My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

class Dog extends Animal {}

This dev world is still so damn fucking sexist, it's driving me nuts.

"it's so cool seing a GIRL doing this stuff"
"wow you're so tech savy for a GIRL"
"you're too CUTE to be a developer"
"how does it feel to be a GIRL in dev"

Just treat us like fucking human beings for once instead of pretty, empty objects.

the optimal size for my dev team is two.

me and whisky.

Manager: Why aren’t you working?

Dev: I am, I’m just not typing because I’m thinking an issue out.

Manager: Well what is taking so long? You haven’t written any code for like 15 minutes, you’ve just been doodling on your notepad.

Dev: I’m not “doodling”. I’m taking notes and trying to visualize the issue. It’s a complicated issue with application stat—

Manager: Well just simplify it then

Dev: ?

Manager: Instead of making it a complicated issue just simplify it and then it won’t take you so long. You’re likely overthinking it, I never spend more than 30 seconds thinking about any issue before coming up with a solution. That’s what makes me so effective at my job is my ability to be lean like that.

Dev: …this issue is a bit harder than deciding what to have for lunch

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?

Dev: …

Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?

Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.

Dev: …

Dev: How about now?

Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!

Dev: …

Dev: There that good?

Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!

Dev: I can’t.

Manager: ????

Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.

Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.

Dev: …

For those that celebrate Halloween, and for those that can simply appreciate when being a dev IS life... :)

Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position

Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.

Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”

Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit

Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.

Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work

Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.

Dev: …

Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?

Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.

Manager: Isn’t that for video games?

Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—

Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!

Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.

Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?

Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.

Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.

Dev: …

Manager: How long until the current set of tickets is complete?

Dev: Based on storyboard points it’ll be 1.5 weeks from now

Manager: That’s unacceptable! Let me take a look at the board and see if I can remove some low priority tickets.

*Later that day*

Manager: Oooo I found a bunch of really exciting tickets in the backlog that I forgot about. I’ve added them to the board.

Dev: Did you remove any?

Manager: Huh? Oh right. No, I looked and it all needs to get done.

Dev: With these new tickets added to the board our new estimate is 4 weeks.

Manager: WHAT?!? BUT I SPENT ALL DAY LOOKING FOR EFFICIENCIES!!

Dev: …

Me: hey dev, my in-app purchase isn't reflected on other phones with your app
Dev: *cricket noises*
About a week later...
Google Play: an update for this app is available
20 minutes later...
Dev: nope, that isn't an issue.

You updated the app minutes ago after being silent for so long. No mention of it being fixed in the changelog, no mention of it being fixed in the reply.. nothing. But I'll eat my hat if you didn't silently add it in and shoved it under the rug. Dickhead.

At least the issue doesn't exist.. anymore.

Please don't be like that...

Dev: Hey, do we have a Google cloud machine running?
Me: No we have AWS remember?

Dev: Okay..
Me: Why do you want a gCloud?

Dev: I had this large stack of files and want to put them somewhere, off of my laptop. I just feel comfortable using Google than AWS.
Me: Umm.. there is Dropbox for that sort of stuff. Not high performance servers running our services.

Dev: ...
Dev: (After a moment) Yeah, why didn't I think of that? :/

Me: Seriously???

I think he forgot to have breakfast today.

Dev: Ok issue fixed, you just need to log out and back in again on your end to receive the fix

User: It’s still not working

Dev: Did you log out and in again?

User: No why would I want to do that?

Dev: It’ll reset your locally saved login information which is causing the issue

User: I thought you said the issue was fixed?

Dev: On our end yes, we just need you to reset your end in order to receive the fixed version

User: Look I have been dealing with this issue for 6 months. Fixing bugs are your responsibility. I have too much to do, you have to get this fixed. *click*.

Dev: Yeah you submitted the bug ticket yesterday night though

Email from users manager later that day: <User> is saying you are refusing to fix this bug. This is unacceptable. Fix it or else I will escalate this. Also there are other bugs we noticed today too, fixing them is absolutely critical!

Dev: …

Dev: What other bugs did you notice?

*no response for 2 weeks and then:

User: Hey you can close this ticket, the issue seems to have resolved itself.

Dev: ….muppet.

This bank's slogan is just absolutely hilarious for any dev.

I bought 4 of them to introduce Dev rant to my three collegues (one is for myself of course). Hopefully we can welcome them soon here.

Manager: *taps dev on shoulder* We need to do B

Dev: I know, you created a ticket for it yesterday

Manager: Yeah but it hasn’t been done yet. It needs to get done.

Dev: I’m currently working on A which is higher priority

Manager: Ok but B needs to be done too

Dev: I know, it’s next on my board

Manager: I’m just making sure you are aware of it

Dev: I am aware of it, it’s next on the board

Manager: Ok but make sure you do it after A

Dev: Yup it’s next up

Manager: Ok, don’t let anyone distract you

Dev: …

Interviewer: So are you familiar with our company and what we do?

Dev: I looked at your website, looks like you build tools for managing restaurants.

Interviewer: No. That’s not even close.

Dev: ?

Interviewer: What we do is create an ecosystem of integrated data centres all orchestrated for immediate stakeholder utilization.

Dev: But the product itself…. it’s a user interface for tracking inventory. Of like…. burgers…. and bottles of wine.

Interviewer: It’s not a product! It’s a data……habitat!!

Dev: …

Dev: So does that make your users animals?

Interviewer: 😡. Unfortunately it looks like you do not see our vision and would not be a good fit for this role.

Dev: Agreed.

Interviewer: For this next code challenge you will not be allowed to use the internet, or an IDE.

Dev: …

Interviewer: OR a keyboard OR a mouse. I will be verbalizing the code to you and you need to memorize it and tell me where the bugs are.

Dev: …

Interviewer: We must do this exercise to know how you are as a dev without any performance enhancing “aid”. This way we can understand where you are truly at skill-wise, and what you are truly worth from a compensation perspective.

Dev: …

Dev: If I get a job with you will I be allowed to use the internet and an IDE and a keyboard/mouse?

Interview: Of course you would! Getting anything done without those is just about impossible. We just need to evaluate you without them to see how good you REALLY are.

Dev: …

Dev: So we’ve been working on X for about 2 weeks now, it’s about halfway do—

Manager: Btw what is the status of X?

Dev: I was just telling you

Manager: Oh, I wasn’t listening.

Dev: …

Dev: So as I was saying, we’re ab—

Manager: Oh and where are we at with Y?

Dev: …

Every time I hear a developer say "works for me", I'm gonna hide a service of mine that they use behind the VPN.

Dev: "oy mate, this server is down"
Me (with VPN connection): "sorry mate, works for me"
Dev: "but here, check this out, it's down!!"
Me: "mate, check your network connection. You must have a shitty network connection."
Dev: -_-
Me: "Maybe shitty hardware? Driver issues on your network card? 🤭"

Because you know, we sysadmins can do that too 😉

Took yesterday off to sort out a new passport.
Today on the stand:

Manager: "So we've been trying to get app X running on a dev environment for client X but we couldn't expose it to them"

Me: "Well yeah it's a dev environment if you want to give them one give them access to staging"

Manager: "Oh well we're still going to give them access to dev because they asked for it. It's due for 10am but we couldn't get it to run. You have to get it running since we edited the config files"

*accessing dev environment*
half of config files is missing, random files committed to the repo, SSL certs manually edited, eth0 down and found swan vpn installed.

never taking a day off again.

