My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

I just had a nightmare.

I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.

It was horrible.

TOP 10 PROGRAMMING BEST PRACTICES

#1 Start numbering from 0.
#10 Sort elements in lexicographic order for readability.
    #2 Use consistent indentation.
#3 use Consistent Casing.
#4.000000000000001 Use floating-point arithmetic only where necessary.
#5 Not avoiding double negations is not smart.
#6 Not recommended is Yoda style.
#7 See rule #7.
#8 Avoid deadlocks.
#9 ISO-8859 is passé - Use UTF-8 if you ▯ Unicode.
#A Prefer base 10 for human-readable messages.
#10 See rule #7.
#10 Don't repeat yourself.

How to properly have fun on a Saturday night:

1. Suddenly become deeply unsatisfied with current linux distro

2. Evaluate alternatives

3. Decide some change is needed but not too much: install fresh version of old distro

4. Once again, experience profound dissatisfaction

5. Opt for radical change

6. Erase all linux partitions, form a super partition and install a new linux distro on it

7. Spend hours familiarising with the new distro

8. Spend more hours googling stuff and typing commands in the terminal

9. Download current devRant avatar, send it to the PC via Telegram and set it as user's avatar for the welcome screen

10. Feel deeply satisfied

11. Accidentally wake girlfriend up while trying to get to bed. Get told off for staying up until 4am and for "being such a nerd"

How everyone uses stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Spot a bug
3. Try to solve the bug and fail.
4. Write a question for SO.
5. Post question on SO.
6. Get the answer and some points.

How I use stackoverflow:
1. Work on some project
2. Find a bug
3. Try to fix the bug and fail
4. Write a question on SO
5. Get scared that I might be downvoted.
6. Spend 45 minutes optimizing the structure of the question.
7. Try additional tests to cover all possible scenarios.
8. Still scared to click post.
9. Scrap everything and restart line by line writing further details of each step in your question.
10. Find the bug myself.
11. Click cancel on the question that took me 3+ hours to write.
12. Cry.

Here's a list of unpopular stuff which I agree with:

1) I love Java more than any other programming language.

2) I love sleeping more than working.

3) I'm not a night owl. I thrive the most during daylight.

4) I don't like or need coffee. Tea is fine.

5) Webdev is a huge clusterfuck which I secretly wish that could just die already.

6) Cybersecurity is a meme and actually not that interesting. Same passes for Cloud, Machine Learning and Big Data.

7) Although I'm a huge fan of it Linux is too unstable and non-idiot proof to ever become mainstream on the desktop.

8) Windows is actually a pretty solid OS.

9) The real reason I don't use macos is because I'm a poorfag that can't afford an overpriced laptop.

10) I don't like math and I hate that people push math shit into random interview questions for dev jobs which have nothing to do with math.

Post yours.

Popularity of programming languages according to the DRRDSI (DevRant Rubber Duck Selling Index):

1. JS
2. Java
3. Python
4. C#
5. PHP
6. C++
7. Ruby
8. SQL
9. Swift

1 - Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2 - Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3- Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

4 - Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5 - Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

6 - Users find 137 new bugs.

7 - Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

8 - Entire testing department gets fired.

9 - Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

10 - New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He raises the programming team's salary to redo the program from scratch.

11 - Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

12 - fml

I’m so sorry! No, I do NOT have 9 years experience using this framework that has only been out for 5 years 🙃

Very worst programing language 10

10. No reason to
9. call any
8. Programing language
7. the worst.
6. Cuz
5. they have
4. advantages and
3. uses according to
2. their philosophy.
1. JAVA

The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not work:

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One reply by programmers when their programs don't work:

1. "It works on my machine."

The typical devRanter

1. Uses dark theme of IDE and devRant app
2. Hates his/her clients
3. Likes Arch based distros
4. Checks his/her ++'s count or notifications after publishing a rant
5. Hates facebook
6. Associate the morning with a cup of coffee
7. Can't do any job when there are no headphones
8. iPhone vs Android? - fuck, they both are good/bad
9. Every time googles git command to remove a local branch
10. The best VCS is git, but I never used any other VCS

End with 5 bugs, starts with 9.

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

(found on twitter by @iamdevloper 😂)

Base10 is interesting.
Did you know that any number > 9 has this weird thing where if you sub it's digits from the number over and over, it'll eventually become 9?

For example: 35
35 - 3 - 5 = 27
27 - 2 - 7 = 18
27 - 1 - 8 = 9

Try it with any number you like.

Every Monday morning:

I hate this 9-5 life. This kind of time constrains should not be allowed. I will not allow someone else to control my life. *gets ready to make rebel group and protest against government*

10 minutes later:

*sigh* *Opens up Visual Studio*

What my lecturer think I have learned:
- Programming Patterns
- C, C++, Java
- Socket programming, web programming
- Operating system...

What I have actually learned:
1. printf("Hello World");
2. echo "Hello World";
3. console.log("Hello World");
4. Console.Writeline("Hello World");
5. cout << "Hello World" >> endl;
6. System.out.println("Hello World");
7. puts "Hello World";
8. "Hello World"
9. write("Hello World");
10. Display "Hello World"

Anyone looking for something interesting to do???

Step 1) understand how basic circuitry works on a bread board nothing too fancy. ( Implement NAND, AND, ADDER, SUBTRACTOR)

Step 2) learn about microprocessors and how OS works

Step 3) learn assembly

Step 4)write a basic assembler and understand how loaders and linkers works !

Step 5) write a kernel with very basic features like memory management and process management and some drivers for IO

Step 5) write an emulator for some simple systems .! ex chip-8.

Step 6) read about compiler theory and automata

Step 7) write a basic Python interpreter that compiles (not interpreter) to native assembly.

Step 8) implement TCP stack .

Step 9) learn as much as u can about complexity measurement ), data structures and algorithms using C or C++ it's very important ( familiarity with pointers and thus computer memory )

Step 10) learn any high level language of choice like Python or Ruby.

Step 11) stop debating over tabs vs spaces , emacs vs vim , angular vs vue, php vs Python , OOps vs procedular vs functional ( just know about all of them and when to use but don't fucking debate over which one is superior )..

Step 12) live happily and be healthy.

Programming is also a 9 to 5 job... 21:00-5:00

Recipe for a Great Programmer:

Ingredients:
-Books for a computer science curriculum from a top university
-Computer
-Headphones
-Internet
-Stress ball
-Pillow
-Lighter fluid
-Food

Directions:

1. Cover computer science books with lighter fluid
2. Light books on fire
3. Use flames to cook an energy-rich meal for the thousands of hours ahead
4. Pick an IDE
5. Choose a project beyond current capabilities. Good ways to push boundaries:
- Unfamiliar domain (e.g. large scale data processing, UI programming, high performance computing, games)
- Exotic programming language
- Larger in scope than any project before
6. Shut up about your IDE
7. Attempt to build
8. Stop procrastinating on Hacker News
9. Re-attempt to build
10. Squeeze stress ball and scream into pillow as necessary to keep sanity
When stuck:
- Paste stack traces into Google
- Find appropriate mailing list to get guidance
- Realize that real learning happens when you are stuck, uncomfortable, and/or frustrated
- Seek out books, classes, or other resources AFTER you have a good understanding of your deficiencies
11. Repeat #4 to #10 for at least 10 years
12. Results guaranteed! (to the same extent static types guarantee bug-free programs)

source: nathanmarz.com

API Guy.

He has a serious regex problem.
Regexes are never easy to read, but the ones he uses just take the cake. They're either blatantly wrong, or totally over-engineered garbage that somehow still lacks basic functionality. I think "garbage" here is a little too nice, since you can tell what garbage actually is/was without studying it for five minutes.

In lieu of an actual rant (mostly because I'm overworked), I'll just leave a few samples here. I recommend readying some bleach before you continue reading.

Not a valid url name regex:
VALID_URL_NAME_REGEX = /\A[\w\-]+\Z/

Semi-decent email regex: (by far the best of the four)
VALID_EMAIL_REGEX = /\A[\w+\-.]+@[a-z\d\-.]+\.[a-z]+\z/i

Over-engineered mess that only works for (most) US numbers:
VALID_PHONE_REGEX = /1?\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-8][0-9])\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-9]{2})\s*\W?\s*([0-9]{4})(\se?x?t?(\d*))?/

and for the grand finale:

ZIP_CODE_REGEX = /(^\d{5}(-\d{4})?$)|(^[ABCEGHJKLMNPRSTVXY]{1}\d{1}[A-Z]{1} *\d{1}[A-Z]{1}\d{1}$)|GIR[ ]?0AA|((AB|AL|B|BA|BB|BD|BH|BL|BN|BR|BS|BT|CA|CB|CF|CH|CM|CO|CR|CT|CV|CW|DA|DD|DE|DG|DH|DL|DN|DT|DY|E|EC|EH|EN|EX|FK|FY|G|GL|GY|GU|HA|HD|HG|HP|HR|HS|HU|HX|IG|IM|IP|IV|JE|KA|KT|KW|KY|L|LA|LD|LE|LL|LN|LS|LU|M|ME|MK|ML|N|NE|NG|NN|NP|NR|NW|OL|OX|PA|PE|PH|PL|PO|PR|RG|RH|RM|S|SA|SE|SG|SK|SL|SM|SN|SO|SP|SR|SS|ST|SW|SY|TA|TD|TF|TN|TQ|TR|TS|TW|UB|W|WA|WC|WD|WF|WN|WR|WS|WV|YO|ZE)(\d[\dA-Z]?[ ]?\d[ABD-HJLN-UW-Z]{2}))|BFPO[ ]?\d{1,4}/

^ which, by the way, doesn't match e.g. Australian zip codes. That cost us quite a few sales. And yes, that is 512 characters long.

This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant

Okay, time to delete my old Skype account
1. Enter Skype name
2. Reset password
3. Captcha
4. Complete email
5. Enter email code
6. You are logged in now, please complete your profile first
7. Enter birth date
8. Add your phone number or second email address
9. Create new outlook mail
10. Got access to profile settings
11. Click on delete profile
12. Stop please first verify your email again
13. Enter code
14. Check all checkboxes that I am really sure to want it deleted
15. Click delete button

Fuck hell and that all again for my second account

The company I work for...
Has:

1. No CI/CD
2. SVN instead of GIT
3. Outsourcing to India (oof)
4. No Automated Testing
5. Uses Bugnet (ancient, outdated)
6. No clearly defined code standards
7. No real documentation on the code
8. Rubbish code
9. No desire to reduce technical debt
10. Poorly maintained DB
11. Poor outdated equipment
12. A useless PM
13. Still priotizes IE support (??)

On a scale of 1 to 10 how fucked is this company and anything they develop?

