Big congrats to @AlexDeLarge for being the first devRant member to hit 50,000 ++!

A pretty awesome accomplishment highlighting great contributions and content.

Big congrats to @tahnik - the first devRant member to break 10,000 points!

Huge congrats to @linuxxx for being the first ever member of the devRant community to reach 100,000++

This is an awesome accomplishment and @linuxxx earned all of his ++ with awesome stories and has represented everything the devRant community is about while getting there.

So once again, congrats @linuxxx, and thanks for everything you have contributed to devRant!

During a random school project.

Me: *Explains why team members idea is bad*

Team member: *Im going to do it like this anyways.*

Me: *add explaination of why idea is bad to git commit log.*

1 week later: some parts of the project dont work like they are suppost to.

Team member: *dude can you help me bla bla....(encounters issue i mentioned regarding his idea)*

Me: *no, i've already got too much on my plate. please, sort it out yourself....*

At the presentation

Teacher: *ask question about problem*

Team member: *tries to blame the problem on me....*

Me: *shows git commit log to teacher*

Me: *passing grade*

Team member: *failing grade*

Justice served.

Today I received the best bug report I could've ever asked for..

Received an email from a member of our customer service centre containing a description of the bug they'd found and not only did it contain the steps to reproduce the bug, but a goddamn video of him reproducing the suspected bug!

The greatest feeling when the client decides to take time to make your life that little bit easier

Dear team,

Train people well enough so they can leave

Treat them well enough so they don't want to

Regards,
A member of dev team

Client: I said I wanted that text to be white. We talked about this. You have to do what I tell you.

Me: the text is white. The color code is #ffffff.

Client: well make it more white!

*Sigh*

Here is something you expected you'd never see! MSFT joins Linux Foundation as a Platinum member

Hello World!
I found this when I investigating my old codes.

> Claims to be a security expert and an Anonymous member

> His router uses WEP as encryption

Does anyone else get irrationally annoyed when a team member says "Hi" via slack/messenger etc. and then nothing else until you say "Hi" back, and only then describes what they want?

Dahhhhhh. Stop wasting my time. Just ask what you want.

Microsoft is now a member of the Linux Foundation.

While the dev community makes OS wars, the company and the foundation is making love. Take them as role models.

Dear devRant,
Meeting you was fate, becoming your member was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

So I moved from being the TL of a small team to a member of another team a month ago.

A dev from the old team sent me this today morning. He also sent some examples of what he found "cool", and tbh I'm pretty proud of those modules. I tried being very modest there, but I'm very happy 😅

- Cookie warnings
- Autoplay videos
- "It's better on the app!"
- Surprise paywall
- Newsletter popups
- "Sorry, this content is not available in your region!"
- Lazily paraphrasing another website without disclosing the source in an obvious way
- Anti-adblock popups
- "Become a pro-member today: starting at $4.99/month!"
- "Sign up here to get my free e-book! :)"
- "keep reading" button to load the rest of the damn article
- "We have a podcast!"
- ...

I hate the current state of the web.

Customer is always right.....

Committed to sustainable productivity..

Misunderstanding between the IT Department Staff member and the Finance Department Staff member in one of the establishments...

User: Hi, our printer is not working.

IT Service: What is wrong with it?

User: The mouse is jammed.

IT Service: Mouse? Are you sure it’s a printer, as they don’t come with a mouse?

User: Do you think I’m stupid? I’m telling you it’s the printer!

IT Service: I'm telling you, it can’t be the printer! They don’t have a mouse!

User: Oh really?... Mmmmm... I’ll send you a picture.

Scroll down...
. . . . .. .
. . . . . .
. . . . .
. . . .
. . .
. .
.
.
.

The customer is always right.
Listen to him/her and believe what he/she says.

Don’t jump into conclusions!

Wow
1 more family WhatsApp group
Now I am part of 7 family group with same member
😤

It's not micromanagment. But I would like you to report to me every single day and discuss everything that you and every member of your team does every day.

It's disheartening to see a senior member of my team shitting on the code of less mature developers. Don't just say "this is unacceptable", elaborate, teach them. How are they going to action anything from that feedback?

Take the time to respond to their questions when they ask for clarification on what you're saying. Don't berate them.

Honestly some developers need to learn a thing or two about code etiquette.

There's no room for good cop / bad cop behaviour.

That moment when a friend brags about how a family member works at google (he trying to be cool and all the other guys being amazed) and when you ask what actually does at google you find out he's a janitor.

! rant
Just changed my profile pic on LinkedIn to show how proud iam to be a member of the devRant family

What an year ?
>MS VS on mac
>SQLServer on Linux :D
>Xamarin API for tizen (seriously :/)
>MS becomes `platinum` member @LinuxFoundation
>Google joins .NETfoundation
>Trump becomes the president ??????????
>In India 500 and 1000 rupees notes are now worth toilet paper except we don't actually wipe - we wash ;)
>For me RIP $copes and controllers and my year worth of experience :'(

My team was sharing an API key to our company's microservice containing all our customer data.

