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At the ending part of the interview, I asked a final question to the HR.
Me: "So, what language is mostly used here?"
HR: "Since we're dealing with customers from different countries, English."9 -
A customer just suggested that we use HTML for our web application...
Don't you just love it when customers give you coding advice 😝16 -
Never let customers define the priority levels. It will end in:
- Normal (never used)
- High (used for small text changes)
- Higher
- OMG fix now
- Highest
- the World is ending if this doesn't get fixed now
- different existential plane of priority
- Priority ∞ + 118 -
When you say "almost 2" instead of 1.7 because you're not sure your customers understand the decimal system.7
-
> Customer calls
Her: I have over 5k 404 request to [insertwebsite]/autodiscover/autodiscover.xml
Me: Sound like a missconfigured exchangeserver/client. Let me have a look.
> Takes a look and can confirm the IP and the owner of that IP
Me: It looks like someone/something from xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx is failing to resolve autodiscover.[insertdomain].com
and defaults to @ record on the zone. Do you happend to know to whom that IP belongs?
Her: No, and I dont care, just block it. I do not like the 404 that shows up on the summary.
Me: Alright
> Blocks the IP in the firewall.
>>> Fast forward to next day >>>
> Someone calls, it is the same girl
Her: I cant reach my website! Infact, I cant reach anything! WHYYYYYY!!!
> I remember, blocking that IP yesterday...
Me: Oh, can you please visist "minip.se" (whatismyip.com, swedish version) and tell me what you see?
Her: Yes, it is xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx
Me: Do you remember that IP that you request that I block yesterday?
> I can hear the shame coming from the phone.
> Turn out that her collegues did'nt have any mail delivered to them from the time I blocked their IP
> Her boss is really mad
> Atleast she had a cute voice12 -
Customers who start to talk to me over the phone like I'm a little boy can seriously go fuck themselves.
You expect me to talk to you respectfully, then do the fucking same.
Fucking cunts.35 -
"Why was the promotion available on multiple accounts ? "
*suddenly realised there's an ID duplication among customers*
"Uhhh..... Family shares promotions."
"Nice job."
4 -
Vacation for two weeks, fuck yeah, two weeks of not having to give a single fuck about customers and their problems.
🍺🍿17 -
How can I help you?
"my email isn't working"
What web browser do you use?
"Yahoo"
Err, okay, what's your email address and password?
"I don't have a password."8 -
I was hired as Project Manager.
After few days, I discovered that:
- I didn't have a team
- I was also the main and only developer
- all the projects I was assigned to were late
- I was also the account manager and I had to explain the delay to the customers.
And no, the salary didn't make up for the daily loss of reputation.
I lasted more than I thought, when I discovered that customers were not interested in delivery either, as it was a kind of money laundering scheme10 -
Wow this one deserves a rant. Where should I even begin? I got a new job for over half a year now doing work in an agency. We're building websites and online shops with Typo3 and Shopware (not my dream, but hey). All fine you might think BUT...
1) I have been working on the BIGGEST project we have all by myself since I started working at this company. No help, nobody cares.
2) If something goes wrong all the shit falls back to me like "wHy DiDnT yoU WoRk MoRE?". Seriously? How should one dev cover a project that's meant for at least two or three.
3) The project was planned four years ago (YES that's a big fat FOUR) and sat there for 3,5 years - nobody gave a fuck. I got into the company and immediately got the sucky shit project to work on.
4) I was promised some time to get familiar with the projects and tech we use and "pick something I like most to get started". Well that never happened.
5) I was also promised not to talk directly to our customers. Well, each week I was bombarded with insults, a shitload of work and nonsense by our customers because (you guessed it) I was obligated to attend meetings.
6) The scheduled time for a meeting was 30 minutes, sometimes they just went on for over two hours. Fml.
7) Project management. It does not exist. The company is just out to get more and more clients, hires more god damn managers and shit and completely neglects that we might need more devs to get all this crap finished. Nope, they don't care. By the way: this is not like a 200 employee company, it's more like 15 which makes it even sadder to have 4 managers and 3 devs.
8) We don't use trello (or anything to keep track of our "progress"), nobody knows the exact scope of the project, because it was planned FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO.
9) They planned to use 3 months on this project to get it finished (by the way it's not just an online shop, it has a really sophisticated product configurator with like 20 dependencies). Well, we're double over that time period and it is still not finished.
10) FUCK YOU SHOPWARE
11) The clients are super unsatisfied with our service (who would have guessed). They never received official documents from us (that's why nobody knows the scope), nor did they receive the actual screen design of the shop so we just have to make it up on the go. Of course I mean "I" by "we", because appearently it is my job to develop, design and manage this shit show.
12) My boss regularly throws me in front of the bus by randomly joining meetings with my client telling them the complete opposite of things that we discussed internally (he doesn't know anything about this stupid project)
13) FUCK YOU COLLEAGUES, FUCK YOU COMPANY, FUCK YOU SHOPWARE AND FUCK YOU STUPID CUSTOMERS.
14) Oh btw. the salary sucks ass, it's barely a couple of bucks above minimum wage. Don't ask me why I accepted the offer. I guess it was better than nothing in the meantime.
Boy that feels good. I needed that rant. But hey don't get me wrong. I get that dev jobs can be hard and sucky, but this is beyond stupidity that I can bear. I therefore applied for a dev job in research at a university in my dream country. Nice colleagues, interesting projects, good project management. They accepted me, gave me a good offer and I can happily say that in 6-7 weeks my current company can go fuck themselves (nobody knows the 10.000+ lines of code but me). Just light it up and watch it burn!20 -
*CTO in panic, as always, invites everyone to the war room*
CTO: We have a MAJOR problem where 0.0001% of our customers are not receiving SMS confirmations.
Me: Cool. But, 0.0001% is very less compared to the other problems we are solving.
CTO: You don't understand, this is critical issue that needs to be addressed immediately.
Me: But even those.0.0001% customers are receiving e-mail confirmations, so this is not even blocker as we have other channels working.
CTO: I am emotional at this point. You need to prioritise this now.
Me: Okay, do we know the root cause of this problem?
Engineering head: we have blacklisted those numbers in past as our system detected them abusing our platform.
Me: Cool. Let's whitelist them, nothing much to worry here.
CTO: Floyd, you need to understand that 0.0001% of the customers are not receiving the SMS and the solution you are proposing is incorrect.
Me: Okay, what do you suggest?
CTO: We stop sending the SMS to all the customers.
Everyone on the call: 😨18 -
Got some customers not paying their bills?
Play russian roulette with these projects on the prod. server:
# [ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf /<path_to_project> || echo "*click*"9 -
Last week
Customer: I want <totally useless app idea that already exists>, how long will it take to build it?
