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Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Boss: “Great, thank you.”
Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”
Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”
Me: “Monday”.17 -
Bf: what you doing?
Me: coding
Bf: do you ever stop working?!
Me: I'm not 'working', I'm doing my own project.
Bf: but you do that at work. Why do you want to keep doing it?
Me: it's fun?
--- a few days later ---
Bf: what you doing?
Me: reading.
Bf: omg you're not coding! What are you reading?
Me: a book about coding
Bf: *faceplam*15 -
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 204 No Content
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 413 Payload Too Large
Me: 102 Processing
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 200 OK
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Baby: 444 Connection Closed Without Response
Me: 429 Too Many Requests
Me: GET /sleep
Baby: 307 Temporary Redirect
Me: 101 Switching Protocols
Me: 408 Request Timeout
GF: 102 Processing
Me: GET /sleep
Sleep: 404 Not Found
Me: 406 Not Acceptable
(Morning)
Me: 501 Not Implemented19 -
Mom : My washing machine is not working.
Please fix it.
Me : I am a computer engineer.
Mom : You are an engineer though.
Me : That's not how it works.
.
.
.
2 hours and many YouTube tutorials later
Me : It's done.
Mom : Didn't I tell you you can do it.24 -
NSA: Hey, its looks like you a bit lonely
Me: Yeah sort of
CIA: (Retrieves list of facebook friends), why not hook up with these people
Me: Not interested
FBI: The girl across your room seems to be interested in you
Me: Nah not interested
CIA: We can send someone to keep you company if you want
Me: thanks, not interested
NSA: A girl winked at you at the cafe yesterday
Me: Didn't notice
CIA: What of the lady you spoke to on the phone earlier
Me: Too old
FBI: Can you please move your webcam to the left a little
Me: Bruuuuuhhhhhh!!!19 -
Who knew, Usb and rj45 are the same width? Not me after spending 10 mins trying to work out why mouse not working.
19 -
Me: That's not how browsers work.
Designer: Well, our users need it.
Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing
Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.
Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.
Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?
Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!25 -
Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?
Coworker: what!? No!
Me: yeah... I'm leaving.
Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...
Me: what is that supposed to mean!?
Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.
Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬
Co: God damnit.
Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.4 -
At job interview.
They: What would you describe as your biggest character flaw?
Me: *rolls d8* I pretend not to understand the local language in order to avoid interactions I would rather not have.
They: What?
Me: ¿que?6 -
Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.14 -
Client: Why is this not working?
Me: Because the feature expect a...
Client: I sure hope you won’t expect your client to want to know all these teach behind this feature, as a client, I just expect it to work.
Me: Ok...
Client: So why isn’t it working now? WHY?
Me: 🤦🏽♂️
Client: I need a response!
Me: It is not working because...
Client: Stop telling me logics!! I just want it to work. Why isn’t it working...
Me: It is not working because I fucked up. It will work after I fix it.
Client: Why isn’t it working though... I don’t understand why...
Me: Just let me fix it and it will work...
Client: Why can’t you tell me why... it’s not good communication... (hangs up)12 -
They asked for a web developer
Interviewer : can you fix this printer ?
Me: no
Interviewer : You're not for this job
Me: thanks God I'm not for that job1 -
~Ring ring~
Me: Hello, how can i help you?
User: The system is not working
Me: It's because there is not electricity
User: Oh, thanks
10 seconds later
Me: Hello, how...
User: Hi, it's me again, i checked in the building and there is light in the hallway
Me: It's the emergency lights
User: Oh, thanks5 -
Omfg this fucking guy!!!!
Context:
We are going through a major refactor of some of our backend components. I was tasked with cleaning up our ML code while another guy was tasked with cleaning up the general CRUD side of the backend, let's call him DA for "dumb ass".
** At 11pm
DA: I am getting a strange error from your backend. Look:
"Invalid call: method=PUT expected=[POST]"
Me: you need to send a post request not a put request
DM: no, it's not that. I am sending the right thing
Me: ... Let me see...
* 15min ish of testing *
No, it works fine on my version, 1.1.0 what's your version?
DM: I'm on 1.1.0.
Me: send me code?
DM: *send
"request.put(..."
Me: you are sending a PUT... It's literally in the screenshot. Send a Post
DM: I am
Me: no, send a Post
DM: I don't understand, I am sending the request
Me: it's a post not a put
DM: but...
Me: it's a post not a put
Me: good night!!!!!!12 -
id·i·ot
ˈidēət/
noun
Not paying me for 3 months and expecting me to reply to client emails
synonyms: my boss5 -
Girlfriend: "Test"
Me:"?"
Girlfriend: "just checking. My text would not send..."
Me:"so you pinged me?"
Girlfriend:"Yes. :)"
Me: "198.403.10.32"14 -
Normal devRant user:
- Look, the algo it's awesome, it matches similar content posts, it's so funny!
Meanwhile at devRant Headquarters:
trogus: When are you telling them?
dfox: Ignorance is bliss, my friend
trogus: Well, at least we know the random number generator it's not coded by Sony though, otherwise they would suspect10 -
!rant
I found ftp server login creditals from a company on google, wrote them they should change their password and they sent me a 20€ Amazon gift card.8 -
Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:
Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻💻10 -
Me, in the zone, staring at the code. Co-worker enters.
Co: hey, can you...
Me (not really listening): no.
Co: it's just...
Me: no.
Co: later?
Me: no.
