Bf: what you doing?
Me: coding
Bf: do you ever stop working?!
Me: I'm not 'working', I'm doing my own project.
Bf: but you do that at work. Why do you want to keep doing it?
Me: it's fun?

--- a few days later ---

Bf: what you doing?
Me: reading.
Bf: omg you're not coding! What are you reading?
Me: a book about coding
Bf: *faceplam*

Client: This works correctly, but I don’t like the code.

Me: What exactly do you not like?

Client: There are barely any lines of code. You need to add more to make it better.

I...I don’t know what to say.

Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

I just had a client complaining on the phone that she read my database design documents and that they are all wrong and need to be done again. Because things like varchar and int are confusing. And nobody understands what they mean. She asked around and nobody understood it.

Ooh, and I should place the customer name in more then one table because it would be handy to have in several places.

Spend a hour on the phone trying to explain that these documents are not intended for her. They are not for her to understand.

I make these documents to build a stable product and in case something bad happens to me its easier to pick up for another developer.

Long story short.. I'm currently making a document that explains the database design... Getting paid for it..... But fucking hell. Somebody save me.

Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?

Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.

Kid: So you write scripts for phones?

Me: Not exactly—

Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?

Me: Yeah.

Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?

Me: No—

Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.

:’(

Client: Can you build a Snapchat clone but better?

Me: I’m going to say probably not logical given the resources they have and what we have, but for curiosity, what kind of budget do you have?

Client: $2500.

Me: Get out.

Trying to make a not realistic deadline,set today for yesterday. Pleasing clients is what I do.

With a little #catsupport, she is probably wondering why I'm not in bed so she can sleep on me.

*Interview*

Interviewer: We have an opening. Are you interested to work?

Me: What is that I'll be doing?

I: What technologies and languages do you know?

Me: I know Scala, Java, Spark, Angular, Typescript, blah blah. What is your tech stack?

I: Any experience working on frontend?

Me: Yes. But what do you use for it?

I: Can you work with databases?

Me: I can, on SQL based. What are yours?

I: Can you do big data processing?

Me: I know Spark, if that's what you are asking for. What is it that you actually do?

I: Any experience in cloud development?

Me: Yes. AWS? Azure? GCP?

I: Do you know CI CD?

Me: Excuse me.. I've been asking a lot of questions but you're not paying attention to what I'm asking. Can you please answer the questions I asked.

I: Yes. Go ahead.

Me: What will be my position?

I: A full stack developer.

Me: What technologies do you use in your project?

I: We use all the latest tech.

Me: Like?

I: All latest tech.

Me: You mentioned big data processing?

I: Yes. Processing data from DB and generating reports.

Me: what do you use for that?

I: Java.

Me: Are you planning to rebuild it using Spark or something and deploy in the cloud?

I: No we're not rebuilding it. Just some additions to the existing.

Me: Then what's with cloud? Why did you ask for that?

I: Just to know if you're familiar.

Me: So I'll be working with Java. Okay. What do you use for UI?

I: Flash

Me: 🙄

I sat for a couple of minutes contemplating life.

I: Are you willing to join?

Me: No. Not at all. Thankyou for the offer.

Was scared to take up freelance work because i was scared of bad clients.

Finally took one today, client is not a total arse and knows exactly what she wants me to do, down to details.

MFW.

Client: Please fix the logo.
Me: Okay, what needs to be fixed exactly?
Client: Put this word next to that word(shows me an example).
Me: Okay, no problem.
*after 5 minutes*
Client: You did not do what I asked for. Please fix the logo. Make it look better. Make it bigger and more outstanding. Dont change my logo
Me: Okay, I will revert the changes.
*Reverts to the old logo, and only does that as I do not fucking know what to do with oudstanding for fucks sake*
Client: I will talk to your boss. No one cares. My web site is not even finished and no one cares.
*It is finished, now the client looks for small things to make a big issue of*
Me: Could you please tell me in detail, what do you need to be fixes?
Client: I want the wording better. Im going to talk to your boss...

well fuuuck fucking fuck Im pissing blood!!!!!!!!!

This.
I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do with it, but it's going to be awesome.

(clicks on HTML tutorial video)
(ad starts playing)
"You need a website, why not do it yourself?!"

Arghhhhh that's exactly what I'm trying to do 😡

So today , a company phoned me for a job I applied in Jobstreet. So the conversation goes like this.

Com " Do you have any experience in Android studio? "

Me : " Yes . I develop android application, it is compulsory to know actually."

Com :" ok... Do you have experience android SDK?"

Me : " I believe you are referring to the Android studio, yes."

Com :" do you have experience in Android programming"?

Me :" Yes. I do android application for both native and hybrid. As for hybrid, I use flutter."

Com :" Ok...but I was asking about android."

Me :*explaining what I just said *

Com: " you no understand! We need android programmer! Not native or flutter programmer!"

