Our programming teacher had a surgery on his left eye and will not be able to do the lessons with us. Guess what the subject of the email he sent us was.

"I can't C#."
He made a pun about his fucking health status, alright then.

Networking Professor: Alright, how many of you disagree with the way Google collects and uses data?

*basically everyone in the lecture hall raises their hands*

Professor: Okay, now if you were offered a job at Google, how many of you would still take it?

*everyone raises their hands.*

Alright, well done SpaceX

I haven't posted anything in a long time. Let me change that. I'm doing normal. Just busy. University and all. Seems like stuff is going to get a bit interesting. I can't say anything beyond that.

I hope everyone's alright.

Yes, it's algorithm alright

Literally translated from dutch but I think you'll get it:

(Debugging stuff with customer)
Me: alright so in what area are you now, our customer panel or your hosting control panel?
Client: Rotterdam, why?

._____________.

Had three servers running in prod. For extra security all of them were encrypted (hdd encryption) just in case.
"mate, servers need a quick reboot, that alright?"
Me: yeah sure!
"oh hey they're encrypted, what's the password?"
Uhm.....
😐
😓
😨
😵😨😮😧😫
😲😶😭

Yeah, i also forgot to turn on the backup process...

My wife = Best wife

Her: Is that the motherboard and CPU you wanted?

Me: Yes, you get alot of power for the money (Ryzen 7 1800)

Her: Alright, you should order thoose things next week if they are not on sale this friday

First internship: accepted within two weeks, only got to do Google translating and fired after five weeks for bs reasons.
Grade: bad.

Second internship: accepted right after the interview. Rewrote websites to their newest cms, not that fun sometimes but alright.
Grade: pretty alright.

Third internship: was accepted without asking after a successful pilot program from my study. Designing and developing a huge back end system, done some smart light bulb hacking and get to solve server problems.
Grade: Great! Just one little thingy: they said I should stop doubting myself because "you're a great dude and programmer!"

It's getting better and better!

alright man thats enough

*Reads dokumentation*
"Function A returns a float, see Function B for more information."
- Alright! *Scroll*
"Function B returns a float, see Function A for more information."

First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*

*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*

*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*

*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*

*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*

*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*

*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*

FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.

FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.

Me: "I'm a programmer"

Others: talks about linux
Others: search algorithms!
Others: service infrastructure
Others: memory optimization
Others: encryption

Me: "I'm a front end web developer"

Others: complex services
Others: strong user form validation
Others: lazy loading
Others: SEO

Me: "fucking, I make shit look pretty alright"

Alright then.

This actually happened today

Colleague: Hey man I think there's a problem with my computer.

Me: Alright, I'll check it out.

(I go to his desk and find that his screen was turned off)

Colleague: It just suddenly turned off.

Me: (presses a random key on his keyboard)

(Screen lights up)

Alright wikipedia, i see that you're in a crisis, but I just send 5€ your way. That should not be the fucking signal to unleash popup hell on me. Fucking 4 out of 5 pages now come with that popup. "if rveryone woukd just send $2..."

BITCH I SEND YOU 5€, STOP DEEPTHROATING ME YOUR UNGRATEFUL COCK

Prof: alright class our topic for the day is all about TCP. What's TCP?

Me: Our topic for the day.

Alright people, let's make our own free, decentralized, p2p encrypted Internet.
How does that sound?

"alright, let's go to sleep"
*pulls out extension cord from monitors as I do every night*
*hears server buzzing disappearing*

😓

I entirely forgot that I connected my server which is running heavy and lengthy tasks, to that one, as well.

😧😥😬😰

Interviewer: Alright, so tell me what you like about software, but you don't have to limit it to software you can talk about hardware too. But yes what do you like about software?

Me:

I get that fingerprint authentication is very convenient but I'd never use it (not even for privacy reasons that much).

When someone guesses/gets your password you can just say "alright let's change my password"

Imagine that with fingerprints: "yeah sure let me change my fingers"

😆

Mom : why were you late?
Me : Got lot of bugs in office.
Mom : Is everyone alright? Did you kill them?
Me : No mom we fix them.
Mom : I thought we kill them.
How humane are you guys.

Interview : alright .. your backend experience match us perfectly. Now tell me about ur experience with JavaScript !
Me replying without thinking :
Fuck JavaScript !