Co: but...
Me: no.
Co: (leaving)13 -
I remember some years ago when a professor asked -
"What is the difference between SQL and MySQL?"
And one of the students answered -
Uh... I don't know... SQL is more like a general SQL and MySQL is a personal SQL...
:|5 -
Friend: So you're like a Developer right? Specifically using JavaScript?
Me: I mean...kinda? Pretty Noobish still...
Friend: But you could like show a buddy of mine some basics right?
Me (thinking to myself...the best way to test your knowledge is to teach it...): well...sure...
Friend: Great here is their info!
*Drives an hour away*
*sits down with this friend of a friend*
*busts out laptop*
Friend of friend: So how long have you been a Java Developer?
Me: -_- oh fuck...
*head desk*15 -
Client: "This does not look like the mockups I gave you."
Me: "tHiS dOeS NOt lOoK LIkE THe mOkUpS i GaVE YoU"
2 -
Classmate: "Databases are not Important"
me: "They are"
Classmate: *fails test*
Classmate: *becomes a dropout*
me: "I told you"9 -
Sister: (she must migrated from iOS to android) you can download these apps and then you can change like colors and themes and everything 😍😱😵
Me: Yeah off course you can...?
Sister: Oh not, oh no, you're not going to tell me you've been able to do this for years?!?
Me: Uhm... Yes...?
Sister: 😵😭😱😭
Not an apple hate rant, just found the convo funny!6 -
Want me to NOT read your fucking article?
'Cause that's how you get me to NOT read your fucking article
(referring to the website creators, not the writer)
9 -
Boss: log in to azure and fix this server
Me: I don't have access
Boss: why not?
Me: you never gave me access...
Boss: ...
Me: hello?
Boss: (never responds in chat)
Me: 😒4 -
She: "Better not visit devRant for the next.. weeks"
Me: "Lol, what have I done?"
She: "The new iPhone is out"
Me: "..."6 -
User: I can't access the system, it keeps asking me to change my password!
Me: ....
Me: Tried changing your password?
User: Not yet2 -
me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯13 -
My teacher told us, that the array size in C is useless, becouse the array is dynamic and can be bigger or smaller everytime you want.. Happy overriding..13
-
Client: My email not working
Me: What error message you getting
Client: Nothing, it's just stuck on Outbook
Me: Is your Internet working?
Client: Yes, of cause am not that stupid
Me: No! No! just asking as checkup
Client: Okay
Me: Open your Internet Browser and goto Google or Facebook
Client: Okay hold on..I am getting message "There is no Internet Connection"
Me: Yea, your Internet is not working that's why email can't be send. Talk to your IT Guy or Internet Provider about it.
Client: Okay, thanks!3 -
*PM on drugs*
PM: The destination list on our Infinity Rider app is not updating even after the user changes their pickup location.
Me: ???
PM: Infinity App not updating after pick up point change.
Me: Not really sure what you mean... Can I get a screen record?
PM: {{sends screen record}}
PM: You see it's showing results of old search. Not good!!!
Me: {{Watch media half way through and saw the obvious}}
Me: Results on available destination are relative to the user's current location and not the pickup address.
PM: Why would that be? Not good enough!
Me: You actually requested that implementation after I had previously made the destination recommendation list relative to selected pickup address.
PM: Please revert immediately!!!
Me: Hmmm... You told me the reason why that implementation was needed was to prevent users from selecting interstate addresses because they could.
PM: Ooh true. You can leave as is.
PM: {{proceeds to delete all older messages but last}}
Me: (⊙_⊙)
{{ 4 hours later }}
PM: I think we need to look into this implementation a second time.5 -
I just had the most bizarre experience of my life. I handed in my resignation letter today. About an hour later, the CEO comes and collects me, takes me into his office, and rants about me leaving and other random not even tangentially related bullshit. Accusing me of not believing in the company and not talking to him. I have no idea if I'm fired.11
-
Boss: here is a mac project, we have not enough time.
Me: what? I didn't not work with Mac and related languages ever!
Boss: yeah, but you are senior developer, this is not supposed to be that difficult to you..
Me: *moment of silence* just tell me who taught you it and project management. because you are the stupidest shitty boss that a developer could have4 -
It's happening... 😂😂😂
Wish me luck.. or roast me
Well it's gonna be dual boot so it's not permanent :P
25 -
piece of code: *not working*
me: okay, i can try this again later
me: *comments it out*
4 hours later
me: omfg why are there so many comments??? :( -
Oh yeah, that's an awesome 404 page, what do you guys say?
P.S. - Page is not developed by me, it's MailChimp
2 -
100% focused, balls-deep in the zone, not sure I could have recalled my own name if you'd asked me...
Suddenly out of nowhere, someone's asking me about a job I worked on over a week ago. I'm mostly answering in just a few syllables, struggling to surface from 20 layers of Call Stack.
This goes on for a full 5 minutes before they say, "sorry were you busy?"
No, I was just about to beat Solitaire.
Of course I was fucking busy jesus fucking christ, did you not see all that code and shit on my fucking screen when you suddenly and urgently had to disturb me?10 -
6 months ago:
Boss: We have this idea to improve our onboarding to avoid drop off in the new app. See this section here? Were going to take that out of the onboarding and just let them pass straight through to the app. Then when they get into the app, there will be a banner telling them they should go to settings and set this up. That way they can ignore it for a while and get into the app sooner
Me: Get into the app sooner to do what?