Me *explaining what native and hybrid is (in simple terms)

Com : " it is ok then.. our company prefer those who can develop android app , not native programmer or anything flutter programmer.
"

(Btw , I transcript how exactly that person talk to me)

My question to this person is.... WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? WANT AN ANDROID DEVELOPER BUT NOT NATIVE OR "FLUTTER"? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ? IF ANDROID IS NOT WRITTEN IN NATIVE OR HYBRID THEN WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THEN? USING ASSEMBLY X64?

Do you ever talk to yourself out loud while thinking/programming/debugging? (Not a rubber duck in sight, because that makes it okay?)

I need to avoid making this a habit..

Me: What? Why is this even an error?

Someone: What?

Me: What?

This is what I have to do at work; not literally.

Client: "I need you to implement a feature which does x"
Me: "We can it do like this, I can do it in Y hours."
Client: "Perfect do it"

Me: "Here you go have a look and if you give your ok I'll implement it on production."
Client:"That is not what I need. I need Z"
Me: "Well then you should have said Z and not x. But I can do Z if you want me to."
Client:"Do it it is urgent!!!!111"

Me: "All done here you go."
Client: "That works like what I said what I need, but I meant more like xZ."
Me: "Ok, you know I have to charge you for all this, do you?"
Client: "What why? It isn't the feature I wanted!!11 Do it right and I'll pay you for the right one!"

Me: "It might not be what you wanted but it is exactly what you specified to me. I'll send you the bill and will not continue working for you. Good luck finding someone who is willing to do unpaid work for you."

I am so done with that kind of client.

What the fuck, I just discovered that my father knows vi.

He's not a programmer.

Why, God, why I'm only able to use nano... What did I do wrong...

I almost added a #TODON'T to my code today.

Not sure what hapend... On my laptop running Ubuntu 17.10, I just got a notification:

Problem occured: "Ubuntu is ready"

Not sure what to do now... :P

How do you politely tell someone that constant conversations about progress slow down progress?
Not only do I have to stop for 30mins to explain what things I've changed, but now I have to rant about it on devrant.

Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.

Recruiter: Tell me why are you passionate about what we do!
Dev: I enjoy not starving to death...

The biggest problem with computers is that they do what you tell them to do.
Not what you want them to do.

Don't tell me what to do Facebook!

// The pink tint is not a filter but a HTC camera issue

when you have to do this because the code looks correct but you're not sure what the heck is wrong because it doesn't make sense

How a regular convo with non-devs usually go:

"So what do you do?"

"I'm a software developer."

"Oh, so you're like... a hacker?"

"No, I build apps."

"Nice! So like facebooks and stuff???"

"Not exactly. Different things, mostly tools. It depends."

"Ooh...cool...Like what?"

*proceeds to spend what feels like an hour trying to explain what I do for a living in the simplest terms, while the person just blankly stares and nods, pauses, then finally tells me their crazily infeasible app idea.*

"So whadaya think?"

"Hmm...sounds good 😀👍"

You know what not to do.

How do i save a Word document?
How do i convert it to a pdf?
What is a pdf at all?
How to put all those things on a usb?
Why is this Pc not working?

I should start to charge by Minute...

What do you mean "apt-git: command not found"!? Oh wait...

...Time to take a break

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

DO NOT TEACH DIRECTLY HOW TO USE SOMETHING! TEACH THEM HOW TO LEARN BY THEMSELVES!!!! What they teach is outdated and unfit for most students

Best fuck QA ticket. "Images are not loading good." No page. No more info.

What am I suppose to do? Test the whole fucking site.

>be someone on DevRant
>make a post unironically telling people not to tell me what to do
>don't realise that telling people to not do something is the same as telling people what to do
>basically be hypocrite
>get comments trying to explain why I'm a hypocrite
>tell commenters they're hypocrites and that this is the reason I made the post
>shove my head in my ass because I'm offended
>stop responding to comments because I'm ignorant like that
>pic related
>it's me when I wrote the post telling people not to tell me what to do.

End of year company party with 1200 employees. CEO is singing on stage with dinner buffet.
And I don't know what to do, with so many people. If i sit alone on a couch it is not ok. But sitting next to random strangers is also not ok. I hate such situations. How do you deal with this?

No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

Nothing makes me cringe more that some dumb fuck jabbing their finger at any computer screen to show me what they’re talking about. DON’T. FUCKING. DO. THAT. What makes you think it’s even remotely good for the displace? Do you see it freak out the way it does, that’s not a good thing. Stop fucking doing that!

No, it's not damaged. Yes, it most definitely can be opened. No, I should not move it to the trash, because I want to open it.
Quit your bullshit Apple and stop telling me what I should do.

Fucking Windows... If you don't have enough memory for everything youre supposed to do, then kill whatever you want, but not the fucking graphics driver.

What should I do then? Close something different? Fuckin Monkeys.

Not sure what I'd do when it happens but from the looks of it Amazon want to start the AI takeover.

I guess I'll still develop games as a hobby :D

Just blowing off steam with y'all. It will sound confused, but it's just all of my depressive thoughts mashed up in a rant.

