I fucked up hard for the first time yesterday at work.

Came in and expected a huge speech from the bossman.

He called me to his office:

Explained me where I went wrong and what I should do next time with a big smile on his face!

My GF just selected all files on her harddrive and clicked "Open".

The look at her face when she figured out what she have done.

BONUS: She restarts her computer, and upon start she selects Yes to the "Your computer shutdown unexpected, would you like to re-open the applications" popup 😂

When I try to motivate/advice someone and they still go on sad

New kid came to me in my break (while I was playing LoL) saying I should start coding (he had no clue what my role within the company is).
Said that if I won't get a career in league, I could just (as if it's done in a few minutes) learn coding and make a website with thousands of users (as if that is just done like 1 2 3).
Then with a big grin on his face he proceeded to say "if you ever have some issues with making websites, I could just come to him and he can teach me the basics of Javascript, HTML, CSS and PHP".
So I said: "and who are you?"
He told me his name and what he is going to do within the company.
So I said with a big grin on my face: "Ah, so you're the new kid the boss told me about, nice to meet you, from today on, I'll be your Senior."
I then saw his big grin disappear
then with a big smile on my face I proceeded to say: "If you ever have some issues, please come to see me and I'll be happy to teach you the basics of Javascript, HTML, PHP and CSS"

Then he walked away :^)

3 years ago.....

*lunch break. In a table with 2 other co-workers*

Me: "I am going to quit today!"
Co-worker 1: "What? I am going to do that today too!"
Co-worker 2: "Are you serious? I was planning to do that too today!"
Me: "Holy cow! Let's do that today the three of us, but I am going last one. I want to see his face (our CEO)".

After couple of minutes and disagreement, we agreed to do that.

When I told him (I was the last to tell himm), he was sweating and his face was red. Started to throw offensive words towards me. I was expecting that and came prepared. BUT, in the middle of his words saying "I hire you because no one would hire you" etc, quietly and with a smile on my face, I interrupted him saying, "Look, is this going to take long? Because I gotta go somewhere and I am not in the mood to listen to you!"

He started to shake from that rage he had inside him. I know he wanted to punch me. But nothing happened.

I still remember his face like it was yesterday. :P

Epilogue:
My aunt's husband and him were best friends. He called him saying what happened. Of course, I was the one to blame. Since my parent knew what kind of guy he is, they told me "You did good for being quiet, not screaming and not acting like a child!"

Our dev team got a new manager. On our first face 2 face meeting:

Manager: So, what technology are we using for web apps?
Me: TypeScript.
Manager: What is TypeScript?
Me: It's a superset of JavaScript.
Manager: Oh I know JavaScript, it's the latest version of Java, right?
Me thinking: He is joking. He tries to be the fun guy. Everyone knows the Java-JavaScript, ham-hamster joke.
Me later, also thinking: No he is not joking. Oh God, this is the end. We are all f*cked!

day 1 - colleague buys a mini need pistol

day 2 - other colleague buys a big nerf pistol

day 4 - other colleague buys a f#&$ nerf shotgun

day 7 - I buy a automatic nerf gun

day 8 - huge nerf war with other co-workers

day 9 - nerf weapons banned on the office

yesterday - wait colleague leave the office and shoot him on the face every time

today - everyone walking crouched leaving the office

Please, if you are the someone else's boss, don't ban nerf guns, it's worse..

The look on our interns face when he rebooted the wrong server by mistake.

I somehow want to make an ai that analyses porn videos and learns to distinguish the parts when he cums on her face. I would call it facial recognition.

Sorry.

So they were having trouble with the server always being slow and maxed to 100%, so the boss told me when wait times were hitting 5+mins due to server trying to catch up, he complained at me, said if I could get the wait time to 30sec to instant he would raise my pay to 90k a year, then walked away after I agreed, I was quite serious but I don't think he thought I was, so I decided to look over the system, IDK who but they put all the calculations and processing server-side for the CA's on floor then sent the completed view to the CA, so I spent months recreating the entire system except the server only pulled the data needed then the new client would do all the processing on their computer since they weren't doing anything anyways, I did a practice run today as its one of our peak days, wait times went to barely 5secs or "instant" according to CA's, I walked into the office, slapped that hourly report down after just two hours and showed the massive increase in employees production times.

That look on his face...
That look on my face...
That look on my next check...

Bliss

Dear Client,

I'm very proud that you made your own logo in Microsoft PowerPoint, without any design skills whatsoever, but I unfortunately cannot use the 50x50 pixel jpeg you sent me on a professional website.

Sincerely, your face-palming Web developer.

When your delivery manager is the stupidest fuckin manager ever born :/

"If you have android code ready then why can't you create iPhone build unh - since A=B, B=C so 'C' SHOULD EQUAL TO 'A' right - so use android code and create iPhone build TOMORROW - don't change the code just create a build in 2 hours and then work on xyz project for other 6 hours since its in HIGH priority"

WHAT THE FUCKIN FUCK..
MY DICK = YOUR FACE MOTHERFUCKER :///

Non dev co-workers: Dude add us on Facebook.

Me: I don't have Facebook.

Non dev co-workers: Instagram?

Me: I don't use Instagram.

Non dev co-workers: Oook, what about Twitter?

Me: I deactivated my account permanently long ago.

Non dev co-workers: Huh? So what the heck are you always looking at on your phone laughing and stuff?

Me: devRant!

Non dev co-workers: Huh?

Me: DEVRANT!! (*shows them devRant*)

Non dev co-workers: What the heck is that?

One of the co-workers: guys, he's a hacker.

Me: *face palm*

So I was with my friends on the subway and we were talking about an assigment we have due this week with trees in Java. I got to say, the face on the old ladie next to us when we said "we must kill all the children left in the tree" was just epic! She must thought we were talking about beating some little kids or something... 😅

Yes ! It's working !
Wait.. hang on..
This is too simple..
I definitely must've done some blunder that's staring me in the face..
Spends countless hours trying to find it.. breaking it a couple of times in the process..
Okay.. It's cool. It's correct. No blunders.

One time I wanted to use my mouse and it didn't work, the light was on and everything seemed normal, I flipped it upside down and I found a troll face sticker on the laser led ...

This put the first smile on my face this morning ...

While our co-worker was on vacation. We installed Win 95 on a usb stick and hid the stick inside his desktop case.

It was not an easy task to get it working on a modern hardware but it was worth it to see his face when that glorious Win 95 booted up instead of Gentoo.

So I'm working on a computer vision project that grabs video from my webcam and detects faces in each frame. Earlier yesterday morning I was capping out at 30 frames per second, which is what I believe to be the max for my webcam. As the day became night and I was wrapping up my work on a portion of the project, I noticed that my newly compiled version was only getting around 8 frames per second. Confused, I looked into my frame grabbing + face detection code.

"Maybe I can only detect faces in a certain region of the image, based on where the face was in the previous image?" No, still 8fps. Hmm.

"How about I lower the resolution of the image, that would definitely help!" I tried that, but no speed boost came either. What??

I start to dig deeper. Maybe I'm not linking my libraries correctly, and it's using an older library I compiled. So I recompile that. Nothing.

"Am I low on resources?" I close out of all my other apps. Nothing.
Okay, wtf. Now I just comment out the face detection code entirely, and only grab webcam frames.

8fps. ?????

