Dude! We have toilets on each floor. Why do you push shit on git?

me.children += 1;
^_^

!Rant
I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE TODAY WITH MY DEGREE IN COMPUTER SCIENCE!

Now to find a job :D

Well at-least now I know why I haven't been able to login.

Words of wisdom (WOW) !!

FUCK!! It's been 3 days in the new office.
Can't find a single to rant about.
Why is everyone is so fucking nice??

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

Knock Knock
Race condition!
who's there?

Dev life chose me

Doomed

Took an interview today.

Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.

Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.

At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.

In my previous company, I used to work for a client company which had a terrible website. It was about financial data and people would have to wait too long before the page loaded because there was a freaking 1.2 megs of minified, compressed JS file that needed to load before you could do anything.

Everyone knew that was a pain in the ass and nobody wanted to touch spaghetti code and mess up something they didn't know.

I wanted to however take a shot at it. So an architect from client side and I discussed how we were gonna go about it and how we were gonna find the stuff that needed to load on page load and stuff that could be loaded later.

So we plan for it. We broke everything down from a globals polluting JS, found out the variables and functions that needed to run during first load by literally putting a console statement for each function and finally came up with two bundles.

The primary bundle was 120kb and would during first load and then every module would call it's own secondary bundle when the user interacted with it.

In the process, we removed half a meg of JS and the site became blazing fast.

I did it with a team of two members who, my manager thought were useless, learned a ton of stuff, setup proper process for the transition.

When the client didn't appreciate the amount of brain and effort we had put into it, these two members came forward to tell the client to acknowledge my effort and attributed the success of it to me.

I was totally moved. There was so much respect that I didnt care what anybody else thought. I was just so happy to work with those two humans.

When i left the company, i gifted them stuff they always talked about or wanted. :) Feels good.

Ah fuck it. I'm just going to buy a stress ball

- Wife logs onto uni website Saturday at 11pm to drop an elective, drop deadline is Monday
- Goes to course list and chooses course to drop
- "Course modification is available Monday-Saturday from 6am to 10pm"

😑 are you kidding me..

Like 😡😠 websites don't have business hours! Servers don't need nights or weekends off!! It's ridiculous to think that someone had to code this block for these hours, more effort than just leaving it always available.

z-index: 999999999

There is a group of ladies who work in the accounting department at my job who have made it their mission to decorate the cubicle of whoever has a birthday on a given day. They come in at 6 am on someones birthday and decorate, leaving a mess of balloons and streamers, which is a nice surprise the first time it happens (they do it every year). Well, we in the IT office decided it would be fun to booby trap one of our cubicles so that when our birthday rolled in, they would receive a surprise of their own. So we set up a webcam as a motion detector, and had the computer speakers turned up as loud as possible, so that when motion was detected, the honorable Admiral Akbar would yell "It's A Trap!". We succeeded in scaring the pants off of them, and also annoying them because the sound did not stop until the program was exited, so they had to listen to it the entire time they did their setup. It was priceless xD

*gets a new phone.
*installs devRant as the first app

Hello, guys.

I'm here is new. I'm from Russia. Sorry for my English, but i will learn his and talk you all about think.

Best Code EVER!

I just updated my website to be GDPR compilant. (hopefully). It was the last one.
I'm so pissed right now. I have invested tens of hours for this FUCKING SHIT. I'm not against privacy regulations - I appreciate them. But this is not the way to enforce them IMO.

*We colleagues were cursing Valentine's week*

Team Lead : Committed?
Me: No, I am single.
TL: *confused look* Did you committed that code?
Me: ohh yes! I raised the merge request as well.
TL: Ok. I will review it. *Moves away smiling inside*
Me: *looking at screen* *crying inside*

So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.

You is not gonna beliebers what just happened lol

So a couple weeks ago I earned a stress ball (300+ ++'s) I sent an email about it but never got a reply, so I decided to just forget about it. But then I just ranted (lastnight) about how its so hard to get a stressball. So I basically just said "fuck it i'll buy one". Then some dude comes along and is like "omg not until he shows us the bought one" so I'm like CHALLENGE ACCEPTED and buy one...

Then I get an email confirmation from devrant store confirming my order for the bought stressball. And I notive that my spam folder has unread messages in it. i look inside the spam folder and what do I see?...

