"A software Engineer? Why don't you do a real job instead of fixing people's computers?"

- ex gf 2011

"I'm proud you do something you love"

- wife 2016

I don't remember how many times I've wanted to do this..

Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.

I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:

M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.

Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:

M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.

At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?

There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:

M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.

DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.

I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.

PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.

echo "we don't do that 🤔"

I BOUGHT A DOMAIN IN MY SLEEP!!!

Now I don't know what to do with it!

Interview.

X: So, do you have any weaknesses?
Y: Yes, I'm very honest.
X: But I don't think that's a weakness
Y: I don't give a fuck what you think

I swear... The world don't give us enough credit for what we do.

You can't procrastinate if you don't do anything at all

Manager: "How long do you think this will take?"

My brain:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it

Me: "Shouldn't take too long"

Why would you even do this? People don't read these anyways...

Don't do this, Chrome

When you don't have a specific dev task to do...

Don't try to do everything on the main method.

Confession:
I actually like to code with JavaScript.

It's a terrible language, yes, but I find it fun to work with.

President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?

Me: I don't know. We've never done one.

President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?

Me: I don't know. I've never done one.

<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**

Me: What do you want?
Client: We don't know exactly
Me: By when do you want it?
Client: Yesterday
🙊🙉🙈

Google don't do this

You can rant, you can do everything but don't forget to clear your pendrives

I stopped drinking about five years ago.
That shit is poison yo.

Winners don't do drugs.

I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)

Git Pull Failed, Merge Conflict.

Me:
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it

Me:
Delete local project folder and pull the project down again.

I don't do that often, but...

In middle of your wonderful coding journey, don't forget to do this once in a while.

Agency: "Why don't you do more free work for us? When you do that we can give you better jobs for money?"

Me: "so if I do free work for you, I get to do paid work as a reward? ..you know that I am a freelancer, not your employee, don't you?"

*agencysulking*

My computer to me :- Please don't do this😢😢

Rules of Optimization:
Rule 1: Don't do it.
Rule 2: Don't do it yet(experts only)

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

People who don't understand what I code or who don't even know what a freaking "code" is, telling me how to do my job!! Then my reaction will be like -

Apt-get install *

Just don't do it. It's not worth it!

One thing that I really hate is experienced programmers who don't threat newbies with kindness and act like "masters of everything"... Don't do that. :/

I relay on Google maps as fuck. I don't know what I would do without it.

Module build failed: Module failed because of a eslint error.

217:15 error 'param' is assigned a value but never used no-unused-vars

Me:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it

Me:
console.log(param);

When you don't know what to do :p

When a friend asks to create a website for his startup for free. FML 😔 I got bills to pay. Will he provide his service for free??

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

When they don't do the only thing what they are supposed to do...

If it's so simple, why don't you do it?

Today I found this sticker in the Microsoft merchandise shop.
Now I don't know what to do. I find this epic, but I don't really like Windows. 😥

I know Git gonna work, cause I don't know what I'm gonna do if it doesn't

Is it expected for a new arrival to post a 'Hello World'? Only I don't normally do what's expected. Actually, I don't normally do normal. Then again, I don't know what I am doing most of the time. Or where I am. Or who I am.

Code reviews: do it thoroughly or don't do it at all

I don't use Windows
I don't use MacOS
I have no Apple products
I don't do PHP
I don't do Ruby
And I'm still doing great!
See, it's possible to be happy and do great at the same time:)

Waking up after a drinking night and rushing to your computer to make sure you didn't mess around with your projects 😨

How do you know if someone's an ArchLinux user?

Don't worry they'll fucking tell you.

As I don't like coffee, can I do tea and code! </🍵>

How do you know whether a person is a Vim user? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

I'm torn -- shiny new macbook pro, want to keep it pristine for as long as possible, but I've also got a burning desire to sticker it up.

Boss : Fancy doing a live deployment on a Friday?

Me:

Fuck you dickhead. If you don't like how I'm doing things, just fucking do them yourself. Or how about you give me some specifications, designs, a consistent database model? No? Fine, then don't fucking complain when I make do with what I have.

Windows. Ruby. Don't do it.

I don't always use Internet Explorer but when I do....

