My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:

Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!

YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!

Today at work, still laugh thinking back to it!

We were on lunch break but the linux support engineers who are on the phones as well have to pick up calls anyways (very small team).

*engineer walks to the table, sits down: Ahhh rest, finally!*
*tringggggggggg*
*engineer pulls a face like 'oh for fucks sake' and walks back to his desk*
*puts headphones on and clicks the answer button just as it disappears*
"really!?! Alright lets finally eat now"
*sits for literally one second*
*tringgggggggggg*
*Engineer seems quite pissed off now. walks to his desk again, puts on headset, clicks the answer button JUST as the call stops again*
"Mother of god, fucking really?"
*stays as his desk for a minute or so, walks back, stays hovering above his chair for a little and finally sits down again*
"Finall......"
*TRINGGGGGGGGGGGG*
"MOTHERFUCKER. THESE GUYS TIME IT OR SOMETHING!?!?"
*walks back to his desk very frustrated this time*
*puts on headphones very quickly and presses the answer button*
*answer works but the call is literally dropped the second he starts it (it was a real client)*

"OH FOR FUCKS FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING SAKE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"

*walks back to table again and sits down. Takes sandwich and....*

*TRINGGGGGGGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*

"FUCKING COCKSUKING MOTHERFUCKING PIECES OF WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK EVER"

*gives a deadly look to another engineer: "I am NOT going to take it this time! En-fucking-joy."*

We laughed so hard xD

That moment when you ask your friend if he/she has plugged it in and they say yes and your answer is ”send a picture” and they respond with this....

My boss saw me tweaking some css via chrome devtool on a prod website.
"Oh, isnt that our html code ? So every one could see it ? You should find a way to hide it, this is not an open source project!"
Didnt even knew how to answer ._.
This not how it works ...

"42", the answer to life, the universe and everything, is the decimal representation for "*" in the ascii table. Got it? How cool is that?

There's a fine line in stack overflow.
If you ask something too complicated, nobody will answer it.
However if it's too easy, you got downvoted immediately.🤔

Phone rings, IT guy next to me answer. I didn't listen what the user said.

IT: Hi, what can I do for you?
User: ...
IT: Ok, try with 123456
User: ...
IT: What's the name of the network?
User: ...
IT: Hmm, I don't know that network
User: ...
IT: HOW THE @#$% WOULD I KNOW YOUR HOME WIFI PASSWORD?!!!

Searched stackoverflow and found the exact issue I was having. The question is from 2014.

The accepted answer is a messy hack. Fuck.

The second answer is clean, clear, concise. It was posted 38 minutes ago.

Is this real life?

So I got an answer on Stack overflow

Answerer basically said "finding the error is tedious so I re-wrote your code"

They changed about 15 lines in their answer. I combed over it and found that I needed just one.

I put an answer myself, saying which line was missing (as the other answer didn't highlight the actual solution, and rather re-implemented my code)

My clear, concise answer was deleted by moderator for "Not adding anything new" (Except what the exact answer was to my problem, I guess)

Not my fucking problem. Make your own Q&A site harder to use, as if I give a fuck.

Is it OK to make chewing noise when eating in the office a meter away from your colleagues?

I have the answer for you my friend:
.
.
.
ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO.

Damn devrant, the double tap to ++ feature has me addicted.
Now I'm double tapping answers on Quora
1. Realize it doesn't work
2. Go to next answer
3. Repeat 😐

I am a long time lurker on stackoverflow. There was a time I was stuck on an obscure error for so long but finally light shone when I found an answer to that problem on stackoverflow.

Overjoyed, all I wanted is to leave an upvote for the answer; before I realised that you need a +15 reputation before you can do (I know I am late in this game)

So I worked my way to that 15 and it was a tedious one. Stackoverlords deleting my answer, voting no to my edit and reverting another over petty reasons

I fought back by flagging my deleted answer with my reasons and alas the community backed me up by upvoting my answer (which was revived),the original answer poster approved my edit and @me a thank you comment. I was elated

And it is today, I got my +15. That I could finally pay back and upvote the answer from my benefactor

When you copy a big answer from StackOverflow and it works perfectly, but then you feel bad for a split second that you just copied the whole thing and didn't do anything creative :(

After my third job rejection I've finally found the answer. It kinda satisfies me...

Went blank when interviewer asked me do I know KITT. I knew that he didn't mean Knight Rider, but I could not think of anything sensible in the few seconds I had time to answer the question so I answered NO. Interviewer said that it is a basic requirement for the job and it seemed that I lacked the basic skill needed for the job.

Needless to say I didn't get the job. Later that day as I was telling my friends about the interview they seemed really confused....

"... but you know GIT very well. You use it on a daily basis. Why did you answer NO ?"

Damn, blew my interview on pronounciation issue :/

>me on stackoverflow
>a nice question
>i provide a 3 line code with explanation
>comment: 'doesnt work, throws exception'
>i run the code and provide a screenshot that it works
>'doesnt work for me'
>19 line code gets accepted

10/10, would answer again

Asked Google Assistant what it knew about me. Didn't expect this answer but surprisingly point on.

All that neural and machine learning is paying off in a seriously creepy way.

BTW new to the community, first post and loving it!

The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.

IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.

I guess everyone should answer it.

I really, really hate it when someone has a problem/question, and I really dedicate my heart and soul to write a really good answer that even a stupid person would understand - with drawing, explanations and shit. And they answer is just:
"Thanks"
"Ok"
"I dont get it"
"Can you please do it"
"you spelled that wrong"

posted a question to StackOverflow this morning

three hours later I fix it myself and add my own answer with the solution

now they're both downvoted to -2 with no other comments. wtf SO?

