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Search - "he"
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Today my classmate came up to me and said he was a hacker.
I told him to prove it, and guess what? HE ACTUALLY HACKED GOOGLE!
It was amazing! He impressed so many kids in the class with his skills of pressing F12! How impressive is that?
He even wore a black hoodie and can spell his name in binary code. Not to mention, he changed google doc's page color to black and the font to green as he typed his essay.
I need to be careful... This 1337 h4x0r is really scary.
83w4r349 -
My 9 year old son checks out the source code of every website he visits. If he finds something he doesn't understand, he bounces it off me. I love the snot outta that kid ❤️❤️❤️.20
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Being 100% serious, I saw a guy in my Computer Programming I class using MS Word to write code that he would copy, then paste into notepad. When I asked him why he did that, he said, "Microsoft Word is easier to read than notepad."
He ended up dropping the class and changed majors.11 -
He wanted a project.
I gave him a project.
He wanted to collaborate.
We did collaborate.
He wrote nothing.
He left the project.
I have to finish the project...7 -
My boss is technically restricted shall we say.
As the cto I have also been designated office IT guy. Which means apparently fixing the printer. Which is ok I guess. I mean it's bullsh*t but hey.
Anyway, about 6 months ago he said he needed a new laptop. He lives his life in excel and outlook, and even though the whole company uses google docs for everything he still exports everything to excel, makes a copy, then saves it back to drive so everything gets out of sync.
It's a fun problem that I have banned everyone from doing obviously but he continues.
Anyway, anyway, he wanted a new windows laptop naturally. I said to spend about £700 on a decent machine rather than buying something cheap that will frustrate and not last long.
He doesn't listen and gets some old windows 7 machine for £300. It's an alright spec for 2009; he must not have got the memo about it being 2017.
4 months go by and he says he needs a new laptop because this one is too slow (not least because he opens 400 chrome tabs and never reboots his machine). Anyway, I fix the problem of uninstalling all his bloatware and it runs quicker but he has his heart set on a new machine.
He insists.
I suggest he spend the money this time so he literally doesn't buy a new one in 4 months. I suggest the surface book that's £1200. A little overpriced but he will love the touch screen, it's powerful enough and it's windows. Ticks all the boxes for him.
He suddenly decides he wants a Mac.
I tell him it will be a nightmare for everyone if he does that.
He insists.
I suggest the Mac book pro as I've had mine for 6 years now and it's still going strong. It's a little more expensive than the surface but it will last.
He then says he wants the air.
I say they haven't updated them in ages and they aren't actually that powerful.
He insists.
That night he just buys an air from the Apple Store.
WHY THE FU*k ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR ADVICE IF YOURE NOT GOING TO LISTEN YOU MOTHERFUC*er. WASTING MY TIME AND YOURS.
Was very close to rage quitting when he wanted me to back up his old machine but didn't bring in his hard drive and didn't want to put it in the cloud. #whatDoYouWantMeToDoWithYourOldPornCollection
To top it all off I ran some benchmarks and my 6 year old Mac book pro is more powerful than his "brand new" air.23 -
I remember back at study I had this friend who hated windows just as much as I did.
Then, for a project, he HAD to run windows on his laptop.
He was very fucking angry about that but did this:
Installed a Linux (debian?) vm (virtualbox) on his laptop and gave it all the spare resources.
Then he ran it fullscreen.
He was still using windows technically but at boot up he booted up the Linux vm and he just worked with that one.
Teacher wasn't pleased but he couldn't do much since the fucker ran windows on his laptop as instructed xD13 -
A client refused to pay for a hybrid mobile app because he said that he only needed the android version.
After publishing the app he asked if we could submit it on the Apple store because he now wanted the iOS version as well.11 -
I made a Trello board and listed some tasks for me and my team.
My boss comes in, I show him the trello board to show how I organized our tasks.
He liked it, so I asked him if we can use it more frequently.
He replied: this is your code, do whatever you want.
I asked: my code?
He replied: yah didn't just build this webpage? This interactive task manager.
Me in shock: hold on you think I built trello?
Boss: oh ... You didn't ? It looks like something you'd do for your "front end masterbaution".
Me: oh wow, well... If that was the case I would've made $425 million on top of my salary.
Boss: looked at me like meh ~ and walked away...7 -
Boyfriend and I decided to take on a simple Raspberry Pi project as an extra curricular thing to do before uni starts. He claims that I'm better at this sorta stuff than him, so I end up with the Pi for most of the week, but have immense trouble getting what we want to work.
I give up and pass it off to him to have a go when he's home. Few hours later he gets all the things I couldn't get done. I'm a mix of frustrated and relieved.
Unrelated, probably gonna wife that man5 -
A little while ago I was on my way home from work sitting on the train and then this guy sat down next to me.
Pulled out a laptop and suddenly opened a code editor!
I just tried to determine what programming language he was doing and after about 5 minutes I finally was about to ask him...
Then he copied his 'code' into excel.
Well, all the excitement went to a pub to get drunk at that moment I think.16 -
My colleague always tells me how he hates windows and that he uses linux just to look like cool dev, one day I found him using windows and he was like ....7
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When new junior front-end tells you he doesn't need to know javascript since he already knows angular.7
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I met my boss in a bar...
He said that he needs someone testing their security. I said that I was in security.
He emailed me.
That's it. 😂1 -
He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.9 -
One of my colleague took 3 week vacation leave. End of vacation time he requested for extending the leave. Company is not allowed him, so he send resignation email. After 1year we get to know in vacation time he already joined new company. I asked him why, he said "That three weeks is trials. If nothing workout he planned to going back to old company." 🤨4
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Her diary:
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at a fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing". I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that i loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior, I can’t explain why he didn’t say, "I love you too". When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster :(
His diary:
My code is broken, can’t figure out why.3 -
Just asked some bloke at work if he's into computers, and he said yes.
I asked him what languages he likes.
He responds 'Linux'.
I now knew he was bullshitting, so I asked him what compiler he uses.
He said binary.
Can I rip his teeth out and make a twat-tooth necklace now?10 -
My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was14
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He's stop writing Java because he thinks Java is inelegant. He write PHP instead.
Am I still on earth? 🤔28 -
I once had a co-worker (QA guy) who had the worst smelling breath of anyone's I ever smelled. He was a nice guy but it was kind of weird/irritating how bad it smelled. One day someone confronted him about it, and he said that it was garlic since he apparently constantly chewed on garlic. I guess it was just some odd habit and he didn't care he was grossing everyone out haha.11
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Recruiter emailed me later this day. (had my first job interview today for a Linux Support Engineer position).
He said he thinks he might have some good news. I am nervous. Fingers crossed 😰19 -
If your IDE found
10 errors
and 47 warns
would you correct them
or let them slip.
YO ...
His palms are sweaty
Knees weak, arms are heavy
The tests are failing already
Code spaghetti.
He's nervous,
But at his laptop he looks calm and ready
To squash bugs
But he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole team goes so loud
He opens his file, but the code won't come out
He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now
The deadline run out, times up, over, blaow!
Snap back to reality, oh there goes file integrity
Oh, there goes documentation, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy? No
He won't have it, he knows his whole header's code
It don't matter, he's dope, he knows that, but he's broke
He's so stacked that he knows, when he goes back to his mobile home, that's when its
Back to the office again yo, this whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
Note: All credits to the original owners of these phrases.5 -
Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.
Dev: Um, why?
Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.
Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.
Manager: What? How do you know?
Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.
Manager: You have a Mac?
Dev: Yes
Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?
Dev: …15 -
When my brother told me he was using a breadboard i tought he wanted to be a baker. Guess he ain't baking no bread, only circuits.6
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/***********************************
/* a temporary hack, fix it later *
***********************************/
That was 7 years ago. I mean it was last edited 7 years ago when a temporary hack was created. It is now a permanent solution as nobody know what we are supposed to fix
.... Nothing is more permanent than a temporary fix. Not even clean refactored and tested code.13 -
I was tutoring a Freshman, its something you must do at my uni and I saw his code. He said he stopped working when he changed text editors...
God damn, its like the aftermath of a tornado9 -
University dorm admin story:
One guy had a problem with his ethernet cable. He broke RJ45 and wanted new one, so he asked on dorms group what to do. He was pointed to admin. So he grabbed a knife, cut the cable as close to wall as he could and walked with it to the admin guy. He said that he had problem with his cable and want new RJ45, so admin applied it on the both sides. Then he asked how to plug it back to the wall :D19 -
My boss fancies himself a tech. So he started exporting data from the users table. And deleting them after exporting them. You know so he can keep track of what he has exported. He deleted his own admin account in WordPress. And than asked me to remake it.5
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Called into my bosses office one day.
He takes a big swig of mouth wash. I stare at him while he swishes it around in his mouth. He straight up swallows it and tells me he gets a buzz from it.4 -
I can tell you how I hired one of my employees instead:
During the work interview he mentioned he used to write Amiga demos when he was a teenager. Can I see one? I asked. He emailed one later that I could run on an Amiga emulator.
He got the job! The demo frankly wasn't that impressive but the fact that he wrote stuff like that already as a child was, before college and stuff.
He later told me he would have never guessed as a child his demos would give him a job one day!2 -
A child is deleting all the necessary files required to run games, softwares etc.. He thinks they're virus just because he can't open and play with them.
Now he clicked on game.exe to play his favourite game but this happened:
"Error: blah blah
xyz file is missing"
He is confused. He is blaming his father for buying the worst computer for him
This child is me, 8 yrs ago :')5 -
I was building a personal website and my friend oversaw it. He said “that looks cool, can I help?” I agreed, why couldn’t he help? Ten minutes in I asked him if he liked our 404 page. He said “what’s the link to the 404 page?” 🤦♂️ He’s not on the team no more.3
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A QA engineer walks into a bar, and orders a beer.