Suddenly, I get an idea. I get out of my desk, walk over to the doorway of my room, and flip the light on. I sit back down, and run my code.

30fps.

The stupid webcam switches to "night mode" when it detects low light, which restricts its ability to output frames at high speed and caps at 8fps. Damn, I felt like a fool 😂

So today I was with my I guess 9-10yo cousin. He was playing clash of clans.
I told him, “you can also make this type of games”.
After this he was stared at me for like 25-30sec his face expression was awesome. Then said “seriously? I thought games are developed on a certain place where all the games are made.”
I said “no anyone can create games if you know how to code and all.”

After that multiple questions was on the way and I answered all for him.

But he totally amazed with this knowledge. And I felt good to.

I love to see the confusion in people's face when they ask to use my computer, open the browser, type "g", hit enter, and land on GitHub instead of Google. 😄

PM: Hey Brod, I know your really busy refactoring to ES6 but I think our Ruby app broke, could you fix it?..
Me: Ask Tom, he's the only one here who knows ruby he wrote the app..
PM: I didn't want to interrupt his Skype call.
Me: he's not on Skype, that's his face, he's taking snapchats.
PM: oh, well I don't want to really interrupt that either.

SAY YOU HATE ME. JUST SAY IT.

Yesterday I just secretly added my fingerprint on my friends phone(I knew his lock code too), and today I told him that i can unlock any phone with any kind of locks with my finger and unlocked his phone. You guys should have seen his face LMFAO. He's still begging me to teach him the trick 😁

PM finds my prized stress ball and draws a face on it. When asked why she said "it looked depressed".

THATS THE LOGO YOU DUMB BITCH. PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT

On the bright side... Good thing I have this stress ball to relieve my anger 😒

I have a client (a friend of a friend of a friend) who came to me to build them a "simple" booking solution for their home cleaning business. Easy enough, I first thought.

Having taken a deposit based on my initial quote and contracts all signed, roll on exactly 8 months to where I find myself today.

It turns out, there is no cleaning business as the business will be totally reliant on the website. The original goalposts have now been moved to a completely different fucking country. The (now) required functionality has STILL yet to be finalised (I told client I'm not writing another line of code until EVERYTHING has been mapped out and made crystal clear), as every single face-to-face meeting / back and forth email turns into the client requesting hundreds more brilliant, essential features that make absolutely ZERO fucking sense. And now, to top it all off and push me into writing my first ever rant on here, I've just received an email from the client this morning saying "what I would like to have is like an online restaurant live booking system". WTF?!?!?

I work from home and have only my dog for company today, so please don't judge me. Just needed to let it all out.

Worst experience: had a verbal fight with pm because his poor management overworked me ( I was working on the same project till 10pm every day for 4 days with no OT pay)

Best experience: I stepped up against an abusive pm and told him to fuck off to his face.

My face when a customer cancels the order to develop an online shop for them, just to instead build the shop on their own using a 5€/mo webpage builder.

The fuck?

Saw my GitHub project shared on social media. WTF? Guess what the thumbnail is everytime it's shared. Why does GitHub use my fucking face? Fork You!

**changing avatar...**

*girl in office call IT guy*
Girl: my computer isn't working
Guy: what happened?
Girl: screen is blank.. nothing on it
Guy: ok... I'll replace the monitor (starts unplugging)
Girl: wait.. wait.... I didn't took backup yet..
Guy: *face plam*

It’s that time again. I should be sleeping and instead I’m on here delirious with toothache and the dread of the dentist later.

So have a face reveal thread.

Told the recruiter about 4 times before my lunch interview that I was a working student (I could only take part time jobs).

Just as we sat down and got our food he asked me where I currently worked, and I gently reminded him that I was still, in fact, a student.

He had this weir look on his face as I had tried to trick him into a free lunch, as all the positions he had was for full time jobs.

Still ate the lunch and had awkward small talk the entire time.

TL;DR
Management eats shit for breakfast

Context:
I am the sole Dev on a project.

Stack: Postgresql, redis, nginx,Java with Spring Boot, Neo4j.

I am the only one nearly familiar with : Redis, Neo4j and anything Java.

I'm gonna be on vacation for the next 15 days since they have told me that we where gonna be on a "testing/feedback" period.

My vacation was approved.

Today's meeting: we have a URGENT deadline to meet some criteria that might be the difference between have further investment or not.

Urgent deadline: last day of my vacation.

My face: poker

My thoughts: attached image

My friend left their macbook unlocked, so we parsed the entire story of Moby Dick into the text to speech and left it in the background on full volume. Never seen such a confused face in my life.

I don't mind if you down vote my answers on stack-overflow. But unless you leave a better answer or a comment explaining why, you are a fucking troll and an asshole.

I MEAN, YOU SHOULD TAKE A BIG STEP BACK AND LITERALLY FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!!

You aren't helping me or others learn from our mistakes by showing us the better way.

That moment when you wake up from a dream with a smile on your face, because you met the girl of your life there.
But then, few minutes later, you realize that it was just a dream. And to that comes that, I can barely remember anything about her.

Today was one of those days where I really didn't feel like fussing about work, so I:

- Didn't shave,
- Didn't groom my hair as good as I should have
- Traipsed in the office over an hour late with a newspaper in one hand, a fried pastry in the other and not wearing my ID badge (strict security rules regarding that last bit).

I waltzed into the lobby thinking "I don't even care I'm this late. I'm sure that department meeting hasn't even started yet. Today they have to deal with me on my terms!" I took a greedy chomp of my greasy breakfast.

Just as I bent the corner in lobby, with my lips and fingers greasy and mouth full, I come face to face with none other than the two top executives at our company.

I thought I didn't care; that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach determined that was a lie.

>boss comes into the office
>bright smile on his face
>fear.png
>
>"we are using php for this project"
>
>"no"

Guy walks into a bar with an 18-digit number tattooed on his forehead.

Barman says, "So. Why the long long face?"

-- Access colleague system
-- Create a screen saver with an "Updating your Windows" snapshot.
-- Add shortcut key to start screen saver.

Anytime I noticed that they left their desk for a brief... I'll head up to their PC and press the key combination to start up the screen saver... Then return to my seat and put on my sorry face. 😒

I'm 21 today 😦, I'm up at 1 in the morning programming.

I'd still rather be on a PC on my birthday... Though to be far I did go out all weekend with my mates got absolutely hammered... I got punched by a girl in the face (I did nothing I swear) among... Other things

Future holds big things.

Who the fuck came up with the idea of using indentation instead of braces? I wasted 5 fucking hours of my life tracing a bug which eventually came down to incorrect indentation of a return statement which pushed it inside the loop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FML

And the PR has already been merged into master! How will I face everyone on Monday!

!Rant
Just told a colleague that I don't own a PC, laptop or tablet for home use. Look on his face was priceless, like he couldn't fathom how I live with nothing more than a low end Android phone. I would have taken a picture but the camera app takes like two minutes to load and shoot.

Those days when you shut down computer and accidentally see your face reflected on the black screen just thinking "...what am i doing with my life?"...

Boss: Why it has a sad face on it? Nice ball. ** Tries to kidnap the stressball**
Shit NO Mothefucker touches ma ball !!

If you ever find yourself having serious problem with a bug... relax. Go take a walk around the block for 5-10 minutes, don't think about it, feel the sun on your face, look at girls/guys, whatever.

The answer will come to you automatically.