Me: I think such an app already exists, but according to your requirements I believe we could finish it around May 6th.
Customer: OK, but our app will be so much better.
-finishes meeting and signs contract-
Monday
Customer: will the app be done soon?
Me: as we discussed in the meeting last week, it won’t be done until May 6th.
Tuesday
Customer: will the app be done soon, when will it be in the app stores?
Me: As I explained yesterday, it won’t be finished before May 6th.
Wtf????8 -
"There are only two industries that call their customers ‘users’: illegal drugs and software"
- Edward Tufte
Source: https://twitter.com/scottjenson/...1 -
Business idea: panties with HTTP status codes printed on them.
451 for our underaged customers - unavailable for legal reasons
411 to crush a man's self esteem - Length required
429 for girls with stalkers - too many requests
402 for our professional customers - payment required
And, of course, 202 - Accepted22 -
I really enjoy my job engineering high-traffic sites for a large adult network!
Watching pornsites @office every day (probably getting fired if I DON'T) and see the customers spending $$$ like crazy :)
8 -
Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?9 -
this one time my coworker was having a hard time debugging a javascript function so he set it to alert("kill me pls") and that somehow got into production.
we recieved many support emails from concerned customers that day6 -
Meeting with American customers in Germany. One of them fetched a bottle of water with crown cap, but the opener was missing. She asked whether someone had an opener, so I got out a lighter and opened the bottle. Surprised looks.
My (Indian) PM: "That's a German thing, opening bottles with everything except bottle openers. Even with other bottles."
Customers were like, WTF?!13 -
Sometimes we say the customers they have to clear their browser cache but actually we are fixing the bugs they just found while talking with them on the phone.5
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"Please add a feature to check the user's internet connection before the application starts."
-- THIS IS A GOD DAMN WEB APPLICATION, YOU DUMB MORONS! Maybe I should add a feature next that checks for the user's computer being turned on or what? How about making sure the application isn't run when the power is out?!
Jesus fuck.14 -
-Company We need to know how our customers use our application.
-Me: got 1000 cool ideas
-Company Oh yeah, our customers don't have internet connection...2 -
Removed a bug 2 weeks ago.
Customer calls today and wants to have it back.
The error miscalculated a sum.
🤷
When you thought you saw everything...10 -
Job application asked if I have experience with difficult customers and needing to repeat concepts in different ways.
How many people in the vast field of computers and technology HAVEN'T experienced this?4 -
Marketing coworker: We MUST integrate with XYZ
Me: sure, they have a REST API and OAuth2. What part of our system do you want to integrate with XYZ?
coworker: Emmm... I don't know. Everything
Me: ...okay. What does XYZ even do?
coworker: Emmm... our customers use it, so we have to integrate with them.
Me: fine. I'm reading that XYZ has function ABC and PQR. Which one do our customers use?
coworker: ABC, definitely ABC
...
coworker: Our customers say nothing is working!
*looks into the problem*
Me: That's because they're using PQR and not ABC.
This kind of research is NOT my job, it's YOURS5 -
Best App Review ever:
"Awesome app but please remove the ads, then i will give you 5 Stars"
So basicly you are saying the developers should not make any money of the app they spend multiple hours making? Well lets remove the ads then i guess 😤😤12 -
Every so often I remember that the code I wrote is running in production and real customers are using it and I feel a little bit sick2
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I had a professor, in college that believed "sometimes we have to fire customers. There are bad customers and it serves no purpose to spend time and effort in serving them when they burn you out and are simply bad customers" and I share that vision.
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One thing I HATE about my job is dealing with customers, unfortunately they seem to be quite a vital part of the business3
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I'm sure this has probably been posted before, but it never fails to drive me nuts, and customers never stop doing it, so:
Why do end users think "it's broken" is all they have to put into the support ticket?
It's a web app, not a goddamn pretzel.
If the turn signal on your car stops working, do you drop your car off at the mechanic, hand them the keys, and say "its broken, fix it!"?
While I'm on the topic, "I tried to do {x} and it gave an error" is better than "its broken", but still: why do you think what the actual error says would be completely irrelevant, especially when we put in the effort to give you relatively meaningful error messages?
I mean, is "there was a problem sending the email" so utterly gibberish to you that it is indistinguishable from "error: 0x000351e6"?
If so, I'm sorry, but you're too stupid to use a goddamn computer!5 -
"The customers of our webshop are able to change their billing address... We don't want our customers to be able to do that."
(in a few months with the new general European data protection regulation I need to code it in again, so I just removed the html...)5 -
Fucking bastard cunting customers I am not starting your shite at two minute to going home time, if you don't like go fuck yourself. #rant over16
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You run a bank with over 10million customers and can't handle a nullpointerexception error.And java ssly.
18 -
Customer: The pages x and y are not displayed in the menu of my website.
Me: I've added another menu level. This level wasn't planned. Your pages will now be displayed.
Customer: Do you think I have too much menu levels?
Me (what I want to say): YES. You have too much of EVERYTHING! Too much menu levels, too much useless pages, too much bad formatting, too much different font colors in one fucking sentence! Your website is crap at all.
Me (what I said): No, it's okay.
I hate customers.2 -
elementor.com, wix.com, fuck this shit. These guys want our death. Nowday customers think "building web site is just drag and drop."13
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When it's Monday morning, before 10 am, and customers start instant messaging you with angry looking emojis...*sigh*
😠 👽 🔫 🔥4 -
Fucking phone company just sent me a notification, CCing all other business customers they have in Sydney. I am going to sign all those customers to a porn newsletter, and then advise them about the privacy breach.11
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THE RULES OF TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Rule #1: The Customer Lies
Rule #2: Rule #1 still applies when the customer is your coworker
Rule #3: Customers following instructions is like characters dying in a movie: if it didn't happen on-screen, it didn't happen.1 -
Launched a CMS-site for a customer, created a 5-page "manual" (with screenshots) on how to update basic things like adding/removing employees from the site. One week later, I receive an email: "Could you please remove Paula from our site?"... Sure, it'll take me 2 minutes and you'll be billed for half an hour instead of you just RTFM!6
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“An omelette, promised in two minutes, when not ready in two minutes, the customer has two choices – wait or eat it half-cooked. Software customers also have the same choices.”6
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Just found out that our no-reply mail is having a conversation with another autoreply! Turns out that it's autoreply that's supposed to tell people to stop writing is autoreplying to a customers autoreply. Haha...6
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Translation: Your Computer can have internet access without Wi-Fi, if your computer is a iPad Pro.
Video explains this cutting edge technology named "LTE".
