Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

I thought i'd see what the avatars look like with different color eyes.
I personally like red. It really brings out the undying hatred I have for my peers.

Each month my department compiles a 4M row 150 column data table for compliance with a federal agency. Before submitting, we check it against about 400 rules.

The existing system was simply 400 queries that ran in sequence, table-scanning 4M rows each time, taking upwards of 6 hours, which is a huge bottleneck, especially if you have to make changes and rerun. Plus the output was rather one-dimensional.

I built a proper normalized database and created a sort of rules engine, running all 400 rules in one table scan. Not only does it complete in 30 minutes, but the reports generate automatically, and the results can be filtered on several dimensions to aid with root-cause analysis.

Management was pleased.

devRant should add a polls feature for simple questions with yes no answers or what version of linux people use etc maybe?

Receives email from warranty guy in work.

Warranty: "Hi, see attached scan in PDF form.
I normally fill the boxes in manually, scan as pdf to myself and then email it on to the higher ups, but they now say they need it in excel form from now on! Can you convert it for me?"

Me: "It looks like your scan's quality isn't good enough for a convert to excel.
Where do you get the original form?
Is it from a website?"

Warranty: "Hang on and ill send you an email with the file and give you a call"

*receives email and a phone call"

Warranty:
"There you go. Theres an excel sheet in that email. what do i do?"

Me: "So.... just so I understand the question... you just fill in this excel sheet, scan as pdf and send it on... but they want it sent as an excel form and not a pdf?"

"Yes."

"So.... Could you not just fill in the excel sheet and email it to them?"

"What do you mean?"

"....fill in the excel sheet as normal, and go to file, share and email... send the original one on."

"And what would that do?"

"...you... you'd be sending the form as an excel sheet, as requested??"

Warranty: *silence for 10 seconds* Oh, i see now. I get you! You're a genius! Well done for figuring it out. Thanks a million!!"

O.O

🤔
sql - Syntax error near '*entire sql command*'
😑

Save all the troubles 😄

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

Just saw my gf print documents, scan them and then mail the scans... 😶

JS map, filter, reduce...

Picture taken in the dark but that's how I like to work. In darkness. Illuminated by just my awful code.

Got some swag in the mail today.

I was told I could get a refund for the hat if it was too small. I literally have the biggest head in the world and it fits me fine.

For those who complained, did you try taking it off and on again?

Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.

--- 3 months previous ---

Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.

CEO: documentation? on what?

Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.

CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.

lead dev: ..... eh ok

O2: *approved*

... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it
View it, code it, jam - unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it
Turn it, leave it, start - format it

In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'

I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑

It's done! Network printer and scanner, hosted by a Raspberry Pi Zero W. I used CUPS to host the printer, but the scanner was much more difficult. I installed apache2 on the Pi to host a HTML front-end that I wrote. Once you set up the scan, the front-end makes an AJAX call to a PHP script, which then calls my Python script that does the scanning and converting. Once that's done, it returns the file name via the AJAX call, then the front-end downloads the scanned PDF on the computer. I even managed to impress my girlfriend, who didn't really understand what I was doing until I showed her the end result 😄

I might try to pipe the output of the conversion straight back via AJAX, to be downloaded without a second call.

Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

Customer service fun!

*remotes in to see customer's browser*

Customer: You can only see my browser window, right?

*now does obligatory scan of the rest of the screen to see _why_ customer felt the need to say that, spots suggestively-named JPGs...*

Me: Yes, ma'am! Only your browser window. You said the issue was...

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip, unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
View it, code it, jam, unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it
Cross it, crack it, twitch, update it,
Name it, read it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax, rename it,
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, stop, format it.

Straight from a marketing analyst (we didn't have a PM) I once had the displeasure of working with:

"Can you write a JavaScript that will scan a user's hard drive for credit card numbers and autofill the checkout form on our client's web site? I think it will increase their conversion rate."

The guy didn't believe me when I told him it was impossible (barring exploits that would break the browser's sandbox), unethical, and probably illegal. I had to escalate all the way to the CEO to get him to drop it.

Public sector. Guy wants to upload a PDF file into our system that exceeds our file size upload limit by a factor of more than 10. The PDF contains a lot of pictures.

His idea: print the hundreds of pages of the PDF on paper in b/w and scan it because b/w takes less space then colored pictures.

I am perplexed. He asked first though, so we could prevent the actual printing.

So...
I'm penetrationtesting a network and the servers on said network
The network administrator and IT security officer knows this, because they hired me..

TL;DR a scan caused the network to crash.

Today I received a very angry email going "Stop scanning NOW!" from one of the IT departments.

Apparently I crashed their login server and thus their entire network...
It happened d the first time I scanned the network from the outside and they had spend an entire day figuring out how and repairing the service they thought was the problem, but then it crashed again, when I scanned from within the network.

Now they want to send me a list of IP's that I'm not allowed to scan and want to know exactly what and when I'm scanning...

How crap can they be at their job, if they weren't able to spot a scan... The only reason they found out it was me was because the NA had whitelistet my IP, so that I could scan in peace...

how to make a feature request
1. dump Db table with 153 column to Excel
2. print!
3. circle column 47 on page 3, scribble feature description
4. scan! remember to use proprietary file format no one has
5. new e-mail, add "VERY URGENT!!!" to subject line
6. write "will call, discuss details monday"
6.a. attach proprietary-scanned-excel-dump-feature-description (optional)
7. postscript: deadline wednesday!!
8. wait for tuesday
9. send!
...

