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That deserves to be here.
For me coding is best at about half of second 0,5l beer with ~5-6% alc. drunk at rate beer/hour. Did half of my bachelor's thesis during half of that second beer probably.
https://xkcd.com/323/
11 -
Broke my glasses in half.
Not being able to see shit i took my 3D glasses apart and ziplocked my glasses lenses on the 3d glasses frame. Been using this version of my glasses for a good one and a half year. Yeap13 -
Less recruiter and more recruiting company.
Specifially: Robert Half.
t;ldr version:
Robert Half is scammy as hell, and they 'fired' me for quitting when my girlfriend got raped. Really.
------
Robert Half took half of my paychecks for the entire duration of my contracts with them. I didn't know right away because, as a policy, they hide how much the hiring company is paying for you, and they also forbid the company from telling you. (The company pays RHI, RHI pays you). Makes sense why they hide it because it certainly pissed me off.
Long story short, I worked for a php dev shop through them (after telling them to lower their fees or i'd walk), worked there for awhile (while remote moonlighting because why not!), and quit. I quit because my girlfriend at the time had just gotten raped, and with the emotionall fallout from that, there was no way I could focus on two jobs and be there for her. My boss understood and let me leave, though it put him in a bind.
The next day, I got a call from the regional manager of Robert Half. He was a total tool. He demanded to know if I quit, didn't care why I quit, proceeded to "educate" me in the finer points of why that was unprofessional and why i'm unemployable, accused me of lying about idr what, and finally switched into legalese to say "I regret to inform you that you can no longer consider Robert Half as a means of employment." (or something along those lines) and hung up on me. Asshole. I hope various large someones rape him so he has an inkling what it's like to be objectified and thrown away like trash.
Guy was an asshole; probably still is.
RHI was awful and scammy; probably still is, too.
Wasn't really a fan of the job either.
So at the end of it, I wasn't out anything but some patience and serenity (a lot of serenity). I kept the first (remote) job, was there for my girlfriend, and helped her through everything.
But yeah, Robert Half?
They can fucking go to hell.18 -
When half your team uses spaces and the other half tabs... Thank god IDE can convert tabs automatically now but now we are arguing if we should use 2 or 4 spaces. It never ends...
34 -
Pessimistic people: the glass is half empty
Optimistic people: the glass is half full
Engineering people: the glass was not manufactured to the correct specifications5 -
Company grows a 30% and internet starts getting slow.
Solution from company: Block half of common websites8 -
More than half my class: "I prefer the gui from git for Windows to the command line"
The same half: "whoops... How do I revert that?"13 -
Blah blah blah JavaScript is the worst blah blah blah clients suck blah blah blah everyone’s an idiot
Am I instafamous yet?8 -
Fucking evopdf, I spent 2 days trying to figure out why the fuck my js isn't rendering the html for printing. I created the structure in html already, and it's rendered perfectly with js DOM, when evopdf ran from backend it shows nothing, tried not using external script, tried to put value one by one, it works, my css is also broken, thanks fucker, the client only asked to directly download the html page instead of save as PDF. I thought why the fuck not?
evo pdf modified my CSS element for some odd reason, flex and grid got messed up, page width also fucked along with font size, doesn't support some javascript function. I shit you not the .after and let doesn't work. Fucking garbage
Edit: it worked now, but I spend hours today rewriting everything just to looks decent and it still looks like shit fml6 -
*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*
Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*
Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.
Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.8 -
I'm doing code review. Unsure about the deadline, I ask my co-worker:
Me: "Guess I'm half through, when do I have to be done?"
Co-worker: "Well if you're half through, you are already half done."
Me: "No shit, Sherlock."
LOL -
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
― George Carlin1 -
Using 10% React with the rest in Jquery. Importing a giant legacy CSS blob in a newly made SCSS file. Two thirds of the API documentation in docblocks, the rest in Markdown files. Half of the repositories in Github, the other half in Bitbucket. The root of every project littered with ymls and jsons and readmes of stupidly named tools no one has ever heard of.
