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Interviewer: Welcome, Mr X. Thanks for dropping by. We like to keep our interviews informal. And even though I have all the power here, and you are nothing but a cretin, let’s pretend we are going to have fun here.
Mr X: Sure, man, whatever.
I: Let’s start with the technical stuff, shall we? Do you know what a linked list is?
X: (Tells what it is).
I: Great. Can you tell me where linked lists are used?
X:: Sure. In interview questions.
I: What?
X: The only time linked lists come up is in interview questions.
I:: That’s not true. They have lots of real world applications. Like, like…. (fumbles)
X:: Like to implement memory allocation in operating systems. But you don’t sell operating systems, do you?
I:: Well… moving on. Do you know what the Big O notation is?
X: Sure. It’s another thing used only in interviews.
I: What?! Not true at all. What if you want to sort a billion records a minute, like Google has to?
X: But you are not Google, are you? You are hiring me to work with 5 year old PHP code, and most of the tasks will be hacking HTML/CSS. Why don’t you ask me something I will actually be doing?
I: (Getting a bit frustrated) Fine. How would you do FooBar in version X of PHP?
X: I would, er, Google that.
I: And how do you call library ABC in PHP?
X: Google?
I: (shocked) OMG. You mean you don’t remember all the 97 million PHP functions, and have to actually Google stuff? What if the Internet goes down?
X: Does it? We’re in the 1st world, aren’t we?
I: Tut, tut. Kids these days. Anyway,looking at your resume, we need at least 7 years of ReactJS. You don’t have that.
X: That’s great, because React came out last year.
I: Excuses, excuses. Let’s ask some lateral thinking questions. How would you go about finding how many piano tuners there are in San Francisco?
X: 37.
I: What?!
X: 37. I googled before coming here. Also Googled other puzzle questions. You can fit 7,895,345 balls in a Boeing 747. Manholes covers are round because that is the shape that won’t fall in. You ask the guard what the other guard would say. You then take the fox across the bridge first, and eat the chicken. As for how to move Mount Fuji, you tell it a sad story.
I: Ooooooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy. Right, tell me a bit about yourself.
X: Everything is there in the resume.
I: I mean other than that. What sort of a person are you? What are your hobbies?
X: Japanese culture.
I: Interesting. What specifically?
X: Hentai.
I: What’s hentai?
X: It’s an televised art form.
I: Ok. Now, can you give me an example of a time when you were really challenged?
X: Well, just the other day, a few pennies from my pocket fell behind the sofa. Took me an hour to take them out. Boy was it challenging.
I: I meant technical challenge.
X: I once spent 10 hours installing Windows 10 on a Mac.
I: Why did you do that?
X: I had nothing better to do.
I: Why did you decide to apply to us?
X: The voices in my head told me.
I: What?
X: You advertised a job, so I applied.
I: And why do you want to change your job?
X: Money, baby!
I: (shocked)
X: I mean, I am looking for more lateral changes in a fast moving cloud connected social media agile web 2.0 company.
I: Great. That’s the answer we were looking for. What do you feel about constant overtime?
X: I don’t know. What do you feel about overtime pay?
I: What is your biggest weakness?
X: Kryptonite. Also, ice cream.
I: What are your salary expectations?
X: A million dollars a year, three months paid vacation on the beach, stock options, the lot. Failing that, whatever you have.
I: Great. Any questions for me?
X: No.
I: No? You are supposed to ask me a question, to impress me with your knowledge. I’ll ask you one. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
X: Doing your job, minus the stupid questions.
I: Get out. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
All Credit to:
http://pythonforengineers.com/the-p...89 -
Windows: Copying 2,513 items from <here> to <here>.
Me: OK.
Windows: 84% complete.
Me: OK.
Windows: Shit.
Me: What?!
Windows: "Copying" dialog box is not responding.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Well, yeah, sorry.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Do something else until it unfreezes.
Me: OK.
.
.
.
Me: Fuck you. Everything's stuck. Can't click anywhere.
Windows: You can still use your mouse, though.
Me: Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, it's also stuck. The whole thing is frozen as ice.
Windows: What about keyboard?
Me: I said, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Windows: Well, sorry?
Me: FUCK YOU!!20 -
Client: Why did you use Vanilla JavaScript? Even my child doesn't eat vanilla.
Me: Uhh..., you realise we are not talking about ice-cream right?
Right?
RIGHT?8 -
6pm - arrive home from work, log into my computer and start working on side projects.
4am - Finally go to sleep after staying up all night setting up arch in a vm.
7am - Start drive to work in the snow and ice.
7:20am - car runs out of wiper fluid.
7:30am - round corner so that I’m driving towards the sun, windshield is covered in mud and I have 2% visibility.
7:35am - take off ramp towards gas station so I can buy fluid and wash window.
7:36am - Car mysteriously parked in center of off ramp, nearly smash it but have a narrow miss.
7:40am - can’t find the freaking pully in new car to pop hood
7:41am - found it.
7:50am - drove the back way to work because it cuts out traffic, but includes many steep hills that I forgot existed, come to a skid at bottom of one and am pushed out into the main road, luckily nobody is coming and I’m able to continue on my merry way.
8:01am - sit down in desk, lead staff person comes over evoking Lumbergh from Office Space and lets me know I need to be on time to work and that the snow doesn’t give me an excuse. I agree and smile and suck up and he leaves.
8:02am - pull out phone to write down notes about personal project that I thought of on drive here, phone dies. I forgot to plug it in last night.
8:04am - found power bank charger thing in desk but it uses a micro-b type usb and I only have usb type c on me.
8:10am - borrow usb from old headset in office surplus.
8:11am - writing notes. Have sudden realization that I didn’t shut down my vm and that when my computer went to sleep and subsequently locked it probably halted virtualbox and everything would be lost for the second time.
8:12am - got on devRant.4 -
I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.
While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.
I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.
So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.
She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"
During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.
It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"
I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.
I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.
Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.
It read something like:
hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?10 -
Once we were going to present a web service to governmental firm. All is going well so far and my boss asks me to host the web application the day before the presentation.
I hosted it and all was good with demo production tests, but I had a bad feeling.
While it was running on our server, I also ran it locally with a reverse proxy just in case.
* Meeting starts *
* Ice broken and down to business *
"And now our developer will run the demo for you..."
* Run the demo from my laptop to double check --> 500 Internal Server Error *
Holy shit!!!
* Opens reverse proxy link on my laptop. Present demo during meeting. Demo works like a charm. *
Firm representative: "Great! Looking forward to go live."
*Our team walks out*
GM: "Good job guys"
ME:
4 -
Had a random dream last night where different JavaScript Frameworks were different flavour ice creams. No matter which one I tried I kept coming back to vanilla...6
-
Dude reverse engineered mcdonalds API to filter out which mcdonalds have ice machine broken https://twitter.com/rashiq/status/...
Result: https://mcbroken.com/9 -
So I just found this app, called LifeRPG. It lets you play your life as a game, compleating quests for exp and "gems"(which you can then trade for custom rewards.. I'm thinking.. Ice cream~ <3) I think this will help keep me motivated more to do actual things in my life. Maybe.. We'll have to see. I already set up a bunch of daily missions, and continous missions.
28 -
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
Like "Why is Facebook webpage running so slow" (I think cuz of all the tracking stuff, and they are having trouble on my Linux machine). But I gave it a naive duck-duck and found this brilliant tip to "Reinstall JavaScript" to improve that performance. I'm just so speechless rn... And the cherry on the ice-cream is the link :D
12 -
instead of ranting why php sucks or your co-worker being an ass in coding, why not have some of this?
12 -
I'm really close to just quitting coding all together. This job is sucking the life out of me. I've lost my interest in code and the idea that there are better jobs out there.
