Ignorant sales people and PMs who confuse a program's UI with the whole thing and ask you: why it took you so long, you just had to add a save button?

Yeah, asshole, adding a call-to-action style save button only took me 10 minutes, making it save your fucking data reliably took me a whole week.

Today it's my birthday. Yesterday I was woken by my fiancé with breakfast and one gift. She had bought me the Raspberry Pi 3 B.
Now she had decided to give it to me on the Sunday so I could play with it right away instead of having to go to work and wait a whole week before I would have time play.

I Love You, Honey! More than you realize <3

I've always had problems getting it right but it's fun when you find the correct pattern

Made a app in react native when it was on .42 version.
By the time I finished developing it, react native was on .54 version with many components had deprecated.

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuckkkkkk!!!!!!!!

Facebook why you make changes so fast.

*Crying in corner*

Hey everyone! As most of you probably already know, months back we added the ability to change your username on devRant (every 6 months, via settings). We've had some people recently express a desire to change their username again, beforr that period, for whatever reason.

I just reset the 6 month period for everyone, so if you had changed your username previously, you can now change it again.

Please keep in mind that when you change your username, any @mentions of you in comments no longer link to your profile.

If you have any questions, feel free to let me know!

I just did it dummy... I have been using devrant when you had to get +100 to get a ball.

One of my first jobs as a Web Designer / Developer.

Boss had me update a WordPress site that the previous dude built. It had some pages that only members were meant to access.

These were listed on a navbar at all times. If the user clicked on them, a JS alert would show up telling the visitor to log in first.

That was the ONLY protection those pages had. No matter it was a WordPress-powered site, to begin. If you knew the URL or simply altered the code right there on the browser to remove the onclick-bound JS, you could get in.

And that was just the beginning of it. Eventually I convinced the boss to rebuild the site.

I found a duck today and just had to put a little cape on it 😂
I guess you could say..I really want the d 😏
Sadly I could not convince it to become my companion 😭

This was just a „you had one job“ moment. I double tapped a rant to give it a ++ and immediately this message appeared. devRant, why do you give me such unnecessary notifications?

Have you ever written a piece of code so awesome, that you just had to go back, and look at it?

I have.

You know you've had to deal with a tough database problem at work when you start seeing SQL in your own kitchen... (It says SOL meaning salt)

P.s. I sure hope this is how these memes work, because I want my avatar

I've had 3 interviews with the same company. The first two interviews went pretty well, they looked interested, on the third they tell me "your CV says you are not graduated yet, we can't hire you now".

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAD TO WASTE MY TIME?

You've had my CV before the first interview, why the hell didn't you read that I am still a student? Is the first thing it's written on it! Stupid fuckers.

When you write a guide and people completely ignore it, then bug you about problems they wouldn't have had if they read the damn guide in the first place.

When you wake up, notice your phone fell off the bed (my bed is about 180cm high), don't have google services to locate it/make it ring etc so you log into one of your domain name providers because you've got 2FA enabled there and you might hear the text notification sounds xD.

(in the end, I just had to clean my room partly in order to find it again :/)

Dear Marketing Guy,

You had no right to manipulate the perfectly working "WordPress" site, but since you have done it by injecting a script you found on the internet in functions.php, It is now my unpaid job to fix this mess.

Yours truly,
Underpaid Developer

P.S. Fuck you

"You know that feature we told you to put back in again after we told you to take it out after we had that meeting where we decided to put it back in again after we agreed to take it out after that change request was submitted to add it? We're going to need you to take it out again."

Exhibit B in an upcoming murder trial. I'm pleading justifiable homicide.

What's your story when you had to scrape your code, for the better, when you went working for days and had to remove it all?

The worst feeling is writing so many lines of code knowing you could do it in a more concise way if you just had time to think about it but you don't.

Once had a classmate schedule a meeting with me to "go over something" for a project we had together. (Not a CS class, but it was a general education class.)

I agree, make time on my schedule for this meeting.

I get there and they say "Yo I just wanted to let you use my flash drive so you could make some changes to the PowerPoint I started last night. Just get it back to me a few days before the project is due and we'll look over it together."

You asshole. Go fuck yourself.

This lesson taught me to ask what meetings are about in order to prevent this bullshit

!rant

Guys I posted here about a job interview i had... got it ! I start tomorrow so thank you for your support, you are amazing !

soooo Texas froze before Hell, thought it was never going to happen but it did 🥴

Had a meeting scheduled for today, but since my employees (crucial for the meeting) do not have power I had to reschedule.

VP: I saw that you cancelled the meeting
Me: yes I did sir, my people do not have power at their homes so I decided that we can postpone it for later.

VP: Understandable, I just wanted to see if you guys were ok.

Me: yes sir, we are thank you and yourself?

The rest of the conv was standard pleasantries.

Why can't it be like this for all devs around the world?

CEO had a meeting with the Dev team today and it went a little like this..

CEO: You guys shouldn't be doing any Googling. You should know everything about building websites.
Me(in my head of course): GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Don't y'all (I'm from the south DEAL WITH IT) just hate it when you find an answer form to your problem on Google and all the replies are:

"I have that issue too"
"Sorry no idea"
"I had that problem last week"

Then the guy who asked the question says:

"I fixed it thanks"

CARE TO SHARE WHAT YOU DID SMARTASS?!?

I was taking an introductory programming course. One assignment was to do a little payroll program, including some data validation. The program was supposed to accept terminal input and send output back to either the console or a printer.

Suddenly the printer began spewing out paper like crazy. One of the students (a particularly mouthy woman) had programmed a less-than-helpful error message ("YOU ARE WRONG") and then not provided any exit from the error-checking logic -- the program just re-read the last (failing) input and re-tested it. All in all, it was a very nice infinite loop.

