Next time I see a constructor with 22 parameters. I'm gonna report whoever wrote that to the police

I have a teacher that does nothing but reading from powerpoint slides.
Wrote a script that does a better job.

That first HTML page that I wrote and saw changes in the browser accordingly.

After an hour of debugging, realised that I wrote =+ instead of +=.

I will just to go in a corner and cry for a minute. brb guys.

I started working in 2014. In one of my first jobs they gave me a virtual machine running Windows 2000.

I had a conversation that went more or less this way:

Me: «Why a so old OS?»
Boss: «Because we rely on an old library which has been compiled on Windows 2000»
Me: «What library is it? Who wrote it?»
Boss: «We wrote it. It belongs to our company.»
Me: «Can we try to port it on a more recent OS?»
Boss: «Oh, we've lost the source code a long time ago...»
Me: «...»

Co-worker: "I wish I understood how this program worked"
Me: "I wish I understood how THIS program worked"
Co-worker: "You're the the one that wrote that"
Me: "Your point?"

My boss has a camera in the office for "security" reasons and I happen to be just right under it, exposing my computer screens to it. So I wrote a script that sends me an email whenever the camera port is accessed.

Wrote some codes that uses your photos to compose an input image. Will post code later. Written in Python though. Also this is my dad. Also I wrote this in Yellowstone cuz I didn't like the view lol.

I had this coworker who was proud that he's the only one who can understand the code he wrote.

That's not something to be proud about.

I'm here, wide awake at 4:30 am... Not because my brain is stuck on a problem, but because I am so happy with the code I wrote that I'm too excited to fall asleep.

I wrote (or, ended up with a very much alpha but usable version) a monitoring system a while back and completely forgot about its existence.

But, it's still running and a few days ago I was building a docker imagine on a system with not that many resources and after about 5 minutes I started getting notifications about a high load!

Then, while I had forgotten about it again, yesterday, I suddenly started getting notifications about websites on my main application server going down.
Logged in and all was good again after restarting nginx.

Gotta say that it feels quite awesome to be notified of shit going wrong by something I wrote myself while I forgot about its existence 😊

Don't really have one but I've git to say that I find it rather cool that Linus Torvalds thought "fuck it, we need an open Unix alternative" and that a very big potion of the world runs on the kernel he wrote for a big part, now.

I wrote a function last week that makes no sense to me today.

So you detected that I wrote quit but oh no instead of actually quitting I get to know I have to write quit()

That's me currently. Can't understand my own code that I wrote a year ago.

When you drink a little too much and wake up to find you wrote a program called baconTranslator that translates everything you type to 'I love bacon"...

I had an interview with facebook, asked me to write something that sorts points on a parabola. Wrote it in java, tested output every step of the way with the interviewer watching.

Said they didn't like that I wrote pseudocode. You know, the kind that compiles and takes in dynamic input and prints the answer correctly to the console.

For april fools i added a code that reverses the user input password
and wrote " due to a bug occurred in our database all user passwords have been inverted. Our developers are working on this issue "

Dear, Random guy that I wrote you an answer on StackOverflow.

I spent 15 minutes GOOGLING the issue for you because you either were fucking lazy or don't know how to use Google.

I wrote an answer for you on your shitty question with -2 rep explaining how to solve the issue and you just replied thanks and didn't even bother to either upvote or accept my answer. Not only did I solve your question I did it to bloody help you and here you are with your attitude not accepting my answer, and replying with thanks that i feel like you didn't care for me writing your answer. You can bloody hell burn in hell. I hope there is a special place for you and people like you that magically go missing and never come back

I don't havey Friends , but the ones I have know me inside out.

I turned 18 yesterday , and what did I get for a gift , a literal 5 page C++ Program that my pals lovingly wrote for me. Compiling it right now. Let's see what it's got for me.

Uninstalling literally everything in my laptop including IDEs and tools. It summed up to 94 programs.

I then wrote a simple C# console app that automates the process.

It is running 28/94 currently.

I love being a programmer.

Every so often I remember that the code I wrote is running in production and real customers are using it and I feel a little bit sick

I wrote an app that tells me if a lottery ticket is winning. It takes a picture of the ticket, does OCR, finds the number lines and compares them with a remote json.
I live next door to a lottery shop.

Why the fuck would you assign two new values to the same variable in consecutive lines like that ? I swear this project is driving me nuts. Fuck the dev who wrote this.

Someone wrote a piece of code half a year ago. It's fuckin complex and recursive. And uncommented. Today it's my job to figure out WHY and HOW it works.
If it wasn't clear before, that someone who wrote it was me. I'm not sure if I was on some substances back then, but that shit is fast and I have no clue how I was able to create it. Perhaps it was the coffee overdose...

However, wish me luck figuring this thing out.

I just came across some code I wrote a year ago that I don't entirely hate.

I'm legitimately a bit worried.

Today I wrote a regex expression that worked on the first try. Today I learned that the hardest code to debug is bugless code.

Not an office prank, but when I was in high school we had some public computers and I switched some shortcuts for chrome and internet explorer, so when you clicked chrome, something that should not be called a browser would open.
And than I got the brilliant idea: I wrote a script camuflagged as a chrome icon that would launch 100 internet explorers. Legend says that people are still raging to this day.

