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People:
Hell yeah we need to DECENTRALIZE THE INTERNET
Same people:
*host their own project at aws*60 -
After it was revealed that the Equifax hack was even bigger yet again, the US government said something that really made me say/think something in the trend of "WHAT the actual FUCK?!"
"This data is in the hands of cyber criminals anyways".
You run the biggest mass surveillance program in the world, sucking up more than a million terabytes every hour, then at least could you PRETEND to care/take interest when the personal data of about all your citizens appears on the Internet?!
Fucking hell.11 -
Just finished assisting a junior dev with optimizing his code.
What used to take 2+ hours now takes less than 4 mins! 😎
7 -
FUCK YOU PHP!!!! FUCKING HELL JUST FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
8 GOD FORSAKEN HOURS SPENT TRYING TO ZIP SOME SHITTY FUCKING FILES IN A FOLDER ON MY WEB SERVER TO HAVE THEM DOWNLOADED TO MY CLIENT COMPUTER.... 8 HOURS UNABLE TO OPEN THE DAMN FILE AND THE ISSUE WAS "echo" & "print_r()" STATEMENTS GETTING TRAPPED IN MY ZIPARCHIVE BUFFER MAKING THE ZIP FILE A GIANT PILE OF UNREADABLE SHIT.
HOW IN GODS NAME WERE THOSE FUCKERS EVEN BEING ADDED TO THE ZIP FILE.
Fucking hell. Time to sleep.8 -
Even JavaScript doesn't misbehave when a semicolon is missing. What the hell does CSS think of itself?9
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That moment when your password is constantly rejected and you realize that the fucking NUM LOCK IS OFF.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
(⌐■_■)–︻╦╤─ 💻6 -
"What the hell, you got some custom tuning package?"
No man, it's called DevRant, it's awesome, spread the love!
12 -
You went through .dll hell and survived the .jar hell.
Now you're developing in AngularJS... welcome to scope hell6 -
Start a development job.
Boss: "let's start you off with something very easy. There's this third party we need data from. They have an api, just get the data and place it on our messaging bus."
Me: "sure, sounds easy enough"
Third party api turns out to have the most retarded conversation protocol. With us needing a service to receive data on while also having a client to register for the service. With a lot of timed actions like, 'send this message every five minutes' and 'check whether our last message was sent more than 11 minutes ago'.
Due to us needing a service, we also need special permissions through the company firewall. So I have to go around the company to get these permissions, FOR EVERY DATA STREAM WE NEED!
But the worst of it all is... This whole api is SOAP based!!
Also, Hey DevRant!5 -
!rant!dev
Going on a tiny trip outside the country!
I get nervous as hell around airport security 😓
I get nervous as hell before takeoff 😓
This is going to be great.20 -
One day Bill Gates died and met god. God said "Now then, Bill, i'll show you heaven and hell and you can choose which one you want to go to. Sound good?"
"Yeah!,"replies Gates. So god takes Gates to hell first. In hell he shows him pretty maidens, beautiful landscapes and an endless supply of pop tarts. "So you like it?"he asks him. "Yeah, it's great,"Gates replies.
So god takes him to heaven. In heaven he shows him quite pretty maidens, quite beautiful landscapes and a not quite endless supply of pop tarts. "So bill have you made your choice?" "Yes, God. i want to go to hell," "OK then." And Bill Gates is whisked away to hell.
But it is not the hell he saw before. Here there are no pretty maidens, no beautiful landscapes and no pop tarts. Instead there are all the most horrible things ever. "Aaaahhhh! Where am I!"asks Gates. "In hell,"replies god. "But it's not how it was before!"cries Gates. "Aahh. That was just the demo Bill."3 -
When you start a job and they tell you to put your nice laptop away, because you'll have to work on a company provided laptop running Windows 7 in a constricted environment on a project using Svn. And to top it off they tell you to trade in your IntelliJ for NetBeans.
Did I just travel back in time?13 -
Developers who use JavaScript "eval(...)" deserve a normal place in hell.
Developers who use JavaScript eval() within eval() deserve the most special place in hell. 🔥
17 -
Shoutout to the guy who stored his entire website in a JSON file and then asked me why his app wasnt working
2 -
Porting of a huge web application from ZF1 to Laravel 5.5.
In summary:
1. approx. 200,000 lines of spaghetti code (ZF1)
2. approx. 2500 custom Javascript files
3. approx. 600 CSS files
4. hundreds of node modules and libraries
5. 12 different layouts (Home, Member, Admin,...)
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
...