Much innovative, very computer
5 -
Happens every day:
"could you please fix those bugs ASAP? Testers are waiting for it"
*resolve the issue and inform the requester*
(two weeks later)
"Thanks, I'll inform the testers they can begin their tests"
Ugh, how ASAP makes everything seem so urgent and important
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Sometimes I want to fuck customers with 30 samurai methods ! A few minutes ago, some one called me and asked me to make a website like Google for him with 500$ 😑14
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The company I work for is requiring customers to submit credit card info in an online form which then gets stored into our "secure database". Which employees then pull and charge the card later on. They're also telling customers that the form is "encrypted". This is all because they're too fucking lazy and not patient enough to wait for someone to integrate a payment gateway. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen.5
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I once found a MongoDB cluster open to the internet with no authentication with nearly a terabyte of data that backed a CRM service whose customers included Microsoft and Adobe to name a few.7
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“An omelette, promised in two minutes, when not ready in two minutes, the customer has two choices – wait or eat it half-cooked. Software customers also have the same choices.” - Brooks.
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Today in annoying customers:
"I will not update the requirements with every single detail of our discussions, it will be quite tedious"
Way to go, lady.2 -
When will I fuckin learn that
a) customers lie
b) customers are sloppy
c) customers are wrong
d) customers do not do their work (properly)
e) customers want us to do their (dirty) work
f) possibly all of the freakinly above?! + khm....
They will fuckin aaaalwaaaays say sth is not working after the update..
And I will alwaaaays assume I fucked up something..even if I didn't touch that part of the code/data..
And almost aaaaalways it turns out that the bug they complain about is how the system worked (or didn't work) before the update and/or some fuckup from their side..
Anyhow, I rushed over, grabbed the files went testing in dev..wtf, output is different, mine is ok, theirs is..wtf is that shit?!
Transfer newly built dll to test..same shit as on prod..wtf?! How?!
I assumed they have thing A correctly linked to thing B.. ofc thing A was linked to thing C in their case and in another case (our test) to correct thing B..
I got chillies when grabbing files, that
I should have tripple checked that they didn't fuck up something on the link part, but I just assumed they know what they were doing & that they checked they linked correct files with correct content already, before being pissy that the update fucked up things.. riiiight!! :/
I wanted to find solutions to this fuckup asap so I disregarded my gut feeling..yet again!! Fuuuck!
I've spent too much time trying to find ways to fix a bug that wasn't even a real bug to begin with.. :/
Fuuuuuck!!
So yeah, always treat the customers like they are 3yrs old & have no clue what they are doing & check exactly wtf they were indeed trying to do..it will save you time & nerves..
And note to self: reread this shit daily!! And imprint it in your brain that everything is not always your fault!!11 -
so now i have to explain to customers how long a 30 day trial is...
do you guys know maybe, just maybe... HOW LONG A 30 DAY TRIAL IS?!?!?10 -
my colleague was ordered to the site of a customer who had claimed that our software was a total bunch of crap and nothing was working. they had created a list with something 100 bullet points of the bugs they had found in our software that made it impossible to work with. since their production was relying on it they were really pissed off. after a very uncomfortable meeting where they angrily disclosed the situation, finally he got access to the system they were working with. after a few minutes he found that the system's GPU and hard disk drivers were totally outdated and devices weren't even working correctly. after he had updated all drivers, our software worked perfectly fine. at least the customers were kind of embarrassed afterwards... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯6
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Got my first successful freelance job done today!
Was a very basic website but...I still got paid and I feel good about it. Seriously thinking about making a decent web app that can help me nail more customers.3 -
"There are only two industries that call their customers 'users': Illegal drugs and software. "
- Edward Tufte
How true is this?6 -
A project I'm working on uses Elastic for internal monitoring and logs. The customer asked to access those logs - not something we'd normally do, but it's isolated from other things we use and there's no critical data there, so what the heck, let them have it.
Ever since, we're getting tons of questions like "There are tons of [insert random info message] all the time, do you have any plans to resolve them?" and it gets to the point where I'm just about ready to scream back "NO, SUZAN, BOOKING NOT COMPLETED MANS THE USER F###ING CANCELLED IT, IT'S NOT SOMETHING I CAN FIX IN THE CODE"
Edit: the customer's name isn't actually Suzan4 -
Been sitting here for 10 minutes already. Trying to see if we can still support the customers who are stuck in the dark ages. Oh my gaeddd...
5 -
Slack is scared as hell about Microsoft Teams that is targeted to enterprise customers.
Did you hear about the full page newspapar ad they did?... Passive aggressive move by slack
5 -
Can't believe we still use fax in 2021. Instead of migrating it away for our customers, we virtualize it.
Instead of the old ISDN fax cards we will use virtual serial fax modems. 🙃8 -
I've talked in past rants about how marketing loves showing off features to customers that are still in Beta to give us devs more pressure to finish them earlier, but it really just ends up screwing up our schedule since we have to push back on other features.
We had warned them not to do so for a series of reasons. But this time, this time their bad practices has come back to bite them in their butts.
They've been bragging all over to customers about this API integration we've been developing. They caught a reasonable amount of customers whose main reason for hopping in with us was this API integration. We finished the code on time, and submitted to the API provider for them to revise our "app". It's been a long back-and-forth conversation clarifying purposes and trying to fix tiny details and, of course, the providers' emails take almost a week to come back. We're waayy past the deadline marketing had promised customers, and they know they can't really blame the devs.
Sucks to lose these customers, but it feels so good to show these marketing pricks a lesson.2 -
One of my customers' laptop background (removed sensitive information and desktop icons).
Coworker: When you really love Chrome, but don't know what hi-res is!
8 -
I *hate* when the boss asks me to add people to our mailing list who didn't opt in. I just sent out a campaign and, predictably, a ton of people flagged it as spam or unsubscribed. Only three sales out of over 10,000 sends. But in his mind, that's ok. Ugh.9
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1. Project start: requirement gathering
2. Create workflows and prototypes
3. Customer confirms the workflow and prototypes
4. Develop the system
5. Initial feedback : customer is happy
6. Testing and deployment
7. Customer changes the requirement to something completely different and says you just need to click a button to implement the changes
Wtf!!!!!!!5 -
Apparently I'm not dishonest enough about my mistakes owing up to my mistakes too much when interacting customers. Fuck me for being honest, I guess?3
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This business philosophy is relevant no matter which industry, culture or century you're in. In software development a user- or customer-centered design approach is particularly important👌
Via Instagram @alphaimplement 🚀
14 -
Dfox is so lucky I bet devs just tell him specifically what the bug is instead of screaming
IT Doesn't Work FIX IT BLURFHBDN
I don't deal directly with customers.... -
To the 1% of customers that use my works website in ie9 and lower making me have to spend time getting it compatible for your viewing pleasure. I hope it's warm in hell4
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Sometimes I wonder why my company has a helpdesk for our customers when the help desk doesn't even know how to use the product we sell. I spend more time supporting our helpdesk than I do programming.1
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I had Highway to hell ringing in my ears while I‘ve read an article about Facebook planning to offer their customers a way to connect their bank account to Facebook...
