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-
Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*
Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.25 -
Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.31 -
*In a team meeting*
Me: *happily jotting down notes in markdown*
Other guy: "Dude what are you doing? Pay attention."
Me: "Umm... I'm taking notes?"
Other guy: "But why does your MS Word have black background?"
Me (a bit lost): "Umm... That's not Word. That's my text editor."
Other guy: "Alright... But how do you convert your notes into Word then?"
Me: "... I don't."
Other guy: *stares at me*
Me: * stare back*
It was a nice conversation.12 -
!rant
Customer: What's the difference between an antivirus and an antimalware?
Me: *thinks for a second* So an antimalware program is like if you're on a beach with a metal detector. You're looking around for metal that's already buried in the sand. An antivirus is like actively watching people for if they drop metal on the ground.
Customer: That's an interesting analogy.
Coworker: *quietly* That's a actually a really good analogy...6 -
Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.24 -
That's the exact question that came to me 2 years back when I was also going to go to sleep early tonight
14 -
"Can you give me an estimate on how long it will take you to fix this bug?"
"That's like asking how long it will take to find my keys."8 -
Me: That's not how browsers work.
Designer: Well, our users need it.
Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing
Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.
Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.
Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?
Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!25 -
Me: You know what my least favorite programming language is?
Friend: HTML?
Me: No that's not a programming language
Friend: ohh haha I forgot its like Pluto20 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.14 -
Friend : Dude I have mastered Object Oriented Programming. I work only in classes now.
Me : That's nice! Only a Few people manage to master it. Which language do you prefer though?
Friend : CSS
Me : :/9 -
Boss: Can you interview someone at 3pm
Me: Sure.
(Me: looks at watch)
Me: That's in 3 minutes.
Boss: Yer he's waiting in reception can you get him.
Me: -_-4 -
Uncle: Programmers who design physics engines do so by typing 1s and 0s on a console. That's why they get paid so much.
Me: 🤔🔪8 -
"That's fair" 😂😂
Try visiting - https://nerdstagram.com
Follow me on Twitter for more such stuff - https://twitter.com/manbirmarwah
11 -
Me: *selects text, Ctrl+c*
Me: *places cursor in next text box, Ctrl+v*
Computer: *does nothing*
Me: *selects text again, presses CTRL+C WITH FORCE*
Me: *places cursor in next text box again, presses CTRL+V WITH FORCE*
Computer: *pastes*
Me: "That's what I thought."19 -
Friend: Hey, I managed to build my own UI.
Me: That's great, which programming language did you use?
Friend: Filezilla.
Me: No, I mean the language. The language you code in to build your UI ?
Friend: Notepad ++
KILL ME.9 -
I met my boss in a bar...
He said that he needs someone testing their security. I said that I was in security.
He emailed me.
That's it. 😂1 -
so I was at primary school and our homework was: "what do you want to do when you grow up". my dad took me around town for inspirations. that's when I saw that famous ad that led me to do IT.
1 -
Client: It works, it looks great! Thanks for everything!
Me: What? That isn't the new application, that's your old one. Your new one goes live tonight.3 -
Friend gave this self made "pocket advent calendar" to me (has 24 m&m's in it)
*me to her: aww thank you thats so sweet!
*OCD to me: but she could have aligned that numbers...
*me to me: and that's one more reason you're single
12 -
I got a call from the recruiter today and she asked me for my current salary. When I told her, she replied "Based on your experience and skill set, that's too low".
"That's why I am looking for a job"
I cried internally 😥8 -
"I have 4G in my phone"
Me: That's bullshit! We don't have 4G yet in our country.
*Shows me the phone*
"4 GB"9 -
Notepad++: An update package is available, do you want to download it?
Me: Maybe next time
Notepad++: Sure, that's what they all say3 -
While working from home, my wife overlooked my work Slack chat.
She saw me typing "can you ssh?" and told me "that's a bit rude".
She understood it as "can you shush?".4 -
When my programmer boyfriend talks about his code, all I say is "That's so cool, babe," because I have no idea what he's even talking about.
He could be telling me he blew up a server.
"That's so cool, babe."
(I love you, though, darling x)9 -
This happens way too FUCKING often:
Random person: Hey, can I have your number so I can text you?
Me: Yeah sure! *gives number*
*A few days later*
Person: Hey you gave me your number to message you but I can't find you on whatsapp???
Me: no indeed....?
Person: Well, then why did you give me your number?!?
Me: you asked if you could TEXT me, I don't have whatsapp.....?
Person: Ohh but I meant whatsapping.... that's like the same
THAT'S NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING SAME!!! TEXTING != WHATSAPPING YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING ANNOYING PIECE OF GRRRRRRRRR5 -
Project Manager: You used a hash/salt to encrypt the password in our customer database?
Me: Yes.
Project Manager: That's mean we will not be able to see the password?
Me: That's the whole point. Why would you want to see what password customer is choosing?
