HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Too many people expect me to work for free lately...

I don't remember how many times I've wanted to do this..

Q: Why did the databases administrator leave his wife?

A: She had one-to-many relationship

One of the many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn.

Why do I create free services (at least free for now)?

Because one of my biggest dreams is to create a service which will be used by many many people.

A man can dream, right?

😞

My sons homework:
Matt received 5 apples. He had eaten 3.
Question: how many apples left for him?
My son said 2.
NO! We don't know how many apples he has before. Remember to asaign 0 to variable!

One of many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn!

One of the many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn!

So, I took 4 weeks vacation. I planned to finish so many projects and learn so many stacks.

First 3 weeks:

!rant
I had to do this xD

The worst part of being a developer?

So many ideas, so many possibilities... But so little time to do all of it. :'(

One of many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn!

One of the many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn!

Web devs are like autocorrect:
- You're needed but never told you are
- You're great at your job, but everyone complains about your few faults
- You learn more as you work with the client
- You improve little by little every day
- Your buttons are pushed a lot
- You use new technologies when you can

How many references does it take to crash Java?

Null

8 am, got in to work, everything has exploded overnight. The servers are dead, the scripts aren't running, everyone has panicked. So many emails.. So many Skype messages. I wish I wasn't the only one who can fix it. Send help (and coffee).

Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Yes.

Just had a massive clear out of useless tabs i had open. its been so long since I've seen blank space in my tab bar :')

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, because developers are sensible and rational people.

Personal project coding cycle:

- Because to many libs, too many ways, to many choices

I still keep these to show my to kids one day. I wonder how many of you remember this?

I envy windows users, so many opportunities to shine on devRant... sad linux user

I've forgotten how many times I've had to fix my USB because of this...

Too many side projects that you have lost motivation to continue or no time to complete :(

So many open tabs that Goole chrome fails to count them

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just change the environment to dark.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, that's a hardware problem.

Many of my friend wanted to be a "programmer" but instead they became "pro gamer"...smh

I built an infinite scroll module today that loaded in more content when you scroll down. Issue was it sent a request for every pixel you scrolled.

Needless to say, many, many, many Ajax requests were sent to the server. Oops.

I normally don't care for many memes, but I felt this one was too true to me.

Me: *tells manager that we have too many meetings*
Manager: *schedule a meeting to explain why we need many meetings*

Too many people didn't give a chance to MS Edge

How many bites do you need to eat an int?
Four.

Q: Why did the database administrator leave his wife?

A: She had one-to-many relationships.

Just managed to crash my laptop by opening too many tabs in chrome :/ I have 16gb of RAM

Estimating how many hours is needed to complete the project.

How many devs does it take to fix a light bulb?
None, it's a hardware problem.

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

How many of you guys want to shoot your clients if you get a chance?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This is my go to commit message when there are so many changes.

I finally slept through the night. I have so many reports to do, and so many follow ups, but I got more than 3 hours of sleep.

That moment when you have so many ideas but no idea how to code them...

How many lightbulbs does it take to screw a dev?...

Forget it, I'm drunk.

Many kudos to the guys behind devRant for incrementally adding features that actually work out of the box.

It's nice wanting to follow the best practice but many Java programmer have the bad habit to overdo it making lasagna code which causes painful headaches to who needs to maintain it afterwards. This is just a little sample of the "paranoia driven development" many does in my company.

I'm curious to know how popular DevRant actually is, like how many total users there are, how many rants there are in total, how many users visit the app/site on a daily basis, any chance on this info dfox?

I get anxious because I have so many things I want to learn 😑

Getting to test the defibrillator today! Sending shocks. I wear many hats.

How many programmers dose it take to change a lightblub?

None, it's a hardware problem.

Worst CMS: Joomla.
Worst IDE: Eclipse.
Worst language: Python 2. (Python 3 brought many improvements to many annoyances there)

Q : How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, that's a hardware problem.

Many thanks MySQL. Really a good way to implement a driver. Go fuck yourself.

How many of you prefer to use command line applications over a GUI?

Am I the only one who thinks that with all the scripting languages starting programming becomes to easy and so learning really good programming is getting nearly impossible because every tutorial is made for total n00bs and every forum is full of: hey my hello world programs isn't working?