Then he orders 0 beers.
Then he orders 99999999999 beers.
Then he orders an ahzuzydhu.
Then he orders nothing.
Then he orders -1 beers.
Thrn he orders NULL.
Thrn he orders jzuzuj beers.
Then he orders a "<script>giveMeYourCreditCard()</script>"
Finally, he leaves without paying, comes back and asks for the tab.
Heard this one a while ago and wanted to share it here 🙃1 -
Once I got a call from a very stressed customer. He said he clicked a link in our app and it took down the whole internet. He asked me if I can turn it back on.8
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My first rant, so pls don't blame me?. 🙈. No just kidding, but now the Story. A friend told me that he want to start hacking. But I know that he can't prog or use a PC. But I asked: "Can u program?" He: Yeah, of course!?". *Me wondering as fuck* Me: Where do u learned that?" He: "Watched YouTube Videos!" Me: "OK?, and what language du u want to use, and IDE?" He answered: "Language Arduino, and IDE what is that?". *Me facepalming and asking myself what dafuq was he watching and why is he trying to do things like that*11
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He: Hi Lexter, our client made a website on WIX.
Me: And he wants to remake the website due to SEO, shit code, design and all other aspects.
He: How do you know?
Me: Realy?3 -
So today a colleague totally new to the linux world was installing different distros to try and toy with, he knew I have linux on my laptop and asked what distro.
Apparently he couldn't get Manjaro working so asked if I could suggest him another ... obviously for the lols I recommended Arch ...
Some time later, I checked on him and he was still in the console of the live usb, he told me, he was waiting for the gui to load for the past half an hour ...
... I think he hates me now5 -
A previous co-worker (dev) bought a "foot mouse" he found on a Chinese website, then changed his keyboard's layout to match the "natural human cognitive ability" also bought a sleeping bag because he needed a "power nap" after lunch break he even asked our MD to buy him an ergonomic chair which would cost around 1200 USD ( of course our MD refused) then the worst of the worst, he had this habit of chewing his food loudly when he's eating something he likes.
One time our operations manager (she was pregnant XD) screamed at him from her desk " RAYAAAAN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I CAN HEAR IT FROM HERE DAMN IT"
He literally spilled some of the food he was chewing on his desk and I burst out laughing like crazy.
On the same day our MD told us to follow a new "no food in office" policy 😂😂😂
Sad story is that when he left the company I had to revert his PC to how it was including resetting the keyboard layout to default, remember his "foot mouse" ? Well he had to modify the mouse settings so all directions were inverted.
The first thing I said when I turned on his laptop was
FUCK YOU RAYAN!!3 -
A Cobol programmer made so much money doing Y2K remediation that he was able to have himself cryogenically frozen when he died. One day in the future, he was unexpectedly resurrected.
When he asked why he was unfrozen, he was told:
"It's the year 9999 - and you know Cobol" -
Having a boss who thinks he is an artist, designer, programmer, manager, salesman, pr manager, devops engineer and every project lead at the same time, never trusted anyone and reassigned tasks twice a day regardless of what you were working on right now. He was also unable to explain what he wanted or to set any meaningful goals. He also told customers we/he could do everything. One time, when we never made an app before, he accepted to deliver an iOS app within 1 week. ONE WEEK. THATS FIVE DAYS.6
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The time I had to explain to my CS professor that HTML elements can in fact have multiple classes.6
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Today a colleague was making weird noises because he was modifying some data files where half of the data needed to be updated with a name field, there were 4 files all about 1200 lines big.
I asked how he was doing and he said he was ready to kill himself, after he explained why I asked why he was doing if manually. He said he normally uses regex for it but he couldnt do this with a regex.
I opened VS code for him, used the multiselect thing (CTRL+D) and changed one of the files in about 2 minutes. Something he was working on for over half an hour already.... He thanked me about a million times for explaining it to him.
If you ever find yourself in a position where you have a tedious task which takes hours, please ask if somebody knows a way of doing it quicker. Doing something in 2 minutes is quite a bit cheaper and better for your mental state than doing the same thing manually In 3 hours (our estimate)4 -
I know a guy who writes everything in Haskell.
He started learning it because his parents got him into a math school (and math schools in Russia use either Python or Haskell), he liked it, but later he dropped out. Today, apart from Haskell, he only really knows HTML and CSS, and maybe some JavaScript.
He writes backend AND frontend in Haskell and uses some kind of JRPC stuff to manage all that. He told me that his life is a pure heaven. He IS RELEVANT (!!!!!!), his apps always run without bugs (because in Haskell you can mathematically prove that there are no bugs), they are performant, faster than C (because you can't write a complex enough app in C that will be as efficient as compiled Haskell, because it's you vs compiler). He doesn't have any problems in life whatsoever. He never got burned out, he never got anxiety or depression. He doesn't act pretentiously and stuff, he's just a normal person who rarely even mentions that he can program.
Science says it can't be done! You can't only know Haskell and be a relevant software engineer! You know what, he didn't _know_ it was impossible. He's like that grandpa from a meme, he got Alzheimers, but because of it he forgot that he had Alzheimers, and now remembers everything.
The fun thing is that he looks like a typical gopnik, with adidas suits and stuff.
What a gem of a person.26 -
One of the new guys on another team calls the Internet the Innernet because he doesn't hear the T. He both days and writes it as Innernet.
He told me today he wants to switch to our network team.9 -
My boss is Russian and he sits right next to me. He often talks to himself in Russian (while typing furiously). makes me think he is casting a spell for his code to attack. lol13
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Asked my co-worker if he had made a class to use for ftp connections.
He said he had.
This is what I found. FFS @michal78!9 -
Found a post by G.R. on Linkedln:
"A lazy programmer is also often a good programmer:
- Writes little code to achieve the goal
- Automates all boring jobs
- He does not develop things he does not know yet
- Sleeps at night, then make sure that if the shutdown occurs, the system will restart
- He knows he forgets things, then writes readable and not cryptic code
- Try to reuse what he did
- He does not like copy-paste (too boring to keep)
It takes training to be lazy"
Love this quote11 -
One of my colleague is in trouble... He yelled "I don't give a fuck " in a zoom meeting. He told me he thought his mic was muted.
No is not. You fucked up.10 -
!rant
New mobile coffee van appears at our office today. When he realises we're developers he knows he has hit the jackpot. 😀3 -
Tell people you love them every day because you don't know when it will be the last time.
But more importantly, don't forget to "git push" every day, because you never know when your laptop is about to die, taking with him those last commits. RIP my friend.7 -
This guy was the worst. We already knew each other because he taught me calculus at university. He hated me for no reason and he failed me for fun I think. Next semester I got an A with a different lecturer. So after 2 years he got hired as a project manager at the first company I worked at and he was bullying me there so he continued where he left off. I quit so the situation got resolved but that guy was the worst.6
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Me: -gets in Uber hoping it will be a quiet ride-
Uber: hey
Me: hey
Uber: So, uh, what do you do?
Me: Oh I'm a software developer.
Uber: Ooohhhh. So you can make the next Uber/Careem if I were to ask you right!?
Me:4 -
Fucking teammate who did not know how to read/write a simple class diagram.
We warned him that he have to study or we just kick his fucking ass out of the team.
He just did nothing. When we had meetings he just stayed at home pretending to have an heart issue needing surgery.
After just 2-3 days he was tagged on FB in a photo shooted a few days earlier where he was riding a bike for a competition.
He skipped another scheduled-a-fucking-week-before meeting saying that he was on a surprise trip, when I called him 5 minutes before meeting start.
In the end we just kick him out because he did nothing. He went to professor talking about some relationship problem in the team and asked him if he could continue the project by himself just forking the ours.
Professor said HELL NO SON OF A BITCH.
But our team learned a precious lesson : choose your team carefully.5 -
I'm disappointed with my boss.
I've always felt that the company I work for was different, I'm a web dev in a foreign country, finding a job as a fresh graduate wasn't easy at all.
before joining this company, all the employers I've met expected so many skills from foreigners like me, while they sat the bar so low for local fresh grad candidates.
Except my current boss, after the second interview he said that he believes in my potential and he wants to take this risk, the risk of hiring a foreign fresh graduate.
After I joined I worked my ass off and after 9 months I became a team lead.
And my boss said to me that the risk he took was completely worth it and I exceeded expectations.
Now I'm involved in assessing candidates applying for web development role at this company, we have 3 candidates 2 local and 1 foreigner.
Ironically the foreigner proved great potential and understanding of web technologies that exceeds a fresh entry role.
The other 2 local were alright, need training but they pass the criteria for an entry level role.
I reviewed this objectively and urged the same man that hired me to consider hiring the foriegner.
He said no, because of Visa costs and because of the lengthy legal process employers need to go through to hire a foreigner, and asked me to move forward with the 2 locals and not lose them to another company.
I felt that, if i were in the foriegner candidate's shoes I would've felt that there's something wrong with me for that no one wants to hire me for my skills and what I've worked hard to achieve was all not enough, it would make me feel like an outcast.
I know that I should do what I'm told, after all he's the employer, but still.. this feeling is bothering me, in a way I feel like I've cheated or I was just lucky and I didn't really earn this job.4 -
My friend at my office tell me what he did everyday
6.00 am wakeup
6.10 am code while showering (using phone)
8.00 am make a coffee
8.05 am start code
12.00 pm eating lunch
12.10 pm start code
5.00 pm go to home
5.30 pm pickup a phone and do a some socmed
6.00 pm eating
6.10 pm code in pc
11.00 pm sleep
He did that everyday. Im shocked he can code like that. Then i ask him why. He tell me that he loves code so much, everytime he found an error he find a way to solve it and he said it was fun so he cant stop code
I think my boss has brainwashed him :/11 -
An intern fell asleep during a tech presentation. My boss confronted him and said that it. Wasnt mandatory so if he didn't want to be there he could to upstairs. After the presentation and talked to him and said it was rude and she didn't want to see it again, but no official warming and his school didn't have to know. He was offended by that and jumped on the first bus.
