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My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!
Me: What? What did you do?
My friend: Nothing I swear!
Me: But you were last on it?
My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.
Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!
My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /
Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!
My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?
Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?
My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.
Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE35 -
Friend: So you're a programmer? You must be good in hacking WiFis and sht.
Me: Uhm..
Friend: Can you hack my PayPal account using HTML?
Me: Say no more.
13 -
Me: You know what my least favorite programming language is?
Friend: HTML?
Me: No that's not a programming language
Friend: ohh haha I forgot its like Pluto20 -
My friend: OMG OMG OMG My laptop is dead!
Me: What do you mean it's dead? It doesn't even turn on?
My friend: Nooo, it does nothing?
Me: Are you sure it's plugged in?
My friend: Yesss
Me: You sure?
My friend: Yess, it's actually plugged into a multiple socket thingy...
Me: And that thing is plugged in to the wall..?
My friend: Well duh!
Me: And did you turn the switch on?
My friend: Of course I....oh, wait!! Never mind!!!!!
Me: >:/5 -
Friend of mine: why are you always so grammar nazi-ish?
Me: well, it's in my job name...
Friend: ?!?
Me: pro-grammer :P
(Yes, I know that word isn't gramatically correct!)6 -
This is Why I give IT support so much respect.
Friend: my computer stopped working can you help?
Me: (porn...again) fine I'll help.
Friend: come over when your ready
Me: Be there tomorrow bro
Next day.....
Me: where is your desktop
Friend: upstairs, I tried everything man
Me: look at the monitor... look at the hp piece of shit.. see green light on... look back at the monitor...no light... look at my friend.
Friend: 😕
Me:😪
Friend:😳
Me: look behind the desk...
Friend: 😰
Me: 😪your monitor is unplugged
Friend: 😅
Me: fuck you lose my number4 -
Friend: Hey, I managed to build my own UI.
Me: That's great, which programming language did you use?
Friend: Filezilla.
Me: No, I mean the language. The language you code in to build your UI ?
Friend: Notepad ++
KILL ME.9 -
Tech support to my friend:
Friend: Root my phone!
Me: why
Friend: play store is not working
Me: why do u want to root for that?
Friend: is there any other option?
Me: give me ur phone
After 20 sec ...
Me: Sign in to ur Google account 😐😐3 -
My friend just made an awkward joke
Me: I couldn't get Postgres working on ubuntu
Friend: How bout installing GET-gres
Me: (awkward silence)7 -
Me to my friend into coding : Hey! I’m finally learning to code at university!
Friend : Nice! Never Forget array start at 0. Which language are you learning?
Me: Matlab
Friend : I don’t know you13 -
Friend: You are a computer engineer right?
Me: Yeah
*In my head: Dont ask me if I can hack someone's facebook account.
Friend: Can you hack steam and buy games for free??
FML 😑🔫11 -
Friend: pls come out on my yacht, you can work from there..
Me: what about power and wifi?
Friend: it has 240v and 4G
Me: 😦😁
7 -
Friend: Atom
Me: Vs Code
Friend: Light theme
Me: Dark theme
Friend: I believe there's some kind of energy that rules our destiny.
Me: Haha, seriously, no
Friend: (Starts telling me about some proposal of how he's going to build something).
Me: Yeah that's not going to work.
Friend: (Gets angry and proceeds to explain his idea on a whiteboard)
Me: Ahhhh yeah, sure it looks great
Friend: Dammit!!
Me: (I start telling him about some proposal of how I'm going to build something).
Friend: Yeah that's not going to work.
Me: (I get angry and proceed to explain my idea on a whiteboard)
Friend: Ahhhh yeah, sure it looks great.
Me: Dammit!!
If we didn't have such a solid friendship, I think we'd hate each other by now hahaha15 -
Story time:
I was hanging around with my friend:
Me: Gosh, this waiting is killing me!
Friend: You're programmer - aren't you used to waiting?
Me: :|
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He's right4 -
Friend: "You are good with computers right?"
Me: "Yes...."
Friend: "Can you put an eye on my computer? Mint crash at every startup"
Me: (Oh Linux! For this time ok) "Yeah, show me"
My friend open the pc...
Pc: "KERNEL PAAAAANIC!"
Me: ".... WTF!?"
Friend: "Can you repair this?"
Me: (shit.)