Fuck your partial refactoring, fuck your little experiments, fuck all this half work. I'm so done with this shit. 😡5 -
Weekends be like:
Half day = *thinking* what should I do in weekend
Half day= *thinking in regret* I didn't do anything productive
😂😂😂3 -
A Java, Python, and C++ programmer are shown a glass that is half-full.
Java programmer - This glass is half-full.
Python programmer - This glass is half-empty.
C++ programmer - This glass is twice as large as necessary.11 -
That moment when you spent an entire day making an awesome webpage (dark themed) and your pm tells you to change almost everything in it because he wants a light-themed website.
Fuck Everyone
(BTW now half the website is dark-themed and other half light-themed because pm doesn't know what he wants)5 -
"heh, I'm gonna instal this package".
Installs in 10 seconds.
"wow, this status bar looks cool..."
Installs in a split second.
"just one apt install before going to this really important seminar."
It takes almost half an hour to download and another half to install.
Aptitude fucking reads your thoughts...3 -
So spent almost all my time on break just hoping to catch the elusive 512++, never came so I went to bed and slept... Woke up and by the skin of my teeth!!!!
9 -
Yall know those small biscuits, with half of them covered in chocolate? I mean why half? Cover it all, or leave ot naked, but this way i cant be sure which is the chocolatey side to put on my tongue in the dark. Its a complete gamble.
...yeah im getting fat8 -
I realized I am a rant grifter...
Somebody makes a good rant. I respond with witty, snarky, or angry response. Then I cash in on them sweet internets points. Rant grifting.8 -
I'm a software developer. Last week I spent half a day teaching a "Senior Data Scientist" how to use git branches. I spent the other half a day teaching him how to use Jira. Now I'm being told that the dev team isn't raising enough Pull Requests. FML
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Accidentally plugged external disk into usb2 instead of USB 3 didn't realise till half way through 60GB VM's copy.2
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Friday is just the day before the day on which the next day is the day before Monday.
And I don’t like Monday’s.
Fuck this.2 -
Fun fact: half the modern Web 3.0 or whatever version number it has now.. requires JavaScript.. to show images.5
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I was studying male anatomy for a 3d model from pics of half naked men. My friends saw me looking at pics of half naked men..3
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Discrete mathematics teacher said "13*37" in the middle of an Euclidean algorithm.
Half the class giggled and the other half just sighed.
These students are your future co-workers.2 -
Drinking game: everytime someone ++/comments/mentions you on devrant , drink half a pint.
Of coffe
-Said Linuxer4fun, 1421 -
!rant / funny
Here is something I saw online while in bed, made me laugh so much cried myself to sleep.
Reminded me of the time my mgr pushed me to make an android app despite me having no prior exp then getting snippy when the end results weren't up to it...
A game designer wanted to commission some conceptual artwork about monsters.
He asked the freelance artist to make him something kinda unique but not too far off, something like a mix between a centaur and a minotaur
The artist unfamiliar with that kinda work asked for more details, the designer said ah just mix em together , its easy, half bull half man and the other half man half horse (already incorrect) and he sent the man off to work.
A couple days later the artist is back...
Here its done, had to look up the monsters online but here ya go....
game designer : wtf is is ?!😡
Arist: half centaur half mino... whats wrong?! 😒
Designer: yeah but you got the wrong halves you dimwit!
you gave me a half "man-half-another-man" creature 😡
Disclaimer:
I found the image somewhere online with not much of any context or history .
I just know it was the product of a massive miscommunication 😂so I patched the story up for this rant
1 -
So I just found out that half the software requirement specification that I spent a good month writing, half of it may possibly be scrapped due to the client constantly changing their minds about what they want to do.3
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dfox +1'ed my very first activities (comment and rant), and I immediately thought he was half a user and half a +1 bot. You know, similar to MySpace Tom. But just now he +1'ed my comment in a rant where he also commented on.
He's real.1 -
Can I just point out how awesome SideFX houdini is!?
It allows you to create (procedurally generate) 3D models using a method that is half coding and half 3D modeling. Kind of the way I'd want blender to work, but 10 times better.
6 -
Went into home office today.
Forgot the laptop charger.
Half the days over and I'm at 16% battery.