After spitting through about fifty pages of "YOU ARE WRONG," somebody cut power to the printer, and the instructor had to flush the print queue manually. He went back to the student and asked if she had tested the program by sending the output to the console before trying to print it, and she said, yes, she had tested it on the console and ended up with a screen full of "YOU ARE WRONG" messages. Why, then, had she sent her output to the printer? "I thought I would be daring!"

(Monday)
Me: I'm gonna be gone the next few days and you take care of this? I have these notes if you have questions.
Dev: Sure.

(Friday)
Me: Did you take care of it?
Dev: I had a question.
Me: Okay, did you check the notes.
Dev: They didn't address my question. (Proceeds to ask question)
Me: Let me show you my notes where I answered it.
Dev: Oh sorry.....

do you ever get that feeling when you suddenly wake up from sleep and immediately have the solution that has been bothering you for weeks or is it just me?

it happened to me today. woke up and magically had a solution to a problem I had with unity (it works now).

Hide Easter Eggs in your code

In my first program we had a secure file deletion feature

I was tasked of the Mac OS version

While windows version had an icon for drag and drop with a document in a trash bin, in my version when you selected different safety options, it changed icons

Basic deletion had the bin

Intermediate deletion had a document grinder

Advanced deletion had a burning file icon

I was very proud of myself

LED! Please, embedded programmers: STOP blinking LEDs, if you don't require immediate attention!!

That phone that would blink through the night charging, I had to put a blanket on it D:<<

"There is a problem with A, could you check it out? It's urgent for the client"
Me: Okay, just open a ticket for it too.
*Working on A"

After about ten minutes:
"Hey, there is a small problem B and it's also urgent for the client, we need you to check it out"
Me: I'm working on A and you are yet to open a tick... (Interrupted)
"But it's urgent and it's a small fix, we can fix it and push it to prod, A can wait for a bit"
(Since when is it a "we"?)
Me: *sigh* fine, lets see what's B is all about...

*After going over problems C to Z*

"Why isn't A ready yet? The client's mad and it was to be ready as of today"
Me: Because you had problems from B to Z and they were all urgent according to you so after each request you asked of me I had to postpone A with you knowing about it.
"But A is for today!"

FUCK YOU, YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF JIZZ! YOU RAN TO ME FOR EVERY GOD DAMN URGENT PROBLEM YOU HAD FROM OUR SHIT OF A CLIENT AND INSTEAD OF TELLING ME THE PRIORITY YOU JUST THROWN IT ALL IN A RANDOM ORDER!
FUCK YOU! I WISH YOUR FATHER WOULD'VE SHOT YOU OUT THE WINDOW INSTEAD OF INSIDE YOUR MOTHERS CUNT!

I had a professor in college who was "the expert in java programming language". He had a unique way of teaching.

P: So you save your java file and run this command.
*Some error occurs*
Me: But this is showing some error
P: Exactly. I wanted to show this exact same error so that you learn that this is not how its done. I will let you figure it out how its done and it will be your assignment for the day. Class dismissed.

— I heard you like programming and are quite good at it.
— Don't know about the latter but I do like it.
— Cool. Can you help me set up this Excel spreadsheet?
Actual conversation I had about two months ago...

Guy A : so I had to downloaded the one you sent ...
Guy B : wait you what
Guy A : I downloaded the file you sent
Guy B : you didn't need to download, you just had to save it
Guy A : NO, I had to download, if not it will cost my mobile bill
Guy B : NO, saving it won't cost any

And here I am : (屮゜Д゜)屮

For a project day we had to write a game of our choice in Java.

"You should make this game using the JSwing library and make each component a JComponent"

Later I learned you can simply use a Bitmap as a canvas.

NEVER. EVER. BASE. YOUR. GAME. ON. SWING.
It inefficient to the top of my taskmanager. I had to wrap everything with something like a virtual playground where I had to manage everything myself to not roast my cpu.

I had alot more fun debugging hundred lines of C code with print statements than writing that shit

6 months ago I had to implement a new feature and realized that a related uploading feature was broken if you choose a specific service to upload to.

I was wondering why nobody had reported this, so I took a look at the usage of said feature and it seems literally no client ever used it since it was released almost 2 years ago.

Only the product owner used it in the beginning... only for testing it...

2 weeks well spend.

I like this one the most, it was a gift from a girl I had a unrequited crush with.

It was like: "hey I make stickers, you can have this one, but it's a little girly, do you mind?" and I was "(😍) of course I don't mind"

Hi DevRant fam! Unfortunately we've had it quite tough here in my beautiful land of Australia! So here is a pic of a local beach close to my home and fortunately a much nicer day! Hope you like it 😊

Best advice ive had.. "fake it till you make it "

FUCK THE EU!

Ok I said it, what? Someone had too.

Can we all move on now?

Ps: if you made it this far, be sure to ++ for your angers and frustrations over the current articles we all know and hate.

Wrote a cpp semester project where i had to develop school management system.
The code was spaghetti and horrible with frightening OOP implementation but it was beautifully written with comments and 🐫 Casing.
Submitted the program and examiner rejected it while saying that i had copied it from else where and i could never write a beauty code like that .

You dumb 💩! Don't you know other basis to reject a person's hard-work

Had my pure PHP web app rejected on a market platform because I didn't use a framework..
BITCH IT WORKS PERFECTLY WITHOUT A FUCKING FRAMEWORK, IF YOU WOULD HAVE TESTED IT YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT!

Everyone that says you can't get viruses in Linux because only .exe compiled programs can contain malicious code or some bullshit like this is a fucking retarded

Sorry I had to say it

Published a new blog article last weekend (finally) and had the idea to make a privacy/security Q&A one this weekend.

I'd make an email address for it to which you can email (a) question(s).

What do you people think?