Web dev is fun.. until you do it for others.

I befriended a much-older dev who's notoriously known for cursing in source code comments.

His best comment was F.I.S.H., which is his cursing acronym for "fucking incredible shitty hack"

Client: We need to add a field to the model that serves as a unique identifier

Dev: You already have one, it’s the _id property

Client: We want another! This one is for a task number so we can make a connection between the database record and our ERP.

Dev: Ah I see. I can add that for you. Is this truly a unique identifier or will you be using the same ERP identifier for multiple database records?

Client: I already said it’s a unique identifier. One ERP record to one database record, end of story! To do otherwise would be absolutely ridiculous! You should think for yourself before you ask silly questions.

Dev: My apologies I just want to make sure to clarify exactly what the requirements are.

**6 months later**

Client: HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIGN THE SAME UNIQUE IDENTIFIER TO MULTIPLE DATABASE RECORDS??? CAN’T PROGRAMMERS GET ANYTHING RIGHT EVER??

Dev: …

Dev: I'm going to a engineering and robotics seminar this weekend

Manager: Stupid. Waste of time.

Dev: I also got invited to go to a 2 day tech and innovation conference

Manager: Another a stupid waste of time.

Dev: The CEO's son invited me and is paying for it, he said he thought it would be interesting to me.

Manager: ...Well as long as it's not on company time

Dev: It is on company time, I won't have time for tickets

Manager: WHAT!? YOU HAVE TO SAY NO, WE ARE BUSY!! WE CAN'T NOT HAVE YOU FOR 2 DAYS.

Dev: Duely noted you said that and you think the whole idea is stupid. Take it up with him I already RSVP'd yes.

Manager: 😡😡😡😡😡😡

My first dev job. Me and another guy get hired at the same time. He will be the lead dev, and I’ll be the junior dev on a long term project. Project gets delayed (and eventually canceled, but that’s a different story), so the lead dev decides to give me programming challenges to test my skill level. I successfully complete the challenges, but they aren’t up to his standards. Belittles me in front of our manager. Afterwards I ask him to show me how he would have done it. The dude can barely type let alone show me the way it should be done. I say nothing to the manager.

A few weeks pass, it’s clear the project we were hired for is canceled, so we are given other work. They task the lead dev with porting the company website to Wordpress so non-devs can alter content. They chose Wordpress mainly because the lead dev said he is familiar with it. Two weeks later, no progress has been made. They ask me if I can do it, and I do it in 2 days including additional functionality that was requested. Manager asks me why I thought lead dev couldn’t do what I did. I said, “I don’t think lead dev knows what the fuck he is doing. I don’t think he knows how to program.” Manager says, “Huh.”

Several months later lead dev is still there, but has yet to work on any projects with any success. They finally let him go.

Glad to finally get that off my chest.

This just in everyone...

Android Dev: *sent and email to network admin* can you please unblock github for a few mins.

Network admin: *Replied* Can you take a screenshot whats the error your getting.

Android Dev: *Replied with screenshot* "Failed to load resource: the server responded with a status of 503 (Service Unavailable)"

Network admin: that is a known issue. *Replied with Wordpress Links.

Android Dev: why is github working outside our network then?

Network admin: there must be a problem with your code that needs to be tweaked.

Team: *FACE PALM*

HR: Hey you really need to be more sensitive with what you say

Dev: What makes you bring this up?

HR: Well we had a concerned employee overhear you telling one of the interns that the Russian word for “approved” is “blyat”.

Dev: Ah.

Today @ 4pm:

New dev: I need help with this issue, i've been stuck on it all day.

Me: ok let's look ...... ok, and did you try google this?

New dev: ... no

Me: ... why?

New dev: well this is clearly my issue, why would I google it? I only google for things I don't know

Me: ... ok ... we'll do you know what this bug is then?

New dev: haha ok, fair point, I'll give that a try. Thanks for the tip.

Seriously, should I be worried? I feel worried

HR: At company A where we are all about hiring top talent!

Dev: What does this position pay?

HR: Well we’ve done a market assessment of local wages and an happy to announce the VERY competitive offer of (insert 30% less than the median wage here).

Dev: …

HR: I assure you this is a very competitive. What we don’t offer in pay we more than make up for in culture. We are a family here!!

Dev: …

Interviewer: Hello my name is Alyssa from Sheeple and my pronouns are she/her

Dev: Oh yeah I saw that in your email

Interviewer: Ok well I am just letting you know they are still the same

Dev: Thanks for that.

Interviewer: What are your pronouns?

Dev: div/span

Interviewer: Sorry?

Dev: he/him

Interviewer: Oh…ok. Let me know if that changes.

Dev: I promise you it won’t

Interviewer: Well you never know!

Dev: …

Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?

Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.

Dev: …

HR: Here at company A we have a great culture. It truly is the best place ever to work!

Dev: How many companies have you worked for?

HR: Besides babysitting as a teenager this is the only company I’ve ever worked for.

Dev: I thought so.

Dev: Your PR only addresses a quarter of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 1/2 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for a separate ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses half of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 3/4 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses 3/4 of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now all of the ticket is addressed but two new bugs are introduced and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR introduces 2 new bugs

Dev2: *limps a commit addressing one of the two new bugs and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR still has one bu—

Manager: WOW GOOD JOB DEV2 THAT’S 5 PRs TODAY AMAZING! Dev you need to pickup the pace, you only have 2 PRs so far today. And get these PRs from Dev2 QA’d fast. He’s a rockstar!

Dev: …

*The 4 other PRs turned out to be equally dogshit*

Manager: Hey hurry up with QA, you’re holding Dev2 back!

Dev: …

Life of a junior self-taught dev with a sysadmin job:

1)At work, desperately try to script and automate every task, even when it isn't nessecary.

2)Learn dev skills from tutorials and web courses at every minute of your free time.

3)When returning home get self-guilt because you're procrastinating instead of doing an all-night development like your dev friends

4)The only productive thing you do is more tutorials and courses because you feel your dev skills aren't high enough for a self project

Frustrated.

!dev
Must say, sometimes just taking a break is nice... Even though I've got a deadline for next week 🙈

PM: Can you give me an estimate for this clearly simple task?
Dev: Agreed, it is a simple task. 10 hours.
PM: ??
Dev: 2 hours to implement, 8 hours to discover the GOD FOR SAKEN ISSUE THAT ALWAYS COMES UP ON THESE SEEMINGLY SIMPLE TASKS!! WTF!!! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN EVERY TIME????

Is learning Linux worth it for a dev?

"Senior Engineer/Dev/etc." is just the title for the guy who's learned from making the most mistakes.

Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!

Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...

Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...

Manager: ...

Dev: ...

I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.

Meanwhile:

Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!

Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES

Management: ...

Dev: ...

Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"

fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks

jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore

Goal for my dev career future?

I'll soon be 53, my career goal is to make it to retirement without fired for some random biz-talk excuse for being too old.

Be me, new dev on a team. Taking a look through source code to get up to speed.

Dev: **thinking to self** why is there no package lock.. let me bring this up to boss man

Dev: hey boss man, you’ve got no package lock, did we forget to commit it?

Manager: no I don’t like package locks.

Dev: ...why?

Manager: they fuck up computer. The project never ran with a package lock.

Dev: ..how will you make sure that every dev has the same packages while developing?

Manager: don’t worry, I’ve done this before, we haven’t had any issues.