He wasn't allowed to comeback (because he quit by leaving) and he had to redo that year.
Still laughing about that.15 -
Junior dude in my team: Started working with the expectation to get dirty and go deep into technology (he was in fact a mathematician). The first two months he was happy like a little puppy playing around. Then suddenly he started talking about getting more responsibilities and beeing more a manager than a dev (because development is too stressful). Then on his last day of the probation period he quit out of nowhere because he got a job offer from a place he really wanted to go. He bought one beer per person in my team, but haven't invited my boss to that event. We suddenly realize why: He talked real shit about him!
What a dick!4 -
I was 5 and he was 6
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore #000 and I wore #FFF
He would always win the fight
! !, he shot me down
! !, I hit the ground
! !, that awful sound
! !, my baby shot me down6 -
She: I hate you.
He: I don't care.
She: You are stupid.
He: I don't care.
She: You are ugly.
He: I don't care.
She: Linux is shit.
He: You are f**king dead b*tch.20 -
I once observed one guy and he just... lived. Without owing anybody and himself anything. With nothing to achieve and nothing to prove. Without any kind of guilt when he chose just to stay in bed and do nothing or when he couldn’t finish a readme in more than three months.
He was just living, creating digital things he kinda liked. Without seeking for approval. Without making big plans. Like a psychopath.6 -
just found out that one of my users replies to himself with blank email with a subject "checked" every time he checks his emails... and then he ticks it as "completed"... He has created chains with hundreds of replies long crashing his brand new xps15 every time he clicks on the chain...2
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My fiance is also a programmer. He doesn't say he loves me often, but than he does it looks/sounds like ''I [less than 3] you'' 🙃
Or he will prefers to ask me what am I cooking for dinner by using arduino & a display 🙄1 -
Countless times. Here is two:
- when he said he prefers an external hdd over git
- when he said that git is just a shiny new thing, we young devs use just because it's new
- etc4 -
#include<iostream>
#include<getch()>
....
Yes, he was our OS teacher and he was trying to write a C++ program.3 -
Avicii died. 😞😢
At just 28.
He got me through some tough and grueling times. I still use his tunes while coding. I'm still shocked that he left so early. But he made it count. He might've lived short but he lived large.
I'll miss him. I'm sad that he left so early. But his work will live on. I hope to become as good at programming computers as he was at using them to make music. His music was perfection. RIP.11 -
TLDR: Skills and background or dedication for becoming a good programmer?
So I almost finished the bootcamp on my company, there is only 2 people. Me and another guy who is from math major. He wanted to learn programming so he applied for the job. He doen’t know sql, any backend language, and not even html or css when he joined. The only thing he knew is for looping and if condition logic. He survived 1 months or so by learning a lot here. C#, .net mvc, sql, decent css and html. I believe he worked hard by learning it by himself. But the company he can’t continue anymore. I doesn’t know the reason but probably because he is seen as not good enough. Sure he is kinda slow when adding some feature to our small project but we need to find how to do it by ourself mostly. Now I’m alone with another few weeks to continue4 -
Atother story about PC hardware and being... Not so careful.
A friend complained about his PSU fan being too loud. I said "well, maybe bearings are dying already".
The next day he messaged me and asked to suggest a new PSU. Ok, I threw him some links.
Leter, he told me what happened:
He decided to clean the PSU, because he thought the noise could be because of dust. So he turned off his PC and removed PSU cover with a screwdriver. While doing this, he accidentally hit the circuit board itself. Then "Puff", black smoke and smell of sth burning. Turned out he didn't switched the PSU off. Luckily, the screwdriver handle was rubberized. I'm glad he is alive ._.1 -
You know what's worse than hell?
Your non-technical boss thinking he knows coding.
In the middle of night you are going to fix the problem he created, because he messed it in live server.5 -
Interviewer: Sell me this pen
He: Hey do you want to buy this pen ?
Interviewer: No
He: You might need it to write stuff
Interviewer: No, I don't need it.
He: Ok, no problem.. Bye
Interviewer: What are you trying to do?
He: Trying to be a part of a company that doesn't sell stuff to people they don't need or want ..
Interviewer:
He:
Interviewer: Please give my pen back..7 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD XD
My female coworker was in an phonecall with my boss and he was sharing his desktop.
He is not the smartest so he forgot about sharing his desktop after the phonecall.
We are watching since half an hour while he is answering his e-mails :D and he don't even notice XD11 -
I shared public IP of a server to a fellow software engineer. He has ssh login access to that server.
He needs private IP of the same server to run some script.
He is asking me for private IP. Did he really graduate in computer science ?
BTW, his development machine is a Linux machine.
FML.9 -
Linus Torvalds. He created Linux and Git, both used by millions of people. He started to create Linux when he was 21 and still in university. It is currently running on a lot of devices including Android. That is really an accomplishment, to make an operating system is one of the most complex things you can create as a programmer. It is also cool that it's open source and how it is maintained. Both Linux and Git was created because he needed them, he creates things that are useful. He could have earned a lot of money but he cares much more about tools and software than money. I think he is a great person and speaker (and he is from my neighboring country Finland 🙂). I use Git everyday in my work and it makes it so much easier. He is for me without a doubt the best programmer in the world.2
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We have a huge codebase, built during the last 10 years, with a lot of problems caused by legacy dependencies. We are trying to modernize this gradually but it is very challenging because we have a lot of features to maintain and test coverage is low.
Today, a guy hired three days ago just proposed to rebuilt everything from scratch stating that he did the same thing in his personal project, so it wouldn't take too much to develop what we need.
Manager gently invited him having a quick call. I would pay to listen that conversation.8 -
Franz is his name, he is our new programmer. He got task to made a calendar to display ongoing ads with javascript, and damn good he done it fast. Until today, he not coming because he got ill and i have to edit his calendar code because there's a change request.I look at his code and thinking how he read this code? no indentation, bracket everywhere, etc. Then I call him:
Me: Franz, can you explain your code to me?
Franz: Sure, but.. umm.. I forgot to bookmark the stackoverflow link.
Me: ...5 -
I was hired as JS Dev, done some projects with Angular and Node, after several months my boss told me to maintain a FUCKING PHP webapp with no documentation and shitty codebase. After he saw the results, he told me *man, you got some potential*, and he assigned me to build websites using wordpress(WTF is he thinking!). I thought that was the last time he would do something ridiculous, Yesteday he asked me if i can do Video Animation(After Effects)!!5
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Others Life : Last year he was with Tina, 6 months ago he was with Mina.. Nowdays he is with Rina..
Mine: Last Year i was working on Nodejs , 6months ago on JAVA and now on PHP3 -
His name is Fred and he occasionally reviews my code. Oh... he has stripes and an Instagram account.
-
How did you break through your own barriers to finally learn programming?
My SO is constantly complaining that we don’t have enough money. I make a decent amount as a full-time dev at a large company, but we live in an expensive city and are currently going through a time of few funds.
He started driving delivery food orders, he likes it okay, but it pays very little. He still complains about money.
I want him to learn JavaScript.
He was once asked to make a website for a company he’s involved in. He only used SquareSpace, but he was never satisfied with their stock code. He went digging for JavaScript snippets he could use, and he made one of the most beautiful and responsive websites I’ve seen.
Since then, I’ve been encouraging him to learn JavaScript. I’m trying to convince him it will be a great source of additional income, he can make his own schedule while doing contract work, and he can ask me anything he wants while he’s learning. How many beginners have someone they can ask anything of, at any time?
He doesn’t want to learn. He doesn’t think he is capable. I remember this feeling before I learned to code. A chunk of someone else’s JS does look genuinely terrifying if you don’t know what it means. I want him to give it one honest try before he decides it’s “not for him,” but he isn’t open to it enough to try.
What can I do to help him understand he is capable? He’s in his mid-30s and insists he’s too old to catch up. He’s smart, detail-oriented, and I know he would write code that’s a million times cleaner than mine. He absolutely has a programmer inside of him, and I want to encourage him to simply try.
Is there something I can to do introduce JS in a non-threatening way? Or should I just accept his refusal and let it go? Thanks for any advice.18 -
Client told me he doesn't want to be bothered(contacted) outside working hour
So why did he mad as i told him I couldn't do the request he was giving me at sunday noon😕2 -
Just a guy burping and farting all day, every day.
He was a very cool guy and a good worker, so he was excused. But it was very weird when he just started at the company!1 -
Rant about my application - mate thinks he can add features that are insanely hard to implement. Dare initiated. $150 if he does it, he buys me 3 rounds if he looses.
Proceed to give him the link to the repo. He downloads it and runs it in VS. Complains that it doesn't work and is broken...
"Have you installed the frameworks?"
"What frameworks"...1 -
Dad called me over for "tech support". He'd bought a wireless mouse and keyboard and couldn't for the life of him get it working. The issue with my dad is that he never lets you touch the computer when he needs help. 20 minutes and 20 questions later, I finally ask if he plugged in the USB receiver. Answer? "It's wireless, it should just... work!"2
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I spent the last 3 months trying to hire new developers for my team. I found someone experienced who is great and a graduate, who is, well, a graduate.
For some reason he thinks he knows everything about our framework he has never used and seems to think he knows how everything works in our codebase which he has never seen.
That’s fine. I’ve had my share of cocky developers.
But what confuses me is that when I ask him what critical bugs are left, he reels off two significant ones. I ask what it will take to fix it. Of course he says he knows how to fix it. So I say great. Then fix it and let’s move on to a more fun part of our project.
