Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!

... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!

... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"

Dear client, next time get to know better your users...

Interview with a candidate. He calls himself "C++ expert" on his resume. I think: "oh, great, I love C++ too, we will have an interesting conversation!"

Me: let's start with an easy one, what is 'nullptr'?
Him: (...some undecipherable sequence of words that didn't make any sense...)

In my mind: mh, probably I didn't understand right. Let's try again with something simple and more generic

Me: can you tell me about memory management in C++?
Him: you create objects on the stack with the 'new' keyword and they get automatically released when no other object references them

In my mind: wtf is this guy talking about? Is he confusing C++ with Java? Does he really know C++? Let's make him write some code, just to be sure

Me: can you write a program that prints numbers from 1 to 10?

Ten minutes and twenty mistakes later...

Me: okay, so what is this <int> here in angle brackets? What is a template?
Him: no idea

Me: you wrote 'cout', why sometimes do I see 'std::cout' instead? What is 'std'?
Answer: no idea, never heard of 'std'

I think: on his resume he also said he is a Java expert. Let's see if he knows the difference between the two. He *must* have noticed that one is byte-compiled and the other one is compiled to native code! Otherwise, how does he run his code? He must answer this question correctly:

Me: what is the difference between Java and C++? One has a Virtual Machine, what about the other?
Him: Java has the Java Virtual Machine
Me: yes, and C++?
Him: I guess C++ has a virtual machine too. The C++ Virtual Machine

Me (exhausted): okay, I don't have any other questions, we will let you know

And this is the story of how I got scared of interviews

Train conversation between 3 girls:

A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls

So... A random morning moment:
(c - Cient, m - me)

C: Help!!! Our users are complaining that our website is not working as intended!!! This is crucial!!!!
M: What's the problem? What is not working?
C: EVERYTHING!!!! FIX IT!!!!
M: Could you be more specific...?
C: Look at the bugsnag - it has all the errrors!!!
M: *looks there - no errors* - But... It has no errors...
C: Okay, so client told me he's using Galaxy SII - does that ring a bell?
M: *thinks that I'm fucked* - Asks, which browser?
C: Why do you need it? It's a browser after all...
M: Yeah but not all browsers are the same and I need type and version to investigate...
C: It's Samsung default browser... Last updated 2012 January.
M: Well, tell that user to update the browser, the site is working fine on newer versions...
C: No, you update it.
M: Browser?!
C: Yes, what else?!
M: Of course, I'll fly 3000 kilometres to press UPDATE button on clients phone...
C: Well, he's not doing it himself - he's afraid!
M: Well, that is his problem. Site is working fine for other users with newer browsers.
C: But... He's a client
M: I get it but he's a client that uses 6 years old browser and tries to visit our website. Don't you remember that we ditched IE support on your behalf for the same reason?!
C: Oh... I see... Can you make something that it works with 2005 browsers?
M: Of course... *evil laugh starts* I'll make the website work on EVERY single device EVER - make it plain text.
C: Are you joking?
M: Are you?

----

And since then, we ditched the actual need for supporting users with old browsers that don't update to modern standards... Feels great!

Python: let me manage those packages for you.

Node: here's the whole post office. You're welcome.

c: Write the packages yourself.

Luarocks: What the fuck is a package

This is what happens every time I look at Microsoft’s C# docs after someone tells me to

I delivered a small C# program long time ago.
Unit tests, integrations tests, functional tests, all passing (users even happy).

Colleague of mine approached me.

C: "I finally fixed the program"
M: "Which program?"
C: "Product X"
M: "What was wrong with it?"
C: "Nothing, but now it runs on Python"
M: "..."
C: "Yeah, we lost a few features, but it's Python!"
M: "Aren't you busy with other things?"
C: "That can wait"
M: "..."
M: "..."

Classmate sees C#
"C hashtag"

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Teaching a friend C:

"Thanks for giving me all the... ahem. Pointers."

Waits 2 Minutes

"But like seriously what is a pointer again?"

Me: *selects text, Ctrl+c*
Me: *places cursor in next text box, Ctrl+v*
Computer: *does nothing*
Me: *selects text again, presses CTRL+C WITH FORCE*
Me: *places cursor in next text box again, presses CTRL+V WITH FORCE*
Computer: *pastes*
Me: "That's what I thought."

!rant

My shirt said "why do developers wear glasses... Because they can't c#" and this girl said she didn't understand my shirt, she asked what C-hashtag meant and wanted me to explain it 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What my lecturer think I have learned:
- Programming Patterns
- C, C++, Java
- Socket programming, web programming
- Operating system...

What I have actually learned:
1. printf("Hello World");
2. echo "Hello World";
3. console.log("Hello World");
4. Console.Writeline("Hello World");
5. cout << "Hello World" >> endl;
6. System.out.println("Hello World");
7. puts "Hello World";
8. "Hello World"
9. write("Hello World");
10. Display "Hello World"

Job opening tells us that they want someone who knows:
C, C++, C#, Java, VB, PHP, HTML, Javascript, MySql, Postgree, windows, Linux, Mac OS, a degree in computer science and a few years of experience.

What you'll actually do in most of those jobs: Deal with Excel spreadsheets.

At our first programming course at uni (it was in C), a student asks in class:
Student: what is a pointer?
Teacher: i don't know, i only know Java.