I say "was" because one team member accidentally published the key online so the security team disabled our key and won't give us a new one.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry

Talked dev with my uncle today at the dinner table. Every other family member slowly backed away in boredom and confusion as we discussed spaces vs. tabs

My team member just rewrote all of my code and it looks beautiful and it works but and now i feel like I'm a terrible programmer :'(

STUPID SHIT ASS EMAIL POLICIES NOT ALLOWING ME TO SEND CERTAIN FILE TYPES TO A SUPPORT MEMBER WHEN THERE ARE FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THE PRODUCTION SITE. THE GUY THAT SET UP THOSE POLICIES CAN ROLL THEM UP AND STICK THEM IN HIS ASS.

There that's better...

» Microsoft announced today that it’s joining the Linux Foundation as a platinum member, no less than 15 years after former CEO Steve Ballmer described the open source platform as “a cancer.” «

Oh well.

Finally a ++ Member!
Yay

Most used git command for starters:
rm -R repo
git clone repo

Made a website for a local choir when i was younger - for FREE (my Mum’s been a member for >30 years).

They INSISTED on playing music on start that can’t be stopped.

Told them that wouldn’t be very wise, people would just immediately leave. They didn’t believe me. Removed it shortly after...

After the face reveal and the hand reveal... Let's do something spicier! 😉

Guys, post a pic of your "private member"...
Gals, post a pic of your "closure"... If you know what I mean 😏

Mine's in the comments

public class HelloDevRant
{
public static void main(String[] args)
{
//Commenting for reasons! ;)
System.out.print("Hello dear devRant community!\nI am new here!\nNice to meet you.");
}
}

There I was, thinking I’d never be the kind of idiot who spills a cup of coffee over his laptop.

Little did I know I was eventually going to be a premium member of that club.

A high ranking member of my institution had to partake in certain events that demonstrated coding. Said person came back amazed at the sheer amount of work and knowledge requiered to work in the area.

Yes......maybe that will make said person reconsider the "i needed this by yesterday" and "its only a quick fix" attitude.

BUT! We all know it won't

Our youngest female proyect member has finally delivered her first son.

Now the time of dank puns about releasing, delivering and downloading has finally come 😁

"Hello App developer.
We're looking for android app developer who can develop simple app for individual political campaign vote for me.

The idea is developing simple Political part app with interactive Geolocation to see who is member and where they’re located. Members should sign with social media (facebook, google plus, twitter and instagram)"

What could possibly go wrong with that?!

Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:

Me: Want to be in a Group?

Group member: sure

Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow

Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks

Me: -_-

Also me: fuck off

At 4pm, after 6 hours of work of migrating from mysql to mongodb...
I am drinking coffee with my team.
Boss, comes from somewhere and asks...

what do you all want? (What he meant was, go back to work you all)

One of my team member- (angry and agitated) says-- a comfortable sofa.

Holy fuck, i laughed my ass out.

Guess what happend next...

Porting of a huge web application from ZF1 to Laravel 5.5.

In summary:
1. approx. 200,000 lines of spaghetti code (ZF1)
2. approx. 2500 custom Javascript files
3. approx. 600 CSS files
4. hundreds of node modules and libraries
5. 12 different layouts (Home, Member, Admin,...)
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
...

I've got six days to get this done. God help me.

I jump on an existing scala project.

git pull && sbt compile test

Tests are failing.

Me: "Hey team, the tests are failing."

Team member: "That cannot be. They were passing for the the last run."

Me: "Did you run them locally?"

Team member: "No, on Jenkins. It was fine."

I check Jenkins.

Me: "What do you mean it's fine. The last successful deployment was on the end of May."

Team member: "The Pull Request checker always went through successfully."

I check how our Jenkins tasks are configured. It's true that the Pull Request Checker runs successfully yet due to a "minor misconfiguration" (aka "major fuckup") the Pull Request Checker only tests a tiny subset of the entire test suite.

Team members were were fine if their Pull Request got the "Success" notification on bitbucket's pull request page. And reviewers trusted that icon as well.

They never checked the master run of the Jenkins task. Where the tests were also failing for over a month.

I'm also highely confused how they did TDD. You know, writing a test first, making it green. (I hope they were just one specific test at a time assuming the others were green. The cynic in me assumes they outsourced running the tests to the Jenkins.)

Gnarf!

Team member having run the tests locally finally realizes: "The tests are broken. Gonna fix them."

Wow. Please, dear fellow developers: It does not kill you to run the entire test suite locally. Just do it. Treat the external test runners as a safety net. Yet always run the test suite locally first.

5 years ago i was working on a 2D game using C and we needed to use the sleep function (I forgot why ) .but however one of my team member did something new , for each second he did an empty for loop from 0 to 1000000 .You never know maybe that's how it's implemented (sarcasm)

I’d heard rumblings from my friends in other parts of the organization that there were going to be layoffs coming, so I’d warned my little engineering team. One of my team was vacationing abroad.

When he came back, one of my teammates told him it was all over and we were going to get fired.

He told me that he’d been told that and I said that it probably wouldn’t affect us and that I wouldn’t worry about it (I was under the impression that the layoffs would only really hit customer-facing roles).

The member of my team who just got back from vacation, the one who I reassured, was the only member of my team who was part of the group laid off.

Goddamn it.

So guys and gurls...
I'm a member of devRant for about 1.5 weeks now. I already have over 130 likes on my rants in total about things I was never able to post without being labeled a nerd. I literally love you guys! Thanks to @dfox and @trogus for making it possible for us to discuss things that matter for us!

