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Frontend & backend dev conversation
Backend Dev: what will you be working on?
Frontend dev: i will be creating a nice animated loader. You?
Backend Dev: i will be working on optimizing the backend so that no one can see your loader.
🤣🤣🤣🤣7 -
So my girlfriend (non techie) just saw my rant about how I'd give her a baby if she knew how to close vim in a proper way (she saw me on devRant, asked me to show it and read my rants) and so I showed her vim so she'd get the joke.
I than told her, how it worked and such so she'd see how it's not a regular text editor and told her to try and quit it, and to my amazement, she did!
Guess she's a keeper :')11 -
Normal devRant user:
- Look, the algo it's awesome, it matches similar content posts, it's so funny!
Meanwhile at devRant Headquarters:
trogus: When are you telling them?
dfox: Ignorance is bliss, my friend
trogus: Well, at least we know the random number generator it's not coded by Sony though, otherwise they would suspect12 -
EDIT: devRant April Fools joke (2021)
-------------------------
Hey everyone,
@trogus and I are happy to make an exciting announcement. With the rapidly increasing success of NFTs, we've decided the devRant community shouldn't miss out on this compelling new paradigm for user-generated content. So, we will soon be offering all rants as NFTs at auction.
To kick things off, we're going to first be offering the first ever rant posted to devRant (https://devrant.com/rants/489/...) at auction for a starting price equivelent to $100,000 USD. We think this is a fair starting price for such a significant piece of devRant history, and we anticipate the final sale price to be significantly higher.
We look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on this new direction for the devRant community, and we can't wait to see the Rant NFT market take off!
Sincerely,
@dfox & @trogus
30 -
!Rant
The biggest face palm moment in my life..
A girl in my class came up with an app idea. She wanted to make an app using which we can transfer our battery charge using Bluetooth. We initially thought it was a joke, then she went out to defend herself saying "if we can transfer files why not charge? If you're in an emergency and your battery almost drains out, wouldn't you feel nice if your friend could quickly transfer you 30% charge?"
Liked it, then give me a ++ via Bluetooth...
😂😂😂20 -
The inevitable happened, the user that I've answered tons of questions about freelancing deleted his account, thankfully I took backups and will recreate it [together with a killed joke] in the comments below (should've just webarchived it, meh)
I'll keep adding questions & answers I come across to make this a useful resource for people that want to get into freelancing, want to ask me something in the comments, you name it.
Might compile it into a better searchable resource eventually (some sort of blog with TOC), but right now neither do I have the time nor will to do that.
Wish I could have taken over the link that has been now posted a lot, but every post has an ID and I doubt it's possible, will tag dfox to clarify though and also floydian and devtea, that have been so nice to always post a link to that one rant.
52 -
!rant
So this happened in the zoom meeting today. 2 colleagues were arguing on something.
A : "Do I look like f**king joke to you?"
B : " No, you don't look like a joke , your camera is off. But you sound like one. "
A : "I am so tired of you , f**k you man"
B: " Hey you can't f**k me without my consent, I said I am not interested."
Me : "Uhm guys this is scrum meeting."
B: "No shit captain obvious, we all know that. "
I am so speechless.....36 -
Why do people (Some devs too...) bloody hell think that devs have Hard time fixing the Semi Colon issue, we have a lot of other issues to figure out, like the Structure of Data, Code Fragmentation, API Creation, Invalid Data Handling, Injection Prevention. But no, since we are developers, we are having sleepless nights because of one fucking semicolon? FUCKING NO, it hardly takes 30 seconds to figure out that there is a missing semi-colon. Really People, stop the ; thing!10
-
this image is fully authentic image of me as a single developer in a startup. All the used technologies in a single project.
13 -
How is Nascar and Windows similar?
You don't watch Nascar for the race, you watch it for the crashes2 -
I normally don't post silly things, hoping I can restrict myself to only do so on rare occasions #shortweeksilly
3 -
We all have that one "friend" that has an idea for the "next great" Facebook or Snapchat, but different...
FUCK OFF AND SHOVE THAT IDEA WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE!
5 -
As an Australian, I find the fact that I need 750++ just to let my avatar wear thongs is oppressing my heritage and is extremely racist. #triggered
8 -
!rant
I've begun writing my own joke language called Die. Use it to tell your boss, client, or partner how you feel about them!
https://github.com/JackRiales/Die23 -
Casually Client Team Asked A Developer Team,
What is your favorite game?
**Blame Game**, One of the junior developer murmured.
-
My boss says "cocker" once (referring to docker) a teammate and I make a meme of that, allways we have to talk about docker we say "dicker" or when we have to talk about git we say "dick" like "dick commit, dick pull, dick push".12
-
"So I created this dope website with wix... Lemme show you how I" SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP FUFUFU!!!??!##@@@6
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Me: What programming languages do you know ?
