't bother to read it. There was too much text filled with things like implementation details, query optimization findings, overall benchmarking results, the purpose of the new columns, and i just couldn't care enough to read any of that. Yeah, I also don't know how to find the query it's running now. Yep, have complete access to the console and DB and query log. Still can't figure it out.
And later:
Hey Root. We pulled your urgent fix ticket from the release. You know, the one that SysOps and Data and even execs have been demanding? The one you finished three months ago? Yep, the problem is still taking down production every week or so, but we just can't verify that your fix is good enough. Even though the changes are pretty minimal, you've said it's 8x faster, and provided benchmark findings, we just ... don't know how to get the query it's running out of the code. or how check the query logs to find it. So. we just don't know if it's good enough.
Also, we goofed up when deploying and the testing database is gone, so now we can't test it since there are no records. Nevermind that you provided snippets to remedy exactly scenario in the ticket description you wrote three months ago.
And later:
Hey Root: Why did you take so long on this ticket? It has sat for so long now that someone else filed a ticket for it, with investigation findings. You know it's bringing down production, and it's kind of urgent. Maybe you should have prioritized it more, or written up better notes. You really need to communicate better. This is why we can't trust you to get things out.
*twitchy smile*21 -
Got to learn Shopware (the eCommerce thingy written in PHP) for the job.
Bought a book worth ~60$.
The author writes: "Use vagrant it's soooooo comfy and cozy and everything!".
Sure, why not.
Got to get online over my smartphone.
Cloned the repo with the Vagrantfile.
Did a 'vagrant up'.
Downloaded the Ubuntu box of around 1.5 GB (reminder: over my smartphone which has around 3 GB 'highspeed' internet connection).
Vagrant initialized and provisioned the box.
Error.
Error?
Error.
VT-X is not enabled. Hm. Strange. Wait...when it's not enabled, can it be that...
Yep.
THIS SHITTY LAPTOP SCHMAPTOP DOES NOT SUPPORT VT-X AND I PULVERIZED JUST THE HALF OF MY INTERNET DATA FOR THIS SHITTY BOX IN ORDER TO JUST DOWNLOAD THE ZIP FILE AND INSTALL IT OLDSCHOOL-SCHMOLDSCHOOL INSTALL A APACHE VIRTUAL HOST.
Time for new hardware I think.11 -
Client : hey there is a minor change in the iOS app.
Me : got it. Done. Sending the build now.
After 5 mins.
Client: heh, few more UDIDs. Can you add them ?
Me : yep. Sure.
After 10 mins.
Client : Hey, need a small change. The text field need to be little bit left.
Me : ugh. Okay. Will do it. Sending another build.
After 1 hr.
Client : hey, need a small help.
Me : Offline.9 -
You want to know what fucking pisses me off? This fucking router thinking it can just inject itselft and redirect into any fucking page that it wants..my fucking bank account? Yep, my fucking google docs? YEP, Fucking CSGO? YOU BET BRO
19 -
*creates a freelancer account on some website.
*builds portfolio and gets things running.
*meets his first client.
Client: Hello. so your profile says you are an experienced full stack developer. You are just the kind of person i've been looking for.
Me: Yep.
Client: Okay I have a project for you. I am looking at developing a simple website that has a few functions and the budget is 100$.
Me: Okay smooth. Hit me with the descriptions.
Client: it's going to be a dating website. Once a user signs up; the website would automatically take control of the user's media devices in his/her home; automatically playing something romantic. You get me?
Me: Em... Idk about that it seems a bit...
Client: it can be done! Develop the algorithm.
Me: Em... Ok.
Client: Well, next the website uses some complex sorting algorithm and sorts existing members based on their past real life relationships. It puts the best people above the messy ones.
Me: o.0
*client goes on with his bullshit in like another 10 lines of messages.
Me: -_-
Client: so what do you think? How soon can you begin and how soon can we be done?
Me: Do you also want a "butt scratcher" feature? Like a hand pops out of the monitor and asks to scratch the user's anus?
*client leaves the chat.
Me: Oh. I guess he a thing against family guy.12 -
*sees that the high voltage generator kit got delivered today*
Cool, let's build this thing and integrate it into my old bugzapper! Mosquitos beware 😈
*starts building the kit, all is going very well*
Oh wow, isn't it Monday? But it's taking only 15 minutes of soldering and everything goes super smooth.. what divine power is giving me such good luck?
Alright, last thing, the transformer and then this circuit is done!!!
*solders in the transformer without realizing that the wires are coated, and the solder isn't protruding through*
Fuck. Time to desolder this shit and blast the wires with my lighter to flash that coating right off!
*engages solder pump and solder goes off extremely easily, because it only adhered to the pad*
*takes off transformer*
Me: "Nnngh..!!! Get off you piece of junk!!!"
Transformer: "Hmph!! I will stay in here no matter what!"
Me: "Get the fuck off already!!! 😡"
Transformer: *leads break off* "Alright, but these leads stay here!!!"
Me: "MotherFUCKER!!!"
Yep, it's Monday after all.
15 -
Ex-coworker of mine fixed this bug a week after the site was launched and has gathered several thousand users in database.
Yep its exactly what you think it is, each time one user would update its infos, it would update his infos to all the users in the database.
Luckily I was not in charge of the project in that time, so it was really fun to watch how everyone's name was changing every couple of minutes for a whole week :D
12 -
Imagine a database table where dates were saved as strings from raw user input. Then do migration to other database with table where dates are datetime.
Yep. That's me. 😶
I hate humans. 😧🔫
Especially those who try to be original like:
11|Sept.|2016 or 13;Juni;17
There are rules in this world, damn. 😥9 -
Dear diary,
Today is day 3 of Windows 11 for me, and after about an hour of gaming, everything got laggy. I thought it was an AV scanner taking its sweet time kind of lag, but then.... I couldn't switch back to the desktop, I couldn't launch the task manager, it was just a solid frozen brick, and then when I unpaused this game to go back into it.... it was frozen too.
So here I am , with a frozen machine, so I give up and attempt a hard reboot........ yep, your fucked too. Windows auto repair kicks in, and it freezes too.
So now I'm here, with a brick of a fucking machine, wondering wtf could have gone so wrong.
Finally, I've made it to the failed boot screen,
> bootrec /fixboot
permission denied.
🤔 dafuq you smoking?
Fine
> sfc /scannow
Permission denied
Ok.... I don't think I want to know how this works.
> chkdsk /f /r /x C:
Yay something fucking runs
.
.
.
no issues 🤨
Fuck it, reboot.
Oh, now you want to fucking boot you piece of shit.
Now to understand how the fuck you can get a permission denied when your running CMD before boot 😐18 -
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2 -
"We need to reduce the scope of the project, guys... What if we don't make tests? They're taking some time do write, so..."
Yep. Let's compromise the quality and call it scope reduction. It will make wonders to our roadmap 👍6 -
Google: How can I fix this something something...
Me: Ahhhhh that looks like it could be the right solution *scrolls* yep looks great and would work! But wait there’s something weirdly familiar about the question... *scrolls* oh crap it was me 2 years ago!!! 🤔😂3 -
Friend ask me,
Friend: are all developers single?
Me: of course not
Friend: you sure?
Me: yep
Friend: then why you single?
Me: because i am a developer
Friend: what?
Me: nah im just joking, when i find the girl that can understand my code i know she's the one.
Friend: I hope theres someone that can understand that.43 -
Project Manager: Hey Gid, we need to start migrating project-A to the new Server.
Me: Okay, I will inform Dev-Q.
Project Manager: Please do and treat as top priority!
Me: Hey Dev-Q, we need to migrate project-A to the new Server and we need to get it done asap.
Dev-Q: But I'm currently working on some critical bug XYZ which PM wants fixed before COB.
Me: I dunno maybe you want to speak with him.
Dev-Q: I was told to...
Project Manager: Yes! we need that done right away.
Dev-Q: What about the critical...
Project Manager: No! treat this as top priority the client just called.
Dev-Q: Okay.
Me: Any update yet?
Dev-Q: Yep but it seems like the database is quite large and the migration may take a while.
Me: Okay take your time.
Dev-Q: {hours later} Pheww done! All files and database migrated successfully.
Project Manager: Good good. So the critical bug XYZ was also completed and migrated to the new server right?
Dev-Q:
6 -
Spending my 23rd birthday in a server room 700 km away from home, discussing the requirements for app deployment. Yep. Every dev's dream.15
-
fuckpress.Pi
Yep, thata right. Fuck Wordpress Raspberry Pi. Thanks to my inability to interact with proton mail filtering I just made a script that checks for a new email and if it contains words "wordpress", "help", " hack", "build" and it is not from whitelisted contact, the email is moved to the Fuckpress folder and automatic reply is sent back that I AM NOT FUCKING DOING YOUR GAYPRESS FUCKING SHIT FOR YOUR 5$ CUNT.
rant over4 -
Yep, you need to know c++, php, HTML, CMS, and </> to become an Android developer.
Not java.
That's not important.
I love sponsored content. Always accurate.
10 -
A day before the deadline.
Project manager decides that we are ready to publish the same app with the iPad version too. Without asking dev team.
+Yep, sure. What could go wrong?
I'll keep you posted.2 -
Tech support to family member:
Mom: "App just goes black after 30 seconds"
Me: "remove it and install again"
Mom: "how?"
Me: "tap the icon and hold till icon wiggles"
Mom: "doesn't do anything"
Me: "did you tap and hold?"
Mom: "hold what?"
Me:"Tap and and don't pull your finger up"
Mom: "Nothing... oh wait, yes it jiggles"
Me: "lift finger, tap the x that appeared on the icon, follow instructions"
Mom: "ok did that so what do I do now?"
Me: Grrrrrrrrr
Mom: "ok it's deleted"
Me: "Go to app store, and search for the app. after you tap the appstore icon, in a moment or so you should see a magnifying glass icon with the word search, tap that"
Mom: "nope no magnifying glass"
Me: ggrrrrrrr "yes their is one"
Mom: "nope"
Me: "yep"
Mom: "nope, it isn't their, I'M NOT STUPID YOU KNOW JUST BECAUSE I'M OLD!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK I'M SO STUPID? THERE IS NO MAGNIFYING GLASS!!!"
Me: Deep, deep deep breath to the point of bursting my lungs (which is the preferable outcome)
Me: "top right corner or bottom right corner"
Mom: silence.... a few crickets in the background then some giggles followed with "Oh yea, their it is "....