Boss: Explore it
Me: Explore an empty app with no content, as they are a brand new user with nothing setup? While theres a big banner on the screen saying "You have insecure settings" ... basically forcing them to do it straight away anyway?
Boss: Yeah, we can give them some recommendations or something while they click around. It will be good. This is months away anyway, we'll talk again
Yesterday:
Boss: So this weird unexpected thing happened. We showed some beta users our plans to remove this section from onboarding and they felt weird about it. They said they didn't like the idea of the banner telling them they haven't set it up correctly
Me: Thats not weird, I said the same thing 6 months ago
Boss: ......... oh, really?
Me: Yep. Its not an improvement to get them through onboarding quicker, just to tell them they have to now go do it somewhere else
Boss: ... right. Ok maybe we'll build it anyway and see how they feel with it in there hands?
Me: nope
Boss: ... what do you mean?
Me: We are behind, you've asked me 3 times in the last week if we are going to be able to get everything in on time ... and now you want me to build something that everyone, apart from you, says they don't like. So realistically, i'm going to build it, and then remove it next week ... and we'll have a discussion about what has to be dropped because of this
Boss: ........ right .... ok .... hhhmmm
Me: *sits with resting bitch face*
Boss: ... maybe we can hide the banner until later. Not show it to them until they've done something in the app?
Me: ... maybe we can not do any of this?
Boss: right but then the onboarding will ...
Me: *talks louder* ... yes will be the way our users want it to be
Boss: ... hhmm i'm not sure
Me: Ok heres what we'll do, so long as it doesn't delay me getting the designs I need, feel free to have the designer mock up what it would look like using that figma on device preview thing. If users say they like it, i'll build it
Boss: ... right but it won't be real on device app so ...
Me: Its that or we cut feature X
Boss: ... well we need that
Me: ok glad we agree, let me know what feedback the designer gets
Boss: ... ok10 -
ME: I'm having problems with my parents
GF: Why don't you talk to them?
ME: I can't
GF: Why not?
ME: They're made of code
GF: ... thinking... ~face palm~3 -
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
I knew that not being good with binary would get me one day. This is not really what I had in mind.2
-
Client wanted to add "password usability" features such as:
Password1 === pASSWORD1
Him: Facebook and Google do it
Me: You're not Facebook or Google
Him: Well sure, not without this feature
Me: 🤔11 -
Client: The website is not working on my browser.
Me: What browser are you using?
Client: Microsoft Word
Me: 😫🔫3 -
Interviewer: what's your biggest strength?
Me: I'm a fast learner.
Interviewer: what's 11*11?
Me: 65.
Interviewer: Not even close. Its 121.
Me: Its 1211 -
My department is legit getting a fuckload of heat over some missing reports that were not generated by the lead dev.
Shit falls on me since he ain't here.
Look b. I am gon give it to ya straight: I don't give a fuck, your shit is secondary, unimportant, bottom of the list...call the vp if you want, he gon get a fuckload of indifference as well ....
know why?
Cuz yall motherfuckers want shit done quick af but don't say shit till the same day. Fuck, shit don't work that way...pendejo.
Best thing? I ain't even supposed to be doing this shit at all because of y'all bitches not placing me in the correct classification... -
Everytime 🙄
Client: it's not working.
Me: what isn't
Client: the app video and link thing locator
Me: device and spec ? Like I always need
Client:iPhone
Me: yes. What one and what version of iOS
Client: urm 6s iOS 10 something
Me: great 😏 not broken for me
Client: well everyone is complaining so we need it fixed.
What can i even do now 😐7 -
devRanters: WORDPRESS SUCKS, AAARGH!
Me: You've got a good alternative?
devRanters: Nah, not really.
Me: 😑21 -
me, when someone yells at me for not able to resolve an "electronic" issue because I'm pursuing a computer science degree
2 -
Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.1 -
Made a Website.
What this friendly old Lady wanted: a update to her poem/song website that looked horrible.
What she got: A goddamn masterpiece considering there is NO backend and I got nearly no ressources to work with.
It took forever to put that stuff together since I thought I dont need any frameworks at all. I didnt know PHP at all back then, so I just went all out with everything that pure HTML and CSS could give me.
I even went outside to make nice photos to put into the Background.
....so, he said no PHP or anything? YES! If you wanna add content you change the HTML and upload stuff via Filezilla. I dont really want to see it ever again. But not because it looks bad.
I know, its not really coding since its HTML but I Count this!1 -
Me at an interview...
interviewer: can u solve a 3-sum problem
me: sir, a threesome is not a problem
interviewer: not threesome, 3-sum
me: OOOOO! that makes sense6 -
Opening visual studio prompts me visual studio is not responding hit debug opens up visual studio then not responding again.
Endless loop!2 -
Omg so I've been stuck on this function I'm writing that checks if a certain array value is so many characters long and well, it just wasnt returning false when outside the conditions..
I tried taking it step by step, echoing out every line and it all made sense to me and there were no syntax errors.
Time goes by and inside the configuration file I was testing.. I was changing the value of a DIFFERENT array property than what I was using in my condition. They looked really similar.. fml xD2 -
Not really a rant. But, since I found devrant I started needing less caffeine to help me get me through the day.2
-
Someone commented that they originally looked into Python because he/she liked the way the name sounded (Python sounds cool)
I got one better, I originally researched Ruby because it is Japanese, and I am a filthy otaku15 -
Colleague: Hey! This is not finished!
