Client: I want all cookies blocked on my computer.

Me: Are you sure? Some things won't work if i do that. Like using online banking.

Client: I don't use it, so it's fine.

*Two weeks pass. I have to come back and see three bankcards laying on the table*

Client: I'm not able to use online banking anymore. Can you fix it?

Come on! You pay me to give advice and help out with problems. The least you could do is listen.

First time I heard a client say: "You've done a phenomenal job, but you've over-delivered. You should have come to me. We could have worked it out." after we had to ask for an extension.
That's a keeper.

When you fuck something up with a customer and you very nervously apologize and they come back with 'apology accepted, we both learned something out of this!'

Thank you dear sir 😅👌

*can't figure out why code doesn't work for hours*
ugh fuck this.
*angrily leaves for bathroom break*
*come running back*
I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!!!!

After months of agonizing work I found out my team mate deleted my code cause they thought it was useless. Then they come back and ask if I KNOW WHERE THE BUG IS. I now realize how true this is.

girl friend: What kind of stripper would you want for a Bachelorette party?!?

me: no stripper...

girl friend: like a coding stripper?

me: what?

girl friend: he'd come out and be like, one zero one one zero one...

me: I love that you think I code in binary hahaha

girl friend: like the matrix!

me:
*pauses*
*contemplates explaining what binary is*
yes, like the matrix

:D

Friend: pls come out on my yacht, you can work from there..
Me: what about power and wifi?
Friend: it has 240v and 4G
Me: 😦😁

Alright wikipedia, i see that you're in a crisis, but I just send 5€ your way. That should not be the fucking signal to unleash popup hell on me. Fucking 4 out of 5 pages now come with that popup. "if rveryone woukd just send $2..."

BITCH I SEND YOU 5€, STOP DEEPTHROATING ME YOUR UNGRATEFUL COCK

I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ice cream to them all and then ask me "Who are u?". I realised the rest were all her family. 😶
10 years later I still cringe.

Now there was this meeting where our boss called our team to reach at exactly 8:00 . One minute more and you will be fired.
Turns out he himself reached at 8:15 for the meet. And we were just staring him, wanting to say, "Hey boss, you don't need to come anymore. YOU ARE FIRED."

"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone." - Bjarne Stroustrup

That awkward moment when you don’t want to come out of your room because there are strangers in your house.

Come back from vacation to find that 80+ e-mails were sent out to the entire team for a critical process that was failing to run due to an incorrect password. No one did anything for a week. Fixed it in 30 seconds.

I feel that people are quick to blame PHP for a lot of things. But come on, you have to admit it has the most straightforward debugging workflow:

Take a ritual knife out of your desk drawer

Sacrifice some blood to the PHP gods

Clean the knife

Just going to come out and say it.

If you wait until 4pm on a Friday to hit me up to fix your problems, you're a fucking gangrene twat.

I won't be taking care of your shit until Tuesday you dumb bitch.

Always put yourself out of your comfort zone. Always. It's the main source of both anxiety and personal growth. Don't think that you're a fraud because you can't understand the new stuff right away, how else would you learn? Looking back you should always be impressed on how much you've covered, but still have anxiety of what's to come.

my co-web devs just introduced me to css grids.

I feel so stupid for not knowing this, how long has this been here? HOW COME I MISSED OUT ON CSS GRIDS

I was just chatting with my professor after class and I got on the topic of my class that makes us use Visual Studio 2010 and he seemed very interested in that, so come to find out, he's "the guy that makes sure classes are using up-to-date technology"

I was like OH SHITTTT

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don’t believe this to be a coincidence." - Jeremy S. Anderson

Based loosely on the popular "git" command, I am happy to announce my new product, "hit"!

Essentially, hit hooks into "git blame" and automatically slaps the shit out of whoever wrote this garbage.

It uses SOHTTP (Slap Over HTTP) to deliver a nice firm wallop to any subpar script kiddie that had the audacity to come up with this bullshit.

Careful, the user is not immune to the effects

Monday : SSD dies
Thursday : HDD dies, so I take one out of the laptop to have a working pc
Today : Said HDD dies

Due to lack of hardware components for my pc to kill off, my current setup consists of 1 usb for live system and two more to act as storage

Next paycheck can't come fast enough

Had a rough time. Dropped out of college twice. Got sent by a shrink to be tested for ADHD. Investigation dropped after phone interviewing my scientology parents. Depressed and admitted to the ward twice. Homeless for a month.

But come Monday I'll start my employment as a COBOL developer. My first qualified job! Code and all resources for learning online has really saved me.

It is 7am on a Saturday, I am still in bed, and I have just come up with the math equation I need to solve a coding problem I spent all day yesterday. Now to figure out how to roll the fiancé off of me so I can get my laptop....

Rant1
Company calls today. Offers me a job which is great i have been looking for 7 months.
Rant2
Today hurricane irma is coming its getting close gas stations are out of fuel. No water at stores. Chaos on the roads.
Rant3
Company asks me to come in Tommorow for interview. 😑

Today I was asked to decide on a handheld or "madonna" microphone for a conference I have to speak at in 2 weeks. Its time to come clean, I never thought the day would actually come, i'm far too terrified to actually go through with it. I just wanna write code in my dark little corner and be left alone. I wonder can I get out of this or is it too late

When you write code and forget to comment it, and then you come back and try to figure out why the heck you wrote certain parts of it.