Interview : 😮😦 !!
Me : 🤐😨

Interview : alright then, u are in the short list and will get back to u for your second interview.

Javascript developer interview

One of the RH interviewers started asking about myself, personal information, etc..

He : well, let me introduce you our tech lead, he will make you some question about JS

Me : alright

Tech Lead : ummm, do you know javascript?

Me : yes..?

Tech Lead : ok, cool. We will call you.

I got the job..

Alright! JS Devs... make a noise!

It's 2017, I've got a bird on my shoulder and a stressball on my desk, everything is alright.

( I should be working on that SQL statements I generated instead of writing them out right now)
Just one more thing
I ♥️ DevRant

Alright, you win. I have to admit.

I like docker.

> *WordPress website gets down Error 500: Cannot establish Connection with database*

> Marketing loses their shit: "We need the website up and working right now"

> *Me being calm *: "Nope, we cannot it's the service provider error, there's nothing we can do"

> *MK.G*: "Alright then, switch to another ISP ASAP"

> *Me, Internal rage, a volcano erupts *: "Umm..so you want to spend more money on another hosting because this one has an outage of 48 hours?"

>*MK.G *: "Yes, because we cannot run Facebook ads, just because website is down"

>*Internal lmao*: "Alright, but by the time you purchase a new service provider and host, the website will be up and running plus since the database is down we cannot migrate"

>*MK.G*: "I don't care, just make it up and working"

>*Me chilling*: "Alright, give me few hours"

> after a few hours the website is working *me being badass even though I didn't do anything*

Instructor: "Alright you fresh meat, you're gonna do natural logarithm, factorial, and 2 to the power of N in C++"

My classmates: "Omg this is so hard"

Me:

Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!

Dev: ...

Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?

Dev: ...

Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!

Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

Alright, with all the horrible internet freedom and privacy threatening stuff going around I'm setting up a new tor relay, hopefully 2gb/s.

Already have one running with an average throughput of 2TB/day but another one won't hurt, would it?

Who else runs tor nodes here? :D

Alright.

After using Windows for two years because of work and university, I finally returned to Ubuntu.
When I saw the logo while booting I felt that I have finally returned home.

And on the very next boot grub shat itself.
I am home alright. 😂😂

Instead of learning how CCS works I've been adding a bunch of floats in different directions until the layout looks alright. This has been going on for years.

Wait so I'm not allowed Spotify but it's alright for a manager to stream movies?

Don't give that we're not licensed to play music pretty sure we're not a licensed cinema either.

Either it's one rule for all or none at all enjoy your productivity dip from the dev team.

When people call themselves a "professional web developer," but all they do is set up a Wordpress site with a custom skin. Alright then! 🙄

PM: Please do this immediately.
Me: But the other deadline, I...
PM: I don't care, do this first!
Me: Alright, fine.

(at the end of the day)
PM: Why is the thing you were doing not finished yet!?

ALRIGHT

WHAT FUCKING DUMBASS AT APPLE DECIDED THAT YOUR AIRPODS SHOULD PAIR WITH YOUR

CLOSED

FUCKING

MACBOOK

INSTEAD OF YOUR ACTIVELY SEARCHING IPHONE

PRODUCT MANAGERS ARE SHIT

DEVELOPERS ARE SHIT

THE WORST IS KNOWING THEY ALL EARN EASILY 6 FIGURES

AND ARE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING

Ebay app: Hey, look at this offer, you can save 30%!

Me: Urgh, alright, let me have a look
*Clicks notification*
*Offer seems alright, took me by surprise honestly*

*Scrolls down a bit*

Ebay app: ITEM DOESN'T SHIP TO YOUR LOCATION *evil laugh*

Fucking gets me every time

Hey DevRant Community :)
I've been a silence lurker till now, but I really do enjoy scrolling through your new rants everyday, :D ... I'm now quite terrified of my first job interview, but that's alright... I guess... ._.
What I'm trying to say is.... Have a great day everyone :3

alright alright u got me, im a robot

Just generated a postgres (postgis) database of 456gb. Need to copy it to my own pc....

*tries scp'ing*.........*10mbs*.........................
*alright, lets try this with rsync*....*10-20mbs*......
.
.
*compresses the entire database into a 241gb file*
*moves the file to the root of the webserver*
*starts downloading with axel*.....