Me: Did you pull from the repo?
Colleague:
Me:
Colleague: Oh look, it's finished.1 -
So rapper didn't pay me for his site I just built... body {display:none} got me what being polite did not #finallycsscomestotherescue1
-
I remember a few months ago at my school we all had taken the Chromebooks (our county's OS of choice) out and put them on our desks. We were in science, and we needed to take screenshots of websites for some reason. "Everyone go to the chrome store," our teacher said, with a look-how-smart-i-am kind of look on her face, "search for the 'Awesome Screenshot Extension.'" Ugh. This was dumb. I reluctantly searched it up and upon bringing up the description and about to press the "Add to Chrome" button, when I stopped, and made a decision I would later regret. Now, I don't really like this teacher, and she thought she was so fucking smart for finding this shit extension. I raised my hand, and she walked over. "Uhh… I'm pretty sure you can just do Ctrl + shift + []|| to take a screenshot" I said. She was fucking dumbfounded. She yelled out "Class, listen up! [Let's call me 'Ben' for this story] Ben just found an alternative [she was trying to make her extension not seem entirely useless, even though she knew it was] way to take a screenshot. Just press Ctrl + shift plus that box with the two lines next to it. You can use my extension or the one Ben found. Whichever is easier [she damn well knew which was easier]." Three times in the span of the next five minutes she said "just a reminder… you can use Ben's way if you want" to the whole class. Everyone kept looking at me. A few minutes later, she called me up to the computer which was being displayed on the big screen in front of class. She said some people were having trouble, so then pulled all the attention on me to come up to the front of class and demonstrate a goddamn keyboard shortcut. She was running windows 8, and I knew it wouldn't work on her computer. I pressed a few random keys on the keyboard and said "uhh, I think it only works on their computers" she let me sit back down. She couldn't handle the concept that different computers run different operating systems. I sat down and the guy sitting next to me raised his hand. He said "you could use the 'snippet tool'" Yes. Some people can. But she can't. I stopped him from doing anymore damage on their small brains by saying "uhh, it won't work on the Chromebooks, so that won't help." I hate that teacher. At lunch my friend came over to me. He has the same science teacher as me. "You know what she's been saying all day?" I was confused. "What?" I said. He almost started to laugh. "All day she's [the teacher] has been telling everyone that you found this amazing new technology in the Chromebooks. [Most of the students were smart enough to know that I didnt] she was like 'Ben, from my 2nd period found this amazing thing'" End of story. And guess what? I still hate her.3
-
Java: Cannot convert int to Boolean.
Me: Wait what?.. Ohhh *cries*
I've had too much Vitamin C / C++..
Not used to computer liking me and not letting me shot my head of.. I love you too, Java ..3 -
I've realized I'm so busy working with technology, I don't have time left to keep learning it and playing with it. What are some fun ways you all keep learning new things and staying engaged?17
-
Client: we are using Scrum. Next week we have sprint review organized by the project manager.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: in the next sprint we work on a mockup not releasable in production.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: sprint backlog is changed again, at the end we must do everything that is written in the contract with that fixed amount of money.
Me: definitely not Scrum.
Client: we are using Scrum.
Me: Ok.1 -
Me: eh probably shouldn’t push to prod on Friday, maybe not even before the first...
Co worker: no balls
Me:
-
I was struggling with a task on a project and decided to call the colleague, who's working on this project as well (he built it, I am just on-boarding) to get some advice.
Literally the first thing he asked me was: "have you seen whom this task is assigned to?"
Fuck! So I spent about 1.5 hours on not finishing a task that I shouldn't have worked on in the first place. Great.5 -
Me: *browsing devRant*
Friend who's on every Social Media paltform: what's that?
Me: devRant
Friend: *taking out phone* I need to join
Me: its for developers
Friend: *putting back phone in pocket* Ooh
Me: *grinning wildy in my sweet little heart* *yes you piece of shit. This one's not for you*
It feels good to have a corner thats not for everyone3 -
Writing some algorithm:
me: *codes for half an hour*
"hmm... isn't working... wait wtf this isn't right..."
me: *codes for an hour again*
"still not working hmmm... wait what no this isn't supposed to work..."
me: *codes for a few hours*
"still not working God damnit.... it's supposed to work now..."
me after another few hours: MOTHERFUCKER CAN YOU START FCKING WORKING FUUUUUUUUUUU1 -
CMS: Library not detected
Me: Argh!
Check permissions
CMS: Library not detected
Me: Everytime, you F***er!
Download different version
CMS: Library not detect
Me: WTF!!!
20 minutes later....
...
wrong server😒3 -
Friend :- so you went so deep into programming.
Me :- yeah but not too far.
Friend :- can you fix my laptop infected by virus?
*handing me his lapi*
Me :- of course. is your windows is original?
He :- yaa!! I mean you know I like original not like your pc.
Me :- *deleted win 32 file *2 -
Me: this App is not working ...
... Few minutes later ...
Me: Can someone help me?
Coworker approaches : Are you trying to modify the bundle.js file?
Me: ...
Coworker tells the whole team and they start laughing at me 🤦♂️9 -
Update:
The wasp is still alive.
I walked in today to find the damn buzzy mother-earth-fucker on the window. It doesn't have much energy now, and I didn't let it out because mofo got the chance a million times over to just leave me the fuck alone. So I just let it be. no idea where in the lab it is hidden now, and the robots will watch him all night, every night.
