In a meeting after I explained that the user passwords will be encrypted before we save them in the database

Them: "Please don't do that, we don't want to change our clients data"

Me: " so we should save the clear text?"

Them: "Yes"

😒

Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.

I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:

M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.

Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:

M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.

At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?

There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:

M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.

DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.

I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.

PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.

echo "we don't do that 🤔"

How do you tell your family that you are currently developing a PornSite for a Client?

*Asking for a friend*

Note: I don't have friends

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Her: What's source control?

Me: Explain

Her: Why do we need that? I don't see a purpose

Me : You should try this app, its great!
Friend: What is about?
Me : A place where programmers and developers tell jokes and complain to each other
Friend : But you can do that i real life too
Me : But now you don't have to leave your computer to do that

dad: what the hell do you do again?

me 1st time asked: I'm a back end web developer, i write the code you don't see that makes things you do see work.

me 90,000th time: internet stuff.

me 83,881,178th time: computers!

Tips for using a programming language that requires typing:

Don't.

Tips for using Scratch:

Do.

- Words from our IT teacher

that feel when you see "contact the administrator" and you don't know what to do, because you are the administrator

So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.

Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#

Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Him: M.I.T!
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.

...7 months later...
(Yesterday)
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Me: *laughing*
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*

Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.

I'm logging my DevRant time as training ... I read all these dumb things that people do, and make mental notes so that I don't do the same thing. Best. Training. Ever.

My very first meeting with a new client:

Client: We need to launch in 6 weeks. Do you think you can hit that deadline?

Me: Do you have a spec for what needs to be done?

Client: No we don't.

Me:

How do you fix a bug in a badly written code?
You don't. You re-write that shit!

Don't BS your managers or peers about your understanding of a topic.

It is okay to not know something. It is not okay to pretend that you do.

I stopped drinking about five years ago.
That shit is poison yo.

Winners don't do drugs.

I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)

**Looking for a job**
Sees a posting saying 20+ years Linux experience....The hell, why don't you just get Linus to do that job...

Hired a dev with everything he asked for on interview.
Started on Monday.
Take half day leave on Tuesday.
Informed his resignation on Wednesday.

For fuck sake, please don't do that people. For your mother and grandmother and great great grandmother sake. Please just don't.

I don't do that often, but...

Agency: "Why don't you do more free work for us? When you do that we can give you better jobs for money?"

Me: "so if I do free work for you, I get to do paid work as a reward? ..you know that I am a freelancer, not your employee, don't you?"

*agencysulking*

Telling people I don't need GIT and prefer to do things via FTP for years. That is till today when I accidentally deleted everything.

sudo apt-get install git

!dev but fuck it.

Why do I al-fucking-ways try to stay nice to everyone? I don't want to 'hurt' anyone.

I fucking hate that about myself. 😡

me: do you know what is so great about UDP jokes?
you: No
me: the fact that i don't care if you got them.

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

One thing that I really hate is experienced programmers who don't threat newbies with kindness and act like "masters of everything"... Don't do that. :/

Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.

"How are you going to do that?"

"I don't know..."

"I need an estimate."

"40 hours."

"Why's it going to take that long?"

"I couldn't find the right stack overflow article."

How do I explain to my PM that I don't want to come into the office because I code better half naked surrounded by soda cans and several layers of cheeto dust

Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?

Me: computer science

GC: what does that entail?

Me: programming

GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that

In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years

Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?

"who is 'Drew Paul? And why do you hate him so much?"
"It's D-R-U-P-A-L, mom. And don't worry about it, you don't need that aggravation in your life."

Why the hell can't PMs understand "it's complicated" without asking for an explanation? EVERY time any dev has said that and they ask why, guess what follows?

Technical jargon they don't get.

Do they think we're lazy and trying to wiggle out of work? Do they not trust us? Do they think explaining it to them will somehow provide some insight that will make it less complicated?

Argh

Today I Learned that the Hooli logo, from Silicon Valley, exists in the FontAwesome library.

I don't know what to do with this information.

People ask me why I don't use Windows 10 anymore.

This.*

*(Yes I can opt out of all that but how many average users do a fresh install of Windows?)

I really don't get people that use their IDEs with white backgrounds. How do they manage to keep their eyes from frying?!

Neighbor: So what do you do for work?

Me: I'm a software engineer.

Neighbor: Oh I don't even know what that means. What exactly do you do?

Me: I write code for Fortune 500 companies while sitting on my couch in my underwear.

Aww SwiftKey, after two letters youre suggesting the right password, that's so nice of you...

Wait a minute... WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?

You're not a password manager and you don't do that with other passwords, what's wrong with you?

I honestly don't understand why some developers like to shit on other's preferences.

Don't like PHP? Fine, but don't give shit to somebody else for liking it or coding in it.

