Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:

"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"

😅

It was between me and another guy.

I fucking won!

I GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!

I'll be a junior Linux Support Engineer in a week or so!

OMG OMG YAYAYAYAYAY

This shit is real.

Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.

Ranted about this guy yesterday (who didn't get that we weren't hosting his server).

Today my colleague picked up the phone and was like "yo, I've got this guy on the phone asking for you *explains who it is*"
Me: Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE. FUCKING FINE, PUT HIM THROUGH 😡
Guy: hey! I just wanted to let you know that the issue has been solved, it was not on your end.
Although I know I'm not required to do this, I want to apologize personally for the behavior of my it guy. It wasn't okay and if you got any stress or whatsoever due to him, again, my sincerest apologies! I've had a talk with him, it won't happen again. Have a great weekend!

Glad those kinda people still exist!

"You should use Windows server!"

It was a high security project which needed to run very stable. Even the windows sysadmin looked at that guy like 'dude what the actual fuck'.

Conversation today...

Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"

Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."

Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."

Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"

Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"

Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."

Guy: "But you said it was easy."

Well fuck you...

The "startup idea"-guy starterpack ... "I just need some one to code it."

Phone rings, IT guy next to me answer. I didn't listen what the user said.

IT: Hi, what can I do for you?
User: ...
IT: Ok, try with 123456
User: ...
IT: What's the name of the network?
User: ...
IT: Hmm, I don't know that network
User: ...
IT: HOW THE @#$% WOULD I KNOW YOUR HOME WIFI PASSWORD?!!!

This made my day.
This really makes me wanna go back on Twitter just to follow the guy who posted it.

This one guy REALLY WANTED to work on the hardware (aka arduino in this case) part.

After hours of trying (with 8 guys) of get it to work on windows which just didn't happen, he still refused to even live boot into a Ubuntu machine.

At the end of the day one of the members went to sit down with him to talk about it and the guy finally gave in.

Two seconds into Ubuntu and arduino was successfully up and running!

Then, every day whenever he didn't get something, he'd just do nothing for the entire day while claiming to be working. The team leader sat down with him and I did too, offering him to sit next to me for a day to see how backend stuff went (I was the backender).

Did it but it just went back to the same old bullshit.

I honestly don't mind it if you find it difficult to ask for help but if you, after numerous chances and conversations, still don't do shit, sorry but fuck off.

He was a nice guy and blamed his autism for it but that's just not how it works.

Guy: I don't understand how people could actually learn or work as programmers.. It's so boring.

Me: have you ever programmed before?

Guy: yes

Me: what language?

Guy: matlab

I punched him in the face and kicked him in the balls. Actually just I thought about it. Maybe 3 hours later.

Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh

I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking

That moment when your boss is introducing the new guy and you are silently making a list of all the git repos you need to back up before he makes it to his desk.

The IT guy 😂

Pc wouldn't boot. Went to the service center.
The guy at the shop : what's the problem?
Me : pc won't boot, just starts beeping
The guy : I see. It could be a hardware or a software problem.
Me : (trying to keep a straight face) oh?
Him : oh yes... It's always either a software or a hardware problem.
Me : thanks I guess?

FOR FUCK SAKE...

The same fucking guy that said Java and JavaScript is the same thing tried inserting RAM into the PCIe slot twice! It doesn't even look like it will fit at first sight.

im a programmer.

Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?

Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....

Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.

Me when I go the IT guy for the 7th time, asking for yet another software installation, because I can't install my own stuff on work laptops.

Developer: Can you upgrade my machine to Windows 10? I need it for SQL server 2019.

IT Guy: Sure.

Some time later...

IT Guy: Good news, Windows 10 is loaded. Bad news, I need to update TPM to enable Bitlocker but the firewall is blocking me from downloading the update. I will need to download it from home tonight.

Developer: But you're the IT administrator...

IT Guy: Yes...

Developer: ...

I once had a co-worker (QA guy) who had the worst smelling breath of anyone's I ever smelled. He was a nice guy but it was kind of weird/irritating how bad it smelled. One day someone confronted him about it, and he said that it was garlic since he apparently constantly chewed on garlic. I guess it was just some odd habit and he didn't care he was grossing everyone out haha.

So I found myself explaining to my rubber duck all the things I've done wrong in my past relationships...

What? It's a great guy, I shouldn't limit it just to code issues, I have a life it could fix too

To the guy who said that java is the best programming language. Sorry if it has been posted before.

Dammit, I can't even describe how much I hate when I'm researching to fix a problem, find a forum/question and the guy answering it makes a post saying "Forget about it, solved it" but doesn't say how.

Saw a video of an interview on Cloud Computing...
That genius guy says: "Cloud computing is highly risky. Because if it rains, all the data will be lost."

Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.

"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"

Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.

The guy who reported a serious exploit in the company's system got arrested this morning. Safe to say the Hungarian public isn't very happy. I took the screenshot 5 minutes ago, it went up to 3.1k since then 😂

I sometimes look at the code of the guy who had my job before me and I think.

Delete it.
Delete it all.
Delete it with fire.
Use the developer as kindling so it never happens again.

working on an android app. the guy who wrote it is a complete retard designed it and made it overcomplicated and unmaintainable now no one can change anything without breaking all that shit ... found this comment, someone else tried to do it and failed miserably apparently.

University dorm admin story:
One guy had a problem with his ethernet cable. He broke RJ45 and wanted new one, so he asked on dorms group what to do. He was pointed to admin. So he grabbed a knife, cut the cable as close to wall as he could and walked with it to the admin guy. He said that he had problem with his cable and want new RJ45, so admin applied it on the both sides. Then he asked how to plug it back to the wall :D

Other guy: Hello! I need your help! I don't have my password for my gmail ! Help!

Me: Okay, ... (proceed to guide him where to recover the passwords), Now enter you email in.

Other guy: Well i don't remember it either, Help me get my email.

Me: ...

Fml

I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.

I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.

When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.

Sweet, sweet malice.

In few hours I was with client showing his website after long time coding and designing.

Client: I think this is it, here your final $$

Me: Me thanks sir and bye

A guy came in.