Let this be a lesson for future me.

Come in. Edit one line of code. Fix the problem. Walk out feeling like a God.

Friend: "You should come with us out for breakfast"
Me: "But if I leave it to compile and it fails, who would be here to fix it?"
This is why I lack friends.

Slow, old, spaghetti coded legacy projects that no one has touched for years.

You know those ones where you put your Indiana Jones hat before going in and barely come out alive.

@dfox & @trogus
Just finished reading your app update and I must say that I'm very impressed with the number of changes that have come out in the past six or so weeks. Good job guys and keep up the good work!

PS an autocomplete '@' mention feature would be really helpful.

End of second week at a new job. Found what I thought was a bug and wanting to impress I fixed it. The dev reviewing my code had just started a week before me so he also had no idea what was going on. It went live Friday afternoon.

Come back Monday morning and turns out I completely broke everything and nobody could use the site all weekend. I thought I was done for sure. Was shitting myself all day waiting for the call.

TURNS OUT NOBODY EVEN NOTICED

Fucking China!

The only time they ever come out of their pathetic walled internet is to attack your servers.

Fuck that country.

Leave work with two working monitors at my desk, come back the next day to one monitor and a missing HDMI cable. Find out marketing took it for a presentation, don't get it back for three weeks. Finally get it back for a day, become super happy to finally have both monitors again. Come back the next day and PM has stolen my HDMI again, no extra HDMI cables in entire office. Apparently HDMI cables are valued like gold around these parts.

Note: our PM is new.
PM: can you help me?
Me: sure, what do you need?
PM: where do the folders with all the techie stuff come from?

I had no context and spent the next 20 minutes trying to work out what folders she was on about. Turned out she wanted to know where the client side folders on our development server come from, was going to explain 'Gulp' and 'Branch' to her but I think I'd be there for the rest of the day... Why do 'tech' companies hire non-tech-savie people.

I'm holding a programming class today, it's an open-door event, so anyone can come and try it out.
Nothing too much, just basic things.

I've been holding it for 30 min... To no one... No one showed up...

Try pair programming! I've never had an official pair programming session, but I'll be damned if my best code and quickest solutions didn't come from having a bitch session with my coworker. Just having to talk it out or having that second set of eyes can work wonders. Plus you have a built-in de-stressing outlet to help you sleep at night.

Come on dfox! Where's our setting that lets up auto-opt out of these! D;

I just had to go through one after another so I would stop getting them.

Xmas party, held at an external location. After some drinks, a co-worker whom I was friends with started flirting up one of the waitresses. Now, he was tall, well-trained, and quite attractive for women. It was just that he also was married and had a child.

I quietly sought out that waitress and told her about that, asking her to turn him down because nothing good would come out of that. She appreciated it and stayed out of his way.

Felt kind of back-stabbing him, but at the same time, also saving his ass from himself.

"On two occasions I have been asked, ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’ I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.'" - Charles Babbage

Was asked to pop down to my bosses office for 5 minutes, turns out I was interviewing someone. Not one word of warning was given to me prior the phone call asking me to come down.

Top 100 javascript frameworks that will come out in 2017

January

I was going to an interview and they kept me waiting for more than 1 hour without a notice. When the interviewer came, she didn't even apologize and gave me a form to fill out. I left the building and didn't come back. Did I did wrong? What would you do?

That moment when you come out of your zone & discover you neither had breakfast or lunch and the playlist has stopped hours ago!

Need Help!

Anyone can please come out with algorithm to win an arguments with girlfriend..

Me: alrighty, a full weekend of development!

Friends: oi come out tonight, we're going to a night club tonight!

Me: ah fuck!

Got to love dat' social life

Was interviewed some 15 years ago while quite fresh out of university. Huge panel of people hammering away with questions so after an afternoon in the room all my fried brain could come up with when they asked if I had any other interest was "...trees..." :)

I am removing all my personal items from work so if I suddenly quit I can walk out and never have to come back. All thanks to a micromanaging maniac of a manager and his lackluster lackeys of lameville.

Fuuuuck youuuuu huuuuge. I curse you cunts with everlasting indigestion followed by bouts of vicious volcanic diarrhea.

Anytime I have two updates come out for an app on the same day, I know someone is having a worse day than me.

Question about the weekly rant!

Does anyone have any topics they think would work well? We're trying to come up with some creative ideas and figure out what devRanters might enjoy the most.

Any feedback is appreciated on the weekly rant feature and possible topics. Thanks!

My relative once called me and asked if she could come over to my house so that I can copy Facebook over to his flash drive. Turns out that she accidentally deleted the bookmark to facebook.com and thought that she'd lost it forever.

This is want happens to you when all of your relatives found out that you are "good with tech".

I earned devie middle. Bought devie left. I came in this morning and devie right is looking at me???
This may be a Tribble situation! Worried when I open my office door Monday they may come pouring out. What will I do with thousands of devies???

This kind of random stuff happens to me often:

*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.

My brain can be weird and annoying.