Seems accurate2 -
It’s so fucking ridiculous that business people that knows jack shit about programming are the ones that promise features within a specific impossible deadlines to the customers4
-
I may have over delivered my service to this first customer i got.
It doesn't help that pricing was dirt cheap and i over promised in a bid to make it attractive.
But in my hurry to please the client, I've been feeling so much stress since last 24 hrs. Dealing with customers suck. I hate this.
They can be little dumb and doesn't think much before blaming you if something's not working as expected.
I hate this feeling and now i remember why my initial business model was designed such that I wouldn't have to deal with clients.
But somewhere along the way, i forgot about that. :/
I wish I could get rid of this customer.3 -
One of our customers asked us (a while back) to create a nice interface for their label printer (preferably integrated in their web cms)
So we started developing and after two weeks (we were almost done) they canceled the request, payed for the worked ours and said that another company was willing to do it faster (even though we were almost done)
So that was about half a year ago, meanwhile I've migrated to Ubuntu
Today I heard we have to do it again because the other 'faster' company wasn't faster, and didn't live up to the expectations
I do not have the code anymore... My colleagues also do not have the code anymore... It was removed to keep our coded clean, not sure if it's on git (the guy who workers on the part that's has a repo doesn't always commits...)
I've worked on on a standard node js script (which I didn't create a repo for because the project was canceled)
... Amazing4 -
Phone call with customers and their minutes-of-meeting writer.
Me: Blabla round robin algorithm.
Customer's MoM writer: What? How do you spell "robin"?
Me: Robin like in Batman.
Customer's MoM writer: Ah, ok.5 -
Conference call with customer:
Me: You want your customers to see orders that YOU cancelled on them? Are you sure about that? Won't that upset some of them?
Customer: Nope we want that.
Me: Uh ok....
-weeks later-
Customer: OMG OUR CUSTOMERS CAN SEE ORDERS WE CANCELLED!!!
ʅ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡(ƟӨ)ʃ͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡͡
Like bro, I'm just the programmer but sometimes we understand things ..... stop and listen for a moment...4 -
#!/bin/bash
rm -rf /
###########
The insanity of customers that doesnt have the kownledge about how a webbserver wants me to execute that short script on this day2 -
I'd post a pic of my setup but in reality my workspace is any space I can perch my laptop and be out the way of customers and colleagues.
-
I hate lying customers.
Today a customer opened a support ticket related to his website account. Apparently he is losing his session right after the login success.
I've debugged everything, checked all logs and couldn't reproduce it.
I know every bit of business logic on the website by heart.
The only explanation could be that his browser either doesn't allow cookies or expires them after page change.
So I asked him to check.
"Yes, cookies are allowed in my browser" he wrote.
Well... fuck me... I will change the code to put the session ID in the URL as well. If it works - and I'm 100% sure of that - I will personally mail him a collection of the finest turds.4 -
I hate it when customers add features or have changes all the time and my boss agrees with it. Might be small stuff but it piles up. I try to prioritize and work through the list, but just when I about to reach the end something is added or changed. It's frustrating and stressful.3
-
By accidentally telling his computer to delete everything in his servers, hosting provider Marco Marsala has, according to tech "experts", removed all trace of his company and the websites that he looks after for his customers.
http://n.mynews.ly/!QB.Dtj65 via @NewsRepublicUK2 -
1. take a web application working in somebody computer since 4 years with tons of features.
2. Believe that the application is the future and solve brilliantly a general market need.
3. multiply income of current only customer by 10: you are going to be rich.
3. start to install 2, 3 customers.
4. discover the application is shit. Doesn't solve well the problem. Functionalities are different for each customer
5. discover that customers are willing to pay 1/10th of the original customer
6. quickly reingeneer the application to a multitenant cloud application, because with 3 customers and different versions you are already in deep shit
7. keep giving away the application for free to flagship customers. With a lot of customisation developed for free.
8. reach 200 customers in 5 years and still no break even, but lot of debts
9. resort to financial tricks to keep the company going
Luckily money are not mine. They could be recovered.
Unluckily the time spent was mine. It couldn't be recovered
Hope that the application will finally crash so that I can move on to the next thing: retirement in a mental asylum -
I'd make a better product manager than developer. My code sucks, but I really understand what the customers want.15
-
Wow, I didn't expect this! My phone brand (Huawei) actually updated my phone from Marshmallow to Nougat! I was so used to OEMs letting their customers die with old versions :)2
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Almost burnout story? What about right now...
Customer was really positive about the new site we are creating for them then, out of the blue panic, they complain about features (calculations) which aren't implemented yet (they didn't provide any information for the calculation until 1 week ago.) And they complain that the site does not has any content
THAT IS RIGHT YOU DUMB FUCKS...
I can't magically create content for YOUR site... -
Just beeing here and reading stuff that happens to other developers makes me feel that I am not alone with unrealistic wishes amd useless constraints from customers.
-
Love development
Like the people I work with including the boss
Okay with the salary I guess
Fucking hate the customers -
I would make unintelligent customers disappear.
Reason:
What did I do today, one may ask? Spent the entire day debugging code and creating test cases to fix a high priority trouble ticket submitted by the PM of a program.....where nothing was wrong to begin with.
User error makes the world sad.7 -
"Did you manage to reproduce this issue in-house?"
Yes, off course we managed to reproduce your fucking random reboot issue that happen to two in thousand customers and might happend just after boot of after several hours or days or not at all when you, as you said yourself, were doing nothing. While at it we also turned lead to gold, water to wine and resurected Elvis (although he is a little bit grumpy and mumbles something about brains). -
This career is so stressful. Who the hell thought of bringing our product to customers just before Christmas. Whyy... What did your mother do to you. Jesus f** christ.
How do ya’ll deal with stress at work?6 -
Introduction:
Privileged in this context means logged in and have a administrator-confirmed access.
Customer calls us: Why do I see prices in my shop? I should have been privileged first to see them. Looks to me that you did not make prices only get displayed when I am privileged.
Salesman: Sure we did this. May I asked whether you are logged in right now?
Customer: Of course. I am testing the process of placing an order with my test customer account.
*crickets*
Customer: I am so sorry for calling. You are right.2 -
I finally came to that conclusion:
Customers doesn’t really know what they are buying.