1. Find bug
2. Try 3 methods of fixing
3. All fail
4. Tell yourself you're trying for the LAST time then you'll go on to something else
5. End up trying 5 more times
6. Repeat step 4 20 times
7. Cry
8. Finally take a break
9. Return next day, try another method, it works instantly

FML!

Life of an IT guy

1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death

Pretty much it!

Manager: "If needed, are you willing to work overtime this month?"

Developer: "Yes. [ ... pause ... ] would you give me some over my salary for sometime?"

Manager: Yes, increment happens every 6 months.

Developer: "I am thinking beyond it".

Manager: "No, it is not possible"

Developer: "Okay"

** alarm clock vibrates **

Developer: "It is 5:00 PM now. I need to leave. See you on coming Monday at 9:00 AM sharp"

[Developer left]

Manager: "Byeeeee ... "

Yesterday was Friday the 13th, so here is a list of my worst dev nightmares without order of significance:

1) Dealing with multithreaded code, especially on Android

2) Javascript callback hell

3) Dependency hell, especially in Python

4) Segfaults

5) Memory Leaks

6) git conflicts

7) Crazy regexes and string manipulations

8) css. Fuck css.

9) not knowing jack shit about something but expected by others to
produce a result with it.

10) 3+ hours of debugging with no success

Post yours

As most of you already know, I'm a writer. I've noticed the similarities between writing and programming:

1. Tabs vs spaces.

2. Both typically spend all their time with a single project.

3. Coffee... (Unless you're a tea lover like me.)

4. Both typically have no life.

5. Debugging is hell for programmers and editing/revising is hell for writers.

6. Strict clients for programming and strict editors for writing.

7. Semicolons... They're useful but everyone despises them.

8: Emotions. Programmers are angry at their code. (Why won't you work?) and writers feel depressed about their writing. (Why did you die?)

9. War of the programs. For programmers: Vim vs VScode vs Atom vs Sublime and etc. For writers: MS word vs Google docs vs Libre office and etc.

10. Online forums. Stack overflow and Writer's digest.

11. Typing... Typing... All day long.

These are only a few similarities. I've noticed a lot more than this.

I'm a new developer. Here is the top advice I've received:

0. Think like a programmer, outside of work too.

1. Programming is tough. It takes a certain kind of mindset to sit in front of a monitor and think it through a problem till the end. Develop that mindset.

2. Handwork pays.

3. Do it for fun. Be exceptional. Money will follow.

4. Care about the craft you build. Write such a beautiful code that your fellow devs would think about your code and have a nerdgasm.

5. Simple is beautiful. Anybody can make things complex. It takes a stroke of genius to make things simple.

6. Write modular code. It makes your code reusable and easy to maintain. Future developers who will work on your piece of code will appreciate it.

7. Share your knowledge. Unlike materialistic things, knowledge grows when you share it.

8. Add comments. You think you'll remember why you wrote that piece of code that way or a clever hack you created but trust me, you won't.

9. Be humble. You'll never know everything. Don't hesitate to ask for help.

10. Writing code is exciting! Of course there will be some frustrating moments. But don't give up! You'll miss a lot of fun.

1
10
11
12
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Lets sort numbers like this!
-Greetings from my file manager!

!rant.
I've worked for about two months at my (first) job. Its amazing.
We create audio/video software for the products we make.

There are 9 programmers besides me, I'm the only junior. And I'm still learning my way around the code, but they still value my input.

We only do stand ups for 5-10 min, like it should.

One if my colleagues helps me often when I have questions, so I've nicknamed him ducky.

My pm is awesome, he's great at coding and a great manager.

When we work overtime, the department pays for delivery food and drinks.

And we've already gone on 2 trips with the department, mountain biking and a BBQ.

I love my job and I hope that I'll soon be good enough to ask less questions.

10 Things You’ll Find Shocking About Asynchronous Operations:

3.
2.
7.
4.
6.
1.
9.
10.
5.
8.

You just came in today, being new in your position. I've been with the company for around 5 years, and you're the new guy. Look, I absolutely respect your skills. You're not a newbie coming out of uni, ok? You're a skilled sysadmin. But you asking me "what is your college?" and after me telling you I majored in linguistics, your answer "huh, that's why" and explaining why I'm wrong in my programming practices (which are taken from the Apache foundation) is utterly bullshit. Fuck off!

1) The fact that you have a BS in CS doesn't mean you know the best. I've worked as a programmer for some time. You were never paid to write a line of code.

2) Even if you were absolutely, positively, non-questionably right, you have no right to be condescending.

So, can you just shove your degree far up your ass? Because my friend, you're uppity as fuck just because you spent 4 years in college learning theory that you never applied in real world. I spent years learning my programming skills alone, after 9 to 5 work, during the evenings and fucking weekends. I don't need to prove myself to you, you fuckity fuck, I have proven myself to our employer over the last five fucking years.

Fuuuuuuuck!

1. Do you know why my computer is so slow?
2. What cellphone do you recommend me to buy? (They always end up buying the cheapest)
3. What do you do at work? (Answer: "I create applications". Anything more complex than that is not going to be understood or they will loose interest)
4. Something is wrong with the: [TV, Cellphone, microwave, etc.]. Could you please take a look? (Believe or not, if something works with electricoty, my family thinks I can fix it).
5. Is it true that if I send this WhatsApp message to all my contacts I will have more options?
6. I need to build an application that (pretty much The Matrix), how much time do you need and how much would cost? Don't you dare to give me wrong numbers. (We have to see the future)
7. (Continuing the previous point, a non-technical client) I don't think that would take so much time/money. (Every time)
8. I want to use the latest Front-End frameworks. I want to see all those beautiful animations in my page and that it runs smoothly... I also need that it runs in IE 5.
9. So, you have been working in the back end? If you don't have a screen to show to the client is like you didn't do anything in this sprint.
10. Why haven't you built and million dollar application? Everybody is doing that right now....

Yep, those are only a few downsides of our profession if we count family, friends and even co-workers. But I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

2019 resolutions/goals recap: (non-personal ones)
1) Improve diet (did; e.g. ramen and fast food to clean keto)
2) Lose weight (did; lost 24 pounds!)
3) Find a good job (did, twice)
4) Buy a harp (did not; large and expensive, no place to put it, and I have small children who would absolutely break it)
5) Keep house clean, even if it's by myself (did, somewhat; I cleaned some, managed to get one other person to clean semi-regularly, and another sporadically)
6) Work on social awkwardness (did; read and applied Dale Carnegie's The Art of Public Speaking, which netted me my last job offer. Still pretty awkward though)
7) Move out of the desert (did not; not enough money, and job didn't allow remote work)
8) Stop bloody waiting on people (did not; still very guilty of this...)

I don't remember the rest 🙁 didn't write them down last year. But I still accomplished 5 out of the 8 I remembered, with one being a pass, so 5/7!

-----

2020 resolutions/goals:
1) Finally move out of the desert
2) Invest 20% of my income every month
3) Reduce bills by 20%
4) Solve/address some health issues
5) Make a schedule so things regularly get done around the house, e.g. cleaning
6) Find some friends and make time for them
7) Replace Debian with something else
8) Revamp my backup system
9) Be proactive and stop waiting on people
10) Build a (stationary) coil gun for fun

Me everyday:
1- Get excited to start coding
2- Start coding
3- Run code
4- Bug found
5- Start debugging
6- Start feeling frustrating
7- Start questioning myself about career
8- Start hating life
9- Start banging head against the wall
10- Start looking for a different job
11- Oh shit! It was a typo
12- Go back to number 1

how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
2. print!
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
9. send!
...

8:50am aight alarm clock, give me 5 more minutes

8:55am ok lets round it to 9, wake me up then

9:00am aight enough. lets just sleep for 1 more minute since 9:00 is too round

9:43am fuck

9:44am ok its time to finally study for the upcoming college exam

9:45am nothing but a fresh day to start studying for college

9:46am eh i dont have a lot to study so I'll do it in 2pm, I'll code my project instead

2pm hold on 5 more minutes until i finish coding this feature and then I'll study

5pm where the fuck is this bug coming from

5:504pm goddamn i found it

6:36pm holy shit its already over 6pm, I'll study at night

7:42pm ok its night now, time to study but I'll do it when i fix all bugs

8:14pm ok bugs fixed, commit. lets study

8:15pm you know what, im way too tired and exhausted from this coding, I'll take a short 30 minute break and then I'll study

10:15pm ok im feeling fresh bois lets study now theres not too much

1:31am damn this movie was good

1:32am fuck i forgot to study, I'll do it tomorrow

2:10am *posts this rant*

Me trying to install a software :

1. Download the binary file
2. Error this file can't be executed
3. Download the source code
4. Compile
5. Error - instruction not supported by this OS
6. Create a new disk partition
7. Download ubuntu
8. Install ubuntu
9. Apt-get install
10. Error - package not readable by this version of ubuntu
11. Kill myself

1 fix my crappy sleep schedule.
2 organise my time better.
3 stop being a glutton.
4 earn a aws cert.
5 build a portfolio site.
6 build projects to go on portfolio site.
7 find a new job?
8 do some machine learning.
9 find love?
10 continue automating people out their job at their request.

Today I inserted a single row into a table which triggered four triggers which inserted 5 rows each to different tables triggering 9 triggers inserting 3 rows which triggered more triggers... Nothing about this is ok.