My "boss" who's not even really my boss but behaves like he is, is micromanaging my every tag, and is an information hog. He doesn't document, he doesn't tell me anything, I've been here six months and still don't know half of what I need to know to do my job properly!
I'm expected to implement a new responsive design, but we don't have design specifications.
Cool, you'd think, new ideas, complete overhaul! Let's get a good foundation in bootstrap going!
WRONG! It needs to fit in with the old, fuck- ugly pre 2000 design.
Not because of any design constraints in particular, but because HE wants it that way. You know what was fucking trendy in 2000? Tables. Tables fucking everywhere. YOU KNOW WHAT TABLES ARE NOT? RESPONSIVE YOU FUCKING ICE LOLLY CHEWER!
We have no development timeline, no process management, no fucking project management. THE FUCKING PASSWORDS WERE STILL STORED IN PLAIN TEXT UNTIL LAST MONTH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BANANA DEEPTHROATER! 😤😤😤😤😤😤
I'm doing my best here to get something resembling the old page, but there needs to be some fucking compromise! We are in fucking 2017, let's work with Bootstrap instead of against it, how about that you fucking bald cactus!
I know enough about UI to know that the way we're going, this is just going to be another unusable fucking clusterfuck.
YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING PART? I'M A FUCKING BACKEND DEV AND I WAS HIRED AS SUCH! GIVE ME A DESIGN TEMPLATE AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPLEMENT IT, BUT FUCK YOU FOR EXPECTING FRONT END LEVEL DESIGN KNOWLEDGE YOU DUMB FUCKING SPAGHETTI!14 -
**Overheard new intern struggling with git talking to lead developer
Intern: "I am having trouble with the git repo on my local machine, can you take a look?"
*** Looks at code for three seconds
Lead developer: "Yeah, I suggest you just delete and reclone the repo."7 -
The freelancer...
We are looking for someone to design a logo with no less than 2 years Javascript, 10 years Intel IO low level engineering in assembly, 2 months pascal, 14 weeks of HTML5, 17.23567 years of ASCII C, and you must have a half pint of strawberry ice cream in your freezer. $20.00 firm.5 -
Great, it's not one security flaw, but two!!
One's a flavour of ice-cream and the other is the title of a James Bond movie.
Bloody FUCKWIT(s)!!7 -
If some yampy bloke ask me bout the origin of my username again imma shove a can of ice cold monster™ energy drink up em ass (: Is it hard to look it up?? (Dont look it up tho, it porn)
So it a funky ass breakbeat/chiptune kinda album. Sod off.
16 -
I was at a college career fair and had a list of 20 booths to visit. There were maybe a thousand other applicants. I was the only one in pink (technically coral) shoes. I'd walked four miles in those heels and had blisters everywhere I could from them.
At my last booth, the guy says "Oh! Pink shoes! I've been noticing them all day! Nice to meet you, I'm X." I gave him my background and resume, talked about the kinds of problems I wanted to solve and was invited to interview with them.
On my way home, I walked barefoot through downtown despite the ice on the sidewalks just to get out of those damn shoes.
A few weeks later, I got the job.6 -
Renaming your master branch to "main" is racist. When Git was created, there were no connotations related to slavery. Also, the word "master" has many meanings, and in the context of computer technology, "master" has nothing to do with slavery.
When I tell that to people, some of them say "but wait, you're white, so you by definition can't understand feelings of black people".
Feelings come from one's mind. Proposing the situation where I can't understand something because "only black people understand it" implies white and black people being different in their cognitive abilities, and that's fucking racism right there.
Ability to understand cultural and historical phenomena does not depend on race. Anyone who says that without a biological proof is a racist.
I find it ironic how it's microsoft who almost enforced this on GitHub while themselves supporting literal concentration camps: https://github.com/drop-ice56 -
A. Hey, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
B. Cookies!
A. I accept! Hey, what's your favorite ice cream flavor? -
The office decided to buy us all ice-cream. I got mine out the fridge put it on my desk and before I sat down was asked to join a meeting, after that on the way to my desk got called over to help someone. Eventually got back to find my ice-cream had melted over my entire desk :(1
-
Lemon juice
Water
Vodka
Limoncello
Splash of gin (I used Bombay)
Sugar/replacement to taste
Ice
Tastes like traditional lemonade, but this one is a great remedy for burnout/reality.
Highly recommend!7 -
God, the media is a joke. They can't spell loss, and the chart would seem to indicate that ice loss is decreasing. How do you mess up a line chart? and a four letter word?
16 -
That moment when you realize that your head looks like an ice-cream cone from the side...
I was in a long meeting when I looked at my little picture and then it dawned on me...
5 -
I can't believe how difficult it is to convince people in a *tech* company to automate things.
"oh yeah it's only a couple of times a year. How much work is it gonna take to automate it, it'll take us only a few minutes to do manually"
That's how you get stuck in the past.7 -
zero motivation for anything, i just want sit outside in the sun at the lake with ice cream and not in front of a screen. And not being bothered by the new vacum cleaner loud deep learning rig of the data science department in this open floor office.
I fucking forgot my noise cancling headphones. FML
2 -
I Love coding in The Sun with some Ice-Cold drinks, but if the Notebook-Screen wouldn't reflect The Sunlight so brutal...4
-
Root experiments.
Spiced rum, kahlua, grand mariner, chocolate liquor, milk, ice. Tastes like house paint, and not in the good way like protein bars. Do not recommend. Better with more milk, but still meh.
Spiced rum, kahlua, triple sec, milk, ice. Tastes like orange milk with coffee. Pretty nice.
Spiced rum, ice. Tastes like a faint memory of heaven. Amazing grace, hallelujah.13 -
Please, don't take this post seriously. I wrote it from anger.
I hate a lot of humans.
I was at a church today because family ties. I'm agnostic. That sums it up.
And now, I'm at a mall, and it's crowded, and I'm bumping into a lot of people with very low common sense. These fucking apes here have ZERO walk awareness. And a lot of them probably drive, which scares me.
When they make a line in a food shop, and the line gets too big, they curve the line so that the line can continue, like an L, but they leave TOO LITTLE GODDAMN SPACE TO WALK THROUGH!
There's a narrow ramp, next to some stairs, that I use to get to the nursery of the mall, but it also leads to the bathrooms. A lot of these disgusting beings use the ramp. Jesus fucking christ, USE THE SHITTIN FUCKING STAIRS.
tiday I was walking with the stroller the 9 month old which was (thank you alpha omega) sleeping.
I see one of those nice comfy couches, and there's a couple hugging in it but there's an empty spot. I come closer and it's occupied by their trash, some cups with ice cream.
I could not believe my eyes.
That shit's expensive. I would never leave shit with ice cream in my couch, and it's also a horrible gesture because it looks like you're denying it from others with your trash.
I just stared the trash down like really disappointed. They took the trash but I moved on because I was very salty at that point.
I find a seat next to a dad and his kid. I sit down, relieved. His daughter comes over, and almost yelling complains about him buying his brother.
I stared this little shit straight in her face because she could wake up my kid. She and her family was totally oblivious.
These are just minor events, but I come across a plethora of situations like this every day, like people turning on their turn lights 1/2 second before turning, or people that I meet on the street giving me fucking advice on raising kids.
That's the average mall experience. It's a place where selfful people thrive.
I shit you not, sometimes I imagine that a meteor strikes earth and while it makes me sad that all the people I consider kind will die, I orgasm at the thought of these filthy parasites just evaporating.
But then I realize that I'm being very cruel and intolerant. And feel guilty.
Sometimes I think that I should live in Japan or a similar place.
Japanese city people are very organized.
But then I remember that Japan has a suicide problem. And that it has a poverty problem. And a lot of outcasts. And that they barely have sex.
i dunno.24 -
Alpha
Beta
Cupcake
Donut
Eclair
Froyo
Gingerbread
Honeycomb
Ice cream sandwich
Jelly bean
Kitkat
Lollipop
Marshmallow
Nougat
Oreo
Pie
Q ?