Fuck.10 -
Any half-stack developers here?
I think I'm a few stacks short of a quarter-stack. :-/
So much to learn and it keeps growing!1 -
An infinite number of Rubber Duckys typing randomly on an infinite number of keyboards will eventually create half life 3.
Also, a single Rubber Ducky typing randomly on a single keyboard, left alone and unobserved has both created half life 3 and not created half life 3 at the same time.1 -
I’m half developer and half dogshit corrector.
Dogshit specifically being the output of people who fail to properly do the one thing that they are paid for.
Because if I don’t do it, nobody does.4 -
spent half an hour debugging an if statement that won't return anything but false. Apparently, the condition was:
if (check === true). and the check var was a string! so yeah, spent half an hour to realise I was checking if 'true' is true..4 -
Going to make a new programming language, positive# .
Where the default value of a Boolean is true instead of false. -
- halt and catch fire
- silicon valley
- mr robot
are there others, at least half as good as hcf?20 -
Well fuck me i thought working for a company was 1) i do work 2)company pays me. Not fucking spending 3 whole days running between government offices trying to get my taxes done because half of the documents can only be sent online and the other half can only be sent in person.1
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In all development first 90% takes half the time and last 10% takes the other half. Jeez almost done wait for it
-
Yay got my first certificate! C# (even though half of the context wasn't available in our books...)
3 -
Maybe I should’ve gotten a smaller 1.
Anyway maybe just using it hood-up half-zipped.
Thanks to @idontgiveaduck for showing me da swag shop
12 -
Next money saving Discovery! I made my own bubble/milk tea. It actually treated like the ones that cost $5 at the mall.... Finally.
The magic was use half and half milk!!
13 -
Dont forget to clean everything....
If an issues comes from now where and for no reason... Clean everything.2 -
Half of my dev team has decided to leave. Back-end decreases with 75% and front-end team decreases with 20%.
This is the fourth time that half or more of the dev team has to be replaced in my companies existing (which is less than 10y).2 -
That this one component being object orientated is necessary and good design.
We have uh interfaces, theyre contracts.
Spoiler: it wasn't, I could have written it in half the code and half the time. But no, we gotta have those patterns, can't miss on dependency injection!6 -
Windows update process takes half an hour. Restart pc.
A message: "updates have been installed" ...
Ffs You think I didn't notice? And why is there no more information? What exactly did you need this half hour of updating for? At least give me a changelog, or the biggest changes.2 -
I don't write monads,
nor intricate templates,
my code shall be stupid
and simple - free of any
arbitrariness and superfluity.
Clear and evident.2 -
I don't know my problem is. I lost my motivation to code, my enthusiasm and excitement to read a code and solve a problem. My love of my life for 6 years whom I thought she's the one, gave up on us. It was a long journey, lots of ups and downs, but really worth the time and sacrifice. Now, she's doing good, very happy on her life judging from her social media. Can't believe she just moved for 2 months. To be honest, i want her to be happy but quite bitter that she just moved on quite fast. And I don't if this is the reason why I lost my motivation and enthusiasm to code. Or maybe I just don't like the project we're working on. Well, I really don't like it since it's a mobile game, I really want to build webapp or mobile app but it's too late to change the project.
I'm not like this, I used to code until morning without noticing the time, excited to solve a problem that stuck on me for quite a while. I really became a lazy person right now. I feel the pressure to finish the project but I don't see myself working on it, I don't feel interested reading a code. I just play computer games instead of working on my project during my free time. I don't know if I'm depressed. I socialized with people, have fun, happy when I'm with them, but when I'm alone, sadness starts to creep in. I feel like there's an empty void in myself. I don't know, i just want the motivation and energy to work on my project. Im tired, lazy, and feeling burnt out. If you read until this very last sentence, thank you and I'm sorry for reading this nonsense.5 -
120 people on a conference call can't figure out why an half of the country is having connection timeouts3
-
At uni we have one study subject called OSs and we are doing stuff in win server 2016 and win10 half the semester and half semester in linux
Before those classes
Me: windows is not that bad guys why you so mean?