I see dfox replying to my free stressball request weeks ago lol. So yay, now I gets the 3 balls (or two - depending) lol omg, so many balls.

Hey PMs!

Fuck you!

Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.

If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!

The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.

- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!

Sometimes when I code, I plug in my earphones and listen to music, focused, in zone.

* I let everyone think that.
** I actually don't listen to anything.
*** Keeps the buggers away!

Copy & paste code. 😬

My morning (RO = remote office):

Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.

Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.

Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.

Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.

... your not following the experts at all.

RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.

... this will be discussed on my exit interview

I write code,
I am a writer.
I fight with bugs,
I am a fighter.
I optimise code,
to make it tighter.

My previous password for devRant was 123hackMe!

I never got hacked. I'm disappointed.

<!-- You shouldn't be able to read this -->

The fact you’re older doesn’t give you the right to call other people’s 8-months’ engineering effort “shit work”, especially if you didn’t even see the code...

Sincerely,
Your tech lead - me :)

"SEO optimization"
Ever read what the "O" in SEO stands for, Einstein?

It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.

That's like my birthright taken away from me!

Noisy collegues. Also the people who come to talk anytime.

There should be a devrant Meetup one day. Basically The community just gets together, rants about stuff to each other but in person so we all meet our social interaction requirements for the year. Then we could buy swag and sit on our computers and work on our personal/group projects. It would give devs a great excuse to take a vacation once a year.

Career Goals:
Be able to work from home.

Yay!

TL;DR Setup computer for new guy @ office, he got mad about software he was missing that we weren't told he needed, so he complained to the director above our department and got us in trouble.

I work for a small company, in which the I.S. Department is 8 people (Manager Included). We do everything from setting up computers and fixing printer problems to writing custom software for in-house use. Kind of a "Renaissance Department" if you will.

So a few weeks ago we were asked to set up a computer for a brand new user, meaning he would need email setup, a domain account, etc. We were also given a (very) small list of programs he would need to do his job. No problemo, took me 30 minutes, and he was good to go.

Last week I met the guy because he was training at the general office and his training computer lacked a few tools. Since I was called to remedy that situation, I introduced myself, told him if he ever had any problems to let me know and I would get him fixed up.

Now today, 5/5/2017, 15 seconds after walking into the door of the department, I am pulled aside by my boss and asked if I setup up the new guys desktop, to which I proudly replied yes. Come to find out the (very) small list of tools we were told he needed was incomplete, so he was missing stuff (how the fuck were we supposed to know that). So what does the new fuck do? HE COMPLAINS TO A DIRECTOR ABOVE OUR DEPARTMENT SAYING THE IT GUYS DIDN'T SETUP HIS COMPUTER PROPERLY! Like holy shit dude, why not send me a fucking email like you did before telling me you needed stuff? I would have GLADLY fucking helped. Now I hope your computer catches on fire. Or you get fired. I'll take either one.

What's with the 4 pixel wide scrollbars on some desktop software these days? Does nobody care about accessibility anymore?

No seriously.

Fuck you.

And why the fuck does open source software seem to be the main culprit - as usual.

And tutorials telling us to add an extra blank line to our source code because fucking Linux distros decide to put an overlay horizontal scrollbar just over the top of where the last visible line in an editor appears.

This is how we view Kaspersky Anti-Virus at my office.

If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

Going down to the new office tomorrow to choose my new nap ro... Err, I mean, our server room.

When you are so angry about something you slam your fist on the keyboard, break the Enter and surrounding keys, rush to the closest shop that sells keyboards, fail to buy one because they're all too shit, come home and end up fixing your keyboard, then get even more pissed off because you had already gotten excited about that new keyboard, and end up writing shitty comments for shit you haven't even finished yet because you're too pissed off BECAHSE EVERY FUCKING THING IN THIS WORLD IS FUCKING BROKEN AND SHIT. AND NOW I HAVE A MIGRAINE AND MY LEG IS ITCHY FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING REASON!

I am now a Cloud Hosting (Windows and Linux) Reseller. I kinda feel like giving away some free accounts to the devRant community. But it can't give away too many accounts, so I probably won't because I don't want to exclude anybody. 😭

I saw a meme about USB and thought I could make a stop motion gif. Here it is. 😁

Yeah dude, if I'm wearing my headphones it means "do not disturb"

My son is taking a nap and you know what that means - time to write some code!