I worked with a sales guy once who would randomly come into my office and look out the window. Our entire office was Windows. There was a rumor that he was checking to see if his car was repossessed yet. As he had been caught selling knives over the phone in his lunch break half a dozen times.

When he came into my office he did not say a word or make eye contact. Just walk in. Look out the window. And walk out. Man that guy was weird.

Now I know for sure that my coworkers can't read error messages.

Every fucking time git doesn't push or pull properly they can't figure out what's going on, almost one year since we migrated to git ... come on... read the fucking message!

when you have a million applications open on your computer because you're in the middle of some massive change and you come back the next morning to find out that your machine has restarted during the night...😲

Don't you hate it when you come across a old internet argument but one of the people deleted all of their posts so now you just see a bunch of out of context replies.

F*ck all that out-of-date people who are like "You can not get a living out of IT" and the "You work on that application 6 months now, it should be already done." My parents do that shit aaaaall the time. Like they know so much about this when they can't even turn on wifi on their phones. You're enthusiastic and all and they come and start bullying you because they don't understand shit about what you do.

Where do most devRant users come from?
Please add your country in the comments or ++ if already existing!

Dont ++ this question though. I ask out of curiosity and not for the ++.

Whenever I'm stressed out on a bug or what not...

I find some of my best ideas have come from sitting on the toilet

I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."

MUST BE FUCKING NICE!

The year of 2018 is slowly coming to it end, so how about summing it up in a few keywords ?

I start : Bitcoin, Spectre/Meltdown, GDPR, Facebook-out-Linux-in, A.I., Elon Musk, Corporate fuckups(fb,g..), Cheap & Good smartphones

Just a few random ones, hope you come up with better summary:)

Got locked out of all systems in the company.

They did not expect me to return after a sick leave and do a handover during my last 5 days in the company.

I wrote them that I'll return today and do a handover.

Got unlocked when I asked if I should go home and never come back 😛

MDN docs >>> W3School docs

Tbh, every time I open W3 I come out absolutely misguided..

Anyone else annoyed that they can code a really good website (as in PSD to HTML) but just aren't creative enough to come up with a design? I find myself on Dribbble a hell of a lot of the time coding designs that others have done out of boredom, but stunned by how amazing their designs are. I'm just not creative enough.

When you and your superior get done with a project, and your superior almost gets fired so he's panicked and you're like "SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!!"

Previously:"Come on man!! 20 minutes adventure, in and out."

“I sent a document to print but it hasn't come out... I think the printer might be broken”

NO! The printer is not BROKEN just because you can’t print. You see that person over there at the printer? Yes, that one collecting their print job now? THE PRINTER IS NOT BROKEN!

1. Make a plan
2. Execute the plan
3. Expect the plan to go horribly wrong
4. Improvise

Truest words to come out of the DC (or any) universe!!!

!rant

Need advice on coping with my father's passing . I was already very stressed out and had really bad focus. I feel lost now , I can't even cry the tears won't come out. Why can I cry for a stupid movie and not now...

Everyday, I'm praying that no new yet another framework will come out and trend.

I tried really hard but couldn't come up with a bad dev advice I've ever taken. Turns out my peers are excellent!

So Google have come out and confirmed 100% that the Pixel 4 contains project Soli chips and the required radars for touchless gestures....

Need it, need it, need it, need it!!!

Fucking keen to start developing using it even though I'll probably never release anything .-.

A friend of mine once buried an exception deep in some code that any reasonable programmer shouldn't ever come across that said "you're the worst person I know"

A few days later when a guy in our project was working on his awful patchwork of a database mapping he managed to somehow actually hit this exception. We all got a good laugh out of it!

rant!

Why are the dev rant T-shirts sold out? Please make them come back.

Your mother must be the most efficient automated javascript build system ever.

Cause no one could come pop out more uglified than you.

So, who's still on jdk 7 or 8?
Man I'm so out of date!
When did they come out of so many versions?
And imagine the Java docs!
Now I know how Javascript devs feel

Why the hell do I have to keep showing everyone on my team how to use git. Learn it God dammit!!! Is not that hard. How come you freak out on a simple conflict? Why don't you delete your fucking merged branches?

I am going to start a new podcast next month. It will be called TechWiz, and the goal is to teach you how tech works inside and out. The first episode will be released sometime in January and come out each month.

Developing a web app that I'm sure was touched by Satan himself. Bugs come out from no where.
Yesterday when I left everything worked. Today when I arrived nothing works! Lots of angular errors. WTF. No one else worked on it . :O

I hate knowing that there are ton of ways doing something but cant just figure it out which is the best and then having to come back and change it. I know it is part of learning and becoming experienced but still...

@dfox what would you say about a "following" feature?

Because I've noticed some absolute regular golden rants coming from some of the same ranters on here and would be cool to never miss the stuff they come out with.

Give up, start notebook, cry, yell, scream, pull hair out, close notebook, come back in a few months and finish it in one day. 😐

Lockdown Day 1 of 21.

Royally fucked up.

Cooking gas ran out.

Drinking water is also over. The nearby water vending machine is also not working.

Hoping the gas shop will have stock at the time they told to come back.

Didn't have lunch, already starving even with whatever snacks that was stocked.

!dev

Been away from here for over a year.

