If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

Italian chef: We have the best spaghetti in the world
PHP developer: I doubt that

The good spaghetti code stuff

Current State

If you see someone coding at mcdonalds, starbucks etc.

"Excuse me, would you like a fork for that spaghetti"

Spaghetti wiring doesn't actually mean spaghetti coding. 😂

Me: Can you make me some meatballs?

Engineer: No, what are you talking about?

Me: I thought you were a chef.

Engineer: I'm not a chef, what made you think that?

Me: I was looking at your code and I haven't seen that much spaghetti since Olive Garden ran the endless pasta special. I was just wanting some meatballs to go with it.

How it should be:
- First: solve the problem
- Second: Write your code.

How many people do:
- First: Write code
- Second: solve code problems
- Third: Adapt code with requirements
- Forth: get lost on your spaghetti code
- Sixth: make a suicide

Imagine what a coder Gordon Ramsay might be like:

Your alghoritm is so FUCKING slow, I'd rather to try to brute force a 20 characters long alphanumeric password!

This app is more insecure than an average teenager!

If your code was a spaghetti it would be a fucking health hazard!

Just want to share some fun 😁

Dad: Hey kids! Dinner's ready.
Kids: What's for dinner dad?
Dad: Spaghetti..

Came across a picture of one of my old projects from college. This still sums up my code today...

After finishing up 70% of a feature,
Brain: "there's a better way to do it"
Me: "ok ill just change a bit of code here and there.."
-- 2 hours later --
swimming in spaghetti code..

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you make me debug your spaghetti code,
I will stab you.

when I pull latest and all of my code is refactored

Understanding my colleague's spaghetti code is like smelling the color of number B.

Your code has so much spaghetti it can be fed to the starving children in Africa.

Boss: please refactor this js 2k lines spaghetti code class and use it in our reactive functional app

Me: it will take like 1 week to refactor and plug this

Boss: but it's almost the time I needed to write it!

YOU DON'T SAY? MAYBE FIRST LEARN HOW TO WRITE DECENT CODE. ffs.

Fricking Italians cooking spaghetti in my code projects

(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻🍝

Shamelessly stolen meme from the internet

Physical version of spaghetti code

Manager: 'Please remove this checkbox from that page.'

Me: 'Sure thing, it was stupid anyway. Just gimme a couple of minutes.'

Legacy code: 'LOL the checkbox is wired to everything else and if you simply remove it the backend will shit itself. There is several hundred lines of inline Javascript in the HTML template with some Thymeleaf stuff managing the form data or just are there to make the code less readable. The controller for the page is a bit more than a thousand lines of spaghetti, no easy way to find where is that specific data necessary and where can be easily removed. Class variables declared between methods, dozens of nested if statements checking shit in every method and the data is passed through like half a dozen other classes. Good luck with that!'

Me: '💩.'

When people paste their whole fucking million line noobie spaghetti code into a single Stackoverflow question:

When your colleague, who wrote the API is on vacation, the documentation is non-existent and you are tired from reading all-day long his spaghetti code, so you are just waiting for him to show up.

I started learning programming recently, what do you think of my first project?

"I want my API to return insults as error messages if they forget shit"

Uh no, I prefer helping them out by writing proper documentation than sending a giftbox with me flipping them off like Linus Fucking Torvalds for their spaghetti usage of your API

Rewriting code you wrote as an intern a year ago that has been rewritten by another intern in the meantime...

The joys of spaghetti code and experience.

Arrived at a game jam in an animation school. I hope they're better at game design than they are at cable management :)

Yo.

His palms are sweaty
Knees weak arms are heavy
Bugs littering his code already
Cold spaghetti 🍝

He’s nervous but on the surface he looks calm and ready to git push

(Hit a blank with thinking of code-related lyrics, anyone got ideas?)

One team was delivering for 12 months.

... but definition of done not met. Code crap everywhere. Tests barely there and are total mess.

I inherited mess after previous lead engineer.

I exposed all the issues to the management in a straight way, no sugar coating.

... and now guess who's the bad guy for "complaining" instead of shut up and "making it work"?

P.s.
"Giving accurate report about situation" is seen as "complaining".

I have just concluded a post-mortem on one of my servers.
Cause of death: out of memory due to a tiny memory leak in a VPN service triggered by 66 different IPs brute-forcing the creds at the same time. Mostly from China, of course.

Dear bot writers: you made me put aside my spaghetti and write iptables rules. I hate iptables. And I love spaghetti. You should be ashamed of yourself! Did momma not teach you basic OpSec? Don't crash the target and never, ever, interrupt the sysadmin during dinner!

That moment when you have a tight deadline, but your inner *developer dignity* won't let you write code that sucks.

8 months working on a spaghetti monolith made me forget how readable code looks like...

Fucking hell, the devs before write a query that pulls 30ish column for a report. When I break it down MANUALLY, since it’s a spaghetti on top of another spaghetti, you only need 6. Fuck you, did you dropped your head when you was a kid? Fuck sake, and every query is written in stored procedure even though you’re using an entity libraries

Yo, his palms are sweaty
knees weak, conscience heavy
There's commits on master already:
Your mom's spaghetti code

I had to clean this mess the other day. I love my job

!rant

I just wanted to tell you guys:
That after a month or so working on a spaghetti pile of codes, our team finally decided to study and use Git for our project.