How the hell did the poor guy end up teaching C then?!

I c what you did there 😂

Only God and I knew what I was doing, writing uncommented code in C a year ago.

Now, only God knows.

Manager: Feature C doesn’t work

Dev: We never built feature C

Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!

Dev: It’s still in the backlog

Manager: But we had many meetings about it

Dev: Never got put on the board

Manager: Feature C is very important!

Dev: It was never assigned to anyone

Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?

Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now

Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!

Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone

*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*

*2 days later*

Manager: What is the status of feature C?

Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog

Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!

Dev: …

How reading E-Mail is hard:

Me:
"Dear client,
please send the pictures for content A and Content B.

We also found content C in your spreadsheet. Do you want content C to be uploaded? Please us where to place it.

Regards

Me (who does not consider this a difficult text)
"

Client:
"Hello. Please find attached the pictures for A"

Me:
"Dear Client,
Thank you for the pictures for A.
What about the pictures for B?
And what about that content for C?
"

Client:
(no answer)

Desperate Me:
(Looking at the attachment and finding pictures for A and B)
!!@**! :(

Reluctant Me:
"Dear Client,
Please look at the new iteration <here/>

And by the way.. what about that content C?"

Client:
"Thanks and find the images for Content C attached."

Extremely fatalistic and desolate Me:
"Well thank you. Where shall we put it then?"

Client (answer to the unanswered mail above)
"Thank you. Please don't forget to put in C."

-_________-*******

Mon: Ticket A is now low priority, Ticket B is top priority

Tues: Ticket B is now low priority, Ticket C is top priority

Wed: Ticket C is now low priority, Ticket D is top priority

Thurs: Ticket D is now low priority, Ticket E is top priority

Manager (Fri): You haven’t completed a ticket all week! What gives??

Manager (Following Mon): Tickets A, B, C, D AND E ARE TOP PRIORITY!!!!!

Dev: …

Student walks into tutoring center halfway through the semester for a computer science appointment and their first question is "How do I declare an int?"
Me: 😐

*starts coding in c#*
Me: hmm this bit of functionality requires some good ol inheritence

*has flashback to uni lecture on c++ *

Lecturer: And so you can use inheritence with friends for xyz, you know what they say friends can touch eachothers privates

*end of flashback*
Me: Guh! No, not the puns ! Guh!

!Rant
my dad message me 7 am, with spec on a raspberry he got and the question if python was similar to C (he programmed C, 20 years or so ago.)

my responde: "I will set up a git for you, and we can learn python together"
dad: "what is a git?"

p.s love my dad :D

Interview (first job):

Interviewer: So what languages do you know?

Me: Well, i learnd C, C++ and Matlab scripting, but i'm learning C# as a personal project.

Interviewer: Perfect!

First day:

Interviewer(now boss): So, a guy is leaving next week and you will be replacing him. He has 70 projects and you will be responsible for this production test platform in JAVA

Client: [sends design as a tiny, badly compressed jpg] "I need this site done by tomorrow"
Me: ok, can you send me the psd?
C: "no, I don't have it"
Me: ok can you send me the images you want on the site?
C: no
Me: what about the text?
C: no
Me:.....
C: I have to go to bed

WHAT THE HELL'S C+ ??

So I was browsing devrant and a friend asked what all languages do I know? I said, python, c, c++
He looked at me like 😐
Took me a moment to realise he was asking languages not programming languages 😅

So... m starting my internship tomorrow. 4 months, 6-8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
M VERY anxious and quite frightened to b honest.
Wish me luck guys 😨😨😅😅

It is kinda what I wanted though... contains web parts but also C++ 😍
Tech stack: c++, JS, Python 😅

*taking interviews of freshmen for the computer club in college*

Me: What languages do you know?
Freshman #1: C, C++.
FM #2: C, C++.
FM #3: C, C++.
...
FM #83: C, C++.
FM #84: Hindi, Tamil, Kannada, English.

I shot myself in the head after that last one.

A guy breaks into your house and start slapping your face with a huge C programming book for 5 minutes until you bleed top quality code from your nose.

Well this is what I was going to comment to the "learn C in 5 minutes app" rant, but can't find it anymore.

So... Just overheard a conversation at an Apple store...

tl;dr;

The customer gets furious for not getting to buy a mac pro for the price he wants and it doesn't even include the monitor there.....

C - customer, S - Sales person.

C: Hey, I've heard that apple released new home computers. May I get one?
S: Hello, they are not out yet.
C: WHAT?! How can they not be out yet? They released it like a week ago.
S: Well, they announced it, not officially released it for sale.
C: Ah, whatever. Can I pre-order it now?
S: Sure, we'll need your details and a deposit.
C: What? A deposit for what? That $1000 machine?
S: Sir, do you know the prices?
C: Of course. They have released a new machine and it will cost like previous ones - from $1000.
S: Then you might be talking about Macbook Air...
C: *Interrupts* No, I'm talking about the desktop computer, the whole box.
S: Ok... It starts at ~$6000.
C: WHAT?! It can't be... Oh well, I'll buy it. I hope it's the fully-specked one. Oh and does it come with a monitor?
S: No sir. It's the base model and it has no monitors.
C: WHAT?! How can this be?
S: You see, these are devices created for professionals. They are not for home users since our iMac line is....
C: *Interrupts again* Are you saying I'm not a professional?
S: I'm sorry but by the questions and lack of information - it seems to be true - you are not a professional.
C: FUCK YOU, I'm going to another store and they will sell it for me for $1000. What a piece of crap is this.
*Customer leaves furiously*
S: *to another S* - What is wrong with that dude? Is he high or what?
S2: *shrugs* and tells that it's the 5th time someone came to order that pc and was scared by the price.