Tried meditation, tried working out, tried eating more #00FF00s.

I'm a super calm person and rarely rant over shit in real life but I learned that really little things can replace ranting over random shit on the internet and having people come here to read just exactly that and relate.

I think I'm back :) <3

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

Playing Portal 2
Not only has this game a need for understanding highly complex problems - but it also was the first game besides Minecraft I started to mod and really had something valuable come out!

that feeling when you start looking at code after dinner, correct a bug or two, start implementing new features, tweak the code a little bit, you are really focus in your coding... then look out the window and realize the sun is about to come up. it's great 🤓

A client once thought I was making "the trees come out of the screen" because I used parallax scrolling with a forest photo..

British summer, the glorious fortnight where outdoor temperatures rise to comfortable levels, the shorts come out, and we see the strange glowing fireball known as "the sun".

And in response, our office aircon is set to "arctic". I'm sat at my desk trying to code while wearing a jacket and gloves.

It was fun to stay home last week, this week the isolation is starting to get to me. Plus I'm PMSing. Somebody should come and hug me... 😢

Been getting really cold chills lately, so I'm not even sure if I got the damn virus.

You guys, please make a vaccine soon. I need to get out and socialize or I'll go insane. 😖

Guess somebody has a bad day xD

Source: stupidedia.de

Transkript:

Linux is the biggest computer - virus that doesnt come from Redmond. Its especially handy if you want to create a 16Gb usb-drive out of a 160Gbdrive

The good and bads of Seoul subway system

So the subway here is clean.
Yes. Clean.
1000% cleaner than the one in Paris.
And it is super cool here.
Awesome air conditioning available here.

But, it isnt friendly to foreigners. They cant understand most of the announcement. Why? B'cuz it is mostly in Korean.

So today i experienced some foreigner desperately looking for help.

Our subway needed some quick fox or rest or whatever, so it had to stop and go to the garage(?).
If that happens, all passengers should get off the train.

B'cuz the announcement was in korean only, he was the only one who stayed in the train.

I wanted to go to him and say to come out, but because there was so many people around me, i just beckoned him to come out. He did.

I just felt sorry for no reason.

I mean, just.

Is programming a girls dream come true?

I want a package for something so I search NPM, 50 results.

I could spend a life time browsing, shopping for packages, trying them out to see if they fit.

It's all I bloody do these days.

In 1 month 2 days will be my 2 year "rantiversary" on devRant. I was scrolling through my posts and I've seen how far I've come. All those hurdles and roadblocks. I might not be as good as I like right now but I'm pretty proud that I've come so far. And I'm glad you guys were here to help me stay sane and devRant was here for me to lash out on and feel welcomed. I am grateful

I knew I wanted to be a dev when I saw the Game Developer Barbie come out...

Just kidding.

The moment I knew was when I started creating my own Myspace templates. It was so awesome to have one that I built myself. I wasn't forced to choose from those pre-made templates, none of which truly expressed my adolescent personality. :D

!dev

Just wanna share yesterday nights story because I really really enjoyed it..

Have been to Galway with a friend.
Went to the pubs and 2 Irish girls tried to speak French - just for fun. A French guy wanted to flirt with them and said: “you British girls are so cute when you try to talk French.”
The girl completely freaked out and screamed at him: “ DONT YOU FUCKING DARE TO CALL AS BRITISH..” and the second girl started singing in the middle of all the people: “Come out ya Black and Tans, come out and fight us like a man”..

Ended with those girls trying to stop other Irish guys from beating up that French guy.

Few pubs later at 2:30am walking to the car (driver didn’t drink) when the “irish Jesus” (YouTuber) walks by and asks us if we have “something”, he really needs to get stoned 😂

Best night ever..

No offense to the British here, I assume you’re familiar with your shared history;)

*Sees me with a computer whole day*.

Mom: Will anything come out of it? Call me if it does.

To be honest, I'm not as excited as I was 6-7 years ago when our tech industry seen a big leap, where these ML/Deep Learning algorithms were out performing humans, Apache Spark out perfomed Hadoop in distributed computing, Docker/Kubernetes are the new phenomenon in software development and delivery, Microservices architecture, ReactJS virtual DOM concepts were so cool.

Really though, I've come realise that these software trends come and go. All you need to do is adapt and go with the flow.

I'm sending my love to all the millions of people out there suffering in silence, ones with unfathomable trauma and pain, all fighting battles known to none. I respect those who decided to end it all rather than to keep waiting for help that will never come to them.

Sometimes, I liked to play dumb and pretend I don't know what I'm doing around IT.

That way I can come out alive with a little sanity

ClientA: We need a minimalist design.

Me, took around 2 weeks to come out a very clean and sleek design with minimal elements.

ClientA reviewed and said: Can I add this and that? I think add in more picture can help to strengthen the credibility. How about......

I've come back to devRant after, don't know, 2 years, and I get the feeling that this place is much more... hostile than I remembered.
I understand that this is a place to let out frustrations and vent a bit, or post stories and stuff, but I browsed the comments of a few rants, and I'm surprised at how many times I see friction between users, and insults thrown around.
Maybe I shouldn't have come back here

Been waiting for my new computer to come in the mail for a week only to find out that Amazon sent it to my old house all the way in utah (i live in georgia now). My life is over goodbye🙂

So all this comments bitching front end devs seem to come from fresh out of college guys who pride themselves for solving hackerrank moderate problems. Oh you know how to use a backend framework and upvote answers on SO? Gotta be a genius definitely, you surely deserve to be called a developer.