Don't use angular js for something that u can do with jQuery

What's worse than deployment on Friday at 4pm?
Deployment on Sunday at 4pm.

!rant

I don't have a rubber duck, but I do have a dust bunny.

TL;DR: If you make a contest where people get to vote online fucking make it right!

And here's the story: I play in a local coverband to make some cash on the side and because I love making music. We entered a contest hosted by a local radio-station. The first round was determined by judges and now 5 bands remain and of those 5 only 3 get to be voted into the final round. In the final round every bands wins something: 3rd place 250€, 2nd place 750€ and first place 5000€.
Now that stupid dipshit of a web-designer of that radio-station made a website where you can vote and it only fucking sets a cookie. You can delete it and vote again. You don't need no E-Mail and nothing. It doesn't even block multiple votes from one IP. It doesn't do shit.
Even my bandmates (who don't work in IT) where smart enough to figure out that you can just delete the cookies...
I think that now every band except for one is cheating. (we have over 5000 votes and combined all bands have like 4000 FB-Likes and sometimes and Band gets like 400 more votes in an hour) This is such a fucking messup and I don't know what to do. Maybe they'll look into stats but if they're so stupid to make a contest like this in the first place, maybe they won't. And even if they look into the stats it wouldn't be fair to kick out a band with much votes because how the fuck would they know if the band themselves cheated or if it was a fan of the band or even an enemy of the band just to get them kicked out.
I'm afraid of talking to the radio-station as a part of one band because maybe the web-designer there just gets frustrated and bans us from the contest entirely.
This is just fucking frustrating.

10+ years into the field and my relatives still don't know what I do for living. :(

Don't do Windows, kids

If you don't follow The Olognion, I suggest you do. It's hilarious.

Tried working while high...

1/10
Don't do this sgut afgain

I hate fucking fellow students that don't do anything in collaborative projects...

Let's talk about input forms.

Please don't do that!

Setting time with the arrow buttons in the UI.
Each time change causes the page to re-fetch all the records. This is fetching, parsing, rendering tens of thousands of entries on every single click. And I want to set a very specific time, so there's gonna be a lot of gigs of traffic wasted for /dev/null.

Do I hear you say "just type the date manually you dumbass!"? I would indeed be a dumbass if I didn't try that. You know what? Typing the date in manually does nothing. Apparently, the handler is not triggered if I type it in manually/remove the focus/hit enter/try to jump on 1 leg/draw a blue triangle in my notebook/pray

I don't always get answers from LinkedIn Jobs.
But when I do, it's a refusal.

DON'T. LET. DEVS. EXPLAIN. THEIR. PRODUCT.

MARKETING. SHOULD. DO. IT.

When you know how to do it, but you just don't want to.

Literally whole dev world: DRY - Don't Repeat Yourself
My Company: DRY - Do Repeat Yourself

My 5 years old pc died, had to pull out my 12 year old laptop back

Never used VIM

WISH ME LUCK BOIS

I don't always code CSS.
But when I do, its on production.

I am feeling lonely and depressed. Don't feel like to code. I am introvert, don't have friends. Idk what to do. 😫

Look what I found!
I don't know what to do with it.
:/

Sometimes I really hate reading comment section and rants from

"my coworker/senior-dev/manager/boss/professor doesn't know X. I'm so much better and so underpaid"

It's like something is new to you or you didn't know something your mostly a dumbfuck which doesn't deserve his position or shouldn't be there ignoring all the other shit which brought you there. Ignoring a person's background or function. Sometimes this stuff is funny because you think he/she should know X but to call someone dumb/stupid/moron or so just because of this, I'll never get it people must have hughe inferiority complexes or so

So this just happened...don't test on production kids (....sometimes you have no choice BUT DON'T F**KING DO IT OK!?)

Just got AWS free subscription, had fun for 30 mins. Now I don't know what to do with it. Can someone give me idea for something to do with it.

how do websites have the option to deny all cookies? don't they need a cookie to know you don't want cookies?

No I don't hack Facebook accounts 😒... Why do people keep asking that?.