---

So yeah... It's fun to see how idiots think that anything apple releases is for them... Once again I was made sure that apple fans are brainless fucks that will buy anything it produces and if that is not in the right price - they'll get furious.

ps. I own apple product, mac pro 2015. Would never buy a newer one NOR an iphone. I don't think that anyone is dumb just for buying it - people buy whatever fits their needs and that's ok but... More than we would like to admit - people buy it because it's an apple product....

The # in C# is a ligature for C++++

What the fuck

Coming soon, C#++/2*68

How to recognize a Linux developer?

Ask him what Ctrl+C means.

When a recruiter calls you and asks what your experience level is with "C-hash"

teaching myself pointers right now

here is my learning process right now:
1. what even is this
2. wow this is neat
3. why does this even exist
4. what even is this
5. repeat

Feeling frustrated when you cut (ctrl-x) and move to the place you want to paste then you pushed copy (ctrl-c) only to lose what you cut.

I couldn't figure out what the giant "C" was doing in my screen. It took me way to long to figure this out.

Arrived today!
I'm using C++ for machine learning purposes using TensorFlow and OpenCV (rip Python, you are too slow 😭)

What are you using C++ for? 😁

worst interview was about 2 years ago. I found this job as on a famous website, I applied for a desktop dev. position...the job seemed really easy, after 10 minutes the so-called CTO asked me:" how much do you know C hash?" me:"what?" him:"C hash...the Microsoft programming language" I thanked him for his time and went home crying ( he meant c# )...after a month I found out the company had gone bankrupt...I think I know why..

So this guy was struggling using grep everywhere for navigating C source code. What a douche. Told him about ctags. Made my life easier.

Job Qualifications:
...
Proficient in PHP, MySQL, and PHP Frameworks
Experience in Bootstrap CSS
...

Required Skill:
...
- PHP
- MySQL
- C <----------------- ??? The hell is this!
- C# <---------------- ??? What the?!
- CSS
...

Probably a startup company???

Temporary coworker with 10+ years experience, working on C++ codebase with me since 3 months, just asked me what the continue-statement in C/C++ does.

That must be either a sign of an upcoming apocalypse, or me being heavily underpaid.

New project in C++. I don't know C++ but very good at C and Java so not worried.

New guy joins us. Gets stuck on how to concatenate a string. No big deal since he is new to the language too and doesn't have a C background. I offer to help and he goes on a 10 min rant about how C and C++ are different and I don't know what I'm talking about.

Wait until he's done. Tell him just to do strcat(possibly a better way but I'm literally in day 2 of my C++ skills, but I knew it would work). He mumbles how is not going to work as he types like he's going to shove it in my face when it fails.

It was like a beautiful geeky mic drop when it worked perfectly.

A JavaScript call from a c++ function. What kind of a magic is that? - an intern said
XD

24 hours with C and I've made this so far. What do you guys think?

Sorry for the quality btw

First time ever implementing an Android app from scratch (coming from C++ but also worked with C# and Python): WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT???

My first raytracer algorithm ever, first time I do something like this. What a headache :D (in C BTW)

!rant
If you choose an answer to this question at random, what is the chance you will be correct?
A) 25%
B) 50%
C) 60%
D) 25%

Me and colleague went to coffee shop to work...
C -> colleague
M -> Me

...
C: "do you know what I tell myself when I want to gain the courage to talk to a girl I like?":
M: (gave it some thought) "No what?"
C: "If internet explorer has the courage to ask me to become the default browser! Then what am I afraid of?"
M: "No wonder your relationships are buggy! And full of insecurities!"

What is Unity?

At first I thought it was an Ubuntu UI... Then a C# app framework like PRISM... Now it seems to be some mobile game engine?

C++ is like HTML in the sense that everyone wants to learn it as a first language.

DON'T LEARN C++ AS A FIRST LANGUAGE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR GETTING YOURSELF INTO.

What Java taught me :
--- Parent p = new Child( ); -- error
--- Child c = new Parent( ); -- ok
parent can exist without a child but child cannot exist without parents.
Respect your Mom and Dad

Phone-interview with a recuiter from a big consultning company.
Her: So, what programming languages are your strongest?
Me: That would be Java, as it's been used through university courses and privatley I've been making some C# projects
Her: Allright cool. What about object oriented languages?
Me:... Erhm.. That would again be Java and C#...

The weird feeling you get when you ask a colleague what he recommends as unit testing framework for C# and his first response is: "What do you mean by 'unit testing'?"

What a fu*#king stupid landlord. They got my devrant poster by mail and opened it. Not only that, they posted it on their wall for fun. YOU FU*#KING C*NTS

Python Dev Learning C#: I'll just wait until I run the program to see what type the function returns.
Me: Static typing means you know that before the code even compiles!
Python Dev: Sometimes I forget that all functions explicitly say what they can return.

