It's depressing how true this is

Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"

A little summarised story for ya:
>Makes a rant
>Gets over 200 rants and rising
>Steady rise of increments over weeks
>Gets to 283 increments (hope of getting to 300 for a stressball)
>Updates app
>Literal update log:
"Stressball limit is now 500"
>Cries in a corner

I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:

“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”

“What do you mean?”

“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”

“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”

“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“

“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”

“I logged in fine.”

“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”

“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”

The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.

Starting to use the Devrant face in my log messages

Not mine but an error message in a game when you're trying to logout:

"You're currently not logged in. Please log in to log out."

Logically valid though

Went into Facebook's source code to update the colors from blue to green and black (don't judge me) and saw this in the console log lol. Didn't know people were that gullible...

I accidently left log.debug("bollocks") ;
In an exception handler our customers log monitoring system picked it up and they questioned why and I quote here "why is there a spike in bollocks at 3am?"
That was an awkward conference call

Sites that make you LOG IN to unsubscribe from newsletters YOU SPECIFICALLY DID NOT SUBSCRIBE TO.

Me: you should not open that log file in excel its almost 700mb
Client: its okay, my computer has 4gb ram
Me: *looking at clients computer crashing*
Client: the file is broken!
Me: no, you just need to use a more memory efficient tool, like R, SAS, python, C#, or like anything else!

Clicking on Logout Button.
..
.
.
Getting a message...
"your session is expired you need to log in again to perform this action"

hmm... should I log in again to perform log out :)

"Hey, Root, someone screwed up and now all of our prod servers are running this useless query constantly. I know I already changed your priorities six times in the past three weeks, but: Go fix it! This is higher priority! We already took some guesses at how and supplied the necessary code changes in the ticket, so this shouldn't take you long. Remember, HIGH PRIORITY!"

1. I have no idea how to reproduce it.
2. They have no idea how to reproduce it.
3. The server log doesn't include queries.
4. The application log doesn't include queries.
5. The tooling intercepts and strips out some log entries the legendary devs considered useless. (Tangent: It also now requires a tool to read the logs because log entries are now long json blobs instead of plain text.)
6. The codebase uses different loggers like everywhere, uses a custom logger by default, and often overwrites that custom logger with the default logger some levels in. gg
7. The fixes shown in the ticket are pretty lame. (I've fixed these already, and added one they missed.)
8. I'm sick and tired and burned out and just can't bring myself to care. I'm only doing this so i don't get fired.
9. Why not have the person who screwed this up fix it? Did they quit? I mean, I wouldn't blame them.

Why must everything this company does be so infuriatingly complicated?

Seriously now:

Our boss just asked our manager to log in github and do a daily report of the number of lines we write every day.

....

Victory!

Today I finally closed a 'Nessy' bug (A scary bug you can't reproduce typically only sighted by one person). Below is my response...

"There were no errors in the error logs because writing to the error log was causing the error."

Once I applied for a Java position and they sent me a a online test, user and password. When I first tried to log in, it gave me an java exception. I lost hours trying to figure out the exception , thinking it was the test :/

Wait, there is a bug in high sierra making it possible to log in as root without a password. What the fuck? How does this shit even happen?

Boss: log in to azure and fix this server
Me: I don't have access
Boss: why not?
Me: you never gave me access...
Boss: ...
Me: hello?
Boss: (never responds in chat)
Me: 😒

1/2
This app's change log is hilarious 😂
I want to smoke what they smoked while writing it.
Part 2 in next rant 😂

You guys are pissed off whenver you see a mail with plain text password. And here I have clients who couldn't log in even after I shoved the raw and plain credentials up their arses.

Someone wasn't in a very good mood that day :p
Log data from when the WhatsApp for windows desktop failed to install~ 2/2

Every. Commit. My Boss. Makes. Is 'cp'. I come in this morning to find 1882 insertions, 143 deletions to master, and this is the commit log for the entire weekend.
How. In the fuck. Am I supposed to effectively work on this project. If I can't keep up with changes.

So my neighbor needed my help with her notebook. She said she has to provide a new password everytime she logs in. I asked her to log in in front of my eyes. She entered her password and clicked "forgot password" instead of "login" 😐

Did you ever hear of "return" ?

These mother fuckers know when I'm packed up and ready to go to work and decide that's the perfect fucking time to call me. WHY COULDN'T YOU CALL WHILE I WAS STILL LOGGED IN AND DIDN'T HAVE TO LOG THE FUCK BACK IN, WAIT 90 YEARS FOR THE VIRTUAL MACHINE TO LOG ME IN and then tell me your issue self resolved. Come down to my office and bring me coffee for being so damn annoying before I'm sufficiently caffeinated.

Today in train programming:
Pushed a new build before pulling into station
Battery dies
Test on tablet
Build is broken, files missing
Upload files manually to Azure (WHY)
try to log in to my sure to treat, forgotten password
Try to reset password, smtp details in DB are wrong...

I'm doing well

Someone just rang the IT Helpdesk moaning that outlook wasn't syncing his mail and it was because the brand new laptop he's just gotten is crap.

So first, the guy on the helpdesk asked to log into the users laptop to look at outlook.
He apparently isn't at his laptop and doesn't have time for anyone to log in!
Wtf lol
So he rings back 10 mins later when at his laptop but wont let the helpdesk log in as he has 'confidential' documents open.

Wtf, close them, why are you ringing us to look at your laptop if you won't let us log on?? lol

So helpdesk was like ok, just check cat cable is plugged in, check wifi is off, do a send/receive etc. and the user's like yes, they're all okay!

Helpdesk tells him to reboot his pc. He does so.
Doesn't resolve it.
Skip forward another 10 painful minutes while the helpdesk guy is pulling his hair out checking everything in the background, and all looks fine.

User then says "should i also turn off my iPhone?"
Helpdesk: 'No, outlook is just on your laptop'.
User: 'No *assured laugh* its on my phone too. I get emails there too'
Helpdesk: 'No, you use the generic 'Mail' app on your phone. Outlook is a separate app. We don't use it.'
User: 'But you're not listening, regardless of the app name, that's my problem, mail's not working on my phone'.
Helpdesk: '.....so why didn't you say so 20 minutes ago when i asked to log into ur laptop?'