108mbs!

Those tiny 'hacks' can be fun.

CSS is like #05

Alright so im a highschool student and I just got sent down to the office for using putty to push to git because it's hacking. Wtf.

* login tutorial *

Alright, everything looks good and secure and all

"and now to keep the user logged in..."

Aww ye, this is just what I needed

"we set logged in to \"true\" in a cookie and add another cookie with the users name"

Alright, feature is starting to work, let's go to bed before 2am!

Finally in bed.

"So this stuff is awesome but lets go to sleep now and work on it tomorrow...
....
....
....
Waaaaait, I could add this other feature but I'd be harder......."

My brain is running at full speed at 10 to 2am now 😅

This code isn't working right, better check the log...

ERROR: There was an error.

Alright, cool, chill. Thanks for the top notch error handling. 👌

You know when you click an image to see a larger version and a light box loads a smaller image. Who the fuck tested this shit and thought "Yeah that looks alright."?

alright very funny guys

i'm so tall my bluetooth earbuds keep going slightly out of range and garbling the audio

Alright lets work on the security/privacy blog again.

Things I've got in the making right now: dark theme by default, font change and an rss feed!

Let me know what you'd like to see :)

I'll also reveal a new domain name soon!

Alright I lost my job,

now is time to shave

>Answered my first question on SO
>Comment: "It's a wrong answer"
>Me: "Do you mind telling me why, so i can fix it? It could still help the op"
>
>
>

I see. You were quick to tell me I was wrong, but don't tell me why. Alright then.

*client calls*
Me: Hello?
Client: Hi, I have some questions about the project.
Me: Alright, what are they?
Client: I don't quite remember what my questions are.

What? Then why did you call me?

My hard drive is dying.

I thought to myself:

"It's alright. I have 5 years warranty. I'll change it"

Then I realized it has been almost 6 years since I've bought the hard drive.

I'm becoming old :(

I don't care what codestyle you want. I even can deal with codestyle I detest. (Looking at you, Vertical Alignment)

There is pretty much only one hard requirement:

It must be enforceable via autoformatting.

I won't manually edit a file because you have a preference.

When you finally accept that in order to write a game engine all your self, you not only have to be a programmer but a mathematician.

Alright. Time to hit the math books for a while.

New job is paying me to study and get certs. I mean alright.

Manager: What the heck are you guys doing? Pair programming?! That would halve the team productivity!!!

We:

Manager: Alright, Let's do a "quick" four hours meeting. Everyone in the company MUST attend!

We:

Bumped my head very badly
To check if my brain was alright, I revised recursive factorial program.

I just had my worst hackathon so far and need to puke my whole toxic hatred, the rant will be full of hate so be warned. (I just don't want to let it go on my girlfriend, but I need to shout it out loud somewhere)

First of all, it is alright to be a beginner at a hackathon. It is also alright to not know that much about coding and want to learn. But it is not alright to lie about your skill, pretend to be a senior programmer and waste my fucking time.

Don't even fucking dare to say your are "fit" in Android development if you just have done some foobar tutorial on YouTube, don't even bother to read the document and have literally non existent knowledge about computer science.

Why the fucking hell do you need to pretend to be a seasoned programmer if you are just a bloody beginner? I mean you are in a hackathon full of computer nerds so soon or later your impostor ass will be debunked so what is the point?

And the other guy. Why the fucking hell did.'t you say that you just begin Python for 3 months? You are not a fucking developer if you just started coding for 3 fucking months. Learn some fucking coding before starting with machine learning you fucking punk ass bitch script kiddie.

Alright, maybe I was too naive to not check my teammates' background before make a team with them. Fuck me and my fucking stupid ass. My dumb ass monkey brain fell for big mouths, I deserved the headache right now and none less.

Lesson learned!

Me: Alright, lets hammer out some Udemy courses...

*Opens course*

Instructer: So we are going to go ahead and download Code::Blocks

Me: *Audible sigh*

My grandfather the other day over the phone: "so, hows work?"
Me: "a bit stressful right now, Im realy tired at the end of the day when I get home, but its alright".
Him: "okay, so when are you going to get a real job?".

Alright I get the importance of project planning but having a Sprint meeting at 7am is just insane.