Client: Oh! Wait, this guy is our it expert let see if he have any advise.

Me: Oops! Okay

Guy: So this website will showcase our products

Me: Yes,

Guy: What about security because I just got news that Russian hacked one big company.

Me: I don’t think Russian have time to hack your one page website

Out of the door...

we had this guy once, who we gave access to our private repo. everything's all good until we noticed that our amazon bill was USD 8,000+!!! we found out that lots of servers got created and that's bec. this guy forked our private repo and his fork was a public one. our keys were still not in .env files and were part of the commit so some bot got hold of it and accessed our amazon account. we suspected that the servers were used for bitcoin mining. anyway guy was fired on the spot and we also learned our lesson to keep keys out of repos.

This happened just a few meters of me.

IT Guy: What happened sir?
IT Manager: WTF does the variable a4g646g54a6g54a65g654ag546a654g56a?

~awkward silence~

Still curious.

> Manager: Why does service X behaves Y way? It should do Z instead.
> Me: *explains why*
> Manager: I don't understand this...
> Me: *explains it in more simple terms and shorter sentences*
> Manager: I'm still not sure I get it.
> Me: It is like this because of a third party provider and we can't change anything for the same reason. Also it is working like this for half a decade now.
> Manager: Ok, I get it. So please fix the service, it should do Z instead of Y.
> Me: *facepalm* Sorry, I can't. Ask (frontend guy), maybe he can help you.
> Frontend guy a bit later: ┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)

When the IT guy tells you that your pc needs more RAM and you think "I can hendle this!"

*girl in office call IT guy*
Girl: my computer isn't working
Guy: what happened?
Girl: screen is blank.. nothing on it
Guy: ok... I'll replace the monitor (starts unplugging)
Girl: wait.. wait.... I didn't took backup yet..
Guy: *face plam*

Fighting an IT guy is lot like fighting a pig in mud. After some time you realise pig likes the mud.

Fun fact: the cape of the Batman in the arkham game series was the responsibility of one guy, and it took him 2 years to provide the perfect flexibility, fluidity and strectchibility to it for the final installment of the game arkham knight.

Dude, stop trying to cram your crappy open source library into all our projects. No-one uses it, it's buggy as hell, and even if it did work properly, it adds virtually zero advantages.

Seriously, if you Google this library, the results are: a blog post this guy has written about it saying it's awesome, the same guy answering people's questions on Reddit by saying that all their problems would be solved by using his library, and someone else raising an issue saying it doesn't work 🤦‍♀️

1) no more "can you fix my printer?"

2) no more "but you're the IT guy!"

3) no more "can you fix my printer?"

Easily this guy.

Fun fact: I was following him on Quora and YouTube for what must have been a year until I realised it was the same person.

"OOP is just a trend." - My first year internship technical manager. It happened 6 years ago, the guy retired soon after.

Day 1:

Me: 'Hi'

Middleware guy: 'Raise a Jira. We have always been so accommodating. Contact your manager.'

*Jeez*

===

Day 2:

Me: 'Could you please start the server in dev environment? I am a new joiner. I don't have access. Here is a jira.'

Middleware guy: 'Deadlines may be for you. It is not for me. Wait until tomorrow.'

*Damn, did he get a divorce recently?*

===

Day 5: *An urgent delivery asap* 'Hi, could you please do the configuration of the new app in staging?'

Middleware guy: 'So, here is the split up...
Task 1
Task 2
Task 3
Task 4
Task 5 & 6
Your app will be configured by tomorrow first half hopefully.. Oh and you can escalate if it is too late..
'
*What a b...*

===

Day 8:

Me: *Doing late sit for pushing a task* 'Hi, we have an issue. The server is not starting. Could it be due to..'

MW guy in 'second' shift: 'Oh, we don't extend support on unusual hours'

Me: 'But this is second shift.'

MW guy: 'Yeah, but I have to go home early now...'

====

Day 10:

Team Lead: 'Any innovative solutions?'

Me: 'Let's go SERVERLESS!' :D

My dear diary,

Today, the guy that convinced the boss to completely replace our functional CMS website (marketing used to update it) with a static one he was writing from scratch in PHP + jQuery, has published our MailChimp Api Key on StackOverflow, because he couldn't make the API to work.

Boss didn't complain, but I don't think he understood what happened. Just asked the guy for not doing that again.

It was a crazy day.

I think this is so far one of the most priceless WTF moments I encountered at my current work:

A coworker of mine came up to me explaining the problem he had with russian characters in the filename. He explained in detail that everything works ok (the other part of the code he was fixing) if he changes the name of the file to test1.xlsx for example which doesn't use russian characters. OK great.

Then he goes on to show me how he fixed the other stuff and of course everything blows up. The file he used for demonstration was of course the original file our cusotomer provided, he just deleted the obvious russian chars and left the rest.

МТС != MTC

I cracked up: but you still have russian chars in the name.
The guy: no way, I deleted them all.
Me: but what about that МТС in the name?! Guy: what about it?
Me: did you actually typed that in or you left it there?! Those are russian chars that are fucking things up for you.
Guy: no way, it's MTC.
Me: checked the logs, you have ??? In the filename instead of МТС..don't you find that at least a little bit suspicious?!
Guy: but it looks the same. How does it (the computer) know it is in russian?!? //Why doesn't it understand?!

O.o I still can't believe it.. Is it just me & my high standards, or should it be normal for coders to know things such as character encoding & stuff?!?

I almost died of laughter, he and some other guy had problems finding customers in the software due to not being able to type the russian chars << happened more then once before, even after I told them about a quick hack on how to use google translate onboard keyboard & other stuff to make proper chars so they can get a match..

I think when they bury me, I'll still be facepalming and laughing over this incident. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Excuse me, What the fuck?

This happened to me. some guy (or gal) rated my app 2 stars just because it couldn't download my app.

later on it replied me with a sorry message and said that app is really good. but it did'nt increased the stars 😑

Currently on the train to work:
*Guy pulls out his laptop

Me: *Oh nice. Dell laptop. Oh wait, shoot, that’s a Dell XPS 15. 😎Sweet!! Looks super clean. Get it boss, I salute you. Anyway, it’s probably running Windows 10 as expected. It’d be super cool if it run Ubuntu though.