So, here I am.

Surrounded by incompetent professors who are unable to point me in the right direction, that rarely even know what they are 'teaching'. In a moment of total loss, that has been lasting for months. Totally lost my motivation and my will to pursue a career in IT. All I do is game, eat, sleep, repeat. I am exhausted mentally. When I get back from school, I can't think of anything else but to relax and do nothing. I am frustrated. I care about becoming a programmer, but I can't find my inner strenght. School draws all of my strenght and willpower away from me, and therefore I get distracted very easily. I just do not know what to do anymore. I want to keep going, but I am stuck, unable to do so. "Perhaps this is just not for me" is what keeps resounding inside my head, but I do not truly believe it. I just wish that all of this stress would just disappear, and allow me to do what I care about. I need help to find the needed focus to continue.

Whenever I see "404" I instinctively add "x not found" after it in my head. Like if this got to 404 upvotes, I'd immediately think "404 upvotes not found." Anyone else do this? It doesn't matter what the context is, I ALWAYS do it. It's almost annoying.

I finally finished a project after weeks of not knowing what to do with my skills.

What that project is?
It's a discord bot that bans half of the members in a server. :/

So...new intern , table paired to mine , get my hopes up that it's hopefully not another stuck up uni kiddo , hopes get ruined . He asked me my name and what I do , when I told him I do product security his reaction was 'oh so you're not a dev ?' . Go.eat.shit.and.choke.with.those.alienware.headphones. he didn't even listen to what I had to say about that , just put on his headphones and ignored me . Prick.

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

As a person who spends 99.99% of his time at home if not at school programming, reading, and watching netflix, what can I do to develop my social skills?

Is there anybody who startet a startUp and failed? Not to be rude, but could you please explain, what you did wrong atd what I could do better?

To not waste time, let's just commit my work and put the message as ".....". Oh, and let's do that dozens of times.

---

One day we had to git bisect his work and found that. Then, obviously, we asked him "what the commit with five dots do?" he said that there was a a lot of them, and i proceeded to explain why it was a bad idea to not write a proper commit message.

He is a good dev, so he understood and started to write what the commit does, instead of five dots.

I just automated the tasks I had for next week. What to do, what to do ^^ This is not really a rant but just me boasting. Time for beer.

Do you ever just wake up and your first thought is the perfect solution for a problem from the previous day and then you're like wtf brain you're supposed to sleep not to solve problems at night?

This is when I know I do what I was born to do! Dev is love.

Why is alcohol not working anymore

Do I need to do meth or what

In C# you are not able to do bitwise operations on generic enums so you have to cast them to an integer via object... 😐 Apart from that, this awesome code shows what C# can do 😊

The Dev life is not for me.
I need to figure out exactly what it is I want to do.

I'm not knowledgeable when it's about Linux, so when I want to do some stuff I always have to take a f*cking lesson and a half. Could someone please explain to me what Docker is?

Update on the noisy office situation.

I resigned today.

Not entirely sure what to do next but can't take another day at that place. :-)

Regardless of your education, your career will almost certainly start with a low-paying job that's not really what you want to do. You'll do that for a year or two, and move to a job that's a little closer to what you want. Until after 10-15 years, you'll be doing work that actually interests you.

Almost every career starts with a period of what American blues musicians call, "paying your dues."

hey buddy mate pal friend bro nacho

IF YOU FINISH A TASK NOT ASSIGNED TO YOU THEN FUCKING ASSIGN IT TO YOURSELF SO WE DONT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO DO WHAT YOUVE ALREADY DONE

Reading devrants all day about what not to do!

*working in android with manager who doesn't know android*

Me:"we need to establish different intents for x and y to get the job done"

Manager:"i dont need you deciding what I intend to do"

.... thats not what I meant by intent

Guy sitting next to me sees me coding, gets excited, and asks "OH, THAT'S COOL... what do you do?"

In my head I'm thinking: I... CODE.... ur watching me code.... I do exactly what you see me doing!

Not knowing how to answer, I just end up staring at him for 10 seconds.

Hmmmmmm i just got offered a position for a php developer........but something that was not listed in the original application was that it is expected of one to work with wordpress. My wordpress experience is limited to creating simple themes.

I don't like cms systems also. But the position pays really good.

What to do what to do hmmm

Have you ever been pair coding with someone who uses shotgun debugging? I am about to claw my eyes out! What is shotgun debugging you ask?
Code doesn't work... What do we do?
I start thinking about possible flow, how to go back to what works, where to insert debugging statements. My partner interrupts my thought and says - what if we change this variable name?
...uh what?
What if that fixes it
It won't!
Well how do you know if you don't try?
I change the variable name - of course nothing works and now I forgot the possible solution I was thinking about...
Starting over... I again start coming close to the idea... Interrupts me again. What if we comment out this random line?
Why what's your reasoning?
Answer: *Shrug* idk might work...
...rinse and repeat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???!
I literally started muting my computer sound so I can not hear him while I think and that helps tremendously. This is programming not magic, people!!! Stop throwing random "what if" suggestions!

what do we say to testers? not today

Recently in a project of mine people started to raise tons of issues and suggesting fixes "just slap this module on it", "just do this", "just do that". And no respect for the project whatsoever. Code contributions? Don't even think about it.