I spent three hours coding some algorithm and then looked it up on Stack Overflow out of curiosity. Big surprise. Someone did the exact same thing but more effeciently, and had all the code in his answer on SO.

Ughhhhhhhh 😓

Dear, Random guy that I wrote you an answer on StackOverflow.

I spent 15 minutes GOOGLING the issue for you because you either were fucking lazy or don't know how to use Google.

I wrote an answer for you on your shitty question with -2 rep explaining how to solve the issue and you just replied thanks and didn't even bother to either upvote or accept my answer. Not only did I solve your question I did it to bloody help you and here you are with your attitude not accepting my answer, and replying with thanks that i feel like you didn't care for me writing your answer. You can bloody hell burn in hell. I hope there is a special place for you and people like you that magically go missing and never come back

> Open Quora
> Read highly upvoted answer that in essence says "ping - t localhost to make internet speed faster by 'sucking the wifi'"
> Realize that senior at office has upvoted it
> Jump out of the window

I'm not sure if this counts as a rant, but I'll proceed anyway.

So it's been very long since I've used AngularJS and recently I had to use it for some new project. I had to pass data across the states without showing it in the URL. Remembering solving that that thing before, I straight away Googled and got a Stackoverflow question with accepted answered. Delighted, I've gone through it and realising that I didn't up vote that answer, clicked on the up vote button. But as it turns out, I CANNOT up vote it. Not because I didn't have enough reputation, but because it was MY OWN ANSWER!

I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad :/:/:/

I love it when I spend 20+ minutes answering someone's question on the Stack and they don't even bother accepting my answer, or upvoting. I'm gonna give up on that website soon.

Answer from 3rd party software company: "we can't fix these bugs because it requires development on our side".. hehe, yeah, no shit 😂

> Bang head against issue for days
> Finally get help from lead
> Watch them bang their head against it on video for 40 minutes
> Watch them shake their head in disbelief at how difficult to follow and objectively wrong the existing code is
> Talk through approach to fixing it and patching in the new functionality
> Listen to a short recap
> Ask question, get answer
> Chat about next company meet
> Meeting adjourns
> Jot down implementation notes before I forget
> Remember answer to question, forget everything else

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUU 😭

SO: How to ... in JavaScript?

Answer: use jQuery!

SO: How to ... in JavaScript without jQuery?

Answer: use jQuery!

Me: ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I hate j-f*cking-query, I don't want to learn it!!

the ultimate dick move: invite your dev to a meeting, scheduled a few weeks ahead, with title "performance issues", without any further comments or notice in advance. when dev, seeing this invitation and feeling kicked right in the face, asks if this meeting is about a certain project or their individual working performance, just answer "both" without any further comments. if they have any more questions about it, just tell them you have no time to answer because meetings.

Every developers dream to answer in the same way to their cleints face

Note: it is a paid app

Why THE FUCK does the StackOverflow Community answer any JS related question with a solution containing jQuery - sometimes even without mentioning it?

Gosh - it's 2017 use Vanilla or at least a modern libary!

For the new episode of the devRant Podcast we're working on, we'd like to take questions for a new Q + A segment we're going to try. So if you have any questions you'd like me (dfox) or trogus to answer, ask it in a comment here. They can be about devRant, us, life, anything really! We'll
pick our favorites and answer them in the episode.

Wtf is wrong with stackoverflow I asked a question I get it’s not easy to understand it to answer

But your instead trying to fix my grammar and punctuation! Wtf! It’s 100% readable

People on stackoverflow are obnoxious dicks

My first AI program in the 1985 on Apple IIe (64kb ram computer) was answering simple questions with yes and no. Everyone were shocked with precision of about 100% when I was typing and 70-80% when others were typing. My parents were scared and skeptical. How it works? Store the time between the first key pressure and the following, when it is larger than 1 second the answer is yes, otherwise no. They say the question, you know the answer and type accordingly. When they want to write the question themselves, you try to force their typing speed if possible. I was 12 years old and it was very funny.

Welcome to devrant, the community where you can personally ask the devs what the fuck just went wrong AND get an actual answer! @dfox

Facebook, take that idea about only community support, chew on it, plant it, water an care for it a couple of weeks, and shove it waaaay up your butthole!

The longer I work in IT, the longer it takes me to answer tech questions.

In my jr days I was confident and used to blab out the first thing [solution] that came to my mind. But now.. Now I tend to require a few minutes to think about the question, the problem, possible solutions, weight out their pros and cons and only then can I start answering.
If I don't wait, I usually tend to regret rushing as a better answer comes to me a few minutes later

is it just me getting old? Or do you have the same thing?

So I'm on stack overflow trying to give back to the community that has helped me so much yanno.

So I see a question and decide to answer it but I'm on my mobile and trying to write a well formatted etc. answer is a bit tricky so instead I thought I would answer it as best I could on the phone so at least the OP would be going in the right direction and then when I got back to my computer, I would expand on the answer.

But before I had a chance (within 10 minutes of answering) some 200k+ rep dickhead decided it was his job to tell me how bad I was for not giving a proper answer and i have enough rep to comment and I should know better.

So I responded to him (my first mistake) and told him that my answer was intended to get him going and most likely he wouldn't need any more help but that I was going to update it when I got back to my computer.

Well he didn't like that and continued to berate me for my unbelievable behavior.

I then said that if he was that upset, then report me, or even better how about he actually answer the question instead of being a fuckwit to others that have tried.

I also said that I thought that SO and development in general was not about being given the answer but by finding it yourself and actually learning something and that sometimes you need to be pushed it the right direction to find the answer which is what I did here.

Well he disagreed with that too and downvoted my answer which by that point had been updated (like I said I would).

I just don't get it, what is wrong with these people and why has SO become such a toxic place?