Alright, I'm getting tired of reading job applications that have roles described as:

"Seeking unicorn"
"Seeking heroes"
"Seeking alien"

What the fuck.

[God creating manager]
God: Take a blood sucking Dracula
Angel: okay
God: Wrap in a human costume
Angel: wait, is that legal?
God: Now make it dumb
Angel: -_-
God: Throw it between intelligent people
Angel: Is everything alright at your home?

Alright I have to rant about this.... Yesterday I taught my grandma how to take a screenshot.... Few hours later I see her clicking pictures.... When I looked closely I see she has her camera app open and she's taking screenshots instead of clicking pictures.... "Screenshots are clearer" it seems.... 😂😂😂 I was like....

* Sets up some software
"Alright, and now to start the database"
* types "sudo systemctl start po-"
* hits tab -> poweroff.target
* Enter
...fuck me

little did I know, the database was already started...

Team: Qt doesn’t let us build the UX we have in mind. Web is the future.

Me: what do you guys recommend ?

Team: Electron! We vote for Electron!

Me: Alright, who know JavaScript here?

Team: ...

I wrote a tool that aligns an array of cameras. It was used several times, and it failed occasionally, so the operators claimed my code was buggy. Yesterday one of them came to me, saying that my code was alright - they just flipped the axes of the alignment equipment during those failed attempts.
Me:

ALRIGHT sorry SwiftKey I love you but not if you do this to me... I need a new keyboard any recommendations? (android)

(also the accuracy is quite bad as of late...)

Thanks!

Uhm, alright, but how will you fix them then? (no, there seems to be no automatic crash dump or calling home)

Alright! so it's not much but my game engine is slowly gaining actually useful features, just finished implementing a basic sprite class that now renders basic sprites!

It may not be much but kind of proud at how well I have been able to just pick up Vala from scratch and start building something!

Alright, now we know the truth 🤔

alright.

Coworker on slack: "Hey, is my wallet on my desk?"
Me: "Hey it is"
C: "Alright thanks. I'll arrive a bit later to work today"
Me: *about to write* "Because it took too long to find your wallet? 🤣"
C (before I hit enter): I'm going to a funeral
Me: *deletes message draft* "ok, see you later"

Close one

alright... so thats how you parse JSON in javascript in 2019? i'm vomiting right now...

Alright, the devrantron app for linux is awesome

why does everyone always give me backtalk when i want to make my files smaller and more readable

"no you should put your scripts, style and template all in one file, theres no need to put it separate"

alright while we are at it, lets just write the entire project in 1 single file

ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ON MY VACATION TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NOPE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOUR UNSTRUCTURED PHP CODE WHICH NEEDS TO BE REFACTORED BECAUSE 2 VISITORS ON YOUR WEBSITE SUGGESTED SO!

It will be alright in the end.
If it's not alright, it's not the end.

oh, ok, alright, it won't break the bank.. oh.. are we talking about actually OWNING a bank?

When your boss gives her boss an update on your project that isn't true, and makes you look incompetent, just because she had no idea. Fucking muppet.

Roommate: Filter it, would you please? (* Was talking about the tea*).

Me: Alright buddy, say no more. (*Names the signal that I was working on as "Tea".*)

(*Got the filtered output 😎*)

Alright, that's it. I've had it with these fucking clowns.

Z2: 3GB RAM
Z3: 3GB RAM
Z3+: 3GB RAM
Z4v: 3GB RAM
Z5: 3GB RAM
Z5 "Premium": 3GB RAM
X: 3GB RAM
X "Performance": 3GB RAM
ZX: 3GB RAM

Sony.. Alright...

[technical problem]
"Please give more details, like OS, hardware, …"
"you see i'm working on pc."
Oh, alright, so I have to start at the very beginning... *starts explaining that more than one OS exists and that you can do different things with your computer*

So I’m installing all the updates to Xcode and OSX to get ready to make an app update. Get ready, restart for the OSX update, reboots about 3 times. Apple splash screen comes up... Alright that was a pretty fast one...and then FUCKING FRUIT FUCKERS

> be me
> alright time to seek a new job
> open glassdoor
> see a good front end job
> apply.exe
> redirects to another page to apply
> iamnotevenmad
> try to fill the form
> fill first name
> fill last name
> first name disappears
> fml
> check console
> someone forgot to preventDefault the event
> fuck it, i'll post a rant on devrant

Alright then

You doin alright there Watson?