User: 'Didn't think it was relevant. Laptop was fine. Assumed you'd know'.

...........

Why.

Why???

Why.

Shockingly, a phone restart fixed it. The user couldn't remember the last time he'd turned the thing off.

OS Lab Day 1 :

Teacher - Log in to Ubuntu , open "linux cmd."

Anyone here put Easter eggs in their code, and care to share examples?

I made a custom script to rotate a log file once a day in my program. So at the bottom of the roll I added a nice little print. See attached.

Installing Elementary OS...

While installing clicked on show current progress details.

Saw that everything is going to hell in the log.

Progress bar is still moving. Silently closed the current progress tab.

So apparently due to an extremely talkative x input driver and an error in a certain app, I've been running an emergent keylogger on my computer for half a year. On every keypress event, the driver would call the app, the app would segfault, the driver would log the incident including the event to /var/log and then crash, and the app would restart the worker. I noticed this when I started wondering why /var/log is over 100GB in size.

I had a weird dream last night where people communicated by using log statements.

Like if I wanted to say something very loud I'd think Log.wtf("WTF!") and it would appear in front of me like subtitles. Log levels were equivalent to tone level.

The scene was basically a bunch of people with log statements of various levels in front of them and their lips moving with no sound.

I think I need a vacation.

so my university just updated ALL of their PCs to Windows 10 and every time I log in......
"We're preparing some things for you"
*5 mins later*
"This may take a while"

"no micro managing here!"

*Boss comes in at 5*
- how much work have you done?
- why isn't this finished yet?
- you're working too slow
- show me git status
- show me git log
- why is this taking you so long?

This “Caps lock is on” feature when typing in passwords was probably very angrily added by a developer after several failed log in attempts.

Advice to all new programmers, take this one from personal experience. DO NOT PUT SWEAR WORDS IN DEBUG STATEMENTS.
You will miss one, it will go to production and it will get picked up by your log monitoring...

In the old days switching accounts was as simple as logging out and logging in

Now, logging out redirects you to 20 different pages, doesn't redirect you to the original page, and sometimes it doesn't even log you out

I always use my work password the first time I log in my home computer.

Ever single time.

Trying to debug some webpage JavaScript with Edge.

Console window doesn't log anything before you open it.

You cannot copy-paste more than a single line from it.

You cannot search in it.

Fuck. Just FUCK.

Installed an SSD in my Linux box. Installed fresh distro, tried to log in via SSH on localhost. Didn't work. Tried like three times, turned off firewalls, restarted ssh servers, nothing.

Looked at username. Typo in username when setting things up. *facepalm*

Unencrypted, plain text passwords stored in SQL, from lowest role all the way up through Admin. In the same system, they had a "backdoor" password that would log in any user...

Guy: - Why the hell do you keep adding new tests with "TDD" in the commit log? Is this because you're wearing this stupid TDD t-shirt!? You're only supposed to maintain this! There's nothing to develop! Nothing here will ever be test-driven!

Cprn: (turns around)

T-shirt: *Technical Debt Development*

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK MICROSOFT?!!
I go to log into my laptop:
me: *enter the pin*
Windows: Error
me: Ok let's try the password...
Win: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: *checking my password manager* Nope, pretty sure that's correct... Ok, whatever let's try to reset it.
me: *generates new password and resets the password for the account*
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new password*
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: that's weird... let's try that again
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: Ok... reset once more *I enter the same password I generated before*
Windows: ThAt Is An OlD pAsSwOrD
me: *getting really pissed* FINE, GODDAMIT, HERE, NEW PASSWORD
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new new password*
Windows: wRoNg PaSsWoRd!

jdjsjcjj+3+@!o(€;#@!(&(1!!#((#(€_"jsjeucjcjfdjosdifhshabxnfnxjsosoguwqlqqlall#7@+1(
aaaaaáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT CUNTS AT MICROSOFT!!!!!1!!!!!!!

I'M GONNA FUCKING TEAR YOU INTO THOUSAND PIECES AND THEN RUN YOU THROUGH A SHREDDER!!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTIC CUNTS
FREAKING DEGENERATES

Jim comes in and tells me that server RENEGADE-DB1 has no more space left and that he tried to remove a few ridiculous sized log files, but that the system wouldn't allow him. So he used some 3rd party tool to shutdown the processes that used those log files and then succesfully removed them.

Now the database is not working and Jim needs my help.

Hello darkness my old friend.

If your site asks me to log in and doesn't implement OAuth with Google or at the very least Facebook then go fuck yourself.
I have enough usernames and passwords in my head, I don't want more.

Client: "The app moves slowly and has moments when it freezes! Why?"
Me: "Let me check the server...it has 5 GB of memory allocated for it and you are making it load 4.76 GB and never cleaned the log files..."
Client: "Then it should work fine! Almost 500 mb free, it`s a lot! Let the log files be there, we might need them in 5 years!"
Me: "What?..."

In one of our webinterfaces you could swap between users once you logged in by changing the user in the link.

Not intended but our support is using this "feature" frequently because then they don't have to log in again when helping another client so it's not planned to be fixed

Dear developers, the main reason that I install your shitty apps is to do stuff quicker than through webpage or to log in once. I don't want to install your shitty app just to login every your shitty app update to only see small gui that opens your webpage.