Person: I know HTML and CSS and little SQL.
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *cries inside*3 -
Still looking for jobs and look what I found:
Title starts off bad, they can't even spell Android LOL, then go on to ask for someone with experience with Xcode and objective-c, interface builder and basically iOS.
How are these people able to create job listings without any actual research?
Thought I'd add the last line of my similar rant,
Lol What a fucking joke...
3 -
/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
<meta-rant>
Am I the only dev who gets bugged when I see the common "a semi-colon just cost me 45 minutes!" joke, or similar?
Any modern IDE or text editor will show you syntax errors immediately, and even if they didn't you can usually resolve them in under a minute.6 -
This “Caps lock is on” feature when typing in passwords was probably very angrily added by a developer after several failed log in attempts.11
-
My rant on CSS in general, including z-index (a cruel practical joke) and the "secret menu."
https://medium.com/@c09b6133a238/...
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Me: "Team, we need to make a call. We have 2 options to deal with issue X: we either apply the mechanism A, sort the issue out right away, but risk creating another issue in the long run, or we take another path and try and change the process revolving around X to make it less painful if any."
Colleague: *calls me on Slack*
Me: "You, tsup?"
Colleague: "You said you wanted a call"
Me: *that's not the call I had in mind......*
4 -
TL;DR :
"when i die i want my group project members to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time"
STORY TIME
Last year in College, I had two simultaneous projects. Both were semester long projects. One was for a database class an another was for a software engineering class.
As you can guess, the focus of the projects was very different. Databases we made some desktop networked chat application with a user login system and what not in Java. SE we made an app store with an approval system and admin panels and ratings and reviews and all that jazz in Meteor.js.
The DB project we had 4 total people and one of them was someone we'll call Frank. Frank was also in my SE project group. Frank disappeared for several weeks. Not in class, didn't contact us, and at one point the professors didn't know much either. As soon as we noticed it would be an issue, we talked to the professors. Just keeping them in the loop will save you a lot of trouble down the road. I'm assuming there was some medical or family emergency because the professors were very understanding with him once he started coming back to class and they had a chance to talk.
Lesson 1: If you have that guy that doesn't show up or communicate, don't be a jerk to them and communicate with your professor. Also, don't stop trying to contact the rogue partner. Maybe they'll come around sometime.
It sucked to lose 25% of our team for a project, but Frank appreciated that we didn't totally ignore him and throw him under the bus to the point that the last day of class he came up to me and said, "hey, open your book bag and bring it next to mine." He then threw a LARGE bottle of booze in there as a thank you.
Lesson 2: Treat humans as humans. Things go wrong and understanding that will get you a lot farther with people than trying to make them feel terrible about something that may have been out of their control.
Our DB project went really well. We got an A, we demoed, it worked, it was cool. The biggest problem is I was the only person that had taken a networking class so I ended up doing a large portion of the work. I wish I had taken other people's skills into account when we were deciding on a project. Especially because the only requirement was that it needed to have a minimum of 5 tables and we had to use some SQL language (aka, we couldn't use no-SQL).
The SE project had Frank and a music major who wanted to minor in CS (and then 3 other regular CS students aside from me). This assignment was make an app store using any technology you want. But, you had to use agile sprints. So we had weekly meetings with the "customer" (the TA), who would change requirements on us to keep us on our toes and tell us what they wanted done as a priority for the next meeting. Seriously, just like real life. It was so much fun trying to stay ahead of that.
So we met up and tried to decided what to use. One kid said Java because we all had it for school. The big issue is trying to make a Java web app is a pain in the ass. Seriously, there are so many better things to use. Other teams decided to use Django because they all wanted to learn Python. I suggested why not use something with a nice package system to minimize duplicating work that had already been done and tested by someone. Kid 1 didn't like that because he said in the real world you have to make your own software and not use packages. Little did he know that I had worked in SE for a few years already and knew damn well that every good project has code from somewhere else that has already solved a problem you're facing. We went with Java the first week. It failed miserably. Nobody could get the server set up on their computers. Using VCS with it required you to keep the repo outside of the where you wrote code and copy and paste changes in there. It was just a huge flop so everyone else voted to change.
Lesson 3: Be flexible. Be open to learning new things. Don't be afraid to try something new. It'll make you a better developer in the long run.
So we ended up using Meteor. Why? We all figured we could pick up javascript super easy.Two of us already knew it. And the real time thing would make for some cool effects when an app got a approved or a comment was made. We got to work and the one kid was still pissed. I just checked the repo and the only thing he committed was fixing the spelling of on word in the readme.