**couple weeks goes by**

Dev: pushes code

Manager: hey your feature is not working on my machine

Dev: it’s working on mine, and the dev servers. Let’s take a look and see

**finds out he deletes his package lock every time he does npm install, so therefore he literally has the latest of like a 50 packages with no testing**

Dev: well you see you have some packages here that updates, and have broken some of the features.

Manager: >=|, fix it.

Dev: commit a working package lock so we’re all on the same.

Manager: just set the package version to whatever works.

Dev: okay

**more weeks go by**

Manager: why are we having so many issues between devs, why are things working on some computers and not others??? We can’t be having this it’s wasting time.

Dev: **takes a look at everyone’s packages** we all have different packages.

Manager: that’s it, no one can use Mac computers. You must use these windows computers, and you must install npm v6.0 and node v15.11. Everyone must have the same system and software install to guarantee we’re all on the same page

Dev: so can we also commit package lock so we’re all having the same packages as well?

Manager: No, package locks don’t work.

**few days go by**

Manager: GUYS WHY IS THE CODE DEPLOYING TO PRODUCTION NOT WORKING. IT WAS WORKING IN DEV

DEV: **looks at packages**, when the project was built on dev on 9/1 package x was on version 1.1, when it was approved and moved to prod on 9/3 package x was now on version 1.2 which was a change that broke our code.

Manager: CHANGE THE DEPLOYMENT SCRIPTS THEN. MAKE PROD RSYNC NODE_MODULES WITH DEV

Dev: okay

Manager: just trust me, I’ve been doing this for years

Who the fuck put this man in charge.

Lead dev: Hey boss, you really do like Python right?

Me: No

Lead dev: Well it's cuz I was think....wait what? WTF do you mean no, you have automated a fuckload of BS with Python and we are still using it, why tf would you use Python if you don't like it?

Me: I like it enough for the automation scripts that we have and for parsing documents or generating glue scripts, its already installed in every server that we have, so testing bs in dev and then using them in prod is cake, it doesn't mean I LOVE python, I like it for what we use it.

Lead dev: Well ain't already bash and perl installed as well?

Me: Do you know bash and or perl?

Lead dev: No, don't you?....

Me: No......

L Dev: (using a Jim Carrey impersonation) WELLL ALLRIGTHY THEN! What is the other language that you used for X project?

Me: Clojure, do you remember that one?

* he said paren paren paren paren yes paren i space paren do close paren close paren etc etc
L Dev: (((((((yes (i (do)))))))) and nevermind, I'll get back to working more with Python

Me: das what I fucking thought esse

I work for a Fortune 500 company where the proposed "solution" that I almost always hear is, "Let's use an Access Database for that" As a FullStack Dev my response is always the same:

Dropbox TLS 1.0 & 1.1 is deprecated
Dev: we need to upgrade our projects
Manager: we don't have time for that. can you call to their helpdesk, so we can keep using our projects w/o upgrading?
Dev: ....
Manager: call them!
Dev: ...

Unaware that this had been occurring for while, DBA manager walks into our cube area:

DBAMgr-Scott: "DBA-Kelly told me you still having problems connecting to the new staging servers?"
Dev-Carl: "Yea, still getting access denied. Same problem we've been having for a couple of weeks"
DBAMgr-Scott: "Damn it, I hate you. I got to have Kelly working with data warehouse project. I guess I've got to start working on fixing this problem."
Dev-Carl: "Ha ha..sorry. I've checked everything. Its definitely something on the sql server side."
DBAMgr-Scott: "I guess my day is shot. I've got to talk to the network admin, when I get back, lets put our heads together and figure this out."
<Scott leaves>
Me: "A permissions issue on staging? All my stuff is working fine and been working fine for a long while."
Dev-Carl: "Yea, there is nothing different about any of the other environments."
Me: "That doesn't sound right. What's the error?"
Dev-Carl: "Permissions"
Me: "No, the actual exception, never mind, I'll look it up in Splunk."
<in about 30 seconds, I find the actual exception, Win32Exception: Access is denied in OpenSqlFileStream, a little google-fu and .. >
Me: "Is the service using Windows authentication or SQL authentication?"
Dev-Carl: "SQL authentication."
Me: "Switch it to windows authentication"
<Dev-Carl changes authentication...service works like a charm>
Dev-Carl: "OMG, it worked! We've been working on this problem for almost two weeks and it only took you 30 seconds."
Me: "Now that it works, and the service had been working, what changed?"
Dev-Carl: "Oh..look at that, Dev-Jake changed the connection string two weeks ago. Weird. Thanks for your help."
<My brain is screaming "YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO LOOK FOR WHAT CHANGED!!!"
Me: "I'm happy I could help."

As a lifelong Windows user who recently started using a Mac (for iOS dev), I have to say, my mind is blown. I now get the Mac hype.

Jr. Dev: We got an issue in prod.
Sr. dev: Okay, what is the issue?
Jr. dev: Don't know, just got an email.
Sr. dev: Did you check the service?
Jr. dev: Which service?
Sr. dev: What have you debugged so far?
Jr. dev: I explained you the issue and waiting for your inputs.

😑😑😑😑😑

Dev: Can you please tell me why you changed this?
Me: Because we need to handle permissions in the app. The quickest way of doing it, according to the docs, is [insert change log here]
Dev: But we can just check for the user's token.
Me: That's not exactly a permission, because...
Dev: I was only showing the information related to the user according to their token.
Me: I understand. But that means you're filtering data, not authorising users to access it. If a user is logged in, but changes query parameters, they can still access data they shouldn't be able to.
Dev: Whatevs.

Le me then proceeds to try to push my changes (that took the whole day to implement), gets a "you need to pull first" message from git, doesn't understand why, logs onto GitHub and realises dev has implemented their "permissions".

I was the one responsible for making those changes. Le dev was meant to be doing other things.

How do I even begin to explain?

~ 10yrs ago, Dad: I'm a dev, your mom's a dev. I paid for you to go-to business school... But you still became a dev. And your brother also wants to be a dev

Now after me and bro moved back with then bc of COVID. The house is basically WeWork on weekdays.

Good thing we're all devs so can with remotely.

Long rant...

*Designer Posted image of newly designed layout for our app on trello.

Dev 1 (me, being the junior, on ios) : so... What's the size for x, Y, z, a, B, C?

She: it's 9 for the small text, 10 for sub title, 12 for main title.

*shows her the design on app
Dev 1: seems too small

She: just make it to look not small.

Dafug?

*finishes the app layout for that screen.
*working on next screen

Dev 1: your new design is for the screen of 1920x1080. But our supported screen size starts from 320 width. So there'll be text overlapping each other and ui might screw up.

She: uh.. Just... Put those that will overlap to the next line.

*shrugs
Dev 1: ok
=======
2 days later
Dev 2 (senior, working on Android)
Dev 2: so... What's the colour for x, Y, z

*Dev 1 laughs on the inside because of the struggles we have with her.

Dev 1 to Dev 2: is it common for her not to follow the design guidelines?

Dev 2: yeah man.. We just have to adapt her design into our app guidelines.

*sigh

Dev 2: there's a new icon here on this screen, so you wanna change the icon? Can I have the icon file?

She: oh.. No.. Use back the old one, because I just copy and paste.

Dev 1: so... This progress bar of yours, doesn't show its background colour, because you filled it already. So what's the background colour if the bar isn't filled?