Not a fan of Javascript? That's cool, but do realize that there are people who enjoy coding with it and don't appreciate you talking shit about their preferences.

Don't like a certain framework? That's okay, but again, there are people who code with it so don't tell them that they shouldn't.

Just got a merge request to review. It's TERRIBLE

- 93 changes
- 23 commits
- includes multiple features
- includes new project configs
- includes refactoring

NO. Please don't do that.

Do smaller commits. One feature per MR. It will help you and the reviewer :D

"PR rejected because you didn't do localisation"
"Wait, is that a requirement?"
"Yes"
"But there is no localisation in any of the 10 repos in this project!"
"Yes"
"So how do I know if I am expected to..."
"You don't, until I reject your PR"

People that don't know what you do, think you're just a lazy introvert that sits on the computer all day

Rant

Told my boss I don't want to do the shit work. I need work that matches my job description.

He said ok. 🤷‍♂️

Don't buy the "We're bleeding edge, agile and embrace devops.". Those who proclaim that the loudest are the ones that think they do, but don't.

Oh, and any place that refers to employees as "tech ninjas" or "superstars" or anything cringy like that. Stay away.

This was more how to avoid shitty places. So to find a good place to work, use this statement in your search:

if (!<this_rant>)
{
... // maybe you're lucky
}

Mom: why haven't you been doing your computer science homework at home ?
Me : because you won't let me have a computer and I can't run the software I need on my school iPad
Mom: bull shit you can run it that iPad can do anything that you can do on a computer
Me : no you can't that's not even...*mom cuts me off*
Mom : don't talk back to me you just don't wanna do your homework
Mom: all computers are the same they just have different names
Me : that's not even true in the slightest... *gets cut off again*
Mom: shut up and do your damn homework
Me: 😐

Remember when I said don't launch on a Friday?

Coming into work on Monday with a broken site is exactly why we don't do that...

Now I get to deal with fixing this issue while also dealing with complaints from managers who act like I didn't warn them.

Inspiration for alcoholism.

I think I've got a working searx instance which I'd open up for the public.

NOTE: I cannot prove that I don't store anything because for that you'd need root access to the server which I won't give obviously. If you're not comfortable with that, just don't uses it.

I still have to do something for ip address logging anonymising or stripping, though. (nginx + CSF provided enough abuse prevention).

Tips on that?

I don't like how being an entrepreneur is glamorized these days.

People make you think that just starting a company will make you rich.

But we don't really pay attention to the hundreds of startups that fail each year. (And that could very well be you).

We only pay attention to those that do make it.

just got an email that they have a good opportunity for a -female- graduate of computer science where they don't require any programming or other skills. wtf
Do they want females just to up their fem statistics?

safe to say I did not reply, i am not unskilled and I don't want a job like that!

Idiots just prefer to berate you for using computer more than they do.

Fuck you. It's my tool that helps me do my job.

Don't compare me to some smartphone addicted teens.

Interviewer: Sell me this pen
He: Hey do you want to buy this pen ?
Interviewer: No
He: You might need it to write stuff
Interviewer: No, I don't need it.
He: Ok, no problem.. Bye
Interviewer: What are you trying to do?
He: Trying to be a part of a company that doesn't sell stuff to people they don't need or want ..
Interviewer:
He:
Interviewer: Please give my pen back..

Pressing every key on your keyboard because you don't remember how to open the boot option menu

You know we all do that.

While attending a class for mobile app development a couple of months back, the day the teacher (T) unveiled the class project:
T: You must build an Android app. You can do whatever you want.
T: Don't overcomplicate though. For example, online servers won't be valued!
T: But don't make it too easy. For example, don't make a tic-tac-toe. That won't be valued!
T: And remember, you must use device sensors, like the camera, GPS, accelerometer ...
T: But don't just throw the sensor functionality if it doesn't make sense in the app you're building. That won't be valued either!
T: You have one week to think and send me a proposal.
Me: What the fuck do you want me to do then?

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

Why don't people like Java? With only a year of AP comp sci for experience, I don't know enough about it to say I do or don't like it. But it's widely used, and is an official language of Android. Are the people hating on Java just people that don't use it? Or is there something about Java that people just genuinely despise?

Don't use angular js for something that u can do with jQuery

A pm once told me that the whole point of managing someone was to give them the stuff you don't want to do.

From that project I learned that he didn't like to take responsibility for his own fuck ups.

Rant!

When I'm in my "zone" working please for the love of god don't stand behind me staring at me and my screen, every time you do that you make me feel that my privacy is being raped and I can't do anything about it !!

It would seem that my most witty comments don't get as many ++ as the simple comments do.

Disappointing.

Me: Do you like the client?
Dude: Yeah! How did you make that?
Me: I... I...
Also me: SHIT I DON'T KNOW.