Project Manager: Change it. Use random encryption method.9 -
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.6 -
As a student trying to find an internship for a software engineering position, my subpar transcript being brought up during the interview always has me like:
Interviewer: "Why is your GPA so shit???"
Me: "Fuck you that's why!"
😤😥8 -
CEO: Can you make this and this
Me: Yes!
CEO: That's great, you can start working on that
Me: coding ... testing ... coding ... finished
CEO: Great it works, but can you explain to me what are the benefits of this
Me: ..... (why did you ask in the first place)8 -
My mobile phone provider called me and offered me a new contract containing more data volume.
Customer service: 'Your current contract has only 1.5GB data volume. That's not much. With this you can only send 1 or 2 pictures and that's it.'
Me: 'What kind of pictures do you use / send? 😨'11 -
Life Coach: "I want a website where I can charge $5,000 for 6 weeks of coaching for [weird life problem very few people have or think about].
Me: "That'll be $5,000."
Life Coach: "That's too expensive for a website."
Me (inner voice): "tHaT's ToO eXpEnSiVe FoR a WeBsItE."
Me (real voice): "Consider it not as a cost but as an investment necessary to obtaining your first customer. Once the first customer is realized, you've paid for the website and the future customers will make you profitable.4 -
Manager: so how long will feature A take?
Me: about a week.
Manager: and feature B?
Me: also a week.
Manager: how about C?
Me: another week
Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!
THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS9 -
Him: Is Hava a type of programming language?
Me: What?
Him: Hava!
Me: *looks at what he's looking at*
That's fucking Java 🤣😂11 -
This happened right before lunch.
Me: hey, what languages do you know?
Classmate: i know python that's pretty much it. What abou...
Random fella: ...-yOU cAn TalK SnekK?!?!?!4 -
[Extremely off topic]
Hi, Michelle's back and alive. You probably don't remember me, but that's okay. :)68 -
Want me to NOT read your fucking article?
'Cause that's how you get me to NOT read your fucking article
(referring to the website creators, not the writer)
9 -
That's a new one on me fixing a website on my phone whilst on a train , internet dropping in an out
I did it 😎
11 -
Yet another someone just contacted me about having a "great idea for an app".
That's a justified rant all by itself.7 -
Me: Hmm, let's check what's the issue with this styles... Seems like nothing special...
*15 minutes later*
Me: Well, now that's just fine, now i'm closin' this one and commitin'...
Wait, what the...?
/* frontend-developer's day rubric. devrant edition */
11 -
Non-dev boss: "so, what are you working on today?"
Me: "I'm working on the API"
Non-dev boss: "that's what you said last week! Why aren't you progressing?"
💢5 -
Any time someone gets an idea that they talk to me about 'I want to build an app can you build apps'
Me : I'm not amazing at it but I can certainly try what's the idea?
Them: it's like Facebook but...
Me: that's plenty2 -
Coworker: This guy's computer is completely messed up...
Me: What? Why?
Coworker: So he installed some virus...
Me: Yeah? And...?
Coworker: And apparently it changed all certificates for antivirus programs into Untrusted Certificates - so he can't install anything that could remove the virus!
Me: That's horrifying..7 -
Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.
-
Going to do tonight's blog post about my own security setup since that's an easy one and I'm working on rewriting the blog which gets me quite some bugs to solve!
I'm wondering how paranoid people will find me afterwards 😅18 -
My boss when:
Conversation regarding passwords:
Me: "It should be longer than that"
Other dev: "That's what she said"
*taking note of the inappropriate-ness*
Me: "We need to get a room for us"
PM: "That's what she said"
Me: "Come on Ryan!"
Other dev: "That's what she said"
Sales Lady: "This will never end!"
Me: "That's what she said!"
Office dies for a minute. Michael Scott would be proud.
2 -
It bothers me that IntelliJ IDEs and Documents on Google Drive don't require Ctrl + S to be pressed to save a file.
That's like my birthright taken away from me!8 -
*sees people on Facebook wanting to get Linux certificates*
Me: naah that's not how I'ma do it
*at le job interview*
Interviewer: "So you apply as a sysadmin.. what are your skills? Certificates?"
Me: "No certificates sir.. but I USE ARCH LINUX 😎"
Me (quietly): "and Ubuntu Server too but that's not as cool :v"9 -
Me when my teacher told us we're only gonna learn about Microsoft Server because that's all we need
12 -
Customer.... I keep getting this error code
Me.... Deletes message box
Customer.... Wow you fixed that quick
Me.... That's why you pay us. -
Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?
Me: computer science
GC: what does that entail?
Me: programming
GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that
In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years
Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?6 -
Business Analyst: What language is this on the test site?
Me: I believe that's Latin
BA: But why? No one can read what it says
Me: 😂9 -
That's right you fucking c*nts! Put an unsubscribe button but still send me emails even after unsubscribing a million times!🖕6
-
Me: Hey, Android, how do I do [abc]?
Android: Oh, that's actually quite easy! All you need is permissi..
