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Dev: Microsoft is shit
VS Code: (ಥ⌣ಥ)
Dev: Oh not you dear! You're not like the other guys
VS Code: (｡◕‿◕｡)45 -
Interviewing a junior dev.
> Make this function return false.
> junior: deleted all code in function replaces it with return false;
Literally no words.........20 -
My senior dev, shortens “analytics” into “anal” variables. Iam literally dying while Reading through the code!13
-
Project handover:
"Mmh okay, so what about test coverage?"
Dev: "zero"
Team taking the project "why???"
Dev: "You don't need test if you write perfect code"
Silence in the room... Followed by awkward laugh.18 -
Me: We should change the http response code to anything but 200 OK in the error response case of our API.
Other dev: No, it's fine.
Me: Why?
Other dev: The client successfully receives an error message.
Me: ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻15 -
Dev: "Ah, I finally fixed that code I was working on the other day and got it pushed to staging!"
Almond: "Ah, great! What was the issue in the end?"
Dev: "It was an odd one - it wasn't actually my code that was the issue, there was a bunch of other code getting in the way."
Almond: "How do you mean?"
Dev: "It kept complaining about something called a "unit test" failing - so after a while I found the right unit tests, deleted them, and now it works great!"
Almond: "..."11 -
Manager: Why haven’t you shipped any code today? It’s almost lunch.
Dev: Stuck on a bug
Manager: I’ll help you
Dev: Please don—
Manager: Have you tried thinking outside the box?
Dev: …Dear god please end my existence
Manager: You could try stack overflow too, have you ever used that site before?
Dev: 😮 🔫
Manager: Also sometimes bugs are caused by npm modules so rule that out first
Dev: *On knees praying to Zues for forgiveness and/or conveiniently placed lightning strike*12 -
Dev: boss, there are some abnormalities and confusion in the client's specifications.
Boss: So?
Dev: Shouldn't we get clear about them and then start coding?
Boss: No need. We assume and code. Then show them to our clients and then ask for their opinions. We will change again according to their opinion.
Dev: ..
A few months later....
Dev: *seeing so many specifications change and realizing now have to refactor a lot of codes* , FML.15 -
Interviewer: For this next code challenge you will not be allowed to use the internet, or an IDE.
Dev: …
Interviewer: OR a keyboard OR a mouse. I will be verbalizing the code to you and you need to memorize it and tell me where the bugs are.
Dev: …
Interviewer: We must do this exercise to know how you are as a dev without any performance enhancing “aid”. This way we can understand where you are truly at skill-wise, and what you are truly worth from a compensation perspective.
Dev: …
Dev: If I get a job with you will I be allowed to use the internet and an IDE and a keyboard/mouse?
Interview: Of course you would! Getting anything done without those is just about impossible. We just need to evaluate you without them to see how good you REALLY are.
Dev: …20 -
Today I learnt from a more experienced Dev that using git as versioning system makes the code open source.18
-
Latest from my team,
One of the Dev copied code from a stackoverflow question.
Got same exception as highlighted in the question and started complaining that his code does not work.3 -
Just finished assisting a junior dev with optimizing his code.
What used to take 2+ hours now takes less than 4 mins! 😎
7 -
Advising a person about a code that he has created and you don't know shit about. In dev culture it is considered a dick move.😑
6 -
Junior dev: "I don't understand this code, therefore there must be something wrong with it. I'm gonna rewrite it."17
-
As a backend dev, I have this habit of just dropping script & style tags all over the place, and using inline style attributes on divs.
Then when I'm done I just link the code to a frontend dev, they'll hate it so much it will be cleaned up within minutes.13 -
*my first day on the job to work on a website used by dozens of companies worldwide and 1000s of users*
me: So where can I find the git repository?
dev: Git?
me: Uh... what kind of source control do you use?
dev: We don't use anything fancy like that.
me: *freaking out a little, I already committed to this job*
me: So then where do you edit your code and how do you back it up?
dev: Oh, I just edit it on FTP and zip all the code every week.21 -
Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?
Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.
Dev: …19 -
Dev from other team asked me for a code I had previously written. I emailed it.
Dev: Thanks, I received it but am not able to open the .py file
Me: Try using Microsoft Word.12 -
About two years ago I get roped into a something when someone was requesting an $8000 laptop to run an "program" that they wrote in Excel to pull data from our mainframe.
In reality they are using our normal application that interacts with the mainframe and screen scrapping it to populate several Excel spreadsheets.
So this guy kept saying that he needed the expensive laptop because he needed the extra RAM and processing power for his application. At the time we only supported 32 bit Windows 7 so even though I told him ten times that the OS wouldn't recognize more than 3.5 GB of RAM he kept saying that increasing the RAM would fix his problem. I also explained that even if we installed the 64 bit OS we didn't have approval for the 64 bit applications.
So we looked at the code and we found that rather than reusing the same workbook he was opening a new instance of a workbook during each iteration of his loop and then not closing or disposing of them. So he was running out of memory due to never disposing of anything.
Even better than all of that, he wanted a faster processor to speed up the processing, but he had about 5 seconds of thread sleeps in each loop so that the place he was screen scrapping from would have time to load. So it wouldn't matter how fast the processor was, in the end there were sleeps and waits in there hard coded to slow down the app. And the guy didn't understand that a faster processor wouldn't have made a difference.
The worst thing is a "dev" that thinks they know what they are doing but they don't have a clue.7 -
This is actually an advice given to me:
"Only ever release your code on a Friday, preferably after 6pm. If you're not confident enough to do that, your code is not ready."