FUCK YOU

Real fact: 1999

IT: IT, how can I help?
MrB: I'm Butcheek. This program is shit, I can't even log-in!
IT: oh.. Ok Mr. Butcheek, let’s see if I can help...
MrB: of course you can: fix this shitty program and made me log in!
IT: I’ll try to do my best to assist you, can you...
MrB: I just want to log in! Can you speak my language? This new program is ridiculous, I wonder why you IT guys changed the old one, it was a mess but at least I could log in...
IT: I'm sorry you are experiencing this problem, but to assist you I need to know exactly what's the problem
MrB: I CANT LOG IN!!!
IT: ok, I understand this, but can you please provide some more information? Do you receive any particular error messages?
MrB: it says “wrong password” but it's not true!
IT: Ok, that's strange. Look, I'm resetting your password and then you will try again. At the first log in you will be asked to change it again, ok?
MrB: just be quick, I can't waste any more time on this!
IT: sure... Ok done. Please, can you try again? The password is “butcheek”
MrB: it asks for the username. What am I supposed to write here?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB: oh... Ok. And what's the password?
IT: “butcheek”
MrB:... No... Wait... Ok, “butcheek” is the password but what's the username?
IT: “butcheek”!
MrB: you don't understand, I have to put both username AND password!
IT: I know! “butcheek”! For both username AND password!
MrB: so I have to write “butcheek”-”butcheek”?
IT: yes, “butcheek”-”butcheek”!
MrB: so... “butcheek”...twice? Sounds weird... are you sure?
IT: yes I'm sure! However, you can choose either to write “butcheek” twice or “ASS” once, if you prefer...

found this in our codebase today

try {
//do something
} catch () {
try {
//do something else
} catch () {
try {
//do something else else... this goes on 4-5 levels deep
} catch () {
//log... couldn't do
}
}
}

For shits I opened myh spam box in gmail. There was a flood of spam from dating.lt . I wanted to just go over there and see if I somehow have an account in there. And delete it if possible.

But when I tried to log in with my usual "spam credentials" -- this hapened

That moment when you had a good weekend and it is Monday again.

You log in to your work PC and see 15 emails... There goes my Monday again.

And 12 of those turn out to be congratulations on the recent release 😥

Me - Wants to transfer chat history.

App: "Log in to the new device and scan this QR Code to start transfer."

Me - Logs in on new device.

App: "Oh, a new device logged in? Let's log you out from your old device. It's not like this feature you are trying to use specifically requires 2 devices to be logged on at the same time while I literally don't allow multiple devices to be logged on at the same time. You're welcome."

What features would you want in a logger?

Here's what I'm planning so far:
- Tagged entries for easy scanning of log file
- Support for indenting to group similar sequential entries
- Multiple entry types (normal, info, event, warning, error, fatal, debug, verbose)
- Meta entries, so the logger logging about itself, e.g. disk i/o failures.
- Ability to add custom entry types, including tag, log-level, etc.
- Customizable timestamp function
- Support for JS's async nature -- this equates to passing a unique key per 'thread'; the logger will re-write all the parent blocks for context, if necessary. if that sounds confusing, it's okay; just trust that it makes sense.
- Caching, retries, etc. in the event of disk i/o issues.
- Support for custom writers, allowing you to e.g. write logs to an API rather than console or disk.

How about these features?
- Multiple (named) logs with separate writers (console, disk, etc.)
- Ability to individually enable/disable writing of specific entry types. (want verbose but not info? sure thing, weirdo!)
- Multiple writers per log. Combined with the above, this would allow you to write specific entry types (e.g. error, warning, fatal) to stderr instead of stdout, or to different apis.
- Ability to write the same log entry to multiple logs simultaneously

What do you think of these features?
What other features would you want?
I'm open to suggestions!

Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter

Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox

This is why we need a product owner

Ubuntu One decided I am a bot and won't let me log in. Well, fuck you! I don't need you anymore.

*decides to take another look at the Arduino Mega and LCD*
*suddenly realizes that this LCD controller that I bought has a different pinout*

"Alright, let's look at the seller's product page and they better have a pinout for this fucking thing"

*tries to log into AliExpress*
*can't login*

"At this point I don't even know anymore if it's China that fucked up again or whether this is another feature from the Facefucks"
"LOG ME FUCKING IN ALREADY YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!"

And honestly, if I want to start a project, I want to work on the fucking project. I don't want to have to deal with all this shit instead!!!

Wish me luck. I HAVE to launch 10 websites (yes, ten) this week and half if not all of the clients don't know their DNS accounts or log ins. I foresee a lot of long nights in my near future. Story of our life, right?

Anyone remembers that in windows XP you coud set any exe as screen saver, and it would run on time, even before you log into any user, as a default system user with administrator privileges?

Am I the only one who lets friends and relatives always browse on my computer on the OS-default browser like Safari or IE. So they don't disturb my precious tabs and log in Chrome? 😂

So we have an API that my team is supposed send messages to in a fire and forget kind of style.

We are dependent on it. If it fails there is some annoying manual labor involved to clean that mess up. (If it even can be cleaned up, as sometimes it is also time-sensitive.)

Yet once in a while, that endpoint just crashes by letting the request vanish. No response, no error, nothing, it is just gone.

Digging through the log files of that API nothing pops up. Yet then I realize the size of the log files. About ~30GB on good old plain text log files.

It turns out that that API has taken the LOG EVERYTHING approach so much too heart that it logs to the point of its own death.

Is circular logging such a bleeding edge technology? It's not like there are external solutions for it like loggly or kibana. But oh, one might have to pay for them. Just dump it to the disk :/

This is again a combination of developers thinking "I don't need to care about space! It's cheap!" and managers thinking "100 GB should be enough for that server cluster. Let's restrict its HDD to 100GB, save some money!"

And then, here I stand trying to keep my sanity :/

For a large team project, I was working on the website. I implemented a log-in page that took me a bit of time since it was my first time.
He grade that process poorly saying he has seen log-in pages all the time and it was nothing new or exciting...
YOU ARE A PROFESSOR FOR AN INTRO CLASS! YOUR JOB IS TO LOOK AT THE EXACT SAME THING EVERY SEMESTER, SHITHEAD.

The application has a system for sending reports and errors.
Client: "I have a problem with the app, I can not log in (android phone)"
I check the logs: "sent from iPhone"

(the person has no other account and registered telephone)

Re-implemented a Perl-based log analysis script in plain old C to make it faster.

Horrible implementation... Good times.

- Why isn't this script working
- Review Error Log
"Incorrect Syntax: line 122"
- There is no line 122
**3 Hours Pass
- Damn had an old broken version of the script still running in the background 😐🔫

So my old friend was in introduction to computers about 5 years ago.