Me: Oh, you know what, nevermind. I'd rather fuck an industrial fan.5 -
Friend: "if it's a CLOUD server... What happens to all that data when it rains? I don't think that's too secure.🤔"
Me:"..."
"..."
"I can't"7 -
Le me at the end of an interview
Recruiter: What is your salary expectations
*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*
Me: well, about x USD.
Recruiter: that's ok for us.
Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.6 -
Headphones on, phone's screen facing the desk, 0 shits given about the world around me. That's pretty much it.3
-
The most incompetent co-worker is that idiot who wrote this piece of crappy code! Oh wait, that's me!1
-
Oh yeah, that's an awesome 404 page, what do you guys say?
P.S. - Page is not developed by me, it's MailChimp
2 -
Both: Let's start over.
Me: Everything different
She: Where to start?
Me: Dunno
She: ...
5 min later
She: I created a new folder
Me: ?
She: That's at least a start, isn't it? ^^
Both: *laugh*
Me: Lemme create a rant about that
6 -
guy: why do you use a vpn?
me: cause I don't want my info stolen
guy: nobody can steal info from wifi that's just in the movies.
me: ...
was on wifi in a Starbucks close to Atlanta9 -
The fuck did you think was going to happen?
User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.
PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?
Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.
I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.
PM: Well that's not what x said.
Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)
PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits. -
Me: ok, we're 4 days from launch, here's the most up-to-date version of the app, and here's what's been added since yesterday.
Client: ok, looking good, still needs a little more here and here.
Me: yes we've made note of that an-
Client: oh ya, and that thing that's been in there since day 1, take that out.
Me: oh, ok, we're gonna need so-
Client: and that thing we specifically asked for, take that out too.
Me: that's fine bu-
Client: oh, and add a fucking Christmas wreath for them to jump through. -
Fuck mysql charset shit. Pretty easy to forgot setting charset in server side config file. And after creating several databases/tables, boom! All in latin1. That's just so convenient. are you kidding me? Why would any modern database have their default charset to be latin1??? rather than utf8? Oh, just forgot again, that's utf8fuckingmb4 on mysql land.6
-
Me: *starts to get into electronics*
Me: *unplugs a few wires while building a project*
Me: Shit, actually, didn't want to unplug those. No worries.
Me: *instinctively reaches for the nonexistent Ctrl-Z*
Me: Oh, that's right. My actions have consequences in the real world.5 -
Do you think you need to be smart at math to be a programmer
People ask me that, my answer is like.. Well.. No
That's kind of bullshit36 -
*Conversation about the loan*
HR: what do you expect?
Me: Dunno, I've heard you pay any student about 15€/h, so that's my expectation
HR: Jeah, correct, but do you think you're worth that?
Excuse me what the fuck?8 -
Mom: why haven't you been doing your computer science homework at home ?
Me : because you won't let me have a computer and I can't run the software I need on my school iPad
Mom: bull shit you can run it that iPad can do anything that you can do on a computer
Me : no you can't that's not even...*mom cuts me off*
Mom : don't talk back to me you just don't wanna do your homework
Mom: all computers are the same they just have different names
Me : that's not even true in the slightest... *gets cut off again*
Mom: shut up and do your damn homework
Me: 😐19 -
My food-loving other half just said this to me:
Her: "I love you more than pie"
Me: "Aww, that's nice"
Her: "I love you 4.173692 out of 10"
Me: "..."5 -
SMM: Can you chat over the phone? Just want to make sure we are on the same page! I am not great with web lingo!
Me: Sure.
Me, internally: You're a social media manager. That's literally your one fucking job.3 -
*On a date*
Girl: What's the most daring thing you've ever done ?
Me: Once I accidentally ran sudo rm -rf /*
Girl: That's hot !5 -
me: "Why is the QA guy manually typing JSON into a production environment?"
asshole: "That's not your responsibility."
me: "Why didn't you just migrate data? This is dangerous."
asshole: "You need to go sit down."1 -
"That's two weeks worth of development."
Translation: "It will take me 3 hours, the remaining one week, 6 days and 21 hours will be spent on Reddit."
2 -
[PM] - "Hey, <that guy> is joining our team for the next 6 sprints"
[Me] - "Really?, <that guy>? You want bugs? Cos' that's how you get bugs"1 -
Friends' Boss: You're one of the programmers, right?
Friend: Yes sir.
Boss: I need you to fix this layout problem for me.
Friend: But sir, I'm a back end programmer, I hardly know anything about style stuff...
Boss: You're a programmer, you'll figure it out.
That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works.1 -
C#
Little Sister: Why is the hashtag in the wrong place?
Me: Kid, that's not a hashtag. That is a sharp. C - sharp.4 -
This should keep them busy for a while! asking me 'would I recommend?' Bitch please! that's my feedback
5 -
Me: Please don't commit the binaries
PM: We need to commit all the files so we can track process
Me: that's not how it works!2 -
My stickers came, thanks @dfox and @trogus! 😄
Now to pull off getting a stress ball. That's gonna be tough... help me out folks! 😨
11 -
I'm about to send a message to the supervisor that will terminate my job. I'm quitting my job. And that's... so exciting!