Who says dev doesn't require courage.2 -
Code Review:
Me: this is wrong, it doesnt work when XY
Dev: yes but it will work in 99 of 100 Times, i won't change it15 -
When you've been too busy to keep up to date with the code and finally look at what the the junior dev has produced
-
Seniors: Welcome to the team. Feel free to ask anything if you need help. There is no such thing as stupid questions.
New Dev: Sure. Thanks.
*a few minutes later*
New Dev: How to comment a code?
Seniors: Google it....and please don't ask stupid questions.11 -
Other Dev left just as we hit beta and refactored all his code without documentation... Not even fucking comments...10
-
Manager: I like nested ifs
Dev: They can be difficult to maintain
Manager: No they aren’t I write them all the time!
Dev: Have you ever maintained one?
Manager: No, I don’t do code maintenance. I don’t have time for it.5 -
QA: did you test the app first?
Dev: Yes, I test all my code all the time.
*QA crashes the app within first 5 seconds.*4 -
Small Me(m): learning some basic code
Senior Dev(d): *walks by and sees my code*
m: hey got any advice on this?
d: learn to use regular expression. *walks away*
m: 30min later... *Mind blown*
And coffee of course ☕2 -
Manager: How’s the progress coming along?
Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow
Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code
Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for
Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*
Dev: …10 -
Spectrum Dev: Hmmm.. what should I use for an error code...
Another Dev: The hell should I know.. what's your favorite letter?
6 -
I saw this code while searching in our QE repo... All our dev bay started laughing while I showed this... 😂😂😂😂
3 -
Once i found a legacy code where the old dev avoided the execution of some lines by wrapping them with a
if (1 == 0) {...}6 -
My boss we don't pay you to code (yeah unfortunatly don't have a dev jobs)
My boss two day later : Hey we heard you love dev can you make an app for us2 -
I have to start my best moment last year with a confession: I moved from Dev to Test half a decade ago. Naturally I do a lot of automation. My Best moment was when Dev said my automation code is so well structured that he wants to work on that and not an the production code anymore. Gave me that warm "still got it" feeling 😊2
-
Other dev: “hey can you trying running (xyz) in your terminal?”
“Sure. Will it break my code?”
Other dev: “probably”
😰1 -
Sandev. The santa dev.
If you are a nice dev, he makes your code work... If you are a naughty dev, he fills it with bugs.
If you are an immensely naughty dev, he disables all browsers except for an older version of IE, rm -rfs your linux distro, and magically makes android studio eat up more ram than usual.7 -
PM: hows the android app going?
Android Dev: gradle downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: anyway how is the iOS app going?
iOS Dev: cocoapods downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: ... i guess the only thing running now is the web admin right?
Laravel/VueJS Dev: composer nodejs/npm/yarn downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: team lets retest the api endponts
Team: Postman downloading... blocked by network admin.
Team: -_- Insomnia REST Client downloading... blocked by network admin.
PM: code study?
Team: even visual studio code/android studio/xcode is blocked. :(
.... sad dev life
anyone here with the same problem?14 -
Junior dev:Hey,see my code works :)
*After analysis of code*
Senior dev:Let's talk about complexity bro
Junior dev: shit :( -
When the last dev wrote code and you dared to read it....switch on a Boolean, what even is your life legacy dev?
2 -
!rant
Our lead dev in the company seems to be a smart guy who's sensitive about code quality and best practices. The current project I'm working on (I'm an intern) has really bad code quality but it's too big an application with a very important client so there's no scope of completely changing it. Today, he asked me to optimize some parts of the code and I happily sat down to do it. After a few hours of searching, profiling and debugging, I asked him about a particular recurring database query that seemed to be uneccesarilly strewn across the code.
Me: "I think it's copy pasted code from somewhere else. It's not very well done".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, the code may not the be really beautiful. It was done hurriedly by this certain inexperienced intern we had a few years back".
Me: "Oh, haha. That's bad".
Lead Dev: "Yeah, you know him. Have you heard of this guy called *mentions his own name with a grin*?"
Me: ...
Lead Dev: "Yeah, I didn't know much then. The code's bad. Optimize it however you like. Just test it properly"
Me: respect++;2 -
When I started learning to code I couldn't wait to become a 'senior dev' thinking I would spend all my time writing awesome code.
Now that I am a 'senior dev' and have the experience I now spend 90% of my time documenting & planning and even less time coding :'(9 -
Found this on a client's js code
// They forced me to write this code.
// Prepare yourself.
I found out later that month what that dev truly means2 -
It's 3:17AM and the senior dev won't give me a ship-it even after 4 code revisions. I've decided to give up on life
9 -
Dev: My VM is not working. Something is wrong with VM.
Me: Have you made any changes to the code?
Dev: It shouldn't matter my VM is not working.
[I go and check the Dev's VM.]
Me: ಠ_ಠ The build output literally states your unit tests failed -
I write blocks of code like this:
If(condition){
code
}
I'm trying to fix a bug and the previous dev is doing it like this:
If(condition)
{
code
}
Does anyone know any good nerve calming pill ? 😜19 -
if (ENV === “dev”)
{....}
^ An ex-colleague Pushed this to production and asked why the code didn’t work.
WHY BITCH, WHY?3 -
the evolution of a js dev:
solve a problem with somebody else’s code
solve a problem with your own code
solve a problem with npm install4 -
There was a time when a fellow dev asked me if it was possible to use JavaScript in jQuery code... Yeah, true story6
-
So he is in the “elite” team as a “Sr” dev and i’m in the normal team as a ssr dev.