1) Using WordPress
2) Using WordPress
3) Using WordPress
4) Using WordPress
5) Using WordPress
6) U5ing WardPrrrs
7) U5ing WardPrars
8) U5ing WardPr3rs
9) U51ng WardPr35s
10) U҉5҉1n͢y͜ ͞W̷a͞rdPr3̷5͟5̛
11) O̧͘51͜n̨҉y ̶̀Ẁu͝rdPr͠3҉̵͠5̴͟5
12) U5͝1ny ͜Wa͠r͞dP̀r̀35҉5
13) U̕҉̷5̷͢͟͠͞1̴̵̕ǹ̨̢͟͢ỳ̨͜͡ ̕͜͢Ẁ̸̢̕à̢͜͞r̷͜͏̀͜d̨͜͏P͘͜r̛͞͠͠͏3̢̨̡̛́5̴̀5̧̕͏̶
14) U̵ͦ̇͌ͣ̓̈́̒͆̇ͨ͑͟5̴̽̾̓ͯ̔̎̓̔̀̚̕͜͜1̶̷̏͂̑͆ͪͤͥ̈́̔͛͌̅ͨ̚͜n̢ͯͫͬͩ̾̌̇̓͐̒̆͆̋͡ỳ̋̈͑̏̐͜͞ ̓̄͑ͦͬͣͬ͒̈́̍ͦ́ͭ͐̒̑͂͘W̆͋̃̓ͫ̌ͭͩ̾͊̔̋̚҉̀̕͡͠a̷̡̧ͦͦͩ́̈́̃̆̆ͨ̈̚ŗͫ͛̿͗̋̎ͮͫ͊͗ͪ̓̍ͨd̵̢ͦ̐̎̀ͮͫ͛̒̈͋ͫ͗̒̋͢͟P̷ͯͦ͒̒̌͆͡͞r̆ͭ̈́̀͂ͮ̓̂͑̆ͯ̾̀ͪ̋̄̚͟͞҉͞3̔͑̏̽̾̿͂̋̀͟͢5̴̂̈́͗̍ͩͦ̀̋̆ͣͨ̿͜͠5̸̴̶̧̏̂̽̈́̏̃ͫ̅͗̈̂̽̈ͣ̊
15) U̸̶͍̭͕̩̺͓̩̞̫̲̳̥̘̰̦̼͇ͧͫ̍̌̔̆̒ͪ͛̅͂̚̕͟5̷̹̱̜̫̞̮̲̬̲̱̻͙͊̋ͥ̊͜ͅ1͙͎̹͔̺̯̟̮̳̀͋͐̍̿̿̏͋̿̏͐̾́̓͑͋̃̈́͘͡͡͠͝n̴̆ͦ̽͡͝͝҉̫̰̗͓ỷ̴̸̦͕̻̩̖͓͚̟͆ͦ̓̍̇͊͆͊̏ͥͮ ̶̛̹͍̪̟̦͉̙͉̰͎̞̮̰̗͈̥͙ͮ̃ͧ͌ͪͥ͌ͨ̋̈́̚ͅW̩͙̮̯̪̳͖̙̘̰̍ͮͣ̋̇̒͐͋̀ͅa̶̸̷̮̜͈̟̳̺̣̪̻̼̻͍̺̹̽ͩ̿̈ͭ̈́ͩ́̅͌ͩ̈́̾̀́r̵̡͚̘̹̻̩̞ͦͨ̋ͣͣ̆͊̅̂̃̄͛̈́̒̒͒̾d̸̡͓̘̮̲̰̥̗̣̙̬̹̰ͩ́̈́ͥ̅̽ͫͯ̓͜͞P̧̹͉̬̠̻̮̫̼͉͖̯̙̞͎̲͙̖̉ͨ͐ͮ̀͞r̡̖̜̦̞̭̼͐̃ͬ̒̉̈͑͘3̷͇̖̹̱͍̯͈̣̼͔͉͉̜̣̱̉̎̈́̽ͧ̓ͥ͐͟ͅ5̮̩̗̣̣̤͇̲̟͇̒ͥ̂͗̒̆̕͜͝͞5̩̳̗̻̻̯̺̺̻̯̑͐̈ͤ̏̈́̾ͮͨ̀̃ͫ͋ͥ̾̚̕ͅ
REEEEE̸͢E̛͜E͜͡E҉EE̢EÉ͜҉E͠͡È̷̛̛͢E͏̸̨҉E̛҉E̴̷E̢ͪͩ̀̍̍ͦ͒ͪ̈̑̚̚̕͝Ę̴̒̀̐ͭ͞Ȇ̵ͪͫ̍͊̆ͦ̓͢҉Eͪ̈́͊̿ͦ̾͘E̸͒̅̐͆͋̏ͥ̑͒ͫ͋̈́͝͡E͆ͪͬ͘҉̕͞E̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞Ȇ̵̢̛̯̜̤̭͋̏ͣͤ́́E̶̢̩̯͕̱͔̱̙̻̼̬̝̳̹̞̰̹̾͛̒̉̈́̊͒̿̔̈ͦͦͅͅE̢̞̫͕̞̩͇̞̳̦͚͔̪ͭͭͭ̒̔̾͠͞E̡̡̲̤̼͙̥̦̎ͮ̑ͯ̏ͫ̽ͮ́͛̐͡E̷̴̡͙̜̫̠̞̯̗̽ͭͯ̓ͣ̾̐ͪ̚͡Ẻ̷̖͕̖̬͚̦̼͙̖̭̪̖͙̥̘͎ͥ̊ͤ̓̄̇̄̀̚͜E̸͉͍̟͈̺͚̲̦̯̭̬ͧ̈̐̌̇͌̐̀͘͞

1) Starts a company that builds cloud systems
2) Takes a bunch of jobs and thought you'll be happy for a while
3) IoT era smashes in your face
4) 72% of your existing clients ask for IoT revamp
5) With a lot of hacking you made a small portion of the projects possible with some Raspberry Pis
6) Client bought a bunch of arbitrary parts from Shenzhen and now you have to deal with kernel overlays and shits that you didn't even heard of
7) Made it work for the second time and told yourself it'll never happen again
8) Last customer happy so they tell a bunch of friends and now they're asking for more
9) Stares into void, wondering how you gonna end this nightmare

This one project at my study.

We always had to do quite some documentation, even some in a way that works the opposite of how my brain works.

That's all fine if you can agree on doing it differently.

Had this teacher who valued documentation above anything else. The project was 10 weeks, after 9 weeks my documentation got approved (yes, not a single line of code yet) and I could finally program for the remaining 5 days.

Still had quite some bugs at say number five, the day of presentation.

I imagined that'd be okay since I only had 4 full days instead of the 5-8 weeks everyone else had.

Every bug was noted and the application was "unstable" and "not nearly good enough".

At that moment I thought like "if this is the dev life, I'm out of here".

1) Install Debian 9
2) Select GNOME
3) Hate GNOME
4) Uninstall GNOME
5) Install LXDE
6) Love GNOME

What fresh hell is this

.replaceAll("(//"?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([^//d]+)(//.?)([//d]{3})(//.?)([^/d]+)(//"?)","$1$2$3$4$5$6$7$8$9")

...who is fucking with me

Recruiters, why don’t you shift your working hours? It seems that all of you work 9-5 and this is exactly the time when I don’t feel comfortable describing my current job over phone.

My first semester in college I had a six-week Saturday course on how to use UNIX that ran from 9-12. The professor hada habit of going at least an hour over time each week, so by the fourth week we're getting a bit tired of it.

That particular session, right at noon, he decided to teach us how to message other people on the network. Finally, we made our way over to the wall command a half hour later. Bored to tears, I type the following into my console:

wall "Are we done yet?"

Suddenly, the projector updates:

Kaji says:
"Are we done yet?"

Not realizing my name was going to be attached to it, I sank back into my seat a bit. The professor glared at me for about 5 seconds, then promptly wrapped up. Future class sessions ended on time.

How millionaires deal with laptops.

1. Buy a gaming laptop.
2. Install any OS.
3. Open IE11.
4. Place cursor in the new search bar in top right.
5. Type 4k wallpapers.
6. Download anything.
7. Open in MS Photos.
8. Right click, Set as > Wallpaper BG
9. Leave it in the corner.
10. Sell it at double 2 days later.

what i did today:

1. start a computer
2. start a xampp server
3. open text editor
4. open bug list
5. realize that i cant do a single thing.
6. steam game invitation shows up (i think it's ok just one game)
7. realize that i spent 10 fcking game
8. tried to fix the bug
9. i failed
10. i do another game
11. and it's time to go home
12. i feel guilty

Who shares this struggle?

I have a 9-5 development job and I also have a personal web application I am building and plan to bring to production.

There are simply not enough hours in the day. I struggle to find enough time to work on my personal project while still performing well at the 9-5 and spending some time with my family so I'm not absent.

Agh I wish I could pause time for productivity 😂

Today, for fun, I wrote prime number generation upto 1000 using pure single MySQL query.

No already created tables, no procedures, no variables. Just pure SQL using derived tables.

So does this mean that pure SQL statements do not have the halting problem?

Putting an EXPLAIN over the query I could see how MySQL guessed that the total number of calculations would be 1000*1000 even before executing the query in itself and this is amazing ♥️

I have attached a screenshot of the query and if you are curious, I have also left below the plain text.

PS this was a SQL problem in Hackerrank.

MySQL query:

select group_concat(primeNumber SEPARATOR '&') from
(select numberTable.number as primeNumber from

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as number from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by number) numberTable

inner join

(select cast((concat(tens, units, hundreds)+1) as UNSIGNED) as divisor from

(select 0 as units union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) unitsTable,
(select 0 as tens union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) tensTable,
(select 0 as hundreds union select 1 union select 2 union select 3 union select 4 union select 5 union select 6 union select 7 union select 8 union select 9) hundredsTable order by divisor) divisorTable

on (divisorTable.divisor<=numberTable.number and divisorTable.divisor!=1)
where numberTable.number%divisorTable.divisor=0
group by numberTable.number having count(*)<=1 order by numberTable.number) resultTable;

My life in a nutshell.

I've been stuck in this timeless loop for 10 years, anyone that relates?

1. Set alarm before going to bed.
2. Alarm rings, I turn it off.
3. Wakes up late.
4. Work from 08 AM to 4 PM.
5. Take the train back home
6. Plan what to do for the rest of the day.
7. Come home, do everything except what was initially planned.
8. Watching time goes by while doing non-productive things.
9. I feel alone, watch porn to fill this void.
10. I get depressed and unhappy afterward
11. Set the alarm for the next day.
12. Repeat.

My Typical Project

1. Identify common problem
2. Investigate options
3. Come up with clever solution
4. Implement backend solution
5. Get fed up with current frontend
6. Investigate other frontend
7. Realize perpetual chaos in Javascript landscape
8. Lie down in a corner
9. Cry myself to sleep

As usual finished the task just an hour before demo meeting. That hour is for transportation. Obviously I didn't test nor rehearse.

As usual, in to 2 mins of demo and greeted by error page.

As usual
1) stay the fuck calm
2) this features was already demo-ed and fixed and went fine few weeks ago
3) what the fuck happen now
4) stay the fuck calm, smile.
5) "ah please give me one minute, I forgot to clean up some stuff while working on new features"
6) shit shit. read the error message and log
7) oh I did refactor some files last week. Reorganized the files and folders for better structure and easier understanding. Thought I corrected every occurrences. Obviously I missed few.
8) ssh to the server while screen is still showing on projector
9) dig into the file quick
10) stay the fuck calm
11) fix
12) refresh
13) sorry all good, so I was saying ....