R ?
S ?
T ?
U ?
V ?
W ?
X ?
Y ?
Z ?
And then?17 -
Todays best work related question.
How is the stock of ice cream in the fridge?
We are a cloud application provider ;)3 -
I lost all my data from a terrible accident. By using recovery software over the course of a week (because the computer I had to use to recover it was less than adequate), I managed to recover most data. Upon restoring the data to the SSD, there was numerous corruption issues, strange glitches, etc. I tried running many system recovery tools, repairing the registry, disk check, everything. Today, I could not install Visual Studio Community updates because... it couldn't. It just popped up a blank window and that's it. I tried everything. Eventually, that combined with every other issue I've had, apps not working because of corrupt files and having to reinstall basically everything I've tried to use anyway, I decided to do a clean install.
So I'm waiting for many many many installers, right now. Nanite was only the tip of the ice berg. I guess what I'm trying to say is...
How's everyone doing? :)2 -
Depression and anxiety is a major challenge in my work life.
I could remember vividly when I was at my last job, any time I felt depressed I'll call for sick leave. It was hard for me to pinpoint the cause of my depression because even while on most sick leave I still felt depressed.
I blamed it on my job, blamed it on my family, on my social circle, on my friends, on my lifestyle, on almost everything. At some point it all felt like it was me versus the world, a fight I could never win.
Thoughts came in... Maybe it's because John is now married with two kids, or because Stella is now the new manager, or that David just bought a new Ross Royce and I'm still riding an ice-cream truck, or its because Steve is always on vacation and PM always complaining about uncompleted task with no acknowledgement for the 2 months task finished in a week, or because Boss is always calling for stupid meetings. Different thoughts in my head... Jealousy, Envy, Disappointment, Tiredness, Confusion, all combined at once.
But I did found a cure for my anxiety and depressed nature...
During lunch hours I visit a beach close to where I work, it's called "Tarkwa bay". I'll sit at the rock formations and glare at the shadows of the rising sun, listen to the sound of rumbling waters and passive the complete overview of nature. The feeling I get there is really calming, It occupies my head with neutral thoughts and a love for nature. 🤗
I truly experienced an improvement overall and it's been a while I felt depressed since I started such a routine.
Nature is really a gift.1 -
Roger Waters is a true fucking rebel.
Absolutely love this man and how he rejected Zuckerberg's offer to advertise on Facebook.
Fucking legend.
https://youtu.be/-TGBcAZ55D4
I cannot feel more pride of being a Floyd fan. The ideology is what keeps me going.1 -
it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!5
-
A: Hey, let's brainstorm for a good name for our new hipster coffee.
B: Ice-Coffee!
C: Cool-Coffee!
D: Karacho!
A: Take my money!
______
I'm not quite sure, but doesn't Karacho mean Penis in Spanish?
7 -
!rant
I get asked about being able to hack stuff, like cracking wifi passwords. Mostly I just go along with them and make up some stuff about how you _could_ do it. And explain how it is done, throw in some "yeah its tough"s and words they wont understand. Yeah with a dictionary attack and a powerful CPU with many threads you can definitely do it! You should try it! I say. Convincing them they can. Ofcourse, download kain and abel and look for something like aircrackng on google.
They won't amount to much and probably won't even try it, but I have a laugh. Seeing the hope of hacking and cracking fade away as a child's ice cream melting on a hot summer day.
Hehe2 -
Modern HR is great. I love the fact that my future as a developer depends on how effectively I can talk over someone and create solutions to shitey ice breaker games.
Fuck off. Code test me, cunt.1 -
Want to be likeable or get your way through people?
No need to sell ice cream, just validate those insecure souls.
Wide majority does not want their fragile bubble to be broken even if they are suffocating within.
All they seek is validation. That's fucking it. That's the secret.
If someone asks you for some opinion or support, most of the time they are just want to hear how great their mediocre thought process is.
Someone's lack of ability accept criticism and grow is the sole reason they are stuck in quicksand situation and only drowning further.
An unethical social skill but this will take you a long way and also help you stay sane from the insecure narcissistic scums by avoiding toxic interaction.
JUST VALIDATE THEM.27 -
How to legitely stop falling a sleep at work? Walk around outside. Get some sunlight. Find a store. Buy ice cream. Get back. Feels ok af.5
-
So, german long distance trees are called ICE/IC (Intercity/-Express).
The wifi there, if any, is called WIFIonICE.
My stupid brain immediately thought of a musical with dancing routers and switches in tights.7 -
@ Developers who don't comply to ISO 8601
I really hope you get to a really nice ice cream shop, get some amazing ice cream, only for you to trip, and fall right on top of the ice cream, ruining your favourite shirt in the process.18 -
!dev
Just took out my four wisdom teeth at once. I can't feel my face, I look like a balloon and I'm drooling like I'm about to eat a delicious cake.
Except the cake is a fucking lie, my mandibular joints are hurting and I can't eat solids for a week.
At least I only have one postoperative to contend with. Hurray! 🙃6 -
Why do most docs have grey text color over a white background! It's just incredibly difficult to focus on. And my brain is like a potato to begin with.6
-
replaced my coffee with this for the hot days 🥵
- lemon juice
- ice
- water
- sugar
- mint
cheap and tasty 😋
8 -
Let's be honest here. With all the ranting we do. Is there such a thing as a company/team we'd enjoy working with? lol16
-
One of the few good things dell ever made are it's monitors.
They must be good. People never fucking throw them away. Back when I did repairs I came across *so* many customers who just stocked monitors away like squirrels preparing for the god damn ice age. Three dell monitors here. Five there. Every where a monitor. Old McDonald had dell farm, E, I, E, I, O.6 -
#CocktailRant
TODAY: Azzurro
Made with coconut liquor, rum, blue syrup and pineapple/passion fruit juice, Azzurro is one of the few cocktails that can make you really freaking drunk while don't noticing it.
Just throw everything in a blender and mix it with some ice cubes.
Ingredients:
- Curaçao Syrup
- Malibu
- Barcadi white rum
- pineapple juice
- passion fruit juice
10 -
Front-end web development in 2018 is a fucking dumpster fire. 4 month old blog post guides are out of date, hipster toolchain APIs change monthly, npm can't find a module that is literally right there in its entirety in the fucking node_modules directory. JavaScript is love. JavaScript is life.5
-
If someone asks you something that's easily google-able, they are probably just trying to break the ice with you.
Been reading a few books this year on people skills. We write code to make the lives of people better. To do that we need to understand and emphasise with each other -
Been 122 days since my last post, since then I have been working on a game engine on Vala using SDL2 in my free time (Lol I have none)
Decided to put that on ice or just work on it when drunk (very common occurrence) and teaching myself C while working on a game or game engine, hopefully will have some quality rants inbound!3 -
Just started using the Dropbox API. Want to do a simple directory listing of my files. Sends HTTP GET request at https://api.dropboxapi.com/2/files/....
"Error in call to API function "files/list_folder": Your request's HTTP request method is "GET". This function only accepts the HTTP request method "POST"."
What. The. Fuck. Dropbox.
HTTP POST is for creating a new instance of a resource. HTTP GET is for reading. GET guarantees server state is not changed while POST does not. I want to fucking list a directory, not put stuff in it.1 -
I just had a boys-out night with my son. Went to some restaurant, found a parking spot in a confusing parking lot (half is more expensive than the other half of the lot, not sure which fee applies to the middle row... confusing), started paying for parking with the app (pays every 15 minutes until stopped).
Went inside, ordered a pizza, some ice cream. Chatting, playing, eating, having fun,... An SMS comes: "You have outstanding fines" and a link to the gov taxes' website.
wtf.. I must have parked in the wrong spot. FUCK! Oh well, it should not be a large fine anyways, it's just for parking....