Keep your arrogance, your fucking stupid logic and religious belief about everthing you say is right aside.

when somebody says there is a better way to solve a problem.. you can do two things. you either listen to them, validate the idea and accept or reject based on discussion or you just be an arrogant fucking prick and stick to your fucking reasoning, about your "right" way.

Don't do the latter. Wont help you become better neither at work nor in life.

FUCK YOU.

- a teammate

When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?

Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.

Good Windows reseller hosting plans are hard to find. These guys want to charge me $20 per year just for an extra 1gb of webspace.

Get fucked.

why the fuck people name variables endig with numbers? why? how the hell do you even figure out what's what?

checkStatus1
checkStatus2
checkStatusMyAss

My mother is so ashamed of me.
she tells everybody that I'm a Drug dealer.

PHP Developer here.

me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......

*goes on to explain cool stuff*

her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?

me : I AM DONE

<div id="!rant">
Finally have a full time job lined up for when I graduate in a month!
</div>

Why the fuck someone write "used linux to speed up development" in your resume. But when you have to use it, questions like "where to download git for linux?" appears?

!rant

I just wanted to say how much I freaking love this place. I come here every day, and what I find is a magical community of people who are accepting of everyone, supportive of each others hopes and dreams and sympathize with those struggling with jobs or school or just life in general. DevRant honestly makes the world a better place, at least for me. Thank you @dfox and @trogus for this beautiful Eden!

I graduated last weekend. Walked in the commencement ceremony, took pictures, posted a !rant here, the whole 9 yards. Then what happens? I get an email from the dean of the engineering college at my university stating that my degree check was done incorrectly and that I am 3 credit-hours short of graduating, it is too late to sign up for an intersession course, and there are now 3 credit-hour courses offered as 8-weel courses. So here I am, with two Job interviews coming up, without my degree, wondering why the hell I found all this out A WEEK AFTER I "Graduated"! DA FUCK!!!!!

Using Sololearn: feel like a pro.
Open Devrant: feel like a noob.

The startup life culture is probably killing a lot of talent and taking away peace of mind.

Everything is needed
- too fast
- to work well

Forcing people to compromise on personal life and health.

It also takes away the interest to work on something as an interesting problem and makes it feel like "just another job to get finished".

I've developed an interesting habit. I wear a hat 24/7. The same exact hat.
I (almost) never wear my hat backwards. I think its weird, and I look weird, and its just too much weirdness.

There is one exception to this rule.

Before I begin coding each day, before a single stroke of my keyboard, I turn my hat backwards. I don't know why I started doing this, but it is almost as if my hat is a key and turning it unlocks all my programming knowledge.

Anyone else have a quirky habit they do before/during a coding session?

In the last project i worked in, the product owner wouldn't treat people as people but as resources.

The problem with that is you just look at people and their work in terms of a checklist and remain blind about real humans face.

She wouldn't understand the challenges of building something with an absolutely new stack which people needed to learn from scratch and put pieces together. She wouldn't be supportive of people trying out things and fail.

One fine day I told her that I was spending too much time on meetings and i should be excluding that time from available sprint timings.. she made me open my calendar in a screenshare session with all team members. Made me go through go through every meeting invite i had on calender and ordered which ones should i be attending from then and which ones i wont. That was insulting. It broke the trust.

I decided to not work with the project. Stopped putting my heart and soul into it and eventually got out of it in a month time.

Don't put your team into a position like this ever. You have to trust them with the problems they face and try to find a solution. Scrutinizing and micro management will always kill the team.

Found somewhere. Author unknown

Shut Up Dirty Mind! I am learning React Native.

I loved Java very much..
Then i started using it.

When you are in a hurry to make payment .. and some fucker has done this.

Saw this on Facebook and couldn't help but share here! 😂

A young woman submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke…
The query:

Dear Tech Support,

’Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):

Dear Desperate,

“First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.Good Luck!’

Good Luck!

Sitting in my backyard, trying to mentally troubleshoot some coding issues in the fresh air, and I hear my neighbor say, "...she was picking her bum before..."

Back inside I go.

Height of Confidence.

At last got mine! Thanks Devrant!

Don't drink a lot before develop

I will be working from home tomorrow.

*Today*

I am at office because fuck me! I forgot my laptop charger here.