Well finally it's done for today and going back to office. After all it went ok. 👌

Going through Master Card API docs to see how to integrate it, saw that they have sample code, checked Java sample code and found this:

String data = MessageFormat.format(
"'{'\"apiOperation\":{0},"
+ "\"sourceOfFunds\":'{'\"type\":{1},\"provided\":'{'\"card\":'{'\"numbe\":{2},"
+ "\"expiry\":'{'\"month\":{3}, \"year\":{4}'}',\"securityCode\":{5}'}}}',"
+ "\"order\":'{'\"reference\":{6}'}',"
+ "\"transaction\":'{'\"amount\":{7},\"currency\":{8},\"reference\":{9},\"targetTransactionId\":{10}'}'," + "\"customer\":'{'\"ipAddress\":{11}'}}'",
apiOperation,
sourceOfFundsType,
cardNumber,
cardExpiryMonth,
cardExpiryYear,
cardSecurityCode,
orderReference,
transactionAmount,
transactionCurrency,
transactionReference,
targetTransactionId,
customerIpAddress );

FOR FUCK SAKE what happened to JSONObject (for Android) class, I'm sure it is a waaaay better solution than that mess ...
And from Oracle:
JsonObject value = Json.createObjectBuilder()
.add("firstName", "John")
.add("lastName", "Smith")
.add("age", 25)
.build();

I guess that is a cleaner understandable solution than what master card has.

If Corona Virus, were to make a CV, it would make an interesting read:

1. Responsible for Global Digital Transformation.
2. Reduction of Global CO2 emission and Greenhouse gasses.
3. Global Hygiene initiatives: Ensured 100% compliance on washing hands and body bath.
4. Made industry shift to WFH - saved exposure and costs.
5. Reduction in noise pollution by making everyone keep their mouth shut (masked).
6. Taught cooking, vegetable shopping, housekeeping to many,
7. Provided ample time to all egoistic and self centered people, to contemplate on their mortal nature.
8. Provided a big boost to the Pharma sector and brought back small utility stores back into the limelight.
9. Highlighted the importance of governance, adaptability and long term planning, by all sectors.

Corona’s CV seems superior to many 😉

Plans for 2019

- make my app good enough for prod usage
- find someone to help me with ui
- find someone to help me with marketing
- register my own company
- end my twenties
- maybe quit my 9/5 job by the end of the year

it's gonna be a fun year :)

A woman can make 4 babies with 4 different fathers in 9 months, right?

Someone decided we need a "rubber band programmer" who bounces around from project to project as needed, and that gets to be me.

So I work on 4 projects, with 3 programming languages, 4 frameworks, and with users in 4 complicated industries, none of which I have experience with.

And my boss wonders why I'm not as productive as everyone who has worked on 1 project for 5 years.

0. Problem
1. Thinking of an algo
2. Writing a code
3. Compile
4. Compile Error
5. Fixing bugs
...
6. Finally compiled!!
7. Running a test
8. Run time error
9. Fixing bugs
...
10. Finally I can see the result !!!!
11. Shit!

12. LOGICAL ERROR :/

Finally getting some upgrades for our office workstations!!
My work-pc still rocks 3rd gen core i7 with -40% performance loss because of spectre/meltdown patches and 1600 mhz ram. Its been a huge pain in the ass. Building unreal engine from source literally takes a day, while on my home Ryzen 5 it takes an our.
Ryzen 7/9 babyyy!!!
(I might even be able to talk them into a threadripper, wish me luck 😀)

Today:
9 am - 2:30 pm - customer mtng
2:45 pm - 3:25 pm - team mtng
3:30 pm - 5 pm - sprint planning mtng

Anyone ever literally be in a meeting the WHOLE day? ... 😢 🔫

Wow, the new React app looks so amazing. Lets test is on different browsers.
Chrome ✓
Firefox ✓
Opera ✓
... ✓
IE 11 ...
1. I am on Mac
2. Let's install virtual box
3. Let's install Windows 7 in virtual box
4. Open IE8
5. Open IE11 download page.
6. IE8 crashes
7. Download and install Google chrome using IE
8. Restart Windows
9. Open staging url on IE11
10. **cking blank screen welcomes you.

Damn it why is developing way more interesting at night time. Makes having a 9 - 5 really difficult

My instincts are telling me that i should resign from this company asap.

My team lead knows a to z of the project and he is the all rounder guy here. If my team lead leaves, I could be the one replacing him. But i don't want to accept this kind of responsibility.

My life goal is to not get sucked into the 9 to 5 life or work in this kind of environment.

The only pro i find is that i now have few more cool friends.

But I'd rather be be my own boss and work 24/7.

I now feel like living a lie going to work everyday..

1. Put headphones
2. Put videogame OST (Chrono Trigger is the best)
3. Start Atom
4. Sacrifice a male virgin to my Code Muse to replenish her mana stock
5. Jerk off seeing a fat granny midget porn
6. Clorophorm and put my coworker to sleep so he doesn't interrupt me to show the FailArm best fails of 2016
7. Atom is still loading, so I curse all the GitHub fuckers
8. Give up and start my emulator to play Chrono Trigger
9. Receive a pull request and realise I need to work and be a productive member of society
10. Goto 1

My Perfect Day : Assumption

Woke up at 6. Went for morning walk or do yoga or some sort of stuff.

Came back at 7. Went for daily routine, like bathing and all.

Went to prepare breakfast at 7:45. Prepared some eggs and bread and coffee.

It is 8:15 now. Reading news papers or watching tv and doing breakfast.

At 9 check mails and prepare some stuff.

At 9: 30 went for office. Reached office 5 minute before 10, safe and sound.

Came back at 7 by evening. Did some rest. Prepare dine till 9. Take a bath. Complete the dine.

At 10:30 ready to sleep.

Actual Scenario :

Woke up at 8:30. No time for yoga or morning walk. No time for preparing breakfast as well. Went straight to bathroom. Came back in 20 minutes. Made a cup of coffee. No time for newspaper or tv.

Feeling lazy and tired already. At 9:10 went for office. Before reaching office stopped at fast food joints. buy some junk food. Eat them. Got traffic jam and reached office late.

Started working but feeling lazy. Boss asked twice about the project status and i am unable to think a single line of code.

However, days passed. Boss scolded me. I promised him to finish the work after reaching home.

Reached home at 7:30. Late for no reason. Went straight to bed. Sleeps a hour. But took 20 minutes to leave bed.

Started working on projects i did not complete in the office.

Time fly and it is already 1 in morning. No dinner. Tired as fuck but hungry as well. So made some eggs and eat. Wrapped the task but it is 3:30 in morning and i jumped to bed for sleep.

Loop.

TLDR; My 2TB HDD got wiped in one fell swoop by a 9-year old child.

You know... I've never been too great about keeping backups. Even to this day, I only keep one or two local backups and nothing on the "cloud".

So this was about 5 years ago. At the time, I was living together with my girlfriend - who would later become my wife. She had a son from a previous relationship, who at the time was 9 years old.

I had a small desk in the living room of our one-bedroom apartment, that I used for my computer, which has been a laptop for a long time now. One unfortunate thing about the layout of the apartment was that the wall plug near my desk was attached to a light switch.

I had a 2TB external hard drive - with its own power cable - plugged into my laptop. Then, things started to move in slow motion... The GF's son comes inside from playing, my GF asks him to turn off the light. He reaches over, and shuts off power to my laptop - and the external hard drive.

He must have hit that switch at JUST the right fucking time. The laptop ran on battery, no big deal. The hard drive, when I powered it back up - was wiped clean. I tried data recovery on it, but the HDD was encrypted, which makes things more complicated.

Needless to say, I was not happy. I never got that data back, but I did learn not to expose my hard drives to 9 year olds. Very dangerous little creatures.

You want to know the best part? He destroyed another hard drive of mine, a few years later. Should I tell that story?

In approximately 9 hours I'm probably going to humiliate myself in a meeting
I was given 5 days to write a sh script.
And guess what..
I still have not started
FML...🤦‍♂️

there's this thing I've noticed...

º the more interesting DEV task I'm working on, the more I forget to eat (sometimes at all @9-5)

º the more boring/repelling DEV task I'm working on, the more snack breaks I take

Am I alone here?
Does that mean exciting DEV (only?) work is more likely to keep you fit and boring tasks are dragging you to obesity?

Back in my sysadmin days we had an IT zoo to look after. And I mean it... Linux side was allright, but unix.... Most unices were no longer supported. Some of their vendors' companies were already long gone.

There was a distant corner in our estate known to like 2 people only, both have left the company long ago. And one server in that corner went down. It took 2 days to find any info about the device. And connecting to it looked like:

1 ssh to a jumpbox #1
2 ssh to a jumpbox #2
3 ssh to a dmz jumpbox
4 ssh to an aix workload
5 fire up a vnc server
6 open up a vnc client on my workstation, connect to than vnc server [forgot to mention, all ssh connections had to forward a vnc port to my pc]
7 in vnc viewer, open up a terminal
8 ssh to hp-uxes' jumpbox
9 ssh to the problematic hp-ux

.....

Me at midnight: let's release a demo build

Me at 1 am: why are there so many bugs? Why won't it compile.

Me at 2 am: omg finally compiled. Runs it, buttons don't work. Closes it, reopens it. Buttons work.

Me at 3 am: let's write apologetic posts for the bugs, but post the version anyway

Me at 4 am: why do I advertise in so many places

Me at 5 am: let's update the patreon reward tiers

Me at 5:30 am: nah fuck this, going to bed.

Mom at 9 am: wake the hell up we need you to dig out a hill and build a stone wall around one side of the house.

Me: omg wtf why.

Me at 2:30 pm: why the hell are we doing this, I have so many bugs to patch and everyone knows they are there because I told them all!

I think the hardest thing about being a programmer in college with a security emphasis is when I approach a business for a penetration test or for a vulnerability analysis (your pick) is that they almost always say, "you are pretty young don't you think?"

Ummmm not sure what that has to do with it. If it would make you feel better I have claimed bug bounties from an antivirus company, a bank, several local businesses in my area and I do this for work at my 9-5.

And this week I got this, "I think I would like someone older so we can define the goals better."

Oh so rules of engagement, yeah of course I understand that and that's something we would discuss and draw up a contract for...

"Well we really need someone more skilled."

---- End of story ----

I don't understand, you haven't asked about certifications or schooling and you glanced at my resume for exactly 5 seconds what the hell do you want? Me to double my age over night?

The DE life cycle of every Linux hobbyist:

1. Let's work with Unity.... it's so blah
2. Let's check out XFCE.... it does its job, but it needs more zing
3. Let's check out KDE...aah, my poor battery.
4. Let's check out LXDE.... Can you be any more boring?
5. Let's check out Pantheon.... This is perfect, but I'm tired of using a tweak tool to even enable minimize and maximize
6. Let's go to Gnome 3...Ah never mind
7. Let's go to Cinnamon... Blurgh, It reminds me of Windows
8. Let's go to MATE....Hmm, Mutiny layout?!! It reminds me of Unity. Wonder if Unity 8 has made any progress!
9. Go back to Step 1.