The users raising these do not know what language the project is written in, they do not know whether it supports modules at all (let alone that particular one), and they have no idea whatsoever what the code is like, or how this suggestion 99% of the time would not at all integrate with the overall structure of the project. And aside from all that, don't fucking tell me what to do with my project!

My question is, how do you deal with these people? All I can think of is "wontfix™️" or even "cantfix™️" in some cases. Given that this is an endless slew of users, anything long-term?

So the US Congress decided that the online privacy of it's citizens do not matter. What steps do you guys take to maintain your privacy ? I can't even convince my friends to stop using fb messenger and move onto Signal.

Algorithm: Word used by programmer when they do not want to explain what they did.

what do to??? But u should not missed the semicolon;

"The definition of an expert is someone who knows what not to do. " - Charles Willson

Me, programmer(not employed yet): you know what is crazy about coding test? I can easily do manually what test said, but teaching it to computer is surprisingly hard.

My brother, teacher(not graduated yet): I can easily solve middle school problems too, but teaching to kids is hard part. It seems like we do similar thing.

Accidentally rm -rf a git repo, one of the branch still not pushed to remote yet. I managed to use file recovery software to recover the .git folder, any idea what to do next?

I'm 30 years old, sometimes I feel old to study computer/web programming.

What do you think? If it's not true, what can I do to change the way I think about it?

what a great idea to do server upgrades on a friday evening...and i can do it alone...and am responsible that everything works as expected...what a great day today...and i hate every single second of this day yet.. :-/

damnit i'm a developer, not a sysadmin, just because i can do it doesnt mean that i'm supposed to do it..what about our admins? what get they paid for? rebooting the coffeemachine? fuckers already left the building

So, my uncle gave me an old computer: 1GB of RAM, 1.7GHz dual-core, HDD 80GB, I'm definitely NOT going to trash it, so... What do I do with it? Ideas?

I loose it big time when developers in my team say "it's not working" and don't even care to explain what is not working and what were you trying to do....

Boss: What you guys think about this feature?
Employee: ~details 5 good reasons not to implement it~
Boss: Nah, I don't think so, do it anyway.

I would say that I have good parents and my dad also supports what I do (most of the time) but could my mother please calm down and let me do what I enjoy doing while not yelling at me to learn Latin saying that it is 'the most important subject'.

My dad once told me "Computers are stupid because they do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do." and honestly that gets truer the more I mess with 'em.

Algorithm: Word used by programmers when they do not want to explain what they did. :D

When I am asked to do something and the next day same person asks to change what was changed the day before.
For fuck sake do a prototype and fucking change that and not the actual fucking code 😒😒😒

Companies like this one do love exportation. What junior+ developer would switch jobs to an intern that is unpaid?

Not even students (Or graduates) can apply to this position.

Any tips for a Dev who never contributed to an open source project before? What sorts of mistakes do first time contributors normally make? Most importantly what can I do to not annoy* fellow contributors?

You have a meeting with a really really important client who is a typical client from hell who constantly changes his mind about everything and then blames you for “not getting things done” and always says “this is not what I asked for” every god damn time.

Anyway, he now jokingly asks you if you think he has been a troublesome client and before you have time to answer he continues the meeting.

What do you do? Do you suck it up like a weakling and disappear up your own asshole or do you tell him what a monster he is?

What do we say to Java updates?
Not Today.

Found a sandwich bag of AA batteries in the common kitchen freezer. Not sure what to do.

Fuck my boss.
He's making me do non-dev work that I'm absolutely not qualified to do and he's even writing to me on Slack to make me do some of it outside my working days.
I'm getting so fucking anxious whenever I'm trying to work with this shit because I have no fucking clue what exactly am I supposed to do.
FUCK

Every week in my intro to information security class we are asked about what security stuff has gone down in the past week. Equifax is making it incredibly easy to not have to do much research.

When internet is not working:
Oh my so much I could have done!

When it starts working:
What was I supposed to do

Wow, very technical and clear documentation:

"While we do not publish the symbol limits for the streaming API, we do monitor for abuse to make sure people aren’t doing anything egregious. Essentially, ask for what you need. Don’t abuse the APIs and you should be fine."

...and, we all know what 'fine' stands for, right?

🤡

Me: DMs coworkers that appear online after their working hours to check on them and make sure they’re not feeling like they’re obligated to work more/encouraging them to take time for themselves

Also me: Can’t sleep at 4am, so immediately start trying to chase down the genesis of an error someone complained about

What gets me is that still, even now, most bosses do not seem to understand that quality will give you speed.