Met a girl on tinder
She asked - what do you do?
I said - I'm a programmer
She said -
Sorry I don't date nerds :(

How do you guys program when you don't feel like it especially for school? I've fallen a bit behind in my classes and the programs are really easy to write but they're time consuming to do and sometimes (most of the time) I honestly just don't feel like doing them. How do you get yourself motivated?

What's worst than doing something you don't like?

Having to do it again.

So save.

Do yourself a favor and don't install it.

So my gas bill (for heating and warm water) is so low that my provider wants to send someone over to check the counter on it.
They can't put one and one together and take into account that my power bill is like double the amount they calculated.

FINALLY fixed a stupid website issue. Absolutely nothing to do with my job, but it's also no-one else's job - the website was apparently contracted out years ago and everyone just let it go when they saw this thing.

...also 'finally' refers to the fact that it's been bugging me since I interviewed several months ago. I spent longer finding the thing I was looking for than I did fixing it

Hey fuckface!
Do you know we have console.error("...") ?
You don't have to do console.log("Error 1") all the time.

Does anyone else suffer from a lack of direction at work? It really kills motivation and velocity

Why do so many people use macs for developing?
I really don't get it.

I can't get work done. I completely lack motivation. Don't know what to do anymore :/

I don't downvote much, but I definitely do when someone replies to an, "I'm back" post with, "LoL WhO tF r U?"

Don't be an asshole.

What do you do on days when you are just lost ? When you just don't find any motivation to code ?

I don't do rush tasks before non-rush tasks. I do rushiest tasks before the rushier tasks before the rush tasks.

I don't always drink water.
But when I do, it's coffee. 😅

I don't generally do Javascript,... But when i do, I make sure to check its latest frameworks in last 48 hours -_- !

I don't know how you freelancers and contractors do it.

I die a little when I see inline styles
Don't do that please

*tries learning cpp after python*

My code all the time: we don't do that here

A: Why do Java developers wear glasses?
B: Because they don't C#

When nobody takes you seriously when you say you don't do it for the money....i genuinely love what i do and you should too.

Long time no rant from me. Sorry guys, has been a tough time for me.

Little background: I'm an apprentice and as such definitely not a fully trained professional. I'm working in a big company with people who have very let's say interesting ideas what I should be able to do.

This whole disaster begins shortly after I started my apprenticeship. I was offered to choose my first little project. "Something from the backlog, not very challenging and a nice beginner one. It's just about a PoC" ok, le me thinks. I choose to make a weather display.
Basic functionality was provided within the next 3 weeks. My direct boss (let's call him Jo) liked it and talked to his boss (Hugo) about it. Hugo was so excited he called our product manager to get my plugin into our software asap and began to think about where else we could use this.
This is where shit went downhill. Hugo told me it was my task to implement it on a totally different platform and to "host it in azure". I don't know much about azure and I never used it. I told him that I'd need time and some kind of sandbox to try and learn how things work. He promised but nothing ever came through. Not even Jo could do something about this.
They told me I should write this asap because "every customer would LOOOOVE this" and I honestly can't think of a way to meet all their requirements without access to our azure system/ sandbox. (There are a lot of requirements)
Am I wrong? Should I be able to do this? I'm a fucking trainee. I don't know everything.

Relax don't do it
When you want to come to it

Don't you guys feel like sometimes we make a huge deal in regards to what is basically grabbing a bunch of shit from a db and making it display on a flipping website?

I sometimes feel bored at how repetitive this shit is. Its the same shit, with various degrees of complexity to do that get data and post data or update data.

I dunno man, sometimes i just feel like there is too much for something that is inherently simple.

If you do this, please, don't have children.

P.D. count the number of *if*s

Happy Halloween! (I don't really do halloween, found this at a local store)

The whole email and DNS system is fucked up!

Have you ever felt like you don't want to fall asleep?

I do feel that quite often but I don't know why.

I don't always have time to do //TODO but when I do, I still don't.

Recently (last 6 month) I am getting a feeling like I don't know what to do in my life. I don't have any short and long term plan for my life. No ambition and no will power to do anything. procrastinating all task and doing them when there is no time.

Recently I was offered equity in my company and I don't know if I want that. I don't have any answer to any question in my life.

Does anyone know what to do?

- Do this
- ok.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!1!!

Rules of Optimization:

Rule 1: Don't do it.
Rule 2 (for experts only): Don't do it yet.