Expecting your client to be nice with you just because you are nice to them is like expecting lion not to eat you, because you don't eat lions.

Time Not Found! :P

Why do so many companies think that frontend work can be stuffed at the end of the product development right before a release is expected.

And to top it off, expect all things to be working, smooth, animating, responsive, crisp, fast with 100 fucking lighthouse score.

🖕 To everyone who thinks frontend work is meh!, Not real programming and similar. Fuck you!

I'm doing it. I'm taking the plunge...
Linux here I come! No turning back now!

Hello (World)! Noob here. I installed devRant around 5 days ago. I just keep reading the rants and didn't created my account because i was not sure if i will stay here for long time coz most (cr-)apps are boring.

After 5 days:
I owe all of you a tons of '++'.

I want a boss like @Linux have. (i know tags work only in comments)

Gonna stay here till i stay in IT industry.(maybe)

Pet-peeve: fellow devs who think scoffing/dismissing/not-my-probleming before actually understanding the issue is a sign of intelligence; newsflash: you are being lazy, disagreeable and unprofessional.

That moment when you change your mindset from "I'll probably leave the office by 6pm" to "I hope I'll leave before midnight"

At the end of each work day, once I am sitting down, I take a moment to do a little stress relief exercise.

I get in my car, make sure all doors/windows are shut, make sure the coast is clear, and I yell at the top of my lungs.

The relief is almost instant. And even if it was a good day, sometimes a good, loud yell can just help to relieve any build up tension, anxiety, or stress you may not have known you were under. Give it a try (:

That feeling when a coworker screws up totally. doesn't accept it as their fault.

You look at the code and see so much of redundancy and bad practice galore.

You look at it for a while and think you can rewrite it from scratch. But you finally end up saying "fuck this" and feel hopeless because there is not enough time.

Hate that feeling. Hate it. Depresses.

This is really creepy. Yesterday I was talking to my parents about buying a Thermosteel flask. Today I opened Amazon and this is what I see.. (attached pic)
I am pretty sure, I didn't looked for it even on Google.
It may be co-incidence but still..

For fuck sake Facebook! do position:fixed for your goddam toolbar on mobile site because you have that fucking infinite scroll!

Once I didn't knew anything about coding or development.
Someone suggested me to start with Java.

Still looking for that Mada-foker.

I'm the only one working on this anymore and every toolchain supporting the system (remember, we're using an ARM9 [initial strap CPU] AND an ARM11 (give or take an ARM7 slaved to the ARM9 that we don't have support for yet), all in tandem, and the only toolchain that remotely works is for ARM6 for some reason) hates the Linux kernel. Current goals: SD R/W support (currently RO), X, GNUTools, maybe a better fucking softkey driver (i'll have to find whoever made this one and fucking beat him), and a working joy2mouse/touch2mouse driver. Oh, and figure out if Swap would work either with the New 2DS/3DS' Bonus Drive (unused 64MB partition on NAND) without killing the NAND as the SD access is max. 1.2 MB/s read/write speed or so, which isn't fast enough for swap AND other things.

Currently working:
Busybox
Read-only SD support
Weston (term only, can't click)
Standard 3DS/Standard 2DS/New 3DS (Models before 2017, the non-foldables, rebranded standard 2DSes) features only, not yet New 3DS/New 2DS-enhanced

Currently failing final compile because toolchain:
Preliminary custom R/W SD support

Friend : hey! I wanna buy a laptop.. range is about entry level nothing hi fi! But it should work for 3-4 years.

Me : sure.. give me a few hours..i'll get back.

*Looks all around foe the best thing in that price range.

*Sends a list of laptops ranked based on value for money.

Friend : bought it! Yay! 😎😎😎

*Buys the shittiest laptop they could find at that price range with an absolute old age processor.

Why the fuck did you even ask me at the first place? Fucked couple of hours for me.

finally!!! after loads of time (go Israeli post service) stickers are here!!!
thanks devRant

!Rant
Just scheduled an interview for a full-time programming position with a company for after my graduation in the fall! Super Stoked!

Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.

Now this is true. Devrant changed me and now, after one of the devranters post I'm finally searching for a new job. Most of the time I was using PHP, but here I've seen lot of rants about laravel. Now I'm building a website with it and going to change my job. Thank you Devrant creators and community.