He: Hey look, the ‘F’ case is empty and doesn’t return anything, can you help me? This is some old code and we have to add some features.
Code:
Switch(string) {
case “J”:
case “F”:
cade “D”:
// some code
break;
// more code
}
I’m crying9 -
It's my 2nd week into my new job. I asked people what they think they are doing.
The summary:
Senior dev: we fix bugs
Junior dev: we write code
Intern: we create the future
It depends how you look at it. They are all called software engineer or developer.9 -
Non-dev colleague: "You won't understand how hard is my job until you walk in my shoes."
Me thinks: "I don't think so, but my code probably will."2 -
Dev: There’s a file in your PR with over 1000 lines of code, I think it should be broken apart into a couple smaller pieces to be a little more in line with the single responsibility principle
Muppet Dev: That file only has one responsibility! It can’t be broken apart!
Dev: How’s that?
Muppets: It’s single responsibility is managing that group of functionality
Dev: …3 -
there's a dev on my train and I can see everything.... in vscode, at least he has that, damn java devs.
What's the social code for interaction here?17 -
Hire a separate team to implement what the dev did and see them fail miserably.
Then ask the dev for the source code and try to adapt the original solution to your own needs, and, ofc, fail at that too.
Then keep your pride high and not ask the dev to help you
Boosts self-confidence every time :)4 -
Let junior dev design module.
Make code review.
What junior dev says: "It is a totally flexible concept!"
What junior dev means: "It is extremely shitty to use for the one use case it was meant to do, but it will be equally shitty to use for all the use cases we will never have."
Back to square one.9 -
Dev: Ok refactor this following block of code to make it more readable/maintainable while still ensuring the tests pass
*** Block is an absolute mess of nested ternaries, poorly named functions, single letter variables and outdated comments. An underhand pitch if there ever was one ***
Interview Candidate: Why would you refactor code if the tests are already passing?
Dev: …… NEXT.7 -
Did I ever tell you kids about the time I worked for a company that got a contract to develop an iOS application around some object detection software that had been developed by another team?
Company I was working for was a tiny software consultancy, and this was my first ever dev job (I’m at my second now 😅). Nobody at the company has experience building mobile applications but CEO decides that the app should be written in React Native because _he_ knows React Native.
During a meeting with the client, CEO jokes about how easy the ask is and says he could finish it in a weekend. Please note that Head of Engineering had already budgeted a quarter for the work. CEO says we can do it in a week! And moves up the deadline. And only assigns two engineers to project. I am not one of those engineers.
The two engineers that are put on it struggle. A lot. They can’t seem to get the object detection to work at all, and the code that’s already written is in Objective-C. I realize one of the issues is that the engineers on the project can’t read Objective-C because they have no experience with Objective-C or even C. I have experience with C, so I volunteer to take a look at it to try to see what’s going on.
Turns out the problem is that the models are trained on one type of image format and the iPhone camera takes images in a different format.
The end of the week comes, they do not succeed in figuring out the image conversion in React Native. There’s an in-person demo with the customers scheduled for the next Monday. CEO spends the weekend trying to build the app. Only succeeds in locking literally every other engineer out of the project.
They manage to negotiate a second chance where we deliver what we were supposed to deliver at the original schedule.
I spent the weekend looking up how to convert images and figure it would be a lot easier to interface with the Objective-C if we used Swift. Taught myself enough Swift over the weekend to feel dangerous. Spoke to Head of Engineering on Monday and proposed solution — start over in Swift. Volunteer to lead effort. Eventually convince them it’s a good idea (and really, what’s the worst that can happen? If this solves our main problem at the moment, that’s still more progress than the original team made)
Spend the next week working 16 hour days building out application. Meet requirements for next deadline. Save contract.
And that’s ONE of the stories of my first dev job that got me hired as a senior engineer despite only having 10 months of work experience in the industry.11 -
Baby asleep, headphones pumping, beer poured, ready to code my MERN stack application :-)......20mins later still on dev rant!!! :-(3
-
Actually happened on a code review:
Tech lead: "Why did you remove this code?"
Dev: "Why did you wrote this code?"1 -
*opens Eclipse to do some dev work*
*Pressed Ctrl + Alt + down arrow to duplicate code*
*sees screen upside down*
Thank you Intel. I needed that...
5 -
Manager: We need to fix this QA backlog. I’m going to share the workload of doing QA.
Dev: Please don—
*Dev email notification getting spammed with approvals*
Dev: …Are you even pulling the code down to test it locally?
Manager: There’s no time for that! We have to get this PR backlog pushed through! I’m just looking at the code to see if it looks good and approving based on that.
*Later that day*
Manager: HEY NONE OF THE FEATURES ON STAGING MEET THE REQUIREMENTS AT ALL. THIS IS A BUGGY MESS, WHAT HAPPENED GUYS??
Dev: …6 -
This junior dev is killing me with all of the bugs in the code ... like did you even test it to see if it works fml1
-
What do you do when another dev overwrites/changes your working code without telling you, only because s/he cannot understand how your code works?
And your code was working fine, mind you, no bugs or anything, and is following recommended guidelines/standards. It's just that this other dev has a different coding style and prefers to rewrite everything his/her way even if it means breaking up otherwise sound logic.7 -
When dev who insists on using their own vbox rather the officially maintained vagrant package asks you to debug a non-code issue...