My Teacher: Alright, go to the Desktop and start Photoshop.

My Friend: Where is the Desktop?

My Teacher: It's the Start Screen, like when you log on.

Everyone died laughing and he still hasn't lived it down.

"O(log(n)) on the streets, O(n^2) in the sheets."

The one who made the preferences on the Netflix App for Apple TV deserves a medal. I clicked on the Preferences option in the sidebar to explore the preferences. But the only two options in the so called preferences where to log out or to go back. Well, that was an incredible waste of 10 seconds.

Today I make a big progress in agile development.

You don't say fuck you. You say your request is in the back log.

😎

Hey Citrix:

FUCK YOU.

Learn to make an accessible log in page you fucks.

Maybe instead of vague fucking "you're user name and password is wrong" say things like "your account is locked because we somehow decided we don't like your password anymore. . . . without telling you"

Fucking 2 hours of my day wasted trying to log into my company's VM because first it wouldn't take my password (that I've had for over a month and doesn't expire for another month) over and over again. I changed it, logged in. Got up to do something that'd take less than 5 minutes. And OF COURSE the people who set up the VM made them log you out if you're gone for more than 3 minutes (fuck that guy too). Come back to a log in screen and it won't accept my new password.

Change it again. Except this time it won't accept my new password because it's "like my old password." It is in that it uses the alphabet and numbers, but it's also different in that those alphanumeric characters are LITERALLY DIFFERENT IN EVERY PLACE. I finally get it to accept a new password.

I'm also loving the whole "answer these security questions that literally anyone who does minimal research on you can answer" before I get to change my password. Yeah. Because finding my mother's maiden name or the city I was born in is so fucking hard. Literally impossible to find out what my Dad's dad's name is. Shit like that isn't publically available. Nope. Why the fuck are we still using "security" questions?

I log into Citrix again. And it takes me to . . . the log in for Citrix.

There is no word in elvish, entish or the tongues of men for this stupidity.

Fuck Citrix. Fuck the people behind the password manager (Aviator or something like that), and fuck whatever administrator setting turns my computer off due to inactivity in such a stupid short amount of time. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, that'd be fine. But it's more like 3 or 5, like wtf.

Facebook 2FA:
Want to log in? Sure, authorize your login. Oh you've authorized it? Nah you can't get in. Log in again.
2FA, excellent technology, except when it's implemented by "move fast and break things" Facebook.

Facebook Marketplace:
Want to buy $listing? Sure, you can send a message to the seller to ask for details. Oh, you want to send them a message? Nah sorry, you can't send messages to this person. You'll have to go to their profile, send them a message there and do it not with our le fancy instant messages but by manually typing it in. Because you know, reasons. Message approvals or something like that probably. Because why on Earth would Facebook support its own ecosystem?!

Move fast and break things. And breaking things those certified enganeers at Facebook sure do. Fucking pieces of shit.

Helped my friend setup a modded minecraft server, spent all night playing and forgot to sleep, gotta log into work in 3.5 hours... oops lol

Remember the post about bruce's constant?(4.5099806905005)

Well apparently theres a convergent series for it found all the way back in 2015.

Apparently its an actual thing. Which connects e to the square root of this series.

And it converges on (bruce-1)**0.5.
I confirmed it myself.

The two people who found the series that converges are N. J. A. Sloane and Hiroaki Yamanouchi

Thank you Sloane and Hiroaki!

The actual formula is a series of embedded square roots with the repeating numbers 1,4,2,8,5,7
like so...
sqrt(1+sqrt(4+sqrt(2+sqrt(8+sqrt...

What this means is you can find e using this series.

All you do is run the series, raise by a power of 2, add 1, calculate J and K like so

J = log(2, 1.333333333333333) / log(2, 2)
K = log(2, 1.333333333333333) / log(2, 3)

then calculate (J+K)-(bruce-1)
and out pops our buddy e:
2.7182818284591317

I guess I bullshitted myself for so long, that I didn't believe people like scor when they said they legit witnessed by math skills grow.

Or maybe a blind squirrel occasionally DOES find a nut.

Pretty cool find either way.

Trying to discover why the DB listener wasn't being called in my app for like 30min. Many log messages, no exceptions or errors, DB rules revised, DB content revised, changed constructors, simplified code and nothing worked... problem: the phone's wifi was disconnected.

These script kiddies fuck with my error metrics! I want 0 !

I swear I'll find them! Even enabled IP log for every request contain “.php”.

Needless to say, app is not even in PHP and PHP isn’t even present on server

A client is like: Help! We got a 500 in our wordpress administration panel and there is no error in the log, it must be your infrastructure at fault!

So I calmly replied to them that wordpress handles its errors on its own, and without the appropriate debug flags enabled, doesn't log it anywhere. Even mentioned that a PHP app can change the error handler no problem, and linked them to both, PHP and Word press docummentation.

Didn't hear from them since.

Why fix browser compatibility issues when you can just block what versions users can log in with?

It's been a while since I last log in into my devrant account.

Hello guys!

If you've ever scratched your head over using "login" or "log in", I hope this helps.

I found this gem today.
It perfectly generated ~5 GBs of useless log in the past 2 years.

Fucking Square Enix Website is just a huge pile of shit. NOTHING WORKS!

Wanna change your password? Nah sorry an error occured.

Wanna change your username? Nah sorry I'll just show you a loading symbol forever.

Wanna add a game to your collection? Nah sorry the "add" button is on fucking holiday and doesn't do anything.

Wanna change your avatar? Nah sorry I'll just redirect you and don't do anything.

Most amazing part is where you log in, then get redirected to the home page but it still shows the "Log in" button. Then you click on that "Log In" button and wosh! Home page reloads and tada! You're logged in!

Seriously who let this code into production? Also I know that you're using GraphQL now, due to an error message. Thank you!

Fucking bullshit...

A new mathematical constant was discovered recently: Bruce's constant

I took some code from the paper and adapted it in python.

def bruce(n):
J = log(n, 1.333333333333333) / log(n, 2)
K = log(n, 1.333333333333333) / log(n, 3)
return ((J+K)-e)+1

gives e everytime for ((J+K)-bruce)+1, regardless of the value of n.

bruce can always be aproximated with the decimal 4.5, telling you how close n can be used to aproximate e (usually to two digits).