Suddenly he didn’t know where he problem was and so I told him he had to investigate and come back with something concrete.
It’s just frustrating managing this developer who is deceitful.10 -
Long rant 😤😤😤
Today I was going to hit my project manager in the face. I can't stand people like him. In every fucking meeting he starts talking about his past successes and we are forced to listen to him. In this sprint, we had a tough task which took more time than planned. So we didn't finish it till the deadline. After working hard all night long I finally managed to get the job done. And today guess what happened? He didn't fucking appreciate it. All he was talking was mediocre look of the module we've developed for the website. And it's not even my job to make a beautiful design as a back-end developer. At a point I wanted to resign. I don't know how much I will stand this situation. He has always been like this since he came to the company. The worst part is, he is not a senior developer or something. Al he talks about is some fucking old jobs he has done we don't know if they are real or not. From every meeting we suspect his skills are limited. He just knows how to talk. He has never reviewed a single line of code because he doesn't know PHP (yes I know, I know). Hell he doesn't know any back-end language and he is supposed to create a new architecture for the website. He don't have enough database skills neither. All he says he has worked as a mobile and front-end developer. So now I'm home and don't know If I should resign or not.4 -
I started attending this IoT class in some computer training school. During my first class, I was early because I had the raspberry pi class earlier in the day. A guy came up to me and started chatting to me, he was bragging about how he created some big projects, how he works in his dad's company which develops IoT products (he codes it). Later on in class he talked about how he hacked his school's server or something and changed his marks. Whenever he brags, he has a tendency to use a deeper voice (which is pretty annoying).
Anyways so I thought he is pretty good and maybe I can learn a thing or two from him. A few class later, I started having my doubts, why? Because he doesn't know how to debug code, he copies the lecturer's code and still copies it wrong, and he doesn't know what variables and constants are. He uses IE and doesn't know about GitHub.
Now he asks me or the guy in front for help in class. He makes the class more fun, it's funny listening to him brag. Love it.2 -
My dad is an old-timer and he just recently started using the computer to browse the Internet. He calls me in because the browser froze (Microsoft Edge for the win) but he initially thought that he had broken something on the computer so he grabs his mechanic tools and a flashlight to see if he could repair it. I had a good chuckle.1
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We all have that one friend who says that he is a computer genius because he built his PC himself but then he doesn't know the difference between bits and bytes.9
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Everyone was a noob once. I am the first to tell that to everyone. But there are limits.
Where I work we got new colleagues, fresh from college, claims to have extensive knowledge about Ansible and knows his way around a Linux system.... Or so he claims.
I desperately need some automation reinforcements since the project requires a lot of work to be done.
I have given a half day training on how to develop, starting from ssh keys setup and local machine, the project directory layout, the components the designs, the scripts, everything...
I ask "Do you understand this?"
"Yes, I understand. " Was the reply.
I give a very simple task really. Just adapt get_url tasks in such a way that it accepts headers, of any kind.
It's literally a one line job.
A week passes by, today is "deadline".
Nothing works, guy confuses roles with playbooks, sets secrets in roles hardcodes, does not create inventory files for specifications, no playbooks, does everything on the testing machine itself, abuses SSH Keys from the Controller node.... It's a fucking ga-mess.
Clearly he does not understand at all what he is doing.
Today he comes "sorry but I cannot finish it"
"Why not?" I ask.
"I get this error" sends a fucking screenshot. I see the fucking disaster setup in one shot ...
"You totally have not done the things like I taught you. Where are your commits and what are.your branch names?"
"Euuuh I don't have any"
Saywhatnow.jpeg
I get frustrated, but nonetheless I re-explain everything from too to bottom! I actually give him a working example of what he should do!
Me: "Do you understand now?"
Colleague: "Yes, I do understand now?"
Me: "Are you sure you understand now?"
C: "yes I do"
Proceeds to do fucking shit all...
WHY FUCKING LIE ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND??? WHAT KIND OF COGNITIVE MALFUNCTION IA HAPPENING IN YOUR HEAD THAT EVEN GIVEN A WORKING EXAMPLE YOU CANT REPLICATE???
WHY APPLY FOR A FUCKING JOB AND LIE ABOUT YOUR COMPETENCES WHEN YOU DO T EVEN GET THE FUCKING BASICS!?!?
WHY WASTE MY FUCKING TIME?!?!?!
Told my "dear team leader" (see previous rants) that it's not okay to lie about that, we desperately need capable people and he does not seem to be one of them.
"Sorry about that NeatNerdPrime but be patient, he is still a junior"
YOU FUCKING HIRED THAT PERSON WITH FULL KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HAI RESUME AND ACCEPTED HIS WORDS AT FACE VALUE WITHOUT EVEN A PROPER TECHNICAL TEST. YOU PROMISED HE WAS CAPABLE AND HE IS FUCKING NOT, FUCK YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE MANAGEMENT SKILLS, YOU ALREADY FAIL AT THE START.
FUCK THIS. I WILL SLACK OFF TODAY BECAUSE WITHOUT ME THIS TEAM AND THIS PROJECT JUST CRUMBLES DOWN DUE TO SHEER INCOMPETENCE.5 -
One of our customers calls everytime when he thinks he found a new bug. Then he literally yells "I found a new bow" since he thinks "bug" is a german word, so emphasizes it like that. In german "bug" means "bow of a ship".1
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I'm taking an entrepreneurship course and there is this one guy who talks empty words just to impress others.
He uses linux and at every single course he opens the terminal just to run the commands "sudo apt update" and "sudo apt remove", the rest of the time he is on discord.
He always switches to the terminal so you can see what an 'expert' he is17 -
Not a coworker, but this guy who I went to uni with and was a real life saver when I was really down. (we played minecraft together)
... So, he is a real genius. One of those guys who I legit couldn't keep up with. His brain works, he doesn't bullshit his way through, he's not pretentious, he is legit a down to earth rare genius. Yet, he doesn't use his talents enough, he likes to work or go home to play minecraft. And he doesn't politically care enough, so I am almost sure that he will end up getting stuck in the defence force.
We're still friends. And I try my hardest to not be nosy and nag at him that he can do better. I mean, he is happy the way he is, and he is not ambitious. But the memory of him is a reminder that not everyone who gets somewhere is the best and brightest.34 -
He wanted to hire me as CTO but insisted of defining architecture himself even though he admitted he has no tech background. He insisted that his CRM doesn’t even need backend because “we have database”. He was dysgraphc but completely ignored accessibility, including measures for dyslexic people. He called his product “startup” but denied that startups need to constantly validate ideas and denied the conception of a/b testing, offering no alternative.
He also wanted me to work for free.
Bruh you’re not a clown, you’re an entire circus.5 -
Continued from previous post.
As the chill wind blows outside, the man picks up his laptop and phone. Slowly walks towards his bed and lifts an old hoodie. With easy he slides it on him, pulls the hood over his head. He turns around facing the window. On the back of his old hoodie, there is a design which looks faded and discolored. Below it some words which too are faded. He walks towards the window and glances on the street. It's still empty. All he can hear is the wind.
"Perfect", he says to himself and walks out his room.
As he is about to exit the building, he sees an Apache chopper passing above. It zooms above the street. A wild guess he makes, probably it's heading where he is heading.
His phone vibrates with a message.
"It's ready".6 -
I just came back from a meeting to a project that integrates some companies to achieve the project goals.
There was this "computer/data scientist" (his words) that every time he talked I just wanted to punch him in the throat.
Look, I'm not saying he isn't good or anything. He can be a fucking genius, I don't care.
But he talks as if he is the smartest person on the room, fucking annoying.2 -
Apparently yelling at someone "hey you! Yes you! You got water on the brain" is not as funny as I had hoped... Perhaps I should have checked if they were witcher fans before hand...7
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The difference between wisdom & intelligence - I need to wise up 😅
David came back home late. He did not inform his wife that he will arrive late today. He did not answer her calls. He didn't reply her messages. He was busy.
She was worried at first. Later it turned into anger.
He knew how to make her cool down. He listened to all her rants. She cooled down eventually. But he was more exhausted now. Work load and then this ranting of his wife made his mood off. A depressing day indeed.
----------------------------------
Daniel knew that he will arrive late today. He texted his wife to inform her. It just took 30 seconds to type, “Hey sweet, I will be late today.”
When he returned home after the exhausting work, his wife's smile was enough to refresh him.
----------------------------------
Daniel had an exhausting day but a refreshing end.
David solved the problem. He is intelligent.
Daniel avoided the problem. He is wise.
The difference is,
An intelligent person knows how to solve any problem.
A wise person knows how to avoid that problem.
src: https://quora.com/What-is-the-diffe...2 -
We have a 45year old junior that is left to his own devices. He simultaneously wants help all the time and won't listen to the answers. He also wants help but doesn't want to redo things he's fucked. He wants to finish tasks but not write tests in case it shows problems and he has to do more work.
The worst thing is he wants to get work done but cba to learn the framework, language, tools he's using, or just the feature of the framework he is literally using for his task. He just fumbles about like a blind man in a strip joint until things 'work'.6 -
So I read this morning about some web teacher. Here is my story:
In high school I had a teacher who was "THE GOTO WEB GUY", at least that was what other theachers thought. Here is what reallity looked liked in a lesson of his:
He comes up with some ancient example he just found on some tutorials page and he just remembered bits of how to do it. So when he got stuck he fired up a google search. When a student had a question he fired up a google search. Because he didn't know shit. Of course you cannot know everything but he was so cocky about his skills that it really annoyed me. Best part? He sold web sites (joomla) where his greates achievment was to change the color of the template. Everything he teached in that semester had I already learned through selfteaching and tutorials in an evening. -
When my dad is answering questions about what job i'm doing, he always says 'He designs websites'. :(6
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The guy I was ranting about yesterday (https://devrant.com/rants/1243807), told me he saw me posting here... 😅
After further inquiry, he said he didn't read what I was typing or so I hope. He seems to be more quiet today. 😆5 -
Have I ever told you guys of the time that I had made my PM feel bad by saying I had to drop 3 classes because he was working me so hard?