Ugh power's out.

Luckily it's pretty warm out so we're not suffering. I'd normally have a fire going but my fireplace is out of order.

I hauled in my portable generator in the hopes that if I was well prepared the power would come back on and it would have been wasted effort but I may end up running it later to cool down the refrigerator and maybe charge a few batteries.

Hopefully I have power by morning or I'll have a hard time getting our services deployed...

Me waiting for Ubuntu to come out of hibernation...

"If it were easy to nut out tricky design problems, I might be out of a job. But it’s also true that the cleverness in most lateral design doesn’t come from blindly grinding away at the same concept. When you’re dealing with ideas, it’s rarely a matter of simply putting in more time working. Five minutes can be much more fruitful than five hours." - Rob Morris

I am now sitting in my apartment lobby after rushing home this morning because of a FedEx Delivery.

They said they can't get access to the building then how the fuck did this FedEx package get in between when I got back and when I came down?

Now they said there are different trucks... And my service could come later today.

It wasn't even supposed to come today but I guess maybe that's good since I took today off anyway...

Now I'm just stake out here all day and if it's not here..... Im going to aim to make FedEx the next Facebook or Panama Paper PR crisis

Want:
AI that can be smart enough to interface with recruiters and companies during a job search. A way to weed out the shit companies and recruiters.

If they can do this, we can too!

Did I just come up with a service?

There's Proton, there's Electron... I wonder when will Neutron come out. Or better yet, Pion.

When you go to update your Mac think great I’ll go chill out for half hour, let it update and hit restart, then come back to your computer and realise Mamp stopped your computer restarting without entering a password. FFS rookie error put in the password computer restarts to update. “Calculating time remaining...” 40 minutes. I’m so fucking bored right now just staring at the screen and having a rant.

I think one of the most amazing things about being a developer is seeing the abstractions that have come about over time. From having to program in machine code and assembly, to now with languages like Java, where a lot of the boilerplate code is effectively abstracted out by frameworks.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

I threw out the container with all my SATA cables instead of old chargers.

Only have a 10CM one left and need a 15!

Ugh, now to wait a week for a new one to come -,-

that moment when you're driving home and suddenly figure out your bug and don't know when you are able to come back to your code (and have no remote access)...

Starting to hate resharper for visual studio 2015. Pushes studio memory consumption up by almost 1/2gb with a moderately sized solution. Come on jetbrains sort it out we know it's coz you won't integrate with roslyn.

Doesn't help that vs is still 32bit with a 1.5mb memory cap that will kill the process ...... And Microsoft please sort that shit out as well,32bit app on a 64bit system .... Come on WTF.....

You two sort your shit out 😡

has one of you guys ever had an aggressive customer? The type that says to come visit your office to break everything out of anger? I had that experience today.

So after a few struggles on my current uni assignment I’ve come to the realisation I need to change the way I write code, or at least the way I think about the code before I start.

I have a tendency to rush into coding something before I’ve planned it out properly, and over the last couple of days stupid mistakes on my part caused hours of stressing.

Are there any good methods for sitting down and planning stuff like this out, or is it just a case of getting some paper and a pen and writing out the logic etc in whatever way makes sense to you (me)?

Applying for jobs with no experience:
"Ha! So you think you deserve a job? Get out of here! The nerve on you"
Applying for jobs with 2 < years of experience: "Pleeeease come work for us? :3"

That moment when you are stuck trying to figure out what you are actually good at and you come up with nothing.

You know the old adage "cost, speed, quality, pick two."

I've come up with my own.

Shitty jobs you'll forever be stuck in with no way out: unreasonable demands and coworkers that drive you insane, pay below the poverty line, no sleep.

Pick two.
More likely, pick three.

I have come up with a weight loss program with developers in mind. It involves scaring the crap out of your fellow developers while they work and play on a computer. When you are scared you expend a bunch of energy reacting to the scare. Any number of scare tactics can be employed. They can be surprise (jumping out), conversational (your fired type), screamer videos or programs, etc. The type of scare is up to you. Get creative.

I am calling this program: Boo-Lean

You can choose to use this program or not.

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament]: 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
- Charles Babbage

This hurricane fucking sucks. My power was out nearly all day today. It went out at 6ish this morning, and didn't come back on until 4-5ish in the afternoon.

I was coding on my laptop, trying to reproduce the sampling procedures we talked about in AP stats (hoping that I'd better understand the material if I could connect it to stuff I was doing in another class), and there was a piece of syntax I had forgotten over the summer, and it irritated the hell out of me that I couldn't just Google the answer.

Eventually I just drove to a Starbucks and hung out there for about an hour or two till the power came back on. I was terrified the power would just go out again before I got back home.

The speed with which new JS frameworks come out, especially when you only just started to get the hang of the last one...

It gets really depressing when i start to wonder if it's just me who's too slow.