Me: 'alriiight let's run this code here'

Logs: 'lol the function you did is deprecated. how about you don't do that, and do the right thing instead'

What was the right thing?
I don't know. It's not on their documentation in their site.

Thanks, js devs :) you guys are the absolute best

"Just add X, it'll be easy!"

Well if it's that easy, why don't you do it yourself! 😑

Me : hey do you remember that c++ file ?
Him : which one ?
Me : the one with 69 if-else's and 420 switch cases ?
Him : oh yes I remember, but I don't remember, or do I ?
Me : -_______-

I hate fucking fellow students that don't do anything in collaborative projects...

Let's talk about input forms.

Please don't do that!

Setting time with the arrow buttons in the UI.
Each time change causes the page to re-fetch all the records. This is fetching, parsing, rendering tens of thousands of entries on every single click. And I want to set a very specific time, so there's gonna be a lot of gigs of traffic wasted for /dev/null.

Do I hear you say "just type the date manually you dumbass!"? I would indeed be a dumbass if I didn't try that. You know what? Typing the date in manually does nothing. Apparently, the handler is not triggered if I type it in manually/remove the focus/hit enter/try to jump on 1 leg/draw a blue triangle in my notebook/pray

Boss: "What have you told the client yesterday?"

Me: "Project progression and..... money?"

Boss: "Don't do that again. We will deal with them about that later, just tell them something technical that they will not understand."

Me: "??W????T?????F???"

Just saw this on FB..

Well I don't do much Webdev but that won't work for sure.

The first closing bracket ends the function Block -.-
Nice try Marketing team

"why do you like computers more than women" was a question my dad asked me today. that was a fucking curveball lemme tell ya

turns out my dad thinks i'm sexually attracted to computers as i don't flirt with women nor do I date.

I don't have a car, I don't have money, I like an hour from town, I have no charisma and I look like an unevenly-melted candle someone dropped into a bag of shaved 5 o'clock stubble. Of course I don't talk to people IRL.

105 pages of information security policy to read through before getting through onboarding that could have been summarized as: "This is 2022. Don't be an idiot."

Also 40 pages of code of conduct that could have been summarized thusly: "This is 2022. Everyone is offended by everything. Shut your cakehole, put your head down, don't make eye contact, and just do your job."

So we have Oncall system. Every month I get one working weekend.

Now senior engineers and lead are assholes. They think they can bully us. They are putting their Oncall work on our heads.

I refused to do it. But my partner in Oncall agreed to take up their weekend Oncall and in return they would do our weekday. I don't see how that is fair enough.

I refused to do it still. My partner apparently ended up doing it alone this weekend.

I don't FUCKING need to lick anyone's ass here! I don't FUCKING need to do these things to be in their good books! Waiting for the time when I saw GOODBYE TO THESE FUCKING ASSHOLEZZZZ

I found it funny that we're actually debugging our code on prod. (while the client is using the system)
Looks like I'm playing minesweeper. 😂

ps. will never do it again
pps. don't do it
ppps. you should not

As for programming: (will do a cyber one later)

Don't *ALWAYS* only study/learn programming solely for learning it as this can be demotivating at times, find a cool project to do and learn while developing that!

This is how I learned programming in a fun way :)

No I don't hack Facebook accounts 😒... Why do people keep asking that?.

Look, nano, I love you more than you could imagine but the fact that you make these shortcuts do what they do can fuck off...

CTRL+C = cursor position
CTRL+X = exit nano
CTRL+V = next page

I meant... *Sigh*... I don't fucking know anymore man...

Am I allowed to use an API from the government that they do not have publicly documented or explicitly said anyone can use BUT don't have any authentication on it?

"I got an issue on my pc, can you have a look?"

Sure, I'm afraid I don't know the solution to that, just google xxx and I'm sure there'll be something to fix it

"I don't know how to do that, that's way too complicated. Nevermind I'll take my old pc"

y tho...

- draw/write down your problem, You'll pretty much guarantee that you'll find the solution.
- don't overcomplicate how you program, do what works for you.

JIRA Push Notification: [Task] Assigned to <PM>
JIRA Email: [Task] Assigned to <PM>
Hangouts: <PM> I removed that task from you.
5 minutes later at my desk: PM: "Did you see my hangouts? You don't need to do that task anymore."

Recently in a project of mine people started to raise tons of issues and suggesting fixes "just slap this module on it", "just do this", "just do that". And no respect for the project whatsoever. Code contributions? Don't even think about it.

The users raising these do not know what language the project is written in, they do not know whether it supports modules at all (let alone that particular one), and they have no idea whatsoever what the code is like, or how this suggestion 99% of the time would not at all integrate with the overall structure of the project. And aside from all that, don't fucking tell me what to do with my project!