Yeah that happened and he felt really bad about it!
GOOD! FUCKING GOOD! I want you to feel bad about it! Don't you dare say that I'm not putting in enough work ever again!1 -
An IT guy told me during a phone meeting set up to talk about how he builds these web forms on a dumb CRM for a client of ours that he has been an IT professional for 25 years.
He says he doesn't know much about the codey stuff.
What do IT professionals do again?8 -
Manager told all of us to leave at 5 instead of 6:30 because of Christmas.
Then he told us to work from home this Friday and take Monday off cuz Christmas is on a Sunday.4 -
I have a friend who likes to change his tech stack every time he reads about a new technology online.....He started working on a startup idea of his.....He started with Larvel.....then came NodeJS...Then came .Net Core......Then Go.....And yesterday he told me that he is thinking about making it in Vapour.
Him: how long do you think it will take me
Me: ........Forever4 -
Today I took my son to a C++ Meetup in north Denver, he was asked if he was going to become a developer, he said yes. Woohoo! 😃2
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He took everything home that he took from home to create a workplace form himself... man the office was empty when he was done...1
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I'm the kind of dev who is willing to overtime because I enjoy coding. But my previous boss (owner) abused this opportunity and thinks he can call me whenever he wants. After my shift, he would be surprise if I go home immediately and ask If I will be working at home. He even called me while I'm in vacation (he wants me to work on a new feature). I already filed my leave 3mos before that. He is very manipulative to the other devs and doesn't even trust his managers.3
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RANT.RANT.RANT.
So I have a fucking groupmate for our degree project and he's been constantly bugging on my neck asking me to do things. The problem with him is that he constantly reminds me of the things that I should be doing and he seems like he wants the thing to be done all himself. Basically, he doesn't trust me that I could deliver whatever he asks me to do. He keeps on micromanaging me from time to time and he seems like he wants to control my life altogether! Fuck this.
Oh and another, whenever he asks for opinion, whatever you say doesn't even fucking matter. He dismisses it immediately anyway and goes with whatever he thinks.
Seriously, fuck this!!! I can't keep calm and I need to constantly check on my posture! (Forgot the right term...) Uhhhh halp5 -
My uncle who thought me Computers and Networking ( I once worked with him on a project ) came by to my house today. He said that he created a software that automates his work on the boring stuff so when he has free time he works on his own company. My man!2
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my boss is using internet explorer for everything
i cant even imagine how he can put up with its slowness and awful interface and everything else4 -
We got new dev leader. He has zero experiences in our field of working but he thinks, he knows everything.
He suppose to manage our work and plan development, but he is just changing our functionalities. When you try to explain to him, this wouldn't work, he just doesn't listen and try to convince you his way is better.
He also hire one of his friend. And now he is hiding him from me, because his friend is working on the same thing as I do. No idea why, but we could work together.
I am so sick of his shit that I started to look for a new job. I can't stand such an egoistic person.2 -
After work he went home and never came back ... Extremely annoying because he didn't told us what he promised the customer...
Pls never do this... -
My Team Lead: Hey do you know goofy?
Me: What is it?
TL: It's a new programming language
Me: *being suspicious* show me what are you dealing with
TL: *Shows me a Groovy code snippet*
Me: Yeah!! Your goofy is pretty good!! Enjoy! 😡1 -
Guy's Discord bot "crashes"
we asked him what error.
"no error" he replies
we ask for a screenshot.
bot immediately exists
We ask: have you added this and this (`client.login(token)`)?
He replies: "yes"
We ask for sauce-code, he provides
what do we see? he forgot to add `client.login(token)`10 -
I think I have multiple but this guy stands out.
He was a fellow student at my software development study. Used primarily FOSS systems/software, not because he cared about ethics as much but because that way he could tinker with the software as much as he wanted.
He was always searching for new things to tweak, write, explore and so on. And he shared as much as he could with fellow students.
A few examples of what he did:
- wanted to change something about how Linux worked at its core (he mainly used debian based systems) so he learned how to write kernel modules and wrote his solution.
- wanted to be able to monitor his gas/power usage so he hacked an arduino thing into the power/gas meter and got it to send updates to a messenger at command.
- setup and automated mini data center because fuck it, fun to do.
His thinking was always very creative and to this day I still appreciate what he taught me on that!4 -
I have made a lot of friends due to code. I also made exactly one enemy.
A guy who had to turn everything into a contest to stroke his ego. He lost every time though. But he took every chance he could to shit on my code, despite demonstrating he didn’t know what he was doing.1 -
Thing that just occurred to me.
Write backend of website in Node with Mongo.
Write front end of website by using PHP to echo data from mongo and inline styles. PHP will also echo any inline JS that needs to make AJAX calls back to handle responsiveness.
Write a website with JS as its backend and PHP as its front end because the world has gone absolutely mad and you dgaf anymore.2 -
I CANNOT believe this
I sent HIM a meme
But HE did NOT send one back
How dares he?
He shall burn!
BURN!3 -
my CTO is on 2 week vacation, guess what he did on his last day...
installed a camera with a microphone in our office. coincidentally right near the devs...
i'm afraid to talk with my colleagues...7 -
I worked for a streaming company where I was interviewing a candidate for a device position. I tried digging into his passions and hobbies and he told me he was using rasp pi:s to automatically download torrents and stream to Kodi.
He really wasn't reading up on which company he applied for.2 -
Remember how my course paper used a de duck image?
Asked the writer about it, apparently he wasn't aware of devRant and that devducks were a thing (he did know about rubber duck debugging).
He just took the image from Google and after I explained they were real he ordered a couple :D4 -
I am building a platform.When we pitched our product to client, he said, that he want all our code on his own personal server. He don't know a thing about software development but want a his own server. He think we might sell his personal data to his competitor4
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What is this behavior WFH?
(Video Call)
Boss: When will you send the report?
He: Have already mailed you
Boss: Your voice is breaking...
He: Have already mailed it
Boss: What? I'm asking when can you send the report?
He: Mailed... Already... Check... Inbox...
Boss: Your voice is breaking... Say that again
He: HAVE... MAILED... ALREADY
Boss: It's not ready ?? Just tell me when can you send it to me...
He: Aghh... NEVER.
Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER ????
He: ... *Silent*
Boss: ... *Silent*
He: Boss, can't hear you clearly... Your voice is breaking... ;)
Credits: Rahul Subramanian, Standup Comedian.3 -
my friend was bragging how he could program a game on his TI-84 calculator
it was just a (buggy) random number game
I told him good job, I program a bit, too
he said "yeah? what do u do?"
I said "I made two apps"
he walked away
I thanked god -
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.7 -
We have a new hire, and he doesn't know much so he is receptive when given feedback on better ways to handle a situation...Or at least, he appears that way. Until the next time and he didn't listen at all.
Today I'm working on the front end to match his API calls. I ask him about a list of options for one of the fields, as he didn't provide that info initially. No worries, there was a lot, easy to miss. He responds with a list of ~100 options, which he copied and pasted from, I'm assuming, their documentation. I tell him that's too many options to hard code, as there is an easy chance to have an error or for there to be one added or deleted, and ask if there is an API endpoint to get the list.
He then asks if I need the key and value, or just key. I tell him if he needs the value(human readable) then he can send me just the value, otherwise both. He says he just needs the key, so I let him know that I need both then, as the value is human readable. He says okay.
He proceeds to make the endpoint, I test it. Then I look at the code he wrote. Not only did he not send me both, he just sent the keys, but he hard coded all 100 keys as opposed to making the call to the external API.3 -
I'm praying for our newly hired Software Architect. Because He sets unrealistic timelines. He said that He will code, but yeah He just said it. Also, praying for our project. Coz it's really doomed!8
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At first my dad was against it, I'm studying electronics engineering and he didn't want me to code because he is a software developer and he know that in my country it's really hard to make a living out of it. But since he realized that there is not much he can do about it he became really supportive and always review my code to help me improve it.2
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My friend was a really good programmer he had an awesome working environment and amazing colleagues but still he was not satisfied and left the job he said he couldn’t get arrays
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!rant
I asked my teacher if i would be allowed to use lists in final exam. (If you read my last rants about him you'll know he has a fetish with arrays) He allowed it! I'm feeling so relieved!
(He changed his mind more than once for the last few weeks, but this time he made a clear decision and he will stick with it. He even promised it.)
No more fear now, I know I can do that 😁 -
"Because every person knows what he likes, every person thinks he is an expert on user interfaces." - Paul Heckel
-
So one of my coworkers is making a tutorial on how to use a terminal, and he has a section on exiting vim, he must be a god, he can exit vim 😂
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My friend wants me to post a question on SO coz he cannot as he is currently banned from asking too many questions(dats what he says). Moreover, the question he wants me to ask was already asked by him a month ago. He wants me to ask again as he didn't find a.solution.8
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After hearing to hundreds of "just this last small change" , i told my client that he was a "chutiya" and he sent a link to this saying he had not intention of driving in India.😎😎7
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In my first place there was a guy, we'll call him S.
So S. was not very popular, he had an intimidating look all the time, wore workout dryfit clothes and seldomly smelt like he didn't take a shower in quite a long time. He has an iOS developer on my team. He was blazingly smart and called every code he saw garbage. Nice guy indeed :)
He was a fine guy after you got to know him and get accustomed to his weirdness... Smelly nonetheless :)2 -
There is an nerdy socially retarded IT head. He asked me to look into a project after the programmers left the company. Basically he gave me a list of modification with one particular screenshot of Calendar( seems like a JQuery plugin) and asked me to develop it.. I asked him to give me the link from where he got the Calendar... No fucking response in Skype.