I'm so happy right now 🎉

Last year I signed in for a course called "Best Practices in Programming", and part of the course was to get the code of our current projects reviewed by a professional developer. I had a horribly written (out of inexperience) code in Python. The guy who had to review my code basically said I had no idea about coding but went on helping me a lot. Since then I started to learn some concepts of software engineering, how to code more efficiently, and so on and I've been much better ever since. So kudos to him for putting up with my spaghetti code and sending me in the right direction!

Give me a 10 year old application with no comments, layers of spaghetti code, global variables, embedded SQL, and a text editor with no debugging; just don’t make me write Excel formulas.

The bossman asked if our signup service sends an automated email after we successfully process someone's payment or when we promote them to full customer.

That sounds like a simple query, yeah?

Well.

Here's some background:

We have four applications; one in React, three in Rails. I'll replace their names to retain some anonymity.
1) "IceSkate" is the React app, and it's a glorified signup form. (I wrote this one.)
2) "Bogan" is the main application, and is API-only; its frontend has been long since deprecated by the following two:
3) "Bum" is a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains admin-only tools.
4) "Kulkuri" is also a fork of "Bogan" that has long since diverged. It now contains tools specifically for customers, which they can access.

All but IceSkate (obv) share a database.

Here's how signups happen:

Signups come in from IceSkate, which hits a backend API on Bogan. Bogan writes the data to the database, charges the card immediately, and leaves the signup for moderation.

And here's how promotion from signup to customer happens:

Bum has a view allowing admins to validate, modify, and "promote" a signup to a full customer. Upon successful promotion, Bum calls "ServerWrap", a module which calls actions on the other applications; in this case: Bogan.

Bogan routes execution through three separate models before calling "ServerWrap" again, this time calling KulKuri.

Finally, KulKuri actually creates the customer!

After KulKuri finishes creating the customer, execution resumes on Bogan, which then returns, causing execution to resume on Bum. Bum then runs through several other models, references the newly-created customer object (as all three share a database), and ... updates the customer with its current data, and then updates the signup object. After all of this, it finally shows the admin the "new customer" view.

It took me 25 minutes to follow the chain of calls, and I still don't know quite what's going on. I have no idea if any of it sends an email or not -- I didn't see any signs of this, but I very easily could have overlooked something.

So, to answer bossman's question... I asked the accounting people if they send the email manually. If they don't, it's automatic, which means I missed something and get to burrow through that mess all over again!

I really hope I missed something; otherwise I need to figure out how and where (and when!) to send the email...

just...
errrrgghh

Your code has so much spaghetti, there's vomit on my sweater already.

(reposted as a rant cos @yatanvesh said so)

+1 if you have a spaghetti chef in your team.

tl;dr @Root refactors some spaghetti.

I'm refactoring an api that creates a support message. It's a post route.

When seeing a magic hardcoded message string, this route instead updates the user object, and does not create a support message.

It also returns different results if the user is muted (fine) or if saving the message succeeds or fails (fine).

But if the user is creating a duplicate message, it doesn't save the message (fine) and... redirects to listing their messages instead? Wat?

Also, when refactoring this (migrating to a new message backend), I discovered that not all routes return a response. If the message is a non-duplicate, from a non-muted player, from a non-redacted client, the route doesn't respond at all!

So, I'm having fun cleaning this up. I actually am. Except I'll need to support all of the legacy clients for the next lifetime or two. I mean, really. There are still people with Android v2 devices who are using this thing. not even kidding.

Slow, old, spaghetti coded legacy projects that no one has touched for years.

You know those ones where you put your Indiana Jones hat before going in and barely come out alive.

Microsoft Excel - it created a generation of business analysts who think just because they can write convoluted spaghetti logic in excel that it makes them a programmer.

"Mature codebase"
"Our entire team are senior devs"
"Almost everyone that worked on the project is still here and available, so nothing's lost! We can ask whatever we need to."

You would think this would mean the code was clean and easy to read, and you could ask the person who wrote it for help. But. no. It's kinda the opposite.

Here's an example:
I'm trying to write a mailer, and I have no freaking clue how to get it working. I talked with two of the more senior devs, and both assured me it was very straightforward, and then walked me through the quite complicated mailer structure and got lost. The first pretended not to, but glazed over a few holes in his tour, and said I could figure the rest out. The second one ended up admitting that he's totally unfamiliar with it -- his last commit on a mailer was from about 8 years ago -- and doesn't know how to get it working anymore.

So, I'm on my own.

I wrote a super basic mailer for debugging (no idea if/how it actually sends a mail, but I think I can construct one?). But whenever I call the mailer, it gets run twice? Somehow? Apparently I need to start a bunch of daemons to get that part of the system to work. Which is cool because they don't work fresh out of the repo. Got some further help, and now my ostensibly working code throws errors for an undefined var that i'm not even using, and to make it easier: without a backtrace. joy! There's so much inheritence and extending and including going on that it's going to take me hours to track this down. ugh.

I'm keeping my paystub in front of me for some desparately needed motivation.