Alright, seems like I have to buy this.

Ps: I believe to have found a bug in Devrant's Android App: if you attach an image to your rant and tab out afterwards it crashes for me

Rant PART 2 [FINAL-inspirational]

In my previous rant I posted what was happening in my life. And now I want to share how it all unfolded.

To remember some things, I was doing a mobile project for school and it was a group assignment. My group was so disperse that I ended up doing all by myself. And in the middle of this my gf and I were fighting.

I spent the last two days coding all day during work (I do coding internship for the college I go to, so my boss was cool about me doing the project during work) and I ended up forgetting what day it was today (today is a holyday, I thought I had to go to work because I forgot). It was such an intense two days that while coding I was forgetting variable names, table row names (I literally spent half an hour on my API trying to find a solution, when the solution was that I was using `seller_fk` on the API, but in the database was `seller_id`) and my mind was imploding. I asked my boss for help on the database (he's really good at it) and my teachers to help me. But everything paid off.

Yesterday I started coding at 8am and ended up finishing the project at 9:28 pm (the day before yesterday was the same thing), 2 minutes before the class of the project to start! I was able to finish the project, finally! But what really remarked me was that from all the groups that were in like 4-5 people, I was the only one who delivered the project that day. All other groups are going to have to deliver the project next week with reduced project grade, while I got 100% of the grade because I delivered on the date.

God is good!

Also my gf and I are good now. We are kinda still recovering emotionally, but are now more respectfull to each other, so I guess something good can comeout of bad things.

Happy coding everyone and never give up!
If I made it out of this whole mess so can you! :)

Alright then...

At least it parsed null as a string. Better than crashing, but the correct url would have been slightly better.

— I got bored and built a CLI tool for fetching movie subtitles yesterday night.
— What for?
— Well, to get movie subtitles.
— Alright...
...
—... I, I built it...

Boss: Alright so after lunch can you show me all the changes you've made for project x?
Me: there haven't been any visible changes to it so it looks exactly the same as when I showed you at the end of the day yesterday. Just reorganised the code a bit.
Boss: Well, refresh my memory anyway.
Me:...

So my old friend was in introduction to computers about 5 years ago.

My Teacher: Alright, go to the Desktop and start Photoshop.

My Friend: Where is the Desktop?

My Teacher: It's the Start Screen, like when you log on.

Everyone died laughing and he still hasn't lived it down.

Alright, I know people joke about this but I just spent 4 hours debugging a 50 line chunk of code, and the first time it worked without errors it scared me🙃

[Disclaimer: This doesn't have too much to do on programming or dev stuff]
Earlier today I went to the library (the physical place) and just decided to sit down with some books on computer stuff, at some point I went into the "Education" section to see if they had like how to stuff on programming or whatever, and I found a palm sized rock that was painted white on one side with a dragon hidden behind a book. It said on the back "Post on FB. Keep or rehide"...
So I got my phone out and opened FaceBook, and the first post that showed said "I just hid a bunch of rocks at the Library and [The name of a park nearby]".
I posted some pictures of the rock and mentioned the friend on mine that hid it, and went to another section to hide it again.
I found a second one that said "Be yourself" and the same "Post on FB, keep or rehide" message, one with a Monster on it and at the park there was a mouse eating a piece of cheese.
The mouse one I kept for myself. :D

I’m terrified of the Mac Os Mojave update - the last 3 updates have “black screen of death-ed” my computer. Please tell me everything is going to be alright....

Client: can you spice it up a bit
Me: ok
Client: more spicing
Me: alright
Client: i liked the first one.....

I hope he is alright.

Alright, these business cards are awesome.

Post Mortem analysis:

It was alright when I typed "SESSION_"
It also was OK when I typed "1"

But I was definitely already asleep while typing the remaining "2" and "3" characters

the line between "sleepy" and "asleep" is soooooooo thin!

Woke up to see miscroshit is buying GitHub and saw atleast 3~4 rants about

Alright we get it, stop being redundant, I'm dealing with iframes and YouTube iframes with jQuery already

Alright lads. Contest time.

How many times have you been asked to
1) Hack someone's Facebook account
2) Fix a laptop or wifi'

My record is like 10

Alright what's your alcoholic drink of choice?