Wish me luck yo!7 -
As 22.2.22 is coming to an end, I've sent an email to request for another PhD position.
That's all.
Wish me luck.4 -
* Open browser, type 'dev' to go to developper.apple . com
* First suggestion on the browser: devrant.com
Me: Well, that's ok too..
* Press Enter,
*reeding some rants.. -
I'm such a dumb fuck....
It took me fucking 30 mins to figure out that I use a function which relies on a copy of an object that's copied one line after the function call instead of before...
PLEASE KILL ME8 -
When someone asks me what is programming, I usually say:
— That's something like assembling Lego, but you also get paid for it.3 -
-Problem
-searching everywhere
-complicated algorithms
-almost there ...
My little sister: hey! Can you install this game on my tablet?
Me: no! I'm busy right now
Sister: mom!!...
Me: okay! okay!
<installation process >
...
What was I doing?...
That's how everything gets ruined :/7 -
(developer thing)
I am trying to build code from the last 4 or 4:30 hours at office and she message me
She : it's urgent.. call me
Me : me();
(THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID 🙄)4 -
Linux is hard to learn and master. That's fine with me. Windows is intuitive, but not user-friendly. Linux has a steep learning curve, but then is far more user-friendly than any other operating system. To me, that steep learning curve was far more than worth it, as I now have a desktop that does whatever I want, and behaves exactly as I want.
People come to Linux hoping that it will be easy to pick up, and then get angry when it isn't. Then they claim that the community is toxic, because Linux users are happy with something they think is broken.
Linux is hard to learn, and that's fine. That's valuable, to me. That's part of the appeal to me(and millions of others). Linux is unforgiving when you lack the knowledge gained in that steep learning curve. That's fine with me too. As its userbase grows, so too does the number of knowledgeable people who work to make it better and invent more amazing things for it.
If Linux was easy to learn, it wouldn't be as good as it is, and to me, that's reason enough to love it.41 -
My advisor: Can you teach Lean to these juniors?
Me: When shall we start?
Him: In two weeks.
Me: Sure.
And that's how I learn a new language in two weeks!5 -
I swear preparing an app update that's going to be deployed to 500+ people stresses me tf out.
I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.9 -
boss: *showing me the new platform*
me: "oh that looks like a good demo"
boss: "ah no that's the product! we're going to put this live"
me: "wh... there's no update nor delete function for anything! where is the user profile? where are the menus??"
boss: "that's ok, we'll take note when people start using it"
and now
boss: "we've concluded the product was bad and we're giving up on it" -
When you've walked into a room and forget why you're there.
That's me when I've opened a new file in Atom. -
Little me sees Monitor.
Monitor depicts Things.
Box make beep boop.
"Cool! But why?"
That's basically it.2 -
That's how my girlfriend is addicted to game design....
Sometimes I ask me who is more addicted, she or me 🙂
6 -
TIL that ~50% of the population don't have an internal monologue. That voice inside your head that's reading this.
Mom come pick me up, I'm scared.21 -
Guy sitting next to me sees me coding, gets excited, and asks "OH, THAT'S COOL... what do you do?"
In my head I'm thinking: I... CODE.... ur watching me code.... I do exactly what you see me doing!
Not knowing how to answer, I just end up staring at him for 10 seconds.3 -
Can anyone show me a good place to learn how to use vim?
Been googling and found nothing that's actually understandable19 -
CEO: Please have the dev ready to update Product on 8/20.
Me: That's premature.
CEO: Okay, let them know they'll be updating the team on 8/20.
Fuck. You.2 -
Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)
Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)
Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)
Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love
-
Took me looooong looooong time to understand that the primary work in a managerial role involves meetings and calls as the *main* thing, not something you do sparsely to stay aligned with the team, so them calling 3 hour long meetings might feel like a waste to me but for the manager it is what they would consider proper work.
At least that's my current hypothesis in trying to justify the time that's 90% wasted.
6 -
Dad just came to me: "I have a great idea for an app you could build"
I thought "Wow.. That's cliché"5 -
Me in conversation with the CTO a couple of weeks before starting the job:
I don't want to be mainly doing ui stuff
Him: that's cool
Me now: HTML
So, my lunchtime is spent applying for jobs...8 -
Me: *starts*
Windows: Pease restart
Me: *restarts*
Windows: Please restart again
Me: *motherfuckenly restarts*
Some bullshit security tool: please restart
And that's my morning.3 -
this is how I found this website:
me searching on google, "is java a piece of sh*t"
that's how I reached here6 -
Don't know if this was posted, but that's not stopping me...this is from awhile back before I discovered devRant
1 -
Me : I'm afraid of booleans. My friend said that you can help me !
