Our CTO has been told, this morning by management, that our development department is "too quiet" and that it's spoiling "the atmosphere" of the office space.

So we've ordered mechanical keyboards.

...this

Hitler sort: Delete every odd element.

LOL...

Java security applied.

Laughed more than I'd like to admit tbh

"So what got you in to development and programming?"

Me: well. I needed something to new to help with my depression, stress and anger.

"Oh cool. Did it help?"

Me: yes... They're so much stronger now.

Four months ago changed a laptop failing hdd and give it back to customer. Today I got a 30 minutes call because the computer "is not like before the repair, it doesn't work well".

*Thinks* Well, s#*@, before the repair the hdd had more than 2000 damaged clusters, which prevented even the os to start

*Says* "Could you describe me the issue?"
....
...
[ basically he was saying that since he started using IE as a browser, he didn't have Google.com set as the first page and that he had to bing it]
...
"When did the 'issue' start, If I may ask?"

>"Two weeks ago. "

Two weeks ago.
Two f*""#ng weeks ago.
Set aside for the nature of the issue, you blame my four months ago repair for a two weeks ago issue?
"The computer was better before"?
THAT F###ING MACHINE WAS LIKE A BURNING HOUSE - I RESCUED DATA FOR 2 DAYS JUST BEFORE THE HDD STARTED TO CRANK AT EVERY SPIN - I REBUILT IT TO GIVE IT YOU BACK FULLY WORKING AFTER YOU USED AS A FOOTBALL, AND NOW YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE THE
BROWSER ISN'T SETTED AS YOU LIKE

No,seriously, is like I rebuilt a burned house from scrap and now the owner blames me because in the kitchen sink the hot water tap is on the right side instead of the left side.
Seriusly, wtf.

Color jokes

Oh yeah. Hey guys. 2 things.
First off. Forgot to say. Officially got a job. Finally. So thank you for all the help/advice and patience with my depressive rants!!

I'm in a new chapter of my life now so thanks.

And secondly.

I FUCKING HATE MY JOB

Me: *clicks sign out*

Yahoo: "Are you sure you want to sign out?"

Me: DID I FUCKING STUTTER!?

Fuck you, devs who quote Knuth:

"Premature optimization is the root of all evil"

I agree with the spirit of the quote. I agree that long-winded arguments comparing microsecond differences in performance between looping or matching constructs in a language syntax is almost always nonsense. Slightly slower code can even be preferable if it's significantly clearer, safer and easier to maintain.

But, two fucking points need to be made to you lazy quickfix hipsters trying to sell your undercooked spaghetti code as "al dente", just fucking admit that you had no clue what you were doing.

So here we go:

1. If you write neat correct code in one go, you don't need to spend time to optimize it. Takes time to learn the right patterns, but will save you time during the rest of your career.

2. If you quote Knuth, at least provide the context: "We should forget about small efficiencies, say about 97% of the time [...] Yet we should not pass up our opportunities in that critical 3%"

YES THAT CRITICAL 3% IS WHERE YOU MESSED UP.

I'll forgive you for disgorging your codevomit into this silly PR.

BUT YOU'RE QUOTING KNUTH IN YOUR DEFENSE?

Premature optimization is the root of all evil... 6300 SQL queries to show a little aggregate graph on the dashboard... HE WOULD FUCKING SLAP YOUR KEYBOARD IN HALF IN YOUR FACE.

Website Intro: Hello! I'm here to tell you how my life changed since I learned to build websites and became independent blah blah blah

Me: Cool. One sec.

*scrolls down*

Footer: Proudly powered by WordPress. Get the theme here!

Me: Bruh... No.

My avatar looks a lot like the 1980s version of Weird Al Yankovic. I never realized how much I look like 1980s Weird Al.

Not mine but LEL

I am serious. In 1 month, I wrote 32451 lines of code.

- 960 functions
- 189 unit tests

...LOL

!dev but fuck it.

Why do I al-fucking-ways try to stay nice to everyone? I don't want to 'hurt' anyone.

I fucking hate that about myself. 😡

!dev related but fucking hell I need to get this out.

Could people (including friends) fucking stop to invalidate my favourite music genre?!

'Its just too hard', 'its so aggressive', 'its only boom boom boom'

Fuck you.

Always, al-fucking-ways at every party or wherever when people are allowed to put on music, whenever I'm allowed to, my music is turned off right away.

'Sorry but not everyone likes this and you're not the only one here'

I'm sorry, WHAT? I'VE LISTENED TO STYLES I REALLY FUCKING DON'T LIKE FOR FUCKING HOURS AND I'VE SWALLOWED IT ALL. THEN AT LEAST LET ME PLAY ONE FUCKING SONG ON A WHOLE FUCKING EVENING.

And nothing against metal peoples, really not but its nearly always the metal people who put their music on all evening and keep telling how awesome metal is and the second I mention my genre or out it on: 'oh but that sucks' *switches back to metal*

Go fuck yourselves. I'm swallowing this shit every fucking time but I'm getting fucking sick of this bullshit.

By the way, my favourite genre is raw hardstyle aka rawstyle.

Dev: "What if the user has more than 100 entries? How would that display?"
UX: "They won't ever have that many"
Dev: "But what if they do?"
UX: "They won't."

(spoiler: they do)

Email from a company I applied To:

"Hi... We will be in touch by the 7th of November"

Me:... It's December already. Maybe I missed it.

Second email: "Sorry! Typo. It's meant to say 7th of November. Refer to this instead"

Me: ...

THIRD email: "So sorry. Or mailing system is failing so disregard all those emails and refer to this one. Thank you."

Me: ... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DATE!??

Yes I am a Linux user and yes I don't like windows and this is NOT a windows hate post but I've been a windows user intil the age of 15 and this is the one thing I still cannot wrap my head around. Fun fact is that I also talked about this with my examinator guy who is a 'hardcore' windows user and he fully agreed 😆

Whenever I was either at the start menu or within for example the downloads folder, when I'd put something in there or downloaded something and later on wanted to search for it through the start menu or the folder viewer itself, IT ALWAYS RETURNED AS 'NOT FOUND'.