Why is this even still a fucking debate..

Leaving an intentional compiler error on Friday so I know where to continue on Monday.

Now I have a compiler error and not a fucking clue of what I'm supposed to do with it.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. What is this dude talking about?! What am I doing with my life?!?!
Test what? What do I have to do? I didn't study this. I don't know what this API thing is. My life sucks. My job sucks. I suck. I'm stupid, because apparently knowing who or what this API is is essential for being a normal part of society.
I don't even.. oh someone pls kill me.
(No I don't want a detailed explanation what I have to do - I know this is not google and i wont understand it anyways and my husband will torture me with it in the afternoon. Just some sympathy for a finance person who has to deal with this would be nice)

Spent the last half hour helping my wife over text trying to "fix" FireFox. She said any site she tries to go to just "spins and spins". Chrome, Edge, all work fine. Tried the trusty 'ipconfig /flushdns'.

Me: "Open the command line, by selecting Start and start typing cmd. You'll see the Command Prompt application. Right click and run it as an administrator"
<15 seconds later>
Her: "Do I left click or right click to run as adminstrator?"
Me: "Left click. You'll get a pop message, just click yes"
<about 10 seconds later>
Her: "This thing popped up, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
<more waiting>
Her: "Says something about making changes to my computer, what do I do?"
Me: "Click yes"
Her: "Is it going to make changes? Are you sure I should click yes?"
Me: "YES!!"
Her: "Don't yell at me. You're supposed to know how to do this, not me. What do I do now?"
Me: "Type ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'Type ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, just ipconfig /flushdns"
Her: "OK, is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of 'ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "Yep, just put a space between ipconfig /flushdns and press enter"
Her: "Is this right.."
<sends a screenshot of ' ipconfig/flushdns'>
Me: "No, the space goes between ipconfig /flushdns, not before."
Her: "You're not making yourself clear. OK, now what?"
Me: "Press enter"
Her: "It didn't do anything."
Me: "Did you press enter?"
<more waiting>
Her: "OK, it's done. Now what?"
Me: "Restart FireFox"
Her: "Still not working. Just spins and spins."
<not 100% sure restarted FireFox>
Me: "I'll look at it when I get home."

Spotted this and it was too good to pass up. For those not familiar with the word used in the punchline, I suggest you not do what a coworker did when she decided Google Image Search was a good way to figure out what “teabagging” was...

The people around me only call me hacker. Kinda sad to not being able to talk to somebody understanding what I really do.

I see more and more people encouraging people to learn Haskell. But why ? What can you do with it, that you would not do with another language? what have you done with haskell?

Why is it ok for a girl to live off her husbands salary and not vica versa? Like fuck it ill do the dishes and play games all day and to hell with my 9 to 6 job. Starting to seem the only way i’d be able to code what i want not what im asked too 🤷🏻‍♂️

Background story:
One of the projects I develop generates advice based on energy usage and a questionare with 300 questions.

Over 400 different variables determine what kind of advice is given. Lots of userinput and over a thousand textblocks that need to show or not.

Rant:
WTF do you want me to do when you tell me. It's not giving the right advice for the lights.

Why the for the love of.. do I need to ask you everytime. If something is not working. Tell me what and for wich user. Don't tell me calculation whatever is not working, I don't know that calculation. Your calculations are maintainable in your cms.

And how, like I really wonder, do you expect me, when not telling me what user is having this problemen to find and fix it, You just want me to random guess one of the thousands users that should be given that specific advice?

FCK, like 80% of my time solving problems is spend trying to figure out wtf your talking about.

And then what a miricale the function is doing exactly what is it doing but you forgot a variable. It's not like the code I write suddenly decides it does not feel like giving the right answer.

Having to fill skills field in my internship CV suddenly makes me realize that i actually am not really good at anything.

Some friends say that i'm a can-do-it-all person when i actually just learn how to do what i need to do on the spot.

!rant
At what point do you know if you're good enough to be a Junior Developper inside a company ?
What are the things you must know and be able to do?
I'm in It for now but my company has multiple Dev teams and I'd like to join them eventually, I know I can Google for that but I'd like real answers not blog bullshit

Realizing what tech lead is asking us to do is not a joke

Some things should be prohibited! Such as trying to look smart luring geeks with PHP code. That does not do what you wanted to do in the first place. Idiots!

I don't know what to say.
.
.
.
Yes I do, just some clarification: not my code.

Good question. The answer? I’ve been having less and less of a social life as time goes on. It’s actually quite depressing but I’m not sure what I want. Do I want to interact with people? Do I not? Do I want friends? Do I not? I can’t tell sometimes.

What do we say to writing unit tests?

Not today.

So what's up with @chaosesqueteam ? Are his posts really THAT good (look at their updoots), or does he own a bot squad in dR? To me personally his posts do not make any sense (at least the recent ones)

What do we do about it?