I want to give back to the community and help others like people have done for me over the years, but then fuckheads like this just ruin it and make you not want to be a part of it anymore.

Then I come here to devRant and everyone is so nice to each other, you can see the respect.

Damn you stackoverflow!

Why can't we declare an answer as outdated or deprecated or just plain out wrong!

I like that you have so many questions, yet when the correct solution is a 0-upvoted by a 0-rep user hidden at the very bottom between a huge amount of wrong answers and whereas the *accepted* yet wrong answer has upvotes that are skyhigh, it just wastes my time.

All that is achieved is a feedback loop enforcing a faulty answer will accumulate ever more upvotes. And waste somebody else's time in the future as well.

I cannot add the correct information, as that would harm the author's intent. I cannot edit the faulty answer to state that there is a better answer, as that would be an attempt to reply. I can downvote it, yet that just a tiny drop on a very hot stone.

All I can do is add a comment pointing to a correct answer, yet that is easily overlooked.

Come on, stackoverflow! This is madness!

When you answer to your own question and mark it as the best answer. 😎

>Answered my first question on SO
>Comment: "It's a wrong answer"
>Me: "Do you mind telling me why, so i can fix it? It could still help the op"
>
>
>

I see. You were quick to tell me I was wrong, but don't tell me why. Alright then.

Trying to find the answer to a question for angular 2.
If it was posted yesterday it's probably outdated.

The most embarrassing moment is when you look at an answer in StackOverflow and think "Which stupid wrote this answer?" and look at the name only to realize that it was YOU!!!

When someone asks me a stupid question,
I always answer:
You have the Knowledge of the Entire world and human race in your pocket,
FUCKING USE IT! DONT ASK ME! GOOGLE IT! BING IT! WHATEVER! JUST DONT ASK ME!

Ok, I'm adding devrant.com, reddit.com and youtube.com to my hosts file for the next weeks

Damn procrastination

PS: If I answer or ++ any of your comments, it means I failed. You devs can hold me accountable for that, thank you!

When your question on StackOverflow has more than 5 upvotes and an accepted answer with around 10 upvotes, and then some asshole moderator decides it is a duplicate and deletes it.

if (questionAsked) {
retuen "It depends...";
}

I hate it I hate it I hate it

But it's true because there are a fuckton of factors that determine the answer to a question and nobody ever knows all of them.

I can rarely answer a question from classmates or non-techs without saying that it depends or that there are multiple options.

"Are statics ever good?" It depends
"Should I inject this dependency?" It depends
"Should I google every question first?" It depends

I fear giving a whole answer without knowing the details or at least seeing the code. I've come across multiple XY problems and I'm glad I took the time to look at some code first.

So I deside instate of only going to stackoverflow to ask questions. Am ganna try to answer one !
It has been 2 days and I basically stopped all of work trying to help this guy . Finally I did and no thank you what so ever !!

Hey junior... when I'm asking a question it's not the answer I'm looking for.... It's your thought process! Just tell me the things you will not do and we can take it from there!

One of the biggest barriers to the wide(r) scale adoption of functional programming languages like Haskell, F#, and Scala is how snooty and condescending your average FP developer is. And beginner-unfriendly.

Ask them a question about an intermediate topic (in my case, the Free monad) you're likely to get a whole torrent of category theoretic rubbish in return.

This is a common pattern I see when "experts" answer questions.

Now, it didn't bother me much because I've studied a fair amount of category theory and can usually follow such answers, but, for the sake of the general case, I'd like to shove these rules into the heads of everyone writing an answer to a question (not just FP):

1. If you can't illustrate a concept clearly without going into verbal diarrhoea with phrases like "monad homomorphism" and "just a monoid in the category of endofunctors" then you clearly haven't understood it properly (unless, of course, the answer absolutely requires it). An answer is not the place to show off your knowledge of a topic.

2. Please remember that everyone was a beginner at some point. Including you. Understand that some concepts can be extremely frustrating at first and yet incredibly simple after you grok them (eg. monads).

3. If the person asking the question is a beginner, using complex concepts in an answer just because it's a more "elegant" way to explain it doesn't really help them. They are more likely to get confused and drop the topic.

(Kudos to those people who give highly relevant, insightful, simple, and intuitive answers, you guys are the best).

I am searching Google for a strange error message I have in my program. Find one stack overflow thread from a couple of years ago with one answer approved by the OP and upvoted a remarkable amount of times.. I am reading the question and it is exactly my problem...to the point. So I am reading the answer and it works and solves my problem and I am happy. Let's see who is the OP of the thread .... Um, what? No?! It's me?!?! And who posted the answer to the question? What??? Also me?!?! Guess I had this problem years ago, figured out a solution and posted the answer.

This brings me to some things:

1 - I am a better person than I imagined i would be because I never thought I would document my findings publicly
2 - I am the biggest idiot for not recognizing my own post
3 - Dafuq, why did I stumble over the very same problem twice??
4 - on the other hand it is totally cool to see stuff I did and think "wow, I managed to do this??"

Aaah, good old StackOverflow..
Ask a question and get it marked as duplicate for something that didn't even solve the posters answer.. 4 years ago

I love DuckDuckGo. <3
I've DuckDuckWent a question and it instantly gave me the answer :D

Stand up... Walk away...

The Coding Gods will deliver the answer to you when you are ready to receive it.

My co-workers hate it when I ask this question on a technical interview, but my common one is "what is the difference between a varchar(max) and varchar(8000) when they are both storing 8000 characters"

Answer, you cannot index a varchar(max). A varchar(max) and varchar(8000) both store the data in the table but a max will go to blob storage if it is greater than 8000.

No one ever knows the answer but I like to ask it to see how people think. Then I tell them that no one ever gets that right and it isn't a big deal that they don't know it, as I give them the answer.