*Guy lifts laptop lid.

Me: *Ahh, look how clean it is too. No fingerprints or smudges on the screen or keyboard. That’s my style. I like this guy. We can definitely share laptops.

*Guy powers on laptop

Me:*Woooooohooooo, no way!!! Gets a little tear of joy in my eyes. I want to hug this guy. This guy rocks. Oh mann, I want to start a conversation with him but can’t because another passenger is standing between us.

*The laptop run Ubuntu! 😍😱😁

Overheard guy on the bus: "...but I don't understand where variables go in memory."

It took 100% of my will power to not pop over the seat like some muppet to sing song about stacks and heaps.

While live streaming Google pixel launch, every time the guy on stage say Ok Google my phone triggered it 😁😁😁

During code review:

Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"

Was asked to make an e-sign system that manipulates PDFs to insert an image and the date at different coordinates on x number of different pages.

200 hours later, it was done. Now I'm the PDF guy

this happens way too often in our company

PM: did you made that change I requested?
me: yeah, its on the live server now, why?
PM: I cant see it...
me: *wtf, I specially forced the JS to reload to eliminate problems with cache* could you send me a screenshot?
PM: *sends screenshot*
me: I dont get it... I can see the changes in my browser *dev feeling intensifies* ... refresh the site and try again
PM: oh... suddenly its there, ...anyway, thanks! it looks great!
me: *facepalm*

turns out our managers just dont refresh websites, they want changes to take place immediately

Started working on a new project. One test failed, after unsuccessful tries to fix it, I ask the team lead for advice and help.
The guy takes a look and just deletes the test and says "There, done!"

Me: Ok, so send me your logo.
Client: Here it is <template.xlsx>
Me: What I am supposed to do with a fucking animated gif in excel spreadsheet ?
Client: I don't know you are the IT guy
Me: OK go fuck yourself.

First time my laptop acted as a CV.

I've been in a personal project with my pal for like a three months. We meet sometimes at a cafe which is a very nice workplace, we often see more people with laptops, so we are not the only ones that thinks so.

My pal was waiting for me, he got a table early and then I arrived. there was a guy nearby us.

Me: (this guy has a newest new macbook pro, fucking riche)

-- I sit, put my laptop and start to work with my pal --

The guy starts looking at my stickers without hiding his doing at all. I noticed that instantly

Me: (Crap, he's gonna ask something :( )

-- I kept discussing stuff with my pal for like 5 minutes and then it happened. the guy stands up and... --

Guy: hey! how are you? sorry for bother, are you perhaps developers? I'm asking because I saw your stickers

Me: mmm yes

Guy: Do you have a job currently?

Me: We are in a project (No need to mention this is personal project and I got my full time job)

Guy: Oh, ok, no problem, you see I got a company, and currently we are looking for people to work with us, we want frontend developers with javascript skills preferable, but anything is welcome. Interviews starts next week, so if you are interested or know someone that could be, I'll give you my card and please write me at my mail if anything.

Me: got it, no problem.

-- I tried my best to hide my displeasure face(but I think I showed it a little), for him to being a riche with a new macbook pro, and you know, the interruption, I wanted to be focused while working in da project --

-- I got the card, I read it a bit, didn't dig into too much, there was stuff to do at the moment. the guy already returned to his chair and my friend --

Pal: Excuse me Mr Guy, what's the job tittle?

Me: (FUCK! dude!, we're working in our shit, don't give him more reason to try to scout us. we are behind the schedule and I need to explain this shit to you FFS)

Guy: Oh yes, will be frontend developer(again), but if you are a full stack that will be a plus too, we got some stuff with angular 1.x(ugh), and sencha touch(ugh) and ...(don't remember what else was it)

Pal: Ok and the job is full time in site? or are you open to work remotely

Me: (ok man, you sound interested, that makes me look interested too >:( )

Guy: preferable in site, but we would consider remotely depending on the person.

Pal: Good! thank you very much Mr. X

Guy: cool

-- Later on, like two hours, my friend goes to the counter for more coffee --

-- I text him: dude, I feel the guy will kidnap me or something --
-- then the guy start looking again at my laptop and... ---

Guy: hey! Jhon was your name right? Do you have experience with devops? I see your aws stickers

Me: yes

Guy: do you have experience with microservices?

Me: yes, a bit with lambda, also I've done some stuff with kubernetes, opsworks, rds and whatnot. no biggie

Guy: oh cool! we have a devops job too, there is a migration we need to do for an app to micro services. again if you are interested or know someone that it does. please mail me :)

Me: gotcha

There were no further interactions with Mr. Guy the rest of the day.

I'll be thrilled if someone ask me about my bee and puppycat sticker

Nah, we leave it to the next guy and start making more babies.

F : "Oh, you're an IT guy. Can you help me hack my facebook? I forgot the password."
Me : "..."
F : "You can't? okay"

Guy A : so I had to downloaded the one you sent ...
Guy B : wait you what
Guy A : I downloaded the file you sent
Guy B : you didn't need to download, you just had to save it
Guy A : NO, I had to download, if not it will cost my mobile bill
Guy B : NO, saving it won't cost any

And here I am : (屮゜Д゜)屮

!dev

So the ceiling in our (upstairs) laundry room started leaking. After some troubleshooting, we determined it was the A/C, and not the water pipes. (The house is cheap as hell and fucking stupid.) We did some troubleshooting and research, and tried fixing it ourselves; no luck. Cleaning the pipes from outside: no joy. Cleaning the pipes from inside: no access. The attic is ... small. Maybe half a small closet? and doesn’t give access to fucking anything. The builders must have installed everything before putting up the walls and ceilings, sealing everything off, because there is no access. It’s fucking stupid. Also, the usual maintenance openings aren’t even there either because why the fuck would they be?

But fucking whatever.