We sat down one day and worked for 4 straight hours. We finished the whole project in that time. While other teams were figuring out how to layout their homepage, we had a working user system and admin page and everything. Our TA was trying to throw us for loops by asking for crazy things and we still came through. We had tests that ran along side the application as you used it. It was friggin cool.
Lesson 4: If possible, pick the right tool for the job. Not the tool you know. Everything in CS has a purpose. If you use it for its purpose, you will save days off of a project.1 -
Everyone is posting jokes about GitLab recent incident and how the guys responsible for that must be feeling right now.
Shit happens, sometimes it's you accidentally deleting a branch on your repo and turning that into a major crisis, sometimes is a huge mistake that impacts not only the whole company business, but also it's clients work.
This situation reminds me of a famous quote from Thomas J. Watson (ex lBM CEO):
"Recently, I was asked if I was going to fire an employee who made a mistake that cost the company $600,000. No, I replied, I just spent $600,000 training him. Why would I want somebody to hire his experience"
Those guys at GitLab have probably learned one of the most expensive lessons in IT world and I really wish them to come up with a solution that not only fixes this case, but that helps them preventing future occurrences.6 -
Manager: What the heck are you guys doing? Pair programming?! That would halve the team productivity!!!
We:
Manager: Alright, Let's do a "quick" four hours meeting. Everyone in the company MUST attend!
We:3 -
One of my QA friends told me today,
" If I wanna screw you up, I will just have to delete a semicolon in your code, hahahhaahhaha ". <for real>
There are two problems here
1. He's not familiar with the concept of an IDE
2. I use Python
Stop making fucking " ; " jokes in early 2019 >_<
:P
#No hard feeling to the QAs out there9 -
What the fuck Apple, I thought selling a monitor stand separately at £999 was bad, £360 for putting fucking wheels on your Mac Pro, fuck me.
I had no fucking clue how to tag this, hence why it’s got 3 categories to it
11 -
!rant
In my Software Engineering II class, our teacher begins a overview of NoSQL DBs. A buddy of mine leans over and asks me "A SQL DB walks into a NoSQL bar, do you know why he left?"
I said, "No idea".
He said, "Because there were no tables".
Our teacher heard me laugh, so my buddy had to explain the joke to the entire class. Needless to say, the whole class got a kick out of it! -
I dont like it when i have to edit an old code made by a previous developer, i dont want to touch that spaghet.
1 -
This counts as a rant. I'm annoyed with myself.
I shouldn't be allowed access to npm. I just published the shittest package ever just to make a joke.
In case you want to laugh at my shit joke:
https://github.com/bashleigh/...22 -
Earlier this day i reached 1000++. Nice, isn't it?
Suddenly an idea comes to my mind.
Why not make a rant and thank everybody? And now comes the important part:
Why not make up a funny story telling how i met @dfox and welcomed @linuxxx and @alice on devRant?
Because somehow the story isn't funny at all because nobody got that it was a joke...
Went great...
People think i'm really old (19 btw.)
People think I know @dfox personally
@linuxxx can't even remember how I never welcomed him
So... sry... I guess? But thanks for the really nice comments!9 -
That awkward moment when you stay late night in the office to catch up some delayed work and suddenly remember that story you heard during lunch about the ghost that appears in the office at night8
-
Whenever my friend messages me to debug his code or to correct the errors, I google the line with the error, open the first result and copy and send the solution to him.
Now he thinks I'm a badass programmer😂7 -
my boss asked me to join a xamarin project, there are 45 bugs on current sprint. the first thing i saw is this code, no wonder there are so many bugs 😭
5 -
LinkedIn posts be like:
"Have a #challenging #look at my #innovative #carrer_moment! I did #something at my #new_company!
Look at this #picture of my #awesome #new_workplace! I am #glad of being here at #company!"
(#opentowork, #looking_for_opportunities, #recruiters_welcome)3 -
A colleague's story...
"I named this branch after my girlfriend at the time, so that I could check her out at my will. I texted her about this, she was not amused..."2 -
(Joke || Rant)
This guy came with this joke.
Ok, funny.
Then months later you realise he pushed this tweaked prototype to master, and now this code is shipped in production and it actually prints some idiotic sentence about flat earth on console output.
Ok, idiot.
It's not my project, but sometimes I'm wondering what people have in their minds when using version control and ship crap...
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One day I will make my very own js framework and I will make a built in function to automatically make to-do lists. I will provide a 1 line tutorial and claim it is the best.