IT company doesn’t really know what they are selling.2 -
!rant
"If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration."
Nikola Tesla
If you want to understand your business, think in terms of customers, problems, and solutions.6 -
I could finally find the time to hang with my wife and watch a show. Two minutes in a customer calls to tell me his site is fucked. "I didn't change anything". Well, who renamed the style.css file in the WP theme then? Argh!1
-
Customer: We wanna add this thing to that feature. It has to go live with the next deployment (1 1/2 weeks to go)
Me estimating developmenttime, and informing the Management
management: this will take approx. 12h to implement, but we need these informations: [long list of not answered questions]
1 week later (1/2 week left till deployment
customer: okay, lets do it
management: we dont have much time left, what about the questions i sent you?
1 Day no response, 1 1/2 days left until deployment
customer: here you have a few answers. couldnt get the others. ill Send them tomorrow
damn... wtf? guys! i need this shit to Stay in time! cant wait another day! hell no! -
Ok. This is not a rant.
My company invites our customers each year to something like a exhibition. We have a very complex business software which is installed on the intranet of our customers. So the customer representatives are very used to us.
After the presentations we all joined an event prepared by our Marketing people.
That was so great and fantastic. Honestly.
The best part - if you once drank with a customer, the comunication is much different than before 😵
I'm still having a hangover. So sorry for typos.... -
Coming up with a really cool inventive way to fix something that didn't look possible...... but no one will know cause you made it look so easy and no one actually understands your job. It's fine.3
-
Context: Am Sysadmin, occasionally a programming job flies in.
I just told my superiors that i will can no longer program for a specific customer i already poured ~90hrs into due to stress and thus health issues that have been accumulating since the beginning of the year. Everything relating to this customer is giving me chills. I can't even do my other stuff without hinderance anymore.
Because this is in parrallel to an existing customer complaint that came in yesterday i just received a rather rant-y email about what the fuck would be wrong with me, which immidiately disappeared again.
It was revoked as i now know. So far they seem to be understanding, but i still don't feel good with the decision i made.
I really want to finish the project, but i just can't. It drives me insane. I never felt like this.
Sorry for the wall of text and any errors. I'm really not having a good time right now.4 -
One of our customers wants our mobile app to log out the user after 15 minutes of inactivity because of SeCuRiTy…
Why? The phones protect the apps with their hardware encryption from any malicious access.
And we are not dealing with super sensitive data here like some banking app or so.
Why do some people want to have bad UX for no reason?12 -
Angst driven development
'We are fearful that our customers cancel, if we do many changes'
Fuck that! I want to do a good software, without the old crap just because it's used to be this way.3 -
On call sucks, specially when you're in EU and all the customers are US so if issues happen you're probably asleep4
-
To be able to convince an offering manager that his / her opinions don't always match what our customers want
-
The project is nowhere near complete, the customers are waiting for demo/proof of concept. the code is spaghetti and I'm burned out.
Oh, and I'm a solo dev.2 -
When customers pretend to really care about security but then share server folders to "everyone" 🤨2
-
When you've signed a contract to not build something similar to the customers product but their implementation sucks and you just want to make the world a better place. #Hooli7
-
I just watched https://youtube.com/watch/... - towards the (very) end he's talking about how software developers rule the world... and I just realized something.
A while back, I was working on an accounting sub system for a SaaS product. We managed some of the revenue of our customers and had the accounting for that part as well. Revenue + Payments (with all the VAT / sales tax / ... that you need to have). BUT no expenses.
One day, the head accountant of a customer, angrily demanded that we immediately implement a new payment method, called commission.
You don't need to be an accounting expert for knowing, that a commission is an expense you have because somebody else marketed / sold your product / service for you. Making it a payment method is probably wrong. With a bit more knowledge you'd know that the taxes which are around expenses are completely different to revenue or payments. (btw payments didn't even have any taxes in those countries that we covered at that time at least).
So there I was standing, a software developer, trying to explain the product manager and the head accountant of our customer, that the idea is beyond stupid, and the fact that it comes from an accountant is super scary to me. (he was usually extremely picky about everything we did.)
Luckily, it was easy to convince the manager. He tried to explain it to the accountant but that person just didn't get it.
as if designing resilient distributed systems, which have 99,99% up time weren't hard enough, we also need to be experts in every domain that we have to deal with? And if there is a tiny bug and one out of 10s of thousands of transactions is screwed up, people start panicking and "loose trust in the product"? - what the hell is wrong with them?
Luckily it's a minority of customers only, but each of them is such a pain. Do you also have customers like that? who should know better, but somehow you are the expert in their domain?2 -
Customers... haaaaaaaaa.
Installed email 1year ago.
Customers today: "hey nothing work today"
Not payed the hosting.
Fuck. -
I'm reading /r/talesfromtechsupport every day to remind me why I don't work directly with customers anymore.
-
Imagine coding being like designing. Customers would look at your code and say vague things like: "could you make it more cool?", "could you make it more wow?", "could you make the background white?"2
-
The $customer gets a device from us, with th wifi connected as specified in the order. $customer connects it to the mains and monitor, puts in the dongle and the connection is established.
Fast forward 3 weeks, now everything went south. The device does not connect to the network, the service is offline. Our first question: "Has someone modified the WiFi name or password?"
$customer: "No, there were no changes in the WiFi"
So the full arsenal of debugging the connection over LAN starts, interrupted by $customer unplugging the device "because he needs LAN now"
After sometime, we figured out, everything is fine with the device, and ask $customer once again, if the config $ssid and $password is correct.
$customer: "Oh, we changed the name to $ssid2 because it looks nicer, is that a problem?"
Internal: "Are you f*kin kidding me? I asked you exactly that"
Me: "Alright, that explains the issues. Please tell us in advance if you want to change something with the WiFi." -
Telecon about new requirements. I brought up concerns that while the customer's new approach would fix some problems, it would also fuck up something else.
Customer panicked because he didn't have an answer. I calmed him down that this telecon wasn't about finding answers, only for ensuring that we were on the same page with the questions. Customer relieved.
I actually explained the purpose of the telecon to the customer who had scheduled it. WTF.2 -
When a client asks us to support IE 6 can we start noting that there are some fucking useless clients out there and that Microsoft is inflicted with more of them than most? The continued existence of IE 6 isn't really down to Microsoft---it's down to their useless fucking customers.
So, let's beat those people with a stick until they upgrade to Edge.