We called an a/c repair guy, who never showed. We assumed he was busy (it’s fucking hot), so we called him again the next day; two days later he showed.

Busy. Whatever.

Guy didn’t bring a ladder. Whatever, we have one right there in the hallway because we’ve been trying in vain to fix it.

Guy didn’t bring a wrench of any kind. Guy didn’t bring a screwdriver. Guy didn’t bring a bucket. Guy didn’t bring any pipe. Or any pipe sealant. Or fucking anything but his sagging fucking pants, fat belly, and fat stench. We had to supply everything, which fortunately we had on hand as we were already trying to fix it. Hoorah for being proactive.

Guy said he drained both primary and secondary pans. Somehow. Without access. I’m not even convinced it HAS a secondary pan. Guy said he cleaned out the pipes, too. From inside the house. Without access. Somehow. Maybe he did that from outside, without tools, while I was chasing the brats and someone else was watching the fat bastard. Who knows; I wasn’t with him most of the time.

When he was done, the guy said “pay whatever you think it’s worth” (or whatever). Fine, if he actually cleaned the pipes out and it isn’t leaking anymore, that’s great.

Guy leaves.

We go up to check. AND THE FUCKING A/C IS STILL LEAKING. BUT NOW IT’S FROM BEFORE THE PIPES, TOO. AND HALF AN HOUR LATER, THE LAUDRY ROOM CEILING IS ALSO LEAKING, WHICH MEANS THE PIPES ARE STILL LEAKING.

It turns out the asshole broke the pan.

We call him back, he goes blah blah blah, we send him a video. Drip, drip, drip.

His response?
“The pan must be rusted.” IT’S FUCKING PLASTIC.

“Oh, in that case, it’s probably a rusted coil that’s leaking.”

a) HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW IT WAS FUCKING PLASTIC IF YOU DRAINED IT?

b) THE COILS CARRY FREON, NOT WATER, AND THE A/C IS STILL WORKING. IF THERE WAS A LEAK, SHIT WOULD BE HOT. AND RANK. FREON SMELLS NASTY AND DOESN’T CAUSE IT TO RAIN IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.

REPLACING A COIL IS ALSO A $2000 FUCKING REPAIR.

THE FAT BASTARD PROBABLY BROKE THE PAN INTENTIONALLY JUST TO UPSELL. I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER HIS LYING FUCKING FACE OFF.

It’s possible he didn’t break the pan intentionally, so I’ll tentatively remove that from his charges. BUT TO FUCKING LIE?

LIE AND DIE, FUCKER.

I was in my way back from work when this guy speeds off the on-ramp onto the highway and almost hits me.

I suppose you could say that it was a pretty serious merge conflict...

Guy: - "Your restart script doesn't work."
Me: - "What do you mean?"
Guy: - "It does nothing."
Me: - "It should kill every processes that's running within the project and start them again. Wait... Why do you terminate it?"
Guy: - "I don't. It just stops."
Me: - "It says `Terminated` here. You killed it. Just let it do it's job, don't kill it."
Guy: - "I'm not killing it! It just stops!"

(...two hours later...)

Me: - "Wait... Where do you run it from?"
Guy: - "What do you mean? I just run the script you gave me."
Me: - "Yeah, but where do you run it from? Where did you put it?"
Guy: - "It's part of the project so I put it in the project, d'oh!"

Dad : My WhatsApp has an issue and you're a software engineer. Fix it
Me : Looks like a Android bug...can't do anything.
Dad : Come with me, this guy at the shop around the corner who does prepaid talk time recharge will fix it... learn from him
Me : facepalm , gotta kill that guy

Making an Android app for a group project. Of course, no one besides me in the team knows anything about Java, or Android, or life, apparently.

A guy "worked" on some small feature for 90 minutes last night before calling me for help. He can't comprehend git so he sends me a message containing his spaghetti code. I proceed to bang it out quickly the right way with him on a Skype call watching my screen but he isn't asking any questions or contributing at all. We have an approaching deadline so I am beyond coaching this guy.

We go to test it out and I had forgotten a line. Simple fix, but it prevents the feature from working as intended. Rather than being remotely helpful the guy gets an attitude about how I write buggy code and that the feature should be robust. I fix it and he slinks back to silence.

Cool. Thanks for the help bro. Glad you could contribute.

I feel for the IT guy.....

Just got this little guy in the mail. Hopefully it can get me through my CS degree in one piece.

I have nothing wrong with being frequently asked what I am majoring in. However, I am going for COMPUTER SCIENCE not FUCKING IT. Please for the love of fuck stop suggesting I try to get a job with some shitty company as an IT guy. I have no interest in being an IT guy. I want to fucking code shit, not fix your shit and help you do basic shit that you're too fucking incompetent to figure out.

Told my junior the optimization idea i was going to say in the upcoming meeting

Fucking guy stole it and got all the claps in the evening meeting

Now i cant even look at his face.

Brought in a meeting a really good idea. One guy out of 9 sayd, that it's stupid and we could not use it.

1 week later the same guy proposes the same idea to the boss and team. Took all the merit and when I confronted him, he denied, that it was first my idea.

Fuck my life...

Was searching how to embed youtube video in html and found this in w3schools..... The guy who wrote this turorial hates auto play i guess.... It really is annoying 😡

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

"I can't replicate it therefore your hotfix for the customer shouting at you is unnecessary"

WTF?! I had to lead this guy to the records where I'd replicated it myself in both the customer system and the demo one! There's a real sense that the core dev team in this place automatically disregards what the rest of us say (support had already mentioned it was replicable but clearly hadn't realised that they needed to spoon-feed this guy).

This place has a huge silo problem, glad I'm not staying much longer...

edit: these tags shouldn't be reordering themselves, not cool

client cto: "SOMEBODY COMPROMISED YOUR KEY!!!! IT SHOWS SOMEBODY LOGGED IN TO DEVOPS GUY'S ACCOUNT USING KALI LINUX!!!!! HERE ARE THE LOGS!!!!"

the logs: *show an ip address*

the ip address: *ip address of the office*

devops guy: *actually uses kali linux*

not really a rant, just found it funny

I wonder if the meeting at Rubber ducks quack association goes like this...
Why the hell doesn't my guy see the problem? It's fucking right there! Why don't you see it??? OMG! I request for a change of owner.