20 minute call. no hi, how are you, how's your day. Just hello, I have a problem, it's fixed, bye.
Sometimes, and I don't want to sound mean BUT I wish we could pick our family.....10 -
My son has started learning javascript at school, but he is complaining that all the $ signs are ugly! Yep, they're teaching the kids with jquery.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry 😱😱😱7 -
One time I had this conversation with my then PM:
PM: …so in total we need like 3 extra pages; the leaders profile, event showcase and lastly a contact page.
Me: Sure, already on it.
PM: Make it simple and quick, I told the client the updates would be live in an hour.
Me: Okay.
*{5 microseconds later}*
PM: Also the page headers need to be different from the other pages.
Me: Yes, you told me that earlier.
PM: Okay, just needed to re-emphasis.
*{sad disturbing minutes later}*
PM: I don’t know if deploying on azure would be better than having the website on AWS. The pages seems slow.
Me: Yep.
PM: Or maybe we separate the asset files from the main site using a CDN.
Me: You right.
PM: The other projects on AWS seems to perform better in terms of SEO. Don’t you think?
Me: I think.
*{this dude literally just lent me a jacket and won’t allow me put it on}*
PM: So after we are done with this update we need to inform the client about the benefits of switching servers to AWS. I believe they will agree or won’t they because the event is close by?
Me: {{pointed both hands at my PC hoping they’ll get the message}}
PM: Oh you done?
Me:
4 -
What did we buy ?
Ryzen 9 and Radeon 6800 XT
What are we playing ?
Open TDD and factorio.
Yep, Can confirm, no lags.9 -
Mobile plan with fairly decent call time and 2gigs of internet: $20
Mobile plan with no calls and unlimited internet: $5
Yep its time to put telegram on my family's phones17 -
"5 Ways I’m Using AI to Make Money in 2023" ok let's see... ah a members-only Medium post...
yep thats definitely one of the ways -_-
fuckin kill me i hate this11 -
>be me
>drop out of uni studying civil engineering
>"self-taught" "web programmer"
>start freelancing in 2010
>Make money, feels good man
>clients keep me busy, feel important
>Code just for the fun of it
>be 2019. Married, code to make ends meet
>lose all interest
>mere sight of the ide makes me want to bash the screen
>have zero motivation
>never get any projects done
>become broke af
>look at old friends on fb. They are "Something".
>look at real software engineers and programmers with education
>realize I am an imposter
>start dropping all projects and studying theory
>become more broke
>start taking "motivation pills" to just start working again
>lose all motivation and pissed at all the real programmers and engineers for their success
>be me on May 20, 2019 at 2:56 AM
Yep, this is the end.29 -
My dad got a new phone over the weekend and asked me to help him set it up (TL;DR his IPhone broke, he likely cussed out someone on the phone and now he's on android).
Setting up his bank app, I asked for his password (I somehow knew asking a 80+ year old man password questions wouldn't end well)
<pulls a card out of his wallet>
Dad: "Here you go."
Me: "This is your business card?"
Dad: "Yep. Password is at the bottom. That way I never forget it."
Me: "Jeez dad, you shouldn't have your bank's password on a business card. You don't give these out to people, do you?"
Dad: "Sometimes. Hell, they won't know what that is. Its just a bunch of nonsense."
Luckily the password didn't work. He had to reset it when his IPhone messed up and didn't remember what he changed the password to.6 -
It fucking staggers me how many backend/devops-y people don't understand what a client side "request timeout" is, versus a server side one.
What does it mean:
The client was fed up with the servers bullshit, and decided to piss off and not wait around for the server to take forever to respond, because life's too short.
How not to solve/debug this issue:
- "I've checked the API request in tool xyz, and it works fine for me"
Congratulations, you've figured out how to call an API once, in isolation to the rest of the application, and without any excessive load. And using a different client to me, with a different configuration. Lets get back to actually looking at the issue shall we?
- "I only see HTTP 200's in the logs"
Yep, you probably will in most circumstances, because its the client complaining about it taking too long, not the server. If the server was telepathetic and knew what the client was thinking/doing at all times, we wouldn't have half of the errors we do.
- "Ah ok, I understand ... so how do I solve this?"
Your asking me? I don't fucking know, I didn't build the server! Put better logging in place and figure out why sometimes it takes forever.
Jesus fucking christ14 -
Yep. So the dev teams boss says it's fine to run a production environment on a single Windows instance with the db on that same instance, which they already totally lost once from a reboot after an auto update before I came along tasked with fixing the cluster fuck they created.
This from a man who somehow runs a dev team while using gmail via the web because he can't use an email client, uses email to track tasks but can't because they get lost amongst his 3000+ unread emails, has a screen dirtier than a hookers vag on half priced Tuesday, and got a new laptop but had to get his daughter to set it up and transfer his data because he couldn't.
But ok... you have a degree, You must know what you're doing.
It's ok though, I'll keep covering your incompetent ass while you keep raping the company because no one listens.
Peoples ignorance and arrogance astounds me.4 -
Had to setup 7 HP laptops today for a small hackathon.
Install windows 10...
just shout in the room and hope all cortanas hear the same answer.
done after a couple minutes.
Windows 10 rules.
...
This story could be over but no, have a plot twist.
All pcs connected to our wifi network as we tried to install Chrome ( cause edge sucks), realized it takes hours to install.
someone drawing internet over here?!
our network wasn't that bad usually.
opens windows store on one laptop by accident.
42 downloads running.
Yep on all of them.
what were they downloading?
candy crush... bubble witch saga...mcaffee.
spent about 4h uninstalling bloatware and teaching windows not to reinstall it over and over again...
Microsoft sucks...
and I didn't even mention the "tell us why you think you don't need McAfee premium protection pl0x" and "you really sure you don't want to try edge as default browser? is really fast and stuff" dialog fields...10 -
Apple you drove of delusional suckers! When will your retarded fashion devices finally support WEBP?!
A gallery page with images, and thanks to WEBP, it's 408 kB. Because Google made WEBP and handed out a well documented CLI FOSS compression tool that even can convert the source PNGs to lossy WEBP with bloody transparency. Well done, Google!
Except that Apple's shitty management can't take it that Google actually made something nice, so no WEBP. Instead, JPEG-2000 that enjoys nearly no fucking tool support. The free tools that even can deal with that mostly don't support transparency, and the encoder sucks donkeys so that JPEG still fucks JPEG-2000 big time.
So it's JPEG with matching background for iOS. Fine, but since JPEG's blocky artifacts are much more visible, the compression can't be that high, and it's 769 kB. That's 88% more image data for Shittari than for non-retarded browsers and even Edge! EDGE!!
Oh and if the user changes light/dark system mode according to surrounding light conditions, guess what happens? Yep, since JPEG doesn't support transparency, now it's different JPEGs with dark background via the media query in the "picture" element, and it's another 754 kB download. Bloody 1523 kB instead of 408 kB, that's a factor of 3.7!
Fuck your ass Crapple, with an electric eel!19 -
Appretnly for 5 devs + 1QA we need now :
A project manager
A scrum master
A VP of engeneering
Another person I don't remember title.
yep 2023 will be "productive"9 -
> be me, 1AM, in bed
> get rando text, 5 digit number: "are you still awake?"
> "who is this?"
> *hears car roll out of driveway*
mmhmm yep absolutely not shitting my pants rn no19 -
Frack..people suck.
In sprint planning meeting, prioritizing the tasks...
ScrumMaster: "Next item, create a spreadsheet that identifies the systems used by order processing so the PO can identify errors by system."
Me: "That's already done."
ScrumMaster: "Did you work ahead of the sprint again?"
- Really trying not to throw something heavy at his head.
Me: "No, you did back in January."
- SM stutters..um..uhhs...
ScrumMaster: "No, I never did that...see."
- SM navigates to the sharepoint directory
Me: "Yep, there it is."
ScrumMaster: "I didn't create it, you must have."
Me: "Created by...you."
ScrumMaster: "Uh...um....I might have added it to sharepoint, but doesn't mean I created it. Anyway, lets take a look..."
- opens the spreadsheet
ScrumMaster: "What is this? Did you simply export the sharepoint list to excel?"
- Getting harder and harder to resist the urge to throw something heavy at his head.
Me: "I don't know what that is, you created it. You commented on the Trello card that this task item was done."
ScrumMaster: "No, I've never seen this or made any comment on the Trello board...lets look ..."
- FRACK!!! TRELLO IS DOWN!!!
ScrumMaster: "When Trello comes back up I'll assign the card to you. Lets stay on task with the cards from now on. Next item ... "
Trello up, 3 hours later, back at my desk, there is his fracking comment from January about uploading the spreadsheet to sharepoint. Frack frack frack people suck3 -
Everytime I hear "there's a problem" in my office I cringe so bad I have the impression I'm making holes in my teeth.
I hate this "janitor" / "plumber" role I have here, so insulting in terms of brain power.
** randomly codes something **
** colleague breaks silence **
C: Phlisg? There's a problem.
Me: what now?
C: Well when I enter a title that is 500+ characters for my blog post, it breaks the layout.
Me: obviously the title is too long. Shorten it.
C: I can't because [reasons] (unfortunately true reasons)
Me: ** deep sigh ** yeah, will look at it... ** proceeds to hide anything longer than 10 characters **
C: perfect!
--- 3 days later
C: Phlisg? there's a problem.
Me: mh?
C: the text is too short, can you make it longer
Me: ** FFS ** guys, you should've asked for a "Word-type" website if you just wanted to do any kind of layout. No, can't, sorry. Choose either between broken layout or shortening your damn text.
-- 1hr later, pm comes in
PM: Text is too short
Me: Yep. Any longer will break everything visually
PM: can't you fix this?
Me: Yes I can, but it'll be a whole CSS revamp because it was not MEANT that texts should be so long.
PM: How many hours?
Me: ** overestimating ** 10 hours (2.2 days of work)
PM: nah, okay, just add it as a side project
** me, inside : WOW, WHAT A FUN PROJECT OMG **10 -
CEO : this Facebook app has this great feature .
Me: yep, it’s really useful
CEO : can we make something like this in ours too ?
Me : we can sure try using this(x) method.
CEO : cool, I’ll add this into the sales team memo , and btw, it needs to be done in 2 days,
Me : but... but ...2 -
Here's how I imagine my bad start on a new job would be:
1. Being introverted
2. Being introverted
3. Being introverted
Yep, I'm awkward most of the times in most social interactions irl outside of my friend circle.7 -
a tale of daily frustration:
git fetch
*yup I'm up-to-date ...*
git add -p .