And you know what, I'm not gonna open the damn window for it ever again.
(Sat in my hoodie, wrapped, the whole day and was paranoid about it flying and sitting on me, but the war is on. He won't get out of this lab alive. )16 -
Not particularly advice, but taught me Git, React, Node and bought me pizza whenever I succeeded in a task3
-
PM : "I will not tolerate this."
Me : "I don't like it either inside callbacks."
Fellow dev sitting next to me : *facepalm*6 -
Taxi Driver: Do you like this song Sir?
Me: Not sure, I don't know it!
Taxi Driver: Alexa, change the song...
Me:...4 -
Yesterday
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me: Sure
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Today
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2 -
Me: We shouldn't change anything in the design if its not broken.
Also Me:
I regret being a designer
7 -
*Me testing my api with vue.js*
Me: can you please update salesforce content and add new image.
Coworker: Done,image updated:
Me: did you click the sync button? Image seems to be not loading.
Co-worker: why don't you clear your browsing history and clear your cache.
Me: (talking to myself: you are asking me to clear my cache? ME? ME? ME?) Smiles back to coworker.
Co-worker: Did it work?
Me: Nope! Seems to it that you have not sync the content on salesforce. Please hit the sync button.
Co-worker: I did!
Me: I ask co-worker B he said content is not sync.1 -
someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
Sent a cv to a company because facebook threw their ad at my face and i said why not. They emailed me that they would call me today. I dont have a phone. Its not fucking 2007. Call me on matrix or telegram or even skype ffs.19
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How my day went.
Project Manager: We need deliverable X.
Me: That's not listed.
PM: But we need it. Other PM says what you provided isn't enough.
Me: Too bad. I was not told to deliver it.
PM2: We need deliverable X.
Me: Look at the requirements. It is not there. I'm not providing it.
PM2: We need it. Let me ask PM3.
PM3: We need deliverable X.
Me: No. It's not listed. And here's why it's not even applicable.
PM3: Oh....ok4 -
'ate Mondays
'ate standups
'ate node (not racist just don't like et)
luv me caffeine
luv me music
luv devrant
simple as5 -
Can someone explain the philosophy of the "not for me" downvote?
There are many things that are "not for me" in life, but, presumably, this action executes a global downvote on the post/comment---which is pretty much an expression of "not for anyone".
If this action were to train a recommendation engine---so I get recommendations that like-minded people see---then great. But why should that result in a public downvote?
I don't go up to people in the bar and say "Drinking Guinness? Not for me, mate." As an adult, I understand that my preferences are not universal.
Personally, I can't square the idea of "not for me" with its consequence of a public downvote.
I'm sure this must have been covered before...but all rants, as physiological and emotional activities, are unique. Your rant can never be mine.4 -
New AD account.
cannot login.
Want to create a ticket.
Need a login to create ticket.
*genius*
Go to coworkers machine.
Open ticket there.
They respond, the user must create the ticket himself.
Ffs!1 -
Not been a good day so far:
1. Woke up to my Synology in a 'Volume crashed' state. Tried to contact support via web page; support web page not loading.
2. Ancient software at work stops working. As the last remaining C++ dev, I gotta troubleshoot. Original developer wrote test program...in VB6.
3. Server config file changed, but all the admins swear up and down nobody's made any changes.
4. Client calls account rep and wants to know about our security policies, so he schedules a meeting with me and client and forgets to mention until he's emailing me asking where the hell I am. From the tone of the conversation between the rep and the client, it's clear that somehow I'm to blame for being late.
Sigh.
Well, hey, at least it's Friday, right? Right?1 -
Today, I was so certain that all the functionalities were implemented to handle some webhook calls from a third-party service. It's a script I wrote that has been running for 2+ years uninterrupted or without any issues.
We got some "complaints/notices" today that some "special" actions weren't registered, so I thought that the third-party service just didn't send those actions via their webhook. After some research I found a part where they explained that those actions trigger the webhook like any other action etc. So..
First thought: "okay, maybe they implemented that at a later stage" (was not the case)
Second thought: "maybe this is not what the client meant" (it was)
Third thought: "Then it should have been implemented" (it wasn't)
Okay, time to look at the code to see where this could get handled but apparently isn't. All the actions look good, nice, clean handeling etc, nicely documented code (gave the 'past-me' mentally a high-five)..
I scroll further down to that specific action and it was quiet obvious why it didn't work.. I just see an empty function with the comment:
"//TODO: maybe handle this action one day. don't know what this does atm, probably unused.. Will take a look at it next week.."
.. :D
I took my 'high-five' back..I just needed to copy-paste some other code and change 1-2 parameters..1 -
person: do you know any sites that can help with blah blah blah
me: yea one sec
me: here ya go https://blahblah.blah
person: is this a virus ?
me: no it's a site that will help you with blah
person: i'm not gonna click on that because i don't wanna get a virus.
me: but it's not a virus you can't get a virus just by clicking a link you would actually have to download something and execute it.
person: oh okay but i still don't trust it
me: uhhh okay
person : so are you gonna help me or what ?
me : ..................*scream internally*
person: okay fine your not gonna help me8 -
For fucks sake
Will I really have to become the fucking PM around here so shit start being done properly?