I left some spaghetti code on production at the company i left, i really hope my replacement isn’t a psycho who’ll try to find me

You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!

Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!

Soooo, i'm assigned to finish a half made prototype of a production line functional test platform.

1 - Some wires were faulty so someone decided to change them.

2 - wild shortcut appears *music fades, screen goes black*

3 - now i have to fix the prototype

4 - Devil's voice whispers on my ear *welcome to heeeeellllllll*

All front end written in one file. File has over 6000 lines, mix of a php, javascript and extjs. It kills my IDE.

That feeling when you refactor that spaghetti mess into clean beautiful code that passes all tests flawlessly

Debugging like a boss 😎

Nah, we leave it to the next guy and start making more babies.

Fuck you stupid cunt!!!! If your fucking project depends on empty folder structure just put a fucking gitignore file on it so I don't have to waste all fucking day debugging your tasteless spaghetti to figure out that you download files to an empty folder that git clone doesn't create.

The spaghetti monster is online.

Literally changes on the last minute.

Pushed to master, let CI/CD deal with it and left for lunch.

Bugs? Haha, sure.
Serious one? You can bet.
Do you care? Nope.

When you can't figure out where you are supposed to add your code in the teams massive android spaghetti codebase. So you just add logs to every function that might be related to track down the function you need.

When you try to follow the logic of those who went before.

Ticket: Allow merchants to customize how their Wallet Passes look! It’ll be super easy, just add these nine merchant-modifiable strings (they support vars) and use their contents for text instead of what we use now. Simple!

Reality: There need to be 24 strings, there are some rules I can’t convey to the merchant (because the system literally does not include instructions, only a name and a textbox), the code to generate the wallet pass is inefficient, uncommented, branching spaghetti that I’ll need to rewrite (it seriously generates every possible field, and then only uses the ones it needs), the specs are so much worse, and half the default values they want aren’t even possible. As in, I don’t know if it’s a car loan, let alone the exact make and model of the bloody thing.

And no, sorry, we have no way of knowing what their fucking “vertical” is, either, so we can’t display that. Fucking sales.

Asdhkjfsjfads

WHY MUST EVERYTHING SUCK

Writing bad code has its perks.

Whenever you are hungry you only have to write a few lines of code and you get some spaghetti

I have seen spaghetti php code, I have seen spaghetti JavaScript code, I have seen spaghetti python code. I have seen a lot of spaghetti.

Yet this Angular project appears like it was touched by His Noodly Appendage.

And only his Noodlyness knows what's going on in there. It's truly beyond my mere mortal means of understanding.

Beware of the layers

Holding together this spaghetti code like

Start a new job working in systems administration.
Create redundancy so you can finally pull out cables.
Trip over the fucking cables before you're able to impliment the switch.
....
Look for a new job

Classmates having trouble with their mess of spaghetti code and improperly named variables (I saw variable names like "poop" already).

The continuum classy spaghetti code.

!rant
Four hours of work.
You think you write spaghetti code? I write spaghetti wires.
H-Bridge dual motor tester for stepper motors.
Speed is controled by pot.
H-bride are L293D.
My third board, and the first that won't go to the trash.

Question. With the baterry off the motor continues spinning with the 5v from arduino.
My question is, is the L293D suposed to do that? Or do I have a short circuit somewhere that is giving power to the motor? Meaning it can burn the arduino.
Runs a 12v stepper from a CD-Rom driver perfectly at 5v from the arduino and actually starts to act strange when I turn the 12v on. (maby the circuit it's adding 12v + 5v?)

I get handed an API spec that has no naming convention followed for any of the JSON properties. Different for both GET and POST. I request fixes and get a "no budget" answer.

What is a generic?

When you know for sure you fixed a bug but client still say its not working.

When someone else's JS got you like... Want some meatballs and garlic bread with that spaghetti code?

Yes yes yes
Let's spend countless hours writing painful spaghetti that generates a financial report, extend that spaghetti for specs, then not bother to check the amounts or status. or where it says the money went. Nope, checking non-unique names is totally good enough. We're so good at this. Ten points to the legendaries.

Let's also make the object factories not create the objects correctly, and make sure that report includes entries for orders that don't include any actual payments. Oh, their status? "Ready to send" of course! Let's send that totally valid $0.00 to nobody!

Oh, but Root. Root, root, root. You can't ADD payments to this. no no no. if you do, it'll break specs everywhere else that uses that factory! Shame on you for suggesting it.

Pssh, now you want to make a payment just for this report? Why would you do that? Our best devs have been working on this for years! What could you possibly know that they don't? No, they're perfect. Don't touch them. Just make them better, okay? No take, only throw!

Spaghetti code

Starting a new project:

"I'm gonna write clean and commented CSS today"

===== 20 minutes in =====

"dafuq does this class do? "😣

When you discover this new amazing programming language and play with it the whole weekend and then realize it’s Monday again and you need to go back to the office to work with some legacy GOTO spaghetti... 🍝🌧

I just spent 2 hours helping a fellow Sr Dev format an “if block” in code. Then helped show them how to step through the code. This is what passes as a senior at my company? I no joke have stayed at this job for 6 more months than I wanted to out of pure pity for my team. I want to quit so bad, but the team is in such terrible shape and can’t hire anyone new that is willing to stay. All good people personally, but gosh this job is just brain dead and eats my weekends when I should be focusing on family. Back to helping through the 500 line if block. There are worse things in life, but this just feels terrible.