That was a long day...
(My friend closed the lid without the drivers and then the pc from the standby did not wake up correctly)6 -
Friend: Why do you always listen to metal music when coding?
Me: So that if non-programmers saw me smashing my keyboard, they will understand better why I did so.
Friend: Fair point.....3 -
Friend: Why don't you just quit your job?
Me: I want to, I just can't right now, it would cause too many issues.
Friend: oh really? Will it affect your health insurance or pension?
Me: No my office is the shipping address for my new iPhone. Haven't got it yet.
Friend: Oh ffs .... seriously?7 -
I get depressed during times like this.
Me: *does a keyboard shortcut*
Friend: Woaw, are you good on computers?
Me: yea.
Friend: CAN YOU HACK?
Me: yea...
Friend: WHATS MY PASSWORD?
Me: I don't know your password.
Friend: You can't hack then.9 -
Friend - Hey man, why so angry?
Me - Nothing on my fucking page is
styling correctly!
Friend - Lemme see your code...
You know you forgot the
semicolon on your first CSS
line right?
Me - ... OH FUUUCCCKKK3 -
Stack overflow helped one million developers exit vim.
Meanwhile, my friend struggling with notepad++.4 -
Friend: can you take a look at me code?
Me: sure, it's all shit!
Friend: You didn't even look!?
Me: did you write the code?
Friend: yes...
Me: well, I don't have to look, I can smell ur shitty code!5 -
Friend: My other friend said he hacked into the Pentagon, can you do it?
Me: ummm No
Friend: So you are not really a good developer then?
Me: ummm No...I guess
Friend: well I'm hanging out with that guy then, he is showing me ways to make hundreds of $ a day online.
Me: sigh...5 -
Friend: i need to do a game for my final project, can you help me out?
Me: sure, what language?
Friend: english
Me: ...2 -
Friend: "your game design is not professional enough"
Me: Hold my beer.
[End Result : https://imgur.com/a/ZDLDQ]
Friend: "How the fuck?"15 -
Trying to explain my job to friend who don't know computers.
Friend: So what do you do?
Me: Well they call me a "DevOps Engineer", but really I am just a Release or Automation Engineer.
Friend: What is that?
Me: Well I assist developers build and deploy their code as well as write code to automated the whole process and build the virtual servers.
Friend: So you like program?
Me: Kinda...
Friend: Dude can you write an app for me, got some ideas!
Me: (blinks) no.6 -
Friend: you're good with computers right?
Me: sure..
Friend: great so i signed up for this site that likes posts and i think they hacked my account
Me: ok... and?
Friend: well since you're good with computers do you think you could hack my account back?
Me: goodbye
People suck4 -
I "Git Pushed" my friend to "git commit" with a girl he likes for long time
But now my other friend wants to "git rebase" on top of her ....WTF
Now need to resolve this merge conflict 😂😂😂7 -
Friend brings over a Windows 8 all in one laptop.
Friend: Can you fix my laptop
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: I thought you worked with computers.
Me: I do... but I'm not tech support
Friend: Please?
Me: (reluctantly) Fine.
*many hours later after attempting to get the PC to boot from a USB. WHY DOES THIS PC NOT HAVE A KEY TO ENTER THE GOD DAMNED BOOT MENU AND HAS NO BOOT ORDER SELECTION?????!*
Friend: Have you fixed it?
Me: No
Friend: You suck at computers
Me: ....
Never spoke to him again.8 -
Friend : What about a place where you can share images ?
Me : Instagram !
Friend : chatting ?
Me : whatsapp, messenger, etc
Friend : file sharing
Me : Dropbox
Friend : sharing videos ?
Me : youtube
Friend : mail with all above features
Me : google
Friend : I hate my life6 -
So a friend of mine asked me today "got any proposals?"
Me: "yeah, in fact I got two of them"
Friend: "... Nice!"
Me: "yeah. Both were from my client"
Friend bursts out laughing.1 -
Me: Hey can I take a byte
Friend: Sure, here
*Gives toast*
*bites 8 pieces*
Friend: Dude I said 1 not eight!
Me: You said I can take a byte :(
Based off my imagination6 -
Friend ask me,
Friend: are all developers single?
Me: of course not
Friend: you sure?
Me: yep
Friend: then why you single?
Me: because i am a developer
Friend: what?