Learning C was easier than learning Haskell, and learning C was atrocious.
What in the actual fuck is this?

Dev slang

Me: Hey “Schatz” (german equivalent to “treasure”, “sweety”)
Schatz: Yes?
M: What R U doing?
S: Working on my page
M: Oh C (C for “Sí”, what is “Yes” in spanish)
S: && U?
M: null (nothing)

* several Simpsons memes later *

S: Schatzy (female schatz, me), (Want to go to Amy Winehouse tributte) == true
M: !C
S: Why?
M: Cuz I !like it
S: oh, && you.want2Go2TheCinema == true
M: !false
S: True ^_^
M: When?
S: I !know, Tomorrow at !morning?
M: !not cool
S: !hate you
M: Me !neither

Note: Schatz it’s also a dev (Php dev)

What do you think? Should we all promote a “developer slang”? Which phrases would you like to add?

Dennis Ritchie.
Can't imagine life without C, I mean what if C wasn't even invenented? What if Unix wasn't there?

Dayumn!!!

On my way to my first c++ course!

Really hyped to see what they make us build!

(as long as it isn't a fucking calculator)

What the f...
minified and obfuscated javascript code is more readable then the c# code of my colleague jeez...👹😡 what the f

All the time while I'm programming I hate Java.... Don't hate me now :D I'm learning Java in high school. I very love very fast programming languages such as C and C++, so this is why I don't like Java, but there are some reasons why I like Java. I just started learning how to create own window. What the hack is this? This is so simple. I tried to create window in C/C++ with OpenGL, just blank window with color. Complicated..... But with java it's fairy tale.
You can add me now to Java familly, but remember I also love C++.

So here your are, Hello World Java FX app :D

Final goal:
Create window application similar scratch.

I just converted a massive project from C to cuda, I renamed everything, and it just worked.
What the fuck have I done wrong?

Everyday I see on DevRant people hating Java, PHP, JavaScript, .NET, C++, C#... Then what do you like ??

You know what just gets to me about garbage-collected languages like c# and Java? Fucking dynamic memory allocation (seemingly) on the stack. Like it's so bizzare to me.

"Hey, c#, can I have an array of 256 integers during run-time?"

"Ya sure no prob"

"What happens when the array falls out of scope"

"I gotchu fam lol"

I finally have a storyline for my game and it's pretty interesting..
Now I dont know what software to code the game in :c

Java: Cannot convert int to Boolean.
Me: Wait what?.. Ohhh *cries*

I've had too much Vitamin C / C++..
Not used to computer liking me and not letting me shot my head of.. I love you too, Java ..

In C# you are not able to do bitwise operations on generic enums so you have to cast them to an integer via object... 😐 Apart from that, this awesome code shows what C# can do 😊

One of my colleagues held a very short, literally 5 minutes, interview today. The candidate was looking for an android developer position.

Me: Done already?😕
C: Yep. Had enough.
Me: How come?
C: I asked him if he has any apps on the store? No. Any public git? No. Any apk? No.
C: Ok what experience do you have?
Dude: I worked on a app similar to imdb 4 years ago. I made a page for it.
C: *Page* *triggered* *internal screaming* 😂
C: Ok and since then?
Dude: Nothing.
C; Ok, we'll call you.

Best ot luck in your android dev career mate. Never gonna hear from us.

How can you come to an interview and be so unprepared. Was he delosutional or something?😕

There was a computer programming teacher in my 1st semester who taught C. He used to have this conventional way of teaching C like other Engineering subjects which was going to more theories before writing actual codes.
These are the conversations with him.
(First day, a guy asks him some questions.)
Guy: Sir, why do we need to learn C? There are other languages used extensively for other tasks like python,etc. Why bother with this boring C?
Teacher: C is used to learn other languages. After learning C, you can easily learn other languages.
Guy: Sir, where is C's application? Where is it used?
Teacher: It is used in academics to lay foundation for students to learn other languages which are used to build softwares.
(Fucking Hilarious)

(A month after he was asking some questions to students.)
Teacher: What is an array? What is an array-name?
Student 1: Array, is this collection of data that can be stored in a single type.
Teacher: Then what is an array-name?
Student 1: I don't know.
Teacher: (angrily) Array-name is a definition itself.
(We were supposed to answer that. It was a standard definition.)

Has anyone ever taken on a project where you dont know what you are getting yourself into, and then start it and going down the rabbit hole of docs and then at some point ask yourself "what the f u c k am i doing?"

FUCK YOU if your IDE IS TOO FUCKING BAD TO LOAD MY FUCKING 300 LINES C# PROJECT IN FIVE MINUTES WHAT THE FUCK

What if you use C++ to implement C++ code into C++ so you can have a better version of C++ called C++++?

I love that its 2024, and yet sometimes you still have to delete the /bin and /obj folders from a C# project to remove build errors that are in fact, not build errors...

...and people here hate node.js / npm

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

but come on down in the comments all you C# worshippers and please enlighten me what I am doing wrong... definitely couldn't be C# right?

also explain why 'clean' must not REALLY mean clean 🤡

With the brand new Microsoft C++ compiler, what you see in the debugger, is not always what you get...