Got an answer from asking a question on Stack Overflow and it made me so happy that I giggled in my chair like a three year old.

I actually used this answer and it didn’t end up disqualifying me.

the fuck kind of manager are you that you tell your leads not to fucking answer their damn phones when services need restoring????? If your fucking team member can do his damn job like a grown ass adult, but sees that you (his lead) made a change and has questions, your ass better answer the phone, or i will rocket launch it up your ass, straight into your brain so it's the newest, latest, fucking hippest trend and hooked into your system so you answer every fucking call hands-free. Even when fucking "Windows Tech Support" calls you every 30 minutes because your keep expired.

There are people counting on you, worthless fuckwipe. Get. The. Fuck. Over. Yourself. And do your fucking job.

Edit: phone tried to censor me

Guys, please help me answer this intellectual being. The more stupid the answer, the better. Even better is if there is like a fake loooooonnnngggg step by step guide of it. NB: tafadhali == please.

You have a question.
You google it; nothing comes up.
You read the documentation; no good.
You ask it on stackoverflow; no answer.

You are in... The Twilight Zone

I was asked to map a mathematical problem to an algorithm for first round of interview. I did it in 5 lines with O(n) and it worked. was told that was not the correct answer sent me an answer with O(n^2) and about 40 lines. in anger, I sent a five page mathematical proof along with analysis why mine was better. surprisingly, they took me in for second round. tanked it because I continually stuttered and froze. I was able to answer it once I got home. decided against sending it.

Asked a question on SO, realized the answer before getting any help, came back to the question just to see it was down-voted to oblivion because indeed it was very stupid.

Usually when you ask "I have a problem with service X, who wrote it?".
The answer is "Y wrote it but he left the company XYZ years ago".
In company I currently work the the answer is "Oh yes X wrote it 20 years ago, go ask him"

how to get unstuck?

sleep on it, the answer will come to you in your dreams

haha...

I asked a question on StackOverflow. Everyone ignored me so I did find other way to do what I intended (it was still not an answer). So at least I fucking hoped to get another fucking tumbleweed badge!!!

So today a fuckhead, seventh viewer of my question answered it in a way that insulted my intelligence. So I got no answer and no fucking badge!!! FUCK.

Those 10 seconds when there is a feature request and you have to answer the question "How much time will it take?" inTheSpot

Fond this gem in teams code;
Var temp = "",
Var tmp = "",
Var tmp2 = "",
Var tmpIDK = "";
Asked the creator only 4 hours after the commit what his code does. The answer; I have no idea, but it works, don't touch it.

Oh my God. New pet peeve:

People who answer questions on Amazon with an answer like "idk I just got this :(" or "idk man I bought it as a present."

Why the fuck do you feel the urge to answer a fucking question without actually answering it? Like are you that fucking stupid? Jesus Christ.

My previous manager: "Your code should hard to read, so our work is cant stolen by everyone".
Me: "Why?"
My previous manager: "Just do it"
Me: "Okay"

So, anyone can answer my 'Why?' question?

P.S: My previous Manager is PHP Programmer

Me reading a forum after long hours of debugging and research...
YES THIS IS IT THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE!
* Me reading some answers I have tried already *
COME ON GIVE ME THE ANSWER
* Me reading the last answer *
"I was able to resolve the issue thanks for all the answers...
bye"
OP marked problem as solved
FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THE SOLUTION OF FUCK OFF

If java is the answer, it must have been a really verbose question

*Intensely staring the screen and solving a problem in my head, I can feel I'm close to the final answer, the answer to the truth, the holy Line of Code and that it will forever chang-*
PM: hey, do you know why my mouse doesn't click anymore?

...

When you spend an hour writing a comprehensive StackOverflow answer, with examples and sources, and someone with a 20K rep beats you to it by minutes!

It happened! I found the answer I needed on page 4 of Google! Mind you it was among results such as "Watch Visual Studio S02E14 for FREE"

I hate it when I ask the customer where did they test it or where the error is.. On test or on production? And the answer is yes. O.o

I had my first interview

My answer was 90% "I'll learn it"

I wasn't even know what should I learn and now I know, so I get something through interview I guess

When you're parsing SO's questions from your cellphone, you find one that's easy, you answer it, then when it's done, you read the question again to realized you totally missed the point.

When you realize that the StackExchange app doesn't allow you to delete your own comment, so you have to rush to the nearest computer to delete your answer before anyone downvotes it.

When you sit back again to resume your breakfast, the adrenaline rush slowly fading away.

From a gitlab blog post:

"You wouldn't copy and paste an answer from StackOverflow, without understanding it, (...)"

No.. never....... 🙄

I wonder how programmers make money. And found this answer

One creates Bugs and other fixes it.

Love this programming world 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Google a problem

Click on first link that details the exact problem I'm looking for. This guy has exactly the same problem as me.

First answer is "Oh my god just google it". There are no other answers.

Go back to google. The entire first page is jackwagons just telling people to google it.

God damn it, I am googling it.

When answer has 180 points on stackoverflow and it isn't even an accurate solution for the posted problem.

We have a new manager who wrote in his bio that he is into astrology.

At least we will no longer have to answer to "How long will it take?", because it is written in the stars XD

As the first and only dev in our family[including relatives], I find it really hard to answer them whenever they ask me about what it is that I actually do at work.

fuuuccckkk stackoverflow.

q: "why doesn't python do this like i want:

me: "Here's an answer that quotes an article and links out explaining with Python 3.6.x doesn't allow that."

every fucker: "downvote, doesn't answer why it isn't allowed"

FUCK YOU, PROVIDE AN ANSWER THAT DOESN'T SAY WHAT I SAID

Most days I want to answer the question of “What do you do for a living?” with “I send emails”. It would sadly be a very honest answer.