Click on the link, login with my bank/SmartID creds. Another SmartID dialog pops up asking for a PIN2.
What? PIN1 is for authentication, PIN2 is for Authorization. What am I authorizing...?
Reading through the Auth message: "Paying 2473€ for Boris SomeLastname".
what.....?
Thank God my muscle memory did not kick in and I did not enter that PIN2.
And thank God I know what PIN1 and PIN2 are for.
It would've been one expensive boys-out evening... Even a strip club would've been cheaper.
Stay sharp, guys!
P.S. Later I checked the URL. It used all the right keywords, and it was registered as an .info domain. It was somewhat off, but gov websites trying to be lean do sometimes use some weird ass domains.15 -
Fucking pain. Can't use my right hand anymore. Stretching it is painful. Bending it is painful. Think it's that tennis elbow, mouse elbow shit finally happening. Currently applying ice at 5am.
Seriously, I got stiff and pain on my left shoulder last few weeks. After a decade of using laptops and mouses in any posture, it is not my 8 years old laptop turning into potato only. This weak ass body is turning into a sack of pain.
Guys and girls take care of your arms and body just like your hardwares.4 -
Ice King. Lonely, weird, has a penguin for a debugger and doesn't do as he commands... Yup, that's a Linux guy alright.
2 -
Me: **Visits website with lots of ads
also Me : ** right clicks on element
** opens chrome inspector
** finds ad element
** deletes element
#LifeHacks4 -
The new EU copyright reform (article 13, etc.) is getting comical.
After even the big copyright holders retracted their support for the law, it seemed to have no chance and was "put on ice".
After short while it was warmed up again by negotiating some trade offs (which are apparently hated by everyone) and it may or may not be passed in the next few weeks.
So far so idiotic.
It seem that even the initiator - Axel Voss - will not vote for the law. Unfortunately for wrong reasons. Why? It is not strict enough for him.
Anyhow, the longer text he used to present his view he he seems to - copy - his argumentation from Bertelsman (German media group).
It could be funny, if all of that wasn't so sad as there is still the possibility that this stupid law passes. -
Tried flutter for the first time in life, for 2 days, java based Android dev here.
I have some.... thoughts...
Flutter does not feel extremely new to me. It is very much relatable if you have ever tried basic the spring/ other java based gui framework. It is trying to achieve the goods from multiple worlds,its so far good, but mann its playing on thin ice.
Flutter : Yo boy embrace me. I am the beauty. checkout my hot reload.
Me :❤️❤️😍 (But wait. your first execution is wayy longer than a simple android studio build. And AS would generally take smaller time after every rebuild. And you are going to take the same long time as first build, if app gets closed or my usb gets accidentally removed. So I see what you did there ;))
Flutter: Ha. Checkout my function passing as parameter. ever thought your puny java going to give you that?
Me :you got me ,❤️. (Although this style is not so uncommon with web devs)
Flutter: everything is a widget, everything is stateful or stateless, Single Streams FTW!
me: ❤️
Flutter:You kotlin devs are gonna love me, i got Small, concise code
Me: Now wait, This is a thin ice for me, okay? I hated when kotlin replaced everything with symbols & lamdas for a confusing but small code, So be careful,even though your code is still good.
Flutter : Control every pixel , dear! No more xmls!
Me : Yes, what is with that? are we accidentally going in the past?
Java desktop apps, spring framework used to build whole layouts with programming language. The day i stepped into Android, it was xml for ui and java/kotlin for code. was that a bad decision or is this one?
Anyways i liked my stuff seperated, but that's just me.
Flutter : Ugh so much whining. Are you going to work with me or not?
Me : Yes mam! ❤️4 -
Asked to make high level estimates for something that has no scope.
Manager keeps asking to trim down the estimates. o.o
Where is this economic + social collapse that was promised?
%@&$4727;&2@@(&@&1 -
- Think YOU'VE got a personality complex? I'm a software engineer who majored in marketing.
- Think YOU'VE got a phobia about failing? I wrote a book on developing for Google Glass. And tech edited another on Hailstorm.
- Think YOU'VE got self-confidence issues? I had a run of 7 straight rejections by companies in the Fortune 500.
- Think YOU'VE got reservations about flexing your certifications? I held a MCP in FrontPage.
- Think YOU'VE got paranoia about your degree? My MBA's from the University of Phoenix.
- Think YOU'RE a glutton for punishment? I - Think Android Content Providers are a good idea.
- Think YOU'VE got a confusing skill set? A hiring manager told me I was "too passionate about technology to work here at Microsoft".
- Think YOU'VE got issues with intellectual property? I was given a cease-&-desist order for the first domain I registered.
- Think YOU'VE got false bravado? I had over 400,000 followers on Google+.
While all of these are hilarious quips and great social ice breakers, they're all 100% true. Enjoy your day. ;)
15 -
dang. who thought faceid was a good idea?
Who the heck likes to see their face every time they use their phone o.o
Give me my fingerprint scanner back!13 -
At a developer conference, we were given these "dev joke" card to trade with another person, to break the ice and make a new connection.
4 -
I'm in a dental hospital now, after treatment (not mine) the doctor says “eat Ice-Cream after 10min and take medicine after that.”
I'm like this is the most beautiful words I've heard from a doctor. -
Holy retarded internet company. The fiber cable that comes from the power pole lost its connection to the building I live in. So the fiber was laying on the ground in the parking lot. The upside is it is still working. The problem is people are going to run over the fiber and break it. So I sent an email to the ISP on Thursday. They didn't create a ticket all day on Friday. By the time I got home they were not open. I called their tech support number and pressed 0 until I got a real person. I explained they need to fix this soon or it will get broken. They said "I understand" and then proceeded to create a ticket for fucking wednesday next week! I told them it will damaged by then. They said "I understand". Then I get a text saying they will do this wednesday. No you stupid fuckers, you do not understand!
Queue the McGuiver music:
I got out some steel wire I use to fix stupid shit like this. I made a hook to connect the steel cable holding the fiber. This hook will go around some exposed electrical conduit. Then I got a board to lift it up high (no ladder and 5 inches thick of ice on ground). I cannot balance wire hook on board and get it to slip down. So I got a steel pole I have and attached another hook with electrical tape. As I passed the hook over the conduit I used other pole to grab bottom of hook and pull it down to keep a hold of the conduit. Now the fiber is up in the air again above the parking lot. I hope this stupid hack works until wednesday. My right arm hurts like hell cause the strain of holding the fiber taut while I pulled the hook down. It strained my right hand.
Worst customer service on the planet with Century Stink. They fucking make it harder than hell to get help and it seems they take almost a week to fix shit.4 -
I had a job where the CEO/founder regularly yells at people and punches the wall.
During citywide rollout. He and a few other people went out to buy power inverters so they can power up my PC using someone's car14 -
If you throw a dirty gunk-ice-snow-mix ball into my food while I'm walking to school WHILE I AM REALLY FUCKING HUNGRY, I'm going to pour that now non-edible food onto your head, dimwit.
I don't care if your clothes were expensive or if you threw it in there accidentally. Maybe next time at least throw a non-dirty snowball, there was plenty of fresh snow.6 -
Hot tip: if you are a company, don’t ever ever ever ever spend your money on an Optimizely academy course. They have the worst course material I have ever seen in my life, and the material is outdated by several years from exercise to exercise. And the training videos are literally just a recording of a live class with a couple students. They should pay me to sit through this fucking shitshow. It is not worth a single cent, but guess how much they charge for the course and certification?!?! $2300 😱🫣😂. It’s so fucking bad I want to kill myself. Whoever decided to pour as little effort into this as possible over at Optimizely, I hereby curse you to a 2300 painful deaths and I hope someone shoves a ice cold rod up your ass to wake you up. *slams keyboard*3
-
So was just reading this article about Chinese people becoming more lonely and it mentioned Xiao Ice which is pretty much like Google's... What's her name?