We look like bunch of scared cockroaches doing random shit everyday and lying to our selves that we are gonna meet deadlines and produce quality software but the only shit we can produce is quality bug.1 -
I can't stop procrastinating from doing what I need to do. This extends to even web development and coding on personal projects, which is something I really enjoy doing.
It's as if I have some sort of underlying fear holding me back each time I get the chance to get things done. Normally I don't have the time and make the excuse for myself that there "is not enough time" but tbh I now literally have an entire week in front of me free, with nobody to distract me. I am actually getting my long-desired time alone. I can finally power through all the things that require intense focus, like coding.
And yet, I can't bring myself to just do it. Instead I make excuses and go play video games instead (Overwatch has been a really bad time sink for me). I haven't been able to do what I wanted to for like a year now. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need help guys!! Anyone have advice for me?9 -
Me: I don't understand, why is this not working?
After a few hours of debugging and continuous re-starting the server and most important praying to GOD
Me: F**k! how is this working? Ok let's not touch it, it's working -
well fuck me, just spent the whole weekend (about 33 hrs) not being able to solve a task from uni with a java program we had to write🙄😪
the problem was a given set of movies with a weekday, the begin time, the duration, the title, and a "score"
the movies take place in one week (random days, random amount of movies) and every movie can be shown multiple times
our task was to find a sequence of non-overlapping (all unique) movies with a score of at least a given number
all in text form
i tried dynamic programming but the more i tried, the more it got complicated, so i ended up using "earliest finishing time first"
my code is just 3 points under the goal and i don't know what to change anymore😒, also some friends did the exact same and succeeded somehow
copying (and obfuscating) won't work, as the codes will be compared by a very good "copy checker"
let's hope i'll still have a chance for an exam😐2 -
Almost like interview.....
At project fair..
Q. Which language you use.
Me. Python
Q. Why.
Me. Explained
Q. Why you not use Java?..
Me(in mind): ###############4 -
Me: Blockchain is going to change the world!
She: How?
Me: By not allowing anyone to change its state!3 -
Dear Arch Linux Maintainers. Why the fuck are you sending me my password in plaintext?! Not enough: You are sending me my fucking password every fucking month, so i do not forget it, because its important!??!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK! Fucking idiots...4
-
When the user complains that our web tool is corrupting and losing data when converting results into excel while he is the one putting more that 40,000 characters into one text box which is way more than what Excel's cell can handle1
-
It's like nails on a chalkboard:
Meeting #3 about "Thing doesn't update."
Where nobody has shown it not to update yet.
(⓪益⓪) -
I am working with 2 other person in a project. But everywhere they are using their name and not mentioning me. In all emails with clients they cc themselves but not me. I am still thinking if I should bail :/7
-
Is this happening only on my device or someone else too?
(For non OCD People - See the week banner in the image)
If it is with everyone with similar device config... We can raise an issue
8 -
Anyone do me a favour. Curse at me, and say the worst things to me, my critics.
Not some soft shit, pampering bullshit, say some harshest shit.20 -
My iMac is dead after reinstalling Mojave. It’s a sign from god telling me to stop coding. It’s not for me.6
-
Me: yeah I am a full stack node.js web developer
Client: so can u do javaFx
Me: that's not really what ur hiring me for :/1 -
Me:
-Lack of experience
-slow learner/fast learner
-not really a team player
-always keep a positive attitude
-but when I started doing smthing, I'll finish it.
-willing to learn
I wonder if anyone would still hire me to their company.. Let me know.. I fucking hate my workplace and the owner. You hire me for doing smthing else, and you always told me to do smthing else that is not even related to my job. I'm not your fucking ass cleaner. = = you shit on that thing, you clean it yourself. Fucking fucking fuck! -
Another log in issue because of moving from country to country...
If only I had a dollar for everytime a system didn't let me in after I moved... I'd be financially comfortable.14 -
Is there an easy way to make your website not look like complete garbage, if you have no idea and no time for some web front-end?11
-
Nothing IN THIS WORLD drives me CRAZIER than you giving me a wireframe or design that is not mobile first! And not even designing to the smallest phone size either! HOW HARD IS IT TO DESIGN MOBILE FRICKIN FIRST3
-
How machine learning works
Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
Me: I'm fast learner.
Interviewer: What's 11 * 11
Me: 65
Interviewer: not even close. It's 121
Me: It's 1213 -
When a client reaches out to me, I'm like:
404 Fucks Not Found. This is not the web developer you're looking for.1 -
Me: Too many deadlines
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man.
.
.
Me: no_gf.jpeg
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: errors_on_errors.avi
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: depression.gif
Him: miss me ?
Me: not today man
.
.
Me: hot_intern.69
Him: miss me ?
Me: *evil_smile_as_i_finally_gripped_my_dick_in_my_hand*5 -
"I don't know what I'm doing. Let's try stack overflow."
*check stack overflow*
"I know what someone else did. Let's try that." -
It took me putting on my glasses to make sure these pixels were real and not just blind ass not seeing shit.
-
I'm torn between Sublime 3, Atom and VScode and no one can give me some proper pro's and cons. Not even me...12
-
Me: Wrote and unit testing code for a user story.
Day of a Merge
PO: We need to back out the code you wrote. We have not gotten approval from legal.
Me: Uhhh well it's not going live for 4 weeks still and not harming anything but if you insist, ok.....
2 Days Later
PO: Ok legal approved the changes can you put that back in?