What would you answer if your IT support asks: "What do you use to connect to MongoDB, Internet Explorer or Chrome?"

So the lecturer refused to answer(yes he's a jerk) but after void can it be anyword for a function or is there specific words that can only be used?
I was confused when he put void flashing...
We were using processing.

A useful guide of general rules for junior devs, while asking questions to senior devs.

1) If you're a junior dev, you're going to not know stuff. A lot of stuff. That's perfectly fine and expected. The more you realise you don't know, the more you move forward.

2) If you don't know something, duckduckgo it. If after at least 1 hour and a max of 2 hours of searching you still don't get it, ask someone.

3) If the senior dev just gives the answer directly, it means they think you should've already known the answer.

4) If the senior dev just gives the reasoning behind it, but not the answer, it means you should know most of it, but you can probably arrive at the answer with a bit more reasoning and it's a unique problem.

5) If the senior dev gives you the answer with an explanation, it's a very good question and you will likely get to learn something you didn't know already.

Replace senior dev with stack overflow and it still works the same.

So I'm sitting down coding at home, trying to work out some problems when I hear the Doorbell ring. Obviously I shouldn't ignore it so I go to answer it.
Its the fucking FedEx delivery guy, he ALWAYS rings the doorbell, waits a solid 2 seconds after ringing then leaves. By the time I am about to answer the door he is already walking away.
HE ALWAYS FUCKING DOES THIS, in the end I'm thrown off my rhythm for nothing to go answer a door where the person ringing doesn't even have the decency to wait a few extra seconds to see if anyone comes.
This has happened to me several times now, he rings the door for no damn reason, i come running over and he is already gone.
So bloody frustrating.

> Scammer calls me.
> I answer and robot puts me in queue.
> PlEaSe WaIt, yOuR CaLl Is vERy iMpOrtAnt To uS!
> 6 minutes later it literally says “Goodbye!” And Hangs up.
> ???

When i ask you a question through skype or mail, I expect a fucking answer.
You might just say that you don't know. That is okay.
But we all fucking work from home and I can see you're there. FUCKING ANSWER YOU INCOMPETENT, USELESS, UNPROFESSIONAL SACK OF SHIT.
It is so fucking counterproductive. I fucking hope all the chocolate chips in your life turns out to be raisins.

It is fucking impossible to underestimate these people.

I am seriously jealous of all of you here on devrant, for not having met these washed up twats.

It is so frustrating to be searching for a problem, find a possible answer on Stack Overflow, and click on it to find out that the only answer was some douche bag explaining to the poster how their question is irrelevant or explain how much more they know. Either answer the question or help them politely.

Case In Point:
Q:
"Is there a ____ library that does _____?

A:
"Why would you want to do that? There are far better ways."

Either provide the "ways" or shut up.

Found an answer on Quora discouraging to learn Javascript because "it's not as important as php". It was a question about frontend development. Soooo 2000

Why is it so hard to build reputation on stackoverflow?? Can't upvote, can't comment til I get 50 reputation, can't ask for question clarification so I can answer a question except in a comment...

I love this Google's Colab feature, when I saw it, I just laughed for no reason!
A button to the answer :)

That moment the sales guys ask if a humongous new feature is doable. And doesn't wait for your answer before adding: "Well so you know, I'll already promised it to the client for last week"

Nobody solved this super complicated cryptography puzzle last time. I guess I have created an unsolvable mystery of epic proportions. Anyway, if you wanna give it a try, go ahead:

b417021dc01b409ad0c21b430a508624

Answer is a sentence in plain english. Space is used, but no punctuation. Post answer to comments. Good luck :D

I avoided answering this question because I had no motivation to answer it.

That explains things huh? I don't know how to deal with low motivation. I just try to let it pass which never happens. Or switch to other things I'm more motivated to do.

“Walk away from the screen, the answer will come when you least expect it.”

When someone tries to generate getters and setters in C# as if it was Java, you may think: "He is starting!"... And then you ask: "How long have you been working with C#?"

Surprising answer: "1 year" 😱

What have you been doing till now?

A half answer on SO gives me a pointer to a possible solution. Using that pointer, I actually find an answer and it's quite involved. So to help others with the same question, I edit the answer to complete it with the additional steps. No edits to the answer involved, just a few additional steps.

😡 The answer author comments that they appreciate the info, but they reject my edit so their answer isn't changed!

What a douchebag.

My boss was fired and now I have to answer to his boss. "I have this issue with your product, can you make it mire idiot prood?" Well, sure, we just didn't met so persistent idiot up to now...

classmate: *asks something about our topic*

teacher: "uhm hold on" *goes to stackoverflow on screen where everyone can see* "there's your answer"

classmate: "thanks..... i could have done it by myself but ok"

>> let stack overflow be our teacher

Uhm... am I the only one who thinks this is a vague as fuck answer and should've taken more than one sentence to properly inform users of their data protection methods? It can't be just me...

The question "are you busy" is the most loaded fucking BS question ever. If you answer and say you're busy you get told that you aren't that busy since you answeted the chat. If you don't answer the messenger blows up your shit asking many more times and possibly even fucking calls you.

If I don't answer, I'm busy go the fuck away. "But it was super important and I needed it fixed right away!" Ok, but when I answered your message just 4 minutes after your originally messaged me don't make me spend another 5 minutes asking for information you knew I was going to ask for and could have provided in one of your follow up messages (Client name, website, page with the problem, description of the problem). Also, don't tell me that it has to get fixed because I'm the one who made the mistake. It has to get fixed because it's wrong, it doesn't fucking matter who made the mistake.