I learnt it!
00210121021112011211211120102000212101021112100202
Whoever decodes it, is the cool guy on devRant

Just a guy burping and farting all day, every day.
He was a very cool guy and a good worker, so he was excused. But it was very weird when he just started at the company!

When you review a PR from a senior dev, find something improvable, suggest it and the dev updates it accordingly.

The first time when this happened made me the luckiest guy. It's still rare, though.

My first job was not exactly a job but a freelance project. The guy that I delivered the website to thought that I'd charge money each time I pressed a key on my laptop when we met.
Had to explain to the guy that that's not how it works. That's not how any of it works.

News station:
"This country is in need of IT specialists"
*Presents some guy from some company*
"We offer schooling for people who want to learn IT"

Also news station:
*Shows footage of the same guy typing some help command into cmd*
*Same guy opens minified js in notepad++*

Way to fucking cringe everybody with slight knowledge out of the continent!

Estimating the task. A total of... 2 months.

Other guy: I think we should squeeze it to 1 month.
Others: I think we should squeeze it in 2 weeks to meet the deadline..

Deadline: 2 weeks
Progress:25%

An open standard quotes the same guy in 2/3 refs, very open indeed.

This guy damaged JavaScript as a language more than anyone else in the world, and he may still call it an achievement.

Asked a guy to burn s CD with NFS underground game. puts NFS underground shortcut and burns the CD and says double click the shortcut it will install the game. 😠

How. The. Fuck...do these people has a job:
Me: How much to repair my Nexus 6 screen? It's not full smashed.
Tech guy: We'll need to see the phone
Me: Why? I need the screen replaced
Tech guy: Ok...send us a screen shot. it could be a cheap fix

Fucking me side ways! Really?

The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please

where's the IT guy..?

When you're training a new guy who thinks hes better than you and completely overwrites all the code you've been working on because he thinks UX designed it wrong and it should look "correct". Thats not how corporate business works buddy...

Was having an internship interview, and the guy starts laughing while reading my resume and says:
"don't put visual basic on your resume if you don't want to work with it"
I proceeded to remove it ASAP.

2 days to find where the NullPointerException came from, in a nearly 150 tables database. Once I found it I feel like the guy who found the grain of sand blocking the whole machine.

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

Me: Did you send that email to the client?
Other guy: No, I haven't. But you can send it, but you can send it, use teamviewer and send it from my email client

It was a long flight but he just flapped right along! Good job my guy! Time to relax on the beach and enjoy the water!

How difficult is it to do things and do them properly? Clearly in 2019, very difficult. And why on Earth would you do things properly, when there's get rich quick schemes, shortcuts to be found and taken, and that filthy filthy legal tender. If the shitty implementation makes a profit, why do it properly? Makes no sense.

Except it fucking does. And you know why? Because of the guy that comes after you, that works with your fucking bullshit implementation and probably curses you to the moon and beyond in the process. Just like you probably did with the guy that came before you, with that bullshit you got tasked to work with. Don't be that guy. And don't be that guy to the next guy.

Still with me? Good. Here's the thing. You can do [insert job here] quick and dirty. But you're guaranteed to be checking back on it and fixing the crap later on. Or worse yet, someone else will be cursing you to the moon and beyond while they are fixing / working around your crap. So why not do it right in the first place? Is this why we can't have nice things?

I really love how beautiful code can be, and the feeling of creating something for others or yourself to enjoy. But I hate being the family's IT guy... I'm a developer not IT support.

So a guy at work saw our laptops running kali linux, and wanted the "Installer" for it..

PM: "so I need you to deploy this new application to some new server. The deadline is in 2 days"

Me: "yeah I can do that, is the application ready and has been tested? Have the servers been set up properly by the IT guy?"

PM: "yep, all is set up and good"

Couple of hours later I try locating the server, only to find it didn't exist.

Me: "the server you mentioned earlier, is doesn't appear to exist?"

PM: "it definitely does, IT guy said he set it all up"

I dig around a little more, but this server definitely doesn't exist. The IT guy was on holiday for a week, so we had to wait for him to get back; delaying the release. On the morning the IT guy got back,

PM: " I though you said you set up that server for the application, we've had to delay it now!"

IT: "I just set it up this morning. Like I said in the email to you before I Ieft, I will have to do it first thing when I get back after holiday"

Turns out the PM had asked the IT guy to spin up the server, but never bothered to read his response. Assuming it was done he told the client he'd have it deployed in a couple of days.

The application was deployed successfully later that day, but not before the PM blamed us two for its delay.

I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.

One guy left the company and left me nodeJS project to maintain. It has a file with just a few lines short of 1700 lines of code.

„Couldn‘t figure out how to detect the end of a case, forced every developer to end a case with a break; so it doesn‘t go through all cases“

- the guy who invented switch case

Was watching a video on my phone and the guy said "ok Google" and then, you can guess what happened. Didn't know it can get activated by the sounds generated by the phone 😮.

Me: We need to allow the team in the newly acquired subsidiary to access our docker image repositories.
Sec Guy: Why?
Me: So they can run our very expensive AI models that we have prepared onto container images.
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: So how we're supposed to share artifacts?!?
Sec Guy: Can't you just email them the docker files?
Me: Those images contain expensively trained AI models. You can't rebuild it from the docker files.
Sec Guy: Can't you email the images themselves?
Me: Those are a few gigabytes each. Won't fit in an email and won't even fit the Google drive / onedrive / Dropbox single file size limit.
Sec Guy: Can't you store them in a object storage like S3/GCS/Azure storage?
Me: Sure
Proceed to do that.
Can't give access to the storage for shit.
Call the sec guy
Me: I need to share this cloud storage directory.
Sec Guy (with aparent amnesia): Why?
Me: I just told you! So they can access our AI docker images!
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: Goes insane

Is there a law or something that you must attempt several alternative methods before the sec people will realize that they are the problem?!?! I mean, frankly, one can get an executable artifact by fucking email and run it but can't pull it from a private docker registry? Why the fuck would their call it "security"?