This is from my days of running a rather large (for its time) Minecraft server. A few of our best admins were given access to the server console. For extra security, we also had a second login stage in-game using a command (in case their accounts were compromised). We even had a fairly strict password strength policy.
But all of that was defeated by a slightly too stiff SHIFT key. See, in-game commands were typed in chat, prefixed with a slash -- SHIFT+7 on German-ish keyboards. And so, when logging in, one of our head admins didn't realize his SHIFT key didn't register and proudly broadcast to the server "[Admin] username: 7login hisPasswordHere".
This was immediately noticed by the owner of a 'rival' server who was trying to copy some cool thing that we had. He jumped onto the console that he found in an nmap scan a week prior (a scan that I detected and he denied), promoted himself to admin and proceeded to wreak havoc.
I got a call, 10-ish minutes later, that "everything was literally on fire". I immediately rolled everything back (half-hourly backups ftw) and killed the console just in case.
The best part was the Skype call with that admin that followed. I wasn't too angry, but I did want him to suffer a little, so I didn't immediately tell him that we had good backups. He thought he'd brought the downfall of our server. I'm pretty sure he cried.

Beginner: I wrote 1,000 lines of code!
Intermediate: I deleted 1,000 lines of code!
Expert: I prevented code from being written!

Decide to open torrent web site from your smartphone.

*popup: your phone is hacked, click here to scan
*popup: you are the 1000th visitor, you win a gift
*popup: see hot pictures
*popup: Hello [somebrand] phone user, click here for tips.

Shit, why I came here in the first place??

Bloody idiot online retailer sent me a used SSD.

I found out with a SMART scan; I was so pissed I wanted to drive over to the store and punch the owner's lights out!

A switch on my mech keyboard broke.
It's ot amusing at all.

not mine, but haven't seen here yet.

debugging php code without turning on error reporting.

Today a user printed a pdf my system produced, scanned the printed pages and mailed the scan as pdf..... To me...
I'm physically hurting from seeing it...

Purchase $900 laptop, it's not powerful enough so I return it and get $1,100 laptop, still not powerful enough, return it and get $1,600 laptop. Realize I have a gaming PC and don't need the laptop this powerful and I return it and repurchase the first laptop I bought with a $100 discount because it's now an opened-box, but I know for a fact that it was the one that I got in the first place and opened.

Thanks Best Buy.

My mom was not aware of the "forward" option in mails for many years. If she needed to forward documents, she would print them from the original mail, scan them to her computer, and attach the scanned files to a new mail.
She also didn't realize she can just save them on her computer, in case she didn't want to forward the entire correspondence, but only the documents.
I'm so sorry trees, I didn't know 😂

My most f*cked up client process I ever had to deal with:

Digitalizing E-Mails.

I seriously asked if they were joking on me… Wasn't the case.

The process was: Get E-Mail, print out, scan, archive (digitally).

Nobody could explain to me the necessity for this bullsh*t.
"Hmm... Kinda always worked this way, I guess"
The client was a big company. My coworker aged 5x faster during that project. I swear to god, I'm not joking.

Jokes aside, this got me thinking html is most used and most successful hacking tool out there.

99.99% of the time it's far easier to socially engineer and phish for existing credentials that scan networks, sniff ports and look for vulnerable versions of software, new vulnerabilities etc.

We (people) are ad always will be a zero day exploit.

so my isp assigned all of our devices WAN ip's instead of giving our router a WAN ip and letting us handle our own lan.

so our subnet is x.x.15.255

but when I subnet scan x.x.255.255 I get 1337 results, no joke 1337

so I can access windows servers, ip cameras, sure a lot of them are locked, I'm scanning 0.0.0.1 - 255.255.255.255 now to see what else there is.

wwyd?

but when are they ever?

Expressing my inner nerd through my t-shirt choices.

my standing desk.

I recently filled out an e-form that asked you to fill out your birthday in the format of:
DD/MM/YY
but it didn't accept 22/09/1997
I was confused at first. I'm over 18 what's the issue?
Turns out it would only accept 22/9/1997
What sort of monster does that?

First step of creating antivirus,

void main() {
printf("✅Scan Complete.
0 threat found.
Upgrade to premium");
}

My plan:
1. Draw the logo in paper with black marker
2. Scan with the infamous printer
3. Load in GIMP
4. Edit some parts
5. Put some colors
6. Print or save as image file
7. Use everywhere

As I start to do step 2, I noticed something VERY wrong.

FML

Trying to exit vim for the first time..

Client sent the printing company I work for right now, a fax with an image and a message like "Please print this 4 by 2.54 meters", guy I talked to feels really tempted to scan it in and then just print it lol

How the fuck can this happen?
It might be a malware. I did not do a scan yet, but I guess that it has to do with Google Chrome itself.
I think that a pop up once appeared and ever since I get these windows alerts every 1 hour or something like that.

I have just thought of the perfect solution when support for fucking ancient IE versions creaps in the requirements (and asking the assholes to produce numbers to support the crazy does not help)

Just do browser detection and if IE < 9 Replace body with one of those winXP alert boxes that tell them there Computer is infected and that they can get a free scan (it's what they are used to anyway). Put a link to the installer of your favourite browser over the entire image.😎

Good news is 100℅ code reuse! Works on every outdated IE and every website that requires IE support.

Someone two years into a degree wrote this. What the actual fuck.