Alright, it is propably time to look for a new job

Had to consume a soap webservice which spits out a XML of 5000 lines with ambiguous node names and a shitload of data that needs to be parsed.

Built a ORM model to hold all the data and I already built a Xmlparser which works like a boss.. untill now..

I've been debugging for 3 hours, cursing every God man ever made up. Swearing at my screen like a madman... but this particular set of nodes just didn't got saved properly to the DB...

Alright, so my ORM definition is fucked... nope... Alright, so my XmlParser is fucked... nope...

Whaaaaat the fuuuuck...

Oh wait, I've been checking the wrong table for hours....

Hooray for ambiguous tables because I followed the ambiguous structure.

I am going to get drunk now.

X

Maybe in special dedication to @kiki.

I cut the unit tests down in LOC size by roughly 50 - 60 % in most projects.

It's really easy once one sees unit tests not as a dunking pile of copy pasta wild west, but rather as a code base that needs architecture and design.

Some extensions, some annotations, some good old helper classes.

Pooooof.

Why I did this? ...

Because it's fucking annoying when you read a PR with tests and need a fucking diff tool to spot the difference between two tests cause they're 80 % the same.

Yeah. Thx for giving me brain cramps, motherducker.

I'm not an expert in unit tests, but if all test codebases look like the "usual stuff" in our projects...

It's no wonder bugs exist...

Alright, which one of you beautiful fuckers did it? I'll take 10 please.

Alright people, are we finally building an OS in JavaScript, or was it just a mockery?

Soooo.... It's almost summer alright.. Centralized heating is long gone already and they forecast +1C tonight.

I mean I do have to survive... Guess I'm keeping this overnight

yeah, pic qlty us shitty, sensors say it's 70-80

Troubleshooting code...
Me: "ok cool did that fix it?"
Program: [same error]
Me: "alright, so can I break it harder?"
Program: [new error]
Me: "now we're getting somewhere!" 🎉

- Dual boot to windows.
- Do some stuff.
- 2% Battery left.
- Alright, shutdown.
- Windows prepare to update.
Me: Fuck... forgot about Creator update.
(Run boy run -> to the AC adapter)
(Freeze windows for too long....)
(Mostly use Arch)

Alright lets install PHP7 :D
6 hours later....

Opens a support ticket: Screwed up everything !

Ctrl C, go over hear, Ctrl V. This might take a while, I'll go drop a deuce will this is copying over.

[ 3 hours later... ]

Alright, back at it. What's this dialog?

"The destination already has a file named...".

1% complete.

Well, fuck me in the goat ass.

Alright! I was getting familiar with Google Analytics!

*visits Google Analytics again*
*the entire fucking thing is redesigned for the nth time*

Alright folks, interview for an apprenticeship in a dev position in 1 hour

Wish me luck ^^'

alright, seems productive.....

Alright ladies and Gents, i find this topic very interesting but who cannot code without listening and who cannot code without silence

If your in the music listening category, what music genre hits that coding sorcery zone for you?

When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.

"You sure? I mean, alright... "

It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.

!rant

Alright I'm at a lodge drinking beer with old men. These old men (50-70) are talking about facebook. I wish half of the teenagers could hear this shit where there would be a mass exodus and facebook would go the way of myspace.

Alright, who is rigging the "Top Tags" results? Where is Arch?

Arch users: we should aim to get `arch` into the devRant top tags by the end of the year

Explored some job postings online.
Everything was alright then it happened. "IIT and NIT students will be preferred". Logged off in disappointment 😫😫

I won't lie, when someone says something dumb and I see a '-1', it makes me smile.

Y'all are alright.

Alright devs let's see those faces #devfacefriday what's your specialties? (Me === red flannel,front-end. Bff === cream flannel, back-end.)

Everything alright Netflix?

Ice King. Lonely, weird, has a penguin for a debugger and doesn't do as he commands... Yup, that's a Linux guy alright.

Does anyone just feel tired, in general? Like the boss is (usually) alright. I like the work and I am good at it. Maybe I'm not feeling challenged enough? Honestly, I'm not sure. In the last retro, I was an 8.5/10 on the happiness index, now I'm a 4...wtf

Just finished writing some code.
Got one error.
"Alright" I said, "almost done!"
*fixes the error*
"2589 errors"
I guess someone up there really hates me...

me: alright let me print this now.