2 -
Applied to a Jr. Dev job and was hired as a Digital Marketer — I can deal with this, I’m AdWords & Analytics certified. What I can’t abide is that I spent the last year working my ass off learning to code and the person next to me with the Jr. Dev position only uses DIVI and has zero inclination to study, learn or write basic HTML & CSS—much less PHP. I’m not an expert by any means but I love programming, I love the problem solving, the challenges and the culture of it all. So far, and these are only two examples, I’ve shown him how to use the target attribute to open a page as a new tab, and how to register a nav in the functions.php file to create a menu but he is unwilling to even attempt it. Rather, he told me that I was too technical and that no one would be using code in this day and age.
For the record, I think DIVI is a cool platform, it’s clear that my boss knows nothing about code to be fair and I love my job— this is my only issue so far😂 I just needed to rant.
5 -
Hopefully, i will start working as a full stack web dev. Starting from next month.
May the programming gods be with me and my code.8 -
In my team, unit tests are called so, because every Dev is a 'unit' who manually tests their own code...
-
Just over heard, Dev A was reviewing another team's code ...
Senior Dev A: "I don't understand this teams code. I hate WebAPI. Wish we could use X."
Senior Dev B: "Why can't we use X?"
Senior Dev A: "It's frowned upon."
Senior Dev B: "By whom?"
- couple of seconds of silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is not a Microsoft technology"
- few more seconds of awkward silence -
Senior Dev A: "X is magnitudes slower than WebAPI anyway."
Senior Dev C: "What? How much slower?"
- caught off guard..didn't know Senior Dev C didn't have his headphones on -
Senior Dev A: "Um...I don't know, that is what you told me."
Senior Dev C: "I never said that. I've never used X. I prefer WebAPI anyway, but both WebAPI and X use REST based protocols, I doubt X is magnitudes slower. Actually, I think you told me WebAPI was slower."
Senior Dev A: "Different paradigm."
- second or two of silence -
Senior Dev B: "What?"
Senior Dev A: "Hey, did you see on twitter ..."
Have no idea where he thought that conversation was going. Maybe he was hoping the other devs would dog-pile/attack the code. Pretty funny it backfired. His face when Dev C said 'I never said that' was priceless. Like "Oh -bleep- ..how do I lie out of this one? ...quick, distract with random words or a twitter post" -
Confession: In my almost 10 years of professional dev experience, I have never written any kind of units tests for my code. Ever.15
-
Android dev rant:
>Fixing some code
>Compile code
>Take a walk, waiting for gradle to finish compiling
>Almost 10 mins, notice typo on code, while still running gradle
>Fixing some code
>Compile code
>Take a... Wait a minute11 -
Junior dev: Can I run lint on your codebase
Senior dev: hmmm
Jdev: Its a very nice code inspection tool
Sdev: Go ahead
Jdev: wow 50 errors
Sdev:
1 -
Web dev prob:
When you modify a code then refresh your browser, It doesn't change anything and you think your code has the problem, Modifies 100+ lines and refreshed the page, still nothing happens. Asked someone about it, Fix? Fucking cache! Fuck you google chrome!10 -
Best advice a dev gave me? So much/many over the years.
I shared this one just last week to another dev..
"If you are writing a lot of code to do something, you are probably doing it wrong."
- Marco Cantu - Borland Dev Conference -
Dev: "I've pushed some code. Give it a code review."
Me: "ok, i'll do it"
<<fast forward>>
Me: "Sounds good to me. Only thing, I wouldn't have gone for all those renames because that was not part of the request, maybe we can discuss ...."
Dev: "I like those names and besides, it's already deployed in production"
Me: " :| .... what's the purpose of a code review when you push straight into production ?4 -
I Remember what my senior told me once:
"You know you're in the wrong job when you see source code filled with comments written by ur senior dev scolding other devs for code fuckups" -
Best Dev experience: Switching to rust,
Worst Dev Experience: Using VS code at work because I can't get anything else approved to be installed.9 -
Other dev: fuck you, your code can't handle null as input
Me: yeah, because it's kotlin. It's like I added @NotNull, so?...
Other dev: fuck kotlin
Me: fuck you and your nullpointers. Don't pass my precious constructor that crap!2 -
Yayyyyy! I got the stickers 😆
Thank you @dfox and @trogus for building this great dev community. We owe you 1000 lines of code :p
1 -
Life of dev
birth();
while(alive()) {
....code();
....debug();
....insertRandomBugRant();
}
while(dead())
{
....ThereWasBugInMyCode();
}
Fatal error: Call to undefined function birth(); on line 11 -
Java must be like a food that requires an acquired taste because the more that I code in it, the more I enjoy it.2
-
It finally comes! <enki/>'s invitation code for "the 5-minute daily workout to level up your dev skills" they said.
6 -
Someone who was lazy to make changes from dev branch, making code only in production without updating dev then wanted me to merge from production to dev because he was scared ☺️
-
Tired of non-dev co-workers talking to me like I work for them. They better be careful. I'll code their computers to do their jobs for them.
-
(I guess the Question category is the best for this)
Do you believe that someone can be a good dev even if they write shit code?
I personally do, if that person acknowledges the fact that their code is shit, wants to improve it, is humble, is always in the search for constructive, etc as in to make their code better and more readable, I'd think they are a pretty good dev.2 -
What if a code, running a factory, making dev ducks, was buggy? Would these ducks cause more bugs in our codes?2
-
After 1 year of working as android dev and coding in java, finally switched to another startup where everything is in Kotlin where I will be the only one maintaining that project.