Rant Init...

That moment you write some magnificent code and everyone is sleeping so you can't share it with anyone but you feel like the room should turn into an exciting musical where you win an award. (Best code can ONLY be written between the hours of 12am and 6am)

The next day, you try to explain to your significant other (user) how amazing this new genius way of doing that "thing" was, in hopes of sharing your excitement but all you get is a "you're such a dork" instead.

You may even try to share it with a coworker or fellow programmer but somehow they just don't see how exciting it is for you.

Rant completed...

Today I wrote a Neural Network in python for the first time, that could identify between strings, numbers and dates. Although the feat may look small it's a very proud moment for myself

I need to make a confession. I wrote shell scripts that will automatically turn on my system and will download games and movies for me after office hours, using office internet

On my first day at work realising that I would be working on a code base with 1.5 million+ lines of code and the only documentation is half a paragraph some guy wrote the day before he left 😑

I just wrote a nested ternary in my code

I have become that which I hate.

I was checking an Arduino sketch I wrote in a hurry 2 years ago. I want to cry for the number of shit I've found there 😓
Picture + I had put as int variables that should have been boolean. I needed them for 0 and 1. As well as with no comments and no explicative names.

So today I accidentally wrote a non-termating for loop that sent POST requests en masse to our server and likely crashed it while I was peer programming with my team lead, how's y'all's day goin?

I just found this code snippet on Stackoverflow that decodes polylines from Google Maps.
I even doubt the genius who wrote it understands what it does.

Anyway,as long as it works am good.

Holy shit, wrote bitwarden an email and I shit you not, 15 seconds later I got a reply answering my question, not via bot but an actual human, then answered that email with a much more detailled question and got an answer yet again 25 seconds later, insane. 😶

Teacher told me to write "I must do my homework" 100 times.

I wrote a for-loop that outputs "I must do my homework" 100 times.

More of a college prank
We had this professor who used to send at least 3 emails to us about non sense stuff. Irritated i wrote a Python script that sent her 10000 emails everyday. The emails stopped!!

I worked as a sysadmin. I was taking over a position from another, who’d stop 2 weeks after I started, so he introduced me to everything in those days.

In the company we were 2 people (3 the first 2 weeks) managing servers. When rebooting windows servers and windows asked for a reason for rebooting, he told me that he always wrote -.- while the other guy wrote .-. so they could recognize who rebooted the server

I wrote code yesterday, that functions the way it is supposed to.

I do not understand my code today.

The moment when you can look back at all the comments you wrote to yourself well over a year ago that go along the lines of:

"Don't delete this!"

"I know this looks weird, but trust me!"

"You coded this drunk, you couldn't remember how, and you wrote this comment to remind you that you couldn't understand it sober."

Can all be brushed away, along with the kinda hairy code when you realise that in your attempt to ensure you didn't break code that worked and wasted time trying to understand that you didn't have the experience to solve it, you now have the experience to solve it.

I guess I had such huberis that I assumed I'd never understand a certain problem...

What is your "WTF" commit message you see in your project?

For my case my Junior wrote this "Hey, Senior can I f** your girl for one night?" which lately he got fired as I showed that to my Manager.

sometimes in my head i go through code i wrote some time ago and think: "did i think of this case? if that happens something could go very wrong." when i look at the code i see that i already thought about it and catched the case back then. then i am like "daaaamn i am good".
do you know that feel? :D

When I wrote a script to automate my commits to SVN... And then used that script to commit itself.... Pure bliss :)

I just wrote this piece of code. Without googling. Call me regex king!
But in fact regex is not that hard, you just have to learn the syntax 😄

Saw a lot of posts on social media recently where people highlight a specific quote/sentence from a book/ebook and post it's picture online.
It only I could do the same with the killer ass functions I wrote, or the fifth degree nested ternary operator line of code I wrote that makes the whole component work and is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

My professor asked my to write a method that recursively reversed() a linked list. Wrote an iterative version with the same name and called it in the recursive method. How I felt after she wrote 100 for my presentation...

What the hell was I thinking at when I wrote this nice interface wrapper...

What bothers me more is that gcc didn't warned me about such obvious recursion...

For several years now, I have been writing programs for myself. I have been publishing the source code for them, but none of them ever got much traction. Then I wrote a program that existing users on social media could just interact with without installation (because even that is too much apparently).

When I wrote the programs for myself with others secondary, I had logic problems to solve and dealt with fucked up API's. Now I still have that problem, but I also have to deal with user retardation. They are not using the program in the way I wrote it to be used, at all. They are not passing arguments where there should be, they are running commands that are still under development and therefore (rightfully IMO) available to only me. I am the one being blamed, why doesn't this thing work?

I'd like to rephrase their question to me. Why are you user not using the goddamn program properly? Why should I need to make half the goddamn code account for users' sheer level of retardation?

Yes, users are retarded. And it's not a battle we can win. Earlier I heard this saying that "every time you make your tools more foolproof, the universe invents a better fool".

Wrote my first Gnome Shell extension.

It shows the propability that my favourite streamer on Twitch streams today with a statistical algorithm I only wrote for this purpose.

I feel a bit cool now, yeah, maybe more than I should.
But it's so exciting!