"A comment isn't needed if the name is good and the responsibility is clear" - M.Howell

Wanna hear a story? The consultancy firm I work for has been hired to work on a WPF project for a big Fashion Industry giant.

We are talking of their most important project yet, the ones the "buyers" use to order them their products globally, for each of the retail stores this Fashion giant has around the world. Do you want to know what I found? Wel, come my sweet summer child.

DB: not even a single foreign key. Impossibile to understand without any priopr working experience on the application. Six "quantity" tables to keep aligned with values that will dictate the quantities to be sent to production (we are talking SKUs here: shoes, bags..)

BE: autogenerated controllers using T4 templates. Inputs directly serialized in headers. Async logging (i.e. await Logger.Error(ex)). Entities returned as response to the front end, no DTOs whatsoever.

WPF: riddled with code behind and third party components (dev express) and Business Logic that should belong to the Business Layer. No real api client, just a highly customized "Rest Helper". No error reporting or dealing with exceptions. Multiple endpoints call to get data that would be combined into one single model which happens to be the one needed by the UI. No save function: a timer checks the components for changes and autosaves them every x seconds. Saving for the most critical part occurring when switching cells or rows, often resulting in race conditions at DB level.

What do you think of this piece of shit?

!rant

I am the happiest person today. Thanks @dfox. 😍

Stack overflow was down..
I don't know why, but it developed some kind of respect for senior developers who don't had access to stack overflow in their time.

I prefer Tribble debugging over Rubber Duck debugging.

Instantly thought about new js framework name

I asked one of my engineering classmate which processor they had in their laptop.

Ans : 3GB.

I dont know whether they dont know a shit about computers or they are too bad at english.

Hit udemy, Google for any new technologies, attend large conferences, and simply spend 30 mins to an hour each day coding in anything new - and of interest.

I have to keep up with the young people, to keep my job/career alive, heh.

#LifeRightNow
- need to find a new place and roommates to live with
- my gf's father doesn't want us to marry.
- my joint family wants to get separated.
- my boss wants me to be at our primary office ( i work remotely ) asap irrespective of anything since it is our biggest production yet.
- i am about the least productive i can be from last couple of weeks.
- going through a serious allergic condition.

#FuckMyLife

My day:
5:30AM - 2yo son wakes me up, I send him back to his bed
6AM - wakes me up again, gotta grab a coffee
7:30AM - leaving towards the office
8:30AM - finally arriving to the office, after horrible traffic.
*continue working on major schema change I started yesterday*
12:30PM - Lunch + Beer
1:30PM - Tequila time!
*back to work*
7:30PM - Finally done with coding, leaving the office
8PM - home at last
9:30PM - Beer time
9:31PM - "I'll just write a couple of more lines"
12:30AM - "That's it, no more code for today"
12:31AM - "I'll just scroll through devRant"

Can we please eliminate React?
I was interviewing lately and the lady asked if I knew react, I said no and I don't want to. She then asked what the hell I use for front end... As if react is the only thing you can use... Ehm hello we still have vanilla JS and jQuery in the house. Which are better, faster and easier to use for like +90% of all Web projects out there...

Finally moving to new job. From monolith PHP dev, to nodejs.

well a 🖕🏼 to everybody who thinks CSS isn't really "coding". Stop shaming CSS and people who love it because the moment you would be asked a simple alignment problem, you'll shit your pants.

No! not because it's a hard thing to do in CSS(there are tons of ways to do it.) but because you are ignorant and have prejudice.

🖕🏼 you again!

Devrant, split screen, so happy!

If a programmer writes colour, he is not a programmer!

Laptop crashes during demo

Breakfast of Champions

The one and only "Linux beer" I've ever seen.

left the office early today to see my 2 years old son before he goes to bed.
it's 11pm and I'm working from home, gonna wake up around 5:30am to commute to work.
I really need to move closer to work

2 years ago..

Me : How can i learn Java?
College Senior : Do some online courses.

*did a course for a month! Still not confident*

Me: it ain't working for me.
Senior: Do some project.

*Created an Android App under internship! Still not confident*

After wasting my 6 months on Java, i reached to the conclusion that: "Java Sucks" (at least for me)

No Offence!