Found myself a gf who also does the code stuff. We are each other's debug buddies.

> An update is available
> Installs update
> Update failed bc of corrupted system components
> Random bluescreens
> Sfc /scannow
> Can't scan because there is one pending repair
> Restart
> Does everything except repairing
> Recovery mode
> System integrity check failed
> Reset Windows
> Reset failed bc of "some" problems
> Media creation tool for bootable USB
> Tool fails to write image
> Media creation tool on another pc
> Successful
> Install Windows
> Missing drivers, cannot install
> Wipes hard drive

Fuck you Microsoft

accedently used chmod on chmod so i no longer had permissions to chmod.

thank goodness for remote server images.

small reminder: building your own operating system means that you are forced to scan the memory by yourself...

FUCKING HELL PLEASE KILL ME NOW

Should I print and scan the PDF to you?

Fuck all these "researchers" that port scan the shit out of my servers

I wrote in a rant here that I couldn't access my 1TB external hard-drive anymore because I refused to "Safely remove" it from my computer.

My brother sent me today an image with it, showing me that he managed to open it.

I can't tell you how happy I am!

The solution: if you encounter the same problem (it takes forever for windows to scan it and you can't open it/ on linux it tells you to go to windows and and properly eject it), just go to `Device Manager` and `Scan for new hardware`. This should find it & solve it

I'm a web application developer and work for an abattoir.

On slow days I sometimes I go out and pick a cow, give it name, scan its ear/rfid tag, lookup what farm it came from and how much it cost, then monitor it passing through the various production lines.

Yup.

A senior engineer with about 8 experience in my team and company for almost a year now. Believe it or not, still hasn't setup local dev environment.

Every time we ask this person to set it up / refer to guide in Confluence / or just use the docker image the person says ok.

Starts sending code for pull request. The code would not even compile in most cases just from a quick scan. When questioned how was this tested, answer would be more or less 'oh my local setup not working, could you test it out for me.'

Doesn't know how to write tests. Fairly recently instead of storing string values in a list, (I swear am not kidding) decided to come up with 20 string variables.

8 years plus experience! I think this is retarded even for a fresh grad.

Xcode 8 Update...this might take a while...

me: do we need to setup the shop to charge a flat shipping rate, or charge per item?

🕛3 hours later.

client: yes, that is correct.

me: 😧

Sometimes, when I write scripts to scan random IP addresses for an unsecure VNC server or develop my own NES emulator and someone asks me "Whatcha doin'?", it's just easier to lie rather than start explaining, so I reply:
- Nothing... Just some web dev.

Internet stopped working yesterday and the ISP company told me they couldn't send a person for a week!

I'm stuck at home, I have to have internet.

Long story short, I got no sleep last night and I may have voided my routers warranty, but I got internet.

Digitization in germany be like:

I sent a doctor some documents via E-Mail and i just saw how they printed to documents, then scanned them and then threw them away.

I asked why?

They said the system where they need the documents only allows to directly scan documents from a scanner and doesn't allow PDFs....

I just can't

That much paper waste because i sent them an email with like 30 pages of documents.

I can assure you there's nothing agile about an all day meeting that definitely doesn't require every dev to be there. Industry is weird.

I can't believe people are willing to scan their faces, fingerprints, and retinas on their phones.

Such data is very sensitive as it can't be changed easily.
CCTV is now everywhere and everyone has his own scanner providing data for tracking people.

Am I too paranoid?

know that person who brags about using linux, but uses wine for all his applications.

I did it. I got the internship. Maybe I can do this after all.

This one crazy:
We made an app for our client to scan some parcels via barcode.

They just created a ticket, for complaining that it's hard to scan in the storage room, because it's so dark. They are like sometimes we need to use a torge to scan. Can you increase the contrast of the app or something to scan better in darker place.

Did not know what to answer, but my thoughts were like: why the fuck you don't put enough light in that room?! 🤔🤷🏽‍♂️

I bought an internet radio from pioneer...
Unfortunately, the remote control has a small delay. So I thought, maybe there's an app to control the radio. But after downloading the app could not connect. During a network scan several services appeared. You are able to update the firmware via an unprotected web interface which makes me sad. But that's not the best thing yet. You can also connect to the device via the telnet port. Guess which user you are...

Since december Windows keeps telling me that my IT administrator wants to scan my items when I build something in Visual Studio.

We have no IT administrator.

The illuminati are controlling my anti virus software

So here I am, skrewing around with the Google Authenticator app and the dodgiest base32 code generator I've ever built and generating a 56 char unique ID, and a 8 digit time based code.

WTF, all these products, services and logins that use 6 digit codes... and this fucking thing can handle 8 without breaking 😑

Now... to hook it into a QR code class... and spit out an image I can actually scan, without calling google charts api.

I can't say I've written one of those before 🙃

// meta rant
I promise you'll get more ++ if you take a screenshot rather than a picture with your phone. Please - it's not difficult.

I can't read your screen on an awful blurry photo with scan lines.

My team manager showed me a web application of a new client and asked me if I can find vulnerabilities in it to push for a better product contract. She showed me the system architecture and asked me if I could try finding something from their login page. I politely refused since we don't have written permission to conduct a security audit (it's also a ministry website). She was pretty disappointed and idk if I'm doing the right thing not helping the company (I'm an intern but still). I'm sure I can scan in stealth but I don't think it's ethical on a corporate level. Thoughts?