I really truly want to run my own dev blog, but every time I write an article, I feel that it's too dumb and useless because I already know the thing I wrote. I know it's absurd, yet I can't fight my own anxiety about it.

!rant

Im going to boast for a second. I wrote a lockless multi producer c++ thread pool that scales linearly, doesn't eat cpu on no work, and has a proper packaged_task + futures interface. It's fucking awesome, and that is all. Thanks for reading 😎

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSIGNING PROD BUGS WHEN I'M ON A FUCKING VACATION ?!?

Oh wait I wrote that code...

Welp

Python rant

Where the hell is Break key?!

Story: I wrote multithreaded python script and went to Lab to test it. Script got stuck (one thread died) and I needed to stop that thing, but how without magic Ctrl+Break?

Damn you Dell with your slim and minimalistic keyboards!

When I review a code that I wrote 4 months ago

This Twitter Bot will make you addicted to Books.

That is the title I came up for this post.

Anyway I just wrote a new Twitter Bot that when tweeted the name of the book that you last read, it will reply back with a related book suggestion.

Feel free to take it for a spin and share your interesting finds. I know you will try to break it :)

I am sooooo very happy & grateful that my coworker wrote down this comment.. I'd have been lost without it! :/

My last day before vacation, Friday after hours,
Me as a Junior dev, not that experienced with bash.
An unfortunately with root on a prod machine.
I wrote a script and wanted it to stop at a specific point, but couldn’t remember which of those cmd it was so I wrote all of them.
Quit
Close
Stop
Halt
Exit

Ran the script.
Wanted to kill myself.
I haven’t had the privs to turn on the VM again.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
🤦🏽‍♂️
I definitely learned a lot!

Been there for two weeks

[Team lead] why didn't you deploy to production like i told you, while i was sick?
[Me] nobody told me i should do that
[TL] i wrote you on slack
[Me] I'm pretty sure you didn't
*TL scrolls through history, can't find proof*
[TL] okay I can't find anything, I probably told you in a hangout call

He did not, I would remember that...

The year was 2015
I was working as an engineer for a mobile operating system that's not Android or iOS.
My commit was approved and shipped just to find out later that one of the variables that I was supposed to name slotsNumber, I actually wrote it slutsNumber 🤔 🤷‍♂️

Turns out I had some conversion issues and timing issues in the SD card file parser that I wrote... wtf it worked before I swear

It fully works now!!! I can now finally load presets from an SD card and apply them to the screen at my leisure.

I wrote almost all the java code in Main.java
why did I do that?
WHY DID I DO THAT?

I just wrote this stub function for my test and thought it was a bit ridiculous and had to share.

A function that returns a function that returns an object with just one function

Am I the only one who doesn't judge a programmers contributions by commits or change history?

Frequently I'm always near the bottom of contributors, because I don't make a million commits when it's broken. And I don't commit lines that will likely disappear in later commits. I like to finish a function, test it, check it, rework, and then make a "made function()" commit, as apposed to:

"Wrote function()"
"Wrote unit tests for function()"
"Fixed error"
"Code cleanup"
"Style guide compliance"
"Reworked function()"
etc.

Sorry that I keep my commit history clean and ensure it builds.

A friend of mine wrote a script that blinks the IP (in binary) of his raspberry pi.

I mean, I'm both disappointed and intrigued.

I just wrote 80+ lines of tests for a 30 line module and I was really mad at myself for wasting my time like that, until I remembered that while writing those tests I did actually catch several really tricky bugs and it didn't even take that long.

Today I have attended one Interview.
Interviewer asked me to write two programs. I wrote .

Even I wrote it correctly, he did not convinced.

He has his own logic in his mind, he told me my programs are wrong.

How can I write the logic in his mind?
Every one had their own logic.

Wrost day in my life , I waited for that interview 10 hours. I felt very sad.

!dev sucks++
Soo, my GF who I moved to Germany for wrote that we needed to talk on Friday (today is Monday).
I was away for the weekend, and yester I asked what I could expect when I got home.
She wrote that we could hug, but not kiss...
One short phonecall later, she had broken up...

So now I will have to figure out what I will do... I don't have a home anymore (moved into her apartment), my job sucks, so nothing left...

Hold me

I regret commenting on a WordPress blog using my full name. Although there was nothing stupid on what I wrote, I just hate it that I googled my name and it showed. I just want to delete my useless information / myself on the internet.

Never will this happen again.

After 10 years maintaining the same codebase, I sometimes find features in the system that I wrote years ago and I forgot they existed, like "Cool, I didn't know the system was able to do that, I completely forgot, I wonder how it works, and God knows how I wrote this shit, let's see..".
I've even found myself starting to implement features that already exist, and then having to revert the changes.

Have you ever looked at code you had written years or even decades ago and asked yourself either:

1) How this this even work?

2) What the hell does this do?

3) or, I can’t believe I wrote that. (In horror or serendipitously)

A colleague of mine worked 1,5 day solving a programming challenge in our project. Today I thought of another possibility, wrote it in half an hour, and showed it.
I got a speech about teamwork and that I should learn it. I feel bad about it, but should I?

some people are just worst than the devil.

int main()
{for (int i=0;i<5;i++)
{for(int j=i;j<5;j--)
{printf("*");
}printf("\n");
}
}

(some dude from class wrote that)

Just spent 30 minutes confused as hell because an API call I wrote just randomly stopped working.