It said how people can talk to it like an actual person so I gave it a try... Well it's just as dumb as the others...
https://ozy.com/fast-forward/...
4 -
# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦9 -
Is it me or is password security is a giant mess right now?
Everyone has a gazillion ways to sign in.
Everything needs an account so eventually you get a password manager to keep track.
After reauthenticating passwordword manager, then you get to the next screen that requires you to enter a code from 2FA. Internet isn't fun to use any more.12 -
Got tangled up on some routing issue with my Rails project yesterday morning so I democratically decided I was allowed to take a break... I launched Diablo 3 and that was the rest of the day...
I just sat there dungeon crawling, eating pizza, ice cream and drinking Monster like a fucking pig... Shame on me. -
Dang. I feel like I'm just not cut out to climb any ladder.
When we discovered a production bug. I feel bad about making people working on that part look bad by not catching it.
My manager has no issue with pointing out that I should have caught it. Beating a horse while it's down.
I mean no shit. Of course I know I should've caught it. How does making me feel worse about it help.
Feels like I'll always be in a tough spot no matter where I am on the ladder.
Or I'm just fragile. I acknowledge that, too9 -
Working at a big-ish tech is like a completely different world.
Do we even speak the same words?
Why can't you say agree like a normal person. Who the frig made "++" a real life word (is it a verb/noun? wtf is it)
and then all those other acronyms like OKR, P1,p2,p3
Who talks like that?6 -
When you are asked to test the whole website and you found a pop-up so deep after a series of conditions that it show a video of Homer Simpsons doing the ice bucket challenge
-
New job wants me to send them a photo for the ice breaker email they're sending out about me joining...now to find a pic where I'm not making a dumb face or taking a selfie with a dog.7
-
why do I get stressed even though I don't care if I got laid off?
Something isn't right with me lol9 -
I picture a large, ice cold, crystal pint filled with bubbling ruby red ale straight from the draft... Its majesty overflows as I stare some human shape walk that marvel at my table...
I take a sip. Fuck it, it's not enough and I'm not feeling like manners... I straight up bottom down that bitter odd amount of beer while my hand feels the cold liquid handshake of this heavenly brewed product... It was a shit day at the office, but right now I'm at the top...1 -
wow. I, do, not, want, to work today at all.
I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about first day back to work before.
Guess the previous job was actually interesting :(
I even went to the office on NYD just to do some heads down coding. (but ended up doodling on everyone's empty whiteboards)5 -
Windows 7 could be installed without a Microsoft account.
Windows 8 required it, but had a “Skip” button.
Windows 10 also had a skip button, though obscured and inaccessible for those who just click through the process (95% of people).
Windows 11 home doesn’t have a skip button. You have to press Alt + F4 when Windows installer asks you for network connection to avoid it asking to create a Microsoft account.
My girlfriend, a linguist who has nothing to do with programming and computers in general, successfully transferred to a Linux distro after I told her about Microsoft supporting ICE. She says Linux is simpler, she had no problem installing additional software and she liked that cooling fans are never spinning now and that battery life is now solid two times better.
Think about it.6 -
"Today was a good day, I didn't have to context switch between three different frameworks." -- Ice Cube2
-
Today, my macbook pro 2020 get spilled with my ice coke, i am just looking at the laptop, take some tissue to clean it, and waiting for my mac is getting up again. Feel so sad and very fcking stupid 😭5
-
Wow, traveling by ICE (German long distance trains) and one of them is running late.
What a fucking surprise.15 -
What I should do: Go back to doing construction and get into house flipping
What Id actually do: Be salty AF move to some tropical island and sell italian ice on the beach. I am not going back to construction lol
4 -
Is it just a coincidence that there is always somebody going crazy here? And it's always one after another?
Seeing how there's only one thing in common. Coding is making us crazy!6 -
I don't! I take the rest of the day off and revel in the sweet job security of a high-demand vocation (and ice cream).
-
So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)
1 -
Cordova or Xamarin?
I need to build a mobile app again, mostly for Android, because an interior Official app's functionality is so interior (written but monkeys) that it has finally pissed me of enough to take action.... And possibly be profitable (ads banner).
Mostly targeting Android but hey why not hit them all or at least also UWP.. I ain't paying for the Apple license... (Or maybe dfox could help release it...)
Anyway, which is better? I kinda want to pick up React and maybe try Typescript? (currently work with MEA(v1)N at work)
But I also use C# WPF, but mostly for my own projects these days when I need a desktop GUI.
I don't really feel like relearning Android SDK, I learned the SDK back when it was for Ice Cream.8 -
My very first time was when I first saw a Web page, I really wanted to know how they did it. Two weeks later I built an intranet at home and I thought I was so cool I was shitting out ice cubes.
The very first programme I ever wrote was a secret diary application(C#) for myself I thought it was really secure because I had my own file extension. Not one of my finer moments.4 -
I've been in a fucking chat with a Verizon customer service rep for 45 fucking minutes....
Talking about everything under the moon to help the man out from having to do legitimate work. We've talked about phone preference, what phone's we have, what we want, favorite features, ect.
It's fucking hilarious and I'm genuinely entertained right now.
Glad to know I'm helping someone out.
Edit: I was honestly sad when I had to end it so I could eat before my food got ice cold lol3 -
!dev related
"Ah! Ah! Ah! AL QUEDA!!"
The opening theme song to the soon-to-be-a-hit docuromance-cum-comedy-on-ice, called "kidnapped-and-brainwashed in egypt: berry barrows story, starring samantha kaffir the isis headchopper, as herself."
Written by Adam sandler.
I wonder if the mods ever think I just write these posts to see the most unusual combination of tags possible.
There has to be orphan tags out there, tags associated with only a single post. Like half of them are probably because of me.8 -
The workday today was shit but my colleague just randomly dropped off some ice cream (:
God bless you Martin2 -
Definitely Jon Skeet. Not only is he #1 on stackoverflow. He is actively tackling the hardest problem of them all: Time zone.
Closely followed by Joel Spolsky. The founder of stack overflow. Feels like all his products (fogcreek, trello) revolutionizes developer productivity and addresses actual pain points5 -
Dang. postman is forcing me to make an account.
Is this the age where we have to make everything ourselves if we don't want to store our information on the internet?11 -
In another country, about to attend a wedding.
Hope the food will be good and that I won't be expected to dance 🤔😅
Guys quick, got some good wedding jokes to use as ice breakers when talking to strangers?3 -
Getting a lot of headaches? Try replacing coffee/energy drinks with ice cold H2O first thing in the morning. It works after a week and it shocks your body into waking up faster.2
-
I don't know. I just can't get excited about numbers.
I'm a builder. I'm excited about things working from start to finish.
Id be excited about numbers if it was from 0 users to 100 users.
Not 10000 to 10500.
That's not an engineers job, is it?8 -
Apple denies jelly scroll problem on new iPads: https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/...
This is nothing new: Steve Jobs himself told people to “just avoid holding iPhone 4 that way” in response to people being mad because iPhone 4 lost connection.
Apple is the WORST in handling user feedback, on par of Microsoft sponsoring concentration camps for immigrants (https://github.com/drop-ice). Though I still stand by my words of Apple products being engineering marvels.
28 -
when you have coded the sun the moon and the stars. but the motherfucker still wants a universe engraved on a fucking ice cube. AND YOU'LL DO IT ANYWAY. CAUSE YOUR HIS FUCKING BITCH. YOU GUCKING GUCK!2
-
What coffee do you like, ranters? Or maybe you prefer tea? 🤔
Share the photos/names of your fav. drink, that you love drinking, I'm just curious.
Just drank nice ice cappuccino bought a while ago in Kaufland. Nice, but hot coffee seems better to me.