My question is, how do you deal with these people? All I can think of is "wontfix™️" or even "cantfix™️" in some cases. Given that this is an endless slew of users, anything long-term?

Did an app for my college.
Everyone liked the features in it.
But when it came to the money part, (I didn't ask the actual cost, I only asked then 10% of actual standard cost) they were like improve it more, do this do that ("for free").

I held onto "If you're good at something, don't do it for free".

Just wasted my time in developing that.

Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do

Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck

Me: oh ok, I will do that ...

I die a little when I see inline styles
Don't do that please

Do not wave you phone around during a video interview. Don't turn it upside down. Don't put keep your hand near it -- I am not interested in your finger nails. Don't pace around. Don't look like a YouTuber that has no idea what they are doing on a video conference.

That is all.

*tries learning cpp after python*

My code all the time: we don't do that here

A rule of of thumb that I use when it comes to security is "don't do it yourself, use a library"

"Customer's customer needs important thing ASAP!!!!"

"Ok wut"

"X, Y, Z!"

"Sounds good, we can do that, for what customer's customer!?!?"

"uhhhhhhh"

The volume of really important shit that we don't have details on is too damn high...

I'm absolutely loving the fact that my university is making me take their intro to programming course this fall when I've taken 5 programming classes in high school and already have intro to programming credits from a different university. Did I mention that I passed the AP Computer Science exam before taking even more courses? Do they not understand that I do in fact understand how to use recursion(the most advanced topic in their intro course) and don't need to spend a semester relearning what I already know? For Christ's sake they don't even get into OOP in that course.

I really don't like billing time for things I am not really sure how to do and need time to educate myself on. This happens more often than my wallet is comfortable with and I spend more time learning than making money. How do you go about staying in an estimate or fixed budget when something comes up that you don't know anything about?

Fucking asshats, don't understand difference between people who do what..

Fucking asshat wants me to edit this image to his preference, I'd happily do it if I knew it how to...but noooooo he wants to convince me that I can do it without even knowing what or how to do...

That's like asking a plumber to fix my car...

Don't think I could love IT anymore then I do now! Currently and intern and was stressing a small bit about what I wanted to do after college (i.e. web development, mobile development, security) then came to the realisation that I can do whatever i want. I don't think any other profession has such a freedom within industry and that is why love IT so much. Looking forward to many more years of learning and developing my skills

Reinstalling my linux partition and... Oh whoops.. ... ...
That was the windows partition.. ...
*face palm*

Well I guess that's gone forever now...

I should have learned by now that I don't multitask well... Note to self: Don't talk on the phone and re inst... Scratch that... Note to self: Do one damn thing at a time dummy..

Recently (last 6 month) I am getting a feeling like I don't know what to do in my life. I don't have any short and long term plan for my life. No ambition and no will power to do anything. procrastinating all task and doing them when there is no time.

Recently I was offered equity in my company and I don't know if I want that. I don't have any answer to any question in my life.

Does anyone know what to do?

The EU is planning to put a law in place that prevents unlimited scrolling of media content.
I don't know how they're going to do this.
I don't know whether I support this.
I don't know who recommended this.
But it was favoured by the majority when it went to vote.

Why do people keep saying that Alexa is spying? Don't they have a smartphone, Smart Tv, Laptop, SmartWatch or something like that? Of course, Amazon, Google, ... collect your data, but why is that a new thing for them?

Code review?......... what's that?

Joke apart, We literally don't do that in my workplace, only few people care about code quality and what they are pushing to production

To all of us who procrastinate. Here is my new thinking that is making me slightly more productive! I would guess we all agree that the work is fucked up. But what we need to be productive, is an ego big enough to think that we are the only one smart enough to fix it! Just let your ego go!

Why code that project? Because other people would do it wrong! You fuck up the project? Fuck you, do it right or it won't be done right! My internal monologue from now on!

Does this mean I don't ask for help? Of course I ask! So that I can learn it, realise the other person is an idiot, then do it right using their technology!

If you don't do what you are planning to do, nobody will! Also most of the worlds problems can be solved with money, so that is why we should get rich. To fix the problems of the world.

Hope it helps someone :)

That feel when its monday and you know have a lot of work to do, but you don't seem to have any mood on coding...

time to disturb my coworker

We don't do that here

Need to implement something huge on a app that I'm working on.
The design team is not from my company.

All the design that I have is in a PDF that I can't extract the images and they are low res.

How the actual fuck do they expect me to do a good job if I don't even have the design and assets to work with

Let's do a REST API interface for our webapplication that is incomplete at funcional level!!!

Let's assist people and companies that can't understand what arguments must be passed, even if we don't know too!!!

This is AGILE!!!!