I'm a guy and when the migraine hits me I feel like crying. Is it normal for a guy to cry, coz I'm not able to handle this pain.

Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?

If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.

The guy was a complete asshole. He criticized every line of code i did and said he could find someone else who could do it better for less.

It also doesn't help the fact that i worked alone in that project.

It fucking pisses me off when people compare experience as a benchmark of his performance or knowledge while hiring for job and even salaries depend on that. How do you know that, that guy has jerked around while the younger guy with less years of experienco would work better and harder.
What is your experience with people like that?

You think HTML isn't a programming language? Tell that to the guy wrote js to check if a hidden div contained the word True inside its tag before it fired.

Sales guy: Hey, you're technical. Can you tell me how I'd go about doing (foobar) in this webapp I have here?
Almond: Err... I've never dealt with that webapp in my life. I wouldn't have a clue.
Sales guy: ...but you're a dev right? Oh well, never mind. Anyone more experienced around here that may know?
Almond: No idea, but I seriously doubt any of the devs will have used it. Maybe one of the other sales guys will?
Sales guy: So you're telling me *none* of the devs around here will know how to do this?!
Almond: Very unlikely (thinking why the hell would any devs be using a sales app, but whatever)

...15 minutes later...

Sales guy: Ahah, I figured it out! (Explains what buttons he had to click in crappy app to do foobar)
Almond: Glad you got it sorted!
Sales guy: I'm really surprised none of you devs could figure this out, but I could. Perhaps I should change careers and be a dev.

...what?!

Thank you unixstickers, stickermule, and to the guy who posted it here in devrant about the $1 for bunch of stickers (sorry i forgot to ++ the post and can't find it anymore)

-Client: I have a problem.My pc says I need a snake to run this program.
-IT guy: Please sir,tell exactly what it says.
-Client: You need Python to run this program.
-IT guy: *hits his head on the keyboard

Oh look. The monitoring channel is in flames, smartphone is vibrating so hard it's having a seizure.

Hm. Nah it's fine. Not my...

Damn it. Incoming call. -.-

I'm actually on vacation (more like you need to trim down overtime before management get's angry).

They decided to test the new hardware / os stack I set up in the last weeks. I'd actually be happy about it If I wasn't on vacation and would be part in something that I invested a lot of time...

Well now I am. Guess what. It's running too good.

And that's not a joke. It's partly due to an upgrade in infrastructure (got rid of some last remaining 1 Gbps networks)… but also because I changed quite a lot on the OS / VM side plus we changed from XEN to Proxmox... With major tweaks, too.

The whole stack can now handle peak traffic where it would choke before, and even go beyond the old peak traffic.

Enough of introduction, the simple reason why shit burned down was because they tried out the current development branch and let it ran.

The development branch had an currently unfinished ratelimiter framework, since I didn't had time for an full burn in and didn't knew what the maxima / limits were. And since I hadn't finished that, I didn't finish the traffic shaping either.

Hm. Guess it's not good when you let a bunch of heavy parallelized data generators / analyzers run for free....

In the end, we simply shotgunned the docker development machines, because thanks to network congestion / retransmissions and feedback, they were not really cooperative via network / REST.

But hey: To infinity and beyond. XD

Me: *finds exploit in site at work*
Developer of site: "You talk bs"
Me: "lemme show ya"

While I was trying to demo it, the guy quickly patched it xD (making it look as if it didn't work in the first place)

As a guy who really just started his web development life I just say the most fun I have is clicking the refresh button ( or npm does it for me ) and seeing my magic work, unless it doesn't and then I press again , maybe this time it will ..

Currently playing "the IT guy" for my uncle. I'm supposed to "speed up" the laptop. It's a low tier Toshiba from about 5 years ago, that while idle sits at about 100% CPU usage and 80% RAM usage.
From what I can tell, it has NEVER been turned off since I set it up for him 4 years ago, or unplugged..

My company employed a new back-end guy from a random country in Africa (our first non-european). After firing the internal IT guy a year ago, they have now noticed that he has fully protected our company from login attempts outside of europe. The replacement has no idea how to revert it and honestly is not an system administrator.

Our DevOps guy knows how to solve it but nobody asked him and he cannot be arsed.

So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.

Phone call with random guy:
"Hi I have an awesome idea for a mobile app that's going to change the world. I just don't know how to program it."

Me: "cool, let's set up a meeting to hash out the details and discuss the project & costs"

Guy: "I was hoping you would be able to do it for 10% equity, it's gonna make millions!"

Me: "Facepalm"

As a guy who hates touching anything attached to the name "JavaScript"... Vue is pretty cool. I kind of like it. I suddenly don't hate building a website. I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

I am a fucking software developer and not an IT guy, I write code and if the fucking printer is not connecting, throw it out of the window, that's way better than calling me for help, because one day, I'll do that, and you'll regret...

Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.

While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!

All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”

IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong....

Fuck the IT guy

So I am assigned to a new team to take over the leading position because the guy who did it up till now quit. And there is this guy who today seriously shared his screen with my boss and the rest of the team to point out that I formatted something wrong...

Realy it was something like
super.doFunctionA().thenFunctionB() instead of putting it like
super
.functionA()
.functionB()

He said he wanted to call me out early to avoid spreading of this "wrong formatting"

He wants to start a war? This fuckhead can have it!
Soon I will be the one who writes his tasks... hf

I wish I had this guy as my calculus teacher in college. It was hell understanding the concepts because of language barriers.

What's the point of a farewell email at work?

Just got another today from a random guy we don't really know with his # and personal email.

The only thing I can think of doing with it is feeding it to a spambot?

I think there is always that guy in the company who makes shitty code, and someone else needs to fix/rewrite it. but he is always good with PM and superiors.

900 lines to build an HTML select list which displayed the months from January until the current month, for picking which months data to display seems a tad excessive... probably good the guy who did it doesn't work anymore.