This spaghetti code needs refactoring

Almost 3 weeks back I joined a company as a React developer. For a week I had nothing to work on as they were already working on few projects.
So my senior asked me to take up a project(not yet live) which was developed by 2 interns, as the frontend guy's internship was about to end in 4 days I have to take over the front-end role.

So I talked to that guy for next 2 days regarding all the project scope, codebase and whatnot. But still not entirely convinced. As i got the repo access, I began to check the codes. God !! It was all spaghetti code. I was damn frustrated. And still I am.

This whole week I am trying to do the refactoring as much as I can, I completely lost interest.

I cannot blame the intern guy, he is smart and tried to do the best he could, as he didn't know about the company standards. Maybe I was too the same kind back then. Now he is gone and I am stuck building components over that code.

Bonus: He used some old react boilerplate.
-_-

Anybody else know that horrible feeling when you're 2 weeks and 1000 lines of spaghetti into what started as a 2 day 200 line side project that was supposed to make your main project better, but has now become it's own life consuming beast?

I like PHP.

It's not as bad as its reputation. Just because it's easy to learn, does not mean it's bad. In fact, with a framework like Laravel or Zend it's not so simple and keeps the whole spaghetti code developers away, which led to the bad reputation.

Outsourcing front-end for web is like playing russian roulette, but with 6 bullets in 6 chambers.
You shoot yourself in the balls (or ovaries)... HARD.

I don't know how you can develop in a complete nightmare of a SCSS file - 3500 lines of insanity.
This dev must have changed his mousewheel at least 50 times!
SERIOUSLY, why the fuck use SCSS when you piss everything into one single fucking file???
What drives me completely nuts is the fact that he even used an @import to include his custom.scss file... how many more IQ poins are needed to realize that you could SPLIT your spaghetti into smaller, sane files?

I need a whiskey...

Fuckwit tried to lecture me on clean code.

Checked his work, it seems like he writes the spaghettiest spaghetti I've ever seen. Who would have guessed it. At least he knows that something called 'clean code' exists.

That feeling when you're supposed to debug code someone else wrote a decade ago but it's such a horrible mess that your brain just gives up and you end up staring at your monitor for an hour in confusion 😵

Stacktraces with zero useful information.
Two full days of breakpoint stepping and framework spelunking.
"bifurcated" object creation.
Delegatd everything.
Inheritence hell fucking everywhere.
Models with both `has_one :x` AND `has_many :x`!?
Automatically-created objects when reading from magic virtual columns!?

What the fuck is this fucking four-dimensional spaghetti monstrosity and just how many angel puppies did I torture and maim in a previous life to deserve this nightmare?

And all of this to fix 12 fucking specs, out of the 1,780 this fucking ticket requires me to break and fix. FML

Spaghetti code at its finest

Damn, my boss added me to a "almost" complete protect with a bunch of spaghetti code in a language that I don't know more than the syntax of for loops and declaration of variables (swift) ..... I'm really fucked

documenting code spaghetti aka "the legacy code"

My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.

I’ve become the person who I said I’d never be. Writing spaghetti code in spaghetti project instead of trying to refactor methods and classes where I’m adding new features.
Welp. They want it “yesterday” , they’ll have it yesterday.

But hey, the money’s good.

Account manager: "We somehow managed to take unmaintainable spaghetti code for money again. This is a great opportunity for you."

If the requirements are spaghetti what hope does the code have?

TIL the term "Kangaroo Code" was also a popular sort-of synonym for "Spaghetti Code".

It more referred to languages that heavily used "goto"s (because it would be "code with a lot of jumps")

There is clean code. There's spaghetti code. And I just discovered there's spaghetti after being thrown up code.

Accurate representation of when you try to keep your code neat.

Tired of reading spaghetti code written by your team mates?

Sit right next to them and ask them to write unit tests for that code.

Smash their head on the keyboard everytime they have to think longer than 10 seconds on how to test a specific logic.

Strangle them with any wire you find nearby till they agree to break up that spaghetti code unless they already started within that 10 second time frame.

When the exercise ends, tell them this is what refactoring is and ask them to pass on the knowledge.

Question time:

Has anyone used PHP unit with Selenium before?

I have a.. well words can’t explain it nice enough but, beyond a joke, not even funny, spaghetti code base I’ve come to inherit recently, which god help me, doesn’t follow any design patterns at all, it’s just a stamp this here, staple this down over here and throw paint at the wall and hope it sticks.

It’s a mixture of procedural and functional with the rare class kind of mess.

So attempting to refactor by any means is not a real possibility without some kind of behavioural testing in place first otherwise I know I’m going to end up breaking something somewhere and not even know it.

Also if anyone has had the privilege of such code bases, tips to dealing with the mess are appreciated.

Oh and no, I can’t rm -rf or start again.😭

when in doubt,
write everything manually,
because even if a package exists,
it's so old and outdated,
it's not even worth fixing all the errors,
so you may as well,
grow your own APIs

it'll be faster!