Have you ever felt like you don't want to fall asleep?

I do feel that quite often but I don't know why.

Has it ever happened to you that you don't feel like doing anything at all? And you go in a loop of procrastination and then end up wasting just another day of your life?
I don't know how do I get out of this ...
don't feel I have a passion to do anything in life now 🥺

My brain says " let's do something exciting today"

My body says " don't listen to that fool"

! Rant

Quick tip for those of you struggling with a error or bug you can't fix.
But that doesn't effect functionality.
Just wrap the code inside a try catch block and don't do anything inside the catch 😂😂. Saved me a lot of hours in my projects.

Nah I'm joking. Don't ever do this

I don't like others to know that i'm a programmer. Do you agree or why shall they know? It just changes their opinion on you.

Getting a ticket that a feature is having problems when you triple-click it. Otherwise it works fine.

I'm so close to write them simply back: "Then don't fuckin do it?"

Don't remember who but someone here told me once, when I mentioned that I do java now, "wait till you get to reflection..."
Well it's time to suffer

Ever have one of those days where you're just:

"Man i don't want to get into THAT right now, don't know why but I just don't...."

Then a task jumps out at you.

"Oh shit that, yeah I want to do that!"

I don't know what the difference is but sometimes one task seems more motivating for no reason at all.

Oriented Object design class today, introducing inheritance with squares-rectangles and circles-ellipses.

No don't do that.

It's the worst example ever. It does not work. Just no, stop

That moment when you don't want to quit your job because of your cute crushes 😍 in your company and this motivates you to do even better every single day.

Sitting next to my friend's client listening to her bitch. "I asked him to build me a website. I don't have the time to tell him what to put on it."

I interject. "You are tattoo artist. Don't you have a portfolio?"

She replies "Yeah. Can't he do that?!"

The panic when I overhear my colleague in a meeting "sure I can test it in prod but we normally don't do that..."

I want catch previous developer and cut his finger off. If you don't know hot the job should be done don't do that job.

I took apart 2014 Mac Mini today. I don't wanna ever do that again. It was horrible experience.

Also fuck Torx TR6 screws.

I have never noticed before that there is only one letter difference between 'rpm' and 'rm'... Don't ask how do I know now

Every fucking time I explain why we should do things according to X and instead of giving arguments I'm only presented with "that won't work here" ...
Every time we are on a hurry because we don't do X ...
Every time we are delayed because we don't do X ...

I get less and less motivated to be here...

Soon they won't hear me saying anything and will keep wondering why everything just melted after I left...

Product Managers: I know what users want! They want 10 different things stuffed into 1 piece of software that does nothing well because I don't understand budgets, timelines, or scope.
Everyone else: How about we do 1 thing, and do that well.

*Filling out unit test plan for tester which is an Excel Document*
*Excel keeps trying to correct capitalization on a word that I want capitalized over and over*

LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT! If I didn't want to capitalize that word I wouldn't have capitalized it! Just do what I tell you to do! YOU ARE A PIECE OF SOFTWARE! YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Some people just don't get it. When you meet friends who are either non technical or very new to programming, all they ask you is what language do you use.

The language is important but not everything. It's what you do with it that matters. Just because you know python, doesn't mean that you can do machine learning. Even simply asking what do I do is better than that!

The language is just a tool! Learn to be language agnostic please. Be a programmer, not a code monkey

::This app says you need at least 3GB RAM.

::> delete everything there, I don't need anything.

:: uaaaaa.... you can't (long pause... ) do that.

::> I don't need anything from the laptop, delete everything and make the app run.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (he had 2GB ram)

Do you guys swear 😏, I do a lot about tech but I don't see anyone on here doing that

Nothing like shit I just shocked myself

Or mother fucking ie die in a hole

You know the usual

It sucks to realize that none of ur work leaders appreciate the efforts you and ur team are doing even though they don't give u the necessary materials to do ur job.

Lesson: no matter what u do, theres always gonna be ungratefuls out there.

I love most of the usernames here, I really like how most choose funny names related to developing or what they do, don't you also like that fashion?

So, I apply for a job and they send me an automated email with my username....and my pasword....in plain text...I should use a different password for my applications....

I do not think that GoTo is bad. It can lead to hellish code but if you don't misuse it - it can be extremely useful.

Sure, client. Go ahead and add a button to your website that proclaims to do something, but then don't bother hiring a developer to make it do that thing when clicked. It'll all happen by Maaaaaagic!

Goddamit now that school's started I don't have time to code any more. Why can't I just not do school and code all day gahhhhhhhhhhh

Magento 2.

If you've worked with it, you know why.
If you don't know why, do yourself a favor and keep it that way.

Why the hell people add me on LinkedIn for like no reason? Why do people do that?