At a point in your life, you'll settle down abit, and you start to think about what you've done in the past (idk) years of your life.

Then you think about your career, how everything is ever since you discovered you were good at a certain thing since highschool.

be it programing, writing random codes, pentesting (or if you had that "hacker" phase in your life) or fixing laptops and etc.

"Good"

You think about the word, and you had a thought: You only know how to do it, how it works, how its done, and how to do it.

You only "Know", it takes practice, patience, dedication and years (or months depends on you) of experience before you can really say for sure you're "Good" at it.

Me? Im no where near good. but that doesn't stop me from going there.

And i hope the same goes for you. You can do it,

Have a great day.

That moment when you had a good weekend and it is Monday again.

You log in to your work PC and see 15 emails... There goes my Monday again.

And 12 of those turn out to be congratulations on the recent release 😥

Me - "I need to find the children"
CTO- "Okay. How many?"

It takes about 10 minutes to realize the conversation you just had

Just had a talk with our backend Java guys

Our Java code is so FUCKED UP now because of frequent changes that you can easily upload it to porn sites as a gangbang video and nobody will flag it as inappropriate 😁😐

Why do managers always want to fucking "discuss"? If you had literally a first-grader's education in basic electronics, you could define tasks and tickets by yourself and not have to fumble around all day and fuck it up,

Have you ever had someone that bring you a floppy and ask to recover data from it? This is my day

Always triple check which drive you are about to format. It may sound dumb but there are some people (like me) who had to reinstall the whole os because of that.

I had the opportunity today to FINALLY say "I told you so" to a coworker. It was such a cathartic experience, I'm still basking in the afterglow.

Helped out a junior today with a minor JS issue he had. Told him, "cool so that should fix it on this page but it may break things elsewhere. Make sure you check it otherwise the client will go into meltdown. "
30mins after they go home. Client emails (All Caps) "WEBSITE BROKEN, URGENT HELP REQUIRED"
😡 you didn't bloody check it did you!
Ffffffffuuuuuuuu

PHP is my main language, but I haven't had a single problem with it yet.

Nodejs it is.

How can you possibly make it SO GODDAMN HARD to just implement ANYTHING synchronous. THERE ARE REALLY FUCKING GOOD REASONS YOU *WANT* YOUR CODE TO STOP EXECUTION WHILE DOING SOMETHING

EVER HEARD OF HARDWARE PROGRAMMING? YEAH, APPARENTLY NOT

GRAAAAH

Have you ever thought that even today, if you had a very large "file", say 10 petabytes, that it would take 74 hours on a 300 Mb/s connection to transfer it anywhere in the world , therefore it would still be much faster to fly it physically anywhere, even with the ~5 hour time to transfer it to some sort of drive(s) at 5 gigabits a second.

Client wanted a website to offer rentals for her collection of student rental properties. She was adamant and stipulated that it had to be the Rightmove of student lets. I asked her if she had a £million plus budget for the marketing and then some for the infrastructure and mobile app development. She disapeared. Months later I checked the URL she had purchased and it had been done as a free site on wix.com and was a dreadful piece of shit. You just know instinctively that a client is going to be worthless.

One of my colleagues in college asked me if I could check his raspberry pi because it behaved „strangely“.

I found out that it had been hijacked and somebody tried to mine bitcoins with it... that’s why you should change default credentials...

I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."

MUST BE FUCKING NICE!

"Back in the days, you had to put a lot if effort into getting WiFi working in Linux.
Today, you can take a Linux notebook, slam it into its dockingstation with all kinds of peripherals attached to it, and it just works"
~ my boss

I did a mashup of Facebook and Google Maps once. It gave you the street view to all your posts that had locations associated with them.

That moment when you have refactored so much shit, then really broken the project, but can't see yourself doing a git revert because you had invested so much time and know ultimately it *needs* these changes...

Thank god I fixed it! 😌

Have I ever told you guys of the time that I had made my PM feel bad by saying I had to drop 3 classes because he was working me so hard?

Yeah that happened and he felt really bad about it!

GOOD! FUCKING GOOD! I want you to feel bad about it! Don't you dare say that I'm not putting in enough work ever again!

You can measure how hard something is to figure out in how many tabs you had open when you got it

Hard pill to swallow:

If you get hired as a full stack dev and then complain that you're doing 3 people's (or more) jobs while getting paid for 1,

You had it coming.

So if you guys had a variable with an "ID" in it, would you write it like this:

"var userId;"

or like this:

"var userID;"

?
Just curious.

In case you ever wondered why Apple had been hailed as the epitome in design leadership, this should clear it up.

Can you be here Monday?

- It was Thursday
- I lived 650 miles away, and had to move
- I did it anyway

CEO: What are your plans for these hollidays?

Me: Clean up the house. I haven't had much time because we've had some busy last few months.

CEO: Seriously? Are you joking? (I could see in his eyes, "why would a talented programmer ever waste their time doing menial housework...") I mean, you could be working instead and earning a couple more bucks...

(Fuck him, none of his business...)
Me: I can't delay it this time. My wife has dust allergies.

CEO: Oh. Ok. I get it. When I was a kid, my father and I had some serious dust allergies. The house maid had to clean everything thoroughly at least once a week.

Not surprised...

I had to buy a mobile printer for my company for an "emergency" for a demo. I sent my boss 3 prices and he just said "go get it, we'll pay you back." After I deliver the features my boss says "Just take it back and demand a refund" this made me feel like such a douche with the supplier, plus I had to pay a 15% handling fee.

I really can't remember, but what I can remember is that we had this little kids computer which had the alphabet on it and whenever you pressed a letter it would get pronounced and that's the story of how I learned the English alphabet before I went to school.

Fuck you Windows!
It fucking started to update while I had to left for hour! My Gimp project is gone, because it had to bloody update. Someone should sue those assholes. Why Linux can wait for you to update and do it without restarting whole computer?! Is it really that hard to do that? Ohh wait, it's Microsoft!