Me: nah im just joking, when i find the girl that can understand my code i know she's the one.
Friend: I hope theres someone that can understand that.43 -
Friend: "what is the answer to this question?"
Me: "${answer}"
Friend: "yes, what is the answer?"
Me: "my bad"
Me: `${answer} is the answer`
Friend: "thanks man" -
friend: *sees me using linux on my laptop* oh hey u got the same desktop as my boyfriend's
me: "really? hes using linux mint too? since when did he change from windows to linux?"
friend: "whats linux?"
me: "this" *shows some features*
friend: "oh i thought it was just the background picture......"7 -
Saw this from a friend of a friend of a friend and made my own meme.
2 unit tests 0 integration tests. Hacky code to fix it.
3 -
A conversation with my friend:
Me: Sure, I’ll whitelist you. What’s your IP?
Friend: I think it’s localhost.
Me: ...5 -
Friend : I will do this when I get back from work.
Me : But you are working from home, aren't you?
Friend : Yes, but I am at work, right now.
Me: And how does your route back home look like?
Friend : I switch input source from my work's laptop to gaming rig.6 -
Me and my friend in class:
My friend: my computer won't boot can you do something ?
Me: *looks at the screen*
*see he is in the bios*
*press CTRL+ALT+DEL*
*computer reboots into windows*
My friend: :02 -
Friend: I really dont see how Java and JavaScript are different
Me: *Several minutes explaining the differences
Friend: Ok, ok, but if i write 'JAVA' scripts, im a JavaScript programmer right?
Me: No, you're an asshole3 -
My Friend: putt all the code into one huge file
Me: hey, there is an issue
Friend: go fix it by yourself
Me: Where is it
Friend: Don't know
There weren't even comments 😡2 -
Friend: Do you have a cable you can spare, so that I can charge my phone?
Me: Unless you have a type-c (port), yes.
Friend: No, I have Samsung.
Me: 😂😂😂😂
Friend: 😅7 -
As a side project, I've been helping out a friend build a website for free.
friend: I need more of your commitment for this project. We're about to get a huge client!
Me: Yeah you've been saying that for a year. Dude, I just don't have time to waste in projects that are not givine me any money.
friend: HOW DARE YOU! ARE YOU BLACKMAILING ME?!?!
ugh... not my friend anymore10 -
Friend : So you're a computer programmer?
Me : Yes
Friend : Can you install Windows in my laptop??6 -
My friend ask me what this method do?
Me : It's self explaning method bro ;)
Friend : doNothing() ???? 🤔🤔
4 -
My friend after five tries:
<p>yeuahhhhh bitchessss</p>
Also my friend:
Whew, that was hard. At least now I'm officially a hacker2 -
*My friend texting me*
Friend: wtf
My brain: w tf
My brain again: tf
My brain again: import tensorflow as tf
😂😂am brain dead3 -
So my old friend was in introduction to computers about 5 years ago.
My Teacher: Alright, go to the Desktop and start Photoshop.
My Friend: Where is the Desktop?
My Teacher: It's the Start Screen, like when you log on.
Everyone died laughing and he still hasn't lived it down.2 -
Friend: 'im really anxious, i need a job this summer and i dont know if i can find one with my stack'
Me:'why, whats your stack?'
Friend:'php, mysql, javascript'
Me:'...DUDE'6 -
When i'm in a coffe-shop, i always have the same thoughts:
"Hello, friend.
Hello, friend?
That's lame.
Maybe I should give you a name, but that's a slippery slope.
You're only in my head."1 -
Installs Ubuntu 16.04
Try to put my favorite software installed.
Reboot failed, drops to BusyBox shell.
Me thinking : I fucked up.
Friend walks by, couldn't read shit.
Friend: Look at his kid, he's trying to hack into someone's computer.
Me: (Agrees just for reputation) Yeah, damn teachers been giving me bad grades.
Friend: Could you help me too?
Me: (Don't have hacking experience, making shit up) NO, because your not my best friend. And school security is hard to crack.
Got away safely1 -
Never NEVER accept friend request from other area.
A guy from the sales department sent me 10 messages through Facebook to give priority to him because he is my friend.
S**k it Manolo.3 -
Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
Friend: Is this Nvidia GTX 440 a good graphics card?