After:
Also me: oh... i get it now. Fuck windows2 -
Ugh.
I got a common cold and was operating on half a brain the last days - today, it took me about half an hour to find the option/flag to set when resizing a shape in the CAD-Tool. Dm
Programming is impossible atm. I hate this feeling.2 -
Half of the day is spent on meetings, and the other half is spent hearing others saying, oohh but do we have a ticket for this task? Should we create a ticket for it??1
-
Jeez, it can be done! Thank you CSS, i really thought it wasn't possible. My bacon is saved. (Overriding an inline style, javascript generated, from a linked style sheet).2
-
Our favorite ticket system blokes are back with a big fat update for their software.
What changed?
All workflows are fucked because everything is somewhere else suddenly!
Half of the features suddenly stopped working!
Variable formats in forms have been changed from {} to [] without reason, migration or warning! Sorry, {Username} ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Half-assed features that don't work half of the time have also been added!
Fucking great!
Who beta tests this shit? Nobody?2 -
Programing courses in my country
Translation:
Learn PHP in only 2 hours and half without any prior knowledge
1 -
Future01
Click, click, click, click.
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,.
Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.
I’m tired of living on popularity driven planet among animals, where number of clicks on likes, subscriptions and links are worth more than iq, education and experience.
Let’s face it - AI is showing us traffic driven recommendations that sucks. If you’re hooked up to social network and can’t disconnect from it you’re half way to matrix. You probably also disagree with me cause you’re serotonin junkie. You can’t stop like you can’t stop eating for a day. Bubble have you in your hands and whatever you do you probably won’t wake up. To be honest most of us won’t. It’s already to late.
I’m waiting for meta so they can put you in virtual world where you can have what you want and at the same time own nothing. They will put you in some small empty space and give you something to eat how many times you want so you can feel safe and click, tap, swipe, scroll more so they can own this planet.
You will be living only to deliver corporate metadata and you will be happy, cause they will make you happy with giving you emotions that you want to feel at exact moment.
If you get out, you won’t be able to interact cause you won’t know how to behave, you will become wild animal.
By going out you will break the law, cause outside world will be long gone. To move to bar or visit family you will travel with autonomous vehicle that have screens instead of windows.
Eventually you stop going to bar cause it’s unhealthy, you stop going outside cause there’s deadly virus and you can die.
They will take you last thing later with birth control so you can have baby whenever you want and with who you want as long as both parties agree by signing baby nft contract, you don’t have to take care of your baby and be pregnant cause it will be robotized, you will see your baby in meta. You will think you feel it using robot hands.
You will never meet your baby in person.
That’s how matrix will start. We’re half way.6 -
*looks at job posting*
*more than half of the first sentence are tech buzz acronyms*
*closes tab immediately* -
So here's a random idea: DDoS defence swarm.
Install the daemon on your server, and every time your server gets DDoS'd, all members of the swarm will mobilise to defend you, but the catch is that your server will have to help other members of the swarm too.
The defensive technique in question can be one of many:
1. Automated IP blocking/reporting with a blacklist in distributed form.
2. Other swarm members counterattack and cooperatively DDoS the offending addresses.
3. Flood the ISP with automated emails to force them to pay attention to the problem.
...or a combination of all of the above.
The only issue I can see with this is abuse potential. A clever person can trick the swarm into DDoSing innocents.15 -
Why are most projects only fun at the beginning? I feel like there should be a "first half" and a "second half" during development.
So if I have worked the whole of first half someone else should work the other half with full bar and zeal just like a football match because honestly most times I feel like I'm gonna die towards the end of the project hoping for another developer to come on as a substitution.
However, in this case instead of going to seat on the bench after being substituted, I am willing to play another match immediately.4 -
As part of my engineering apprenticeship, I was sent to work on a train depot. One day, a mentor of mine called me over and said "Kid - can you go and see Mr so & so and ask him for a long weight?"
I, without thinking about it - went all the way across the depot found the gent and asked him for a long weight. He looked at me, a little bemused - and asked me if I knew what the weight looked like. I said no. He continued to inquire about this weight - it went on for a few minutes until I realised my stupidity. There is no such thing as a long weight - only a long wait.