Bruce's constant is equal to 4.5099806905005

It is named after that famous mathematician, bruce lee.

You'll start with four limbs and end up with two in a wheelchair!

So this one day I'm at work and the manager peaks into my office and just says "can you check that platform X is building, pretty much done just a basic bug check" (this bloke had negative 1 technical experience)

I'm not sure what he means, the whole thing is built in Java and I know nothing about that...

I log in the platform on dev server, sure enough it seems to work, charts are drawn, no errors, then I try to log out; this button does nothing...

I don't bother telling the manager, I just go to the dev who's a friend of mine and tell him about it.

A week later, manager jumps in the room all excited "we're launching this product tomorrow, mind checking again?"

Sure, I log in, ... There's no log out button, it's gone... I ask the dev.

"Yeah I fixed it, it's gone now!"

How to psych-out a machine learning algorithm:

> Use a platform for 10 years
> Never like, comment, or give it any inkling of your preferences
> Like one random video
> Never log in again

So we have a portal for all our University courses, where the professors also upload the presentations, etc.
Professor sends Email: Please participate in this questionnaire.
*clicks link*
"Please log in to continue"
*logs in*
Error (while I am already logged in): "Please log in to continue"
????

No wonder some people nick name the thing stupid. <.<

So I just recently joined stackoverflow. Spent some time time and decided I should log out considering I logged in at work. Could not find the fucking logout/sign out button. Even after googling. Had to go to the source code and find the logout link which is hidden in the page.

Looks like it's the new vim.

>Installed a new graphics card (thanks santa <3)
>Boots into Ubuntu
>Try to SSH. No route to device.
>Log in locally. "Failed to start raise network interfaces"
>ok.
>find out that installing graphics card renamed enp2s0 to enp3s0.
>ok.

If your site only supports alpha numeric characters in my password. You should tell me that when I reset my password rather than just killing the special characters out of the string and submitting my password like that. I spent 15 minutes trying to log in before I gave up and reset it to something simple.

Also, you should let me use special characters in my password, it's 2017.

Log 'I love devRant' in your favorite programming language.

I have this login page on my app. A user (a number of them actually) told me that they can't log in because the app tells them to "login in later". 😨

Is my button for deciding to login later so poorly designed that it looks like a message?

And the only way you can log in later is by pressing the frikin button, how does a person, with a smart phone tell me for the second time that its telling them to log in later

IHateForALiving: gentlemen, my unit tests are randomly falling. Sometimes the login procedure just fails for no apparent reason, did any of you encounter this problem?
The very fucking smart colleague®: DID YOU REMEMBER TO PLACE YOUR AUTHORIZATION HEADER

Of course
The authorization header.
To fucking log in.
Because you have to be logged in before you can log in.
That's the standard, of course.

Following on from my school having terrible passwords. Turns out they stored all our passwords in plain text somewhere - so some script kiddie (Do you even need to be a script kiddie to find this - probably not, but the guy who did this was a script kiddie) could just remote log me out twice, log in as me, be a twat, and have a conversation in Notepad.

Who knew SQL Server Report Manager didn’t have a log off / sign out button when you log in via the web browser?

I didn’t until I tried to test someone’s new credentials and realised I couldn’t log out of my administrator account. MS doesn’t ship it in the box apparently. Because that’s clearly not a useful piece of functionality to have. Except, some people have developed their own hacks to get around it......

Wtf.. mind blown

I just added this to the commit log:

Stray apostrophe.
Like a splinter in my mind.
Now has been removed.

So this new fitness tracker includes "tone of voice" analysis, and I'm supposed to believe you're not recording every word I say all day long? Riiiight. I know what's in my production log files, and I only work in the textile industry.

If you're having log problems I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems
in the log ain't one

How to log in to CMS Of Doom™...
What could go wrong?
MD5 password hashing? HTTP links? Extracting the whole $_POST array?

TFW you just made 8k additions in lines to a github repo.
By forgetting to remove the log files.

Heard Java 7 provides catching multiple exceptions in single catch block ! hmm .. why need when I got this 😎😁
try {
// do something...
} catch (Exception e){
//log it ..
}

I have 2 log files in /var/log

kern.log 16.1GB
syslog 4.1 GB

BECAUSE I HAVE UBUNTU AND IT KEEPS THROWING PCIe errors on booting

"You obviously nerfed something, it's broken now and it wasn't last patch!"

*git log shows nothing changed in 9 months*

When players know more about your code than your version control does...

drives me crazy when people send log or code snippets in slack and don't create a code snippet and send through as a plain message.

Why can't big companies like Facebook include a fucking change log I the update description in App Store?

MFW I log in this fine Sunday morning to see the top 4 new rants are people hating their Windows.

Couldn't log in to my university campus website.
This is the error I got. :/

Better than "Something happened", I guess.

You are a developer and you will only log time you're actually working. This means you will not be logging time spent in meetings, chasing for specs, requirement clarifications and similar. You must log 8 hours each day.

^^-- wtf?!? Is anyone else working in similar conditions?

W8 wut?! O.o
How the hell is someone gonna hack my computer using calculator?!
Also WTH?! I don't even know what that built in admin BS is in win10, let alone how to log in with this o.O

!rant

I didn't think about it too much while I was studying. But my old university uses PuTTY for class enrollment and other stuff.

Meaning a student would log in, view what classes are available. Make their schedule, and then add them.

Through PuTTY.

Joined as an Intern at an MNC, There was an issue with creating the account so a ticket was raised. Now to view the ticket, I have to log in the account :)

what the fuck is up with devs who always send screenshots of code and/or log files? In Slack, which has great functionality for formatting text snippets in a variety of languages and data types?! screenshots of code are really a pet peeve lately. You can't copy the text or click on any urls or do *anything* with a fucking screenshot. so dumb.

Why have so many fucking websites the signup form in the start page but you have to click in the menu to get to the login?!
I signup only once but I have to fucking log in every single time I go to the page!!!11
Annoying...