She : hmm.... Oh.. Well.. Maybe try x.. ? *doesn't look nice* how about Y? *doesn't look nice* how about...

Me : why not you try in your computer first instead of me changing it here by code, it's much faster this way.

*seriously, wth?

Dev 1 and 2: there's additional text in your new design, what is it for?

She : oh.. No no. I copied extra due to copy and paste. Just ignore it.

Dev 1 and 2: what's the spacing gap between x and Y? And how about the size of the box?

She : oh.. I just estimate it, and for the box, not sure either, you can follow old design, because I'm just putting a box there for illustration purpose.

Mother fickle, what fuck man.

Dev 1 and 2: *flips table.
*we didn't, but.. It's freaking annoying.

I have an interview with one of the big 4 in 2 weeks.

The post is for a java dev, they contacted me even though I'm a PHP dev.

I know the interview questions will be in java... What do I do??? :-(

I worked with java for the last time 2 years ago...

Using Ubuntu for the first time on my new XPS-13 Dev. Ed.

I'm loving the OS but it sure is frustrating. Can't even get Spotify to download -.-

The screen wasn't perfectly mounted so I unmounted it from the wall for now and rotated it. For a dev this is actually pretty cool :D

Not sure which is more painful for a dev machine - 13" screen or only 8GB of RAM

Either way, I have both 😢

Never cheat on a dev!!
This is navigation API for Iran's transportation organization.

New spin on the Manager / Dev format!

Recuiter: WE NEED AN ABSOLUTE NODE EXPERT, NODE NODE NODE, WE LOVE NODE! WHAT IS YOUR NODE EXPERIENCE?!?!

Dev: Well I've had exposure to it since it was nearly new, all the way back in 2012, and since my professional career started about 7 years ago I've used it fairly often on a per-project basis.

Recruiter: WELL HAVE YOU BEEN USING IT DAILY FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS!?!

Dev: Well no, as I said I've used it for specific projects... anyway, there are these things called weekends...

Recruiter: WELL WE ONLY WANT NODE ZOMBIES SO SORRY.

Dev: Thanks for reaching out and wasting my time.

Recruiter: ...

Dev: ...

God recruiters are like robots, don't they understand senior-level engineers are language agnostic?

I didn't know they had a name for it. I thought I am the only one dev who is affected by this. Phewwww

First interview for a dev position for a co-op in less than 10 minutes. My heart is pounding.

Just a thought...

Is it illegal to remove a geo blocker from a website by just setting the display to "none" in the dev tools?

Asking for a friend.

Slack Boss: hey, could you check work of dev that is okey, we want this update fast.

Me: hey, just tell him to open PR and assign me, I will check and merge changes.

Slack notification: Dev: Hey, could you please merge Pull request on the project ?

Me thinking, hmm weird, I didn't get email.
Checking github, 0 pull request.

Me: hey, I don't see any pull request open, and when you make pr, just assign me I will merge it right away.

Dev: takes half a day

Dev: Makes pr and assign correctly me.

Dev on slack: HERE is PR open now @me.

I get 3 notification to see this PR, sure at least it is there.

I check this PR, 50 commits, X conflicts, cannot merge this.

Me: Hey, @dev please fix conflicts in your PR.

DEV: takes another 2 days to respond.

Boss in the meantime: hey, have you pushed those new changes ?
Me: I am waiting for conflicts to resolve.

Dev: I fixed the conflicts @me.
I check the PR conflicts are there.

Me: are you sure you pushed your changes @dev ? I don't see them resolved

Dev: takes another day and pushes changes to resolve conflicts.

Me: merges PR to master becaus he based it on master, I will sync the developer branch myself.

All good, everybody happy.

I write to dev: Next time base your changes on develop branch and resolve conflicts before making PR.

Two weeks later new PR From this dev.

Based on Master, conflicts everywhere.

"Eww that is not Dev-related!"
Shut the fuck up. For me, devRant is a social media for developers and not a social media about only dev-related shit.

"devRant is a fun community for developers to share and bond over their successes and frustrations with code, tech, and life as a programmer!"
You see?
"for developers"
"about code, tech and *life*"

For fucks sake... Stop crying around and just dislike it if you don't want it.

The worst thing about being a dev is explaining to these fucktards that facebook can't be hacked.
But what is even worse, is when these dipshits say that i am a bad dev for not hacking facebook for them.
Use that big stupid head to sometimes think straight and stop being a little twat.

Joined a new company / team to work on an iOS app that has 2 different backend environments "Dev" and "Prod". Also being referred to in iOS speak as "Debug" and "Release".

Been trying to get accounts on these backends (no sign up in app, its controlled via another process). Eventually get access to "Dev" for one of the regions, so I load up "Debug" and its not working.

This is odd, so I open the Android app and load "Dev" and it works? I then Notice Android has "Dev", "QA", "Staging" and "Prod" for every region where as iOS only has 2 of these.

So I go back to iOS and find the file for the settings and it has iOS Debug assigned a variable for the backend Dev ... which is actually pointing to QA. Because they use QA to Debug and not Dev.

... confused? join the club

Really just an average week.
Just feel I need a bit of venting. (:

@meet: (monday)
- mgr: we need video transcoding and VOD ASAP.
- dev: on what server? It's expensive, especially without a GPU.
- mgr: prod is beefy. Put it there.
- dev: everything else is gonna crawl then.
- mgr: you have till the end of this week.

@demo (Friday)
- dev: k, it's ready.
- mgr: Why is everything slow??!
- dev: transcoding. Expensive.
- mgr: Why do we transcode? Never said I wanted transcode!
Can't we upload to YT?
- dev: ...yes. But will then each customer that wants VOD will need to setup YT studio and provide an endpoint and stream key.
- mgr: OK. But we're now behind schedule because of this and the customers will not be pleased.
- dev: oh, didn't know we're into gaming.
- mgr: ???
- dev: nvm, see you Monday.

...
Later Friday evening
...
*ding* mgr has added 5 new tasks to your list.
*ding* mgr subtracted 30 points from you.
reason: deadline over due.

Ya ya, the usual shenanigans.
Time to mute for the weekend.

Remember to regularly defragment your drives on linux. use this handy command.

dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sdX bs=1M

Terminology:
dd: Disk defragment
if: input file (the pattern to search for, and should always be /dev/zero)
of: output file (your disk, /dev/sda for instance)
bs: blocsize 1M is fine here

My gf (she is a dev too) gets mad at me, cause i ask for her help and it usually ends up as plain rubberducking...

Not my fault!

Dev manager: Php 8 is around the corner and i'd like to move the project to it
Dev: this would be a huge change I don't think you understand what you're asking...
Manager: Yes I understand, we'll plan 2-3weeks for the migration
Dev: the app is under symfony2.4, what you're asking is completly off the mark
Manager: look we'll plan it and we'll see don't be pessimist
Dev: ok whatever

I left the company, good luck to my fellow dev

Stougles of a developer whose native language is not English.

1 ANSI keyboard for dev
1 local ISO qertz keyboard for everything else with weird characters

Let junior dev design module.

Make code review.

What junior dev says: "It is a totally flexible concept!"

What junior dev means: "It is extremely shitty to use for the one use case it was meant to do, but it will be equally shitty to use for all the use cases we will never have."

Back to square one.

Worst dev advice?

Mgr: "Stop trying to use that agile shit for your projects. Waterfall is the only way proper application development is done."