Me: This code has almost no comments
Senior dev: Code is pretty self explanatory
FML
At least she spent 4 days with me and walked me through the code, so I'm not totally lost which is great!2 -
You know what's fucking horrible?
Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...
...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.
Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?1 -
Finding comments in legacy code like "too tired, fuck you" or "this implementation is dirtyyyyyy" makes me wanna punch a dev.5
-
Dev at the start of a project: My code will be effective, clean and well organised!
Dev at the end of a project: console.log("Reverse engineering strictly prohibited.") -
For my father, I do wizardry, for my mother I do magic, for my brother I type weird stuff, for my gf I code useless stuff, for my grandparents I do nothing, for my non dev friends I make softwares, for my dev friends... Magic again1
-
That feeling when your favourite function in the code is updated by another dev, only to make it look worse by adding tons of arguments ( T_T)2
-
Best dev experience : found this. https://github.com/jupeter/...
Worst dev experience : learned the cons of no documentation the hard way. -
Ideal dev job would be teaching kids code. Probably a side-gig at a local school.
Main gig would be writing code to exploit the "push to prod" Internet of Things things. Security on that is garbage. 🚮5 -
When someone copy and pastes code, repurposes it and leaves in the old comments that just confuse the hell out of the next dev.1
-
Show 10 lines of code to a dev.
Dev: It could be improved here and there, it can be optimized way better etc.
Show 5000 lines of code to dev.
Dev: Looks good!5 -
So in two days I'm inheriting a project that's older than I am... This ought to be interesting.
I'm glad the other guy is going though4 -
If 2020 were a software, everything happened because that one dev keeps pushing untested code into prod3
-
That moment when you simply can't find a solution to a specific dev problem and you urgently need to finish your code..... I know the feeling.
1 -
So I was excited about working on a proyect I recently was invited to work on, but when I finally got my hands on the code I felt this urge to scream "YOU FUCKER!!!" (the dev responsible for the code)6
-
when your task is basically an open debate in design philosophy between 3 dev management levels and you just want someone to make the call so you could code
-
Feeling frustrated/angry because you can't get that piece of code to work? Just remember that Dev in Hindi almost loosely translates to God :P
4 -
My dev Goals:
- Write better code commenting more.
- Create my first Open Source Project and publish it on GitHub.
- Improve my design skills.1 -
Do you find yourself saying sorry to your code/computer when you find a stupid bug during dev?
https://m.xkcd.com/371/ -
Alright, it looks like everyone at this bank, a client, I work for will now start avoiding me. I'm usually the only person that takes the time to review PRs and give a feedback. Everyone just seem to click accept because they can't be bothered.
A few months down the line, they begin to wonder why there is so many tech all over the place.
Good luck to anyone that wants me to review their PRs. I pledge to continue to take the time to review PRs and give feedback. I will not be pressured to click the accept button on what I perceive to be sub-optimal code. So help me God.2 -
I hate dev politics...
PM: Hey there is a weird error happening when I upload this file on production, but it works on our test environments.
Me: After looking at this error, I don't find any issues with the code, but this variable is set when the application is first loaded, I bet it wasn't loaded correctly our last deployment and we just need to reload the application.
Senior Dev: We need to output all of the errors and figure out where this error is coming from. Dump out all the errors on everything in production!!
Me: That's dumb... the code works on test... it's not the code.. it's the application.
Senior dev: %$*^$>&÷^> $
Me: Hey I have an idea! If test works... I can go ahead and deploy last week's changes to prod and dump those errors you were talking about!!
Senior Dev: OK
Me: *runs Jenkins job the deploys the new code and restarts the application*
PM: YAY you fixed it!!
Senior Dev: Did you sump put those errors like I said.
Me: Nope didn't touch a thing... I just deployed my irrelevant changes to that error and reloaded the application.2 -
Hmm. This code needs refactoring.
*recodes on Local and uploads*
Works on my branch.
*git push origin master and merge*
Works on Dev.
*deploy to Test*
Works on Test.
*deploy to Live*
Doesn't work.
*compares Live to Test, Dev, and Local*
No f$@%^%%$# difference!?!!
*quits development and lives under a bridge*5 -
Me as a dev most of the time:
✓ great project idea
✓ create a skeleton for the project
✓ gather all the info needed
❌ Time to do the actual work on my project
Leave it for months unattended
Randomly write 5-10 lines of code3 -
Fifty little bugs jumping in the code,
One tracked down and dev started to code,
Developer called the compiler,
And the compiler said
Hundred more bugs (& errors) found in the code
-
When writing code that has to be evaluated by a college prof, redirect all the best practices to /dev/null2
-
Dev: Woah look at this code! I might be a genius!
Also dev a few months later: Woah WTH is this shit? Was I totally dumb or what?2 -
I had rough week last week. Accidentally deployed dev code to production, soon found out there was no production version of code to do a redeploy. Deployed another app to production, it was working fine then another Dev changed a data type in the database from bool to nullable Boolean which broke some Linq queries. Looked like I deployed crap code. 3rd week with company.
-
A newly joined developer (who was supposed to be very senior) comes and asks me how to write a test cos for some reason the person didn't know how to mock.
In Java,
(same for any other implementation which has an interface)
Writes Arraylist list =.....
Instead of List list = Arraylist...
Deployed code (another engineer from another country helped to deploy since this new senior dev didn't have access yet.