So I joined this financial institution back in Nov. Selling themselves as looking for a developer to code micro-services for a Spring based project and deploying on Cloud. I packed my stuff, drove and moved to the big city 3500 km away. New start in life I thought!
Turns out that micro-services code is an old outdated 20 year old JBoss code, that was ported over to Spring 10 years ago, then let to rot and fester into a giant undocumented Spaghetti code. Microservices? Forget about that. And whats worse? This code is responsible for processing thousands of transactions every month and is currently deployed in PROD. Now its your responsibility and now you have to get new features complied on the damn thing. Whats even worse? They made 4 replicas of that project with different functionalities and now you're responsible for all. Ma'am, this project needs serious refactoring, if not a total redesign/build. Nope! Not doing this! Now go work at it.
It took me 2-3 months just to wrap my mind around this thing and implement some form of working unit tests. I have to work on all that code base by myself and deliver all by myself! naturally, I was delayed in my delivery but I finally managed to deliver.
Time for relief I thought! I wont be looking at this for a while. So they assign me the next project: Automate environment sync between PROD and QA server that is manually done so far. Easy beans right? And surely enough, the automation process is simple and straightforward...except it isnt! Why? Because I am not allowed access to the user Ids and 3rd party software used in the sync process. Database and Data WareHouse data manipulation part is same story too. I ask for access and I get denied over and over again. I try to think of workarounds and I managed to do two using jenkins pipeline and local scripts. But those processes that need 3rd party software access? I cannot do anything! How am I supposed to automate job schedule import on autosys when I DONT HAVE ACCESS!! But noo! I must think of plan B! There is no plan B! Rather than thinking of workarounds, how about getting your access privileges right and get it right the first time!!
They pay relatively well but damn, you will lose your sanity as a programmer.
God, oh god, please bless me with a better job soon so I can escape this programming hell hole.
I will never work in finance again. I don't recommend it, unless you're on the tail end of your career and you want something stable & don't give a damn about proper software engineering principles anymore.

I wrote some spaghetti code tonight. But i dont care cos red wine.

Who the hell thought that spaces OR tabs for indentation was an option?
For Spaghetti Monster's sake. An space is to separate words, one at a time. Tabs are for indents.
PERIOD
.

When you accidentally make your shitty spaghetti code work for some obscure reason.

Shit recruiters say:
"We need solution experts, not language experts, because a language is just a tool."

Well then, good luck with your spaghetti code solution.

The moment you realize why your css couldn't work. That character is hidden to notepad++. 😑

I came to this company. I saw spaghetti code. I told myself to write clean code and also clean the existing code. I took too much pressure for too little return. I am done with this shit. I will now write clean code but fuck the old spaghetti code!

1.5 million lines of undocumented spaghetti code. Think 500~1000 lines functions, 5k+ lines classes, string html concatenation. You name it, it had it. And complete unwillingness to improve it by the company. I eventually quit after considering doing it about 2, 3 times.

In a month: I get married, I give a big project in college, I finish it (Master's thesis), I give a medium-sized project in a company and I play at a concert. I feel like I was mixed up in a big spaghetti pot xd

Visual programming makes for literal spaghetti code

When you start thinking you should become italian cause of the amount of spaghetti you deal with

When looking at a junior dev’s code.

nobody toucha ma spaghetti code

I spent the last weeks rewriting a huge project which I had to hurriedly write a year ago. No comments, no documentation, spaghetti code. Part me was an asshole! But now I am done, all is new, everything is well commented, structured in classes with well defined tasks. Yay.

I've pulled the third all-nighter in a row because of a ridiculous bug in legacy spaghetti..

I finally kicked its ass so I can now emerge from my cave, feeling like both a lifeless zombie and someone who got reanimated after half a week.

You all helped me through this tough time, love you all devRant ♥

Problem: ugly-ass php spaghetti code that has a technical debt of 16(!!!) years. I mean, it's so spaghetti that has two legacy frameworks that talk to each other inside the same monolith.

Observation: after two months my colleagues, trying to refactoring stuff, they were able to touch so little stuff that it almost made no difference.

How much is worth a rewrite? Because i don't think i can make a difference on a codebase so messy.
I know that rewrite is not the answer 99.9999% of the time, but i have tons of doubts here.

Today I met the spaghetti man who wrote the code I work with.

Guess who's sharpening his knife (and d*ck)

Spaghetti Code, Spaghetti Code.
Flush it right down the commode,
Spins a call graph, unreadable size,
Anyone who sees it cries.
Look out, here comes the Spaghetti Code!

You have been awarded the title of Master of Spaghetti as a reward for your efforts.

The codebase I'm currently working on is so fucking damn wrong that I made a folder for screenshots called "facepalm".

Client: Hey guys! Let us start a bunch of projects that are all dependent on each other and expect them to deliver those on time.

Me: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

For the past 45 days I've been the sole developer of a standalone Java application and doing some ops only, now I'm getting back to the spaghetti php bullshit they call code and for the past 5 minutes I could fell the depression striking back...