I think my server got hacked, yesterday I made a new server on scaleway for the sake of testing I made a user called dev, with password dev. Forgot to change password before I went to bed.

Logged in today to find that load is 5x.x and this (image) in my crontab

Note to self: You are a disgrace, who the hell uses 'dev' as password for ssh on port 22 -_-

Manager: We need to fix this QA backlog. I’m going to share the workload of doing QA.

Dev: Please don—

*Dev email notification getting spammed with approvals*

Dev: …Are you even pulling the code down to test it locally?

Manager: There’s no time for that! We have to get this PR backlog pushed through! I’m just looking at the code to see if it looks good and approving based on that.

*Later that day*

Manager: HEY NONE OF THE FEATURES ON STAGING MEET THE REQUIREMENTS AT ALL. THIS IS A BUGGY MESS, WHAT HAPPENED GUYS??

Dev: …

"This pub is famous for its pork dishes. And I usually buy liquor from that stop, quality approved."

- one dev friend

// said "best advice"
// not "best dev advice"

Manager: This dropdown is hard to use on mobile

Dev: I thought building this for mobile wasn’t in the scope?

Manager: I changed my mind. It’s a lot easier for me to test on mobile so just rework it so it works on mobile. But only for testing.

Dev: How about I make the dropdown a rotary dial instead?

Manager: Good idea!

Dev: …

Devrant is the 8th result on ddg for "free dev sticker"

!rant

I've been struggling for the past year with:

Dev work
Ops work
"Management" work

This last month I made a decision, I don't give a fuck anymore and just gonna do my dev work which is the one I'm paid to do.

Never been better. Its healthy whem you let all those fucks go away :)

Being me. Fresh out of UNI with a three year bachelor in CS, no work experience. Starts in a big tech company with a lot promise of exciting project etc. Starts in 3 projects with one lead dev and two senior devs.

First month begins. I start by setting up my local environment and read documentations, which is fairly irrelevant and old. One of the senior devs quits.

Second month begins. Lead dev quits as well and the other senior dev having sick leave for the rest of the month. Basically I'm on my own, but thankfully not responsible for the projects.

Third month begins. The other senior dev is still sick. Nobody to help. Now I'm forced to talk to customer with a lacking knowledge of projects. Nobody knows what is going on. Hopefully my other senior dev will come back.

Fourth month begins. My senior have quit as well. I've been assigned as responsible of all three projects now. FML.

Fifth month begins. I begged my manager for help. Got a junior dev to help me with one of the projects. He and I still have no clue what we should do.

What a shitty start to a career as a developer.

Anybody having a similar experience?

Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:

Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”

Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”

Dev “I dunno”

Me “Are there error messages?”

Dev “yes”

Me “….would you like to share them with me?”

Dev *sends error*

Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”

Dev “yes”

Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “

Dev “…”

Me “good luck”

Manager: Can you stay late as fuck today? One of our bitchiest vendors is gonna update their piece of crap and I'm pretty damn sure shit is gonna hit the fan

Dev (inner voice): no fucking way, I have kids to watch and chores to do!
Dev (outer voice): can't we just check everything in the morning?

Manager: No fucking way! If there is some fucking "challenge" when our "people" try to log onto their shit, I'm gonna look like a chump!
Let's talk silvers, I will sign on that bloody commie bullshit for your hours tonight.

Dev (outer voice): Fine. Until how late?
Dev (inner voice): Wait, I was supposed to do it without getting overtime bonus?

Client: we want X.
Dev: Quote for X.
Client: We only want to pay x.
Dev: Requote for x.
Client: approved x.
Dev: Deliver x.
Client: where is X we asked for X.

... perspective of project scope matters.

Interviewer: Yeah so we're hiring you as the person who would build out and own our client-facing web application and related stack.

Dev: Perfect, that's what I've been doing for the past 10 years, I'm your guy.

Interviewer: GREAT SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORK AND EXEC ON A PROCESS ON A LINUX MACHINE!?!?!?!?

Dev: I don't... know immediately at this moment?

Dev: Sigh

Dev: I hate my life

Dev: Somebody please help me

We have a new lady in HR and boy is she noisy. She just can't seem to keep her mouth shut for even 2 seconds. She has opionions for everything, even dev related conversations.

Manager: we need to design an admin system for a veterinary centre

Dev: ok, this is it, remember your training

namespace Vetcentre{
class Dog : Animal {

}
}

Confused as hell: Android TextView is equivalent to iOS UILabel, and iOS UITextView is somehow equivalent to Android EditText! 😡😡😡

Learning Android should be hard for an iOS Dev!

Today in horror stories: setting up the local dev environment for a project I'm taking over creates changes and notifications in prod.

Oh and my local dev env is somehow receiving data from actual patients. I don't know how.

A dev posts a link to his website on a dev group I admin, first thing said site does is ask for my location. I look, no map not logically apparent reason for it, so I close the site.

Ask they guy why he is asking for such private info and he responds to tell me that he does not think a person's exact location is that private, and if he really wanted it he would just use the IP address.

Like how many fucking levels of dense is that.

Serious question, what's so great about using Macs for programming and dev work? Junior dev here and all my colleagues and superiors can't stand them.

Is there actually a technic benefit that I'm missing?

Junior Dev me: ok boss, coding is basically done, just need to do some more system testing.
Senior Dev: fantastic let me take a look.
(3 hours later)
Senior Dev: ok so I've made some small changes and pushed, could you pull my edits.
me: sure
(pulls changes)
(EVERYTHING Is changed)
(try to compile)
(doesn't compile)
Me: sorry, it doesn't seem to compile for me
Senior Dev: I never tried to actually build it, it's only a small change
me:

My dev superpower would be finding bugs instantly, because I think looking for bugs is the most time consuming part in programming.

Me ( a python dev) pointing to a good java joke in dev rant to my brother who happens to be working at TCS for the past 5 years as a Java Developer...

Me: Java is shit...
He: huh java is the best! every language in the world is written over java. My manager said this.
Me: I think I will kill him today in his sleep.

Is it weird that I like windows 10?
Also should I install a dev environment for Windows 10

well, for now, my biggest dev ambition is to become a compiler designer/programmer... or OS designer/programmer.
In short, systems programmer (compilers or OS).
😅😅😁😁

The dev usually sitting next to me is on vacation. Our senior dev is on vacation. Team analist, on a plane to a Greek beach as we speak. Both architects the company employs, gone for another two weeks or so. Lead analist, you guessed it, on vacation.

I'm enjoying the peace & quite for now but god forbid I run into any problems these next coming weeks.

My biggest regret working for a company that is not willing to buy decent dev machine when they actually can afford it.

Got my first dev job interview soon and the company want to take me out for dinner, is this normal practice?

I still wonder why people go to programming classes thinking a dev is paid a lot. Not all devs are paid a lot and it takes passion and hard work to be a good dev. Don't just go there for the money. You'll regret wasting your life.

The competition for "coolest tech/dev mug" is heating up

The best stress reliever tool is dev rant for me. Is that same for you ?

Is it just me, or is the term full stack developer a bit carelessly thrown about in job listings and such?

In the past, as far as I can tell, you could refer to yourself as a full stack dev if you had experience with both front end and back end technologies.
If you for example knew HTML/CSS, JS, PHP and MySQL, you'd be a full stack dev.

Now however, I feel you need to know so much more to justify calling yourself an actual full stack dev, and yet most job listings ask for a full stack dev.