If that doesn't work, someone you know has adderal.

New iPhone user: Where do I download WhatsApp on this phone?

Me: From the AppStore.

New iPhone user: I have to go a "store" to download apps?

Me: No, the AppStore is an app on your phone to download apps to your phone.

New iPhone user: Where is it?

Me: By default, it's on your main home screen.

New iPhone user: But I'm not at home.

Me: *face palm*

Forgetting to reply to my gf when I code, I always return to 30+ texts, 12 missed calls, some Instagram and Facebook messages, an email and find my face on the back of a milk carton 😂

The face of confusion my boss made when I suggested the development of a simple "api" (one end point) to solve a particular issue we faced after improving our infrastructure made me realize I need to abandon this ship...

He really can't wrap his head around calling a URL and doing something on a server although that's what we do every fucking day...

The phone conversation that resulted in a breakup:

Me (to the new girl): So, which service did you take?

[My girlfriend enters and takes the phone from me; I was shocked by the sudden entry]

New girl: GoDaddy!

Girlfriend slams the phone on my face.

That day, I lost 2 things: one on-going and another potential relationship ...

Wk92 reminds me of the time when our professor spent 45 minutes talking about the difference between absolute and relative URLs.
45 FUCKING MINUTES!!
I was about to just pack up in and leave mid-class because I couldn't take it anymore. But he noticed, looked at me, then continued talking with the most annoying smug smile on his face.
He knew that if I got another warning, he could get me almost kicked out.
I just sat in the back, headphones in, slowly dying.
And he just smiled...

Was in a middle of competitive coding trying to do some operation on a nxn matrix. Wrote this code.

for(i = 0; i < n; i++){
for(j = 0; j < n; i++){
.......
.......
}
}

Was waiting for the output, only to wait long enough for the coding platform to throw a timeout at my face and make me doubt my skills.

The senior dev is mentoring our new recruit.
😨 I know, my face too.

When the newbie asked how to deploy, senior dev says, "Well, we copy and paste this folder from your local box to the server you need to deploy it on. Much better than that git shit, you have so much more control!"

😭

Goddamn I'm happy that I've put a €3 rubber case on my phone.. it just fell face down from 2 meters height, if it wasn't for that protection, I'd have a €630 paperweight by now 😰

Seems like these things can happen to the best of us (I'm generally very careful with my gadgets).. Today I leaned not to omit your smartphone's protection 😶

Doesn’t matter how much experience you have, there’s always a new rake to smack you in the face. 🤣

Found post by programmer.me on Instagram.

If the website i'm working on was a person, i'd punch it in the face

A professor once told me he loved being a CS professor because "you can't smoke and then code well." I laughed my butt off because a solid majority of his class smoked right before class every day.

The look on his face when I told him the truth about his students was priceless. I feel bad about shattering his world view. Kind of.

I've decided to tattoo "RTFM" across the knuckles on my right hand. One day I'm gonna snap and instead saying it, I'm gonna punch someone in the face and they should know why.

Dear coworker, please stop using the fucking reply all button to just send a winky face to everyone on the mailing list. I am almost to the point of just filtering all your mail to the trash because you hardly send anything relevant anyway.

My manager is a "you don't know shit" kinda dude.
This one time while guiding us on how to operate on databases which existed and somehow, he deleted the whole database.

Ofcourse, to save his ass at once he claimed "This is why I was telling you all this, see!? The whole database got deleted"

And yes, we had a backup of that database. And yes we weren't able to control our laughter too.
You should have seen his face.

So, my officemate was inquiring about a job posting using her work email. She asked me if I'm interested and forwarded the email to me. Only to realize afterwards that she had it sent to the wrong email address. Take note, she's also sending it to my company email. Since the email she put on it doesn't match any addresses on our domain, it was sent to our CEO (the admin of the company domain) which in turn, forwarded it to me. I can't imagine the look on the CEO's face when he saw the job invitation email.

I love the shock on the developer face when we talk about JavaScript and he realize it changed a bit during the last 5 years.

OMG! !rant!!!!
I already ranted about the elevator at home being stoooopid for opening doors on way up when you wanna go down..

But our work elevator is awesome!
I figured today that I can play with the authorisation light with the chip for the home elevator.. so from orange to green (work card) to red (home chip) to green to red... OMG!!! Awesome!!

Also the look of horror on coworker's face was priceless (work elevators have a tendency to malfunction as it is, without me playing with them)!!! xD xD xD

Just to clarify thing, FaceID isn't the same tech as what we've had on Android.

In Android, it's based on image recognition. That's the reason it was so easy to bypass with a high resolution photograph.

In FaceID, it projects thousands of dots on your face and creates a depth inclusive map which is used for verification. That's the reason why it's supposed to work even if you have glasses on, etc

So please let's stop with the comparison

Today during my Algorithms lab, the guy sitting to my left began digging his nose like he had buried treasure there. 🤢
Oh how I wanted to smash his face on his keyboard. 😭

NO FUCKING WAY YOU ARE GONNA PAY SOMEONE THE EQUIVALENT OF TWO MONTHS WHAT I MAKE TO DO SOMETHING I CAN DO IN A FUCKING WEEKEND BECAUSE "I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO ALREADY AND COMPANY STUPID POLICY DOESN'T ALLOW EMPLOYEES TO BE CONTRACTED AS FREELANCER ON THEIR SPARE TIME!!
HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU STUPID COCK SUCKER! I BET YOU CANT EVEN SUCK A FUCKING DICK PROPERLY STUPID FUCK!!!!!!!

Some old couple screaming I was a liar and a thief because I told them their HDD needed to be exchanged because I wasn't able to install any OS on it... It kept failing on every CD / pen drive I used but it worked with the other store... I left them screaming alone outside the store after telling them to have a good day with a poker face...

I might actually quit. I'm within weeks (Army-stupidity pending) of working remote and not having to interact with my boss face to face, and I might quit.

2 week long call, everything I suggested was turned down/dismissed by him. Turns out, the second thing I suggested may have resolved the issue... After he decided he was going to take over the call.

While I was on the call, he ran the coffee maker, the kettle, banged his dishes around in the metal sink, and honestly tried to create as much noise as humanly possible, as he does for all my calls. I have multiple signs up requesting people be considerate.

He works for a different company, so I can't call HR, and I'm at the end of my patience.

Client tests app 100000 times, app works fine
Client tests app once, app doesn't work
Client sends email to everyone,
"Hey, @CodesNotHot, this app is not working at all! Can you please look at it right now!! This is URGENT!"
I test the app, it's working fine.

I just want to high five someone with a machete on the face right now.

F@#$% ANDROID STUDIO! You should definitely add a feature of giving a Pop-up window asking if the user REALLY WANTS TO OPEN THE SOFTWARE OR NOT!
You should see my face when I click on android studio icon by accident 😩 on my Windows...

This run up to Christmas is the shit. Everything is suddenly urgent. No time to do a proper job. If that isn't bad enough, you are also tasked with thinking up some ideas for family Christmas presents, as if i give a flying fuck. I dont mind the break for the holidays but i fucking hate Christmas but have to put a brave face on and celebrate (what exactly am i celebrating). And no scrooge comments please.

So, today a client said: "If you are a web developer, well you can make me a damn mobile app. It's the same fooking thing, you just write code and make it go on my device. I want a whatsapp-like app for my company."