>>>> Followed link to a post
* Do you Accept Cookies?: Yes
* Our customer supports online: Okay, I know
* Subscribe to Newsletters?: Click Click Accept
* Website wants to turn on Notification?: Okay
* Seen Our New Product?: No, not today
* We require you to be over 18?: Yes, I am
* We value your privacy?: I Agree
* Looks like you're using ad-Blocker?: Turn Off
* Don't forget to follow us on...: Okay!!! I get it already, just show me the f*cking post!
* What next
***** 1 million ads appear around a single post broken to bits having (1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 next>>) *****
Just wondering who invented this money making strategy.

How Google loost its data Monopoly-

Present:
Step 1- US bans Huawei

Step 2- Google Bans Huawei

Step 3- China Gov helps Huawei get back on its feet

Future:
Step 4- Huawei makes their own OS to rival Google, the OS can run Android apps as well as IoS apps and has its own language/framework for developing new apps

Step 5- China bans Google from their market

Step 6- Chinese mobile manufacturers adopt the new OS

Step 7- China's population starts using the new OS i.e. country with the world's largest population starts using the new OS

Step 8- Chinese manufacturers like Xiaomi, Vivo, Oppo and OnePlus who already own approx 40% of India's smartphone market start distributing the new OS based phones in India. Factors like cheaper devices take this market share to 50%+

Step 9- Cry, cause the new OS is now being used by approximately 30% of the world's population.

Yeah, bring your hate in the comments but come back and talk to me in August 2022...

Ten Immutable Laws Of Security

Law #1: If a bad guy can persuade you to run his program on your computer, it's not solely your computer anymore.
Law #2: If a bad guy can alter the operating system on your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #3: If a bad guy has unrestricted physical access to your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #4: If you allow a bad guy to run active content in your website, it's not your website any more.
Law #5: Weak passwords trump strong security.
Law #6: A computer is only as secure as the administrator is trustworthy.
Law #7: Encrypted data is only as secure as its decryption key.
Law #8: An out-of-date antimalware scanner is only marginally better than no scanner at all.
Law #9: Absolute anonymity isn't practically achievable, online or offline.
Law #10: Technology is not a panacea.

Went out with friends last night to celebrate a birthday, on our way back with the train we are asked for our tickets. We had bought a group ticket (for 30€/5 Persons) and showed it to the ticket checker. It was 6:20 am at that point and we were all tired and just wanted to go home, but apparently the ticket was only valid to 6 am (it does not say that anywhere on the ticket and it is called a "9-o'clock day ticket"). That asshole seriously made a record about all of us and took 60€ from everyone of the 5 of us.
The Deutsche Bahn company is the only rail company in my region, there is nothing that could compete with them, so they just shit on their customers. And now they want to privatize the highways too? Stop making public traffic something to pay for! There is no competition if there is only one traffic company with the only highways or train-web in a specific region.

Method 1:
1. Read others' people answers on wk70
2. Apply
3. ???
4. Profit
Method 2:
1. cd <ProjectName>
2. git init
3. dotnet new sln
4. dotnet new console #or webapi/lib
5. code .
6. git commit -m "Initial commit"
7. git remote add origin <github link>
8. git push origin master -u
9. profit

My Android phone is 5 years old. Everybody tell me I should buy a new one but I'm a stingy environmentalist and I refuse buying new stuff if it is not strictly necessary.

So, for 9€ I replaced the phone battery and then I installed a custom ROM, so it looks a bit newer.

Unfortunately, it seems that something in the network configuration has been fucked up.
The phone is able to browse the Internet, but:
- WiFi hotspot is not working
- USB tethering is not working
- Bluetooth tethering is not working
- PPP over USB is not working

But, hey, I never give up, so this is my current setup:
- I installed a proxy server on the phone
- I'm using "adb forward" to forward the proxy port from the phone to my laptop
- I configured Firefox to use that proxy

And, yes, I'm using that connection to write this post. :D

1. get a job interview in google
2. design a kitchen
3. ???????
4. the kitchen is for a giraffe
5.?!?!?!!?
6. new kitchen
7. a baby giraffe
8.??!?!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!??!?!?
9. we will call you
10. __time passes__
11. no call
12.X_X

Where I work we develop drivers and command-line software for embedded systems. The contracts we have with our customers tend to be in the £100k-£500k range and are usually completed in 6 - 9 months; our team is made up of 20 developers. You would think that it would be worthwhile investing in the department. But no, instead we have to deal with >10 year old build servers on their last legs; limited numbers of development boards with wires soldered on so that we can keep up with new board revisions; no room for R&D into new products; and to top it all off, not one of the executives has a laptop on par with the placement students in the next department. It's like the company is trying to kill the department, we've seen our staffing dwindle with no new graduate (or higher) positions being made available in the last 3 years while we've lost at least 5 people to other places. I just don't get it!

To the recruiter who "got me an interview," that you knew was 5 hours away for me, on a Saturday, at 9am. I hope you get fucked by a leper horny bear! General recruiting drives from 9-5 are not interviews! I could have shown up anytime, and O was not even qualified! You lied to them about me, and they politely told me to fuck off! FUCK YOU!

My code review nightmare?

All of the reviews that consisted of a group of devs+managers in a conference room and a big screen micro-analyzing every line of code.
"Why did you call the variable that? Wouldn't be be more efficient to use XYZ components? You should switch everything to use ServiceBus."
and/or using the 18+ page coding standard document as a weapon.

PHB:"On page 5, paragraph 9, sub-section A-123, the standards dictate to select all the necessary data from the database. Your query is only selecting 5 fields from the 15 field field table. You might need to access more data in the future and this approach reduces the amount of code change."
Me: "Um, if the data requirements change, wouldn't we have change code anyway?"
PHB: "Application requirements are determined by our users, not you. That's why we have standards."
Me: "Um, that's not what I ..."
PHB: "Next file, oh boy, this one is a mess. On page 9, paragraph 2, sub-section Z-987, the standards dictate to only select the absolute minimum amount of the data from the database. Your query is selecting 3 fields, but the application is only using 2."
Me: "Yes, the application not using the field right now, but the user stated they might need the data for additional review."
PHB: "Did they fill out the proper change request form?"
Me: "No, they ...wait...Aren't the standards on page 9 contradictory to the standards on page 5?"
PHB: "NO! You'll never break your cowboy-coding mindset if you continue to violate standards. You see, standards are our promise to customers to ensure quality. You don't want to break our promises...do you?"

Hydrogen gas is fun. Really fun :D

Me and my brother were really bored earlier today. So what do two dudes, 14 and 17 do on a warm spring day?

1. Go to store.
2. Buy drain cleaner, aluminum foil, balloons and a big drink in a glass bottle.
3. Drink the drink.
4. Shred aluminum in a document shredder.
5. Mix alu, drain cleaner and water in the bottle.
6. Quickly put a balloon over the bottle opening.
7. Wait.
8. Get a lighter and blow that shit up! 🔥
9. Repeat until you run out of balloons.
10. Don't kill yourself doing this.

So I’m having an argument with my gf.

Is it “Why is 6 afraid of 7?” or “Why is 10 afraid of 7?”

I fucking said that 6 has not seen the action of 7 eating 9. But 10 has, therefore he is scared.

If we were to iterate from 0 to 10, we would see that 6 hasn’t seen shit.

Let’s print out each number if we iterate through and find a consecutive 7, 8 and 9 then print out “Oh shit 7 ate 9.”

0
1
2
3
4
5
6 // Hey honey I don’t see anything here??
7
8
9
Oh shit 7 ate 9
10 // Someone call the fucking police

Thoughts?

1. Being the only single wringable neck to keep 40+ websites afloat, plus 3-5 new ones coming in or being built each month all with an overseas team that uses Google Translate to communicate and who are also in an active war zone.
2. Being fired for being “too old” in my mindset about how to do things. I had just turned 40 and my boss was 24 and distracted by all the shiny frameworks when all the marketing person needed was a simple off-the-shelf CMS-based site to publish company offers.
3. Jumping into the middle of a HUGE clusterfuck of thousands of Slack channels, wikis, and Jiras and an outmoded content management system while trying to learn the ropes from a guy who has no time to teach properly and then who abruptly leaves the company with scant documentation on everything that he held mainly in his own head. And there was no way I.T. was going to allow him to have the ability in Zoom to make a video of his training sessions, for no discernibly good security reason at all.
4. Working for only 9 months at two separate companies for two separate frat dudes who could have been clones of each other and whose egos made them into seagull managers* in every sense.
5. Being told by a new employer that they’re hiring me to be the head of their new web team only to find myself shuttled off to obscure contractor roles at MegaCorp Inc and AcmeCorp Inc.

I have 17 more years of this shit ahead of me before I can retire.

*If you haven’t heard of this: Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits all over everything, and flies out leaving everyone else to clean up the mess.

1. attach a debugger
2. create a set of breakpoints
3. perform an action in the UI
4. breakpoint is hit. F9 to jump to another breakpoint
5.
...
.......
...........
................
....................
nothing............
even more of nothing.....
......................................................
6. Kill the app. Restart. Repeat. Nothing again. Repeat it all ~5 times. Give up.
7. Go get some tea.
8. Come back with a cup of hot tea
9. the _next_ breakpoint is now hit (º . º)
10. F9 - yet another breakpoint is hit.

11. contemplate your own mental state, considering the #6

1)Get Project/idea
2)Look for the most suitable tech
3)Draw out all the functionality
4)Break into milestones
5)git init
6) git commit
7) Start
8) Test
9) Complete
10) Feel like a King

If we compare this list with last year’s list, nothing much has changed. The top three worst passwords of last year were ‘123456’, ‘password’, and ‘123456789’. Source : Splashdata

Top 10 worst passwords in 2019 below:

1. 123456
2. 123456789
3. qwerty
4. password
5. 1234567
6. 12345678
7. 12345
8. iloveyou
9. 111111
10. 123123

I just had a nightmare.

I never became a developer. Instead I had a normal 9-5, didn't do work at home, slept well and spent my free time on social activities.

It was horrible.

Things to do in today

1. Go to post office
2. Send post
3. Go to CVS
4. Buy drink
5. Go to movie theater
6. Watch movie
7. Come back
8. Go to phone store
9. Buy something
10. Go to supermarket
11. Buy supplies
12. Go to McDonald's
13. Use coupon valid til today
14. Run back home befor parents come
15. Act normal

Am I the only one who hates these 9-5 work times?
Right now it's almost midnight and I'm awake and my mind is productive, but I know tomorrow at work I'll be tired until lunch atleast and only from like 3-6 on I'll start being really productive. Wish I could work from like 5pm to 1am..