I mean, "John Doe wants to connect". Ok, let's see, maybe I know him... "John Doe, Chemical Engineer living in Argentina"

WTH man? I don't know you, I don't work with chemicals, I don't live near Argentina, and we do not have anyone in common!

Unless you're a recruiter; if I don't know you and you don't specify why you wanna connect with me, I'll ignore your request.

On a shitty day where your brain doesn't work, have you ever looked at some code you wrote, and actually get intimidated by whatever version of you wrote that? After stumbling around most of the day, read some beautiful code, I admired it, then realized, holy shit, I wrote this?

"Yeah, I don't know who that was, it looks great, how the fuck did I do that, and will I ever be able to do it again"

Like, I don't think I can, definitely not today, write anything even close to that.

bleh.

Please, share your website backup strategies and practices - I have a simple php/mysql webapp and files don't actually have any backup other than the fact that they're also saved in a dropbox, and for DB I have a cron job that will export it daily and send it to my email.

How do you do it? How large are sites/app that you're backing up?

I don't know what's wrong with me..

Within one day I basically lost interest in everything I do. I just don't see the point of all this anymore.

And the bad thing is, that I don't even know where that comes from so suddenly, everything is going fine, but still.. Life just feels like pain at the moment.

Don't want do drag down someone else with me and I sincerely apologise if it's too late to mention it at this point, just hope that maybe someone here can understand what's going on or give me some advice on how to fix my situation.

My current boss.. and CTO.. both are great & really laid back, they don't fuss about smoke breaks and are both keeping me in line so that I don't do much overtime (I am a freak for fixing stuff that gets easily consumed by the code)..

Do you think anyone at Google has ever used a mouse to scroll through Google calendar? I don't - otherwise, they'd see that it's unbearable. That API sure is great, though.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

Does anyone know of a advertisement service that donates to charity directly? I'd like to put ads on my site, but I don't wanna do it manually

You do not own your companies code. Of you hate working at your job, don't let the feeling of responsibility for the codebase keep you there. I keep learning that lesson.

"I don't think we should be playing with our privates {variables} like that" - framework designer

= context =
It was noticed that we have too many setter functions to change private variables just to do unit tests. So we had a small meeting to discuss what to do about this.
Options:
- don't do the test
- ignore till another time (ie: keep the functions till its a problem)
- put the variables into a provider
- use reflection (the above quote was a reaction to this option)

I use Google for anything I don't know ,
Does that mean I'm a bad programmer?
If so , if I memorize everything I googled once , will I be a good programmer ?
How do good programmers find the solution? Do they try everything ? Kinda brute force ?

I just don't understand why people use the try-catch on calling a method that will throw exceptions just to ONLY re-throw it again, what would you do that for? :(

I just transformed a sorting command that was seven lines long into an ungodly abomination that was about 70 lines.
We don't do these things because they are easy, we do them because we thought they are easy.

I will always remember that phrase and might never find out who came up with it.

Don't get dependent on desktop apps. Learn to do everything on the command line. That way it doesn't matter what machine you're using.

Which keyboard for programming?

Chiclet or mechanical ?

Sorry, I don't want to start a debate but, always preferred laptop keyboard, and now getting a workstation(gonna do programming on that)

Don't you just love estimating the story points of a ticket that is completely irrelevant to your role. How do I estimate work that I have never done in my life? 🙄

People that contact me through LinkedIn trying to sell me some marketing shit or asking me about some issue with the service provided by a company that I started but with which I don't have any relation whatsoever since October 2016, which by the way is pretty clearly stated in my LinkedIn profile,…

DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ??? Stop pestering me about that company. I don't have anything to do with it, I can't do anything about it and, even if I could, I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO.

Friends do have their uses after all.

Me: I'm still trying to find a to-do app I actually like.
Friend: Don't you make software for a living?
Me: More of a help desk monkey but yes.
Friend: Why don't you just make the app you want?
Me: Because it hadn't occurred to me that I could probably do that until now.

Time to go read up on android development and java.

I get the opportunity to talk with a pro today:

"Pro": hey do you know how to use tool X?

Me: well I've used it sometimes for simple stuff but I've always wanted to learn more advanced stuff.

"Pro": let me show you
*repeats the basics that are available in every single online tutorial and are tbh pretty obvious*

Me: yeah I know that but how do you use function A with option B under circumstance C? (Because I've encountered that recently)

"Pro": Oh... emm... I don't know. I don't think you'll ever need that use case tho

Is it weird that I don't wanna live to be hundred, but I'd rather do everything I wanna do as soon as possible?

Sorry to ask something like this here, but my friends are dealing with their own shit and don't wanna bother them.

Windows 7 or Windows 8.1? Which one do I fresh install on my laptop?