I really, really wanted to punch him on his godamn face... At the end I spent tbe rest of the meeting explaining that I don't develop mobile apps since I'm a web developer and that it is NOT THE SAME THING. He went angry and said "Well, I think I'll find a better dev somewhere else. You are a useless one"

Sometimes.. Sometimes I really want to punch a developer in the face.
Heres why. Please appreciate the few minutes i spent on editing this to look nicer xD

So there I was productivity coding away in my office since early in the morning it was about noon when my coworkers kept saying. " Hey have you seen how nice it is outside." "Wow it's really nice out there" and " hey you should really go outside and get some fresh air".

So I'm all ok, cool it's lunchtime I'll check it out. So I go outside and I'm out there for 30 seconds when a bee lands on my face and stings me just under my eye.

Ouch! WTF! No No No it is not nice outside at all. Infact it is painful outside.

so now the rest of my day is ruined all I can feel is my face throbbing and I can't think about anything anymore but my face in pain. Amazing how one little insect can ruin days of coding.

Don't listen to the muggles stay inside.

While testing on IE11 today I noticed a smiley face in the upper left corner that brings up a context menu with the options "Send a smile" and "Send a frown".

Turns out that is how you send browser feedback on IE11, the frown being the ability to report a site, and the smile to give positive feedback on the browser.

Turns out you can't send negative feedback for the browser, so I sent positive feedback. What did it say?

"What did you like?"
- How fast google chrome downloaded.

Many people told me that all my face expressions look pretty the same. Whatever my mood (angry, happy, surprised) there is no much difference that appears in my face.

Well I didn't believe them until I tested a "Facial Emotion" program written on Python, and it gives me ~almost~ all the time that my facial expression is: Neutral.

Well, I think the algorithm is not well implemented 😐

My face when some kid on the tram sits right next to you, although 90% of the seats are empty, and then begins to excessively stalk your phone whilst surfing on Facebook and devrant.

Get off, kiddo 😐

my 8 month old on her stroller at the grocery:
*cries in screaming*
*is scared of unrecognized faces*
every single old person we pass by:
let's grinstare this thing right on its fucking face.
baby: *cries harder*
old fuck: uh oh, time to go

(biggest facepalm moment)
So this happened...
We were suppose to submit a project in the name of app development.
Being our first app, it was a simple Android app having simple features which any e-commerce app would have.
On the day of evaluation, we handed our mobile (which already had our app) to our evaluator, to have a feel of our app.
After few swipes here and there, the evaluator said this,(which blew our mind)...
Don't be so smart,... Here take my IPhone and run your app on it! I want to see if it works on my IPhone like it does on yours or not.
The next thing our group was doing was to look at each other's face,.. completely stunned what to say next!
(If confused, read tags...) :/

God damnit!
i recently inspected the c# sourcecode of a webservice, our webservice develop references to.

As i discovered a particular function in it, my face went instantly pale.

This golden-hammer function consists of ~2000 lines of code.
In the first line there is "try {".
On the last lines is "catch (Exception e) { throw new SomethingWentWrongException ("special function"); }"

At least, he "tried" xD

I don't want to develop on that planet anymore...

After looking at @linuxxx and @AlexDeLarge 's rants with the face reveal, maybe we ought to do one of the team behind the masterpiece, @trogus and @dfox face reveal.

IF they are comfortable with it.
Or maybe do it on a special occasion. Like an anniversary or something?

So I'm sitting on the toilet in my work, wondering how much time is left till I beat the specific impulse of a Raptor engine, and all of sudden the emergency allarms go off.

Weighting my options now: die in a fire or some kind of explosion, or go downstairs without ending *the thing*.

Dying Lannister-way or going out of the building and meeting my colleagues, with a very weird smile on my face.

...

I think I just discovered new levels of fast when it comes to using toilet paper.

"I blame television and movies, especially cop shows. 'Can you improve the resolution on that face?' 'Sure, let me just pull some information that was never captured out of my ass.'" - Rod Knowlton

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

Opened devRant while sitting in public transport.
Suddenly, the dude sitting next to me starts talking to me.
Nearly got a heart-attack because I thought he was going to say something about the devRant feed I was scrolling through or even reveal he was also on devRant. (Dude reminded me of some of the guys on the face reveal. Also, wild beard. XD)

Now somewhat disappointed but also relieved he wasn't a fellow devRanter. (I probably am a social being but when someone catches me off-guard I may react awkward.)

In the zone, and listening to music.
Manager taps me on the shoulder.
I turn off my music, and face him.
He say "hi", and then walks away.

... Why?

It should be FUCKING ILLEGAL to show intrusive popups on the web AND on the desktop. The fucking moron 'developers' who do this type of crap should be fined in the $M range and then banned from using a fucking computer ever again.

It's one fucking thing when a crappy program shows an intrusive update popup when you open it (see notepad++, FileZilla and more), but when I am not even using your fucking malware, but you still shove an update popup in my face while I'm working is just on the next fucking level.

There should be a law that makes this kind of retarded bullshit illegal....

"So I have this awesome app idea..."

Proceeds to tell me, "I'll be, like, the face of the company, and you can just focus on the tech stuff, in the background."

Chad called me ugly nerd, so I took his idea, got an investment from his own father, built the company, and sold it.

See Chad got a new job as a sales development rep

At the company I built and sold

Haha epic

Some of the guys in our team like to throw pranks once in a while. So they printed a version of my ID with Mr. Putin's face instead of mine (a decent upgrade in my opinion) and put the paper on top of my ID. I was walking with it around the office for God knows how long until I noticed.

!rant

I’ve left the office! On my last day in the previous employer’s... the biggest smile on my effing face 😄

Oh boy... something just happened I'd have never expected.
Remember my rants about the PHP CMS Of Doom™?
Guess what... the boss of said company just called me to offer me a job as their new tech lead. WTF.

I'd rather slowly impale myself on a rusy pickaxe.
I'd rather tattoo my face with a giant, pulsating, uncircimcised shlong.
I'd rather take a swim in a pool of Hydrogen fluoride.
I'd rather work 80h/wk on pimple extraction.

Well i was between jobs at the time, looking for something, anything to fill in the black hole being created in my wallet.

I applied online though this company’s website and within 20 minutes was on a phone interview setting up a face to face, this was Monday afternoon.

I went in on the Wednesday morning with the manager, no cv, no resume, no examples of work, we talked, did a couple of brain teaser questions and Friday morning I had the job 😂

I have never put so little effort into getting a job before but it was all a sham, the workload and requirements this job constantly sets out to kill me with are godly.

3 years later I’m still alive ( somehow ), and no blood has been shed.... yet.

One day, I was waiting for a friend to install windows... after 2h he just says: ah, I'll just take it home and wait it out there!

So, he put his laptop in his bag (btw the usb stick was sticking out) and left it there.

Just as he stepped away from the bag, the bag just decided to fall down and exactly on the usb... and ofc it broke down...

The face he made I'll never forget.

Learning to use Lightroom,
First try...