24 -
boss: numbers being aside. Why is this happening 40% of the time.
me: (thinking) wtf what an idiot. wtf do you think?!
type: (politely) Well the number being wrong suggests it's *not* happening 40% of the time.
I don't know who I hate more, myself for not point out how dumb that question is. or the person asking the question. -
Updated to iOS 12.1.2 (sleazy release 2) after previously getting fucked up the ass by iOS 12.1.2 first release. Yes boys and girls, they tried to cover up their latest fuckup by re-releasing the same release with a modification.
The first time I updated, it knocks my Apple ID out on all my Apple devices when I upgrade my iPhone to 12.1.2. Mother fuckers... gotta log back in for every device, iPads, iPhones, Apple TVs, Macs. And for each service iTunes Store, Messages, FaceTime on each device supporting. Oh yea, it knocks out my Wi-Fi calling and I have to reestablish that too. Then to really ice me, it knocks out my HomeKit system as the Apple ID is knocked out on the Apple TV.
Now after updating just my iPhone to the second 12.1.2 "sleaze release", the thing knocks all my devices out again.
Apple has taken away that which I loved; impeccable engineering and design that could be used as the model for an entire industry. The industry guru. (teacher, leader) Apple has become the new Microsoft.
October 5, 2011, the day Apple died.4 -
IntelliJ, IntelliJ I love you but please tell me why making a jsp file from scratch doesn't work in the servlet but your template for a jsp does. It makes no fugging sense to me. StackOverflow doesn't know and I went there for help.
I was debugging that shit for 5 hours today over an issue that was fixed in 3 minutes. I need ice cream.
2 -
I keep being called a "melt" by my mates, cause I say odd things .. cause huge geek 😅 or I'm just odd
Aren't most things better when they melt ... Melted cheese? ... Oh ice cream ... 😐 That's not better 🙄 ok.
Sorry I do use devrant to get things off my mind to total strangers -
i had an epiphany today, in a discussion with the software architect of our new project.
i'm having the epic job to design & implement a prototype for a C++ library in a new software project and collected some inspiration in our "old" software, where i'm maintaining the module that fulfills the same functionality (i thought). i've been maintaining this module for around a year now. i analyzed the different features and stuff to consider and created a partial model of the new library.
when i showed it to the architect today, he was like "oh my god, no no no, you don't need all this functionality, this shall not be part of the new library!"
this was the moment when i realized how deeply fucked up the code base of the old module is.
imagine it like this:
you want to automate the process of making yourself a good ol' cup of coffee.
the reasonable thing would be to have
- a smart water boiler where you set parameters water temperature and amount of water to be fetched from the water supply
- a smart coffee bean grinder where you can set type of beans, amount of beans and grinding fineness
- a component where water and ground coffee are joined to brew the coffee, where parameters like duration, pressure etc. are set
- a milk tank where amount of milk, desired temperature and duration / speed of foaming can be set
- a sugar dispenser where amount of applied sugar can be set
- optionally, additional modules with spices, syrup, ice cubes, whatever for your very personal coffee experience
on requesting a coffee, you would then configure and orchestrate all components to your wishes to make you a fine cup of coffee. you can also add routines like "makeCappucchino()", "makeEspresso()", or whatever.
our software is not like this.
it is like this:
- a smart water boiler consisting of submodules that know how to cook water for e.g. "cappucchino with sugar" or for "espresso without sugar, but with milk and ice cubes"
- 5 smart bean grinders that know how to grind beans for e.g. cappucchino, espresso, latte macchiato and for 73ml of water preheated to 82°C
- a very smart sugar dispenser that knows how to add sugar to 95, 98 and 100°C coffee and to coffee made of BOTH coffee arabica AND coffee robusta beans.
etc. etc., i think you're getting the gist.
when i realized this, it was like, right in front of my eyes, this terrible pattern emerged like a foul, corrupted caleidoscope of chaos, through the whole code base of this module.
i've already known how rotten from the core this code base is, but today i've actually identified a really bad pattern that i hadn't realized before. the whole architecture is so bloated that it is hard to have an overview of the whole thing. and it would require a LOT of refactoring to repair this pattern.
but i guess it would also be infinitely satisfying because i could probably reduce the code base for 30% or something...
but unfortunately, this is never going to happen, because screw refactoring.
it's a great feeling to start this new library from scratch, tho...6 -
Just got home to finish daily work and meetings and now there’s an ice cream truck outside playing shit music as loud as possible.
I think I hate people.3 -
You haven't lived until you've experience the sheer power of a CRT monitor, hooked up to a 286/12, with a 2600 baud external zoom for m00fing the shit out of other users in chat, so your friends with leech accounts can help download the 38 pkzip files via ZMODEM.
Shit... gotta go! iCE just released the latest pack on Sanctuary, and my ANSI art is being featured as the welcome screen on Pair O' Dice.
305, bitches!!1one16 -
I have taken a break from computer to spend it with my wife and daughter. We are the O2 watching Frozen on ice. Times like these make you a better father, husband and dev
-
Wow. so many dumbass posts on LinkedIn talking about things they have no idea about!
Want to call it out. But don't want to give them additional traffic lol5 -
Finishing my software to predict ice-hoceky results... so I would finally have a portfolio to show for, just in case I decide to drop off of academia one day 😥1
-
I think I've learnt something worthwhile from nearly every project I've been involved with. If I had to pick one however:
Started an open source project designed for projecting multimedia content during church services as procrastination from final year undergrad revision.
Fast forward nearly a decade, and I've learnt tremendous amounts as a result of starting it - dealing with everything from GStreamer on a native C layer, right through to WebRTC stuff (STUN, TURN, ICE, etc.) at the other end. What started as some odd attempts to show text and images on a screen in a user friendly fashion has grown tremendously, and is now used all over the world. -
The day I accept a management position, please lop off my hands and replace them with harmless ice cream scoops to keep my rusty ass from touching perfectly good code.1
-
Almost got caught taking taking a nap haha
Lately I've been taking it easy since the work I've been doing has been super easy and boring.
So I was just lying in bed watching some youtube video.
When it ended I decided it might be a good time to check my laptop and see if there was a message.
Sure enough, I WAS FIVE MINUTES LATE TO A MEETING!
When I joined, there was only one person. It was a bit hard to tell if he just didn't quit the meeting since I was expecting another person on the call haha.
Then I checked the invite list. Oh, he declined.
Oh shit. My manager was supposed to be on the call too.
Upon further inspection. He said he was 15 minutes late.
So he didn't catch me slacking off haha.
Otherwise I'd for sure miss the "you coming?" message since I turned off slack notifications on my phone and he'd think I take off an hour on fridays regularly.
Not easy to slack off, haha6 -
!dev
First I miss my buss and now I have to wait next to useless bastard that uses a speaker instead of headphones. Do the world a favour and just slip on the ice and break them -
When I'm at a medium sized company: Let's get CI/CD so we can build things and release things fast and stress free.
Now working at a big company. We have all the CI/CD we can ask for. Why are things still so slow and stressful o.o5 -
Whether you want to make friends at Annenerbe’s underground ice cities in Antarctica, or chill with Irene Roomberg on world govt. superblimp, remember that they only speak Sanskrit or Ithkuil. They respect Latin though, and for me that was enough, as it’s way easier to learn.
2 -
! Dev related rant
I rammed a knife into our fridge freezer to throw ice on my flatmate. And bam! I punchered the goddamn coil, now we've been without fridge for two days and I'm going to lose shit load of cash.
Off goes beer for a few weeks.7 -
Anyone else think the emphasis on scaling is misplaced?
I think we can have more innovative products that solve real problems in specific ways if people focused on solving specific problems rather than targeting wider audience in attempt to sell to as many as possible.24 -
python + rename == nightmare.