I'd kill you and I would hid your body on your lines of code. Nobody would find you 😖

when you're at a job interview, the interviewer shows you some code to give you a taste and the first thing that comes to mind is, "how long is it gonna take to refactor and is it worth it..."

then proceeds on to show a database diagram and its an unholy cluttered spaghetti soup that even a purple octopus would feel a cold shiver from..

then the interviewer mentions the previous dev left suddenly and the deadline is very soon(TM?)..

Told by boss earlier that my job description should be changed.
It should be cook or chef, as I'm making spaghetti inside my editor.

He argued it could be risotto as well

The moment when you are too scared to make any needed changes in your code fearing you will untumble all the structured mess of spaghetti code you have written... 😳😨😕

Boss: "how is the project going? When will you be finished? It's not that much to do right?"
Me - I'm stuck in my spaghetti. Not even started to implement things - fuck

In my short career, I've seen projects become legacy before their first release. Hell, I've seen proof-of-concept apps turn into technical debt because to management as long as it works we won't rewrite it.

Me: *joins devRant once again*
"Wow this community is surely active! Better check frequently to keep up!"
*checks two times in 6 hours*
"Yea it was weekend. Probs everyone is getting their hands in a dirty pile of compileable code or a spaghetti of jQuery."

So, how is your day/night so far?

I am 99% done with my academic project, but still the workload is heavy, and I've got too much on my plate already, mom's spaghetti

I love how clients can ignore missing menu in their existing project, pages not updating because of fucked up cache, having three different versions of jquery and half of the code being spaghetti on fire - but they get anally retentive about margins not looking like on the wireframes on the new project.

Currently rebuilding a web store backend originally developed in 5.2 and by an Indian guy who loved his spaghetti and his knowledge of version control is to do things like 'index.php, index1.php, index-old.php'. Even on the DB he does this... God damn

developer: *deploying spaghetti code to production*
hacker: *alters the code with an injection*
developer:

Flatmate: "What do you want for dinner?"

Me: *Looks at code*

Me: 'Spaghetti"

Hey guys, wanna see some spaghetti code? This is some parts of Yandere Simulator. More in comments

When the code is so spaghetti that just wish you could make bolognese with it

My favorite meal is spaghetti, please use more goto's in your code

Me to my team:

Let's cook some rice this time. Instead of spaghetti. Grains would be separate from each other if we use the right ingredients.

!$rant

Well I feel accomplished today :) Got a lot done on my little devrant-widget project. I'm gonna try and make it open source soon, just trying to fix all this spaghetti code I created xD

Database queries are slow.... quick add more indexes.

Tomorrow: Hey, why are database writes slow?

Rise. Lather. Repeat next week. 😡 Indexes can’t fix this spaghetti SQL!

In the beginning, God created JavaScript. And everything turned into a mess.

Sitting here looking at the shit spaghetti I wrote yesterday (that works) and wondering if it'd be easier to add more spaghetti for the feature I need to add or "do the right thing" and fix 1800 lines before I move on...

We have reached this point in humanity you can guess what is in someone's screen

I just realized one of today's emails is asking to review again that spaghetti program and this time figure out how to optimize performance because it is getting flagged for high cpu and database usage. A Niagra of If-statements and nobody-cares-for-comments-and-technical-documentation.

*bleep* *bleep* *bleep* previous programmer.

I'll deal with this torture on Monday.

You know you are going to have a good time when you enter a Project and read this:

This fucking guy create a mess of a code, more than a spaghetti code, a clusterfuck of shit untested spaghetti code, and the project is actually getting well, our customer is getting bigger but everytime there is something to be added, its a fucking pain to add, and when something breaks, almost every thin breaks, and the shitty guy who wrote this code is quitting and its fucking up to me to clean up all the fucking mess, fucking asshole.

DOCUMENT AND TEST YOUR CODE KID, DONT BE A FUCKING SPAGHETTI PROGRAMMER

When you hack up some spaghetti code which works right off the bat and you don't even know why but you take it for granted anyways. Week later someone tells you that it's not working anymore and you have to find out why.

You know what's fucking horrible?

Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...

...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.

Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?

Haven't even touched the code yet (besides reading the cringe commit history) and I'm already burned out

When your project partner is an absolute coding genius.

But writes spaghetti code with methods named function1, function2, ... function20.

How the fk am I supposed to read that code?!?!?!

But I’ll give him credit, the program is works and is amazing. It’s just not possible for anybody other than him to understand.

Slogging through half baked code, I wondered to myself... Who the fuck is Robert and where is he?

Quickly searching through Google and finding a handful of results I see that he had left long ago. Probably leaving for good reason. I'll never be able to ask him though. Never will I know why he left. He probably has a very sensible reason, but goddamn do I wish he left something that I could use to discern what he has created.

There is no documentation, no reasonable information about why anything was built the way it was, only just mountains of rusty ass baren code to scale down.

There was a task of fixing up a payments page that features pretty complex logic. Initially it was like 200 lines of code, seems short but it was a fucking spaghetti mess. Never seen more cognitively complex code in my life.

So I delete the spaghetti and pull out the 500 lines fucking state machine. It works perfectly. It’s perfectly understandable even though it’s longer.

This is how I deal with problems. Shorter code isn’t always better code.