The hardest part about editing photos is to not oversaturated them even when you feel warmer colours look better . I guess I overdid it

P.S. that’s me in the picture enjoying the sky pissing on my face (sarcasm intended)

So, we’ve a small UK based dev team, we follow good practices and get good results. But ‘they’ want to deploy quicker (it was suggested we skip the test phases...) but don’t want to invest in more staff.
So their suggestion is to outsource development to Bangladesh and have us in-house devs work on discovery and innovation.
I’m uncomfortable with this as it feels they are thinking they can get quicker and cheaper dev done abroad (which I hate as it feels disrespectful to my fellow dev brothers n’ sisters).
Also disjointed as in my experience planning and dev’ing work best when you can talk face-to-face.
Thoughts?

Working on Unicode support for Linux Terminal apps, and I output an Emoji smiley face. The emulator I'm running (Termius SSH client) rendered it fine, but once the application exited, half the smiley face was left there as graphical garbage for some reason XD

Resetting my terminal did nothing, scrolling up and down did nothing... it was burned into my terminal for the rest of the session.

This is what I get for performing the unholy act of adding Unicode to terminals.

Please add face masks and hand sanitizer and toilet rolls on the table for the avatars😆😷🧻🧤

*3 weeks after going back and forth with HR, technical interviews, 10 days of working on a whole ass complex project alone etc*

Interviewer: you're hired. Your initial salary will be $500/month and as you progress we can give you a raise

Me: ...i feel like i just got slapped with a dick across the face and spat on with a huge phlegm

Said jokingly to my dev lead yesterday: "or you could just use that VPN we have lying around lol"

The look on his face while saying: "v..pn?"

Like it was same mambo jambo from outer space written in Russian... Lol, this dude is so out of touch with tech :/

Clients that barely can turn on their computer that have opinions on how much complexity and time is involved developing X feature. I'm no rage-o-holic, but that is one of those rare things that make me want to stab someone in the face.

So I was looking through some old files, looking for some help while I was working on a project and I came across my first codes I wrote in school.
This one time I challenged myself and I tried to write the code a bit.....different. When i ran the code it worked as it should, no problems, then he said:" Show me the code how you did it". I giggled a bit and opened it up. I still remember the expression on his face. He wanted to say something twice but couldn't. Then he just sighed and said, please don't do that again.

I'm really glad my parent knew the importance of computers. They bought my brother a PC in 2000 and we got the chance to learn a great deal of things. I remember those times with a grin on my face. Probably the happiest years of my life. :)

Gosh, where went my social life? XD
That's already more than a month that I moved to Nice. I'm working a bit too much I guess. You know, I'm the kind of guy who is gonna rebuild the entire software architecture on his free time because it's crap x)
Anyway Nice is quite relaxing I like this place. And if someone is around and see my face, come and say hi :P

!!!

If you want to code on windows, just punch your self in the face. It will save you a lot of time.

When your boss isn't a developer (knows how to use Microsoft Office and browse on the line, and thats about the extent of knowledge)and you get that 'lost in another universe' stare when you try to explain something clever you just coded. *Face Palm*

"The face on this photo is too big". Wow, thanks, it's literally the photo that you've sent me to put on the page. What am I supposed to do, paint some more background in it?

1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year

Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!

1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago

Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*

1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management

Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐

It’s perfect that this week’s topic is “Most awkward video meeting” because I just had two.

The first one was to demonstrate a software process. I had everything lined up and perfectly (or so I thought) ready to demo, kind of like a cooking show. Except the deployment totally failed. I’m still struggling to figure out why several hours later. Luckily I’m getting a second shot at it soon and they weren’t mad.

Then I went and took a shower. Checking out my eyebrows in the mirror, I decided they were getting overgrown, so I took out a trimmer with a guard on it to thin them out a little. Except for some STUPID and INEXPLICABLE reason I TOOK THE GUARD OFF right before I shaved off the right eyebrow almost to the skin! I couldn’t believe it. It was like my brain sabotaged me knowing I had an important video call coming up where I might be making a ton of money if all went well.

What the hell was wrong with me?! What could I do?! I stood there cursing my existence and making plans to become a hermit in the desert. Well, I couldn’t do that. And I still had a video call in a few minutes. I couldn’t just leave one eyebrow unshaven. So, I did the only thing I could do. I cropped the left one and tried to make it match as much as possible.

It wasn’t terrible, but it was definitely noticeable on HD video and certainly up close and in person when my wife and kids returned home soon. I started panicking and wondering just how I could literally save face after idiotically mutilating my face for all to see.

Then, I got an idea.

Now, I’m a manly man. At least, I consider myself to be. I don’t shave my eyebrows for any kind of metrosexual caché. I do it because if I don’t the grease from my face that gets into my brows eventually transfers to my glasses and then I get annoyed by all the smudges. As a dad who was never comfortable when my girls wanted to put makeup on me, I suddenly became aware that their massive trove of makeup “stuff” might just save my bacon!

So, I snuck into their bathroom and, lo and behold, the exact right shade of color for my missing brow brooms was sitting right on the counter. I dabbed a little on each finger tip and carefully (oh so carefully) tinted the area mangled by my apparent dementia.

It was actually pretty amazing how it all turned out. Even on HD video it was undetectable. And when the true test occurred…i.e. my wife and kids returned home and I had to talk to them face-to-face, absolutely NO ONE was any the wiser!

Now I gotta figure out how to keep up this charade for at least a week, maybe two. I hope they don’t put that makeup tray away somewhere where I can’t…oh, wait, they never put anything away. I’m good.

The idea of a smiley face in text wasn’t invented by Scott Fahlman in 1982. It was invented by a Russian writer Vladimir Nabokov. In his 1969 interview for the New York Times, to whether he considers himself a modern writer, he replied:

“I think that in typography there should be a symbol that conveys a smile, a bit like a paren laying on its side. I would use precisely that symbol to reply to your question”.

This is why russian, Ukrainian and other people still use “)” as a smiley face still, instead of Western “:)” and “:-)”. We sometimes add more parens, like “)))))))” instead of “xD” or “:D”.

Surprisingly frequently in my city, a few weeks ago for example I was in the pub discussing reactjs with a friend of mine from uni and a random bloke cut in with "there was nothing wrong with jquery" (he had a massive grin on his face, so he knew what he said). Spent the rest of the night talking with him and his son who were both consultant developers.

Fun night 🤣

tfw...

• the new "sr dev" asks what the point of TDD is
• being polite, I answer in an ELI5 format
• rest of the room nods head in agreement
• new "sr dev" still has baffled look on face

Had to refresh a group session in my program, spent 15 minutes looking at my phone, put my bare feet on my desk and did this thing where I lean back in my chair and stick both hands in my pants, possibly smelled one. Thats when I realized my camera was on the entire time. Was also the only other person on stage/presenting so my screen was directly next to the instructors face cam.

I was asked to check something today that was handed over on a USB stick. "Could you check that the file structure is correct". Of course I said. Then I prepared my camera, changed the insides of the stick to my rubber ducky, wrote a little script and uploaded it. Oh yea and corrected the structure.

The face of the colleague was priceless when I brought back the stick and he sticked it right into his computer.

The script was roughly:
- open browser
- open history
- search "porn"
- select second row
- enter

=D office pranks <3

Wanted to move to London out of curiosity/adventure. Started doing interviews online and all companies wanted a stage 2/3 in person but that would've been a pretty expensive flight just to go on a short interview, especially with my budget back then.

The guys at my current company were pretty cool and instead we did more video calls and coding tests, then they offered me the job without having to do the face to face.