*hack in beautiful patch ...*
git status -bs
*correct branch, didn't forget any files ...*
git diff --cached
*yep, that is what I mean to commit ...*
git commit -m"[TKT-NUM] Meaningful commit message"
git log -p -1
*double-checking ... looks good ...*
git push remote tkt-num-etc
*for a brief moment feel accomplished ...*
*notice typo in commit message ...*
I don't have a funny image or punchline to sum this post up. But know that if you recognise this feeling, then I am your brother in git.6 -
*Intensely staring the screen and solving a problem in my head, I can feel I'm close to the final answer, the answer to the truth, the holy Line of Code and that it will forever chang-*
PM: hey, do you know why my mouse doesn't click anymore?
...6 -
When I was young... er
“Playing on the computer” or breaking things or wasting my time in front off that screen.
Now a days it’s just “makes websites”
Yep, that progressed far 😂 -
So this happened to me occasionally so I hope none of you cringe:
I was writing some new stacks for a new Cloud IDE that went Open Source (give them a try, they're Coder.com), and because working closely and not releasing till I please majority of people who will use it is my paradigm, I spent reasonable time to fix it. Finally everything is sunshi-
"Wait... It's already 3 in the morning? WHAT THE FUCK"
Yep I started around 21:30, finished around 03:30.
I need an alarm clock
4 -
So.. we humans are never going to have total peace, are we? Yep, thought so. It’s about time I start accepting this fact.34
-
User where I work is convinced someone hacked her iPhone and is remotely changing settings all the time. And it’s not us (the company), the phone isn’t managed and there are no remote profiles installed.
User: I’m telling you. Things are always changing without me doing it!
Me: Alright. Do you have an exemple?
User: Yes. When I swipe here [control center] and tap the WiFi toggle, it always gets back on by itself later.
Me: Yep. That’s actually a “feature”. You don’t have to worry.
User: Alright then, this morning I couldn’t get Google Maps to work.
Me: Well. Since you turned off your cellular and WiFi, it’s normal you couldn’t look up an adress.
User: okay then what about that Bluetooth icon in the top that always appears? I know that means the hacker is on my phone through Bluetooth. See!?
Me: That’s actually just a status indicator. Don’t worry about it. It’ll always come back there it’s normal. You know, your phone can do a lot of stuff by itself.
User: Yeah right. It does it by itself. I’m not stupid you know!! *storms off*
What the hell?6 -
After zero contact for approx 4-5 years I get an Instagram message:
Old work buddy: Hello, I have a website question for you
Me: Ok
OWB: Hope you’re well, btw
Me: *hmmmmm*
OWB: basically blah blah blah can’t get this part of this Wordpress theme to work
Me: I’ll have a quick look. Oh btw I have big news...
OWB: You up the duff?
Me: Yep!
OWB: Congrats...do you think you can help with the website?
Me: Probably not at the moment and it looks like a pig of a job to make the theme work properly.
OWB: *silence*17 -
Great choice of design.
Now can you guess where the embedded fingerprint reader is on this screen ?
Yep, right between the unlock button and the "wipe everything with a long press" button
9 -
The codebase I'm working with hss rarely comments on it. But when there are comments written they are shit like:
//Kill Matt
//don't ask me where that hard-coded value came from, it just works
//we have to add the elements to the fucking list
Reeeeally helpful. Yep.2 -
!rant, but whatever... At least it brightened my day.
So, I was walking to my school, when I saw a visibly "tired" guy (you know, a lot must've happened yesterday evening / night) walking on the other side of the road in the opposite direction. He crossed the street with the wobble of uncalibrated drone and at that point I knew what is going to happen. Or so I thought.
So we're walking towards each other. At one point he looks at me.
Me: *thinking* "Yep, he saw me. I'm going to be asked for money, am I not? Ugh, I have to think about excuse. Again..."
He: "dude..."
Me: *thinking* "Mmkey, here we go again"
He: "dude, don't do drugs... 'cuz they're bad"
And he walks away.
So, I guess today's lesson is you'll never know when you're going to get friendly advice from random people.4 -
My day.
07.25 early ringing of phone.
I'm usually dead asleep till 9 o clock.
Went to bed at 01 o clock.
Something crushed at work, needed to be fixed ASAP.
No coffee. Tired. Stinking peace of garbage
08.45 o clock - super market delivery came earlier than expected, while la me was still trying to communicate necessary steps to resolve the issue.
Forgot to pre pay online.
Still had no coffee, still a piece of stinking shit, still tired.
Took me nearly 20 mins to get my PIN right.
Poor delivery guy had unpleasant call from chef, I needed to deescalate.
Back to work, people angry for me being 20 mins away in midst of chaos.
Me back to fixing stuff.
Done at 09.30.
One of these days where everything you touch becomes a large pile of poop and no matter what you do it's wrong.
Yep. The rest of the day went pretty much as bonkers as it started.
At least no work on weekend.
Yay.1 -
Me: oh awesome, wine 4.0 hit stable. Let's compile and see how fast we can break it!
*./configure && make*
Ok... Ok... It's been 40 minutes... Ok... Yep still going cool cool...
I think I need a new PC guys...10 -
PM: "so I need you to deploy this new application to some new server. The deadline is in 2 days"
Me: "yeah I can do that, is the application ready and has been tested? Have the servers been set up properly by the IT guy?"
PM: "yep, all is set up and good"
Couple of hours later I try locating the server, only to find it didn't exist.
Me: "the server you mentioned earlier, is doesn't appear to exist?"
PM: "it definitely does, IT guy said he set it all up"
I dig around a little more, but this server definitely doesn't exist. The IT guy was on holiday for a week, so we had to wait for him to get back; delaying the release. On the morning the IT guy got back,
PM: " I though you said you set up that server for the application, we've had to delay it now!"
IT: "I just set it up this morning. Like I said in the email to you before I Ieft, I will have to do it first thing when I get back after holiday"
Turns out the PM had asked the IT guy to spin up the server, but never bothered to read his response. Assuming it was done he told the client he'd have it deployed in a couple of days.
The application was deployed successfully later that day, but not before the PM blamed us two for its delay.1 -
"200 Internal Server Error"
Yep, I did that. Because the lousy crapheads I work with were too lazy to handle any other HTTP status so anything else breaks the whole thing. And it's a pain to roll out another release of their part of the backend so "this isn't a priority". Also, they don't feel the need to check the JSON body of the response for the "status":"ok"/"fail" because what could ever go wrong, right? I effectively have no way of conveying to them that there was an error on this end of the API so they show success toast on the frontend irrespective of what really happened.6 -
Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM2 -
One of my colleagues held a very short, literally 5 minutes, interview today. The candidate was looking for an android developer position.
Me: Done already?😕
C: Yep. Had enough.
Me: How come?
C: I asked him if he has any apps on the store? No. Any public git? No. Any apk? No.
C: Ok what experience do you have?
Dude: I worked on a app similar to imdb 4 years ago. I made a page for it.
C: *Page* *triggered* *internal screaming* 😂
C: Ok and since then?
Dude: Nothing.
C; Ok, we'll call you.
Best ot luck in your android dev career mate. Never gonna hear from us.
How can you come to an interview and be so unprepared. Was he delosutional or something?😕2 -
Beta version... only devs have access
Screen for a not-ready-yet feature:
A nice image of a faded broken structure, underlined with a "Work in progress" text.
Primary button below "I want it now"
/clicks button
next to the button, a text fades in:
"Please, be patient"
You keep clicking "I want it now", after a few clicks you get "Plese, be **very** patient"
/Checks the source code
it bloody adds a "very" for every 5 clicks and calls an API to send you an email for every 5 clicks:
Thanks for very {n times very} much wanting {feature name}
11 clicks = 3 emails with very, very very and very very very
Yep, I am patient now, especially if I get my hands on you...3 -
Today was a manic-depressive kind of day. Spent the morning helping some developers with getting their code to run a stored procedure to drop old partitions, but it wasn't working on their end. It was a fairly simple proc. But working with partitions is a little like working with an array. I figured out that they were passing the wrong timestamp, and needed to add +1 to delete the right partition. Got that sorted out, and things were good. Lunch time.
After lunch I did some busy work, and then the PO comes up at about 2PM and says he's assigned some requests to me. The first was just attaching some scripts. Easy. The second, the user wants a couple of schemas exported ... at 6PM. I've been in the office since 6:45AM.
While I'm setting up some commands to run for the data export, a BA walks up and asks if I'm filling in for another DBA who is out for a few weeks. Yep. There's a change request that hasn't been assigned, and he normally does the work. I ask when it's due. Well, the pre-implementation was supposed to be done in the morning, but it wasn't, and we're in the implementation window ... half way through. I bring up the change task, and look at. Create new schema and users. That's all it says. The BA laughs. I tell I need more to go on. 10 minutes later he sends an email with the information. There's only two hours left in the window, and I can only use half of it, because the production guys have to their stuff, and we're in their window. Now I'm irritated, because I'm new to Oracle, and it's an unforgiving mistress. Fortunately, another DBA says he'll do it, so that we can get it done in time. But can't work it either, because Dev DBAs don't have access to QA, and the process required access for this task. Gets shelved until the access issue is resolved. It's now after 4:15PM. I'm going to in traffic with that 6PM deadline.
I manage to get home and to the computer by 5:45PM. Log in. Start VPN. Box pops on screen. Java needs to update. I chose skip update. Box pops up again. It won't let me log in until Java is current. Passed.
I finally get logged in, and it's 6:10PM. I'm late getting the job started. I pull up Putty and log into the first box, and paste my pre-prepared command in the command line and hit error. Command not found. I'm tired, so it's a moment to sink in. I don't have time for this.
I log into DBArtisan and pull up the first data base, use the wizard to set the job, and off it goes. Yay. Bring up the second database, and have enter the connect info. Host not found. Wut? Examine host name. Yep, it's correct. Try a different method. Host not found. Go back to Putty. Log in. Past string. Launch. Command not found. Now my brain is quitting on me. Why now? It's after 6:30PM. Fiddle with some settings, reset $Oracle home. Try again. Yay. It works. I'm done. It's after 7PM.
There is nothing like technology to snatch the euphoria of a success away from you. It's a love-hate thing, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I'm done. Good night.3 -
My company decided to reinvent the wheel by writing its own queue system instead of using the existing message queue service.
And it uses plain PHP with exec() to run the workers.