We use MS Teams and I started a new team for the contract renewal. My preference was to continue with the old one for files and searching. I am the “owner” and the PM is the “owner”. Everyone else is a “member”. Owner means admin. The executive sees that she is a mere member and demands the PM add her as an owner. He makes her an owner. Then she decides that she outranks is and should be the only owner. We discover this because we can’t on-board a new person on the team or configure build notifications or GitHub code review notifications.
Basically the executive has stopped the team from using Teams because her ego tells her that she is the one true “owner.”

If your language supports private member variables

And it's not part of the language style guide

DONT START PRIVATE MEMBERS WITH AN UNDERSCORE.

Shit is ugly as fuck.

omg apple does not like to make things easy! Trying to set up developer accounts for a company but a company can't be an agent? a team member who isn't an agent can't create certificates or keys?

Android development seems so easy and nice now

- be the most productive member in the team and everyone dumps their tasks on you.

- be the laziest person in the team and everyone sees you as a bottleneck.

- be the senior + the laziest person in the team and you can complain about others being a bottleneck and dump your tasks on the most productive member.

fml ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

Probably Dennis Ritchie. Inventor of a timeless language and member of the Unix project at Bell. I think his work is significant and he lived his life, then died a good man.

One among the poor team member!!!

Team member just requested a code review in French (s'il vous plaît)

Yea, I'm not reviewing your code you pretentious prick

This is what f*ckin' grinds my gears to the max...

Today a family member asked me to help them with online banking so I agreed because they are really not computer literate.

I don't use the bank they use so the whole online banking website interface was new to me and I had to figure out where some things were.

The family member that I was helping was getting really annoyed because it was taking long (by the way it took me less than 15 min to finish helping them).

As I was assisting them the f*ckin' idiot had the nerve to tell me, and I quote, "I thought you were good in IT. You can't even assist me with online banking".

Honestly, WTF?!?!?! 😡😡
How does one even respond to such...

Anyways... This is just one simple example regardless of what field you are in IT, you NEED to be good with whatever tech gets thrown at you.

So irritating....😡😣

Member when there weren't so many JS frameworks?

Console.WriteLine("Hello World.");

The time when we were not aware with advance features of IDE and version control.
(3-4 days before the project demo)

Me: This code was working fine last time. Now it is not compiling. Has anyone did some changes?

Team member: I corrected some spellings. So that our teachers don't correct us at the time of demo.

Me: (shocked, expression less ) We demo the application not the code. And you have not corrected on all the places.

Team member: You should do the rest.

(Based on true story)

The worst kind of team member is the one that won’t follow and can’t lead. So obviously can’t lead 🙄!

Don't you just love it when you're waiting on a team member in a different country to push code that you NEED to be able to finish your job, but you know they've already gone home for the night and you're stuck reading the same three doc pages for your entire day at work? Because I sure do

I manage a team of engineers.

Toxic Culture Post #2:

Manager: Everybody on your team needs their own swimlane in Jira. Each person's work should be their own lane. When I have a ticket for <Project A> I want to make sure that <Bob> always gets it, all tickets for <Project B> must go to <James>. You'll need to figure out which team member will handle <New Project C> and create their personal swim lane.

Me: That's not really how SCRUM works. Actually, that's not how teamwork works. You're creating silos and we all need to learn how to do these tasks. We're a cross-functional team, and each team member brings their own unique talents to the whole process.

Manager: So you'll create the swimlanes?

Me: No

Manager (to Bob): You'll be devoted to <Project A> from now own. It's the only work I expect you to do. All work for that project will be yours.

Likewise, my manager also reached out to each team member and assigned them specific tasks, furthering the silos.

Once worked with a PM in a company that was downsizing. Rumors were flying about who was getting cut. He heard his name was on the list and went on a rampage in the office. Cursing every member of management out and turned his office upside down before telling everyone to go fuck themselves and walking out.

Turns out his name wasn't on the cut list.

Look what I found!

No Permanent Marker
Nice Police Man
Not Premium Member

The moment when you're really into coding and then, a family member enters your workspace and starts talking to you.

Yes, family member, i surely CAN fix your thermostat

| Me and my team presenting an half-assed AI project to our lecturer.
Note that the algorithm doesn't work and we have a placeholder |
Lecturer after looking only at the UI: The project looks very good, I believe we are done here.
Team member: Don't you want to check the code?
Me: *trying to choke him without anyone noticing*
Lecturer: No need.
Lives were saved that day.

This rings true even if the customer is internal. Built a feature and provided documentation on how to use it and one of the end users still used it wrong.

It was a simple validation process too. Input the member ID then click validate, the app then checks if the person is in the system and fills in some other fields and does some other backend stuff. How could you get that wrong?! 🤔

Gained few pounds
Bought a luxury car
DevRant member

A manager who felt that it was okay to come and speak to me about something that they were unhappy with in my conduct towards a member of our team, in a public place, loud enough for others to hear.

The conduct that made the manager feel the need to do this was my response to something another team member asking me to do. I had a lot on my plate with work, and had been given at least 3 additional tasks already in that meeting and my response to having to do yet another thing for this other team member because they "hadn't any idea what to do" was simply that I was quite busy and if it wasn't high priority it could wait one week as I have 3 other higher priority tasks that week to do. This resulted in me getting a warning and in a very public place.

Shouldn't have let it get to me the way it did, but the stress I was under and the way in which it was conducted just broke me and I cried. That nearly pushed me to leave my job and industry entirely.