Had to put down my dog today. I've felt real shitty before but this is my closest experience of loss I've had.

I miss her so much you guys. I'm sorry for bringing it down. You guys all feel like a real community so help me feel my feels and not just push it down.

My first contact with an actual computer was the Sinclair ZX80, a monster with 512 bytes of ram (as in 1/2 kbyte)

It had no storage so you had to enter every program every time and it was programmed in basic using key combinations, you could not just write the commands since it did not have memory enough to keep the full text in memory.

So you pressed the cmd key along with one of the letter keys and possibly shift to enter a command, like cmd+p for print and it stored s byte code.

When you go at your first IT internship and you realize that a SQL database could be way bigger that anything you could had imagined.

Then I showed the schema to one of my database engineer friend and he laughed at me. :(

I have a second hard drive called "Windows" on my main system (for dual boot).
When I unmount it after I had to access it via Linux it says "You can remove Windows now".
Makes me smile every time.

1.5 million lines of undocumented spaghetti code. Think 500~1000 lines functions, 5k+ lines classes, string html concatenation. You name it, it had it. And complete unwillingness to improve it by the company. I eventually quit after considering doing it about 2, 3 times.

What would you do if you had a passive income high enough that you could live off of it?

That time I almost distroyed everything... (we've all had at least one of those, don't you dare deny it)

The moment a support tells you they won't fix the bug, because it had existed for so long that it's a feature now.

Is it just me or do you guys sometimes go like "Ah fuck it, haven't had a good night's sleep in so long, I guess I should sleep early tonight" and then you look at your watch and its already late?

God what I would give to get up early for once.

Seniors: I wrote it like that because I had deadlines, you wrote it like that because you're a moron.

There was an issue whilst you were away, we had to make a small css change.. We pushed it into master but it said something about the branch being behind the tip by 50 commits or something. It's okay, we forced it up though and force pushed it to production as well but the site went down.. In the end we had to ftp it up manually but the customer is saying things that were there before now aren't there any more?

I thought you put this "release process" in so things like this wouldn't happen! I think we need to review it as it clearly isn't working.

I just finished a meeting that had also been an email. You know how it went: boss just reading the email out loud

I worked at a company that had timers on the lights. If you were in a stall for 10 minutes it would go pitch black. You either had to hope someone was coming in to pee soon or open the stall and wave your hand hoping the motion detector would see it, and hope no one was about to walk in. Keep your Kingdom Rush games short.

Fucking shit i just had a 3 days chat with google's cloud engineer about an issue i had in a project. eventually the issue occured due to an update they made on some projects involving IAM changes that required some changes from my part in my security toles. Like wtf haven't you heard of data fixes when you roll out such changes?! I just had my production env down for 72hours for their fuckup.
At least send an email regarding it so we could set it up in time

CoolFuckingStoryBob

So I found a job that fit my stack perfectly
I phoned the CEO and we had a mini phone interview, it was easy
And the next day I had an offline interview
It was fast as fuck. I answered all of the questions, showed my projects and we were done in 30 mins, pretty good huh
So the CEO tells me to wait a week
It's strange but ok

The week passes, and you guess what
"We can't hire you, you psychological portrait does not fit in our team..."
I'm like bitch, what the fuck

I had declined other offer cuz I though there was no reason not to hire me

Also this is a small company tho, I should've saw it coming 😐

People refusing to learn an improved programming language or technology, because it might contradict to what they "already know" and you're just there mastering it and appreciating its advantages that you will never learn if you had a closed mindset.

TL;DR just read this
So my current (student) job. Asked me to count inventory. Did so, on paper because nobody had a list of the product barcodes for easy cumulative scanning. I also made records for every single barcode. Then I had to key it in onto the Bookkeeping and sales software thing. They don't have keyboard shortcuts, so I quickly made an ahk script.
Had to manually type in everything 3ven though I had a digital listing.
Software lets you print barcodes for products but gives you an error when you try because you haven't assigned a code. WHICH YOU CAN'T DO IN THAT Crap. You also can't search for a product based on code.

Found out it used access as a back end for that buggy c++ thing that crashes with 'operation not permitted' when you press the red x. Great! Now I can import! And there is a barcode field. Wow. Fucking fantastic. What a fuckfest.

Their website. Their fucking website. Great from a user's standpoint, but my God. It uses joomla! However, version 2.5. That hasn't been supported for a long time. Part of the images are hard coded into the theme. The text editor flips. Adding a page sometimes works, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes makes 2 pages.

And their cnc lathe runs on a laptop with Windows 3 on it, but hey, fine

Who else makes it a habit of (in most cases) upvoting the main post when they respond to it?

Unless it's just a terrible post but you had to say something.

But anything neutral and above I respond to, i++

Ever had people asking you to fix their smart phones because " you know computers" and then you go with " you have a broken scream and no sound , I'm a Software engineer , explain to me how can I fix it "

Then they respond " I don't know , you are the expert , aren't you ?

My First !Experience : Disappointment with a computer

My mum kept tons of floppies but we didnt have a computer at home. Went to my friends house, who had one, and had Encarta 95 (its like a fun wikipedia for kids). When I mentioned I had floppies, he asked for one, since he didnt have one. We copied Encarta to that floppy hoping we would cheat in the next computer science test. We even tested it.

After we were certain that all works (you should know we were surprised that it could fit in one floppy), we got to school, put the disk in and voila

we had copied a shortcut :)

"This ethernet cable doesn't work because you made it too fast". ffs I had to fight for my grade that day.