Whenever I search for that fucking file, it always said that it couldn't find the damn fucking file.

AND THEN WHEN YOU SCROLL THROUGH THE FUCKING FOLDER IT IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF YOU.

I've used many linux distro's and even OSX for a very little and it always works perfectly on there but windows ALWAYS fucked this one up for me and appearantly (according to them though) I am not the only one who this doesn't work for!

I still find this one very weird.

Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂

Fuck you IE

My dad used to be a Marketing Manager. He used to make a lot of presentations et al for his meetings. We got our first computer in our house when I was around 7 years old. It was first Windows 95, but I wasn't fortunate enough to even touch the machine. My dad was very protective about the machine. He himself would not use it unless he had to complete some work overnight. For me, it was an absolute wonder as to how and what that thing in the bedroom sitting on the desk next to my parents bedside was. I used to hide and peek around the door sill when my dad was working on it. He became a bit more lenient with the Windows 98 and let me and my sibling play DOS games under his supervision for a limited time.

Over time, I managed to look over his shoulder for the passwords - both BIOS and OS user passwords and started logging in myself. By now, my dad would let me sit on the bed near him when I looked curiously as he worked. Then I had to figure how to connect to the internet and surf the web. And there folks is how my journey with computers began.

Upwork:
"Hey freelancer, sorry we can't let you join this website made for freelancers like you as there are too many freelancers like you on this site made for freelancers like you"

Got my rubber duck 😎😎😎

Is it just me or is stack overflow full of dicks?

Waiting on page break....

Ok yeahhh it’s not me.

Just got told I didn’t pass an interview that lasted 15 minutes with him talking about the company and no questions for me.

My interviewers lately have just been unfortunate

Eid Mubarak everyone. For those who are not familiar with Eid, we have two Eids in a year, this Eid is called Eid Al fitr, which is the celebration day after 30 days of fasting in Ramadan. In this day everyone celebrates by wearing new dresses and visiting their relatives and friends. Also kids get 'Eidiyah', which could an amount of money or candies.

This. Also. Applies. To. The. Devs.

Fuck that bitch of a mother of mine. After what she's done to me, I would totally just fucking electrocute her (lawyers, this is a rage post not a real one, I've learnt from that previous psychiatrist that these rages can be taken improperly!) or just send a fucking EMP to her fucking "schermpkes" (EN: screens, displays, whatever! Technology!) or whatever. FUCK THAT FUCKING WHORE!!!

Yes she gave birth to me. Should I be thankful for that, in this world where for some fucking reason Flat Earthers still exist, Despastico and those goddamn fucking Paul brothers became a thing? FUCK NO!! I wish I wasn't born in the first place! Or rather, a thought that's been playing for a long time in my head. Why the fuck can't I just cryo myself and be reborn in the next millennium?! No, that's not possible because as it is now, humanity will likely have fucked up the planet by then. Majority of the people are still no more than self-jerking fucking monkeys. With their Instagram geotagging shit all over the place, nametests and shit like that. FUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! Why are people like this?!!!! Why can't people be a tad more intelligent, why can't people actually learn about what this reality is all about?! Why is the burden of all this on scientists, no those who spoonfeed information into the mouths of the masses, like fucking Hashem Al-Ghaili (which is an amazing person but he's doing too much spoonfeeding IMO). WHY?!!! WHY AM I BORN IN THIS FUCKING DYSTOPIA?!!!!

WHY AM I BORN IN THIS FUCKING WORLD WHERE PEOPLE ARE INDOCTRINATED INTO "NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO FEAR"?!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!! You've got a fucking brain, USE IT!!!!

I fucking hate this world. Someone hire a hitman on the darkweb to kill me and that fucking whore that gave birth to me, NOW!!!

It has to be made with Java

Why didn't I comment my code on Friday...

Early in my database developer career, I started a new job at a mortgage company. I was poking around the code, just getting familiar with things.

One script identified properties in certain states/territories for special handling:

AND STATECD IN (‘PR’, ‘HI’, ‘AL’)

I thought “Puerto Rico, Hawaii, and ALABAMA?? One of these things is not like the other…”

Yeah, that was supposed to be Alaska (AK)… But they’ve been special-handling properties in Alabama for years.

Seriously, look at this guy’s bloody phone. He’s not letting go of it, it’s been like this for ages. He’s got missing pieces of glass above the lcd, there are cracks all over, sellotape all over. At some point you gotta realise it’s affecting the user experience.

If you don’t want to get a new phone, at least have the screen replaced!!

Time to start coding with my new duck

Ayy. Finally hit the 1000++ point. Now I can get the shirt that I literally have 5 of irl for my avatar

No one is safe when I hit a wall... Not even my best friends.

Friend of mine at college is struggling with his cpp class.

Have been helping this guy since forever with it, he is not a coder by any means nor does he display any sort of affinity or "talent" for it. But he does make up with intense dedication. Still he knows that he will not be pursuing a career in software engineering, this is just a class.

The thing is, he showed me a video of his class. The instructor is middle eastern with a thick accent. Accent so thick I need subtitles for this motherfucker.

He has learned more from me that he has at uni. And at my day job the interns say the same thing. I love teaching and far prefer it over working on projects.

This week we have a meeting with the head of the i.t dptmtn at school as nd I will try to pitch myself in as a faculty member by popular demand.

I would love to teach, i have experience in the field and learn a lot from going over shit as an instructor. I can make one go from wtf is JS used for to handling promises and writing Angular in days.

I really want to teach man.

Microsoft Edge: "We support modern Web technologies."

So lately I've been seeing a lot of hate towards languages like C, C++ and java.

Someone at work literally said go would replace C++ and that anyone still using it is a dinosaur.

He said no one uses this languages anymore.

Am I just being left behind or are most real time devs not using C et al anymore.

I mean c++ has a 2017 update and we work with devices for aviation and the like that need to be certified I don't see go becoming our main language anytime soon.

I'm not saying go isn't a good language I'm just saying the others aren't at the point where we take them out back and shoot them.