*goes downstairs*

printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...
printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...
printer: *on the display* ... Printing ...

*no paper to be seen*

me: why isn't this working?

*checks computer upstairs.*

computer: *popup* We have an update scheduled for 17:40, we can install it then or, if you like, now.

me: oh, ok.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It's Friday. You know what that means.....

Don't touch nuffin' and DOCUMENT.

Alright, I got my coffee so let's get back to work!
Or as I call it:

Two hands, one cup.

Alright y’all what’s the longest minute:

Microwave minute
Google drive upload 1 minute remaining
Windows copying less than 1 minute remaining
MacOS update screen 1 minute remaining

Client: we need a report that <unclear requirements>
Me: alright, here's what you requested.
Client: that's not what I asked for.
Inner me: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK REEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

alright... seems like my day was really productive. spent about 10 hours in the company doing nothi-

Wait... I was online on devRant. How dare I forget that fact?

Alright kids, you want to see something spooky. Watch this

Alright everyone, good day is over for today. Boss just showed up, back to being stressed.

alright, just acquired a Surface Pro 2. Never touched one before. I guess Linux with Enlightement enviroment would work great?

Alright, I need to reboot Windows *click*
Windows: Rebooting...
...
Windows: BSOD

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Instagram: "Jill liked your post"
Me: F off

Twitter: "Chris liked your tweet"
Me: WTF do i care

devRant: "Jamie liked your comment"* and you're getting stickers for it*
Me: "Wait, what?... You're alright devRant, you're alright"

Mother: Hrlp, my (phone)-screen's all dark and stuff. What's wrong with my phone!?
Me: Everything alright, it's just a dark theme 🤣

Best explanation of callback from Stackoverflow:

Guy 1 to Guy 2: Hey dude I wanna do something when a user clicks in there, call me back when that's happens alright?

Guy 2 calls back Guy 1 when a user clicks here

C++ developer: alright, this should finally fix it. Please just compile so I can go to sleep

GCC: I'm sorry Dave. I can't let you do that.

THEN THERES THE USUAL SEGFAULT WITH NO STACKTRACE AND I SPEND THE REST OF MY NIGHT VALGRINDING

Me: "Alright, I've been on 'top', 'algo' and 'recent', I'm going to check twitter or 9gag now"
Also me: "I wonder what's up on DevRant"

- All the 6 cores at 100ºC ~25% of the time
- Trying to figure out wtf
- aahhh, it's my self-service automation script launching ~300 curls in parallel every few seconds to monitor the environment! I guess the temps are alright then...

Moral: even the devil is not that bad when you know the whole context.

Alright, understood...

My first freelance dev job thing, turned out alright. For the first year though, the dev job thing became a tech support thing. Oh the horror.

Alright #html

Clustering high dimensional data - SOS!

I have to cluster documents. I computed the tf*idf, but I have ~45K docs with 28K words.
I did minibatch kmeans which works alright, but everything else runs forever. I need to compare 2 clustering algorithm, so I need at least another one that works. In this life time.
Suggestions?

A word of advice:
If you integrate email verification very tightly in the registration flow, it will be a world of pain to implement changing the email address.
It's alright, I didn't want to do anything this afternoon anyway.

Just started using Electron. Seems alright. But
coming from Java, I have no fucking idea how that shit works. Started with something simple, so I wanted to show currrent date and time in a <h1>.
Well, I'm stuck. Time to read docs again :)

Alright,
Praise EMACS-NOX

Another anectode from my apprenticeship:
Boss comes into the office, looks at my screen: „So Mr Possum, writing scripts again? Process some customer orders instead.“
My Screen: html in notepad++ (as I was also responsible for the company website)
Me: */ wtf man? */ Alright sir.

Alright, fellow coders. If I am required to spend 6-8 hours documenting your steaming pile of shit, MAKE SURE IT FUCKING COMPILES SO I CAN CHECK THE FUNCTIONALITY AND GET SCREENSHOTS! IT IS ALMOST NOON! I DONT WANT TO STAY LATE! Bitches.

Alright...