Never be a perfectionist. I am one and it kills me inside. 99% of the time I am not happy with what I did because I know I can do better. Especially on exams. Not because of the grade but because I am not on par with what I know I can do. Its pissing me of so fucking much. Fucking bullshit. Why do I suck so fuckibg much ffs. For real: you should never become a perfectionist because I see what it does to me

Not a vary technical question but I wanna ask:
What do you do to avoid backache and neckache after a few hours of coding ?

For the Germans among us:
Do not you think that this is a lot of request for anyone who wants to do an apprenticeship at 1und1?

What else do these bloody ass cocksuckers want?
It is fucking called apprenticeship for a reason.

I enjoy helping people but jez, just learn to read. Why do I need to explain to 15 people what to do, when there's a document with simple instructions to follow ?
How the fuck do you think I do ? I am not a genius, you are just dumb

How effective is to have my own webpage where I can show my portfolio for the company recruiters?

Do they really take the time to see the page?

If positive, what host do you recommend?

I'm not in the web dev environment btw, so it's not that obvious.

Do you have the feeling sometimes that programming is not what you wanna do but that you just do it cause it’s the closest to what you really enjoy?

Not dev related but what is the fucking point of someone saying I'm going there to do that and when i ask them to show me THAT what they did they say "oh it was so bad I'm not gonna show you haha"

Like how do i explain it without being rude.....

........

Here's a savage example scenario

---

Your wife: "i just came back from a mountain in the middle of nowhere filming an ad and in gonna be in that ad"

You: "cool. Id love to see that ad, could you show it to me?"

Your wife: "noo i was so ugly and it was so bad im not gonna show u"

---

What are you gonna think? What was your wife filming secretly behind your back and she doesnt want to show you? Was she even filming in the first place? Or was she fucking a guy? What is one supposed to think of this conversation? Why fucking tell me ur gonna go there and do that and then not talk about it at all after doing it? What the FUCK who DOES THAT ???

What I should do: Go back to doing construction and get into house flipping

What Id actually do: Be salty AF move to some tropical island and sell italian ice on the beach. I am not going back to construction lol

I just wish I could make my living by doing stuff that I love and not by doing stuff that other people have to do to make a living so they can do what they love.

I have 2 states:
- Having about a dozen interesting project ideas and not being able to decide which of them I want to tackle first
- Having 0 ideas and absolutely no clue about what to do now.

My team now does daily mini-standups: what you did, what you will do, what's blocking u

But with this wfh, I feel like slacking more or just seen to have less critical work to do... but not sure if the other guys are just "padding their list" or actually really busy.

So wondering when I have nothing to do for work/no defined deadlines or deliverables... How do you look busy?

I do have a lot of optional tech debt improvement work I could do but basically these are like backlog... And not really fun.

Okah guys, here is the deal. I have two ideas in my head. I just need to design them and start coding. Problem is I can't find motivation. I'm trying to do this for years now. I guess I'm not motivated enough. I work about 9 hours a day. What should I do to get motivated. What do you guys do?

So this person is looking for a way to learn how to create websites, but apparently doesn't know what backend or frontend is.
Not sure if he is using the wrong process, or someone teaching him messed things up pretty bad. Or probably my question wasn't properly phrased?

Not sure what to say next. How to help him without investing hours? Should I share a good link for him to read? How do I do that without scaring him away?

Me: Bluetooth not connecting to headphones, turn off and on again

Bluetooth mouse: Bluetooth is off, now what you want me to do?

I wish this was a joke... Yes, I am that stupid.

these days Internet startups and companies what you to do something without Internet, they says what if whole internet went down, what will you do then? dude if Internet went down, your company would not exists 😒

I feel like I got my current job as my first dev job so I would know what NOT to do and what to avoid for my next job.

Fuck you BBC, I just want toblosten to fucking radio and you tell me that I "need" to sign in.

I do not want you to tell me what to losten to. I do not want "relevant" content, just want to listen to 30 mins of news.

Then you say it is easy to signup, but then ask for my exact date of birth as the first question wtf ...

Plan my workday a day ahead. And plan it into as small steps as possible.

So that the next day I do not have to think about what to do. And that all steps are so small that I wont have much mental rejection for them.

Leason, never code when hungary. Eat Pizza first. 🍕

As a junior developer, I am not invited to most of the discussion. Lead comes to us with requirements and we need to build it. My lead is really helpful so no people issues.

I am not sure if it's good for my growth/career. I have recently ( 6 months) joined here. Do you folks have any experience like this? What did you do? Do discussions/meeting help to grow?

Some people just don't get it. When you meet friends who are either non technical or very new to programming, all they ask you is what language do you use.

The language is important but not everything. It's what you do with it that matters. Just because you know python, doesn't mean that you can do machine learning. Even simply asking what do I do is better than that!

The language is just a tool! Learn to be language agnostic please. Be a programmer, not a code monkey

tomorrow i will go to the hospital with my son for three days. mobile phone is officially prohibited and wifi not free but buggy. since they do not seem to know what year it is i just hope the anaesthesia is not just aether.