I wanted to be a dev when the only on campus job that paid more than minimum wage was titled "Web Developer". It paid 13 bucks / hour. AWYEAH.

Me - Wants to transfer chat history.

App: "Log in to the new device and scan this QR Code to start transfer."

Me - Logs in on new device.

App: "Oh, a new device logged in? Let's log you out from your old device. It's not like this feature you are trying to use specifically requires 2 devices to be logged on at the same time while I literally don't allow multiple devices to be logged on at the same time. You're welcome."

Top advice to give to a new dev? Go back in time and download devRant, then buy a rubber ducky. Yes, I finally got mine 👍🏻

Boy do I love when Snapchat sends me a snap telling me happy father's day.
I don't even know who my father is but thanks for the reminder assholes.
I wonder what dipshit thought that sending everyone on Snapchat messages during all sorts of holidays that not everyone celebrates was a good idea.

Security rant ahead, you have been warned!
As part of a scholarship application, our government requires a scan/copy of the applicant's credit card. Since the IBAN is now on the back, you have to send both sides.
The back is also where the CVC (security code) is. Any bank will strictly tell you NOT TO EVER SHARE IT - not even with them!
To make things even more fun, you now have the option to send this over email which is, of course, NOT ENCRYPTED!!!!!
I'm basically sending all the info needed to steal all my money over an unencrypted connection to an underpaid secretary, who will print it out and leave it on their desk for anyone with decent binoculars to see.
These people are fucking insane!!!!

MySQL fell down the stairs again and dropped tables all over the datacenter

the affected servers tried to notify me in advance but spamd wasn't able to scan their messages so IT JUST DIDN'T SEND THEM

EVEN IF IT COULD, NAMED COULDN'T RESOLVE ANY MX RECORDS

BECAUSE BEFORE MYSQL CRASHED IT CONVERTED /ETC/RESOLV.CONF INTO AN INNODB TABLE

(AND THEN DROPPED IT)

(ON PURPOSE)

He's just keeping his lungs safe 😌

The secretaries at my university had to scan documents in the masters students lab. So one day, when the lab was empty save one of our secretaries, I remote into my machine and write a text to speech app and have the computer announce "Hello Selma, you really know how to push my buttons"

It took a while, but we are friends again :D

npm WARN deprecated

The 3 words I ignore most in my life.

Now this is creative answer for JS keywords 😀

Boss just sent me a scan of a printed excel file to "fill in."

Grandma: so how do I scan that thingy in order to comnect to the wifi?
Me: I already told you that's something that you have to do only once. Just turn on wifi and it'll connect automatically
G: But I already turned it on and it's not connecting. Now tell me how to scan that again
Me: Are you sure that you did?
G: Yes
*Checks*
Me: It's disabled...
*enables wifi*
G: Oh, thanks, it's working now.

Literally every time she wants her phone to connect to the wifi.

Just got started on my first summer project.

Drinkaloo: The Ultimate Drinking Game.

Never touched android studio before. This should be fun.

I don't like C.
C is not my friend.

!dev

I'm always somewhat pissed off since i don't have a developer job - barely even a tech job. I scan patient charts into pdfs > a server, and that's as complicated as my job description gets. i sit and scan. my computer is (supposed to be) nothing other than a display for managing the scanned charts.

what really killed me though is that one time, we got a new MFC because our old one was, well, obviously broken beyond their patience level. They told me i'd be "Helping".
I got to cut open the box.
whoop dee fucking doo. Tech assist of the century ladies and gents.

That being ine of the worst cases, there's always the times when they talk to their IT guy and never forget to call him an asshole after simply because they don't like it when they don't understand stuff. I've texted him a few times and he's actually very pleasant to talk with and does his job well. just grinds my gears

(and being the IT guy is not available as an alternative. the job is 1. obviously filled, and 2. I installed a word document password bruteforcer, which they in turn told the doctor who told the IT guy and made it sound like i had developed it - of course, this being a pretty professional clinic, he suggested i get fired. so now any hope of me actually doing what I love there is pretty hopelessly out of my reach>

Client: “I’ve attached a screenshot of the issue.”

The “screenshot” is a printout of the website, with no annotations detailing what the issue is, scanned back in at a 90° rotation and saved as a PDF 😄

Ok.. So I'm a student striving to be a mobile developer and since the job market is non-existent if you don't have a degree here I had to take a customer support job for the moment/until I find something better.

I was handling some purchases and ask this customer to provide me a screenshot of the receipt.
Send him steps on how to do it and a video demonstration for Android devices.
Now the great part
HE PROCEEDS TO SCAN HIS PHONE SCREEN WITH A SCANNER, PRINTS THE IMAGE AND THEN TAKES A PICTURE OF THE PRINTED FILE AND SENDS IT. HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I READ ANYTHING THERE YOU FUCKING TOMATO?!?!
HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TO TO TAKE THE SCREENSHOT!!!

Google Chrome scans private files on the computer without mentioning the user and without the possibility do disable this "feature". Google never announced this anywhere.
Someone (Kelly Shortridge, @swagitda_ on Twitter) found this randomly and confronted Google. It answered that this was only an AV scan and wasn't done more than once a week.
Well, THAT'S why I use Firefox. I don't trust Google, and again and again it gives more and more reasons for this mistrust.

When you're too impatient to run a boot scan..