Had a week to pack up and move here. Never had been in the UK before that. I arrived in the evening, slept at my temporary accommodation and went to work next morning. That's basically how I got here :)

Microsoft engineer walks into my room. we need to join your laptop to the domain, as part of the migration and upgrade company policy. so I give the guy my laptop. The guy has an agonizing look on his face! He goes. This is linux! Mind you all this time am nodding and bouncing on my chair. The guy bolts from my room, as if he was going to report direct to Bill Gates. Apparently the dev team was left out in the whole migration plan!

Yay just unlocked the avatar 😀

The face expression of my avatar, is when I saw, there was no option to place a bottle of mead on the table.

So not too long ago I made a rant about this time I told my superiors of a problem and it got shot down because "We don't want to save developer time".

I warned them that the CPU was going to reach it's limit because the issue involves exponential growth on CPU usage the more we develop.

As it turned out, despite my thoughts that we wouldn't reach that limit for over a year, a new development led to it blowing up in their face today.

I am now treated as the expert on the topic and they're rushing to plan my suggested implementation in the next release.

I'm mildly amused.

I just came out of over 4 weeks of loneliness with no real life face to face interaction at all because of lockdown. The only time I saw another human being was when I went to the grocery store, but they were strangers.

Last few days, I started experiencing the side effects of having no real life social interaction.

My throat was getting constrained, it felt I had many things to speak and everything is stuck in throat. It felt as if my throat was choking me. I was feeling very stressed. It brought the flashbacks of the time when I was seriously depressed. I couldn't really sleep last night

Today, I decided to visit my close relatives, the place where I grew up, the place I find as my heaven on earth and I feel so much better just being in the presence of people who know me, whom I know since I born.

I don't know if anyone here experienced similar feelings. I wanted to share it here.

Reinstalling my linux partition and... Oh whoops.. ... ...
That was the windows partition.. ...
*face palm*

Well I guess that's gone forever now...

I should have learned by now that I don't multitask well... Note to self: Don't talk on the phone and re inst... Scratch that... Note to self: Do one damn thing at a time dummy..

Why are some seniors just so full of themselves? I mean... Yeah I know that they know more than me (junior) but common, you don't have to rub it in my face! Tho I'd rather have it that they rub it in my face than them explain it with the most difficult terms / hardest words they could find in the dictionary!!

I also don't need them to complain that I'm on a different platform than them (while they help me)

Update on the saga of PhD application:
(Refer to previous rants for info)

My recommenders have effectively vanished from the face of earth. Emailed again a few days ago, haven't heard anything back yet.
I am almost sure I can't get in without recommendation, even with all my other glories.

... Is this the end of the dream?

About to kiss my love in my dream (feelings intensify) but suddenly the terminal with ImportError : No module named 'cv2' pops on her face. (Even worse than rejection)

Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.

So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.

I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.

He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.

The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta

*face palm*

My boss just IM'd me. She asked me the status of a work item. I told her my teammate completed it on 2/27. She wanted to know if it was in production. I said I was unsure, she would have to ask my teammate. So of course, she asked *me* to ask my teammate, and then get back to her.....WHY do I need to ask my coworkers stuff for her? She is the BOSS, last time I checked?

My face when the CEO want's all the features and the project on time without extra resources.

!dev

Long time, no rant. Why is facial hair so difficult to control? How do people even grow beards without looking like hobos all the time? Do I have to make some sort of sacrifice to a dark and malevolent entity?

Believe me, it's so much easier to keep on top of shaving body hair than taming face fur. Especially because your facial hair is, you know, on your *face* which means it's very visible. You can't hide it if you mess up. Unless you decide that wearing a balaclava is a good idea when going outside, like when going grocery shopping. Generally that isn't received too well though.

Xperia Flashtool? More like Xperia Fucktool. Why? BECAUSE THE FUCKING THING CAN'T FLASH MY PHONE. FIRST YOU SPIT INTO MY FACE WHEN NOT DETECTING A COMPLETELY FINE .FTF, THEN YOU SHIT ON MY HEAD BY SAYING THAT THE .SIN FILE IS INVALID, AND THEN YOU PISS INTO MY MOUTH BY JUST REBOOTING THE DEVICE! Old version works fine tho.

Why isn't this ready for testing yet?

Could it be that despite multiple meetings emails and face to face conversations none of you have provided me with what I actually need?

Yes I can create you new email and SMS campaigns. But I need two little things first.
1 The template text.
2 The sign off forms from compliance

Without them I can't do shit. So stop chasing me on where we're at because I've been chasing you on this for two weeks.

This shit here is why I'm the grumpy It guy.

That co-dev who WOULDN'T TAKE NOTE at meetings or brainstorming but will keep on asking you for details afterwards. WHAT THE HELL DUDE! i have no problem with you being that lazy, but kindly get out of my face. What a bug.

I am not good with kids. I know I know. Last week or so, my managers kid thought it would be a good idea to hijack my meeting. I was sharing my screen and on full blown explanation mode, only to realise after my explanation, it was the kid who was looking at my face and not the boss man.
God I panicked. I was like 'Who the hell are you?'
--------*INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE HERE *---------

My first gig straight out of uni was on a project where my role required fixing an FTP client to upload files from a clients machine to our server. It was a spreadsheet. VBA. An excel spreadsheet. FTP client. A spreadsheet.

Me: "why are we using VBA for this?"
PM (was a dev 10+ years ago and started the basics of this 'ftp client'): "VBA is great." *Stern face*

Brilliant

I remember the first time working with a Windows 2012 R2 server.
Of some reason I couldn't open Windows Powershell as admin and asked another Dev what to do. His response? Try restarting the server.
Can you imagine the look on my face if I told you I only worked on Linux until that point. How can you seriously make a server OS that needs restarting at all? Is it just me or is that just fucking stupid?

After 2 weeks I really like it here on devrant... And its mostly because we all somewhat face the same shit together today, every day. And still we continue.

That is what dev is all about 😃

YouTube is trying hard to shove their video suggestions into my face.

Video suggestions are on the watch page, inside the video player after playback, and even inside the embedded video player when paused.

Sorry, YouTube, I am not interested in your suggestions before I have even finished watching the current video!

The moment I need internet to do things (npm with angular), but the company moved to a new building and internet is screwed. It'll still take a while to set up. So now I'm sitting here, ranting on devrant and doing nothing.

My exact face and thoughts right now:

My boss just said “as long as it puts a smile on the clients face, it’s worth examining, within reason.” Yeaaa that’s a bit broad... Some of our clients only smile when they have hookers and blow on hand. Is it reasonable to help them acquire such if it helps retain them as a customer?!

Smashing on the keyboard
with 3 screens infront of my face
i spot a nasty bug,
In one of the features someone else made,
I called their office for aid,
But found no one is there to be
Of any aid to my sorry ass,
Now i have to debug the whole thing,
Oh,
Documenting code
Documenting code
Why didnt you document the damn thing
At least tell me you left some comments
To help debug thy algo tree
Oh ...

:'(

When you go to an architecture meeting and people's statements are so abstract that they could apply to any product on the face of the earth.

Literally swear I despise flash. So, had a small job to update a page that consisted of a list of members, clicking on a members name will populate an adjacent div with 3 or 4 contact names. Simple stuff on the face of it.

However, it turned out the previous developer had decided to use flash for this, meaning there is a horrible .swf plonked into the page.

I mean seriously, why can't things be simple? :(

Companies : we cannot provide sponsorship.