Been on winter holiday for 3 days. Went to log in to my work laptop to clear out email - took me 20 minutes to remember my domain password.

Getting old sucks, kids.

I must be a madman.

Trying to log in to appDynamics. enter account name, hit ENTER -- <...>/appdynamics.com/controller/undefined, 404: Page not found.

Go back, do that again -- same result

Go back, ctrl+F5, try again -- same result.

So in the end I did 17 or 19 back-retry attempts in a row and the last one DID log me in.

Peachy.

<F><U><C><K.<J><S>

As a webmail user, I want to be logged out automatically without any reasonable reason, to be able to read your notice that I have forgotten to log out, once I log in again.

On today's episode of Corporate BS

I must please go update logstash on this server. Okay, so I literally just need to ssh in and run "yum update logstash"

No, I need to apply for temp root access and depending who picks up that ticket, I may have to log a change request

Time logging in multiple applications that takes so long you have to log that time too!

I used ShareX on Windows, but have had bad luck finding something with as much configuration options on Linux (Ubuntu). Any suggestions?

Edit: I'm currently using Flameshot, but feel like it's quite limited. I can't log in to Imgur for example.

Dear Dark Side #1

Reformat code in all files
Push changes with commit message "Major changes."
Log 2 hours

Another log in issue because of moving from country to country...

If only I had a dollar for everytime a system didn't let me in after I moved... I'd be financially comfortable.

Scheduled my ITIL exam, Getty everything setup and ready to go... log in... exam starts in 1 day and 0 hours...

I guess being a day early is better than a day late?

On the web version, when I open devRant, and even though I am logged in, it prompts me to log in again?

So we have a desktop in each meeting room. In case you need to present something. And some of the desktops, if the previous person hasn't gracefully logged off, you can't log on.

Most people would take down the login id, run back to their own desktop, lookup and call the previous person to come and log off.

I'm not one of those nice people as you've already guessed - but there's no reset button on those desktops.

So instead of holding the power botton for a few seconds and tap again, I just unplug the power, and plug it back on.

Look in a fu**ing log files...There you will find answers for almost 90% of "oh, i have some error" problems.

my coworker just disabled the unit tests in the build process

without telling anybody and without comment in the log

I was happy that my code worked then it was a little bit fishy that the build was so fast

I am so angry now and of course I need to fix the tests as well

I created a class Log with a method d(String tag, String text) to replicate Android's log method in Flutter.

class Log {
static void d(String tag, String text) { print(tag + ": " + text); }
}

I replaced all 'print' into 'Log.d' in my project and I wondered why emulator kept crashing for the past two days.

Now I know..

*Log in to work*

*Get a ticket to work on*

"Oh this seems like a simple fix. This should be done in a couple hours."

*Move the ticket to Completed status*

"Oh would you look at that. It's 9 PM and now I have to make dinner".

One of the great joys of being a dev.

I am building my portfolio website and added a contact section. In the API call to the backend, I am logging potential API failures to Firebase Analytics. Is it ethical to include the request data (content of the contact form) in log data?

Only 25 days left to get my Fanatic gold badge in stackoverflow and my browser decides to open up the new window instead of the old one with all my pinned tabs in it... So I forget to log into stack overflow for a day resulting in me going back to 99 days of everyday visiting the site until I get my Fanatic badge... I feel so fucking depressed FML

That feeling when you hace your first talk with new lead QA, all the way from Microsoft:

QA (sitting at her new desk & PC): "How do I get the log in screen?"
Me (trying to be helpful): "Have you checked the machine is on?"
<QA checks>
QA: "How do I turn it on?"

Recently got around to dual booting my home machine with Ubuntu.

Now every time I log in, in my head i hear the kid from Jurassic Park exclaim "this is a unix system!"

Am I the only one who pronounces git reflog as re-flog rather than ref-log? As in being whipped again

When another developer has put a "Yolo" production log in de codebase and committed that to the release branch..

I wrote some simple pen test scripts that automatically get executed on every ip in my fail2ban log.

Ip count: 2500+ in a few days. Probably victims of botnet. Some have mysql, postgres, smb open and many of them support user/pass auth on their ssh.

The scripts were a lot of fun to write but I don't expect much results.

When your boss says "no we don't need you present for the deployment on Saturday at 4:00 am." And your PM chimes in and says, yeah you can log in remotely." FML

I needed to log in on a website in someone else's pc and didn't know the password by heart. I thought I'd log into chrome, if I log out later, what could go wrong right?

Apparently, a lot. It facking merged my bookmarks, history and passwords with hers! And she had shitloads of them! It took me facking hours to clean up the mess chrome created. I trust her, but I still didn't want her to have my passwords etc.

Omg I'm never logging into chrome again elsewhere, what a frustrating facking waste of time

So today I asked my intern whom I have already asked to look and read about loggers and it's properties that what is the difference between log levels like INFO, WARN, etc and log.info() and log.warn() , etc?

I got a reply that first one is in uppperacse and second one is in lowercase.

Devs who log exception messages without trace deserve a special place in hell

Sharepoint intranet - took around 45 seconds to log in and open start page for the whole first year. Specialist went in to help. Now it only takes half a minute.

With 7000+ employees it means over 50 hours of wasted time _every day_ just from opening the start page once per employee and day.

I asked Santa to carpet fire every HR from my company, now it's time to log in and see if I've been good enough to have my wish granted.

Simple but useful..
Wrote a greasemonkey script to convert url text to hyperlinks..
Reduced lots of time in finding the log url from the error response..
Helping me in debugging faster..

Just got handed a dozen servers. Documentation shows a (Linux) database cluster is using ldap authentication. I try logging in with my creds. No joy. I look up the root password and log in.

Not only is it not configured to use ldap, it's also not clustered.

I need more coffee.

Logging work in Jira, because it goes against the whole ethos of trusting people to get the work done when they have to log exactly how much time they spent on each individual story. It also doesnt account for pair programming. so 2 people log the same time and it looks like the story took twice as long. I’ll stop now because I’m precariously close to opening the “time based estimates” can of worms and thats for another rant.