Needless to say my mentor had a huge laugh together with his mates at my foolishness.
Sometimes things really are quite simple. -
WTF... it works half the time and fails the other half.. is it planned just to drive me mad?! uuhhh..3
-
Elsie: -Does that make it a glass half full or glass half empty type of situation?
Bernard: -We're engineers, means, the glass has been manifactured to the wrong specifications....
Gotta love Westworld :)
(Also, damn.. Do those foldable tablets they use look awesome?!)
(Src: Westworld s1 e6 around 5th minute)4 -
well I start my first dev job in a week and a half. after telling my family I was resigning from my helpdesk support gig, they asked about the pay and didn't understand why the dev job payed more.
I tried to explain it and I think about half of them got it but the older half still just associate it as "computer stuff" -
R.I.P John Doe
He made the mistake of writing unmaintainable code then leaving the team.
I just heard of his passing.
He was brutally beaten to death by the new maintainer. Now the maintainer is behind bars.
And now I've been asked to maintain it.
R.I.P Me as well I guess
Joke of course.6 -
Got half my college calling me "Pennywise" cause I work at the "IT" department. Thanks Saturday Night Live!
-
I have dreams where I stare at code/tables/program output, half of the problems are real and half are made up, I wake up stressed out about not solving anything and trying to remember which is the real half I need to solve.
Why can't I dream about the video games I play? I need to get a life... -
I am an ancient beast called "Humturnal".
..half human..half nocturnal..
I answer life problem and code like a beast at night.
I wake up tired as f**k and I remember nothing in the morning.1 -
An optimist says: "the glass is half full."
A pessimist says: "the glass is half empty."
A programmer says: "the glass is twice as large as necessary."10 -
Caution: only half RANT
I AM FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING MEDIOCORE THINKING OF MY COWORKER WHO WILL BE SOON MY EX COWORKER. AND WHEM HE WILL BE , I WILL DRAFT MY CURRENT ANGER IN SOME SOPHASTICATED WORDS NOT ONLY FOR DEVRANT BUT ALSO FOR MEDIUM AND TUMBLR
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS SHORTSIGHTEDNESS3 -
Play Picross.
...Pretty much that's how I come up with the "bright" idea of making a generator for it. It works but it generates valid hard-to-solve maps (I like randomized Picross but my script's is...hurrgghh....)2 -
Make time. Spend half of it to read about and try things that interests you, spend the other half to create something with it. This applies to any kind of skills.
-
I've noticed loading half of a small dataset twice is faster than loading the full small dataset once from files around half a terabyte.
Any tips?11 -
Trying new things....
Half the battle is deciding wether to try it or not, the other half is deciding wether it’s shit or not. -
happiness is formtting half of your classmates laptop from windows to ubuntu!!!
#WelcomeToTheFamily7 -
FUUUUUUUCK
Got shit copying in the background whilst copying files, installation decides to just restart explorer.exe, because you know, it just can. So the copy cancels half way through, so i delete all the half copied shit and accidently highlight the Program Files folder too... and I Shift+DEL 😠 FML -
The JavaScript Guy (his words) half joking again about replacing the relational database with a document store 🙄2
-
I'm working with an API where, for some reason, half of the numbers are returned as numbers and half as strings. I'm baffled more than David composing hallelujah.5
-
This is about the best blog post describing exactly how the tech industry works. Or doesn't work, as it were.
"I Accidentally Saved Half A Million Dollars"
https://ludic.mataroa.blog/blog/...3 -
In hospital today and the queue is too long, all I see are the help desk computers restarting cause the on board application software isn't running, sometimes a manual paper system > shoddy computerised system
-
I suck at data structures and algorithm, how can i be good at it? Or maybe i suck at programming in general, i don't know, 2 companies emailed me that I didn't pass their technical exam, I'm disappointed and thinking maybe software development is not for me.3
-
Hi, I'm currently taking a software dev course and curious to try using linux for software development. There's tons of linux distros and my question is, what's the best or ideal linux distro for it?8
-
What the fuck is this version control thing? We managed to pass one fucking entire semester building an mobile game without knowing anything about version control. How my team finished the game? Fuck, we just place our source code and files into the folder, archive to rar and sent it through gmail. My desktop was a fucking mess, it was bunch of New Folder(x) all over the place. Fucking school didn't even taught or mentioned even once about that shit. In fact our faculties were all master degree holder. Our life could have been easier back then. So in this last school year, we gonna use that shit in our Capstone project.5
-
Programmers logic:
Wife says to her husband to grab a loaf of bread, if they have eggs then grab half a dozen.