Don't suggest Linux cuz I already have an Ubuntu Dual boot.
Don't suggest Windows 10 cuz I'll find you and murder you.
You may suggest Windows 8 so that I may judge you.

What do i do?

I worry about problems that don't exists yet. Look for breaches that are not made. And am pissed off at things that are slow but I've never used them.

Fellow next to me asked how do I deal with assignments so quickly. I told him that I don't ask any questions and just do my work. He proceeded asking me questions during the entire session. They don't really listen do they?

I don't think meeting are bad nor good, it's like weapon, it's what we do with them that decide.

also, it's pretty easy to kill someone with it

I don't know about you guys but I feel like I should be dating a female coder ^^" what do you think about that ?

I am evolving as a Software Enginner by doing the work of the other people around me that don't do shit.

You ever agree to do something that you really don't want to do because you don't want to piss off the other person?

Like, I could've avoided doing this shit if I just were an asshole. Ugh

"You'll be doing X, and be sure to test everything you do. But we don't do unit testing. They aren't paying us for that."
- PM to intern coming via college (it's like a forced internship that counts as another subject for the degree).

Mine actually don't know shit about what I do but they don't try to describe it either. One day I told my father that as a personal project I was making a little script to fetch song lyrics and assign them to the music files I have in my library. Well he was all surprised like "Wow, and you can do that sort of thing?". Well, yeah, what do you think I've been studying during all those years? 😁

How to get answers on StackOverflow without getting attacked by ferocious developers:
1) Ask your question before 2012
2) Upload as many details as possible. (Send your entire PC by mail is reccomended)
3) Be as specific as possible. Just repeat your question indefinetly changing the wording a little bit.
4) Don't ask for code examples. If you ask stupid questions it's obvious you are an expert developer and know how to implement stuff... right?

Most importantly respond politely to all of these traditional stackoverflow answers:
"Did you at least google it?"
"You need to be more specific"
"We can't spoon feed you"
"You shouldn't do that thing that way, I personally prefere this way and nobody can change my mind"
"You don't have enough experience to do that thing, don't do it"

I take an excessively long, hot shower the day before.

>but don't you already do that on a almost daily basis?

Yes

To create a really amazing OSS, I don't even care if anyone uses it or if it becomes popular or anything, I just want to do it to prove to myself that I don't need to get paid to write good code, I can do it to make the world a better place too.

This has really been my main goal for a long time now, sure I've written some a few OSS but I don't consider them up to that standard yet, but I am working on something right now that will get close if I ever manage to finish it and if it is well written.

The problem with drinking alone is that there always comes that time where you're just drunk enough and don't feel like you can get more statisfaction from drinking more...

What do you want body, I wanna get wasted

I don't really remember... That can mean one of two things... It was to long ago... Or don't know how to do it yet... I do remember my first programming class, when my teacher said, "you just need to do a printf ..." And I asked, "what is that?" He looks at me, eyes wide open, for a huge amount of time, and then left without answering...

a side note, it was university class.

Serious question, why do people prefer vim or emacs? I understand that they have alot of shortcuts and what not but so do other editor. Just curious. Don't kill me

token auth woes

I am fed up of doing shitty token authentications that don't refresh and are database dependent. what's the good way to do token auth for rest APIs? json-web-token?

Lately, when someone asks if I know how to do something that I totally know how to do, I just say no so I don't have to do it.

I don't usually tell my extended family that I work remotely but when I do, I have to explain what I do, how I do it and how did I get it.

Working remotely is very rare where I'm from. I only know one other guy does work remotely and thats it.

TAP ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS FOR A RIGHT CLICK!!! ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS !!! NOOO NOT THE TOUCH PAD RIGHT CLICK DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!

NO NO NO DON'T DO THAT...
DON'T SCROLL BY HOLDING THE LEFT BUTTON AND DRAGGING...

TWO FINGERS SLIDE TO SCROLL

BARBARIANS ALL OF U

Would you work overtime when the bos give some mod when project nearly meet the deadline.?

I want to do it, but if I work on it the bos don't pay me and later on he will do that again and again..

what to do with devs that don't review code?

I want you to make that dream become a reality, because if you don't, you will be working for somebody else to make their dreams become a reality.

Listen to me, if it was easy, everybody would do it. There are people right now who are working who don't want to work. There are people who hate their jobs, but they keep getting up to do it.

I'm here to tell you, number one, that most of you say you wanna be successful but you don't want it bad, you just kinda want it. You don't want it badder than you wanna party. You don't want it as much as you wanna be cool.

So what I'm telling you is, when you want something bad you can't count the cost. Because if you count the cost and you see how much it costs. You might quit, you might give up. So you gotta go in knowing that I don't count the cost.