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks.Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

At a dynamoDB conference. Guy in the audience keeps thinking he knows more than the people who actually worked on it. 🤦‍♂️

Just received the code for a WP site that needs a redesign... The guy who owns it outsourced the job to some indian folks who filled it with at shitton of plugins, and now it's both ugly as hell and a bitch to work with...
FML.

This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...

Our team(except one guy) does follow TDD, it may or may not be the best but solves for us in most cases.

This one guy follows HDD : Hope Driven Development.
He writes some code, checks_in and HOPE it works :-)
And breaks preprod almost once per week.

Seriously, a new guy joined out team and suddenly I'm out of my comfort zone and started following the pattern I used to follow. The thing he did, commented on my PR, a lot of comments.
I had this thing that hey now I can control anything right, new guy? less experienced? yes, so I don't need to be intimidated. But I realised today that I'm easily intimidated my intelligent people because I think now I am the inferior one.

I will push myself to think about it in a better way, by looking at it positively, to learn something from it.

We have an e-commerce platform. One guy uploaded a blurry product image later he created a ticket on Jira that the image is too blurry at the storefront and asked if we can do something about it.

Call between Me and IT Assistant Guy working @ the Ministry of Education in my Country:

Me: Hi! I'm wondering why my account has been disabled. Can you tell me something?

IT guy: Have you tried turning off and on your computer?

Ministry.Of.Education.

"No i mean the bot goes offline like whatever is hosting it goes offline and then the bot literally doesnt respond to commands"

- One guy trying to prove how "unreliable" a bot is.
Kill me.

So I saw this argument between two intellectual titans on Quora about C vs C++. It was pretty amusing lol.

First Guy: “C programmers are the Amish! They’re afraid of change. C++ is a better C because it repairs it insufficiencies like classes and namespaces.”

Second guy: “C is fairly consistent, while C++ is inconsistent in many places. It performs so many allocations without you even knowing it. It’s complexity is very distracting !”

Rant! I'm​ the only developer working in the company and everybody always comes​ to me and say, oh you are the IT guy can you fix my iPad?

F**$ no I can't... Stupid iPads..

Was showing the new guy how to write a fairly simple database query with a couple of joins.

Spent 3 hours trying to figure out why it didn't work.

Finally discovered that I had randomly chosen one of the 3 records (out of a possible 15,000+) that had leading white space.

Ctrl-Z back to the first query I wrote (3 hours ago), and it works perfectly.

New guy learns a more valuable lesson than I originally intended.

I just watch WWDC 2017... To me it was honestly boring and I felt that no one the people that attended or the presenters were truly excited about anything. Except for Craig. That guy is always excited

What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!

Nobody's fault. It's just my naiveness.

Meeting time is at 1pm.
2 guys from 2 different companies and me.
Guy A and Guy B offices are a bit closer.
Meeting venue is Guy B office.
Guy A confirmed and reminded me about the meeting around 12.
I had my lunch early and left my office at 1230.
Got a call from Guy A while I'm on route.
Guy B forgot the appointment, went out and they have rescheduled it to 530pm.
In the end I had to pay a round trip ride for a taxi.

Well at least it's cold inside the taxi while outside temperature is 38°.

So, 2 weeks ago, some guy in here left a comment about how great i3 is, so I was curious and installed it.

Since then I spend the same amount of time on playing with i3 as on doing actual work. Not sure if I love or hate that guy, but i3 really is awesome.

When that guy *always* starts trying to aggressively optimize his code right after writing it. It really is the root of all evil. DK

A guy I used to work with shit himself. It soaked through his jeans and into his seat before doing something about it. He then carried the seat over another colleagues head and left the office. It was hilarious. Though I don't think it was a prank, I think he had an upset stomach

We need a new Website for our school TV club. Ok..
I start to make a idea of site and give it to the guy, who said that we need a new site.

He liked the idea.

I started to make site.

*Few hours later*

The site is "ready" (Not fancy af but operates)

I go to the guy who want the site.

He said: "Why do you make the site? I setuped Wordpress for our site."

Fuck you.

My mom told me to take the spider out instead of killing it..
So i did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.

I love it when my boss says "review the code with this guy since he knows alot" and that guy wastes your time by just skimming my code and saying "where is the final product?". I don't get people sometimes. At least I impressed myself making a small chatbot.

when you think about it.. Moses was the first guy ever to download data from The Cloud and distribute it via p2p protocol [torrent]. The first it pirate ever.

Happy Easter!

Got a new guy. Having a dumb meeting. New guy is humblebragging. It is making the dumb meeting longer. I feel angry. Like Warren Moon must have felt in 1995. He is a PhD. That's probably why. Ugh.

So we had a talk in college on various tools we can use as developers and the guy kept pronouncing it as jithub. I was cringing so hard.

it was not a technical interview.
just screening.

guy: tell me smth about redis.

me: key value, in memory storage.

guy: more

me: umm, the concept is similar to localStorage in browsers, key value storage, kinda in memory.

guy: so we use redis in browsers?

me: no, I mean the high level concept is similar.

guy: (internally: stupid, fail).

I want to kill the guy who wrote this. He creates a temp table, selects data into it. Then selects the data out of it and returns the results. It does Nothing Else. WTF.

One developer got a code and had to add new feature so he writes new function in similar way that arleady written one. Pass the code to next guy.
Next guy: why did u write this function like that?
First guy: Coz one was arleady written that way
N: but it was written wrong
F: ...so now 2 are written wrong (no he will not fix it 😂😂)

"I know this guy who works in the service centre where they fix ATMs. He reckons if you could create a hacked copy of the OS, he could install it on a machine, then we can go and withdraw unlimited money from it!"

an IT student from same semester another section.

met because I was helping with a side project. and he happens to be there.

here's the interaction:

guy: heard ... u work for a company..
me: ya.. um web development
guy: never heard of that ...wheyyyyyy ....re is it!

me: ʘ‿ʘ

When you're demoing a prototype and the guy who always introduces himself by saying he's "not the coding type," proceeds to try and tell you how he would have done it.