But the new senior dev didn't update relevant files in production code which brought down the site for nearly an hour. Mistake aside, the first reaction from this new senior dev is 'WHY DIDN'T THE DEV THAT WAS HELPING DIDN'T DO THE FILE UPDATE?'
This was followed by some other complaints such as our branching stragies are wrong. When in fact the new senior dev made a mistake by just making assumptions on our git branching strategies and we already advised on correct process.
Out of all these, guess this is the best part. The senior dev never tested code locally! Just wrote code, unit test and send to QA and somehow the test passed through. I learnt this when I realised this dev... has not even set up the local environment yet.
I keep saying new but this Senior dev been around like 3 months! This person is in another team within our larger team but shares same code base. I am puzzled how do you not set up your environment for 3 months. Don't you ask for help if you are stuck? I am pretty sure the env is still not setup.
Am I over reacting or is this one disgusting developer who doesn't even qualify for an intern let alone a senior dev? It's so revolting I can't even bring myself to offer help.8 -
our website got hacked somebody downloaded the whole source code and sent an email to us.
seems like that person would demand ransom or anything.
We still can't find where is the door ( vulnerability ) through which he pulled all files.17 -
When your mostly done code that you spent time on documenting and keeping clean gets handed over to the sloppiest dev on the team. Because that dev is out of tasks and you got other work that moved up in priority. I really hope he doesn't ruin everything :(3
-
Dear last dev, thanks 4 leaving little 2 no //comments as u possibly could. 😑😣😢😠
Please //comment ur code!!1 -
Music in my headpones, Ubuntu booted, Internet connection, Atom open, Terminal open.
Time to start coding! -
the two code review personality types
review activity:
- dev A: requests code review, sets dev B and dev c (myself) as reviewers
- dev C comments: this review is marked with a complexity > 9000, touches > 20 files and has zero comments... also there's a lot of refactoring going on, making it hard for me to tell what the actual relevant changes are. can you please add more comments to this review?
- dev B (10 mins later): approved review6 -
Reviewed the code of a dev almost twice my age and asked why they used relative imports for seemingly no reason.
Response: “because I can”
OK, then.7 -
I learned how to code so I could build my startup ideas. Jokes on me, now I'm just a full time dev.1
-
You're not a real dev unless you've made so many changes in your code without testing, that you're too afraid to actually test it.4
-
Every Node.js dev today - Deno is awesome! Much better than Node. Let's use Deno.
Still every Node.js dev - Why can't Deno run my simple code? Why can't they make Deno work exactly like Node?6 -
The best dev advice a dev has given me is to write clean and structured code from the very start of every project. Changed my life in general.
"How you do one thing is how you do everything." -
> be me, associate dev
> slack mid-level dev 40 lines of code
> I have never written a REST api before
> his response is "lol"3 -
What is easy to code at the moment isnt necessarily the best code in the long run.
- From the dev currently maintaining spaghetties of spaghetti code -
I ended up taking over a dev team. I asked a dev why his code wasn’t in the repo, he said he wants to get it right first.
(Internal screaming): Repo isn’t for just done code you spastic zoomer, people need to setup build pipelines and cloud resources based on a new repo existing. You should have at least pushed a the default template project weeks ago like I asked.1 -
1. React and all subsequent Facebook endeavors die
2. Be able to completely understand all code I come across
3. More dev wishes2 -
I will kill the next dev who justify its shitty code by quoting random dev methods/rules/ideas/cool-names he found online like "clean architecture" or "MVVM".10
-
Me: Where is your unit tests?
Dev: I tested manually and it worked.
Me: What if there are changes to the code in future?
Dev: We'll manually retest the implementation. It'll be fine.
*flip table*1 -
Was watching a dev stream on twitch and noticed the following code on screen:
if (blah blah blah) {
int fuck = 0;
mysql_blah_blah(blah, blah, &fuck);
} -
If I had a dev superpower, it'd be to put myself in the exact mindset of the author of the code I read, at will, so even the comments that never got written would be understood.
I would learn so much, about code && people!1 -
Am I the only one missing ``` // some code ``` backticks/tags (the ones that convert wrapped text to monospace code) here? @trogus -- Since this is a dev-oriented community.. could this be an area to improve devRant?2
-
Went to an "Hour of code" event with my dev friends and learned how to do the snake game in javascript.
-
Things which make me feel badass tester (and dev too) are: dark themed IDEs, using command prompt/ terminal (still as exciting), and when my code actually works lol4
-
I’m thinking of replacing my dev duck with baby yoda.
Btw he’s 50 years old, and I bet his psychic abilities could help me run my code better.
5 -
Hi devs,
I started to work as a freelancer just a year ago. I'm still a CS student. I develop apps.
I wanted to ask that if I develop an app for an individual, and they pay me. Does that mean, he can have my source code?
Or the source code has to be sold separately?10 -
My boss writes code like this:
def someFunction (someArg: String) = ...
Who does that?! A space? Da fuck?! And it's all over the code base. Whenever another dev touches any of his stuff, we correct it:
def someFunction(someArg: String) = ...
The way god intended it!8 -
Dev: [does some weird code to make test pass]
Me: this won't work. Literally the documentation says what you did won't work once we move towards our end goal architecture.
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
.... One Sprint later nothing works...
Dev: [does some weird code to make test pass]
Me: no. You need to solve underlying problem.
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
.... One Sprint later nothing works...
Me: please stahp
Dev: [shows middle finger and requests merge and somehow managed to get code merged]
Me: WTF man do your fucking job
Scrum Master: stahp lowering our velocity
Me: wut? 😒2 -
Muscle soreness!