So after a month he asked me to show the project, I showed him with the Calendar similar to picture and no functionality. He said it was CRAP. I asked him to give me proper documentation as what he expects and what he wants.
BUT FUCK NO. HE SAYS, "ARE YOU A JUNIOR CODER? DO IT WITHIN A WEEK OR WE ARE DONE. "
And I am here keeping myself in control not to punch him. he lives nearby my house wondering if he lives alone 😂4 -
I'm just trying to get my boss on the phone and his secretary tells me he is in a seminar but I walk by his office and he is eating a MF DONUT1
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So this PHD fresh graduate work in our department for a year boast about how professional a PHP developer he is. Today, he , my the other 2 co-worker and I have to submit the project, He technically "Taichi" his responsibility away and said he can't do this and that. Expect we do everything for him. What is more sad, is as a PHP as he boasted, He dont even know how to use Xampp, apcahe.
Our CMS messed up because of him, Server are F***ed , he keep sabotaging our source code that works, and made one of my coworker cried due the stress he given. He keep telling us that how professional he is, how suck we are. Ironically, he as a professional , he can't even do the basics like even know echo" something "; can also printf("something"); in PHP. He said he studied in US and from Jordan. I know that people like me only have Olevel in Malaysia. So dont show off to me a foreign certification that can't even help you to complete the job.
I hope this project can be complete without this guy. All show and no go. Where's the team work tho?12 -
There is a colleague of mine who is loud, arrogant and thinks he knows it all. Except when I worked closely with him turned out he doesn't know shit. And he has been in the industry for over a decade! Why the fuck was he hired, I don't know..
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Normal gf after breakup- He didn't do it in my favourite position.
Dev gf after breakup- He used tabs.11 -
He he he!
Matching software version and vulnerabilities in NIST then exploiting it is not HACKING !
I wanna find new zero day vulnerabilities that no one ever noticed before!!5 -
Just saw a post on SO where the guy was asking a question about ES8, ES9 and ES10. These don't exist yet.
He even had code examples and was adamant that he was right.6 -
Testing to see if @dfox cleared up zalgo problems
T̬ͤ̒̈ͩh̸̬̲͚̺̹̘̍̑̐͂i͚̪̫̜̹̙̦ͥs̝͒ ͚̺̹̮̯͜i̞͔̝̼̣̻͊sͦ͆̅҉͉̗̳ ̢̰̰̪̼̠͖̃ͨa͓̮͉̞͚ ̨̹̩̯ͫ̌̌͂̃t̢̻̬͖̱̦̗ͣ͌͂ͤ͋̎ͮe͙̦̞̖̳ͨ̈̈́̔͒ş͍͚͓͖t̵͕̆ ̼̯̾t͖̲͙ͯ͋̒ͭ̓͒ơ͓̦͌ͨ̇͊͐ͣ ̬̗̉̍̄ͥ̋ͦ̕s̅ͧ̎̉̓͛e̛̻̱̺̟̘͍̫͐̂̍̈́ͤ̑e̡̻̯̘̦̩̖͆́̆̒̌͛̌ ̬͔̦̈́̍̅ͨͥ̊̈͞ȉ͖͚f̣̱̄ͅ ̠͔̱̹ͯ̐͋̕ͅd̘̲̀́ͩf̮͗ͫͫ͛̃̆̽o͇͖̤̤̱͖̊̆ͪx͎̻ͦ̏ ̪̣̤͉ͫ̌c̵̥̪͙͚̺̑͂̊̈́͂͒ļ̖̈́̄͂͊ͩ͌̄ë̘̱͋̐̇̆͂͟a̍r̓̂ͫ̏̂ḙ̵͓ͣͪͮ̎ͦͭ̚d̫̘̜ ̭̣͗z͏͈͓̗a͚̜̜̝͕͕ͤ̌̒̎̓̍̽l̜̜̜̭̰̩̽̂ͤͩͥ̆͝ġ̝̝̠͚̘̗͎͐̆̅̄̀̚o̜̱̫11 -
!dev
At my current work (sports wear bla bla bla) we recently had couple of brands come by (136people) and had a presentation. One of the market lead peps stood and talked about future plans and projects in the following:
👨🏻💼MarketGuy: "we want to improve the e-shop service and direct booking system. Think about it, AI, machine learning and deep network, these are all out there and we should consider working with it!"
👨🏻Me: ... *Thinking* "buzzwords, buzzwords everywhere.. dude you don't even know how to excel..
👨🏻💼: *Continues babbling about website, Blockchain and AI together with sportswear and the future of working together*
MAH GAAAD (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻
I need a coffee.. ☕2 -
At the product backlog refinement the product owner told us (the devs) how the database model must be designed! He said he knows it best, because he knows all the requirements. 🙈4
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Today I heard my boss counting 14,15,16,17 multiple times, then he said OMG 4 days, I asked him about the issue
So he said the easter will make 4 non-working days, I was surprised
Then he said yes
Turns he was counting Saturday and Sunday 😂 -
Previous department director. I loved working with the dude.
He had a no bullshit attitude and would always back up and defend his people, he would tell us that whenever he sticks his neck out for us we better be in the right because he would go full ballistic and did not wanted to make a fool of himself or the department. Dude was fucking amazing.
He was happy when I accepted the promotion but told me that he wanted me to shadow him to learn more about proper management techniques. It was a clear mentor trainee relationship, but he had 100% full trust in my ability and knowledge.
He retired about a year ago, got a new director, dude ain't thaaaat bad but he has a lot of cons, as a person I like the new boss, as a boss I am not convinced entirely since he has not been around for long, but it does feel that he does not listen, goes in one ear and out through the other kind of person. -
We have this bloke in our scrum team who never does shit. He always says that he spent the week studying technologies and what not. How ever looking at the time he has spent 'studying' he should be the scrum master by now...
Who else has a bloke like this in their team?2 -
My colleague once left his PC unlocked while he went out to lunch, and I decided to change his keyboard layout to Dvorak. Worst thing is, he pecked at the keys, so he never looked up at his monitor. 50 lines later, he looks up and wonders why he has errors xD
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Had you known what he knew (1), had the training he had (2) and had the objectives he had (3), you would have made the same decision
the holy decision-making trinity
don't be quick to judge or question others' decisions. You don't know some things. S/he may not know as well.6 -
i am (somewhat unreasonably) mad at a ten year old classmate of my child. he showed off his programming skills by typing print commands. i wanted to mock him a little by pointing out python 2 would be out of date. he called my child a noob and suggested i don't know shit and he'd be coding c++.
so beside me obviously having no dignity for mocking someone quarter my age, i am not even mad for him talking shit about me, i am just overwhelmingly disappointed about his entitlement and blatant lies. so this is the future? this is an uprising nerd? i'd love to encourage every child on programming, but not with this attitude.13 -
Algorithm - When a programmer doesn't wanna explain what he did.
he/she* for all the ladies out there ;-)12 -
Ok I need a second post for this week. A tech lead decided to have a one on one meeting with me in public on the clients' floor where he decided to get angry at me (in public mind you) about using too many design patterns and inheritance because that "makes the code too hard to read. Instead use a lot of if-else's like I do." So not just is he an idiot, he did this in public on a floor with people who didn't know programming so now I look awful. I was furious.2
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One guy asked me which notebook I would recommend to him. Then he wrote that he likes macbook air because it is thin but he is afraid of system which called iOS and he doesn't know if he can crack games on mac.8
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Stolen but so funny:
QA Tester walks into a bar:
He orders a beer.
He orders 3 beers.
He orders 2976412836 beers.
He orders 0 beers.
He orders -1 beer.
He orders q beers.
He orders nothing.
Él ordena una cerveza.
Il commande une bière.
He orders a deer.
He tries to leave without paying.
He starts ordering a beer, then throws himself through the window half way through.
He orders a beer, gets his receipt, then tries to go back.
He orders a beer, goes to the door of the bar, throws a handful of cookies into the street, then goes back to the bar to see if the barmaid still recognizes him.
He orders a beer, and watches very carefully while the barmaid puts his order into the till to make sure nothing in his request got lost along the way.
He starts ordering a beer, and tries to talk the barmaid into handing over her personal details.
He orders a beer, sneaks into the back, turns off the power to the till, and waits to see how the barmaid reacts, and what she says to him.
He orders a beer while calling in thousands of robots to order a beer at exactly the same time.4 -
So I have this Boss, he is actually good. But he micro manage everything. He writes the code that supposedly we should write. He just want us to turnover what he write. And he just want us to understand it.
So at the end of the day. We didn't learn something.2 -
so a year ago, a client tried to sue our company because he is a dick. we terminated the contracted and went our ways. a year later he wants to come back to us because he thought he could run his real estate business himself using WordPress! I really hate this asshole1
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When you have a great idea but work and other projects delay it... When you finally get around to it, someone seems to have had the same idea, at the same time, but actually made it happen!
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Ich asked a customer if he would like to have a specific feature. He answered me if this feature greatly increases the effort then he would like to have it.3
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One of the admins in our school is developing a digital class register. He already set up all the users but randomized the passwords to lock all students out. But he also implemented a password reset.
He was kinda pissed when he found out (the very next day) though. Now he locked us out again.
At least I can leave the school next year knowing that they'll get a sick new application -
I have nothing against freelancers but this guy... He stinks. He is literally smelly. I don’t think he owns a shower, soap a toothbrush or a shaver.
He looks and smells like he belongs on the streets. And i have to work with him :(
Worst of all is that is is owning way more then i am.2 -
I learned C with a K&R copy a friend gave me years ago. Now at University we in CompSci get taught in Python the first year and Java next while the engineers start with C and (I'm guessing) move on to assembly later on.