Ps:I have no problem with people starting programming with languages like c# and python, I think just there are too many people saying that they are programmers just because they wrote hello world.

Pps: sry 4 my English.

So much to do, so many side projects gathering dust, so many new things to learn.....tomorrow

How many of you know what this is?
It's what gives me energy to code all day long!

Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it's a hardware problem.

@dfox can you please implement a gang feature? Someone assigns an hashtag to some people and everytime this hashtag is called, the team members get a notif.

Adittionally, maybe you could add gang stats (how many new rants, how many times the hastag was mentioned etc...)

"All it needs to do is keep my fucking beer cold"

So many companies could learn from Gilfoyle!!

because too many cucksters bought overpriced 4000$ up to 8000$ MacCuck Pros ;)

I’ve been making so many crochet things to give as gifts to coworkers during an offsite.

Code quality check punishes writing massive documentation strings due to "too many lines of code"

FML

How many failures
Does it take
To achieve
Just one
Success

I was finally moved to a production project after 2 months in my internship.

Almost had a heart attack after seeing the source code. Thousands of lines of code. So many files. So many things to understand.

I hope I don't lose my brain before getting a stress ball :(

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!

How many JS frameworks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sometimes I write so many comments that it's hard for me to read the code :/

AHH! There's so many cool things to program and so many ideas! not enough time to learn. Right now I'm trying to create my first mobile game in Unity using C# and a note taking app for Android with Java, it's melting my head!

Worked so many hours on a bug. Some manager thinks my code is too complicated. He asked my coworker to take my pr, then remove all logic that handles many edge cases. Now the shit is merged 😂. I hate my job

For anyone wondering "rm -rf /" on a jailbroken iOS 12 deletes many of the system apps and services but device is still kind of usable without too many crashes, still managed to set boot nonce and restore (thank god).

Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yes.

Are 4 cups of coffee ☕ to many for a day? Thinking to drink tea to do not abuse of coffee...

"How many cars, do you think, are in the city?"

I am here to code, not count traffic.

This is happening to me many times.... Who else has the same!

Professor: "I've been using java for many, many years and know close to everything."

Student: "How do I compile my code on the unix server?"

Professor: "uhh.... I don't know."

Let's start hiring people who actually know what they're doing.

When a co-worker casually tells another co-worker "We're going to have so many merge conflicts"

Just bought this little guy. Many friend hate this mobile and it's fun to piss people off.

So, how many are rushing to get 2000 ++ to unlock the New Collab feature in devrant....!!!!!

Just want to see the subway schedule...
Why so many transport companies continue to use windows?

So many things to do, so little motivation.

How many programmers does it take to change a light-bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

Greetings and so many rants from my trip to Shanghai!!!! 😉

How many HTTP requests does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

“...lightbulb is not responding.”

Yeah there used to be so many "hackers" at school😒😒

Just wondering how many of us, devs, smoke to eliminate code stress.

How many devs does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.

Assigned to completely new project. Whole day researched and now give report how many lines of code written.

When the guy with his master's who's job you were told you weren't qualified for performed the following all in one query:
1. A massive many to many join on a 4 million row table.....to itself on in inner query through a linked server.
2. Decides to try and join this massive inner query (see step 1) to another table on a second many to many join.
3. Writes a function for month. Yes instead of month(literallyadate)

Then this guy emails me to ask if I can optimize it because we yelled at him for trying to insert 216 GB of data into a table (again on a massive many to many joined disaster). We told him if a query was taking more than 40 minutes we needed to see it.

I regret saying that now...should have just bought more space ;)

New to here, hello guys, how are you doing? How many bugs you fixed today?😂

So many S3 rants. Go to cloud they said..

The very first sentence in my profile on many freelancing and networking sites is "I am not looking for a full time job at the moment!" I still get fat to many job offers from recruiters, who apparently cannot read.

Just love when LinkedIn lets me know how many recruiters in Russia want to be my friends.

Last year I planned to start a startup. I've started many good things but not the startup yet.

* A new data format
* A new data type
* A new web framework
* A new concept for logging
* And many other opensource tools and libraries

"We have far too many features to write to deal with tech debt right now"

When the new intern keeps asking too many questions to try to be too enthusiastic

Many devs like GoT so it would have been rude not to post this.