I had to write a script to clean some crap from a database.
In particular it had some records containing multiple names and I had to split them.
It was really a nightmare because the separator was not always the same, e.g. "John, Mark and Bob" or "Alice+Mary".
«Ok, let's use a fucking regex: ",|(and)|\\+|/|&"»
Then, I realized there were some "Alessandro" in the database. Yeah, Aless(and)ro. Shit.
So I had eventually added more crap into the database.

My Debug Ghost to go with my Debug Tribble at work. Best part is he is entirely 3D Printed!

develop/test/debug in one screen. Best Monitor Setup :D

PyCharm (and other IntelliJ based stuff), because it's second to none.

Porn is Ok. I have to open incognito for my Dev Queries.

I have a coworker who, when frustrated with a bug in his code then finds the simple solution, loudly exclaims "You Idiot", or "Ah dammit", or "What the Hell?!". He also belches loudly, and says a few other humorous things throughout the day. It has inspired me to make a sound board that would say whatever he would say in a given situation. Don't think it will ever get built, but it sure would be hilarious!

!rant
:D

Idiot mode: on

It's bad when you realize you are the most idotic person you know. I just bought a wifi card replacement for my laptop only to find out that one of the screws on its back was completely unscrewable. I foolishly decided to force my way through by forcing the plastic. I tought I got away with it as I only damaged a plastic support tighten to the laptop base but now, my laptop screen isn't showing anything.

When I first booted it up after this, it was working, but it started showing troubling signs shortly after. Now, all I can get out of it is a completely black screen, no backlight at all.

What should I do? 😥

Never thought I would like a standing Desk, but this is pretty great. Got horrible sleep last night, was falling asleep at my desk, so I stood up and pulled the desk up and WAM! No more sleepiness! Who needs Coffee or Soda when you have the power of STANDING.

I've made it to the big leagues gentleman... Yay avatar!

Rediscovering the wonderful Devrant community and reading through old rants. So much fun to see where I was just a few years ago and where I am now. Feels like a lifetime ago. Glad to be back!

- UI Developer Interview
- 5+ years of revelant experience.
- Says pretty good at CSS
- Have not heard of box model.

FUCK INTERVIEWS. FUCK EXPERIENCE. FUCK EVERYTHING.

Yes. Yes it did. 😈

on one hand- got a new job, on the other hand getting a new MacBook pro just before they release a new generation

I can't believe this is really a thing now.

I'm really hating society today. If this offends you; good.

20 mins and it's still here. I think my death will arrive sooner than the update finishes.

Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.

***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion

#my brain hurts

Day after Tomorrow will be my first day at my first job.

Any advice ??

It varies... 25 mins... 35 mins on some days. On good days, 40+. :P

Our HR will contact you soon.

- become a system administrator (I am in final year rn )

- write a book (fiction)

to whomever it may concern...

if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.

i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell.

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman go into business together, they would call it Amazon Web Services

That moment when: you lift your gaze from your phone to understand the sudden quiet is because your expert opinion is needed in the meeting.

To you who enjoyed the Gif/Jiff, Sequel/EsQueEll, Git/Jeet grandiose debates, comes the new phonetic conundrum: DevREnt vs. DevRUnt. Soon, in monitors near you.

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

I might be pushing my 4 years old macbook pro too hard with 2 IDEs, 1 instance of datagrip, and tons of open browser tabs, all on 4gb of RAM..

Spent fucking 11 hrs on fixing a stupid bug in Laravel that caused all my unit tests to fail. Just because that unit testing method has no unit test...

Again someone testing in Prod

So instead of drinking shit like Pepsi Max while coding on a weekend, and since it's so hot lately, I thought I'd buy a blender and some fruits and make frozen fruit drinks.

After unpacking the blender, I notice a booklet with a few recipes.

All I can say, is, ":/".

I'm thinking about making a frozen watermelon and peach drink right now. What do you guys like to drink when it's really hot (besides coffee)?

++ if you don't want to be notified about random posts after you've commented by default. @dfox

Hello fellow devs, how do you clear your mind when you cant make something work? I think most of you had this feeling like 'fuck that, creating from beggining will be easier'

Does anyone keep a journal as they develop code? Something to keep track of ones thought process so that you understand what you were thinking when you come back to it? I know most people just use comments, but does anyone use something different?

Why do supermarkets still use windows xp? Grr! Stuck at billing now.

Today I'll be working in Prada. I'm scared as hell.

The one module/application everyone hates at work.