I really hate when someone doesn't take the time to read through there rant and check for spelling/grammar errors. Like come on people it only takes like one minute too read back through you're rant and find al the mistake I dont underatan how this can be so hardd antyone with haf a brain could due it

So, my last rant here was 3 years ago, and i just signed in again to devrant to post this fucking shit.

There is this guy who is a Project Manager in my office, I haven´t work with him but he sits in front of me and i have to listen to his bullshit almost every fucking day. Anyways, the other day he was talking to some other guy (a PM, also) and he said something like this:

"Programming is the most overrated thing ever, everyone can do it, you could do it, i could do it just googling stuff, i could even replace almost every programmer in this office, it´s the easiest thing ever. a programmer couldn´t do my job even if his life depended on it ´cause they can´t talk, they can´t manage people, they can´t manage their own time, heck they can´t even manage to talk to each other. they´re just a bunch of incels who think they´re important and their job is shit anyway".

They don´t see us as human begins, they see us as necessary evil.

(apologize if i wrote something wrong. English is not my first language)

I'M SO MAD ABOUT THIS

Can one of the dev-senpais tell me stories of what using this was like?

Constructive criticism at its finest coming all the way from:

Fuck You
Fuck You - Fuck You
Fuck You, AL 10101

Note: Joe is my coworker, not the customer that wrote in. The form sends from his address.

Long rant 😤😤😤

Today I was going to hit my project manager in the face. I can't stand people like him. In every fucking meeting he starts talking about his past successes and we are forced to listen to him. In this sprint, we had a tough task which took more time than planned. So we didn't finish it till the deadline. After working hard all night long I finally managed to get the job done. And today guess what happened? He didn't fucking appreciate it. All he was talking was mediocre look of the module we've developed for the website. And it's not even my job to make a beautiful design as a back-end developer. At a point I wanted to resign. I don't know how much I will stand this situation. He has always been like this since he came to the company. The worst part is, he is not a senior developer or something. Al he talks about is some fucking old jobs he has done we don't know if they are real or not. From every meeting we suspect his skills are limited. He just knows how to talk. He has never reviewed a single line of code because he doesn't know PHP (yes I know, I know). Hell he doesn't know any back-end language and he is supposed to create a new architecture for the website. He don't have enough database skills neither. All he says he has worked as a mobile and front-end developer. So now I'm home and don't know If I should resign or not.

Found online
Found kinda funny

There was an error in one of my Java file. Impossible to find it. I commented all the code and the error remain. I commented the import of that class and no more error. How the f**** is possible that a empty class give an error ?
I opened the file in another text editor and found out that the last character was a symbol that wasn't recognize or display in other text editor.
I was really proud (and confused)

I’m a team lead in the tech team, myself and another team lead manage the on call processes for the department, so when stuff breaks we need to fix it. I assume there is sufficient documentation available for me to fix a process that is not mine.

one of the other managers processes breaks. He’s on annual leave and is away for another week. I attempt to fix the process. No documentation. What do i do?

I go to my manager the next day and tell her the process is broken and I can’t fix it because there’s no documentation and I don’t know what the full impacts are. She agreed we should leave it until he comes back from AL.

He comes back a week later. I tell him the process is broken and it’s been failing since he went on AL.

Him: we had a handover before I went on holiday
Me: no, you showed me where the ‘documentation’ was. Said documentation is not defined enough and is out of date. I didn’t want to break it further by trying to repair it when it’s not completely critical
Him: but it is critical, it has to run every day
Me: so why doesn’t it say that in the documentation?
Him: ............
Me: can you fix it please
Him: no, I’ve got too much to do having just come back from holiday
Me: more critical that a process that has to run EVERY DAY and has been failing for the past 10 DAYS??
Him: I’ll see if I have time

2 hours later...

Him: Lets put in some time for handover so you can understand the process. Is an hour long enough?
Me: I don’t know, you tell me, it’s your process, you know what’s involved and how long it should take to explain
Him: well is an hour long enough?
Me: I don’t know, it takes however long it takes you to explain it
Him: I’m asking you
...........

At this point I’m getting more and more angry, how can you not know how long your process is gonna take to explain when you’re the one that wrote it?! I fully well know that it’s gonna take longer than an hour because it’s an SSIS package that looks like a plate of spaghetti, you spend 15 minutes working out what box flows to where before even looking at any SQL, and he’s still asking me how long it’s gonna take and distracting me from my ACTUAL critical work

Man is a waste of space, so quick to give you work that isn’t his but never takes responsibility for his own... honestly have no clue whatsoever how he became a manager....

This rant doesn’t seem like much reading it back but I swear it’s the last in a looooonnngggg like of his fuck ups that other people have had to deal with 🙄🙄

Welp. My door fell on my desk and broke it so there goes me coding.

At work:

** fast typing from lead and me fx**

** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**

Lead Devel: Yo Al

*still typing fx**

Me: whats good gansgtah

L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?

** now I stop typing **

Me: .....yes......fuck

Him: yes...fuck

O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......

Okay, so I have a question...

Although unethical, I’m considering disabling a clients services without warning. They’re 6 months behind on paying me and I have complete access over their network infrastructure. Upon reading our contract, I’ve made the mistake of incorporating services will be discontinued due to lack of payment... But, I know if I disable things they’re not smart enough to figure out why they aren’t working and call me... That’s when I’ll tell them that I can’t preform work until past bills are paid in full.

I’m located somewhere in the US. Is this too unethical, too illegal? I just want my fucking money... Thanks!

EDIT: Yes I have invoiced then monthly. They’ve received them because I had deliver al invoices to avoid the “oh I never received it” claims.

As we're all going about our various Easter, Passover, et al., family celebrations, I have the perfect solution to help train your families to stop asking you for help with mundane computer stuff:
Every time someone asks you to do/fix something, give them a full talk about what is going on in their computer around that system.
Don't forget you can talk about lots of things too:
- concurrency
- TCP IP / socket networking
- multi-threaded programs vs. single threads
- RISC vs. CISC processors
- Why linux is better than Windows or Mac
- algorithms
- logarithmic runtime
- teach them how to convert between hex, binary, and base ten
Really pour it on too. Soon they'll either figure out that you are a highly-skilled individual who is not their personal geek squad, or they'll be too afraid of a big lecture to ask for help.
Works with my in-laws like a charm.