Best! Starting my 1st year at university to learn all this stuff 😃

Worst: listening to the 4th years freak me out about what is to come 😬

svn check out
click start
make 3 course meal
come back

Unreal Engine + third party library adventures part2:

now we gotta parse everything from unreal formats, to the library formats, than back to unreal again... sigh. Why can't it just use normal data formats like everybody else? I mean, come on, strings, ints, vectors etc. they all have standart libraries. why does unreal need to make their own shiet out of it. Just why...

Friend: Hey I am rebasing my commits and got stuck into a weird window and i was not able to come out of it?
Me: It is vi LMAO. Just press `:wq`
Friend: Wait I'm pressing the same but still nothing happened, it is displaying on my screen?

... After 200 messages...
Me: Just close the computer and I am going to Himalayas. Peace

I figured out why FS2020 crashed all the time.

One day when I was just casually playing FS2020, I bluescreened with a watchdog violation. For some reason this corrupted a DLL which was part of my graphics driver which is not required for the output to come out of course. The DLL is “atidxx64.dll”.

Somehow, this went unnoticed.

After digging into the extremely well-hidden crash log I found out that it accuses this DLL file, dug up on it and I saw that it is made by AMD.

Reinstalled the drivers and now it works fine.

FUCK MY LIFE I REDOWNLOADED THIS 95GB SIMULATOR 4 TIMES BEFORE DIVING INTO THIS

Banging my head on my desk because I couldn't figure out why my website was bugging out in mobile mode.....

Come to find out I forgot a closing " ...there's a hour of my life I'll never get back lol

Special thanks to HTML validators lol

Frontend web development is a fucking jungle. I feel like bloody Bear Grylls whenever I come out of my backend cave - shit's overwhelming, yo.

Late night coding, and the important questions come to light, such as "how out of date can a donut be, and still be edible?".

@dfox - I really like the swag store and all, but do you think you could come out with some unique/not-available-on-the-swag-store items for the big milestones?

It just adds to the allure imo!

Thanks for all that you both do!

This motherfucking conference!
I've been waiting for over a day for the fucking notification to come out. The way it is going, were I in Aus the notification would be two fucking days late. If this translates into rejection, I'd like the organizers to drink boiling lava and then get fucked in the arse with frozen lava; cuz the delay is a fucking nerve wracker!

Recently I've come to notice that I keep using my gut feeling every day in perf investigations [and it pans out]. Until now I used to think that "gut feeling" in IT and everywhere else is a synonim for "guessing". Turns out it's not at all that simple.

Damn, that's exciting! Love that spidey-sensey-feeling!! I hope it means I'm getting quite good at what I do.

Incredible that these companies with literally no product, and barely a website (if any) come around offering 100K+ jobs

They have funding out of their ass but literally NO real-world value... it's amazing to me.

Guess it really is not what you can do but who you know.

When you have a lot of work to do and don't want to come out of bed.

But once in awhile, you wake up early, bursting with energy and you think: "Today I'm going to fix every single line of code that looks like a pice of shit!"

4 different software areas face issues I am experienced in resolving. I somehow feel like the down time these last few months is about to come to an abrupt end.

Just as soon as they figure out which one gets me, let's hope it isn't all of them at once.

Sat for a company X, aced 2 out of 3 rounds, final round, I come to know that the company deals with Hardware and I was poaching them about my software skills.

Buh bye. We need only Hardware interested personnel.

Just before I was about to go full pro stud, by rejecting the offer, they slammed the door on me pretty soon.

My family literally knows nothing about development, programming, computer science. It's bad. The closest anyone in my family has come to understanding is a distant cousin, who is an IT lead in Healthcare. His mother told him to call me because some fucking piece of shit at his job purposefully mucked up an internal ASP.net app on his way out. Sure, I had nothing better to do than to phone debug your shitty app with zero context. Great.

My wife is the one who comes closest to understanding in my immediate family* but even she admits when I come home ranting that she has absolutely zero idea what I'm saying.

It great though because I get to use her as a living rubber duck that just stares at me with a blank expression. Then at the end of describing a complex problem I'm trying to sort out she just replies with some encouraging thing like, "I'm certain you'll figure it out."

Fuck this is a long rant. Sorry. I better get back to work.

I'm curious, how many of you ranters out there studied Math at an advanced level to become proficient at programming? Is there a particular field of Mathematics that would improve my programming skill?

Context: I come across a lot of Math I don't understand/never encountered when researching topics such as encryption, hashing, geospatial data handling and randomness. Was wondering if I missed out on some key learning that would make these topics a lot less mysterious. Also, I overheard someone coming up with a mathematical formula to base an algorithm on. I don't think I've ever come up with algos this way.

Is it just me or have the spammers come out of the wood works today?

So i'm working with people from another team to bring about a feature. I was wondering, "how come they're churning out so much shit in so little time!?"

Apparently, they make code, merge request to the release branch, and then do unit tests later.

How do people, in good conscience, think that they can skip unit testing for extremely vital components???

I always find it funny when people fight over certain aspects of Javascript. Like how callback hell is manageable, async functions etc

Do they forget that Javascript itself is a flaming pile of shit language to begin with? The inventor literally created the language in a week, so that should be the base line assumption on how "capable" that language will come out to be.