Yesterday I had to start the windows 10 partition on my work laptop in order to use a shitty conference call software that works only on Windows. Windows decided that it was time to upgrade the system without asking me, so it deleted grub from the MBR, and destroyed my Linux partition (I had to recover it from a backup sector and it was full of errors).
Result: I wasted my morning fixing the laptop.
Thank you Microsoft.

That awkward moment when you had text in your clipboard, paste it and post the rant before realising you had copied the wrong text .-.

This wasn't an actual interview, it was a nightmare I had before an interview.

So how many whiteboards do you have at home? We are whiteboard exclusive developers. If you take this job would you like a tabletop whiteboard or a wall mounted whiteboard.

The 1x1 to lock you out of your Mediafire-Account:
- Change password to a new one with more than chars (works)
- Try to login with it. 😂 (too long)

Had to reset it and set a new new one with 30 chars.

Fuck you windows 10. Fuck you private keys. Fuck you tortoise git. Fuck you git bash. Fuck you cygwin. Want 3x hours of my life back. Had an auth problem... Had to reinstall all the above on windows to connect to my private repo. Took me 5 minutes to connect after reinstalling all the tools. Grrrrrrr. And I'll never know why it wouldn't connect apart from fatal protocol error: bad line length character..I tried ever stack overflow answer... I nearly bricked my gitlab CE...and it was windows being a motherslut

I did an intership in a secondary school as an IT.
There was a PC in professors office that sometimes when you turned it on, you couldn't open any window.
Well, it had 2 video cables connected on the same monitor...

Windows FUCK you, you had one job, one fucking job to update it and you ruined it.
I trusted you even though everybody said don't.
I didnt remove you i dual booted you when everybody said FUCK windows.
I had my data.
I had games.
And you FUCKING ruined it.
And listen:

FUCK WINDOWS. I am switching to linux!

We had this customer that wanted a app called "Bottle message" to use it for basically everything like ordering shoes or sending money. He thought it would be practicable to just write in the "message" what you want to do and when you want to make it happen.

Being kept up for the entire night.
You ask yourself what is keeping you awake, after all you need to meet with a client about presenting what they ordered from you.
Did you debug it? Yes.
Did you back it up incase something happens? Yes.
Did you get it done in the correct time period? Yes.
Did you export it in the format they had requested? Shit.

Dear Client: Thank you for asking me to fix a problem and then condescendingly informing me _after_ an hour of _me_ working on it that _you_ actually had a working solution shortly after you asked me to work on it. That'll be $75 added to this month's invoice.

When your new build is compiling and just scooting right along so you think... sure, I could go for some food. No. Nope. Not even. It chooses the exact moment you leave to nope the fuck out completely with the most random compiler errors that you would have never seen had you just been sitting there in the chair. It's like it knows. Maybe next time I leave I'll promise to bring it back a taco.

Dear devs,

I’ve been seeing a lot of comments bashing python. I’d like to know the moment when you went “wow fuck this shit” with python.

My biggest gripe is in large ish projects, because of the dynamic typing things are so hard to debug and narrow down. If it had static typing then python would be the best, but then if it had it it wouldn’t be python in the first place I’d venture.

Go!

Working on a database where every column name are acronyms. No, the 2-5 seconds you just saved yourself from typing are not worth it, it’s so easy to make a self-documenting database but you had to fuck that up.

Wtf java.. You can't just fucking make java paid.. This is not acceptable assholes. Although I don't use java now for many good reasons. But I always had respect for it. And I used to use it.

I kinda feel the pain of the developers over at Bungie. They just had over 15h downtime of Destiny 1 and 2 and had to stay up all night to fix it.

You did a good job - have a nice weekend :)

I'd like to share with you guys the fact that I had one of the greatest Christmases ever!
This includes having randomly received this debugging duck from someone that had no idea what it would mean to me, but also meeting people who brought 4 dogs to the family reunion (I am absolutely in love with dogs)

Guess what my old Windows 8.1 laptop and a Nintendo 64 have in common?

Neither have a goddamn fan or a CMOS battery!!! I shit you not, I opened up my old windows 8.1 computer from like 2012 and it did not have a fan. Instead it had a large piece of metal connected to a CPU as a heatsink. It also never had a CMOS battery since the solder pads have never been used.

I was just commiting some code on GitHub for school tomorrow and I kinda got lost in the commit description..

Ah, it just hit me so hard I had the urge to get it out.. Helped, tho, love you Git

Sitting at work. Just had a convo about older versions of Visual Studio. I was like "you youngins with you intellisense and backwards compatibility. In VS2005 we had to climb 15 miles in the snow. Uphill. And when we only had 200 compatibility issues with VS2008 we thanked Microsoft for the privilege. What Linux? You think my school provided Linux? Linux is for earners. Top sellers. Leaders of men. Cross-platform compatibility meant that it worked on a Dell with Windows and a Gateway with Windows. I tell you those were dark times."

To all the grown up devs. Since you have had quite an experience of naming variables and side projects, did you find it easy to name your own child? 😃

I put my CV on one website and I've already had about 10 calls from recruiters. It's nice that they do all the work for you these days, but it kind of takes the fun out of it - are IT recruiters this common everywhere?

Thank you guys for having such an awesome community. I had no idea this existed until yesterday when I found it by accident. Basically what I'm saying is thank you guys for not being drama ridden like Facebook.

Did you ever had issues with non working usb devices on Linux? I had today and after some search I probably found the solution. But I at first couldn't believe it. Then all the guys in the comments went Batman.

I'd like to give a shoutout to the best tool I ever had when I worked in hardware and had to troubleshoot ethernet. The "RLFLTWKW". (The Really Long Fly Lead That We Know Works)

My friend that I worked with long ago just dug it out of a drawer and sent me a photo so we could remember the days when trying to figure out why Mavis couldn't get on the network anymore could be resolved by our faithful friend "TRLFLTWKW". I miss you buddy. You made life so much better.