Welp. That was fun.

Just had an interview I wasn't even expecting. Basically the company emailed me saying that the role has been filled and as such the interview has been canceled.

And I'm like ok. Thanks for letting me know.

Then at literally the same time someone sent me a skype request asking me if I'm ready.

I get another email saying they're sorry about the inconvenience and hope my front end interview goes well... like. Wtf.

Why didn't they specify which? And why wait so long ffs.

I had two interviews with them. They stood me up on the last one and i emailed and never heard back.

So now I just had the most awkward interview in my life.

I was so rattled I forgot the answer to a simple af question. What's a JavaScript closure.

I wanna cry but it was so bad I wanna laugh

Real question tho. How do y'all actually put stickers directly on your laptop??
Like. For me that's some serious level of commitment. I always want to but I worry I'll hate it eventually and removing it would suck and scar

I can't even put stickers on the cases 😭😭 but like. Seeing a fresh new looking body when you take everything off is always soo soothing to me

Can I claim Spotify on expenses?

It's such a missed opportunity that Al gore could've created a band and called it 'Algorhythm'

AL or AI?

Elon Musk

Genius ??

Or

Sci-fi movie dreaming weirdo with money to burn and a cult following????

When you run into your ex/visit your parents that thought you were wasting your life.

So I had an interview. Went well. But apparently while they liked me I didn't show passion for development.

Any tips on how to that? Cause like... I like it and all but who really can show passion for working for someone else.

Tips please. Or job opportunities!!!

Yeah I get what the intention was but like... why? I feel there are way better ways to do this

(Ps. I've become the pic post guy)

Am I a developer or a professional Googler?

I want to propose a toast for al the people who is right now sitting on a shitty meeting listening to shit that has nothing to do with their job

I've found a new love and her name is Ruby on rails

Regarding the Area 51 news. These guys are really stupid. They’ll deservedly got shot soon as they come close enough to the fence, and even if they get over, then what??

Anyone who know anything, knows that you need to spawn a jet pack, get to the second hanger ASAP, and jump in the Rhino. They can’t touch you after that, even with 5 stars!!

...I think. THINK. That I might have indeed spent too much time in front of the computer...

Accurate...

So like... did every social media app meet up and go
"yo!
Ordering notifications and timelines chronologically in a way that makes sense?
Yeah mate, fuck it!"?

...cry.

"The role: You will be designing and building responsive emails on a daily basis using HTML5/ CSS3/JavaScript"

Errrrrrrmmmm...

Started my new job as a devops engineer, its been al month and i have never seen the seen of aws console or travis ci, dont even have credentials for any company cloud services.

I guess i should change my job title to backend dev

Ya boi got a python interview today.

....when did I post that I was learning python again? 😭😭😂

Bruhhh

My two cent: Java is fucking terrible for computer science. Why the fuck would you teach somebody such a verbose language with so many unwritten rules?

If you really want your students to learn about computer, why not C? Java has no pointer, no passed by reference, no memory management, a lots of obscure classes structure and design pattern, this shit is garbage. The student will almost never has contact with the compiler, many don't even know of existence of a compiler.

Java is so enterprise focused and just fucked up for educating purpose. And I say it as somebody who (still) uses it as main language.

If you want your students to be productive and learn about software engineering, why not Python? Things are simple in Python can can be done way easier without students becoming code monkeys (assuming they don't use for each task a whole library). I mean java takes who god damn class and an explicitly declared entry point which is btw. fucking verbose to print something into the console.

Fuck Java.

If only.

Tbh. When I read about ruby and how it was meant to be as close to English as possible a little part of me was hoping for this

I kno my strengths

Happiness, job satisfaction and mental stability.... we need that in the next patch

Okay. Is there really anyone who wouldn't get this

Fml I need a job

How can you tell the difference between "AI" and "Al"? Who the fuck designed these letters?

Footnote: lowercase "ai" & "al"

Passed a code test for once and invited to interview with engineers.

I’m nervous yet proud. Any tips? It’s the first time I’ve reached this point

I'm freaking done trying to get Linux on my machine. I've tried every distro with many different versions of the kernel and I always run into the same problem on my desktop.

The computer super stutters for 2 seconds ish than freezes.

I've spent DAYS looking into this issue trying to find something. The worst part is that it can happen 5 minutes when I boot or 5 hours. At first I thought it was Compton. Then I thought I installed arch wrong. Maybe an update to the BIOS? How about downloading updated microcode? Maybe this obscure bug with AMD processors and setting power idle to typical? Nothing. I'm now behind on my school work because of the massive amount of time ive spent getting this fixed. It works just fine on my laptop, but it doesn't work on the machine I built to code with. I'm done. Give me Force Lightning, a red lightsaber, and call me a Sith baby because I'm joining the dark side. Here I come Windows.

For those who are wondering my setup:
Ryzen 7 1700
Rx 480
Asus x-370 prime
16 gb Corsair RAM

And no, Windows has never had this bug.

Five interviews and challenges later and I’m told they won’t be going further with me.
Over month of my life. Finally thought this was the one. But oh well. Depression.

I officially quit being a dev.

It’s been rad y’all.

MmmMmMMmmMM yes daddy please keep putting words in my mouth, they're so tasty. The false dichotomies keep me warm at night.

Arguing with other devs in 2020 is a sad state of affairs. Let's go back to the long winded usenet rants by Torvalds et al, where words meant shit and we were civil.

i really wish Python would not have the presence it has on Machine Learning. I can think of a handful of languages that would be better suited for it and even though I don't hate Python it has a lot of things that just make me say uuuuuuugh when writing it. It al comes down from this: treating syntactic whitespace in a special way is fucking retarded.

Ya bois learning python.

Linux users, do you admin your server manually or do you use any web interface tool? After getting the third server of the day running I think I need a tool to make the work faster. Do you have any recommendation? Cpanel ist pretty neat but sadly not free

Freelancing is modern slavery...