Like many things in life, it's hard to appreciate white space until it's gone.

I'm curious:

How many of you that drive listen to the radio? How many stream their music (Spotify, Apple, etc)?

After many teeth clenching failed deployment to production attempts and finally realizing I forgot didn't add ssh keys

Why the hell is JS so terrible, and why do so many people resort to using is as a back end. So many packages, so many outdated dependencies. My coworkers and friends have heard me rant about my constant frustration with this terrible setup.

I understand the need for dynamic html but why have we bastardized this language to the extent we have.

Keep your projects up to date, it saves people a lot of trouble in the future.

Why so many recent questions about which code editor to use?

P.S. Nice to see vscode getting some recognition.

IT'S CAPS RANT TIME!
MYSQL ERRORS ARE SO USELESS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I JUST WANT TO ADD A FOREIGN KEY BUT 'Cannot add foreign key constraint' KEEPS COMING UP, AND THE STACK OVERFLOW ANSWERS INDICATE THAT IT COULD BE -LITERALLY- ANYTHING!

THIS IS OF COURSE, AFTER PHPMYADMIN GIVES ITS OWN ERRORS FOR TRYING TO USE THE DESIGNER TO ADD THE RELATION. IT ONLY WANTS UNIQUE FOREIGN KEYS, DESPITE ONE OF THE MAIN USES OF FOREIGN KEYS BEING MANY-TO-MANY AND ONE-TO-MANY RELATIONS!

I got really depressed today for many many self-inflicted reasons so i'd like to propose we change Rule 2 of Technology to "You will fuck up, and when you do, you will fuck up REALLY REALLY HARD."

I need help understanding GitHub culture. How many stars do you say is equal to 1000 Instagram likes?

I've read so many "best practices" on every topic just to come to one conclusion: it depends.

So how many of you wake up dreading going to work?

Try to write a GF class.
Too many extends..

I installed an ad blocker, less than three months ago, on my phone.

Experience has been great, but then I decided to check how many hosts it has blocked.

More than 100,000 queries blocked. All ads.

Seriously, what the hell? Why so many ads on the internet?

When youre hired as a programmer and you miss programming. you code at home Because your work wont let you. Too many documents to create, too many tickets(IT operations) to create and too many phone calls(follow up on IT operations).

It feels like im wasting my days on a job that i dont care. Thank God for self projects.

Java: each type is required being in a seperate file with the type's name, many of my projects have way to many files, half of them for really small interfaces or classes

So many programmers... So few people that know how to use vi

Testers who find an issue that prevents execution of an early step common to many scenarios, who then dutifully create 150 tickets to fail each scenario individually, crowing on about how many issues they've found

Many, many many thanks Atlassian! This is what I wan't to see, when I make simple git push.

//TODO: Write a really awesome rant that people relate to and upvote many times

TLDR: Walmart bug 😠

As a dev, I know that bugs happen. But as a dev from a small shop that has many clients and very few devs, I absolutely despise when a large company with many devs has a bug in a product that millions of people use.

WalmartContacts.com. How many devs do they have? And how many dedicated to this 1 product? How many people in QA? (how many on DevRant... lol)
And yet I can't even place an order using their reorder functionality. Seems like they should have this shit down. Seems like they should have all their regression testing ducks in a row. Seems like they should at least show some kind of error message so the user knows what's going on. Instead, no message at all, just the final checkout payment page reloading when I submit leaving me to wonder if my card has been charged or not.

People sometimes say "you work too much" but the truth is most of the time I'm just coding for fun. It's rare to say, but at least to me, and surely many of you guys my work is one of my hobbies. It sucks that many can't understand that.

How many managers does it take to fix a bug in production?

ERROR: Buffer overlflow at line 1

how many times does this tester need to be told they can't change a primary key

So, we are many people from many countries, with many native languages, but we post in english because it's common.

To anyone posting here in another language than english:

أنت لست وحدك أيها النرجسي الحقير، تافه يعتقد بلده و لغته مركز العالم

See u

just curious how many agree to this

Best way to learn something new?

You keep repeating it wrongly until you are blue in the face, the whole world has gone red and the sweet release of death sounds favorable to your current dilemma.