Forgot that I hardcoded an ID for testing purposes and then ended up creating a new object with a new ID.

Needless to say... they didn't match. Explains why my query retrieved zero results.

Part of the commit message I wrote yesterday after discovering that I used break instead of continue to skip a foreach iteration.

Wrote a library that helped the start up I was working for solve a major issue and get funded

updated my app and wrote "nobody reads this :/" into the changelog. did not thought that i was wrong :D

When that script I wrote for a Minecraft mod to emulate the behaviour of another Minecraft mod behaved exactly like the imitated mod

So I wrote a few functions that draw this graph and sent the graph to my math teacher as a joke. And he asked me "Is this that "see" program ?" I didn't know how to react, so I just said Nope, It's not😶..

hey helo i doNT GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU CANT READ MY DOCUMENTATION AND SPAM ME WITH QUESTIONS THAT HAVE THE ANSWER WRITTEN IN THE SPECIFICATION YOU WROTE IM PLAYING FUCKING LEAGUE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT

Wrote a language using C in a few days that can execute this:

If you have the base correct, it gets boring.

I spend a lot of time in research to write smth like this

The help command I just wrote does not seem to be that helpful... :/

Few days ago I wrote function that finds occurrence of value in array:

function findOccurrence(value, array) {
for (var i = 0; i < array.length; i++) {
if (value === array[I]) return true;
}
return false;
}

But there's already [].includes() function in JavaScript.

Here's me sitting in the exam thinking all about my code I wrote the previous night. Suddenly brain strikes that I forgot to pass one function somewhere in the code. So I submitted my paper and left to debug the code.
Code ran but I failed in the exam :D :P

I have no idea how this code that I wrote last year work and there's obviously no documentation but thankfully I gave my classes very useful names such as "YuDoDis", "Texter467", "TheHolyButton", "GARBAGE", etc. Fucking hate myself sometimes.

!rant
Today I showed some of my non-programmer friends results of a simple program I wrote (very simple but very visual). They really enjoyed it and even thought of alterations I was able to implement.
I really enjoyed feeling that what I do has meaning 😊
Hope you have a good day!

I wrote this and wonder if it is actually useful. This is a function that eliminates the need for document.getElementById. In the HTML you just set an attribute (jsv) to some value and this scoops that up and puts it in the global scope for you to use.

Neat or shit?

This is a RISCV Emulator that I wrote. I started 2PM and finished 4PM next day. This is the outcome. :)
half of those 26 hours were reading the ISA manual 😅 bc I'm dumb and I take ages to understand.

Back in the days, before apache, I wrote a plugin for all Mac web servers that worked like mod_rewrite.

Had a user base of >20.000 users and one of them was the webmaster of Apple 😎

Once spent 2 hours figuring out that I wrote succes instead of success in a jquery ajax call

This experience helped me write success properly on an English exam, so at least it was helpful

1) Read the wiki on git. I probably have enough shorthands and test methods that you won't need much other shit to debug issues.

2) when debugging, remember that if it is there, there's a good reason why I put it there.

3) commented-out code is probably useful for maintenance. I left it there for a good reason. 😛

4) chances are whatever I wrote, was the state of the art at the time I wrote it. There might be better ways to do it now tho.

5) I always work modular. First, understand the structure. (probably also documented on wiki) DO NOT fuck up the structure. If you change it, you document it.

6) If you feel I wrote shit, it's probably because management annoyed the living shit out of me. Pun intended.

7) Your confusion is normal. I don't do dumb shit.

Seniors: I wrote it like that because I had deadlines, you wrote it like that because you're a moron.

The performance is based on how much code you wrote that day.

Not mine though, i heard/read it from somewhere else.

But that’s fucked up, right?

Today I was working on an issue related to adding icons to external links. I'm no CSS ninja, I never claimed to be. Somehow I wrote some really nice CSS that works well cross-browser. Now I'm scared they're gonna think I'm good at CSS.

I wanna kill the person that wrote this in a different way for every fuckup made.

Few days ago i niticed one of my (site) accounts was deleted for inactivity. I thought fuck it, ion use that site, lets have fun. I wrote an email to get it restored:

"Sorry i got ass cancer and it took dr lil pump 2 years to cure me and couldnt use the site from the hospital"

Today, i got an email that i got my account back.

I once wrote a few really nice creative generic classes for an ASP.net project. Later, senior decided that we have to rewrite the whole thing, so he initialized a new project from a template and added my files in helpers/ as a starting point.

Wrote a small code to test my "Reset Password" feature, service console kept printing: User not found and returns 404

I was 100% I added that user manually to the database....

Well it turned out I added that user to the wrong database. I need to sleep T_T

Comment that I wrote for a function that is about to go on a production soon 😭😭😭

I was interviewing for a new position that would be primarily Android development with a chance that I would help out on iOS when necessary. When I got their coding challenge, it had to be done for iOS in Swift. Made no sense, but now I can say I finally wrote a project in Swift.

Reading the code that i wrote years ago, FUCK OLD ME

During my rookie days I used to glorify the fact that I wrote production grade code using vim.