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Somebody else like me? Waiting for that beautifully crafted rant/meme/pic/joke that will bring me a stress ball.9
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So my colleagues and I are somewhat great friends. (As in my first rant, I'm a practical evil joke guy). Since our boss thinks we are working on the production server (in reality, he commissioned it to be done in 4 months time. We all got it done in a month.), we get our own little room in the building, each time one of us walks in, we greet each other with a nice "go fuck yourself". Not to be mean, but just as a joke.
I decide to leave the room to go get a drink and I said I would be back. Guess who wants to see the dev team to see where they are on production? Not our boss, the fucking CEO. This isn't a big company, but this definitely was not expected.
So, he walks in and greets the team. He gets greeted with "Go fuck yourself".
I come back to see my team outside, and the CEO asking me why they said that. So after 15 minutes of ass ripping, the CEO leaves, our jobs barely intact, and I get to talk with the team about why we have to be nice to our superiors.3 -
Any thoughts on whether my alternative keyboard layout will lower my risk for wrist pain? I map each key to an Amazon dash button on each edge of a large bookshelf in my office. It's lots of exercise, and I'm almost back up to my old typing speed.1
-
The people saying that ChatGPT will replace programmers are the same ones that thought as a kid that math was useless because you have calculators8
-
What's the worst lie you've ever told a client?
That year, I told mine that we have to pay $100 for a GitHub repository to store the code and keep it safe from bugs...
I am still laughing at myself 😂😂.11 -
Damnit...
I'm kind of a perfectionist, which is one of the reasons why I don't post here very often.
I think that my posts have to be the most hilarious or creative ones to even be bothered to be read by anyone.
Now.. I'm kind of not sober, so I'll just write some idéas, jokes and rants in notes on my iPad.. Sleep, and get drunk again tomorrow and maybe post them...
Or maybe just delete this post and be ashamed tomorrow?
I at least posted this under the "Joke/Meme" tag so that people won't be offended, hopefully, by this "none-rant".5 -
So, you may know this already...But fuck CNET once again! Don't get me wrong, even if I loved the auto-playing video ads I would still be angry af. The site loads with a decent layout at first, but then in a second it changes and all I get is a pile of shit broken because of some <sarcasm>really great</sarcasm> CSS.
P.S. Yeah, I know it's probably my ad blocker killing something that is vital for the site to keep it's shape, but I don't care about that at all. I'll never give it up. (Or let it down, for that matter)
9 -
!rant
User: "Hello, I'd like to hear a torrent joke."
Tracker: "I will refer you to people who can tell you a torrent joke."
Peer 1: "Why d"
Peer 2: "cken "
Peer 3: "road?"
Peer 4: "id th"
Peer 3: "cross"
Peer 1: "e chi"
Peer 5: " the "
Peer 2: "the o"
Peer 4: "To ge"
Peer 1: "side."
Peer 5: "ther"
Peer 2: "t to " -
Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".
A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.
This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.4 -
I'm seriously moving to a full-on designer now since programming stopped requiring any creativity from me recently,
6 -
fml
All week working with sun outside and when you're supposed to enjoy the weekend the weather gods don't let you :/
5 -
This is why I hate Windows:
For about a month now, I've been learning/working on salesforce, so my Macbook was enough for me.
Today there was a bug in something I built in iur Python backend, and since it has a dependency on windows, I booted the old guy up.
And this is what I see. For about 1.5 hours this went on.
Then it started, but system consuming 100% disk and 80+% CPU. Can't do a thing.
And when zoom finally opened (for a quick meet), the camera turned on halfway down the meeting, and then the system restarted on it's own.
Old man showing that same screen again for more than 30 minutes.
Since I have dual boot on this one, I hard-shutdown it using power button, and now boot into ubuntu 20. This works so beautifully (although it froze for about 5 seconds before popping up the updates panel, something I CHOSE to keep enabled). I try going back to Windows, and it's hell again.
Here I am now trying to set up a ec2 instance and setup the app source there so that I can debug with RDP.
And yeah, Component Object Model is a motherfucking bitch. Person who invented it should die. People who build apps leveraging this should die. Business leaders who say "Hey this app (built with COM) can solve the problem easily, so use this" should die choking on their own phallus. And developers like me who keep using this because "the last guy did this" should die too.
Microsoft and it's products are the death of sane people.
Fucking Gates. Its the same damn hardware.
16 -
Today I had a dinner with several members of my family. At some point my uncle decided to bring up ‘tech stuff’ so we can talk about it. Nevertheless, few seconds in he was trying to convince me that IE is the best browser, being far superior than firefox, chrome etc.
I just nodded and started talking about how HTML is the language to learn if you want to be a dev 😅😂4 -
Me ( a python dev) pointing to a good java joke in dev rant to my brother who happens to be working at TCS for the past 5 years as a Java Developer...
Me: Java is shit...