What do you guys think?
Should the term full stack developer still be used, and what do you need to know to justify calling yourself a full stack dev without feeling like a liar?

My first dev job is like attending college. I just study php and Codeigniter for 6 months. Low pay but I learned a lot.

Question for the old timers: is it possible to work as a dev for the rest of your life and be happy?
.
.
.
Does it get any better or is dev burnout baked into the business model of every company?
The CEO flat out admitted it was exactly that where I'm at a few weeks ago 😞

Porn is Ok. I have to open incognito for my Dev Queries.

Dev and Social balance?!?

There is no balance it is one and the same. If you need balance between them it means they exclude each other.

Dev is sociable to an extreme. In which other field do you see hundreds of random people collaborating as if they were friends for decades?

Someone recently told me that learning command line is pointless for a developer today, the world has moved towards GUIs for a reason and there is no point in making your dev life harder.

Opinions?

Probably gonna quit dev and get a job outdoors. Dev sucks dick, is too boring, and it is too political for me

Boss yelled at lead mobile dev for low productivity because the project manager present him wrong timetables and added accidentally one more week of work.

Next day boss yelled at the lead mobile dev cause the back end wasnt working well.

Project manager and lead back end developer enjoy life! Front is hell :P

management logic.

dev : calling api on every product scroll is a stupid idea. we shouldn't do it. what if user has 100s of products bought?
mgmt : it isn't a practical scenario. in prod, we checked the data and we rarely have customers with more than 20 products
dev : 😮🤷‍♂️

dev : this is a rare issue that only happens for very old devices from this specific manufacturer. even manufacturers have acknowledged this.
mgmt : we don't care. fix it, as per data this error has been logged for more than 12 times (from 1 user only)
dev : 😮😢

suddenly remember have to pay rent. but it's holiday.
is there any job hunt site that pays $200 for 2 days web dev work? 😂

Google just announced the .dev TLD which is now available for registration.

I guess it's time to change all my personal project host names to something different 🤷‍♂️

4 months into the journey at an ambitious streaming startup we, a team of 10 engineers (primarily full stack), sets up a tiny and performant express.js api setup.
We document plans for improving the maintainability, including outlining specific practices (not very different from general node best practices) that need to be followed for all new development.

Enter a new engineering manager (dedicated backend manager), henceforth referred to as S, with a rat face and brain that belongs in a rat hole.

Week 1:
S: let's push this new feature out asap
Dev: it'll need a couple of weeks to get done right
S: let's push out a functional version tomorrow, and revamp in the next iteration
Dev: ... (long pause) there's documented practices specifically directing against this
S: can you not do it by tomorrow
Dev: not if it needs to be done right
S: all you need to do is.. (simplifies changes spanning 5 modules into a 3 line summary)
Dev: yes, (outlines how each changes chains into the others, and how to keep the development maintainable for atleast a few months)
S: (interrupts every sentence saying "yes dev, I understand, yes yes")
Dev: could you please tell me how you expect me to connect (outlines two modules that would fail unless developed as standalone services)
S: Yes dev, I understand, yes yes. I don't have much experience with Node.js, so I can't tell you that.

Dev:
<_<
>_>
O_<

Our.. entire.. backend.. stack.. is.. Node. (Months of motivation, cultivated through hard work over late nights, dies inside)

I need a J and some sleep.

Company is celebrating new awards. Whole dev team basically says fuck you we have better things todo and isn’t attending for champagne.

(I guess the Question category is the best for this)

Do you believe that someone can be a good dev even if they write shit code?

I personally do, if that person acknowledges the fact that their code is shit, wants to improve it, is humble, is always in the search for constructive, etc as in to make their code better and more readable, I'd think they are a pretty good dev.

> Reading closely the percona-toolkit docs
> Reach for a coffee mug for a nice sip of the dev juice
> Take a sip...
> ... of air - there was no coffee left

The morning is ruined now.

Why is choosing a name for a new dev project so difficult? It seems 99% of names I think of have already been taken! Any suggestions?

I'm not a web dev but I am pretty sure it is not so easy!
TNW just lost it's respect from me for this click bait!

This is what happens on a dev chat on a friday afternoon. At least he got AVG going for him.

dev: “I want to start working on [feature]”

Me: “I already started to work on it, sorry for not mentioning it, we need specs from design team before I can go on, but I’d suggest going for another task meanwhile”

Manager: “noooo design is very very busy, [dev] will take care of it.”

Me: “[dev] still needs specs from the design team... and I am half done with it so no real point in re-writing the same code I wrote”

Manager: “just trust me, we do this and [dev] takes care of it.”

*me and [dev] look at each other perplexed and just nod to the manager cause it’s Thursday and the fucks to give are over*

... am I actually a patient in an asylum? I question my sanity after this exchange of words.

What is your favourite dev-tool, you can't live without?

For me it's Git. Rescued my life for several times... 😅

#EncouragementFriday

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
― Ernest Hemingway

oh o we are all super intelligent 😎

// TGIF is a luxury for dev so I made a new name for Friday 😋

you know you are in some deep shit when project manager asks for username and password on dev environment

... and as bonus: IE is his default browser

Today is Day Two of my Dev Ops Internship.

The only tasks I have been assigned today is GDPR compliance training, which I did not realize could be stretched out into so much repetitive detail.

I also sat in a meeting with a dev who committed his artifact builds to git and now needs us to remove them for him.

Also, I keep getting called Dylan. My name is not Dylan.

First dev job is my current one.

I'm a software engineer in test, writing automated UI tests for web and mobile apps.

Its pretty great. I work from home with flexible hours. I have a boss but he doesnt manage my dev team, he just checks in to make sure I'm getting support, training and have all my questions answered. My dev team is myself and 2 other people, both of which are cool, and all the work is dev-driven.

Might just stay here until retirement, that sounds easy.

Finally got a new role from testautomation to Embedded sw dev. I will also have to learn Rust for embedded and elixir for web facing side, which is nice!

There is no one who can relate to me around our area. Even my friends are non-dev. It's frustrating. Thanks devRant for existing.

What the best database solution for web and smartphones dev?
Is mysql the good choice?
I’m an “old” dev with old usage, php-mysql-JavaScript.
Is it a 2018 solution or am i a dinosaur?
All data will be stored on server side. Web and smartphone app as client.
Thanks for your experience sharing.

I just want to take a moment to appreciate how lovely and non-aggressive the subscription process for a Mozilla dev newsletter is.

They show a list of topics like
- Mozilla tech
- add on mails
etc

Only the dev newsletter is preselected by default and the rest are unsubscribed by default.

So if I just submit, I'll just get dev mails and I can subscribe to the rest only if I want to.

This is so much better than chrome or other Google bullshit where if I subscribe to a dev newsletter I'm automatically subscribed to every single piece of shit mail available.

You go Mozilla. Thanks for not being a piece of shit.

This rant is about people's random shit in devrant, as a matter of fact, please let me remind you of the meaning of DEV-RANT:

- Dev : technical people only
- Rant : You should scream your guts out here

Memes, Adverts, slice of life, all these weirdo contents are not made for this platform, you have instagram for that ....

So please people. stop telling us that you have ADHD or that you sell some shit because we are supposed to be DEVS RANTING, and sharing our missfortune.

Dev rant is a place where we can vent out, and be comforted by your peers ...

Fuck you spammers !