Where do we store the job? We use mongoDB which is already used in our existing projects. We can query the collection/table each time the queue service start, execute the jobs, and let it exit if there's no job anymore. Don't worry, systemd will start the queue service again once it exits.
How to monitor the workers? Yep, we use ps and grep to check if the worker's PID still exists in the OS.
What about error stack traces? Nice question, we redirect the stdout and stderr when exec()-ing into a file.
What about timeout? We don't need it, let's just assume no one is going to write while(true).
It works flawlessly! /s8 -
Oh shit, a 16 yo guy come with a MacBook Air to repair.
“My mom hide the Mac in the oven. And my dad to preheat the oven...”
Really?? Yep, all keyboard keys jumped but he boots normally after disconnect/reconnect internal battery.15 -
Problems with redis... timeout everywhere...
30k READs per minute.
Me : Ok, How much ram are we actually using in redis ?
Metrics : Average : 30 MB
Me ; 30 MB, sure ? not 30 GB ?
Metrics : Nop, 30 MB
Me : fuck you redis then, hey memory cache, are you there ?
Memory cache : Yep, but only for one instance.
Me ok. So from now on you Memory cache is used, and you redis, you just publish messages when key should be delete. Works for you two ?
Memeory cache and redis : Yep, but nothing out of box exists
Me : Fine... I'll code it my selkf witj blackjack and hookers.
Redis : Why do I exist ?2 -
Since learning electronics I have a new found love for fixing peoples printers:
Now I actually look at it before saying "yep it's fucked! Better get a new one, do you want me to toss the old one for you?"
I'm now only one rail away from having a cnc machine.1 -
So it's done. I signed my new contract with my new company after I left my old job. Better contract level, better pay, better benefits (at my old office they didn't even give me a pc. I had to use mine..)..
But the sad/funny story is that my old boss do not talk to me anymore because he can't understand why I'm leaving..sooo mature!
I really don't care because actually he do not deserve anything from me, he's (and forever will be) an arrogant prig without humility.
The only regret is leaving the co-workers I bound with..but I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Yep.. maybe this is definitely a rant/story!
Wish me good luck for this new adventure!2 -
My most personal rant to date...
The company I work for operates in an industry that might experience the next Kodak moment. The industry is really feeling the knife against it's throat at the moment. The company I work for is a dinosaur, so to say. And almost everyone within fight to continue staying as a dinosaur.
I am the sole dev of said company, and I am so alone. Not just literally, but also in thought and action.
I've been flagging the possibilities and dangers of the digitizing aspect we're experiencing for the last six or eight years (yep, I've been around for quite some time), but I feel that I'm not heard. I am that grumpy, sour manifestation of everything digital that they hate so much. At least that's what it feels like.
I am so fed up with this situation. But my options are limited. There aren't many dev jobs around, and those who've tried to hire me offered a salary reduction of about $12K, which is quite a lot. I've been offered jobs in other parts of the country, but I have family matters to tend to, so I can't move at the moment. I've looked for companies offering a job where I'm not required to work from the office, but in my country these seem to be far apart. I could go freelance, but I am too scared to do so. A stable income is neccessary to put food on the table for my family.
Sigh,15 -
*me quering a knowledge system for a pose and quaternion*
System: here is the quaternion in w x y z format
me: but for using it I need it in x y z w
System: not my problem
me: ok, fine. here is a function that flips this, np.
*months later*
me: wtf why does grasping don't work anymore? The poses look reasonable.
*after hours of trying to debug it*
*remembers hearing someone say something about finally using one standard for quaternions across the systems*
me: wait... could this be... *comments out flip function*
me: yep... that's it.
...
Overall, this is an improvement. But I lost several nerves and hours yesterday night wondering why my grasping doesn't work anymore. Feeling embarrassed, that I didn't finish my stuff in time because of this bug.
*sigh*
goddammit6 -
Another day, another shitty set of JIRA tickets.
In this week's edition, we run into an issue you'd think is a meme, something you couldn't even make up: three tickets with IDENTICAL titles, but miraculously, they actually refer to three DIFFERENT tasks! (Also comical, they're not bugs, they're tasks, but mouth breathers don't really know the difference, and at this point I just don't have the energy to attempt to explain what could be explained to elementary school children.)
I present a rare look into our national archives!
This document features two exhibits:
Exhibit A: product owner's original ticket titles
Exhibit B: translated-into-competency-because-i'm-not-mentally-deficient ticket titles
Just more proof that 'product owners' don't own shit, the devs are the real ones who actually know what is going on.
I mean just LOOK at Exhibit A's titles. As a big smart manager, do you write those tickets, smile, and say to yourself "Ah, yep, that's very clear, I'll definitely remember what each of these mean literally 5 seconds from now!"
Is asking for literally 30 seconds more of thought too much to ask for? Apparently.
Just kill me
Happy friday ☠️
7 -
Ever encrypt files on a USB drive before?
Ever do that then forget the password you used for the encryption?
Yep... 😭11 -
Yep, today was a Monday. Had a request to truncate some tables. Set up a script to disable constraints, truncate, and re-enable constraint. It ran flawlessly. Too bad I ran against the wrong schema, though. Ran it against a dev schema instead of the requested itest schema, because the dev schema was stuck in my head. Well, I guess I tested it in dev. Against some developers schema. But, hey, it worked flawlessly. Because, you know, when you are pointing at the wrong place, it will always work. Every time.3
-
The legacy codebase, episode 94385948:
How to neatly organize your code in the age pre-docblocks.
Bonus: could this function be renamed to colectomy? Or maybe de-punctuation?
(yep, probably a bad joke with a "typo", sorry)
Bonus 2: seriously? A function for that?
13 -
We have a badly out of shape but functional product , the result of a "if its not broke don't fix it" mentality. The only thing manangement cares is our next release and making meetings to plan other meetings...
Now comes the time of the security Audit (PCI)...
Manager : oh noooo the audit will fix this issue, quickkk fix it !
Us : welllll its a lengthy process but doable, we just gotta do a,b,c,d,e . Part a is essentially what we need the rest are refactoring bits of the system to support part a since the performance would be shit otherwise
Manager: can you do part a before the audit starts ?
Us: yep.
Manager: do it . Oh and pop those other issues on JIRA so we can track em
Audit completed....
Manager: so we got through ok?
Us : 👍 yep
Manager: okayy, take those other issues..... and stick em at the bottom of the back log...
Us : huh ? *suspicious faces*..... okay but performance is gonna be poor with the system as it is cuz of part A....
Manager: yeaaahhh * troll face* ....about that.... roll it back and stick that too at the bottom of the log. We got to focus our next release. Lemme schedule a meeting for that 😊
Us : faceplam4 -
Being a Dev has its perks.
Started working a couple hours ago (yep, on a Saturday night) to get some code working for a demonstration of a system prototype on Monday.
The code in question was some recursive directory traversal tied in with some file generation in NodeJS. 2 hours later I nailed it, and the feeling of satisfaction of having that code working on all of your tests is overwhelming.
It's a different kind of excitement compared to sitting behind your desk at the office.1 -
Tesla is 3 months late delivering our power walls after their 9 month estimate and now we are going to lose power from this tropical storm! Uggg extension cords and a diesel generator it is. Since this is a small company the “Director of Technology” title is very inclusive, so guess who’s gotta deal with getting this stuff situated, yep, yours truly.3
-
!rant
Certainly considering handing in my notice soon.
1. Paid minimum wage with no prospect of a raise
2. Spending £200 a month on travel
3. Traveling for almost 4 hours (70 miles) a day on bus and train
4. Promised training but nothing produced for 8 months
5. Expected to now pay for further travel
6. Not taken seriously...
Yep, need a new job in the Birmingham, UK area19 -
Meanwhile at my place (Translation L-R):
"Wow! Are you good at hacking?"
"Please hack my neighbor's Wi-Fi"
"Download me some movies!"
"Are you good at math?"
"Please fix my phone!"
"Can you remove the virus on my computer?"
"How many hours do you sleep in one day?"
"Put some cheats on this game!"
"Please hack my boyfriend's Facebook account!"
Yep, my family and even the entire neighborhood are ignorant of what I do as a dev!
FFS I'M NOT A PC REPAIR MAN!!! 😤😤😤😠😡
1 -
I'm a web dev who decided to take a shot at mobile development (My first mobile app mind you). I'm writing a mobile app and one of it's features is communicating to my server via websockets.
So I write the code, click to send the data and my server doesn't receive it. Fuck. I check why. I log everything. Nothing.
I spend several of hours and I'm exhausted by this point so i call one of our mobile developers to help me. Turns out my emulator didn't have a WiFi module. FUCK.
Alright so I compile it to an apk and install it on my phone. I popped open a terminal and started my local node server.
I click on the mobile app...
NOTHING LOGS. FUUUUUUCK.
And this is the best part.
Apparently I deleted the console.dir call from my server that executed when it received some data from an emitter.
I only thought of this last night at 2am so I got up and checked. Yep. Kill me.1 -
Yep, this is definitely a node_modules folder. There‘re no other objects in the universe containing that much files.
3 -
The legacy codebase, episode 4584985948:
- outdated comment
- die parentheses space string no-space parentheses
- die AND exit, just to be on the safe side
- won't comment about the screaming boolean
- at least they used triple equals (and yep, that's a font ligature)
4 -
It feels like Friday.... but it's only Thursday..... Yep... long week.... and it's just getting started....4
-
I hate this trend. Take up the whole screen for one big nothing. Yep, 1920x1080 is apparently not enough to show me more than motto, one link and freaking big image nobody care about.
Fuck, i must code it. Oh damn, there is 8 same sections on the whole page. Don't worry, not a single one of them worth reading! FUCK YOU designers!
14 -
!Devrelated
Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC
I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .
I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .
Fortnite I mean.
Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!
Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.
A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.7 -
When I was 8, I first saw a computer, and thought this is my future
When I was 11, I got my first computer and I thought, yep computer is my future
When I was 14, I had the option to learn computer studies, and this time, I thought nothing of it. I already knew what I was going to be. -
I have a big progress / update meeting to lead my team tomorrow.
Our investor has "ideas" on features and things that will significantly change the information we have to include in our code.
We are suppose to launch Jan,1 2019
He says I'll Call you tonight to give you the details so you will be ready for tomorrows meeting. .........
............
...........
yep never calls.
Fucking Awesome! can't wait to tell my team tomorrow. "glad you all came in today, looks like we have to change somethings I'm just not sure what yet."