Yknow what the best part about Unix is? (Not Linux. Like old school Unix. AIX, HPUX, or in this specific case: Solaris)

It never needs to be updated. like ever. Even when new features are added 5 years ago to add features that GNU has had for literally decades. Updates are for the weak. Because why should I be able to type "netstat -natup" when instead you can enjoy several hours of developing the nightmare one-liner that is:

Pfiles /proc/* | awk '/^[0-9]/ {p=$0} /port/ {printf "%.4s %-30s %-8s %s\n", $1,$3,$5,p}' 2>/dev/null

Isn't that just so much more fun?!
Thanks guys. I'm going back to GNU now if you don't mind.

1. high severity production incident was asked to look into at the end of the day.
2. needed fix in ui.
3. fixed and deployed in 1 hour.
4. issue remained. debugging began.
5. gave up at 1 AM and went to sleep.
6. woke up at 6 and after debugging for 2 hours, identified to be a back end issue.
7. worked with back end team for the fix, and 6 hours and 3 deployments later, it worked.
8. third party vendor reported they are still not receiving one parameter from us.
9. back end team realised they forgot to ask ui to send another parameter.
10. added the parameter in ui, redeployed ui.
11. build and deployment tool broke down. got it fixed. delay of 1.5 hours.
12. finally things are in place. total time 26 hours.

13. found half bottle of vodka, leftover from last weekend. *Priceless*

When your colleague is so impatient that he send 100s of emails for a small issue and you cant block him :|

Email 1
Email 2
Email 3
Dude at least let me read the issue in email
Email 4
Email 5
Dude you could have sent..
Email 6
Email 7
Sent.. me a ping on Slack
Email 8
Email 9
WTF man
Email 10
Email 11
Wait dude I am working
Email 11
Email 12
Working on your issue chillex
Email 13
Email 14
Email 15
Email 16
What the fuck :|
Email 17
Email 18
Email 19
Email 20
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Email 21
Email 22
Email 23
Email 24
Email 25
WHAT THE FUCK MAN :|
Email 26
Email 27
Email 28
I will kick your ass :|
Email 29
Email 30
Email 31
Email 32
Email 33
I will kill you :||
Email 34
Email 35
Email 36
I will fuck your mother :|||
Email 37
Email 38
Email 39
Email 40
I will drop a nuclear bomb on your Ass
Email 41
Email 42
Email 43
Email 44
.
.
.
.
'Its still coming' :|||¦

So , at my first day as an intern in the company that would probably be employing me, i heard some great lines that made me gain so much hope in humanity -.-

From HR :

- "your timings will be 10 to 7 , 6 days a week."(even though it takes 4 hours to commute to and fro from that place). "We have a 9 hour a day schedule, and anything between 5-9 hours is considered a half day"

- "we have a 1 paid holiday per month scheme. And that starts after first 3 months, and yes TitanLannister, that also applies to interns. You may take a leave but that won't be considered for payment"(even though the said intern's internship is of 3 months and he already notified that he would be needing a 10 day leave for his exams and a few other college related work leaves )

-"here is an official laptop you could work upon(has average specs but inferior to my laptop). Note that its already loaded with slack, and a browser history tracking software, so you might wanna log out of that if you want to use it for personal use. Also if you want to use your personal laptop, then these tools would still be added into your laptop"

-" all the things mentioned above are connected to this fingerprint card that will automatically upload those details on an hr software and enable history tracker "

-"take your time, but we need this task done by you in next 24 hours. There is no deadline, but we need this work done asap"

In the words on purgatony:
"This is hardly working
This is hardly living
This is my JOB"

Teaching JavaScript to a master of classical programming (only uses C++, Python, Ruby, etc.). Here are the results:

1. What
2. What the fuck
3. Why
4. Why the fuck
5. Oh shit that's useful
6. Oh shit that's stupid
7. Why would anyone do that
8. Why isn't anyone else doing that
9. This is crazy complex
10. This is stupid easy

The debugging loop for Minecraft Spigot plugins on a 4GB RAM laptop:
1. Start Eclipse - 1'
2. Edit code.
3. Build plugins - 2'
4. Close Eclipse to make RAM room for Minecraft.
5. Upload plugins to server with FTP - 1'
6. Start server and launch Minecraft - 2'
7. Enter the server.
8. Find bugs.
9. Stop the server, close Minecraft.
[Go back to 1.]

Tools i use on windows to make life better, what do u use ?
I use :-
1. processhacker
2. conemu with gitbash(if longer time switch to fish)
3. Services+ from codeplex
4. pickpick for screenshots
5. windows default workspaces(they are pretty decent now)
6. bandizip
7. onecommander
8. from developer settings i turn on show file extensions
9. ditto for clipboard

Today's full day meeting accomplishments:

- start 9:00 am
- updated intellij idea
- updated fedora
- checked out servers to see if everything was OK

- lunch break

- people agreed that "we are just gonna do it and plan later"
- presented my status on the actual meeting subject
- me and the consultant realised we are really fucked :)
- meeting ended 5:30 pm

Yay!

I changed my hours to 7am - 3pm. I just can’t do the 9-5 anymore.

My dev Golas for 2019:

1. Control the chaos in the startup.
2. Go on trip or trekking
3. Lose at least 10 kg. (currently 83 kg)
4. Start waking up before 9 o clock
5. Help maintain a open-source library.
6. Make a open-source library.

I see loads of students here.. and loads of freelancers and startup joiners.. all varieties...but one.. Anyone has a 'normal' 9-5 or sth (dev) work? Does that even exist?! Anyone stands up when the 8h are up and can leave the work behind?
I can't.. even when I leave the office I have algos & code stuck in my head..trying to solve the problem I worked on..

How do you handle non dev life? Is there anything left in a day?
I usually work monday-friday on avg 9h/day and have no idea how to manage not being fucked up at the end of the week. :\ I am trying to get back climbing, but usually I am just soooooo tiiiiireeeeeed after work.. I wanna sleep but when I close my eyes I see the code.. at least one core still left working..

2 things I'm working on now:

#1 a personal project I am hoping to commercialize and turn it into my moneymaker. Hoping it'd at least be enough to pay the bills and put food on my table so I could forget 9/5 for good. But it has a potential of becoming a much, MUCH bigger thing. This would need the right twist tho, and I'm not sure if I am "the right twister" :) We'll see.

#2 smth I'm thinking of opensourcing once finished -- a new form of TLS. This model could be unbreakable by even quantum computing once it's mature enough to crack conventional TLS. I'm probably gonna use md5 or smth even weakier - I'm leveraging the weakness of hashing functions to make my tool stronger :)

I mean how long can we be racing with more powerful computers, eh? Why not use our weakneses to make them our strengths?

Unittests are already passing, I just haven't polished all the corner-cases and haven't worked out a small piece of the initialization process yet. But it's very close

ŁEŊ@#fmęgwjnfčuÆ®ŊÆŁEŊ3ŋ4ħ€3łæŋ€4æł4ħæ4€ħ9æŋ98ł3ħŋ98↓łħ€9“→↓ŋħł93ŋ@38ŁŊ89ÆŁ4ĦŊ08ÆŁĦ093Đ3@09ŋæłęb„guwahęgawęgÆŁ$ĦÆEı$Ŋ(ÆŁ#Ŋ↑(łæ49↓ŋw

AAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm gonna break this laptop in half if I will not get a break from Windows!

I'm running it in a VM and STILL this fucker gets on my nerves SO FUCKING HARD!!!

1. CPU% 100%. Laptop fans are spinning so hard it's ready to take off
2. My hands are on the laptop. THey are HOT from the heat from inside. Hell that's uncomfortable!
3. ctrl+shift+esc to see why is cpu% 100%. It's something called WMI Host something. Kill that mthrfckr!
4. Process respawns immediately and goes up to 100% again. I have already increased handles limitation for that service a few weeks ago. Like 20x more than it was before!
5. website in IE
6. does not seem to be responding
7. hit f5. Nothing happens
8. Hit refrech buttong on the toolbar. Nothing happens
9. Place cursor at the address bar and hit ENTER. Nothing happens.

Meanwhile my hands are burning.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!

What kind of idiotic system is that!! My asshole is a better OS than this piece of SHIT!

AAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#@ŦŊæ¶đ@#ĸogęq j

I'm super pissed. Better keep a 30-40 meters distance from me so the things I throw at you would not hit your ballz!

Now that I come to think of it, the only times I am THAT pissed is the times I am using windows. Srsly.

Working on my Google Foo Bar level 4 challenge.

9 days past figuring out how to solve this problem..

And finally reached on a working solution. When started compiling my solution.

And then i Find out, the fucking Google tool is facing some bug and not allowing compilation. Tried hard to do everything but still getting errors...
And after searching on Google just found I'm fucked up.. It's on Google's end and they are not fixing it since so many days..

Just 5 days left to complete.. And i have no idea what should i do...

4 month work just fucked up

I get about 4-5 hours sleep. Like today: I went to work, made my lunch at work, got changed for football, played football from 7-9pm got home at 9:30, cooked, ate, showered and dried my hair and it's now 1am.

Tomorrow I got football training for another team so again I'll be getting into be at about 1am.

Also I forgot go mention ive got to get up at 6 for work And Friday I have to be at the doctors for 7. Yeyyyyy me!!! Don't even ask me about the weekend...

I feel like this classifies as a rant because I don't get to code at the weekends and it kills me 😡😡 especially when I want to contribute to certain packages and said I would. So fuck you social life. Fuck. You.

Ohhh and those fucking 'friends' that guilt trip you into seeing them because "you haven't seen me in ages 😢😢" there's a reason for that Barbra (keeping her identity secret) I'm fucking depressed and tired. Fuck the fuck right off.

Tried mining ethereum today. Just wanted to check that out, for the heck of it. Fired off a p3.16xlarge instance on AWS, 4 x Tesla V100 running at $12 an hour! It was an absolute beast. Anyway, kept it running for 9 hours and earned about $5 before shutting it down. Cost me $108 to earn that $5. Had a lot of credits expiring in a couple of days, so I wanted to burn them off anyway.

So crypto mining, not easy money.

Well i was between jobs at the time, looking for something, anything to fill in the black hole being created in my wallet.

I applied online though this company’s website and within 20 minutes was on a phone interview setting up a face to face, this was Monday afternoon.

I went in on the Wednesday morning with the manager, no cv, no resume, no examples of work, we talked, did a couple of brain teaser questions and Friday morning I had the job 😂

I have never put so little effort into getting a job before but it was all a sham, the workload and requirements this job constantly sets out to kill me with are godly.

3 years later I’m still alive ( somehow ), and no blood has been shed.... yet.