Al this greedy fuckers searching for the cheapest tool for their super urgent project.
Even if you write you consider the payment on the expenditure you fucking snail will still debate on it cause you consider your time more valuable. You consider my life isn't worth your money. You want a service but don't want to pay for it.

This get all for fucking free mentality is what ruins this planet.

i love when they ask you to upload your cv and turn it into an incoherent mess.

thanks.

An update on my rant about that interview I had.
They emailed saying they're sorry I didn't pass etc.

My literal response was: wow. Shocker. No shit I didn't pass 😂

Do people really struggle with CSS?

I thought it was just design and ideas but is it actual CSS y’all struggle with?

Not judging. Just asking to be sure

Baby all I want for Christmas is Uuuuuuuuu-I design that made sense while being cute.

Late I know. But I just thought of it.

The IT policy at my company is down right ridiculous. You’re required admin rights to fucking move desktop shortcuts to the trash, all chrome extensions and almost anything you download from the internet is a ‘virus’, good luck getting driver support for external devices.

Scary sysadmin is scary

There is a mAtHeMaTicAl pRoOf 🤡 that a comparison-based sorting algorithm cannot get more efficient than O(n*log n). That's bullshit. Radix sort et al. — granted, they're not comparison-based.

But there is one comparison-based algorithm that can sort an array in O(n). It's called Stalin sort.

It traverses the array and deletes every item that doesn't appear in order. Boom, problem solved — the array is sorted in O(n), at the expense of losing (most of the) elements.

This is the perfect metaphor of Stalin's politics.

I NEED A JOB

I'm delirious so here's your daily dose of fuck:

```fasm
; --- * --- * ---
; 64-bit byte-by-byte mash

macro clamp_u8 {
mov cl,$08;
mov rdx,rax;
rept 8 \{
rol rdx,cl;
xor al,dl;
\};
};

; --- * --- * ---
; give 8-bit random seed

macro prng_u8 {
rdtsc;
shl rdx,32;
or rax,rdx;
clamp_u8;
};

; --- * --- * ---
; roll dice

d20: prng_u8;

; x%20, according to gcc ;>
mov edi,eax;
mov eax,-51;
mul dil;
shr ax,12;
lea eax,[rax+rax*4];
lea edx,[0+rax*4];
mov eax,edi;
sub eax,edx;

; discard high and give
and rax,$FF;
ret;
```

I guess `d20` could be inlined too but I thought it'd be too much.

Is it faster than straight C? Probably not. But it's way lighter, so it loads faster. Below five hundred bytes mother fucker.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go sit in the darkness repeteadly typing roll 1d20 on the terminal. For reasons.

Ooh. Here's a "deep" one.

For the self thought/online learners, at what point did you consider yourself an "actual" developer and felt ready to go out and apply for jobs and stuff?

And what challenges/reactions did you face?

Didn't install linux for years now. Today, I have to and nothing changed about wifi drivers, at all ! Even the install process still sucks !

And they still ask to "sudo apt-get install fucking-wifi-driver" ?!?!?!

I don't have internet yet, that's the all point, damn it !

*gets banned from asking questions on stack overflow*

Yup. Seems about right.

Tbh it was time 😭

Every bloody time I respond to a comment, devRant asks me to add my 2 cents. I only have pence here, and there is not fucking coin slot!!!! 😡

I tried the lighting port, it doesn’t fit.

Is anyone else experiencing this pay wall?

The number of ‘Junior FRONT-end’ positions that list Node.js as a requirement.

To those following the saga so far...

ya boi just had his followup python interview.

YIKES. Like, i aint even sure if it went bad or not.
Wish me luck.

Corey Schafer! Bless me!!!

I was finishing compiling the linux kernel in tty mode for a school project in the subway cuz the class was over and it was not finished. A guy came to me and said : I used to do that, but on a Mac. Then he left. I was like : wtf do you think I'm doing? You don't compile the linux kernel on a fucking Mac. And why would you mention it was a Mac anyway?I guess he just did ls -al on his Mac in tty.

So what exactly is it like working as a developer?

I'm still in the learning phase but I can't seem to picture what exactly it is you'll be doing daily if you get hired.

Is it like constant coding? But like, the site is already made and is huge.

Or is it like making new stuff? But then like, there's already a big company site.

It's what I wanna do but I honestly can't imagine how it will work different from doing it for yourself

Happened to know this devRant app from a friend. And these community of developers are lit ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

Anyone else like... REALLY bad at algorithms and logic stuff?

I just hate them so much.

Tell me to build something and gg done. But all these tests for jobs freak me out.

Like. It probably ends up being something simple and when it's explained I know what to do but at first I just instantly shut down and can't think.

React on Rails can go fuck itself

It took me putting on my glasses to make sure these pixels were real and not just blind ass not seeing shit.

devRant is tha best!

@HampusMa
What does that mean?

Noticed it while on another rant but didn’t want to hijack the topic. I’m genuinely curious.

My server is under heavy attack, many IP's.

Here's a part of requests per ip all in same range:
```
509: 47.82.11.166
509: 193.41.206.202
512: 47.82.11.183
521: 47.82.10.30
548: 47.82.11.8
553: 47.82.11.177
559: 47.82.11.230
606: 47.82.11.41
659: 47.82.11.249
675: 47.82.10.139
684: 136.243.228.177
700: 47.82.11.27
865: 85.25.210.70
```

Al together, but my server died for a second. I thought, how is that possible? All my request limiters gone somehow. I have no idea how that's possible. Implemented a few days ago and tested it.

Meh, server is handling quite well, i have time to write this rant before to fix it. But dammit. I tested it together with people on Snek. I'm flabbergasted.

Fucking scriptkiddies. YOu were lucky.. Somehow..

Will disable ping, that's where the issues start with i guess.

How well do you speak git? Name all commands you know how to use 😄:

init, add, commit, remote, cherrypick, push, rm, rebase, reset, submodule.

Did I miss something?

Anyone know small-medium companies hiring front end devs around the eu?

Or any recruiters with a soul?

React btw. Thanks.