As per my 2019 resolution, I want to hit the gym at least 3 days per week. But I only manage to go once a month. And the day after the gym, my muscles hurt that I'm not able to even type when coding.
Anyone like me, who struggled and managed to hit the gym as desired? Any tips?11 -
Best part of being a dev? Converting coffee into code. ☕
Worst part? Dealing with others' shitty code everyday.1 -
How my mind operates when someone starts looking at my code while I am coding.😂😂😂. Dev lesson "Never let anyone stare at you/your code while you are coding".
-
Had wanted to learn web dev from a long time (Im an android dev). Got to know about free code camp and started 3 days ago. Totally addicted to it. Anyone who wants to learn web dev must try it. Simply great work.
-
Taking over from/working with an external dev company on an existing project.
Listen Mr CEO, I'm not here to mess with your firm's code and undo all of your work. I'm just doing my job. Stop telling me that the only thing left to do is "data" without any context. The site that I'm here to work on isn't even finished. -
today our senior dev said that (part of my code) is crap...I asked him how to do this the wright way...he did'nt answer.... :/5
-
>add new feature, push to seperate branch
>ask other dev to have a look at code
>other dev completely rewrites the feature and pushes directly to master
please1 -
Anyone seeing this rant from Sydney? If yes, why is it so hard to get any IT/Dev jobs for an international student? Sucks.
-
Dev: "Oh, btw, I updated our dependency on X since a new version was available."
Almond: "Really?! They only released the last new version yesterday."
Dev: "Oh, I know, but there's a new one now."
Almond: "Ok, fair enough."
*Pulls code*
com.x.x:3.5.1.SNAPSHOT
🤦♂️ -
y'all hear those stories about people who are blind and go into computer science and programming classes because they wanna make games
i'm in a digital entertainment class geared towards game development because i wanted to code bUt gUeSs wHat1 -
The dev behind me just send some code changes to another dev because those two dont want (or are just too stupid) to merge their code with git...2
-
We need a code shortcode here for more dev jokes.
[code]
if (int devrantpoints <= 10 && bathroombreak) {
cout << newrant ();
}
[/code] -
What do you do when you like a crapu dev ?
damn some times its very hard to deal with your shitty skills. And people take advantage of that1 -
MICROSERVICES ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTION FOR GOOD DEV PRACTICES, IF YOU WERE A WERECODER BEFORE MICROSERVICES, A MIGRATION WILL NOT TEACH YOU/YOUR TEAM HOW TO CODE.4
-
Nearly strangled a fellow dev after finding out he refuses to use xdebug and litters his code with `die()`statements instead2
-
WWDC or 2hours commercial
None life of code like the google io(first day)
“Developers conferences” are comming less dev and more marketing1 -
A senior dev wrote spaghetti code containing business logic in the fucking controller with some code repeated in a couple of other places.
This is when a facepalm is not enough.1 -
I've found a better job offer; shorter distance, but salery is low, not that is a big issue tbh.
What is the right approach to quit your job?
Or to say, nicest way to avoid burning any bridges.9 -
sends new dev online read about how to write good commit messages.
does not write a good commit message.
pushes code.
OTL1 -
*npm run dev*
Why aren't my CSS changes showing up?
*make selector changes*
*npm run dev*
Oh, c'mon!
*make more specific selector changes*
*npm run dev*
It's not even showing up-- wait...
*checks code*
*SASS file not included in the main app.scss*
Oh. I'm stupid.1 -
When there's a dev on your team that's infamous for throwing code over the fence and you're always the one cleaning it up.. priceless.
-
Making a dev enemy? Quite simple. Asked too many questions for the dev. I wanted to learn and understand his reasons, he thought I was undermining his position. Other time, I forced him to make the source code be consistent with the structure of applications existing code. Dude came, made some commits adding features in places suitable for him, despite the code having clean layer separation, which took me long time to achieve.
-
Dev: check these out everything is perfect as usual
Tester: your last code behave like windows update dude -
Write a novel about code and digitalization - not so much dev'ish.
Rral dev thing: finish reading SICP and really plunge in one of the functional languages2 -
FUCK EVERYONE right now. Stupid business with vague information, stupid dev team making SHITTY code. STUPID AUTO CORRECT TRYING TO CENSOR ME!1
-
learning to code while working as not a dev. Gives freedom but zero experience. Need experience but lack confidence :(6
-
I'm halfway through reviewing the code for that one dev on the team who should know better but still ignores every standard we set. It's going to be a rough code review... for him
-
What is the longest spree of consecutive days without single line of code because of dev environment problems?3
-
Looking to get into networking and security to help with my code in general. Any of you dev have a good recommendation book wise?3
-
How to realize that experience matters : make a demo where all your code works, but everything fails because the other dev has done a shitty job 😅1
-
Code verification
senior dev: You wrote this code yourself?
Me: Yes sir, it's clean right?
Senior Dev: Prove it
Me: Blah Blah Blah...
Senior Dev: Damn, You the realest -
!rant !dev
Anyone here play Polytopia? I just downloaded it today, it's fun but I'm generally crap at multiplayer so you'll probably beat me.
My code is: wydbVH59gUNdomWE -
My biggest dev regret is not starting earlier. I started learning how to code only 5 years ago, when I was 19. God, I wish I started earlier.
-
Anyone here do much nativescript? I have never done any mobile dev but know angular quite well.