He: huh java is the best! every language in the world is written over java. My manager said this.
Me: I think I will kill him today in his sleep.4 -
!rant
So me and my co-worker are allways joking about how many absourd JS-Libaries are out there. We say random words with "JS" at the end.
We are currently experiencing, that this on going joke is not a fucking joke. It's true!
(Example below, with Quack/DuckJS)
4 -
BEST DISCLAIMER NOTICE
* I'm not responsible for bricked devices, dead SD cards, thermonuclear war, or you getting fired because the alarm app failed (like it did for me...).
* YOU are choosing to make these modifications, and if you point the finger at me for messing up your device, I will laugh at you.
* Your warranty will be void if you tamper with any part of your device / software. -
!rant
I just remembered some joke I said while we had C++ classes.
To see who will actually listen to me, I said : "Hey, I heard you can malloc a dynamic array."1 -
I know it's not a microsoft fail, so nobody will spend some time to rant and joke about
https://engadget.com/2017/10/...5 -
!rant
More like a genersl question I guess. But how do you guys react to writing software that might make someone else get laid off? At work I developed an application that manages a lot of the inventories and yard management that had to be done by hand. While I was developing it, the manager that was giving me the details mentioned (jokingly) many times that if the software works as it was expected that they will not require certain people anymore. I shrugged it off as a joke since I could not imagine it being serious. Turns out, it was serious and some talks about company restructuring have taken place since I released the app into our servers. How the fuck am I supposed to feel? If someone loses their job because of something like this, how would someone go about NOT feeling guilty af?16 -
You know you've been wired in for a long time and need some sleep when you typed in wrong css property.
#careless #whatissleep
4 -
This one is for @Fast-Nop
Both a rant and a joke/meme.
Its also funny because its true. Couple of teams (team responsible for orders and team responsible for accounting) are in seclusion in a meeting room right now cleaning up the web team's screw up.
5 -
Me: Starting a new project.
My pending projects : New member is going to join our family very soon.1 -
Another day, another rejection letter . . . 👎
Seriously, there needs to be a job application punch card for developers. I would've earned at least a dozen free interviews by now.
4 -
!rant
Me and one of my best friends joke way too much about being in a relationship that when he said that we should get married I legit spaced out and started to think how would that even work because he lives in Mexico and I live in the U.S. then i wondered how our work schedule would be and who would hog his gaming pc the most
We are both dudes and we are not gay. But you know man...if you are nor gay for your best friend...are you even best friends?6 -
Nuclear controversy:
I like how devrant doesn't show the ranter's name in the feed, so that people can upvote in a more unbiased way, otherwise let's be honest girls will cause a rant points gender gap.
Every time I see a girl's profile badge, it has thousands of upvotes, I think some IT folks boot up a whole peep show in their head just out of seeing a female profile.
(don't take that seriously, it's just a funny thought, I don't think it's true, but it's worth the joke)5 -
Can we please get a feature where we don't have to see the same rant/post/joke/anything every single time we open the app. I mean exclude posts that the user has already seen.15
-
Recently at school...
We got new projectors in every classroom. My teacher asked me if you can turn the projector. It's worth mentioning that the projectors are installed under the ceiling (hopefully this sentence is correct). WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF PROJECTORS?
IDK if this is funny but I thought I share it with you.
4 -
Reading this rant below remembered me once that I was taking with a generic person at the street about computers. At some time, she said: "my boyfriend is a Hacker. A real hacker. He knows everything about computers. I am going to give him a book that he wants for his birthday: Linux for dummies."
She was not telling a joke...
https://devrant.com/rants/1599710/...1 -
We code hard in these cubicles
My style’s nerd-chic, I’m a programmin’ freak
We code hard in these cubicles
Only two hours to your deadline?
Don’t sweat my technique.
Sippin’ morning coffee with that JAVA swirl.
Born to code; my first words were “Hello World”
Since 95, been JAVA codin’ stayin’ proud
Started on floppy disks, now we take it to the cloud.
On my desktop, JAVA’s what’s bobbin’ and weavin’
We got another winning app before I get to OddEven.
Blazin’ code like a forest fire, climbin’ a tree
Setting standards like I Triple E….
Boot it on up, I use the force like Luke,
Got so much love for my homeboy Duke.
GNU Public Licensed, it’s open source,
Stop by my desk when you need a crash course
Written once and my script runs anywhere,
Straight thuggin’, mean muggin’ in my Aeron chair.
All the best lines of code, you know I wrote ‘em
I’ll run you out of town on your dial-up modem.
Cause…
We code hard in these cubicles
Me and my crew code hyphy hardcore
We code hard in these cubicles
It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve seen the 404.