The project is nowhere near complete, the customers are waiting for demo/proof of concept. the code is spaghetti and I'm burned out.

Oh, and I'm a solo dev.

Starting my first real dev position Monday. Scared about using a windows computer for dev for the first time but stoked.

My rant is against myself that I didn't switch jobs earlier.

So my girlfriend decided to get me a rubber duck for my birthday. This is Yoduck, my new dev companion. 😊

Needed to explain senior Dev what a VPN connection is and why i use it for most of my traffic. He still doesn't understand why i use it... :/

So how on earth is Strict MVC good for web dev. A variation of MVC works well but strict principles no!!!

A newly joined developer (who was supposed to be very senior) comes and asks me how to write a test cos for some reason the person didn't know how to mock.

In Java,
(same for any other implementation which has an interface)
Writes Arraylist list =.....
Instead of List list = Arraylist...

Deployed code (another engineer from another country helped to deploy since this new senior dev didn't have access yet.

But the new senior dev didn't update relevant files in production code which brought down the site for nearly an hour. Mistake aside, the first reaction from this new senior dev is 'WHY DIDN'T THE DEV THAT WAS HELPING DIDN'T DO THE FILE UPDATE?'

This was followed by some other complaints such as our branching stragies are wrong. When in fact the new senior dev made a mistake by just making assumptions on our git branching strategies and we already advised on correct process.

Out of all these, guess this is the best part. The senior dev never tested code locally! Just wrote code, unit test and send to QA and somehow the test passed through. I learnt this when I realised this dev... has not even set up the local environment yet.

I keep saying new but this Senior dev been around like 3 months! This person is in another team within our larger team but shares same code base. I am puzzled how do you not set up your environment for 3 months. Don't you ask for help if you are stuck? I am pretty sure the env is still not setup.

Am I over reacting or is this one disgusting developer who doesn't even qualify for an intern let alone a senior dev? It's so revolting I can't even bring myself to offer help.

Just bought the pathfinder starter pack for some dev friends over at the office. The nerd cave is finally coming back!

Once upon a time, there was a young, clean-shaven dev.
Soon in his career the smooth faced dev realized he had a knack for cloud setup. He understood permissions and network configurations, he could tell apart security groups from access groups, he could get all the information needed for an IPSec VPN in a single breath.
But if things got really tough, if the network layout was really messy, if the security settings too arcane, some older, bearded senior dev would come to solve everything.
Time passed, the junior dev got better at stuff, switched companies many times, solved a million problems, delivered countless projects, attended infinite meetings - twice - and, as often is the case, the senior devs, one by one, left the companies and run ever more scarce each day.

One day, a long, loooong time after his first meeting, the once young dev was solving network problems. Weird ones. Tough security requirements. Poorly documented cloud services. For hours, the dev and his colleagues toiled away, chipping at the problem without getting at its core.
The silence fell in the meeting. Everybody looking at each other, waiting for someone to say something.
Then they all looked at the dev, their eyes crying for help.
And the dev realized that he hadn't shaved in weeks.

-------‐‐-------------------------------
I've shaved since then.
And I did solve the problem. Took many more hours, though.

Agile is a fancy word for we, the top Dawgs can change the requirements at any time and you dev peasants will have to deal with it.

My biggest dev ambition is to continue supporting and improving the same codebase for at least 5 years.

That codebase is already 6 years old and going strong.

For me,, getting through non-dev days is way harder!

Be me
Newb Ui dev
New job , learn c#
Become xaml pro first
Newb ui dev
Today building menu
It's breaking ree.
Ok I go through an fix
Part fixed
No reee
Commit build for other my senior dev
We have online compiler
Receive build fail
Reeee
My code is good
I'm sweating bullets
I call other dev
Yo I f***** up
Help me
Go figure it out ... reeee
I go spend 40 mins
Don't know what is killing build
Reeee intensifies.
Going to shit diamonds
Reeeeeee
Other dev, lol my bad I turned on somethin that break ur build. Your not fired congrats.
Reeeeeeeeeeeeee

TL;DR: When picking vendors to outsource work to, vet them really well.

Backstory:
Got a large redesign project that involves rebuilding a website's main navigation (accessibility reasons).
Project is too big just for our dev team to handle with our workload so we got to bring a 3rd party vendor to help us. We do this often so no big deal.
But, this time the twist was Senior Management already had retained hours with a dev shop so they want us to use them for project. Okay...

It begins:
Have our scope / discovery meeting about the changes and our expected DevOps workflow.

Devs work Local and push changes to our Github, that kicks off the build and we test on Dev, then it goes to Staging for more testing & PM review. Once ready we can push to prod, or whenever needed. All is agreed, everyone was happy.

Emailed the vendors' project manager to ask for their devs Github accounts so we can add them to the project. Got no reply for 3 days.

4th day, I get back "Who sets up the Github accounts?"

fuck me. they've never used Github before but in our scope meeting 4 days ago you said Github was fine...??

Whatever, fuck it. I'll make the accounts and add them.

Added 4 devs to the repo and setup new branch. 40min later get an email that they can't setup dev environment now, the dev doesn't know how to setup our CMS locally, "not working for some reason."

So, they ask for permission to develop on our STAGING server.. "because it's already setup"... they want to actively dev on our staging where we get PM/Senior Management approvals?

We have dev, staging, production instances and you want to dev in staging, not dev?... nay nay good sir.

This is whom senior management wants us to use, already paid for via retainer no less. They are a major dev shop and they're useless...

😢😭

Cant wait for today's progress checkup meeting. 😐😐

/rant

Wooh! I finally have some work, I'm now the composer for a small dev team, unpayed of course, but this is a fangame, a passion project. I'm so happy!

Dev: Please let us know when will be a good time to make a DNS switch for launching the site?
Client: ok
...
....
Client: one hour later, hey I did a DNS switch to your server but the site is not there?!
Dev: (Fuck me running!!) fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck my life!

Is it only me or your family and friends also ask for free dev favors for their friends?

the two code review personality types

review activity:

- dev A: requests code review, sets dev B and dev c (myself) as reviewers

 - dev C comments: this review is marked with a complexity > 9000, touches > 20 files and has zero comments... also there's a lot of refactoring going on, making it hard for me to tell what the actual relevant changes are. can you please add more comments to this review?

 - dev B (10 mins later): approved review

Dear devrant community, I have a question...

For perspective, a few years ago, we had an incident, where one dev was looking for other employment, he did not say anything, he was just looking, and ended up accepting an offer, handing in his resignation and all that. But there was another dev doing the same thing, but he informed management that he was thinking of leaving, and would be attending interviews... Personally I note difference in treatment of the dev that was honest, he was slightly getting phased out and getting the cold shoulder most of the time combined with weird kindness that was cearly not sincere, where the other dev was given a hard time for not saying anything about them looking for other opportunities, and treated as though they betrayed all the trust they had earned and no longer deserved to be trusted....

My question is, what, in your opinion, is the right thing to do when you are looking for a new opportunity? Do you tell management, or is it actually none of their business?

What's with Angular? Why are there so many Job Openings for Angular in India? It's like every recruiter is asking Angular. And the pay is much more than the backend Dev positions. Just because its frontend. I feel voilated for being a backend dev.

Not strictly a dev-goal, but anyway:
Now that I am responsible for a few people in the company I work for, my goal is to find a balance between managing and dev, and to help them develop their skills, be productive, and enjoy their work.