“I need one fullstack engineer”

“Ok, what exactly do you need?”

“Javascript, Nodejs, C/C++, CUDA, Andible, RabbitMQ. Oh, and I need him/her now until end of February”

Don’t we all just love these kind of discussions?

Dev starts writing C++ in his Python script, what happens next will shock you.

Coworker: hi
Me: hi
... 3 hours later ...
C: hi
M: how can I help?
...
C: hi
M: HAVE YOU EVER USED COMMUNICATOR IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT IN FIRST MESSAGE, DONT WAIT FOR ME TO HI YOU BACK, WHAT THE HELL HOW MANY TIMES A DAY YOU NEED TO GREET ME

We got a different programming teacher for today. He's shit. He can't even efficiently code a simple C# program that prints out three numbers as sorted ascendingly. WHAT THE FUCK

What were your #FirstSevenLanguages? Mine were:
- C++ 😮
- Python 😊
- Ruby 😉
- Java 🙃
- PHP (ugh that was painful) 😢
- Javascript 😍
- Go 🤔

When someone tries to generate getters and setters in C# as if it was Java, you may think: "He is starting!"... And then you ask: "How long have you been working with C#?"

Surprising answer: "1 year" 😱

What have you been doing till now?

*If you could ban something from the field of programming forever, what would it be? 👀

*Pls. don't ban me thx c:

To all c# developers:
What is your favorite IDE for c#?

The joys of Drupal.

Coworker: i can't hide this option from this select. it's been created programmatically by another module.
Me: doesn't that mean you defined it somewhere?
C: nope, the module does it with the whole taxonomy
M: can't you interact with it somehow,
C: i don't know
M: you don't know?
C: it's a module by the community, i don't understand it
M: *what the fuck.* ...fine. can you hide it with some js for now?
C: i tried no. they get loaded at different times from different behaviours.
M: then... what?
C: i don't know, i've been searching drupal.org for the whole morning to no avail.
M: *god. damn.* Create the select with something else, then? maybe by raw php?
C: that's bullshit! you don't create elements lile that in 2018! no one writes php or html anymore, unless he"s retarded!

Bloody hell. I'm not covering for this. My part is done (in rails) and i'll deliver it this afternoon. Not for this kind of delay.

So what would you class yourselves as:-

A) Developer
B) Software Developer
C) Software Engineer
D) Programmer

I go with with Software Engineer. This for me sounds complete for what I do. What do you guys think and why?

For fuck sake I get that people like python but not everyone is going to use it!

Just want a few articles or tutorials on interpreters and would you fucking look at that, it's all just in fucking python using external libraries...

Then I purchased a couple Linux and Raspberry pi magazines just to have a gander at some of the code examples and what do you think every single piece of code is? C? C++? Vala? Nope, fucking python!

I will eventually finish learning what I can about python but there are other languages that exist that isnt fucking python, give us some C, C# or even bloody JavaScript... Please

Ok rant about python over, back to my hole

Doesn't matter what you do in your life, learn C

What I have: [a, b, c]
What I need: [[a],[b],[c]]
No documentation
Just numpy things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I literally just had this conversation.

H: Me
C: Colleague

C: "Hey Hindsight, I'm having issues with our web print driver, it's not opening the browser after printing"
H: "Have you checked Interactive Mode in the installer so it opens the browser?"
C: "Yes"
H: "Are you sure you have the right domain name in your configuration file? It should be <thing.example.com>"
C: "Ah, it's just example.com. Should I just change it in the config?"
H: "No you need to regenerate the config from our server tool, because the server data needs to match your client config data"
C: "Ok, my config says <example.com>"
H: "Yes, just regenerate the config with <thing.example.com> instead for the domain"
C: "Ok I'll do that. What was the correct domain again?"
H: thinking "Holy shit can you really be that dumb!" but saying "<thing.example.com>"

So... I cannot find me an internship which uses low level languages ( like c, c++ ) or something like elixir, rust, haskell... the only internships available are in mobile and web development...

Don’t know what to do anymore... it’s annoying, and so so frustrating... and I NEED an internship if I wanna get a college degree...

Do you sense something weird on this dead simple code?
The teacher showed a similar code recently in my C class. It was weird to me since I know C for years. I want to know what you guys think about it.

Why does every Software Engineering role at the top companies never have PHP or any functional languages in it’s list of languages they want you to be experienced in?

It’s always Java, Python, C#, C/C++, Objective C or Ruby. What about Elixir, Scala, Haskell or Clojure?

What did Java say to C? , "You've got no class!! "

Call me crazy but honestly, getting a segmentation fault in C/C++ makes my day joyful

Java or Python guys will never understand the feel you get when you end up getting segmentation fault in C/C++

Sitting in midst of nature with beer in hand and segmentation fault on screen.

WOW :) THAT'S WHAT WE CALL LIFE :)

PS: Although sometimes it's frustrating as hell

What is it with certain colleagues who "wanna write C, not C++"

Motherfucker if I see another malloc in the code I will physically asssault you.

Like damn we're failing to teach people C++ badly when a newcomer from university, who had 2 semesters of "C++" doesn't even understand RAII.

And how in gods name do software engineers with *decades* of experience get so stuck on old technologies?

Like I've seen them write 3 nested try-catch to make sure a delete is called or some mutex is unlocked....