Lol, explains why I would delay on delivery

Hi , im new to programming and codings and my task is to make a output that outputs even number only ( not odd number) so i wrote this codes but its so complicated for me. Is there a better way to write it?

Thanks dears,,

I wrote a program to check if there are empty rooms and email me when the room I want is empty.

So I ran it, and I got the email, But by the time I went to the info desk, that room was taken.

I don’t know why I wrote that program wasting except to waste my time.

Sometimes, usually during the evening, I lower the lights in the living room, put some of my greatest Scotch in a glass, and stare at this fine and beautiful piece of code I wrote a long time ago that I am really proud of.

That one time I was working on the Mattis quote but wrote “everyone” instead of “everybody” by mistake so started over. Awkward place to stop, I feel. Thought I’d share.

I once had to do instruct some students about doing some project. On the first day, I gave some task and on the next day I checked all of them. Once you write codes for years you can realize what can a newbie write. I asked if he wrote that code by himself. And he was sure of it. But he did not know that that code was taken from my blog.

Just wrote a script that takes anything correctly tagged and pushed to master from gitlab, pushes it to the server, builds a jar and creates a docker image from it. On the one hand I'm happy that I don't have to do it from hand anymore, on the other hand I get the feeling I'm automating myself out of a job...

When I first started my current job, 2.5 years ago, I helped write the class that told the machine how to dispense and deposit money.

When the other programmer left, I decided to refactor that section. I wrote a new class that told the machine how to dispense and deposit money.

We are integrating new hardware that has a very different protocol of communication. I am making a library that will convert universal commands into vendor specific function calls. I am writing a new library that tells the machine how to dispense and deposit money.

I just wrote a function with a while loop AND recursion because I wasn't paying attention.

That was fun. Also, MySQL isn't happy right now. I'm posting while I'm waiting for my local service to restart.

Yesterday, I wrote that Paypal password reset is kinda broken.

Well, today I found out that they have limitation to 20 chars in password and, if you paste longer one, input field will accept only 20 and rest is gone. And all that happens without warning. I mean, you can see only 20 dots, but who is counting password dots?

Look honey, I wrote this little function that calls an api and submits 80% of the data to my submit form based on the input you give it, ain't that cool?
Her: "Yeah that's okay"
Me: Yeah, yeah it is..

Sitting here looking at the shit spaghetti I wrote yesterday (that works) and wondering if it'd be easier to add more spaghetti for the feature I need to add or "do the right thing" and fix 1800 lines before I move on...

It took me way too long to understood what I wrote few weeks ago. After looking at the code for few minutes and looking at my db structure, I finally realized. I also instantly remembered that I wrote that "user is shown as ad" comment hoping I will not confuse myself in future. Apparently I failed.

Temporarily added next line of comment to help the future me.

Deep down I know that I should change function name itself to become clearer, more meaningful and easier to understand.

But writing that comment, making those screenshots, combining the 2 images in Pinta and writing this rant is faster than thinking the new name.

So, the other day, I was working on a Angular Web app which included the YouTube Api. In the event listener, I wrote that when a video ended, a next one would start (from our database).
Guess what. It didn't work.
Then, I wrote a console.log();
It freaking worked! Then, I removed the console.log. It didn't. I tested cases for like half an hour and it still baffles me, why the hell would an output change everything?
devGod works on mysterious ways...

I'm a coder student that make some small projects for customer in the free time.
The actual one hired me for a small program in c++ but he needed it finished in max a week.
I wrote all the logic in 4 day and then I asked for the final design UI to finish it but after 10 days i'm still waiting for an answer to my mails...
Yesterday i wrote him on WhatsApp...
He blue-checked my mex...
In the next days I will hunt him at work to get some explaination...

Everyone's saying "oh my, I'm so ashamed of my code I wrote 4 days ago, it's so horrible"

Well... At least you can relate to someone. When I look at my project's code I wrote half a year ago (or sometime before that) I'm genuinely surprised to see I'm not browsing some library's codebase - the abstraction layers, the generics, the structure... it's brilliant! It's as SOLID as it gets.

I never used the SQL in my life that is why i wrote NoSQL in my cv

A client once send me an email and wrote that his internet connection is down. I replied asking him to just reboot his pc. He thanked me later on.... What can I say....

I've created a code review for merging someone else's code, coz they were signed off sick for the last month.

They're making comments about how it's wrong.

It's code they wrote, but restructured to be more readable.

They wrote incorrect code that was just so illegible they didn't realise.

How do I explain this diplomatically?

when u feel that u wrote some godlike code. 2 months later client wants to add new features. then u realize ur code needs major refactoring. "what was i thinking, far from godlike"

Do not, I repeat... DO NOT approve a pull request that you cannot adequately review. You're more to blame than the person who wrote the code in the first place when it fails.

going through some really shitty code that I wrote a while back rn, reminded me of this

That bad feeling when you leave a project aside for a few weeks and then when you finally decide to continue it you don't understand the code you wrote...
I'm searching a solution for something I already solved once again. FUCK!

Found this beautiful piece of code, that I wrote apparently a year ago .... oh my 😂 🤦‍♂ 😅
If I could travel back in time, I would would slap myself for doing this. Although I remember, why I did this, because of many min()/max() operations that I needed. I wanted to keep the code, so that I would know, which code piece belonged to which part, but man ... is that badly written! Nowadays with Clean Code style, I would certainly do it differently.