Blamed team member for writing unmaintainable code. Turns out it was the other way round.

'Member when we were used to Internet explorer back in the Windows XP era and when we download stuff we always used to click run and never care about something called downloads folder and the only issue was that the temp folder used to fill our damn hard drives very quickly?

I 'member

My dad thinks I'm a lazy twat... (He studied computer sience as well)

Every other member of my family thinks I'm a wizard, Harry.

This is how beautiful corporate is -

I talked to my cousin recently who works in an MNC. He told me about a team member who was assigned a Google Login integration task on the website. They already had a username/password combo working.

That team member took 2 months for it. Every week on the team wide meeting he took an off day and kept saying he was 'stuck' on the task and he's figuring it out.

2 months later, he completed the task and got compliments from the manager that he 'worked day and night' and overcame his struggles. Then he got a week off for his 'efforts'.

Just kill me at this point.

Off to the funeral of a family member of mine today. He was one of us, a developer for a cool little startup in London. I'd much rather be wrestling with bugs and support tickets today 😔

Meets a family member****
Fam.Member: Hey so what do you do now?
Me: I work with a tech company
Fam.Member: Nice. As what?
Me: Software Engineer
Fam.Member: oh IT stuff. Can you check my phone for me, it's slow now.
Me: No (then walks away sipping my drink)

When your team member does a “git checkout .” instead of “git add .” after an intense session of debugging..

..😊

Member *newUser = devrant->members.addUser("KiKoS",20,single);
newUser->newRant.sayHello();

Output: KiKoS: Hello Everyone^*}₩×`₩[`[+₩$#~¤|♡♡
Segmentation Fault
Segmentation Fault
Segmentation Fault

wllcnbeofozbv3-#:(#:wiwjzvfoblaa!!! If someone says "I don't have Discord, I don't play games" once more - I will run them over with a road roller. 90% of servers I am a member of are either for some open source software, open source hardware or some other non-gaming related community so stop with that "But I'm not a gamer" bullshit!

“You should automate that”

Said by me at least once to every family member.

“But I can’t, it’s impossible!”

Said by every family member to me.

Follows a discussion about how easy its to automate the thing, ofter interrupted by me cause I don’t care enough to go in detail just to be asked to automate it.

Me: *presenting a demo of tool in office presentation*
Meanwhile an audience is browsing Facebook on his phone...
Me: *Finish demo*
*Said member of audience calmly places his phone on the table.*
Douche: "So can you go over that once more?"
Me: ...

Leader: Meeting starts in 10 mins, we have to show this to the boss
*Team member breaks database silently
*I notice the API has stopped working
Leader: Anyone , anything you want to tell me before the meeting.
*I raise my hand
Me: Yep, the API is not working :)
*Everybody ... FACEPALM

My 82 year old mother’s follow up question to family member who said her son was a moving to Atlanta, GA to be a Network Engineer.

Oh like CNN?

When she was kid her family owned a crank phone.

Need to send a mail to a more senior member of the team. Could use a hand translating the below into something more work appropriate.

"You have reached a new level of wrong, you insufferable prick, please just shut up and leave"

So there's a new team member in the project (me & him), he's assigned to make the frontend, which is great since I'm so proficient doing back. But he starts by doing backend tasks and the fucking frontend which is the most delayed part of the project is still untouched.

Hey all!
I've been browsing devRant for a couple months now and finally joined!

I'm a CS student from Germany, most interested in AI and Infosec, and member of a CTF team.

A certain team member left the team

How do you tolerate a colleague who

- Fails to work as a team member, is inherently lazy and writes software that is simply horrendous
- Blatantly takes the easy road and even admits to it
- Has no sense of pride in the work they do
- Is your supervisor

One of my clients got hacked.
FML. It was fucking bad passwords by a team member.

Google has now blacklisted the domain.

Removed the shady code, requested for review. Hope it recovers soon.

Any idea how long it takes for Google to remove the red warning page before you even enter the page ?

Doing coding from past 5 years.
Everyone treat me like regular working family member.
and then one day Dad stuck on some .gov site filling form.

He was not able to use backspace as developer forget to allow
backspace. So, I open console type the basic
document.getElementById().value = "";

Now, I am getting respect as a doctor get =_=

In the royal city of Aagra. My phone broke and knowing the exploitative bitch I used to meet back then I was certain had I disappeared amid a conversation she would break up with me, so I debugged an Android 2.3 image with no documentation and shaky hands from frustration while cursing her every family member in Hungarian. (Passers-by probably thought I was casting spells on my computer)

When you add a new team member and have to upgrade the numbers of users for your Atlassian products...

How many times do I have explain the rookiees in java developer team, that implementing an interface is not inheritance. You are not actually inheriting any member - variable or method or otherwise. You are just getting a skeleton, according to which you have write your class. THAT IS NOT INHERITANCE.

So MULTIPLE INHERITANCE does not exist in java. Period.

There is no way around it. Stop misunderstanding stuff and passing that misconceptions to newbies.

A team member called me the worst manager he ever had. I felt really shitty about myself.

Managing people is not easy and it is not for everyone.

(Call from a distant family member I know by name only)
Him: Hey, blah it's been awhile blah hey so I have this problem with my printer and...
Him: What do you mean you don't know about printers, can I bring it to your hou...<*click*>

A group member in my senior level computer science class is afraid of the command line so they change code through the GitHub website, essentially using it like Google Drive.

Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.

LOL that's why I love C!

The function pointer cast for strcmp because qsort expects a compare function with two const void * pointers instead of two const char * pointers, that's just beautiful.

Not to mention the hack to abuse strcmp on a struct - which just works because the first struct member is a string and the rest just gets swapped with memcpy as opaque data.

I guess that wouldn't pass a code review at work. :-)

Reviewing code in a project, found this one:

# Todo: Fix horrible parent member check. People may have been killed for better code
-- horrible code here --

So I guess I'm blocked here with you now. Hello world.

It drives me crazy when I'm in the middle of coding and another dev member from my team interrupts my session to tell me something completely unrelated to work 😡

Hi, I am a new member of the community and I am learning English because my English is poor.

One time in college we had an android project for one of our courses. Then this one member of my team didn't want to install Android studio because he didn't want to install any unnecessary software and libraries to his machine. We wanted to do his part editing directly in github.

The team spirit in our team has improved over the past 1 month with this etiquette..
*walk up to team member
*no greetings
Just say " bring yourself back online"
Watch them light up..share those ten Westworld seconds..ask for what you need
..and the hell back to your desk
..cheers

Microsoft joins linux foundation as platinum member 🤔🤔😊😊

Pretty much every fucking member in a school project except the one.

When you've spent hours debugging a problem of session not being saved and there is no error. And then you find this in the code:

try{
save_session();
}catch(Exception $e){}// added by another member of the team

🙈😖🖕🏻

A senior member of the Business just came to my desk:

“Hey are we still cool to launch that thing in Monday?”

Me - “eeehhhhhh”

The feeling of sick in my stomach has not yet passed.

(2 months old in a company)
Team members to me: we are always there for you. Ask anything you need for.

Me(today): can you please discuss this topic with me?
Team member A: I'm sorry I'm busy
Me: okay

Me: can you please discuss this topic with me?

Team member B: I got to catch the train now.
Me: we catch same train. Let's discuss during the commute.
Team member B: NO. We will not get two seats together (it's easy to find two seats).

me (in my mind): I really need help here.
Me: okay

Describe one devRant member in the comments (not yourself)!

@trogus is designer that made devRant the beautiful place it is now. It is often overshadowed by @dfox, but without him, especially the beautiful avatars, this place wouldn't be half as popular as it is.

My team member was struggling with his .json files, so to cheer him up, I came up with a joke;

"Don't worry, if the program doesn't work, I'll be your yaaaii son"

!rant

Working on a group project, and this is how my group member writes his "if" statements.

Should I change my group?

Support Team Member opened a ticket.

> This customer's image isn't loading.

Load image, it's white and transparent on a white page.

family member/friend/someone: hey can you-

me: no

them: why not?

me: windows is updating, sorry

Our workplace has so many... But perhaps was this useless guy who claimed to be a member of Mensa, who would wear no shoes into the bathroom, place his lunch beneath the urinal when he peed, prop himself up by leaning on the urinal, and top it off by not washing his hands.

🤢

A recipe to make banana bread. I had to read this twice before I realized they weren't talking about a member of the quality assurance team.

One of our most essential functions was giving a weird warning: C4706. Turns out that one of our team member wrote if(count =! 0)... Yes, he's new here

when you post your first rant ever and it gets upvoted by dfox :D

instant screenshot taken

seems like a really nice community here, glad to have found the app

FML, I am the most senior member of my department, everyone have a questions for me, everyone need input from me, everyone cannot exist for an hour without my input. Including my manager who picks my brain on the things that he tries to research. Send help..

Me: Starting a new project.
My pending projects : New member is going to join our family very soon.

"Dear Team,
This is to inform you that due to the workload of Diwali 10th Nov would be working a half day

So the 10th Nov holiday would be shuffle to 17th Nov 2018 (i.e. Saturday)

Note:- Those team member taking leave on 10th Nov it would calculate 5 days of leave."

Got this mail -_-

Another member of the team updated the production JSON configuration of the project with a missing comma, this broke a system that's not yet live and where there aren't any real users (only used for demos/testing).

Instead of having a good laugh about how silly this was, the CTO/CEO removed their write access to production..

Other Team: "our builds don't clean up properly"

*docker rm -f $(docker ps -a)*

Other Team: "our builds keep filling up machines"

*docker rmi $(docker images -q)*

Random Team Member: "My builds keep failing on service foo randomly exiting"

Other Random Team Member: "Why is there no caching on our builds"

...

team panics thinking it's their fault as our main job still passes, as it's on another machine.

...

When we find out after tracking build history

KMS

My friend: I think you two would really get along, once she heard you were a programmer, she really wanted to meet you.

Me: Sweet, OK, so you said she's pretty much in the same field as me, what does she do?

Friend: Oh she's in IT

Me: Nope.

Friend: What, why?

Me: Cute but , in terms you'll understand, you just don't try to arrange a member of the football team with the waterboy.

echo "Hello World!";

Just got here.

Me: *asks for sample data for all tables to test database transactions*

Team member: *gives over 45000 records only for city*

🤔 😐

Schrodingers font size:

When you follow the directions given in the style guide, but it still doesn't match the mockups.

The chosen font size can be considered both wrong and right until examined by a member of the design team.