Business Intelligence, the most confused market technology has to offer. (Perhaps rivaled only by machine licking. Learning, whatever)

Step 1: develop a product that can replace a company's database guys. Make it cost more than the database guys.

Step 2: Show off product to managers using images of the product that the managers will love, but never have the skills to do themselves.

Step 3: Fucking obviously the managers buy it.

Step 4: Fire half the database staff.

Step 5: Managers give the BI tools to their remaining database guys ANYWAYS and instruct them to use it

Step 6: Database guys spend a month learning the new tool because management "wants to use it too".

Step 7: Database guys now use this new system for reports but have trouble using it for complex use cases, as it was designed for simple use cases. Meanwhile, management will never, ever touch the tool again.

Step 8: Hire new guys for reporting, because the remaining database guys can't complete both their normal tasks *and* the reports.

Step 9: Database guys are expensive. Go to step 1.

Here is what I see in industry right now.
Don't go on math but get the gist.

1. 9 of 10 developers are Web developers
2. 9 in 10 developers want to be data scientist
3. 9 out of above actually give up and start doing Web development
4. 9 in 10 developers think CS education is not necessary.
5. 9 in 10 developers want to work for Google Facebook and Microsoft.
6. 9 in 10 developer don't make it to above companies.
7. 9 in 10 developers think design and test are important but never do it.
8. 9 out of 10 developers don't want to code after 5 years and just want to exit industry to non technical roles.
9. 9 out of 10 developers don't get rants and dev memes posted here.

What's your take on this

This one is interesting

- 9 to 5 (including breaks) aka WLB
- Building products in my area of passion (Music, Art, or Travel)
- High paying (I don't care for those perks like free food or bean bags)
- Enough vacations without judgement
- Continuous innovation (fuck your 1830s product)
- Good social capital (teams should trust me for my decisions)
- WFH where I can opt to go in to office whenever I want (so that I can build my awesome battle rig at home)

My day:

9 am: crack knuckles, ready to start day

9:01 am: oh, that PR I sent last week hasn't been reviewed yet and I need it in mainline. Better merge latest and get someone to look over it.

9:02 am: now the test suite is broken, better fix that up before getting it reviewed.

1 pm: phew, that was a slog. Now to get on with today actual programming

1:01 pm: "hey buddy, you coming to that tech leads strategy meeting?"

5 pm: Jesus what a meeting. Now maybe I can get a little code written. I'll just fast-forward to latest...

5:01 pm: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES A BAD MIGRATION AND EVERYONE SHOULD AVOID USING THE LATEST VERSION WHY DIDN'T YOU REVERT THAT SHIT DO I NEED TO COME OVER THERE AND RESTRICT YOUR STUPID WINDPIPE UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND GIT *RAGE TABLEFLIP*

Am I the only one, who likes to hate the tester for sending back your code, when I should be greatful for him/her for finding bugs?
Replies from me by the amount I get my ticket back:
1: okay, sure, thanks
2: all right
3: oh, okay
4: what? still not okay?
5: how did you even catch that?
6: what the fu** is wrong with you?
7: you again???
8: die already!
9: <singing the frozen theme> Let it go, let it go!

After 9 weeks of waiting for my much delayed dell xps 15 i opened the box and it's fucking azerty ... While i clearly, CLEARY requested qwerty. I mentioned it 4 fucking times for the love of god make sure the keyboard is fucking QWERTY .. THEY GAVE ME AZERTY .. on top of that shittrain they also forgot to include​ my integrated fingerprint reader which i paid extra for.. man what a fucking shit company .. they might make half decent hardware but they piss all costumers of with their insanely bad braindead costumer service and sales team.

9 weeks of waiting , receiving the wrong configuration, probably again 5 more weeks of waiting.. man im starting to hate this shit company.

So I am conducting an introductory seminar on git and GitHub for juniors and as per my knowledge I've drafted this outline, please add your inputs..

The seminar will be of 1 day only

1. Install and configure Git and Github

2. Digital Signature mapping

3. Git init

4. New Project with HTML

5. Configure remote (git remote add <origin> <url>) ends with .git

6. Git commit (git commit –m “Title” –m “commit message”)

7. Pushing git push (git remote push origin master)

8. Git commit –amend

9. Git pull (git pull origin master)

10. Git checkout (git checkout –b new_branch_name)

11. Do some changes

12. Git push new branch (git remote push origin new_branch_name)

13. Git switch branch (git checkout <name_of_existing_branch>)

14. Pull requests

15. Git log (git log –oneline –graph)

"So have you launched any apps on the app store? Or do you have any projects you're actively working on that you can share with us?"

Yeah because everyone likes to code for fun after coding at their 9-5...

More often than not, I hear that the mission-critical stuff in Linux is done by paid people, the folks that work from 9 to 5 with a fixed time/resource schedule. Is software in Linux all like that? Say for example, Linux (kernel), systemd, Xorg, all the desktop environments, LibreOffice, Mozilla, Chromium and such.

The reason why I'm asking is because I kind of feel like the premise behind Linux "free, libre, *philanthropic*" and such is kinda wrong. Especially the latter. Do the people in the mission-critical stuff really care about its stability any more than commercial software devs do? Sure the projects driven by personal needs that are published are philanthropic in their nature, I'm having some of those too. But those are all non-critical and maintained as such. The stuff that's behind the steering wheel however? I'm not sure...

In essence, is the mission-critical part of the Linux ecosystem - however open-source it is - any different from other commercial software products QA-wise?

My day:
5:30AM - 2yo son wakes me up, I send him back to his bed
6AM - wakes me up again, gotta grab a coffee
7:30AM - leaving towards the office
8:30AM - finally arriving to the office, after horrible traffic.
*continue working on major schema change I started yesterday*
12:30PM - Lunch + Beer
1:30PM - Tequila time!
*back to work*
7:30PM - Finally done with coding, leaving the office
8PM - home at last
9:30PM - Beer time
9:31PM - "I'll just write a couple of more lines"
12:30AM - "That's it, no more code for today"
12:31AM - "I'll just scroll through devRant"

'17:15' < '09:45' === false
'5:15pm' < '9:45am' === true

I either need a language with a stronger type system, or coworkers who understand that comparing raw time input in validation is a bad idea 😡

New here, don't know the format, etc

Let me describe my Friday:
8:45 standup
By 9:30 I'm done following up with 3rd party platform vendor's jira, and curiously look into an issue related to app camera not working in development build (we aren't in production), fix it in 5 minutes and talk to the team of two other devs. Tell them I've submitted a fix, and QA is unblocked.

"Senior" software dev starts complaining about how "I've wasted my whole morning" because "I mean, come on" and is generally offended because "I've done their work."

After a real puzzling argument, I worked from home the rest of the day.

Where did I go wrong?

1. Go to my setup
2. Lights off
3. Lamp on
4. Door closed
5. Headphones on
6. Run zone.bat or zone.sh depending (yes, I have a script - it puts on music, at wherever I am in the album, changes sound & display settings, and a few other things.
7. Set breaktime alarm (I forget otherwise)
8. Code
9. When breaktime alarm goes off:
9a. Get a ginger beer and since biscuits
9b. Eat
9c. Repeat from 7

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

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This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

Oh my motherfucking God...
How the fuck can a dumb IDE be so fucking slow? I entered the office at 8:15. And I am still unable to checkout a motherfucking previous version of an android app in git and get Android studio to build it, because the fucking gradle is so damn slow it freezes the GUI. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Android studio get you shit together and maybe, just maybe don't be such a dick!!!

You need 5 min to open that project and another 10 to build it ONLY FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT WHOLE PROCEDURE BECAUSE I NEED A DIFFERENT APP VERSION FROM THE GIT REPO FUCK YOU YOU SHITFACED STUPID COCKSUCKING CUNT, SHIT FUCK ARRRRGH!!!

Sincerely,
Me.

Edit: now it's 9:35 btw

1. take a web application working in somebody computer since 4 years with tons of features.
2. Believe that the application is the future and solve brilliantly a general market need.
3. multiply income of current only customer by 10: you are going to be rich.
3. start to install 2, 3 customers.
4. discover the application is shit. Doesn't solve well the problem. Functionalities are different for each customer
5. discover that customers are willing to pay 1/10th of the original customer
6. quickly reingeneer the application to a multitenant cloud application, because with 3 customers and different versions you are already in deep shit
7. keep giving away the application for free to flagship customers. With a lot of customisation developed for free.
8. reach 200 customers in 5 years and still no break even, but lot of debts
9. resort to financial tricks to keep the company going

Luckily money are not mine. They could be recovered.
Unluckily the time spent was mine. It couldn't be recovered
Hope that the application will finally crash so that I can move on to the next thing: retirement in a mental asylum

I have an Android phone. Pixel 2 to be exact, and I love it. Many family members and friends of mine have iPhones. To each their own.

Having said that, I absolutely HAAAATE the stupid iPhone feature that lets users react to text messages. Today all those iPhone users added me to literally 5 different SMS groups (which by themselves are their own sin), chatting up a storm all evening. I already hate group texts, please, leave me alone. But it gets so much worse when my phone blows up with twice as many messages because so-and-so "liked" this message, and so-and-so "laughed" at that message. It sends you their chosen verb alongside the ENTIRE original text AGAIN.

Such a stupid feature, leave Facebook on Facebook, why the hell do text messages need reactions? I don't give a shit that you liked or laughed or loved that so and so said they will be there at 9 o clock.

At least i have the ability to mute notifications for each group otherwise I'd be replying to every group text I get with a trolling big trigger item or something super inappropriate until they stop. Don't want this to continue? Stop group texting me, stop reacting to texts, and don't do it again.

I've had today a meeting with the CEO regarding some designs. Here have some quotes that he made:

1. So you can click, click, click, click, click
2. numbers are so complicated so I just said something
3. I like the vibe in Amsterdam
4. We are doing a rebranding. Our rebranding document is the color of the 2 blues and one orange
5. I've to ask my wife for the design (with no design experience) to make the rebranding documents
6. In <the app our technicians/support use>, you can brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrb
7. This is what differeniate us between most applications; FAVORITE SQUARES
8. I never watch that mess. I don't even know if it works or have ever worked with it. (talking about a simple table view)
9. You have been reported to the admins (in an admin-only application for our customers)
10. It's always nice to see developers think; when I don't think
11. But it's already an iPhone (when looking at android designs & cries in largest userbase in my country)

Unreal Engine SDLC:
1. Start Epic
2. Wait
3. Start Unity
4. Wait
5. Open Project
6. Wait
7. Wait more
8. a bit longer...
9. (it usually crashes here, or freezes, in which case go to 1)
10. Game opened, make modifications in C++ codes
11. Wait VS to load
12. Wait VS to parse all the file in solution
13. Make changes
14. Compile
15. Run from Unreal
16. (sometimes, go to 9)
17. Goto 9
18. 9
19. Goto 9
20. Congrats on finishing the game, and losing your patience

Short story of a developer

0) Don't know how to do something
1) Search for hours on internet
2) Find only crappy codes
3) Try a crappy code
4) Realize that it works only for who created the code (What the hell...)
5) Cry
6) Ask on forums
7) Get downvote without any reason
8) Receive useless answer
9) Delete project

Quick Tutorial: How to find a missing bug.