One guy buyed a remote for his tv which moves the mouse's cursor by pointing with the remote. And inserted the usb receiver into another's guy pc: restarts, antivirus scan, nothing worked for the poor guy. His mouse was crazy.

I will never stop being impressed by how detailed this scene in The Matrix Reloaded was.

Trinity is trying to hack into the terminal and shut down the power grid.

nmap (network map) is a linux tool for network discovery.

It is absolutely believable that in a post apocalyptic future where computers rule the earth, the entire power grid would be on a network that you can scan for like this and shut down.

Its a such a minor detail, but I'm really happy that the writers consulted with actual programmers.

The feeling when you realise the 4 letter username on devRant you wanted hasn't actually been taken.

Talk about data protection, I am fucking furious!! A hotel i stayed in recently has sent an email with a scan of my passport and credit card. Do I have any legal rights to fuck them up the arse? The hotel is in france.

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

Fuck windows. Fuck windows and their stupid old OS.

Sure. I want advertisements on my start menu.

Nope, don't mind getting a vague description of some update and having to wait to restart my machine. Don't need to know what your changing.

What better way to upgrade an OS than to DL 6 gb of stuff that's probably mostly unchanged code.

Bing. I'll take 2 please.

How come stuff on mac and linux is always different than the way windows does it? Fuck those OSes! Visual Studio is only like a 50 gig install and I can develop iOS apps on it... plus it has C# AND F#.

No viruses with windows defender. I upload my personal files so MS can scan them just to be safe thou.

Ooh yeeaah. It was 2020 and I was in a final exam. Algebra and Analytical Geometry; 1st year of Engineering class, if you care.

I had a camera pointing at me, my desk and my computer.
The submission was through Google Drive.
So I use my phone to scan my test into a PDF, upload it, and when I tried to submit it...

My recent documents were full of nudes of Belle Delphine.
I had forgotten a friend sent that while we were on Discord having some laughs earlier and I clicked it to check.

I selected my exam, submitted it, and went on with it.
I don't know if anyone noticed, but I think it was kind of obvious, even if it was a screen in a camera... the previews were kinda big on my big screen.

One of the things I have no fucking patience for is bureaucracy. For the last year I've been working for a company I have no problem with, I like the place and I like the people here. Recently I was contacted by another company and offered a better salary to work for them. I was open about it with my boss and we both accorded that I will receive the same salary to stay (It was ok to me since I feel comfortable here), but in order to do that I'll have to sign a new contract. Ok, no big deal. Few days later a HR girl contacts me to send her all the documentation needed to elaborate a contract, and I was like 'You guys already have all my documents, been working here for a year'. But Ok, I tried not to be picky and just sent her everything again. Then she requests online psychometric tests, sends a shitload of formats to fill, like personal references, their company-custom resume format, privacy policies, and many more stupid and irrellevant paperwork nobody should need when a person has been working for you for a year and you want him to stay. I really tried to be patient and do everything the HR girl wanted me to do, but for one reason or other, she kept rejecting the formats I was sending (I had to download, print, sign, scan and resend many of them). We've been wrestling for an entire fucking week over this shit via email and she can't just write a new contract, make me sign it and leave me the fuck alone. The last thing she compained about was a stupid personal reference format I didnt scan with my signature on. This other company wants me to start next monday. I guess the next document I'll be sending her will be my resignation letter.

Those corperate slow laptops which has preinstalled software on it. Especially the antivirus which decides to take up all memory to take a scan on 08:00 when you start up.

Im really close to throwing this piece if shit through the window...

Tesco’s scan as you shop runs using Windows apparently

Any job interview were I have included the three years of Adobe Flash development on my resume.

My coworker literally thinks that handheld barcode scanners scan the barcodes like a photo scanner and uploads them to a server to compare the image with an existing one in the database.

Best review I received for my app so far. It's a 2FA app, so basically every site where you enable 2FA tells you exactly what to do (scan the QR code)...

The first time you try to google what an operator does by using the symbol in the search bar because you don't know the name for it.

Some people have a rubber ducky debugger. I have well... This guy.

Got the cheapest laptop I could find that would run Windows mixed reality.

Installed Linux subsystem for Windows and Ubuntu.

Nothing but giant flying terminal windows across my view of a virtual Seascape.

This is my new home.

The joys of barcode scan testing 😑 buhhhhhh

can we actually 3d scan all found human ancestor bones and draw bone structure changes over years ?
gene testing companies could show this animation over their websites.

Why so sad? Must be because of my bugs 😞

In case you need this link again, we’ll send out the PowerPoint, which has the QR code you can scan. WTF. Can’t you just put the damn link in the PowerPoint ?

Spent 3 hours today digging through 3rd party libraries, trying to get them all to work together nicely.

The solution? A one line fix in my own source.

FACEPALM!!!

Who the fuck decided it would be a good idea to have the FAQ entries show up part by part sliding into existance as you scroll?
I just wanted to scan over it to find the link to the webapp that wasn't provided elsewhere (everywhere just infos about features - c'mon!)
don't load that shit like its 2003!

What is a git?

That late night sunday before sleep feeling, when your are almost eager to know what crap the next day is going to bring you.

Is it even a group project unless you did over 50% of the work?

Reviewing code for applications after not working on it for six months.

Client: so what is the first step to adding our new feature.

Me: I really think we need to redo the entire architecture from the ground up. It won't work any differently than it does now, but the code will be cleaner.

Client:😓

Me:😅

Does changing default SSH port really make server more secure? Most of scan apps (eg. Nmap) will find it anyway, won't they?