Maybe I'll order pizza and beer to the office and we will all play video games until he shows up. and say if you aren't going to take this seriously why should we.
Fuckers!!!!!!!!!!5 -
I work with a guy named Ed. Every once in a while I say:
"That's bullshit Ed."
He says:
"Yep" (he always agrees without context)
The other day I asked him if I was saying:
"That's bullshit Ed."
or
"That's bull shithead."
He was amused.3 -
There should be an open source, Linux based Printer operating system. Like OpenWRT for routers, also works with almost every device in the wild.
This would be such a relief for everyone. Come on, most printer firmwares are crap.
Remember Scannergate? Yep, the one about professional xerox scanners changing numbers in scanned document. Went unnoticed for 8 years and affected almost every workcenter even in the highest compression setting. Just because they wanted to save a few bytes by using pattern matching. -
Sooooo I had a class named "a"... And i renamed (refactored) said class.....
Guess what happened :")
7 -
Wondering why I haven't received deposit for new job yet. Check for signed quote and contract... Yep, both there. Look I account program to see when I sent invoice.....
I haven't sent it yet!
I'm a dick!1 -
Bower, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP PACKAGE MANAGER!
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
This asshole software is fucking with me and steals my time!
bower mapsjs-core#* cached e-tag:64e4e0850
bower mapsjs-core#* resolved e-tag:41af792c9
bower mapsjs-core#* install e-tag:41af792c9
What would you think is the installed version? WRONG! It's the fucking old cached version.
What the fuck is happening? Probably it's thinking "oh, this is the cached version, I'm looking if there is a new version for it. Yep, new version. I'll download it. But I have a cached version in the user home-directory, I better tell the that I installed the new version but take the old one."
Crap software.7 -
1 Week ago I took down the development version of an internal demo, leaving only the prod one (temporary space issue). Colleagues were told n+15 times via email, face to face, comments on tickets etc. The prod one has also been live for weeks, and again, they were told when it went up.
This just happened:
Colleague 1: practiseSafeHex can you help me, the demo doesn't seem to be working.
Me: *logs in*, *click around* ... seems fine dude. Are you using the correct URL: <prod-url>.
Colleague 1: let me try again and see.
Colleague 2: practiseSafeHex i'm with Colleague 1, were trying to use the demo, and its not working. Can you have a look, we need it.
Me: I just told him, its fine, I think you have the wrong URL <prod-url>. Can you try again.
Colleague 2: No I have the right one, can you check it.
Me: *does nothing*, yep i've had a look at it, can you try again: <prod-url>.
Colleague 2: Ah its back now, cheers.
They are with a customer now, so I won't say anything, when they get back, one of them is being castrated. -
Internships on Internshala, a popular Internship recruitment platform in India, be like...
😂😂😂
And the pay: 10,000 INR ~ 136 USD/month
Yep
You read that right
PER MONTH
8 -
My first project is finished xd. i was in designing but merging it with coding was a great idea. It has got a serial system amd an auto updater. Yep it is a cheat injector xD rate for a guy who just started coding.
6 -
Some customers are nice.
Ive been working with a customer to enable a feature in the database. It was tough, because the escalation from support was your standard 'Customer wants apples in the T-1000, please do the needful'. After several emails back and forth we reach an agreement about what needs to be done.
This is something I'm sure can't be done. I test it in my local install, yep, confirmed that's normal behaviour. The customer, however, is stalwart - he's suggesting changes to the database that would potentially give him what he needs. I figure if he's going to this much effort, I'll confirm with our product specialist to see if there's a way around it.
Five minutes later I'm emailing the customer with an apology as I have unwittingly never known of, or committed to memory, the existence of a distinctly non-hidden check box that enables this exact function. I pass this box several times a week at least, and I've worked on this software for two and a half years. Never have I needed to use it, so my brain just processed it as background imagery.
The customer just responded with the kindest email absolving me of my sins, thanking me for my humbleness and for my time.
I want him to have more problems so I can work with him more.2 -
Security in defense is a joke.
New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!
He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.
Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!
Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!6 -
--- Visits stackoverflow for an answer
. You find the accepted answer amazing... Yep this is what I'm looking for. (You copied the code into your source)
.
.
. scrolled down a little bit
.
.
. You saw another answer with a higher upvote. Ooh lala, this is fucking cool. (You copied and replace your source again)
.
. scrolled down once again
.
. You noticed yet another answer which is the most recent and a lot shorter implementation of what you just copied. (No shit! You copied and replace your source yet another time)
.
. scrolled down for the last time maybe and it looks like the previous was the last.
. But then...
.
. you saw a comment with lots of upvotes even more than the accepted answer and this comment points to a link.
.
. You clicked the link with your mouth salivating waiting to see what holds at the other side of the world which amount this so much upvotes.
.
. And Tadaaaa 404 not found!
.
. You feel hunted by that mysterious link for the rest your life... -
Mom: hey I can't get into the phone, the PIN and PUK aren't working. See if you can fix it otherwise you'll have to go to the communications company to ask for a new card (my mom is working and can't do it)
Me: //gives it another try. Doesn't work. Searches online. Yep, can't do anything, it needs a new card
Me: sorry mom, you have to get a new card, there's nothing I can do.
Mom: OK
Me: why did you ask me for help, again?
Mom: well because you can do things and fix things and so, and I thought that maybe you could fix it
Me: 😑2 -
I started when I was 14, 6 years ago, and I was trying to create my "google chrome" in VB.net (yep, a browser)... Fortunately after that newbie beginning, I started to study IT seriously at a technical school, and now I'm a student of IT engineering at university.3
-
A few months ago I got recommended a Flutter and Dart course on Udemy, thought yeah fuck it lets get it, fast forward to 5 minutes ago...
"Ok I'm bored, feel like coding and doing something different, lets do some of this course..."
*Opens udemy, clicks on course*
"Hm, must have changed the thumbnail..."
*Clicks first lecture and is greeted with "Hello friends!"*
Yep, got the wrong fucking course didn't I ;-;
Here hoping Udemy may offer a refund seeing as I hadn't started the course till now... Fuck1 -
PHP Websites configuration data stored in _hidden/config.inc
Yep, that .inc extension made it world readable.
1 -
I've built multiple profitable SaaS apps in my career, from scratch, by myself...
...but it's sure damn important to know wether fucking Cindy or Bob or neither can fit into a parking lot after muddling through stupid obtrusive rules that don't mean anything
"its to understand how you think"
yep, clearly don't know how to do that, that's why i'm taking this labrat, i mean, cognitive test
🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡7 -
!dev but definitely a rant.
Ordered a lovely new UHD HDR tv for the family on Monday.
MFW I see the courier is Hermes (notoriously bad).
It arrived today.
Any guesses as to the condition it was in?
Yep. Lovely crack on the screen.
Took all day to clear it up with Amazon.
And the best they could bloody do was a refund, but I have to organise the collection and pay for that (which they said they’ll refund).
FFS.1 -
Someone asked for help to solve some errors on an angular app.
Me: sure np, send me the repo link to see what is the issue.
She: *proceeds to send me a 250mb rar*
Me: what is that? I prefer the repo so I can see the history please
She: got me there, haven’t versioned yet
Me: WHAT? You’ve been working for three weeks without versioning anything?
She: yep, because I can’t make it work so, why would I?
I really ask myself sometimes if we are in this world just to suffer.19 -
!rant First code review in the new team, came back with list of helpful suggestions and constructive criticisms. Yep I'm going to like it here. Excited to be learning from the bests.
-
Head a great experience today. One of my Indian co-workers stopped by and asked if I like biryani. Yep, I do, so I went to get me some. They had a sauce on the side, a pepper sauce. Nice and hot, and generated a wonderful endorphin rush. I have to say, of most of my coworkers, the South Asian are the most friendly and polite, and I enjoy working with them. I hope Trump doesn't ruin that.2
-
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there
-
Run the tests before you commit, even if it was just a minor modification.
(Yep, I broke most of the tests by changing only a couple of lines. Lesson learned.)1 -
Today is the release of one of the projects I’ve been working on. It was a chaotic project, where I’ve had to contact many people just to get pieces of information necessary to complete the project. Anyway, today the manager ask what the URL of the web app is to give it to the client except I already warned him prior that since we don’t have the domain name for the web app it wouldn’t go past the authentication. But guess what happened? Yep that’s right it’s my fault yet again.
I keep warning my manager about potential issues with the projects I’m working on but they fall on deaf ears, and when the actual problem happens it’s all my fault because I didn’t check it earlier, I didn’t make a mail, I shouldn’t use Teams to tell him about it, I should monitor more closely, etc, despite having no time allocated whatsoever.
In short I work 7 hours a day but should have 9 to even get close to what I need to do, and I’m blamed with problems that I warn about2 -
Team Leader(TL): So you finished the sql scripts and stored procedures?
Me: Yep!
TL: And properly formatting the front end to look exactly how we want it.
Me: Yep
TL: Well we waiting on feedback from the boss so i guess you'll have to do the documentation.
Me: I hate documentation, please give me anything else
TL: It's not a lot dude, you can do it.
Me: Didn't one of the intern's and the database admin do it already?
TL: Yes. but you can take both of them and make one complete one.
Me: *You just don't want me to work on my own things you FUCKER* Fine, but don't expect it to be done this week.
TL: It's Tuesday, why not.
Me: Because i hate dcumentation
I FUCKEN. hate! documentation.4 -
Auto tuning for Azure SQL databases is cool but :
DON’T allow it to automatically drop indexes ! (My bad, I should’ve tested that before)
It dropped one of the most used indexes in the DB. Yep, just like that. 150+ timeout exceptions and customers going crazy4 -
Project: Angular 11
Package doc 2.1: For Angular 13+
Package release 2.1: For Angular 12+
Me: Well, this package solve our problem but it need Angular 12 or 13 to run, so do we go for 13 ?
Team: yep,the update is on schedule so take it and update it later.
Me: We can also go to 14 directly.
Team: No, we prefer LTS version
...some weeks later...
Team: Update to 13 complete !
Me: Yes ! Let's go !
...Install package 2.1...
... Compilation...
🚫 Angular 14 is required for version 2.1
Me: are you fu***** kidding?
Final word: please, keep a good documentation on version requirements 😁
(The package has currently a 3.x in beta to solve the 2.1 angular 14 problem because why not 🤷) -
This one happened to me two years ago:
Off on holiday overseas, just arrived and decide to check my Emails. Easy peasy..."Hey, we noticed you're logging in from a different country. We sent a security code to your backup account."