How come devRant doesn't have an easy way to find out how their API works? I'm reading off of wrappers to figure out what responses may contain and what the endpoints even are arghh

I did it! I've finally figured it out!

I've always had this feeling that AvatarOfKaine reminds me of someone. Todaybit finally hit me - O know who it is!

It's mr. Heckles. Always out of context, talks about hell knows what and every time he says smth the only sensible phrase that wants to come out of your mouth is ".... Anyway...."

The fires in australia killed something like half a billion animals, and it's kind of sad, all that potential barbecue going to waste.

We have the means to solve this. With KNAWWWWLEDGE.

What we do is hook up buckets to a bunch of big ass drones and have some sort of contest to see who can put out the most acreage of fire. People will come from all over for the annual "australian fire olympics."

Shit, put a $1 million dollar bounty on "most acreage put out" stream it on twitch, youtube, netflix, you name it.

Fires would be out in a day or three.

I upgraded a Linux server one time and data that was serialized in yaml stopped being parsed properly.

It turns out the libyaml people decided to change how hashes were handled, which made any previous hashes come back as blank.

A whole database of valid data in dev was coming back invalid in prod. It was maddening.

It took a day to figure out the problem and how to update the data to the new format in rails.

I now serialize in json.

Feels like my body(?) got slower while head's where it's at
I can still chalk out a project's overview, divisions, core-code/logic but actually working on it beyond a point I go "urghhhhhhhhhhhh"

even making model-classes is a chore.. I wonder if that's a sign of something worse to come. Maybe I should go to the gym to improve focus or something T__T

You crazies do whatever you have to do with your little "plan"... but if you mother fuckers take down my internet I will come out of this fucking basement with the rage of fucking Loki and it won't fucking matter to me what side you thought you were on.

I told a junior developer to write a plugin for WordPress to modify behavior of another plugin, and he wrote a plugin that literally overwrites the other plugin's file. WTF are youngsters thought at university these days? How to be lazy? How to go in dumb and come out dumber?

Just spent several hours trying to figure out why a binary file wasn’t being written correctly.

I missed a break statement.

Also it’s been a while since I’ve been here, maybe I’ll actually come back.

When you figure out the solution to a problem you've been having for weeks and then half an hour later you come across a new one 😭

"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."

Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?

All this talk of javascript fatigue, and yet when tools like parceljs come out people still regress to webpack... I don't get it

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. ... All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself."

--Chuck Close

Motivation, inspiration... works for either.

Is it bad that even though I am doing computer science in college I still feel like I am missing a lot of knowledge? Like I’ll come out of college without knowing things that people with information technology will know or things that people with computer engineering will know.

I feel like all the job descriptions out there want me to be a combination of CS, IT and CE.

It’s so crazy to me how my bosses sometimes wake up and it’s like they get in a groupthink that we are stuck on technology from five years ago. The company has grown our paths have simplified, our tools have gotten more powerful.

Everybody forgets that a new feature has come out occasionally, but sometimes for weeks at a time they will go about explaining things the old way, or saying it can’t be done. Then they’ll come back around. This has been on and off for all of this year basically.

Come into work after a 3-day weekend, see a file isn't saved, think it's probably just a random space or something I accidentally added after modifying the crap out of the file and saved for the weekend so I compare the file from the disk to the file in memory. Turns out, I didn't save a single time since I started working on it.
I guess Friday me likes to live dangerously.

Hopefully we will leave the path of shipping tons of crappy software in increasingly shorter periods of time and come back to thought out, well engineered software that actually matters. I would love that.

When you come home enthusiastic and you want to continue on a project you've worked on the entire day, but you forgot to do a git commit at work... *sigh* Out-dated files, missing resources,... Guess I'll have to wait 'til monday..

Uni nowadays be like:

Lecturer says everyone should come up with an idea, find out how much it costs, figure out the competition, write a business plan, find out the development costs and indicate your value proposition. Best idea gets an A.

This is more like trading an A for a potential billion dollar idea.

Out of 24 hours in the day it takes 10 seconds to accept a delivery. How come the delivery person knocks on the door precisely at the same moment I sit down on a pooper..? I mean, it must be a law of nature or smth. It can't be a coincidence...

Is there ever any reason for SINGLE Hibernate SQL query/template to join like 10 different tables, do math, and come out to like 30 lines?

This is not a stored procedure, it's a single SELECT

Everytime I get a call from my society's security guard saying"Sir, you got a courier"... I'm like **devRant, is that you 😍😍**

...then it's always some stupid Amazon delivery my roommates ordered.😐😐😐

🎵🎵🎶🎶
....waiting for devRant to come, wishing I have strength to stand... so meaningful show-offs in plan, but it's out of my control...

Every time I read something on computer (which I haven't previously come across), I can't figure out whether it's a l ( small case letter L) or a I (capital case letter l). Worst case is working with passwords. :(

TeamLeader : "Come two seconds"

TL : "I'd like you to check that out when you do that"

Me: "But it's your job to do this"

TL: "Yeah, but I'd like you to just check in case I forgot"

THEN DO YOUR FKING TASK PROPERLY WHATS THE POINT IF YOU FORGOT AND I DO IT

Edit my english sucks

My burnt out mind has come up with a great argument in favor of procrastination.
If I try to convince it that the work will take few minutes, it would simply reply, "Sure, but after that there is more"

Valgrind! What are you?!!