Here at the client site everyone uses Windows 7, since this is not an IT firm. They make jewellery. So I don't blame them.
The problem is their in house dev team are also forced to use Windows.

Today someone from their dev team was with me for a new project. Their senior guy sent us a mail mentioning that the project code is on AWS EC2 instance and we will have to SSH to see it.
I checked the code on my MacBook with SSH and copied it to local using SCP. The dev guy was seeing it in amazement. I asked, what's it?

He just asked, "You don't have to use PUTTY" 😮

I smirked 😏

Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish

From the moment I realised I was a TABs guy, and she a SPACEs person, it was all over. Love became terribly bad "indented" from that very moment.

How does it feel to be excluded from your team even though you've worked so hard to finish the project.

Then there's this guy that doesn't do anything, still gets the glory.

Personally, I am fine with Windows and I run it on a couple boxes. Just don't be the Ignorant Windows Guy at work who needs constant help when there's not a GUI for something. Not as annoying as Elitist Linux Guy or Pompous Mac Guy, but still annoying.

When the most dependable guy on your team resigns right in the middle of the biggest project and your boss gives YOU hell about it. What the mother fuck????

I took the screenshot of the desktop and set it as wallpaper and removed all the icons, set the taskbar to autohide. Noob guy scratched his head for 5 mins wondering what was wrong. 😂✌😛

I remeber being classified as the nerd at school. Picked on because i wasnt socially normal or part of the croud. Programming became my love and a few years later. Im doing very well and now those that use to think it was fun picking on me see me as the guy they need inspiration ideas and help from because im doing well for myself and im considering helping them.

It sucks being a good guy.. I cant get myself to turn others away that needs help

There's a russian guy that's absolutely cracking my balls. He proposed to translate one of my apps and I said ok. When he sent me the translated version, I published it and everything was ok. Now he sent me another file saying that this one is the real final one. I said him I will change it in the next release, but now he started send me emails and he downvoted the app. FUCK OFF. I AM THE DEVELOPER, I DO WHAT I WANT. The guy is also very rude.

When you create a script to automate something, and that one guy keeps estimating high on the task because he likes to do it manually and refuses to use it because "his way is simple and safer".

Finally read the Steve Jobs autobiography.

That guy is going to make it big!

I will never understand how some retarded angular dev will overengineer a trivial HTTP request, make it an observable and feel like they're the most clever guy on earth

A guy I work with on some projects is a know it all. when I ask him to get something done he drags his feet on it and instead keeps telling me about the "cool" things he did

Presented a project in college for a competition this guy kept asking questions about it.
Now about one week later he's published a website with the exact same idea

I got a contract with this schools to build a student portal,

I do all the needful and the project whatever guy insists that I use their current shared hosting to host this MERN stack application.

first of all, cPanel is my least favorite place when it comes to deploying, I actually dont do deploying I just hand it over to whoever is the IT guy there.

I discovered there's no provision for nodejs in their current plan, I go through all the stress of contacting the shitty customer support and the process of squeezing out useful information from them.

I'm only doing this because the project whatever has refused to pay me until their site is deployed. throughout the process of creating this project I had setup continous deployment on heroku and netlify and I had to beg this guy to look at the changes and review them.

well, today I asked the former guy that built the current site for the login details to the schools dashboard on the hosting providers site and he says he used his personal details for it, according to him projects from other organizations are there too.

I swear I'm going to loose my shit, freelancing sucks

Nobody reviews my PR into test branch

The only guy who reviews it is the new senior dev who isn't yet used to how the company works, leaves comments about useless stuff and doesn't fucking approve

Jesus fucking Christ

Lol the guy in my team make it sound like masterbaita. What an accent lol. Lol which should be master data 😂 so no one is correcting him

Coworker wrote a string to a file so he could get the size. I've known this guy for a while and it really shocked me.

Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.

SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.

*fast forward*

SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.

ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.

Fucking hell.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

When your the IT guy and you computer is broken

hey, can i please speak to myself?

guy creates very cool looking, advanced css effects library that went viral

guy puts it up on GitHub

guy writes a ranty post and pins it to top the of issues with stuff like "i'm not going to make this a module or library that can be installed, and also don't try because i've already created a seperate repo for that" ON AN OPEN SOURCE LIBRARY

dude, you already open-sourced it, people are going to use it however they want

idk, just found this to be a very weird vibe, thought i'd share. thoughts?

I was happy because I broke 600 points on StackOverflow. Then I saw the post about the guy that reached 1 million and it killed my self confidence

Still not sure about this new guy, not trying to be rude but everytime we're talking about code he says shit that makes me wonder how he got hired. (btw he is hanging with the IT department all the time) He's a very nice guy, but talks massive shit when it comes to bugs/new features/etc.

Should I have a look at his pc to see what he's doing when in office or is it none of my business. Help me out here, I'm really curious but don't care if he's a fake at the same time lol.

Dev, boss and guy who know logic is looking at the server.
Problem: it's not responding
Boss: we need this running now! Otherwise the sales won't go through
Dev: give me a chance, I just got here
Guy: have you tried turning it off and on again?
They did so and at works.
Boss: guess we don't need to hire another dev, this guy knows what he is talking about, he is some kind of server expert..
Really.........

me making new dev friends

[...]
me: yeah that's cool what IDE are you using for C++?
guy: like an editor where I write the code?
me: ......yes?
guy: hold on, I don't know what it was called
> taps around his desktop
> guy shows word 2007
> I'm laughing a bit uncomfortably because I'm not sure whether he is serious or not
> guy opens up .cpp file in word
> so many questions
> mfw

The new guy just locked our server account (I was using it, thats why he couldn't login) and the IT guy from the client has already left...

I guess its and early day...

Not a fight I was involved in but one I observed. A junior dev on my team and a server ops guy had major personality conflicts. One day the server ops guy had enough and physically went after the junior dev. I was senior but still pretty new to my own career and had no idea how to handle it. Server guy got fired soon after. I was glad I didn’t have firing power and that he didn’t even report to me anyways.