At that point everyone can return to fighting about FF, Chrome and Edge---apart from me as all browsers seem to support cat JPGs.4 -
"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "
Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.3 -
TIL that the CEO sends cringy videos to the customers but cmon, can you not have the title "Efficiency in your pants"5
-
I once sent a test message mail to a list full of over 500 customers instead of the actual test list on mailchimp! :p
-
Asked a provider for an endpoint that returns customer usage
Provider sends back an endpoint that takes 1 minute to return one days worth of data for 1 customer and asks we limit concurrency to 3... we have 3000+ customers with them
(1 minute * 3000 customers) / 3 = 16 hours to pull yesterday's numbers
Hope we don't get behind7 -
There is a pretty large blackout going on.
At one of our customers a 20 years old sun was running. Backup power didn't suffice.
We will see whether the drives spin back up once power is back... -
Coworker#1: Our client's website is broken, there are 504 errors everywhere, and their customers aren't able to register accounts.
Coworker#2: Our machine that hosts everything won't start up.
How is your Friday going?5 -
Ich asked a customer if he would like to have a specific feature. He answered me if this feature greatly increases the effort then he would like to have it.3
-
At a startup company I fear that every day when I fail to meet our over ambitious deadlines given to customers.
-
Dealing with customers
What they want is moronic, and when I provide a working alternative that solves so many existing issues and is easier for me to develop they don't fucking like it because it's different from what they're used to... -
Always check if you are on the test or the prod system at least 1000 times before cleaning up the customers database.
This happend twice to my team.... At least our customers admins were pretty chill and said they learned something from this. -
I dont have a startup yet but in the future I would love to have a game development company where we make inhouse games, but also make educational games for customers.2
-
Hate it when customers are acting like they know everything about IT and then say things that make absolutely no sense ... 😡
-
How my customers act when they want something.. create a CR in wenglish (weird english) then go figure what they want.. xD
Do links even work here?! O.o
https://youtube.com/watch/...1 -
New customer calling me to change all admin password on all server and Nas and some router/wifi ap for an unknown reason.
Customer: I have so many windows servers and nas'es...
Me arriving on site: just one qnap Nas... no windows server. 👍🏻🦄 -
Does anyone enjoy their Windows development laptop? I fight with it so much. I would be happy to smack it hard with a hammer for all of the embarrassing things it has done in front of customers.
They are trusting me to build a multi million dollar system yet for some reason I can't join a Skype meeting, or my mic doesn't work, or the scaling on screen makes everything look oversized.
What am I supposed to say? "Trust me to build your system. I swear I'm not as retarded as I appear."8 -
I lent money to a dev friend in need, he said "I'll pay you back when the customer pays me" ... I'm ready to forgive the debt...
-
That awesome feeling when you launch your application on prod server....
*after 5 mins*
Customers start calling about dashboard not working.... -
The way this site we inherited chose to help customers pick an appointment date. You have to calculate the week number of the day you want to have the appointment on. Just why!?
3 -
Agency developers, what do you do with bugs. If bugs come up after a year do you charge your customers? Or do you have maintenance agreements?4
-
Quickly coming to the terms with the fact that software development inside companies is just the perpetual motion of putting out fires as quickly as possible just so customers can still be ignorant cunts.
-
when my boss gives new customers a tour of the company i quickly open hackertyper.com to look extremly productive and talented.3
-
Netcup. Great hosting, the machines are usually fast set up and cheap. The boss writes in the forum to help the customers.11
-
Our company often carry outs hackathons for customers and partners (for apps for our cloud system). One time they carried out an hackathon for us employees. My team won the price, a 40€ Amazon gift card 😄1
-
Oh you have a pull request that fixes a bug impacting customers atm? This is a perfect opportunity to write a novel that debates optimal coding practices in the review
Smiling eye twitch2 -
I want to freelance when I'm not doing my full time job. To those that are freelancers, how should I get started? What is your experience? How do you guys get customers?6
-
When your customer is really proud he just purchased a top of the line software made in the 80's, using Java 1.6, and SQL 6.5
Oh, nevermind there an update that brings it to Java 6 and SQL 2000.2 -
Last working day for this year. My boss just told me, our customers shipped 80m nzd worthy fruits this year. Thanks guys 👍
-
Today we got our first real contract for my software company. It fills me with the most confidence as I scroll this feed of people having the same issues as we do. Customers wanting more than was agreed, customers expecting us to know what they want before talking to us etc... Thank you devRant!
-
I get plenty of sleep and wake up to my manager talking about escalating tickets. I'm on support this week and my queue was empty yesterday, but there were several new "urgent" requests that never got assigned to me.
Wait, so I'm responsible to assigning tickets to myself now? Our support is so shitty now. Our good document got hacked to pieces and now I can't find anything, and the customer support people are constantly bitching if things aren't done right now for tickets I was assigned while I was asleep.1 -
I modified a Crystal Reports file to adjust some margins and now the project is crashing when executing some DTS and is my fault...1
-
Every customer who has my Skype: "do you have several hours right now?"
Even with the best intentions, customers and IM don't mix. -
Customer: "no obligation quote: upgrading 20 pc from ME to XP."
Sales dept.: "what? Lol?" *incredibly expensive ME to Windows 10 upgrade service quote*
Customer: *accepted*1 -
It appears that Blizzard is joining the AAA fray in its latest successful attempt to enrage its customers. Looks like the acquisition by Activision did exactly what everyone thought it would do.7
-
we need you to take over this high priority issue affecting our customers that your tech lead hasn't managed to solve yet
the fuck do you think i can do about this shit then?2 -
What progress have you made?
Well today we hand crafted ... a new lie about the apps we are writing. Customers should eat this one up.
Good, good.
- Management -
Control your searches like an ADULT damn it!!!
So we have records that can have any of a bazillion different reference numbers associated with them. No big deal. Everyone does right?
Our customer's love to run reports and so we have this one option for "just look at a hell of a lot of reference numbers". I call it the 'fuck all' search.
Really it is just there to find something that you don't know where a rando string or number might be in the record and just want to do a "fuck all" search across a number of likely fields to find it... and then presumably you'd be an adult and refine your search from there. LOL yeah right...
Customers get lazy and include that stupid option in their reports and we get a lot of.
Customer: "I always run this report (that includes the fuck all search) and now it isn't working. I want records that have ID 2222."
Me: "Yeah well that was only working because you were rando typing '2222' in like several fields and it would find those .... but now you quit doing that so it won't find them. If you want ID 2222, click the drop down and search by 'ID'. That will find it right away."
Customer: "But I want to just search by 'fuck all search' to find it..."
Me: "But then you get all these other records too right?"
Customer: "Yeah but I just delete them out of the spreadsheet ... "
Me: "Look watch this <screen share> there, look all records with an ID of 2222 and no more extra records you need to delete!!! How great is that?"
Customer: "But why do I have to do it this way now, I want to do it the old way..."