Welp, fine, login to my backup account: "Hey, we..." Can anybody guess the problem here? Yep, my primary account was the backup account for my backup. Lovely circular dependency.
Microsofts solution: Play the guessing game, where you name us Emails, Contacts and Folders to prove it's yours and we might unlock your account... or not (managed to get it back on the 2nd try)
Thank you Microsoft for ensuring my workfree, email-free holiday.2 -
So I'm in a meeting with the Company director where I'm contracting for a few months. She is explaining the company history, goals etc. I can feel my eyes drooping, my head tilting and my body sloooowly sliding of my chair. Im literally fighting to stay awake. She is about to explode and go crazy BUT the business manager flies in explains to her that I have a medical condition known as narcolepsy...meaning I could be half way through a conversation and I fall asleep and it's not anything more than that
....When she said my name is thought to myself yep I'm outta here...4 -
Fucking Power Apps and Automate/Flow:
You want to make an app?, great!
- Easy UI and editor, you can make a decent app in a day
- Best data integration in MS space bar none, connect to anything under the planet no problem.
- Deployment on mobile and desktop instantly and at scale, you better believe it.
- Wanna take from sharepoint, manipulate the data and throw it at XRM, we gothcu.
- Source control? FUCK YOU FOR ASKING GO DIE IN A FIRE.
- Proper permission system, Yep, based on O365 and azure AD
- Just let me get the source code please?: BURN IN HELL MOTHERFUCKER
- Integrated AI, indeed we have it. And chatbot frameworks on top of it, no problem at all
- ...
As a tool it is aimed at non technical people, not by making it beginner friendly, but by making it developer hostile. And whenever you hit a wierd quirk in the editor you wish you could just go edit the source code (WHICH YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE SNIPPETS OF), but you are never allowed to touch it.
I am so very tempted to make a version control layer on top of it myself, scraping it via scripts and doing the reverse on upload, but it will be janky as fuck.1 -
"I used to be a developer back in the days"
yep ... maybe this is true - but the fact is: I'm the developer and you aren't - do your fucking work and don't bother me with stuff you don't understand ...1 -
Using an api: ok, this url (.../xml/endpoint) gives me an xml-document. Oh, and there is a node whose text contains html markup, interesting.
Using the same endpoint, but requesting json: yep, that's the same data, there even is this big html string and... why is this string in a json object wrapped inside "<![CDATA[...]]>"?
If i ever see a courtroom from the inside i'll plead insanity.2 -
At the car workshop, the mechanics are trying to print some pdf from the net. It looks like the job is sent to the printer, but nothing comes out. Restart the printer: no luck. Restart the computer: no cookie. Open the pdf in chrome instead of IE: yep.3
-
“Huddles don't work in safari 🤡,” Slack said.
Develop → User Agent → Google Chrome.
Boom, huddles suddenly work in Safari, and my today's huddle went absolutely fine.
Yep, I switched to Safari as my default browser. Previously, I didn't use it solely because YouTube's full-screen mode acted weird, but now I quit watching YouTube altogether.
Safari is a stellar browser. First, it wipes the floor with everything, even including Thorium, in the performance department (on Apple Silicon at least). Second, it's really beautiful with its new inline tab panel, where you have just one line of icons on top, instead of having two (tabs and url bar). DevTools are amazing. It can also connect to my iPhone's Safari via Wi-Fi and inspect the opened page — a must-have for heavy layouts. Plus, if my website works fine in Safari, it sure as hell will work fine everywhere. Safari is a great hack detector, as it won't tolerate dirty hacks. Works wonders for your code discipline.9 -
I need some time off. Just had this convo with a dev-manager about an 'issue' with our system change mgmt calendar (Blazor) app.
K: "In the system drop-down, it's not filtering when I type."
Me: "Let me check <I attempt to reproduce>, yep, not working. Do you get the same error? Looks like duplicate data from the database is causing a problem."
<this is over MS Teams, about 5 minutes go by with no response, then>
K: "No error, its not working."
<I find the bad data, delete it, TADA, the filtering is working again>
Me: "The filtering is working again, at least for me. You sure you didn't see an error?"
<wait 5 minutes again>
K: "No, no error."
Me: "You didn't see a little red banner at the bottom and in all caps..ERROR"
<send him a screen-shot of the error I still had in another tab>
K: "Yes, I saw that one, but no other errors. Filtering is working again. Thanks"3 -
So I'm still new to programming. Mind blown every day learning python. Although self learning does get confusing sometimes. Somehow I'm learning pen testing now and already installed Kali on a virtual box. Pretty sure I aimed at making a multi platform mobile app to begin with.... Yep, from Kivy to changing Mac addresses, am I lost? Or this is the way to dive in?4
-
First time programming for work... Man in the middle student password changes. Yep that's right I'm being asked to write a program that will change students passwords on their Google accounts and local domain while also keeping a decryptable format password in a database. Granted it's much better than not letting students change their passwords at all. Plus were doing it because it will let us fix their issues while their out of school so...8
-
! War
I hate tabs to space, yep i hate it, nobody could ever give me a good reason to use spaces over tabs
(yes i want to have differend tab sizes on differend Plattforms/environments, my buddys all use 4 or even 6 as tab size, i only use 2. With tabs can everbody got his/her own size without reformating the whole code and driving diff crazy @all lines changed!!!111onehundredeleven)13 -
"Yep, I think I finally see the end of the project, we will be able to finish this, I just quickly need to add a simple UI on top of it and a simple admin page" - what this usually meant, that I am nowhere near anything usable, I have just created the database structure. What would have happened, if I would have actually been honest with my bosses and would have asked for more help? 😟2
-
Customer service didn't want to refund a $40 late fee because their stupid website wouldn't accept payment and kept locking me out.
So I did $40 worth of talking to one of their supervisors.
Yep. I fillibustered customer service. -
Call me a novice, but isn't the point of a user story to be concise, limited in scope and only concerning one purpose? Kind of like a class should only have one responsibility.
This stupid other reviewer developer comes whining at me saying I broke some shit in my user story and that I need to fix it. The weirdest part is that I didn't break anything. I wrote all my tests, they all passed and yep, this guy has the nerve to come and say that I broke other shit. Well genius, if it's OTHER SHIT, then it belongs as a bug in ANOTHER STORY. What the fuck man, seriously.
A few minutes of debugging later, I found out it was someone else who broke some code earlier on a piece that was part of my part of the application.
Why are others so quick to blame? This is unprofessional. OMG I DISCOVERED AN ERROR, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE TO BLAME BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IGNORANT GUY BECAUSE YOUR TITLE IS JUNIOR DEVELOPER!
Right.
Companies like these, people, have bad communication. Bad companies.2 -
How do you clean up branches while working with PR ?!
It’s a nightmare. For each “bug” or feture there is a pull request created. As far as I know you MUST create a branch.
It’s easy to clean up GitHub (I’m just deleting branch after accepting PR. Which actually doesn’t even delete it for X days or something).
But local branches. OMG. It takes me at least 10 min/week to clean up and some of our devs don’t bother. They literally have 50+ local branches.
How do you manage that ?
I’m just about to write a script which deletes every local branch except selected (Yep UI with list of branches). But seems like overkill.5 -
Yep....nothing wrong here.
Seems like a good time calculation.
Just Origin being Origin.
And that's when you know it time to go back to Steam :)
-
(On conference call with potential client)
Me: ...yes, you can interface with our system via our documented interfaces, using either JSON or XML...
Client: That's too hard. Can I just email you guys a Word doc or something?
Sales Rep: Yep, we can totally handle that, no problem.2 -
my old game had this flow every time a client places an object:
Client A creates a new generic object, and attaches texture paths (yep, global paths are allowed), and... lua code as strings to it.
Client A sends the entire object list to the server
Server receives it, replaces it's own object list
Server copies the entire object list and sends it to all clients
Client A and Client B both receive the object list and replace their versions.
All clients see that the object contains some code as strings
They compile and store it, and then run every frame. UNSANDBOXED.
any client could make all other ones execute any code and i was proud of my idea! -
What a time to be alive... when one gets so lazy that one orders freaking Burger King or McDonalds as a delivery service... daymn...
yep. I'm gulty. Had to try it out. Totally in the name of science.1 -
When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there1
-
i'm afraid that having discovered the power of multithreading has made my code worse.
case in point: me has to calculate an unknown 3rd point of an equilateral triangle many, many times. however, me doesn't get the formula, so me goes ahead and loops over all possible coordinates until it finds the correct one.
yep, it's definitely gotten worse.2 -
interviewer: “i see you have taken some machine learning courses”
me: “yep”
also me: *googles the normal equations*1 -
Every time basically.
Coming up with complex Excel formulas.
Cooking products in a weekend.
Setting up and printing a shit ton of spreadsheets in a minute with a VBScript.
Yep, every time.1 -
Another rant got me thinking about this.
There must be plenty of us on here who have worked as part of or with a customer support department at some point in our careers.
What is the stupidest idea you've ever heard with regards to support?
To start things off my last place had problems with support, over worked, under staffed and expected to support 12+ versions of the same software, some clients were running installations over 15 years old without ever having applied an upgrade.
The management decided that they would get rid of the conventional triage system for tickets, you know the sort priority 1 would be system down etc.
Instead we had to log tickets at whatever priority the client said it was. Customer report written by the client has a spelling mistake? Yep that's a P1.
Client wants to change the colour of their menu? Yep P1
As you can imagine that went down like a shit sandwich1 -
Start a business, it'll be fun they said. One of those days you'll realise that you're in a situation where you'll have to fire a friend from your engineering team, there's no way around it..
People keep on thinking and saying
"You're so lucky, you can choose the clients and the team, and work whenever you want to.."
Yep. Highest highs and lowest lows go hand in hand. Thank god there's both.2 -
Has anybody ever touched the top corner of an app and said “yep, I totally meant to do that and wanted to scroll to the top of the document/ feed/ whatever.”
Because I haven’t. This “feature” sure seems to cause a lot of unintended behavior which sounds a lot like a bug. Who is out here developing stuff like this? Please stop! Do some real UX research with how we actually use the apps!1 -
To whoever of you boubas told me that Mohs doesn’t mean shit and “a TiNy bRiStLe cAn sCrAtCh hArD gLaSs”,
you’re a moron. An absolute fucking buffoon.
There is a research about abundance of quartz basically everywhere you can imagine. Yep, it’s everywhere. That’s why screens get scratched up.