I've got six days to get this done. God help me.25 -
Every time I look at some code and say "what the hell?!" the code refactors itself before my very eyes.2
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What the hell.. Stylish got removed from the Chrome web store?
https://chrome.google.com/webstore/...18 -
I don't believe this. I have to install Gnome Tweak Tools to remove the "Trash" icon from desktop. What the hell :/15
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Worst part: being everyone else's Search Bitch. Seriously, how the hell do you have a job in the tech industry when you can't use a fucking search engine, whether it's Google, a builtin search facility or, hell, scrolling down the goddamn page?3
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- I say the project is shit and it'll be hell for everyone involved
- Management says we'll do it anyway
- Project keeps being hell for everyone involved
- Management reprimands the team for letting hell consume us
- I (again) point out the project is hell itself
- Management maintains it's our fault
- I am Tired™️7 -
Fucking hell with the password fields.
Why in the fucking hell you can't tell me what's the max characters count? Why I have to deal with auto-truncated passwords after the fact?
Go eat exquisite shit, peasant punks, pussy cutters.2 -
parseInt("220125152409071002")
220125152409071000
Looks good... looks good... looks good... wait wtf?!? where the hell is the 2?!?!18 -
My worst "legacy code" experience was when the company I work at couldn't get their heads out of their asses and stubbornly continued to write legacy code. As of this day they are still doing everything according to what was hip around 2004. And they even force me to write new legacy code.
New legacy code: it sounds like a paradox, but this company makes it happen.6 -
Fuck.
Fuck this shit
Fuck. What the hell is this?
What the fuck????
Fuck this place.
How the hell is it even possible??
Fuck all. M leaving.
.
.
.
.
A snapshot of my workday nowadays.7 -
There’s a special place in hell for fuckwits who create tickets and don’t include the fucking error message.8
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How the hell does a guy miss a urinal? What the hell? Are they standing three feet (1 meter) away? And who the hell manages to hit the wall above the urinal? Seriously, the floor is a sopping mess. The wall is a sopping mess. Makes you want to hold it in till you get home. Just, yech!5
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What??
What the hell Yahoo?
Yahoo considering Ads a key feature for the peroformance of the mail box !
And who the hell is still using Yahoo anyway !
(Sent by friend)
11 -
Sometimes the challenge of the day is to stay professional.
Having a professional attitude. even when everything is going to hell.2 -
Why the hell OS X doesn't have a developer friendly dark theme? :@ Puts so much strain on the eyes.21
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While working on generic enterprise code: querying databases, calling third-party APIs and just passing data around, I'm thinking: "PLEASE LET ME DO SOME THINKING, LET ME WORK ON SOME HARD ALGORITHM OR SOMETHING!"
When finally working on 'some hard algorithm or something', I'm thinking: "ARGH! MY HEAD ACHES! GIVE ME RELEASE! LET ME WORK ON SOME MINDLESS ENTERPRISE CODE!"1 -
-Be a university student
-Work with SCR(OT)UM for the first time
-Divide tasks into 3 day sprints
-Watch the SCRUM master go nuts and the project fail
Never again3 -
So this just happened. Some background before I begin: We're understaffed, my desk is in the back of the building, and there's no one really at the front to greet people. No security either...
Guy walks in wearing a flannel jacket (no shirt under it), pajama pants, and sandals. He looks like hell. Explains he was just released from a hospital and his apartment is locked. I let him use my phone to call his sister.
When I talk to his sister, she barely wants to speak with him. Tells me his apartment is locked for a reason and he's not allowed back. I'm just like: "So... what would you have us do for him?" At this point if his sister won't help, I was going to ask him to leave. Oh, and that hospital was a drug rehab.
So it ends with him waiting for a ride, but he ends up napping on the couch in the front of our office. CEO/Owner and his business partner walk right past and say nothing. They go into a meeting. I'm trying to figure out if I ask him to leave, wait outside for his ride... I'm a developer, this isn't my job.
A good 45-60 minutes later, after the guy walked outside and then came back in and laid back down on the couch, he leaves with his ride. Shortly after the owner walks out of his meeting, so I ask him what to do in this situation - more hoping he'd realize the need for more security.
If this story isn't crazy enough, the business partner pipes up - absolutely serious - and says he didn't say anything because he thought the guy was a developer.
So I've learned that we've got extremely low hygiene standards for developers here, with a relaxed dress code and are allowed nap times on the front couch.
Thankfully our CYBER security is better than our PHYSICAL security. :|1 -
!rant
Going to the gym really helps with concentration and may give you time to focus on things that are unresolved on your codebase.