Then, if you are lucky, you get it right out of the many many failed attempts.

But, what you have learned is far greater than getting it right once. You've learned many ways not to do it again.

FREELANCING should be renamed to COSTLANCING. Many people thinks that freelancing means free of cost.

Oh fucking hardware virtualization.
how many times have I failed at setting sth up googled it and just read "check your BIOS ... and enable..."
Well I would IF I FUCKING COULD. THERE AIN'T NOTHING TO ENABLE ON THIS CHEAP CPU.

I know. I know. Should just get a newer setup, this lappy ain't that powerful anyways - but still - it's frustrating to get excited, start sth and than hit that dead end realizing they presupposed sth I don't have.

Know your tools. Take some time to explore them. Knowing shortcuts, the capabilities of your IDE (and plug-ins), libraries and many more will look you like a wizard to others and can save you many efforts.

How many of y'all have to work on weekends?

If you do, both days or one day?

So many Ideas... So many projects... And no energy to apply...
Gonna take a few days off my inventions, If i can...

How many of you guys are developers who are transitioning to data science and machine learning? 🤔

How many horsepower does your Corvette need to outrun your middle age existential crisis?

So many ideas, dreams, creative thoughts… but no time to make them true. fml

a project to remove many boilerplate code from .net applications

it seems to me today is javascript hate day. So many rants about it.

MUST STAY FOCUSED !!
(so many cool things to learn makes it a bit difficult :) )

"Design can have many types of soul, the key is to have one." - Justin Ahrens

How many boring monotonous corporate meetings, leading to no helpful conclusion or action item, is too many in a day?

Jesus please I just want to work!!!

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1... or 2?

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None.
That's a hardware problem.

JS has too many libraries to learn @_@

When people use so many special characters to decorate their comments that their code looks like Brainfuck code :|

!rant
How many Programmers Does it take to Change a Light Bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
None - It's a Hardware Problem

When you’ve got so many things to do it just kills your motivation to do any of them.

I'm more tempted to ++ a rant which already has many ++. I would like to see the total after voting only.

In Company when someone asked you ""How many you have been working here, and what position." sounded almost similar to the question commonly asked in prisons, "How many years and What you in for ".

"To attempt mastery of everything inevitably makes us mediocre in many areas. " - Simon Collison

How many years of development constitute to graduation from having the "Junior" title?

I don't care if you're a Senior Developer. You just make me look dumb adjusting to your needs of not normalizing your database queries.

We agreed that a restaurant can have many items, but instead, I get "an item has many restaurants" relationship. Geez.

How many “Winblows sucks” post am I going to see today?

How many fucking times I have to say NOOOOO

VSCode vs Atom ?

I prefer to use VSCode, it has so many features and i love the design !!

The best thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from...!

When you're doing so many follow up emails that you don't have time to get the work done.

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's a hardware issue

Suffering from our first service outage since I've been at my new job.

Guess when it happened? While we have TOO MANY projects going on.

When you have too many pots on the stove, you're bound to forget the smallest, most crucial detail.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.

To many "Quantum" this days: Firefox Quantum, Samsung TV Quantum, Quantum computer.......wait does that last one count??

Connecting rooms by determining which rooms are closest. Some rooms connections cross other rooms. Found out how to eliminate those. Picture as first comment. It stills suffers of hub rooms have way too many connections. So I will have to figure out how to cull connections of rooms that have too many.

You never know how many services you subscribe to until you count the emails that arrive to you because GDPR

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

...

none, it's a hardware issue

I just joined a team of a product where a user can have multiple roles. While getting familiar with the flow, I noticed that the previous developer, instead of creating a many-to-many relation of users and roles, adds the 6 records of the same user with the same email each with the different role id.

How many would like a way to format text on devrant?

Habitual of pressing ctrl+s many times because of so many crashes in my outdated pc.
Today I tried to press ctrl+s while writing on a physical paper.

So many interesting things to do, so little time.

As a fan of C#, I'll be entering the world of web development with ASP.NET, but there are so many things to learn before getting started! Javascript, bootstrap, css grid stuff, angular vs react things, docker, microservices, http and REST stuff, accessing some remote thing through ssh. I feel so intimated and don't know where to start!