Me: idk
Friend: if i get it how do i put it in my computer
Me: idk
Friend: but you are a programmer
Me: exactly, i am not an engineer9 -
I just got my first developer job woohoo :)
I told some friend of a friend that I'm gonna be a programmer, and he responded with: "Oh, you mean, like, computer stuff?"
😑1 -
osu-web devs: we use PHP because it just works *stabs in vagrant*
My webdev friend + my crazy ASP.NET Friend: hold my beer
*proceeds to refactor everything to ASP.NET and stabs in Docker*
welp, thats enough social interaction for today -
Friend: oh so you are a programmer?
Me: yeaaa..
Friend: great! Im having problem with the wifi connection on my phone.. Can you help me fix it?
Me: (( _ _ ))..zzzZZ2 -
Im so pissed that my company interviewed a friend i referred and ended up hiring 3 other people just as qualified if not less instead. Really wanted to have that friend as a coworker.2
-
My definition of hell?
Being forced to debug nested callbacks abusing global variables & closures generated from from reflection...6 -
Just introduced my best friend to devRant! Immediately enthusiastic! Welcome on board mate :). @CoffeeAllDay !2
-
Throughout my friend groups, I’ve been the only one interested in computers. I wish I had a programmer friend to hang out with :(13
-
When I still in college one of my friend called me
Friend : you major is CS right?
Me: yeah
Friend : I want to buy a new PC
Me : cool
Friend :just to check with you what is the price for a 512M memory?
Me : ......2 -
r u kidding ? making friends from coding?
:( Since I started coding.. My friend circle went small and small and small..
Its like I friend with coding now :)1 -
wk83 for me like,
The one on the left is my Colleague from work for past 3 years. We have worked with each other on a dozen projects. Tough challenges all the way.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And that thing on the right is `my friend`.
Code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Friend
2 -
Friend: "Why isn't my screen turning on with my computer?"
Me: "It's not plugged in."
Friend: "Yes it is. It has power" -
I'm I the only one who talks to an imaginary friend when debugging 🌚🌚
In my defense my imaginary friend helps me see things in a different perspective and most times I end up fixing my bugs2 -
Okay so my friend got me kingdom come deliverance for my day of birth and ive been playing it nonstop (the game not my friend). This shit is so cool, its skyrim without all the annoying parts AND YOU CAN FUCKING DIE HERE FINALLY. I love medieval stuff.6
-
I found this funny, or my dev-humor is just really bad :>
Friend: Ugh
Friend: Java and BlueJ.
Friend: Why you indicate relationships between classes that have no relationships.
Friend: Fu BueJ
Me: It's called a crush :wink:
Me: *badum-tssss*
Precision: As in having a crush on a person, but no relationship :)1 -
rant/rant update
The same friend from my previous fb rant
https://devrant.com/rants/1338708/...
sends me this 😑
1 -
Friend (Computer Science student) - Dual boot my Windows 10 with Ubuntu
Me - I will, but chances are something bad may happen. Mostly it does not. I advise you to backup everything first.
Friend - But I don't even have an external hard drive.
Me - So what do you want me to do?
Friend - Forget it. I'll figure how to do my work in Windows
Me - But how else are you going to learn?
Friend - Ain't nobody got time for that!2 -
My previous boss. He is a very cool guy. He treat us lunch and dinner sometimes. We always have a conversation topic like existentialism and being in a subconscious state of mind, because most people I met is just very basic. He also owns an office where we are all working in. we watch porn together at night, gossip about hot girls nearby the office area and curse a lot. I love laid back person like him. Also he's humble as fuck.5
-
A friend went to a financial corp for a data analytic position. The interviewer proudly told him that they just got a new toy, and it's called Hadoop. My friend almost fainted.
2 -
Not dev but, enough for the story. Had an assignment to create a hashtable for my DS course. Asked a friend how he managed resizing and the load factor
Friend= tablesize*50
Me= what...
Friend= space complexity what... -
So this is my conversation with my friend today, I feel so dumb.
*out of curiosity, after seeing his PC application*
me: Hey bro what make the GUI so simple what you use?
friend: theek hai.
me: Seriously bhai, what you use?
friend: I just told you ! I said theek hai!
me: *confused and thinking,*, what library for which language ?
friend: python bro.
me: *finally realise* you mean TK? omg..
friend: that's I was saying bro.
well i messed up hindi and english what is wrong with me?4 -
friend : can you help me modifying my client's website? It's a company profile website so no complicated stuff.
me : let me see...