Me: 😡🖕🏻1 -
(TL;DR FOR THE TL;DR: **THIS IS NOT AN AD, ITS A SHITPOST**)
(TL;DR: this is a shitpost about an Intuit ad campaign Israelis get a lot on YouTube, those ads are starting to drive me nuts lmao.)
WE'RE INTUIT
WE'RE INTO MACHINE LEARNING
OPEN SOURCE
WE'RE ADVANCING THE FIELD OF TECHNOLOGY TO OPEN FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE GLOBE5 -
NOT AGAIN ...
NOT AGAIN ...
NOT FUCKING AGAIN ...
I AM NOT THE FUCKING DJ ...
THATS IT IM MAKING TSHIRTS
_______ _______
/ v \
/ / | | \ \
| ME |
| NO |
| DJ |
|____________|2 -
If now me were to visit 2016 me to say “In 2022 an AI will teach you how to code for quantum computers,” 2016 me would not believe it.
3 -
Best conversation I ever had with a manager.
Pulls me off into a meeting and in the same breath tells me he values my opinion, must not argue with him and he does not want "yes" men. Lol -
My biggest regret is not spending more time on Math. While I don't think it has hurt me directly, it has certainly decreased the chance of me learning some DL methods.
That and not pursuing a PhD.2 -
[Not dev related but...] My boss is busy and not around, and the colleague is bossing me around like he's my boss :/ You're not my boss!
-
Me: *Creates new react project*
Me: *Run project*
Console: found 4999 new errors.
Me: (っ˘0˘ς) I have not written anything yet! WTF is your problem!4 -
Do your colleagues read the emails or they ignore them like mine?
The usual answer is: sorry no time to read, place a meeting.
I do not want to schedule yet another useless meeting because you are unable to read two lines of text.
If I wanted a meeting I would have scheduled it in first place.
Why have I to lose 1 hour of my time to explain, then some cannot join and ask for a follow up meeting, where I have to explain again the same things.
Obviously during the first meeting nobody has even read the description and has idea of the topic, so "we need to check... schedule another meeting next week".
You can imagine what's gonna happen the next week...1 -
I shit you not: Today, a random recruiter phoned a company I work for, asked to speak to me, and then tried to offer me a job :| .Wtf is wrong with you people?! I'm not searching for a job anywhere... Turns out they found me on Linkedin...
-
Ok Visio. You have a Database Wizard that allows me to associate shapes with database records. Cool! You do not allow me to automate this through VBA? NOT COOL2
-
Typo Checker: "unsubmitted" is not a word
Me: Really?
Me: Opens google...
Me: Starts typing... UN... SUB..
Google: Unsubmitted is not a word!
Me: (☉_☉)3 -
F*ck software updates..
So while working today, one of the IT support guy came and asked to update my windows machine due to some stupid company 'security policy' they were following .. That update took more than 3hrs.. The reason it took so long because I somehow managed to avoid any updates for 6-8 months.
But that is not the end of the story... Windows update was followed by a bios update, some softwares, and at this point I just gave up and went for a cup of coffee, and left my machine locked in a drawer still updating and it will stay in this condition until tomorrow.. We'll see if something breaks after updating.
F*ck why are there so many updates and why each of them requires a f*cking reboot...
Productivity today was less than the number of side projects I completed. 😪6 -
One of the founders of my startup does not write tests....
Me: we have to all write tests. I explain unit tests, integration, etc.
Him: I do... I have a test that checks if the app crashes or not.
Me: that is not what I meant (writes test because he won’t) 🙄1 -
A google engineer just requested to connect with me on LinkedIn.
Not going lie it made me feel special.1 -
Team mates who want to make a phone call for every little thing. Hello.... we have Slack, Wire, Threema,.... I don't have the slightest desire to get up from the computer and make stupid phone calls about problems that would be solved in 30 seconds via chat.
Btw: http://rambox.pro/... runs great. Better than Manageyum or Wavebox. -
Not taking university seriously.
Cost me a lot of lost wage power even if the degree taught me very little new. -
My boss telling me not to worry and be more confident, after pointing out that not updating bad ad hoc code is not a long term solution, just inspired the confidence in me to tell him to go fuck himself if shit brakes during the weekend and evenings.1
-
I seem to have this impressive ability, where I can manage to absolutely nothing for hours, and still be fine with it... I believe I need to be more productive, but I can't seem to find any reason to1
-
Windows Memory Diagnostic Tool did not bring me good news.... Hello 2017 you seem to be serving me a crap sandwich already..
-
Me : mahn, I'm not able to setup pythn bindings for vim
Friend ( who is tired of me saying about vim ): go get a life
Me: sodo apt-get life
Me: looks like the package is not available, what is the exact name?6 -
I've read the docs but my tired brain overrided an important detail.
https://haproxy.com/documentation/...
"By default, HAProxy Enterprise will serve these pages only if it initiated the error itself. For example, it will return the page for a 503 Service Unavailable error if it can't reach any backend servers."
I had _the_ return part for interception of the error page from the backend added, not the default override for the error page of HAPRoxy itself.
Took me 4 hours, crying, madness and screaming to realize it.
This week is really wringing the last bits of the gooey slime what should be my brain out...
-.-
Another fun part is that I mistakenly thought the delimiter for multiple strings to an ACL comparison is a comma... It's a whitespace.
acl is_evil hdr(host) -i one,two is wrong.
acl is_evil hdr(host) -i one two is right.