If it wasn’t for quartz, our phones would be either shattered or pristine. A toothbrush bristle absolutely can not scratch your teeth per se, unless you’re using a toothpaste with abrasives in it, which are — you guessed it — fucking harder than your tooth enamel.
You moron.7 -
People love to be opinionated.
If for whatever reason you don't like something, you are gonna shout. If it does not affect anything nor improves anything - you gonna shout!
Seems familiar? Yep. Talking about devs. Opinion is everything here and the louder you shout - the better.
Oh... And not forget long discussion for a 30min fix! This is a mast20 -
Xcode Lockup #35: Changing Variable Names
You right click on a variable and get the opportunity to change the name throughout the project. Yea!
It does this funky visual collapse thing which is rather nice, showing you everywhere it is used. Fancy. And the world needs more fancy, doesn't it.
For some reason instead of letting me change the variable, I get the Beach Ball Of Death and Xcode unceremoniously quits. BUT NOT BEFORE THE FUCKER SAVED THE PROJCT FILE STATE. What?
Now I re-open the project and yep, we are back into the variable name change fancy interface and Beach Ball Of Death. Looks like the project file is now fucked.
But it was oh so important to give me the fancy folding interface... we (Xcode dorks) will fix the defects later.
Time to do some research and find an Xcode manager mailing address... cuz I'm really tired of this shit...
https://www.ipoopyou.com/orders/new3 -
Co-worker: My local Weblogic instance doesn't work when my IP changes :c
Me: Lemme help you with that.
Me: *tries bunch of stuff and nothing* Weird...
Me: *checks his hosts file, localhost is mapped to old IP* KILL YOURSELF OR I WILL.1 -
My Brain:
It's Monday and I've already had a tiring morning... don't feel like doing anything else....
I KNOW!!!! I received an email last week about some mandatory training that needs to be completed... time to do it now!
Yep, I'm not being lazy or procrastinating... -
Who found out the hard way he is now very intolerant to OTC allergy meds? Me.
Who also terribly suffers from seasonal allergy? Yep. Me.
It's going to be a long summer, coding with migraines, sinusitis, and irritated eyes 😞4 -
Yep, IntelliJ is definitely worth $60/month. Look at this feature where it can’t create a java class.
Seriously, if I am paying money for this, it shouldn’t perform worse than a free IDE. Are you sure you IntelliJ fans aren’t just experiencing Stockholm Syndrome? Because your IDE is so god awful it’s sad.
8 -
(Sr. Dev) Oh right, you can't do that in the controller.
(Me) I can't do what?
(Sr. Dev) That thing.
(Me) Call another controller from the controller?
(Sr. Dev) Yep.
(Me) Where is supposed to be called?
(Sr. Dev) From the view.
(Me) But what is supposed the controller to be used for?
(Me) What is supposed to do the controller?
(Sr. Dev) The controller pass data to the inner classes. (Controller > Manager > Domain Object > DAO)
I ended calling 3 controllers methods from the view in 4 different views everytime...3 -
WHO CAN SPOT THIS STUPID PHP ERROR!
$string = "something.com"
if(strpos(".", $string))
echo " yep, there's a period";
else
echo "nope, fuck you there isn't";
output: "nope, fuck you there isn't"
me: wtf ??? fucking wasting my time on this fucking stupid tiny fucking error, goddamnit and each refresh takes 15 seconds because it involves calling all these apis from localhost, gmail, etc. arggg...
...for an hour, until I smacked my head so hard I'm in the hospital for a concussion
I hate when that happens.
Time to take a break.15 -
!dev
Yep think I'm starting to get a bit kookie.... I'm starting to track whenever songs are playing in my head
8 -
Actually not a rant, I just want to share my happiness with you guys. Finally I broke out of a startup, and got accepted to an international big company. Cannot wait for the things I’ll learn there, it’s so exciting! (Yep, this is a very big milestone for me as an autodidact programmer.)
Any advice you can give to me? What was your biggest achievement so far in your carreer?6 -
try (HappyHolidays happyHolidays = new HappyHolidays()) {
happyHolidays.wish(all);
} catch (HolidayWishesNotWelcomedException){
specialCasePatternInterface.specialCaseCall();
}
Yep.18 -
Oh you have plenty of excuses why I shouldn't have any reasons (which YOU call excuses) but don't see that yourself -- you fucking hypocrite!
There is NO EXCUSE for your bullshit lack of facing reality and setting unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly follow! Yet you continue to have an excuse for every legitimate reason (proven by facts by the way) that I have when everything doesn't turn out the way you expected.
Well GUESS WHAT motherfucker?? YEP, YOUR FUCKING EXPECTATIONS ARE THE PROBLEM not my actions. Just fucking grow up you piece of shit micromanager who has to have his nose in everyone's face all the time! Fuck that shit! -
I hate it when I have to work o weekends because my boss is like: "yep this is critical and I am really reliant on you ;)"
I FUCKING HATE THAT WINKY FACE1 -
Bought a laptop off my friend for $100 so he can get rid of it since he no longer uses it, and he can use the money to get more fans for his desktop to help that with it's overheating issue.
I took it home and for some reason didn't want to turn it on immediately. i decided to first take it apart and see if there's any internal issues just in case. As soon as the back cover is off I see that 1 out of the three segments on the lithium ion battery expanded. yep gonna order a new one of that tomorrow. I'm not the most hardware savvy but I'm pretty sure an expanded battery can cause an explosion1 -
Just to show you.
The overhead between actual SQL requests and the stack :
.Net 6 =>
Web API =>
EntityFramework core 6 =>
(middleware) GraphQl.EntityFramework =>
GraphQl =>
SQL
Seems a lot ? Yep. But actually... that shit just scales. More sql requests will not cost much. And this stack will take care of generating optimal querry better than me by hand.
(These querries on screenshot are fairly complex).
I like it. So, so much checks done for me and front end people love it too ! They don't need to open a tiocket when they need a new field.
So, /adpoted by me.
PS : And pair it with Blazor, miam.
1 -
I've been spending the last few days reorganizing css, js files, removing old code and rename directories. Yep its that kind of week at work...
-
Today I was meeting with a researcher in my department so that I could show him how the software I developed works. He graduated from a really good university in electronic engineering, with 100/100 I think, and he can manage to copy&paste some python code. So I didn't expect what happened today.
Guy: 'So I have to give to your program as input this python file which contains a function you need to call, right?'
Me: 'Yep, I mean, that is a jupyter notebook, I need a text file containing only the function which is in that notebook'
Guy: *Downloads the notebook, tries to feed the notebook file into my program*
Me: 'Wait, don't, there probably is a lot of junk related to jupyter notebook, try opening it in notepad++'
Guy: *Opens file, sees a lot of junk text*
Me: 'Yeah, I thought so, you need to save it as plain text or .py'
Guy: *Renames the notebook as .txt*
Me: *Shakes my head without him noticing*
'That won't work, the content of the file won't change like that...' -
Come up with a cool idea and the concepts I want to learn by making the idea. Download IDE/editor if I don't have it. Open that bitch up. Crack a beer and my knuckles. Yep, nothing can stop me now. No distrac- damn my shoes are shiny. What was I doing again?
*as I am laying down to sleep* oh no. I forgot to code that cool thing AGAIN. -
So, somehow I got hands on a Google glass [yep that item which had it's hype go down]. Been wondering what I can do with it. Any ideas about what to do, what to develop for it, anything?5
-
Guys I have to write a CV for school as homework(yep), could you make me one or tell me cool stuff to add to make me look like a super duper crazy programmer?5
-
You may not be ready to accept what I'm about to say, but Subway Surfers is a true roguelike game.
Let's see:
- Procedurally generated levels — check.
- Grid-based layout — check. You have three predetermined lanes and seven height levels: sliding, running, jumping without boots (small obstacle height), jumping with boots (train height), jumping from train to bridges (bridge height) and jetpack.
- Permanent death — check. When you die, you start from the score of 0. This can be avoided with keys, but Pixel Dungeon features ankhs that resurrect you, and they can be purchased. Pixel Dungeon is undoubtably a true roguelike game, so if they can get away with it, Subway Surfers can too.
Yep.8 -
A few days ago ubuntu decided not to start, yep, in the middle of my exams mind you, so i decide fuck it am moving to windows, i installed ubuntu on wsl, loving it , i ain't coming back linux it was a nice 3 yr run.5
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Using CodeWriter (the one from windows store) since a few days for small tasks (like editing an xml or yaml etc) and i like it.
Yep vim guys, u hate me now, but idc ^^ -
I notice that a necessary fix means adding a single isolated library to composer.json for a large legacy application...
Me: 😬
Me: 🙏
Me: <composer update>
composer.lock: +789/-435 lines changed. 😵
Yep, everything is broken. There goes my week. -
Right now, most of my friends in whatsapp are doing one of those stupid viral message challenge that is designed to "testify friendships".
This latest one that i got goes something like this: they ask to send one of your pic to them and they will add it to their status. Then you have to also add their pic they send you as your status. Also you have to forward the challenge to your friends.
I don't know who comes up with such crazy stupid messages that is designed to force people change their perception of friendship. It's amazing how simple and gullible people are to such messages.
Spoiler Alert: yep, i also send it to few of my friends just for the heck of it.4 -
Yep we are all remote workers, but we all go in to the office every morning to clock in, and then back at 5:30 to clock out. I see a potential problem with transmission at these 2 points in the day. Plus the office is an hour away for most people and we all use public transport.1
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Why doesnt Windows have something like KDE connect or Airdrop? I hate uploading files to a cloud and downloading them again on the pc just because i dont have a cable at hand!4
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So I had an interesting conversation with a "developer" from another org:
Me: "So I might have a new client. Their site really needs an update."
Them:"Let me see." *goes to perspective client site*
Them:"Wow, that's bad!"
Me:"Yep it hasn't been touched since 08"
Them:"No, that's not the reason. The reason it looks this bad is because it is made with php."
9 -
I have a little vserver with the possibility to backup to my free Dropbox. 😎. I host nodejs stuff on it not much fife little apps. Guess what?
Yep my Dropbox running out of space. I like nodejs 😁4 -
Sometimes, I feel my school is a prison.
I'm sitting there, 8-10 hours per day, learnin' things I already know, and all I can do is sitting quiet to `don't disturb during the lesson`. I can't even use my laptop.
But, school also is nice in some ways, my principal allowed me to run a Hacktoberfest event in my school, make kinda radio in our school and make an app for our SmartTV (yep, we have a TV in school) to show weather, changes in lesson plans etc.