Being the lone member of my family with a Computer Science diploma, they see me as a priest for their unfaithful computers.

Please don't Google "member" when your looking for membership icons on a free SVG icon website in a very public office.

That member of staff* that decided to write a batch script with calls to SVN, and named it svn.bat

*me

Team member knows x better than me?

No fucking way am I gonna ask them to do it. Even if I have to learn the whole damn thingamajig from scratch. Coffee and some Halo OST are all I need, baby!

(In fairness to myself, said teammate is a bit of a hijacker when it comes to helping...)

Tomorrow starts a new guy in my team (I am TL), but I have never seen him before! 😕

A coworker resigned during the hiring process and has had his last day today and I am overtaking his team because my boss is unable to set up a job profile.

180% of workload and even more new guys arriving (2 more in the next 2 months!)

No salary raise either...

FML

Just discovered I still have access to my old employers source code on VSTS, and can see from here that that there is a new team member!?

👿 I was made redundant "times are tough, there's not enough money, you were last in so first out" mother of fuck!

I wonder how many other places do this sort of thing.

So we have this team bonding and feedback session every monday, where everyone in the team needs to say what they appreciate of their team member and what they wish the team member would change... The whole thing takes about 2 hours.

Honestly, feel like a corporate BS, what feedback do you want? Just do your job and I am happy with it... Well I guess that's part of the corporate world, instead of just doing your job, it is about how big your "influence" is in the company and how many people like you

The nameless tax person strikes again.

I want to fuck the whole Skype team until death for blocking my contacts and won't let me to make any call with my father and my family member. FUCK YOU SKYPE.

Happy new year to all devRanters !

I hate it when a family member ask me to fix something and I fold and try and fix it. I start to troubleshoot and they see what I'm doing and say "oh I thought you knew how to fix it, NVM I can do it." Like wtf this is how u fix stuff

Finally got my devRant swag to represent! And I've already converted a new member

I just love PHP. You can do so much awesome stuff with it. Here, let me show you:

How to READ a private member of an object:
$reader = \Closure::bind(function ($instance, $name) {
return $instance->{$name};
}, null, $instance);
$value = $reader($instance, $name);

How to WRITE a private member of an object:
$writer = \Closure::bind(function ($instance, $name, $value) {
$instance->{$name} = $value;
}, null, $instance);
$writer($instance, $name, $value);

See? Just like that. This is really amazing stuff. I don't know of any other languages that allow this.

mrawesome@dextel2 : ~ vi thankyou.txt

I just want to thank you each and every member of devRant to be there through my thick and thin. That's all. I could find any other safe community to share my ups and downs...So thank you everyone and thank you David and Trogus for making this amazing app and website. Love you all <3.

Once I signed up for newsletter at grid. I don't consider myself a grid member and now they call me a gridster... trying too hard to establish a loyal community 😅 I guess i should now feel like i belong. "I am a gridster, deal with it"

I have *created* a new team member :) I think he alone could replace most of the team.

Kind of makes you think what have we been doing with our time all those years. If all that work can be automated :/

Question; if you've got a team member who's been phoning it in during the last few sprints and their inattention causes extra work for others, what do you do?

- Have a private word directly one to one.
- Say nothing but bitch amongst yourselves
- Complain to the team lead
- Call them out during a daily standup and tell them they're producing shit.

Any opinions?

Oh boy, a bright new day 🌞.

Will this be a productive day with me getting my tasks done like a functioning member of society,

Or will I drown in my own sorrows and want to spend the whole day in bed.

Let's see what happens.

In my previous job, we had in c# a class called static manager. This abomination was thousands of lines long, every member static. Eventually the dev responsible, did split it in to multiple files each thousands of lines using partial class. Worst part? It wasn't even legacy code yet.

being the good guy that I am I was helping out a family member over the phone. Frozen computer was the verdict... Eventually it turned out the computer wasn't frozen at all, the batteries of the magic mouse had died... thanks for wasting my valuable time! I then told em I would only help if they used cables for everything, including wifi. It took 3 weeks for them to realise Wifi cables don't exist. revenge can be satisfying sometimes!

I think I fucked up today's interview. Opening with non-technical questions really threw me off kilter.
"What happened the last time you conflicted with another team member?"
IDK, ask me what "static" means in C# or just let me solve "FizzBuzz".

We have a new team member in our team. So I was giving her one to one KT. After KT

She: so are there new changes coming soon?

Me: Yes there will. Now you here I could really use a hand.

She: that's what he said

Through my previous employer's complete incompetence and lack of a spine I had to work two days during my last holiday. He'd managed to approve time off for all three of the remaining staff at the same time, so as a compromise, our six day work week was covered by all of us for two days a piece. Sooo maybe not technically not coding on holiday?

The business could just about scrape by on one staff member, so the boss should've allowed the holidays to those who requested it first (myself and one other), but that would've caused problems with the third person who he just so happened to be related to.

I was made redundant a few months later. The company is in the a lot of trouble and on its last legs, but the one member of staff who kept their job was the least capable and, surprise surprise, the relative.

Currently working on a new project with a group of people, (about 8 guys, no ladies 😒).

Anyways, out of the eight, there are only 3 devs, 3 designers and 2 main idea guys. I'm a member of all 3 sets and to top it of, the other designers don't know what they are doing.

Life is beautiful, fucking beautiful.