This friend comes to me all worried because he has to submit the next day a working Reversi game for the console written in C. Turns out the game was divided among two labs and he failed to submit the first one.
The guy is smart but once a week or so, when we met to smoke a joint and relax with some other friends, he was always talking about how he would prefer something like law but that would be bad business back in Egypt.
Back to the game, I get completely into it. First hour checking all the instructions he was given, then reviewing the code he wrote and copied from Internet. We decide start from scratch since he doesn't really get what the code he copied do. It took us 10 hours only stopping to eat but we get all the specifications of both labs perfectly.
A week after that he comes to me: "my TA said your code is the ugliest shit he's ever seen but he gave me a perfect score because it passed all the tests". I'm getting better (the courses I'm taking help me a lot) but what really made me happy is that he solved the next lab by himself (Reversi wasn't the first time I helped him, only the first time he was absolutely lost). Now he actually gets excited about coding and even felt confident for his programming final.
No more talking about being a lawyer after those 10 hours, totally worth it.1 -
So i was going through the Pragmatic Programmer book and i saw a name in the acknowledgements section... Alistair Cockburn... And my mind just started imagining all these scenarios where he was bullied. He has a great firstname though Alistair sounds like such a badass name and thats why i bet when he is introducing himself, firstnames only he just refuses to tell his last name i seriously wonder how he went through the wedding if he had one. Mr. and Mrs. Cockburn 😂 oh god this is so childish but so funny.6
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My friend/partner told me on the first week that he "can code" and he will "do the front end of the web page" (its a web application design mod)
Needless to say I had to carry the whole work because he couldn't design nor write php.
Or write a report
He submitted the wrong report
He had one job
And now we arent friends anymore -
So...
I made a project that the employer liked.
He told me today that he wants me to work on a site builder like Wix but better.
I asked for the deadline and he said:
We started that with a view that it will be delivered in 2 months.
I'm like: -__-
And somehow I have this feeling that deadline will be cut in half when we start making some promising progress...1 -
I once met a guy who said tech guys chose windows over Mac's because windows goes wrong often so it keeps the tech guys in work!
And Mac's hardly ever break so they didn't want their business to use them
He clearly hasn't met tech guys we don't want to be dealing with your fucking problems
It made me furious internally... I said nothing.
Seriously do you think all tech guys in the world joined a union and went 🤔 how can we make sure we have more work ... Fuck off you ponsy twat6 -
A functional developer kills a man. When the police arrests him, he gets very surprised. He thought he was stateless.2
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If a PM ever tells me to rip the website template of the internet from the client because we don't have credentials to the existing server I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS. Maintaing this PIECE OF SHIT IS A FUCKING PAIN.
The other guys did a really shitty job, would be better to redo-it from the ground up and save a lot of time :((( -
I "fight" with another developer at the end of a school project (a website).
The "other developer" complained because he had received a lower rating than mine.
He went to the teacher telling them that I had to lower the evaluation because during the project I watched TV series, And the teacher replied: there are those who can do it and some like you do not.
He could not do it because when he concentrated he could not do anything, you think when he lost himself in TV series.
There were various quarrels because I had this attitude but a higher rating (and anyway with a product a thousand times better than his), while he gave 100% he could not do anything.5 -
sometimes I wonder what "recruitrant" would look like. "he said he knows html, but he also said he doensnt know a thing about cobalt, wtf bro"1
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One time my friend was torrenting random programs and etc and he downloaded a ton of software. He got a ransomware and he didn’t know how to fix it, so his whole computer had to be cleared out and he never torrented again.1
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I need help!
This is gonna be a long question/story.
I'm a Syrian based in Malaysia working as a lead web dev in a good company.
I have a friend in trouble and I want to help him.
Here's a summary:
My friend is a project manager at a gaming studio he happens to be an Iranian atheist with around 2 years of experience in the game making industry.
He worked on and delivered a couple AAA games at his current place of employment as a project manager in one of the teams that made those games.
He stood up for his team when the management was overworking team till after midnight sometimes and forcing them to work on weekends without any tangible compensations ( basically they gave them things like free lunches, movie tickets, etc).
The result of his standing up to his team was the management handing him a notice telling him that he'll be fired within 2 months due to "underperforming".
This was a month and a half ago.
He looked around in Malaysia for a job that can get him a working visa, but his niche background couldn't help.
After his termination in few weeks he can extend his stay at Malaysia for approximately 2 - 3 months.
Now the reason why I mentioned that he's an "Iranian atheist" is the fun part of this story (sarcasm), Iranian government considers him as an "infidel" and he's banned from Iran.
His Iranian passport can't get him anywhere where he can make a living.
So basically he has close to no options.
Now to where I come into all of this:
I want to help him.
I'm going to dedicate my free time for the next 2 - 3 months teaching him web development, the problem is, I don't know how to teach web development in such a short time, in fact I've never taught anyone programming from scratch.
If he can show promising results I know that I can make a case for him get him a position in the company I work for.
I already convinced him today to try and learn web development because I can tell that in Malaysia there's always demand on good web developers.
Now to my request:
how can I best teach web development to someone with no programming background ? I'm thinking about teaching him front end development, so: HTML, CSS/SASS and JavaScript. maybe react js as well if possible ( high demand is usually on React/ Angular front end developers)
Did anyone here teach programming to someone else before?
Did anyone here learn web development in such a short time?
If you've read all this... Thank you :)17 -
Saw the Tesla self-driving capabilities? When Elon said he was looking for rockstar software engineers, he wasn't kidding.4
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Aggravated after having pointed a remote coworker at documentation that would speed along some development he was assigned to do, only to find weeks later, and several "talking past each other" conversations later, that he had disregarded it or severely misunderstood it and went his own route. Showed him today how something was done under what I supposed he had been doing and he reveals he "didn't know" it was to be done that way.1
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A junior front end developer colleage of mine doesn't know the meaning of aspect ratio and doesn't understand why he needs to understand it or why is it important for responsive designs.3
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Rant/Question
So I had this friend who has his own company, hosting is part of their business. He gave me a VM to host some websites, test stuff and whatnot. Free. I have quite some important stuff on there (personal, and a few demo sites for clients). No backups of my own, because they do nightly tape backups, and RAID accross physically seperated datacenters. Today, he just shut down my VM - for personal reasons (really personal, nothing to do with his company whatsoever, he hates me lately for something I can't influence). He doesn't say weather or when Ill get the data, and gave me no time to pull it. Can/should I go to the police? I just want my data back, but I don't know if I can do anything as it was free (no contract).
Switzerland, btw.5 -
My friend just told me his history of hating stackoverflow so much.
He said whenever he had an issue and he googled for solutions, stackoverflow pops in the search results. He clicks on stackoverflow and copy the first thing he sees.
And it always won't work out.
Few years down the line, he noticed what he has always been copying is someone else's problem and not a solution.
😢😢😁😂😂3 -
I have this one friend of mine, he lives in another city but he asked me to help him out with programming, the problem is , the guy is impossible to help.
Just yesterday I was to help him install ruby on Ubuntu, he texts me saying he is getting an error, I ask him to send me a screenshot , he says he's working on it, now he has been stuck for two days, who can tell him he doesn't have to die installing ruby, and you don't have to suffer every error you get and getting help doesn't mean you ain't learning.3 -
yesterday my friend started ldarning coding and when i asked him which language is he learning he told me that he is learning babies language🤦♂️then i was confused about the language so i reasked him about the language and he is learning snake language so i said WTF bro what is this language then he told me the language which has a yellow and blue photo and finally i discovered that he is learning python3
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I have one full stack dev, who claims to know Python and Webpack, but the funny thing is that he is complete shit in anything he does
As he is working in office and I work remotely, CEO and CTO give all his doings a priority
The most fucking part was when he left a project for 2 weeks and when came back he told that nothing had changed.
... he didn't even look to the code, or running website, he just told thst nothing was done
I was so insane, that I told him almost everything I think about him
Fortunately, I am still on this job and he in not working on this project =D -
He was my senior and we were the only developers in our startup company. He doesn't liked flex or sass, so he never allowed me to use them which could make my life easier.
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I submit all my code changes to the integration stream. Co worker integrates my code removes all my changes that breaks his hacky crap. Then complains his stuff doesn't work. I ask him why he he did not conform to the requirments says cause this is what worked before. I look at code see he assigns a value in the message to zero. I ask ever so politely why he is changing the incomming messages. He says this is what works. I Then send an email to him telling him this in an error. He reply saying this it what works. At stand up he complains and says no messages are getting through it doesn't work. The team tells him to revert to the original code. (My code) and update his code after two days of emails to bosses and complaining he reports it works with my code after he is done. He is the senior senior chief grand Pooba and makes more money than me.
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Don't trust someone as counterpart if he says he doesn't know anything. Maybe it's not just a joke...
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When he lied about my words and tried to blame me for everything. He is a master of dark psychology, he made the entire department went crazy arguing about something that don't even matter at the time.
He constantly play victim card in every situation. I argued with him that day.
(Actually I shouldn't do that , I should have ask him "are you good" and try to be empathetic to him because we know indeed that he need help. He crave for attentions.)3 -
Not a new friend. But it made a dick I know be an even better closer dick.
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@soulskrix love you really2 -
I have a customer who has to look up why Operating System corruption happens on computers before he gives us the ok to reinstall Windows on his computer.
FML....undefined definitely corruption he wants microsoft to pay for it windows os corruption stupid customers6 -
Do you know why programmers have wife and also girlfriend? Wife thinks he is with girlfriend, girlfriend thinks he is with wife and he can calmly programming. :D
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My professor said that he cold booted the pc.