I cannot be fully confident every rename is safe. Because there's no compiler check to tell me o.o17 -
da fuq.
My manager wants me to write specific test cases for status quo behavior (without turning on new features) on mobile web.
and TEST IT ON DEVICE NOT SIMULATORS
Does he know it's the 2020s?
and does he know all our changes were already out since we deployed it the first time? aka customers already tested it for us?
I'm not gonna tell him and open another can of worms lol3 -
I'm thinking of installing Linux as my 2nd boot os for webdevelopment, simply because I'm getting a linux-based dediserver.
Which one is the best (I know I'm walking on the thin ice) and why?4 -
Fucking windows updates...
Went to do a job on a tank in 18 deg F Weather with snow on the ground. One guy brought an ice fishing tent (very nice). This is next to petroleum tank. We got guys on top of tank waiting for me to get data using a Windows 10 lappy.
Lappy comes up and tries to get into bios to do a firmware update. WTF! I reboot and it does it again! Go to look for power adapter as it wont do update without power. Not in bag. It has to have power to do update.
So I drive back to shop (with guys waiting on top of tank) which is 5 miles away. I am pissed. Its snowing and I have to drive slow. I find that adapter. I get back to the tank and plug it in. The AC source (battery based) starts alarming as the lappy takes too much power. Fuck! But somehow it boots Windows without doing firmware update. Fuck you Windows!
I get my job done, but don't fucking trust windows at all. Had this been a field tech he would be pissing his pants. Useless shitty software you have zero control over. Now considering changing their OS to Linux for field work. I am rewriting their software anyway with something can run Windows or Linux.4 -
wow. Work had someone to talk about software on those space telescopes.
Compare to what they deal with, we are just monkeys! Monkeys!3 -
gah. my ADHD is so bad I often leave sentences unfinished. Thought tagging this as a joke but no one4
-
dang it. just because I signed in using google on an app. doesn't mean I want to be signed in to google everywhere. whatever happened to the privacy sandbox.
Why do I think older iOS version actually does what I want?2 -
ubereats is the reason im broke
i will happily pay an extra 7 dollars for a ice cream just so I don't have to leave the comfort of my home1 -
Unpopular opinion: reading a doc != training. How is this different from reading medium and stackoverflow12
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Lately I had a motivation crisis, that made me almost quit (passing from programming in C# to Visual (*fucking*) Basic).
But I can't quite quit because of personal reasons, so during a break I went out and eat something sweet like an ice-cream (coffee flavour) to explicitly alter my dry low mood(like alcohol does for many... But strangely I'm immune) and started thinking from scratch, thought that I should stop complaining like a little bitch and instead focus on finishing the project at hand as soon as possible, so I can move on, hopefully, to better projects(most of the other projects in the company are in C#).
So apparently explicitly messing with my brain chemicals and resetting the though on the issue worked for me -
Depends on what a tough dev day is. If it was just a tough day usually playing ice hockey helps. If it was a stressful day, board games with my daughter, provided it's not a Wednesday (her Mom's night). If it's a tough problem or bug I'm working on then alcohol, running or lifting, sex, general distractions will do the trick
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It's a beautiful day outside. I wish it were raining. We're forced to work Sunday and I already hate it.
There are 52 Sundays in a year, and 1/3 of them are covered in snow, ice and brutal winter. I don't want to be here today. I want to be outside.
Almost everyone in this room has a partner or kids or someone to go home to. I get to go home alone. I hate it here. I can't even look at my manager any more. I hate him. I will never do this again. No amount of money gets you a Sunday back.2 -
Many of the time I mistakenly say DARK FOREST instead of Random Forest algorithm. But it's nt every one's bowl of ice cream. :D
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Java has a lot in common with ice skating.
Almost everyone can learn it
It looks great if you are pro
It is efficient in rare occasions
If you have to make a living off it it pity you1 -
dang. Messed up at work. Small action, big impact
Oddly enough. I thought I've outgrown this but still am being pretty stressed about it.
Weirdly, I think getting fired might put me more at ease than anything else.
Any theories?11 -
aff. I just said my managers management skills seem to be improving on the company survey.
Then he asks me "why isn't the status quo done in the new way"
o.o
me: "that's what status quo means"1 -
Does your company use QA team? Or do you do your own QA.
We do our own QA and then write detailed damned test cases in excel o.o for other people to run the scenarios you've already run through o.o4 -
What kind of effed up world sells scale that comes with an app that requires you not only to register for an account but also give it LOCATION INFORMATION and people are OKAY with it?
Tech doesn't need "innovation". It needs a revolution3 -
How are Macs preferred for web dev? You can't even easily switch between chrome and the inspector tab.9
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Has anyone here ever implemented OAuth2.0 for WebRTC? I am reading rfc7635 and its references, but they refer to functions they don't define properly and rely on cryptography jargon by eg. calling values by different names, so I'd appreciate a reference implementation of the function for building tokens to clear up the confusion.
rfc7635 on STUN extension for third-party authentication:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/...9 -
Not something that's happening. Just remembered a debate I had with a coworker from a long time ago regarding hiring and diversity.
Assuming there are two candidates.
Objectively one is slightly worse than the other (let's say 10%)
but the objectively better candidate is more of the same as your team (In terms of stack, gender, ethnicity)
Obviously if one is a lot better (say 30%) I'd hire the one that scores higher.
However, in this scenario (~10%). I think I'd hire the person that offers a different perspective even though they may be less talented.
My reasoning is the team needs someone that thinks differently and looks at a problem from a different box. Otherwise it becomes too easy for my team to go down a path that we like but isn't necessarily better.
What say you?13 -
What does it tell you about the organization when a senior PM presents quarterly results using white text on gray background?
hm.....4 -
that tech will collapse as it provides no real value and I don't have the chops to switch to a different industry2
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Reading some system design study materials.
Unless it's literally a startup from scratch. I feel like that proper response to the "design youtube/twitter" question should be: I really hope your product team comes up with better requirement than just design a product, get to it -
Today, in Temu's wild and crazy online store:
Clothing arms!
https://temu.com/at-en/...?
Me: What are these?
Temu: Wear them inside OR outside
Me: But what are they?
Temu: They come in lots of colours
Me: But what ARE they?
Temu: only 2.77
Me: What...do they keep your arms cool..or hot?
Temu: Yes!
Me: ...
Temu:...Better hurry...they're going fast...1 -
I’m working on a new app I’m pretty excited about.
I’m taking a slightly novel (maybe 🥲) approach to an offline password manager. I’m not saying that online password managers are unreliable, I’m just saying the idea of giving a corporation all of my passwords gives me goosebumps.
Originally, I was going to make a simple “file encrypted via password” sort of thing just to get the job done. But I’ve decided to put some elbow grease into it, actually.
The elephant in the room is what happens if you forget your password? If you use the password as the encryption key, you’re boned. Nothing you can do except set up a brute-forcer and hope your CPU is stronger than your password was.
Not to mention, if you want to change your password, the entire data file will need to be re-encrypted. Not a bad thing in reality, but definitely kinda annoying.
So actually, I came up with a design that allows you to use security questions in addition to a password.
But as I was trying to come up with “good” security questions, I realized there is virtually no such thing. 99% of security question answers are one or two words long and come from data sets that have relatively small pools of answers. The name of your first crush? That’s easy, just try every common name in your country. Same thing with pet names. Ice cream flavors. Favorite fruits. Childhood cartoons. These all have data sets in the thousands at most. An old XP machine could run through all the permutations over lunch.
So instead I’ve come up with these ideas. In order from least good to most good:
1) [thinking to remove this] You can remove the question from the security question. It’s your responsibility to remember it and it displays only as “Question #1”. Maybe you can write it down or something.
2) there are 5 questions and you need to get 4 of them right. This does increase the possible permutations, but still does little against questions with simple answers. Plus, it could almost be easier to remember your password at this point.