Anyone else wish some days they were a member of a pagan tribe, fucking their wives, dancing around fires and thinking that the thunder was the rumbling of some god ? sigh.

Is this the beginning of the end? Seems like devRant ++ is bugged. Payment for April was taken but I'm nolonger a ++ member.

Start or participate in my first open source project. All the project's I've made are for sport associations I'm a member of and are purposely closed source. That needs some change.

-or- publish a project which I've been working on for quite a while now which is intended to make some money besides my current full time job.

"Hello. I am team-member-1 from GitLab, I am ok, thank you!"
This is the most wanted rant that I would love to see here.

Once I went for this women-centric hackathon that had to have at least one female member in the team. On winning, one of the other winning (male) devs commented on how I was probably there just to complete the team even when I did most of the work.
Don't know if it's the fact that I have green hair or the fact that I'm a girl.

first on call shift, have no fucking clue what im doing, have no fucking clue what belongs to what team, and why the fuck i as a member of NONE of these teams have to sort this shit out

then proceed to get interrupted by new pages as im trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with previous ones

the silver lining is its all low prio shit at least

I hate the feature of c# that a member variable can be used as an function!

Let me get this variable. why does my cpu spike?
Because it calls 10 other functions to fill this float when needed.

float progress{
get { return DoWorkInDifferentFunctions(); }
}

Use this instead:

float CalculateProgress(){
return DoWorkInDifferentFunctions();
}

because people will use this like:

if(progress > 10.0f && progress < 25.0f){
DoStuff(progress);
}

Instead of:
float CurrentProgress = CalculateProgress();
if(CurrentProgress > 10.0f && CurrentProgress < 25%){
DoStuff(CurrentProgress );
}

@#$%&*$#^&*!!

Fuck it. Two big releases plus all the minor shit raining down on our team with only three active devs. A new team member who's unfortunately more of a burden and nuisance while the whole ship burns so beautifully....
And stupid me? I fucking break my arm, is in a cast now for four weeks. So I can mostly watch, while everything sinks.

When it's weekend and you can spend more time on your personal projects but then you realize that an annoying family member is celebrating his birthday tomorrow

When I say I'm in "DevOps" what I really mean is that I'm a full-stack engineer, DBA, system administrator, security engineer, auditor, cloud custodian, cost optimization expert, and everything else that doesn't get its own dedicated staff member here. Pretty much the catch all between developers and customer.

More tales from University Tech Support:

Haven't been able to get ahold of this staff member for weeks to do required maintenance. Emails, VMs, surprise office visits, she's never anywhere to be found.

Finally my boss emails her with the subject line "Free Money", and gives her some sass in the email about calling IT back.

Yeah, she responded in minutes...

Working a month on college site, in a team of 10. Stay back after hours, work from home. Tons of fixing and patching. Student council member asked to demk the new site to a college trustee.

Trustee sees Snapchat icon in social media. Doesn't know college has Snapchat. Asks who authorized the icon (it was a sample icon!)

Orders site to be taken down.

We are in middle of sprints where neither tech lead or PM knows what we r trying to achieve. When does as team member I suppose to start panicking???

Co-workers with low commitment to a project are the worst to have. I am willing to trade technical depth for commitment in a team member any fucking day! Tech is easy to learn, work ethics not so much!

Realising that group projects meant the best member of the team does all the work and the rest just sit around back seat driving 😅

A new team member joined us today. After introduction, he grabbed a chair. F*** YOU, IT'S JUST YOUR FIRST DAY BUT YOU'D GRAB KATE'S CHAIR WHO JUST TOOK A COFFEE BREAK?! PET PEEVES I HATE CHAIR GRABBERS

Just heard a QA member say whilst training a starter:
'We are going to do some hacking now'

He just changes a URL argument.

A colleague blocked a full big refactoring to go live just because there were missing marker interface which they wanted to be implemented by any other interface which was actually part of the core functionality. A marker interface...a marker interface...

P.S. we can't merge stuff on main branch if a team member vetos

When your shop is closing and you are the only IT staff member (sort of) left who is supposed to take care of a proper shutdown.

Ranchonyx built a huge monument of himself in the city he lived in, with him as a member of the Team Rocket

!rant

With how fast things are improving in the information age, there's one thing I might not ever hear again.

"(Name of family member) get off the phone I am using the internet!!"

Feeling reminiscnt.

What's yours?

std::chrono is::a::fucking::pile::of::dog::shit. What a fucking disgrace. Hated it in boost, now this shit is in std. Each time I use it, I have to use google. Google should become part of std chrono in c++, without it you cannot write chrono code.

To make time_point member in your own class you have to do this: std::chrono::high_resolution_clock::time_point t; ... WTF

Co-worker/family member: Can you fix my computer

Me:
**sigh

Had far too sparetime and found out that Wix wasn't making real websites. Found out that a pretty cool tool named "inspector" existed and then I was in. I used all the time I could afford by taking courses, study and get a small job last summer. Then I became a member of devRant aaaaand then my productivity decreased dramatically 😁

Heads up, fellow tech nerds: if you're an Amazon Prime member and have ever wanted a Raspberry Pi, there's a good deal on a starter kit, 20% off for Prime Day! Search for "CanaKit Raspberry Pi 3 Complete Starter Kit".

I've always wanted to build a project with a Pi, and now mine's coming Friday! Build project suggestions?