I wish I had an equivalent to you for coding.

Concierge shopping service in 2001. You input what you want and your budget and a human concierge will research and get you the best deal with coupons, rebates, etc. The idea was good before e-commerce algorithms got better. Before that you had to find good prices across numerous sites on your own and it was super tedious, hence my idea. Also, it wasn’t scalable as it depended on humans way too much.

Me: here is my idea with the code. Does it follow what you had in mind?
Dev lead : this is good...really good but if you could take everything you have here and make it a reusable module that would be great!
Me: so it is or isn't what you had in mind?
Dev lead :: it is but I need you to change it all.
Me....FML

LAMP site. Client: Can you stick it on a USB stick, I need to show it at an exhibition and there's no internet. Me: If I had your laptop I could potentially replicate the server set up to run it locally. Client: I just want it on a USB stick?

Right now it is 03:47 and i just had a 15 hour workday to be able to make my 1 february deadline.... too bad i missed it by three hours and 47 minutes.
Im broken... good night you guys

My over promising boss is upset that something that used to work doesn't work now because support decided it had to be changed. We took it apart to rebuild it and it's only partially finished right now. Says he can't show it to clients like this. Well no we told you it wouldn't be ready for the deadline you forced upon us, even before the requested changes, but instead of listening you tell us not to argue and just get it done.

* sees a React sticker on a friend's laptop *
— I didn't know you are into React.
— Well, actually I've never even used it. Just had this sticker laying around and my laptop got a scratch so...

Once you get the hang of Django it's incredible how fast you can work with it. Suddenly the idea I had is becoming a reality 😄

Had this life not turned out the way it is. Had you not been a dev, what would you imagine you would have been?

I'll go first.. i would probably have been a librarian or a security guard. Someone with lot of time at hand to read.

Have you had any money saved? What is your process when it comes to saving money? What kind of investments did you do with your savings?

!dev

Had to cancel the pavilion reservation for a local park today... Had reserved it for my son's 6th birthday party. This is what made it finally all hit me. I'm not doing ok today.

Try to be excellent to all those you talk to, even users. You never know how they're doing at the moment.

Apple

I remember getting an iPod touch years ago and thinking it was amazing. It had a touch screen and you could play hundreds of games for free!

The other day I had to use an Apple Mac for the first time and I wanted to throw it at the wall.

I had the old "got this great product I've developed, but can't afford a website, could you do it in exchange for a percentage of profits?"
Look, it's your product, I have had no say in its development, or quality or how you market it etc. I do websites and the website will do exactly what you want it to do. I couldn't give a fuck wether you sell one or a million. It's not my risk. Pay me for a site and I'll do it.

now that monday is almost over for me, here's a couple of questions:

1) From 0-10, how good was it for you?
2) Had you read it, would you say my post wishing you a passable monday worked?

So hyped cause my side project had +20% traffic last week !!!!

Turns out it was all coming from 'Secret.ɢoogle.com You are invited! Enter only with this ticket URL. Copy it. Vote for Trump!'

Google Analytics how easily are you fooled ?

Last night i had to write sms center for a panel for my client
I was awake till 5 am 😧 why you ask ?
They had a restful api and also a webservice but neither was complete 😑
And the documents of it was f*#$& worst
They had UserName as parameter but the actual one was userName 😑😐 thats not just it they had more
Also they missed some parameters for some functions 😑
They had parameters for Count and instead of int they said its a Bool and on the description it said 1-100
Im so frustrated

Microsoft is asshoe.
They tried to force update a Windows 10 Home machine to Windows 11. Nobody clicked okay on anything. It had icon in task bar indicating it would install it on reboot. I had to go into the update settings to click "no for now". Fuck you microsoft. Eat shit and die. Just leave my shit alone.

You may not like GDPR but it will change one important thing - american companies will stop email spam. Srsly, in Europe you always had to check box that you want marketing spam. USA companies always worked in opt-out mode, which is soooo annoying

How many problems can one project have? You name it I bet I have seen it and had to troubleshoot it in the last month.

If you had to pick 1 language as your favorite what would it be? Completely subjective here folks.

Java for me ☕

If you haven't tried hyper terminal, I recommend you try it. I had never heard of it, but I'm loving it.
hyper.is

Just had an interview. First few minutes felt good then they gave me a simple coding task.

It WAS SOOOO SIMPLE, but my brain just blocked and stopped working. It was litterly just a console application and you had to print some symbols dynamically.

Im so mad at myself.

System Programmer Saga

I'm an old phone operating system programmer. We had to flash ROMs every time. You Android kids don't know how good you have it. Get off my lawn!

WOW! Firefox you are worse than Chrome! From 10GB used memory down to 3GB when you are closed :|
(had a VM taking some of the memory, closing it made memory go down to 10GB from 14GB used)

When you have a great idea but work and other projects delay it... When you finally get around to it, someone seems to have had the same idea, at the same time, but actually made it happen!

I released an Android lib on JCenter.

So far so good. What I didn't realize was that I had a terrible bug related to a content provider.

Since I was using the ContentProvider to make my CursorLoader work, if someone installed an app with my lib, you couldn't install another one with it because it would conflict the providers.

I had to quickly find a solution and dispatch a new release.

Me: what iPad Generation do you have?

Client: 2nd Generation

Me: Thought you had the new one?

Client: Yer I do.

Me: so how is it the 2nd Generation?!

Client: well it's the second one j have brought.

Me: 😫🔫

That moment you realise that bloatware you had on your xperia device that you couldnt remove without rooting? Google tries to install it on your new phone.. Nice

When you find an awesome, intelligent way to do something after thinking you had already found one and implemented it already.