Why yes. This is a last resort. Thanks for noticing/criticizing

Fucking Browser autocorrect!

You type the same address a hundred times, every time hoping it’ll guess the address after the first.... second..... third.... character. No, it shows you a similarly named site that you went on months ago. End up having to type most of the domain name before it catches it.

Then, one day, you hastily mis-spell the address and press enter, now autocorrect keeps fucking directing you to there!!

so i just realised my stack overflow ban came after less than 10 questions in total...

how dumb am i exactly??? man’s got real questions to ask now

I keep posting that I need job and I appreciate the feedback but I feel just saying that makes it seem like I'm not trying.

Like. I legit don't know. Could it be my cv that's a dud? Thinking of paying a resume writing thing

Cause I'm actually trying hard af to learn new stuff as well keep doing what I'm good at.

I got one interview in a year and even then they didn't gimme the chance to show tech side. It's soo tilting.

I'm actually competent though inexperienced I think.

Any advice or questions please. I legit need to sort this out this year. Like its very important that I do.

Help.

Does anyone else feel like he is choking the device when holding a button to force reset/shutdown?
Or is it just me angry with my Asus notebook with Windows 10 that would keep the LED on after "shutdown"?

This 3 day weekend couldn’t come at a better time! Today has done everything it can to delay it and everything has been a superb annoyance!

It started off with our internal systems going down, a frustratingly tedious project proposal process, our phones went down, off the wall calls to support all day causing them to ask me junk.

As a parting gift the pending windows update and it completely crashed my development VM and corrupted my install of virtual box. I had planed in only working a half day, but worked 6.5 hours, hit traffic al over. Was late to the event.

Not I get here and there’s a bunch of smokers outside and I could reallllllly use a drag. But I’m not gonna. 😒

Just ready to kick back and do non computer things til Tuesday. 😎

I guess I should relate what work experience I have: my internship.

A little backstory I suppose. It's required at my school to do an internship to graduate except under certain circumstances. They encourage work experience a lot where I study. It was around time for me to apply for internships. However, the closest I got was a phone call with Amazon that I biffed when they started asking about stuff like sorting algorithms and other Big O notation stuff. So I was pretty desperate. I found a small company that were looking for internships and got an interview with them. The pay was dirt (I made more as a crew trainer at McDonalds) but I needed that internship and they were only 10 minutes away.

Immediate red flags when I showed up to the address. At first I thought I was wrong, But I noticed the sign of the company pointing up some stairs that were installed on the side of the house I was in front of.

Interview was a bit weird. It was with the CEO and the marketing manager. Again red flags. I show up for work a week later.

Turns out, they have no full time developers. 1st day was getting my workstation ready and 2nd day I was running Ethernet cables to the basement where the phones were connected. Spent around a week doing that.

This was supposed to be a Software Engineering internship?? Excuse me?? I came here to learn how working on Software is supposed to be like! I was also their "tech support" both for their computers and their crappy software that was built 16 years ago that people still pay for that I had NO idea how it worked because I just started and NOBODY taught me anything! To make matters worse, even if I wanted to delve into the code to see how it works it was all made in ancient Perl which didn't make things any easier.

But I needed that internship to graduate. And thus begun my 9 months with them and boy howdy I have stories to tell. Stay tuned in the future.

Without Unix, there would have been no Minix (Tanenbaum et al.) orGNU (Richard Stallman et al.).Without Minix, there would be no inspiration to write Linux. Remember that Linus started his “project” because he didn’t like many of the design decisions Tanenbaum has taken in Minix, including the microkernel. In fact, Linus has tried to submit some changes to the professor and the latter rejected them. So the young chap decided to write his own kernel using his design.Without GNU, there would be no open source tools that Linus himself used to write, compile, test and distribute his project, to become a few years later a global phenomenon. Also, the fact that GNU was already an established Unix clone (minus an operating kernel) at that time helped Linus to focus on the missing part, the kernel. Otherwise, he would not have known where to start.And finally, Unix was the template all of the above (and more) were trying to imitate. Without it, there would have been nothing to clone from.

Dell et al should start selling pre-stickered laptops so execs could buy that "dev cred" look.

There's probably a science to producing a look that doesn't make you look like someone's mum at a cool party.

What sticker placement approach do people use?

!dev related

"Ah! Ah! Ah! AL QUEDA!!"

The opening theme song to the soon-to-be-a-hit docuromance-cum-comedy-on-ice, called "kidnapped-and-brainwashed in egypt: berry barrows story, starring samantha kaffir the isis headchopper, as herself."

Written by Adam sandler.

I wonder if the mods ever think I just write these posts to see the most unusual combination of tags possible.

There has to be orphan tags out there, tags associated with only a single post. Like half of them are probably because of me.

Can we all just combine side projects/help each other and get them all done?

There are too many people that consider software engineering a "job". Anyone else here love the process, people and programming? How do people end up at these bad companies and WHY DO THEY STAY??!?!?! There is so much demand for programmers, designers, software engineers, et al. Such that I do not understand how people stay at these companies that hire people who want to make money instead of code.

Err. I'm working on something this is a stupid question. But is there a way to save data and stuff without having to go into back end?

If not or if there is. What should I look into/learn to get it done without having to go too deep

No better way to start a weekend than with a shit show of an interview on a Friday morning

No one on stack overflow can answer my question and I wanna cry

I’m always tired all the time. Depression and what not but today I am TIRED

Had an interview that requires vanilla javascript but I suck at algos even tho I was getting it done till time ran out. We gelled tho so I hope they see potential and move to next round.

But the good news is. I had a follow up interview based on a challenge. It’s the second I’ve ever had and I did well this time.
So much so that they’re booking another interview for tomorrow.
So I’m done with the technical portions of the process.
This is the first time I’ve gotten this far and I’m so happy. I’m hoping really that this is the one cause I doubt I have the energy and will power to keep going though the processes.

I’m so excited. It’s as if all my work is slowly showing and I’m getting closer and closer

Wish me luck guys. Hopefully I ace it as I come across well In General Chats.

This is my last application. If it doesn’t work I think I’m done with dev life and job hunt.