Husband goes out and comes back with half a dozen loaves of bread. The wife is fuming and asked why he'd bought so many. His reply "they had eggs?"1 -
I like scrum. I really love working that way. And imo the daily scrum meeting is pretty useful.
But now we have two of them every day. I don't know how to feel about it :/ the one mornings is good and all but the one in the noon just kills my focus1 -
I'm pretty sure whoever devised the syntax for Kamailio config files was drunk around half the time they were working on it, because only half of it makes sense.
-
Friday.
When you have been trying to understand what your Hindi client wants from you for half a day, then been implementing it for the other half, and then it is 15:45 and based on result you have send him half hour earlier, he decides that no, it has to work differently and want new result, before weekend.
Nope. -
Our QA builds went from half and hour, to an hour and a half and my stress levels are at an all time high trying to get this hotfix out.
Better get the beer out.3 -
Anyone in crypto mining?
Have a small question: why the fuck I am payed half of what I was expecting?!
I know the estimation is not accurate, but half of that or less?!?
(Estimation from the H/s)2 -
Preaching TDD/TFA without having gotten there quite yet. I have unit tests, but only half are actually TFA :(
-
Unit tests are like the second half of a watermelon. It exists, yet no one needs it.
You only need it if you're a misanthrope who wasn't invited when everyone else ate the first half.5 -
Got an email “Welcome to Amazon Web Services” to an old GMail account I no longer use. Seems genuine with no links to shady websites or anything. Does Amazon not verify email addresses or how does that happen?
Also, the mail says I have now 12 months of free tier access, so will they start billing me instead of the random fuck who signed up with my email address?3 -
Both Devrant swag and unixstickers arrived today.🎆🎉
*After wating 2 and half months but really worth it.*1 -
Not sure if reading tech blogs in bed while falling half asleep is a sign of brilliance or insanity.2
-
So I am a back end developer, but the UI team seems to be taking forever to make front end pages with no front end display logic. Any vague estimates for a page with text boxes that calls an API to fill, and API to save?
*This is half serious wondering, half poking fun at vague estimate requests1 -
So there is me, a junior who started half a year ago, my supervisor and a third guy who essentially run the hardware development department. The other dude just left for military service for 18 weeks. Which leaves me with his work. Running half the department as a junior...1
-
Fml trying to keep up with kibana's changes. That shit changes its half of its http calls to use different module in minor version upgrade. Not all but half! So suddenly some of your interceptors will be like huh I don't see this call anywhere.
-
I need an advise for my capstone project. I'm planning to make an online booking system for a ferry company. Planning to make it for android and ios and maybe for web too. Did some research and found about ionic. Looks amazing but not sure if it's the right tech to use for my plan. Also about the payment gateway, I want the customers to pay on the app or the website directly without redirecting them to other website. Not really sure if I can use paypal with this, also i need the system to accept mastercard and visa.
I did the research, so please no hate, I'm not asking for the code. I just want to know the right tech to use. I'm just super confused and lost right now.8 -
Twitter developers will authenticate half of their endpoints with some authentication method and the other half with a totally different one (which doesn't work) and their sales team will have the guts to contact you to check if you're still interested to access their API.
My only interest is feeding your corpse to the ravens.
2 -
!dev
Is a sweet Christiaan girl who will behave until the wedding night then let me put my balls on her eyes really too much to ask for?3 -
About a month in and I've found that Github copilot code suggestions are like magic half the time. The other half is useless garbage.
However, writing comments has been a dream. 99% of the time it gives the correct description. If anything its worth using for just that.1
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