Just got an email from my company that a http server app I wrote years ago exposed the whole server it runs on because of a misconfig parametered...

Can use it to read any file using server.com/path/to/file

So i I got confused on how xor works and fucked up the whole interview
That is after writing all code correctly

I wrote the truth table wrong
I am doing this for 7 years now how can I make this mistake ☠️ fml

A friend of mine (beginner) wrote a Python script that calculated the derivative function of an function the user typed in. He showed it to me and
I said: "You should not use eval()!"
He: "Oh, ok. May you write a parser?"
I: "Wait! It's ok. Just use eval!" 😂

To the 8 months ago *me*.

You're an idiot learn how to properly keep a changelog I just spent almost an hour fixig that freaking spaghetti mess you wrote!

When I find that code I wrote when I was a beginner..

Someone blocked access to AWS RDS database and for the past few weeks I can't access the database from my machine when connected to our company network.

Created support ticket to internal IT team and someone closed the ticket. I re-opened the ticket and in the comment someone wrote "Their team doesn't handle AWS access".,

Wrote email to the director of infrastructure and that asshole replied to me asking some questions and after that his been ghosting me for past 2 weeks.

I'm tired and I don't have energy to do any more follow ups.

A coworker asked me about a specific tool because he "had heard" that I had some experience with it, whether that tool would allow a certain use case, and whether there was some documentation.

Wait, in which project was that? None of mine anyway, hmmm... ah that one, from a few years ago. Who wrote the reports back then? Can you guess?

THAT MODDAFOKKA!

Don't know.

All I know is that I suck at calculus but I write good code.
Weird.

If I would have to decide, early on I wrote random stuff 'til it worked.
Then I attempted to comprehend what I just did and started reading books.

That's probably when I first understood what I was doing.

Pro tip: always make sure your methods return the correct variable.

I’m currently working with deep neural networks using tensorflow. I needed to generate some test data and wrote a program to create it. I had two text files which each consisted of approximately 5000 lines of text.

I wrote a method that should sort out some words, and make my final data shorter. When I executed the program first time on our server, it spent about 25 minutes, then crashed due to MemoryError (which in Python means that the server didn’t have enough ram). That seemed quite weird since I only had about 10k lines of text, and I even sorted out a bunch of it, and the server has 128gb ram, and nothing’s using it.

Apparently I returned the wrong variable. That meant that my program tried to save 750 quadrillion lines of text rather than just a few thousand.

Always make sure to return the correct variables!

All software sucks, I overheard a colleague say. I used to be proud of what I wrote, but after 20 years I realize that I am never going to write perfect code. It may be good enough, but if that's all, than my colleague may be right. What a relief :)

After 2 days of trying to understand unclear requirements I got for a new project... I discover my boss wrote them....

From the description, it read like he flipped it around from what he actually wanted (there's a difference between parent-children and child-parent)

And he always gave me the feeling that he had gotten it from some business team so I spent 2 days trying to figure out who wrote these requirements so I could ask them.

FML....

AAAARRRGH!!! I wanted to rant! I wrote a huge text! I got really furious about it! Then drove through some area without Internet, looked something up in the browser, returned to devrant app - and THE FUCKING FUCK TEXT WAS GONE!!!

That makes me even MORE ANGRY!!

One guy asked me which notebook I would recommend to him. Then he wrote that he likes macbook air because it is thin but he is afraid of system which called iOS and he doesn't know if he can crack games on mac.

Boss found a bug, fixed it and told him it was commited. Replies couple days later with "you should really check your code better", after checking the live site. Told him that the code still isn't live, just commited (as I wrote), no reply. Admins...

Not exactly vacation, but there was this nice-to-have feature in our application that I coded up in the hospital after my wife gave birth to our son. I wrote it during the downtime while they were both sleeping.

After finnishing all functionality defined in koncept our boss said that we should write some unit tests.

Wrote first one and already found 2 bugs.
I guess we should start with tests earlier 😅😷

Tight deadline, codebase not mine, I wrote an hack that read a dom element in the page in js extract some data, append it to the query string and then refresh the page to get the desired result. All the rest of the logic is in PHP. I still feel guilty.

I sometimes wrote song lyrics in comment format on my code while i listen to the music, so my boss will think that i actually write some badass lines of codes.

Porting a very old program I wrote from Console to WPF app... looking at the source code, I'm amazed that it has been working all these years...

Two things: I wrote a program for the BBC that uploaded all their Top Gear content to YouTube and I wrote a web app that the Getty Images global sales team use to sell content to all their customers. :)

I always try to break my code when it works without errors the first time.

Just to be sure that the code I wrote is being used.

Anyone else?

I was part of shortlisting committee for workshop happening soon.

So I wrote a script to rank the entries according the answers given to particular question.

There was particular question asking " link for thier social presence?"
Guess what more than 60% ppl wrote as LinkedIn, github, stackoverflow..etc !!! instead of giving the URL.

So I thought of ranking these ppl low, out of frustration, and modified my algorithm such that if those were entries ,rank lower, but my algo failed for one entry which had linkedln as the entry and my algo Did not rank him down.
After 1 hr of debugging found that entry had spelling mistake it was spelled as Linked"L"n.(font was not able to differentiate)

F*** that guy !