TIL the best way to “win” an argument on Twitter is to simply abandon the thread when people think you should answer for your “crime” of having a difference of opinion and they start bringing social justice nonsense into it as a replacement for logic. They’re going on and on about how you are obligated to reply to them to answer for your alleged “privilege” and your silence just makes them sputter with rage.

“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected

colleague : Hey I resolved yesterday's error.
me : really? how?
colleague : found it on stackoverflow.
me : Oh. From the question or the answer?

burrrrn!!!

Found some unknown new structure behind my screen. Seems to be of organic nature. Don´t know it intended or even allowed to be there. Haven´t seen it here before. Tried talking to it but got now answer so far. Could be a new colleague. I will continue to observe...

What's the deal with some devs, that genuinely know their stuff and can answer almost everything off the top of their head, yet they seem unable to apply their knowledge when it comes to actually using it.

Kinda like being ace at theory but shite in practice.

The algo has AI also . Now it can fimd an sarcastic answer too.

No I will not use Facebook to schedule an appointment.

If you're unwilling to answer the phone and do it yourself, I'm more than willing to take my business elsewhere.

When will the cookies(PHP) expire? Non-programming answer: It depends if you put it in the freezer or not LOL

Based on @darksideofyay "poll feature" request I made a simple bot to make them.

Just post this as a comment:
@PollBot Q: <Your question>?
A:
- <Answer 1>
- <Answer 2>

// Up to 10 answers
It will post a comment for each answer, just upvote the one you like (look at the upvotes to see the result of the poll).

P.S. It's not ideal and it's running on a mini PC in my house, so it could fail sometimes. :P

guide to programing success
step 1: check if you are being productive.
if the answer is false have some coffee
if it is true have some coffee
step 2: repeat

Everytime i tell the tester that the reported issue is fixed. It should all be good now.

He raises an eyebrow and says
"Should be? And Are you sure?" With a smirk.

I can never answer that :/ -_-

I was searching for a good answer about a problem I got. Found an existing thread on stack overflow.
Many answers, all of them upvoted but not working.
One answer being not upvoted was working.
Wanted to upvote it, signed up to stack overflow.
"you can not upvote. too less reputation."
GOD, DAMN IT.

when you're supposed to be pushing something live but you got the poops and need to run to the bathroom. then the client calls when you're sitting there on devrant halfway done with your business and you answer pretending you're pushing it live.

People who tell me they hate PHP, though when I ask said person whether he's used PHP all he can answer is "maybe once".

Don't hate on a language if you have barely even used it

When bugs are seen by the client and boss therefore asks me "did you know about this bug?", what I'd really like to answer is:
"well shit, no! I would have solved that or at least told you about it, don't you think? what kind of fucking question is that?"

But then I just answer "no, lemme check"

Google has got the correct answer. If just Asimov knew it!

Last night I had a very strange dream. I should point out in advance, all of this is fictional and none of it really happened.

I was looking at an answer I posted on Stack Exchange.. for the sake of argument, let's say it was Super User. I remember the question being about volume limiting, which is actually an issue I and many other iOS 14.2/14.3 users have been facing in the last few months. Apparently it has been partially addressed in 14.4.

In the real world I fixed the issue by jailbreaking the phone and unloading the healthd service, while in the dream that was the answer I had documented on Super User. In reality I have documented it in several other places, but not there.

Fast-forward a couple of days in the dream where the answer was posted, and I was now looking at a reply. I don't remember the exact details of it, but apparently in the answer I had posted something about my network.. a screenshot from the iPhone? And the comment on it basically said something along the lines of "your answer is shit, and you probably have a very basic internet connection with default settings". I was really upset by that, as my network is actually quite advanced (on account of being a sysadmin).

Then I woke up and realized that it was all just a dream...

Just came across this gem. What's wrong with it??

Yes, the threat of SQL injection here is a legit response, but in this particular case that's not the answer I'm looking for.

Hint: This method gets called a lot!

I found this question on EmguCV's forum that matches my exact issue.

First answer: Never mind - all. I answered it myself.

Welp. Thanks for nothing. How fucking difficult can it be to post your solution to the issue?

I feel like only software engineers and IT can answer 2 part questions. Everyone else just answers the first one...

That feeling where you give in to the temptation to answer a StackOverflow question and then wait to see how long it takes to get 20 downvotes.

Why you prefer sublimetext over notepad++ ?

The answer I got in most interviews is : It has a nice GUI.

Found this on Instagram and I can't answer it by myself lol. 🤔

Oh f*ck you Google. You can't tell me you don't collect my data (which option I selected) but ask me to answer surveys to make my ads better. It can't be more obvious...

I noticed I adopted a method when people just can't answer something simple like "well how long is it going to last?" and then getting an answer like "I don't know", which to I reply "Well, what's the average it lasts?" and they suddenly remember it again, fucking knobs

I asked my former boss for some clarification via mail. Given a table, I was supposed to edit some user info in the company system. Had some questions on a few entries only my boss could answer.
Boss would organize a meeting, also inviting a more experienced co-worker I worked with. When the meeting starts, I get to know that my boss will join in a few minutes..... few minutes later, boss cancels the meeting. So it's me and the co-worker, who cannot answer my questions.
A simple mail could've solved it...

Share it with someone. They don't need to answer back.
Just lay down your thought process. I often find the answer reveals itself while trying to explain the problem with someone else.

:/ rant
Lately more and more clients had been asking me to build their sites in Wordpress, wish follows by me asking them why. Their most common answer: - "Everybody is using it, because is easier to use and secure."

Me: (Silence)...

I have probably the BEST DDOS DETECTION WORLDWIDE! It detects any DoS or DDoS at my private Network.

How it works?

Everytime I get attacked(so pretty often) my phone rings. But if I answer the phone there's only a "Beep Beep Beep". Shortly afterwards my connection shuts down 😂😂

I posted on StackOverflow, it didn’t get downvoted or marked as duplicate, and I received a useful answer that solved my problem. Am I dreaming?