Therapist: ya, that's TRUE
Me: 😥😐4 -
Developer: "Hey, I've just finished the vehicle script, do you mind reviewing this before i push into the master branch"
Me: "Sure!"
*hes overlooking me while i review"
Developer: "I've spent ages on this, just let me know once your done"
That's what i found lol
6 -
Windows. There, I said it.
3 years ago I got a Mac and it just made sense to me.
Many people don't like Mac and love Windows and that's fine by me.5 -
When you laugh at people who crack their phone screens, and then you drop yours face down on asphalt and your screen shatters. Life is fair sometimes10
-
* Got a date *
She : I'm a programmer.
Me : wow that's great! Which language do ya prefer to code?
SHE : HTML .
* And that's where I ran away *19 -
CW:"We need this."
ME:"It'll take me some time to do. When do we need it by."
CW:"Yesterday."
ME:"Awesome, that's my favorite day to deliver."2 -
client: use THIS color for the background.
me: work work work
done.
client: ohhhh that's too colorful.3 -
That's the reason why I'm still using Windows 10 Insiders builds...when you get into GSoD, you can shoot nice photo where you actually are. For me right now, that's the cafe in the shopping center.
9 -
Me: I've got this wonderful idea, I'll try it in swift
OSX: download the 4.47 GIGABYTE Xcode
Me: :'( ok
Xcode : you need to update your OS and that's again more than 4.5 GIGABYTE
Me : Sublime -> Main.class
1 -
What's with Android telling me what volume I should have my music at? If I want to deafen myself, then that's up to me!2
-
Nobody understands me
Does it matter
Not at all
I have my laptop
And it understands what I am saying
That's enough for me ;)4 -
That moment when you teaching your coworkers about vba:
Me: and you close the formula with a curly bracket
Co-worker: Wow that's easy, and you say coding is hard
Me: you're right, here try to learn Java2 -
That's it. A year just passed, and here i am sitting in my dorm, watching from my window all those fireworks blazing, exploding, dazzling the sky.
I got no one to party. No one accompanying me.
That's all. Happy new year all!5 -
That's true with me in older days I am happy when my code runs without error on first time...but now it seems like borring and error make me happy.😂😂
4 -
PM: To achieve this, do A
Me: That's unnecessarily complex, can't we do B
PM: Ooh, so it's too complicated for you?
Me: No, it's complex, it will bottleneck the system
PM: We've done A in 5 different websites, so you should do the same
Me: ......5 -
Have you ever lost all the motivation for anything in life. Yes that's me right now. Can't even be bothered to right this post properly. Fuck everything and everyone.8
-
ME: so this is a RAID array
YOU: but the A in RAID is for "array" so isn't saying "RAID array" redundant?
ME: Yes, that's what the R is for.
(from Steve Land, source: http://ganssle.com/tem/tem348.html/) -
Me: *Joins the dark side*
Me: Arrrrrrgh! So ugly!
Later...
Me: *Joins the dark side again and uses devRant for 5'*
Me: Mmm... that's actually better, no way I'm going back3 -
just got directly sneezed on in the office from someone walking behind me. Turns out he's full of a cold.
That's my November fucked then
t**t15 -
It's computer science college, and yet :
Them : ... so thats how my project goes ! it's fun!
Me : whoa that's cool, do you use javascript?
Them : ... umm
Me : ...I suppose??
Them : uh, i use node and bulma actually.
WHAT THE FUCK?11 -
soy eating developer: * change the name of his master branch to "main" *
Me: That's it, you ended racism!
25 -
My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.1
-
Hey, what really makes me want to download your app is when you redirect me to the download screen of it when I'm in the middle of a task. That's great. Keep doing that.3
-
Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.5
-
Me: Can I use my own set of credentials to create this entity?
Twitter: Sure you can
Me: Thank you, that's very kind. Can I use these same credentials to see the entity I've just created?
Twitter:
1 -
Turns out what they offered me was barely what I was making at the moment... Why bother even sending me that lame job proposal? You were supposed to want me to work there, or at least that's what you said.
-
Me: Hey what's the default password for this?
Classmate: password?
Me: yeah the password. What is it by default?
Classmate: no that's it. Just "password"
Me: :/ -
Last week: "let's build this page this way!"
Me: styles page
One day later: "no, that's build the wrong way, let's build it this other way!"
-_-' -
Hmm this website seems to redirect me to localhost... That's not helpful...
https://tersesystems.com/2013/11/...6 -
Don't ask me about jobs I'm working on 10 minutes before the fucking standup.
That's what the fucking standup is for.
Pre-standup standup.1 -
Finally fixed a bug that's been bugging me for weeks, but now friend wants to commit suicide. What a world we live in.6
-
Is inadequate a better word? how about stubborn lazy and stupid? Yeah, I think that sums me about up. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day... if that's even possible...
-
Client: we need a report that <unclear requirements>
Me: alright, here's what you requested.
Client: that's not what I asked for.