All this made me think “why try to fix a broken system when you can improve a working system”
So instead,
3) I’ve branded my passwords as “passphrases” instead. This is because instead of a single, short, complex word, my program encourages entire sentences. Since the ability to brute force a password decreases exponentially as length increases, and it is easier to remember a phrase rather than a complicated amalgamation or letters number and symbols, a passphrase should be preferred. Sprinkling in the occasional symbol to prevent dictionary attacks will make them totally uncrackable.
In addition? You can have an unlimited number of passphrases. Forgot one? No biggie. Use your backup passphrases, then remind yourself what your original passphrase was after you log in.
All this accomplished on a system that runs entirely locally is, in my opinion, interesting. Probably it has been done before, and almost certainly it has been done better than what I will be able to make, but I’m happy I was able to think up a design I am proud of.8 -
One other thing I hate about the popularity of async comm in corps.
After reading so much async comm. I have no energy to read for fun on the weekend o.o2 -
Hotel Vim
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Vim
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Vim
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "1 -
While you developers are where you are, battling office politics everyday, scrumming, agiling and solving some of the world's toughest problems, I, for the past few nights, have been sitting for hours in-front of my computer, slipping into hour-long day-dreams while trying to determine my favorite ice-block flavor.
All I can say, is, it's either the yellow, orange, green, raspberry, cola, or the fairy-floss one.
And now I'm out of ice-blocks. ;-( -
Working code?
Or fake compiler?
Fix a problem?
Or buy a new computer?
Bring a flash drive?
Or bring a hard drive?
Use water cooling?
Or use an ice cube on top a processor and memory?
Drink some coffee?
Or eat a healthy breakfast?
Do you make hardware?
Or software?
These are the problems programmers face from old people as employers or relatives trying to find something to relate to. -
Bespoke paranoia: I don't want to visit the home page here and see the Amazon has purchased devrant. It's a chilling thought. Out of all the things that have rotated through my brain in years, this is the absolute pinnacle of crap. And I'm not even stoned or something, as a matter of fact, I ate some chocolate ice cream, so I should be feeling great.1
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I joined after this event but kept hearing small bits of this story from different people.
It involved a (I think secretary), a senior executive, his wife, and a hot tub at a Christmas party.
Used my imagination to fill in the rest.
Anyone worked with me is on devrant? 🤪6 -
Just woke up from a dream where I was some sort of secret agent stealing an antique ice cream pie artifact with bro from the NY Public Library freezer but then ended up escaping a shooting by running into the woods and eventually jumping into a river with some guy that was also running.... And for some reason in the end was giving him a piggy back too.
And then last part was "can I borrow ur phone so I can call parents... I left my phone and laptop at the library... (How the fuck am I supposed to go back and get it after stealing this ice cream that somehow hasn't melted or got squished... Well maybe I can just buy new ones after selling this for a few million)"2 -
People giving advice: Have you told your boss how you didn't like his approach? If you don't tell them they can't improve.
me: No, but it's easier to just find another job than risk getting fired. Another day he asks me to do dumb stuff is another day of wage earned while I'm given permission to put off the more serious stuff -
Is it just me or do people sometimes do major refactoring not because it needs to, but purely because they are inheriting old code and can't be bothered to understand it5
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Hey folks,
Is anyone using a Dell XPS 13 (9370)? This is the 2018/2019 model.
Is anyone of you also facing the thing that is gets extreme hot, when charging? And I really mean only when charging. Not hitting it with a Max load.
Mine gets as hot as it can possibly be and it starts thermal throttling.
On battery, everything is fine and the laptop is cool as ice.
Both situations are under normal load. Nothing heavy ... CPU mostly idle - rarely over 25% utilisation / thread.
I run Linux on it. Not Shure if it is a compatibly thing, this is why I am interested if others are having this issue.8 -
So is the difference between inheritance and composition is that of a fridge and iceman?
class Man {
fun greet(){return "hi"}
}
class IceMan extends Man{
override fun greet(){return "hi i am iceman"}
fun getIce(){return "ice"*Random.nextInt()}
}
class Fridge{
private Man manAi;
private String s = "ice";
fun greet(){return manAi.greet()}
fun getIce(){return s*Random.nextInt()}
}
}
=========
Basically , in first case, a class is getting features by inheriting from parent while in another case, a class is getting features by internally having objects of other classes that could provide those features?6 -
Why do I want to use in-house "products" when I could go third party.
I feel like when I build in-house I want a bespoke solution that's easy for MY use case. trying to "productize" it for internal teams is counter productive3 -
I shouldn't have to explain to you how to get value of a cookie and pass it in to a remote call (cookie not passed from generated clients) when you make 6 figure salaries + rsu3
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lol so I got a new oldish laptop (so it doesn't break the bank) for my upcoming trip where I focus on working on my own project.
Didn't want to splurge since I have another laptop that I regularly use. just didn't want to take through customs since it's 8 years old.
Already used up half of the storage (128/256gb) from installing rider and wsdl lol.
thinking maybe I need to actually return it and get a more powerful machine o.o they are so expensive though12 -
Have you tried anything (legal) to consume/smell that helps you get in the zone?
I want to try smelling salt lol. Feels like it could give me a rush to crush whatever I'm working on17 -
Just to piss off people some more.
Since everything applies across industries.
How could design patterns apply to non software industries?4 -
There is no reason for detailed tech specs except for putting blame on people and covering ass. (Critical industry with strict standards excluded)
It should be a high level overview.
Then you start working on it and then review small pieces in code review and make modifications as more edge cases surface.2 -
Bribing sysadmin with an ice cold Coke hoping he will deploy my latest tag sort of in a hurry since I fudged up last one :/1
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Been browsing job postings for a year and just can't find a company I'd like to work for
They are either evil, or x-washing and doesn't actually solve the problem they claim to solve4 -
gah. when I say I like doing documentation, I don't mean gantt chart, test cases, status update, rollout plans and newsletters
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Agile can work really well with webapps. But does it work for mobile apps? Each iOS app release can take days if unlucky5
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Not a rant, but was wondering:
If I undervolt Ryzen 5 3600 using Ryzen Master from windows, do I get the changes when I boot into my Linux distro? 🤔9 -
More senior team member: If you would like to get in on call rotation. Do this
Me: Why the heck would I *want to* be on call?
Going on on call in two days lol6 -
Okay, I may have heard wrong, but I thought Metal was a wrapper for vendor drivers of graphics cards. Like the vendors didn't rewrite their other platform drivers and did like an Opengl -> Metal wrapper instead. Or a Vulkan -> Metal wrapper. Now, out of curiosity I search for this, and I find that there are Metal -> Vulkan wrappers. So is it possible on MacOS to have a Vulkan -> Metal -> Vulkan setup now? Or even a Opengl -> Metal -> Vulkan? I know I have seen wrappers for Windows drivers so Linux can use them. But that was a while ago.4
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I got invited to a quinceanera by someone that happened to be on the same night as homecoming. They did all the traditional stuff. They had some sparkling cider that may or may not have been spiked and I had a lot of it. I learned after that it might have been spiked. It was right before homecoming started when the traditional stuff was over and it would've just been kinda boring dancing for the next FOUR HOURS. My date and I decided we didn't want to stay for that long so we went to homecoming instead. It has better dancing and a mosh pit which is way more fun than just slow dancing. We met up with a group of friends there and had a ton of fun. Homecoming only went till 10 where the quince would've gone till midnight. Our group went out for ice cream and I got home at 11. It's almost midnight now. High school is awesome, ain't it?
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lol. I didn't pay attention and pasted my GPt prompts on someone's work anniversary card
almost, wish I didn't delete it -
C++ Dev Learning Python : Have some ice-cream darling.😁
Python Dev learning C++ : Why darling why ! 😮
Meanwhile Darling - 🙄3
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