Is there a limitation of how much I can commit in git each day in a separate 'feature-branch'?

Cause, I had to explain to a team member (somewhat senior than me) why I committed 9 times in a single 8 hours task(s) (according to him where it was two separate tasks done in a single day).

When I said, I prefer to save my progress in a small commit (at least try my best to write meaningful commit)", I turned out to be a stupid team member. 😔

A few months back, I was having the last few days of my college / university. Already had a job offer, wasn't fond of attending classes, so I had not much to do. I had been a student placement coordinator, and a few of other student coordinators along with the University Placement Cell decided to overhaul the current placement structure with a new, more efficient one. So, they asked whether I could take interviews (along with a few others) for new placement coordinators, who'd take over the following year, making the existing posts null and void.

So, I was interviewing a 2nd year girl for the technical team. In her form, she had mentioned that she'd been an executive member of the programming club of our University, founded the previous year, was peaking in terms of popularity among other clubs.

I found it strange, and during the interview, I kept pushing it until she accepted that she was just a member and not an executive member.

Then, I asked, do you know Bugs Buggy (name changed)... She said, yes, he is the founder of that club. I said, I am, Bugs Buggy.

Felt thug life B)

I had an uncle named Severin. He died just three days after birth because of lung malfunction.

His grave is long abandoned and no member of my very large family can remember where it is.

If you are member of team Internet Explorer, your job ends right now.

People have good coding style right up until they use a new language, then it's like they're back at uni. Having to explain basic things like good names or what should be a member variable, don't add comments like "sets variable x"

definitely designing and building an affiliate platform including ad tracking , member sign-up, and content delivery for a porn company

Yesterday, the Project Manager forwarded an email from a staff member who worked on a donations campaign. Staff member was confused about a Cloudflare challenge that appeared before the user was sent to the donation page. It’s a less than 5 second JavaScript check. He thought it looked fishy.

I had to explain that it’s a security measure that’s been up for almost a month. PM knows this but left it to me to explain because ownership of the site is on me. The donations page and api gets hit by a lot of bots because it’s a public api and there are no security measures like captchas to deter the bots. I’m inheriting this website and I didn’t build it.

Staff member says other staff want to know if the Cloudflare page can be customized so it looks more legit. Um, Cloudflare is a widely known legit service. Google it.

A few thoughts pop into my head:

1. Engineering communicated to stakeholders about the Cloudflare messaging a month ago.

2. Wow, stakeholders don’t share relevant info with their staff who aren’t on these emails.

3. Woooow, stakeholders and staff don’t look at the website that often.

Best: getting hired for my first job at a digital marketing agency.
Worst: watching everyone else quit around me, culminating in my team leader, the last team member besides me

Jesus our security infrastructure people are stupid. They are telling us to secure a service that we don’t want accessible directly by the role “member” setup to be accessible by “member”. All because they “don’t want us changing identities in the middle of a chain of web service calls”. They are like “don’t worry, the fire wall keeps them out”.

That’s like saying “here’s the key to the bank vault, but you won’t ever get past the security guards so it’s okay that you have it.”

I swear this company is stone stupid.

Golang, I love you to death.

But I will have you know that unsuccessfully scouring the web for why my json config file wasn't being read into the struct followed by almost two hours of messing around with every little thing... And I discover that the fucking problem was my struct member names needed their first letters to be uppercase. Ridiculous.

Gotta love spending forever overthinking. The solution is often too simple!

IDK why I get annoyed by underscores before private member names... Is i it useful or just an old relic?

Today a member of an other team said that React would be better than Angular 2. Mainly because React allows HTML inside the components declaration and One-Way-Data-Binding.
Me then: Sure, but Angular 2 also has this features 😞

I got our climbing club web page to maintain. It was written in PHP by our older member. So I learned programming and slowly added new features.

Have you ever threatened to quit if someone you thought was a worthless team member wasn't removed from your team? How'd it go?

A long time ago in a decision poorly made:

Past me: hmm we're having trouble getting IT to give us a new build machine with the new compilers.
Past me: I know we'll just use one of the PCs that belongs to a member of the team to tide us over.

[2 months pass]

Present me: that's odd, Jenkins is really slow today.
[Several minutes pass]
Present me: holly shit fuck; it's building the whole weekends worth of builds at 9am on a workday and eating licenses like a cast away that suddenly teleported to an all you can eat buffet.
Present me: [abort, abort, for the love of fuck abort]
Present me: contacts IT, they can't find any problems, wtf happened.

Present me: discovers team member turned off his machine on Friday and builds had been stacking up all weekend.

Lessons learnt: disable power button on team members pc and hire a tazer guy to shoot whenever someone goes near the wall socket.

1 hour lost and no build results for the last 3 days.

It's looking like a bad morning

Just spent 2 days figuring out the issue for flickering of path drawn on canvas through sockets.

Every team member had already tried to figure out the bug.

I had checked almost everything and at last I was about to give up.

I gave a try, and it worked. How, no one knows...

Just changed 'lineData' to 'JSON.stringify(lineData)'

:)

I work on a small dev team. A team member recently left. My boss is lenient about committing our repos. ex co worker didn't commit his code and instead just left his code on a zip drive. Today I had to resolve nine months of conflicts and basically throw out all the work this guy had done.

A team member keeps skipping the git hooks so he doesn’t have to fix the linting issues. What should I do?