Inner me: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK REEEEEEEEEEE!!!!3 -
Compiler is like my mom. Every time when something wrong happened, they blaming me. And actually that's true.
-
- I do threat intel.
- Oh yeah? Name 4 critical vulnerabilities.
- Fortinet.
- That's on me, I set the bar too low.
1 -
Me: Damn you good tasty coffee!!! Now I can't drink coffee anywhere else than at home and (more) expensive coffeebars!!!
Coffee: But you love me!!
Me: I know!! That's the fucking problem!!2 -
You want me to work in-loco, even thought my job can be done remotely? That's fine.
Your company's offices are located in a expensive district of a expensive European capital? That's fine too.
You want to pay me a salary so low, that I can only afford to live 2 hours away from work? Fuck That!!!
If your company is in a expensive location, either offer me a high salary or stop bothering me with bad job offers. -
Just finished silicon valley 1st season. That's pretty cool imo. Thanks to the rant who made me discover it 😊5
-
Fam-"Woah that's pretty awesome! It sounds hard, do you like it?"
Me-"Yeah I think it's a lot of fun!"
Fam-"Good for you :) anyway, our printer stopped working-"
Me-"... I'veGotHomeworkSorryLoveYouByeeeeee" -
Designer: hey, can you add this thing
Me: Sure, but that's probably a day's worth of work
Designer: oh, I thought it was just a line of code
Me: 😑😡🤦♂️ -
!rant
things are looking up for me fam. signed an offer letter about a month ago for a GREAT full time job at a company that's in the process of modernizing their web app, so I get to do modern web dev, and I just scored my first consulting job that's gonna pay me a STUPID amount of money and I don't even graduate college till May!3 -
Me: yeah I am a full stack node.js web developer
Client: so can u do javaFx
Me: that's not really what ur hiring me for :/1 -
Team: let's do "X".
Me: we couldn't do "X" because... We should do "Y".
Team: that's why we're saying let's do "Y"
Me: ...
What!!! What are they even thinking ?1 -
Someone : How to shutdown the computer from web browser
Others : Mm.. That's not possible 😂.
Me : Try https://github.com/neutralinojs/... 👈🏻 🧐5 -
So uhm... All of a sudden this is what spotify recommends me.. Wonder how their algorithm has determined that's what I like 😅
-
This is bloody annoying me! On Windows 10 while you have taskbar on top (because that's most comfortable for me) most of apps show behind the taskbar :<
4 -
So I just started learning programming specifically c# cause that's what my dev uncle recommended for beginners. I hope I can meet interesting and good people around me :)14
-
MFW
me: debugging an issue from a customer for three hours and ask my colleague for help
him: oh, that's not a bug, it is a user error
me: 😶 -
does anyone else feel awkward when getting thanked for just doing their damn job?
that's what you're paying me for and that's what you should expect me to do7 -
back in 2011, when a friend of mine was learning C and he told me he can control a micro controller remotely, and he actually showed me a video of that happening, that's when I decided to be a developer
-
As a sequel to my previous rant:
Me: git pull origin develop
Prettier: * runs *
* 5000 new changes in 43 files *
Thanks prettier, that's exactly what i wanted to happen. I guess it's time for me to tweak its settings a little.4 -
Me: Interview is in 3 hours, I'm prepared, it's non technical anyway, just be yourself.
Brain to me: What the fuck is big 'O' notation? Objects you mean chairs? Turing? That's some kind of robot right?
Also me: fuck....1 -
I'm not joking when I say how dumb I am. Like, for example, yesterday, me and a friend had to figure out how much is 15×6. He did it by doing 10×6 + 5×6, that's 2 "×"s and a single "+", dead simple, right? Yep. Me? I did it 5×3×3×2... Which, ok, is 9×10, but do you think I can do 9×10? Nope, to me 9×10 is the result 🤌🏻 that's how much of a door knob I am8
-
I have only read negative things about slack - can any of you give me a good list of reasons for why people don't like it and whether that's accurate9
-
I recently celebrated a rather significant birthday and it got me to thinking what's changed about me over the years.
Young me: Feared that I wasn't a supremely talented software developer and completely insecure about it.
Older me: I know I'm not a supremely talented software developer... and that's ok.1 -
These devs keep getting hold of me to tell me that what I told them to do worked.
Well, yeah. That's why I said to do it.1 -
*Something wrong happens*
Windows - "Send crash report to Microsoft"
Me - "Really? That's your solution? Coz nothing ever got fixed😒"1 -
What is REST?
The Legendary : Its stands for Representational State Transfer
Me : That's what i need right now.6 -
Me: *creates new Vue.js project in IntelliJ IDEA*
Also me: *waits for 2 hours*
IntelliJ IDEA:
PS: Also could someone please comment with Vue Land Discord invite link/code that's not expired?