That rage when you reinstall Ubuntu MATE on its partition, and it decides to nuke your Windows partition instead, with all the files you had on it too.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE TO INSTALL YOURSELF WHERE I FUCKING TELL YOU TO? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN ASK ME WHAT TO DO, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN ANYWAY?
DIE IN A FIRE

When you know more programming language than your teacher... but not because you're good, just because he sucks!
Reminds me of this question: it only happens once in a while or you had you guys experienced same feelling? How did you do to turn around that in your college?

Ah.... Just saw a message in team chat that we had a prod issue caused by the use of a hack/duct tape solution...

Dev just replied "as a fix I will do it the right way"

Me thinking: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I told you so... Now you learned it the hard way

Need advice. I've constantly been the type of person who cannot master any programming language because I struggle with knowing "what to do/type next". If you had this problem and fixed it, how?

Oh thank god!
Had an error in my COSMOS project and had no clue what was happening, so apparently cosmos allows you to cast using an interface when declaring variables and comparing yet it doesn't let you cast with an interface when trying to execute a function... The fuck?

I think the linux live CDs with games on it, that my dad had compiled for me, were one of my first exposures to computers.

I remember how if you passed some specific argument, it would talk to you in a pretty sci-fi female voice too.

Awaiting "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO YOU MOTHERFUCKER" comment any moment

My reply: It had to be done.

When you like your framework but had enough of the legacy project's recoding in it for the week

Fuck you aws.
I forgot to stop extra ec2 and you changed 500 bucks.
Although it is my fault, still aws didn't notify me even after i had set up budget.
Fucking jeff bezos

That moment when you fixed that "unexpected feature" just by adding one line of code.

I wish I had noticed it earlier...

If you had to choose between bug and formatting what would it be ??? 😝😋😋

All those rating about missing ; really, what IDE dont give you a hint about it? Havnt had a ; issue since the floppydrive.

Life is good when you're responsible only for your task, code you write.

While i had souch a beautiful life, I could come to wrk, make coffe, magic and be happy. Sometimes it would be fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes I had to learn before implementing, sometimes I just needed to code it down. I had working hours. I had only TL and client to deal with.

If you dislike working with your collegues, imagine being responsible for their work and feel good.

I did it! I learnt vim!

...

Oh wait, how do you exit again?

This is how it feels with me and vim, every time I think I know it, it turns out there's a whole batch of shortcuts I had no idea existed :"(

love it when client supports comes to me and tells me the entire conversation they had with a client when i just need wathever request they had. i could have been done with this feature in the time you took giving me 90% useless information.

I am currently a freelancer and I get most of my work from forums and existing clients. I never had any success at those freelancing websites which basically devalue the developers.

How does it work for you? How do you get your work?

Fuck you windows!!!
I had to leave town but wanted some surveillance and had no cctv or ip camera set up. So I added my laptop to teamviewer and used its webcam.
Now its not showing up on teamviewer and most likely because WINDOWS SCHEDULED A MAJOR UPDATE
It probably rebooted and went on to boot into ubuntu. Should have fucking run ubuntu in the first place. I am going to be so furious when I get back.

*in case you are wondering, I had to leave in a hurry and didn't go for ubuntu because I had never used the camera in it and wasn't sure if ubuntu had the required drivers *

Python: I heard you like importing stuff explicitly, so I made sure you had to import every mother-fucking thing you need. Even the things that you obviously need and couldn't possibly do anything without.
What's that? You want more import statements than actual code? Look no further than Python, my friend. At least it scales, amirite?

Started working with the Fish Shell, liked it pretty much until I had to write a shell script!! Things are so different from bash/zsh. Now i need to learn how you do things in fish.

Fuck you Fish!!:/

I had a coding interview with Amazon. I had to implement a depth-first search algorithm with no prior experience while 2 devs watched me code on a collaborative IDE. To make it worse, the connection was terrible on the conference call and one of the interviewers had a very thick accent. I barely understood what they wanted me to do until I typed out:

Breadth-first search || Depth-first search?
// Sorry, phone keeps cutting off and I can barely hear you

Yeah, I didn't make it to the next round. :(

The worst project you had to work on? Or the worst client? I don't know if it has already been done :x

Has anyone ever deployed something to production and it had to get rolled back due to bugs? How did you handle that?

If there was a team architect role at your company per team that had no financial benefit tied to it and you were told it had no bearing on promotional chances and it came with a lot of extra responsibility and then you were asked to be interviewed (technical and behavioral) by two people outside your team in order for your manager to determine who on your team should have that role even though the last TA (who left the company) on your team was literally chosen by popular vote… would you do it? Would you feel insulted being asked?

Hardware Developing.

My current school project where I build a gps thief lock for my moped had me realized one thing. I don't want to go into Hardware Developing. The first problem took me about 4 months until I finally gave up and solved it differently. And this goes on and on and on. You fixed something and the next day it doesn't work anymore for some reason. I never had this problem when coding. It's fun to do stuff with electronics but coding is just way more rewarding. Anyone else had the same experience?

Few days ago a PPC campaign manager complained to me that the banners she got from her client were in an "unusual file format". Asked me to check it out because she couldn't open the file and she really needed the banners.

I kid you not, it had a .rar extension...
She, at the age of 30, had no idea what WinRar was...

when you just had to finish it.

What's the most number of lines you have written for a project without testing and then had it run the first time? Also for context, what language did you use?

Feeling pretty good with my 200+ in C#.

Usually spyware had to be installed maliciously or without the victim knowing, but nowadays people fucking use it voluntarily WTF. Bitmoji you fucktwit. Everyone sees where you are, what music you listen to and the users (at least the ones I know) even promote it like it is something good

wat is up with people

Client Agency: "Well why did it take you so long to style the clickdummy?"

Me: "well I did not anticipate that you had that set up by a student who does it know his css. I had to fix many usability problems first."

Client: "To me it looks just like before. What did you do exactly?"