Inheriting a project can make me go beeee-serk
Ain’t got four hours to transfer their Framework.
The cleaners killed the lights, Man, that ain’t nice,
Gonna knock this program out, just like Kimbo Slice
I program all night, just like a champ,
Look alive under this IKEA lamp.
I code HARDER in the midnight hour,
E7 on the vending machine fuels my power.
Ps3 to Smartphones, our code use never ends,
JAVA’s there when I beat you in “Words with Friends”.
My developing skills are so fresh please discuss,
You better step your game up on that C++.
We know better than to use Dot N-E-T,
Even Dan Brown can’t code as hard as me.
You know JAVA’s gettin’ bigger, that’s a promise not a threat,
Let me code it on your brain
We code hard in these cubicles,
it’s the core component…of what we implement.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Straight to your JAVA Runtime Environment.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Keep the syntax light and the algorithm tight.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Gotta use JAVA if it’s gonna run right.
We code hard in these cubicles
JAVA keeps adapting, you know it’s built to last.
We code hard in these cubicles,
Robust and secure, so our swag’s on blast
CODE HARD10 -
Not really a joke or meme, but not a rant or story. Go to Google search on a PC and search Thanos. Then click on the glove on the right and watch. You're welcome.4
-
Super duper Marketing guy gets hired to boosts Eshop sales. Sends a huge wall of text about moving the site to the X VPS hosting plan, put SSL to the site etc..
Me: We are already on that hosting plan. We have SSL and everything else you mention. Are you sure you checked the right Eshop before you made that Grand Plan of boosting sales? 🤣🤣🤣 -
A couple times a week my girlfriend tells me that she leaves work. She travels with a motorised vehicle for about 45 minutes. I am responsible of cooking food on those days. The food preparation takes around 7 minutes of cutting vegetables and the cooking takes around 20 minutes. the current time of reading the message is 17:17. She had send the message at 17:08. At what time should I start making food in order to be finished at the time she gets home?
I start to relate more and more to school math questions...
Maybe I should make an app for this or website to calculate automatically.5 -
Graphic & Web Designer
(job offer)
- graphical proposals for:
-web pages,
- banners,
- presentation materials,
- gaming graphic,
- application (iOS, Android) graphic...
Bla bla bla...
Min. 2 years profesional experience...
Valid certification and lvl of proficiency in (Adobe Photoshop, I lnDesign, Illustrator)...
Fast delivery....
Salary 3,50€ brutto / hr 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣....
Jobs in Slovakia 🤣6 -
!rant
Q: Why’s it called back end development?
A: Because all you ever get from it is absolute shit1 -
No offense...
But if I had a dollar for everytime, I faked a laugh in my office. I wouldn't need the job anymore.
*Surrounded by fucking dumbwits in the office*1 -
My new PM thinks programming is like using Excel to define times and send the price of the work hours to the clients... 😂1
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Q: What's the relation between Java and Javascript?
Ans: What's the relation between Car and Carpet?!5 -
The moment when u write a sarcastic joke (comment/rant), but you do not actually post it, fearing --s from super serious people.8
-
recruiter: "perfect, you seem the kind of guy we're looking for this role. but can you explain this gap in your resume?"
me: "I'm sorry but I've signed an NDA(non-disclosure agreement)"6 -
Einstein: Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results.
Me [After my code fails to compile]: Let me change nothing and run it again.4 -
I bought a laptop with a 4GHz CPU, 32GB of RAM, 2TB fusion drive all to execute a hello world script in the terminal so that it can run fast :)4
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What to do when you encounter a problem in windows? - REBOOT.
What for Linux problems? - BE ROOT!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Caption: `sudo` is the king :)2 -
Not sure whether to tag this as a rant or a joke, because it feels like equal parts of both. So fucking disappointed with Australian government.
2 -
My compiler tells me, "Hey, you have an error at line 389, resolve it!"
Me [In wonder]: What the heck are you talking Mr Compiler, my program is of 32 lines only!!!2 -
Hey @allTheNonGermans in here, this really is a word in Germany:
Einfuhrumsatzsteuerberechnungsalgorhytmus6 -
Next time someone asks me to go get something that's heavy, I'll smile, go there and return with a pointer to that thing. After all, we have to practice these programming concepts in everyday life 🚶♂️🚶♂️
-
Viruses are little monsters that eat your computer away (or what's left from it) after it's dead. They start with the heart (BIOS) and then go to the CMOS chip.2
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Some trains in Sydney were cancelled today due to heavy fog. Guess the drivers couldn't use ILS to land next to the platforms24
-
Managers hiring process in my mind.