Ok, so I know that in PHP, psr2-4 are good for making sure your code meets a good standard, but I'm somebody who did most of that rules with minor differences without thinking 10 years before they were created and when somebody points out that my code isnt psr compliant because i wrote

if($something === 0){…}
Instead of
if ($something === 0) {…}

I get fucking angry....

On a shitty day where your brain doesn't work, have you ever looked at some code you wrote, and actually get intimidated by whatever version of you wrote that? After stumbling around most of the day, read some beautiful code, I admired it, then realized, holy shit, I wrote this?

"Yeah, I don't know who that was, it looks great, how the fuck did I do that, and will I ever be able to do it again"

Like, I don't think I can, definitely not today, write anything even close to that.

bleh.

I dug up my old ledger web app that I wrote when I was in my late twenties, as I realized with a tight budget toward the end of this year, I need to get a good view of future balances. The data was encrypted in gpg text files, but the site itself was unencrypted, with simple httpasswd auth. I dove into the code this week, and fixed a lot of crap that was all terrible practice, but all I knew when I wrote it in the mid-2000s. I grabbed a letsencrypt cert, and implemented cookies and session handling. I moved from the code opening and parsing a large gpg file to storing and retrieving all the data in a Redis backend, for a massive performance gain. Finally, I switched the UI from white to dark. It looks and works great, and most importantly, I have that future view that I needed.

What are some of your Linux desktop preferences and workflow improvements?

I use Mutate for app launching, DDG searches, and a dozen or so scripts I wrote myself.

I like different URLs to open in specific browsers, so I wrote a script called xhttp that determines which browser to open with URL regexes, and used freedesktop to register it as a browser, and set it as my default.

Anything fun you've done?

I feel shitty cause I've never wrote near 100 lines of python code or just a large number of lines in any language. I want to write large amounts of code that will actually work.

Went through some of the first code I ever wrote and saw that I had typed bar == !true...

Oh how the times change

I'm so sorry for the code I wrote at work today, that I'm going to rewrite it in my free time

I'm down to write multi dimensional Git. I'm tired of losing the code that I wrote in my dream to go up in smoke every time when I woke up.
I just want to commit and push it to the dimension that I'm livin'. So that I'll have access to the code that I wrote in my dream.

*Writes magnificent class for company that makes code safer and faster. Nothing proprietary but super useful.

Me: yo boss I just wrote some sick shit, can I use it my projects too.

Boss: No, all your codenz belong to me

Me: focused on coding....

Manager: we have that call tomorrow with the customers it guy.

Me: sure.

Manager: could you write the questions down, so you don't forget it.

Me: I Am FUCKING CODING.... I WROTE THE FUCKING SYSTEM ITTSSS MINE I DON'T FORGET WHAT I WROTE YOU PIECE OF SHIT....

I've wrote the shittiest Assingenment ever. My college gave me 92%. I can't believe that they actually read it. I'm angry and also exited :D

Today my senior colleague asked me to write an inline style and make it !important and I started at him for 2 minutes before smashing the keyboard on his head and then I realised that it was just playing in my head so I stopped staring at him and went back to webstorm and wrote that !important inline.

When you accidentally revert (ankhSVN in visual studio) changes in code, and you lose all the code you just wrote. That feeling in the pit of your stomach... And the hot sweat/silent cursing... I fixed it so it's all good :).

I don't understand the code that I wrote yesterday everyday.

The most scary thing happens to me is that I wrote a code in staging without any bugs and breaks in production... fuck

Just found my first little game I wrote in c++ and opengl(like 5yrs ago). Need to rename over 300 file names, class names and for each class their members names and function names now because ewww how can you call vars in programming like that. Porting it to Linux now. Library linking is working yet. I remember how awful it was to do that shit in vs. In Linux its ez. Also wrote a makefile because vs always compiled my whole project every time I ran it (for whatever reason).

I think that's what I'm going to be doing as a side project this week.

So... I decided to refactor some of my old code that I wrote exactly 11 months ago, which was one month after starting work..

My first reaction was: "Was I so stupid?"

Second reaction: "why the fuck my supposed 'mentor' allowed me to write this bullshit?"

I wrote an algorithm that incorporates a 3rd party API. and the algorithm is so fast and optimized that I started to get 429 status codes from the third party API, asking me to slow down my requests, which I didn't think was an issue when I tested on local env.

Now I'm on purpose slowing down my code, to prevent that from happening.

Talk about suffering from success.

At my last job I was the only one who knew PHP, SQL, and Bash (for managing the linux server through SSH). I wrote PHP modules for their CMS that they still use today. I was hired as an intern and made $8 an hour.

I wrote a little webserver console app that would allow me to test another project without bypassing the DRM I wrote for it. Unfortunately, after compiling, the console app immediately closes on startup, not being at all thread safe. You might say, the worst tool I've ever used is one of my own creation...

I really fucked up thinking I had all the time in the world.
I also wrote very shitty code but I know that would've been hard to avoid, so it's cool.

Wrote a util program/script last week only to realize today that I already had one which actually did better....

Just couldn't remember it last week.