YikYak will probably be used as a lesson in app development on what not to do. They killed their entire app in a single release. Biggest mistake was never listening to their users.

This kind of stuff is what causes developer's to loss their mind. If you have to write a comment saying do not use a function, REMOVE IT!

I wish I could design actually good looking websites. It's not about css, my problem is that I just can't imagine what I would want it to look like. My brain do be very not creative.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

Hey Linux users. Right now I have a 2011 MacBook pro the new MacBooks you are unable to take apart so I will not buy another one. So if you had a choice of any laptop what would you choose? I do not game I am a web developer and play around with app development and I build ruby CLI's. Any suggestions on what PC? Also I'm looking at arch Linux for distro what do you guys think?

What do you guys do, if you don’t know which keywords to google for your particular problem ?

Wish me luck, I tried to ask on Stackowerflow.
If I’m not responding later, send help!

When starting a new project full of challenges, do not go to your technicians right away; go to your artists first - they will know what to do. Then go to your engineers - because they will figure out how to do it.

My boss was told that dev team cant do TDD because they are agile and following scrum. Did not know what to say.😏

What is the social networking programmers use to communicate.
Hey guys.
So what program do you guys use to communicate? Something that I can drop here and not behing spammed. Time to start creating my own network arround you guys... You know, smart people.

What do you recommend to read for Android developement? The SO documentation is not that great for me since I'm just strarting to create some apps?

Guys, start writing your shit early. Don't do what I do and pull two all nighters in a row in order to finish a thesis.
And then complain about having forgotten to mention something.
Do not recommend.

I'm also out of red bull and have at least 4 more hours to go. Wish me luck xD

!Rant
Do any of you use graph databases. If so what? I am not able to understand where they really fit in.

Question here - what do you guys think of Kotlin?
Do you also think it'll be sufficient to learn Kotlin and not java to programm for Android?

I just began the transition, it's fun playing around with it, but a friend of mine wants to learn Kotlin to learn Android programming (and not java, he only has java basics).

What's your opinion on all this?

So this group of students (mostly girls) from university approached us to make them a prototype app for their semester's project, we had a first reunion to know about the idea and what they wanted us to do.

All they talked about was the color and some minor design stuff, we still don't exactly know what we're doing since it was difficult for us to get them to actually define the requirements and what the app should do.

We were supposed to have a second reunion for us to show them some ideas but the day of the meeting they didn't reply any of our messages.

I'm not the kind of guy who gets upset easily, but if you ask us for help and then let us hanging not really knowing what to do with your shitty project, fuck you.

Why everyone in management wants to know how i solve the bug if you do not even know what is Bootstrap. All that matter is fucking bug is resolved PERIOD

According to SimilarWeb, Bing has more than 1 billion visits each month which means that millions of people do not find what they are looking for...

Someone has to stop this madness!

You're working on a project, your boss has set you tasks to complete. You complete all the tasks and make pull requests of all the work you've done. Your boss is busy and you don't know what to do next? What do you do? Is it unethical to work on personal projects in work hours, because you're not being paid for that? How do you find other stuff to do?

@gitlog what are you doing!? Do your work or your not going to make it!

My bash history today:

man column

🤦‍♂️ I suppose if the wife is curious about what I do all day, she’s likely not going to search my terminal history 😂

If it's a paid job, by spending some time on amazon, if it's not, by spending a week thinking if it's worth the time and deciding what to do next

Dad: Hey, how do I make a program work when it's not working?
Me: Guess what, I've looking for the answer to that exact same question for a while now, but I still haven't found it. I'll make sure to tell you when I do.

(Clarification: He's not a dev, he was actually talking about some 10 year old version of some program not launching in Windows 10)

I'm not sure what to answer...
Found on SlimSocial for Facebook - Windows 10 Mobile (latest update😜)

Executing git commands you found online as proposed solution to your problem without checking what they do. Not even once.

Trying (for fun) to run a GNUStep Obj C program that calls c headers has proven something to me:
I really do not know what I am doing with makefiles and should probably slowly and respectfully walk away to continue doing what i was doing in c++

Kids, documentation reading is important.

I also do happen to really like objc

UGH! Wasting time explaining to the client why you are not adding information/functionality to a page since a separate software will do it all (and better than what you would do).

Is there any Android gods here?
I have a (what I think is) bricked Motorola Moto X Style (XT1572 EU) that I am not able to do anything with.

I dont get it... I dont understand what my manager expects me to do when I am not really allowed to make design decisions, but there is no design at all! What are we doing here, manufacturing spaghetti? Today I asked my co-worker what our product should actually do exactly when its finished. He said he is not so sure either. And our manager is now on vacation so we cant ask what exactly he wants...

the closer i get to the ending

the higher the resistance

the harder i fight the battle to win

the harder life tries to prevent me from winning

just when we were about to finish

just in that moment life did its best to not make it happen

why

what do you want from me

i am just a human being

what wrong have i done in trying to help mankind

what is happening

why is this happening

what... do you want..... from me.......