Do you know how to:
Code? No
Pick up the phone? No
Repair stuff? No
Doing photocopies? No
Swipe the floor? No
You are hired!1 -
Just got out of a dev hellhole
Being stuck in one is just minecraft where the diamonds move and you don't wanna stop digging cause they look close but they keep getting away1 -
**Front End Job Interview**
Recruiter:We want people that have 7 years in react
Me: Well I have 5 considering react came out in 2014
Recruiter:So why did you come here ?
Me:I’m broke, I need a job and I have skills
Recruiter:Ok then..
Recruiter:For your code question,we want you to make a responsive web page with these frameworks and the source code.
*gives link to source code*
Me:Ok I can finish this in 3-5 days
Recruiter:we expect that you have 2 days to finish this
Me: Ok challenge accepted
*Finished website in 2 days*
Recruiter:This is a well made website, I’m impressed
Me:Thank you, it took time but I did it
Recruiter:You know what that means
Me: What?
Recruiter:Welcome to the club, you start next week
Me:LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO, WOOOHOO, I’ll make you proud with my skills!!!!.
Moral:If you have a little humor and skills, you WILL get the job
I started the job a week later and it was AMAZING
*Based on a true story*2 -
Have you seen those comments which are better than the rants themselves ...
I see myself being forced to ++ the rant, just so people could see the comment :/1 -
Learning C++ in university for all three years. They have decided that teaching only one language is good and that once you know one language you can pick them all up.
Not sure how true this is... also sick of the lecturer saying "In the real world you would not do it this way but" I wish university's would just teach real life skills and not how to pass a test. What am I spending £9000 a year on....
Anyway rant over5 -
The next major war seems more likely to be started by a bug in someone's code than an action taken by a world leader.1
-
!rant / Joke
RoR dev (Me): Damn, I gotta learn more about that routing DSL... Shit's powerful.
Networker: That sentence made zero sense... Did you just use technobabble? Go to marketing you dweeb.
Well, Matz really trolled the networkers there...
Ruby/Rails:
DSL(Ruby) = Domain Specific Language.
Routing (Rails) = Defining URL Patterns and assigning them to controllers.
Networks(As far as I understand, I only know the absolute basics there):
DSL = Digital Subscriber Line
Routing = The act of passing a packet through another network
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "WE'RE ALL MAD HERE. I'm mad. You're mad."
And the weird penguin building a rails app is mad too I guess.1 -
Me: I'm a developer and what're you?
Him: I'm a tester.
Me: We can be friends until the release...
Him: After that?!
Me: It gets difficult...1 -
Q) What's the bravest action ever?
a) Sky diving
b) Rock climbing
c) Underwater diving
d) Doing fixes in Production
Correct Answer: Option (d)2 -
C/C++ - complex, very fast, used for OS dev
Java - Comparatively easy, fast, used app dev
Python - very easy, comparitively slow, used for app dev
Then there is this boy
Rust - Just fucks you up10 -
Proctorio. That's the rant.
But seriously. I thought I could get out of college without running into it. But nope! Now I'm being subject to having my data sent to a company who's CEO posts private support chat logs on reddit to call a concerned student a liar. What a joke.
College is a scam1 -
Dum acts, Every hacker scene in movies screen contains htop and cmatrix, even sometimes 'sudo apt update && upgrade ' is enough .
3 -
How does an Android fix its problems?
It tries turning it off and on again, but if that doesn't work, it blames it on the manufacturer. -
Wrote a joke just now, before posting it I switched to another app to check some message & when I got back post the rant/joke the post was gone. It seems the app was swapped out of the memory 😶😫
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Me: [Curiously] How many seconds are there in a year?!
AI: [Confidently] 24 of them! January 2nd, February 2nd, ..., December 2nd, January 22nd, February 22nd, ..., December 22nd.
Me:
----------------------------------------------------------
Is AI too dumb or too intelligent!!!2 -
Writing the function is more important than changing the theme of your text editor. Your theme is already good enough.2
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Well, while I still I can, I just want to say that fuck the whole EU and its fucking new shitty assfucking copyright law, which is definitely gonna completely fucking destroy internet if that crap passes.
THEY REALLY FUCKING DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO WORK ON EXCEPT MAKING SHITTY FUCKING DUMB LAWS TO ANNOY AND CONTROL PEOPLE. FUCKING CUNTS. GG
PS: Devrant will have to remove this rant when this law passes...and probably 90% of the joke category...
Edit: This would be worse than Russia blocking websites. New fucking communism5 -
That day (today) when I posted at devrant that a program that i wrote was shown in a movie and the only reaction was the comment that this must be a joke.
Then I deleted the rant.
Thank you for the intense day!10 -
Me (to Google): I need *this* WITHOUT *that*
Google: Okay, so you need *this* WITH *that* gotcha.