Why do non developers always think we devs don't have a life outside of work?

We have a life people. We do other things as well

We don't do that here

I really feel like coding right now, but I don't have time. Problem is: when I do have time and I have to code I probably don't want to anymore.

Yeah, this is why we don't do chaining...

I don't usually put comment in my code. But when I do, it's not relevant anymore.

I'm pretty sure my browser is always open when I'm using my linux machine because I always don't know how to do what I really want to do.

This is why I don't do web

The people at my new job don't do pull requests. Concern?

Quote £400 to do someones website, and then don't do it cause you didn't quote enough.

#FirstWorldDevProblems

Has it ever happened to you that you don't feel like doing anything at all? And you go in a loop of procrastination and then end up wasting just another day of your life?
I don't know how do I get out of this ...
don't feel I have a passion to do anything in life now 🥺

Why do you even bother writing docs if you don't include anything worthwhile in it!

Worst captcha i have ever seen:

I don't like WordPress. But my boss want me to do WordPress website...

I don't know what to say.
.
.
.
Yes I do, just some clarification: not my code.

My brain says " let's do something exciting today"

My body says " don't listen to that fool"

Q: Why do real JAVA programmers wear glasses? {0_0}
A: Because they don't C#. {-_-}

If you want to be a dev, don't buy a house. Or if you do buy a house don't do DIY. Or if you do the DIY, do it badly so you don't have to do it again.

I want catch previous developer and cut his finger off. If you don't know hot the job should be done don't do that job.

For whatever ungodly reason my containers library, which has extensive testing, profiling, and benchmarks against other containers libraries receives regular emails directed towards me about it, always one of two things

1) "don't reinvent the wheel" I have to assume these people haven't looked at the performance characteristics or features at all. I didn't waste away weeks of my life. I needed something and couldn't find it anywhere. I'm outperforming many crap implementations by nearly an order of magnitude, and can offer queries upon the containers in both generalized and specialized forms. As an analogy, I made airless 3d printed wheels, and people are regularly telling me I should still be using ancient wooden spoke wheels; they probably would argue in favor of using a horse drawn carriage as well. How is it possible technically minded people can also be so anti-progress?

2) "Please rewrite this in X language." You know what? YOU rewrite it. I chose what I did because it made it easy to do what I needed to do. Hilariously, the languages I get asked to use most often, are the same who's containers libraries perform worst in the benchmarks.

Both sound like half baked developers trying to sound superior. Pull your head out of your ass and actually outperform me and others. I'm so fucking sick of this "all talk no action" bullshit.

Agile what? We don't do any of these. We just do sht our way. RIP

"Linux" - A latin word meaning "I don't do windows".

- Don McMillan

Micromanagement SUCKS. I don't know why people think it's the best way to do things.

I don't always test, but when I do I test in prod!

Python: We don't need interfaces except when we do

we get it relatives, you don't know what we do!!

I don't :< Honestly, it's just something I don't really think of and I either waste time or do actually work. No need to push myself

How to answer questions like "what do you do as hobbies?" when I don't actually have any hobbies?

When I try to impress someone by saying smart things but it backfires horribly.

i don't understand how to do my assignment at work. i don't ask anyone. and i'm crying. gonna get fired soon lol

when life gives you free coffee
go out in a caffeine coma

You know the configuration sucks if it's a one file, 10 K lines nginx reverse proxy configuration.

But what really really really sucks....

If the person who wrote it was a google craptastic copy pasta ninja.

For fucks sake, if you don't know what you are doing, just stop.

I've had this in so many rants, it's terrifying how many devs seem to be completely unaware of what they're doing Oo

This time, fuckwad ignored the basic principle of NGINX configuration: set the HTTP version for the proxy.

It's by default HTTP 1.0 - as HTTP 1.1 requires a Host Header _which you must set if not already present_.

The fuckwad had all kinds of scary optimizations enabled. Literally a bukkaka (not a typo) of <way too high value> and <too obscure configuration value that cannot apply here>.

But the most trivial thing, enabling HTTP 1.1 and keepalive. Nope.

Not in it.

It's funny how fast NGINX can be without the bukkaka of configuration values but HTTP keepalive enabled.