0) Wake up & have breakfast
1) Goto work
2) Do your job until the end of the working day
3) Make a backup
4) Shutdown your PC
5) Stand up
6) Go to the office door
7) Grab the door
8) Now the phone rings
9) Turn and go back
10) Take the phone
11) Now you get the bug report

This is a well approved method.
It always works!

!rant

Super awesome day today.

1. Got up early to do a risky production deploy and it worked!
2. Three PRs approved before lunch.
3. Got some time to continue learning scala.
4. Coffee and cupcakes with some refugees and discussed work as a software engineer.
5. Tried virtual reality for the first time. Really fun.
6. Helped prepare our goals for this quarter and present them to the department.
7. Department meeting had free local craft beer and pretzels.
8. Went bouldering after work and flashed a 6c.
9. Curled up with my wife watching Netflix.

I really love my life sometimes.

Copy and paste this in Notepad++, then select one an push F1:

BR,
Loreia
Notepad++
Martin Golding
L. Peter Deutsch
Seymour Cray
Brian Kernighan
Alan Kay
Bill Gates
Christopher Thompson
Vidiu Platon
Edward V Berard
pixadel
Oktal
Bjarne Stroustrup
Mosher's Law of Software Engineering
Bob Gray
Roberto Waltman
Gavin Russell Baker
Alanna
Linus Torvalds
Cult of vi
Church of Emacs
Steve Jobs
brotips #1001
brotips #1212
Robin Williams
Darth Vader
Doug Linder
Jean-Claude van Damme
Don Ho
Anonymous #1
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Apple fan boy
Motherf*cker
Hustle Man
Confucius
Mark Twain
Friedrich Nietzsche
Chewbacca

This is a message to all “yes man” developers:

Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:

1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…

1) Submitted my CV
2) Got an email to schedule a phone interview for the next week, I gave ~5 appiointments on the next week that were good for me
3) Next week passed, no answer to my E-mail, I asked in a mail, what happend
4) Got reply, that we should schedule the phone interview for the next week
5) We aggreed, in the appointment, they did not call me
6) I asked in a mail, what has happened
7) We aggreed in a new appointment
8) This time they called me, after a short conversation I was told, that I they send me task as homework right after the phone call and I will have to do it in one week
9) They did not send it
10) Next day I asked, whats going on
11) They sent me the task, and said that I can ask them, if have queations
12) For me it was not clear, if I was allowed to use frameworks for the task, so I asked it
13) I neveg got reply and did not ping for the 4th time

This was the most annoying and ridiculous recruiting process I had to deal with. It was just a waste of time.

I use to have pretty lenient office hours. Boss recently told me he wanted me in the office 9-5, gets mad when I don't respond to emails outside of those hours

1 - Spend 6 months building an app with Flutter
2 - Try to add in-app purchase. Must upload an apk to google console and register a product
3 - Must launch the app so the product is activated
4 - Console complains apk must contain 64 bits version
5 - Go to the issues tab on github and find a solution
6 - Implement the solution, recompile and send 2 apk files to Console
7 - Did not work...
8 - Find out maybe the console will allow just on closed alpha and beyond
9 - Put apks on closed alpha and fail because the Console wants a new apks with increased version codes...
10 - Recompile and send apks
11 - Console won't allow launching unless the format is using the new App Bundle
12 - Flutter does not support App Bundle with 32 and 64 bits...
13 - See issue about it saying the possible fix is in beta version, just need to update... What could go wrong?

I just wanted to release a damn app

I hate that shit

my first day with Linux.

1. downloaded the Ubuntu 16. 04 LTS and made bootable.
2. install it on my system.
3. after installing wifi is not working.
4. searched on internet with my phone and connected my PC with USB thetering.
5. now installed wifi driver.
6. now my Nvidia card is not working installed its driver too.
6.finally i look at my desktop and its looking really ancient and old.
7. installed gnome desktop and switch to it.
8. now gnome is not much functional so added some extensions like dash to dock, dynamic transparency.
9. now setup java and android studio.
10. after that android studio font is looking blurry. finally stackoverflow made my life easy and i fixed it.

now after all this my system is working crazy fast.. Android studio is opening in just 5-6 seconds.
really happy.. 😍 😍

8:00am I should finish this feature in about 1 hour.
9:00am Am just left with testing it.

12:00pm I should have finished this 3hrs ago.
3:00pm (Calls another dev to take a second look on what could be wrong)
5:00pm I think tomorrow I will be fresh enough to fix this a little quick.

Management directed a 2-month project including 5 developers, 3 DBAs, plus Q&A to replace a SOAP service that retrieved data from a single table. End result, project lasted 9+ months, 5 spectacular failed 3:00AM deployments, and a WCF service that retrieved data from a single table. Justification? Management wanted to eliminate SOAP, because SOAP uses XML and XML is slow. Thank goodness no one opened up Fiddler to see how WCF communicates.

Skype??? For main communication in soon 2024 in an IT company???? Get the fuck out are you fucking kidding me??? Starting a 9-5 job after so many years of being jobless feels like im degrading myself back to caveman primal age. What who the FUCK uses skype ????? Please

Project manager : At 9:30 am these all are the tasks you have to complete today.
Me: OK ,sure.
Project manager: At 10:30 have you completed any thing.
Me:no not yet we can meet at 11:30.
Project manager: At 11:30 have you completed the tasks.
Me: no it's takes more time post lunch.
Project manager: post lunch have you completed the tasks.
Me : give me 5 mins ( integrating the code).
Project manager: 5 mins over.
Me : showing the application with out testing.
Project manager : This not working.......!
Me:(I know that )then I have to check .
Project manager : OK go and come in 10 mins
Me:(in 10 mins I have to test and fix the bugs you non technical brute) sure .

1.Get my SOLIDWORKS cert
2. Microsoft Certs
3. Microsoft Python Cert
4. Buy a 9 string
5. Have my album ready for August
... Any other suggestions for a somewhat beginner Python Dev

To leave 9/5 behind and successfully launch my own thing. By design it should require minimal maintenance so I should be good to spend my time however I feel fit. Get my fam and close relatives involved as well.

Move out of that tiny apartment into a large house outside the city where my kids could grow their imagination, have nearly unlimited space to plat at safely, where I would no longer feel squeezed in tightly.

I'm the donkey and that's my carrot hanging in front of me

Been working from 8 am til 7:30 pm, no breaks. Programming is awesome, fun and feels good in my brain (addictive ^^). But man its good to be home and do nothing. ~ sweet ~

something like a 3.96 undergrad GPA

ivy league masters degree + scientific publication

first job -> $4500/month for first 3 months (some dumbass 'intern' rule even though i had a masters -> then $6000 -> then $6400/month (insane amount for me, at least IMO)

second job -> $4000/month

third job -> $3600/month

in each one, skills and responsibilities increased

and now i can't get hired 🤷‍♂️

pretty sure i did it all backwards

just remember kids, nothing that society tells you is actually true. everything in the corporate world is controlled by emotions and narratives, not logic, hard work or anything actually valuable

just get that cozy 9-5 and kill all your hopes and dreams before they start

Programmer OAth. Just read on a github repo

0. I will only undertake honest and moral work. I will stand firm against any requirement that exploits or harms people.

1. I will respect the learnings of those programmers who came before me, and share my learnings with those to come.

2. I will remember that programming is art as well as science, and that warmth, empathy and understanding may outweigh a clever algorithm or technical argument.

3. I will not be ashamed to say "I don't know", and I will ask for help when I am stuck.

4. I will respect the privacy of my users, for their information is not disclosed to me that the world may know.

5. I will tread most carefully in matters of life or death. I will be humble and recognize that I will make mistakes.

6. I will remember that I do not write code for computers, but for people.

7. I will consider the possible consequences of my code and actions. I will respect the difficulties of both social and technical problems.

8. I will be diligent and take pride in my work.

9. I will recognize that I can and will be wrong. I will keep an open mind, and listen to others carefully and with respect.

I love listening to music while coding, mainly metal/rock/classical

Comment with 10 tracks from your playlist .... Here are my 10

0. Disturbed - stricken
1. Tremonti - decay
2. Black label society - bored to tears
3. Ac/dc - back in black
4. Rolling Stones - paint it black
5. Gary Moore- still got the blues
6. Carcass - blind bleeding the blind
7. Alter bridge - metalingus
8. Fear factory - linch pin
9. Pantera - 5 minutes alone

people with 8+ years of work from office experience, is 9-6 the only truth of work life? today in sprint planning, our manager suggested assigning 81 hours of tickets in a 2 week sprint and when a lot of us had 60-65 hours of work he was like "ehh it seems less . junior mgr , look into the softwares and create more tickets"

2 week sprint is 9 days +1 day for sprint planning + 2 sat Sunday 🥲 . additionally it takes me arohnd 2 hours to reach home so i try to get out by 5 pm and everyone starts staring at me. as am a bad example, i will probably be hearing from my manager in future about this.

need some tips on handling a stable work-office life. i am a covid graduate so i have seen a great wlb in work from home but its a true reality that for mext 30 years , the chances to work from home for more than 5 cumulative years is next to 0. so need a permanent office hack.

i don't think buttering boss's ass is a reliable solution . i just wanna be back at home by 7, do some workout, roam in car/watch series/work on hobby project (aka relaxing) eat and die on my bed for next day's horrific life

I just saw a news article (nope, not sharing it...don't want them to get the clicks) where they said it's now considered passive-aggressive to use the following emojis (the percentage is a non-specific n-value and N-value...probably 3...of how many younger folks think it makes you look "old" to use these):
1 - Thumbs up - 24%
2 - Red love heart - 22%
3 - OK hand - 20%
4 - Tick - 17%
5 - Poo - 17%
6 - Loudly crying face - 16%
7 - Monkey eye cover - 15%
8 - Clapping hands - 10%
9 - Lipstick kiss mark - 10%
10 - Grimacing face - 9%

I previously only ever used thumbs-up and checkmarks to signal that I understood the message sent to me. My new goal is to use as many of these as possible when messaging anyone under 30. If you are so butthurt by ANY emoji, then you certainly deserve what's coming to you.