I spent an hour to debug spaghetti trying to find out why this damn functionality doesn't work. Then I was told that close button actually saves your progress. I was always using close tab button in browser to close that page. Great UX GG

Oh great...
I am slowly beginning to realize that my boss/manager doesn't care about refactoring at all. He cares about features and resolved tickets and thats why the code is a pile of spaghetti filled with hacks to fit every clients desires.
Also all of my coworkers work for themselves, ticket by ticket, either because they just don't care or because they are so frustrated that they don't care anymore. And here I am, an intern, and they expect me to cope with this deformed clutter of legacy designs, buried under hacks and workarounds, while implementing some new feature which in the end I have to put on top of everything else because nothing of that codebase can be reused. Fucking shit, fucking irresponsible managers who dont think about the quality of their product.

I have had it with this wack-ass code, with its spaghetti-looking call tree, nonsensical variable naming, comments a screen-height long and as clear as mud mixed with diarrhea, conditions incomprehensible enough to make kafka depressed, and condtions nested deeper than a goddamn ant colony.

In fact, it has more levels of indentation than one of those stupid iceberg memes - the top is pretty and barely afloat while the rest of it is a fat mess all the way down that only serves to sink your motherfucking hopes and dreams.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fixing someone else's PHP spaghetti code is a pain in the ass. Who wrote this code 😭

How about to cut off the carbohydrates?
Let's start with this spaghetti code of yours

Every now and then the front end guys try to slip in some backend code. When I notice it weeks/months later I start questioning my ability only to realise it was their shit hacks and not mine

Your spaghetti code is so bad that even Gordon Ramsay still has nightmares from it.

It's funny how you start feeling bad for the next dev taking over your project because it turned into a total spaghetti code shit show that will be impossible to maintain in the future with new features coming in.

Honestly... if a projects starts out with a certain scope which then gets extended EVERY FUCKING WEEK with requirements that can't even be met in the initial timeframe it's no wonder the code quality will decrease over time.

This just reminds me daily how important good project management (and I'm not talking about suit wearing pain-in-the-ass-managers) and the inclusion of devs in the planning process really is.

It's so fucking crazy that companies run like that with people up front that have NO FUCKING CLUE what they are doing, nor do they understand the mechanics, tech and effort that go into certain features. They're like "beep, boop, it's done by Friday you fuck!".

The funniest part of this stupid charade is that the closer we get to a new "deadline" (we will not meet the deadline anyways) the more nervous the "managers" get. WHY didn't you properly plan this shit in the first place? WHY didn't you care for the last six months where all this fucking bullshit could still have been prevented?

Meanwhile I'm just so sick and tired of this shitty project and this sucky company that I just don't have any motivation left to keep on working. It's so fucking hard and painful to work on projects that suck ass, are poorly designed. I just got to the point where coding is no fun any more. Thank god I'm out of here soon... fml

So, a spaghetti legacy code, written by some dude that obviously hates his job, needs update and we argue about spaces vs tabs....

is @TheltalianGuy good in writing spaghetti code? 🤔

10 INPUT "Do you like spaghetti? var1
20 IF var1=="no" THEN GOTO 30 ELSE GOTO 10
30 END

The project is nowhere near complete, the customers are waiting for demo/proof of concept. the code is spaghetti and I'm burned out.

Oh, and I'm a solo dev.

I envy all those developers with clean codebases and consistent coding standards and nice architecture.

I'm fixing bugs and optimize code in someone else written project. which looks like spaghetti. with naming conventions like "a", "bbb", "zA" comments written in unknown language and off course the deadline was yesterday.

The one thing I've learned most about developers is that developers like their lasagna more than their spaghetti.

Untangling spaghetti isn't fun.

I don't know why they made so many algorithms, data structures and big O questions during interview, when all they wanted me to do was to maintain some legacy, tight coupled, spaghetti code with no architecture, documentation, tests nor any kind of engineering behind :/

Be me, get a consultant job, go to a supposedly great client that has fame of getting scouted by Google. (attn: I doubted all this shit before I started)

Learn the basics by a awesome mentor and trial/error stuff at the same time to get the hang of things, after that was done, I noticed there was no documentation whatsoever, code is spaghetti and your documentation, good luck!

Royal spaghetti, you can't make heads or tails of it, dev code in production, empty try/catch blocks, empty statements, if (true)... (incl. their core classes)

Keep in mind this is a multi milion dollar company...

Someone please understand my pain...

To the 8 months ago *me*.

You're an idiot learn how to properly keep a changelog I just spent almost an hour fixig that freaking spaghetti mess you wrote!

untangling some spaghetti deep in a tech-debt-ridden repo:

find the bug causing function

only comment:
`//TODO: replace this once <jira_ticket_url> is done`

go to url

updated: 3 years ago

I miss CS undergrad

After 30 minutes of trying to figure out why a guid is empty, I realize it's because it is initialized, but not assigned.

I'm not ready for Monday.

90% of my time at work is spent debugging and fixing a horrible mess of years-old legacy spaghetti. The only "real" coding I do is my personal hobby projects at home.

I just styled something that appears to be an "parent" style change when a certain "child" was hovered.

Vanilla CSS. I think I've seen it all now.
My brain is spaghetti right now 🤪

Yea sure, I'd like to refactor your fucking 1000 loc spagetti code "module" with no documentation at all...