> Mister BossDeveloper, I'm calling this method called "consoleLogger" and I'm not seeing anything in console, why is that happening?
> Mister IHateForALiving, it's redirected to some pm2.log file

The 180iq move: create a method, explicitly call it "PRINT TO CONSOLE" and make sure it doesn't print to console, ever.

The Debug Log is like a savior in Salesforce hell.

The moment you see this in your log:
Caused by: java.lang.NumberFormatException: Invalid float: "Pink"

Probably posted this before but don't ever put swear words in log statements because you will miss one and if you're client has a log monitoring system it will catch it, it's fairly embarrassing when your client says "we noticed quite a spike in 'bollocks' around 3am when the reorgs are happening on the database".

So I just write “pull” in a Skype-chat by accident when I thought I was writing in hit bash.
I had to tell some colleagues about my mistake and wrote a message in Riot. About 5 seconds later I repeated the mistake and wrote “got log —oneline” in the Riot-chat....

You know this amazing Windows feature where you can log in with MS email?

Q: Guess what happens if you have flaky WIFI at home and boot up windows10.

A: the boot process takes at least half an hour. Still waiting for the login window to appear...

I already forgot what are the different sorting algorithms I learned last week. I already forgot sin, cos, tan, log, and some Math concepts in school. How not to forget these things easily? I could recall them once I see a sample and a brief explanation.

When the server doesn't respond and I log in over SSH to take a look....

God I fucking hate macs.
I got a mac at work. I tried to install ubuntu, with rather questionable results (unfortunately, I expected that) - so I tried to get mac work for me the way I like a system to work. I needed to download slack, simple enough, right? Ha, you wish. It's gotta be done through Apple store, so I went to create an Apple ID inside the Apple Store form. And, well, it just errored out on the submission. Great start. I went then to the settings and created an account there, great success, went back to Apple Store. Unfortunately being logged in at the system level doesn't mean you are logged in to the store. So, I went to log in to the store, simple enough, right? No, nothing's simple with Apple. After logging in I got a message that the Apple ID has not yet been used with Apple Store and that I need to review the account's setting. So, I click the "review" button and... I'm presented with a log in form. Yep, a perfect log in loop. I can't log in because I can't review the account but I can't review the account because I can't log in. Fun :)

You can't just go to the web admin panel for your account to review it for Apple Store, that would too be too easy. After a bit of searching I've found an answer on StackOverflow. You need to log in to iTunes. Through a fucking MUSIC APP. To install a free application from the store you need to log in to a music app. Yes, we're all mad here.

Then, after finding out that to be able to use side buttons on my mouse I need an app that I need to manually restart every time I restart the machine and that I need to have an app to fucking transfer files from an android I need another fucking app, because reading a storage of a linux-based system would be too standards compliant - something in me broke. I found out that installing windows on a mac is officially supported.

Supported doesn't mean that it's easy. I tried to install it trying different solutions from SO, but each time I would get an error that Windows couldn't modify the boot partition. Turns out that even wiping the drive and reinstalling OSX doesn't remove residual files on a boot partition and Windows installer is not allowed to modify them. It took me hunting into some shady looking site to actually find this answer. I have no fucking idea how long it all took me, but, finally, great success, Windows, WSL, side buttons working, I can even install slack from an installer. I just wish I could have those hours of my life back.

GREAT PROGRESS TODAY!

I already made the login part of the devRant rewrite and I can reliably log in and out of the app.

From here, it’s just API requests, JSON parsing and just fitting the data to templates.

...and the avatar system.

Fuck.

I remember someday from a few years ago, because i just got off the phone with a customer calling me way too early! (meaning i still was in my pyjamas)

C:"Hey NNP, why si that software not available (He refers to fail2ban on his server)
Me: "It's there" (shows him terminal output)
C: " But i cannot invoke it, there is no fail2ban command! you're lieing"
Me: "well, try that sudoers command i gave you (basically it just tails all the possible log files in /var/log ) , do you see that last part with fail2ban on it?
C: "Yeah, but there is only a file descriptor! nothing is showing! It doesnt do anything.
Me: "That's actually good, it means that fail2ban does not detect any anomalies so it does not need to log it"
C:" How can you be sure!?"
Me: "Shut up and trust me, i am ROOT"

(Fail2ban is a software service that checks log files like your webserver or SSH to detect floods or brute force attempts, you set it up by defining some "jails" that monitor the things you wish to watch out for. A sane SSH jail is to listen to incoming connection attempts and after 5 or 10 attempts you block that user's IP address on firewall level. It uses IPtables. Can be used for several other web services like webservers to detect and act upon flooding attempts. It uses the logfiles of those services to analyze them and to take the appropriate action. One those jails are defined and the service is up, you should see as little log as possible for fail2ban.)

So our server guy installs a log server (gray log), and tells me to read the documents online and to log our stuff in there
I'm so frustrated and can't use it.

So I tell him how am I supposed to use this log mechanism, and tells me that even he doesn't know!

And can't send logs using postman!

WTF should I do?? Losing my mind over here!!

Need to finish a demonstration ASAP as I'm already behind schedule.
(don't judge me ಠ_ಠ)

Start working, laptop restarts for fuck knows why and doesn't wanna log in.
Now this..

THANKS MICROSOFT!

Windows has just asked me the password to my Microsoft account to fucking access my computer.
... Do you mean that if I didn't have Internet access I couldn't use my won fucking computer? WTFF!??

My blog has a massive build up of posts that have a start but not released yet. It's like a guilt list every time I log in. Anyone else go through this?

When you find this in production code and git blames you for this. Luckily no one can every see this log output, because the next statement closes the frame.

My boss keeps looking into the system log file and being scared of some totally irrelevant messages (for him). Time to introduce permissions in the control panel...

Those fcking newsletter unregister links which requires you to log in!