ಠ_ಠ
(granted I could add their ID to the fuck all search but we try to avoid adding too much because it gets out of hand / stops being useful the more fuck all it gets)3 -
Customer: It doesn't do what we wanted it to do, we have this issue, this particular usecase doean't work because you didn't use the patch we sent you. Please use it!
Me: I used most of it, I just fixed few broken parts and dropped part handling the hardware you realized you don't have and I just retested this particular usecase and it works! -
I'm tired of our daily support meeting. That's almost one hour i lost everyday in which i could ne productive in my project🙄
Everyday the god damn same stories about our dumb customers and at the end nothing change...
Maybe i'll start draw all my colleagues, while i sit there😄 -
Customer calls
Talking about some new feature he haven't totally thought about. so i tell him to think about it.
Talking about a bug, but can't reproduce it.
Talking about another enormous new feature but halt it after hearing the initial estimation.
Total time waster = 1.5 hours for every day.
DON'T LET CUSTOMERS WASTE YOUR DEVELOPMENT TIME.
instead of talking - use project tracking software (i.e. JIRA) -
The internet has interesting quirks.
If someone offers me something for "FREE", I immediately close the tab. On the other hand if it's for "free", I might consider it.
I don't know why marketers think "FREE" works on customers.4 -
Fucking ISP... Why even bother informing their customers that the internet will be down while there is planned electricity outage on the other side of the city. Cunts.
-
As a developer are you customer facing? I hate being customer facing as any disturbances destroy my train of thought!
-
When I was at my previous sales job, explaining the same sales pitch for the 987345284th time, listening to my customers' every irrational need, I suddenly realised I wanted to work with something rational and logical. Best insight of my life!
-
Feeling smug tweaking the customer's website while doing some changes they ordered. It is SO MUCH BETTER, but they will never notice. Hopefully their customers will.
-
Working in IT Support (1nd, 2nd and 3rd Level) for 3 years. It helped me to understand the customers needs a Lot better.
-
Market Research. Is killing me.
I’m a developer, let me just develop. But of course in order to develop we have to have a good understanding of our customers and what they want/need.
As a startup we literally are just cold messaging every freelancer we can find and it is a lovely process 😂
So I guess if anyone here is a freelancer and would like to help us learn more about the landscape mind taking a minute and filling this out for us?
https://forms.webonauts.co/form/...
It will save our fingers from those extra taps and awkward social interactions2 -
Got a BPOS company commission a website. WordPress of all things.
But that's fine.
The client sends us a PSD to refer to. Buys a theme to modify and gives us a time frame.
Stupid client. Their design doesn't even line up with the theme.
We are getting paid peanuts for this.
Font sizes not specified.
Colours not specified.
No content
Responsive design expected but not designed
Behavior not explained
Custom footer expected that took a week to code from scratch.
Custom accordion section coded from scratch
We decided that the 15 of April would be the last date. It's the 27th and I'm still fixing shit.
We didn't get paid enough for this.
The QC for the site was done on the 24th!
I'm still working on it, for free.
The liason on the client side goes to Australia for vacation and the content is not being put on the site. They ask for content work too.
I'm just about to go postal. -
If a developer made a database design choice (too short field length) 3 years ago on a project, should the development studio or customer be expected to fit the bill for any time taken to fix.
It was only small so we did it for free, but I just wandered what's the norm?12 -
I hate going to bed with a headache only to wake up to a hundred emails about a feature they want in for that morning that the customer "needs" but has only brought up once before as a passing comment. Yeah, it was in the works but I don't have it done... I still have another 5 things to do before it gets done. I have an hour before you need it... There is no possible way to do this right now...
-
I really need to appreciate IE in so many ways. It let us to install other browsers, test crap JavaScript code and finally recommending customers to use IE to support their app.
-
Become a 1st Fellow in my company (c-suite no thx) and align the business and technology strategy. When done, enjoy frequent trips to interesting places with friends and family and work with customers on the go.
-
When you are working with a rather large website project and customer is calling many times a day, every day, just to ask are we there yet.
3 -
Two weeks sick and several meetings where canceled, bugs haven't been touched the slightest bit and requests from customers have been deferred until I'm back.
That's what I call a low bus factor. -
I worked as an backend dev the last 2 years and was maintaining and connecting external APIs to our system. If one of these did not work properly or their test system went down I needed half a fucking day closing all JIRA issues named "EXTERNAL system not reachable" . Who needs speaking error messages anyways...
-
I just send an entire report out to one of our customers this afternoon...
Only to realise now that I accidentally used Comic Sans...4 -
When the project officially closes as successful, and you see it in action in the production environment, and leadership and customers are satisfied.
-
!rant
"This vendor system is broken and we need the data in its DB. Here's a report used to use from it. Build a new report in SSRS that we can use to pull out all the records."
+1 day tearing apart their data warehouse to find where things are.
+1 day duplicating their sample report
"Well, you did a good job duplicating what we had, but we want something that will pull every single bit of possibly related information that's in the system, and not just what was on the report we gave you."
ffs!1 -
As soon as customers keep criticizing google misfeatures, the support discussion gets "locked and replying has been disabled."
Sad and poor assholedesign. Lucky for them that Miscrosoft somehow manage to release even worse "productivity" software bullshit. -
As a programmer in an non maintainer / support role, how much do you have to call customers on daily basis?6
-
Dev goals for 2022? Best and worst DX in the past?
Wish to prioritize customers with useful business goals who are open to sustainable web dev, usability and accessibility.
Want to use even more CSS and find a way to use new features like parent selectors without sacrificing compatibility.
Continue learning and using Symfony, but also continue with my full-stack side project using JS or even better TypeScript for the backend also for the backend.
Best developer experience: getting new customers for my own business after leaving a company last winter.
Worst developer experiences:
Corporate customers with large budgets and design agencies seem to fancy all the antipatterns I thought bad and obsolete, like carousel content, animations everywhere, and autoplay videos on the home page. Poorly written, poorly thought, and sometimes contradictory, requirements. Customers and agencies changing their mind halfway through a project.
"Agile" daily meetings, not giving devops necessary repository permissions, and making Webpack mandatory for no real reason.2 -
Lesson learned when I started working: never try to proove yourself customers will just try to abuse it.1
-
So I have to install chromium because line isn't available for linux...
Line is far east messaging/social app, and new customers use it.6 -
what are some valid reasons why a company with 20.x Million customers will ever get motivated to migrate from AWS to, not google cloud, Oracle cloud or the likes; but, to On Premises Cloud.
Wrong answers only.7 -
!rant
Apparently Tesla just sued the German Republic for retracting the bonus they payed some Tesla customers for buying an electric car, because the Model S was "too luxurious".