Somehow I wrote some code that ended up comparing a string type object against a pointer of an unrelated class. There are NO functions to convert that class to any kind of string representation. Let alone ones that would allow that to happen in C++.

WhyTF did the compiler not pick up on this?

My first experience with computer was when I was 4/5 years old. We had DOS computer. I did not know anything that time. How to start game or anything. So my dad wrote down steps on my notebook for starting the 'Dave' game. I played that game nearly 2 years, along with 'Prince'. This brings lot of dos memories. :)

So I've mentioned before that I'm pretty much the sole programmer for my robotics team. I'm on vacation for a week, and the other programmer has to take over.

Is it normal that, since I made the code work and wrote it almost all myself, I am fearful that she's gonna fuck it all up? I kind of want her to work on it slowly so I don't worry too much...

Today I trolled my Italian dev colegue by telling him that I like to listen to creepypasta but I wrote the word like this: "creepy pasta" he typed for 10 minutes but only sent the following:
"Your... listening to pasta Barilla ... ?"

I hope to troll him more in the future.

Had one of those unicorn coding moments where my from-scratch code worked the first time I wrote and tested it. That hasn’t happened in a long time.

I wrote a message to the scrum master complaining how unfair is that QA added new acceptance criteria after I finished the story

he sends me back a GIF

and that's all

How to interpret when you receive bugs reported for your application?
Should I be happy that someone is using them or just be sad that I gotta fix them and how poorly I wrote the code.

Note: will obviously consider turning some of them into features. Though not all.

Okaaay.....so after I got fucked at the technical interview i returned there the following day and wrote them code for a system that was actually on their pipeline
Left the thing 80% complete and they were like: Amaizing we will be in touch
And I left bouncing

I wrote a blogging platform around 3.5yrs back in PHP. My friend uses that, and apparently wants me to update the code. To which I refused saying that I am too busy. But the real reason is that it is one of the purest form of cancerous shit I ever wrote. I can't even look at that code now. Its like abandoning your own child, because it is too ugly... Here's a snapshot of the code, I don't even know what this does anymore..

Moral: Don't give your code to your friend no matter how shitty it is, you will end up providing lifetime support for it.

Sometimes, I use the Twitter's advanced search to find a tweet I wrote saying (sic) "DUDE, I LOVE YOU", because it also linked to a repository that I found (and still find) overly useful, but can't manage to remember anytime I need it.

out of curiosity, what phone do you have? 📱

I myself have a One plus one, first generation (w/ cyanogen logo on the back), won via a Python script that I wrote 😎 I also use the TugaPower ROM 🇵🇹

Other people.

Seriously how you wrote that shit I have to implement/maintain.

By far the most stupid email I ever got was a feedback to a documentation paper that I wrote.

The email's author went on a rant for long paragraphs, suggesting how the content should be structured, written, pictures suggestions ("something like a box with arrows" kind of description) only to realize, I guess in the middle of writing the email, that my approach was much more user friendly, easier to understand and to follow.

So, after this looong rant the email basically ends with "I see what you did there; forget what I wrote before. Cheers."

My brain stopped for that day. It couldn't handle it.

The shit code I wrote before my cs degree is marginally better than the shit code I write now. The lack of of improvement is related to the shit job I got after my degree. Cs degree did teach me a lot of good oo concepts and design.... That I rarely use due to shit legacy code I maintain.

Confession!!

Ohh Lord, Please forgive me. Today I committed a sin and tomorrow I will have to commit it again. I wrote a shitty code and will have to write it tomorrow also. I am so ashamed of myself. I promise, I will refactor the code before releasing it for code review. My excuse for doing the sin is that I want to make it work first, it is little complex. I hope, if someone will stumble on it, then that person will not judge me by few shitty snippets I wrote to make it work.
Thanks,
An embarrassed programmer

FUCK!!! I JUST FINISHED WRITING THE MOST AWESOME RANT BUT THE APP CRASHED RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO POST....

TLDR: I wrote an old app and now need it again and amazingly it works...

This pic is now not so effective anymore but that was how I was feeling when I was writing the original

Was feeling low started sifting through gallery and found this picture i snapped a year ago.. now i can't smiling. The algorithm i wrote was so shitty that it was using 4gb of RAM.
Never thought an error can make me happy

My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.

Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.

Wrote an Android app for the company I work for. Performed a re-write of their iOS application. Wrote that in Swift. Now working on .Net stuff. I don’t think i’m being paid enough for knowing all of these technologies.

Debugging an issue last week that involved a duplicate class. Took about 10 mins of debugging (console.log) to realize the function wasn't being called.

Me to the person I was helping: we should comment that this is deprecated, can you add it?

Today while reading over the (unchanged) code, I see a comment block above the class **that I wrote awhile ago** which says exactly that...

I can't entirely remember the code of my own web portfolio that I wrote a few months ago! The code is not even that bad, but I'm just tweaking stuff and building more on top of these ruins. There's a cost to rewriting something from scratch and it's not worth it. I'm using Jekyll and Github pages.

Silly mistakes while coding, fuck!!

I wrote a loop:
for(i=0; s[i]!='0'; ++i){
//Code
}

and thinking what's going wrong🤔
.
.
.
After sometime I realized my '\' wasn't pressed 😢😶

And after that:
SILLY ME 😁😁 is only thought in mind....