Me: I can pay for my visa.

Companies : we don't provide relocation.

Me: I can arrange my own ticketes.

Companies never reply back.

It's incrible how many openings for developers I saw around the world and when we apply for them we have to face this issues.

I know some countries is a pain to sort out the documentation, but another countries is very easy and always I face this bulshit and this stupid behavior.

The worst part is they made us waste time with assessment and don't give any shit for feedback.

I made by myselft my own recruitment process for each company that I worked for and I answered each candidate when they didn't pass on the assessment and why and in interview without fear of hurt feelings.

It's best being sad for not passed in the process for any reason that they would could told me than get this limbo.

Protip: proposing a "simple yet beautiful" login form on Bootsnip with absolutely no knowledge of Bootstrap whatsoever, making it not responsive and centering it with hardwritten margins (such as: 'margin-left: 170px'), AND THEN proudly display "theme developed by WhoGives AShit" at the bottom won't make you any publicity at best. At worst, I'm gonna travel to India and won't leave before I erased the code you wrote by smashing your face on the "erase" key.

During one of the interviews that I had I was trying to be myself, a bit easy, fun and Normal and the dude interviewing me had a death stare face on the whole time.
The whole interview was weird, awkward and stupid. A few days later they made me offer that i had to reject because they wanted to pay me a trainee salary when had 3+ years of experience at the time.

Got into this compitition of Blind Code
Idea crazy a F!!!!

Mind prepared for something challengy! What I get? Greatest of 3 Nos in C... Poker Face😐

Confident a hell..With the monitor OFF, Ran down the keyboard on fire!

With the compilation result, BANG!
#include<iostream> instead of <stdio>.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

My Mind BLINDED!

I read an article that says stress balls are far less effective for stress relief than punching your PM on the face.

They should have included a warning...

My classmate was doing something in word. She needed 2 papers, but had one extra between them. So she asks me how to delete it.
There is literally one character on it (the enter that didnt fit). So I told her to press backspace.
She turned around and asked me whats backspace. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

Translating win32 calls to whatever the hell there is in Unix and Unix-like OSes (well, most of them) in order to port a certain game net code library and dear god why did I volunteer myself for this task

At least pevents is there to help, but too bad cmake doesn’t want to compile it with the flag I need (“-DWFMO”) in order to make the “WaitForMultipleEvents” method to work at all. Instead no matter what options I give it on the command line or how I tell VS Code to do it, it seems to give me the finger to my fucking face.

Doing it for games on the cooler OSes... doing it for the community... come on...

Didn't work much for last 6 months.
Manager calls and tells me that I've gotten a half yearly appraisal based on my performance.
Asks me if I have any questions or something to say.
Didn't say a word.
Appreciates me and tells me to keep working hard.
Left the room with a slight grim on my face.
No expectations, no f**k.

Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg broke several days of silence in the face of a raging privacy storm to go on CNN this week to say he was sorry. He also admitted the company had made mistakes; said it had breached the trust of users; and said he regretted not telling Facebookers at the time their information had been misappropriated.
From techcrunch article.

I am here on devRant now for a while. Althought, reading amy of your stories and taking care of websites is not what I usualy tend to do, I started doing it as a favour for a friend of a friend.
Baaad bad decission :-(

"pls, dis is urgnt! uplood dis pics asap on page"
*mail notification*
*face palm 1* because who sends pictures by mail these days ... I like my 50MiB Inbox, dont spam it with garbage!
*opening mail - lists attachments: 1 file, ~900KiB* ok whats happening now?
*facepalm 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9* (10 if there still would be a face to palm on)

the person seriously send me the pictures in an attachment, within a pdf document that was created with MS Word.
No - Just NO!

I should have known better ... sooo much better :(

me: let's avoid duplicate code by using a user control instead of copying the form code on multiple pages.

jerk face: you're over complicating it.

I got such a bad employer… oh, pardon me: committent-but-actually-employer-minus-the-responsabilities that I developed bruxism, rage bursts and chest pains due to anxiety.

Bright side 1: i quitted by saying them in their face “you don’t even fucking know what docker is and you claim to be an expert, get a fucking update”

Bright side 2: They failed a while… Oh wow much surprise, very unexpected considering that they fired the only dev with experience on the product and that they re-made the interface every other day making everyone’s job a miserable joke. Smart move, 10/10 would invest in them.
The “bright side” in this is mostly that I’m forced to accept I was a very valuable asset and shut up any imposter syndrome related to that bs work.

Bright side 3: It forced me to see someone which in turn forced me face some piled up shit, so I recently feel better and hate myself less!

Apparently, as a front end developer, I do not need a Creative Cloud license anymore. I will have to rely on the Designers to cut up all my assets.
I could barely hold a straight face while I posted this rant.

I just learned the concept of this thing called REST API and now here's GraphQL showing up on me face. Mother fucking web development hell. BRB. KMS

Happiness hit me on the first day that we met; he was standing in my feeder with a face I can't forget!

I'm the creator of cheesy references, but I'm also currently waiting for a process to finish, and, before writing this, I tuned into one of my feeder 'cams, and I saw a little male downy woodpecker. This pleases me because I hadn't seen much activity at the feeders since these ones had been hanged, so his presence is very welcome! Thank God for Mr. Downy!

By the way, for anyone that gets a "lol" from me, I really mean I'm laughing out loud. I don't like being dishonest with these stuff.

Like when I'm in classes and message something funny to a classmate and he replies "rofl", I really expect him to be rolling on the floor laughing but fuck, he's there sitting with a perfect pose without even a smirk on his face. Next time you rofl at me, motherfucker, I expect you to be rolling in the floor. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.

So appreciate my lols please. I mean them. I lol in the subway, my car, in classes and the bathroom. I'm sincere with them.

There is a drawing competition for my currently most played game.
I'm on vacation and the deadline is when I get back. So what did I do?

I made an inspiration cluster with the character and drawings having this arrogant face (laptop, gimp).
I sketched on my phone and put it on my laptop (the sketch). I have no desk here so I'm drawing on my bed. I have no drawing pad so I'm drawing with my mouse. Then I draw it in gimp with colors and everything (the stroke in another program on my gfs laptop), put each layer in inkscape to svg-ify them and to hq-render them back in Gimp. Corrected a few things in Gimp. Added more detail, effects (glow, gradient instead of flat color ...).

~6 hours over two days. That was fun. And fucking unprofessional.

I get punched in the face by my phone (free falling on my face) so often that I should start suing the mofo for physical damages.

Like, what is wrong with my muscles? Why can't I keep a goddamn phone at a goddamn safe distance and type without goddamn dropping it while lying down? 😠😠

Swag idea: Rubber ducks with the DevRant face on them instead of a ducks face. No beak. Just a freaky slash where the beak should be. 👍🏻
The whole duck can even be the speech bubble orange!

I don't know about anyone else but I'd buy the shit out of this!

With all this sexuality bullshit going on with devRant, it feels like covid all over again to me. We just rid of covid and now we face a couple of variants of it.
Keep your junk in your trunk and let the bullshit end

Therapy is hardest when you're starting it IMO. I don't like talking about my vulnerabilities with people face to face very much, I get pretty defensive about it. We've agree that I'm suffering from a high level of anxiety which is likely leading to depression and we'll be working on solutions in the coming weeks.