If youre in the position of teaching others C++, please stop teaching C first.

Talking to a second year student about what they've learnt so far, and what they should learn next:

"Cool, so what general topics would you say you know really thoroughly at the moment?"

"Oh, I've now learnt Java, C#, C, C++, Rust, Javascript, node.js, HTML, CSS, Angular, Vue, Erlang and probably a bunch of other stuff I've forgotten. What do you think I should concentrate on next?"

"Hmm. Probably best to take just one of those and learn it really thoroughly."

"...but I already know them all really thoroughly."

"Ok. Can you explain what an abstract class is in say Java, C# or C++?"

"Sure, I can create a new class called abstract and then use it for abstraction. I do that loads."

...🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

First lesson: Stop BS'ing. Might work for flexing to non-devs, but that's about it.

Seriously what's wrong with the market right now, this is basically what some job ads said. They were even from the same company

Frontend job ad: are you a rainbow rockstar developer who just loves to code OwO(unpaid overtime) [buzzwords...]

Embedded systems job ad:
Serious job description
Required experience in c/c++
Other non bs stuff

I'm going to try a 'zero-day' strategy for learning c++ (at first I was also a little confused about the term zero-day).

The name zero-day does make sense in that there are zero days of me not doing x

So, for this strategy, I have to program something (doesn't matter how small) in c++ every day for a month. After that I'll do the same for python

Then I can make an educated decision of what programming language I like the most

I want to thank @teganburns for his c++ video about c++, that's the reason why I chose to try c++ first

When reading through someone else's code, what about it made you think "Damn this is well written" or similar?

Any language - I have a bias towards PHP, C++ and C though.

how i feel every Windows 10 update: WHAT THE FUCK WINDOWS 10 WHAT THE F U C K

Arguing with my friend what language is best for his program.
Suddenly he says "C++ is good but CodeBlocks is too hard and illogical".
I love wannabe tech guys.

Okay. So I have a long weekend though starting tomorrow and can't mountain trek this weekend.

What to do?

a. Spam easiest freelance jobs
b. Chill
c. What's your bet?

C and C++ want people to use them, but make people pay for the standards. Sure, you can download a draft, but it's not guaranteed that's what's in the standard.

What is the point of a standard if you disable people from conforming to it?

C: what technologies are you using in this product?
Me: we are using celery which uses kombu to communicate through redis. Additionally, we have beat tasks that run and check the state of workers
C: was someone hungry when they named these frameworks?
Me: Possibly, but I just got hungry naming them.

I took two days to modify a KSP mod for a joke...

I don't even know C#....

What am I doing...

thankful for the new guy that handed me the opportunity to explain what the “cd” command does by linking him a pastebin that just says C DEEZ NUTS

What is the thought process which goes behind wearing a mask on a video call meeting?
[a] virtue signalling
[b] Idiocy
[c] <insert your answer>

C++ is a necessary evil. What do you think ?🙎🙎🙎

Had to interview an iOS dev.
When I asked what was better - xib/nib or storyboard? He told me He prefers to write custom c++....

WTF?

what do you think about AI(artificial intelligence)? and best language for AI ... i like c++ and go

What did a C++ programmer say to a C programmer??
You people have no Class !!!

Why the fuck someone uses ‘2’ instead of “to” in the C code, for naming. What are you, a child?. I have even seen “cache12store” meaning cache 1 to store...

So, right now I'm 16 atm I know some basics of php,python but I love Python more than php. So my question it's:
Most of the universities in my country for computer science, are based on java, c++ and some another stuff.

What should I do? Should I start learning C++ / Java or continue using python?

Coming back to c++ after far too long in python...

Compiler: "Do you even know what a semicolon is?!"

I'm curious, what was the most ridiculously otherworldly, the least understandable, eye-opening code you have every seen?

BUT, I mean that in a good way. And what did you learn from it?

For me personally, I would probably say some of the c++ stdlib implementations. Just totally not English in some places. I mean seriously, sometimes asm is more readable than c++

I am about to try TDD for embedded C. Does anyone around here tried that? What are your experiences with it? Thanks!

What the hell did I miss?

I've been seeing lots of dev communities joking/not joking about replacing C++.

Did we somehow replace all C code in literally every embedded product overnight?

What is the note between C and C#?

C++

How old were you guys when you started writing code? What language and what inspired you?

My first programming memories come from writing some QBasic text-based RPG and graphics demos when I was like 12. I remember moving into C/C++ soon after with Borland's C++ compiler and playing around with WinAPI and OpenGL 1.

I am so 😢🤒😡 right now. I applied for a remote job, so they gave me an assessment and the language was c++. The funny thing is that c++ was not in my resume.
So I decided to explore c++. "I don't know what the fuss is, C++ is not so hard". It was very easy for me to grasp. It took me two days to understand it.
Then I did one of those online test and I scored 58/60.
Now I went back to take the assessment test on C++ but lo and behold the assessment is now on Rest API.
But Rest API is also not on my resume. They are not assessing me on my strengths like Java or kotlin or python or my my lesser strengths like C# or JavaScript.