Only way to stay sane as a developer reading emails:
1.) Open email
2.) Scan quickly for your name on the body of the massage
3.) If your name isn't mentioned, then close with joy.
4.) If your name is mentioned (FML), then read sort of....see what's the deal and if the email body doesn't end in a question mark, then close email and play dumb.
5.) Else, respond to the fucking email.

FOSDEM was pretty awesome.

😺when is a 3 not a 3
🤔
😸when it is a string
😥
😹

I’ve got to build an app in 3 weeks that handles basic image editing and async requests. It’s gotta support both iOS and Android.

It’s also gotta scan barcodes.

What should I use?

Cordova?
Cordova+ionic?
Titanium?
Xamarin?
Dart/flutter?
Try and cram it through in native java/Kotlin and swift?
Something I’m missing?

Just did an internship test for Autodesk and came away from it with the conclusion that I'm really stupid.
May as well give up on my dreams.

Do not use a "debugger".

A debugger is like doing a full-body scan of a sick person. You do not get any specific useful information, and you find a whole lot of information that doesn't help and is just confusing.

Source: Learn Python The Hard Way

Your thought on it?

Why don't people secure their devices if they are on a shared network? I just ran a network scan and found 3 raspberrys, all of them with the default credentials....

Worst career choice: Not programming when I was younger because someone told me I would pick up bad habits. As a result if feel behind some of my peers at University.
Best career choice: I'll let you know when/if I have a career.

Sure go ahead throw me off a bridge into a task thats completely out of my ability in an area I have no experience or understanding almost completely unrelated to the role in which I applied for.

I don't understand why there is such a hypocritic professionalism in tech industry.

In the careers page ,these companies show smiling people, party images , slides and shit. And while selecting resumes, they want to scan buzzwords to select a particular candidate and hate "actual" introductions.

Like, how would you like to meet someone in a bar , who introduces himself as " a super enthusiastic 10x engineer and a tech enthusiast with a knack of building scalable and industry recognized softwares in x tech for last y years". Dude, introduce yourself as a human not a bot.

There is a clear difference when we are talking about personal stuff and when we are talking about tech in real life, why not maintain that in your resume?

But no, just write a single sentence in first person p.o.v and next thing you know, you see tons of LinkedIn post about "how to write a 'professional' resume"

This is kind of personal but wait for the conclusion.

I'm having bad migraines. I used to have them like 10 years ago and recently they came back. The only way to stop an attack is to lie down in a dark room for a few hours and then it's back the next day. CT scan shows nothing. My neurologist shrugged and prescribed some meds. They sometimes take the pain from 8 to 6 on a 0-10 scale, sometimes they do nothing. I stopped working on the weekends and it got better, no more migraines on Saturday morning. So I took few weeks of time off and not a single migraine until the last day.

My shrink said I'm allergic to work.

who dreams about programming?
I do.

I hate Wednesdays. Networking has the Antimalware service run a full/deep scan every Wednesday and my machine is basically unusable until it finishes.

Devs: "Can we have the scheduled task not run during the day, maybe even on the weekend?"
Gary: "Security is our #1 priority and without proper security methods in place, we'll be open to outside threats. Security begins with you, and ..blah blah blah"

Bite me Gary. I got something for ya.

Get-ScheduledTask | ? TaskName -eq 'Windows Defender Scheduled Scan' | Stop-ScheduledTask

You know how companies pay people to scan your Twitter for anything "problematic"?

Can I get the same shit run on them before I follow them for tech stuff and they start posting political bullshit?

I aspire to become the type of dev that understands frameworks and has technical depth rather than the type that just implements things but it's a struggle. I don't know where the foundations are.

When I can't decide which configuration to buy for my new PC

// This part of the code should never run

Came across that lovely comment when fixing a reported bug. Guess where the bug was? You guessed it XD

Other team lead: Hi DevOps Team, We need you to deploy this app to production. It's maintainers gave up on it in 2019, but we looked at it and it feels right.

Me: Uhm. That's not going to work. It'll fail the security scan before you can even finish the build in CI.

Other team lead: Yeah, this app is the right thing to do, and we needed it last week, but since that won't work, we'll just use this other very very infant technology that was just born yesterday. It's not stable in production, or on MySQL, or in AWS at all, but it's the other direction we can to go.

Me: What problem are you trying to solve in the first place?

Other team lead: Oh, we need access to the read from the production database.

Just started using GitHub for my Uni assignment. Summer is coming up and I hope to get a lot more green on here with some projects.

Sequential Scan goes brrrr

So it's required by law to chip and register your dog. I just got a puppy so I had to change the owner of the dog from the kennel to me. And the only thing I needed was my chipvalue and the registration number.

So all I have to do is scan the dog and try the registration numbers and then I can change the owner. Like wtf. And it does not even send a confirmation email. I checked by changing owner and email again.

My registration number is only in the 600K so other registered pets should be easy enough to bruteforce.

Or am I missing something?

hey... can I build a FUCKING android image that uses a camera library?

react-native-camera: deprecated, no longer maintained

react-native-vision-camera: it's like globalthermonuclear war with versioning and patches and support and splat splat bullshit in that repo, don't even dare look at the issues there, trust me, please

react-native-camera-kit: doesn't compile for targetSdk 33, no matter what the FUCK you do

jesus christ i want to scan a fucking QR code with my app and my gradle configs have turned into world war III where the fuck did we go wrong folks

When youre hired as a programmer and you miss programming. you code at home Because your work wont let you. Too many documents to create, too many tickets(IT operations) to create and too many phone calls(follow up on IT operations).