This is not about devRant… but it might as well be.

Imagine public forum. Everyone can read and post, everyone can comment. And there's no way to send a private message.

You use said forum for years. Whether you like it or not, you form alliances, friendships, frenemieships and engage all kinds of social contracts. There's no ro(ot)ster either, so you keep all that in your head, until one day you need a social contract formalized — exchange contact info. With Steven.

You can't just “@Steven text me, here's my phone”, that's borderline suicidal. You yearn a safe haven. A proxy that'd allow privacy. So you quickly spin up a service, let's say Discord (it wasn't Discord, but close enough), post a link, and within seconds Steven joins… He and seven other Stevens.

So you send each a unique sentence, a 2fa token so to speak, and ask them to post it on said devRant-like forum — they can delete it later after all. And a few minutes later there's eleven Stevens posting garbage faster than mods can delete, because whitespace power. But you bravely sift through that shit until the correct Steven rants “I'm blue, da-ba-dee da-ba-da”, and finally you know which Discord Steven is blue, so you can privately chat about colours.

And then Steven's 75 years old, well-reputed account gets banned on devRant for posting along other spamming Stevens. And you can't even PM administration, because devRant is a public forum without PM-ing indeed.

I recently found an old friend to help my debugging — I don't have a duck, but for some reason people see them as unserious and think the ones I've got are either cute, quirky, or a natural part of the nerd habitat :P

When it is Friday and you want to be productive, but you have spent the entire time since sitting down at work fixing Visual Studio and its bullshit.

better than beer? bug hunting with beer!

Whatever the fuck is 'absolutely accurate estimates'.

Junior dev here. Finishing a boot camp, actively going through a few job application processes.
One of the companies has given me a tech assignment (for a Graduate Junior position, mind you) that was titled Full Stack Mid Level Challenge. It took me a week to build an app they asked and do analitycs and refactoring of the second part of the task (I only had late evenings free to dedicate to that), it was my first time doing back-end in Node (my boot camp teaches PHP) so I basically learned to do it while doing this challenge.
They asked testing and clean architecture.
I submitted the assignment (I thought I would die while doing it, exhausted, I think I was brain dead for a short perio of time, but I submitted it on time).
They got back to me and we had already have a tech interview with the Leads that had live coding at the end. Don't have feedback yet, really won't be surprised for whatever comes, it was literarly my first interview, treating it like a valuable learning experience.

But. This rant is not about this. Thsi is just to put you in my mood.

This is the !rant:

My classmate from the bootcamp is probably already hired, or will be one of these days. As a tech challenge she was asked to do FizzBuzz kata. I repeat, FizzBuzz bloody kata!
Now, I am very happy for this person, the situation is complicated and this job is extremely needed.

But, please, explain to me, HOW??? How is it possible that selection criterias vary that much?

End of rant. Thank you very much.

I've a question. Has anyone in here ever be forced to use something as remotely frustrating as SQL Server Reporting Services (ssrs)? I swear it is one of the most convoluted piece of shit ever.

Best part of being a dev is that you get to be part of an amazing community like devRant.

Also the kind of jokes and stories devs get to share and laugh about is beyond anything. 😍

Has anybody worked with HP Quality Center that runs only on IE? Yeah! I hate both of them.

why the fuck no client underdtands that a native select input cant be styled to show fairies and angels. and the same goes with many other browser elements.

*last call POST Breakup*

She : make a PROMISE, no CALLBACK!

Me: Got it.

*That's how it started*

The average user is...

Well, this is not my cup of tea..

These fuckin morons piss on the toilet seats. They should get potty training also. Chutiye Saale!

I remember the era when the first suggestion to every problem was:

REBOOT THE SYSTEM

hunting bugs less than 24hrs. before delivery... OH JOY!!!

When I have to be responsible for shit that others do.

Disclaimer!!!
Do at your own risk.
-----------------------------------
- Take a strong magnet, like a neodymium magnet.
- Hold it in your hand.
- Move your hand across a Macbook 15"'s keyboard. Say from left to right or vice versa. Almost touching they keys.

You'll see the screen dimming. If you just hold it there for a little longer, it'll lock your macbook. It's funny, but I am not sure if it's doing some damage to hardware.