But still, I really feel this is the prison. One more year, and I'll finish this shit and go...to another school because `you need to graduate to do anything in your life`. Btw, do ya know any good ways how to become CTO or COO one day? Just asking. Greetings, I hate my school, have a nice day.10 -
!rant
Yep another drinking warning, my mates and I plan on making an Aussie flag of VB and great northen that's the size of a shed, RIP2 -
there will be war they said
kind of playing with legacy code,
they didn't say
importing css from scss file. yep react is cool but this freakin import css from scss is kind of bloody weird for me. k let's just keep it small, can you just reply in 3 words e.g. use freaking vim or go eat bacon as an advice ty?!
4 -
Don't even know how to start. I currently work as technician (fix broken shit devices like apple and manage our servers).
Before the rant, here's a note: I'm a newbie-ish something.. Like I do some Java and Android stuff but nothing amazing (yet).
Here's my rant:
Boss: Hey, you mentioned in your CV that you do some programming.
Me: Yep, but just starting. Already made few apps but nothing crazy big.
Boss: Well, doesn't really matter. But, can you make an app and a website for us? We'll decide on the budget later.
Me: *kinda suspicious* Ehm, yep? I'll just make a wireframe and show you what I came up with.
*few weeks later*
Boss: So how's the app doing?
Me: I told ya that I'm making only wireframe. If you want the app you can:
a) pay for it
b) don't do anything and I'll make it open-source
Boss: No don't do that. We want the source on our FTP server.
Me: Riiight... That's a big no-no for me. It's gonna be on VCS, otherwise you can forget about the app and web.
Boss: *staring silently at me*
Me: ...
To this day, not a single response from him. We had one meeting where I presented the Website and app design, everyone was ok with it but no answer when I asked about the budget. Should I just scrap these projects and continue making them on github ('cuz I kinda like to learn new shit this way)5 -
Algolia says:
"So our price widget doesn't allow decimals, you'll have to create a custom widget"
I do it.
"Hey, It's not working and I verified it's applying the filter correctly. I noticed my price is a string in your index, maybe that's incorrect and causing it to not work?"
They say: "Yep, you'll need to run an update to fix that and change all to floats" (charges an arm and a leg for the thousands of index operations needed to update the data type)
I clear the index and send a single one as a test, verifying it's a float by casting it using (float) then var_dumping. It shows "double(3.99)", but when it gets to Algolia, it's 0.
So I contact support.
"Hi, I'm sending across floats like you say but it's receiving it as 0, am I doing something wrong? Here's my code and the result of the var_dump"
They respond: "Looks like you're doing it right, but our log shows us receiving 3.999399593939, maybe check your PHP.ini for "serialize_precision" and make sure it's set to -1"
I check and it's fine, then I realize that var_dump is probably rounding to 2 decimal points so I change my cast to (float) number_format($row['Price'], 2) and wallah...it works.
Now I've wasted days of paying for their service, a ton of charges for indexing operations, and it was such a simple fix.
if they had thrown an error for the infinite decimal, that would have helped, but instead I had to reach out to find out that was the issue.
#Frustrated. -
I’m picturing some giant over mind
A huge cluster of computers and what is actually happening to explain the theft and stupidity that makes
The world seem like the last scene
In the movie repo
Men is they’re feeding their hungry growing baby all the pilfered videos and pictures they can and the brain was designed to be a piece of garbage like them with no regard for human life
Yep
That seems about right
Something from a sci-fi horror film mixed with the plot of that movie where all the humans were inbred morons in the future4 -
Since I lack proficiency in Object Oriented Analysis and Design and Datastructures and Algorithms and this has caused me many problems at work, I must review these.
You'd think you don't need to know the 'dry theoretical matter' as they say, oh but you do.. I found out first hand at one of my tougher programming jobs where you have to create everything manually.
And now, looking at my entire first and second year of university courses regarding this matter.. the amount I have to study is enormous. Datastructures and algorithms alone: 1000+ page book + 500+ slides.. and that's only fresh man year! Yep.
I could say there's a way around it but.. I don't really think there is. If I keep just knowing the basic programming concepts, I won't get far. I need to dive deeper.
Until I master this material, it will keep haunting me in programming jobs.
The frustrations of a developer..7 -
Just two weeks ago I worked with other students on a university project. I left the room for a short time to buy some hot chocolate (no coffee!) the next day one of my "coworkers" showed me my twitter timeline with the last tweet like "waifu #3dpd" or something like that. And yep, I deleted it. I was about to change my password, then he stopped me and told me he did that directly on my pc in this short time. It was a bit funny...
-
FACEBOOK COMMON!
I get that they released the app because they had a deal with windows 10, but after so much time can't you at least improve it a tiny bit? Even with a webapp from messenger it works faster.
-I got a text
-Open the app
-LOADING
-LOADING| Got tired unlocked phone
-LOADING| turn on wifi
-LOADING| open the conversation
-LOADING CONVERSATION| replied
-FINALLY FINISHED AND I NO LONGER NEED IT
Now how to fix this? First try not to have a IOS imported app, try to add quick reply in the notification. YEP thats a thing! Skype UWP at least has that going for them.1 -
Wish me luck.
Deploying Blazor app for the first time in prod in about a month.
Did tests. Curent infrastructure can hold around 70 concurent sessions with no problems. (probably more, 70 was the limit in my browser).
I tested each sessiuon with 70.000 line table. (Yep whole 70.000 lines for each session with a virtual scroll).
Shit is fast. Too fast even. I'm waiting for other shoe to drop, but so far in simulated tests it's amazing.
Let's talk in 2 month AFTER prod deploy.4 -
We need to go live by this month 10.
Yep, infra is ready in production. You can push the events and see the results right away.
PM: Wow, great. Setup staging we need to test it.
Me: FML, staging machines are smaller, can't even start the program.1 -
So I go to a GDG for VRView tonight, and generally had a great time. I arrived on time, got set up, crushed the coding exercise, and helped a couple of people out with their code.
As is standard procedure with these kinds of events, there was a giveaway at the end - a sealed Daydream View. The guy running the event picked the winner randomly. I was #6, due to the fact that a guy came in literally 20 minutes before we wrapped. Guess who won the VR set? Yep, the dude who came in late, and sat immediately to my right, making him person #5. I'm pretty sure the words "greifer" and "twatwaffle" ran through my head as I packed up to leave. -_- -
If you:
- Can’t entertain a thought without accepting it,
- Can’t say “I’m scared” aloud when you’re scared,
- Can’t say “Yep, I was wrong” when you’re wrong,
- Had more than three alcoholic beverages since Jan 1st 2024,
- Are addicted to weed,
don’t talk to me.13 -
Another disaster of 2020 had struck.
The internet is fucked again. This time of a global scale. Did you grow a bit suspicious why everything takes more to load? USA is getting ddosed by china again... I get dns proube failed error on every website and things that work are as fast as that inter your company have hired for thag cobol project from 1876. I have a online test tomorrow, usa can you fucking get ddosed later?
Yep and the attack is currently shown on the famous ddos graph web site2 -
Alright sure this quarintine time would go with no issues... Right?
*Opens google.com*
*Waits 30 seconds*
*Page loads without the logo*
*Searches about a problem I have*
*Wait another 60 seconds*
*Page loads with no results*
*Waits another 40 seconds*
*Now there are links*
*Clicks on the first link*
*ERR_TIMEOUT*
Yep.... Fun shit.3 -
Your eyelashes: yep, decent, almost look like they’re really there, although almost nonexistent without mascara, but you got used to it
Meanwhile my eyelashes:
4 -
Le débouchage est un procédé utilisé pour Debouchage Charleroi les drains et les canalisations. Ce processus est généralement effectué par un professionnel qui dispose des outils et de l'équipement appropriés pour effectuer le travail. Il existe de nombreux types de services de débouchage disponibles, mais ils ne sont pas tous créés égaux. Certaines entreprises peuvent offrir un prix moins cher, mais elles peuvent ne pas avoir l'expérience ou l'équipement approprié pour faire le travail correctement. Efficient Debouchage Charleroi Services est une entreprise qui propose une grande variété de services de débouchage. Ils sont en affaires depuis plus de 20 ans et ont l'expérience et l'équipement nécessaires pour bien faire le travail. Ils offrent une variété de services, y compris le nettoyage des canalisations, le nettoyage des canalisations et le nettoyage des fosses septiques. Ils offrent également une garantie de satisfaction satisfait ou remboursé afin que vous puissiez être sûr que vous serez satisfait des résultats.
my-dep.be/debouchage-charleroi/
-
I have to reimplement a couple of complicated OOXML parsers (docx, pptx, vsdx, etc). Actually, I’ve implemented them in Python ~5 years ago but now I have to improve them and add support for nested/embedded formats and some other stuff. As you could expect, none of the OOXML validators are valid themselves, so it's better to have an MS product installed locally, just to get reassured that everything works fine and the parser produces the format that's recognizable by M$.
So I’ve bought a key on eBay (yep, I’m not paying full price for this shit: release valid validators first, bitches; don't make me buy things I don't need). The key is valid, everything is fine. But no, you just cannot have a link to download this fucking installer, no-no-no-no. We won't give you a link until after you enter a key. FEEL DEPENDENT. OBEY.
But I digress. Here's their MANUAL about DOWNLOADING the INSTALLER:
https://support.office.com/en-us/...
So, what's wrong with it? Oh, just a minor misunderstanding. They always give you a link to download an exe-installer. Even if you use Safari.
Why everything is so fucked?2 -
I have actually two, but I'll write the other one in the week.
So we had classes about software engineering. The class was interesting but the teacher wasn't. Too soft, too slow, too low, too monochord (usual french), it was boring. So we ended up not listening to him. Kinda regret this.
We got a first exam, where we were in group to develop a Test Manager for Unit Test (yep.)
We had instructions, like the note would be multiplied by the percentage of coverage of code, etc.
The thing is, we really didn't get the point of the project. Now that I think of it, it seems obvious, but it wasn't back then as it was too new. In the four people of our group, one worked real hard on it, I tried to do my best, the others too.
But like I said, I didn't get back then the point of the topic, which is to apply design pattern, unit testing, etc. It was furstating af and we ended up with a 9/20.
I got the point of the topic only for the second exam, the most classic one, on a paper sheet with questions to answer. (We were allowed only one cheatsheet, I understood the topic while doing it. Sad, huh ?)
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