Fingers crossed I’ve found the one

Was trying to pull an all nighter to meet a deadline and I accidentally fell asleep. I was also texting a new person I liked at the same time.

Dreamt I got so much work done and was still texting and got into an argument.

Woke up, but by the time I realized what happened and that I slept off I had already randomly texted something aggressive and insulted 😭

So yeah. Guess who got no work done and is probably gonna be single for life 😂

Err. Any web developers or recruitment people able to please give me feedback on my resume?

I'd greatly appreciate the help 😭

How do people make clones without tutorials!? 😭😭

I'm tryna clone bleacher report but have no clue where to start cause they're no guides anywhere

Sighhhhhh.
SIGHHHHHH.
been looking for days now and can’t still figure out how to sort with redux.

Can someone just teach me this? I’m starting to feel “special”

Press X to JSON

For uni we get assignments based on our classes. I'm always super excited about these and immediately start thinking about how I would implement it and come up with cool features I could add.
I would write out the whole thing and plan everything. Eventually I get distracted by other assignments or things. Then 1 or 2 days before the actual deadline I start coding like a madmen, thinking about al the features I wanted to implement and realizing I would never make it in time.
That's the moment I switch to plan B. Which is creating the best possible demo I can present. Most of the time this does the trick. I would show my professors the demo and they wouldn't notice the completely broken application and the code that was hacked together.
Luckily I always managed to get good grades!

FML, somebody here or somewhere wrote that al customers lie..

Just been a witnes to that.. Over skype (mind I reminded them to write to jira on several occasions so others can help if I am out of office) feature xy is not working.. I log in to server, I see no logs of person a doing anything with our system, let alone use the xy feature... Well duh, of course it doesn't work, it's not a freakin mind reader.. :/

Next time no help, no log checking, no nothing until they provide ss of what exactly they were doing.. :/ Fuuuuu....

For my fellow stuck at home Nintendo Switch owners: Ring Fit is legit af.

I am in good shape, but can honestly say that you will get a workout out of this bad boy AND by the time yo ass is feeling tired you will not notice it on account of the fun you will have.

Of course, not everyone will like it, shit, I know I didn't wanted to play it. But I did and I loved it.

I am Al, and I support Nintendo's agenda on getting switch owners jacked.

So... I was working in a dead end job where nobody cared about programmers, they were happy everything looked ok.. no standards, no interest in whatsoever about programming.... I was just about to start searching for another job, a better one. I started updating my linkedin and other profiles (ejobs, bestjoba, and so on...) and a few days later, even without applying I got a call for some company asking me for an interview...so I go there...and I was really confused, at the address was just a house, a regular house...anyway,I called them and someone gets out and invites me in, gave me a test with like 50 questions and problems to solve. Did the test and they made me wait for like an hour or so... then two guys in black suits comes to me and start asking me al kind of trick question (like why php 6.1 is better than 5.6) I answered them and then they are like "we want you here, but you have to start tomorrow... and by the way, the contract you will sign... you will can not tell anyone where you will actually work, and can not tell anyone anything about our project and after you will quit or you'll be fired you won't be able to work in programming for the next 2 years or we will sue you... but this is just as a precaution so you won't steal our ideas, code or anything else"... and now is about an year from when I started here, and I have to admit... I get it now, i get why they have all those clause and stuff in the contract...

Sorry for my english, I know it is not really good... and sorry for the long post

While writing your codes, have you ever noticed that all the programming languages you've ever come across are actually... English?

Has any of you ever coded in non-English (and non-symbolic, like ook, brainfuck, whitespace et al) language?

The feeling when you are very interested in Al, ML and want to do projects for college using tensorflow and openAI........
But you only have i3 with 4GB RAM plus 0 GPU.

That sucks.... 😶

Hindersi Magronä recipe:

- Butter
- 2-3 Onions, diced
- 300g Potatoes, diced
- 350g Maccheroni or just pasta
- 1 table spoon of dried chicken stock dissolved in water
- 20-30ml of hot water
- 30ml Heavy Cream
- 300g Parmigiano Reggiano
- Diced Bacon

- Coat a pan with butter
- Add onions, bacon and potatoes
- Cook untill onions are lightly golden
- Add the stock and stir
- Add the pasta
- Add enough hot water so its level is ~1-2cm above the pasta
- Cook untill the pasta is "al dente" and let the water evaporate untill ~1cm above the pan
- Add the heavy cream and cheese
- Cook and stir for 2min

Et voilà, Mac N Cheese with extra steps

How many times does Xcode need to download!????

They keep training bigger language models (GPT et al). All the resear4chers appear to be doing this as a first step, and then running self-learning. The way they do this is train a smaller network, using the bigger network as a teacher. Another way of doing this is dropping some parameters and nodes and testing the performance of the network to see if the smaller version performs roughly the same, on the theory that there are some initialization and configurations that start out, just by happenstance, to be efficient (like finding a "winning lottery ticket").

My question is why aren't they running these two procedures *during* training and validation?

If [x] is a good initialization or larger network and [y] is a smaller network, then
after each training and validation, we run it against a potential [y]. If the result is acceptable and [y] is a good substitute, y becomes x, and we repeat the entire procedure.

The idea is not to look to optimize mere training and validation loss, but to bootstrap a sort of meta-loss that exists across the whole span of training, amortizing the loss function.

Anyone seen this in the wild yet?

I am pretty pissed that Coursera doesn't have dark theme and every plugin ever will fuck up their videos. This is madness, my eyes hurt.

Hey. Need to beef up my portfolio as well as gain more experience.

If anyone needs some design/styling help or input please hit me up!!

Doesn't have to be paid actually.

So I'm having a discussion with frontend devs now and I'm curious how you folks are doing this:

suppose you have a rest api at BE and some js framework in FE consuming it. Where do you format display info at: BE or FE? Info like human-readable timestamps [according to user's TZ], i18n, displaynames with appropr. lengths, etc..

Is this a job for FE or BE in your oppinions?

[imo it's view's job to be responsible for view-speciffic matters, while BE should provide all required info for FE to do it's formatting et al.]