I used to write HAPRoxy configurations blindly, today it was more like writing two lines of codes 100000000 times and still doing it wrong TM.
I need new brain.
Anyone got an offer?3 -
Le Me @ the terminal..
$sudo ngixn
Command not found ngixn
OK..
$sudo ngnix
Command not found ngnix
Wtf..
$sudo nginx
Finally! Takes me 3 tries to actually start nginx. Am I the only one ?! ._.)6 -
So I applied for a Cloud Architect position. The process was very intensive. Roughly 6 interviews, 2 practical assignments and a written exam. In total it took me 3 weeks to go through the screening process. I aced everything, and was told they were going to send me an offer. I received an email on the 21st of April asking me if I was still interested. I replied back immediately saying I was most def interested. The next morning I get an email back from the hiring manager, who happened to CC the client as well, saying I took too long to reply to the offer, and the job was filled. I was perplexed as to how I took too long to reply. I went through the email chain that the client also received, and saw the hiring manager changed the email headers in the reply chain from the 21st of April, to the 12th of April. So it made out that I did indeed take too long and the client went with someone else! WTF! Very unprofessional, but very little I could do.. I wasted a lot of time and energy and heartache with this!4
-
See a regular not controversial rant. Has 20++, 1 comment.
Me: Scrolls by.
See a regular not controversial rant. Has 20++, 22 comments.
Me: I'm ready, lets go!!
-
Me: _sends an email_
Mailbox: "OVERQUOTA! Operation not executed"
Me: Ah dang, Inbox already full.
Me: _deletes mails_
Mailbox: "OVERQUOTA! Operation not executed"
Me: WTF? I'm already deleting messages!3 -
I've been playing a bit of fallout 4.... Now I kind of wish my computer den was a underground bunker with a massive metal gear door
With the vault number being 4041 -
Something you really should not do:
*adds a new feature*
*build & run*
*See no difference*
Me: "Hmm.. Maybe 1 is not the best test integer, let me pick something higher..."
*build & run*
*INTEGER OVERFLOW EXCEPTION*
Feel free to share your "let me choose anothee test integer"-stories, which gone terribly wrong.1 -
I work in a big company and we decided to program our programs ourselves and not let them be done by external companies. Any tips for my team and me? My programming skills are quite good, those of my team members a little rusty. We only ever made the application design.1
-
My Project Inner Voice : "I'm not alone. I can hear them... I can hear the bugs voices... I can sense theirs feelings... I'm not alone... The bugs feelings... They're eager to ruin me... They're what make me useless and rejected!!"
-
so that's not how you play jenga?
my O C D won't let me be
let me be me so let me see
they tried to shut me on MTV . .
-
Me: This ...
Friend: Is not working.
Me: How come it not work?
Friend: You are such a ...
Me: Waste of time. I know.
Friend: Forty minutes is all I'll need to debug this program.
Me: Seconds, Can u do that in Forty seconds.
Friend: Of course not. Why would I?
Me: An idiot teacher wants me to upload it right now.
Friend: Idiot, Is that what u call a teacher.
Please read the first letter of every conversation.10 -
Me: *watches programming video on Y-Combinator*
Also Me: "why the heck are they talking about recursion and not funding startups?"2 -
Everyone who runs tests on our platform complains about the speed and says that it needs to be optimised ASAP. Then assumes someone else will do it. Then a few weeks later they complain again!
Vicious cycle...Vicious cycle! -
Today a collegue ranted about that he needs 96 variables in his code and also for the database querys and told me that's not possible to do it without so many variables... I just thought wtf.. I definitely need a new job!
-
If you've already upvoted on the first 3 rants of the refreshed algo page, then you should better go check mobile data usage 😂
-
> I have this problem.
> I go Ask someone else.
> Other: Oh just use this, something like "XYZ"
> Me: trying to find "XYZ"
> "XYZ" is not there...
> Found "XYZ" somewhere else.
> "XYZ" does not work..
> Ask someone else again.
> Other: Oh Just use "XYZ"
> Me: But it does not work....
> Other: Oh then you use "YZX"
> Me trying to use "YZX"
> it doesn't work.....1 -
Quote from an email: Please confirm that the attached list is the list of people that have the ability to load "versions" into SVN.
Gods, I hate non-technical project managers. -
I get a simple exception because of a connection reset, can't catch it becouse it "happens in external code" urgh, fuck you .net core..
-
It’s PostgreSQL!!!! not PostGreSQL, not postgressql, not postgre not postgre_sql!!!
Tell me if that has happened to you!!11 -
qemu-img keeps on reporting error:
Could not open 'some-qcow2-img': No such file or directory
Why you waste me 2 hours for troubleshooting instead of telling me it's the backing file that could not be found? -
When you are going to college and do more work and research on your own with Google then what was taught in class.4
-
Hello fellow germans devranters! I study Applied Computer Science (dual) in a big telecommunication company at the moment. But I found out that almost every IT related things (programming, configuring servers, databases whatever) are outsourced, we only work on project plans, project specifications or such things. But that is something I don't want to do my whole life. Are there still some big companys in germany where these IT related things are still made here?
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Maybe I'm late to the game here, but I think the new "Reason for downvote" dialog is pretty wack. I downvote stuff I dislike or have seen before. I report stuff that's offensive...1
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Can anyone recommend me a good app to manage my schedule across the month? google calendars is not comfortable for me.7
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