It took me around a minute to realise that he meant he turned off and switched it back on.1 -
Dan Abramov
He more or less invented React? Or at least he's made a lot of improvements to its state management functionality. He offers to have lunch with random people on Twitter. He probably knows a lot and reads a lot. He seems like a cool down-to-earth dude.4 -
One of my python students just uses his index fingers to type. And he moves his hands from elbows for each key. He said he completed his post graduation. I don't know how he survived these many years. I advised him to learn touch typing though.
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I asked my boss if we could move the website to our version control. Reason is because he would make changes and break something and didn't know what he did and so he spends the entire day trying to fix the issue and of he can't figure it out he then asks our only web developer to resolve the issue.
He didn't understand how we could keep it in sync with what is published when he makes changes.
Had to explain to him that's it's only to track changes. He still didn't understand.
How is this person my boss... Only one location for our website, doesn't track changes, and runs the backup on the same computer that hosts the website. Yes... He just modifies the hosting files... -
So i rant too
I was workink with 50y+ guy who think he knows programming
Its 1/5 rant about him
So he told he share his data through csv ( comma saparated values) but his own implementation
So he shared data in his own csv separated with sharps
I told to him about standardas. His reply was: he know lol
Its my share 1/ 10 wait for it the last will kill3 -
Previously: https://devrant.com/rants/1207077/...
Talked the bossman, he just asked that I finish the project before being put back on my usual ERP maintainer role.
I agreed to it and the faster this fucking plugin is done, the faster I can go back to my optimization and maintenance project :D -
I have a friend who started a company and I asked them for a job. He said he would intern me first before coming on as contractor.
He said he'd call me on Friday. I need this job so bad, he better hire me. -
Logged in this morning and looked at my calendar and our boss put two weeks of Out-of-Office on his calendar (starting day before yesterday when he was clearly in). He didn't mention this at all at the standup meeting yesterday. He already took a week off earlier this year, at the beginning of the current craziness, to work on his house, but at least he told us about that before he did it.2
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He basically abhorred me because i still have no idea why he abhorred me but honestly I'm glad he did. We never had to work together, but i once tried sparking a conversation thinking let's see maybe he is not all he shows... The conversation ended in 3 seconds... And he was acting all childish ... Oh well... Cheers everybody!
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Had to organize a ride for him to get to the company's Christmas party. He like expected it of me, when I said I don't care how he got there, as I wouldn't drive, since I was planning on drinking he was super pissed at me.
No he isn't more independent at work... -
i think kobenz is borderline autistic
he claims he built a predictor of dollar "exchange rate" price (didn't mention against which currency - warning bells), if this were true he wouldn't be on this site...
THEN he claims he built a "framework" like React in 500 LOC...
💩🤡
lotta trolls on this site, beware...6 -
Clueless child thinks he got hacked.
So me and my friend were just messing around in class and he says to this other guy that he "hacked him" as a joke. He showed him a CMD shortcut of the file saying "[guys name] OS SYSTEM." He fucking fell for it. He actually thought a cmd renamed shortcut was his OS system and my friend could access it. He tried to grab his computer and delete it. My friend thought he was joking so he opened it and the kid actually screamed. We burst out laughing and make a scene. The teacher got kinda triggered so we stopped haha.9 -
When you see someone bragging about how he created his own framework because he hates frameworks like Symfony and Laravel but when your take a look in his code he echoes html from within the php files...3
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MOBBING DICTIONARY - 4 -
Sentence (in private, outside the scope of CEO or such)
- sort it out yourself! fuck you, worm! I'll get you fired! I'll crush you with an hammer
(something very insulting, screaming)
Purpose
- to exasperate the target. So he/she will fight back, maybe at the wrong time. Or he/she will try to stay quiet, but he/she will explode inside.
- make clear to everybody that the mobber is the danger
Result
- The mobber will deny he/she ever said that. The target cannot prove it. Nobody will support the target, not even the witnesses, as they are scared. The CxO will not believe he/she could have said that, because he/she is apparently mild mannered and respectful with all directive positions.
- The target has a dilemma: or he/she denounces the words to the managers, but he/she will be considered a defamer, or worst.
Or he/she takes it in, and in such case, he/she will be slowly destroyed psychologically.3 -
My friend went to upper management for a rise for one of his underlings.
He said he have been relentless and in the end he walked out with 10% rise for himself and nothing for his guy.2 -
My Web Technologies teacher.
The guy is an ass for a teacher. He loses of track of what he is teaching while he is teaching.
Although he tries his best to give live examples while teaching but most of the times he is doing it for the first time and they don't work so our 90 minute lecture turns to shit where we couldn't learn anything he taught or something else we wanted to learn. -
I hate when clients think they're always right.
Yesterday this client showed up saying that he had an emergency on computer, because after an update all icons turned white. When we told he the situation and that all data was lost, he begged to retrieve all the info because he needs it to work.
He was affected by ransomware, something like Fantom, and not only all the files are encrypted but also the backups.9 -
A dev decided to overwrite the master branch with his code saying its better. That it fixes the major bugs that all of us couldn't solve.
Against my better judgement of firing him, I decided to test it.
Firing up the testing site, we made test databases to use and we went to house.
In the middle of testing, I noticed the test DBs weren't being changed. While everyone was still testing, I looked at the code. It wasn't made to test on any databases, it was specifically designed for the actual production server.
However the damage was done. In a secret dashboard in the code, someone sent instructions to drop the tables, effectively ruining the production server.
We had the dev go to an offline backup site that only went online every 10 minutes a day to make new backups. So we shut down the production server, setup a maintenance page. I get my ass chewed out again, and we were sitting ducks.
I don't think the dev had enough punishment, so I grabbed his laptop and made a full backup of his data, and locked the SSD in a safe.
I downloaded a Windows 98 and put it on a flash drive. And installed it all on his SSD. The dev is now a proud (pirate) owner of Windows 98.
He came back and started balling on his desk. We all looked at him with a pity, but he deserved it.
I'll give him the drive on Monday.
Do you think he learned his lesson?7 -
Talking to friend from school on Discord, and he asked for help with a Minecraft mod. I told him he should learn basic Java, and he said he had taken a couple classes already.(turns out they were small Minecraft modding classes) I was like ok, whatever, and after listening to him work on it, it's now obvious that he knows nothing about Java :/2
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Friend of mine works at an Apple store. He works on iPhones but wants to move to a new job. He texts me asking about fleet Management and such; then I shit you not he texts me asking me how to use Slack, and where he can learn it.
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When your co-worker ignores all warnings and knowingly breaks production, then tries to lie and say he had no idea what he was doing. He's been here a year and has been told multiple times how to handle production. He also acts like he knows everything (spoiler, he doesn't) and never shuts up.
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I've hired a apprentice that's literally today Said he doesn't want to be a programmer i said then... what are you doing here?
He didn't say anything ...
Do I fire him he didn't quit? I mean weird fucking situation. He doesn't seem engaged anymore so ... He ain't doing shit I should add4 -
Congratulated a Dev at my company after he had finished all the functional testing...
Until he mentioned that he just needs to tweak the test to work with the new code now.. -
So...about companies having way to big expectations on their job ads descriptions: Me being the new guy in all of this, of course I'm looking for more informations on the field everywhere. One day I came across a video on youtube posted by Eli the Computer Guy, and he was describing (caricaturing) this exact problem. You should look it up.
I'm not sure if he himself is a valuable source/resource of knowledge, but it did help me to understand this problem to some extent.
Hope it helps you too.6 -
I had this guy. He had an annoying voice and the worst trait of him was he was an Solaris fan. on nearly anything he would ramble that solaris is supirior to any other os. Luckily he was gone after a few months, unluckily i had to take over the stuff he did.
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My uncle Kyle works for @creativeMISFITS and he taught me about his coding style so that's what I'm used to.2
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He did the mash, he did the developer mash
The developer mash, it was a segmentation fault crash.
He did the mash, it caught on in a pull request.
He did the mash, he did the developer mash -
so my friend got told he had to stay after school for math every day he had math to catch up on work but this idiotic teacher told him he had to stay every tuesday and thursday...the only days this week he didnt have math class, yeah our school system sucks
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My friend uses a Chromebook. While he was in the bathroom, I escape refresh power'd his ass. He got so fucking scared when he came back xD
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I caught up a scammer last night he was doing some astrology and stuff.
He asked for money......
I gave him a grabify link.....
He gave me his location(accidentally)and told me to teach him the trick....
He wasn't even scared -
// second rant
So still about one of our dev.
So each time he works on some bug fixes or he doesn't want how the services works, he want to redo the whole service.
He already redo 3 services that senior developers have work on. Seniors who have more experience than him.
Don't know what to do on this dev.
He doesn't even know how to use Git CLI. 🤦♂️2 -
Coworker heads out for lunch and says "I'm bringing my apple with me".
I looked at him and said "But you have a PC..."
He gave me the best look as he started to walk way.
"Next time I'll bring my Dell just for you... " He said as he left. -
Today a colleague of mine managed to run cmd as admin without credentials. He does not have admin privileges so normally he can't do that.
He refuses to tell us how he did it.
Any idea how to do this in windows 10?14 -
My colleague is trying out docker for the first time. He is installing stuff so that he can add the same steps to gitlab yaml. I will like to see his reaction when he will start the container next time.
Waiting now and hoping that he will save the container. -
Word used by the programmer when he does not want to explain what he did??
:
:
:
:
:
Answer - Algorithm.........7 -
During troubleshooting a prod outage "I'm pretty sure that's not how computers work". Last time he said that he was dead wrong. and he can sure as hell fix it himself next time.
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My old boss is very happy when he knew that me and him is from the same high school. Ok, that looks fine. But once he told me that he bribes because he will stay if he doesn't .. Why I must work with him. And yeah he didn't finish his study in universities and bla bla bla. The worst part is his personality. Dude, I'm out. I decide to test my boss first before deciding to join his company.