3 -
So today my internship started and I'm to install virtual box and vagrant ok that's simple😊 now it's what comes after that's got me shitting myself laravel/homestead 😟 never heard of it 😨 themosis never heard of it and what the fuck is stylus... I got a lot of catching up to do3
-
a web developer job post ask for html/css/javascript php/asp.net
me: what are your opinions about that job post? 😀😀
IT friend: that's ridiculous! ! , they ask for being proficient in 5 programming languages. 😲😲
me : 😮😮
then
me: 😱😱2 -
macOS' Finder says I have 24 files and directories in my home directory. 'ls -lah | wc -l' says I have 172. That's a lot to keep hidden from me. :)2
-
I love Microsoft softwares and Apple hardware but I try to keep them away from me to prefer free softwares or at least MIT license things.
That's something that makes me feel guilty.4 -
Installing Fedora Workstation as a dual booting system
Found this, only me thinks that's really close font to Comfortaa? (That used on devRant)
2 -
That's it I'm done with wordpress.
Join me angry devs, let's change the world!
https://devrant.io/collabs/424605/1 -
People going crazy over the new Intel CPU exploit. I'm just sipping coffee looking at my AMD CPU that's never done me wrong 🙌15
-
Family: oh you're studying computer science? That's awesome! Have you heard of Mark Zuckerberg?
Me: Of course!
Family: yeah when are you coming out with the next Facebook? We'd like to be rich now!
Me: 🙃🙃🙃🙃 -
Sometimes I wish I wasnt the boss, but if I wasn't I'd have some dumb 40 year old telling me what to do, that's doesn't know shit about computers
-
Why, just why is this being recommended to me like, on every fucking video.
Yes I do a bit of GLSL but that's fucking it.
https://youtu.be/OWdAT-D_klg2 -
Stir crazy, locked in the house for days..... drove me to make asteroids -1979 for my 404 page. I can't tell if that's a good thing or not?1
-
Client: How many days do you need for this project
Me: 6 months
Client: That's too much. I researched and found that it shouldn't consume more than 3 months
Me: I'm sure you didn't researched on gradle building process (-_-) -
Friend:
look! I've got privacy filters for all my devices!
Me:
Great! That's definitely gonna help!
*sitting behind him, watching him typing in nasty things over his shoulder* -
Honestly, I can't remember. A combo of wanting to do AI and other smart stuff got me here. But like, not even sure I'm there yet.
Always had a knack for robotics tho. That's the only thing that's natural to me.1 -
I just LOVE (hate) watching people click on the ad link to YouTube that's not actually YouTube and then call me over to get them out of the spam site.1
-
Just lost 2 days of works, don't ask me why.
git is good, but someone doesn't know how to use it, I will never tell you that's me.2 -
Third day at work, still configuring. This is what happens when you make me use windows. Got my first dev assignment today though, so that's fun.2
-
People:I don't have to work that hard, I work smart.
Me too asshole. I work smart and hard. Guess what dick face, you can't out work me and that's how I leverage my passion.
#JustMorningRant3 -
Found myself explaning the internet today and immediatly gave up - because she does not need to know, that's what she has me for!1
-
Become profitable without losing my soul.
Someone help me come up with a revenue stream that's not LOOT BOXES! 😂3 -
Me at 9 pm working on a project: this will only take a couple minutes...
Me a few minutes later: fuck, it's three in the morning...
And that's why I have sleep issues. -
My team builds robots and we're trying to use an IMU for orientation. Asked one of the members to find our spare one because the one in the robot was apparently throwing errors.
Him: "Oh hey I couldn't find it"
Me: "did you look in all the boxes?"
Him: "ya dude I looked in all our boxes, even the box we never use"
Me: "shoot ok I guess we lost one, I'll order another one soon"
*1 day passes*
Me: goes to our main box to get a keyboard out
Me: opens the box, IMU is sitting right on top
Me: pulls out the keyboard, sees ANOTHER IMU sitting in the box
Me: "hey coworker, you said you looked in all the boxes, right?"
Him: "yeah dude no clue where it is."
Me: "it's sitting right on top. Plus there's another one in here"
Him: "oh lol that's weird"
That's all you have to say for yourself? That's weird?! DUDE NOT ONLY WAS IT SITTING RIGHT ON TOP OF THE BOX, THERE WE'RE *2* OF THEM IN THERE, IN THE MAIN BOX WE USE
the sad part is that's not even the worst part of the story... That part to follow soon ;)1 -
"When I try make a change, system XYZ is not happy do you know why?"
Really? That's all you're giving me to go on? -
I used to have this awesome co-worker who patiently listens to me ranting everything all day long. Well that's before devrant came along.
-
Last position has me paranoid. Kept my cube mate in the conference room after the staff meeting. That's how me getting fired off my last project started.
-
one thing that's unclear to me about GDPR; if you have no servers in the EU, how do they have any jurisdiction over you anyway??6
-
My dad bought me a book on QBASIC when I was around 7 or 8 years old, and within a month I decided I was going to be a game programmer when I grew up. That's not where I ended up, but that's how the journey started. My parents were both pretty supportive of that decision.