I remember calling C#, C-Fis, because this was the only other name for this symbol than Hashtag and C Hashtag sounded wrong. But C Fis sounded wrong too and then I decided to just don’t say it’s name and if I have too say C Hashtag or Fis or whatever, which was definitely the worst option.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hate to see what he thinks of USB Type-C 😂

What did the Java code say to the C code?
A: You've got no class.

what: robots
why: TO C R U S H MY ENEMIES UNDER MY ALUMINIUM FIST

"What are all the meanings of static in C and C++?"

Not a particularly good question but I think I'll always remember it because of how weirdly specific it is.

(And, anyone who wants to have a go at this WITHOUT Googling, feel free to.)

From what I’ve seen and experience while messing around with other languages, PHP and Rust have some of the best while C# has the worst.

Talking about adrenaline sports in a class and our favorites.

Me ? Writing C code without checking for null pointers!

What about you ?

I want to learn C++. I know C#, Java and Ruby. Should I go Directly, or there is some sort of path?

How long it takes to master it? I am a quick learner, I catch things a lot faster.

What impact it has on my skills?

Is it really a nightmare to learn?

So let me get this straight: Minecraft Bedrock edition is essentially Microsoft being like "lol let's just quickly recode what they did over the years in Java, but in C++ and in a weekend"?

What a fucking flex.

what, no rants about Java devs and their #-ness of C-ing? seems like a good place!

You know what the best invention is for devs?
It's not JS, not C++, no IDEs, not VIM, not VSCode, not Linux, not Apple, not a computer (🤔).

It's coffee :) hmmmm....

I have a local variable that is completely unused, can be of any name or type as long as it's assigned.

Yet, if I delete it the program no longer works.

Huh?

Going back to C++/C#/Java from Swift is like: What is the point of all these brackets and semicolons?!

What is the messiest C++ program ever?

I think I fucked up today's interview. Opening with non-technical questions really threw me off kilter.
"What happened the last time you conflicted with another team member?"
IDK, ask me what "static" means in C# or just let me solve "FizzBuzz".

Please share C++ advice for devs new to the language. What do you guys think is the fastest route to self learning C++ development for infrastructure systems and please suggest resources.

This is the basic program of C Language. What will be the output?

The borrower

Dart: Can I borrow your let?
JavaScript: Fuck off!
Dart: Please spare me your var then... You don't seem to need it anymore.
JavaScript: I said fuck off weirdo!

Dart: Can I borrow your var?
C#: 🧐... Kotlin. Is that you again?
Dart: No, I'm Dart.
C#: That what?
Dart: Haha, Just Dart.
C#: So, you need my var?
Dart: Yes, and also your String.
C#: Just that.
Dart: and your int, your bool, double and List
C#: Just that.
Dart: All your types... Maybe.
C#: 🚍☎️🗃️💺📺🛏️🎻🔦 🧤 Here you go.
Dart: Thanks💃

Dart: Can I borrow your pointer?
C: 👴 Huhh?
Dart: Your pointer. Yes that pointing stuff.
C: Borrow what?
Dart: Your pointer.
C: Poin...
Dart: Pointer!
C: Ponita
Dart: 🏃...
C: Here is my Pony bear... Hellooo. You there?

Short question: what makes python the divine language for ML and AI. I mean i picked up the syntax what can it do that c++ or java cant? I just dont get it.

Obligatory I hate C++ rant

And no, I don't care what anyone has to say, you have to be masochistic to enjoy working with this crap

what do you recommend for me to learn about next?
I have learnt about:
- web frontend/backend (php)
- android and java
- c, c++, nasm, gnu assembler
- parallel computing
- cli operating systems

with that background, what would you recommend?
I'm considering:
- neural networks
- making a server
- ethical hacking
- starting a blog

What would be your recommendation to Code in c++ to challange him besides a fcking Hello World Program.

So I just started learning programming specifically c# cause that's what my dev uncle recommended for beginners. I hope I can meet interesting and good people around me :)

Being asked to produce a graph for metrics a, b and c and then being invited to the two hour "a, b and c" meeting to explain what they mean to the people that asked me to graph them. That's rapidly becoming my "job description"...

I need help with learning .NET (C#) i need a project that is easy and that I can learn from. What did you guys do to learn .NET

Why is installing the C/C++ compiler and build tools such a pain in the arse on windows? Just wanted to use the spacy package which uses CPython now I have to install gigabytes of shit and move some dlls and exes around just so I can install the fucking package. What the fuck is wrong with this shit.

i want to start learning C but i dont know what book to get , can anyone advice any books or source that will help me learn it !

Is it coincidental that the two most important keys that help us devs build our CVs, the C and V keys are inline on our keyboards? And look at that Ctrl key...That's what happens after too many rounds of copying and pasting...All hail Ctrl, C and V keys

Going back to java after over a year of c and cpp.

System.out.println("yeah I still got this");

System.in......what was the console object called again

What the fuck is this piece of shit called Ubuntu? I was writing an automation tool on my local PC (ArchLinux) in c++ 17 (c++1z or whatever). Finished it today. Working and compiling so everything is fine. Went to my server, git clone, make.

Okay some errors because I havent installed my networking libs yet. So I installed them.

Make.