Python file truncate instead of actually deleting file contents...
there goes a weekend of log backups.. FML

Brewmaster.
I've been brewing my own beer for about 6 months now and super positive feedback keeps on coming :)

11:30AM is NOT the best time to vacuum around here!!!!

That moment when: you realize your team has introduced a fatal flaw and lacks the foresight to understand it. The countdown has begun.

developer oriented saas? well yeah, you could've at least develop a decent SDK for one language, or just let people send JSON payloads instead of XMLs..a**holes

Fucking hell guys please fix the image and gif loading issues lol

I've got an enquiry for all you devranters. Is anybody here using WPF and XAML in their everyday life at work? If so, is it for legacy or new projects?

I'm interested.

Age+=1

First time, I am this far from home on my B'day. But atleast I am with my friends and these fuckers wrote "Antarvasna writer" on my cake.

What is DevRant's business model? It's a really great community, and I'm interested about how it's monetized (or plans for the future)

Fuck can it just be Friday already

If you write an editor or input field, and do not respect our Ctrl+Backspace expectations, I will turkey-slap yo ass, bitch.

Anything from Udemy with instructors who don't speak CLEARLY, and instructors who fail to provide solid code explanations (ex: they just type some shit and expect us to understand what it's doing, and they move onto the next topic).

Add instructors who pretty much copy a tutorial verbatim - they just go through someone else's tutorial (without referencing the authors' work) and claim it as their own.

I'm sure I have more to add, but I'll stop here. :P

I press Compile Again to remove the bug 🐛

After 2 hours spend in a meeting with PM.... My impression what they really want. 😊

I think I need to work a little to rest from my family vacation

A game lover and anticipator of No Man's Sky. It's the shittiest, most boring, most repetative game i ever played. the graphics sucks. the game assets suck...the game sucks. The apparent lack of variety and stuff you can do will piss you off. This is thr game which could have been one od the best but turned out to be worst.

Yesterday it worked!!😕

I want to develop a django quiz app which will show questions to all online users at same time and allot a short time slot(1min) for answering questions.

How can i do that?
Any kind of help/link/hint is appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

A question for all you grey beards and other more knowledgeable devs:

I work for a small grocery retail company. Work primarily as a dev, but also spend time doing I.T./HelpDesk stuff. My wife is a nursing student, and when she graduates in May 2018 she is wanting to move to a different location to work at a specific hospital, which would require me to change jobs. No problem, I'm fine with that.

Here is what I am wondering: I currently make a modest salary (for 23 years old I feel like I'm doing pretty good), but we are expecting our first child in April and I would like to be making more. Would persuing a different job for extra $$$ that I could potentially only be working at for around 8-ish months be a bad idea? Should I just stick where I am at until I actual HAVE to move?

Thanks in advance for any advice :D

Screw Scrum, screw it very much. Is it a task or a story? Oh let's make it a story to track points. What are points, really? *20 minute grilling always follows* Well they're kind of a roundabout way of talking about time without talking about time, mkay? But last time 2 points took you a day, what gives now? What do you mean points are for internal use, but how will management plan ahead for next quarter? Ok, let's mix in all those new people, and propotionately bump the expectation for the sprint, mkay? Yeah, they did 34 points per sprint over there, we'll just add those in. Oh, and by the way, after the 4-day estimation session we had where everyone was seizuring, I scheduled us at 645 points for the coming quarter, mkay? Don't worry, I added 15% for the "unexpected dtuff" so you're safe. Fuck you scrum, scrum-fall, whatever you are. Lost a dev lead role once for being honest about it after a year with a team that loved me, and projects completed more or less on time. Been reconsidered for a dev lead role for being honest about it in another place. Somebody else peddle this kool-aid, this one prefers a walk-on role in the wall to a lead role in the cage.

What is Face book?

!rant
Hello, World! (Couldn't help myself)
What are some of y'all's favorite books? I am finishing Ready Player One right now, and I am looking for some new reading material. Suggestions?

The stickers have made a home on my laptop.

Writing a design document.

So I developed this proxy server that will throttle down API calls to one of our providers so we don't get blocked for TOS violation...
Some dude had a tool running all day long which crashed 2 minutes before I left work.
This literally ruined my day until I recalled it's all cached!!!!
Mood is back again and I deserve my beer!

Just spent a lot of time on custom building an Ubuntu docker container, and forgot to save the image before I accidentally reset the whole thing to blank