How many times does Xcode need to download!????

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

Too many conditions in my brain not allowing me to code a single line.

How many times a day you have to install Java?

I mean, how many cups of coffee you need per day.

When considering ignorance and sucking up: is the entity relationship between head and ass a many to many?

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem

Dad: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 
Me: None, that's a hardware problem

If Microsoft/Apple develops a Linux distro how many of you will like to use it?

How many waiting for stress ball? The moment you start getting stress trying to get the stress ball

Gradle devs really think that we really care about how many MILLISECONDS it took to build..

Why is stackoverflow down. I have so many unanswered questions to life.

Football/futbol/soccer analogy:

Frontend engineers are like strikers - you see their work, good and bad, and you don’t notice how many contribute to their success. Backend engineers are like goalies - you only really notice when they do a _bad_ job and don’t see how many things contribute to their failure.

out of curiosity, how many of you know how to read this:

(1(0+1)*)*0

Interviews... How many of you practice technical questions like from HackerRank, foobar?

How many try but then get so frustrated after 3hrs of getting stuck that you give up and decide to just wing it?

Why do so many people install Arch if it's so difficult to install?

Being able to create things that so many people can use

How many other c#/monogame developers are on here and looking for people to collab with? Just curious

I realized that I have so many things to rant.

Many many hours into b i g computation I realized I forgot to save the result :(

(I’m too defeated to cuss right now can one of the experts do it for me thx)

I set up my workstation so many times this week. I don’t want to do it again.

Goddamnit Linux Whyyyyyyyy? Whyyyyyyy? How many gods do I have to pray to, to make you work on my machine.

So many projects seem so cool when pitched, but turn out to be crap when developing.

So many things to do, study and practice, so little time 😩

Computer science has so many fascinating fields I can't decide which path to specialize on :/

How many of you used to append this string in an google search? "- jquery"

How many engineers does it take to install Christmas lights at the office?

Why so many people complain about Vim? Just drink Nuka Cola.
Anyway, my first scripts were done with edit, in MS-Dos...
Anyone who can't learn how to use a tool... Well there are so many IDEs...
Just use something else

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

Sitting in a meeting to argue how many days 1 story point is equal to.

Many would go to hell, including the Guy who disable right click and save image on Instagram.com
metchwwww

Confucius - "Study the past, if you would divine the future"

This also apply to many things in life.

Productivity Hack: I'm a java developer who decided to write a productivity app that integrates to-do, pomodoro and eisenhower matrix altogether with reports generation. this will also help me logging at work. I'm also using electron + angular2 + typescript, just because, well, I'm trying to learn new stuff.

Long story short, many many many many days later, i'm still waiting for that productivity boost. What is dis webpack? Wat u mean loaders? Wat promises? electron-prebuilt is now electron? Wat u mean npm and node should be updated? .....

Please send help

Embedded database is so lack of choice. SQLite, might be best, if you want stability / ACIDity.

Again, SQL means normalize everything, if I've ever want to index it...

Then, ON DELETE CASCADE? TRIGGER? Also, MANY-to-MANY kills.

I see many rants here about fellow programmers having to deal with clients directly.

I'm fortunate enough to work in a structured environment that allows me to focus on code.

How many of you actually prefer working directly with clients?

I see many "GO TO" and "GoTo"

PyTHONG there ... I said it . One reason among many as to why it's sexy 😕

How many languages did you need to learn before becoming language agnostic?

How many of you here are still in college??
How many years you got to finish?
I've got till December next year.

Aren’t way to many people getting into programming 😅

Trying to be a minimalist, I've always kept to learning a single programming language for each paradigm or type. Now my boredom (probably mild burnout) is making things get out of hand. I want to learn so many languages.

How many programming languages have you learned so far?

Time estimation of software development should be a product of observation of historical evidence, and many factors that come with it, like:
- What was the language used?
- How many developers worked on it
- How many years each developer has in experience in programming?
- IQ of each developer
- How many kids they have
- The weather
- ...etc
Analyzed by data scientist.

TL;DR
Not something you get by asking developers and interrupting their work, because many are people with superior complexity who often overestimate their capability of solving given problems.
Don't trust them to estimate!