Me: "Are you serious? That thing was not at all usable before."

Client: "The functions were all there in the first place!"

Me: "Yes, but I one does not know where to click, that is no use, is it?"

Client: "Ok then what ever...I somehow feel like like you have gotten less efficient these days. "

Me: -.-""""!!!!

Client: "so would you please include some effects and make it shiny? I just wanted you to make it shiny."

Me: -___- "ok then"

-----

Client: "Now it's awesome, thanks."

Yesterday I had a HUGE argument with my mom. I had severe headache after that and I couldn't help but feel angry and disgusted with myself for shouting at her. Guess what's the first thing that popped in my head soon after? Let's code.

Yes, I like to code. I'm not ashamed of it. Good code. Bad code. I code. It makes me happy. It distracts me until I get frustrated with what I've coded and why it went wrong and soon I realise I've moved on from the anger.

You never know what can help you when! Right?

I gave backend dev my frontend code and he had no idea about SCSS.

So he copied the compiled AND minified CSS, prettified/formatted it and put his own changes by searching the class names.

And he had made lots of design changes arbitrarily so when new changes were to be made I had to cope with it.

As a hack I kept his css as it is and compiled another file with new changes. And now there's two css files all huge, like 800kb multiply by two huge.

It covers about 33+ custom pages with all the bells and whistles.

#let me do the frontend
#I wont bother you either

You know that time when somebody had a problem with a system you wrote years ago, and it has taken you an hour to try to remember how to even call it, because the documentation and code didn't get migrated from svn to git, and the svn server has been shut down for some reason, and the admin is out today, and the last time you had the code was three machines ago, so you're trying to gleam what needs to be done to just call the stupid thing from log files set to 'error'?

That time is now.

Has anyone had any experience in using Microsoft Azure for website hosting infrastructure? Would you recommend it?

Worst experience of my teachers?

I had handed in an exercise, which the teacher ostensibly thought was so elegant that he wanted to show it in class. I felt complimented and recognized. But then he proceeded to show the code on the screen, and I objected: "this is not my code, don't give me credit for this piece of shit". It had written-by-said-teacher all over it, because his coding style includes mysterious omnipresent acronyms that you could never guess the meaning of. My peers didn't believe me and thought I had written said not-so-elegant code, and the fuss about it degraded my reputation.

To this day I'm wondering as to why he humiliated me like that. He probably had best intent, but I don't get it

Ok, bug 2.
Another iOS one. I was handed an app that was built half-assedly by another team in a couple of days for a demo, And I had to maintain it and get it into a release-able state.
Someone had implemented deep linking in the app, so you could open a record by using a url from Safari/email etc. Worked fine. Problem was, the app had a login/pin screen, and if you werent authenticated and you tried to link from a url, it would just bring you to the login screen and once you logged in it would take you to the main menu rather than where you wanted to go.
So I added some logic to the linking code that if the app wasnt authenticated it would save the link in a kind of global variable. Then once you logged in and the app entered the authenticated state, it would check for a saved link and execute it if present, then clear it so that it wouldnt try to open every time you log in.
That was an interesting one to try and solve.

I had a brainfart and I can't google it, do you happen to know of a game that deals with inventory in the style of a stack (large, but you can only access the topmost few elements at any time)?

You had that moment when you agree with someone and given a ++ because it takes less space in DB than comment?

I fixed a bug properly... Took down an entire application systems, sometimes you just gotta monkey patch that shit.

So it was a 15 year old cold fusion system and chrome had deprecated some window pop up feature, so I tracked it to the shared function that triggered this, fixed it there, tested it and even got it all past qa.

Turned out some of the other modules on the app had some other logic around this that made it not work there, they had implemented the fallback check without any fallback logic.

Time to rollback a 3 week sprint...

Have you ever built something that works, but then you had to spend the next two hours trying figure out how the hell it works?

Launching the company's platform setup script:
"we added some variables to your bashrc. please source it and re launch this script"
"source .bashrc"
"we added some variables to your bashrc. please source it and re launch this script"
...
You had one job.

That moment where you find how to do it in the docs
But you had passed that section 3-4 6 times
But you had already formulated your own fix

And you have to redo that code block

Are any of you guys Linux gamers? I'm a gamer and a programmer on windows and I definitely wish that I had Linux and am considering switching. What are your guys' experiences with it?

The Missing Button Paradox: The time it takes for a presenter to find a button on their screen increases based on the amount of participants who can see the button and try to help the presenter find it.

!dev

*packing ventilator*
Me: Allright, now all that's left is to bring it down to the basement.
Grandmother: yeah, but not today.
M: Why not?
G: Because I feel exhausted.
M: I would bring it down get bring it down for you
G: No, I feel exhausted

And I feel exhausted by your constant inability to listen when there's minimal stress and an opinion / recommendation that slighly differs from yours.

I shit you not, when I asked her to repeat my offer she had no idea what I just had offered...

"This thing you wrote to read text files isn't working and I don't have time to figure out so why don't you come fix it."

Well, no shit it isn't working. Your genius ass decided not to include the extension on the path... Something you would have realized had you taken the 15 seconds needed to read the error message. The fuck were you thinking?

!rant
I just had the weirdest dream ever!!
I dreamed that PHP is like cancer: It eats you slowly from within and eventually you die.

And the weird thing is that I use PHP for a project..
Maybe it's a sign?😱

Did you know you can fix touchscreen dead zones with an electric lighter?! 😮

I just did it and my mind is still blown that it actually worked. So much that I had to post it.

I had a question stuck in my head for a long time: How does it feel to have a dev/geek/techie as your friend?

How did you meet them and what was your experience?

I've never had any dev/geek/techie as my friend (I had one but he has a communication problem so never got to interact properly). Anything I should keep in mind when befriending any techies/devs/geeks?