It will also make you sexy as hell. Being sexy as all hell is good and gold.
Remember that10 -
FYI if you have ES file explorer get rid of it cause it has a major vuln that lets other extract files from your phone
https://xda-developers.com/es-file-...
There are many better alternatives, i personally use FX.
…
...
...WHY TF DOES A FILE EXPLORER RUN AN HTTP SERVER IN BACKGROUND ?!24 -
What was firefox thinking when they decided to integrate pocket deeply in their browser. What the hell ff :/5
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Staging
Production
Exact replicas according to git
Of course, production is the one that doesn't work
FUCK I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS SO FUCKING ANNOYING AND FRUSTRATING11 -
My parents think I'm teaching computers to think strategic to rule the world some day. They are a bit scared. They love me though. But they are scared.
Also my mum once told me that I should take care not to end in hell. She was serious about it. -
Unicode I love you!
Who the hell invented the unicode character 'ZERO WIDTH SPACE'
https://fileformat.info/info/...
6 -
OMFG network-manager randomizes the mac of wlan0. And it ignores me turning this "feature" off. WHAT THE HELL MAN4
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So the football world-cup tip app I'm using with some mates got hit by a DDoS attack yesterday.
The only question I have is who the FUCK DDoS'es a motherfucking tip-app?! What the hell is there to gain?! It doesn't even involve money, just tipping for the hell of it!1 -
I enjoy coding Android, but what the hell did Google smoke when creating the "Spinner" component?!6
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Me: flutter upgrade
*15 minutes later*
Me: cool all done!
Me: flutter run
Flutter: gotta redownload that successfully installed update all over again because fuck you!
*cries in corner*5 -
Next week I'm starting a new job and I kinda wanted to give you guys an insight into my dev career over the last four years. Hopefully it can give some people some insight into how a career can grow unexpectedly.
While I was finishing up my studies (AI) I decided to talk to one of these recruiters and see what kind of jobs I could get as soon as I would be done. The recruiter immediately found this job with a Java consultancy company that also had a training aspect on the side (four hours of training a week).
In this job I learned a lot about many things. I learned about Spring framework, clean code, cloud deployment, build pipelines, Microservices, message brokers and lots more.
As this was a consultancy company, I was placed at different companies. During my time here I worked on two different projects.
The first was a Microservices project about road traffic data. The company was a mess, and I learned a lot about company politics. I think I never saw anything I built really released in my 16 months there.
I also had to drive 200km every day for this job, which just killed me. And after far too long I was finally moved to the second company, which was much closer.
The second company was a fintech startup funded by a bank. Everything was so much better than the traffic company. There was a very structured release schedule, with a pretty okay scrum implementation. Every team had their own development environment on aws which worked amazingly. I had a lot of fun at this job, with many cool colleagues. And all the smart people around me taught me even more about everything related to working in software engineering.
I quit my job at the consultancy company, and with that at the fintech place, because I got an opportunity I couldn't refuse. My brother was working for Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wallstreet, and he said they needed a developer to build a learning platform. So I packed my bags and flew to LA.
The office was just a villa on the beach, next to Jordan's house. The company was quite small and there were actually no real developers. There was a guy who claimed to be the cto of the company, but he actually only knew how to do WordPress and no one had named him cto, which was very interesting.
So I sat down with Jordan and we talked about the platform he wanted to build. I explained how the things he wanted would eventually not be able with WordPress and we needed to really start building software and become a software development company. He agreed and I was set to designing a first iteration of the platform.
Before I knew it I was building the platform part by part, adding features everywhere, setting up analytics, setting up payment flows, monitoring, connecting to Salesforce, setting up build pipelines and setting up the whole aws environment. I had to do everything from frontend to the backest of backends. Luckily I could grow my team a tiny bit after a while, until we were with four. But the other three were still very junior, so I also got the task of training them next to developing.
Still I learned a lot and there's so much more to tell about my time at this company, but let's move forward a bit.
Eventually I had to go back to the Netherlands because of reasons. I still worked a bit for them from over here, but the fun of it was gone without my colleagues around me, so I quit last September.
I noticed I was all burned out, had worked far too much, so I decided to take a few months off and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I even wondered whether I wanted to stay in programming.
Fast forward to last few weeks. I figured out I actually did want to work in software still, but now I would focus on getting the right working circumstances. No more driving 3 hours every day, no more working 12 hours every day. Just work close to home and find a company with the right values.
So I started sending out resumes and I gave one recruiter the chance to arrange some interviews too. I spoke to 7 companies in the span of one week. And they were all very interested. Eventually I narrowed it down to 2 companies and asked them for offers. And the company that actually had my preference offered me significantly more than I asked for, which settled the deal.