The best part being a dev for me is that my hobby is also my job. And my hobby pays well 😎

When people ask me what I do for a living I reply : "I'm dev" (Which is "Je suis dev" in french) and people always think I'm called Dave

My first rant in ages:
Been assigned to a new Laravel project at work and the murthafucking lead dev got no fucking clue how to architect a big laravel app. Lead dev talking trash about encapsulation and every big oop grammar he can find while asking us to come up with an architecture concept for the app.
My annoyance is, the fecking project been in planning for like 7 months and d lead dev keeps saying he is looking for ideas on how we will build the app. Fuck this shit!

!rant!
I have replaced a dev in a company where the project already started and it is shit! The project is directed already to fail, no requirements documentation, no proper communications, and a stubborn dev teammate.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

All the documents that we have right now is I am the one who created it. Like c'mmon! this project is already going for 1 year and I recently just joined the team!

*Dev is non-native english speaker

Dev: we need the VPN ip.
Me: the server ip or the connected device ip.
Dev: the server.
Me: gets the ip.
Dev: this doesn't work, is this the VPN ip ?
Me: Gives the device ip. Works.
Dev: OK. Works now.

Could have just asked for the client IP in the first place but s/he didn't know how to.

I have been trying to freelance for people who don't speak english as a first language and getting the Requirements is the hardest part of the job. 😫 .

P.S. Suggestions needed from remote freelancers. What's your workflow like.

!dev

It's here! It's finally here! College (Merican) football gameday is finally fucking here.

Time to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day! 😁😁😁😁

I just became an android dev last week, yay for me. Though, I really hate how I inherited more than 50k lines of spaghetti!

They ask me to fix this and that, but that's okay for me, I can manage this.

The worst thing is we don't use any kind of version control system. And I'm always tasked to merge my work with other 2 android dev working on same spaghetti.

well developer life is shit in a political environment

>> Task 1 is given to sr. dev
>> Task 2 is given to jr dev

>> Sr dev gives estimate for task as 2 days. no questions asked
>> Jr dev gives estimate for task as 5 days, whole team starts negotiating (the st dev being the loudest voice"
>> jr dev ends up with a timeline of 4 days.
(btw task is heavy enough for 5 proper days)

both start work
>> jr dev does the task in 3 days, tries to clear out edges, run test cases, clear doubts (thats also a shitty side rant) and submit a perfect task by day 4
>> sr dev starts fast on day1, takes leave on day 2, works on some urgent bug fix on day 3 and delivers task somehow on day 4

>> both gets new tasks on day 5 . this time sr dev still has prod fixes while jr dev is again doing a large task in bad estimates

>> bugs come on day 6. jr dev task bugs 2. sr dev task bugs 25
>> all bugs get aligned to jr dev because sr dev is working on high priority task

wtf? why am i supposed to fix other people's shit? btw this guy is module lead (next position for SSE) now and i am still the junior dev, and we 2 joined the org on the same day :/

he can't follow proper code architecture, writes shit code and he is getting the wins. I am cleaning everyone's mess and i am getting the stick

this is shit life

Does anyone here uses Docker for all the environments (dev, qual, prod)?

If yes, how do you feel about it? How it is?

Is it me or is Software Development basically just Web Development?

I don't hate web development, in fact, I'm learning to become a web dev myself, but everywhere I look, everyone is a web developer.

When looking for a job all the requirements describe skills that are commonly associated with a web developer role despite the title saying Software Developer, all the developer communities I visit are filled with web developers and web dev topics, any topics pertaining to other fields of software development are close to non-existent, and when I go looking into resources for learning the Web Development courses and paths are much more well-supported than other fields.

At first, I was thinking of becoming an Android dev than maybe later learn some web dev but it looks like it would be a better idea to become a web developer since it would be much easier to ingratiate myself into the communities, find resources, communicate with other developers, find a job and I could even use the web dev skills to make mobile apps or apps outside of the web.

Should I stick with Web Dev or continue learning Android?

Being a dev is like playing the best video game there is for money.

Being Ill and a dev is the worst... Not being able to think straight and focus for more then 2seconds really kills any sort of work you can do

A backend dev just told A frontend dev via slack that documentation is not necessary for backend and provided a backend PR for backend feature the frontend dev needed, he said the implementation is easy, am I dreaming or what the he'll is going on here 😩😩

Guess what ? the entire backend has no documentation 🤣🤣🤣🤣, just search the PRs you frontend freaks 😜, I feel sorry for my friend 🤣🤣🤣

What is your prefered language for website dev? I wanna start making my own website but im at a blank point on this side of developing ? :)

Me and Team Developer,
One day he was calling some apis and getting error
Dev - Hey , the apis seem not to work
Me - Ohk which api, i will Check
Dev - Ohk here is the api and issue
Me - Spent time in checking multiple values for same api, and...
it was working fine with no issue.
Me- SO i asked him to check again
Dev- he again said, still the issue
Me- Ohk give me the same input to try
Dev - Ohk Here is the id of the record
Me - Tested and not working... more tested and got issue like, the id was for some other record, and not actual id he need to call
Me- I told the Dev that he was sending wrong id.
Dev - Ohh Shit, i will check
Me - Yeah, let me know
Dev - Yeah , its working and i wasted 3 days just for this issue.
Me - I said yeah Ohk Fine. (Me Frustrated, as time wasted due to the input issue not mine Api)

Most of the time, this happens and i have to jump to solve. Can Anyone related to this happen with you or your team ?
Comment below

!Rant

Finally they arrived 😍❤️

I'm in love

Thanks David and Tim <3

!dev !rant

Having a relationship with co-worker is good or not?
Just asking for a friend

Registered for hackathon with 2 Android dev and 2 Full stack dev. Turns out the theme for hackathon is totally out of our scope. This will be my very first hackathon.
Any advice, roadmap, suggestions for the problem statement?

soo after finishing 1 year of my 2 yr CS program, i moved back to my hometown so my partner wouldn't have to keep commuting for her career. couldnt get a cs job here with no experience and only 1 yr of school and like basically no portfolio to show for myself, i took a customer service job in a tech company with a lot of support for career pathing.

end goals are to end up working for their software dev team, mid goal is to switch into their web dev team from customer service since the career pathing is WAY easier from customer service to web dev, then web dev to sw dev rather than customer service straight to sw dev

so in the meantime i need to be practicing and building my portfolio but FUCK i have NO motivation and with coronavirus fucking up my life and everybody elses all i wanna do at the end of the workday and on weekends is melt into my bed in a semi-comatose state

i woke up early today to get some work done on my portfolio but all im doing is watching grey's anatomy and playing mobile games

i used to feel so motivated and excited to code but the excitement is gone and now even doing stuff for myself is a lot more like work than play

just need to rant it out rn

Basically,

- No such thing as specialty, you are either a full stack dev who develops all aspects of a project and deploys it or your a jobless dev. Its asking too much of companies to pay more than one dev for one project regardless of scale. Paying minimum wage for a single dev is more than enough!

- You develop for a company, if by any chance you find someone willing to hire freelancers, your insane if you ask for more than 500 USD on a full fledged e commerce system coz a couple of wordpress companies do it for less !

Basically, dont be a dev in Lebanon.

Facebook is the new job wall. Seen someone posting asking for a business partners for a new web dev company. Funny thing is, when asking in the holes in his pitch he goes on the defens