It feels like im wasting my days on a job that i dont care. Thank God for self projects.

Started my internship Monday. Got given a new top spec MacBook Pro. Yay. Except it has the German Keyboard layout. () require shift and yet {} and [] require alt. Whoever designed the layout clearly doesn't program.
Oh and the imposter syndrome is coming on strong.

TL;DR fuck stupid people

I had to develop a rather simple Android app. It had to scan a qr code and let the user validate an invitation based on that code.
It had 2 fucking screens, one for statistics, one for the scan.
One week before going live

Product owner: The app is too complicated.
Dev/me: What?😶
PO: I want you to get rid of the statistics screen. Also make the text and buttons bigger. Also keep in mind we might want it back after.

Needless to say the app looks like shit with the exagerated font size.
At least it's so idiot proof that even a monkey could use it.😂

ACPI YOU FUCKING CUNT

STOP IMPOSING SUCH SHITTY STANDARDS THAT REQUIRE AN OPERATING SYSTEM TO SCAN THE RAM FOR SOMETHING AND TO INTERPRET BYTECODE BY ITSELF!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE MADE TO UNIFY THINGS DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDNT BE REDESIGNED FROM SCRATCH YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BALLS BUSTING SHITTY STANDARD ^1

ALSO, PLEASE FFS DOCUMENT YOUR SHIT-KNÖDEL WELL, PLEASE. WOULD MAKE IT AT LEAST BEAREABLE

^1 I realized I didnt use enough swear words

#!/bin/bash

while :; do
ps -ef | grep -iq [s]ymantec && for i in `ps -ef | grep -i [s]ymantec | awk '{ print $2 }'`; do sudo kill -9 $i; done
sleep 1
done

Funny how DPI impacts scanning speed... I have been scanning 150 DPI the whole time hoping it would save me some time, I'm better off with 225.
(Left: DPI, Right: seconds)

Today I Fucked Up. I tried to do something involving hardware.
I tried to fix my mechanical keyboard by myself with no thought towards how electronics work. My first time using a soldering iron and trying to fix something myself.
I went from needing to replace one key to burning some plastic, failing to get new solder onto the parts to attach the new key to the PCB and getting solder where I didn't want it to needing a new keyboard because I think I've fried some stuff so badly half the bottom row of keys no longer works.
Fucking wonderful.
Guess it's time to buy a new keyboard.
Sigh.

Got a virus (was stupid enough to rely on Defender coz didn't want to compromise performance).
Hell I right-clicked > scan with defender and it gave it a clean chit.
Later got every click on any page leading to some porn website (that too fuckin clickbaits not the real ones -_-)
Installed Kaspersky on trial > virus removed.
BUT the fucker modified files.
Reinstalling Firefox disinfected it,
BUT I CANT REINSTALL EDGE.
Another full-OS reset.
I guess this is how women in their late 30s feel like..
'Ill never get the luxury of settling down'
*sigh*

#Apple #FaceID
Yet another step towards the God's eye in Fast & Furious. Since it requires a 360 scan of a face, CIA just requires a photo to find anyone in the planet who's using an iPhone X [Stands for Expensive]. There's a reason why Apple ditched the fingerprint sensor.
RIP #Privacy 😶

Client sends screenshots, compressed, and shrunk down to an unreadable size, inside a docx file.

Just... just no. Where is a spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper when you need one.

(For you three people who are going to comment 'why don't you just teach them...' ssssssssssshut up, some people are just unteachable ( for you other three who are going to say 'everyone is teachable.' Not true, if it was you wouldn't be saying such things.))

!rant;

Just started a new react-native project :O Someone has build an app to help app builders build apps :O
You start the node process, scan a QR code and BOOM app is on your phone...

Colleague: "Hey, how do you scan the document from the printer to my laptop?"

"Hey, how can you help me to open the pdf?"

..

Why are devs treated like office boys/girls

I really don't get why creators of already-suspicious looking software (and the related suspicious looking website) put terms like "NO VIRUS" or "100% free of malware" next to the download area.

I mean, why would that help anything?

(I understand those typical virustotal scan widgets though, those are fine)

Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.

Since my ISP doesn't allow port forwards on that port, does anyone want to open their port 445 (if not otherwise occupied by Microsoft-DS) and have netcat reply an empty string or so any request (such as an empty string) sent over TCP (or has anyone already done so)? It would help me out a lot with testing out some networks full port range (since portquiz.net's hoster blocks that port) and would take close to no bandwidth for you.

Notifications UI in SwiftUIRant.

I don’t want to just copy the UI of the official app.
So I’ve made a few changes:
Always displaying the name of the user and other stuff that makes it easier to scan visually, I hope.

Feedback is welcome.

Does anyone else have a home screen widget that is their contact details as a QR code?

And has anyone found a not-shit android app that'll do it?

I CBA to make one but also it's really useful. I hacked it together with an app that'll scan a QR code and display it as a widget.

I turn 21 in a month, and I still have no idea what I want to pursue as a career after university or how to get there.
Sure its two years away but I feel behind already.
Also how does one go about getting an internship in the UK?
I've yet to speak to anyone from any dev industry and it's beginning to concern me.