So tomorrow I'm officially signing with them, and starting next week I'll be developing in Kotlin, diving into functional programming and running our code in serverless environments. I'm very excited! -
>"Maybe I should start upgrading to CakePHP4"
>*dependency hell*
>*solves dependency hell after 6 hours*
>"Finally I can get to work"
>*App has broken all over the place due to app not properly showing deprecations beforehand*
"Motherfuckers"2 -
What the actual fuck GitHub/CircleCI?!??
I transformed a GitHub account into an organisation and lost admin access to a repo even though I'm the owner of the organisation. Now I can't even access the settings for the repo on CircleCI. What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?!!?! THE FUKKKKKKKKKKKk?1 -
"Okay, my query uses wrong date format."
"Why the hell I´ve put that join there? That´s not needed!"
"Why the hell I´ve joined the tables in THAT order?"
Joys of looking at your old code.2 -
Fucking hell mates, for me reading the rants is more addictive than fucking 9gag was back in the day :D2
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Wondering what the hell is Windows doing when there is no processes yet still lags on keyboard input.2
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!rant
Pro tip: if you wear a full face mask with a BiPap, do not start puking in your sleep.
Glad my body apparently decided to nope the hell out as soon as I started aspirating, but it was still a singularly unpleasant experience I hope never to repeat.
Thankful to still be alive.4 -
There might be a special place in hell for the creator of JavaScript. He hacked something in a couple weeks and this monstrosity has been causing hell for devs since the 90s.13
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Who the hell deploys PROD environments in a STAGING cluster.....?
Who the hell deploys PROD environments in a PROD cluster and (deliberately) configures them to use a STAGING environment's DB cluster....?
5 -
f*** my company (80 people) was aquired today by the biggest telecom company in Switzerland. At least we can still work under our own brand more or less independently for now. What drives me crazy is that I land again in the same company where I was in my apprenticeship and have sworn not to return due to the size of the company (20k employees)!4
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CSS is the keys to the gates of heaven. The problem is, the same keys also open the gates of hell.4
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I’m convinced that CSS is black magic and those that can visualize what it’s going to do before changing code are witches/warlocks.
Usually my attempts end up in humor as the website ends up /comically/ broken. Elements shifted around to not anywhere near they belong, drop downs appearing from completely nonsensical places...
No idea how you all do it.2 -
The man who invented the keyboard with unaligned Enter, Right Shift and Right Ctrl deserves a special place in hell8
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M so angry at one of my faculties today!!
Basically, the faculty is utter garbage ( although he is supposed to b the best and most experienced guy ). He teaches us data communication but all he does is start up a presentation, read from there and tell that to us adding a thing or two...
Well we have been tolerating him for the entire semester at this point so... whatever, we have come to peace with the fact that we simply attend to get attendance...
But, yesterday, there was a seminar going on and I asked a question to the speaker... the speaker started replying and the faculty interrupted the speaker to crack an ill joke about me... and started laughing... I mean what the hell!!! Ur supposed to be a faculty and THAT is how u behave?!
Anyway, many people laughed... more so because of the way he laughed than his “joke”.
Made me burn with rage but i forgot about it thanks to the seminar being decent.
Today, he was checking our assignments... he became angry and the reason being we didn’t write answers from the presentation and instead used the Internet.
This is what he said:
“ I have given u the presentation and that is exactly where u will write the assignments from... if u wanna use the internet to find the answers, then why do u come to my class!! “
I literally wanted to say - “ to get freaking attendance!! “
Somehow I didn’t... my assignment wasn’t checked today so nothing bad happened...
And btw, the assignments that he gives r 30 terminologies ( words and meanings ),
And nearly 25-30 question answers...
Just go thru the presentation to get all the answers... and this is called “teaching” and “education” !!!! 😠😠😠😠
No research, no understanding, simply do as he says, even in quizzes, even if ur answer is correct but it is not exactly the point he asks, screw u!
He will scold u...
I CAME TO COLLEGE TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND!!! NOT MUG UP UR STUPID ANSWERS TO PASS IN EXAMS!!!!!!
M now imagining ways to kill him 😠😠😠😠🔥🔥🔥🔥2 -
Someone in the company wants to make one (database) field multiple choice. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS18
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Headphones, because working while your partner burn and scream in the hell of the bugs they caused is distracting1
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Updated my Linkedin status last weekend. The recruiter hell is already starting. Everybody wants a piece of me.1
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so I come with the analogy for "go to hell" it's just expressions when people asks you something very irrelevant and you try to say "go to help" and in anger you just say it "go to hell".