Thursday afternoon. Client gives us the go to deploy the latest release to production.
Friday late afternoon; my colleague - "wait, did we ever deploy"? Me - "uh, nope".
"Alright have a good weekend"

Alright, that’s IT. I am going to just auto-find that fucking mentions and URLs myself, because the offset system in devRant’s metadata is completely unpredictable. Really.

For context look at my last rant (I think).

*Me on the phone with a client*

Me: Alright, is your computer connected to wifi? If not, you will need to get it connected to your wifi.

Client: Is that Chrome?

Me: No...

So I'm watching the Bill Nye show and it's an episode about info sec. Alright! He has this correspondent on and she says she teaches programming to kids, I'm like sweet! Me too! Then I go to check out her website and it's made from wix. Dude wtf.

PM: How long will it take to fix this bug? Needs to be done by friday.
Me: I can do a hotfix in some hour, a more permanent solution will take at least 3-4 hours.
PM: Alright, I’ll schedule you for 1 hour.
Me: alright, sounds good.

*makes a hotfix*

Me: the hotfix is done now, just tell me when you want me to do the permanent solution.
PM: what?! Thought I you could manage the permanent fix in the time I booked.

???????

alright well i'll see yall in 30 years when i finally qualify for this (despite "no degree needed" and "entry-level" tags being on the fucking job)

Alright i have a confession
I left devrant a week ago (2000++) and made a new account cause i love it here

I had a guy ask me to write a simple script for a simple card memory game. He wanted it scripted in JavaScript. Already I hate my life but I say alright and spit it out to him quick. Now he wants it on the web, Android, and iOS...in JavaScript 😓😅😂

Got to say an obligatory thanks to @-red for ++ bombing me. In other words, I am back and here to report I am feeling alright

Alright I'm about to flip out so please give me something to program.

JS (web stuff generally)
Python
NodeJS

Just send me stuff to do please

Alright wish me luck boys and girls, actually started development on my first 'proper' application, building an sms client using the push bullet API for elementary OS...

First time using Vala, first time building something that isn't game or web related in a real world environment...

!rant

alright yall I need ideas, my wife just got fired along with everyone else and I'm going to have to go back to atleast part time freelance work. I need ideas for a developer site to broadcast my skills in android dev, and backend design. any suggestions will be appreciated.

Youtube you alright???

Alright let's get real and finish this module
* 5 mins later *
Ooh look, a new js framework. I wonder what does this do hmm..

Don't fix what ain't broken.

Alright.. that might not be 100% what need to be done at times, as other out-of-scope things tend to break these things too.

Nevertheless, if you fix what ain't broken,be sure to have it working before you switch over.

Alright...
I guess this will work...

Oh boi, that weird feeling when the code is alright, no errors, the first time you save or compile it

MPH book , is your Dev alright? #mph

Alright, I just need to add a new state to this state machine...
*class explosion*
... 6 hours later ...
Wtf was I doing again?

Alright apache2.2 with php5.6 session upload progress works, client has apache2.4 and php7 on his server...now... WHY THE HELL DON'T IT WORK. All THE DAMN REQUIREMENTS ON THE DAMN DOCS ARE THERE. Fuck i could have went to bed and made the same progress

me: reviewing an old ticket relevant to testing a similar area of a ticket im working on as a developer

"QA Note

Please don't ask me where to find one of these, because I don’t know"

the retired QA who worked on this ticket also didn't write where to find the thing

well fuck me alright

When online documentation is nonexistent but everyone expects you to use the technology.

Well alright then!

Alright windows, why is Chrome receiving fractures of my bandwith, but edge can get it all? I swear, I can stream FHD on edge, but not use soundcloud on chrome. This smells fishy to me

I'm stuck with a (very) junior developer.
He doesn't understand requirements, why we are doing this and not that.
Today, I asked for a merge request to implement filters on research.
Maybe in one or two weeks ...

Don't forget, everything gonna be alright. 🤲 Or maybe, will I kill him before?

Alright, so. If you had themes and things you would like to see in a cyberpunk novel what would they be? I already have corporate surveillance gone haywire, a neutered yet corrupt government, an active police state, and cyborgs. Protagonist is an on the grid citizen who is an off the grid hacker.

Alright i make jokes alot of times for fist over ip but damn there's just so fucking many people that it could be useful on. Somebody needs to figure this shit out where i can go dark side and just choke a dumbass no class asshole out.