Using a source quality 3D scan
As a level
In a mobile game
Without profiling

Goals for 2019
- Land an internship at either of the companies I'm in the final stages of interview for.
- Nail my exams.
- Publish an application to the app store.
- Buy an RTX 2080ti.
- Start a blog.
(Dev-ish goals I guess)

The school I went to, and this was really the only benefit of the school, gave all it students lifetime memberships to digital tutors, which was bought out by pluralsight, which then bought code School. So I basically got free membership to three different sites, all of which have a good amount of technical training with videos, guides, and work along lessons on them.

For what school cost to me, it will have paid for itself as long as I live for another Thousand Years.

I don't understand the point of giving a 'new' mobile build, 'everyday' to clients

"Today I did minor bug fixes and minor architecture level changes"

Now what, are you going to laser scan the build to see my changes? :|

Geekiest non Dev Activity.
Easily playing Magic The Gathering every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening.
EDH, Standard and Draft.

Finish my degree with a 1st.
Have a job lined up.
Have made something worthwhile.

Is it normal for a codebase to have almost no comments?

I never wanted to be a WordPress expert. I had WordPress expertise thrust upon me.

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

So for my school's annual interschool symposium, I hacked together an app to scan QR codes and keep track of who's taken their refreshments (It was pizza.) If it's been scanned once, it'll show an error. Easy enough, right? Wrong.

So the team at the counter took a screenshot when my app showed "Approved" and whenever they wanted a pizza, they showed the guys their screenshot. Result? Over 70 pizzas weren't counted. And I bore the wrath of my teacher *sigh*.

What the hell could I have done?

Have defective supermicro server, but the ipmi is working and could tell me what's going on.

Only problem is, I don't have access to it since the last owner didn't provide it to me.

So I thought let's try metasploit.

Setup local network with a second server, connect to local* address.

"Welcome to intel integrated BMC web console"

What? Its a Supermicro, did the owner reflash the ipmi? What the heck.

Msf: scan adress ....
ipmi found bla bla bla.

Msf: zero cipher scan.
... Voulnerable to zero cipher.

Was pretty happy but the doubt kept creeping in.

On my WS that isn't connected to the ipmi of my server, I go to that ip address.
Bam
"Welcome to intel BMC ......"

MOTHERFUCKER.

What are the odds that some fucker has his ipmi open to the public on that exact same address that my board was configured to.

Well, actually pretty high I guess.

Fuck. Shit.

That didn't go as planned.

Boss said no more emoticons. I was like l, BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. #emoticonwayoflife

Was wondering why my builds/tests were taking so long. OH HEY THERE KASPERSKY WHY YOU TAKING UP 80% OF MY RESOURCES?!!
Just fuck this pile of shit. Cant it do a low intensity scan without completely blocking me from doing any work?!

Literally scan it 😂

Its a great idea

So I google for a dll editor, and download the first result, don't scan it because I'm tired, and next thing I know I have 370 unwanted items on my laptop. Why is the first result on google an adware dropper...

When you scan an old system you found in the attic.

have to turn off notifications for devrant if I'm going to get anything done today.

Troubleshooting in Windows be like - " Well mate, you are fucked. Till the time we run a baseless scan.. relax ,take a deep breath ..Check your internet connection . .. for you are going to have to google the problem and fix it yourself...

reaction to change from +1 and -1 to ++ and --

Finding good learning resources is difficult.
It shouldn't be.
But it is.
And that makes me sad.

Nothing like client requesting "Hey can you add a virus scan for every goddamn file in the pipeline ? (We don't know what antivirus software you can use, neither do we know what are the consequences of this virus scan failing. We also don't know why a system admin is not doing this server wide instead of a software Dev doing it for this specific individual component. Heck we don't even know why do we need the virus scan in the first place) You might need to think 'outside the box'. Let's hope this is done by 12th Jan. Regards" on a Friday goddamn night

They probably even expect me to write my own antivirus software instead of paying for one

Why is industry like this ? Is there really any polite way to deny this ?

inspired by another rant. quick questions!

1. without checking, how do you scan a QR code on your phone? does it have a built-in setting? does it require an app? do you have it?

2. when was the last time you scanned a QR code?

my guess for most people is 1. idk. maybe it's there. maybe not. 2. haven't.

so why are they fucking everywhere? on every advertisment, receipt, payment terminal, etc.

I have nothing against QR. it's a great thing, and would be super useful if I didn't have to go out of my way to get a third party app just to scan it. but it makes me curious: is it this inconvenient for everyone? why are they all over the place? I've literally never seen someone scan one, and many people I know don't even know what it is!

FUCK you "WP iThemes Security Pro".

First of all, your FUCKing services isn't really secure, more like security by obscurity.
Don't get me started on how you probably don't have a dedicated team of security experts.
But oh well, the customer insisted I must install you, despite my advise.

Second of all, Don't FUCKing send me emails regarding "Scheduled malware scan failed" without it containing the FUCKing error message, not some generic "http_request_failed" error, why did it FUCKing fail?

Last but not least: Don't FUCKing clutter is with with your giant ass logo that takes up half my screen or FUCKing spam such as your upcoming events, newly published books/articles, incorrect "documentation"

Buying a brand new laptop, I think I'll save some money and get an i5 instead of an i7 and then turn around the next day and decide I hate money and I love having a computer that's more powerful than I need it to be.

Finally decided to do some planning before writing code but now I feel like I'm just procrastinating around writing the code.
The struggle is real.