Over the weekend I stopped programming and dedicated myself to more leisure. Went out for a hike (literally) and got a PS4, my first new gaming machine in over two years. Been playing Horizon Zero Dawn.

I'm starting to feel a little bit better. :)

Just started teaching my brother some programming. He is the type of guy that is always outside and almost never uses a computer.

So after teaching him a lot on dictionaries, ifs, etc. I ask him to make a dictionary app.

This is how he proceeds to name his variables:

var theOne = new Dictionary
var f***face = Console.ReadLine()

if (theOne.Contains(f***face)) {

var faffaf = Dictionary[f***face]
Console.Write(faffaf)

}

(Note this is simplified C#)

This is after I told him a few times that you should name your variables so others can understand what they are.

I try to do one thing, I try to make one thing a little better and the universe shovels shit in my face. I’m just trying fix all this old outdated shot and I keep getting shit on in so many ways. I’m trying so hard to not become a bitter angry old man but damn if I don’t understand the bitter angry old mans motives right now. Fuck this ongoing onslaught of crashes and shit shows.

When working on a schoolproject I actually managed to do loads of work in a night when I was mad drunk.

Two days later I met with the project group again at school and I remembered I did something with the project, but had not the slightest idea anymore.

My project group showed up all excited that a lot of bugs were resolvee and we finally had something really nice working in the frontend thanks to me. It was a similar feeling to waking up when your arm/hand is numb and on your face and you have no clue whats going on, at first youre scared and later it was a damn cool experience.

Really sad in 2016 when I have to teach an assistant manager and her underling in a different department about PEMDAS.

We deal with excel on a daily basis and the math always follows that. Had to explain in very simple steps how it works. Then was asked what an exponent was. *weapons grade face palm*

Create something that will take humanity forward. Not just a utility software but make things that'll help solve the biggest problems humans as a society face - poverty, hunger, loneliness, pollution etc. All these problems are on my radar.

The idea is to use science to solve social problems. And not just stop at that. Make things that will help humans evolve into the next evolutionary phase.

Do, as many of you fellow developers, I have a social pressure to do something with my life over the weekends, instead of geeking out or reading new best practices ..

So I finally decided to go see the Irish Curragh regatta organized by the Irish in Barcelona association ..

Nice and sunny Barcelona, besides the sea ..

Came home after three hours with a sun stroke, lobster face, completely blind despite the sun glasses, and with a terrible dizziness .. on my bike!

And they wonder why we spend time with our computers at home ..

*Wakes up
*Sits on PC
*Some Progress On Project
*Bug Arises
*Mood Off
*Tries Debugging and gets frustated
*Goes to FB and also does Gaming
*Goes to the bed for sleep, with sad face

Looks like using another language to develop a separate process on the system is too much of a mind blow to my boss.
The look on his face when I tried to suggest such thing made me realize it will not be worth the time explaining the benefits of using the right tool for the job.

Fuck the EU.

Their privacy laws fucking suck and don't even get me started on their braindead cookie law.

I think we should be able to make laws for them and not just them making laws for us.

First order of business is that by law all EU bureaucrats must have "I'm a fucking moron, punch me in the face to accept." tattooed to their foreheads in large bold letters with the rest of their face in intricate detail tattooed explaining what a fucking moron is so to educate their subjects.

WFH is nice, esp when you can spare a separate room for work at your house/apartment. VoIP is also not a problem, it's even better is several ways than the real thing, as you can chat with multiple people at the same time without dragging them off their desks. Even better - screen sharing sessions.

However, there's one thing I don't understand.Why would anyone do video calls? I mean.. why...? What's the point? If I'm on metered network I'll be charged extra only because I'll have to stream out my ugly face to people who don't want to see it and stream in all the other ugly faces I don't want to see. My voice will become laggy, I'll miss out on some details, and all that because of some completely unnecessary overhead.

So why would you want me to enable my webcam? And why do you feel the need to show your face to everyone else? Why is this necessary...?

When you're working on a project and and face a task you solved like 1000 times before so you decide to bring some fresh wind and implement a fancy design pattern... and it works with the first compile!! *badass meme* ( someone send me one I dont have)

I don't think ive seen any company go CRAZY™ over a feature the way Msft did with Bing Chat/AI.
Prominently put in Edge desktop. In YOUR FACE in edge mobile. In Skype.

Then they thought, no no no not enough, and put it on SwiftKey. On a goddamn keyboard. And just now saw some "search bar" hanging on in the middle of my desktop after I closed the browser like those Windows 7 widgets.

They realllllly want you to use it -_-

way back in highschool, for recitation i fixed a bug in the code written on the board with a very small change. feeling proud of my work, i did a 'mic drop'-esque thing on the marker i used.

my prof apparently did not see the change i made, said to the class something about 'having guts,stagefright,etc. he thought i really did not do anything, and just erased the whole thing. i almost lost interest in programming after that.

after college though, graduating top of the class and all, the school asked me to do their website, it was kickass and the board liked it.

months after golive, i came across the same prof in a party for celebrating the success of the website.
i will never forget that "in your face" smug smile i gave him, and the obvious stumped look on his face.

sorry if its too long, here's a rant potato (:/)

The best way to debug a program is to boast about it to your family and friends...
It would throw an error in your face almost all the time...
*Feels like a slap on the face*

In my region of my country:
Me: I am a software developer.
Them: <eyes get bigger> Oh, wow! That is cool. <with the expression on their face saying: oh, he is a LOT smarter than me...>

I was working on computer project with a friend. He saw my devRant stressball was sideways so he turned it upright. I saw it was upright so I turned it sideways. We both have aspergers so we keep doing this for two hours before either one of us says anything about the OCD battle we were having.

You would think acknowledging the situation would allow us to laugh it off and get on with our work....

Half an hour later Devy McRant Face has to go in a drawer so we can move on.

How does BAs always manage to turn everything into a life story? "It was at this point I realized, no, this is not the way. How could it be that we had done this for so many years? So it's time for a change, and from now on we will never face these challenging times ever again!"

Random 'J's bothered me for the longest time in emails on my phone and elsewhere.. It was too consistent to be a typo, anyone else seen this?

Well it's a smiley face in wingdings -_-

Windows... Thou art a fickle mistress...
How dost thou survive the most deadly code written by the most wearied devs yet cannot survive the adding of one of thine own features using thine own "turn windows features on or off"?
Thine face now turns blue each time thou art awakend only to again enter the sleep like death.
Leaving naught but the riddle of "service_critical_failure" each time before departing to the realm of dreams.

Weekly Rant-

My best office prank by far was at my high school. First, I bought a USB rubber ducky and programmed it to backdoor my friends school computer with netcat and a batch file that ran in the background so that I could connect to his computer any time inconspicuously. The next day, I injected his computer with the drive when he went to turn in some papers.
You should've seen the look on his face when his computer started having conversations with the teacher.

Oh fuck off. Why do you put a fucking iMac on the floor
... Face up I imagine to then have your gf step on it 😡
Why the fuck would you even allow that situation to happen

I think one of my biggest mistakes as a dev in the becoming is to have tried to produce code rather than think code.

The patience to try and understand a problem rather than just solve it.

After spending 2 hours on what seemed like a ridiculously small issue，i know what the problem was before solving it.

Which meant i did take longer to solve it but i DID NOT take the wrong direction. Which would ultimately have come back to my face some time soon.

Coding takes a fuck load of time -_-.