Some Udemy courses are super cringe.

Can tell this guy isn't formally educated nor a professional programmer.

His code is so badly formatted and his naming conventions reeks of inexperience.

Spaghetti everywhere.

So third party devs that my employer hired to build our web based application used fucking spaghetti jQuery to validate all of it with no documentation. What a bunch of cunts.

The object-oriented model makes it easy to build up programs by accretion. What this often means, in practice, is that it provides a structured way to write spaghetti code.
~Paul Graham

Is it normal to have to sit in hours upon hours of handover sessions for a spaghetti software solution?

There's no documentation, we have to create it, hence the hours upon hours of handover sessions.

I'm so fucking burned out from the past two weeks' meetings.

When I face with messy code and I cannot understand it for days.

I keep taking breaks from what I'm working on coming back and adding more spaghetti on top of the spaghetti because if I start rewriting the spaghetti I get in a cycle of rewriting spaghetti several times and getting nowhere

Why am I so indecisive =-=

But also I think I might have to rewrite the spaghetti again. Can my opinions stop changing pls

I told you fucking moron clients doing that "little" change would be complicated and in the worst case it would end fucking up your whole spaghetti crap. A really HUGE spaghetti monster of that you aren't aware because you guys don't know a shit about coding conventions.

*Clients call me complaining about their software is broken*

-Hey, we're in serious trouble. Our users aren't being able to see the proper calculated values. Why that little change had so much side effects?
- I already told you why.
- Can you fix it asap? Our clients are complaining.
- No. Deploy an old copy of the affected modules while you give me a prudent time to refactorize that crap.
- Refactorize?
- ...

I used to work in their place, 3 years later I quit that crappy job and decided to make them my clients. I escaped from the micromanaging thing but I didn't from their ugly practices.

Anyways, I have to fix this shit asap. Money talks, at least until I can find a better client.

oh dear Lord, the live spaghetti stopped working this morning.

ColdFusion endpoint throws a 503, fuck knows why, entire front end demon spaghetti web app is stuck in a loading screen.

Whoever architected this application is an idiot.

So I set up a raspberry pi to control my bedroom lights last year. I decided I wanted to add some more features to it and for the first time since I created it, started looking through the code I wrote.

First thing I noticed was the excessive amount of files I have. Like I get that I just wanted to throw this thing together as quick as I could but did I really need to create a file specifically for storing a 1 or 0 depending if the lights were last turned on or off for a startup check.

Secondly, I seem to have 2 index.html files for some reason.

And finally, the code itself is pure spaghetti. The website is running with a python script, which sends calls to a nodejs server, which executes additional python scripts to control the lights. No comments anywhere, and badly named variables are also a great combo.

And finally there is the occasional "Why the fuck isn't it working, fuck it I'll just unplug the pi and reboot it" that I have been dealing with lately.

Oh and don't forget that the log file is spammed by a debug message that is printed every minute.

God I feel so ashamed. I was proud of this until I looked at it just now.

Somehow, a contractor left with all our unit tests six months ago. I just inherited this project. It's 200kloc of Django spaghetti, and I have no unit tests.

I used to like spaghetti

I just ate a kilo of spaghetti and now I feel sick

Imagine a time when a colleague contributes a shitty spaghetti of non-optimized code that neither use mnemonic variables nor conventional naming of functions, and you can imagine the dark hours of maintaining it and your fingers itch to fix it but you don't have the time and the responsibility too to do it. He doesn't listen to you and you feel bad to tell this to the boss as the colleague is also a friend you've known since college and is a good person otherwise. No options seems to give peace.

10 years ago my bosses came to me: Make a few adjustments to the logic of this website. Should be a quick thing they said. Got a zip file later. Hundreds of php files. Inside, thousands of lines of the best PHP/HTML Spaghetti I've ever seen. No CSS though, but lots of nested table layouts. The best part: everything was in french, content, comments, varnames. The original dev didn't use includes for the most repetitive stuff, even db credentials were copied in every file. Took me a week.

Two weeks later: Change that and that please....

We decided to write everything from scratch then.

When you look back at your shit spaghetti code you only wrote 3 days ago, and you don't know whether to laugh or cry.😆😢

Anyone remember my rant about Go and GTK? Well, the main problem was that it was 3 AM, I've since completed it, and have begun to refactor that spaghetti mess.

I feel so good right now.

Who needs clarity and maintainability when you can have the adrenaline rush of debugging spaghetti code? 💻🦸‍♂️

I just found the current main project of the people who originally wrote the codebase I’m mainly working with. After all these years they still write incoherent spaghetti mess. I need to make a throwaway GH account just to tell them people like them are the reason people hate PHP…

After they look into your CV .. ask to look into their repo ! See what type of spaghetti they are cocking !

How can anyone justify the cofefing craploaded bullshitish error messages of bloddy java?
Who, in the name of the flying spaghetti monster came up with that brain damaged bitwaste?
Sorry if i offended brain damaged people with that comparison

Are there any hack job shops that actually take pride in doing a quick hack job and turning a buck? Be nice to at least work for honest spaghetti coders.

This code has so much spaghetti, which makes me want to open a restaurant!

Spaghetti coding in php is ugly.

Useless semicolons make do not help