-
Nothing bothers me more than reading code that's written like a school essay instead of just indenting and spacing it out.
-
I work with UK devs and them calling every little fix "win" makes me cringe ngl.
"Oh I fixed that issue yesterday. That's a small win".
Cringe all around.15 -
I'd probably say the activity that's made me a better dev is going to school for graphic design. Though it would help more if I was a front end developer, it helps me think more about the end user seeing as that's what my schooling focused on. Outside of schooling, probably painting and drawing just due to thinking creatively in my free time I think helps me approach dev problems in different ways than some of my non visual co workers.
-
I was just thinking that if i need to setup a log server i'd need to name it properly so this was my conversation with myself:
me: i should name the log server something relevant
inner me: call it log_cabin
me: that's not relevat
inner me: CALL IT LOG_CABIN -
aff. I just said my managers management skills seem to be improving on the company survey.
Then he asks me "why isn't the status quo done in the new way"
o.o
me: "that's what status quo means"1 -
Hey guys, what is your least favorite flavor of Linux for desktop use?
For me it's Debian because everything is so outdated but that's my choice for server use.9 -
Walked in to work with an email subject "timesheets" and a calendar appointment to "explain".
Well. That's me in a pissy mood all day. Guess what's coming ...
Arse. Arse. Arse. -
Silly putty isn't even that silly to me :/ I guess that's just how life is for someone as twisted as myself XD2
-
Don't get me wrong, but I have been staring at the splash for quite a while, trying to figure out if that's why I have mysterious exceptions...
-
Professor: surprise, now you are the member of the laboratory.
Me: what!?
That's what I start coding, and love it! -
QA. Could you please help me solve this issue?
Dev. That's Server side, nothing to do with me! *proceeds to signal issue as 'solved'* -
**in police station**
Officer: What happened?
My friend : He punched me, sir! This man has broken my jaw!
O : Why did you punched your friend?
Me : He asked about my love life sir.
O : So?
Me : that's a kitbag question.
O : wha-?
Me :
1 -
Can't do anything without you, can't do anything with you.
That's the relationship between coffee and me -
So I had an interesting conversation with a "developer" from another org:
Me: "So I might have a new client. Their site really needs an update."
Them:"Let me see." *goes to perspective client site*
Them:"Wow, that's bad!"
Me:"Yep it hasn't been touched since 08"
Them:"No, that's not the reason. The reason it looks this bad is because it is made with php."
9 -
That moment you remember that yesterday you said "that's a tomorrow me problem" and you're that tomorrow you.1
-
so that's not how you play jenga?
my O C D won't let me be
let me be me so let me see
they tried to shut me on MTV . .
-
Building up me getting off my break of programming by doing a few small exercises each day testing new small front end stuff (since that's what I'm learning rn)
-
All new frameworks / patterns / code concepts seem great !! Until you take a minute to imagine your current application using them and the time needed to implement.
That's it. That's the rant. /me wants to buy code migrator / generator from "A" to "B"1 -
So a company sent me a "few days/hours" homework assignment (that conveniently uses their exact software stack) before even doing a phone interview. That's not cool, right?1
-
Guess what dumbass forgot to take into account markup for the database field and now everything is chopped off.
That's right. Me. :)
Lesson learned though.3 -
Them : "Well, I just tried what you told me on the deployed version and it works pretty well"
Me : "I actually just tried and it doesn't work"
That's some conversation to make my mood on a Monday -
Working on an enhancement for a legacy product that's been in the industry for about fifteen years... The situation is that I fix one defect and give more pop up. I'm frustrated so much that I give up twenty times a day.
Please tell me that's how you work on legacy software 😔8 -
first time into CLI during school days made me feel like a magician. and that's when first felt like I wanna become a Dev #wk10
-
A crowded bus, going to school, on a WhatsApp group that's only me and I use it to keep stuff.
It was quite uncomfortable.1 -
Seeing and building something that only previously existed as an idea or on paper. For me, that's the best thing.
-
My uncle Kyle works for @creativeMISFITS and he taught me about his coding style so that's what I'm used to.2
-
When the developers trust a stupid, laggy, buggy mobile emulator more than chrome emulator, seeing shit that's ONLY reproduceable in said emulator. Driving me fucking nuts.
-
Client: I need to organize this data in my database, just let me create any folder, and folders inside folders. I mean, it is a database so you can create folders right?
Me: I'll see what I can do
Inner me: NO, F U, that's not easy, that's not how databases work, WTH is wrong with you4 -
!Rant
So this brilliant app called Enki.
Enki --> Enquire ?
Enquire Upon Everything?
Tim Berners-Lee paper?
Perhaps me being overly analytical but damn that's a nice name for an app... -
Me to Google Assistant - When's my Birthday !
Google Assistant to me - B'days mark the beginning of something.
So maybe my b'day is the day we met, That's something I'd celebrated.
I love the way Google Assistant treats me.1
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