The colleague next to me came into the other day with a new, or al least new to him, computer. A Mac Mini.
30.something years ago I worked as a computer repair guy and I had to work on Apple products. I've hated them ever since. Not built for repair. I "shared my opinion" with my colleague but didn't get very much of a respsonse.
Well well, the Mac Mini broke down after just a few days. He asked someone for a price to repair it and it was about twice what he payed for it.
I'm glad he didn't ask me.

Not a new friend. But it made a dick I know be an even better closer dick.
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@soulskrix love you really

I think I'm a dev.... sigh.

After I quit I didn't do it but out of all my interests and hobbies this one kept bugging me. So yeahhhhhh. I'm a dev.

Speaking of. Got bored and finally made a portfolio website. It's not great but people were asking for a link to my cV. So let me know what you think and I can get around to adjusting.

It's

Www.almxnames.com

First post on devRant... Aaaaand it's university hw... I can't wrap my head around this...

So, the problem is: I have to implement writing and printing 64 bit decimal integers (negative and positive with 2s complement) in NASM Assembly. There are no input parameters, and the result should be in EDX:EAX. The use of 64 bit registers is prohibited.

There is a library which I can use: mio.inc
It has these functions:
- mio_writechar (writes the character which corresponds to the ASCII code stored in AL to console)
- mio_readchar (reads an ASCII character from console to AL)

It also has to manage overflow and backspace. An input can be considered valid or invalid only after the user hits Enter... It's actually a lot of work, and it's just the first exercise out of 10... 😭

The problem is actually just the input - printing should be easy, once I have valid data...

Please help me!

mov al, [var]

var db 07h

Error on line 1: undefined operation size.

Silly me defining a byte, using mov on a byte-wide register with said byte-wide variable. What size it could be, the byte-wide variable is soo fucken unknown i'm so sorry.

It's bad enough that Facebook videos in my country have ads but some cunt actually had the genius idea to make the tagline for their ad "Un-skippable quality"

Not sure I can even be mad at how trolly that is 😭😂

The hotel I'm staying at only has mini toilet paper that I have had to call for an embarrassing number of times yet they're tryna judge me for wanting pasta at 3 am???

Like, we've passed that stage. I feel no shame anymore!!

Two kinds of people.
People who do ls -la or ls -al

"Pintameeeeeeeeee le dije yo al pintor"

~ Elvis Crespo

I've confused the grindr logo for devRant more times than I'd like to admit

Gonna go with youth--
😂

Hello council of elders.. or should I say "console"? Heh? Heh? I've been up for a long time sorry.

Anyway. I've started learning framework stuff. Angular right now. Been long overdue tbh. And I found a free course on udemy and followed it. It's cool and everything but I gotta ask...

Why can't I just use vanilla js and everything from scratch? I'm not sure if its the course I'm using (I'd appreciate more resources. Thanks) but I feel like it's a lot of effort. Is there something I'm missing or haven't learned yet?

It might sound stupid please let me know why it's better to use that than regular methods. Apparently it's meant to make stuff easier but I feel like it's just a lot linking files and making various things in different places.

Also. Other stupid question which might just be cause of the course but like... Is it mostly just for manipulating json??

Thanks. More questions to come soon!!

er guys... I don’t think i can code anymore.

I was unable to do anything for like 2 weeks while i was away and it’s been a month since i got back and like... I’m blanking out big time. I sit and stare at my computer and everything but there is like 0 motivation/interest. I’m fairly new to it tbh so i thought this is was a good time to try new languages but still no.

Any ideas or advice please? It’s like come weird ass code block.

Can someone-not me- make a way to go lower than the lowest brightness setting on my phone?

Thanks.
From me and my shut in photophobic eyes

Will I get a job this year? Will I move and be happy?

Tune in to find out.

Ayy. It's time. Someone wants to hire me to make a site for them...

How much do I charge? 😭. They also said they want it as an exclusive design that I can't do for anyone else. It's one of my first proper ones so its basically my baby

But yeah. How much is appropriate?
Do bare in mind that I'm broke af 😂. Suggestions in GBP please

Is JavaScript actually useless on its own??

*updates LinkedIn with new jobs*

*Wakes up to invites and messages from recruiters who wasted my time then disappeared*

*Some from people who I didn't even removed me*

Oh my. Whatever will I do in this situation? 😈

Trying to create a news site with a built-in forum... Not as easy as I thought tbh

Out of curiosity, how many years of PROFESSIONAL experience do people have on here. I’m assuming it’s quite diverse but skewed towards those at junior to mid-level for some reason. Just put a number down. I’ll start.

0

So I have an array of length 20 which stores a 64 bit decimal number by digits. The starting address is let's say array64. When I am trying to build up my number in ECX:EBX, I am using EDX as the iterator to access the individual elements of the array (I am loading them into AL)

.LOOP:
....
MOV AL, [array64+EDX]
INC EDX
....
JMP .LOOP

The problem is: somehow EDX cannot get higher than 10, so the program just stops and waits for input, when I try to work with a 12 digit number...
This module is outside the main function, and I thought about some Far Pointer problems, but all of my ideas just failed...

What is wrong here?

"Programs implemented while high contain more bugs and take longer to write (p < 0.05) --- a small to medium effect (0.22 ≤ d ≤ 0.44). We also did not find any evidence that high programmers generate more divergent solutions." He et al. at ICSE 2024.

It feels so good having a second e-mail address just for al those shitty sites where you need to create an account only to use it like oncie. A burner password is also a thing for such sites.

Does anybody use raspberry pi as Kubernetes node? I kinda have an experience of my pis do not have enough memory with 1Gb. The system would run about 5 minutes, and each second more memory would be allocated. After that, every node shut itself down. Is there anything I can do about that?

Sharing is caring, and continuing the streak, I have 3 invites to enki with the code: ASABE108
Enjoy :)

When I knew the games on my Texas Instruments calculator was made by simple text files

I think what's keeping me going right now is discovering devs love rubber ducks so I can finally give into my secret addiction

Debating whether to be the guy that posts deep slash depressing shit on here. Or let my other personality of a meme Lord handle my devRant