*me sits in the silent corner of the plushy pink room with soft walls*

!rant

I went out tonight. Before I knew it, all the songs being played were far beyond my youth, and I'm now sitting outside smoking cigarettes. Is this normal adulthood?

Co-worker told me my code isn't up to" standard" and I don't follow "relevant convention" because I don't use a space after declaring a class/function AND inside the parentheses:

Me: class MyClass(something):

Her: class HerClass ( something ):

How do you do this personally?

Whatever you do, just please don't run web server over DSL connection. Thank you

We don't need a designer. Our PMs can do it. *fires up lucidchart*

OK I'll wait!

Like I don't have anything urgent to do. 🤔

I don't understand why some boss or clients say "it's easy" but they don't do it themselves.

Hey guys and girls,

follow up rant on my apprenticeship situation. I talked to Jo (my trainer). I told him I need more supervision and either someone who teaches me the stuff I need to know to meet the requirements from Hugo (my department mananger) or some further education. Because otherwise I'm not able to write producion ready code. (Keep in mind: I'm a fucking trainee who started their apprenticeship 6 months ago!)
Jo is more than happy to help me and make sure I'll get everything i need. Sadly he has to speak with Hugo and get his ok.
Hugo thinks 2 das of school/week is enough training. (Regardless of the fact that we don't even learn the same languages there we use in our projects.) I told him that way I won't be able to finish my projects.
I hope he reconsiders. How should I learn if nobody's there to teach me? (My collegues are to occupied fixing bugs and implementing new features/ don't know the languages either.)

If Hugo keeps this mindset I have to contact the IHK (a german institution which keeps an eye on apprenticeships).

What do you do when you don't feel like doing anything?

Suddenly can't think of anything I want to do... But can't sleep either...

TIL

Bugs don't write themselves... I do 😕

Question: Do scientific programmers qualify as devs? If they don't, what part of the definition do they not fulfil?

I have absolutely no respect for developers who can't properly touch-type.

You don't see many cooks who don't know how to handle a knife, do you?

Fucking hate my robotics team they don't do shit.

I got the job but don't know how to do it. fml

ifnt (False):
//Don't something
elsifnt(True)
//Do something
elsent
//somethingn't

I just don't get it! How do you guys keep your filesystem clean? How do you organize!??!

can we just get rid of floating points? or at least make it quite clear that they are almost certainly not to be used.

yes, they have some interesting properties that make them good for special tasks like raytracing and very special forms of math. but for most stuff, storing as much smaller increments and dividing at the end (ie. don't store money as 23.45. store as 2,345. the math is the same. implement display logic when showing it.) works for almost all tasks.

floating point math is broken! and most people who really, truely actually need it can explain why, which bits do what, and how to avoid rounding errors or why they are not significant to their task.

or better yet can we design a standard complex number system to handle repeating divisions and then it won't be an issue?

footnote: (I may not be perfectly accurate here. please correct if you know more)

much like 1/3 (0.3333333...) in base 10 repeats forever, that happens with 0.1 in base 2 because of how floats store things.
this, among other reasons, is why 0.1+0.2 returns 0.30000004

Tell me you don't want to do technical support without telling me you don't want to do technical support

Why the hell people add me on LinkedIn for like no reason? Why do people do that?

I mean, "John Doe wants to connect". Ok, let's see, maybe I know him... "John Doe, Chemical Engineer living in Argentina"

WTH man? I don't know you, I don't work with chemicals, I don't live near Argentina, and we do not have anyone in common!

Unless you're a recruiter; if I don't know you and you don't specify why you wanna connect with me, I'll ignore your request.

Everyone talks about quality, but they don't know what it means/ don't want to invest the time to do things right.

Customers don't know what they want... How do you handle them?

QUEUE
me: don't do it
her: don't do it
hex: don't do it
the lobe: don't do it

brain: k-wèh-weh 😬

Do you ever feel like coding is like gambling, when working on personal projects? "Just one more small change, I'm sure it'll work after that"...suddenly it's 3am, the damn thing still doesn't run, I have a meeting at 9, and I hate myself.

"How do you do an NSLOOKUP?" Random developer today.... seriously, you've been a developer for two decades, and you don't know how to do an NSLOOKUP? Or at least how to Google to do an NSLOOKUP?