Trying to automate gitlab deployment with Ansible. It runs but freaking keeps failing on task. Reconfigure the gitlab server. Without helpful output!

After 2 days bashing and commenting line after line the answer reveals.

True != true Fuuucc...

--- Visits stackoverflow for an answer
. You find the accepted answer amazing... Yep this is what I'm looking for. (You copied the code into your source)
.
.
. scrolled down a little bit
.
.
. You saw another answer with a higher upvote. Ooh lala, this is fucking cool. (You copied and replace your source again)
.
. scrolled down once again
.
. You noticed yet another answer which is the most recent and a lot shorter implementation of what you just copied. (No shit! You copied and replace your source yet another time)
.
. scrolled down for the last time maybe and it looks like the previous was the last.
. But then...
.
. you saw a comment with lots of upvotes even more than the accepted answer and this comment points to a link.
.
. You clicked the link with your mouth salivating waiting to see what holds at the other side of the world which amount this so much upvotes.
.
. And Tadaaaa 404 not found!
.
. You feel hunted by that mysterious link for the rest your life...

!rant

University assignment asks to create some encryption harder to break than Caesar Cypher. So I decided to go online and look for some tips on making a somewhat decent algorithm.

Universal answer: don't do it

😶

Well then, night off I guess 😎

It's a real nice feeling when you figure out the answer to your own stackoverflow question as you're typing it out.
Not gonna make myself look like an idiot this time! No-sir-ee.

!dev

Reeeeddit is a strange place. You can be on an advice sub, answer the question and the OP agrees with your answer and people are still gonna downvote it.

What the actual basement dwelling neckbeard virgin fuck is this shit lol

Finding out how not to do it.

An example, learning how to parse HTML, and finding a stackoverflow post with the answer "use regex" triggers tech junkies so much that they actually comment a mostly accepted way of doing something.

when i share my ideas on automation with solutions where the company and the customer have profit and the answer is "why does that concern you? we've been doing it this way for 50 years and it works"
-.-'

Just got an email from a client asking if it was possible to block Pokemon GO on their premises.

Now, I know the answer to this. But just in case... would that even be possible?

RANT!

I still struggle to find the suitable address book software for our company. It supposed to be secure and inexpensive. But how so? It's flipping not possible to have both!
My boss answer to almost everything I say: Just do it! - in German: einfach machen! Please hulp!

A fellow student decided to apply to the federal police, after talking with then at a job fair on the campus. The police strongly stated that they had a high demand for new people.
He did not get an answer for the next two months - not even an acknowledgment - so he quickly found another job in the mean time.

After the two months he got an answer stating that the application deadline was over now and it would be great if he'd come for a job interview. Unsurprisingly he declined..

Sent SO accepted answer to another dev as backup to my argument.

Dev - Did Jon Skeet answer it?
Me - No.
Dev - I don't want to hear it.

!rant. I'm seeking advice.

This question have been asked a million times. But i still want to try to seek answer on this platform.

Is a degree worth it. In this current era?

I hate it that some people at work call directly to my phone when they need help. They think that this way they will get service faster.

Now I understand if it’s an emergency but 95% of the cases it’s not. I most likely am stuck in a meeting or got my hands full with other work, so I am unable to answer my phone.

For gods sake, send a ticket, email or an instant message so my coworkers will be able to see your issue or I can forward it to availabe person. Stop spamming me with phone calls when I can’t answer!

"Do you actually understand what you are typing??"
What's your best saracastic answer to a non programmer asking this?
I find it so absurd I kernel panic.

What does this means?

`cd ~`

P.S. I know what it means I've to show it to someone. Please answer it.

For the PHP pros: Is there a way of turning notices and warnings into exceptions thrown in the scope of occurence without hacking the interpreter?

The answer most likely is "No!" - but if there is another way i certainly would like to know it...

What’s your best answer to “how long will it take you to find and fix that bug?”

It drives me fucking nuts!
“I don’t know (ffs), could be ten minutes, could be ten weeks.” - that’s by default right know, but that’s not always appropriate.

You guys have maybe analogies that managers understand ?

"If it’s a good idea and it gets you excited, try it, and if it bursts into flames, that’s going to be exciting too. People always ask, ‘What is your greatest failure?’ I always have the same answer—We’re working on it right now, it’s gonna be awesome!" - Jim Coudal

Hi devRant, meet the unresettable computer. When you try to reset it, it asks you for a keyboard layout...BUT YOU HAVE NO INPUT DEVICE TO ANSWER! Fucking great...

wife just asked me: is it mp4 or mp5 we have problems with?
me in my head: mp5? no she means something else... problem with 4 or 5 from her point og view...hmmm.
answer: Its 265 that we have problems playing.

Money.

I wish I had a more philosophical answer like building cool shit, but this is real life, so I've made it as a dev when I make at least ₹20 lakh per year.

If a developer has to ask what a ticket actually asks for and the answer includes the words "The idea was...", you don't know what you want and it isn't ready for development.

When nginx decides to just NOT answer to any IPv4 requests, áfter 2 weeks of having it set up for IPv6, just because I updated the Let's Encrypt certificate..

self::facepalm();

So, here at this place ... last person to touch a project is the sole person responsible for it being a success or failure. Wtf?!?!?!
If a client sends me the wrong picture, and agrees that is the correct one, and then it goes to production. Later on to find that it was never correct to begin with ... guess who's fault that is?
Is everybody taking crazy pills?
Don't answer that, I already know the answer.

NodeJS > ?