I'm trying to decide if it's worth jumping right into nativescript or taking my time to learn standard java and swift dev first to understand the underlying code... Then there's xamarin. Any advice?8 -
Newb Dev: I've gotten to the point where I can explain the code and non-Dev co-workers give me blank stares. I sit down and realize there's probably a better way to do it, and then go tell the same co-workers and get more blank stares.
-
SeniorDev(in code review): Yeah, I know this is wrong but I will look into it later
Me: Can you please mention the ticket you have created to look into it later
[JuniorDev gives me a high five for sticking to our coding principles. No sweeping under the rug! Felt awesome.] -
Java's garbage collector must be broken - it failed to get rid of this dumpster fire another dev called "source code". But, hey, at least the profiler works.
-
I think I might become a project manager or a BA. No one ever considers asking them to code. If you're the dev lead though...2
-
Once I wanted to be part of a prpduct development team, until I got to see its code. Layers and layers of code like baklawa, even worse maybe. Every dev using that layer in his own way! A nightmare!
-
I have been helping out a teammate with a code fix but never wants to try my code solutions, instead he always complaints about it, even if they work and comply with the conventions. (I am his dev lead)2
-
When you're having to add BS/hackey conditionals to your code because the other dev is too damn lazy to fix their code.
-
The new project was started.
Planning, analysis, design.... all right.
Now contacting all the companies for partner programs, finding payment gateway that will agree to work with our country.
For fucks sake. third week goes, and still no code writing. Just researching, contacting, researching. Urgh.
I want to code already! I am just
a backend/DevOps person! When it would be coding time?!3 -
How many of you are here which truly care about code and don't like that there are standard 9-to-5-devs out there?4
-
Junior Dev: Today I'm porting my (TDD'd) C++ code to C# but having loads of issues.
Me: You should throw away the code, port the tests across and write the code again.
Junior Dev: I think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.
Me: *triple face plant* -
Wanted to work as a Dev being busy writing code. Got into an MNC and just deploying applications and rarely writing code. :(
-
So, I acquired Pluralsight code for 3 months subscription from Visual Studio Dev Essentials. It's time to close myself in basement and run Node & Angular paths 😂
-
This article about the types of legacy code bases you will have to deal with just made my day!
Not only do I have every one it describes but somehow it even made me laugh at thought of each of the std riddled petri dishes of code that I reluctantly maintain... My "Happy Place" is a folder dedicated to reliquary projects I like to look at when I feel sad to lift my spirits and restore hope that one day things will be better.
Do you have any definitions to add or know where to find more? I'm hooked.
Link: https://medium.com/@dylanbeattie/...
Excerpt:
The Reliquary
The reliquary is that one repository full of really good ideas. Clean code. Brilliant algorithms. The OpenID implementation that you optimised until it shone. Classes so beautifully designed and perfectly documented that they’d make a senior architect weep.
You remember the big rewrite? The project that was going to fix everything, only you never worked out how to actually launch the thing, or get any revenue from it? The reliquary is where you’ve preserved it, pickled in revision control like a fabulous museum specimen. A treasury of good code and good ideas; maybe even an entire codebase that was “a couple of weeks” away from shipping before somebody finally looked at the number of critical features the team had somehow forgotten to include and discovered — to everybody’s surprise — that validated XHTML, normalised data models and 95% test coverage are not actually features any of your end users cared about.
Like Buran or the Spruce Goose, the surviving artefacts stand as a testament to the quality of your engineering… and a poignant reminder of just how much fun engineers can have building high-quality stuff that nobody actually wants to use. -
Manager: No deployment during the code freeze
Dev: Yes, sure
(Manager goes on vacation)
Dev: Got a weird smile1 -
Best part of being a dev: seeing my code grow, take shape and become robust, line after line, refactor after refactor.
-
does anyone here into blockchain? hows it going.. Is it good to switch from Full stack dev to blockchain . I have covered the basic.. don't know whether or not should I go into this field .. Its just am getting free learning .. but not sure whether or not I have to switch into this5
-
So, I had a friendly debate with my senior dev today working over this feature.
What do you say is the best approach?
1. Optimize at the time of building the feature.
2. Do the feature work, optimize all at once. (let's say on a time cycle).5 -
How does your organisation and team balance PR comments demanding changes and dev time?
Here, while fixing PR comments we sometimes end up wasting as much time as we took in actually developing the feature... As a result, almost every major user story overshoots the estimation and almost every sprint gets delayed.
Yes, to each his own; but talking in general, why do you think this time wasting happens?
Do you think that happens because some of us are not as experienced as the others, the existing code not being up to the mark giving a bad example, or just a skewed review process?2 -
PUT method works in dev but not in prod for code ignitor. Stuck on this one from a week. Someone HELP 🥲
(Checked htaccess and PUT is enabled)12 -
so they brought a senior engineer to our (very small) dev team. I feel like poking my eyes with a nail looking on his code.1
-
Dev and QA environments are housed on AWS servers, both sharing the same API code. Dev API is unable to connect, while QA is able to connect just fine. How does this happen 😱
-
Why does every programming language have to have so many different ways of doing the same thing? I mean, come on, do we really need both for and foreach loops? And why do we have to choose between switch and if-else? Can't we all just get along and use the same damn structure? #FirstWorldProblems30
-
Looking for android dev who could mentor me with more advanced android dev topics (architecture, unit tests, code style and etc.) I am a self tought intermediate dev with 2 years experience (worked in 3 startups). I need help with questions/ocasional code reviews.2
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