*SEO guy laughing at my misery*3 -
Company website created by a third party developers ( paid ) and after a year the new company team does not like the design and asks the inhouse developer hired to create internal apps ( develop office workflow related apps) to change the design of the website and not be paid for it (add new work to the list of works and not be paid extra).
And that they don't want to pay someone to do it again and when the dev ask them what they want in the website , it seems like they are focused on updating content ( which they have access with the wordpress admin panel they have been given ) and a bit of design changes which a dev would do within a few hours and they will have to pay v little for it.
Why does ppl think that devs have all the time in the world to do free stuff !!! and most of the times we are doing more that everyone else in the workplace combined and when we don't do something its like you are not corporating with us, u don't work much and u have too much free time. -
Even though my first rant was a rant ranting about rants this is definitely my favorite devForum so far. I'm new to this stuff so I've been checking out a few of them.
Plus I'm learning new stuff. Every time I don't get a joke I head over to Stack Overflow till I do. Probably not the best use of time but it helps to take a break every now and then. -
Weekend Rant
----------------------
What do you do on weekends?
Me: [Proudly] Oh... I keep my weekends very productive by learning how to write "Hello World" in another programming language and adding it to my resume :) -
If you haven't downloaded 323232 programming ebooks to read god knows when then you are not a programmer..
3 -
1, someone breaks public/private key encryption
2, watch the world burn
3, people will understand that this rant is just a joke1 -
i have experience in mobile dev for 3 years,today i got interview for coding test,it have 10 question,i cant answer question 1 so it stuck there until time out.the question is so fcking simple but because i more focus on framework and only have basic in kotlin/dart so i really like dumb people when interview,the 3 years experience is gone just like noting,even i forget toString use () ( so toString() ) because usually vscode give suggest the method
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Smart Phones are getting smarter. Now you get push notification when you want to check time.
and this featured is called "shove it to throat" -
When you don't compile small code snippet and keeps on writing lines of codes and after writing large lines of code that one moment when you start compiling your code for the first time
Brace yourself for errors 😕 -
Me: This ...
Friend: Is not working.
Me: How come it not work?
Friend: You are such a ...
Me: Waste of time. I know.
Friend: Forty minutes is all I'll need to debug this program.
Me: Seconds, Can u do that in Forty seconds.
Friend: Of course not. Why would I?
Me: An idiot teacher wants me to upload it right now.
Friend: Idiot, Is that what u call a teacher.
Please read the first letter of every conversation.10 -
Iphone 11:-selling one kidney
Iphone 12:-selling two kidneys
Iphone 13:- Selling two kidney , two eyes, two lungs😂😂
Iphone 14:- Selling brain
To whom I am selling brain:- YOUR BRAIN IS USELESS😑
ME:-why
To whom I am selling brain:- If your brain was usefull you would not sell your eyes,lungs etc for a phone
ME:-😶😶😶😶😶😶😓😓
Lol😂😂3 -
Every time a read a rant about a company environment here I think: “It sounds exactly like my previous company!”
But I know we are in different countries…
I guess that when companies suck over a given threshold, they distort space and time like a black hole and become a unique super dimensional joint venture.1 -
i really fucking hate books, books are so annoying. if you comment on this rant with "lol" or some shit, how is this funny? i have an extreme hatred for books and this is not a joke, i am anti-book.30
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The problem as i see it is summed up in the following: everyone is fucking crazy
asked this guy i see here alot working, 'ever feel left behind in hell' he says 'oh this isn't hell it's (redacted) and we're on (redacted)'s mountain so we're closer to heaven'
so i make a not very novel joke anymore and I say "maybe there's a hellmouth over there, and we'd just have a farther fall" he smiled. it was a funny joke. whenever it was first made.
it was cynical humore expressing my present level of personal misery as I rot with everyone else.
also. remembered being able to convince someone to work for 50/hr doled out each hour as was satisfactory.
wonder if its possible again, person in question doesn't appear to be here today. oh well.
far far more honest than the other fucked up shit they do here and yes this whole rant was made before.
so. not a bot :P
and not making the comment about ownership let someone take this piece of life and let me get booted forward 15 years. fuckers.7 -
i dont need any one to tell me devrant was built with RN, i think its high time they start rebuilding it with flutter for better preformance 🤣😂😂2
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Dad woke his son up and said
"it's 7 am, wake up and get to work, you lazy shit" .
Son shouted "Don't worry , my service runs in Utc time zone"😂😂😂 -
I don’t mind to make any funnies or jokes here, but this sticky note realizes me that my spent time is proportional with my lack of everything about technology.
The more time i spent to explore it, the more f*ckin stupid i felt. But hell yeah luv it 🙈
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