*it's bulit on opencart*
me : wtf
friend : exactly 😂1 -
My friend tried to disassemble FakeSMC (hackintoshers where are u at) into assembly code.
My friend: yo dude, let's look at FakeSMC's ASM!
Me: u stoopid or wut
My friend: don't worry, it's gonna be so much fun!
Me friend after an hour and an accidental modification the the file through ASM: bro i need your help, my hackintosh won't boot and I need your backup13 -
My first internship.
The webdev department for a engineering company is in the basement. I was given a cubicle near the middle by the wall. The ceiling light was broken so I had to work in the dark... It was a 7-4 with no pay nor do they cover any expenses. I did manage to use the experience and got a job offer at a 'proper' software company in the end. -
(In-class, listening to friend)
Friend: I've programmed games before & deployed them. (Summed up)
Me: Cool! What did yo-
Teacher: Get into groups and make a quick access app for the school.
Friend: Hmm.. I'll ask my friend how to do this.
Me, silently annoyed: If you've made a game & deployed it... This should be decently easy for you... *facewall*1 -
I just had to re-run some old scripts written in python, after a year and a half without using the language. Much spaghetti code, but strangely inebriating. 😯
-
Working in an open space environment.. why not discussing as louder as you can about "why eclipse doesn't show the list of classes which implements the interface X"!!
-
Today my friend told me that it's part of our job to calmly and politely explain to our non-tech manager about the tech things (tradeoffs, risks, possibilities, etc.).
And I answered him: but my manager is techy, his title is literally "technical manager".
My friend: oh... shit. -
Just got to know a good friend of my best friend who happens to be an it guy as well - he might move in with me soon - I somehow feel young again :)
-
!!rant
Just spent a week creating a distributed api architecture which I found out won't work due to a singular issue which can't be solved - not unless I hack stuff to a degree where I might as well write my own frameworks.
I've been aiming the user application's requests towards my wsgi, which based on a custom header will proxy it towards the correct api. Each customer base has their own api and dataset, but they all visit the same address.
I've handled CORS manually, just picking up when there's an options request, asserting the origin, then returning the correct headers. Cool everyone's happy. Turns out, socket.io includes session id and handshake info as part of their options preflight, which I can't pair with my api header (or cookie, for that matter) which means my wsgi doesn't know where to send it. You get a 400! You get a 400! You get a 401! </oprah>
So my option is to either roll my own sockets engine or just assign each api to a subdomain or give it some url prefix or something. Subdomains are probably pretty clean and tidy, but that doesn't change having to rewrite a bunch of stuff and the hours I spent staring at empty headers in options preflights.
At least this discussion saved me some time in trying to make it work. One of my bad habits is getting in those grooves of "but surely... what the hell, surely there's a way. There has to be"
https://github.com/socketio/... -
Friend, jestingly: Gabe I did a hack, I edited the html on my browser and sent a pic to my boss so that it wouldn't look like I was 20 minutes late
Me, seriously: Friend that's literally 99% of IRL hacking. Human error.
Friend, who is positive about humanity, unlike me: why do you disappoint me like this -
Trying to help my friend fix his Microsoft Office over the phone.
Friend: 'I seem to be having some trouble installing Office'
Me: 'What version are you trying to install?'
Friend: 'Windows 10' -
**in police station**
Officer: What happened?
My friend : He punched me, sir! This man has broken my jaw!
O : Why did you punched your friend?
Me : He asked about my love life sir.
O : So?
Me : that's a kitbag question.
O : wha-?
Me :
1 -
Today's achievement, has successfully told my friend to create an account in Devrant. Guess what? My friend instantly love it.2
-
have you ever experienced this in postgresql? Remove unique constraint in table, end up remove all data on table. My friend experience this issue this morning. Is it possible? or due my friend clumsiness?4
-
!dev
The conversation with my friend.
friend: "So you are getting a new Job?"
me : "Yea, maybe I will start a business tho. btw , what you do for a living now?"
friend: "I fap for living."
me: "aacha? come on serious."
friend :"serious only I am telling. I donate my sperm for RM150 per sample."
me: "WTF"
friend: "yeap. and that's how I made more virgin marry with my donation."
me: "YUCKS, stop it."
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