What are some good android developer communities? Looking for somewhere to learn and ask questions that might not be code related, so can't be on stack overflow. What do you use? I use android for hobby projects only.

Hey you were not here yesterday so we assigned you to do this job that requires this training and is really fun and good for your experience

Says the coworker that was supposed to do it but does not want to do it because he thinks the work takes too much time and doesn't think the training is usefull.

Sorry what???

Some lofi music

discord and related software closed or in some do not disturb mode

And a general idea on what I need to do when I start

Good sleep helps too

It sucks big time when you've put in days and nights on a particular project and later face flak for not delivering it on time. What can I do that it took time 🤷🏾‍♂️

I did not purposely intend to lose business hours, I only want to do my work properly with the full (or atleast some) knowledge of what I'm doing !

Guess I just had a Bad day 😅

lets say I have managed to hack over 100 PCs (not powerful , all in the same building)
what kind of things should I do to them ?
*mining bitcoin is out - those computers are really bad*

Rant.

Our dev tooling is not in order.
Names of classes do not represent what they do.
Filename is different from class name and there are multiple classes per file.

I try to fix this hot spaghettis mess and off course our outdated source control gives another barrier! FFS

Why the fICKITY FUCK CANT UNITY DO WHAT ITS DING DANG JOB YO I'M JUST TRYING TO SIMULATE AUTONOMOUS AGENTS NOT AGENTS FROM HELL YOU FEEL ME

Random: What kind of music do you listen to when working?

I'm sure a lot, if not most folks on this website have headphones on while coding.

I want to freelance when I'm not doing my full time job. To those that are freelancers, how should I get started? What is your experience? How do you guys get customers?

What if all devs worked together to create a programmed God which only obeys devs? And hates bosses....
I think we can do it guys!

Ps. Bagsie not dealing with merge conflicts.

Just curious what people's opinion is on paying for source code?

Not going to do it but just a random question that popped into mind...

What to do if the client does not ask for changes?
This makes no sense.

Taking mandatory corporate compliance training that says what things I am not allowed to do...

BUT it's actually quite interesting because I never knew you could do these and well it's starting to give me ideas....

Sitting around all day getting nothing important done and complaining about not having anything useful to do.

Guess what I am supposed to be doing now?

i am not a SQL expert, but i can do what i need to do in order to be considered a full stack dev

the syntax i have to learn was deprecated before i was even born

I was asked to introduce some interns to software development and what it is about.

They are not IT interns, so I am wondering how can I explain what I do to them?

Any suggestions?

Just lost two clients who were on retainer. Startup suddenly with cash flow problems.
I'm not sure what to do to fix this.
☹️

Just finished this task 3 days prior to the deadline. Not sure what to do with my life now.

what am i going to do today? whatever the fuck the SYSTEM throws at me... or what my manager wants me to waste time on... ah , programmer life when one has a conundrum of doing what you like to do but not end up doing that because there are other mountains to climb with squirrels eating your nuts...

Fuck the organigram, I will do what I love to do, not what impresses people. Happiness over everything 👌🏻

Ok, so we know you've not had any work to do for a week. Here's what we'll do - pick up this task to copy & paste shit code from one project to another. Don't worry yourself with what it does.

FMDL

There's a package from GitHub I want to use in my filament project, but it is badly maintained and not compatible anymore.

I would like to upgrade it myself, but how do I do this? Do I have to create a fork?

What is the recommendation on this situation?

Wifi not working at my home.... What to do with my life??

I start to dislike programming. I used to love it. Chased by deadline, bill, family pressure, etc. Not sure what to do. Switch career?

My worst common practice:
I do almost everything as root. Even programs which tell me not to run as root, I do run them as root.

What are yours?

What Database client do you use? I'm currently using Sequel Pro. Right now I'm comparing TablePlus and DataGrip.

DataGrip - not user friendly and complicated to use but powerful
TablePlus

Not a rant: trying to start a GitHub portfolio for future recruiters or companies to see what i have done, I cannot seem to find inspiration on what to do, any ideas or tips?

If you're gonna not put up with bullshit and drop out of college once and for all, what should you do to ensure you have the proper skills and network to get a job?

They made me pretend to be an expert on an enterprise-level job with only a few days of study. It was for a role not even related to what I do....

From log debug to taking care of a whole software written by a guy who does not work in the company and did not spend any time commenting the freaking code.
The best part? The code is not finished and guys above you do not decide what needs to be done but expect stuff from you.

Hey devs, out of curiosity i wanted to Ask you.. what do you do to unwind ? Any Rituals, activities etc. that help you from not going insane in stressed periods ?

This is genuinely what happened the first time my mum asked what I specifically do on the computer..

Told her its web development, "but not like what you see, what produces what you see" (always seems to help explain). Anyway, a few minutes in she says "it's amazing isn't it, like how electricity works and stuff"