In the next three months, if I said jackshit about data science personal projects, you have my permission to backhand me into oblivion.

Need to stay on my current track...

Story time... (Not long though)

My current employment status is quite strange. Basically I'm a freelancer. My former boss asked me to throw a half paid job and include three days worth of work for free just because it would be convenient.

When I told him no way - he was very uppset and offended and told me how disappointed he was.

Lesson learned: If you work for free and offer to "help" someone out, it will mostly lead to more queries for free of charge gigs. Don't do it like I did. Fuck that shit, thanks for appreciating my effort.

Today is Mother's day. Don't forget to do something for your mom or S/O

TGIF & remember..

DO NO FUCKING PUSH TO PRODUCTION TODAY!
DO NOT FUCKING RELEASE A NEW VERSION OF THE CLIENT APP!
FUCK!!
have a nice weekend partners 🤗

I don't always use breakpoints, but when I do:

throw new Exception (debugMessage);

When your family v. 1.0 is very busy trying to enforce their outdated perspective regarding finding a compatible female of the human race for the purpose of tightly coupling by mutual contract and with hindsight of multiplication of inherited DNA sequence and genomes...

What do you do when you don't have any assigned work in office and idle for 2 weeks..?
I'm already frustrated. And I don't know to pretend I'm working infront of manager 😁

I just graduated and now I don't know what the fuck to do with my life

"RAID isn't backup"
"RAID is super not backup"
"Don't do RAID, do backups"

B-But I want to do backups... to a backup nas using RAID. No good?

Tell the client that's not possible do what him wants is so hard
Him don't understand

Do you guys listen to lo-fi when programming? I love it. If you don't what do you listen to? (I'm just curious)

I am trying to convince my friends to use signal so I can delete WhatsApp but they don't want to.
They don't really care about privacy.
Do you have any tips?

My PRs have way too much:

"I don't like this but..."

But it do...

Relax, don't do it.

Is it weird that I don't wanna live to be hundred, but I'd rather do everything I wanna do as soon as possible?

Sorry to ask something like this here, but my friends are dealing with their own shit and don't wanna bother them.

Fellow next to me asked how do I deal with assignments so quickly. I told him that I don't ask any questions and just do my work. He proceeded asking me questions during the entire session. They don't really listen do they?

I don't like any jokes and pranks. As I don't understand any of them (obviously, they mostly aren't space or cryptography related) I don't ever do any pranks...

So I fucked something up on Friday (midday) without realizing it just so I would work overtime to fix my mess while my co-workers are playing ps4...
Oh well. Don't do anything major on Friday. Ever.

Do y'all prefer rebase or merging workflows? I still don't understand the difference.

You ever agree to do something that you really don't want to do because you don't want to piss off the other person?

Like, I could've avoided doing this shit if I just were an asshole. Ugh

Age 20-25: Don't tell me what to do!!
Age > 25: Please tell me what to do.

What do we do when the WiFi dont work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
On Ubuntu 18.10

Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Build it from the source code

Stop fucking waste my time with background image, I'm a fucking backend developer you pice of shit. Reach into your pocket and hire a designer or Web developer, I don't care that I can do it too, I don't fucking want to do it.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet , keep looking .Don't settle 🙌

Felt like doing smthng dangerous and switched back to the light theme... Scariest moment of my life!

* Turbo C

I don't understand why do people still use it

Lately, when someone asks if I know how to do something that I totally know how to do, I just say no so I don't have to do it.

don't want to code.. don't want to do anything :(

Say no!
There's only so much you can do at once! Either do it well or don't do it at all

what to do with devs that don't review code?

That's not right...I don't think so, do you?

How do you find open source projects you want to contribute to? I'm trying to find projects I'm interested in but don't really know what to do.

I don't always test my code
but when i do,i do it in production.

I don't usually do tech support stuff... But when I do, I regret doing so.

OMG look at all the opportunities, all the stuffs I want to do and learn. Ooooh look at all the shitty stuffs I don't want to do, but I need to do, oohh noo.

Do you think elon musk will do good things to twitter? And do you think he will make some things open source? I don't think i want to see twitters source code