Gaaaaaaah! Following the path of least resistance, it’s easier to just keep deleting the emails 😂

So my business developer informs me that he couldn't log in to a particular account. He as tried to log in but couldn't. I used my account and logged in fine. Tries with the credentials he gave again and was bounced. After about 15 minutes of wasting my time, I found out was giving me wrong username.
"Check the username again" I said as calm as I could.
Realizes his mistake and
" oh ... Sorry"...
If he only he knew how close I was to exploding...

Don't you love when there's a teeny tiny little bug in your code that's not very important but you want to get fixed because you're a perfectionist so you start inserting log statements and it magically fixes itself and stays fixed even after removing the log statements? So now you have to live in constant fear that the bug will appear again and you will never be able to fix it.

Abfjancnancnamxhajd fuck this, fuck js, fuck webpack. It was probably a fucking cache issue but who knows, fuck everything.

This morning, I was logging in on the site I was working on without problem.

After lunch, I couldn't log in. No reason why.

Then I found out why. Someone modified the login in database, and warned everyone.

Everyone except the ones that are working on the website (me and my team).

To fix a bug I added a few log messages to trace what gets executed and in what order (very new to the project). Fixed the bug, pushed PR and the only comment was to remove the log files. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Please tell me this is normal or should I start looking for a new place that hires "only the best" 😭

<updating Visual Studio 2022 in virtual environment>
VS: now done, you have to restart your computer
<restarts computer>
<starts VS2022>
VS: nice that you are using an update, we want you to log into your M$ account
VS: here is a window where you can log in
<uses window to login with email+pwd>
VS: YOUR ORGANIZATION NEEDS TO UPDATE THE BROWSER, IT'S TOO OLD!!! ARRGGGGGHHHHH
...

Ok, so I got everything running on Ubuntu 17.10. switched to i3 because holy mother of God is never have to resize a window again!

Switched to using the Von editor mode in IntelliJ because dear lord is it faster!

I love all of it. The only problem? Instead of the 6-10 hours of battery I got in Windows, I get MAX 2 hours in Ubuntu because it's always using the Nvidia card and switching to the integrated Intel causes an instant log out after the log in. (Tried everything already, nothing works)

Still, I love it.

Oooh I have quite a few,
My favourite: accidently left a log. Debug("bollocks") in a try catch this made it through testing and does (still) occasionally go into production log files.

Worst: wrote an interceptor for jboss with the intent of checking cache for some lookup data. I picked the wrong one of two similarly named methods and instead queried the database, I effectively wrote a denial of service utility into our app

I said do fucking not include log files in the git repository! I have removed them and added them to the gitignore and there are they again...

Apple added medicine logging feature.

Do you know how they tell you you should take your medicine? It’s “It’s time to log in your medications”. It’s not “take your meds now”. Otherwise, imagine those lawsuits, ooga booga iphone told me to take meds and I died.

You know what's hard...

Fixing a bug which occurred in production without having any logs because you log that useful info at debug level. 😧

Now take pen and paper, do calculation on your own and speculate what would have happened in production.

FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..

Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/

Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....

Git should have an option - - gud which signs the last developer to commit to log each time it's called. (in case they borked it). That way, everyone could spam someone's stupid name who broke production.

I was pulling background data from a job in PowerShell, and it kept coming up short from the same, final section of data that I just KNEW should be there.

Fiddled with the primary application for hours... HOURS! Then, I checked the log. There it was in all its Glory, tee'd out to the log during job execution.

What. The. Shit.

So, it seems that, since I was asynchronously pulling data in a loop keyed to the job status and had inserted a little sleep statement in the wrong place, I'd been missing the last second's worth of data. You just couldn't tell most of the time.

Nice.

5 minutes later it was working fine with a new loop/control structure. Jesus.

Well finished work yesterday at the company where I would be grilled over whether it was safe to run an SQL script on the server using the command line but they thought nothing of everyone having to log in to the server as root!

More math (because it's 5am and currently the apocalypse so why not).

e - log(log(e, 1.444667861009766**1.444667861009766), log(e, e**1.444667861009766)) = 1

I've been studying so long if I happen to glance at a pocket calculator I might jizz in my pants.

Thinking BigBrain thoughts right now bois! (tm).

Oh shit. Cant stop. I think I opened a portal bros! and am being sucked in. ITS A BLACK HOLE!

!rant

I love the cloud. Not the google drive kinda, but the one that integrates with your workflow like git. Tinkercad, for example, its great that i can just log in from my work pc and continue modeling where i left off.

In a corporate world...apparently having open communication and sharing opinions is only allowed between ELDERS(bade log)😑

A common walkthrough with Laravel deployment:
1.) Error 403
2.) Internal server error 🤔
3.) bad require paths in index.php....
4.) Whooops something went wrong.. What?.... Look at log file with 2MB size
5.) View not found

FUCKING DEVICE LOG IN XAMARIN
YOU JUST DONT WORK YOU FUCKING FUCK

I'm in school, next lession is gonna be programming exercise with c#, soooo gonna log into my linux home server and do some stuff Xd

So today I debug the code from the previous developer.... I show this in the file I wonder what it is as I debug , it give the log which is I don't know what to react .....

For the next weeks I could use 30 hours days

life as the only dev at work:

boss: so the new system is finished now right?
me: its finished enough for people to log in and test it
boss: so its finished?
me: .... suuure

Project managers moved all the tickets around and then got mad that we couldn't find them to log our time.

Mass mutiny about logging time in general and expected dev hours per week.

They returned the tickets to the old system at least

Just found out that even though you can download apps from the appstore with touch ID, you have to actually log in with password if you want to rate an app..

Perfect use of DI in .NET Core project.

> Passed logger object in UI project's controller class constructor.
> Then pass it to internal class.
> Then pass it to business project.
> Then pass it to another class and finally used logger in a method to log exceptions in try-catch

At the office
5 website is down !
Searching for answer ... Noting. Nginx is calm, php is calm, DB to many connections :O but the DB is interne acces only !!!

Internal ddos WTF

Drupal 8 website -> sorry guy i just fucked up and write 8Go of useless log in watchdog table because something went wrong

Actual log : %errormessage %errortime %vardump

Me : damm he fucked up and cannot write some complet log 🤣

Do you know some module to limit this table size and write acces ?