Knowledge of C is complete only when you come out of Valgrind with 0 errors in 0 contexts.
Definitely lost I am.

In case you are confused, reaffirming that this is a rant and not a statement.

wk8 responses so far have been WEAK.
Most of them follow the format:

I did <some minor mistake> but fortunately I was able to <make a quick fix> within <short period of time> so everything turned out ok.

Come on guys, where are the REAL fuck ups? The ones that got you fired/permanently banned from the company?

I'm not really satisfied with any of the major smarthome systems out there, so I'm making my own and using it as a learning experience. What I've learned so far, is that I suck at naming...

Best thing I can come up with is EasyDIYHome....

Oh come on MySQL driver, returning all values as strings? Really? It's like they went out of their way to be dumb.

VP last week: No you can't have that equipment that fakes out the gps. It's very expensive and not in the budget. Just run valgrind and push your code so we can deploy it.
VP in today's all hands: Guys, if you need test equipment, come ask for it and we'll get you what you need. Not having equipment is not a valid excuse for skipping integration testing.

I found out why my local server kept going offline.

Due to living constraints, it has to be connected to the network via wifi. The cable connecting the wifi card to the computer appears not to work when bent in a specific direction...

Why can't cables that come with things be of good quality?

So, myself an a friend are working on a project together. I leave for a weekend trip, I come back and find out the changelog is out of date like... six versions. I’m the type of person that likes to keep things like this. I had to manually go to the commit history and check when the package.json version was bumbed.

Yesterday, he updated it twice and pushed the versions to server, without updating the changelog. Turns out we accidentally skipped a version and decided to combine the two.

Now I have to find the dates each version was published since I like to do that too. Great fun.

Android Studio is indexing files...

welp... might as well go out and do the grocery shopping, get my hair cut, maybe go to the gym, maybe drive over to the next city and hit the casinos...

and then come back to find that Android Studio is STILL indexing files...

PIECE. OF. SHIT.

You ever get the feeling that you work with a chisel and there's that one colleague that works with a 16lb sledge hammer?

I'll make a nice elegant fix for a problem, they'll struggle to work with it so pound it with a hammer, I'll come back to it and try to iron out some of the dents...

Seriously, wtf give the work to someone else, claiming that "I'm too busy to do this", when all that other person does is come asking you for help, and not only do you have to figure out what needs to be done, you need to figure out how the other person fucked it up and try to fix it without hurting any feelings. Oh, and, yes, I was too busy for doing what is essentially double work.

if cali shuts down that means most tech companies will and if that is the case then pornhub will go down.

I will need all the sexy people in here to help a brother out. I am pretty sexy myself, we can come to a mutual understanding, send nudes buddy's say ME!

I ran out of coffee
Time to make more
I need to up my dosey
For I am a caffeine whore

Come on, find a word that rhymes with coffee and fits in the third line!

Edit: Also, fuck you for finding something that rhymes with coffee. You over IQ'd poetry savant!

I was thinking about how youtube stands as the most used platform for videos, however the more creative/professional oriented platform Vimeo could still establish itself few years later. Same for Facebook and LinkedIn for instance.
So I was wondering how much new ideas could come out following the same reasoning. Any ideas?

Is there anyone from Spain here? More precisely, from BCN?

am I the Only Developer that REALLY HAS BAD TIME MANAGEMENT Skills over long projects like come the fek on brain.

look below only if interested has nothing to do with rant
------------------------------------------->
oh yeah and by the way got a new project out

I'm just going to come out and say it.

I have enough CPU/RAM to spare that any benefit I could get over using Rust instead of a higher level language is far outweighed by how ugly the syntax is.

Types of fear:
1. Gross-out: you come back home and get attacked by an army of centipedes.
2. Horror: you come back home and get attacked by an alligator.
3. Terror: you come back home and realize that every single object was replaced by an exact copy.

Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E? Because he had a vowel movement.

Just found out I got into the early admit & software engineering program at a good school!!! August can't come soon enough

Every time I come across the phrase "I beg your pardon", my mind reads it out to me in the voice of a lady, with a thick British accent. I don't know why.

Some professors at my university just come to the class and read out the pdf/slides.

Now I know how came the idea of Audio Books and Text-to-speech PDF readers !!!

So on Friday I completed my last day of full time employment to break out into the world of freelance. Sunday night my PSU decides life is too hard and cooks itself... Is this a sign of things to come?

AMAZON PRIME ALL THE THINGS!

So turns out android Q got the first Dev preview... Come on Google, you can turn material design 2.0 around and make it look and feel good, I believe in you!!!!

(Material design 2 is what I imagine Fisher price creating)

I always print out a hard copy of whatever code I'm working on, then go through the code and annotate it with a pen until I feel that I have some insight... it's usually either that or I'll just walk away and come back later

Any Kotlin fans out here? What's your favourite feature?

To me: coroutines and the flow API. I can't wait for the state flow and shared flow APIs to be released. Goodbye Rx! It'll come probably in the next release, which might come in a week already, because then JetBrains (Kotlin developer) hosts their online alternative to KotlinConf.