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Colleague just factory reset the firewall....
- "I have just changed a firewall rule"
Motherfucker!!!!! Burn, burn in hell! -
> be me
> complete tickets overnight
> submit for review
> takes 2 days to review
> still no word
> more tickets raised with incomplete information
> ???
> profit5 -
Starting of the week inside the belly of an absolute dumpster fire from hell.
Ending the week with everything completed and running well??
It's been a good week afterall.
Happy weekend everyone!
Here's to a random return to hell next Monday.
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Yeah ok. I went to bed extra early yesterday but i kept waking up at night and now i am tired anyways but thats ok. i have to go to work now but thats good. yeah this is great. now when the sun is up and i have to go to work, my body feels like it could sleep 10 hours straight but hey, i think this is just what i need right now before work.
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OK. Why the hell is Chrome automatically signing me in after signing in to gmail or other services. What the fuck...8
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When your boss is hell bent on shoving the the words Hadoop , architecture and Revamp in every 3rd sentence. 🙄4
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There's a special place in hell for repo owners who show only the yarn option of installing in the README.2
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Ive installed php before but for some fucking reason it just refuses to fucking work. Im not installing extra bullshit like some people tell me because I had it work exactly how I wanted it to on my desktop but now fucking hell what the hell is the damn deal7
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The deepest, darkest place in hell is reserved to the people who wrote the Drupal documentation.
Fucking cms hell. -
Been waiting 5 minutes already. I'm done Windows, shut down already. What the hell are you waiting for?
7 -
I heard everythinc bad goes to hell... So internet ex'lorer surely did... But why is the hell hot then??? I thought IE frezzes all the time :/
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Why the hell did you put the promo code field on the login form? What type of fucking eCommerce site are you?4
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The other day I received the pictured e-mail from StackOverflow.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING ME?
4 -
Me ( solves a problem on Hackerrank)
If it's showing error :- Hell Why the fuck it isn't working ? 😑
If it works perfectly :- Hell, How the fuck it is working ?😼2 -
When your SCRUM Master cancels the sprint retro because he knows all hell is about to break loose.2
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Why do my parents instantly forget anything they "learn" related to computers?! Like how my mom keeps forgetting how to do stuff in PowerPoint. And especially how she keeps forgetting that "I'm not a PowerPoint expert, I don't use it, and I would have to read and try some buttons just like she should do."1
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Before: why the hell my code isn't running?!! FML 😬
After: How and why the fuck is my code running!! -
In highschool I started by setting up an open tibia (OT) server for which I copied and edited lua scripts to create spells and quests. Didn't do anything remotely difficult in those times.
In university I needed to learn and use Prolog. And soon after that I had an OOP course in Java. Didn't really learn Java during that course. And started to accept I would never like real programming.
During a Datastructures course I actually got the hang of java and started to program in my spare time.
Finished the Datastructures course with a good grade which landed me a job as student assistant for a python course.
That job in turn landed me a part-time job as python developer where I learned most of my programming skills.
Now I'm back to working in Java and I still learn everyday. -
Many would go to hell, including the Guy who disable right click and save image on Instagram.com
metchwwww5 -
BRO IF I SEARCH A SLOWBRO HOLDING A FUCKEN KING'S ROCK, IT MAY BE BECAUSE I DON'T OWN SLOWKING BUT WANT ONE SO WHY YOU WANT A SLOWKING IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SLOWBRO IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL.
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So I upgraded the dependencies to the latest version - and it’s all gone to hell. Of course it has...
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Where the hell devRant stores images that I save?
I seriously can't find it in my internal storage.5 -
When you sent a message to the customer starting with the word "hell" instead of "hello".
What a stupid buster!! -
Ooh this project.. So I was put in charge of creating new pages, and general maintenance as the site was already built by a previous dev on the team before i joined the company. I take a look at the design, fairly strange forward quick analysis most of it bootstrapable, some custom code is needed for some parts so no issues there.
Looks at the code, only the bootstrap grid system is being used, the rest is custom code, an additional 9K lines of CSS and 526 lines of JS. What the hell is this.2 -
It can't be as simple as comparing geocoded locations. It just can't be there has to be other factors as well I have data for and can use as well. It cant be this easy what the hell am I missing
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The troll power to make other developers totally convinced that Prolog is the best language to implement anything in...
I will probably need an undo-power too...1 -
How the hell would my BLE device advertise as 2 devices . Trying to make the app developer understand this . 🤯
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