Error because I was using a c++ feature only available in c++ 17. But wtf. I told g++ I wanted to compile with c++ 17 support. I mean... On arch it compiled fine. On centOS it at least told me that it doesn't know c++1z (it was some really old centOS). BUT JUST TELLING ME ITS BECAUSE I SUCK AT PROGRAMMING?? THAT IS SO NOT OKAY. MY CODE IS LEGIT ISO C++ 17. FUCK UBUNTU. Installing Arch on my server now because I can't handle this shit anymore...

!Rant
What languages do you guys most commonly use?
Do any of you use C#? If you do, what's your job?

C# or c++. Hi im starting to learn programming and i have to decide between c# or c++. I use linux as my os. What do you think?

What do you think about future of C Language

What is the best Linux distributions for programmers? Am doing C/C++ programing with Ubuntu right now.

Started learning SML
I don't know why.
So far it's like only being able to use macro-defined functions in C, except it's really anal about type use.
What twisted, saddistic SOB invented this?!
I miss C

So I'm soley a Java developer, and I got the task of making a server so I was like what a great time to learn C++ or something. With no prior knowledge of what c++ looks like I make a new project and open the damn template to be confused asf on where to start. I lookup some hello world tutorials and now I'm even more confused. Thanks C++

Any Indian students here?. Are you guys still using Turboo C++ to teach programming?.
Also what about microprocessor?. Still 8085?

C:
char greeting[] = "Hello world";

Developers: char array... What da f*CK!

C++
... Okay.

std::string,
std::string_view,
char*,
std::wstring,
hstring,
qstring...
How about now? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

what a day :'C

In C# should I be using collections over normal arrays?

What’s the difference and what are the benefits of using collections?

So frustrating to learn Swift when I already know objective-c. It's like I know what I'm doing, but really, I don't

"Ok, now I know what todo with a, b and c but what to do with d?"

"You re-tar d."

Trying (for fun) to run a GNUStep Obj C program that calls c headers has proven something to me:
I really do not know what I am doing with makefiles and should probably slowly and respectfully walk away to continue doing what i was doing in c++

Kids, documentation reading is important.

I also do happen to really like objc

I wonder the creator of jQuery , Objective C , Erlang, what were they smoking while creating these programming languages......

Whenever I code in Erlang (server side) or Objective C (iOS) I can feel that the creator is damn high...

Objective C is weird that I have to call an object by allocation . Like get me thinking is that OOP? Or Functional.

I took part in the selections for the Italian Olympiad of Informatics. First question:
Preferred language?
1. C/C++
2. Pascal

What if I only knew Java, COBOL, or Python? It just seems like such a limiting thing, is it normal?
Does it happen in other countries too?

what is it that starts with C and ends with R?
A lame and limited college course

Seeing some Ruby just reminded me of something.

Fuck Objective-C. What kind of lazy fuck makes C object oriented by stapling SmallTalk to it? A better name would be "C: Now with Dissociative Identity Disorder...oh and objects".

Apple apologists make excuses for this miserable language all the time...why? Because it's the only thing Apple would give you?

Swift is definitely an improvement though.

What linux distro do you guys use?
I was looking for a simple one to start with. For now i just use it for C, Java and some python.
What distro should I pick?

apart from c,c++,java what should i must learn to add to my programming skills

So first time here seems awesome I'm an aspiring cyber security expert I know very basic c++ and I'm looking for people to talk to about what I should be doing

You can find so many tutorials, learning paths for C#, C++, python, angular, jss, java, etc.
But literally none for batch file programming (if that's even what it's called) so little documentation on cmd.exe and writing .bat files :'(

Can someone please please help?
Just point me in the right direction?

inb4 google it

One thing that is really difficult is when you are writing let's say C code for months, and then you switch to C# or Python, you immediately use C-style logic and forgo the easier, shorter Python syntax!

I did a python kata on the Codewars website. After submitting it, I realized my solution was like 10x longer than every other solution. Talking about hand in face.

Stuck to basics and forgot about Python's amazing shortcuts. What are you going to do!

So I saw something funny today (in C++ forum):
C++ is Rust--

The topic was not Rust in any way. So I lost the "Can I go one day without hearing about Rust?" game today (You won The Game btw).

What I find funny about this is the obsession of Rust devs have with C++. I get it, C++ is the competition in a way. But isn't it a low bar to define your language as "better than C++"?

If I had never seen C++ (and had used other languages) and saw Rust syntax I would not be impressed. If it was the first thing I learned I wouldn't know any different I suppose. I wonder if I had seen C++ later I would think differently about C++. It is not pretty, but I am used to it I think.

This gets complicated as the C++ committee is influenced by trends in CS of how to better do things. So C++ is a moving target.

I don't really have a point other than the amusing observation. I find it equally amusing when people get bent out of shape over Python syntax.

if((fabs(a - 0.0) > 0.00001) ||
(fabs(b - 0.0) > 0.00001) ||
(fabs(c - 0.0) > 0.00001))

What have you seen dear traveller? What have you seen?

Is c a good language to learn. Or c++ or C#. What projects can you do with the languages i mentioned.

What did the Java code say to the C code? You've got no class.

What would you do if for one day the ctrl, v, c keys didn’t work?

Am I the only madman writing C++ with 8 spaces per tab? (Converted to spaces, to be sure. What are we, savages?!)

Can someone explain me if and when should I use get and set in C#? And what are the advantages compared to for instance "value = 1"?