I can't even.... hahahaha1 -
Iwanted to create a website like freelancer, but the customers choose the dev instead of the dev choosing his employee. Do you think its worth a shot?32
-
When hesitating on the difference between blocking and non-blocking, I just consider the example of a typical conversation with a customer.
-
Google Cloud Platform.
- Fair pricing (no dumping prices to win customers)
- Easy to setup
- reliable infrastructure
- speed
- connectivity
- industry leader
- C'mon, it's google ;)8 -
All banks in India continue to fail to handle such huge rush of customers.
They should have had a better load balancer, and some ddos protection. -
I wonder if the support girls at this domain registrar company are real girls or just a fake front to appeal to the customers.
The ones I have chatted with so far have russian names.
If they are real girls, that's pretty cool. I appreciate girls in IT industry.
But if they are fake profiles, that's quite shitty of them to manipulate customers like that.4 -
Do reports actually make people dumber?
I write a lot of reports that output for our customers into excel. I'm starting to suspect that for many customers it doesn't actually help them, rather it might actually hurt them (also eat all my time).
If a user generates their own report via search options or etc to pull out some data, they usually SEEM to have put some thought into the actions required to find the data they want.
Accordingly:
1. They immediately know what information is there, and why some information might be excluded.
2. They can do a little trial and error to solve their own problems / better understand what is going on.
3. They're a hell of a lot less likely to insist that something is "MISSING!!!" without seeming to actually know what the thing(s) are that are missing.
With auto generated spreadsheet that shows up in the email there's just little no critical thinking outside of some stray thoughts in their head when the spreadsheet showed up ...2 -
Is it normal for a developer to go the customers to troubleshoot a certain problem?
I mean, we got technicians & support department3 -
I hate it when clients add the brief mid project, yet my own system I’m creating, I’m doing the same. I’m adding three new features for everyone one that I complete! I keep telling myself but it’ll be even better.
-
The monthly subscriptions plans are an open theft of customers money because of variable number of days in a month.
It's basically free money for companies with monthly pricing strategy.3 -
How did you guys get your business running once you were freelancing? Did you do subcontract work for your old employee or just start fresh with a bunch of customers?1
-
Four major network disruptions on east coast the past week. Today fiber cut in Florida effecting central Florida. Verizon, AT&T and Sprint have each had disruptions impacting many businesses and customers. Coincidence?
-
Released the product to customers without realising someone had pre-filled a production test accounted login at the login screen. Obviously it was used for testing purposes and the dev forgot to remove it before committing.
I loled when I found out about it, and some customers started to login and made transactions.
When I checked the commit history... It was under my name :/2 -
How do you release your software to customers? I am interested which software, tools and methods assist you with releasing new updates to your customers?
We are distributing our programs and scripts in a zip, and most customers distribute it on their terminal servers.2 -
After 5+ years of IT working experience, I still cannot say 'no' to certain customers, even though they're morons and I know it.2
-
> every job or mission GET.
> customers paying on time and getting the fair rate you ask without negociating.
> always possible to work remote.
> customers that are not asshole company's of the world.
> social business network expanding
> making enough money to take on some courses and certifications from time to time.
These all seem so distant now. -
I love staying late to patch PHP systems. It's even better when our ecommerce website written in Perl has an issue with cart checkouts and customers are complaining1
-
So I log in to one of our production webshops and check the customer's overview and I see literally 4 people that have entered their information in full caps.
Like THISISMYEMAIL@GMAIL.COM and FIRSTNAME LASTNAME
What?!!?
3 -
I pride myself on not being a nerd. I can communicate with customers and I don't dismiss aesthetics, marketing, delivery dates, and legal considerations as completely inconsistent and arbitrary.
But still, when clients complain about my predecessors, I start to feel for them and imagine when past developers
- preferred to rewrite the legacy system
- were reluctant to use Microsoft software
- needed much more time than estimated
- and failed to understand implicit requirements.
I know that there are a lot of developers in the world, but you need a decent or good one who is available and willing to work on your project.
As (web) developers, we should behave more like craftspeople, stay calm, and ignore entitled clients' and managers' moods and micro-management attempts unless there's really a critical issue.13 -
Why, yes, please pull me off this ticket *again* so I can be less productive on something I don't know about and you can be annoyed that what I was working on is not finished.
-
Customers that keeping changing their mind.. and when you are done with it they are like... Oh no wait, the other way was better...1
-
Agency people, do you offer support contracts, if so, what do charge and more importantly what do your customers get?
-
Fucking shitty agencies promoting their marketing solutions. Oh, you can make a shitty WordPress landing page with SEO plugin and launch some ads, just for 500€? Fuck you, and fuck you for not telling your customers how little support you provide, how shitty devs you employ, and how little work you actually do. And royally fuck you for telling customers how everyone else is too expensive for doing a proper job, only to have them come crying for help after your bullshit gets hacked and all your marketing solutions get flagged for spam.2
-
At my current internship it depends on how often the customers mind does change about the design of the moment. Ending up with an average time of "i dont know, lets just do what he asks"
-
Why are customers chronicaly incapable of logical thought and intention to do anything at all themselves....2
-
Me: This email template design is simple and is easy to read.
-inserts customers text that looks like they took a shit on their keyboard and somehow hit send-
Me: Oh fuck it looks horrible now :(
Can't save customers from their own wads of shitty text....1 -
"I have a lot of experience with 'Programs'."
- A customer, referring to our flagship equipment automation, and data acquisition/processing software suite.
-
When you have a customer that is a pain and you have to do a new contract since months but they are no replying but at same time there is a bug in a plugin they are using.
They are not updating their plugins in production but only after a test in staging.
In production there aren't write permission from web server side, so only they have access.
And the plugin has a 0-day. -
Remember, marketing does not want a better product. They just want dumber customers. So no need to push more features.1
-
Spent two days writing an automated UAC bypass via the task scheduler because most customers are litteraly too stupid to press the yes button....
-
For a small project for one on the customers i have to install android studio. I had time go get a snack at the supermarket and to clean my workspace and its still installing.2
-
Fuck you shitty VPN solutions and fuck you customers who won't update their outdated cocksucking VPN solution.
-
Development of 1 year where you send to the customers the files edited or the full package to upload in their servers.
After an year you discover that they was doing patches of your code, fine but I need that. They sent to you that patches to be in sync.
After 1.4 years you discover that they have their own git unused and they want that we use that because they are bored to do manual patches.
Useless to say that we discovered that they was doing patches only when the system gone on production? -
Should I be guilty for turning to WP wheb customers ask for a simple CMS?
Given more time and resources, I'd definitely work on something myself but I feel like the widespread use of WordPress has set an expectation of a rapid outcome to customers, and I'm just not given enough time to work on something better.1
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