You just do whatever it takes, to get whatever you want! Boom! 👊 😎 👍

And there are still people saying that stack overflow is the best site to ask questions. Interestingly, when you do a question, you get criticize for the title given to the question and they don't give you a real answer. And what about people that comment on your question, saying you that they don't understand the question??? Clearer than so what do you want ??? A pinch in the ass???? FUCK ALL THIS SHIT

working in a single file, not separating stuff properly. I don't do that for work related stuff, but I'm very lazy when it's a personal project

That big moment of relief: had a project idea I was way too excited about, that involved a bunch of things I have no idea how to do. I don't have any spare time to do the project, but I wanted to do it so bad. Turns out there already is quite a good version of what I wanted to do. Now I don't have to worry about when and how to do it.

For the curious ones: I wanted to use an AI to detect grains and scratches on old images and have it automatically assume from the areas next to it what color they should be filled in with.

Whenever I have a task that I don't really want to do but I have to I make a rule for myself that I won't touch my favourite personal projects until the annoying task is done. That way I have an ensentive to work on it.

So far in my new job, a colleague that refuses to use Xdebug and contractors that don't document anything they do.

Saw this quote and I felt like maybe it is not just me that needs to see this today :)

“Don't let perfection become procrastination. Do it now.” - Danielle LaPorte

Don't do stickers even take the amd sticker off. Why make yourself standout where people bug you to ask questions? After all the nail that sticks out gets hammered.

Taking my company's Security training... One of the rules was don't download unauthorized programs.

Find except we're devs so if we really need a program we could write our own that does the same thing

But yes lots of things mentioned we shouldn't do that well I think any sane person would do...

Wondering are they trying to make everyone quit or is this like double speak?

Do all companies do this?

When your client is right and you're happy because of that.

Your company says that something is not possible just because they don't want to do it, and the client replies saying it IS possible and a way of implementing it.

Do they fucking use politics to elect the coordinator ?
What the fuck! First it was project managers that give you shitty requirements they themselves don't understand.
Now is being lead by a coordinator that don't know the fuck about anything related the field.
I guess I will just stop the f programming and join politics full team.

Holy shit I don't understand Rust's module system. Package I have not a single clue what it is... It "can contain one library crate and multiple binary crates". What? Okay so a crate is a collection of modules. Great, now how do you define modules? `mod whatever {}` probably. Then what the hell does `mod whatever;` do?? Import a module from a file with the same name (ignoring the fact that modules and files don't seem to have anything to do with each other). But why `mod` to import? How does that differ from `use`-ing a module? What is any of this??

What do you do when you wake up feeling that you don't want to work today, and you don't have any clear reason for that, you force yourself to go or you take day off, and why?

Okay, I have to ask it here, because I don't know how to ask on SO so I don't get banned.
I have a user mode driver (a dll and an inf file). How do I load it (aka call DllMain)? Do I have to install it first so it shows up in device manager? How do I load it then? No, there is no physical hardware involved, it's all software.
I've been searching for an answer for days, but when to comes to driver development, I'm such a noob that I don't even know what to look for.

Why do my parents instantly forget anything they "learn" related to computers?! Like how my mom keeps forgetting how to do stuff in PowerPoint. And especially how she keeps forgetting that "I'm not a PowerPoint expert, I don't use it, and I would have to read and try some buttons just like she should do."

Win 95 launch party...why don't we do it like that any more??!?!

Have you ever envied someone that they know more technologies than you? (e.g they know a couple of frameworks that you don't have any idea about)

If you do, what is your response in this situation and why?

You thinking that your parameterised query will work on the server.

PHP: we don't do that here.,

My biggest insecurity is that people will one day find out that I am not good enough!
I write clean code and do all the shit around it but I don't feel good enough.
Imposter syndrome is for real, sometimes!

Having one of those moments where you have so much to do that you don't even know where to start, so you don't. fml

Do you always make sure to understand the basics/fundamentals of a technique/solution/tool/.. you're using ?
I don't do it all the time and I feel that it's something I should do more often (or always?).

If you ever get tasked with something you don't know how to do, know that it is never your fault. The management, team lead or HR screwed up.

"If you need motivating words, don't do it!"

It means that,

"If you are discouraged by someone telling you not do it, then you weren't probably meant to do it in the first place."

senior: i don't know css well (which is fine as i don't either), but i want you to do this differently and their suggestion doesn't work, so go figure it out

that working stuff we have on the PR? nah

fml

My friends don't understand what it's like to be a dev so when I ask for times/arrangements they think I'm just being a prick about it. Sometimes I ask for specific times because I have to do pull requests and what not and I want to arrange it to maximize little downtime but because none of these guys are Devs they don't understand. How do I help these guys understand that me asking for specific times isn't about me being a prick, it just has to do with work because when I tell them that they don't get it