Question for you all:

You're expecting an important call from a potential employer sometime today (no specific time, just business hours)

When you get the call, you're on the toilet, absolutely ripping ass. Do you let it go to voicemail and call them back later? Answer the phone and take the whole call on the toilet? Take the call and discreetly try and finish your business? Take the call and explain that you need to call them back in about five minutes? Is there a right answer?

today

me: How should we proceed with the tests?
customer: Yes

(it was a longer technical how question but the answer was the same)

I finally feel like a proper developer! I was googling something, found a promising thread on Stack Overflow and after going there noticed that it was my own self-answered question from some time ago that unfortunately didn't really answer my current problem.

So I asked a question on Stackoverflow. I got my answer and solved my problem, it improved my reputation to 15 (can upvote and post comments). But I have also got a question ban now as my questions were not good enough 🤷🏻‍♂️

When you are blocked by a trivial issue - eg., what's setting this value in the db - that someone can answer in 5 seconds in person, you can figure out on your own in 30 minutes, or you can ask via slack and get an answer after a minute or a day.

During the pandemic I had to take over a project for a guy that was retiring, and my chat log with him is basically me talking to myself, going "nm found it" up to a day after my last message.

When you answer a question on stack overflow and the person who asks it changes the question and (presumably is the one who) downvotes your answer

As an answer to "google it" I made wportal.

I need a compelling case for why we should not support IE11. Apparently 10% of our user base uses it and "it fucking sucks and breaks all the new shit you want me to do" is not an answer. And a possible HR violation.

Can anybody here tell wtf answer of this question is?

Most of the quizzes in this test are terrible. Answer to some options don't get displayed because it gets parsed by the browser. I think the person who developed this website and questions suck at this.

As soon as curiosity sets in we’re searching on Google or asking our trusted friend Siri for the answer. In the 21st century, it isn’t about how much knowledge you have, but whether you know how to search quickly for the accurate information.

When someone asks me how implement React, Redux and a lot of those stuff on their projects I answer:

If you don't have any idea what it is you might not need them.

Oops! I did it again. Shredded the brain trying to debug my code. Now, my head is empty with a totally unrelated issue I need an answer to. What happens when one travels faster than light? Uuuurgh!

#non-IT

I proposed to my best friend like last month. Until now she gives no answer.

I love her so much that it sickens me now. Silences are killing me.

Why the fuck do people post questions on Stack Overflow and not accepting any answers while they 100% solve the question?? I posted a 10000% valid and working answer, and the OP just never accepts my answer or anything. I'm sure he saw it cuz I clicked his profile and saw "last seen 10 min ago." WTF??

And there's always this one answer on stack overflow, that one guy,
Who searches for the same on google, copies and pastes it on stack overflow :D

Still in the interview phase.
I am waiting for an answer again.
The interview was 4 hours but I really
enjoyed it. The office looked so nice it could have been at Google inc.

New to databases - How is it that Oracle has been around for so long, yet have terrible documentation? Their support forums consists of condescending developers who never actually answer the questions and the forums’ format is just so bad.

When "imposter" is more like of lifestyle rather than syndrome, funny answer comes to mind, but I'll excuse myself without telling it.

So many idiots ask nonsensical questions on SO they could answer on their own if they bothered to read the fucking docs.
As if that wasn't enough, they redact their questions in a way that makes it nearly impossible to decipher what they want.

When you hate every fucking thing on earth and want to kill everyone on this fucked up planet.
That bug didnt fix. Fuck you.
The client needs answer now. Fuck you.
Stackoverflow user marked it as duplicate. Fuck you in particular.
Fuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkk every fucking asshole.

I clearly define the day's goal, get beverages/snacks ready, get my hair out of my face, take my glasses off, answer any remaining email, take a deep breath, and dive in.

Sometimes I'll listen to music, but it depends on the ambient noise level.

I work on an webapp that should manage a huge ton of data, and some page needs to display a big part of them.

On this page, we had some checkboxes lists to display, so even more data. One of them wasn't behaving correctly tho, so we ask the support was could be the problem.

Answer : It might have too much data to display.

No shit Sherlock.

Answer : Please provide us a lighter version of it.

Ok, I'm gonna do a lighter version with a very few data so you can test a situation we will never encounter. Thanks !

Damn it I have to write a 5 sentence email to get the things going but I have kept myself from doing it because they might answer and then I would have to react to that and I dont know that I can do that right now.

So... IT was fucking horrific. Just the sight of red and white makes my heart race. (It was a great movie though; if you're into horror I highly recommend watching it)

However, I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight so I'll probably just stay up all night coding and studying for my CSIII exam on Monday.

SERIOUS QUESTION: as developers, do you ever use base conversions or boolean algebra? I'm trying to figure out how what we're learning will actually apply to the real world.

ok. worst interview.
i was refused for a dev position because i couldnt answer a non techincal question they had for me.

i mentioned in my resume that i previously worked on sms ( when it was still a thing ). the interviewer asked me how sms can help their company. i couldnt get around to a specific answer. i mean, come on! isnt it your job to think about the application in your own company?

A formal systems modeler that iterates all provable theorems given the rules of the system and your premises. This would be completely and utterly useless since it doesn't aim to answer any specific question, just tries to answer every possible question. Since any meaningful formal system is pretty much guaranteed to have infinite provable theorems, this is really just a computerized automated fidget spinner

Watching someone browse stackoverflow for the solution to a question. Copy and paste the most upvoted answer. Discover that it works, but fail to acknowledge or at least pay respect by also upvoted the answer they are using.
Even after they found a solution so quickly due to the fact that others had upvoted it and as a result it was at the top of the page.

"Does river direction make waterflow go downwards?"

Originally I selected it just to copypaste the "does effect support cause?" formulation, but as I selected, it unrolled the answer, and... oh...

"What should I answer to that comment? I'm not sure about the meaning... Let's just upvote it."